The Au Pair Perspective: Voices from the agency and an actual au pair!

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Speaker 1: Hi. This is Laura Vanderkam. I'm a mother of four, an author, journalist, and speaker. And this is Sarah Hart Hunger. I'm a mother of three, practicing physician and blogger. On the side, we are two working parents who love our careers and our families. Welcome to best of both worlds. Here we talk about how real women manage work, family, and time for fun, from figuring out childcare to mapping out long term career goals. We want you to get the most out of life. Welcome to best of both worlds. This is Laura. This is episode one to three. Today we are going to be talking about the O pair option, and that is a childcare choice that a lot of families are curious about or have tried in the past. So we're going to be talking with someone who's a placement counselor at a O pair agency and hopefully we're also talking to an O pair as well, so stay tuned for that. We're going to be having fun with that one. So just to quick update at Sarah nor I have ever gone the PA route. Sarah, what's your her current childcare setup? So we have the same nanny that we've had since twenty thirteen, who works approximately fifty hours per week. We also have a fairly regular date night babysitter for most Saturdays if we're not on call, and currently we also have a very local sitter in her first year of college who is doing sporadic weekend mornings, like maybe a shift on Saturday for four hours every other weekend or so cool. Yeah, no, that's great. You's got a couple of people on the yes. And I will add that our nanny will also sometimes work weekends if we both have call at the same time, so she works a lot, but she wants to. Yeah, well that's good. That's good. So when we went on the nanny market the last time, which was in twenty sixteen, the way the schedule was set up that we were hiring for is actually one full time in one part time, and we had the full time was eight to eight Monday to Thursday. And while that's a very long day, Monday to Thursday, that's forty eight hours. And then the person would have a three day weekend and then we'd hire somebody eight to the evening on Friday as the part time. And then you know, having two people, you have different people who could potentially do weekend if that was required, and the Monday to Thursday hire because that was the hours. It's actually not that hard to stay overnight if you are eight to eight you know. Yeah, she usually winds up leaving before a to a little earlier than that, but that's what we did. I have the option. Yeah, and in general, like, once you get over fifty hours, you probably want to be looking at more than one person because it is a long week unless the person is covering like a lot of hours where everyone is in school or something. But you know, it can wind up adding up, so it might be might be good to look into that. But one of the upsides of pairs not that they can work sixty hours a week, because they absolutely cannot, but there's more flexibility if, for instance, a lot of kids are in school all day long. We've heard from a lot of listeners that they are curious about this option. So you know, for instance, if your kids are in school and you need help getting them ready in the morning and then you need someone there in the afternoon. A lot of people who are sort of professional nannies wouldn't want to only work an hour or two in the morning and then come back in the after doing to work for three or four hours. But if somebody's living with you and doing other things like taking classes during the day, then that's much more attractive for both of you. Some people also need some weekend coverage, so that's an option, and someone who lives with you can have slightly more flexibility in terms of start and stop times or last minute stop versus somebody who'd have to come to your house to do that. It can also be a more affordable option, as the pairs who sign up to do this are generally doing it as sort of an educational cultural exchange and only for a year or two, so the expectation is not the same as, say, you know, older professional adult nanny who's looking to make a professional adult salary. So we're very interested in hearing from Amy about this, and we will be back with more on that. Well, we are very excited to welcome Amy Hall of a Cultural Care. She's going to talk a little bit about the whole O pair concept in general, and then we're going to hear from Felix, who is an O pair in the DC area. So first Amy, can you go ahead and introduce yourself to our listeners. Sure, my name is Amy Hall. I am a local childcare consultant with Cultural Care O care based here in d C. I've worked a cultural care for about almost four years now this summer, and I've been in DC for and I think I figured out the other day I really love working with cultural care because I studied abroad when I was in high school and in college, and I wished that I had someone like my role as an elzec that was there just support Mary during those years and helped me understand English culture. It's very similar to American culture, but there's some big differences. So I love working with cultural care. Yeah. And for what are sort of the benefits of an O pair childcare solution? I mean, what are what are the upsides of looking at this option? So you have an O pair is going to be an eighteen twenty six year old that lives with you for a year, and we get that benefit of someone who's living in your house and gets to know your family, gets in sync with what your family's needs are. You're also getting the chance to expose your child to another culture, another language, kind of broadens their world. A lot of my host families also stay in touch with their former O peers and go to visit them for weddings and funerals or just to see them. And so it feelds this kind of global family that you're connected to. Yeah, and what kind of families does this wind up working best for? Like, what is the ideal family for hosting an O pair. So the ideal family is a family that's interested in the cultural exchange portion of it and helping someone learn about American culture. And a lot of my families are dual career people that need that forty five hours or childcare that's kind of flexible. They're not going to get charged an a root fee if they're stuck in traffic. Happens a lot in DC. So I don't think there's any real typical family. I have all kinds of different families. I have entrepreneurs, I have government workers, just all kinds of families that need a little bit of flexibility and want to expose their kids to some culture in that process in along with you out here, and this is a question for both you and perhaps are a pair guests, But do you find that different age kids are better fits? I mean, I just have a little bit of trouble imagining you know, like a young infant and an eighteen year old, although maybe there are eighteen year olds that are ready and excited to do that kind of a thing. Does this work more with school age children or is there an ideal age setup. I don't think there's any ideal age setup. I have families that have one year olds, and I have families that have fourteen year olds. So it's just a matter of finding the rite of pare for you and your family. You know, one year old, that family is going to need the forty five hours of care, and you need someone who's good with infants. And for the state department guidelines for the program, any okay, this place with a family that has a child under two has to have an infant qualified or pair and that isn't okay that has two hundred hours of working with kids that are under two. So you're gonna have someone that's used to taking care of an infant if you have a one year old. On the other end of the spectrum, my families that have twelve, thirteen, fourteen year olds, they have all their actor school activities and sports meets and things, and so they need someone that can drive the pair around in the afternoon one schools out. So I don't think there's any ideal that it works for. It can work for a lot of different things. And also it's mostly for the your pair, Like we have to feel comfortable as well, and then at least some are more comfortable with small children and others are better with I know, teenagers almost so I know it usually fits yeah, because as part of the process of placing people, you get to know both the families and the O pairs right amy and figure out what would match well and what kinds of people would work well together. How does that process work. I've heard a lot of things about Skype interviews, which I guess makes sense, but how do the matchups happen? So once a family registers with Cultural Care of Pairs, they get access to our pool and they can look at the old pairs profiles. All the OL pairs have screaming in their home countries. They have to have two hundred hours of care of childcare, three references, kind of the equivalent of a background check. And then once the families joined the program, they can look at the old pairs profiles, find some that are interested in they're interested in, send a connection request and then they'll do a skype interview or what's that interview? I usually recommend doing a couple of those interviews because you are inviting someone to live in your house for a year, so you want to make sure you're talking to them a lot and making sure that they're comfortable coming to your family as well and needed to know your family. So once you've done at least one skype interview and you feel like you want to match with that a pair, you send the match request. Our office in Boston will confirm with the old pair that they want to match with you. The cultural care we have something called a placement manager that helps the family through this whole process and kind of guide them in what to look for on a pair, profiles, types of questions to ask, and the placement manager is the one that will confirm the match with the pair when the family feels like they're ready to match with them. Okay, So there's a lot of getting to know each other going on through the process. Okay, And I mean are there sort of families where this is generally not a good setup? I mean, obviously families that would need more than forty five hours of care a week, that's probably one where you know that would be an issue. Yeah, that can be an issue. I do have families that will stack the old pair with other types of childcare. In DC, we're really lucky and pre K starts at three and it's free. So a lot of my families have an no pair in addition to a three K, so it's in a pair to help them out in the morning and getting the kids out the door and then help them pick up. I would say it can be challenging for families that need more than forty five hours to other families. If you're not really interested in getting to know someone, or you have a lot of hang ups about someone else living in your household, become a good program for you. I think if you're not to if you want someone who is like an absolute professional and has years and years and years of childcare experience, probably also not the right program for you. They are eighteen to twenty six year olds, and some like Felix are wonderfully responsible, responsible and amazing summer eighteen to twenty six, So yeah, I think it would be a little bit possible. So yeah, I mean, what kind of when you're recruiting, oh pairs on from other countries to come here. I mean, what do you look for in terms of making sure somebody will have the maturity to be able to go live away from home for a year and do okay with this situation like this. Yeah, So with Cultural Care, all of yours have to have two hundred hours of childcare experience. We do criminal background check, we verify their education. We also do a personality profile on all of our pairs and collect three personal and profiitional references on each of them. With Cultural Care in particular, we have overseas offices in all of the countries that we recruit from, and the staff in those offices will interview each O pair before they're introduced to our matching pool. Okay, but I mean, is it ever an issue? I've imagined some people do get homesick and go home. Then it does happen sometimes. I think a lot of it is in the interviewing process of talking to the old pair, and it's also partly the hostingly knowing what their personality is and what their like as a family. There are some families that want a super independent of pair is maybe lived away from home before, and that can just kind of rock and roll and other families, like in a pair that's a little more immature and can feel more like a big brother big sister, and they can do more guidance on you know, here's how you catch a bus and those kind of things. So it's partly knowing yourself as a family and partly interviewing. And then once you have pair that are here in the country and homesickness does happen, and that's one of the things where the LCC is there to help introduce them to other peers in their area, show them, caep you you want to add anything on there about their homesickness. No, you're right, Lots of lots of pairs get home again the first couple of weeks, just because it's a whole new family. You're in a whole new country, it's a whole new culture that you get to know, and it's just like in the beginning, it's a lot. So then the only thing that you like how you can get through it is like if you get to know people, if you if you kind of make it feel at home here as well. Yeah, yeah, So what did you do in your first few weeks, Felix, In order to get get used to the US and you know, feel at home here. Well, I'm at tons of pairs. I just tried to get as comfortable with my family as well as I could to make them feel as a new family as they what they are now pretty much. And yeah, and then I get really just very comfortable living in DC as well. So then just kind of worked off. What's been your favorite thing to do with DC? I don't know, just everything, because you have so much to do here and I have friends all over and just like hanging out with them, like I know, all the DC is just I know, it's great. It is a good town. I was. I was there when I was twenty two and have fond memories of all that. I mean, it was just like free stuff to do and also you know a lot of good you know, bar and restaurant scene and all that fun stuff. Like what what are some I mean, do you have any particular activities that were really fun you did with your family? Felix, Well, I mean we went back to some beaches that are like kind of close by to some amusement parks or so or they just like small stuff like just go into a pool party of some trends or something that's actually the best part. I think, like when you do something with a family and like friends out theirs and all and yeah that's pretty cool. Yeah yeah, Well let's pause for a minute and take a word from our sponsors listeners. Are you struggling to make sure that five more minutes of screen time doesn't end up being five more hours? You can use Circle to set limits and in the screen time debate with your kids once and for all. 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Right, well we are back with our guests. Amy. I have a question because when you and I talked earlier about this, I learned something, which is that one of the biggest challenges and the things that can cause sort of the most difficulties for families and O pairs and placements in general. Is driving, which I wouldn't have thought was going to be the issue, but discover what happens with driving and why this can be a challenge. Well, so, I think America is a very car centered culture and not every other culture is, and they're just different standards in different countries for what it requires to get your driver's license. So Felix is from Germany, it's pretty expensive to get your driver's license from there. It requires hours and hours of practice. There are other countries that are a little more relaxed about what the rules are. That doesn't mean that pairs from those countries Colombia and Brazil aren't great drivers. That have lots of great A pairs from Brazil and Columbia who are great drivers. It's just that you'll want to think through the process when you're interviewing O pairs and ask good questions about are they driving their own car every day or are they borrowing a friend's car once a week to practice. Have they had their license for three years or two months to kind of get an assessment of the quality. I think some of this also goes back to your temperament as a host family and your preparation for that. So I never recommend whose families buy a new car when you're there, get an older car that you're not going to mind if we get some dings on it. And then just remember that they are eighteen to twenty six and they don't necessarily have, you know, twenty years of driving experience like you do. And sometimes they'll make the wrong judgment call, and it doesn't mean they're not a safe driver. Usually they are safe drivers. It's just like you know, a tiny parking accident when the first month they hit the brake in the gas instead of the brake kind of thing. So understanding is EPO's family that they are eighteen to twenty six and sometimes they might make a different judgment call than you would make. I have some double logistics questions really d related to that. Do they have to take a driver's test in the US, So it depends on the state and what the states require. In DC, the O pairs just have to take their home country license and do their written examination and they can usually get a DC driver's license with just the written exam unless they fail the written exam three times and then they have to do the road skills test, but there are other states like Virginia and Maryland where the O pairs do have to do a road skills test, unless I think in Virginia, I think French and German repairs are exempted from the road skills test. Very interesting, I think to quote me on that, but that's one of the things that as an LCCI helped families with Lewson and detailed instructions for how their road pair can get their driver's license when they first get here. Is that something you wind up doing a lot of for your family? Felix? There you are you doing? Yeah? Yeah, every morning. I drive into school, every often when I picked them up from school, driving to all the activities and all so I got every day. Yeah, yeah, So I can imagine that that's something that a lot of families of school aged children definitely need the most. Yeah, it is a good driver. So sorry, I was just on a logistics event and I want to know it's okay. Space rooms to me, like, is there specific requirements of how much of their own space the O par needs? I mean, obviously they're not gonna be bunking up with your ten year old, but can they stay in a smaller room in the basement. Are there, like, you know, very good because I feel like that's the right limiting thing for a lot of friends and colleagues that I have, is that they don't have like a dedicated extra room. Yeah, and that is you know, I'm in DC, so a lot of people live in smaller homes. So the State Department requires that the O pair have their own room and it be a private room for the O pairs use only during that year. You can't be putting it on Airbnb while you guys aren't vacation or anything like that. It has to be the O pairs room. And there's no real limitation on the size. It does have to meet like fire safety code. So if it's in a basement, are there two ways to get out of it? Have a window or second door that exits in a different place. But as long as there's a private room for them, it can be small. I have families that live in you know, nineteen thirty rowhouses that have come a small bedroom. But they're also in Georgetown, so right, you know, it's maybe not as you know some one of my other pairs, but you're also really close logging distance to other stuff. Yeah, and generally they need a car, I mean, especially if the whole thing is you're having them drive around, they would need a car available for their use. Yes, and that can be asher car. Again, I'm in DC, so a lot of my host families will can mute buy like metro bus or some other waste or bike, and so the a pair uses the car more than the host family does. As long as that if you're having them drive you, do you need to provide an a vehicle and add these to your car insurance as well, Yes, of course, and then you know what's what's sort of the assumption is also that you're going to take them with you on any sort of family weekend, like I mean, because the whole point is cultural exchange, right like that. But then they also are supposed to have certain time off as well, so I'm curious how that works. Yeah, So they can work up to forty five hours a week and then more than ten hours a day, and then they need a day and a half off every week and one full weekend off every month. Okay, because you're living with a post family, there's kind of a great area and I do usually recommend in the beginning like the first month or two, while the O pairs are getting accimated to the US, that you do invite them to any activities you're doing as a family for those first couple of months and even past that, and just being clear about when they're on duty versus off duty in those situations. But I think, like Potix is saying earlier about the pool party, a lot of them really enjoy getting to meet other Americans and seeing what an American family does. Some of my family seek there are a pairs on vacation with them, and the kers really enjoy that especially. It's like, but there are also families that like, they're going to see Grandma in San Francisco, and Gurma doesn't have a spare bedroom that can be dedicated just to the old pair. And so as long as they're telling the you pair in advance, you know, two or three months, they can make travel plans that could be the O pairs week of vacation because they get up two weeks of vacation minimum every year. Cool. Well, so, Felix, I mean, with the people listening to this, are are probably a lot of families who are considering having an O pair at some point what sort of advice do you have for host families that would would make the whole process go Well, Well, probably like first of all, to so they should treat the pair like I know, one of their older childs or something children, just because it's like it is another person in your house and you have to treat him or her in a nice way. And the better you treat him or her, they're going to treat your kids as well, just because they feel happy and then they're well, they treat their kids to be happy as well. I don't know, but that they have a life as well, and that they should enjoy it as well, because that's what they hear. It's all cultural exchange and they should enjoy it as well and get to know a whole different country and all. So yeah, and you're at the end of two years here, right, Felix, So what's what's next for you? Well, I go on my twelve month actually in about less than a month I think, and then I go back home to Germany and study. Okay, going going to school. Then awesome. Do you feel like you've been able to impart some German culture on the family they're with, Well, I mean they're partly German. So okay, it is quite easy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, as I said, do you do you have you taught the kids of German? Although I guess they're partly German anyway, so yeah, they already knew quite a bit of German when I came to begin with. But yeah, now they are pretty affluent. Yeah, talk to them a lot in German. I do it like half half, kind of like I switched all the time and like oh, I'm like, okay, this day, I'm sorry, only German and the next day, okay, only English or something. So just that they I know that we kind of have like some chrondles for the day or something, and they then it's only German, so they practice that German and the next day is like the fun day where they can only talk in English, which they only want to do anyways. So of course, awesome, Well thank you guys so much. We always end with a love of the week. So this is just something that's fun in your life right now. It can be a thing, it can be a place, an event, anything along those lines. In Sarah and I can go first, just so we can, uh you know, these are these are sort of summer things we've been thinking of this because we'll at air in midsummer. I'm a big fan. We just got back from a lake trip that our hosts had this giant float that was called a lily pad, and it's like a very flat kind of float, but it's big, and so the kids are climbing on and off of it all the time. It kind of rolls over the waves, and so you can imagine the sort of fun that the kids have trying to roll each other off of it and roll with the waves and jumping on and off this thing. So they had a great time with it. Sarah, how about you? Sorry, I was thinking about lakes. I don't like lakes, right, but it does sound very cool maybe for a giant pool in my case. No, My level of the week is I got the kids bathing suits from Mini Boden and I just think they have the cutest ones, especially their little rash guard combos. So if you're looking for some fun, very high quality youth patterns, yeah, Mini Boden Kids means suits all right. Amy, how about you? What's fun for you this week? What's fun for me this week is enjoying the free DC public pools and all the free movies in DC. There's sons of free out door screens all around to the district, Maryland and Virginia. Those are my loves of the week. It's very easy to be fruital in DC in the summer. Yeah, yeah, no, there's so much free cool stuff and in the museums and everything. Yeah, and Felix, how about you, what's awesome for you this week? Well, since I'm going to leave soon, I met tons of people that I have to say goodbye to. And we had like pancake mornings branches every single day and went to tons of movies and had ice cream like I don't know, twenty for seven pretty much, So that've been pretty cool. Yeah, ice cream twenty four to seven is definitely the way to do an American soccer please. All right, Well, thank you guys so much. We appreciate you taking the time to talk to us. Yeah, thank you, yeah, thank you. Well, that was fascinating, And now we have our question from a blog reader of Sarah's. She says, I hope you're doing well. I'm a big fan of the blog and had an idea for a post that I think some other people may also appreciate. But hey, we're doing it as a podcast. I'm trying to plan for my planner next year, and I'd love to get a deeper look at the HOBINICCI you use prior to them going on sale this fall, what accessories you have, What do you think is necessary versus unnecessary for some context. I've been in a life planner since I finished grad school five years ago, and it's just not working for me anymore. I end up with a few auxiliary notebooks and I still have to do lists strewn on random pieces of paper. I know some people who use them for their personal life have a separate planner for work, but at this point I can't really see that working for me either. The only other option I'm really considering is the new EC. I guess that's Aaron Condron right on the Gofolio, which is basically structured bullet journaling. All right, so what should our listener? So I was just super excited that someone's bringing up planner ideas in July, and I'm assuming she's not on an academic year, although maybe she is a planner. Maybe she's just planning a couple months ahead versus six months ahead. Who knows, but you know, I'm always excited to talk about them. I will say, however, that I am all for having everything in one and I know Laura is too. So finding something that works for both your work and personal life I think is essential. That maybe the Gofolio, I haven't seen that product. For me, I still love that Hoboonichi Techo cousin. I do not earn a commission from them, but maybe I should, because the number of people told me they've gotten one because of me is rising steeply. But no, all I use is that and then a little notebook with very thin pages that they make that I tuck inside that has about fifty pages, and for me, that's been enough. Everything's in one place. I have In terms of accessories, I mean, I have a pen that it comes with. I have a cover that it comes with, But I don't really use a bunch of fancy stickers or tapes or really anything that exciting. I will say I have just added a very low tech accessory. It is currently the end of June and I'm already getting invites for all kinds of events in early twenty twenty, mostly work stuff, but some other stuff too. And so MyH does not have a great yearly layout that it gives you no space to kind of future plan those things. So I just went real low tech printed out one of those free PDF calendars with one I think I have two months on each page, so the boxes are big enough to write in, and I tucked them the back, and I've already added the school calendar dates that I need to in holidays, and I have work meetings on there already, so I think it'll be nice and seamless when I go ahead and have to add them to my actual planner. Plus I shouldn't run into problems where you know, twenty twenty seems so far away. Of course I have time in January. Well, actually I don't. I already book something and I can see that. So again, the phone or Google calendar would certainly work as well. But if you are someone who likes to visually see things, this trick has worked very nicely. Sounds awesome, all right, Well, this has been best of both worlds. We've been talking about O pairs as a childcare option, and we'll be back next week with more on making work in life fit together. Thanks for listening. You can find me Sarah at the shoe Box dot com or at the Underscore shoe Box on Instagram and you can find me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. This has been the best of both worlds podcasts. Please join us next time for more on making work and life work together