215 | Environment and Expectation Changes in a Child-Centered Play Therapy Playroom

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You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.

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Your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.

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Hi, I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks, The Kid Counselor.

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This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get a master class in child-centered,

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play therapy

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and practical support and application for your

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work with children and their families.

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In today's episode, I am answering a question from Nneka in England

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and I've actually answered a couple of questions from her before.

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So she's a repeat emailer. So thank you for that.

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And

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I'm actually really excited to report an update a little bit.

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So in the past, she had emailed about being a mobile therapist

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and she had questions about setting up a

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play room because she had only ever been mobile

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and then also about setting up a room that is appropriate for teenagers

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because she was going to be working with some teens and tweens.

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So I wanted to let you know as an update. She says

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it's me again. Greetings from England.

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I work in

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children's residential care.

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I was once a mobile therapist around all of the homes and now I have a therapy house.

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So, congratulations. I'm so excited for you.

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And I feel like once we're able to kind of put our roots down. I'm air quoting that. But

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once we're able to kind of have our playroom,

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it grounds us and it gives consistency and predictability and stability and

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all the things that CCPT really truly supports and believes in

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So Nneka,

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I'm so excited for you and I think that that will really just

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help you to be the most efficient CCPT that you can be.

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So

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we all congratulate you on that.

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And for those of you who have made transitions,

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I know so many of you have and I know I've only

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heard stories of a fraction of those when you've chosen to email me

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for those of you that have been eclectic for those

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of you that have been all over the place theoretically,

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for those of you that went from mobile to

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an in person playroom that is static and doesn't change

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for those of you who switched supervisors because

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you wanted someone that truly understood CCPT

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you stopped midstream with kids and you said I'm all in on

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CCPT even though I've been all over the place before

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all of these changes that you all have made.

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Here's a huge high five, here's a hug.

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You are doing what you believe

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is going to best serve your kids. That's what this is all about, this is advocacy

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for our children.

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This is doing what we believe is the

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most appropriate and effective thing to help them.

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And so I know it's not always easy

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and I know sometimes it's scary and it takes work and it takes money.

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So many of you have emailed me and said that you have funded your own play rooms,

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you have funded your own materials.

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You do not have support financially.

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You don't have support clinically, you don't have support emotionally.

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This is hard sometimes.

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And when you all feel like you're alone and you're the only one

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and no one gets it.

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And is this even worth it?

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First of all, you have an entire community of podcast listeners

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that do get it and do understand and do value what you're doing and support you in it,

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but also

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it is absolutely worth it.

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So

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Nneka congrats, the rest of you, congrats

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don't let that be lost on you.

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The significance of making those professional decisions

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and going in the direction that, you know, you need to go, even when

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it's met with some challenges,

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nothing that is worth doing is easy.

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And the things that we do that are the hardest,

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bear the most fruit.

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So be encouraged.

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I love you. This whole community loves you. We're all in this together.

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So I just wanted to

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make, you know,

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that we understand the work that's being done and it's worth celebrating for sure.

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OK.

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So let me read a little bit of her email and then we'll kind of dive into this, I guess.

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I should preface what we're talking about. So now that she has a

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therapy house and is no longer mobile,

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she's trying to adjust to the new environment and the new dynamics

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and not really sure how to navigate that. So that's what this question is about.

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So she says now that I'm stationed,

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I have new dynamics to attend to and I could do with some advice.

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I don't know if my predicament is about limit setting or choice giving or what

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have,

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has anyone encountered a situation where there's been a

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change of environment that now affects choices and limits.

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When I was mobile,

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I was going into homes and because of the home setting and space available,

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sometimes my sessions would go outdoors

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if a child chose to go out in the back garden.

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For example, when there's a trampoline or back to play ball games,

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I worked with this in as much as it played a part in enabling a child to engage with me.

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And it was also what was feasible for the child to have

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a private space to not have their caregivers in neighboring rooms,

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et cetera.

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Now that I'm in the house,

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I want to rein that in to eliminate the outdoor ball games like football,

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basketball, et cetera.

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I do have a garden, which for those of you that are not familiar with the UK,

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that's what we would consider a yard.

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So not like garden vegetables like a yard. Grass.

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I do have a garden but I find outdoor ball games play no purpose in counseling

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because it ends up feeling like a PE lesson or I'm just a child's play companion.

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It's often felt that way. Perhaps I

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have should not have worked like this in the first place.

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But allowing this opened up opportunity for relationship building and provided

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opportunities to connect when resistance phase occurred in the past.

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So now how does one change these

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types of situations without affecting the relationship?

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I fear that it could communicate conditional acceptance such as I only accept you if

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you choose to play in the sand or if you choose to play doctor,

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et cetera, especially the fact that we've played ball games outside before

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the children and their caregivers have seen me

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do this with others before and my attempts to

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turn that around to keep the play in the house in the playroom is met with,

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but you used to play when you came around.

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I get overwhelmed and it seems too much information to explain in brief encounters.

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What are your thoughts?

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Ok.

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So Nneka

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thanks very much for

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having us talk about this.

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I think this is really helpful and I obviously, not all of you actually,

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very few of you will have transitioned from mobile therapists or in the UK Mobile.

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So if you've been a mobile therapist and you are now in a home,

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obviously, that's a very small percentage of you but here's what I do know

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as we

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become more adherent to the model as we evolve and

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our careers modify as a result of the evolution,

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as we learn things, as we grow, as we start to implement new things,

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it creates change in our work with children.

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So every single one of you

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will have either already gone through or you are

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currently going through or you will be going through

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an adjustment where current clients

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have

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gone through the transition with you from one thing to another.

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Maybe you move locations,

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maybe you

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have to switch playrooms.

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So you're still in the same building, but you're in a new playroom.

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Maybe you reconfigure your entire playroom and you get different toys and new

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toys because what you had before was not adherent to CCPT.

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So there are all of these scenarios where as we make adjustments,

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how do we navigate that with kids? So Nneka I think this is a really helpful question.

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I'm really glad that you emailed.

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All right. So

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this is how, in my opinion, the most effective way to handle this is

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when there are new expectations

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of any kind.

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So in your case, it's, you're no longer a mobile therapist, you're now in a playroom.

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So that is the new expectation that you

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now have a new environment for your play sessions

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for the rest of us, there's other adjustments that have been made,

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but with new expectations come new limits.

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Now, I wanna be really clear.

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Let's go back to the three questions that we ask ourselves about setting limits

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and the three unwritten rules. So true limits

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are only about I have to be safe. Child has to be safe.

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Toys and property can't be damaged on purpose.

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It doesn't sound like

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what you're describing, Nneka, is violation of any of those three unwritten rules.

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However, the three questions that we ask ourselves

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is this limit necessary? Can I consistently enforce this limit?

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And if I don't accept, if I don't set this limit,

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am I able to accept the child's behavior

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unconditionally?

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Ok. So

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is this limit necessary? This is where this is going to fall

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and for a truly child-centered playroom,

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the entirety of the play session takes place in the playroom,

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there are outliers, there are deviations,

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there are children that do lobby sessions because

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they refuse to come back to the playroom.

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There are runners that 25 minutes in

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before you even know what's happening.

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They fling open the door and they dart out into

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the hallway and then you're on a goose chase.

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So there are things that happen where a child doesn't always spend

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the full 50 minutes in the playroom.

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But

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the CCPT way is that the play room is where a play session is conducted.

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So that does become a limit. However,

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in your case, I would start with a pseudo limit

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because

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this isn't really the child is trying to violate a

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boundary or is trying to be disobedient to a limit.

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This has never been a limit before.

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So what this really is in the early stages is setting expectations.

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So we could start with a pseudo limit so that the child is aware, things have changed.

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This is really important because one of the

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things that we provide in CCPT theoretically

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is predictability, constancy, stability

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consistency.

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We

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that's a big component of what we do. That's why we say the same things every time.

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That's why we have the same routines.

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That's why the toys are put back in the same place.

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That's why there's everything intentional

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in what we do

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because the child knows what to expect.

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Well, by getting a new play therapy room in a house,

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you have changed what they have come to expect.

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So now new expectations need to be made known,

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but that only requires a pseudo limit to start.

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So the way that I would handle that is

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you acknowledge the earlier situation.

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So

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Jack, I know that when I used to come to your house,

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we were able to go out into the yard with the garden,

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we were able to go out into the garden

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and play football.

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But now that I have

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a playroom,

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our time together is for staying in the playroom.

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I didn't have a playroom before, but now I do. So our play time is for staying in here

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OK, notice that all you've done

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is

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acknowledge what used to be, which is kind of the reflection of feeling,

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but it's more a reflection of

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history,

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right? So I know in the past

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when I came to your house, sometimes we would go out in the garden and play

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and then you set a neutral limit,

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but I didn't have a playroom before. And now I do.

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So our play sessions are for staying in the playroom.

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You're doing kind of the first two steps of limits,

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which is why we're going to call it a

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pseudo limit because it doesn't really require the choices.

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It's just helping the child understand

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this is how things have changed.

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Now, if the child continues to ask to go outside,

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you still don't even need to go into full limit setting.

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You then start reflecting feelings.

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Hm.

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You're disappointed because you really liked being

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able to go out and play football.

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Oh,

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it's frustrating that we're not going out to play basketball like we used to.

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Ok.

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So if the child continues to ask and continues to

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say why and I don't understand why we can't.

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And we used to,

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you're just going to default to reflecting feelings, but then

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going back to pseudo limit.

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But now that we are now that we have a playroom, the playroom is our playtime.

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Ok. So now all of a sudden child knows these are the clear expectations

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and

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I feel very acknowledged and validated

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and I am disappointed and I am frustrated and I am annoyed and I am defeated

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whatever the scenario is.

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But the expectation is that our play time is for in the playroom.

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Now,

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if we get to a point where we have to

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provide choices because the child is trying to leave,

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trying to go outside,

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trying to defy the new expectations.

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So it's very clear the child is unwilling or unable to comply with the limit,

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which is our play time is for staying in the playroom for the full 50 minutes.

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And I know not all of you have 50 minute therapeutic hours,

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but that's what we do at the center.

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So that's my default.

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But

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when we have a child that's clearly struggling to comply

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at that point, you would then add a choice. So this is where you can make it really

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geared to what the child needs. So

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if the child just

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has a lot of energy

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and just really wants to play with a ball,

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make sure you have balls in the playroom and offer those as choices.

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I have a small basketball hoop that hangs on my easel

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and kids can play basketball in my playroom. I have a net goal.

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Kids can play hockey and soccer

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in my playroom. I have a soft football. Kids can throw a football

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if the goal is that the child just really wants to play with a ball and have active play

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offer that as a choice, make sure that you have those things in your playroom

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or if the child really truly wants to go outside.

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Remember your choices for limits always tie back to the original need, desire,

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feeling or intent.

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So

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what does the child truly need? Do they wanna just play with the ball?

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Do they actually wanna be outside?

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There's all kinds of motivations for

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inability to comply with the limit.

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So in this case, if it's, the child truly wants to go outside,

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you might say,

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oh, you really wish that we could spend time playing.

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But our time together is for the playroom.

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You can choose to go outside for the last two minutes or

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you can choose to go outside for the last one minute,

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which do you choose?

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And then the limit is we stay in the playroom for the whole time.

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But if you really,

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really have this burning desire to go outside the last two minutes,

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that's not interruptive to the therapeutic hour.

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And then the child is able to go out and do

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what they need to do in two minutes or one minute.

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Or you could even not give that as an option.

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And you could say you can choose to go play outside when our time is up

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if that's an option.

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So there are ways to work around a child that is used to one thing and it has changed.

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All we need to acknowledge is that things change

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and then we reflect that sometimes change is

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hard and you could even go into enlargements

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after you reflect the child's feeling several times. Then you say,

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mm it's hard when things change. Sometimes

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you really like it when things stay the same

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and it's hard that you didn't expect that this was going to be different.

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So we still remain adherent to CCPT we still help

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the child understand that his or her feelings are always valid.

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They're always appropriate,

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but there are new expectations and it's not even really a limit

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until the child starts to be unable or unwilling to comply with the expectation.

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So the pseudo limit will usually work in this case

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and kids adapt, kids know that things are going to evolve over time

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and they're clearly aware that you've moved into a playroom. Now,

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they've already gone through that transition with you.

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So they know that things are probably going to be different.

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This is just like a child knows that the rules at home are different than the rules

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at school are different than the rules at

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sports are different than the rules at church.

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Kids are very capable of recognizing that

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things don't always remain consistent in every environment.

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So when you went to their home, that was one environment.

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Now they come to your playroom, new environment, new expectations.

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So I hope that that's helpful for all of you.

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I hope that as you are making changes and

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as things evolve that this encourages you to address this

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in helpful ways.

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We just

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make sure they're aware of the new expectations and they will adjust

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and sometimes it's a couple of weeks adjustment,

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but they will learn to understand what the new expectations are.

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So Nneka in England,

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thank you again for the email and I'm so

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excited for you as you've finally built a playroom.

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So I would love to hear more about that once you're doing that for a little bit longer.

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All right, y'all, if you would like to reach out to me,

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please do brenna@thekidcounselor.com.

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If you want to leave a voice message question,

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that's 813-812-5525.

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If you would like to join our online community, you are always welcome.

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It's so much fun every week. www.ccptcollective.com.

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If you haven't signed up for my newsletter, go to www.playtherapynow.com.

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There's so much going on. Y'all. Just stay in touch.

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Make sure you know what's happening by the way,

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this Friday 18th meet up in Atlanta,

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gonna be a huge group of us.

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We'll take pictures, we'll,

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we'll give you updates that we're so excited about this meet up in Atlanta.

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So

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be mindful that

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in the future, there'll be meetups probably coming to a city near you.

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So

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we're looking forward to getting to actually put faces to names and, and

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give hugs and, and hang out in person. That's gonna be a lot of fun.

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I really, really can't wait to do that with y'all. All right. Have a great week.

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Love you. Bye.

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Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr Brenna Hicks.

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For more episodes and resources.

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Please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.