358 | CCPT Gamechangers: How a Language Shift Changes Everything in Feeling Reflections

0
00:00:00,519 --> 00:00:04,280
You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks,

1
00:00:04,480 --> 00:00:08,260
your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.

2
00:00:08,560 --> 00:00:08,760
Hi,

3
00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:09,840
I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks,

4
00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:10,750
The Kid Counselor.

5
00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:12,920
This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get

6
00:00:12,920 --> 00:00:15,180
a master class in child-centered play therapy

7
00:00:15,359 --> 00:00:17,479
and practical support and application for your

8
00:00:17,479 --> 00:00:19,020
work with children and their families.

9
00:00:19,479 --> 00:00:20,659
In today's episode,

10
00:00:21,239 --> 00:00:24,420
we are starting a brand new series called Game Changers.

11
00:00:25,340 --> 00:00:26,100
And,

12
00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:26,219
well,

13
00:00:26,260 --> 00:00:26,340
I,

14
00:00:26,459 --> 00:00:28,719
I suppose CCPT Game Changers.

15
00:00:29,219 --> 00:00:32,799
And the goal of this series is

16
00:00:33,020 --> 00:00:33,720
to

17
00:00:34,220 --> 00:00:35,279
address small,

18
00:00:35,740 --> 00:00:37,240
subtle nuances

19
00:00:37,740 --> 00:00:40,360
that happen in CCPT playrooms all the time.

20
00:00:41,490 --> 00:00:43,430
That we need to understand

21
00:00:44,130 --> 00:00:46,080
how to adjust our language,

22
00:00:46,169 --> 00:00:49,430
how to adjust the way that we respond and approach situations,

23
00:00:49,810 --> 00:00:52,930
and it will make all the difference in our practice and

24
00:00:52,930 --> 00:00:55,860
make sure that we remain fully adherent to the model.

25
00:00:56,529 --> 00:00:57,060
So,

26
00:00:57,759 --> 00:00:59,569
probably 5 to 6 episodes or so,

27
00:00:59,650 --> 00:01:00,869
kind of a shorter series.

28
00:01:01,340 --> 00:01:04,860
But things that come up all the time when I review play sessions

29
00:01:05,099 --> 00:01:06,879
and when I talk to therapists that

30
00:01:07,040 --> 00:01:09,169
are consistently brought up,

31
00:01:09,500 --> 00:01:12,379
and I'm aware that it's a struggle for a lot of us

32
00:01:12,379 --> 00:01:14,639
and so I want to be able to tackle these together.

33
00:01:15,180 --> 00:01:15,290
So,

34
00:01:15,300 --> 00:01:16,080
in the first

35
00:01:16,500 --> 00:01:17,809
one we're gonna cover,

36
00:01:18,059 --> 00:01:19,360
we're going to talk about

37
00:01:19,739 --> 00:01:21,480
how to reflect feelings appropriately.

38
00:01:21,500 --> 00:01:22,220
And I'm sure you're thinking,

39
00:01:22,339 --> 00:01:22,709
Brenna,

40
00:01:22,809 --> 00:01:25,279
how many times have you done an episode on reflecting feelings?

41
00:01:25,739 --> 00:01:28,000
But I promise this is a game changer for you

42
00:01:28,620 --> 00:01:30,099
because most of the time,

43
00:01:30,550 --> 00:01:31,459
If we

44
00:01:31,580 --> 00:01:35,099
are not fully adherent to the reflecting feeling skill.

45
00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:39,059
We phrase our feeling reflections

46
00:01:39,319 --> 00:01:41,339
in a pretty standard way.

47
00:01:41,720 --> 00:01:44,199
We will often say that felt.

48
00:01:44,910 --> 00:01:45,709
And then

49
00:01:45,949 --> 00:01:47,290
the emotional adjective.

50
00:01:48,379 --> 00:01:48,839
So

51
00:01:49,099 --> 00:01:50,400
that felt scary.

52
00:01:51,419 --> 00:01:52,660
That was funny.

53
00:01:53,650 --> 00:01:54,750
That felt

54
00:01:55,120 --> 00:01:56,050
overwhelming.

55
00:01:57,120 --> 00:01:58,889
That felt exciting.

56
00:02:00,239 --> 00:02:00,949
And

57
00:02:01,330 --> 00:02:03,150
here's why this matters.

58
00:02:04,180 --> 00:02:05,470
Those phrases

59
00:02:05,849 --> 00:02:07,989
focus on the circumstance.

60
00:02:09,559 --> 00:02:11,100
Whatever just happened,

61
00:02:11,440 --> 00:02:12,110
felt

62
00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:13,029
something.

63
00:02:13,850 --> 00:02:15,050
It's circumstantial.

64
00:02:16,100 --> 00:02:17,600
It's not emotional

65
00:02:18,179 --> 00:02:19,559
and it's not about the child.

66
00:02:21,729 --> 00:02:25,789
So what we're trying to make sure that we're doing when we reflect feelings

67
00:02:25,970 --> 00:02:27,410
is you are.

68
00:02:29,190 --> 00:02:30,750
You are excited.

69
00:02:31,649 --> 00:02:32,789
You are

70
00:02:32,970 --> 00:02:34,089
overwhelmed.

71
00:02:34,490 --> 00:02:36,050
You are nervous.

72
00:02:37,830 --> 00:02:38,369
And

73
00:02:38,509 --> 00:02:39,589
as a related aside,

74
00:02:39,669 --> 00:02:41,929
as you all email me about a lot.

75
00:02:43,350 --> 00:02:46,070
All my little phrases that get thrown back to me.

76
00:02:46,270 --> 00:02:47,009
It makes me laugh.

77
00:02:48,419 --> 00:02:50,490
Often when we're reflecting feelings,

78
00:02:50,500 --> 00:02:51,740
if we don't say that felt,

79
00:02:51,850 --> 00:02:53,160
which is circumstantial,

80
00:02:53,779 --> 00:02:54,720
we will say

81
00:02:54,979 --> 00:02:55,740
you must be,

82
00:02:55,860 --> 00:02:56,809
or it seems like,

83
00:02:56,820 --> 00:02:57,919
or it looks like,

84
00:02:58,139 --> 00:02:58,880
or

85
00:02:59,259 --> 00:03:00,539
your face is telling me.

86
00:03:02,039 --> 00:03:05,059
None of those are adherent to reflecting feelings either.

87
00:03:05,679 --> 00:03:07,619
So if we're talking about game changers.

88
00:03:08,970 --> 00:03:10,910
The way that we make sure

89
00:03:11,250 --> 00:03:12,110
that we

90
00:03:12,690 --> 00:03:15,169
provide the child with the outcome that

91
00:03:15,169 --> 00:03:17,330
reflecting feelings is supposed to provide.

92
00:03:18,449 --> 00:03:19,089
Pop quiz.

93
00:03:19,449 --> 00:03:20,309
What are the

94
00:03:20,529 --> 00:03:21,529
long-term

95
00:03:21,889 --> 00:03:23,350
outcomes and gains

96
00:03:23,690 --> 00:03:25,929
of a child having their feelings reflected to them?

97
00:03:30,029 --> 00:03:30,279
All right,

98
00:03:30,360 --> 00:03:31,960
if y'all didn't come up with 3,

99
00:03:32,440 --> 00:03:36,660
you need to make sure that you master reflecting feelings and why it's important.

100
00:03:37,639 --> 00:03:38,479
There are more than 3.

101
00:03:38,580 --> 00:03:40,509
I'm saying if you didn't come up with at least 3,

102
00:03:40,589 --> 00:03:41,520
let me be really clear.

103
00:03:41,839 --> 00:03:44,080
3 should have immediately come out of your mouth.

104
00:03:44,279 --> 00:03:46,580
Some of the most consistent outcomes

105
00:03:46,820 --> 00:03:48,410
are emotional vocabulary,

106
00:03:49,199 --> 00:03:50,020
emotional IQ,

107
00:03:50,770 --> 00:03:52,419
ability to get their needs met.

108
00:03:53,389 --> 00:03:55,589
Awareness of

109
00:03:56,190 --> 00:03:59,270
controlling their emotions so that they can stay regulated.

110
00:04:00,479 --> 00:04:02,100
Self-control development.

111
00:04:03,330 --> 00:04:05,130
Learning how to identify their feelings so

112
00:04:05,130 --> 00:04:07,070
that they can then communicate their feelings

113
00:04:07,289 --> 00:04:07,970
and so on.

114
00:04:08,289 --> 00:04:09,059
Here's the thing,

115
00:04:09,289 --> 00:04:12,229
if we say it seems like it looks like you must be,

116
00:04:12,369 --> 00:04:14,309
your face told me that felt.

117
00:04:15,279 --> 00:04:17,420
It changes the perspective.

118
00:04:18,519 --> 00:04:20,940
And the child is not getting the benefit

119
00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:21,619
of

120
00:04:21,798 --> 00:04:23,359
you are sad.

121
00:04:25,160 --> 00:04:29,130
What a child is experiencing in that moment is all consuming for them.

122
00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:33,089
They are absolutely sad in that moment.

123
00:04:34,220 --> 00:04:35,279
So to say

124
00:04:35,380 --> 00:04:36,100
you're sad.

125
00:04:36,809 --> 00:04:38,869
That has such greater impact

126
00:04:39,649 --> 00:04:41,940
than any of the other phrases that we typically throw in,

127
00:04:41,980 --> 00:04:44,130
and I often call those other things fluff.

128
00:04:44,489 --> 00:04:44,950
So,

129
00:04:45,850 --> 00:04:46,549
You must be,

130
00:04:46,609 --> 00:04:47,119
it seems,

131
00:04:47,130 --> 00:04:49,250
it looks like, all I typically call those fluff,

132
00:04:49,329 --> 00:04:51,190
but specifically the that felt.

133
00:04:52,369 --> 00:04:54,989
That is a totally different focus

134
00:04:55,570 --> 00:04:56,709
of the conversation.

135
00:04:58,230 --> 00:04:59,540
And I would argue

136
00:04:59,799 --> 00:05:00,329
that

137
00:05:00,459 --> 00:05:03,179
if we make things about the circumstances

138
00:05:03,519 --> 00:05:04,420
for children,

139
00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:06,920
they learn that the world is unpredictable,

140
00:05:07,040 --> 00:05:08,670
they learn that the world is scary,

141
00:05:08,959 --> 00:05:11,980
they learn that circumstances govern

142
00:05:12,239 --> 00:05:13,209
their lives.

143
00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:16,619
They will feel at the mercy of the circumstance.

144
00:05:17,359 --> 00:05:19,779
That thing that just happened made you feel.

145
00:05:21,239 --> 00:05:21,779
Versus

146
00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:22,940
you're sad.

147
00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:25,179
You're nervous

148
00:05:26,079 --> 00:05:28,410
That is so clearly about the child,

149
00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:31,049
and isn't that the whole point of CCPT?

150
00:05:31,489 --> 00:05:32,130
child-centered,

151
00:05:32,250 --> 00:05:32,890
child led,

152
00:05:33,089 --> 00:05:33,850
child directed.

153
00:05:33,970 --> 00:05:34,329
Why?

154
00:05:34,809 --> 00:05:35,029
Because

155
00:05:35,329 --> 00:05:37,709
the child is at the heart of everything that we're doing.

156
00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:40,049
So it's really important.

157
00:05:40,209 --> 00:05:41,230
This seems like

158
00:05:41,450 --> 00:05:42,570
I'm splitting hairs.

159
00:05:42,649 --> 00:05:43,450
I'm aware,

160
00:05:43,690 --> 00:05:44,309
and

161
00:05:44,890 --> 00:05:45,880
sometimes on coaching calls,

162
00:05:45,890 --> 00:05:47,589
I say I'm not trying to nitpick,

163
00:05:48,209 --> 00:05:51,070
but I really think that this matters because

164
00:05:51,450 --> 00:05:53,709
if we communicate to a child

165
00:05:54,170 --> 00:05:54,720
that

166
00:05:55,130 --> 00:05:59,410
how they're feeling in that moment and what they're expressing to us emotionally.

167
00:06:00,250 --> 00:06:02,390
Is the only thing that we want them to know.

168
00:06:03,850 --> 00:06:05,649
That is how that's going to benefit them.

169
00:06:07,179 --> 00:06:09,320
And we know that highly anxious kids.

170
00:06:10,279 --> 00:06:11,440
are usually,

171
00:06:11,690 --> 00:06:12,609
at least in part,

172
00:06:12,850 --> 00:06:15,809
highly anxious because they don't have emotional IQ and vocabulary.

173
00:06:16,019 --> 00:06:16,209
Why?

174
00:06:16,290 --> 00:06:17,170
They have big feelings,

175
00:06:17,250 --> 00:06:19,130
they don't know what's going on and it scares them.

176
00:06:20,149 --> 00:06:21,480
So think about this long term.

177
00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:22,500
You have a child

178
00:06:23,079 --> 00:06:23,459
that

179
00:06:23,640 --> 00:06:23,959
says,

180
00:06:24,239 --> 00:06:24,570
oh no,

181
00:06:24,679 --> 00:06:25,040
what if?

182
00:06:25,149 --> 00:06:25,480
Oh no,

183
00:06:25,549 --> 00:06:25,880
what if?

184
00:06:25,950 --> 00:06:26,269
Oh no,

185
00:06:26,350 --> 00:06:26,679
what if?

186
00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:27,760
I don't want that to happen.

187
00:06:27,839 --> 00:06:28,799
I can't handle that.

188
00:06:29,029 --> 00:06:29,040
I,

189
00:06:29,119 --> 00:06:31,100
I'll never be OK if that takes place.

190
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:33,700
That kind of mentality

191
00:06:34,149 --> 00:06:34,899
would be

192
00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:36,019
furthered

193
00:06:36,399 --> 00:06:37,519
with that felt.

194
00:06:39,100 --> 00:06:39,899
Versus

195
00:06:40,839 --> 00:06:41,959
You're curious.

196
00:06:42,880 --> 00:06:43,549
You're happy,

197
00:06:43,890 --> 00:06:44,769
you're pleased.

198
00:06:45,500 --> 00:06:46,440
You're irritated

199
00:06:47,510 --> 00:06:48,850
Now all of a sudden,

200
00:06:49,190 --> 00:06:51,170
the child is learning

201
00:06:51,510 --> 00:06:53,250
internal sense

202
00:06:53,429 --> 00:06:54,510
of capacity.

203
00:06:55,279 --> 00:06:57,079
I feel this right now.

204
00:06:57,329 --> 00:06:58,630
What am I going to do with it?

205
00:06:59,750 --> 00:07:00,290
Versus

206
00:07:00,989 --> 00:07:01,540
that

207
00:07:01,790 --> 00:07:04,010
box fell off the shelf and

208
00:07:04,890 --> 00:07:06,089
That felt scary

209
00:07:08,049 --> 00:07:09,369
It's a totally different pivot.

210
00:07:10,190 --> 00:07:11,570
And so my hope is

211
00:07:11,769 --> 00:07:15,529
that as we are walking through this game changer series together,

212
00:07:16,029 --> 00:07:18,049
that you will start to notice

213
00:07:18,230 --> 00:07:18,970
that this is,

214
00:07:19,190 --> 00:07:19,750
to be honest with you,

215
00:07:19,829 --> 00:07:22,250
I think this is one of the highest levels

216
00:07:22,589 --> 00:07:24,869
of mastery of CCPT

217
00:07:25,510 --> 00:07:27,730
when you catch yourself doing these little things.

218
00:07:28,429 --> 00:07:30,630
Because if you're working on basic skills,

219
00:07:30,739 --> 00:07:33,790
if you're working on those 11 things that we say in the playroom,

220
00:07:34,540 --> 00:07:35,640
Those are

221
00:07:35,940 --> 00:07:36,660
pretty heavy,

222
00:07:36,739 --> 00:07:39,040
clunky kind of things that you work on,

223
00:07:39,260 --> 00:07:40,399
and that takes up

224
00:07:40,660 --> 00:07:41,679
all your bandwidth.

225
00:07:42,100 --> 00:07:45,519
If you start working on switching that felt to you are,

226
00:07:46,100 --> 00:07:49,279
this is real high level mastery kind of stuff.

227
00:07:49,739 --> 00:07:53,160
And this is stuff that most of the time we don't even really

228
00:07:53,299 --> 00:07:54,140
notice we're doing.

229
00:07:55,170 --> 00:07:57,019
These are things of which we are unaware.

230
00:07:57,670 --> 00:07:59,750
And a lot of times when I watch a play session,

231
00:07:59,829 --> 00:08:00,600
a therapist will say,

232
00:08:00,670 --> 00:08:02,149
I didn't even realize that I do that.

233
00:08:03,040 --> 00:08:04,970
That's exactly why we watch play sessions,

234
00:08:05,329 --> 00:08:06,549
because we don't know

235
00:08:06,850 --> 00:08:07,730
the things that we're saying,

236
00:08:07,809 --> 00:08:09,829
we don't know the things that we're doing.

237
00:08:10,609 --> 00:08:13,670
That felt so easily rolls off of our tongue.

238
00:08:15,059 --> 00:08:19,440
And we don't have any sense that that's not CCPT because you could argue,

239
00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:19,619
well,

240
00:08:19,660 --> 00:08:21,220
I reflected the child's feeling.

241
00:08:22,359 --> 00:08:24,630
But not in the true CCPT way.

242
00:08:25,890 --> 00:08:26,119
So,

243
00:08:26,130 --> 00:08:30,079
my hope is that if you're actively working on the basics,

244
00:08:30,410 --> 00:08:34,190
that this will be filed away for a later point in time.

245
00:08:34,570 --> 00:08:38,690
If you are past the basics and you really want to get to a level of mastery,

246
00:08:38,960 --> 00:08:41,890
this is the kind of stuff that you want to be paying attention to.

247
00:08:42,010 --> 00:08:42,308
So,

248
00:08:42,570 --> 00:08:43,770
I'm excited about this series.

249
00:08:43,849 --> 00:08:45,440
I hope that you are excited as well.

250
00:08:45,530 --> 00:08:47,039
Let me know what your thoughts are,

251
00:08:47,450 --> 00:08:47,830
what

252
00:08:47,969 --> 00:08:49,010
your challenges are.

253
00:08:49,080 --> 00:08:49,809
If you have questions,

254
00:08:49,849 --> 00:08:50,690
I'd love to hear from you,

255
00:08:50,770 --> 00:08:52,229
brenna@thekidcounselor.com.

256
00:08:52,570 --> 00:08:53,010
I love you all.

257
00:08:53,090 --> 00:08:53,869
We'll talk again soon.

258
00:08:54,049 --> 00:08:54,330
Bye.

259
00:08:55,390 --> 00:08:59,250
Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.

260
00:08:59,429 --> 00:09:01,349
For more episodes and resources,

261
00:09:01,510 --> 00:09:06,270
please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.