Sisterhood

00:00:08
Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome to this episode of Keeping Positive.

00:00:11
Speaker 2: Sweetie.

00:00:11
Speaker 1: Today we are talking about can you take a Lot?

00:00:14
Speaker 2: I guess you see who I'm with my company. Today we are talking sisterhood and listen. I know you guys know me on the TV show Sisters, But today I have my real sisters with me. With me, I have Aril, who is my friend. Because you know friends, they all hold different places in your heart. Aril is the person who I know is here for the right reasons. I never have to question her and she's one of the most supportive people that I know. To my right, I have my Bood, who started off as my costume design We costume design together for a few years for Tyler Perry for all his projects and become one of my closest friends.

00:00:52
Speaker 1: We took a trip.

00:00:53
Speaker 2: Together and after that I was like, oh, yeah, she's stuck with me. For Brionda is the friend that will pull up when you need her. And when I say pull up with her nickname is Ray Ray. Honey, Ray Ray is you see this? Smile?

00:01:13
Speaker 1: Ray Ray is in the play with it. But I love you so much.

00:01:16
Speaker 2: I love you, Thank you for coming me seriously. And my book the one Nina simment right, first of all, is hilarious.

00:01:33
Speaker 1: Second, Nina is my prayer warrior.

00:01:35
Speaker 2: Anytime I'm going through anything, I know that I can call on you to get in their prayer closet. Call them warriors, and them angels will start to camp around me. And I appreciate you so much. You're not only funny, but you are my direct line to God. So I appreciate you.

00:01:51
Speaker 1: Yeah, so happy to.

00:01:52
Speaker 2: Have you all in my life.

00:01:53
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, guys.

00:01:55
Speaker 2: When I think about sisterhood, I think about the song friend by Brandy and goes.

00:02:02
Speaker 1: Don't know what I've ever do with them from the beginning to the end.

00:02:07
Speaker 3: You always been here right the sid me, so I'll call you. I went low.

00:02:18
Speaker 2: And through the good times in the bad, you guys have all been there for me.

00:02:21
Speaker 1: And I appreciate you.

00:02:22
Speaker 4: Guys for us for sure. Definitely a reciprocal relationship.

00:02:26
Speaker 2: Thank you ways, Thank you so much. Seriously, means a lot for y'all to come and sit on the couch with me. I'm here by myself sometimes I have guests, but to share this space with you, guys who I share a lot of my personal space with, my secrets, my troubles, my worries, my success, joys, everything I get to share with you guys. So to have you guys here and to be able to say those words and truly mean it means so much.

00:02:53
Speaker 1: Can we get into have beautify?

00:02:54
Speaker 3: Y'all?

00:02:54
Speaker 1: Look, do y'all see the hair.

00:03:00
Speaker 2: Out to Destiny Kelly who is stops by Destiny on Instagram?

00:03:03
Speaker 1: You guys have seen me post her.

00:03:05
Speaker 2: She does my natural hair, keeps it nice and healthy, but she stopped by the day to take care of us, and you guys like, oh man. So when I think about friendship, how I define a friend is a safe space, you know, because you can be around a lot of people and not feel safe. But when I look at you, guys, it's no judgment I never I can tell you guys, just like the worst thing about me.

00:03:32
Speaker 1: I'm like, okay, you're gonna like.

00:03:34
Speaker 2: Either tell me chrystals, it's okay, you're not perfect, or you're like, hey, this.

00:03:37
Speaker 1: Is something you need to work on.

00:03:38
Speaker 2: You're gonna tell me the truth, you know, and you're supportive when you need to be. You're my mirror when I need a mirror. And friends. Friends are also non judgmental. They are people that you can trust, people that you can share your highs and lows with, and people that you can grow with. And I've literally grown with all of you.

00:03:57
Speaker 1: You know, a lot of time, a lot of women.

00:03:58
Speaker 2: Don't have the the ability to say that they've actually grown with their friends, you know, because everybody's not here to stay. But I'm glad that God has chosen you all to like stick by me through thinking thin, how would you guys define friends? Like when you think of friends and sisters? Because some people have biological sisters and some people don't.

00:04:18
Speaker 1: Do you guys have any I know.

00:04:19
Speaker 2: I have two sisters one So when you have people who are not related to you come in and play that role, what does that mean to you? And how would you define a sister a friend?

00:04:34
Speaker 5: So my sister wasn't in my life for years just because of the strife between her and my dad. So I looked for sisters and women friends, sorority sisters, lying sisters. And so for me, it's support, it's unconditional love, it's you know, check any my I need to be checked.

00:04:50
Speaker 6: Don't just be my yes man, Challenge me, Challenge when I'm not doing something right, hold me accountable.

00:04:55
Speaker 5: To the goals I set for myself, but also don't stop my growth, don't stopped me from reaching the stars. Don't shoot down my dreams or aspirations. So that's what a sister or a friend looks like.

00:05:07
Speaker 2: To me, That's who you are.

00:05:09
Speaker 4: Yeah, drink, It's my favorite part, my favorite part the dream.

00:05:24
Speaker 2: How would you define a sister and a friend?

00:05:26
Speaker 7: So for me, sisterhood means a lot one because I do have a younger sister. We're eleven years apart, so I felt more like not she was my sister, like I was an aunt to she was my niece.

00:05:39
Speaker 2: Yeah, sort of thing.

00:05:40
Speaker 7: And for me, growing up as an only child for eleven years was like I had to have for tend friends.

00:05:46
Speaker 6: Right now I look at it, I.

00:05:51
Speaker 7: Know, but now I look at it and I reflect on just my friends and how my friends have developed into my sisters. And they've been supportive, They've been there for my growth, They've been there for my good times, my bad times, you know, my sad times, through through.

00:06:10
Speaker 1: Sickness and through health.

00:06:11
Speaker 7: And when you have somebody who can be there through every step in life, you're ebbs in your flows and support.

00:06:18
Speaker 6: You no matter what.

00:06:20
Speaker 7: That becomes a sister, somebody who can pray with you, somebody who can be there for your good times and you know, share graduations and everything with you, all those moments. That's who you can define as a real system. Yeah, so that's how I.

00:06:35
Speaker 2: Define my sister. I love that. And when I think about it, when I think about you, everybody that all the women that you have in your life absolutely love you. And I tell people, I was like, I've never met anybody like Ryanda likes here, So you have this infectious spirit the first thing I mentioned.

00:06:50
Speaker 3: I was like, yep, this is it.

00:06:54
Speaker 2: And then it's like every day our lives just continue to grow together. But I always look around out and see how everyone just admires you and gravitates to you like men and women because everybody loves right.

00:07:08
Speaker 7: You know what it is too, is I think because once you find who you are as a person, right, and you really know who you are deep within, and people gravitate to you because they know that she knows who she is, she knows her self worth. And I don't come like I don't there's no fast What you see is truly what you get and who I am as a person, and I think that helps in all my relationships to be genuine and real.

00:07:34
Speaker 2: I love that.

00:07:35
Speaker 6: Yeah, so good and so true.

00:07:37
Speaker 4: Yeah, yes, honey, you know I'll say this. I had up until like my thirties, I didn't always have the best relationship with women. And I think I placed your sorority and it was a little caddy and then I'm an aka.

00:07:54
Speaker 3: I started light. I lay an hour, a coup of hour. It's already and incorporated.

00:08:14
Speaker 1: I had to go ahead and put that out there. I'm surrounded by since you love.

00:08:18
Speaker 3: Light, that's why you are light. That's what it is. But I never experienced it.

00:08:23
Speaker 4: Now, I mean, like in my thirties, I feel like I can really experience true sisterhood. And I think what it is is somebody who's with you in the valleys and on the mountaintop. I think for me, my sisters and my friends are like the people who they remind me of who I am and moments when I forget, because every time you step out your door, you scroll on Instagram, the life is trying to tell you who you were not. But my friends remind me, women, oh that ain't got's best. It's not your best, This is not who you are. You know, and will remind me and pick me up. And so I really think that that's what sisterhood is about.

00:08:58
Speaker 1: Yeah, love it.

00:09:00
Speaker 2: I love it. Has there ever been a time where you recall that your sister was your saving grace?

00:09:09
Speaker 1: And I'll go first on this story times story.

00:09:17
Speaker 2: So, once upon a time I was dating this guy. He look cute and I want him other cues, I like other Q two. He's handsome, but he was very nigolative. He was not ready doing other things. Had me out here looking crazy crazy. Okay, I was looking crazy and it got to a point where I just kept saying sign after sign after sign, and I remember like I had just bought a house. It was in twenty seventeen. We met in twenty and fifteen, and we're by your first home. This is like a new level, you know, like God is taken to another level. And we got in this huge fight I'm talking about. We were in Houston's, which I love Houston's. Shout out Houston want a suspended? Did that's.

00:10:27
Speaker 1: Anytime I go to I have to send her a picture and be like, yes I am just like last week.

00:10:32
Speaker 6: Yeah I saw that photo though.

00:10:34
Speaker 2: They were like, girl, is you hungry or not. But we were at Houston's taking a little moving break because I was moving into my house that day. My parents were on the way, and it had started raining, and we had a huge argument and he said something that just why.

00:10:49
Speaker 1: I say, like, y'all, I don't I'm not Eve. I'm gonna tell you all.

00:10:52
Speaker 2: The truth because I don't want people thinking I'm without flaw. I blacked out and I lost it on this man I'm talking about. It was just like nobody puts baby in the corner, Like you can push me and push me and push me in that corner, and I'm gonna keep taking it, keep taking it, keep taking it as we do.

00:11:11
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know.

00:11:12
Speaker 2: And I came out swinging and like literally blacked out. Like the outlet in the back seat of the truck was hey, I don't know, how was that in.

00:11:21
Speaker 1: The backs I don't know what happened.

00:11:23
Speaker 2: I was like, oh my goodness, and he put I called Rayanda it was it started raining. He put me out of the car. I called d and I was like, you gotta come give me. I was like I just lost it on him, and She's like, well.

00:11:36
Speaker 1: Well, why are you? Why are you?

00:11:38
Speaker 2: She pulls up on me and she gets me back to my home. Other things transpired within that night, but by the time the end of the night came and I was driving to my new home, it was as if God himself sat in the car and said, Crystal, where I'm taking you? He can't go? And I was like, heard, you got it. God, I'm so sorry, I got it. I hate that it took this to get it. And he said, I knew that you weren't going to leave if I didn't let it get this extreme. And I just found out last week when I asked you if it was okay to talk about this story that you actually were on a date and left him to come get me. Yes.

00:12:17
Speaker 7: Funny story, though the person I was on a date with was my most toxic relationship in life.

00:12:22
Speaker 6: Wow, listen, listen God.

00:12:28
Speaker 1: Things happened for a reason. God makes no mistakes.

00:12:32
Speaker 7: So yes, I left that date to come get my friend because guess what, he wasn't going to be in my life forever.

00:12:37
Speaker 2: Shee wow, and there was I remember I was so scared because I was like, I didn't know what he was going to do after that, So I was scared to even stay at my old place so I went and got a room that night, and my parents are on the way. I was scared to tell them what had happened. Yeah, because I think in moments like that, you are so used to being mistreated that you're like, okay, is it gonna work again? Like I don't want to tell two many people what have because I might get back with him and then be embarrassed. And one thing we know is that when your friends or family see the flaws of your significant fact, the way your heart can get over things, your family and friends cannot be mad, you know.

00:13:19
Speaker 1: And to this day, like we're cool now, and.

00:13:21
Speaker 7: He loved right ray and I love him, but not for you. Exactly what I'm saying.

00:13:26
Speaker 3: You would love somebody, but not for you.

00:13:29
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's so good, Oh my goodness.

00:13:32
Speaker 1: And that's a real thing.

00:13:33
Speaker 2: That's so mature. And I think a lot of times we cut people offganize them, knowing that they're not a bad person. They're just not ready for that, you know, And they're just doing what they need to do.

00:13:43
Speaker 1: And sometimes it's black men.

00:13:45
Speaker 2: They're doing all they see, yes, you know, repeating the cycles of their grandfather, their father who was absent, you know, just doing what they saw thinking this is how you do it, and also being influenced by society, you know, and thinking, oh, this is this is what you're supposed to do. I realize the thing, like I have a prize right here and I'm really messing it up.

00:14:03
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know.

00:14:04
Speaker 2: So that's my like saving great story.

00:14:10
Speaker 4: And I've never shared this story before, but I feel that to share it so it involves you.

00:14:17
Speaker 2: Oh okay.

00:14:19
Speaker 4: In twenty twenty two, last year was a really hard year for me financially, and my business was suffering so bad. And I remember at your birthday party, you know, you had made the sponsorship of your giving for Serenity, which is my business, and it was like every week it was always something I would call my parents and I could just see, like, you know, as a family business. So to see the weight of my parents, like them trying their best with their retirement and everything to make this work, it just got so heavy. And I remember me telling them, well, y'all, I got a what's the thing called life insurance, I'll be the one. I sat be the sacrificial land y'all could just take my life insurance pay off all the debt.

00:15:01
Speaker 3: So on this day, I had decided, you know, this is done. Lord, I'm done with this. I am done, you know. And I remember when going home.

00:15:09
Speaker 4: I had went to work out with Jay, I had came home and I had prayed and I said, God, if you want me to stay, I said, you're gonna have to lighten us.

00:15:16
Speaker 3: I said, because I am not built for this, and.

00:15:19
Speaker 2: I'm tired, Jesus.

00:15:22
Speaker 3: I went into the office and you call me, and I had seen it. I had text you had text me too.

00:15:28
Speaker 6: He's like, hey, I.

00:15:29
Speaker 4: Didn't want to I wanted to give my donation or whatever to your business. And I said, and she said, I text you and you didn't get in. And I said, oh, And at that moment, you donated to my business. And it was a sign from God that he was with me, and he hurt me and it literally saved my life. And so I hear so many times on your podcast, I just want to say this.

00:15:52
Speaker 3: You talk about how Tyler was there for.

00:15:54
Speaker 4: You, and he'm partonering you, but just know that what he partdoning you was for somebody else, so you can to them. So I love you, and I thank you for that because you literally saved me on that day.

00:16:08
Speaker 3: I got my lasses on, y'all know, cry But that's a real story and nobody knows about that between me and God.

00:16:16
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:16:17
Speaker 2: Wow. And I'm just grateful that he put it on my heart because I kept saying I'm a donated, I'm a donate and I was waiting to divide it because I have like a loved son that I give at the end of the year to different people in different projects and things that I'm passionate about, and that was like when I wanted to give essentially to So I'm so happy that God put it on my heart to answer your prayer on that day, that day, and it needed to have it on that that day because if I hadn't done it before to be like, oh, my friend is so great. That was good, but he needed you to get down on your knees to that last moment where to know that he did that, not Crystal, you know.

00:16:54
Speaker 4: And it was so funny because it was like, you know, a lot of people want to know God as a provider, but you can't know him as a provider that you're in me.

00:17:01
Speaker 3: And so when me calling out and saying God, I need.

00:17:03
Speaker 4: You to do this, and then it immediately, you know, people when they're trying to give you money, they.

00:17:07
Speaker 3: Text you, don't respond with you, but you actually picked up the phone to call and followed through. And it was just like, yeah.

00:17:15
Speaker 2: God sees me. Wow, that's beautiful to get emotional.

00:17:21
Speaker 3: I'm just glad my last.

00:17:27
Speaker 1: So mine.

00:17:28
Speaker 6: You guys know or have heard.

00:17:31
Speaker 5: But in twenty twenty, I was beaten by an ex boyfriend and Crystal had just met him, like maybe a month.

00:17:38
Speaker 6: Before it happened. And I don't want to cry.

00:17:44
Speaker 2: I'm good, I'm strong.

00:17:48
Speaker 6: It's a safe space.

00:17:49
Speaker 5: So it happened, and Crystal was the first person I called, and she put me in contact with her friend who's a lieutenant of DA's office. He's the reason why he got arrested abruptly, is the reason why it got to where God has gotten to.

00:18:03
Speaker 6: And it wasn't just that night.

00:18:05
Speaker 5: Like she made sure I had a phone, she made sure somebody was with me at all times. All of my other friends rallied around me. So I did not go back because again, no excuses should be made for someone that abuses somebody. But I do understand the thought process of someone that has abused. Immediately, you try to figure out what you did wrong. What did I do? How could I have prevented this? All of that, Not for a second did I get a chance to do that. I was reminded day in and day out, my value, my worth, that I did not deserve what happened to me. And even to this day, like we're three years and as of like a couple of weeks ago, finally got a court date. When I tell you, my friends filled that courtroom so that you had to face all of us, not just her, And I was reminded that You're not alone in this. You have to get up there and speak, but understand, you have us backing.

00:18:56
Speaker 1: You, and we'll hold you.

00:18:57
Speaker 5: If you can't hold yourself, we will be there for you. There are people that came to my house unannounced just because they knew I was not in a good place. Pack of that, let's go, and I just I appreciate that. I am not gonna cry because I told myself when I'm from but no, that that was just before it happened. I was always the one giving and doing, and I'm like, dang, if I needed somebody, I couldn't call nobody tomorrow.

00:19:24
Speaker 6: And then God was like, show you, let me show you what you really have in your corner.

00:19:33
Speaker 5: And now to this day, I would give all of my friends, I would loan them to people because the support that I get from them, it's it's unmatched.

00:19:42
Speaker 6: And I'm so appreciative.

00:19:43
Speaker 5: I'm so thankful because y'all to y'all know, y'all were like there, like you weren't present, physically present. You were there on my phone praying for me. You were in a prayer closet prayer for me, or you were.

00:19:53
Speaker 6: Pulling up on me.

00:19:54
Speaker 5: So that's my my story when my sister showed up for me and really and to this, to this people are still texting. Okay, I didn't make it, but so good and so I appreciate that.

00:20:06
Speaker 6: And I didn't cry.

00:20:10
Speaker 2: It was almost there.

00:20:12
Speaker 3: It was like.

00:20:15
Speaker 4: Ray ray.

00:20:17
Speaker 7: So I would say, this was a childish part of my life.

00:20:23
Speaker 2: This happened.

00:20:24
Speaker 7: It was a boyfriend in college and I was home in Pittsburgh at the time, and someone caught him cheating on me, and he was out of town cheating on me, and so I went to his house. Before I went to his house, I called some of my friends. They came to the house and we all had on all black. My mom came on the porch and she said, I don't know what's about to happen, but I'm just saying a prayer for all of y'all.

00:20:59
Speaker 3: So we got in the car and.

00:21:03
Speaker 1: We we we.

00:21:04
Speaker 7: Headed to his house and I kid you not, I had toilet paper eggs like I had intended on vandalizing this man's house. And so when we were in the car about to get out, my friend said, do you are you really wanting to do this? Think about it. She was like, because we're gonna ride for you regardless if you want to go, but ain't no going back after you do it. Really, like, once it's done, it's done, and you know what the repercussions are after. And I said, you know what, I want to do it. That was the one of the worst mistakes I made in my life. But I'll say this, my friends were with my by my side, and they tried to talk me out of it, but they were going to be by my side regardless because they were my friends.

00:21:51
Speaker 4: Wow.

00:21:52
Speaker 7: And we vandalized this man's house and his mother called him and said, I don't know who did this to your house, but I think it was your ex girl.

00:22:01
Speaker 1: And if she ain't your exe she need to be.

00:22:06
Speaker 4: Up.

00:22:08
Speaker 7: So I would just say that was a learning lesson from me.

00:22:13
Speaker 4: Right.

00:22:14
Speaker 7: It was a pivotal point in my life because I realized after I did that, we had a big blow up. We broke up, but we talked about it after we got over the initial you know, mad state and arguing and cussing each other out. And it made me realize, if a relationship is that bad, if a man is going to cheat on you, just walk away. The best revenge is just to walk away. From that point on, except for one time after I've literally tried to walk away from every relationship that did not serve me anymore at that point. But that's when my friends.

00:22:53
Speaker 2: Were there for me.

00:22:54
Speaker 7: They were ready to write or down whatever I wanted to do, even though they wanted to talk me out of it.

00:22:59
Speaker 1: They were there for him.

00:23:00
Speaker 6: Wow, that's good.

00:23:06
Speaker 3: Ride. You gotta get down there once in a while.

00:23:12
Speaker 4: It's still good to my flesh to cut somebody out.

00:23:17
Speaker 3: You cuts them out. I actually vandalized somebody. Did you feel a little bit better if I did? But that was wrong. It was wrong. It wasn't wrong.

00:23:28
Speaker 6: It can be wrong, it can be wrong, and he can still.

00:23:34
Speaker 4: It's not right, but it's okay, who was that?

00:23:40
Speaker 8: Okay, I'm gonna make it way crazy.

00:23:55
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness.

00:23:58
Speaker 2: We all come from different work backgrounds, careers. What has been like as you're getting older? Do you feel like it's easy to nurture friendships and make new friends or do you feel like you find it harder as you get older and learn more? And because I know Drake said no new friends, how do y'all feel about that?

00:24:17
Speaker 3: I think it was the biggest lie told.

00:24:19
Speaker 4: I feel like every season that you have, God sends people. And I don't mean they're gonna be there for every all your life, but he literally sends people for just that assignment. I was just thinking about when I moved to La, like the friends that he had sent to help me to get my car out there.

00:24:35
Speaker 3: I don't talk to these ladies anymore, but they were on an assignment for me.

00:24:40
Speaker 4: And had I been like, oh, no new friends, then I want to have, you know, met the people that I have met at this point. So I think it's really important to you know, like the K commercial says, keep your heart open.

00:24:53
Speaker 3: And the love would always find itself for.

00:24:56
Speaker 8: Every Caska sponsors, I.

00:25:11
Speaker 6: Don't think it's harder.

00:25:12
Speaker 5: I think it's easier because as you're getting older, you should be getting wiser, should be in everybody's situation.

00:25:18
Speaker 6: But it's something we talked about earlier.

00:25:21
Speaker 5: I know that everybody that's in my life cannot necessarily pour.

00:25:25
Speaker 6: Into the way that I pour into other people.

00:25:28
Speaker 5: But for me building relationships now it's like, Okay, how.

00:25:33
Speaker 6: Are they serving me? Are they serving me at all?

00:25:35
Speaker 2: Yes?

00:25:36
Speaker 4: Or no?

00:25:36
Speaker 5: I'm a lot more clear in what I want in my life and what I don't, so now it's easier for me to funnel through Because I met you in twenty nineteen, I met you in twenty twenty, it's twenty twenty three, and I would say y'all are closer to me than people I've known for years. But that also comes with there's effort on both parts to build the relationship.

00:25:56
Speaker 6: It's not as easy because.

00:25:58
Speaker 5: We all have lives, we're all going through our own individual things. But I think as long as you understand what your assignment is to your pointing to the people that are in your life and understand what their assignment is to you and manage those expectations appropriately, because that's when you lose people when you're thinking oh, she should give me what she gives me, but she ain't hug and she ain't hug and that's not what they're supposed to do. But also, I think boundaries are healthy this several times. Boundaries are important.

00:26:28
Speaker 1: You don't have to.

00:26:28
Speaker 5: Cut people off, but you do have to place them where they're supposed to live. They don't impact your life negatively because you can't. If you over here, you can't affect what's over here. But I can meet you over here from time to time to check on you and have a conversation with you, but you can't come over here.

00:26:43
Speaker 6: It's too sacred over here.

00:26:46
Speaker 3: That was good.

00:26:47
Speaker 2: You tap into something that my manager DeNora touched on today on Instagram and it really resonated with me. A lot of times, I think when it comes to pouring into other people, and we pour poor and like, well I'm not getting it back. And she said something today and I was like, Wow, that's it. We can pour into people, but maybe it's not their assignment to pour into us.

00:27:10
Speaker 1: So sometimes our assignment is literally that.

00:27:12
Speaker 2: Person, and you know, and when she said, I was like, wow, that is so powerful because what we need may be coming from someone else. But we're looking for it to come from the person that we're just giving and given and given to thinking that we're being depleted. And this is not equally.

00:27:25
Speaker 1: Yoked like you're not doing enough.

00:27:27
Speaker 2: But the thing is maybe there they don't have it to give, and maybe it's not for them to give in that relationship. But this person is here to give to you the way you need. So when she said that, I was like, Wow, you just you said something really reminded me of that.

00:27:40
Speaker 3: Every place you so is not gonna be where you reap.

00:27:46
Speaker 5: You have to believe that and be patient. Yeah, but again it's the expectation management.

00:27:53
Speaker 6: It goes back the.

00:27:54
Speaker 2: Same way with men.

00:27:57
Speaker 6: Why are you taking to men from a boy? Same with your girlfriend? Yeah, friends from your acquaintances.

00:28:02
Speaker 4: And I think friendship really for me at this age is about honesty. I think you have to give your friends, like the honest truth. We can do it with love, or can get there and tell them the truth. But I cannot have people around me that I cannot tell the truth too.

00:28:18
Speaker 3: I have to be able to tell you the truth, and you have to give me the grace to be able to be myself for sure. And I give that same grace to my friends as well. So it's important, you know.

00:28:28
Speaker 7: I want to speak to that because I've had a long term friendship and I don't really have many fallouts with friends, but we had a fallen out. And what I found out is sometimes it's okay to take a break from people. You can be friends with people and disagree on something and it's okay to take breaks. You don't have to be in the same space, at the same level with that friend at all time, because you can disagree on something and say, Okay, I need a break from you for a minute. And that's what I did. We took a step apart. But then in that moment, it was like a few months had passed and we realized, you know, how much we missed each other. Now that's not always the case. You can step apart and realize like, oh, I'm better without that person. But for us, we realized that we really, really truly missed each other. And so we, as adults, you know, set up a time to talk about everything, like what is our issues with each other? How can we correct it? You know, what are my flaws and this friendship? What are your flaws and this friendship? And it made us closer, you know what I mean, And it made us respect each other's boundaries in a different way because sometimes I could think that I'm not overstepping, but I could be overstepping. You see what I'm saying. And open communication and real communication helps you understand your friend inside and out.

00:29:51
Speaker 2: You know what I mean, because what.

00:29:53
Speaker 7: Your friend was at because we've been friends since we were in middle school. So with my friends, expectations of a friendship in high school and college has changed as women, you know what I mean, And with her boundaries were then aren't her same boundaries? So sometimes you got to do self checkings friend checking like I do them in relationships with men, and I do them in relationships with friends. Let's have a check in, like how you know it's okay and it's healthy to do that because you're not always on the same page and you might notice some tension but not know why.

00:30:23
Speaker 2: No, let's talk about it.

00:30:25
Speaker 6: I say communication eliminates.

00:30:27
Speaker 2: Confusion, Yes, absolutely, just.

00:30:29
Speaker 6: In your personal relationship period communications.

00:30:35
Speaker 5: But yeah, like I think the check ins are great. It's necessary. Like to your point, we're growing and we're changing and our priorities are changing, and you need to make sure you can meet me where I.

00:30:43
Speaker 6: Am or vice versa.

00:30:45
Speaker 5: Yes, I have never fallen out with a friend where I can't where we can't come back from it. But I do think that again, I'm a person of just boundaries because life is short, people are dying. We just talked about this earlier, like closer to our agent. Yes, you don't have a chance to mend that. So is there a way to still be in each other's lives but within a certain capacity?

00:31:06
Speaker 2: Yeah?

00:31:07
Speaker 5: Is that possible. I'm not a person to say cut him off, cut it off. Well him maybe heard now right, but you know, just set some boundaries, set it to where it works for both of you, and if it can, it can't, but at least try. You will never regret trying, especially if that was a friend a sister.

00:31:24
Speaker 6: For however many years. But I haven't found.

00:31:27
Speaker 5: Out with nobody to really have to give an input on that though.

00:31:30
Speaker 2: That's good, that's good, That's a blessing because recently you all know that I'm going through something with a really close friend of mine and it just got to the point where I realized, like, this person isn't happy for me. You know, they're not happy for my success. It was underlying jealousy, envy, and a lot of things going on that I was blind to for a while. And then as I continue to calm, I'm like, wait, I started like just noticing, like this person really isn't here for me the way I feel like it goes back to like I'm here for you, you know, and I've done these things for you. Why can't I get the same return? And I found myself just like, Okay, that's what you're gonna do. That's what I'm gonna do. So I wouldn't support her, you know, and I pulled back on my giving because I'm like, I'm literally sharing everything with you my whole life, you know, even like put you in a position that didn't work out. That's not my fault that didn't work out, but I put you in position. I've included you in every single part of my life, even with my family. And it got to the point where it got very territorial. So if I wanted to do something with just say I want to do something with you, you know, then it was an issue. Or if I wanted to go on vacation with somebody else or go somewhere without her, it became an issue. That got territorial, and I'm just like, you don't own me, you know what I'm saying, And I've done enough, and I say it like I go through days where like I miss miss her so much, and then it's other times where I'm like, but that wasn't healthy for me, you know. And that goes back to having boundaries. It goes back to knowing where you are in your life and understanding that. My therapist told me, she said, everybody that comes with you can't go with you. And I think we get stuck on this loyalty thing, like now that was with me in the trenches, like I gotta take them with me, I gotta put my dog on, I gotta do this, got to do that. Then you like have this guilt sure where you feel like you got to do all these things, but then you realize all this stuff isn't enough, and then you don't spend all this money, spend all this time trying to cultivate a person who wasn't ready to be cultivated. And I would always say, if you're my best friend, you're right here with me. And God hasn't done it yet. What makes think he's not going to do it? If he did it for me. You know what I'm saying, But you can't see past Well, I should be where she is. I'm not there. Why am I not there? You know, like we came together. Why is everybody around me continue to elevate and I'm not. And I was like, we had a heart to heart one day and I was just like, it's because you're not happy for people. God looks at your heart. He looks at the people that are cheering up people on when it's not their season.

00:34:03
Speaker 1: They can be like God, I know if you do. We always say, I see what you do.

00:34:07
Speaker 3: You're not a respect of process.

00:34:10
Speaker 2: I know it's but people get so down in themselves that they can't see that you're right here. Yeah, you know what I'm saying, Like we all have our things going on, but when you put up my neighborhood, we all we all and it like, so if you're right here, it's gonna happen.

00:34:28
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, you're in the proximity.

00:34:30
Speaker 4: And I think sometimes jealousy jealousy is a natural emotion, but I remember, God give me a revelation. It's like the only way you can really be jealous is you forget the plans that I have for Yes, yes, I have plans for you to prosper you and not to harm you.

00:34:44
Speaker 3: That don't mean I don't have those same plans for a Christal.

00:34:51
Speaker 1: I got them for you.

00:34:52
Speaker 4: And so I think for me, like growing up, I had the worst situation with France.

00:34:57
Speaker 3: It was always so caddy all throughout my twenties.

00:35:00
Speaker 4: I made a vow when I got in my thirties I'm not arguing with friends. I said, Lord, for whoever you need to take, you have to take. And one of the things that one of my friends pointed out to me, now I have the healthiest relationships that I've ever had in my life as far as friendships now with me and I don't know.

00:35:14
Speaker 2: I don't know about that.

00:35:15
Speaker 3: But people have an exploration date.

00:35:20
Speaker 4: They have an exploration date, and sometimes we have to be okay with God saying I love you, but that's not where this can go.

00:35:32
Speaker 2: And that's hard.

00:35:34
Speaker 4: That's hard because we grew up being loyal and stuff like that.

00:35:36
Speaker 3: So I feel like I'm like now channeling that, like got you sure that.

00:35:46
Speaker 7: We're fighting it, But people come in your life for a season in a lifetime. Sometimes it's really up to us to really pay attention and hone in on what with stage there are they in there for just a reason, and that reason not necessarily has to be bad. It could be it for a good reason for you to be a blessing to them or to teach them something. It could be for a lifetime to where they're going to weather all the seasons with you the duration of your life.

00:36:17
Speaker 5: Yes, you have to be your friends everybody right now? Everyone, Yes, adding value? Areating you are they sucking, sucking the life out of you.

00:36:31
Speaker 4: And the only way people can really go with you for a lifetime, in my opinion at this age, is if they.

00:36:36
Speaker 3: Are doing the work on themselves.

00:36:39
Speaker 5: Because you know what I'm saying, I am, you are, you are, and you are. If you're not, you can't see, Yeah, it's.

00:36:46
Speaker 6: Gonna it's gonna shows showing jealousy.

00:36:49
Speaker 5: It's gonna show because then you're comparing yourself in comparison is what Jesus not comparing and just start appreciating where you are and see where that takes you. But it also takes a person that's ready to be accountable, and some people are not.

00:37:03
Speaker 4: And I will say this, when I was able to let people go that I felt like we're.

00:37:08
Speaker 3: Gonna be for a lifetime. God gave me better me.

00:37:12
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's how you know.

00:37:13
Speaker 7: That's your confirmation though, that's your confirmation when that happens and he shows you the light, that's your confirmation.

00:37:20
Speaker 5: But it's okay to be hesitant because that's that's life. You don't know what's on the other side of that door, but you do have to remember who we serve and who we have our faith in. It's not in us because he knows of the plans we don't, So it's just really owning that. But also understand the longer you lost somebody in your life, that's why you ain't you know, you see it. You're no longer blind, you can't see, and you're allowing that person there. So now you have to take accountability for yourself for allowing it.

00:37:55
Speaker 2: Because I had a friend that I was so so close to, like fines, and we fell out and it.

00:38:01
Speaker 1: Got to home, like what did we fall out about? You know, because it ended up not even being us.

00:38:06
Speaker 2: Some people around us that it just didn't look right, And years went on and we didn't talk.

00:38:12
Speaker 1: Life moved on, and she hit.

00:38:15
Speaker 2: Me randomly out of the blue, one day and was like, I've been in counseling and I just wanted to know if we could sit down and talk. So we sat down and had a conversation, and we are back like love or to death. You know what I'm saying. We're not like we were before. And I say that to say that, not all like friends that get you what I'm saying, put on pause, like you say, sometime you need to break or be like this isn't it for me? If people are accountable, go back to that word that they're accountable and do the work and then are big enough to come back and say, hey, this is where I fell short. And I see what you were trying to do for me. I see it, and I was wrong, and can we mend this thing. It may not go back to what it was, but like I never stopped loving you. I'm always praying for you, Like so I can let you back in, but we say in a different capacity. It may not be how it was before. But you can call me anytime you need me. If you want to go on a trip every now and then, we can do.

00:39:05
Speaker 1: That in town.

00:39:06
Speaker 2: Hit me up with just some birthday gifts, Like I really loved her and love her to death now still to this day. But that's just an example of how I fell out with somebody.

00:39:16
Speaker 1: It was a break.

00:39:16
Speaker 2: It's like, you know what I'm saying. It was just nothing that we did. It was people around us. And when she got to the bob and she's like, dang, I miss my friend. Yeah, And that's how we got I love her, you know.

00:39:27
Speaker 4: You know I had a friend do that one time and she came to me and I wasn't honest.

00:39:31
Speaker 3: This is what I say about honesty.

00:39:32
Speaker 4: I wasn't honest with her about how I felt about a situation. Well, two years went but we didn't speak, and she reached out to me, like you've really been on my heart and I was like, okay. We got together and I told her, you know, your friendship with this person really bothers.

00:39:45
Speaker 3: Me because that person tried to fight me this problem. And she said, well, they can go because you are the most important thing to me, and that meant so much to me.

00:39:56
Speaker 4: I think sometimes we villainize people, but if we really get down to being honest with them and give them an option, because if I don't give you all, if I'm not honest with you, I don't give you.

00:40:07
Speaker 3: An option to be able to choose.

00:40:09
Speaker 4: But when I am honest with you, then I give you an option to show me who you really are. And so that honesty in her saying that that she chose me, I love her to go.

00:40:21
Speaker 2: Come on, I love it. So, you know, like in relationships with men, we have love languages, yes, friendship yes, absolutely, God.

00:40:39
Speaker 6: I do words of affirmation really.

00:40:42
Speaker 1: Yes, absolutely, I love I mean.

00:40:45
Speaker 7: And that's the thing is, like I love giving my friends work because I grew up with a mom who is so she sings, She used to be a singer. She sings everywhere, and she will compliment every single stranger she found beauty and everything. She's always been one of those type of people. And so she always taught me, like, if you see somebody and you think they're beautiful, you think they have on a nice outfit, say it.

00:41:09
Speaker 1: There's nothing wrong.

00:41:10
Speaker 7: With complimenting people because you, yes, you might put a smile on somebody's face for a reason. You not know what is going on in their lives.

00:41:21
Speaker 2: You're slower everybody because you never know what somebody is going through, and your smile may change that day.

00:41:26
Speaker 4: Yes, kind And I say that about my friendships now, like being with Crystal and my friendships now, and I'm like, dang, I really have nice girls because I grew up in I guess a mean girl era, but now people are so nice.

00:41:40
Speaker 3: I'm like, I can't be nice. I don't mean me me being a baddie. That don't means she's not a baddy too. It was like.

00:41:55
Speaker 2: This.

00:41:57
Speaker 1: Is my third time.

00:42:04
Speaker 6: Language with your friends?

00:42:07
Speaker 3: I would say access, service, gifts, and quality time. I like to do things for my friends.

00:42:16
Speaker 4: If I can't spend quality time, I pray to God that I can see them the way he sees them, so if I need to say something, I can say it. And then gifts. I love some gifts and I try my best to give those gifts back, you know or whatever.

00:42:34
Speaker 3: So I think that's those are my love languages. Let me say someone a good gift, I gotta.

00:42:43
Speaker 6: I can't quite match.

00:42:50
Speaker 3: I'm about to blow down. Don't alone, guys.

00:42:55
Speaker 6: Say what is your love language for your friends?

00:43:00
Speaker 1: For my friends, quality time? I love getting one because I don't have a lot of time.

00:43:04
Speaker 2: So we get to like do our little day nights and girls night and just talk and drink and laugh and Kiki those are the most special moments for me because like, I don't get that a lot, you.

00:43:16
Speaker 1: Know, because I'm so busy with everything.

00:43:17
Speaker 2: And then I would say words of affirmation with you guys do that all the time, pouring to me. Let me know, hey, since I see you, I'm proud of you. And yes, I wouldn't say I'm gonna give I love giving it.

00:43:29
Speaker 9: I don't think it's hurts for my man I like it. It's all over them, but yeah, but for my girls it's really that like, but I do I love.

00:43:42
Speaker 2: It's something about giving you guys stuff and then like seeing you light up, like I mean, being somewhere and I feel like which one you like and she's like I like this, I'm okay.

00:43:51
Speaker 1: And then like a week let I got surprised her with it and.

00:43:54
Speaker 2: She's like, you know, I been like her, But no, I do I love. I love just like seeing people light up. I'm like that like holidays, birthdays, Christmas, That's just my thing.

00:44:08
Speaker 1: But yeah, I'll just say those.

00:44:10
Speaker 2: I'm big on quality time and words of affirmation for my girls, and I get that from all y'all.

00:44:18
Speaker 5: Is quality time, no question. I don't care you don't have to buy me a thing. You just spend time with me dinners one for a while working out.

00:44:27
Speaker 2: But then summertime I need to get some breaks.

00:44:35
Speaker 5: But I think acts of service in the meaning serving other people.

00:44:40
Speaker 6: People coming. When y'all came to volunteer in me last year, that.

00:44:42
Speaker 2: Warmed my heart.

00:44:43
Speaker 5: Yes, that's my passion, So immedity where I am and helping somebody else.

00:44:48
Speaker 6: That means the world we'll.

00:44:49
Speaker 1: Think about you.

00:44:49
Speaker 2: You're gonna show up anything.

00:44:57
Speaker 6: People flowers where they can smell them to spill.

00:45:00
Speaker 2: My flowers always so beautiful, like if I don't ever have to worry about anybody gonna ever game flowers because.

00:45:11
Speaker 3: She's gonna bake your cake will sweep my roll. She mad that she made that. Now we all have a slive list, but I appreciate it.

00:45:22
Speaker 1: You have a slip I have. I can't stop. I can't.

00:45:29
Speaker 2: It's likely got so good against that And I'm a cake girls.

00:45:32
Speaker 3: Your cakes are good.

00:45:33
Speaker 1: Yes, shout out sleep Rose Bakery.

00:45:36
Speaker 3: Yeah, I love it.

00:45:41
Speaker 1: I feel like we've had some really good girls talk.

00:45:43
Speaker 2: Yes. Now I'm ready to get spicy.

00:45:48
Speaker 6: So do it anymore, y'all?

00:45:50
Speaker 1: Good? Do you have you had enough to?

00:45:53
Speaker 4: I think I have enough to get spicy.

00:45:55
Speaker 3: She's going to get.

00:45:57
Speaker 1: She woke up spicy.

00:46:04
Speaker 2: Yes. So we have genor Chanelle on the other line tapped in with us.

00:46:09
Speaker 1: Hey, beautiful ladies. They are going.

00:46:15
Speaker 2: To ask us some questions and listen, this is a safe, fun space, no filter. We're gonna have fun, okay, because listen, we're girls at the end of the day.

00:46:26
Speaker 1: Right, We're ready, all.

00:46:27
Speaker 2: Right, Okay, So our good sister Krisia went viral.

00:46:33
Speaker 1: We're saying she loves the gold in the shower.

00:46:39
Speaker 3: Is that a yes?

00:46:40
Speaker 1: Or is that a novice?

00:46:48
Speaker 4: I may swing over to the other side as far as white men, but I ain't swinging that far, and I ain't gold and showering over here.

00:46:58
Speaker 3: Swing over to one side, you know, the white side, the white side, But you're not going that far.

00:47:08
Speaker 6: That far I'm saying, is that someone.

00:47:15
Speaker 1: Have you ever.

00:47:19
Speaker 3: Unknowingly slept with the same man?

00:47:22
Speaker 1: No?

00:47:23
Speaker 4: No, you know what I feel like. My men who I've ever been with have never had anybody before me.

00:47:30
Speaker 3: They never know, no.

00:47:37
Speaker 1: One.

00:47:40
Speaker 3: What's that period life?

00:47:42
Speaker 6: Even now I'm like that there with her on that I mean, yes, I agree, you have to think that.

00:47:51
Speaker 1: Yes, Nina, we love a delusional quality.

00:47:54
Speaker 3: You know, I can't hear you, and that's on purpose.

00:47:57
Speaker 4: Whatever you say, whatever you say, it ain't true.

00:48:06
Speaker 1: Swallowing.

00:48:08
Speaker 4: Yes, well no, my grandma said, if you don't swallow somebody else, will.

00:48:16
Speaker 5: I'm not swallowing if you have swallow someone else, swelling house.

00:48:22
Speaker 2: But when it comes swallowing was like, because you got a funny story about swallowing, do.

00:48:27
Speaker 3: Have a funny story about swallowing? Now, geez on the step. Put you over to the left real quick. Let me just tell the people. He said, he's right here. I'm coming as I am.

00:48:42
Speaker 6: I know.

00:48:44
Speaker 4: Well, I was sating this guy, and I tell y'all that this was literally like, you know, I was from Virginita, pretty older, so I was like twenty five, So I would celibate for like two years after that or whatever.

00:48:57
Speaker 3: So once I started having sex, I met this guy and I'm talking that was the best dick I ever had.

00:49:03
Speaker 4: Like it was just so good, Like it was like dick, like, I don't know if you've had it already, are you right?

00:49:10
Speaker 1: But I would love or.

00:49:14
Speaker 3: Just do a nice raffle. Well, one time he was like, you know, I was doing my little thing and I came in my mouth. You know, my little thing, and I do.

00:49:25
Speaker 4: I ain't got to tell you about it, but you know the thing, that thing, and so you know I did. I did it well, okay, so it was in my mouth.

00:49:38
Speaker 3: He said, spit it in my mouth.

00:49:40
Speaker 5: I spit it in his mouth and then he spit it back in my mouth and then he said, swallow it.

00:49:49
Speaker 3: Now. Mind you, he's watching me. I'm like, I just got don't get. Don't knock it till you tried.

00:49:58
Speaker 1: Now, Oh no, I'm not.

00:50:05
Speaker 3: It's just sitting in his back.

00:50:07
Speaker 4: And that's too many. Let me tell you sounds to Let me tell you some song. People made up a song and said what.

00:50:12
Speaker 1: A man want? A man want?

00:50:13
Speaker 3: A man want a good man. They weren't just singing that song for no reason.

00:50:22
Speaker 7: God said, oh tasting, okay, I want to girl.

00:50:32
Speaker 3: You did more to taste.

00:50:38
Speaker 7: Shut up, tasted it, wasted it.

00:50:43
Speaker 1: Do not forgot it, he said, s Jesus, okay, so we can all ages that we've swallowed. Great Banina has done.

00:50:55
Speaker 3: A little more.

00:51:01
Speaker 4: Oh my god, have you guys ever been with the guy and they asked you to pack him?

00:51:07
Speaker 3: What basically means ain't no sex?

00:51:12
Speaker 2: Like putting a dildough in the man's but.

00:51:18
Speaker 1: Everything would have stopped.

00:51:18
Speaker 3: I would have run, Okay, I didn't. I didn't.

00:51:32
Speaker 6: I didn't listen.

00:51:33
Speaker 5: Listen, I've got literally you've given hand right and I've never seen a man do this. But he's on his back and pulls his legs. He's like spread eagles.

00:51:47
Speaker 7: He wanted his as.

00:51:51
Speaker 3: He wants you to eat.

00:51:55
Speaker 2: I don't know. Tell us about the best and most amazing see sexual encounter that you've had that if you could relive.

00:52:03
Speaker 1: It again, you would.

00:52:05
Speaker 2: Oh, it's something about that, and it might be toxic, let me preface that. But it's something about like as an argument that good like the best mind goodness the best. And it's like you got a point of frood and I got a point of frood. It's like you.

00:52:28
Speaker 3: When you talked to it.

00:52:31
Speaker 1: I told you, yeah, yeah, yes, I had to say some good Yeah.

00:52:41
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, yeah, okay, sorry.

00:52:45
Speaker 1: Risky sex. Where's the riskiest place you've done it?

00:52:49
Speaker 3: On the top of a mountain.

00:52:54
Speaker 2: That it hurt? That didn't hurt.

00:52:56
Speaker 3: We had one of them thick like quot blankets.

00:53:00
Speaker 1: Was I wasn't looking for that. It was the bush yeah, I was ready. Okay, I like that. I like that. That's risky.

00:53:15
Speaker 2: That was exciting.

00:53:16
Speaker 6: Yes, it was asked what mountain it was.

00:53:19
Speaker 1: It was in George, So Georgia mount. I need to give you something good.

00:53:34
Speaker 6: The best sex I've ever had.

00:53:38
Speaker 3: The guy, Well, that was really good, but I will say my ex.

00:53:42
Speaker 4: Was really really really really really really was.

00:53:51
Speaker 3: The foot in the mouth.

00:53:53
Speaker 4: And you know, I will say though it was really good and also very safe.

00:54:00
Speaker 3: It's also very safe sex.

00:54:02
Speaker 2: That'stant.

00:54:02
Speaker 1: What was like, you know what, I'm confused.

00:54:10
Speaker 6: You can you can be, you can be.

00:54:11
Speaker 3: I felt Yes, I felt like I could be at my friend.

00:54:14
Speaker 1: That's good.

00:54:15
Speaker 4: Yes, you know, some guys they judge you by like what you know how to do, how you know how to do it or whatever. And I feel like I was so free because I felt like with him, like I knew that he was just for me, so we like did.

00:54:31
Speaker 1: All that beautiful you know before him, I.

00:54:34
Speaker 4: Didn't really like to, you know, such for real, But then I was like, but it's.

00:54:39
Speaker 6: Just for him.

00:54:40
Speaker 5: Teacher, teach me, teachange me my man, and teach me somethings.

00:54:46
Speaker 1: You like it?

00:54:46
Speaker 2: Okay, Yeah, that's good. I love it. All right, so we are going to get into when I parts of the show.

00:55:00
Speaker 1: It is called positive outcomes. All right.

00:55:04
Speaker 2: This is from a young lady named Ebony, and it says, Hi, Crystal, my name is Ebany, and I love your new podcast.

00:55:13
Speaker 1: Thanks Ebany.

00:55:15
Speaker 2: I was afraid for a long time to have female friends because every friendship I had with women would end up hurting me in some kind of way. Honestly, I got tired of being the only one to reach out every time OOF.

00:55:27
Speaker 1: Been there.

00:55:28
Speaker 2: It says, if I didn't send a text or call, I wouldn't hear from them at all. But my heart wouldn't dare let me leave them hanging if they needed something or words of advice or encouragement. I love giving advice to people are making them feel better, but I wish I could have.

00:55:42
Speaker 1: Some people who would do the same for me.

00:55:44
Speaker 2: I always take it to heart because it feels like I'm the only one being a genuine friend to them. I don't tell certain things to any and everyone. I grew up with a narrative to keep certain things to myself, and now at the age of twenty two, it hasn't changed.

00:55:58
Speaker 1: I don't like to hurt people's feelings.

00:55:59
Speaker 2: So I would you usually let something slide, but when I let my guard down and actually let them in, it backfires. I'm a strong friend. I have no problem being a stronger friend, but this should.

00:56:09
Speaker 1: Be a two way street.

00:56:11
Speaker 2: Sis, do you have any advice on what I can do to stop this cycle?

00:56:16
Speaker 1: Ebony? Oh my goodness.

00:56:19
Speaker 2: So it sounds like this is something we touched on about being the one who pours into people, but not feeling poured into by the people that you're given too, so it's not reciprocated. What I've learned today, I was today years old when I found this perspective thanks to Donora. You have to understand your assignment on people's life and their assignment in yours. So everything that you give is always going to be reciprocated from that person that you give to, and that's okay, all right. Also, I would say express to your friends how you feel, you know, be honest. We talked about communication today, how important it is to talk to your sisters about how you feel and say hey, when you do this, I've noticed that I'm their only reaching out, like what's going on? Like, sometimes people have a lot going on.

00:57:07
Speaker 1: It may not even be personal.

00:57:08
Speaker 2: That's something I'll also learned that it's not always personal. It could be that they're dealing with a lot of things right now and they may not be open with you about it. So it could be an issue that could be easily solved if you just take the time to communicate with them about what's going on. Do you guys have any advice for Ebany?

00:57:26
Speaker 4: I would think also, like, you're twenty two. I know that doesn't sound young, but it's very young and your friends are still figuring their way out.

00:57:36
Speaker 3: That's a tough age. No're probably just graduating from school.

00:57:40
Speaker 4: So my encouragement would be one to surround yourself and maybe with older people, to get into some fellowships with people that you admire, so maybe you can cultivate different friendships. I would give the same grace to your friends that you would like to receive. That's really important. And also I would look at it in a different light because a lot of times we look at it like what is this person not doing?

00:58:04
Speaker 3: I can think of a million things that my friends have not done.

00:58:07
Speaker 4: But when I started looking at what they do, do you know I have a friend like Destiny who does our hair.

00:58:13
Speaker 3: She's not gonna tell you.

00:58:15
Speaker 4: What's going on, how it's going on, what's going on in her life.

00:58:20
Speaker 3: But if you talk to her, then she will open up to you and whatever. So sometimes it's about humbling yourself to get to know your friends and.

00:58:28
Speaker 4: Seeing how I'm showing up instead of expecting it to be all about me. Perhaps in this moment, you're supposed to be sewing to this person because you're gonna get it back. If it's not from them in this moment, then it'll be for somebody else.

00:58:42
Speaker 6: I would say, continue to focus on yourself.

00:58:44
Speaker 2: Two.

00:58:45
Speaker 6: You're still developing what you want. You're so figuring out life.

00:58:49
Speaker 5: Continue focusing on you ebany, what everny wants, what any means, and God will position everything to flow into your life as it's supposed to. So look at this as a season. Figure what you're supposed to learn from this season, and just keep on going.

00:59:03
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's real. I like that.

00:59:06
Speaker 7: I feel like you're still evolving into the woman. Figure out who you are as a woman.

00:59:12
Speaker 1: What are your.

00:59:13
Speaker 2: Next steps you go through life?

00:59:17
Speaker 7: Singleness is okay, Like you can ex all your friends out for a minute and just figure yourself out and journey in journal while you're on your journey to help you get to where you want in life and be the woman you want to be. And then once you show up as the woman you want to be, not saying that you're not, but you're still twenty two in evolving into the woman that you'll be in life as you get older, and then you'll see people that are supposed to be around you will gravitate to the woman that you are supposed to be in life.

00:59:51
Speaker 2: I'm so good, yeah, Ebony, I hope you hear us.

00:59:55
Speaker 1: I hope that you know that we feel you.

00:59:57
Speaker 2: We've all been there, we've all been there before. And I hope you take these words of advice and I hope that it helps you. And thank you so much for tuning in. All right, ladies. So I do a thing called what I'm going through and what I'm growing through. So this could be anything that you're going through in life and how you're growing through it. So I'll start and I'll say that right now, I am going through a purging season where I feel like God is removing people from my life. He's showing me who's here for the right reasons. He's even not even with people, just people He's also doing an emotional purge in my life where I'm learning more about Crystal and understanding things that I need to let go of because a lot of times we look around.

01:00:42
Speaker 1: And be like, okay, I need you with this person, this.

01:00:44
Speaker 2: Is this, but a lot there's some things within self that we need to get rid of. So I'm going through a purging season in those different areas, and what I'm growing through, I'm growing through learning that there is a season for everything you know and you have to go through it. You know, it doesn't matter, nobody's exempt from it. So I am learning to sit in this moment. It's lonely. Sometimes sometimes I don't like what I see in the mirror. So just having these moments to really reflect is what I'm going through and what I'm growing through, that's good.

01:01:21
Speaker 7: I want to go next, I would say right now, what I'm going through is setting boundaries for certain people in my family, you know, just expectations of me and who I am and what I contribute, not even just from a financial just even emotionally, what I can contribute, mentally, what I can contribute. So just at a space in life where I'm going through setting the boundaries for certain people in my family, and you know, this is where it stops. And what I'm growing through is that when you do that, there's another level of respect that you command from your you know, the people in your life or your family, because sometimes I feel like me as an adult, they still see me as the young way and not as the adult yonda And so that's the season that I'm in right now.

01:02:26
Speaker 2: That's good. That's really good. That's good.

01:02:30
Speaker 4: I feel like what I'm going through is a season where God is like, either you're gonna trust me or you're not.

01:02:37
Speaker 3: Either you're gonna believe what I said or you're not.

01:02:40
Speaker 4: And with the or you're not, I'm gonna make a believer out of you. There's no you're not really And so that is like of figuring out a pivot of you know, God doesn't always give you the next step, but he says, just trust.

01:02:56
Speaker 2: Me on that.

01:02:59
Speaker 3: What I'm growing through is recognizing that I have.

01:03:20
Speaker 4: Done what He has asked me to do up until this season, and that He has been with me every step of the way because I haven't made a mistake in letting people go that I haven't made a mistake in moving across the country, that there were no mistakes that were made, but in real plain view that everything that I speak that God has done, even if it doesn't.

01:03:43
Speaker 3: Look like what I thought it was going.

01:03:44
Speaker 2: Wow, that's okay.

01:03:49
Speaker 5: I'm going through a fight in the justice system in hopes that I can save another woman's life and they don't have to experience what I've experienced as it relates to domestic violence. I'm growing through receiving all of my prayers and my personal life from God. So though it's like it seems, oh, you got it, it's easy. No, it takes work, and it takes you still praying and thanking God for what you have and figuring out a way to keep it, but also not losing myself and not losing my other relationships because I pray long and hard. I've been through enough, and I'm just like, oh, the light of the end of the tunnel is here. My God, it's here. But now it's okay, it's here, So don't forget where it came from, and continue to be obedient and continue to be disciplined, and everything will be okay.

01:04:41
Speaker 2: You will, Yeah, it will.

01:04:43
Speaker 4: I love that.

01:04:44
Speaker 2: I love that. So one of my favorite parts of the show is where we use the phrase keep it blank, sweetie, and we fill it in with whatever we want to pertaining to what we talked about today. So I'll start it off by saying.

01:05:02
Speaker 1: Keep it hm hmmm, keep it a safe space, sweetie.

01:05:10
Speaker 2: When it comes to my girls. Do I think that's so important, making sure that your friends feel safe when they come around you, that you don't have to second guess anything that you know.

01:05:19
Speaker 1: When I'm with.

01:05:20
Speaker 2: These people were good. Yeah, you know, so I would say, keep it safe, keep it a safe space, sweetie, keep it real.

01:05:28
Speaker 4: Love real, Yes, keep it.

01:05:39
Speaker 3: Authentic, sweetie.

01:05:40
Speaker 1: That's good.

01:05:41
Speaker 3: You keep it authentic, honey. For yourself, that's right, yourself.

01:05:48
Speaker 5: But keep it kind, sweet keep it at all times killing what kindness.

01:05:53
Speaker 6: I don't care what they need. Be kind?

01:05:54
Speaker 3: I got to always be kind.

01:05:56
Speaker 1: Yeah, always mean it.

01:05:59
Speaker 3: Kind what I said.

01:06:06
Speaker 6: But you'll never regret it.

01:06:07
Speaker 5: Yeah, I have never regretted being kind, even in the worst of situation.

01:06:11
Speaker 2: Yeah, so I.

01:06:12
Speaker 6: Gotta live with that. Somebody else has to live with that, but me, I agree.

01:06:17
Speaker 2: Oh lady, Thank you guys so much for coming to sit on.

01:06:24
Speaker 1: The couch with me.

01:06:24
Speaker 3: Thank you for having us, for creating this space.

01:06:28
Speaker 1: Yeah, thank I had so much fun.

01:06:30
Speaker 2: I love you guys too. Yes, I had so much fun with you guys. I hope you guys enjoyed this episode just as much as I did, just as much as we did. Yes, you know, I probably should put it this lame and go ahead and pour you someone.

01:06:44
Speaker 1: Before you watch it so you can really be in the spirit with us. But no, we had a really good time.

01:06:50
Speaker 2: I hope that you guys leave this podcast with just a better understanding of who you are, a better understanding of sisterhood, friendships and bonds that can last reason the season or a lifetime.

01:07:02
Speaker 1: Okay, if you guys want to write.

01:07:04
Speaker 2: Into our Keep It Positive Sweety listener letter, make sure you write into keep a Positive Sweetie at gmail dot com.

01:07:10
Speaker 1: I would love to hear from you guys.

01:07:12
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, the stories that you are sharing with me, they're coming in. I just appreciate you guys for tapping in with us. You can also follow me on all platforms at Love Crystal Renee that's l u V c R Y S T A l R E n e E and on all platforms for Keep It Positive Sweetie. And that is with an I E. All right, as I said before, our hair wisdom, but our dear friend Destiny. You can find her on Instagram it studs by Destiny and tap in with her because clearly she knows that you and ladies, I'm gonna tell them where you guys can be found on Instagram.

01:07:49
Speaker 4: I can be found on all platforms at Nina Simon right, I can be found only one.

01:08:00
Speaker 1: Yes and spell it for him because everybody.

01:08:02
Speaker 3: Yeah, y R A I y O n.

01:08:06
Speaker 2: D A Y.

01:08:07
Speaker 5: I can be found on Instagram at at love r E l O v E A r I, Underscore two one one two and Sweet mon Rose Bakery if you need some cakes, cake pops and cupcakes.

01:08:19
Speaker 2: That's right, Okay, thank you guys so much, tap in with all of us.

01:08:23
Speaker 1: We would love to.

01:08:23
Speaker 2: Hear from you and show you guys love back. Listen, you guys know what to do in the meantime, Can y'all say it with me? Yes, keep your pop, Love you guys so much.

01:08:36
Speaker 1: Have a good way