Your Will w/ Lee Vasi

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Speaker 1: Calling all my sweeties to the forefronts. I'm your host, Christophinee and Hazel and this is the Keep It Positive Sweetie Show. Welcome to another episode of The Keep It Positive Sweeties Show, a safe space where we heal, love and grow together. I'm your host Christophinee Hazel, and I'm super excited about this episode because I get to talk to one of my new favorite people, Lee Vassie. Lee is a triple threat singer, songwriter, and actress who is shattering genre barriers with her unique blend of Christian and R and B music. The incredibly talented singer songwriter actress Lee Vassi hails from Faetteville, North Carolina, beginning her career in entertainment at the age of nine years old on Broadway as Young Nalla and the Lion King. Lee has since released multiple singles, making her one of Christian music's most exciting new stars, and Amazon Music naming her as the twenty twenty five Artists to Watch Guys. I am so excited she's here. Welcome Lee, Thank you so much for coming.

00:01:01
Speaker 2: Thank you for having you.

00:01:02
Speaker 1: Look beautiful.

00:01:05
Speaker 2: I feel great. How you feeling, I'm good?

00:01:07
Speaker 1: I'm good. Yeah. It has been a long week. We just finished your fashion week? Yes, that was my first one. Was that your first one?

00:01:13
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was my first one.

00:01:14
Speaker 1: Girl. When I say exhausting, girl's not built that.

00:01:19
Speaker 2: I got to get back at there. You know what I'm saying.

00:01:21
Speaker 1: We really had to, like, like the same way you get ready for tour. I feel like you had to be prepared for fashion because it is a marathon.

00:01:26
Speaker 3: Yeah.

00:01:26
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, it's a whole production. Rachel. I loved it.

00:01:29
Speaker 1: How was your first experience?

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Speaker 4: You know it was it was full of surprises. I had no expectations, but it was great. I got to meet people like you and it was awesome. I'll definitely do it again, is yours?

00:01:42
Speaker 1: It was amazing. But the first day we got there, Delta lost my luggage. So yes, all my day one looks were left in Atlanta. No, yes, you should have seen this girl. We were literally a shan and I we landed and the guy came out and he's like, yeah, I'm only seeing six bags and we were like, well there was definitely seven. And so as we're we like, we we're running close on time cause I had press here in Atlanta for BT, so I hot on a plane on had like maybe three hours before Sergio Hudson's show. Got in the car. I was like, we s we have to head towards the hotel. So I I'm literally in the back of on top of suitcases, unzipping to see what made it cause I didn't know what my silence or my assistant Herman had put into each suitcase, and I was like, it's not in here. We opened it, I was like, it's not in here. I was like, we got one more and then if not, we gotta figure this out. So the pivot is it's powerful and we Shan ended up calling a girl at burgdor from Sergio hudsd and we went. She literally threw it in the car as we were driving past Burgdorf held it to the hotel to get ready. Ah.

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Speaker 4: I love the d honestly, I love the drama of It's like, you know, you can't beat a good memory.

00:02:46
Speaker 1: So yeah, yeah, thank you. So yeah, it was fun. It was a lot of fun. I've met a lot of amazing people like you, Like this is my first time meeting you. I was first introduced to your music on Instagram. Okay, we had a bar moment with GPS, which I absolutely love that song. I feel like everybody was posting and I was like, Oh my gosh, I love this girl. And then when someone was like, oh, she's one of my clients, I was like, oh my gosh. I was super excited to meet and happy that you are on the show.

00:03:16
Speaker 2: Yeah, man, thank you for having me.

00:03:19
Speaker 1: I want to know more about you because it's our first real chit chat, because everything in New York was like so like hey girl, hey girl, but I won't really learn more about you and your journey. So you're from Faybville, North Carolina, I am Yeah. How was that growing up? Isn't that where Jake Color is from?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, I'm a huge like j cole fan, definitely was hometown here growing up. But yeah, originally from North Carolina, but also kind of spent a lot of time in New York as a kid, chasing my dreams and you know, doing things.

00:03:46
Speaker 2: So but yeah, I'm from Faybville.

00:03:48
Speaker 1: And then you did Broadway. I did in New York.

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Speaker 2: I was nine.

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Speaker 4: I was nine when I booked it, and I did it until I was eleven.

00:03:56
Speaker 1: And was Nala your first was that your first role?

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Speaker 4: It was my first professional role, but I was definitely theater kid growing up. I started performing with my siblings actually at the local theater when I was seven, and my brother actually used to get me ready for auditions.

00:04:11
Speaker 2: Oh and he actually found.

00:04:12
Speaker 4: The Lion King audition and I ended up booking it off an open call. I didn't have an agent or anything at that time, and so yeah, pretty quickly it turned into you know, my career and when I.

00:04:24
Speaker 1: Was pursuing so and I'm always interested like what is it as a child, because I know Broadway can be a very rigorous schedule, demanding, and it's not as glamorous as people think it. Right, you get the TV and film, you have hair styles and makeup artists and you're just kind of sitting there learning your lines. And it's still a lot of hard work. But with Broadway you have to do everything. It's not like you don't have like the team of people. How was that at a very young age?

00:04:47
Speaker 4: Well, so I actually did have hair and makeup. Yeah, there's your way, because it's also very intricate makeup and hair, like they attach a thing to your hair, like it's this whole thing for young nallas. So I did have a great makeup and hair team and dressers and everything.

00:05:03
Speaker 2: So you know, I love the production of theater.

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Speaker 4: I love you know, the pace of it, and you have to be on it's live, it's you know, eight shows a week.

00:05:10
Speaker 1: So so Tyler, he comes from the theater world, so I understand, like we have one shot to get the take. What is that pressure like day in and day out, known that you're performing from the live audience and you gotta get it right in that one shot.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

00:05:23
Speaker 4: Well, so I think something that I really love about theater is the preparation that's required because you're doing the same show every night, right, and so you get to a point where it's kind of in your muscle memory. Obviously you have to improv, and you know there's different things that come up every night, you know, maybe.

00:05:38
Speaker 2: A technical difficulty or what have you.

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Speaker 4: But it really just kind of lives in your in your body at a certain point. And so for me, especially as a kid, it really wasn't pressure because I just felt so prepared and I loved it, you know, I was really just having so much fun.

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Speaker 1: What was like, can you remember what was a moment where it was like whoa, Like you had your first technical difficulty or you had to improv where you were you kind of like what's happening? Did you kind of have to learn like how to pivot or was that something that just came naturally.

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Speaker 4: So, actually, the first technical difficulty I had was not in The Lion King.

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Speaker 2: It was when it was in my first show.

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Speaker 4: I did The Wizard of Oz Wow and one yeah, yeah, well in my local theater. So that was my first show and I was a munchkin, and you know, we were wearing these huge uh you know, munchkin land shoes and myne one of mine came off in the middle of us, like ring around the rosy situation, and my sister was also in the show with me, and my sister kind of just kicked the shoe off off stage and so uh and I was just so happy to have my sister there for me in that moment because that was my first time.

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Speaker 2: I was seven.

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Speaker 4: I didn't know what to do, but you know, you keep going, you keep rolling with it. So yeah, so that that definitely was like a core memory for me to just keep swimming, you know, see him going going.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I had a moment like that my first pageant. I wasn't as young as you. I was probably like thirteen and I did my first pageant and I was such a time boy growing up. Okay, but you know how like they do like the parade where all the girls walk out, all the contestants, and I literally lost my shoe and I had to like stand on the hip like on my TV toes on one foot and had to keep going and make it work. My friend she was behind me, and she kicked the shoe out of the way, like similar to yours. So that is funny. But that's good that you had the wherewithal I just keep going.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, And that's life, man.

00:07:26
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, that is something you can literally take with you for the rest of your life. Just keep going.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

00:07:31
Speaker 1: I love that you ended up. How long did you continue this pursuing this career as you got older?

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Speaker 2: I kind of like never stopped. I just shifted my focus.

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Speaker 4: So when I was in the Lion King, I became interested in songwriting, okay, and I was like a huge like music nerd since before I can remember.

00:07:53
Speaker 2: And so I used to watch all the MTV.

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Speaker 4: VH one like behind the you know music, like those kind of episodes, and I'm a huge Maria carry fan. I was really big on Neo growing up too, and I was like, okay, they're songwriters, so I need to learn how to write songs. And so I asked for a guitar for my tenth birthday and I got one and I started writing songs on my guitar when I was ten, and so that kind of opened the door for me really just thinking about music is what I wanted to pursue, because before, you know, I was really young, so you know, the world was kind of my oyster and I was like, I could do theater, I can do movies, and you know, music.

00:08:30
Speaker 2: I wanted to do all of it and still do you know. Yeah, but I really started.

00:08:34
Speaker 4: Focusing on music when I was sixteen, and I was like, Okay, this is this is the one thing I'm going to focus on for now before I branch out, you know.

00:08:43
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's dope. You talked about how once you got a little older you took a hiatus from everything. What prompted that ship to be like I need to take a beat.

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Speaker 4: Life just started life in and I didn't know how to manage it right. And I think that because I was so young in this constant pursuit right of my goals and of these visions that God had really shown me about what my life would look like. You know, I got kind of lost in that at a point, and you know, God didn't show me all the mess No, I haven't, right, And so you know, I was at a really tough place with my mental health.

00:09:28
Speaker 2: I kind of was ending up.

00:09:29
Speaker 4: In toxic relationship after toxic relationship. You know, things got tough in my career and I just didn't really know what was next.

00:09:37
Speaker 2: I just felt like I was kind of on this.

00:09:39
Speaker 4: Downward spiral that I couldn't see the end of how to stop it, you know, And so I had to like make a decision to take a beat. And it was tough to kind of come to that place of like, you know what, this isn't working out.

00:09:54
Speaker 2: But but God used it. And so yeah, there was a just kind of like a whirlwind just.

00:10:00
Speaker 1: Mess demon sharing because I liked for our audience to see that, like, we are just like them. A lot of times they see us in the spotlight and things, Oh, they don't go through anything. Are you comfortable to sharing anything that you were going through that moment that may help someone else?

00:10:14
Speaker 2: Sure?

00:10:15
Speaker 4: Yeah, So it was really just a combination of honestly like being naive I was young really like when I was when I went to college, is when everything kind of just fell apart, you know. And and I think that I also in the midst of all of these things, you know, happening in my family life, like things you know that were really traumatic happening in my family, and then me you know, falling in love for the first time in my life and maybe falling in love with the really wrong people to fall in love with.

00:10:49
Speaker 2: You know. I was just I didn't.

00:10:51
Speaker 4: Have the tools spiritually to like understand that what I was going through with spiritual warfare and and and I needed help with it. And I was at an age where I thought I knew everything and nobody can tell me nothing.

00:11:04
Speaker 2: You know, girl.

00:11:08
Speaker 1: I was like, girl, I got it, like don't huh.

00:11:10
Speaker 2: And so yeah, so there were.

00:11:13
Speaker 4: There was there were some tragedies that happened in my family that I kind of leaned into partying to try to figure out how to cope with. And then that, uh, you know, the world that I was in led to some really toxic and abusive relationships and it just became a cycle and it started to kind of normalize in my life, and I was like, okay, like this is just being grown, you know, right, And you know I kind of accepted that as truth until I just couldn't accept it anymore.

00:11:44
Speaker 2: You know.

00:11:44
Speaker 1: So my question, did you have like an upbringing where you're you're raising a church where you because a lot of times, like for me, I was raising a church. My mother was a pastor. We were there every time the doors of the church opened. Got to college and I was buck wild, like rebelled, you know, I was the prodigal daughter, okay, you know, and I literally like same thing, partying, drinking. When I got to college with the wrong guys. You know, it was just like down this path of destruction. Was there a moment in your childhood where you had something to reach back to, knowing like I got to get back to the foundation.

00:12:17
Speaker 2: Yeah.

00:12:18
Speaker 4: Yeah, so my parents definitely gave me that foundation. We weren't. I wasn't a church girl, you know, like we would kind of be in and out of church at different times growing up. But when I was fourteen, I did do the alter call at a Bible study and I gave my life to Christ. But I did it kind of out of fear because I didn't want to go to Hell.

00:12:39
Speaker 1: Let's talk about it. You know.

00:12:41
Speaker 4: I didn't do it because I really like understood who Jesus is, or like even maybe at that point even really cared to know who Jesus is. But I just didn't want to go to Hell. And so I was like, Okay, I'm gonna do this alter call. I'm gonna be saved, and that's cool. But I, you know, then went into high school and went into college and wavered.

00:13:00
Speaker 2: And as a kid, I.

00:13:02
Speaker 4: Wouldn't say I wouldn't say that anything kept me restricted.

00:13:05
Speaker 2: But me, I was so focused as a kid.

00:13:08
Speaker 3: And so rigid towards myself, had a lot of.

00:13:13
Speaker 4: Negative self talk because I was so just goal oriented and I didn't I didn't party in high school. I didn't have a huge social circle, like I was just at the house.

00:13:23
Speaker 3: I would go to school and go home and songwrite and that was it, you know.

00:13:27
Speaker 4: And so I think for me, then when I got to college, I was like, okay, well I did the thing like I'm you know, I'm back in New York, and I'm you know, pursuing what I want to be pursuing, you know, And and and I went a little I went wild, you know. And it wasn't because of necessarily a rebellion from the church, but I think I was rebelling against like myself. Yeah, Like I was tired of being so structured and I wanted to know what it felt like to just kind of like be free, I feel, you know, and ended up thinking that all of these things that were keeping me free or making me free, I came to realize these are actually.

00:14:01
Speaker 3: Bondage, you know.

00:14:06
Speaker 4: And so I do thank my parents that they gave me the foundation of Jesus, you know, because then a couple of years later, when I was like I need to just completely.

00:14:15
Speaker 2: Reset and deconstruct or reconstruct, who I ran to was Jesus.

00:14:20
Speaker 4: And at that point that's when I figured out what a relationship with the Lord is and who the Lord is.

00:14:25
Speaker 1: So yeah, people often think that a relationship with Jesus is just so cookie cutter, and it is far from that. It is ever evolving. Is that like when they say the daily bread, it is literally like you die daily and wake up for it. It's literally like every day every day. And there's seasons where you go through spiritual warfare. There are seasons where you're really locked in there are seasons where you're knocked off your rocker. And for me, I know I can. I've been very vocal about my walk and sometimes Christians aren't the easiest to be open with. In my mind, I'm like, God knows the truth, So why am I gonna fake it for y'all? No, And I was very honest about moments where I backslid, you know, And now I'm on the path where I'm really, really in tune and intimate and really pursuing that int relationship with God. And some people just don't get it. They're just like, you know, I had somebody ask me, like, I mean, if you've been doing it, like like why now? Like why would you just stop doing I'm like, because the Bible says like once you realize you're going, don't you turn away from that? You don't keep going down the path of destruction? Like what sense does that make? And I feel like where we are now just the state of the world. I feel like God is pulling his children near and pulling his clothes. Have you noticed that? Like every conversation you have for me, every conversation I've had since the beginning of twenty twenty five, Jesus has come up at some point, like it just ran like a lot of people don't really kind of stay away from the topic of God and don't really want to like step on any feet or like rough any feathers. But I feel like everyone he's like tugging on everyone. And the other night we had like this really bad storm and I literally thought God was back. I was like, I was like, Lord is right. I was like yes, like and I was like, why am I scared? You know what I'm saying. And it was such an high moment. I was like, ooh, girl, Like I don't want to be scared. I want to be like, thank you, come on, wrap me up, let's go. Like I didn't want to. I don't want to be like, oh my God. And I recently just like God had been convinced me on sex. And as I was reading, I just talked. I posted something the other day about every time I read the Bible sexual immorality was just like literally jump off page. I'm like, okay, Lord, I get it. Yeah yeah. And when that happened, and I was thinking about the next day after the storm, and I was like, I don't want to be somewhere where my legs caught back and God come down? Can you imagine? And then be like hold on Lord? Right, No, you keep that same energy over here.

00:17:02
Speaker 5: You know.

00:17:03
Speaker 1: I don't want like it was real. It's like when you put into that perspective because like my parents were like, think about it, like when God comes back, what do you want to be doing? And it's not until this big age where I was like taking it. What do I want to be caught doing? Like people don't think about it, like I feel you. When that thunder roar the other night, I said, oh no, he is he here? I was like, legit scared and I don't want to be scared. I don't want to be like let's go. Yeah, I don't need no bags. I'm ready, you know, like I want to be ready. So yeah, I feel you. I've definitely had those moments where I like wavered and just it's it's ever evolving. Yeah, And I wish people understood that, you know, because it's not perfect, and he doesn't expect us to be perfect exactly.

00:17:50
Speaker 4: Yeah, he has grace for it. Yeah, right, he has expectations of us. He has his children, like he doesn't want us to live righteously, but I think that as I've come to know the Lord for myself more, it's like he wants us to live righteously because he loves us so much and is trying to protect us from all of these things, you.

00:18:06
Speaker 5: Know, like that we think.

00:18:10
Speaker 2: Like how I used to like this is where my liberation is.

00:18:12
Speaker 1: No, that's your bondage, baby girl, that's the bondage.

00:18:15
Speaker 2: And he gives us.

00:18:16
Speaker 4: These you know, uh, these these commandments right not to restrict us, but to protect us and to prepare us for when he comes back, and also to like live well while we're here.

00:18:27
Speaker 2: You know, he doesn't.

00:18:30
Speaker 1: We're talking, but.

00:18:32
Speaker 2: I feel you.

00:18:33
Speaker 4: I've been there, like literally with sex, also with alcohol.

00:18:37
Speaker 1: Okay, right, so that's the next thing he working on me, you girl, girl. I took a sip of some wine the other day, and when I tell you that sharp pain went up to my head. I said, what was that? Yeah, I like my little wine. Now you can't take everything away.

00:18:53
Speaker 4: From me, right, Well, so for me, like I was, I was using alcohol as a cry, yeah, and I was using it as a number, you know. And I think also just kind of you know, I was introduced to alcohol like when I went to college was it was it was binge drinking, like it wasn't just like a cute little glass of wine in there, right, And the Bible is really specific about.

00:19:15
Speaker 1: Like drunkenness, and you have to find that balance, right, yeah, because I really don't think there's anything wrong with drinking. It's just the consumption and being responsible. Because there again, that's a boundary that he put in place to what protect us. You know, if people follow that, we wouldn't have the car wrecks and that people getting killed from junk driving or even the diseases that come from.

00:19:38
Speaker 4: That, and just like being unfocused and the choices you made right.

00:19:43
Speaker 3: And the regret and the shame, Like ID don't want us to live like that.

00:19:46
Speaker 4: He does us to be like comfy and have a good day and not think about what we did last night.

00:19:50
Speaker 2: And you know, and so I experienced connection with that.

00:19:54
Speaker 1: How are you on with that now? Because we just think about like we we teetered the line of like cold and Christianity. We're around it, but we're not consuming it, you know what I'm saying. And I feel like my church we call like what is your street that God has pitching on? Like our street is the street of arts and entertainment, where we take God's life into those spaces where he's normally not talked about. But like, do you ever feel like when we're like out in the clubs and so, like you got to go to these places and meet these people to build these relationships, does your spirit ever feel convicted?

00:20:24
Speaker 2: So I don't drink anymore.

00:20:25
Speaker 1: You cut it out.

00:20:26
Speaker 2: I stopped.

00:20:26
Speaker 1: That's good.

00:20:27
Speaker 2: I stopped.

00:20:28
Speaker 4: And it's God's grace because so what what God actually did? Because he knows me and I'm still I still gotta work on being a little stubborn. But so God put me on a TV fast in three he was like, and we had gone to church and the pastor was like, asked the Lord to reveal to you, like things that are that are that you're keeping in your life, that are keeping you from what.

00:20:52
Speaker 2: He has for you. And this was right before I started.

00:20:57
Speaker 4: To release my Christian r and b wow, And I asked the Lord, you know what that thing was for me? And he told me TV, like you watching too much TV. Stop watching TV for twenty one days, right, only consume like Christian podcasts or Christian content. Yeah, And so so I stopped. I stopped watching the TV and started watching Christian podcasts. And I'm watching Christian podcasts and I would get my you know, drink watch these Christian podcasts and.

00:21:22
Speaker 1: You know, like, that's not what I told you to do, right.

00:21:25
Speaker 4: But because God knows how to talk to me, right, It's like, because He I had taken all the distraction out from all these other sources and I was only taking in content that was reminding me of Him. Naturally, my spirit started to be convicted right and naturally, oh, after twenty one days like that habit started to become a thing that I recognized was keeping me from Him, right, And it's a personal conviction thing, right for everybody has to go on their journey with it.

00:21:52
Speaker 2: But so I stopped drinking alcohol in.

00:21:55
Speaker 4: September of twenty twenty three, and I watched my life change.

00:22:00
Speaker 1: That is beautiful and.

00:22:02
Speaker 4: The biggest, the biggest thing of it for me has been just focused right, like God knew. And it's so funny because the pastor's question was about, like, what is there that's keeping you from what.

00:22:12
Speaker 2: God has for you?

00:22:13
Speaker 4: Yes, I didn't know what God had for me on the other side of that obedience, but I just did it and I watched, I was like.

00:22:19
Speaker 1: Oh, crazy, you know how like when you literally surrendered. Yeah, and like before your eyes you're like, oh, I was just telling what was the other day? I was like, man, I said, ever since I like surrendered sex to God, Like literally I see doors, doors that were shut. It's just like now it's multiple options. Like I'm like, God, that's how that's how he works. Yeah, it's crazy. And wait until you experienced it, you don't really understand it. But you're right, you don't know what's on the other side of that, of the obedience.

00:22:49
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and so now you know.

00:22:52
Speaker 4: And I did wonder like I was like, Okay, how am I gonna you know, how like who am I out without drinking?

00:22:59
Speaker 1: Right?

00:23:01
Speaker 4: Because I started to become a young adult and be the version of myself that I knew like drinking, right, I was like, so, who am if I don't drink? Do I can I still go out? Can I you know, go to events or you know? And I really did have a season where it was just really quiet in my life and it was really just like going home, doing by work and talking to God, you know, and didn't feel like I could I could have the self control or the discernment, you know, to to keep up what God had called me to and so but now I can right like now, it's not a temptation for me, you know, and it is something that I'm seeing, like what it means to.

00:23:38
Speaker 2: Grow in the fruits of the spirit.

00:23:39
Speaker 4: Yes, because I'm like, oh wow, like I don't I'm actually not tempted in this space in a place where I thought I had to become a shell of myself or a hermit.

00:23:46
Speaker 1: You know. Yeah, because he wants he doesn't.

00:23:48
Speaker 2: Want exactly exactly. And I love like, girl, I'll go get a good macktail. I love me a good macktail. I love a little vesty macktail, you know.

00:23:55
Speaker 4: You know, like you can't still go live your life and you know, and have fun and just represent him wherever you go.

00:24:02
Speaker 1: Yes, it's yes, that's it. I think that's the part that we miss. I used to always say. People think being a Christian is born. It's not, you know. And when you really follow him, you can still have a sense of humor, a clean sense of humor, you know, And there's ways to do it where He's still like that is honible my side, you good, you know, and the ways for us to spread his word and his life, you know. And I remember like last year I was going through like a really big season of spiritual warfare where people close to me who had like this really good relationship with God it literally would irk me because like I'm like, yes, I believe in Him, Yes, but you're doing too much, you know, like calm down, like everything got to be Jesus, Jesus, jes Jesus, Jesus. And in this season on life, I'm realizing that was the devil. He was literally like he knew what God was trying to work in me. And I was like, no, like you know what I'm saying, tetering that line and entertainment, like trying to figure out where I fit in and how does this work and how do I keep everything going but not lose myself? And guys like, you're not going to lose yourself if you would me, you know, because that's where the authentic true you comes out. Come on ding ding ding Ding.

00:25:10
Speaker 2: I was really going to say that.

00:25:11
Speaker 4: I was like, because you who you are and him is the real youth, yes, right, and we think that when we go to him that we're gonna well, okay, yeah, we do lose ourselves, but we're supposed.

00:25:21
Speaker 3: To because of like the self that you're losing. It's not you, it's not you.

00:25:26
Speaker 2: And he wants so much more for you.

00:25:28
Speaker 3: On the other side walking with him, you know, I love that for you.

00:25:32
Speaker 1: Yeah, like it's it's so much more peaceful, even with music, Like I did want to evolve this past summer, and even in that moment, I was still like struggling because that's I had just done the crazy episode and I talked about He's like I saw where you weren't having safety for a marriage and I was like, yeah, that was a season of my life. But not being mature, I was still on some milk at that time. To the Philip mcna, I was like, I said, that was a season. And when that this, i'mna be honest with you, I thought that, like, okay, God, I'm gonna do it your way. I've been doing it my way all my life. I'm gonna do it your way. And I just knew my testimony was gonna be y'all. I did it guys like I gotta ring, okay, and that did not happen. I was like, okay, so I'm sacrificing my flesh and what I really want, and I didn't get what I wanted, so I went back dumb. I went back to my old ways, and it was a cycle of still heartbreak and everything. And I realized, like when I was open about that, the Christian fans of his podcast literally like crucified me for being honest about my transgressions and like you know what I'm saying where I was, and it was like an attack, and I'm like, so y'all been perfect your whole life, Like y'all see, I'm trying, you know, and I'm just being honest about my shortcomings. And at that moment, I was like, I'm not doing any other podcast, and I actually cried on stage. A woman evolved telling it. I was like, I just didn't want to talk about God anymore because and then because I knew I was still doing things that weren't pleasing in his sight, I didn't want to feel like a hypocrite, you know. So I was like, I just let's not talk about I want to have fun. Like you look at the podcast that have millions of views. They got the alcohol on the set, they're cussing and they having fun, and it's like you get kind of blindsided, like what's working? You know what I'm saying, The numbers ain't numbering, Like okay, so I need to go do this, and like God had to work. I mean, like, Noah, baby girl, that ain't that? Ain't he trying to run for me? And I noticed like in the season as we started filming and I was like, guys, we want to switch I want to switch it up on any more fun. You say that a little risk cake, And every episode here come Jesus working his way in.

00:27:42
Speaker 2: I said, you do it.

00:27:44
Speaker 1: I see what you're doing. Yeah, you are not letting me run from you. Okay, let me stop, you know, not a runner like that anyway, let me sit down. But it was in those moments where I was like, God showed me what you want me to do with this platform because I'm trying it. I'm trying to do what I see his working and not reinvent the wheel, but give me the will that you want me to run, you know. And I think now I'm finding that. And even with my music. I was telling Wes, I was like, you know, after that, I was so convicted. I was like, Okay, I can't curse in my music, like and I was talking to my friend Pastor Brenda we call it BP. We call her past peep uh be p because I has been in power, but I call her pastor Brenda Treet hate it. And I was like, you know, I was like just trying to figure out what to do my music. And she's like Crystal, she goes she's major and STEVIEE. Wonder as example. She was like, they don't curse their music. They make great secular music, but it's nothing derogatory. And she was like, you can still find your lane and it doesn't have to be Christian. But in my mind, I was like, you seeking Christian music like I was. I just was still trying to figure out how to navigate that. So I love how you found like a way because I listened to Karen Hawthorne's album and that was a great album and you couldn't really tell if it was Christian or R and B. But then when you listen, like, oh, she's talking about God. And I just love how she like found her lane to within her journey to still talk about God but make it unique to her walk right right, So when you got to this, like when you got to that point and you were like all right, God, I'm gonna do it your way. And you decide to do Christian R and B. What was that like aha moment? Like were you just in your room like writing and God was like write about me? Or were you just in that space where you're like I want to write a love letter to God.

00:29:25
Speaker 3: Yeah.

00:29:27
Speaker 2: So it was a process. So I had quit music.

00:29:31
Speaker 3: I moved back to North Carolina.

00:29:34
Speaker 2: I like waved the white flag.

00:29:35
Speaker 3: I was like, okay, well I was wrong because I can't.

00:29:38
Speaker 2: I had no peace.

00:29:38
Speaker 4: And I was like, I guess all the visions that I saw that God showed me from my life, me on stage and you know, different things that.

00:29:45
Speaker 2: I would see come to pass.

00:29:48
Speaker 4: I was like, okay, I guess I read all of it wrong. And so I went back to North Carolina. I got my real estate license, like.

00:29:53
Speaker 2: I like gave up.

00:29:54
Speaker 4: Yeah, And I was like okay, God, like I would pray to him, like I want to know you, like reveal yourself to me because something's not clicking.

00:30:06
Speaker 2: I didn't. I still didn't know like who God was for myself.

00:30:12
Speaker 4: I had only heard what people had told me about him. You know, I had the Bible, so I would like go back and read the Bible sometimes when I was like, you know, the in.

00:30:20
Speaker 2: The lowest places.

00:30:22
Speaker 4: But I was like, I still don't feel like I've ever seen your face.

00:30:25
Speaker 2: I've never I don't know who you are.

00:30:27
Speaker 4: And so that was my prayer for about like an eight month period, and I was just you know, I would go and I would watch sermons, and you know, music was nowhere in my mind.

00:30:39
Speaker 2: I was like, Okay, that's a thing of my past.

00:30:43
Speaker 4: And so I ended up getting an opportunity to move back to Atlanta about a year later, and I was weeping, just tears of joy the night before I was moving back, because I love Atlanta and I always wanted to get here and it really does feel like home for me. But I didn't know how it was going to work and how I was going to get back here. And so the night before I moved back, I was just praising God for all he'd done for me, all he'd healed me from, walked me through, and the fact that he had revealed himself to me, and I feel like, Okay, now I know who you are. And I was like, okay, God, when I go back, like what do you have for me? And this was the first time that I ever felt redirected by the Holy Spirit in prayer, and the Holy Spirit redirected me to ask the question, God, what do you need from me?

00:31:32
Speaker 2: When I go back?

00:31:35
Speaker 1: What you need from And.

00:31:40
Speaker 4: It was like a movie the way that I then heard the voice of God speak to me. And I'm here because it was right here on my left side that I like felt and heard the voice of God say music.

00:31:53
Speaker 2: And I trembled.

00:31:55
Speaker 4: Because I was like, okay, okay, okay, I just heard God, like that was God. I know that was God, and he, like you said music, Like I don't how, you know, I didn't understand what that meant to do music for him, you know, and and to you know, still stay walking in the new life that I had, you know, because yeah, I just I just didn't I didn't know that Christian ARMB was an option. And so when I moved back to Atlanta, probably like two weeks later, I reconnected with my manager who we had met in like twenty nineteen when I was kind of hustling out here as a songwriter and trying to figure out, you know, the secular space, and he now was working in the Christian hip hop space and invited me to some events out here in Atlanta. And so the first events I went to in Atlanta were in this round of my time here were Christian hip hop events, and my mind was blown.

00:32:56
Speaker 3: I was like, oh, like completely, so everybody sober, you.

00:33:01
Speaker 4: Know, this is hip hop music, this is you know, and we're just turning up in Jesus name.

00:33:07
Speaker 2: It blew my mind, yes, and so like with that exposure, I was like, oh, now it's clicking.

00:33:14
Speaker 1: Now is like I'm gonna give you the destruction and I'm gonna show you right right.

00:33:19
Speaker 3: And so I was like, okay, God, I see you.

00:33:22
Speaker 4: And so then I got curious about all the different things that are happening in the Christian space right obviously Christian hip hop, Christian R and B, Christiangathon, afrobeats, Christian Like there's all these different genres that I had never.

00:33:35
Speaker 2: Been exposed to prior to that.

00:33:37
Speaker 4: And so I heard him, but I was like, okay, like I don't really, I still I was scared. I was scared to get back to music. I was like traumatized. I was like, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. You know, I hadn't written music in two years. I hadn't listened to music. I wasn't even listening to music during this time of my life.

00:33:53
Speaker 2: I was quiet. It was just quiet.

00:33:55
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:33:56
Speaker 4: And so then I ended up actually getting health scare in May of that year. That really made me like think about death in a way that I had never.

00:34:08
Speaker 2: Had to before.

00:34:10
Speaker 4: And I was like, if I don't make it through whatever this is, I have to go to God and answer why I.

00:34:18
Speaker 2: Didn't do what he told me to do. He told me to do music, you know.

00:34:23
Speaker 4: And so I ended up just going on YouTube finding some YouTube beats because also my manager was like, you know, you have to create new memories around your gifts, right like this fear you have of it, this you know, your gift right now is in kind of the thicket of like you know, it's in kind of like a clouded forest, and you have to just break out of it and give new memories to your gift. So go on YouTube, and I know how to how to record myself, and he was so it was like, go on YouTube, get you some beats and record yourself, write you some songs, wow, and figure out that you don't you can you can just do it. You don't, you don't need anybody to co sign or you can just do it. So I did that, and I, you know, I was kind of finding my song with.

00:35:00
Speaker 2: God, right.

00:35:01
Speaker 4: I was like, I don't know what my new voices as a writer, as an artist, and I just kind of started pouring my heart out to God. And that became my pe from me to God because I didn't have an audience at the time, like I was, you know, I was.

00:35:15
Speaker 2: I was in my little cocoon.

00:35:17
Speaker 4: And then in September of that year, I released My Bad and the kind of the rest is kind of history, but it was a really organic kind of flow with God. It's not like I set out to do Christian R and B. I was just setting out to be obedient. Yeah, I ended up in this space and it's a really cool place to be.

00:35:36
Speaker 1: And I'm so proud of you. Thank you, I really am you. Do you have you started off with acting and singing? Is that something that you want to kind of get back into And it's so like what roles would you see yourself playing now?

00:35:50
Speaker 2: Yeah?

00:35:51
Speaker 1: Walk of your life?

00:35:52
Speaker 4: Yeah, so definitely I want to I want to do all of it, like I wanna. I want to act, I want to write, I want to produce. I want to do all of the things I want to, you know, I want to do Broadway again. I want to, you know, I I there was a time when I thought that I had to give up everything.

00:36:08
Speaker 2: I was wrong about everything.

00:36:09
Speaker 3: And now I'm in a place where I'm like, oh, now I just have.

00:36:12
Speaker 2: To do everything huge for your glory.

00:36:16
Speaker 1: That's it, you know.

00:36:17
Speaker 4: So I want to go do all of it. I think roles, So I have some ideas of roles that I would.

00:36:24
Speaker 2: Like to create.

00:36:24
Speaker 1: Okay, come on, I like that.

00:36:29
Speaker 4: But yeah, I mean I think that I would just love to I'm really big on representations of liberation, yes, and like what it looks like to be a modern liberated woman and walking with God in that. Yeah, And so I think any roles that align with that, that's where I'm That's where I.

00:36:46
Speaker 1: Would like to be.

00:36:47
Speaker 5: Yeah.

00:36:47
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that it's going to happen.

00:36:50
Speaker 2: Yeah, I received it.

00:36:52
Speaker 5: Yes.

00:36:52
Speaker 1: Is there anything coming up that our audience can support you on and that you won't let us know you can give us a little tea on? Yeah?

00:36:58
Speaker 4: So obviously have new music coming out. I have a lot of new music coming out this year. I really feel like I'm making the music that sounds like my soul and how I really have always heard myself. Yes, So I'm excited to release more music and some some some creative business okay adventures as well, and definitely more live shows. I'm gonna, you know, hopefully be able to go out and you know, do some touring this year too, and really just just be with the people. I really love performing. You know, I was the theater kids, so I love to be in person. And you know, social media has been so great to be able to connect with people from everywhere.

00:37:34
Speaker 1: Isn't that crazy that you have on social media? Like all the world is crazy.

00:37:39
Speaker 4: It's crazy, it's crazy, and so I would love to go see some of those places this year.

00:37:44
Speaker 2: So good.

00:37:46
Speaker 1: I love it. I love it. Well. Before we get out of here, I want to play a quick game with you.

00:37:50
Speaker 4: Okay.

00:37:50
Speaker 1: It's a rapid fire game and it's just this or that, Okay, Okay, Praise and worship or balla city.

00:38:01
Speaker 2: M Okay, I'll say.

00:38:03
Speaker 4: I'll say praise and worship, street edge or a church boy.

00:38:09
Speaker 5: Come on, Jesus, Jesus, am I say church boy with street edge.

00:38:21
Speaker 1: Yes, I'm with you all that, okay, all right, we just did fashion week, so chanel or oh maybe okay, love it classic?

00:38:34
Speaker 3: Yeah?

00:38:35
Speaker 1: Yeah, Lemon pepper wings or caesar salad.

00:38:40
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm I'm gonna sylemon, give me.

00:38:49
Speaker 2: A right right salad?

00:38:51
Speaker 1: Yes, there you go. Balance inches and bundles or naturally stuff.

00:38:59
Speaker 2: These are really the questions. These are tough because I really love my natural hair.

00:39:05
Speaker 4: Okay, right now, I'm gonna have to say bundles because I'm in my Bojo era.

00:39:09
Speaker 1: I love it and it works. I love it. Yes, I feel you a fun night out or a quiet night in, quiet night in. I love me too, girl. Yeah. My home body, my social battery be draining, so fan yeah, just give me a quiet night I feel you sneakers or heels, heels, yeah, acting or singing?

00:39:30
Speaker 2: Singing? Yes.

00:39:32
Speaker 1: If you could listen to only one album for the rest of your life, not including yours, what would it be?

00:39:38
Speaker 2: Okay? The emancipation of me me baby right?

00:39:43
Speaker 1: So good? Shout out Mariah, you shout out Maria, so good? Last one your favorite Bible verse?

00:39:50
Speaker 2: Okay?

00:39:54
Speaker 4: Psalm ninety four nineteen, When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.

00:39:59
Speaker 1: So good?

00:40:00
Speaker 2: Yeah, that fir saved my life.

00:40:01
Speaker 1: I love it. Thank you.

00:40:03
Speaker 2: Thank you.

00:40:04
Speaker 1: That wraps up this round of rapid fire questions. Amazing. I love you and I am so proud of you for staying on this journey and finding your place in this world where you can honor God. Thank you for taking time to be with us.

00:40:19
Speaker 2: I'm so proud of you. I just want to touch agree.

00:40:21
Speaker 4: I'm so proud of you and the vulnerability that you just like so freely share with people with your journey matters.

00:40:28
Speaker 2: Is it's important.

00:40:30
Speaker 4: Don't let nobody condemn you. You're doing the Lord's work and that's all that matters.

00:40:35
Speaker 2: And I'm so proud of you.

00:40:36
Speaker 1: Thank you for having us. Of course, no pleasure. Please come back when something else come back. You always have a place on the couch. Thank you, absolutely, thank you. Wow, today's episode was so amazing. I really enjoy talking to Lee. One of my takeaways from our conversation is that your relationship with God is uniquely your own. We can inspire each other by being transparent about what we're going through in our journeys because we're all going through something, but our relationship is ours and with Him alone. So remember that, don't compare your journey or your walk to anyone else's. You can be inspired by people's journey in their walk, but your relationship with Jesus Christ is yours. Thank you all so much for spending time with me today. I hope today's conversation inspired you all to dream big, break boundaries, and be confident in your career and faith journey. You guys can follow me on all social media platforms at Love christa Renee, and you can also follow our show at Keep It Positive sweety If you want to write into our positive Outcomes listener letter, you can send us an email to Keep It Positive Sweetye at gmail dot com. In the meantime and in between time, you guys already know what to do. Keep it positive, sweeties, I'll see you next time. Bacon Bacon