360 | CCPT Gamechangers: "Mom Said I'm Supposed To…" What You Do Next Matters

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You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks,

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your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.

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Hi,

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I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks,

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The Kid Counselor.

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This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get

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a master class in child-centered play therapy

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and practical support and application for your

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work with children and their families.

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In today's episode,

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We are continuing with the CCPT Game Changers series,

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and we are going to discuss what to do

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when a child comes into the playroom and says,

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Mom said that I'm supposed to,

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or

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something

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along those same lines.

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So,

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we're gonna dive into that in a second.

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However,

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oh my gosh,

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y'all,

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huge,

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exciting announcement.

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Pause what you're doing and pay attention,

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please.

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We are hosting the first annual CCPT

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conference.

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We hope to do this annually.

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This is the inaugural

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conference.

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It is going to be the final weekend in January,

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which actually

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February 1st is that Sunday.

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So,

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January 30th,

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31st,

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and February 1st

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in Tampa

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at Steinbrenner Field,

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baseball-themed CCPT training,

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12 CEs APT approved.

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In-person conference.

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There are other options as well.

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There's a webinar option.

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There's on-demand option,

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but

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Florida's awesome in January.

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I would love to hang out with you.

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Come

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have a weekend

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filled with baseball and CCPT

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and fun and camaraderie and community and

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meet my team and

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the whole thing.

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So,

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I would love to have you playtherapynow.com is

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where you're going to find out information about it.

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And there's early bird pricing all through the month of December.

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So,

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if you get your tickets in December,

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you'll save money,

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and I'm all about saving money.

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So,

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please hang out.

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It is going to be so much fun and it is going to inspire you and excite you

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and

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send you home with

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a lot of

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passion

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for

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doing this work.

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So,

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playtherapynow.com.

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Please

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check it out.

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Please hang out with me.

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We would love to have you.

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We're partnering with Corwell.

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So,

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hopefully,

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we can do this at least once a year.

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I'm actually speaking in Jersey in April,

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so we're trying to get quarterly

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live events going.

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And I would love to have you in Florida

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come see my stomping grounds.

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All right.

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So,

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let's talk through

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what to do when a child comes in and says,

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I'm supposed to tell you.

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Or mom said I'm here too.

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Or

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the reason why I come here is because,

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and whatever they've been told is absolutely not A,

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what they needed to have been told,

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and B

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doesn't align with CCPT.

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So how do we navigate that?

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I think we need to start with

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navigating the root of the issue,

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which is giving parents scripts.

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So when we first meet with parents in our initial parent consult,

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and they decide to move forward,

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sometimes a parent will say,

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what should I tell my child about coming to see you,

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but

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you can't count on them to ask that question.

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It needs to be part of your template

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and your framework for your initial parent consult

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that you provide them with a script.

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And the script goes something like this.

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I met with someone named Miss Brenna.

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I really like her.

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I think you'll like her too.

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And you're gonna get to go and play with her for an hour each week.

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She has a huge playroom full of toys,

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and you get to be in charge when you're there.

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That is the script that parents need to be provided.

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Now,

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there is no guarantee,

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I wish,

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gosh,

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I wish there were,

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but there is no guarantee

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that they are going to say what you ask them to say.

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They like to sometimes go completely off script and very rogue conversations

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ensue.

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However,

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we are trying as much as possible to nip this in the bud.

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Parents need to know what to say.

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And so if you've given them a script,

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if they still don't say that,

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then that's,

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that's where we're going.

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But

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we're trying to address this long before it happens

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because you can't expect a parent to know how to explain

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child-centered play therapy to a child.

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You can't expect a parent to understand

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what to say to a child about why they're going to therapy in the first place.

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And let's be frank and clear and real because that's how we roll.

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We

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know that parents have an agenda.

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They want

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to

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fill in the blank,

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right?

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So they want

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this behavior to stop.

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They want

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to not get calls from schools anymore.

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They want life to be peaceful at home again.

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They want their kid to

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fix their anxiety.

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So although we are agendaless

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and although we are unconditionally accepting and we trust the process,

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even when we explain that to parents,

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they're not often there yet.

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And so in their minds,

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yeah,

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yeah,

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yeah,

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you told me to say you get to go and play in a,

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in a playroom,

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and I'll say that,

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but then I'm also going to say

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you're going to deal with your big feelings,

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and this is like a feelings doctor,

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and this feelings doctor is going to help you.

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And then we're like,

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whoa,

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whoa,

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whoa,

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what,

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what happened right here?

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So,

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What we're going to say if that happens in a session.

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Is,

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oh,

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mom mentioned.

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Reflect content

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But when you're here,

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you're in charge.

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You might follow up with,

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when you're here,

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you get to decide what you do and don't do.

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When you're here,

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you get to decide what you say and don't say.

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And we are reinforcing

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child-centeredness.

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And what that will do

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is help the child feel that you really do not have an agenda.

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Because

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if

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the child thinks even in the smallest amount that you are in cahoots with parents,

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or you have an allegiance

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with mom or dad or grandma,

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grandpa,

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whomever,

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all of a sudden now,

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trust is

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Undermined,

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we do not want ever.

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Even if it's perceived fracture in relationship

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to take place because of what parents are saying.

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And often this will happen in the lobby.

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So sometimes it's not that it happens in our absence,

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it happens right in front of us.

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So parent and child walk in,

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you're ready to go back and you say,

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OK,

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I'm ready if you are.

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And then mom says,

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dad says,

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whomever.

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Make sure you tell Miss Brenna about what happened at school today.

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OK.

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First of all,

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that's a violation on a whole bunch of boxes.

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So,

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we're gonna nip that in the bud too.

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We don't talk about kids in front of kids.

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We don't have lobby conversations

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about what's going on with the child,

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and

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we don't give off the impression that we want child to

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tell us anything.

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And we also don't give off the impression that that's why the child is here.

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So here's my strategy.

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I tend to try to

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make the conversation toward the child

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because I think that preserves relationship.

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So,

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I'll typically get down on the child's level,

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eye to eye,

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and I'll lean in a little bit close and I kind of like talk gently and softly,

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not really whisper,

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but

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kind of in that conspiratorial tone.

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And I'll say,

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hm,

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Mom says that you should tell me about school,

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but you know you get to decide what we do.

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And here's what that does.

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Mom hears

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a very gentle

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call out,

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first of all.

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Second of all,

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mom hears me reinforce that the child does not have to tell me anything.

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And mom hears me

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adhere to CCPT.

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And if that happens several times,

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usually parents start to take the hint.

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If they don't take the hint,

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I have a follow-up email or phone call

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where I reinstate

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the expectations of child-centeredness

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and the policies.

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We're not going to talk,

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talk about the child in front of the child.

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We're not going to have lobby discussions.

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We're not going to give off the impression that

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the child has to talk to me about anything.

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And here's,

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if that's all you say.

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That often does not satisfy a parent.

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So,

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here's how you take this to the next level.

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Here's one of the additional game changers of this episode.

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Bonus freebie,

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y'all.

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I'm not even on script anymore,

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but this is in my head,

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so it's worth sharing.

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You need to give parents the why.

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In other words,

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it's not enough for them for you to say,

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oh,

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child gets to talk about whatever they want to talk about.

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They get to do whatever they want to do,

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and if they don't want to address what happened at school,

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then that's their prerogative.

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That feels dismissive to a parent,

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and it feels like they're not getting their needs met.

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I mean,

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let's be real,

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the child's getting his or her needs met,

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but

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the parents don't feel their needs are getting met,

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and they're paying for it.

293
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So the way that you work around that.

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is

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you explain to the parent the why

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and you explain how it will

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get addressed.

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So,

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if I were to sit down

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and force a child to talk about what happened at school,

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They get confused

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about what they're

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to do here

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because I told them they're in charge,

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and now all of a sudden I'm in charge again,

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and now they don't know what the expectations are

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that undermines the therapeutic process.

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A child has to be fully aware

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of how things are going to go

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before they get comfortable enough to do their work.

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And so if I say you're in charge,

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you get to decide what happens.

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You're the boss,

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and then all of a sudden I'm like,

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actually,

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let's sit down and talk about school.

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That completely

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interferes

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with therapeutic process.

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So that's the why.

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And then here's how you reassure them.

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Kids know

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their struggles.

324
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Kids know what they need to work on.

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And

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your child will inevitably bring this up

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in his or her way.

328
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Sometimes they're going to play it out.

329
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Sometimes they're going to talk about it.

330
00:10:13,169 --> 00:10:15,989
Sometimes they're going to just think about it through their play

331
00:10:16,130 --> 00:10:16,960
and sort it out.

332
00:10:17,140 --> 00:10:19,000
They're going to develop self-regulation.

333
00:10:19,210 --> 00:10:22,049
They're going to develop a higher self-esteem.

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00:10:22,530 --> 00:10:24,520
It will naturally get worked on.

335
00:10:24,609 --> 00:10:25,929
I don't have to bring it up.

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The child does not have to bring it up.

337
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It will naturally get addressed.

338
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That's the whole premise of CCPT.

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You have to reassure parents,

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00:10:35,280 --> 00:10:37,969
just because I'm not conceding to your

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request,

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it doesn't mean that it will be ignored.

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That is their greatest fear.

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00:10:43,919 --> 00:10:44,419
I'm

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00:10:44,679 --> 00:10:46,099
putting my kid in therapy

346
00:10:46,359 --> 00:10:49,260
and I'm paying this money and I'm investing this time and energy

347
00:10:49,599 --> 00:10:52,000
and nothing's going to get worked on because the

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00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:53,780
kid just gets to do whatever they want.

349
00:10:54,729 --> 00:10:56,750
You have to help them understand

350
00:10:57,090 --> 00:10:58,510
if your child's struggling at school,

351
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it's going to come up in sessions.

352
00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:03,650
If your child needs to conquer aggressive behavior,

353
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it's going to come up in sessions.

354
00:11:06,130 --> 00:11:08,809
If your child has high levels of anxiety,

355
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we don't have to talk about it,

356
00:11:10,210 --> 00:11:12,190
it's going to work its way into sessions.

357
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And then in subsequent 5 week PCs,

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00:11:16,380 --> 00:11:17,840
you're going to

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00:11:18,099 --> 00:11:20,719
help them see that it's coming up in sessions.

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And then they're going to be reassured and then they're going to feel like,

361
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OK,

362
00:11:24,619 --> 00:11:26,500
maybe this is going to work after all,

363
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and they'll back off the push

364
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to have their agenda met.

365
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That's all it is,

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y'all.

367
00:11:31,739 --> 00:11:32,840
It seems like it's

368
00:11:33,169 --> 00:11:35,619
pushy and they're not adhering to policy and whatever,

369
00:11:35,700 --> 00:11:37,799
but it's fear-based behavior.

370
00:11:38,659 --> 00:11:41,260
I'm so scared that this is not going to work.

371
00:11:41,340 --> 00:11:44,380
I'm so scared that we're not going to get this stuff addressed.

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00:11:44,940 --> 00:11:45,940
So do it.

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00:11:46,890 --> 00:11:50,460
But they have to know that it will get addressed.

374
00:11:50,869 --> 00:11:51,849
We just need to quote,

375
00:11:51,989 --> 00:11:52,830
trust the process,

376
00:11:52,979 --> 00:11:53,260
you know,

377
00:11:53,590 --> 00:11:54,669
hence we say it all the time.

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00:11:55,479 --> 00:11:55,760
All right,

379
00:11:55,799 --> 00:11:56,340
y'all,

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00:11:56,760 --> 00:11:58,159
I hope this is encouraging to you.

381
00:11:58,239 --> 00:12:00,320
I'm really liking this Game Changer series.

382
00:12:00,400 --> 00:12:02,489
These are all the little things that over time,

383
00:12:02,799 --> 00:12:03,039
you know,

384
00:12:03,159 --> 00:12:04,109
they come up and I'm like,

385
00:12:04,190 --> 00:12:04,559
oh man,

386
00:12:04,679 --> 00:12:06,080
we really need to know how to address that.

387
00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:06,460
So,

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00:12:06,640 --> 00:12:06,909
hopefully,

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00:12:06,919 --> 00:12:07,940
you're finding it helpful.

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00:12:08,909 --> 00:12:09,409
Reminder,

391
00:12:09,590 --> 00:12:11,330
please go to playtherapynow.com,

392
00:12:11,729 --> 00:12:12,549
check out the conference.

393
00:12:12,630 --> 00:12:13,969
I would love to see you there.

394
00:12:14,630 --> 00:12:16,169
It's gonna be so much fun

395
00:12:16,270 --> 00:12:17,369
at a baseball field

396
00:12:17,710 --> 00:12:19,020
in January in Florida.

397
00:12:19,390 --> 00:12:20,950
What better thing can you think of,

398
00:12:21,030 --> 00:12:21,280
really?

399
00:12:21,390 --> 00:12:23,190
All of y'all that are up there freezing,

400
00:12:23,590 --> 00:12:25,309
you need to come down to Florida and hang out with me.

401
00:12:25,489 --> 00:12:25,710
All right,

402
00:12:25,830 --> 00:12:26,270
love y'all.

403
00:12:26,390 --> 00:12:26,789
Talk soon.

404
00:12:26,950 --> 00:12:27,190
Bye.

405
00:12:28,270 --> 00:12:32,070
Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.

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00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:34,200
For more episodes and resources,

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00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:39,159
please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.