303 | CCPT Mindset (New Series): Examining the Language That Pulls Us from the Model
Play Therapy Podcast: A Master-Class in Child-Centered Play Therapy
In this episode, I kick off a new CCPT Mindset Series focused on the hidden beliefs and unconscious language that quietly pull us away from full adherence to the CCPT model. I begin with one of the most common and seemingly innocent phrases I hear from therapists: "I just want to help." While it sounds well-intentioned (and often is), this mindset can subtly reinforce a directive stance—one centered on fixing, controlling, or producing outcomes.
I unpack why this phrase reflects an internal discomfort with the process, and how it can lead us to act from a place of anxiety rather than trust. I offer a simple but powerful reframe: replace "I want to help" with "I want to be with." In CCPT, helping doesn't mean fixing—it means creating the conditions for growth. This episode is a challenge to examine the words we use, the beliefs behind them, and the internal rewiring required to truly be CCPT, not just do it.
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Ask Me Questions: Call (813) 812-5525, or email: brenna@thekidcounselor.com Brenna's CCPT Hub: https://www.playtherapynow.com CCPT Collective (online community exclusively for CCPTs): https://www.ccptcollective.com Podcast HQ: https://www.playtherapypodcast.com APT Approved Play Therapy CE courses: https://childcenteredtraining.com Twitter: @thekidcounselor https://twitter.com/thekidcounselor Facebook: https://facebook.com/playtherapypodcast
Common References: Cochran, N., Nordling, W., & Cochran, J. (2010). Child-Centered Play Therapy (1st ed.). Wiley. VanFleet, R., Sywulak, A. E., & Sniscak, C. C. (2010). Child-centered play therapy. Guilford Press. Landreth, G.L. (2023). Play Therapy: The Art of the Relationship (4th ed.). Routledge. Bratton, S. C., Landreth, G. L., Kellam, T., & Blackard, S. R. (2006). Child parent relationship therapy (CPRT) treatment manual: A 10-session filial therapy model for training parents. Routledge/Taylor & Francis Group. Benedict, Helen. Themes in Play Therapy. Used with permission to Heartland Play Therapy Institute.
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0 00:00:00,469 --> 00:00:04,309 You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks, 1 00:00:04,469 --> 00:00:08,220 your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching. 2 00:00:08,590 --> 00:00:08,770 Hi, 3 00:00:08,869 --> 00:00:09,930 I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks, 4 00:00:09,939 --> 00:00:10,779 The Kid Counselor. 5 00:00:11,029 --> 00:00:13,029 This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get 6 00:00:13,029 --> 00:00:15,420 a master class in child-centered play therapy 7 00:00:15,420 --> 00:00:17,690 and practical support and application for your 8 00:00:17,690 --> 00:00:19,399 work with children and their families. 9 00:00:19,670 --> 00:00:20,700 In today's episode, 10 00:00:20,829 --> 00:00:23,540 we are diving into a new series, 11 00:00:24,229 --> 00:00:26,879 and this is a series on mindset. 12 00:00:27,610 --> 00:00:29,920 But maybe not in the way that you think. 13 00:00:30,450 --> 00:00:32,330 We've talked a lot about mindset in the past, 14 00:00:32,490 --> 00:00:34,400 but this is specifically 15 00:00:34,970 --> 00:00:37,650 rewiring the way that we think. 16 00:00:38,459 --> 00:00:38,470 About 17 00:00:38,939 --> 00:00:39,549 helping 18 00:00:40,889 --> 00:00:41,610 So, 19 00:00:41,810 --> 00:00:42,599 here's, 20 00:00:42,849 --> 00:00:43,169 let me, 21 00:00:43,250 --> 00:00:44,209 let me share my heart with y'all. 22 00:00:44,330 --> 00:00:45,040 Let's start there. 23 00:00:46,139 --> 00:00:49,159 I keep hearing so many therapists 24 00:00:49,889 --> 00:00:50,659 who 25 00:00:51,009 --> 00:00:54,799 profess to be CCPT or long to be CCPT 26 00:00:55,169 --> 00:00:56,040 are working 27 00:00:56,330 --> 00:00:57,889 to become CCPT. 28 00:00:59,040 --> 00:00:59,650 Ask 29 00:00:59,860 --> 00:01:02,349 innocent and well intended questions. 30 00:01:03,509 --> 00:01:04,169 That 31 00:01:04,388 --> 00:01:07,260 are usually phrased something along the lines of. 32 00:01:08,379 --> 00:01:10,480 I want to make sure, 33 00:01:10,809 --> 00:01:11,519 or 34 00:01:11,809 --> 00:01:13,889 I want to get them to, 35 00:01:14,209 --> 00:01:16,360 or I want them to feel, 36 00:01:17,050 --> 00:01:18,970 or I want them to process. 37 00:01:19,930 --> 00:01:20,610 Something 38 00:01:20,970 --> 00:01:22,529 along the lines of those sentences. 39 00:01:23,510 --> 00:01:27,629 And it always kind of gets under my skin a little bit because I think 40 00:01:27,879 --> 00:01:29,550 that's not aligned at all. 41 00:01:29,839 --> 00:01:31,800 It's not theoretically adherent. 42 00:01:32,970 --> 00:01:33,889 We 43 00:01:34,430 --> 00:01:34,959 can't. 44 00:01:36,389 --> 00:01:39,169 Speak those things and feel those things 45 00:01:39,169 --> 00:01:41,989 and think those things without that influencing 46 00:01:42,349 --> 00:01:43,019 our work. 47 00:01:44,069 --> 00:01:45,410 And I know that you can say, 48 00:01:45,500 --> 00:01:45,699 well, 49 00:01:45,779 --> 00:01:46,489 in practice, 50 00:01:46,580 --> 00:01:50,099 we can be fully adherent and still ask a question in that way. 51 00:01:50,339 --> 00:01:51,250 I'm sure that's true. 52 00:01:52,099 --> 00:01:54,510 But what I am hoping this series will do 53 00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:57,430 is reveal the invisible 54 00:01:57,720 --> 00:02:00,080 or maybe internalized beliefs. 55 00:02:00,819 --> 00:02:04,260 That are holding us back from being fully CCPT. 56 00:02:05,180 --> 00:02:10,679 And I believe that we're going to have to tackle the under the surface language 57 00:02:10,970 --> 00:02:13,440 that's almost always about control. 58 00:02:14,649 --> 00:02:16,800 When we ask questions like that, 59 00:02:17,470 --> 00:02:18,529 controls at the root of it. 60 00:02:19,220 --> 00:02:21,210 And or the need to fix. 61 00:02:22,009 --> 00:02:25,080 And or the desire to create a specific outcome. 62 00:02:26,330 --> 00:02:28,059 And or that we 63 00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:30,429 are the savior in the scenario. 64 00:02:30,919 --> 00:02:33,110 Therapist does save your mentality if you will. 65 00:02:34,169 --> 00:02:37,770 And all of those things have to be let go 66 00:02:38,130 --> 00:02:39,440 for CCPT 67 00:02:39,770 --> 00:02:40,360 to 68 00:02:41,050 --> 00:02:43,169 really be what CCPT is meant to be. 69 00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:47,600 So that's kind of the the backstory of why we're diving into this series, 70 00:02:47,649 --> 00:02:48,889 and I hope that you're tracking with me. 71 00:02:48,919 --> 00:02:50,710 I hope you're understanding where I'm going with this. 72 00:02:51,309 --> 00:02:53,029 So each week we're going to 73 00:02:53,250 --> 00:02:55,190 tackle a phrase or a thought 74 00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:57,389 that I hear consistently. 75 00:02:57,639 --> 00:02:59,880 Someone will email me or we'll be talking about 76 00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:01,699 it in the collective or in the coaching, 77 00:03:02,119 --> 00:03:05,869 and I think we don't even realize the way that we phrase things, 78 00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:08,520 but I think that those are maybe invisible or 79 00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:10,800 internalized beliefs and they get in the way. 80 00:03:11,979 --> 00:03:12,690 So 81 00:03:12,979 --> 00:03:13,240 my, 82 00:03:13,339 --> 00:03:14,619 my argument is. 83 00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:17,350 That they might be unconscious remnants. 84 00:03:17,460 --> 00:03:17,539 Look, 85 00:03:17,619 --> 00:03:18,220 let's be real clear. 86 00:03:18,259 --> 00:03:19,970 I don't think that these are conscious. 87 00:03:20,220 --> 00:03:23,289 I don't think we're even cognizant that we're saying these things. 88 00:03:23,820 --> 00:03:26,449 So I do believe they're unconscious remnants 89 00:03:26,740 --> 00:03:27,610 of, 90 00:03:28,210 --> 00:03:29,860 of more directive mindset. 91 00:03:31,009 --> 00:03:34,470 And it therefore it's showing up in the way that we think and speak, 92 00:03:34,679 --> 00:03:37,240 even when we're trying to be fully CCPT. 93 00:03:38,169 --> 00:03:38,940 So, 94 00:03:38,990 --> 00:03:41,229 I want to make sure that 95 00:03:41,910 --> 00:03:46,309 we are thinking through our internal framework and our internal mindset. 96 00:03:47,029 --> 00:03:49,630 And if that is still centered on control 97 00:03:49,839 --> 00:03:50,809 or shaping. 98 00:03:51,970 --> 00:03:54,190 We might think that we're CCPT, 99 00:03:54,330 --> 00:03:54,759 but 100 00:03:54,970 --> 00:03:56,369 those are not congruent. 101 00:03:57,539 --> 00:03:59,270 So today we're going to talk about the phrase, 102 00:03:59,559 --> 00:04:00,949 I just want to help 103 00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:01,960 da da dot. 104 00:04:02,729 --> 00:04:05,029 I just want to help this kid 105 00:04:05,679 --> 00:04:06,589 process trauma. 106 00:04:06,789 --> 00:04:08,690 I just want to help this kid 107 00:04:08,919 --> 00:04:10,070 work through anxiety. 108 00:04:10,300 --> 00:04:12,149 I just wanna help this kid 109 00:04:12,639 --> 00:04:13,869 not be so aggressive. 110 00:04:14,039 --> 00:04:16,869 I just wanna help this kid not get kicked out of school, 111 00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:18,630 that kind of thing. 112 00:04:19,119 --> 00:04:22,220 And that's the kind of language that undermines the model, 113 00:04:22,260 --> 00:04:23,989 and I know they're innocent statements, 114 00:04:24,839 --> 00:04:25,309 but 115 00:04:26,079 --> 00:04:28,029 that is very clearly directive. 116 00:04:28,790 --> 00:04:30,619 And these are innocent phrases. 117 00:04:30,660 --> 00:04:31,410 I get it, 118 00:04:32,059 --> 00:04:34,730 but I believe that they might reflect 119 00:04:35,459 --> 00:04:39,209 directive beliefs that are subtly shaping how we're showing up in the playroom 120 00:04:39,660 --> 00:04:42,410 or maybe even just the way we're thinking about our work. 121 00:04:42,940 --> 00:04:44,809 So we're gonna kick off this series 122 00:04:45,540 --> 00:04:46,739 and the goal is 123 00:04:47,220 --> 00:04:49,010 that we will have a mindset shift 124 00:04:49,290 --> 00:04:51,619 that allows us to be CCPT. 125 00:04:52,670 --> 00:04:54,010 Not just do CCPT. 126 00:04:54,049 --> 00:04:55,320 We talk about that all the time, 127 00:04:55,529 --> 00:04:57,329 but I think this series will help us understand, 128 00:04:57,339 --> 00:04:58,839 practically speaking what that looks like. 129 00:04:58,970 --> 00:04:59,320 So, 130 00:05:00,390 --> 00:05:03,010 This is not about the techniques of CCPT. 131 00:05:03,190 --> 00:05:05,299 This is about the way that we think. 132 00:05:06,510 --> 00:05:08,399 I think often we are using 133 00:05:08,700 --> 00:05:09,619 the skills 134 00:05:09,829 --> 00:05:12,299 and the tools and the principles and the tenets and 135 00:05:12,299 --> 00:05:14,690 all of the things that we've learned of CCPT, 136 00:05:15,220 --> 00:05:17,760 but I think sometimes we still process 137 00:05:18,059 --> 00:05:19,250 in directive ways, 138 00:05:19,739 --> 00:05:21,660 and then that shows up in the language that we use. 139 00:05:22,609 --> 00:05:23,160 So, 140 00:05:23,410 --> 00:05:24,940 quick anecdotal story. 141 00:05:25,690 --> 00:05:26,410 Related aside, 142 00:05:26,450 --> 00:05:28,890 as you all called me out on saying all the time, 143 00:05:29,369 --> 00:05:31,809 you guys will send me emails and you're like related 144 00:05:31,809 --> 00:05:33,720 aside dot dot dot as you like to say, 145 00:05:33,790 --> 00:05:34,089 I'm like, 146 00:05:34,170 --> 00:05:34,350 wow, 147 00:05:34,410 --> 00:05:35,220 do I say that that much? 148 00:05:35,290 --> 00:05:35,959 I'm sure I do. 149 00:05:36,070 --> 00:05:36,529 Anyway, 150 00:05:36,730 --> 00:05:38,799 so I'm gonna start saying anecdotal story. 151 00:05:40,940 --> 00:05:43,489 Y'all are changing my language right right in front of you. 152 00:05:43,619 --> 00:05:44,049 OK, 153 00:05:44,420 --> 00:05:45,250 I'm getting back on point, 154 00:05:45,260 --> 00:05:46,010 I promise. 155 00:05:46,739 --> 00:05:46,940 It's, 156 00:05:46,950 --> 00:05:49,920 it's interesting that you can learn a lot about 157 00:05:50,140 --> 00:05:52,670 the sense that tends to dominate a person. 158 00:05:53,450 --> 00:05:54,929 By the phrases that they say. 159 00:05:55,010 --> 00:05:55,170 They, 160 00:05:55,250 --> 00:05:56,399 they've done studies on this, 161 00:05:56,529 --> 00:05:57,929 that all the random facts that I have, 162 00:05:58,010 --> 00:05:58,399 I know. 163 00:05:58,769 --> 00:06:00,000 So if you are a visual 164 00:06:00,109 --> 00:06:00,959 person, 165 00:06:01,329 --> 00:06:03,170 you are likely to say, 166 00:06:03,529 --> 00:06:04,839 let me see what I can do, 167 00:06:05,369 --> 00:06:06,119 for example. 168 00:06:06,290 --> 00:06:08,160 So you will use a visual 169 00:06:08,529 --> 00:06:09,290 reference 170 00:06:09,890 --> 00:06:14,119 in some of your common phrases because you are a visual person. 171 00:06:15,470 --> 00:06:16,660 If you are an auditory person, 172 00:06:16,750 --> 00:06:18,000 you might say something like, 173 00:06:18,269 --> 00:06:19,429 I'll let you know what I hear. 174 00:06:20,779 --> 00:06:22,779 Because that is more auditory in nature. 175 00:06:22,820 --> 00:06:24,290 If you're a kinesthetic learner, 176 00:06:24,779 --> 00:06:27,709 you will reference something about actively doing something, 177 00:06:27,779 --> 00:06:28,209 so 178 00:06:28,980 --> 00:06:30,299 I'll take care of it 179 00:06:30,619 --> 00:06:31,779 or I'll make it happen, 180 00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:33,730 or let me get my hands dirty 181 00:06:34,100 --> 00:06:35,100 or something like that. 182 00:06:35,179 --> 00:06:35,529 So 183 00:06:35,739 --> 00:06:38,769 they've done studies that you can often figure out what kind of 184 00:06:39,170 --> 00:06:42,209 bent a person has toward the way that they learn best 185 00:06:42,459 --> 00:06:43,850 by the phrases that they say. 186 00:06:44,059 --> 00:06:46,739 And I'm a visual learner and I very much use visual. 187 00:06:47,390 --> 00:06:48,720 Based references a lot. 188 00:06:48,869 --> 00:06:51,420 So I've proven it true and of one here. 189 00:06:51,829 --> 00:06:53,190 Now you're gonna think about that and say, 190 00:06:53,299 --> 00:06:53,559 oh, 191 00:06:53,709 --> 00:06:54,750 what kind of learner am I? 192 00:06:54,769 --> 00:06:55,980 and what phrases do I say? 193 00:06:56,010 --> 00:06:57,579 And then let me know if it's true. 194 00:06:58,269 --> 00:06:59,070 Studies say it is, 195 00:06:59,209 --> 00:07:00,450 but I'm just letting you know my, 196 00:07:00,579 --> 00:07:02,420 my end of one says it's also true. 197 00:07:02,790 --> 00:07:03,220 All right. 198 00:07:03,829 --> 00:07:04,420 We, 199 00:07:05,230 --> 00:07:05,790 therefore, 200 00:07:05,869 --> 00:07:08,220 let's get back to the mindset and the CCPT. 201 00:07:08,709 --> 00:07:10,700 If we are saying things like, 202 00:07:10,790 --> 00:07:10,890 well, 203 00:07:10,910 --> 00:07:11,940 I just want to help, 204 00:07:12,630 --> 00:07:13,619 that's directive. 205 00:07:14,470 --> 00:07:16,859 So there has to be something there, 206 00:07:17,190 --> 00:07:17,779 and 207 00:07:18,029 --> 00:07:21,420 that therefore is incongruent and difficult 208 00:07:21,750 --> 00:07:23,910 to fully embrace a model if we're saying 209 00:07:23,910 --> 00:07:25,899 something that would be directive in nature. 210 00:07:27,059 --> 00:07:27,399 And I, 211 00:07:27,519 --> 00:07:27,910 I get it. 212 00:07:27,920 --> 00:07:29,269 This phrase feels harmless. 213 00:07:29,519 --> 00:07:30,350 It's common, 214 00:07:30,640 --> 00:07:31,029 it 215 00:07:31,239 --> 00:07:32,119 is well intended. 216 00:07:32,950 --> 00:07:33,559 And 217 00:07:33,799 --> 00:07:35,510 let's go back to the beginning. 218 00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:39,579 However and whenever you stumbled upon CCPT or as I like to say, 219 00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:41,119 when CCPT found you. 220 00:07:42,809 --> 00:07:46,000 It resonated because you truly and genuinely want to help kids. 221 00:07:46,989 --> 00:07:48,019 We helpers 222 00:07:48,690 --> 00:07:50,619 When you choose to do this for a living, 223 00:07:50,769 --> 00:07:52,480 it's because you're wired to help. 224 00:07:53,269 --> 00:07:55,350 So this makes sense that we would say something like, 225 00:07:55,390 --> 00:07:56,339 I just wanna help. 226 00:07:57,880 --> 00:07:58,309 However, 227 00:07:58,480 --> 00:07:59,950 the CCPT model. 228 00:08:01,320 --> 00:08:02,709 Makes it very clear 229 00:08:03,079 --> 00:08:03,730 that 230 00:08:04,160 --> 00:08:05,239 we do not guide. 231 00:08:06,279 --> 00:08:07,410 We do not fix 232 00:08:08,709 --> 00:08:09,660 We don't change. 233 00:08:10,459 --> 00:08:11,649 We don't have agenda, 234 00:08:12,010 --> 00:08:13,730 we're not working to achieve something, 235 00:08:14,299 --> 00:08:17,329 and that's almost always what helping is connected to. 236 00:08:18,410 --> 00:08:19,809 And almost always, 237 00:08:20,089 --> 00:08:21,320 our desire to help 238 00:08:21,959 --> 00:08:26,450 in a CCPT context comes from our own internal discomfort, 239 00:08:26,609 --> 00:08:27,660 not the child's need. 240 00:08:29,049 --> 00:08:31,570 Almost always when we wrestle with the model when we 241 00:08:31,570 --> 00:08:34,390 wrestle with our need to intervene to help to guide, 242 00:08:34,489 --> 00:08:34,929 to direct, 243 00:08:34,969 --> 00:08:35,520 to teach, 244 00:08:35,530 --> 00:08:36,169 to 245 00:08:36,369 --> 00:08:37,719 bring something up to whatever, 246 00:08:37,770 --> 00:08:41,200 it's because we are uncomfortable we're uncomfortable with the pressure 247 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:43,760 we're getting from parents we're uncomfortable with the process, 248 00:08:43,808 --> 00:08:45,200 we're uncomfortable with the pace, 249 00:08:45,330 --> 00:08:47,409 we're uncomfortable with what's happening in session, 250 00:08:47,690 --> 00:08:49,609 we're uncomfortable with the letters that the 251 00:08:49,609 --> 00:08:51,200 child is still getting home from school. 252 00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:52,630 There are 253 00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:54,969 pressures that make us uncomfortable. 254 00:08:55,700 --> 00:08:56,849 And then we quote, 255 00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:57,799 do something. 256 00:08:59,059 --> 00:09:01,070 That's not being CCPT. 257 00:09:01,380 --> 00:09:02,070 Yes. 258 00:09:02,419 --> 00:09:02,729 So, 259 00:09:02,859 --> 00:09:04,169 I think if we say, 260 00:09:04,380 --> 00:09:05,900 I just want to help fill in the blank, 261 00:09:05,940 --> 00:09:06,179 right? 262 00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:08,369 I want to help with whatever the scenario is. 263 00:09:09,020 --> 00:09:10,859 I think there are 3 considerations. 264 00:09:10,900 --> 00:09:11,580 The first, 265 00:09:12,359 --> 00:09:14,400 It's unconscious need for control. 266 00:09:15,289 --> 00:09:17,239 We want to do something 267 00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:20,200 to alleviate our own anxiety or our own sense 268 00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:22,590 of helplessness or our own sense of doubt, 269 00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:23,789 whatever the scenario is, 270 00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:26,349 we want to do something to alleviate that for ourselves. 271 00:09:26,679 --> 00:09:28,669 Second possibility is 272 00:09:28,919 --> 00:09:31,570 it is very outcome minded and outcome based, 273 00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:34,030 which therefore assumes 274 00:09:34,719 --> 00:09:36,169 we know what the child needs 275 00:09:36,440 --> 00:09:39,239 and therefore it's all our role to provide it. 276 00:09:40,559 --> 00:09:42,619 And then the third consideration is, 277 00:09:42,830 --> 00:09:44,349 it's an inverted focus. 278 00:09:45,340 --> 00:09:48,809 Because the child becomes the object of intervention. 279 00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:50,359 Not 280 00:09:50,539 --> 00:09:51,659 the self-directed, 281 00:09:51,780 --> 00:09:53,210 self-actualizing 282 00:09:53,780 --> 00:09:54,969 leader of the process. 283 00:09:57,270 --> 00:10:00,119 I think if I am going to sum all of those three things up, 284 00:10:00,239 --> 00:10:03,369 this is how I would kind of bring that into one sentence. 285 00:10:03,859 --> 00:10:04,729 The second 286 00:10:04,940 --> 00:10:07,349 that we try to help the child feel 287 00:10:07,619 --> 00:10:08,890 or behave differently. 288 00:10:09,750 --> 00:10:12,559 We've taken over and we're not trusting their process anymore. 289 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:15,000 And we would, 290 00:10:15,030 --> 00:10:16,260 we would never do that. 291 00:10:16,590 --> 00:10:17,979 We would never want to do that. 292 00:10:18,549 --> 00:10:21,909 But that's inevitably what happens if we think about quote helping. 293 00:10:23,330 --> 00:10:24,559 So let's reframe, 294 00:10:24,820 --> 00:10:26,039 which we've been talking about 295 00:10:26,150 --> 00:10:27,450 reframing mindset. 296 00:10:28,250 --> 00:10:29,919 Let's reframe the word help. 297 00:10:30,849 --> 00:10:32,109 So in CCPT 298 00:10:32,419 --> 00:10:35,690 help means create the conditions for growth. 299 00:10:36,859 --> 00:10:37,409 That's it. 300 00:10:38,789 --> 00:10:39,520 Not direct, 301 00:10:39,750 --> 00:10:40,340 not guide, 302 00:10:40,469 --> 00:10:40,989 not teach, 303 00:10:41,150 --> 00:10:41,700 not fix, 304 00:10:41,789 --> 00:10:42,599 not correct, 305 00:10:42,830 --> 00:10:43,479 not anything, 306 00:10:43,590 --> 00:10:45,679 it's create the conditions for growth. 307 00:10:47,210 --> 00:10:47,890 And 308 00:10:48,219 --> 00:10:50,409 the child will naturally self-actualize. 309 00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:52,520 And the way that we do that, 310 00:10:52,650 --> 00:10:53,679 we're fully present. 311 00:10:54,669 --> 00:10:55,960 Attuned and engaged 312 00:10:57,109 --> 00:10:58,830 We use reflective responses. 313 00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:00,729 We 314 00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:03,200 offer freedom and autonomy in the playroom. 315 00:11:04,830 --> 00:11:05,659 We trust 316 00:11:05,830 --> 00:11:07,520 the child will self-actualize. 317 00:11:09,210 --> 00:11:11,080 And we communicate to be with attitudes. 318 00:11:12,750 --> 00:11:14,619 Those are the conditions for growth 319 00:11:15,190 --> 00:11:16,590 that is us helping. 320 00:11:18,500 --> 00:11:20,619 Because we're being CCPT. 321 00:11:21,330 --> 00:11:21,919 That's it. 322 00:11:22,130 --> 00:11:23,960 We don't insert agenda, 323 00:11:24,210 --> 00:11:24,859 we don't 324 00:11:25,250 --> 00:11:26,320 set goals, 325 00:11:26,530 --> 00:11:27,640 we don't nudge, 326 00:11:28,010 --> 00:11:29,640 we don't gently push. 327 00:11:30,609 --> 00:11:32,409 We create the conditions for growth, 328 00:11:32,489 --> 00:11:33,679 that is how we help. 329 00:11:35,510 --> 00:11:36,059 So, 330 00:11:36,270 --> 00:11:37,830 I just want to throw out a couple of examples 331 00:11:37,830 --> 00:11:42,020 of things that I've either received in emails recently or 332 00:11:42,630 --> 00:11:43,710 heard in discussions. 333 00:11:45,690 --> 00:11:47,659 I just want to help him open up, 334 00:11:47,710 --> 00:11:48,369 end quote. 335 00:11:49,599 --> 00:11:51,140 These are examples that therapists have said, 336 00:11:51,210 --> 00:11:51,369 you know, 337 00:11:51,469 --> 00:11:55,320 either in consultation or supervision or things that we're processing. 338 00:11:55,650 --> 00:11:57,349 I just want to help him open up. 339 00:11:58,590 --> 00:11:59,710 This suggests 340 00:12:00,030 --> 00:12:00,429 that 341 00:12:00,549 --> 00:12:01,919 we're trying to control. 342 00:12:02,989 --> 00:12:05,059 How fast the child processes something. 343 00:12:06,409 --> 00:12:07,609 If a child hasn't opened up, 344 00:12:07,690 --> 00:12:08,570 the child's not ready, 345 00:12:08,650 --> 00:12:10,200 willing or able to open up yet. 346 00:12:10,890 --> 00:12:12,000 We can't control that. 347 00:12:13,320 --> 00:12:15,059 Another phrase that I've heard. 348 00:12:15,729 --> 00:12:17,659 I want him or her to feel safe. 349 00:12:19,849 --> 00:12:21,390 Here's an interesting 350 00:12:21,849 --> 00:12:22,590 irony. 351 00:12:23,169 --> 00:12:25,159 We can't make a child feel safe. 352 00:12:26,419 --> 00:12:27,809 We can offer safety. 353 00:12:29,390 --> 00:12:31,179 We can create conditions 354 00:12:31,409 --> 00:12:33,159 that make a child feel safe. 355 00:12:33,690 --> 00:12:35,880 The conditions will allow for safety. 356 00:12:36,409 --> 00:12:37,880 We will offer safety, 357 00:12:38,289 --> 00:12:40,510 but we can't make a child feel safe. 358 00:12:41,090 --> 00:12:44,690 I'm helping him process his anger slash aggression slash 359 00:12:45,489 --> 00:12:46,400 whatever the 360 00:12:47,179 --> 00:12:47,880 issue is. 361 00:12:48,330 --> 00:12:49,960 I'm helping him process. 362 00:12:51,460 --> 00:12:51,849 Well, 363 00:12:51,979 --> 00:12:53,500 who's actually processing Ben? 364 00:12:54,739 --> 00:12:56,130 Guarantee you it's not the child. 365 00:12:57,520 --> 00:12:58,830 Because kids aren't rational. 366 00:12:59,760 --> 00:13:00,750 Kids aren't logical, 367 00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:02,070 they're not intellectual. 368 00:13:02,719 --> 00:13:03,229 So 369 00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:06,270 if there's any quote processing that's taking place, 370 00:13:06,599 --> 00:13:07,630 it's adult led. 371 00:13:08,760 --> 00:13:09,760 Not child-centered. 372 00:13:11,330 --> 00:13:12,130 And then 373 00:13:12,719 --> 00:13:14,929 I wanted him her to realize. 374 00:13:15,909 --> 00:13:16,599 And quote 375 00:13:17,760 --> 00:13:20,299 CCPT is never about providing insight. 376 00:13:21,219 --> 00:13:21,880 It's about 377 00:13:22,090 --> 00:13:22,719 presence. 378 00:13:25,190 --> 00:13:27,049 And so the challenge 379 00:13:27,330 --> 00:13:28,239 that I think we, 380 00:13:28,250 --> 00:13:29,520 we need to be mindful of. 381 00:13:31,020 --> 00:13:31,830 The phrase 382 00:13:32,030 --> 00:13:33,859 that is kind of at the heart of all this is, 383 00:13:33,950 --> 00:13:34,599 I wanna help, 384 00:13:34,669 --> 00:13:34,989 right? 385 00:13:35,650 --> 00:13:37,010 So how about if we replace, 386 00:13:37,049 --> 00:13:38,159 I want to help 387 00:13:38,770 --> 00:13:39,400 with, 388 00:13:39,729 --> 00:13:41,000 I want to be with. 389 00:13:42,900 --> 00:13:44,330 Because that's what CCPT is, 390 00:13:44,340 --> 00:13:45,289 it's being with. 391 00:13:47,090 --> 00:13:50,020 So if every time we have the urge to think, 392 00:13:50,219 --> 00:13:50,729 say, 393 00:13:50,979 --> 00:13:51,650 or 394 00:13:52,099 --> 00:13:52,729 even 395 00:13:53,380 --> 00:13:53,849 feel, 396 00:13:54,020 --> 00:13:55,169 I want to help. 397 00:13:56,210 --> 00:13:57,450 If we replace it with, 398 00:13:57,609 --> 00:13:58,880 I want to be with. 399 00:13:59,789 --> 00:14:00,960 That's fully adherent. 400 00:14:02,650 --> 00:14:03,520 So, 401 00:14:03,929 --> 00:14:05,239 food for thought questions. 402 00:14:05,690 --> 00:14:08,559 Where in your practice do you feel the urge to help 403 00:14:08,890 --> 00:14:09,770 most strongly? 404 00:14:11,219 --> 00:14:12,229 That will 405 00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:16,950 give you some insight into what you're prone to feel uncomfortable with. 406 00:14:17,929 --> 00:14:20,200 When are you feeling the strongest urge to help, 407 00:14:20,250 --> 00:14:21,309 in what circumstance, 408 00:14:21,369 --> 00:14:22,640 with what kind of kid, 409 00:14:22,929 --> 00:14:24,000 what's going on, 410 00:14:24,369 --> 00:14:24,859 when 411 00:14:25,090 --> 00:14:27,239 and where are you feeling the urge to help? 412 00:14:28,659 --> 00:14:29,169 What 413 00:14:29,349 --> 00:14:30,760 internal discomfort 414 00:14:31,140 --> 00:14:31,979 is fueling it. 415 00:14:33,510 --> 00:14:35,700 Because that's 100% coming from you. 416 00:14:37,229 --> 00:14:39,330 And what would it look like to replace, 417 00:14:39,460 --> 00:14:39,809 quote, 418 00:14:39,900 --> 00:14:40,729 helping 419 00:14:41,260 --> 00:14:42,609 with holding space? 420 00:14:44,630 --> 00:14:46,000 And I think I, 421 00:14:46,049 --> 00:14:49,049 I was actually talking to my pastor quite a few months ago now, 422 00:14:49,169 --> 00:14:49,510 but 423 00:14:49,929 --> 00:14:51,400 we were talking about therapy 424 00:14:51,770 --> 00:14:52,380 and 425 00:14:53,330 --> 00:14:54,340 He said 426 00:14:54,739 --> 00:14:56,440 the thing that I've found is, 427 00:14:56,890 --> 00:14:58,409 no matter what kind of therapy you're in, 428 00:14:58,510 --> 00:15:00,400 no matter who your therapist is, 429 00:15:00,809 --> 00:15:02,320 when you choose to 430 00:15:02,929 --> 00:15:03,989 change behavior, 431 00:15:04,289 --> 00:15:05,599 you have to replace 432 00:15:06,250 --> 00:15:07,929 your old behavior with a new behavior, 433 00:15:07,969 --> 00:15:09,919 you can't just stop the old behavior. 434 00:15:11,590 --> 00:15:14,340 And I've pondered that so much since that 435 00:15:14,340 --> 00:15:16,289 conversation and there was more to the conversation, 436 00:15:16,299 --> 00:15:16,659 obviously, 437 00:15:16,780 --> 00:15:17,099 but 438 00:15:17,409 --> 00:15:17,559 the, 439 00:15:17,570 --> 00:15:19,130 the phrase that has stuck with me 440 00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:20,130 was 441 00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:21,729 regardless of your therapist, 442 00:15:21,820 --> 00:15:22,760 your therapy, 443 00:15:22,900 --> 00:15:24,070 your theoretical model, 444 00:15:24,140 --> 00:15:24,729 whatever, 445 00:15:25,059 --> 00:15:26,729 if a person chooses to change, 446 00:15:26,739 --> 00:15:29,179 they have to replace the old behavior with a new behavior. 447 00:15:29,219 --> 00:15:31,609 They can't just eliminate the old behavior. 448 00:15:33,450 --> 00:15:34,130 And 449 00:15:34,299 --> 00:15:34,799 so, 450 00:15:34,969 --> 00:15:36,479 with that in mind, 451 00:15:37,130 --> 00:15:39,880 if we want to not say something like I want to help. 452 00:15:40,830 --> 00:15:43,109 We have to replace it with something else. 453 00:15:44,109 --> 00:15:45,390 So instead of saying, 454 00:15:45,679 --> 00:15:47,429 I want to help him calm down. 455 00:15:48,270 --> 00:15:51,159 I want him to learn how to self-regulate. 456 00:15:51,570 --> 00:15:53,020 I want to help him 457 00:15:53,489 --> 00:15:55,020 build an emotional vocabulary. 458 00:15:56,460 --> 00:15:57,940 We could replace it with. 459 00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:00,469 I'll sit in the pocket 460 00:16:00,840 --> 00:16:02,349 while he moves through this feeling. 461 00:16:04,580 --> 00:16:05,359 I'll be with him. 462 00:16:06,349 --> 00:16:07,359 I'll sit right here. 463 00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:08,549 I'll stay with him 464 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:10,309 while he moves through this. 465 00:16:12,289 --> 00:16:12,960 Or 466 00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:15,239 Instead of, 467 00:16:15,650 --> 00:16:17,559 how can I help her feel more confident? 468 00:16:18,289 --> 00:16:20,320 How can I help her feel less anxious? 469 00:16:20,849 --> 00:16:22,119 How can I help her, 470 00:16:22,570 --> 00:16:23,760 whatever the scenario is. 471 00:16:25,650 --> 00:16:27,380 I'll reflect her feelings 472 00:16:27,650 --> 00:16:29,039 and I'll trust her process. 473 00:16:29,950 --> 00:16:30,919 That's the replacement. 474 00:16:32,030 --> 00:16:32,659 See how, 475 00:16:32,729 --> 00:16:33,530 how can I help? 476 00:16:33,570 --> 00:16:34,280 I want to help. 477 00:16:34,330 --> 00:16:35,280 I need to help. 478 00:16:35,369 --> 00:16:36,320 I should help. 479 00:16:37,739 --> 00:16:38,809 All of a sudden, 480 00:16:39,140 --> 00:16:41,010 there's directive nature there. 481 00:16:42,219 --> 00:16:44,340 We have to replace it with something else, 482 00:16:44,630 --> 00:16:46,020 and wanting to help is not wrong. 483 00:16:46,190 --> 00:16:46,390 Let's, 484 00:16:46,469 --> 00:16:47,940 let's be real clear on that. 485 00:16:48,309 --> 00:16:49,549 We're all wired to help. 486 00:16:50,359 --> 00:16:51,250 And there's 487 00:16:51,570 --> 00:16:54,359 admirable qualities of someone that wants to help. 488 00:16:55,479 --> 00:16:58,690 But in CCPT we have to redefine what that word means. 489 00:16:59,770 --> 00:17:02,570 So start noticing where this phrase is creeping into your thinking. 490 00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:05,300 Recognize it, 491 00:17:05,719 --> 00:17:06,589 admit it. 492 00:17:07,640 --> 00:17:10,189 Offer replacement languages and phrases instead. 493 00:17:11,188 --> 00:17:15,019 There are ways to be aware of this and therefore make adjustments, 494 00:17:15,029 --> 00:17:17,828 and that's the goal because our mindset shifts 495 00:17:18,167 --> 00:17:19,698 are often just one 496 00:17:19,909 --> 00:17:21,198 aha moment at a time. 497 00:17:22,239 --> 00:17:22,409 We, 498 00:17:22,489 --> 00:17:24,638 we were made aware of something that we weren't before 499 00:17:24,968 --> 00:17:26,198 and we're able to 500 00:17:26,448 --> 00:17:26,958 shift 501 00:17:27,128 --> 00:17:28,019 the way that we think 502 00:17:28,529 --> 00:17:29,568 and that's the goal of the series, 503 00:17:29,649 --> 00:17:30,918 that's the goal of this episode. 504 00:17:31,328 --> 00:17:33,558 So I hope that that encourages you. 505 00:17:33,688 --> 00:17:37,168 I hope that if you are one that you can 506 00:17:37,168 --> 00:17:39,389 hear yourself in some of the phrases that I've said 507 00:17:39,798 --> 00:17:41,078 that you don't feel guilty, 508 00:17:41,369 --> 00:17:45,168 but you recognize it as an opportunity to be more intentional about the words 509 00:17:45,168 --> 00:17:48,568 and the phrases that you're saying and therefore the things that you're thinking. 510 00:17:49,160 --> 00:17:49,910 Because 511 00:17:50,359 --> 00:17:51,119 out of the heart, 512 00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:52,229 the mouth speaks. 513 00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:55,829 So we need to be really aware of what might be unconsciously 514 00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:58,310 in there that's more directive than we think. 515 00:17:59,150 --> 00:18:00,459 In the next episode, 516 00:18:00,540 --> 00:18:01,849 we will unpack 517 00:18:02,300 --> 00:18:04,849 another common mindset related to this, 518 00:18:05,339 --> 00:18:07,369 that we can make a child feel something. 519 00:18:08,260 --> 00:18:08,790 So it was, 520 00:18:08,829 --> 00:18:11,270 I want to help this week and next week it'll be, 521 00:18:11,310 --> 00:18:12,979 I want to make the child feel something. 522 00:18:13,589 --> 00:18:13,869 All right, 523 00:18:14,069 --> 00:18:14,589 love y'all. 524 00:18:14,790 --> 00:18:16,780 I'm really grateful to spend time with you each week. 525 00:18:16,829 --> 00:18:17,650 We'll talk again soon. 526 00:18:17,869 --> 00:18:18,069 Bye. 527 00:18:19,270 --> 00:18:22,030 Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. 528 00:18:22,189 --> 00:18:23,189 Brenna Hicks. 529 00:18:23,310 --> 00:18:25,300 For more episodes and resources, 530 00:18:25,390 --> 00:18:30,130 please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.