Mailbag Q&A Part 1!

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Speaker 1: Hi. This is Laura Vandercamp. I'm a mother of five, an author, journalist, and speaker. And this is Sarah Hartunger. I'm a mother of three, a practicing physician and blogger. On the side, we are two working parents who love our careers and our families. Welcome to Best of Both Worlds. Here we talk about how real women manage work, family, and time for fun, from figuring out childcare to mapping out long term career goals. We want you to get the most out of life. Welcome to Best of Both Worlds. This is Laura. This is episode two hundred and thirteen, which is airing at the very end of August of twenty twenty one. This is going to be a mailbag episode. We've gotten a lot of great listener questions. We do one question every week, but we get so many that we wanted to address a few more both that have come in through our blogs that people email us. We'll definitely share that information how to reach us. A lot of these came in through Instagram at as well. We are at Best of Both Worlds podcasts, so we'll go ahead and dive right into this long list of wonderful questions. So the first question, did you give up caffeine during pregnancy? Any good substitutes? Because our listener is missing fall Starbucks, she really wants her pumpkin spice latte is now airing. It comes out like new earlier every year. Have you noticed this, Like, I think it's been in the August time frame for a little bit now, But I am always shocked because it's like, not anything fall like around here. No, well it isn't most places. I think it's that they want to get enough run of the pumpkin spice latte before they get to the Christmas stuff, which has to launch like November first, right, I mean, I think it has so much love that people are just anxious for it. They probably want to run it for as long as possible. Can you get a pumpkin spice latte at other times? Like, I don't think so. I think I think that's the whole thing, right, is that it is special to that time of year, and so it creates this demand in the same way that you know, when McDonald's wasn't doing the McRib sandwich all the time, that people had to like come whenever it was. I assume it's the exact same with the pumpkins spice PSL. The PSL. This is a full on digression. Do you like pumpkin spice lot? No? I do not, me neither, So there we go. Now, I've been drinking my coffee black, and I gotta say it's a lot, got a lot going for it. I mean, it certainly enables you to go longer without eating stuff in the morning. I mean, you have cream in your coffee. It's like having a breakfast before having an actual breakfast. I was having some issues with dairy in general, so I found turning to black coffee was my way to deal with some of those. But to answer our listeners question, I drank coffee through all of my pregnancies. I have not found any particularly compelling reason not to. The current recommendation is to limit it to two hundred milligrams, and I looked it up at a pumpkin spice latte has one hundred and fifty milligrams, So I am guessing. I guess that's the standard size. I mean Starbucks has a million sizes. Who knows, So I mean, I would say our listener should just go for it, all right, Like, go enjoy your pumpkin spice latte. A lot of pregnancy prohibitions are complete and total bs. I would be more worried about the amount of sugar and a pumpkin spice latte, like that's not good for you or your baby, But no one worries about that, so there you go. The bigger issue with having lots of coffee when you're pregnant is that you have to pee all the time, so you can't even like have a coffee before getting in the car for thirty minutes to go somewhere, like you're gonna be finding a rest stop somewhere along the way. So that was my take on that. Sarah so I she specifically asked if we gave it up, and I did give up caffeine during my first pregnancy because it took a very long time to have that pregnancy, and even though it seemed like any risk was either non existent or infinitesimal, I couldn't live with myself if something happened and I would have to wonder. So I did give it up and I drank decaf. However, with my second and third pregnancies, I guess I had gained a lot of confidence. I felt more confident in my ability to reget pregnant should things have gone awry. I know that sounds terrible, but it's true. And I drank coffee every single day, So I would saying that the evidence is not there that it like causes miscarriage. Like no, So I mean like, let's not certainly not at that dose, yact. No, not at all. So anyway, that's our take. We did not give it up for you know, seven out of eight pregnancies between the two of us. Here. Second question, favorite kid products lately, any new fines and also how about for kitchen and food products? So Sarah, what are what are you liking these days? So is really into the Kiwi crate doodle crates. I don't get a bunch of ki crates for every kid anymore because I find they just it's a lot of stuff in your house. But the craft ones, which are the doodle crates, it's kind of consumable materials and you create a project and she loves them. So that's been really fun. And they are not a podcast sponsor at least at this point, so this is non spawn. I will say the rise of shoes like sneakers, like real sneakers that are decently supportive that have no laces for or velcro for kids, but magically kind of hug the foot. Are so great and so convenient. And I noticed that in Genevieve's class, like half the kids have the same pair of Nikes. Is it the Nike Flex, that's what alex is. Yeah, Nike, we love those. Those are everywhere and actually if you look on Zappo's they have a lot of color options like that we didn't see in the store. So I think there's going to be a whole generation of children who don't know how to tie their shoes. That is true. Cameron has gray ones, Annabel has blue and black ones, and Genevieve has gray and they're gonna get to adulthood in all adult shoes will just be slip ons because I'll be like, we never learned. It seemed like too much trouble, Like what's that thing with the bunny loops and like it goes around the the what I forget how you're supposed to describe it to children, But yes, the older kids learned. But yeah, we haven't even approached that topic with Alex yet for tying shoes. So yeah, Nike Flex all the way. So those are great kitchen. I don't have a lot, you know, we I was just thinking, like, we never buy kitchen gadgets. I don't have a fancy blender. We do not have an instant pot, so I don't have a lot there. But I will say another back to school item, I ordered ll Bean backpacks for the kids that were definitely the same ones that I had as a kid. They're so nice, They're like, well maybe they're aesthetically pleasing, and there is something so fun and nostalgic to be like I had that backpack too, just in a different color. So it's possible that your backpacks from childhood might even last now with those Yeah, some of them last, others do not, So something to keep up in mind. Although my sense is they often get so grubby from what the kids do to them that you want to replace them, even if technically you don't have to replace them, like the seams are still there. Yeah. In my house, Like I was thinking about this question of like, you know, new baby products, for instance, anything i'd seen different this time around. But Henry gets like almost nothing new because my entire house is full of kid chunks, so he's I have also been impressed, like as with the LLLL being backpacks. The things we don't have to buy new, like the kid Craft toy kitchen that has lasted through five children, the Thomas the train tank, the engines that you play on, that Melissa Doug set or whatever, not the Melissa Doug trains themselves, but the branded Thomas ones, and then with the Melissa and Doug set that you can use to do it. We have a same a snowsuit from ll bean that not only have my five children used, but three cousins did before that, so that one has definitely gotten its money's use. One thing. A couple of things we did get new this time around. We had a baby katan rap which worked really well for when Henry was an infant, and we sort of transferred it around for all of us, like me, Michael, the different nannies we had during his infancy, and the one issue is that he loved it so much that he would only nap in the katan until he was approximately eight months old, which started to get a little bit tiring that you're like, okay, I have to have a baby on me for his nap. He like monopolized in adults time for nap as opposed to giving the adults a break, so we were always shifting that around, like which adult gets the nap this time. Fortunately this was during the pandemic, so everyone was around and able to handle that. But he did love it, so there you go. He did sleep in his SNeW at night. And I know a lot of people have debated purchasing the SNeW. I was in the hospital when I got a well timed email about a thirty percent sent off sale on the snow, so I was like, I'm going for it. I'll see if it works. It was fine. I don't think it was life changing. I don't think he slept particularly more than any of the other children, but it was, you know, fine. And it's a nice bacinet and I like the swattle cloths that come with it. Those are actually really good. So you could also just buy the swattle cloths and skip the snow, although they are meant to go in the snow, like they have the side wings that you strap the baby into the snow. But yeah, that was fine, not life changing, but perfectly fine. One other thing, we've been buying Amazon Basics for some of the kid stuff that I know they're going to grow out of. Fairly quickly. So kid coats, for instance, if you live in a cold climate, it is quite possible that your children will need a new coat each year. They will lose their coat. So while theoretically this is the sort of thing that you might want high quality on, that just seems like a waste when they're going to leave it on the bus and at their activities and all that sort of thing. So we've been buying Amazon Basics and they come in just nice. They're sort of sleek and fitted puffer jackets, and they come in different colors, and the kids like the profile, and so that has solved that problem particularly well. So I would give a shout out there all right, next question, simple weeknight dinners that the kids will eat. Boy, isn't this the perpetual question, Sarah, what will your kids eat? They'll eat more than my kids will eat. Yeah, my kids are reasonable. I am not going to say I could throw anything at them. And I certainly have that experience where you like work hard to make a dinner and you put it down and then like the initial reaction is just like I'm not eating that like violent, violent injection. So don't think that they're like, you know, miracle children. But tacos always a crowd pleaser. The adults can make taco salad, the kids can eat it in the taco shells. I've never heard complaints on a taco night. Any kind of burger, turkey burger, regular burger, it's going to be a crowd pleaser and also can be easily converted into a salad if you don't want to eat it burger style. My kids love any kind of like chicken rice curry slash thing I think, I mean they've grown up eating that, either our nanny makes her own curry or even from like takeout quick places like we have this local place either Pyo chocolatel or Chicken Kitchen. They love that. We actually we had that, guess Claire tansy On and my kids still love that salmon ramen bowl recipe from her cookbook. They any kind of like Asian bowl with rice and salmon like they will eat. And then finally, an unexpected crowd pleaser. Laura's going to like laugh at this one. But is big salads, especially if there are like multiple components so they can control, you know, what doesn't go into their salad. I'd say Cameron is the most picky, and so sometimes I'll be like, Okay, you're eating dry lettuce with chicken because nothing else was acceptable from this spread. But the other kids will eat lots of different stuff. I love the chopped honey mustard chicken salad recipe from how Sweet Eats, which I think I'm going to learned about from lag Live. I don't know, but we love that one. And then she also has like a copycat Fuji Apple Panera type salad on her site as well that the kids like. So, yeah, salad can be more kid friendly than you think if your kids are not like completely averse to lettuce or anything green. Yeah, we have a more limited palette in our family, but some reliable crowd pleasers, which I'll throw these out that I think these are more likely to fly with many children than the honey mustard chicken salad or salmon Rabben Buls is breakfast for dinner, which we do every Wednesday, and it's a little bit more elaborate than what we would ever actually eat for breakfast because it's a dinner. So we do scrambled eggs, pancakes, bacon, and fruit, and you know that is a balanced meal and everyone loves it. There's zero complaints on that except for Alex and Fruit, but that's a long standing issue. We also do make your own pizza on Fridays, so this is a great way to get the fun of Friday night pizza without the dialing for some pizza somewhere. We buy freezer case dough from the grocery store. You can also make your own occasionally. Michael will do that. He's been doing that less as he's been more back in the office sometimes, but you can do that in a bread maker very easily, but also easy to just buy frozen dough. People roll it out in whatever shape they want, so if you want to make a heart shaped pizza, that is totally cool. You can buy pizza sauce also at the grocery store. We do Raos, which has it's pretty good mazzarella cheese, especially if you get the sort of Sargento big block shaved off. It looks like more like pizza cheese when it cooks, and then whatever toppings people wish to put on their pizza. So that's a really good crowd pleaser as well. I would also say that grilled cheese can be the basis of a very quick, easy crowd pleaser meal. We have a our pancake griddle which we repurpose for grilled cheese on those nights. Obviously, it's just a big hot surface, right, you can cook anything on it. So you line up the bread like grease it, line up the bread, put the cheese on, put the top bread on, flip it over. You can make like six grilled cheese at the same time, which is convenient, and then serve it with something else. So if you know, the kids just want like carrots and apples or something, that would be a meal, whereas the adults could have it with soup. You know, there's a million prepared soups you can get, and just look for one that are slightly healthier, like healthier tomato soup or a salad, a bag salad from the grocery store. So that is literally a ten minute meal. Just make the salad in a bowl and then do the grilled cheese on the griddle, and you have dinner. So I would put a major shout out for that one as well. Awesome. Well, we're going to take a quick break and we'll be back with one more food related question. All right, Well, we are back doing our mail bag episode, our first of what will be more than one mail bag episode thanks to all the great questions that listeners sent in. So, Sarah, what do you eat for lunch? This listener says, I am out of ideas for quick and healthy meals both in and out of the office. So you tackle the in office part because I'm useless there. Okay, I will tackle the in office so one to two days. I keep it super simple. Either if there are leftovers, then I bring those, or my other standalone thing to bring is a frozen Amy's burrito with carrots and a string cheese. That's just easy to throw in my bag. It works. We also have access to a free cafeteria, but I honestly don't go there that often because A I get very tired of what they have, and B I always get like work randomly piled on me. When I go, people are like, I like, you just asked for that because you saw me anyway. That's terrible. We should nobody listen to that. Who works with me, You can ask me for anything anytime, But yes, I don't go there every all the time. And then one day a week. My new custom has actually been allowing myself to order Uber East from wherever I want, because I feel like I am allowed, yes, and it comes out of my personal budget, as it does with Josh if he does that for himself, but I spare no expense. I ordered TI the other day. I had like a super fancy spin salad yesterday. So yeah, that's my that's my current plan. Because now when you do the Amy's brute, you have a full fridge and freezer then and available to you that you can just stick it in. Right yep. We have an office, like there's a kitchen that like the whole floor shares micro everything in the print, and a microwave. They got it. That's obviously key. I mean, I would assume that anyone in a sort of big office has access to at least one of those little small fridges maybe, if not a freezer in a microwave. If you don't, that's obviously a lot more complicated to try to make lunch work. But hopefully your organization has at least figured that part out at home. I mean, honestly, we're a big Leftover's family too. We order sun Basket kits. I've mentioned this before. They we started ordering when they were a sponsor for a brief number of episodes and then have kept doing it ever since. We order enough for four people. We have three adults who are usually eating it, Michael, Me, and or Nanny, so then there is often enough for or lunch portion for at least me the next day. And I'm the one who tends to eat the leftovers, so I do that for a day or two during the week. We will often cook some sort of big protein on the weekend, So if we have steak, for instance, on Saturday or Sunday, we'll cook more than enough for that meal because it's easy enough to just put two extra steaks on the grill or to cook them in the skillet or the oven or whatever we're doing, and then that can be the basis for lunches the rest of the week. I will slice it up and cook it with veggies that we have. It's good with broccoli, kale or something like that, to make the steak a little bit more of a scramble with that. If we haven't cooked a big protein over the weekend, we often have those pre cooked sausages you can buy from the freezer case that I'll just slice up and do the same thing, cook it with broccoli, or cauliflower, kale, whatever, and make a meal out of that in a pinch. I will also do Amy's frozen burritos. I've been trying the non dairy option. It's not my favorite, Like I would prefer to do something else, but you know, if there's not a good leftover, I will do a frozen meal. Since it's a rare thing to go out, I just if I was going out, I'd do whatever, Like I wouldn't worry about it, Sam as Sarah, she's doing it only one day a week, or if you're doing it once every two weeks, it doesn't matter as much's it's if it's every day that it becomes a problem sort of budget wise and health wise. But since I'm so rarely going out for lunch, I would just get whatever was out and available. So there you go. All right. Next question, Sorry I'm reading we will finally move away from food. Moving away from food? All right? What are some habits that you are really happy you kept when it was easier to let go? So my first thought on this one for me was running during pregnancy, because I like to run, but it was always definitely harder when running for two but it was something that helped me feel like I was still me and still able to get some of the mood boosting effects, although not quite as many since I wasn't going as fast and as furiously. I've also been happy that I've kept up with singing in choir. There was a gap when we first moved to Pennsylvania a few years, but I've been back in it, And obviously there was a gap with COVID as well, but we're starting up again in a few weeks and making it too weekly rehearsals isn't easy to fit in a big family, busy schedule, but I do not care. We make it happen. How about you, Sarah. I think I would say budget tracking because I have let it go once in the past, and I think we took like a year off of that, and I just feel so much better when we do it. So I'm glad that we keep up with that habit. And I say we because I mean it's more me, but my husband does contribute to that to some extent by entering transactions and such. And I'll also say, and I didn't write this, but my blog, I mean some might have thought like, oh, well, once you have kids and you have this full job, like why would you keep doing this? How would you fit that in? And I have never giving that up, and I'm very very glad that I have kept that habit going for many, many many years now. Yeah, I've read Sarah's blog for a great many years now, and I know that occasionally she's gone through periods where she's like, I'm not sure I can keep doing this, and we're always like no, please, please keep blogging. I'm gladly she has, so that's good. All right, Next question, can you talk about hitting a slump at work and not feeling motivated? Do you want to tackle this one first? Like, if our listener is not feeling motivated, what do you do? I mean, first of all, you are normal. It doesn't mean there's a catastrophe. We are all going to go through slumps sometimes, So you need to figure out if this is just like a temporary, circumstantial slump which we all go through often because we need to take a break or a vacation, or if this is more like job is not fulfilling enough overall. I'm slogging through every day because if it's like lack of fulfillment long term, you probably need to do more about it. Then if it's just like you need a break, you're tired, you're sick of every thing relating to COVID, maybe if you're in the medical field, and then it's sort of a matter of figuring out how you can get through that. Now, the other thing is, and I didn't mention this, but this could indicate just an overall mental health issue that needs to be addressed. So maybe it's not just work. Particularly if it's more of a life slump or you not wanting to do your work because you just feel like you don't have it in you, that might be time to seek help from a professional, because maybe it's not really about your work at all. Maybe it's about how you're feeling inside. And obviously right now we've all gone through stressors that are different maybe than anything we've gone through before, so it wouldn't be that surprising to need some support exactly. Definitely reach out for that if you think you need it. Lots of ways you can access that these days, many that are affordable and easy to do, so please look into that. I would also say that it may not be a permanent condition, as Sarah was saying, and so often when we feel like, oh, I don't like my job right now. The first thing we're like, I need to quit, I need to do something else. I mean, maybe you do, but maybe that doesn't have to be the first thing. You think. You can just ride the wave for a little bit and say, well, maybe it'll come back to me, Like just do B minus work for a while, Like the world will not stop spinning, it will be okay. If you are still in a slump after a couple months, then you can decide to take bigger actions. There's also things you can do in the moment just to boost your own energy and this sort of self care. I hate that phrase, but yes, these are things you can do to make yourself feel better in any given moment. We always talk about scheduling like one little adventure per week, like doing something that you would look forward to during the work week, maybe even over your lunch break if you get a longer one. You could go see a new park. You could go walk on a trail. You could go to a gallery nearby, go to a museum, go to a new restaurant you've never tried, meet a friend somebody who was able to do that, meet your spouse for a lunch break, but just some sort of little adventure that keeps you excited. Trying to move by three pm every day, getting yourself out and getting some fresh air, getting a little bit of physical activity is a great way to boost your energy. I would also recommend trying to make space for real work. It is so easy to spend our entire days dealing with logistics and administration, and you know, it's like we've got the project timeline for figuring out what we're going to do now, it's like so not related to what you were actually hired to do and the part of your job you actually like, like that you would tell people about it parties if you are still going to parties. So figure out what that is the part you love. Figure out ways you can do you know, at least thirty to sixty minutes of it every day, and you will probably feel a lot more excited about your job. And finally, if you don't feel like you're getting anything done, like just lean into some other aspect of your career, like relationship building. I mean, maybe this is the time where you go just do all those coffee dates, like virtual coffee dates. If you need to call all the people that you keep saying you're going to call, like get those on your calendar. And these new inputs from new people, can you know, start to counter burnout? And if nothing else, if you do decide that you want to leave your job, it'll be good to have all those connections nice and warm. All right, So let's I guess, I guess I'm reading the questions. We never discussed who was reading the questions for city or like, we just assigned it to you. Okay, we go all right. This later listener says, I've been in a leadership role for the past few years, but have found I need to move on from my current organization. We are in mega transition mode, and I'm wondering if I should explore roles that are not people management. Due to all the personal changes that her family is going through. One starting kindergarten for the first time, new school, new house, just moved lots of stuff. Would it look bad to go from management to more of an individual contributor role? Well, what do you think? I have some thoughts? Okay, So, first of all, the personal changes that you mentioned kindergarten, new school, and new house, I actually think those specific changes now if there's something else that's not mentioned. Maybe there's more, like, you know, a major illness or something like that. But those changes you mentioned are things are going to get into a groove fairly quickly, I'm guessing. I mean, once you're kindergarteners at the new school, they're going to be probably adjusted in a week or two. So that probably isn't going to dictate you know, what your job needs to look like. However, if deep inside you are feeling you'd like a break from that more management type of role and you want to go back to a more personal contributor type of role, I think there's no reason you can't do that. And maybe you're going to create more of a very specific expertise and some niche that will then help you later on do something else, or you just are going to enjoy it. I think there's no harm in that. I know, at least in the medical field, people can do that. If I wanted to go back to being largely clinical and develop some expertise like that would be in one specific condition or something, I don't think anyone would frown on that. I mean, individual contributors do valuable work too, and I'm sure that's true in whatever field you're in, and then you can always now you have management experience, maybe you can consider this sort of specialized and vidualized work experience, and maybe you go back to management or leadership later and more of a hybrid, or maybe you don't. So I think I don't think your circumstances have to dictate, But if that is what you want to do deep inside, I don't think there's any reason not to do. So. Yeah, I was very interested in the way she put this question, like would it look bad to go from management to more of an individual contributor? Look bad to who? Like who is this almighty resume deity who is dictating like what it has to look like? There is no one approach to a career and no one thing of like what everybody is looking for. In fact, most of the time, like if you are applying for other jobs, like it's not your resume that's really getting you the job, it's that there is somebody you know at the organization who's recommended you for a role. So it's your resume be what they're looking at, But it's because it's going into someone's warm connection hands that they are already looking for reasons that you are the right person as opposed to being like ooh, I saw that she was not in a job for two months ten years ago, Like there's I mean, people get obsessed with like these gaps on resumes too, As you know, it's not going to come down to that. So I think the key question here is what you want to be doing. As Sarah said, these personal things will all get adjusted very quickly. I mean, as long as it's the things are listed here. If again, if you have a facing down, a major illness, if you are getting divorced, those are all bigger things that might take more time to work through, but a new house you will figure out. The bigger question is what you want to be doing. I would not agree that management is inherently harder, if that is the way that she is phrasing this question, Like it may involve more logistical moving parts, but it's just different. Managing a troubled team that you have inherited is like inherently going to be harder than managing a team you have personally carefully assembled for a project you are all passionate about. Like that's a very different sort of man management experience. But if you've thought about this and you want to be in an individual contributor role and are worried about feeling personally like you have stepped back, then you should probably look for roles where you are going to be hired as something like an expert or a senior advisor or all these other terms of art that are about showing a position has prestige even though it is not necessarily the line management of a company. So look for that wherever you wind up going. Love that super specialist, super specialist, top secret, super special agent. You can make up your own job title, think about what would make you feel really excited, and then ask for that. All right, So let's do our love of the week, Sarah, what do you have for us? All right? So, as listeners know, my sister owns a yarn store in North Carolina called Warm and Fuzzy, and I don't knit, so it is very rare that she will post anything where I'm like, ooh, I want that. But obviously I follow her on Instagram because she is my sister. And she posted this Magner project bag and there was something about it that drew me to it, and I was like, this is going to be my planner's supplies holding bag even though it's supposed to be for like knitting projects, and so she gave me a discount because she's a very nice sister. And I love it. It It came. It's so cute, it's mint green. It perfectly nestles like my like fun pens and like a couple of planners that I'm working on reviewing, and it's like up on my desk and like a perfect area and it it just makes me so happy. So yes, Canvas Magner project be awesome. I'm going to do a shout out to the National Parks Pass, which is really such a great deal. Like if you think you're going to be going for American listeners, at least, if you think you're going to be going to any of the national parks in the US, you can get one pass for the year that allows your family to go to all of them, which is very economical, but even more so for our listeners who have fourth graders, look into this. The US gives every fourth grader a free perks pass if they take a little online quiz about nature and stuff, and it gets your whole family in for the whole year. So if for instance, you have five children who have all been fourth graders, you can ride this train for a long long time. So Ruth is taking that little quiz so we can go to our national parks this year for free. That's awesome, so look into that. Anyone who is fourth grade or the fourth grade home school equivalent. They also allow for that too, So basically anyone who's nine or ten can make it work all right. So this has been Best of Both Worlds. This has been an all mailbag episode. We will be back next week with more on making work in life fit together. Thanks for listening. You can find me Sarah at the shoebox dot com or at the Underscore Shoebox on Instagram, and you can find me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. This has been the Best of Both Worlds podcast. Please join us next time for more on making work and life work together.