Discipline Errors Toddler Parents Make

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<v SPEAKER_00>If you don't learn to control your own anger, they're gonna feed off your anger and your frustration.

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<v SPEAKER_00>It makes you look weak.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Your behavior, your facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language are so important.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Because with toddlers, especially, their language is not words.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Their language is all physical, it's all bodies.

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<v SPEAKER_00>They're learning words, but they really relate on an emotional level to actions.

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<v SPEAKER_00>How can I get my 20-month-old to brush his teeth or allow me to?

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<v SPEAKER_01>You want to make the toothbrush a fun thing to do.

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<v SPEAKER_01>My 17-month-old whines constantly when my attention is averted from her.

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<v SPEAKER_01>And I'm Amy Bunnage, Lisa's daughter, and I handle the marketing and planning here at Bratbusters.

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<v SPEAKER_01>While I don't have kids, each episode we'll dive into parenting topics and Lisa will answer your questions.

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<v SPEAKER_01>Let's get started.

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<v SPEAKER_01>Okay, sweetie pie, what are we talking about today?

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<v SPEAKER_01>Today's topic is all about toddlers.

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<v SPEAKER_01>So it's going to be a lot of toddler questions.

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<v SPEAKER_01>And I want to talk about specifically discipline mistakes from your perspective that a lot of toddler parents make.

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<v SPEAKER_00>The common ones.

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<v SPEAKER_00>You know, there's four of them.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Three of them, sorry, four.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Well, there's four things that kids are born to do.

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<v SPEAKER_00>That's what I was thinking.

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<v SPEAKER_00>And then there's three common discipline methods that people use all the time, especially with toddlers.

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<v SPEAKER_00>And I can't stand them.

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<v SPEAKER_00>So we'll get into all that.

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<v SPEAKER_00>How about we start with those?

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<v SPEAKER_00>Well, so let's get into all that.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Okay, so the four things that they're born to do are never gonna do, they're not your fault when they start doing them, but it's your job to train them out of them.

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<v SPEAKER_00>One is tantrums, one is aggressive behavior, one is climbing, one is running.

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<v SPEAKER_00>This is the fourth, it's just in their DNA, okay?

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<v SPEAKER_00>They're gonna try these things and um, and then like I said, it's not your fault they start them, but you want to train them out of all that stuff.

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<v SPEAKER_00>So, and what I mean by running is not just normal running, but running away from you in public or climbing up on the fridge, that kind of stuff.

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<v SPEAKER_00>So, anyway, okay, but the three common discipline methods, there's three of them that I just can't stand.

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<v SPEAKER_00>They're really commonly used.

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<v SPEAKER_00>And the one that isn't as bad as the other two is timeout.

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<v SPEAKER_00>So, number three would be timeout.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Timeout is when you send them off in a corner, you're three, you sit there for three minutes and you think about what you did.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Then you go over to them and then you discuss what they did wrong.

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<v SPEAKER_00>I think it's horrible.

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<v SPEAKER_00>It's so mean because you're sending, for one thing, it makes you look like you don't know what you're doing.

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<v SPEAKER_00>You go over there because I don't even know what to do with you.

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<v SPEAKER_00>I just don't like it.

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<v SPEAKER_00>I think it's mean.

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<v SPEAKER_00>And by the way, they're not sitting there ponticating pontificating.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Is that what it's called?

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<v SPEAKER_00>I've never even heard that word.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Anyway, I just made that up probably.

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<v SPEAKER_00>No, it is a word, I think.

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<v SPEAKER_00>But anyway, um, so they're not thinking about what they did.

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<v SPEAKER_00>They're not meant, they're not sort of going, what did I do?

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<v SPEAKER_00>What shouldn't I have done?

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<v SPEAKER_00>They're just sitting there feeling like garbage, okay?

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<v SPEAKER_00>It just makes them feel horrible.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Then you go over and then you want to rehash everything they did wrong.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Okay, so it's just, it's just dragging it out.

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<v SPEAKER_00>It's horrible.

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<v SPEAKER_00>So you want to use consistent corrective actions, but toddlers, toddlers is 16 to 35 months, the way I break it down.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Okay, that's timeout.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Um, what else am I gonna say?

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<v SPEAKER_00>Oh, I know.

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<v SPEAKER_00>A really good example to explain why it's so bad is let's say at work you made a mistake and your boss said, You're 36, you go sit in that corner for 36 minutes and you think about what you did.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Then we're gonna hash it out after you're done.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Uh, I was doing a live once and I said I used that example, and someone said, Oh, I would love to get a 36-minute break.

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<v SPEAKER_00>So maybe it wasn't a very good example.

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<v SPEAKER_00>But generally you get the idea.

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<v SPEAKER_00>It's kind of humiliating and demoralizing.

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<v SPEAKER_00>And the kids feel that way too, but they just can't express it.

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<v SPEAKER_00>I feel like I'm their voice with that.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Anyway, so the number two, it's worse than time out, is diversion.

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<v SPEAKER_00>It's when they're doing something naughty and then you try and stop it by diverting their attention.

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<v SPEAKER_00>This is 16 and oh 16 months and over it.

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<v SPEAKER_00>With a baby, I do that, by the way.

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<v SPEAKER_00>With a baby I do, but not with a 16-month-old toddler.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Because you never divert with broccoli.

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<v SPEAKER_00>You're always diverting with something fun that they really want.

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<v SPEAKER_00>So what you've just done is you've rewarded the bad behavior.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Oh, I know when I kick the cat, I get offered a candy.

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<v SPEAKER_00>I mean, it's sort of like that.

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<v SPEAKER_00>They they they equate the two.

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<v SPEAKER_00>So I do something bad, so therefore I get rewarded for it.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Okay, that's the second worst one.

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<v SPEAKER_00>The worst one by far is the countdown.

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<v SPEAKER_00>This is when they're doing something bad and you start counting down for them to stop.

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<v SPEAKER_00>And you say, you better stop by the time I count to three, or else you go one, two, two and a half, three.

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<v SPEAKER_00>And then let's say they're kicking their little baby brother or something, they'll keep kicking for those three counts, and then they break, they stop.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Then there's no accountability or punishment for what they just did.

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<v SPEAKER_00>There's no consequence for it.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Okay.

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<v SPEAKER_00>So they haven't learned anything.

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<v SPEAKER_00>All they've learned is I can be rotten and mean for three counts.

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<v SPEAKER_00>So in the short term, it's okay to be rotten, but not in the long term.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Okay, and it makes you look weak.

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<v SPEAKER_00>It makes you look like you don't know what you're doing, it makes you look like you're afraid of them.

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<v SPEAKER_00>I can't discipline right now because I'm terrified of you.

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<v SPEAKER_00>So I'm going to count to three and hope you stop so I don't have to do anything.

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<v SPEAKER_00>That's what they pick up on.

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<v SPEAKER_00>And your approach instead?

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<v SPEAKER_00>Consistent corrective actions.

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<v SPEAKER_00>So let's say they are kicking their little brother or something.

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<v SPEAKER_00>I say no and I go right over to them and I pull them away from the little brother.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Now, in that situation, I would pick up the little brother and sue them and give them attention.

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<v SPEAKER_00>So that's teaching that uh the one who just was kicking, that's teaching them that that's naughty.

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<v SPEAKER_00>They don't like to see their victim get a lot of love and attention.

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<v SPEAKER_00>So that's when you're taking, you always take the fun away from them or them away from the fun.

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<v SPEAKER_00>But this is a little bit different.

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<v SPEAKER_00>You're actually rewarding the victim.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Sort of, it's another little extension of all that.

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<v SPEAKER_00>So yeah, it's consistent corrective actions.

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<v SPEAKER_00>It has to be done right in the moment, and there's no discussing it.

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<v SPEAKER_00>You can just say one word, no, that's sufficient.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Parents tend to want to discuss all the bad behavior and all the big feelings and big emotions.

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<v SPEAKER_00>That's ridiculous.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Okay, when they're acting bad, just say no and then have a consequence.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Take remove them from the fun just for a few minutes or whatever, or remove the fun from them.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Take a toy away.

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<v SPEAKER_00>If they hit with a toy, take that toy away and then console the victim.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Okay, so and it has to be done consistently.

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<v SPEAKER_00>And they pick up, they remember the times that you didn't do it.

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<v SPEAKER_00>They just they they remember what suits them.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Okay.

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<v SPEAKER_00>If you forget to do it one whole day, you let it all go.

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<v SPEAKER_00>They're gonna remember that.

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<v SPEAKER_00>They're not gonna remember the other days that you got it all right.

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<v SPEAKER_00>They're gonna feed off of the times you get it wrong.

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<v SPEAKER_00>So you want to just pick one battle.

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<v SPEAKER_00>You might just figure out, okay, so this week we're gonna pick the hitting battle.

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<v SPEAKER_00>We're gonna deal with that and be 100% consistent.

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<v SPEAKER_00>We'll master that, then we'll move on to something else.

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<v SPEAKER_01>And then just to clarify, you consider a toddler to be 16 to 35 months.

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<v SPEAKER_00>That's just the way I've broken it down.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Because a baby is up to about 16 months, and then um a preschooler is three and four, and a a child I consider five to eight, a tween or preteen, nine to twelve, and then thirteen and up, obviously a teenager.

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<v SPEAKER_00>It's just the way I've broken it down.

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<v SPEAKER_00>And what would I be at 31?

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<v SPEAKER_00>31, you'd be a woman, I guess.

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<v SPEAKER_00>I don't know.

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<v SPEAKER_00>I guess.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Well, what would what do you oh I don't understand that millennium millennial stuff or anything?

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<v SPEAKER_00>I'm a boomer, but I'm one of the original boomers.

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<v SPEAKER_00>I'm the last of the original boomers.

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<v SPEAKER_00>So, like I was born 1960, and now they have other boomers out there, I've heard.

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<v SPEAKER_00>I don't know about all that stuff.

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<v SPEAKER_00>I don't know about that.

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<v SPEAKER_00>We might fact check that one.

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<v SPEAKER_00>There's another boomer, yeah.

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<v SPEAKER_00>And they stand, they go up to 1965 or something.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Uh uh, yeah, I saw that and I thought, wait a minute, I'm the last of the boomers.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Now you're stretching it out.

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<v SPEAKER_00>I like being a boomer.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Anyway, okay, so that's how you can that's how you control um yourself also when you're when you're dealing with tantrums and when you're dealing with any anything with toddlers is you control yourself because if you don't learn to control your own anger, they're gonna feed off your anger and your frustration.

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<v SPEAKER_00>It makes you look weak.

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<v SPEAKER_00>So when you're dealing with tantrums, you completely ignore them as soon as they're finished.

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<v SPEAKER_00>You say, Oh, y'all done.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Do you want to go read a book?

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<v SPEAKER_00>See my tone.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Your behavior, your facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language are so important.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Because with toddlers, especially, their language is not words.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Their language is all physical, it's all bodies.

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<v SPEAKER_00>They're learning words, but they really relate on an emotional level to actions.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Okay.

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<v SPEAKER_00>So how you look, how you react, your facial expressions, your tone of voice.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Whenever I'm disciplining a child, I my tone of voice is all it's it's not necessarily super friendly, but it's a bit of a lilt in it.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Like, okay, here we go now, off you go.

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<v SPEAKER_00>You see how it's a bit of a lilt in it?

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<v SPEAKER_00>Like, it's almost like I'm convincing myself not to get frustrated and not to show any any anger.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Put a little bit of a lilt in your voice.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Because yeah, I do get frustrated sometimes.

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<v SPEAKER_00>My weakness is whining.

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<v SPEAKER_00>I can't stand whining.

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<v SPEAKER_00>I can handle tantrums, no problem.

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<v SPEAKER_00>But whining, oh, it's like nails on a chalkboard.

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<v SPEAKER_00>By the way, I don't mind nails on a chalkboard, but I can't stand whining.

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<v SPEAKER_01>I remember that.

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<v SPEAKER_01>I grew up with zero tolerance.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Well, they my kids never whined, but I remember they had friends over who would whine, and my kids would look at me and my eyes were twitching.

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<v SPEAKER_00>I mean, just can't I can't say anything because they're not my kids, right?

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<v SPEAKER_00>Their parents were right there and they want that.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Oh my God.

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<v SPEAKER_01>Oh, I remember that having friends over and they'd do something different.

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<v SPEAKER_01>I'd be like, just look over at you just to see your reaction.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Nothing I can do if their parents are there, if they're not there, I would take action.

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<v SPEAKER_00>But even then, I'm careful because they're not my kids.

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<v SPEAKER_00>But if they were destroying something in my house, yeah, I would pull them away for sure.

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<v SPEAKER_00>It's like when you know that there's like a smile on your face, but the eyes don't match.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Yeah, the twitching.

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<v SPEAKER_00>That was like a little bit of a twitch.

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<v SPEAKER_00>But yeah, there's nothing you can do with other people's kids, especially when the parents are around.

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<v SPEAKER_00>But toddlers are all about actions and they are about consistency.

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<v SPEAKER_00>And they they don't learn the first time.

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<v SPEAKER_00>It might take 50 times or a hundred times.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Like a toddler learns more through muscle memory, it which means muscle like repetition.

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<v SPEAKER_00>So let's say it like a two-year-old will touch a hot oven 10 times, not to burn the, but you know, if it's hot, and they'll touch it like 10 times, but they won't touch it on the 11th.

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<v SPEAKER_00>It's not that they're stopping and thinking, they're just muscle memory, like they just don't do it.

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<v SPEAKER_00>Because muscle memory.

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<v SPEAKER_00>So if you're consistent with this consistent correct of actions, whenever they do something naughty, they will just muscle memory stop doing it because they know what's gonna follow isn't pleasant because I'm gonna lose that toy that I just used as a weapon.

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<v SPEAKER_00>You talk about just how important patience is.

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<v SPEAKER_00>It's it's hard to master, but once you know how well it works, it's kind of easier.

00:09:23.600 --> 00:09:25.120
<v SPEAKER_00>You know, I think it's like anything.

00:09:25.279 --> 00:09:28.960
<v SPEAKER_00>If you're if you're really confident about the outcome, it's easier to do.

00:09:29.120 --> 00:09:32.879
<v SPEAKER_00>I think the reason why it's so hard to do is parents don't really know if it's gonna work or not.

00:09:33.039 --> 00:09:35.679
<v SPEAKER_00>So it's harder to do something if you're not sure if it's gonna work.

00:09:35.840 --> 00:09:36.720
<v SPEAKER_00>It's like anything, right?

00:09:36.960 --> 00:09:37.840
<v SPEAKER_01>It's the unknown.

00:09:38.000 --> 00:09:46.639
<v SPEAKER_01>And we were just talking about this off-air, is like it's the idea of you never know 100% that what you're doing right now is gonna pan out in the future.

00:09:46.799 --> 00:09:48.799
<v SPEAKER_01>And that, especially with raising kids.

00:09:48.879 --> 00:09:59.200
<v SPEAKER_01>And I can imagine I'm not a mom right now, but I could imagine that you're trying all of these things, but you don't know what the next 18, 20 years are gonna look like.

00:09:59.519 --> 00:10:01.759
<v SPEAKER_00>Well, you know, working the odds, really.

00:10:01.840 --> 00:10:04.240
<v SPEAKER_00>And I've worked with hundreds of kids and teenagers and all that.

00:10:04.320 --> 00:10:12.080
<v SPEAKER_00>So I kind of have an idea of what's gonna happen because it's been so consistent, is my methods have been so consistent across the board in getting respect.

00:10:12.240 --> 00:10:14.240
<v SPEAKER_00>And you give it to get it, by the way.

00:10:14.399 --> 00:10:19.039
<v SPEAKER_00>Um, so I'm pretty confident in it, and that's why I'm teaching it because I really believe in this.

00:10:19.200 --> 00:10:26.639
<v SPEAKER_00>And um, but yeah, if you don't know where you're going, and also, and this is I I've often said this, but I don't go on about a lot, obviously.

00:10:26.799 --> 00:10:33.919
<v SPEAKER_00>But um, I would never take parenting advice from someone who hasn't finished the job because what works with younger kids often backfires in the teen years.

00:10:34.080 --> 00:10:38.000
<v SPEAKER_00>So they got to know what they're doing with, they've got to have lived with teenagers and finished the job.

00:10:38.159 --> 00:10:43.600
<v SPEAKER_00>And that that really frustrates me when they say, but you know, they're they said to do this and that, and I know it's gonna backfire.

00:10:43.759 --> 00:10:49.919
<v SPEAKER_00>I know it 100% that some of these things that are really popular up there are gonna backfire in the teen years because you're building resentment.

00:10:50.000 --> 00:10:52.879
<v SPEAKER_00>Okay, so they may be good in the moment, but just you wait.

00:10:52.960 --> 00:10:54.000
<v SPEAKER_00>They're they're building up.

00:10:54.080 --> 00:10:57.679
<v SPEAKER_00>There, that fire is just starting under this embers are burning underneath there.

00:10:57.840 --> 00:11:04.159
<v SPEAKER_00>So, yeah, really be careful who you take advice from and don't pick and choose like different tidbits that you like from different people.

00:11:04.320 --> 00:11:06.480
<v SPEAKER_00>Pick a path, whether it's me or someone else.

00:11:06.639 --> 00:11:07.679
<v SPEAKER_00>There's three criteria.

00:11:07.840 --> 00:11:09.360
<v SPEAKER_00>They have to have finished the job, okay?

00:11:09.440 --> 00:11:12.240
<v SPEAKER_00>They have to have lived with teenagers and they have young adults kind of thing.

00:11:12.399 --> 00:11:17.440
<v SPEAKER_00>The second one is they have to have worked with hundreds of kids because you don't, I only I didn't learn much with my own kids.

00:11:17.519 --> 00:11:19.919
<v SPEAKER_00>I learned most of this working with other kids, hundreds of kids.

00:11:20.080 --> 00:11:22.879
<v SPEAKER_00>You can't just ex you might just have super easy kids, right?

00:11:23.039 --> 00:11:24.159
<v SPEAKER_00>So that's another part of it.

00:11:24.240 --> 00:11:28.000
<v SPEAKER_00>And the third one is they have to have found parenting fun and easy.

00:11:28.159 --> 00:11:31.679
<v SPEAKER_00>Why would you take parenting advice from someone that you can relate to if you're struggling?

00:11:31.919 --> 00:11:32.960
<v SPEAKER_00>Doesn't make any sense at all.

00:11:33.120 --> 00:11:35.279
<v SPEAKER_00>That's not something that you want to be able to relate to.

00:11:35.440 --> 00:11:39.039
<v SPEAKER_00>You want them to say, yes, I did find parenting fun and easy, and this is how I did it.

00:11:39.120 --> 00:11:40.639
<v SPEAKER_00>Okay, those are the three criteria.

00:11:40.720 --> 00:11:43.519
<v SPEAKER_00>I'm sure there's lots of other people out there teaching parenting who have that.

00:11:43.679 --> 00:11:54.720
<v SPEAKER_00>But that would be really important to me if I was going to take parenting advice and just pick one path because, like, let's say I hate timeout, but let's say some other person with all that criteria, all that experience, let's say they like timeout.

00:11:54.960 --> 00:11:58.320
<v SPEAKER_00>It might work within their system, but it wouldn't work in mine.

00:11:58.480 --> 00:12:01.039
<v SPEAKER_00>The way I operate, timeout is a disaster for me.

00:12:01.200 --> 00:12:03.120
<v SPEAKER_00>So yeah, just pick a path and go with it.

00:12:03.200 --> 00:12:06.320
<v SPEAKER_00>You can't pick and choose from different diets or different parenting coaches.

00:12:06.480 --> 00:12:08.480
<v SPEAKER_00>You want to go with one system, one person.

00:12:08.639 --> 00:12:10.639
<v SPEAKER_00>Okay, if you don't like me, move on to someone else.

00:12:10.720 --> 00:12:12.080
<v SPEAKER_00>If you don't like them, find someone else.

00:12:12.240 --> 00:12:14.960
<v SPEAKER_00>I'm sure there's someone out there for you that resonates with you.

00:12:15.200 --> 00:12:22.480
<v SPEAKER_01>I can understand the the want to go with someone who has said, you know what, I struggled in the past, but now I've overcome it.

00:12:22.720 --> 00:12:28.879
<v SPEAKER_01>Because I think in a lot of areas, like for example, if I was with a looking for a personal trainer, I might resonate more.

00:12:29.039 --> 00:12:38.639
<v SPEAKER_01>Like if I'm struggling in a certain area and they had two and they overcame it, I can see how that might feel a little bit more approachable than a personal trainer who's like, this has always been easy for me.

00:12:38.799 --> 00:12:42.399
<v SPEAKER_00>You just don't want to be relatable to every expert that you're taking advice from, right?

00:12:42.639 --> 00:12:44.799
<v SPEAKER_00>Like, let's say someone who's teaching you how to fly a plane.

00:12:44.879 --> 00:12:47.759
<v SPEAKER_00>Yeah, I crashed a few planes before I learned how to fly properly.

00:12:47.919 --> 00:12:52.000
<v SPEAKER_00>Or would you take advice from, or would you take lessons from someone who said, Yeah, I've never crashed.

00:12:52.159 --> 00:12:54.240
<v SPEAKER_00>I've always flown really successful flights.

00:12:54.399 --> 00:12:54.960
<v SPEAKER_00>Think about it.

00:12:55.120 --> 00:12:58.000
<v SPEAKER_00>There are certain things that you want to be relatable and others that you don't.

00:12:58.080 --> 00:13:00.159
<v SPEAKER_00>And I think parenting is one of those things you don't.

00:13:00.480 --> 00:13:03.279
<v SPEAKER_01>Okay, do you want to get into the uh parenting questions?

00:13:03.519 --> 00:13:03.759
<v SPEAKER_01>Sure.

00:13:04.080 --> 00:13:05.440
<v SPEAKER_01>Devin from the United States.

00:13:05.600 --> 00:13:10.879
<v SPEAKER_01>My two-year-old breaks down and basically loses it at every birthday party, friend's house, et cetera, we go to.

00:13:11.039 --> 00:13:13.440
<v SPEAKER_01>He becomes very clingy and only wants to be held.

00:13:13.600 --> 00:13:16.399
<v SPEAKER_01>Most of the time he starts crying and just overall fussiness.

00:13:16.480 --> 00:13:19.519
<v SPEAKER_01>It often takes um over an hour to warm up.

00:13:19.679 --> 00:13:21.679
<v SPEAKER_01>What do you recommend in these situations?

00:13:22.080 --> 00:13:24.159
<v SPEAKER_00>Um, well, I wouldn't pick him up for sure.

00:13:24.320 --> 00:13:28.399
<v SPEAKER_00>Um, so he's crying, so what you don't want him just uh disturbing the party either.

00:13:28.639 --> 00:13:31.519
<v SPEAKER_00>So if he's crying, I might just go sit in the car with him.

00:13:31.679 --> 00:13:33.360
<v SPEAKER_00>And I wouldn't put him in the car seat, probably.

00:13:33.440 --> 00:13:35.919
<v SPEAKER_00>I'd just sit in the car, but I wouldn't let him sit in my lap or anything.

00:13:36.080 --> 00:13:42.080
<v SPEAKER_00>I would just, or maybe I'd just put him in the car and I'd be right outside the car, um, just waiting and say, Do you want to go in now?

00:13:42.240 --> 00:13:43.440
<v SPEAKER_00>And wait till he says yes.

00:13:43.600 --> 00:13:45.519
<v SPEAKER_00>He's only two, don't expect too much from him.

00:13:45.679 --> 00:13:47.840
<v SPEAKER_00>They're all kind of loose cannons at that age, right?

00:13:47.919 --> 00:13:51.039
<v SPEAKER_00>They're just gonna do crazy stuff, but you don't want him kind of ruining the party.

00:13:51.120 --> 00:13:52.240
<v SPEAKER_00>That's what I'm getting at with this.

00:13:52.399 --> 00:13:59.440
<v SPEAKER_00>So you can just put him in the car and then just stand outside the car and say, when you're ready to go in, we'll go in and uh just give do it that way.

00:13:59.519 --> 00:14:02.639
<v SPEAKER_00>It's even better if you can sort of talk to the party people.

00:14:02.799 --> 00:14:07.279
<v SPEAKER_00>Um, like let's say you're outside and you're not disturbing the party and he's acting all whiny and that.

00:14:07.440 --> 00:14:08.720
<v SPEAKER_00>I would pretend he's not even there.

00:14:08.799 --> 00:14:10.320
<v SPEAKER_00>He could be glomed onto my leg.

00:14:10.399 --> 00:14:20.629
<v SPEAKER_00>I'd just be talking to people as if he's not even there.

00:14:20.870 --> 00:14:23.430
<v SPEAKER_00>So don't give it any attention whatsoever.

00:14:23.830 --> 00:14:29.509
<v SPEAKER_00>Like I hate it when kids are making strange or shy with people when they first arrive and people try and force themselves.

00:14:29.669 --> 00:14:30.950
<v SPEAKER_00>People used to do that with my kids.

00:14:31.110 --> 00:14:35.350
<v SPEAKER_00>I think my one of my kids was really shy at when we first arrived with strangers and that.

00:14:35.509 --> 00:14:37.830
<v SPEAKER_00>And they'd say, Oh, come on, I'm okay, give me a hug.

00:14:37.909 --> 00:14:39.750
<v SPEAKER_00>I'd say, just leave, let them be, right?

00:14:39.830 --> 00:14:40.629
<v SPEAKER_00>Just give them space.

00:14:40.710 --> 00:14:42.389
<v SPEAKER_00>They'll warm up, but don't force it.

00:14:42.470 --> 00:14:44.470
<v SPEAKER_00>Okay, let him decide when he warms up.

00:14:44.629 --> 00:14:46.070
<v SPEAKER_00>But yeah, just don't feed it either.

00:14:46.149 --> 00:14:47.110
<v SPEAKER_00>Don't try and talk him into it.

00:14:47.190 --> 00:14:49.990
<v SPEAKER_00>Just say, I'm I'm right here, I'm waiting, we'll go back in when you're done.

00:14:50.149 --> 00:14:52.549
<v SPEAKER_00>Or we'll go, or, or if you can stand.

00:14:52.789 --> 00:14:58.950
<v SPEAKER_00>It's even better if you can be in the party, but as long as he's not disturbing the party and you're talking to people as if he's not even there.

00:14:59.110 --> 00:15:01.110
<v SPEAKER_00>Like the party's gonna go on without you, buddy.

00:15:01.190 --> 00:15:01.909
<v SPEAKER_00>Even me.

00:15:02.149 --> 00:15:07.029
<v SPEAKER_01>It was like that lovely lady when we were at the grocery store, and you had always told us not to talk to strangers.

00:15:07.190 --> 00:15:12.549
<v SPEAKER_01>And so she comes up to both of us and then she looks at me and she goes, Oh, hello there, just really nice.

00:15:12.710 --> 00:15:15.750
<v SPEAKER_01>And I just look at her and I just she looked away.

00:15:15.909 --> 00:15:16.629
<v SPEAKER_00>It was so rude.

00:15:16.710 --> 00:15:21.909
<v SPEAKER_00>And I said, and she said, Oh, the lady said, Oh, and I said, Oh, she's been told not to talk to strangers.

00:15:22.070 --> 00:15:24.549
<v SPEAKER_00>I just didn't tell her she can do it when I'm there.

00:15:25.190 --> 00:15:26.710
<v SPEAKER_00>I took that and I ran with it.

00:15:26.950 --> 00:15:27.350
<v SPEAKER_00>She did.

00:15:27.430 --> 00:15:28.950
<v SPEAKER_00>It was well, what it was just funny.

00:15:29.029 --> 00:15:30.470
<v SPEAKER_00>The lady said, Oh, well, good for you.

00:15:30.549 --> 00:15:32.149
<v SPEAKER_00>She knows how to talk to strangers.

00:15:32.310 --> 00:15:33.110
<v SPEAKER_01>It was really cute.

00:15:33.350 --> 00:15:35.430
<v SPEAKER_01>Okay, the next one is Amanda from the United States.

00:15:35.509 --> 00:15:39.110
<v SPEAKER_01>My 17-month-old whines constantly when my attention is averted from her.

00:15:39.269 --> 00:15:42.549
<v SPEAKER_01>Anything cooking and picking up, she'll like making a phone call.

00:15:42.710 --> 00:15:45.509
<v SPEAKER_01>She'll whine, cry, scream, cling to my legs, etc.

00:15:45.750 --> 00:15:47.909
<v SPEAKER_01>She also wants me to hold her all day, every day.

00:15:48.070 --> 00:15:51.269
<v SPEAKER_01>How can I get her to be more independent so I can get these things done?

00:15:51.509 --> 00:15:51.830
<v SPEAKER_00>Okay.

00:15:52.070 --> 00:15:53.669
<v SPEAKER_00>Well, there's a few different things you could do.

00:15:53.830 --> 00:15:54.710
<v SPEAKER_00>I'll just pick one here.

00:15:54.870 --> 00:15:58.310
<v SPEAKER_00>So I would get her started with playing and then I'd say, Oh, I'm just gonna go do the dishes.

00:15:58.389 --> 00:16:00.629
<v SPEAKER_00>Don't say I'm leaving now or play on your own.

00:16:00.789 --> 00:16:03.350
<v SPEAKER_00>Just make it sound like you're just gonna be diverted for a minute, okay?

00:16:03.430 --> 00:16:04.950
<v SPEAKER_00>Get up and go do the dishes or whatever.

00:16:05.110 --> 00:16:12.310
<v SPEAKER_00>If she comes in and starts whining, I would just walk around with her stuck on my leg and I could be dragging her around, like just pretend you don't even notice she's there, okay?

00:16:12.470 --> 00:16:13.669
<v SPEAKER_00>She's just trying to pull you in.

00:16:13.750 --> 00:16:15.909
<v SPEAKER_00>You've already set her up with something to do, okay?

00:16:16.149 --> 00:16:20.310
<v SPEAKER_00>She's got to learn that she cannot pull you into her orb all the time.

00:16:20.470 --> 00:16:21.509
<v SPEAKER_00>You're not being mean to her.

00:16:21.590 --> 00:16:24.070
<v SPEAKER_00>You're just, you said you're gonna go do the dishes, so do the dishes.

00:16:24.230 --> 00:16:26.310
<v SPEAKER_00>Let her hang on to your leg and do whatever she wants.

00:16:26.470 --> 00:16:27.669
<v SPEAKER_00>Just completely ignore her.

00:16:27.830 --> 00:16:29.190
<v SPEAKER_00>She'll survive, okay?

00:16:29.350 --> 00:16:30.389
<v SPEAKER_00>You're right there.

00:16:30.549 --> 00:16:31.190
<v SPEAKER_00>She's safe.

00:16:31.350 --> 00:16:34.310
<v SPEAKER_00>She's just not getting, she's not able to control you all the time.

00:16:34.470 --> 00:16:35.350
<v SPEAKER_00>She's just mad.

00:16:35.430 --> 00:16:36.389
<v SPEAKER_00>She's not sad.

00:16:36.549 --> 00:16:37.909
<v SPEAKER_00>She doesn't feel unloved.

00:16:38.070 --> 00:16:40.629
<v SPEAKER_00>She's just mad because she can't control you anymore.

00:16:40.710 --> 00:16:41.430
<v SPEAKER_00>That's all.

00:16:41.669 --> 00:16:43.909
<v SPEAKER_01>Okay, the next one is Jordan from the United States.

00:16:44.070 --> 00:16:47.430
<v SPEAKER_01>How can I get my 20-month-old to brush his teeth or allow me to?

00:16:47.590 --> 00:16:49.350
<v SPEAKER_01>I play and I'm silly with him all the time.

00:16:49.509 --> 00:16:52.629
<v SPEAKER_01>I watch your videos and handle hitting and tantrums as you advise it.

00:16:52.710 --> 00:16:55.110
<v SPEAKER_01>And it works for everything in Lao Life so perfectly.

00:16:55.350 --> 00:17:01.750
<v SPEAKER_01>With the buzzing, ooh, with the brushing situation, I hate holding him down, refuse and he refuses to do it.

00:17:02.549 --> 00:17:03.830
<v SPEAKER_00>That's a tough one.

00:17:04.149 --> 00:17:05.829
<v SPEAKER_00>Um Okay.

00:17:06.149 --> 00:17:07.349
<v SPEAKER_00>Oh, I got a lot of different ideas.

00:17:07.509 --> 00:17:10.549
<v SPEAKER_00>Whenever I stop for a second, it's because I got too many different ideas floating around.

00:17:10.789 --> 00:17:13.990
<v SPEAKER_00>One of them is I would give them a toothbrush that they could hold while you're changing them.

00:17:14.150 --> 00:17:16.230
<v SPEAKER_00>Okay, so and say, Do you want to chew on this?

00:17:16.390 --> 00:17:20.150
<v SPEAKER_00>So they can literally just chew on a toothbrush so that the toothbrush isn't the enemy.

00:17:20.390 --> 00:17:22.870
<v SPEAKER_00>Of course, make sure it's soft, whatever's safe, you know, for the kids.

00:17:23.190 --> 00:17:24.630
<v SPEAKER_00>Sorry, you said while you're changing them.

00:17:25.190 --> 00:17:26.789
<v SPEAKER_00>Oh, I meant changing diaper.

00:17:27.829 --> 00:17:29.190
<v SPEAKER_00>It's the brushing the teeth that they can't.

00:17:29.509 --> 00:17:29.750
<v SPEAKER_00>I know.

00:17:29.829 --> 00:17:32.470
<v SPEAKER_00>They're chewing on a toothbrush while they're while you're changing their diaper.

00:17:33.509 --> 00:17:33.829
<v SPEAKER_00>Okay.

00:17:35.029 --> 00:17:36.230
<v SPEAKER_00>I'm going somewhere with this.

00:17:36.390 --> 00:17:36.630
<v SPEAKER_00>Okay.

00:17:36.870 --> 00:17:37.670
<v SPEAKER_00>Leave that all in.

00:17:37.910 --> 00:17:38.150
<v SPEAKER_00>I have.

00:17:38.230 --> 00:17:38.789
<v SPEAKER_00>I'm just okay.

00:17:38.870 --> 00:17:39.509
<v SPEAKER_00>We'll see where they're.

00:17:39.589 --> 00:17:41.109
<v SPEAKER_00>Okay, no, you're changing their diaper.

00:17:41.269 --> 00:17:43.349
<v SPEAKER_00>So that's a really good opportunity to give them a toothbrush.

00:17:43.509 --> 00:17:45.430
<v SPEAKER_00>You're trying to make them more comfortable with the toothbrush.

00:17:45.589 --> 00:17:49.190
<v SPEAKER_00>You're not just introducing it when it's got toothpaste and you're in the bathroom, okay?

00:17:49.349 --> 00:17:51.109
<v SPEAKER_00>So have a couple of them lying around.

00:17:51.269 --> 00:17:54.230
<v SPEAKER_00>As soon as they finished a meal, say, Oh, do you want to chew on a toothbrush?

00:17:54.390 --> 00:17:56.710
<v SPEAKER_00>You can maybe even put something tasty on it, right?

00:17:56.870 --> 00:17:57.589
<v SPEAKER_00>The toothbrush.

00:17:57.750 --> 00:18:03.430
<v SPEAKER_00>Maybe a little bit of jam or something on it, like at breakfast time, if they're finished, you can put a little bit of jam and they can chew on that if they really like it.

00:18:03.509 --> 00:18:04.230
<v SPEAKER_00>Something healthy.

00:18:04.390 --> 00:18:05.990
<v SPEAKER_00>I'm not a nutritionist or anything.

00:18:06.069 --> 00:18:09.109
<v SPEAKER_00>But yeah, you want to make the toothbrush their friend, is what I'm saying.

00:18:09.190 --> 00:18:09.910
<v SPEAKER_00>Does that make more sense?

00:18:10.470 --> 00:18:11.670
<v SPEAKER_01>Oh, yeah.

00:18:13.190 --> 00:18:14.470
<v SPEAKER_00>I was not following.

00:18:14.710 --> 00:18:17.349
<v SPEAKER_00>No, I know you were, and probably a lot of other people weren't either.

00:18:17.509 --> 00:18:20.309
<v SPEAKER_00>Okay, so now the toothbrush isn't the enemy, supposedly.

00:18:20.470 --> 00:18:23.670
<v SPEAKER_00>They might still hate it because they associate it with you trying to brush their teeth.

00:18:23.910 --> 00:18:26.470
<v SPEAKER_00>Then what I would do is I would bring them in with me.

00:18:26.630 --> 00:18:28.470
<v SPEAKER_00>I would probably not do it in the bathroom.

00:18:28.549 --> 00:18:30.549
<v SPEAKER_00>I'd probably sit in front of with them.

00:18:30.950 --> 00:18:32.870
<v SPEAKER_00>I have a toothbrush, they have a toothbrush.

00:18:33.029 --> 00:18:39.670
<v SPEAKER_00>I would sit in front of a full-length mirror with them, and I would put our favorite sh our favorite show on an iPad right in front of us with the mirror.

00:18:39.750 --> 00:18:42.390
<v SPEAKER_00>And I would say, we're going to brush our teeth while we watch this show.

00:18:42.549 --> 00:18:44.630
<v SPEAKER_00>You might even have one of their favorite TV shows.

00:18:44.710 --> 00:18:47.829
<v SPEAKER_00>There must be all sorts of cartoons of kids brushing their teeth.

00:18:47.910 --> 00:18:55.829
<v SPEAKER_00>So have if you can find their favorite character, maybe if they are into watching shows, uh, brushing their teeth, and then you brush your teeth with them and sing songs.

00:18:55.910 --> 00:18:56.150
<v SPEAKER_00>Okay.

00:18:56.230 --> 00:18:58.950
<v SPEAKER_00>You want to make the toothbrush a fun thing to do.

00:18:59.190 --> 00:19:01.829
<v SPEAKER_01>I don't know why this reminded me of it, but I saw this.

00:19:01.990 --> 00:19:04.789
<v SPEAKER_01>This is about dogs, not about children.

00:19:04.950 --> 00:19:07.750
<v SPEAKER_01>But this dog just hated taking his medication.

00:19:07.910 --> 00:19:12.870
<v SPEAKER_01>So what they did is they pretended to drop it as if they were like pretending to cut food of their own.

00:19:12.950 --> 00:19:15.430
<v SPEAKER_01>And then they dropped it because they go, No, don't do it.

00:19:15.589 --> 00:19:22.950
<v SPEAKER_00>And he goes and he eats the You know, I had a dog, it was a black lab, his name was Flip when I was a kid, and uh he hated peas.

00:19:23.109 --> 00:19:26.630
<v SPEAKER_00>And we'd make and we like he got um leftovers, right?

00:19:26.710 --> 00:19:30.870
<v SPEAKER_00>So if there were peas in there, he would eat all of his food, and this was bizarre.

00:19:31.509 --> 00:19:36.549
<v SPEAKER_00>He would eat all the food in this bowl, lap it all up, and then we and my mom, it got to be a joke.

00:19:36.630 --> 00:19:38.150
<v SPEAKER_00>She says there's seven peas in there.

00:19:38.470 --> 00:19:41.430
<v SPEAKER_00>Anyway, then I guess he put them in his cheek or something.

00:19:41.589 --> 00:19:48.950
<v SPEAKER_00>He would one by one spit out each pea, eating all of his dinner, and then he'd go and he'd spit out seven peas.

00:19:49.109 --> 00:19:50.150
<v SPEAKER_00>Isn't that amazing?

00:19:50.789 --> 00:19:54.630
<v SPEAKER_01>I I refuse to believe these are descendants from wolves.

00:19:55.029 --> 00:19:56.789
<v SPEAKER_00>That's right, spitting out peas.

00:19:56.870 --> 00:19:57.990
<v SPEAKER_00>I don't think they were eating peas.

00:19:58.069 --> 00:20:00.069
<v SPEAKER_00>But anyway, okay, so that's the toothbrushing.

00:20:00.150 --> 00:20:01.430
<v SPEAKER_00>Make the toothbrush their friend.

00:20:01.509 --> 00:20:03.029
<v SPEAKER_00>Don't make it confrontational.

00:20:03.190 --> 00:20:04.870
<v SPEAKER_00>And it's gonna take time, by the way.

00:20:05.029 --> 00:20:06.309
<v SPEAKER_00>It's not gonna happen overnight.

00:20:06.470 --> 00:20:11.750
<v SPEAKER_00>Also, there's all sorts of different fun toothbrushes out there now that, you know, sing songs that, you know, different things.

00:20:11.829 --> 00:20:13.029
<v SPEAKER_00>So yeah, look into all that.

00:20:13.109 --> 00:20:15.349
<v SPEAKER_00>Make the toothbrushes, friend, and do it with them.

00:20:15.990 --> 00:20:20.870
<v SPEAKER_01>I go into your bathroom, there's a toothbrush with a little happy face on it.

00:20:21.349 --> 00:20:23.750
<v SPEAKER_01>Okay, the next one is Isabella from Denmark.

00:20:23.910 --> 00:20:30.309
<v SPEAKER_01>My oldest is two and a half and wants me to remove the baby every time the baby cries, and she would cry hysterically along us.

00:20:30.470 --> 00:20:34.630
<v SPEAKER_01>It started from day one, and she would cry when I breastfed the baby, and she wants mom to herself.

00:20:34.789 --> 00:20:40.950
<v SPEAKER_01>When I play with the toddler and the baby wakes up and starts to cry, the toddler will hold on to me and create a tantrum if I go to the baby.

00:20:41.109 --> 00:20:44.150
<v SPEAKER_01>Should I prioritize the baby or the toddler in these moments?

00:20:44.470 --> 00:20:46.230
<v SPEAKER_00>Well, let's just take one situation.

00:20:46.309 --> 00:20:51.750
<v SPEAKER_00>When you're breastfeeding or feeding with a bottle, whatever, so you're sitting down, feeding the baby, make that toddler time too.

00:20:51.910 --> 00:20:53.670
<v SPEAKER_00>So I often talk about the feeding basket.

00:20:53.910 --> 00:21:01.109
<v SPEAKER_00>So what I did with my kids, um, or with kids I was working with, I think, I was feeding a baby, because my kids were five years apart, so it wasn't necessary.

00:21:01.190 --> 00:21:04.950
<v SPEAKER_00>But anyway, um, but I remember doing this, I had a little basket that I put aside.

00:21:05.029 --> 00:21:08.630
<v SPEAKER_00>So if I was feeding a baby, I had a little basket for the toddler.

00:21:08.710 --> 00:21:10.390
<v SPEAKER_00>And that I used to call it the feeding basket.

00:21:10.549 --> 00:21:13.109
<v SPEAKER_00>So as soon as I was feeding the baby, I would pull out this basket.

00:21:13.269 --> 00:21:16.230
<v SPEAKER_00>The kid, the toddler only saw that basket when I was feeding the baby.

00:21:16.390 --> 00:21:18.789
<v SPEAKER_00>They associated the basket with feeding the baby.

00:21:18.950 --> 00:21:22.390
<v SPEAKER_00>Therefore, this fun little basket was also associated with the baby.

00:21:22.549 --> 00:21:25.430
<v SPEAKER_00>So you want to do like this association and positive with the baby.

00:21:25.509 --> 00:21:26.470
<v SPEAKER_00>So just start with that.

00:21:26.630 --> 00:21:29.829
<v SPEAKER_00>Start with feeding and make it a positive thing for the toddler, also.

00:21:29.990 --> 00:21:37.109
<v SPEAKER_00>You want to not just have one basket, have several of them, and that different stuff in each one, and you can rotate stuff around so it's different each time.

00:21:37.269 --> 00:21:39.750
<v SPEAKER_00>It's the same old stuff, but it's all mixed up differently.

00:21:39.829 --> 00:21:42.470
<v SPEAKER_00>And it's just little cheap stuff from the dollar store, whatever.

00:21:42.549 --> 00:21:45.269
<v SPEAKER_00>And then you or it could be little books that you're reading to them too.

00:21:45.349 --> 00:21:49.670
<v SPEAKER_00>And only they only see those books or whatever in the when you're feeding the baby.

00:21:49.750 --> 00:21:50.069
<v SPEAKER_00>Okay.

00:21:50.630 --> 00:21:52.630
<v SPEAKER_01>Okay, the next one is Lane from the United States.

00:21:52.789 --> 00:21:55.750
<v SPEAKER_01>My 22 month old son is hitting and it seems to be getting worse.

00:21:55.910 --> 00:21:59.190
<v SPEAKER_01>He will hit a dog randomly for no reason and also hit me.

00:21:59.349 --> 00:22:06.710
<v SPEAKER_01>Sometimes it's when he gets frustrated, and I know that to take a toy away and redirect when that happens, but other times it's when I'm changing his diaper, for example.

00:22:06.870 --> 00:22:07.750
<v SPEAKER_01>We're not playing or anything.

00:22:08.309 --> 00:22:10.390
<v SPEAKER_01>He's not frustrated and there's nothing to take away.

00:22:10.549 --> 00:22:11.589
<v SPEAKER_01>How do I stop this?

00:22:11.829 --> 00:22:17.109
<v SPEAKER_01>He also has this obsessive chant that he does sometimes where he says, baby hit our dog over and over.

00:22:17.349 --> 00:22:21.589
<v SPEAKER_01>He will insert names of other friends and say, baby hit Simon, for example.

00:22:21.750 --> 00:22:25.509
<v SPEAKER_01>He's not an aggressive child, and it doesn't seem to be out of anger that he's hitting.

00:22:25.589 --> 00:22:26.950
<v SPEAKER_01>It's more of a habit.

00:22:27.269 --> 00:22:30.549
<v SPEAKER_00>It's funny you said he's not an aggressive child, but he's hitting all the time.

00:22:30.710 --> 00:22:33.269
<v SPEAKER_00>Isn't that the exact definition of aggressive?

00:22:33.430 --> 00:22:35.509
<v SPEAKER_00>Yeah, he's got aggressive behavior for sure.

00:22:35.589 --> 00:22:37.509
<v SPEAKER_00>It's something they're born to do or they're never gonna do.

00:22:37.589 --> 00:22:38.950
<v SPEAKER_00>Okay, so you want to train them out of this.

00:22:39.029 --> 00:22:39.829
<v SPEAKER_00>Don't belittle that.

00:22:39.910 --> 00:22:43.990
<v SPEAKER_00>It is an annoying thing, and you want to train them out of that aggressive behavior, especially with the animals.

00:22:44.069 --> 00:22:45.190
<v SPEAKER_00>They're innocent victims.

00:22:45.349 --> 00:22:51.109
<v SPEAKER_00>If you can't protect that animal, have them in a separate area so they're already that child's always supervised around the animal.

00:22:51.349 --> 00:22:54.069
<v SPEAKER_00>Rehome the animal either permanently or temporarily.

00:22:54.309 --> 00:22:55.430
<v SPEAKER_00>I hate animal abuse.

00:22:55.509 --> 00:23:02.470
<v SPEAKER_00>I always had pets with my kids and they knew, like I told them, you never run past the birdcage because it'll scare the bird, and you never pick up the dog.

00:23:02.549 --> 00:23:09.349
<v SPEAKER_00>We had a small dog at the time, and they knew if I couldn't control my kids to not keep the animals safe, I literally would have rehomed the animals.

00:23:09.509 --> 00:23:10.870
<v SPEAKER_00>I take that really seriously.

00:23:11.029 --> 00:23:13.190
<v SPEAKER_00>So yeah, he does have aggressive behavior right now.

00:23:13.349 --> 00:23:14.470
<v SPEAKER_00>You want to train him out of that.

00:23:14.630 --> 00:23:18.549
<v SPEAKER_00>So if he's allowed to continue to do it, it sounds like you're not catching him in time.

00:23:18.710 --> 00:23:21.670
<v SPEAKER_00>You got to catch him quickly and don't allow the subsequent hits.

00:23:21.829 --> 00:23:24.069
<v SPEAKER_00>The first one you can't always help, but protect the dog.

00:23:24.150 --> 00:23:25.430
<v SPEAKER_00>But let's say he's just hitting you.

00:23:25.589 --> 00:23:27.829
<v SPEAKER_00>The first one you can't always prevent.

00:23:27.990 --> 00:23:29.829
<v SPEAKER_00>But after that, don't let him keep hitting.

00:23:29.910 --> 00:23:33.269
<v SPEAKER_00>If you're changing him on the change table, then just do it as fast as possible.

00:23:33.349 --> 00:23:37.430
<v SPEAKER_00>If he's hitting you one there, you want to maybe use two of you at first if you can.

00:23:37.589 --> 00:23:38.950
<v SPEAKER_00>So you want to hold the hands and that.

00:23:39.029 --> 00:23:43.190
<v SPEAKER_00>But if he continues hitting while you're changing him, you there's not much you can do about that, by the way.

00:23:43.269 --> 00:23:47.349
<v SPEAKER_00>Um, so yeah, you just have to let him hit you and then say nope, put him down and then walk away.

00:23:47.509 --> 00:23:52.069
<v SPEAKER_00>You're walking away from him after you finish changing him as you're sort of taking the fun away.

00:23:52.230 --> 00:23:53.750
<v SPEAKER_00>You're removing yourself from him.

00:23:53.910 --> 00:23:57.269
<v SPEAKER_00>So yeah, you just don't want to let him get in the subsequent hits.

00:23:57.430 --> 00:24:01.509
<v SPEAKER_00>The first one you can't always prevent, but the subsequent ones, he's getting used to doing it.

00:24:01.589 --> 00:24:02.710
<v SPEAKER_00>He's enjoying it, by the way.

00:24:02.789 --> 00:24:03.750
<v SPEAKER_00>He's getting into this.

00:24:03.990 --> 00:24:05.109
<v SPEAKER_00>He's talking about it.

00:24:05.269 --> 00:24:06.309
<v SPEAKER_00>He's really getting into it.

00:24:06.390 --> 00:24:08.390
<v SPEAKER_00>So it says to me that you're allowing it too much.

00:24:08.470 --> 00:24:10.230
<v SPEAKER_00>You're not intervening fast enough.

00:24:10.470 --> 00:24:12.630
<v SPEAKER_00>Okay, well, that was it for the parenting questions.

00:24:12.870 --> 00:24:14.950
<v SPEAKER_00>Okay, so it was toddler discipline.

00:24:15.109 --> 00:24:16.630
<v SPEAKER_00>Not that we ever talk about that.

00:24:16.870 --> 00:24:18.150
<v SPEAKER_00>Hardly ever comes up.

00:24:18.309 --> 00:24:21.269
<v SPEAKER_00>Anyway, toddlers are just cute as a button, but they're all feet, no brains.

00:24:21.349 --> 00:24:22.950
<v SPEAKER_00>They're gonna do crazy stuff sometimes.

00:24:23.109 --> 00:24:28.870
<v SPEAKER_00>It's not your fault when they start doing crazy stuff, that it is your job and responsibility to train them out of it over a period of time.

00:24:29.029 --> 00:24:33.990
<v SPEAKER_00>Toddlers need consistent corrective actions because they learn through repetition and it's not about words.

00:24:34.150 --> 00:24:35.349
<v SPEAKER_00>They're all about actions.

00:24:35.509 --> 00:24:37.029
<v SPEAKER_00>That's their language.

00:24:37.190 --> 00:24:38.470
<v SPEAKER_00>Never do something like this.

00:24:38.630 --> 00:24:42.870
<v SPEAKER_00>Get on your knees and hold their hands and get eye contact and say, use your words.

00:24:42.950 --> 00:24:45.509
<v SPEAKER_00>I think that's extremely patronizing and ridiculous.

00:24:45.670 --> 00:24:46.870
<v SPEAKER_00>They are using their words.

00:24:46.950 --> 00:24:49.509
<v SPEAKER_00>All these actions that they're doing, those are their words.

00:24:49.589 --> 00:24:50.630
<v SPEAKER_00>That is their language.

00:24:50.789 --> 00:24:52.549
<v SPEAKER_00>They're physical beings, okay?

00:24:52.710 --> 00:24:56.470
<v SPEAKER_00>They're learning a lot of words, but their go-to language is still physical.

00:24:56.549 --> 00:24:57.509
<v SPEAKER_00>It's still actions.

00:24:57.670 --> 00:25:00.630
<v SPEAKER_00>So that's why you meet their behavior with actions.

00:25:00.789 --> 00:25:01.589
<v SPEAKER_00>Words are weak.

00:25:01.750 --> 00:25:02.870
<v SPEAKER_00>Okay, you can just say one word.

00:25:03.029 --> 00:25:03.750
<v SPEAKER_00>No, that's enough.

00:25:03.829 --> 00:25:08.150
<v SPEAKER_00>That triggers the fact that they just did something naughty and they'll learn by your actions after that.

00:25:08.309 --> 00:25:09.509
<v SPEAKER_00>Anyway, is that it, sweetie?

00:25:09.670 --> 00:25:10.230
<v SPEAKER_00>That was everything.

00:25:10.390 --> 00:25:11.589
<v SPEAKER_00>Okay, thanks so much for joining us.

00:25:11.670 --> 00:25:13.990
<v SPEAKER_00>We'll be back again soon talking about another parenting topic.

00:25:14.150 --> 00:25:15.430
<v SPEAKER_00>Happy parenting.

00:25:15.829 --> 00:25:17.029
<v SPEAKER_01>Thanks for tuning in.

00:25:17.190 --> 00:25:25.349
<v SPEAKER_01>If you're ready to dive deeper, check out Bratbusters.com to learn more about the behavior board, parenting courses, and private one-on-one coaching with Lisa.

00:25:25.589 --> 00:25:31.990
<v SPEAKER_01>If you've enjoyed the show so far, we'd love it if you could take a moment to follow, rate, and review us on your favorite podcast platform.

00:25:32.230 --> 00:25:34.789
<v SPEAKER_01>Your feedback helps us reach more parents just like you.

00:25:35.029 --> 00:25:42.150
<v SPEAKER_01>The information provided in this podcast is for general informational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional advice.

00:25:42.390 --> 00:25:45.109
<v SPEAKER_01>Lisa is a parenting coach, mom, and grandmother.

00:25:45.269 --> 00:25:47.750
<v SPEAKER_01>She is not a licensed psychologist or counselor.

00:25:48.069 --> 00:25:52.390
<v SPEAKER_01>Her services do not replace the care of psychologists or other healthcare professionals.

00:25:52.549 --> 00:25:56.950
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