#132: Stop Getting Defensive: The One Trait That Separates Women Who Grow From Women Who Stall

You can’t change a pattern you’re constantly defending. And if your first instinct is to push back when someone gives you feedback, that habit may be keeping you from getting what you actually want. Defensiveness can feel automatic, but it isn’t a fixed trait. On this episode of Ready for Love, host Hilary Silver draws on twenty-five years as a therapist and more than a decade coaching thousands of women to explain why being willing to hear feedback, take it in, and actually do something with it can change the trajectory of your relationships, career, and life. Hilary calls that skill coachability, and she breaks it down into four shifts. Stop needing to already have the answer. See coaching as a sign that you’re serious about getting better, much like elite athletes who continue working with coaches at the top of their game. Practice feedback repeatedly until the new behavior becomes instinct, a lesson Hilary learned firsthand on the pickleball court. And resist the temptation to cherry-pick the advice you like while dismissing the parts that make you uncomfortable, something Hilary admits nearly kept her own business from reaching its potential. Because hearing feedback is one thing. Being willing to let it change you is another. Where is defensiveness keeping you stuck in a pattern that isn’t working anymore? Episode Highlights Why defensiveness is old programming, not a fixed trait Letting go of the need to have every answer The "Olympic athlete" comment that reframed coaching What a year of pickleball taught Hilary about coachability The "yeah, but" trap that kept her stuck in business Episode Breakdown: 00:00 The Importance of Feedback 05:04 Understanding Coachability 09:50 Applying Feedback Effectively 15:01 Going All In on Growth ✨ I’m Hilary Silver, LCSW, former psychotherapist turned master coach and founder of Ready for Love. I help high-achieving women show up in love as confidently as they do in their careers. 💡 Through this podcast, I share my WOMAN-centered, SELF-centered approach—time-tested methods that blend psychology, brain science, relationship skills, and no-BS dating advice. 🎙️ Since 2017, we’ve helped over 10,000 women with a 98% success rate, making Ready for Love the #1 program in the world for women who’ve tried everything else. ✨ Ready to stop repeating the same patterns and finally create the love you deserve?  🎯 Watch my free masterclass to learn the proven 4-step Ready for Love Method: https://readyforloveinc.com/masterclass 💬 Apply for a free Love Breakthrough Call with my team: https://readyforloveinc.com/apply Hilary’s Substack: https://readyforlove.substack.com/podcast Subscribe for additional insights and reflections from the podcast. AirDoctor: Clean Air You Can Trust Use code READY for up to $300 off at airdoctorpro.com