Sober Sex Doesn’t Have to Suck

00:00:01
Speaker 1: Hi Amber, Hi LEVELA. Welcome to an Unlikely Affair.

00:00:07
Speaker 2: Hey babes, Welcome back to an unlikely affair.

00:00:10
Speaker 1: Hey babe, Hey ams, Hey, what's up girl? What's up girl? How do you feel? How do you feel about the first episode that aired last week?

00:00:17
Speaker 3: Fantastic?

00:00:17
Speaker 4: I think we actually should. Have you ever watched the Ellen DeGeneres show.

00:00:21
Speaker 1: You know how she like, I don't live under that much of a rock.

00:00:25
Speaker 3: You know how she comes out and she starts dancing.

00:00:27
Speaker 4: Yeah, I feel like we should play like really good music at the top of each episode.

00:00:30
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, like a banger, Yeah, like a real like yeah. Yeah, We'll start with fifty fifty cent yeah. Oh my god, I'm the of the perfect mashup. It should start with Taylor Swift and I bet she'll only charges like five million dollars for this one line. Jah, the cati is sharp enough to kill a man. And then fifty beats fifties beat drops.

00:00:53
Speaker 1: Oh my god, that'd be sick.

00:00:54
Speaker 2: Did you see my Instagram post that I did the like a a few weeks ago?

00:00:58
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so.

00:01:00
Speaker 4: Good now her listen. I like Taylor Swift is like a she.

00:01:05
Speaker 5: She knows how to write because we all are like this, she wrote my experience, yes, yes, right, yes, So this episode because we are a couple of weeks into the new year.

00:01:20
Speaker 2: And I want to talk about sex and dating because I think I've told you this, but this is the first time since I mean it's been probably four or five years where I have finally said to the universe, I am open to you bringing a man into my life.

00:01:39
Speaker 1: What.

00:01:39
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know. It's it was like a big and it felt like I was gonna vomit as I was saying that, And people have asked me and I almost like retreat because I'm like, oh, they see me. They're like, I feel like you have a wallup because you're afraid. And I'm like, I don't like that word because I'm not afraid of anything. But I'm like, oh, they definitely are calling me out on my shit. They're like psychoanalyzing me right now, Like I am afraid of so many things. I think I can finally admit that I definitely have abandonment issues for whatever reason PTSD.

00:02:19
Speaker 1: I have very little trust.

00:02:20
Speaker 2: In humanity as a whole, you know, so to be like I don't trust humans, but.

00:02:25
Speaker 3: Let me welcome this man.

00:02:26
Speaker 1: Into my life and come, you know, share a space with me.

00:02:30
Speaker 2: So to put that wall down and be like, this is you being afraid and you can still be an independent person because my biggest thing is like I cannot lose my independence. It's like, okay, so don't you can have two things at once.

00:02:44
Speaker 4: Maybe that's your fear, is losing your independence. It's not necessarily about trust, right, I mean, I'm sure like there is a lot of things that play right right, right, but that might be a bigger piece of the pie than you actually think.

00:03:00
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, when you go from being in a situation where you feel a little bit codependent in many areas and then you have to rise to the occasion and you gain all of this independence and you're like, oh, like I'm doing it. Oh my gosh, like chew, chew, We're fucking off to the races.

00:03:17
Speaker 3: Yeah.

00:03:18
Speaker 4: I think my thing is how do you do it? You know, like, how do you have a relationship? How do you date? That was really scary figuring out how to date. I know there's a lot of I don't want to say rules, but like there's.

00:03:33
Speaker 3: A lot of rules.

00:03:35
Speaker 2: There's a lot of rules, I know, and it's very intense and I'm it's funny because I'm like, I don't like to play games. But then if I have a man who's like, I want to take you on a date.

00:03:43
Speaker 1: I want to do this, I'm like, oh, you're very available. Don't love that.

00:03:47
Speaker 2: But then the guy who's like he's you know, he's like, i'll call you later, and then he calls me back to after two days. I'm like, oh, I'm digging this, you know. Yeah, pit in my stomach. Yeah, that's so a familiar way.

00:04:01
Speaker 3: So do you like someone that takes the lead?

00:04:03
Speaker 4: Would you say you want someone who's like, Okay, I'm sending you a calendar invite for you know, February tenth, and.

00:04:11
Speaker 1: We're gonna go out.

00:04:12
Speaker 2: I couldn't even tell you what I'm into because there have been friends where they want to set me up and they're like, but what's what's your type? And I can tell you all day physically what I want, but they're like, right, like, what's your type of human person?

00:04:27
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I don't even know. I think when it enters my life, I'm just gonna know.

00:04:32
Speaker 4: That and from my experience and tell me.

00:04:36
Speaker 1: Because you're well rounded in.

00:04:37
Speaker 4: Dating, yes, remember I got married at twenty divorced at twenty seven, I think twenty seven, twenty eight. Then I was in another six year relationship after that. So then I woke up what almost three years ago.

00:04:52
Speaker 3: Something like that.

00:04:53
Speaker 4: It's crazy where the time goes. And I'm like, I'm a single mom, I have grown children, I have a career.

00:05:03
Speaker 3: How the hell do you date?

00:05:05
Speaker 4: Like, I really didn't know, and so I had to go back and actually learn. And when I first started dating, I hated it. I was like this is terrible, Like this is so exposed. And then I and then I got sober.

00:05:16
Speaker 1: Which is a whole different game.

00:05:18
Speaker 4: Then I'm like, okay, now I'm dating sober, I'm having sex sober.

00:05:23
Speaker 2: I turned into a squirter once I had sober sex. Sorry, it's true, that's how it happened.

00:05:29
Speaker 1: That's hot.

00:05:31
Speaker 3: Yeah. And then I was like I got to start dating.

00:05:34
Speaker 4: And then I realized you date because you learn what you like and.

00:05:40
Speaker 3: What you don't.

00:05:41
Speaker 1: Okay, I like after.

00:05:43
Speaker 4: Every experience, whether it's four dates or six weeks or three months, now I have a list of like, oh, this is my non negotiables now, Like so I'm you learn about yourself and like my I'll never forget.

00:05:58
Speaker 1: I had a girlfriend who was like, I.

00:05:59
Speaker 4: Was like, I'm done dating, no more, I'm not doing it. She's like, Amber, you have to treat dating like a job.

00:06:06
Speaker 1: You just have to. You have to.

00:06:07
Speaker 4: It's a part time job. You have to put yourself out there. Do you want to find a man? Do you want to find a partner?

00:06:12
Speaker 3: Yes?

00:06:12
Speaker 4: Okay, Well guess what, sitting at home in your fucking robe, in your bed at seven pm is awesome that it sounds amazing. You're not gonna have the fine. I was like, Okay, I need to find someone that likes that lifestyle. But she was right, and I'm still like I haven't. No, i haven't found my person yet. But I know very quickly now I see red flags now right, just like the guy that I was dating this past few months, I knew very quickly. I almost ignored the signs.

00:06:43
Speaker 1: No, you almost painted the red flags green.

00:06:46
Speaker 2: Yes.

00:06:46
Speaker 3: Yeah.

00:06:47
Speaker 4: And then I was like, Nope, you're not going to abandon yourself this time. You're not doing it. And so I was like, Okay, one more try. We're gonna give this like one more, like, you know, throw them a bone. It was a bad day. And then I spent more and more time. I was like, oh, it's not a bad person, just not my guy, not your guy. And so I had to have the courage to say, okay, what is the language of, like, listen, you're a great guy, We're just not a match. And I had to realize I've gotten broken up with before and I was like in fetal position for three days and my kids are like, what's wrong with you?

00:07:20
Speaker 3: I'm like nothing. And then it's like I'm not going to be.

00:07:23
Speaker 4: For everyone and everyone's not going to be for me.

00:07:26
Speaker 3: And that's okay.

00:07:26
Speaker 4: That's a hard truth that I had to learn. And it's like okay, now now I'm like, bring it on, I'm ready.

00:07:32
Speaker 2: You know what. I went into twenty twenty six with that that mindset without even trying. It was like, even with friendships that have have dissolved, it's like, you're not a bad person.

00:07:43
Speaker 1: I'm not a bad person.

00:07:44
Speaker 2: Doesn't matter who's right or wrong, we're just not for each other anymore.

00:07:49
Speaker 1: There's real people wrong with it. Yeah, it's all good.

00:07:52
Speaker 4: Do you know what my favorite thing to do is now? When I'm dating, I love playing games. Those dating games you ask questions, Yeah, so fun.

00:08:03
Speaker 1: They're so fun.

00:08:04
Speaker 4: You get to know someone because you know, I get like, yeah, it's nice going to dinner. But sometimes you're like, I don't want to ask the same questions, or maybe we don't want to go to dinner. We just want to hang out watch a movie, but we're not jumping into bed with each other, but we want to. I still want to get to know them, right. There's like a couple of different games that I've ordered online and the games are amazing, and you really get to know someone.

00:08:27
Speaker 3: Oh I love this. Yes, yes, I'll send you the links.

00:08:30
Speaker 1: They're really good.

00:08:31
Speaker 2: Yeah.

00:08:31
Speaker 1: And I also feel like there have been so.

00:08:35
Speaker 2: Many times where I think about dating and I think of all of the reasons why it won't work. I'm like, well, ocean sleeps in my bed, and I can't do this because this is going to happen and I need to be.

00:08:44
Speaker 1: Focused on this and not that.

00:08:46
Speaker 2: And for the first time again without even trying, it's just like it just happened, where it's like we don't need to think about those things.

00:08:54
Speaker 1: No, just go out and meet someone and like let it go where it goes.

00:08:58
Speaker 4: Yeah, you have to say to yourself, I give I give myself permission to love and to be loved.

00:09:03
Speaker 1: I did that, you did.

00:09:04
Speaker 2: Yeah. I literally went outside and I was like, all of these things that I'm feeling, I need to like speak it out loud to the universe that I am open to all of these things, Yeah, coming into my life.

00:09:17
Speaker 3: Yeah, and it will happen.

00:09:18
Speaker 4: Watch Yeah.

00:09:19
Speaker 2: And I just feel so calm and chill, and I'm like, I know what needs to be done. I'm not panicked about anything. I was like, there's no conversation that's too difficult for me to have, there's no roadblock that I haven't faced before.

00:09:35
Speaker 1: Bring it the fuck on. How do you.

00:09:37
Speaker 4: Feel about dating someone sober versus not sober?

00:09:41
Speaker 2: So I've dated a few people being sober, and I've also had, like I've gone on this journey of just sleeping with people and having a really, really firm boundary.

00:09:58
Speaker 1: Of I can't.

00:09:59
Speaker 2: I had an nothing to give you except for this. So I haven't dated someone since before I conceived Sosa, you know, because you have to remember she was a well thought out human being coming into the world, and then I was pregnant and then a year postpartum. So the past few months it has strictly been just.

00:10:24
Speaker 1: Sleeping with people.

00:10:26
Speaker 2: So the difference with dating someone sober, I'm very in tune with what they're saying and how they're saying it. At the beginning, the first time I slept with anybody, the intention was to have a one night stand, and we ended up dating each other, and I thought he was so wonderful and sexy and I have so much love for him. Still, I feel like he revived my soul. I don't know who this was, and we still the dawn. I mean they was captured on vander pump Roules, like I met him on vander pump Roles. Oh so crazy, and literally the intent was like get la La laid and it was the first time that I had had sober sex.

00:11:09
Speaker 1: We ended up keeping in touch, and like.

00:11:12
Speaker 2: I think, had the timing been different, he would he could have very well been my person, but he was in chaos. I was still in chaos, and the timing.

00:11:21
Speaker 1: Was just off. I will say now.

00:11:25
Speaker 2: I can't imagine being fucked up and dating someone and sleeping with them because I know how that ends. It's used to calm my gut and silence my mind, and I just can't have that. I need to be aware of everything you're saying. The stakes are so much higher. I have two little girls, I have a career. I like, my life is exactly how I told God in the universe. I wanted it to be structured. It is that so to think about dating intoxicated because I can't just have one bad move.

00:11:59
Speaker 1: Yeah move, like signed my life over to them. Yeah, so I get attached.

00:12:11
Speaker 3: I will never forget the last time.

00:12:16
Speaker 4: I had sex with someone and I was drunk and on weed gummies. That was literally the catalyst that brought me into the rooms because I woke up and I was like, who are you? Oh, I know who he was, but I was like, this feeling is like so empty, and like I feel like like an empty human being.

00:12:45
Speaker 1: It was so bizarre.

00:12:47
Speaker 4: Also, like literally we started the night out with pizza, then we went to cold then we had cold Stone delivered.

00:12:53
Speaker 5: Then it was a bottle Creamy Lady over here, a bottle of wine.

00:12:59
Speaker 4: By myself, by the way, bottle wine. Then he came out and I was like, oh, have you ever tried apple weed gummies?

00:13:05
Speaker 1: I was like, that sounds fun. No, yeah, that's exactly what I said, So that sounds fun.

00:13:09
Speaker 4: And then all of those four things like put together gas.

00:13:17
Speaker 3: You're like, I'm gonna live the realm, your legs.

00:13:20
Speaker 2: Behind your head.

00:13:26
Speaker 4: You know, maybe the acid balanced out the milk. I'm not quite sure. Listen, I loved acid to no, no, no, the acid, the acid in the wine. Oh no, I've never done acid. I've never done acid. But anyways, that that's what brought me into the rooms.

00:13:43
Speaker 3: And I don't First of all, I.

00:13:45
Speaker 4: Don't remember having sex. Okay, who knows what happened that night. You probably ate his ass whole. That happens to me every time.

00:13:53
Speaker 2: I don't know how, but for some reason, I'm gonna end up down there and I'm like, what's happening? Oh?

00:13:59
Speaker 1: Poor, poor poor who blank blank?

00:14:04
Speaker 2: You know.

00:14:04
Speaker 4: My favorite thing, favorite thing is is to actually like find really fun names for the guys so they don't have no one knows who I'm talking about. Right, Yeah, that's like the best. It's like code language. Anyways, we should do that.

00:14:21
Speaker 1: We should do that, and we'll have it on the wall so we remember.

00:14:27
Speaker 3: Back to having sex.

00:14:28
Speaker 1: Sober sex can be so good.

00:14:30
Speaker 4: Once you get over the hump of like the you're like being comfortable totally.

00:14:35
Speaker 1: It's so good.

00:14:36
Speaker 3: And then you could listen to your body, like I literally do a check in, like, okay, how are you feeling right now?

00:14:41
Speaker 4: Remember, okay, how does this? How do I feel lying next to this person?

00:14:44
Speaker 1: Right? Because you don't, I'll go straight to my head. Right.

00:14:48
Speaker 4: If I listen to my body, my body is gonna tell me exactly what's going on. Like you feel safe, this person is actually like not good for your nervous system.

00:14:56
Speaker 1: You feel dysregulated, you feel whatever it is, like it's right, no, I've lost No. Sober sex is great.

00:15:04
Speaker 2: Yeah, And the other part of it is like, and I don't know how this is for you.

00:15:10
Speaker 1: Some women are.

00:15:10
Speaker 2: Blessed with having a G spot inside the cookie I do.

00:15:15
Speaker 1: Oh you're so lucky. Yeah, we have to talk two.

00:15:18
Speaker 2: It takes a lot to get me to like get there really. Oh yeah, yeah, everything has to be working at once. I have to be very comfortable with you, and you also have to know what you're doing. And there's like a rhythm that you if one thing is off.

00:15:36
Speaker 1: Like good for you, but like it didn't happen for me.

00:15:39
Speaker 3: Oh you know.

00:15:41
Speaker 1: Yeah, So.

00:15:43
Speaker 2: Being sober during sex, I now know that, like I don't need to fake it, Like this is also supposed to be enjoyable for me, so I know exactly what needs to happen in those moments to make all parties happy, which didn't even occur to me when I was drinking. It was all about the other person and chaotic and I vaguely remember a lot of things, but it's a lot of hair and dick and vaginas and assholes.

00:16:13
Speaker 3: Like truthfully, oh my gosh, I can't It.

00:16:16
Speaker 1: Was very, very fun. I'm so fun. I'm just now, like I know, when.

00:16:20
Speaker 3: Things feel yucky, I'll never forget.

00:16:24
Speaker 4: Towards the end, Yeah, begging me to bring another woman in, begging and I.

00:16:29
Speaker 1: Was like, no, have you had a threesome before?

00:16:33
Speaker 4: No, I can't do it now I'm sober. No, you can't do it now for sure.

00:16:39
Speaker 3: I don't know if I would like it.

00:16:41
Speaker 2: And you couldn't have feelings for the person. It would have to be strictly like. The only times I've had threesomes are with men that I have no attachment to.

00:16:52
Speaker 4: Oh, and obviously chicks. What do you think about husbands that want to sit in the corner and watch their wives get banged by another guy.

00:17:04
Speaker 2: Here's the thing, my judgmental mind wants to go.

00:17:07
Speaker 1: To your dark and.

00:17:08
Speaker 2: Disgusting m hmm, okay, but then I have to remove myself. And if all parties are consenting adults, then like, what's wrong with that? Do you have something amiss?

00:17:21
Speaker 1: Maybe? But you're not my person. I don't have to deal with you.

00:17:23
Speaker 5: Yeah.

00:17:24
Speaker 1: So if you and your wife that's your thing and.

00:17:26
Speaker 2: She's cool with it, and the guy who's banging your wife is cool with you watching, then like, by all means, go for it. But like you and I don't have anything in common.

00:17:34
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like I don't even watch.

00:17:36
Speaker 2: Like the porn I watch is so basic and I know I'm not addicted because I literally fast.

00:17:40
Speaker 1: Forward to like where it gets good.

00:17:41
Speaker 2: I'm like, I don't need the four play Let's just get to the fucking point in and out four minutes.

00:17:45
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got kids to take care of.

00:17:48
Speaker 2: Banging on the door, Mom, I'm like, you're really killing the vibes.

00:17:54
Speaker 1: I'm like, mom's taking Wait does yours go underwater? No? I just the water. Don't tell anyone. I leave the water running.

00:18:03
Speaker 2: But I figure there are people who don't bathe, so I'm just baiting for them.

00:18:08
Speaker 1: I've bought a house full of moms. Ye, child, I could really be a vibe killer.

00:18:14
Speaker 2: Yeah, me and my vagina are like what, that's why you want.

00:18:17
Speaker 4: That's why you need an office.

00:18:25
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, what is one thing in twenty twenty six that's in for you and out for you.

00:18:31
Speaker 1: When it comes to dating.

00:18:32
Speaker 2: Ooh you said you have like a list of non negotiables.

00:18:36
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I heard.

00:18:37
Speaker 1: I did.

00:18:37
Speaker 4: Well, I'm gonna say ins and out.

00:18:40
Speaker 3: Yeah.

00:18:43
Speaker 4: Okay, Well we already kind of like touch base on like emotional safety, but consistent actions like be consistent if you're consistent with the things that you say and you do, and you like you'll say like Okay, you know, it would be really nice to go to this place, or I want to go try this restaurant, or I really would love Oh there's a new hike. I want to take you on the seke like I want a follow through Like that is so sexy to me. Yeah, takes responsibility and apologizes. I really need someone who can communicate and say, like, you know what, let me say that differently.

00:19:27
Speaker 3: That just totally came out like the wrong way, right.

00:19:31
Speaker 4: I need that emotional intelligence to be able to like get through issues well if.

00:19:36
Speaker 2: They can't do that, then you're dealing with someone who's slightly narcissistic.

00:19:40
Speaker 4: But a lot of people can't. A lot of people can't do that. It's really hard to apologize for some people.

00:19:46
Speaker 1: It's my favorite thing to do. Really, Yeah, I want to move on, huh, let it go.

00:19:52
Speaker 3: And I think the most one of the other things that I put was.

00:19:57
Speaker 4: Understand that, like my my family comes first, my girls come come first, and like I am a package deal, Like you're not going to just get like seventy five percent, like you're getting all of Amber and everything that she comes with. I don't need anyone to take care of my children, but you have to know how important because I'm still raising them.

00:20:19
Speaker 3: My kids aren't older.

00:20:20
Speaker 2: Like they're and by the way, even when they turn eighteen, it's a whole different setting.

00:20:24
Speaker 3: It's not over and it's never over, never over.

00:20:29
Speaker 1: So uh.

00:20:31
Speaker 4: And someone that encourages my career, that's a big one. Like anytime I sit down with someone that's not that I'm not dating in the industry, because I'm not dating anyone in the industry.

00:20:39
Speaker 1: I told her she can't.

00:20:41
Speaker 4: I say, like, you know, like when they ask me, what do I do I'm like, oh, I'm an actor, Like I really want to be like you, like like I'm I'm an actor, just so you know, like I have to really let them know because it's like a different This is like a different beast. This is not like a I work a nine five and I'm a plate's instructor and whatever. This is like my job entails a lot of me wearing my emotions on my sleeve, right, being gone for long periods of time. There's a lot of trust, a lot of communication. So again, like my family and my career and my sobriety really goes sobriety, family and career always come first, right, So yeah, I mean literally my list is I put at the end, I do not chase. I do not settle. That's a big one. Do not settle. And I choose a partner who meets me where I am growing grounded and continuing to be real.

00:21:39
Speaker 1: I love it.

00:21:49
Speaker 3: What about you?

00:21:50
Speaker 1: You know, I'm news to this, so I'm not entirely sure.

00:21:54
Speaker 2: But I did have a conversation with someone who I've been talking to and it's very casual and I enjoy his conversation, and honestly, it was just about consistency is big for me.

00:22:13
Speaker 1: Also, I love quality time with somebody.

00:22:18
Speaker 2: You know, I'm not someone who needs extravagant things. I don't need to go out to nice dinners. I don't need to have you shower me with gifts or send me flowers. It actually literally does nothing for me. And I guess I could fixate on the part of, oh, they're thinking about me enough to do this, but my mind just doesn't go there. Anyone who will take time to like be with me, call me, send me messages like those are things that I crave. I just crave consistency and honesty. Yeah that is and it sounds like the bare minimum, but those are actually the hardest things for people to.

00:22:57
Speaker 1: Give to you. You know, it's very easy.

00:23:00
Speaker 4: To well, we know that, we know that on a personal level, it's easy just to throw a gift at someone and say, like, you know it. But that's not that's a quick fix.

00:23:11
Speaker 2: Yeah, and it doesn't. It just doesn't do for me maybe what it used to do. I'm going to know what I want and don't want when it's around me. And when I did start dating, I noticed that I was attracting men who were kind of similar, very sexy but similar in trait to what I had dealt with in my past.

00:23:38
Speaker 1: And that's when I knew we we have to like.

00:23:40
Speaker 2: Press pause on the dating aspect of things, because.

00:23:44
Speaker 1: You are just not mentally there.

00:23:46
Speaker 4: Well, that felt safe that because it felt familiar.

00:23:50
Speaker 2: Well, amber, that's a real freaking problem when someone's trying to be sweet and cute and intimate with me and it feels awkward, and then when they choose to pick a five or things get chaotic that I thrive in conflict. It was like, Oh, this is something we really need to look into. There's also the aspect of I've noticed with men who have come into my life over the past few years they either are a little too camera hungry or they want nothing to do with it, And that's a very fine line. You also have to know that we can have a personal life, but to some degree privacy is going to become a bit non existent because this is my life and this is how I afford the wonderful things that I have and I get to do. It's how I'm able to send my kids to school and.

00:24:41
Speaker 1: Provide for them.

00:24:42
Speaker 2: So if you can't look at it from that lens, then I'm not the girl for you, because there may be a time where we get into it and I'm filming a show and I'm going to have to talk about my life and the moment that I stop doing that, they're going to pry and pry and pry until you run away, right, And I'm not.

00:25:03
Speaker 1: Sticks are too high now.

00:25:04
Speaker 4: But that's a livelihood that takes someone who's really grounded and secure. Yeah, So like that those are something that like I would highly suggest, like asking does this person feel really grounded in who they are right and are they secure?

00:25:18
Speaker 1: Because there's a lot of haters.

00:25:20
Speaker 4: There's gonna be a lot of shit talkers. Yeah, and they have say you know what, I'm not even like paying attention, Like I don't receive that message like whatever that person negative negative energy or whatever they're saying about me online or on TV or whatever.

00:25:31
Speaker 3: It's like, no, I'm good.

00:25:34
Speaker 2: Yeah, I also think that they're there could be and I'm trying not I'm for the sake of conversation on the pod. I'll mention that I do think about this at times, but honestly, like I said earlier, like going into this year, there's just things where I'm like, I don't need to plan.

00:25:49
Speaker 1: Let's just meet someone and just see where it goes.

00:25:52
Speaker 4: Just don't look bad person, and don't give me crazy shit to have to like say like red flag.

00:25:58
Speaker 1: Yeah, you go out into this streets and you slip up and you cheat. We're breaking up.

00:26:02
Speaker 2: I'm gonna say that you fucking cheated, But it ends with dad. Yeah, don't be a monster.

00:26:07
Speaker 1: And the blessing is I'm not gonna have kids with you, So if you fuck up, I'm done with you. Bye. Yeah.

00:26:11
Speaker 3: Oh but no more else what no more kids with someone?

00:26:15
Speaker 2: Well, that's another thing that I gave to the universe is I'm like, you know, I'm not gonna say that I would never have kids with someone because I don't know. I never thought that one of my babies would be born via sperm donor.

00:26:24
Speaker 4: I had my life.

00:26:25
Speaker 1: If you want to tell me that in my twenties, I would have laughed at you.

00:26:28
Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, Like on what.

00:26:30
Speaker 1: Planet would I have to go do that? And it's like right, yeah, no, that's how closed minded and ignorant I was. Getting a sperm donors for people who can't find a man. You're a fucking idiot. It's entirely not true. Same sex couples get sperm donors all the time. People who don't want to deal with a man.

00:26:50
Speaker 2: Yeah, I had never thought like I just my eyes have been opened to many things. I never thought i'd be in the situation with Ocean, being a single mom and being in a custody batter.

00:27:00
Speaker 1: Never thought I would be seeking a sperm donor.

00:27:03
Speaker 2: Never in my wildest dreams did I think that my household would consist of.

00:27:06
Speaker 1: My mom and my brother.

00:27:08
Speaker 2: And never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd be on reality TV and going out and saying, Wow, I am able at thirty five to own two houses by myself.

00:27:18
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, But think about that, Oh my gosh, that like life is just gonna like happen the way it's supposed to know.

00:27:26
Speaker 3: I so like, I totally see you with a boy.

00:27:30
Speaker 1: I think you would.

00:27:31
Speaker 4: Crush having a son, you'd kate you, guys.

00:27:36
Speaker 2: My daughter, Ocean, has been begging me for a brother, and I told her, I was like, you know, if mommy has another baby, like we don't, I don't get to choose if it's a boy or a girl.

00:27:45
Speaker 1: You know, Sosa came and she just happened to be a girl.

00:27:48
Speaker 2: The next morning, she wakes up and she says, Mommy, I had the best dream. I had a dream that you were pregnant again and you gave me a little brother, and we all lived together and all of us were really there for each other. And I about died.

00:28:04
Speaker 1: Oh. I was like, who are you? Where did you come from?

00:28:10
Speaker 2: Do you know? My biggest thing right now is teaching her like Sosa is your best friend. There are gonna be times that you fight, but when people in this world are mean to you, she's gonna be your safe space and you're gonna be her safe space.

00:28:20
Speaker 1: You have to protect each other at all costs.

00:28:22
Speaker 2: So for her to say we were really there for each other, I'm like, oh my gosh.

00:28:26
Speaker 1: Maybe you know.

00:28:28
Speaker 2: Chris Medina said he does see me having a baby with a man.

00:28:31
Speaker 1: So I'm like, again, I threw it to the universe.

00:28:35
Speaker 4: And I did the same thing. I said the same thing. I was like, I'm not having any more kids.

00:28:38
Speaker 1: I'm done.

00:28:38
Speaker 4: I have my kids are twelve and almost sixteen, Like I'm done. But then I was like, wait, that's old behavior. Just like you know what, just give it, give it to the universe. Whatever happens. Yeah, like I look at Jen Meyer who's having a baby, and she's forty eight years old, and I'm like.

00:28:55
Speaker 3: Fuck yeah, great's she really inspired me?

00:28:58
Speaker 4: Like she looks stunning and beautiful and happy and in love and like she's glowing. And I'm like, wait, why are you putting like a And she has two kids, older kids, right, and like why are you putting a? Like why does it have to be a yes or no? If it if it's meant to happen, it's gonna happen.

00:29:14
Speaker 5: No.

00:29:14
Speaker 2: Yeah, my higher power has placed me exactly where, like the stuff, the stars were aligned the moment I entered this world, My journey was already said, like.

00:29:23
Speaker 1: I have no freaking say.

00:29:25
Speaker 2: I am here and there's gonna be road bumps, and I know that if.

00:29:29
Speaker 1: Something is a fight, I'm like, okay, this is God.

00:29:32
Speaker 2: And by the way, if I keep fighting, I'm gonna get what I want and it's gonna be wrong for me.

00:29:35
Speaker 1: So just take this as a fucking sign. Yeah you know. Yeah, I love a good psychic.

00:29:42
Speaker 4: By the way, we need to. I want a psychic on the show.

00:29:44
Speaker 1: Let's bring Medina on. I really love for him to read me.

00:29:46
Speaker 2: Let me tell you something very quickly before we wrap it up. There is a vanity aspect of having a third, of course, and I'm okay to admit this. I love being pregnant. It's like my most favorite thing, so I want to experience it again.

00:29:59
Speaker 1: But since my.

00:30:00
Speaker 2: Second baby, I've looked at your body. Your body does not look like my stomach. Depending on how I move, it's a little creepy my stomach. And I don't want anyone to be like, oh, shut the fuck up. I'm being vulnerable right now. No matter who you are, what you look like, we all sit here and look at ourselves and go, I don't love this.

00:30:21
Speaker 1: I'm telling you my stomach, I just I get nervous.

00:30:27
Speaker 2: The third we're gonna have a real We're gonna have a real granny issue happening.

00:30:30
Speaker 4: No, okay, first of all, that's not true. I've seen your naked body. We've been through this in the first episode. You're beautiful and if you don't like the way you look, you could change it. Yeah, that are you exercising.

00:30:46
Speaker 1: I've been really bad the past, people so very bad. I look like the Grinch, you know, he has like a.

00:30:52
Speaker 2: Little ass with a pot belly and like little little boobs.

00:30:56
Speaker 1: I did inquire about a boob job. She's calling me today. I'm very excit. I did about that for you too. I come in next next episode, I'm gonna have fucking knockers.

00:31:04
Speaker 4: Bro, you're gonna have to move the mic back four inches or maybe four feet.

00:31:11
Speaker 1: Right, listen, you get your boobs done.

00:31:13
Speaker 3: I want a BBL.

00:31:15
Speaker 1: Well, if you're getting a BBL, soul am I.

00:31:17
Speaker 4: I'm dying for I just don't want to do any more squads.

00:31:20
Speaker 3: I hate leg days.

00:31:22
Speaker 1: I do too.

00:31:22
Speaker 3: They're the worst.

00:31:23
Speaker 2: And by the way, I work so hard to get it, perky, I missed one week and I'm like.

00:31:26
Speaker 1: She's back to this. Why am I putting in so much work?

00:31:29
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, I think a little BBL.

00:31:33
Speaker 1: It's the most dangerous surgery you can get, is it? You can die? Yeah, it's really dangerous. I'm willing to take the risk.

00:31:43
Speaker 4: I mean, I just want like three four inches same like Seriously, that makes a big difference.

00:31:49
Speaker 2: I'm trying to actually live like Cardi b But that's fine.

00:31:52
Speaker 1: It's hot, she's fucking banging.

00:31:54
Speaker 3: She's hot.

00:31:55
Speaker 2: I want to have to use your customed made Oh no, that's annoying because my my thigh to ass to Torso Ratio, is that wild.

00:32:09
Speaker 4: Let's do this after you have the third baby, because you are gonna have another baby.

00:32:13
Speaker 1: Really, you see that in my future?

00:32:14
Speaker 2: I do all right, I really do think it's a boy. I do all right, you know what, giving it to the universe. Yeah, and maybe we just have it together. Well, don't tup me with a good time.

00:32:23
Speaker 1: No, I really like I would sope you down for them.

00:32:25
Speaker 2: Remember if I did that with you, we would really be we would exile men for sure.

00:32:30
Speaker 1: That's a real problem.

00:32:31
Speaker 2: We're talking about how we're open. We have a baby together. I do paint me lesbonic. Okay, I'm never going back. Scary out there.

00:32:42
Speaker 3: It is scary out there.

00:32:44
Speaker 1: I see some of the men that my friends end up with, and I'm like that this is what's out there. No, You're like, sure, I'll marry you.

00:32:50
Speaker 4: I was like, No, I said, I'm gonna move to Montana. And I did sa ionna find myself like a cool cowboy, not like just just just a very liberal cowboy. Yes, yes, And I get out there, and first of all, they call Bozeman Montana. Yeah, Bo's angelis because everyone from La is moving to Bozeman, okay, which is like, fine, I have nothing against that, but the men on the dating apps. Before I deleted my hinge, it was like, if I see another fricking guy holding a dead fish like like this, or a pair of antlers like this, that's what I was like, the dude, that's that's terrible.

00:33:37
Speaker 3: Like, if that's what you like to do, fine, okay, I'm not going to judge you.

00:33:40
Speaker 1: I'm judging. I don't.

00:33:41
Speaker 3: I don't want to see it. That tells me nothing about you.

00:33:45
Speaker 4: That tells me that you know how to shoot a gun and you know how to catch a fucking fish. Okay, And so does my twelve year old daughter, Like it's so bad.

00:33:53
Speaker 1: It's so it's so excary.

00:33:54
Speaker 4: And that's why I was like, dude, I'm done. I'm not I'm done with dating apps.

00:33:58
Speaker 1: I'm done. Yeah, it's it's.

00:34:00
Speaker 3: A wh you know what I wanted to do.

00:34:01
Speaker 4: I wanted to start a business to help guys with their profiles.

00:34:06
Speaker 1: It's actually fucking genius, yes.

00:34:09
Speaker 4: Because there's so many guys that I've I've actually gone on date dates with that I'm like, I just give him a try, Like, just give him a try and I'm oh, you're so much cuter in person, like your your photos are not great. Guys don't know how to do photos, and I don't want to see a selfie.

00:34:23
Speaker 2: At selfie, I get it because I am the worst at taking photos. I mean and no, truly, you got to take a lot for me to find one that I like.

00:34:33
Speaker 1: Like a lot. Okay, truthfully, I'm not kidding.

00:34:37
Speaker 2: And maybe it's because I'm looking at myself and I'm weird about the nose tilt and I'm also getting a jaw line this year too.

00:34:47
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're gonna make one plastic surgeon real happy.

00:34:51
Speaker 1: Yeah, getting in there.

00:34:53
Speaker 4: Yeah, I can't the next time we see you're feeling wrapped.

00:34:57
Speaker 1: Yeah, insert needles and dicks here. That's all I care about. Yeah, but I'm open to a relationship here me God anyway, Oh, this is a fun episode. I had.

00:35:12
Speaker 2: I had little bullet points. But you and I are good at tangentine. Yeah, my most favorite thing to do. You want to sign us off?

00:35:18
Speaker 1: Oh?

00:35:19
Speaker 4: Oh okay, all right, well I don't even know what to say, but let's do it.

00:35:23
Speaker 3: Okay, guys, thank you everyone for joining in to an unlikely affair.

00:35:26
Speaker 1: Thank you, La La Thank you.

00:35:28
Speaker 3: It's been a real pleasure.

00:35:29
Speaker 4: It's been a real pleasure. Pleasure is that all I'm supposed to say.

00:35:35
Speaker 1: We'll catch you guys next week.

00:35:36
Speaker 3: Bye bye,