Darren Waller Went From Addiction and Rehab to NFL Stardom… Then Walked Away

00:00:00
Speaker 1: Welcome back to All the Smoke.

00:00:02
Speaker 2: Man.

00:00:02
Speaker 3: Today, we have a dope guess with a very interesting story. I've been trying to get him on the show for Man since she was in Vegas maybe three or four years now, trying to get him on the show, and I'm glad we were finally able to.

00:00:15
Speaker 1: Get you here.

00:00:16
Speaker 2: Man.

00:00:16
Speaker 1: Welcome to the show, Darren Waller, Pot.

00:00:23
Speaker 3: Welcome, We're good. Welcome to the show. Cut your tree over here. They got a little bit wet, but it's still about Man. You played nine games last season and scored six touchdowns in that span for the Dolphins. What made you come out of retirement and why was it the Dolphins?

00:00:40
Speaker 4: Coming out of retirement was something I really wasn't even planning on doing. I mean I didn't know football training. In the almost two years that I was out, I know this fitness competition called high Rocks. It was like kind of like a CrossFit kind of deal. Because I had a bunch of homies I was doing it and I ended up staying in contact with my tight end coach my best years with the Raiders he was the OC for the Dolphins, and been stay in touch with him, and he like told me coming down to the Ota practice and hang out and then uh that bug it started to uh to come along. And then by the end of June, I think I signed with the team and just rolled up a training camp and said, let's go, let's get it.

00:01:19
Speaker 3: I'm here to function here, I'm here to funck shu up. Yeah, the team had high expectations. Was felt a bit flat. How was it stepping into that situation. Yeah, it was definitely an interesting season as a roller coaster for sure.

00:01:31
Speaker 4: I mean with like the expectations they had, like a couple of years prior of how like they was damn near on top of the world, with the way that the offense.

00:01:38
Speaker 1: Was clicking and everything.

00:01:39
Speaker 4: And yeah, just with the whole tool situation, Tyreek getting hurt, like the first game I was playing in because I'm like I got out there in the mix and in that first half it was like this ship might be dangerous, and then he got hurt.

00:01:51
Speaker 1: It was just like blow after blow after blow.

00:01:54
Speaker 4: And but I mean, that's that's football, dog Like, that's that's pro sports. You gotta weather all types of storms. You may expect certain things to go a certain way, but then you gotta deal with the reality of it. So I'm grateful I went back, though I had a good time, a lot of good dudes, a lot of good coaches, even though it wasn't the season that we would have wanted.

00:02:11
Speaker 1: I was I'm definitely glad I pop backed, like very well.

00:02:13
Speaker 3: Yeah, So you were telling a little bit off cameracuse me, Jack. You were talking to Michael Irvin before he left, and you kind of told us how the situation where you thought I had a conversation, I go down to get a massage and like come back, and shit is can you share.

00:02:24
Speaker 1: That or do you want to No? No, I definitely sure to tell us to what you were telling Mike.

00:02:28
Speaker 4: So to give context, you have like exit meetings when the season's over, right, And so they were like, all right, you got to hit up Mike's assistant for a thirty minute window, and a lot of dudes booked up the early windows in the week. So I did, like Thursday, I was like I'll come in like nine thirty, just randomly picked the time and came in at nine point thirty. Was talking to Mike and he was like, man, like, you know, I'm excited about next season. We definitely want you back, Like talking about like how he's gonna give the keys to Queen. You were like it brings people in to compete with him and like all these plans that he had, maybe like some coaching staff changes. And so it hits about nine forty Stephen Ross opens the door and walks in, like, no knock, that's the owner, right, that's the owner, And he come in.

00:03:11
Speaker 1: He's talking to us for a bit. He's like, man, it's great to have you.

00:03:13
Speaker 4: Such a pleasant surprise, Like I felt just a lot to build on over this next season. And like the conversation kind of hit a lull after a couple of minutes, and he was just kind of standing.

00:03:20
Speaker 2: There like.

00:03:22
Speaker 1: Looking at me, like a right, you can leave now. Yeah.

00:03:24
Speaker 4: So I was like I looked at Mike and he was like we can finish this later for sure, And I'm like all right, cool, Like I'll go downstairs, I get a massage. From ten to eleven or eleven thirty, I'll wake up, check my phone, Mike, and Dane has been fired by the Miami Dolphins. So that fast something must have happened. I know right around that time was when the Ravens like go with hardball. So I didn't know if you want to jump into the hardball sweepstakes.

00:03:47
Speaker 1: Or I don't know what. But it's just like the craziness and how cold the business can be. But that's what people don't understand.

00:03:51
Speaker 3: I mean, you literally an hour and a half before that are having a conversation about plans the next season, and then the guy that believed in you and the owner that came in instead of good words about you, now the coach is gone and you're out. That's just how it goes. It's a cold game. And that's why I'm so high on player empowerment because when that shit happens, it's the business.

00:04:11
Speaker 1: But if we do some shit, it's an issue, you know what I mean. So I'm really big on player drim.

00:04:16
Speaker 5: Go ahead, Jack, what you think the future looking like? Like you said, coach gone to it gone, Tyreek gone?

00:04:22
Speaker 2: You gone? Like what the Fishers looking like for Miami?

00:04:25
Speaker 1: You think?

00:04:25
Speaker 4: I don't know, man, I mean I think with the way that they're going there just kind of blowing everything up. I mean I thought for a second they were gonna trade everybody. They got everybody about.

00:04:33
Speaker 1: They traded Waddle, they trade, They're gonna.

00:04:35
Speaker 4: Trade a cham for a minute, but it looks like I mean, I would definitely keep him.

00:04:39
Speaker 1: I build everything around him.

00:04:40
Speaker 4: But yeah, I mean I feel like you gotta kind of like take an NBA route of like we might be bad for a couple of years, but like we can stop stock up on these picks, like they're getting some extra picks. Need some of the first round dudes to just hit out the gate. You can build something, start luring some free agency, but it's gonna take some time. It's gonna take a process, especially bringing new people in quarterback gone, all your impact players are gone. Like you're gonna have to take some lumps the first year, but kind of build from there.

00:05:05
Speaker 1: Hope these draft picks hit, what's your next move.

00:05:06
Speaker 4: I'm just waiting on to see what the fit gonna be for me, you know what I'm saying. I know teams have a better idea what their roster's gonna look like after the draft, and I understand, like I'm older player, dealt with some injuries, so I got to kind of, you know, play that game. But I've been training since the day after the Super Bowl Monday through Friday, ready just locked in, so handling controling what I could control. But I'm approaching it like I'll be playing this season.

00:05:30
Speaker 1: And it happens.

00:05:31
Speaker 3: Music very instrumental part of your life. You do some music yourself, but you have some some legendary bloodlines. Grandfather is a Jed Harlem jazz legend, Fats Waller. That's a cold name, by the way. Was it always in it? I mean, did you pick it up from him? Where did the love for music come from?

00:05:48
Speaker 1: It was early on.

00:05:48
Speaker 3: I mean my parents threw me and my older sister into piano really early on because he was like a jazz pianist.

00:05:54
Speaker 1: And then I was in band in middle school and thing.

00:05:56
Speaker 4: Like that, and then it's like, but you play I was like a percussion like scenario xylophone.

00:06:01
Speaker 1: Did you play band in high school?

00:06:02
Speaker 2: Though?

00:06:03
Speaker 1: Because there was kind of a stereotype towards band members.

00:06:05
Speaker 4: I was just about to get there. Yeah, I was just about to get there. At the end of the eighth grade, they were like, you can't be banned. We got playing football, right, what band? So it's like I kind of left music there as you know, athletics law that actually started to take off. So and then I got through college. I had a jazz history class my senior years, like an elective, and the professor met me at the door of the class and was like, I'm gonna be talking about your great grandfather in this class, like you need to pay attention, like this is your family legacy, because we had pictures on the wall and then like my family would get like royalty checks and stuff and his music. But I didn't know too much until that class. Really, Once I learned that, I was like, oh no, this shit in me. And about the week I got drafted in twenty fifteen, which was like a few months after that. The same week, I started writing in my room. So I'm in the hotel, my rookie, I don't got too much shit to do. I was smoking a black and mout in the back of the hotel work.

00:06:54
Speaker 3: And then out like, did you freak get wine at times?

00:06:58
Speaker 1: We forget ten times? Definitely, yeah.

00:07:05
Speaker 4: But then I went up to the hotel room and I started rapping on garage band. I'll rip beats off the Internet and start wrapping into like the mic on the iPod, iPhone earbuds.

00:07:14
Speaker 1: You started like that and then kept.

00:07:16
Speaker 5: Going during the season doing music. I think for me, I've done it. You know, A big part of my career too, and I think it's it was therapeutic for me at times because a lot of things I wanted to say I couldn't say, but I said it, you know, rapping wise, what does musics do for you like during the season for sure?

00:07:31
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, honestly, I haven't really found the rhythm to really like like that perfect bounce. I like to achieve, like I still create and still write, and it gives me a lot, like it fills my cut back up because it's like with sports, like you're pouring so much and practice and the game into recovery to Yeah, it's like this is a way for me to express myself and when a lot of people are just expecting me to a brog go out there and catch two touchdowns like now, like I'm dealing with things Monday to Sunday that people don't necessarily care about, so it's like for me to have that moment.

00:08:01
Speaker 1: It is definitely therapeutic.

00:08:02
Speaker 5: For new single with the Homie b D Boys out right now. Oh it's called Baron Davis. That's crazy. Yeah, does he does he know?

00:08:13
Speaker 1: I texted him?

00:08:14
Speaker 2: He hit you back? Because if he knew this should wuld be all over the world.

00:08:18
Speaker 5: He was like, He'll make sure everybody heard it. Was you the only person that got a song called Baron Davis. Yeah, talk about it, talk about it.

00:08:26
Speaker 2: Yeah.

00:08:27
Speaker 3: So yeah him, Yeah, so the track came out because I mean I got history with this.

00:08:34
Speaker 2: I remember like the I did Not Believe. That's like the we Believe team, like when.

00:08:36
Speaker 4: I was a kid, Like that was one of the first major like sports upsets that like gave me chills like growing up because we're from I'm from Atlanta, okay, uh like copp County.

00:08:47
Speaker 1: Like from suburbs, suburbs.

00:08:50
Speaker 4: But when they beat the Mavericks, the Mavericks was like at the time, it was like the closest rund.

00:08:54
Speaker 1: That was him and me and him.

00:08:59
Speaker 3: That ship had me like he can ball z Like happy birthday for hey.

00:09:07
Speaker 5: Fine, Hey hold on, hey five you your boy Darren waldarp here.

00:09:14
Speaker 2: You know you got a song called Baron Davis. A nigga got a song called look fine, Look fine.

00:09:20
Speaker 6: He right here five, my boy, you heard the song? He said, you want to read you want to play this ship right now? You're about to get bored on the remix and the playing right now.

00:09:39
Speaker 1: That's my dog right here. What what's good?

00:09:43
Speaker 3: Bro?

00:09:46
Speaker 1: What we're doing a remix? Man? You're supposed to do what we're doing.

00:09:53
Speaker 5: Here?

00:09:53
Speaker 1: Man, where you at in l A, Yeah, I'm in l A ship. Bet how far the engineer say let's and he's not far from here to it will give you the address, say Leu's.

00:10:09
Speaker 2: I call, I call you when we've done a lot one?

00:10:12
Speaker 7: All right, my doggie? That m hm, Bro, he don't ask the phone for nobody. He got the jersey on to official. That's hard, h boy. You better let that ship fly. If you find they keep it.

00:10:36
Speaker 1: Think that's the computer speakers.

00:10:38
Speaker 4: Look in their eyes and you see that angle mumble on the side of these niggas. Ca'se Now everybody playing ship say so I'm living danger. Niggas don't be kicking no game. So I'm giving pay city need a warrior and they sent me. Believe you like they smell that ship on me. Ain't need no praise, Thank God. Don't smell like what I've been through. Man that I took, but like I wouldn't mean too crazy. Every time I'm in the spot, has let me hold something. Niggas on TV talking lot like they know.

00:11:05
Speaker 2: Something about me. Cool.

00:11:06
Speaker 4: We're gonna let y'all niggas do the hot takes. I'm gonna keep whipping regardless, like I forgot breaking.

00:11:11
Speaker 1: It's like I just saw the Mexican.

00:11:13
Speaker 2: It's a hot plate.

00:11:14
Speaker 4: I'm trying to pop much sit in the same arenas that y'all played.

00:11:17
Speaker 2: Well.

00:11:17
Speaker 4: I guess I'm going back to Allegiance pay the way, but some niggas still want my back to the seen me actually beat me. She could switch up and here given Sunday, I'm tapped in while I got my chance. I'mnna hit the runway then, ain't know what I'll be putting on, no shake, guilt of shit. Niggas ain't cut like where I'm from. That Georgia Clay Bills never tiptoes. While I heard them talking about the clips loaded man, Cause nobody ever told these niggas, boy, you better than that's your fly. If you've been it, ain't up keep it a little key. When I slat ain't trying to be famous. You could take a look in their eyes and you.

00:11:48
Speaker 1: Mumble on that side. But these niggas came down.

00:11:50
Speaker 2: Ain't wait.

00:11:51
Speaker 4: Everybody playing shit say so, I'm living danger niggas don't be kicking no game. So I'm giving pay got City, you know Warrior, They said we believe you like there and Dave splid that ship on me.

00:12:00
Speaker 2: Ain't need no frame that monster row.

00:12:10
Speaker 1: That's hard. You got the Donald Dookie face, it's hard. That made his whole day. He heard he got a song. Ain't after him? Right?

00:12:23
Speaker 2: I only can imagine what you're going to say on the Rena man mark you.

00:12:27
Speaker 3: So there's Baron Davison, there's there's also a couple of other characters. Have you ever met Bart Oatmeal? That's that's what really is. That's that's his rap name. First of all, it's not it's Bart Oatmeal.

00:12:40
Speaker 1: You in for a tree if you go a little bit.

00:12:42
Speaker 3: Yeah, multiple personalities.

00:12:45
Speaker 5: Yeah tonight tonight you might need me to be with you to deal with I don't know, it's a whole different person.

00:12:54
Speaker 1: Two questions.

00:12:55
Speaker 5: Five athletes that you want to collab with and five people that you inspire that inspire you to do music.

00:13:01
Speaker 1: I mean, Damian Lillard is definitely.

00:13:03
Speaker 2: Tough for us the top get ready to collab with b D?

00:13:12
Speaker 1: Are we considering Jello athletes?

00:13:13
Speaker 3: Yes?

00:13:14
Speaker 1: Of course, Okay, of course. I don't know too many who else making music? Like I did the podcast to the Fire, whether it was a cool podcast.

00:13:24
Speaker 3: Miles Bridges the next one I can do nice, I'll get it. Miles is nice. I really like Miles rap like he doesn't play in the n B A yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, one.

00:13:38
Speaker 5: More you gott uh will get We'll got someone Meek Mel. Then what second question? Five people that inspire you.

00:13:56
Speaker 2: To do music?

00:13:56
Speaker 4: I mean, since a kid, it was Kanye West Graduation album and jay Z Black Album was probably the two first two inspirations for me. And then right now it's a kind of the Bay Area Rex Life arrage who I listened to a lot that inspires me, rapping named Euros from Vegas, who I've collided with a couple of times.

00:14:14
Speaker 1: He's dope. And then I love rock marchiana't know if you know who rock Marcelona is. I'm a fan of rock Marciano.

00:14:21
Speaker 2: Real hip hop.

00:14:22
Speaker 5: Yeah, growing up, you're bounced around from Maryland to Colorado to Georgia where I currently live. I've been living in about twenty five years now. That's like my home now. Kind of paint a picture and your upbringing bouncing around.

00:14:32
Speaker 4: So the bouncing around was like from one to four, So I don't evenly remember that for real. But yeah, before like kindergarten, I was in Georgia, had two parent home, had an older sister. Pretty stable environment to be honest, But yeah, for me, it was just difficult growing up, like trying to figure out where I fit in the world, you know what I'm saying, Like I feel like I was already like a kid that was like a lot different. Now I can appreciate my uniqueness for me different than a lot of people. Back then, it was like I was too nerdy, but I was, uh like also an athlete. I was like one of the only black kids and like these gifted classes. I just felt like everywhere I went, I was just trying to like fit in and base everything like how other people would want me to be or react since like a little kid, you know, and so just trying to grow out of that has been a journey.

00:15:18
Speaker 1: But biracial, Nah, my dad like skinning, Okay.

00:15:21
Speaker 2: Yeah, is it true you were reading by the age too?

00:15:24
Speaker 1: I mean that's probably acturingly.

00:15:25
Speaker 4: My mom was had us from the get go, like trying to read, trying to do everything, start playing instruments running around playing sports.

00:15:33
Speaker 5: I mean, that's impressive in the black community, because I know I didn't get it.

00:15:36
Speaker 2: I probably didn't catch them about twelve.

00:15:42
Speaker 3: I think both my parents had to bring as they came from, and we used to have silent reading in third grade. I used to just count the words on the page. I didn't know what the fuck was going on to that silent you had thirty minutes of solid reading when you go back from recess to try to calm down, I'm just counting the words on the page.

00:16:00
Speaker 5: I hate wing to be my turn to read front of the class.

00:16:02
Speaker 2: Not doing it.

00:16:03
Speaker 5: Yeah, nah, I'm sorry, man. Yeah, basketball player, I guess what I was doing.

00:16:09
Speaker 1: I was nine. I no, I couldn't read. Go ahead, it's another it's another show something that again.

00:16:20
Speaker 3: I think obviously I saw your talent on the field, but what drew me to your story was just your openness and your authenticity about battling addiction. And it's you know, I went to a predominantly white high school with a lot of friends that.

00:16:36
Speaker 1: They used to call it happy meals. Man.

00:16:37
Speaker 3: They would put coke with oxy cotton and chop it up and do all kinds and I've seen people fall down from it, drive off cliffs and commit suicide and all that kind of stuff.

00:16:45
Speaker 1: But to see.

00:16:47
Speaker 3: All the what to hear all you've been through, but I also want to hear more, but then to see you made it out and it's an ongoing thing, but then you made it out and you were able to fulfill your dreams and play in the NFL. Let's let's walk down that that that childhood journey and and and when did you first kind of open the door and start dabbling with substances.

00:17:05
Speaker 4: Yeah, around age fifteen, like my sophomore year high school, Like some of my friends fell like perk set in their parents, medical cadets like five milligram oxy codons like that, And you know, back then, I was just like a real anxious like still trying to figure out. Like back for my first two years of high school, I wouldn't playing on the team, Like I was smaller than everybody else. They hit a grosspurts to my junior year, so I was like riding the bench kind of getting big ears and big feet cross to me. So it was just like it was hard for me to like figure out like who I'm going to be, Like how do I measure up? And yeah, the paintcud was just like it just quieted everything down, you know what I'm saying, just kind of numbed all that out. And you know I could still go out and get all a's and still be respectful to people and still be get better at the sport every year. But that was just what I was doing behind the scenes. It's kind of like because it's a lot of pain that I'm not really showing people that I'm dealing with, and that's a way for me to just kind of like forget about it all.

00:18:02
Speaker 1: And so it's kind of started.

00:18:04
Speaker 2: That's how That's what cannabis does for me to this day.

00:18:06
Speaker 3: So you start with painkillers and you progress, and I think at your I don't know, maybe the word highest is it is not using this at one point when you're just really in the mix.

00:18:18
Speaker 1: How many different things are you using? And what are those things? I mean, it's down there, whatever you're offering for real at the time, sit down, want something started with.

00:18:27
Speaker 4: Like I said, my sophomore years, like pain killers, cannabis, my junior year, drinking my junior or drinking beer and start drinking liquor getting into my senior year, and then it's like people had the NX, people had adderall people had, cocaine.

00:18:40
Speaker 1: People had So it's like, driver's going to take me to a different place. I'm with when you finally found your footing in football, when you grew a little bit, did it help with kind of the insecurities and and and and some of the stuff you were doing off the field?

00:18:55
Speaker 4: I would say yes and no, because by then, once I got bigger, it's like I'm on, like I want to do. It's like on the faces of like the varsity teams now, it's like people just look at you different, treat you different, women approach you different. And so it's like that was there for me and that felt good, But then it was also like I feel like I had to keep proving myself and it's like you get to like a different level of like you start getting Division one sports and you start going to the professional level, it's just like the pressure you put on yourself to please them or be like I'm the man now to them, like it only increases. So then it's like like I just start using more star smoking, war start drinking water to kind of deal with the increase in pressure.

00:19:32
Speaker 3: Explain to people because I think Jack just touched on it and I had a similar feeling.

00:19:35
Speaker 1: When you're under the influence.

00:19:38
Speaker 3: It calms everything, it quiets everything, and it just allows you to what be the best you?

00:19:42
Speaker 1: What is it? Because I feel like I'm the best? Mean when I smoke, That's just how I feel.

00:19:45
Speaker 3: So when you were doing with what you were doing, how did it make you feel and what did you think about that processor think about yourself when you were under the influence?

00:19:53
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean the pinklashs me.

00:19:54
Speaker 4: It just gave like this almost like a warm tingly kind of thing where it's like I would just do that and play it again, aim kick with the hummies, watching a movie like I wouldn't do nothing for real. But then and like cannabis d that was the first thing. It kind of like I started becoming like paranoid as a person. And then smoking would like kind of like set that shit on.

00:20:11
Speaker 3: Fire, right, and then drinking, and then drinking just kind of gave me like a fuck it, yeah, like I'll go talk to that girl, fucking yeah, do something crazy.

00:20:24
Speaker 1: Yeah you'd be Yeah, So it impacts you a different way.

00:20:27
Speaker 4: But they all kind of get me to this place to where it's like I'm not overthinking, cause I'm thinking of million miles a minute, where it's like, yeah, I'm under the influence.

00:20:35
Speaker 1: I can just fucks.

00:20:37
Speaker 5: Full scholarships to Georgia Tech wide receiver life is great. Drug tests, How are you figuring all this out? How you navigating through school and all that?

00:20:47
Speaker 4: So I started taking note of the vets at school, Like I was like, why a y'all bringing like a little like like a five hour energy bottle to the practice fail every day because we had to walk It's probably like a half a mile walk from the locker room to where the practice field was. And it was like you gotta stay ready, ready for what. But they started hitting you with the random drug tests, and so they're like, you gotta get it.

00:21:10
Speaker 1: You gotta get you a network.

00:21:11
Speaker 4: After one team that got clean pissed, find a way to take care of them so you're not just like going to them and it has to be warm and so right, the practice would end, no hope, you bring the bottle with you to practice and ride, the practice would in. You put it right in your cross and get to the back of the line so you can let time for like it's a crock pot.

00:21:31
Speaker 1: In your uh yeah, compression shorts.

00:21:33
Speaker 2: Yeah.

00:21:33
Speaker 1: So then when I get up to the front of the line, it's good. I'm good.

00:21:35
Speaker 2: Yeah.

00:21:36
Speaker 1: And they didn't check y'all.

00:21:37
Speaker 4: No, until I got arrested one time and they do like a mouth swab.

00:21:43
Speaker 2: They got me a.

00:21:43
Speaker 1: Couple times on the mouth swap.

00:21:44
Speaker 4: It was over you that no, because it detects like twenty four to forty eight hours.

00:21:49
Speaker 3: Yeah, so you guys would put little five hour energy to someone else's pee in your tights and then that's how you pass the test.

00:21:56
Speaker 2: Yep, whatever it took. It was trolling around. Yeah, boys, try.

00:22:04
Speaker 5: I just I don'nderstand that album you just told around another wood.

00:22:07
Speaker 2: Like that's crazy.

00:22:09
Speaker 1: Let me get into my backpack.

00:22:10
Speaker 5: Yeah, conversation, I don't want to stand fan.

00:22:14
Speaker 2: What did we do, Julyani?

00:22:15
Speaker 1: You didn't do ship? They popped you in college too, right.

00:22:18
Speaker 2: You know what you did.

00:22:18
Speaker 5: You had people damn there dying drinking all kind of ship.

00:22:21
Speaker 1: Oh detas drinks.

00:22:24
Speaker 2: Nigga had me drinking some ship.

00:22:26
Speaker 1: I know what I did in the.

00:22:27
Speaker 3: Pros, but it was different in college. This is different kind of money.

00:22:32
Speaker 1: What was it? What was the ship that used to make us itch when it was the drink. It was it was a little thing you got flush that was called he's peeling your skin off.

00:22:45
Speaker 3: The passive drug test, Yeah yeah, I think so.

00:22:49
Speaker 1: I didn't feel like you see a lot.

00:22:50
Speaker 3: I got tested three times, I didn't show up once, and then I passed the other two.

00:22:54
Speaker 1: God will, I don't know how I did that.

00:22:55
Speaker 3: But anyway, sixth round pick of the Ravens in twenty fifteen, John Harball in front of the team says, if you don't love football, walk out, and at that moment you actually thought about it, can you explain?

00:23:09
Speaker 1: Okay? Yeah, yeah, that was a rookie year.

00:23:12
Speaker 4: Get there, like right after the drafts and at that time, you know what I'm saying, I've been going through college, dealing with these issues.

00:23:18
Speaker 1: And just really just numb to a lot of things in life.

00:23:21
Speaker 4: So it's like by the time I got drafted to the league, I don't feel like I had access to the feelings of being like excited for the opportunity. I just saw as more of like damn, like I said, just pressure and like more work, more, more this and that, and so it's like he hit me in a moment in reality, I would, I wouldn't expect him his head. If you don't love football, just walk out. And it was like it just hit me in my heart. I was like, damn, I really don't know if I love it, like I'm I'm good at it, Like I.

00:23:48
Speaker 1: Know I'm I'm good at it. Hit me in my heart. I was just like really like talking to me. But it's like, you can't just stand up and be like, you know what, I'm not gonna take you offout it off for Coachure.

00:24:02
Speaker 4: I appreciate you open my eyes. You can't do you can't do that in that moment. So it's like I gotta find a way to ride this out. But that moment was was it was real for me.

00:24:11
Speaker 2: Man, There's a whole bunch of moments.

00:24:12
Speaker 5: I just wanted to bunch of referee dead and this ship bro maalking about a lot of times because they talk to you like you're not a man sometimes you know what I'm saying, and you gotta think like, damn, well you're already on the.

00:24:23
Speaker 3: Nice I think obviously us all being professional athletes at one point, the pressures and everything that comes with the glamour that everyone thinks it is there's a lot behind the scenes that they don't understand. Did you run across other teammates? I know, we'll talk about the teammates that you were doing some stuff with, the one that unfortunately passed. But how many guys do you think struggle and suffer from similar things you did?

00:24:48
Speaker 4: I would say a lot. We just you know, you got to be good at masking it. A lot of guys like you coming in that environment. It's a hyper competitive environment. It's like, you know, onto level, you can't show signs of weakness, and so it's like, I don't want to show this year. This could be used against me. They could want to find somebody else that maybe has their more their shit together, then they'll put in my space.

00:25:09
Speaker 1: So I gotta hold this shit, I gotta provide, I gotta do whatever it is.

00:25:12
Speaker 4: And those are all legit reasons to you know, show up and not show those signs of weakness.

00:25:18
Speaker 1: So I totally get it. But there's a lot of dudes suffer in silence.

00:25:20
Speaker 4: I mean, you see how many dudes I remember, like Vincent Jackson, like they found him dead in the room at forty players dying.

00:25:28
Speaker 1: Forty one dudes offer themselves at twenty five.

00:25:31
Speaker 5: Even a kid who played with Cowboys, yea at his best game and a week later.

00:25:35
Speaker 2: You know what I'm saying, take its own life.

00:25:37
Speaker 4: So it's like you can't. I don't think, especially from my story, I people take anything away. It's like you can see the external success and like things are going up, but that doesn't always dictate about like what somebody dealing with.

00:25:46
Speaker 1: Right, absolutely, I think that's a great point.

00:25:48
Speaker 3: Obviously, we know in the NBA, you know what they would try to do to keep us on the court. You know, the NFL has notoriously been known kind of for the painkiller culture within that was everything readily readily available if you needed it, if you ask for it in those trading facilities.

00:26:05
Speaker 4: I think it's a lot different now if you have someone the OG's in the NFL. That sit sounded crazy. It's like they had like a popcorn bowl of just walk you can just walk in and take whatever you want, like a wild West. Now it's like it's more regularly they asking you questions. They make sure they're going.

00:26:20
Speaker 3: Through their documents and the script, but they also they always have the toar dolls on the day.

00:26:25
Speaker 4: Right everybody taking toward dolls on. Yeahay, so I mean you're still there. But you know what's crazy is like how bad.

00:26:32
Speaker 3: I remember a friend of mine who his Eric Armstead's brother is older than him. He was getting the toward all shots at sc and took so much of it that have destroyed his liver and he had to like medically retire from the Patriots. And he had actually had a lawsuit against them. But again, they're doing anything they can to keep you on the field or keep us on the court, but they want to penalize us. Now, obviously cannabis is is a free and you can do what you want with it, but penalize you for alternative ways to kind of handle the pressure and the pain.

00:27:04
Speaker 4: Yeah, And it's like and it's another layer of like they want you, They want to push you out there and get the most out of you, but then they also want to hold like those injuries over you. When it's trying to pay you the time for you to get a bag, they want to be like find any reason they can and not give it to you.

00:27:17
Speaker 3: Right when you were doing what you were doing, was there any size that you knew? Forward facing the guys can kind of tell what you were on or were you very good at what you were doing behind the scenes.

00:27:26
Speaker 4: I was really good at hiding it. There was one time Steve Smith's senior was the vet in the receiver room. He was like the best OGI ever. But we had a training camp. We would stay at the Higher Place hotel and I was in my jeep like rolling up in the parking lot down here on the window, and I'm like, oh shit, and it was like Steve just like like messing.

00:27:48
Speaker 1: With me or whatever. But but yeah, nah, that was just yeah.

00:27:52
Speaker 3: He was an OG for really who I was looking to and modeled like, oh, I'm seeing greatness like every single day from this dude.

00:27:58
Speaker 1: I'm finna just short too any short. Yeah, but the biggest dude, the biggest Due of Lyon Hard four.

00:28:07
Speaker 5: Game suspension in twenty sixteen twenty seventeen, you take that whole year off. To some people, it might look like darren A spiraling, his career is over, you know, not knowing what you're going through like how was hearing that?

00:28:20
Speaker 2: But also you know what's actually going on in real time and not being able to defend yourself.

00:28:25
Speaker 4: Yeah, that shit definitely stung for real, Like seeing people I was definitely more on the internet, searching my name, searching what people were saying back then, and it's like, yes, tough, because's like I'm you know, I'm trying my best to hold things together, just like in my life, but I'm struggling. I'm using these things to kind of cope with what I'm dealing with. But most people's reaction they see that, they see your name go across the ticket, They're like this nigga bullshit, as opposed to being like, like, what's going on in his life? Like having an understanding. But I mean I get it, and yeah I had to be. I got banned for a year in twenty seventeen, and after that, it's just like getting faced with real life, Like all right, football looks like it's just over it at this point, And yeah, I didn't.

00:29:05
Speaker 1: I didn't think you even come back into the picture.

00:29:07
Speaker 5: Have you ever noticed just even talking about this, like with the athletes go through something, it's never the why, it's just, you know what I'm saying, they did it, and what's the consequence.

00:29:16
Speaker 2: It's never why.

00:29:18
Speaker 5: Yeah, you know what I'm say, Especially with athletes, it's never they don't even bring that up. You know what I'm saying, and that's crazy because we go through the most stuff, especially the ups and downs dealing with family, basketball, you know, all the injuries, all kinds of stuff like that. So it's crazy that the why never comes up.

00:29:31
Speaker 2: When we're dealing with stuff.

00:29:32
Speaker 1: Never matters.

00:29:33
Speaker 5: Yeah, August eleven, twenty seventeen, the life changing day for you nearly lost your life, a wake up call you needed. I think everybody goes to it, but can't you talk about yours?

00:29:42
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:29:43
Speaker 4: I was in Baltimore at the time, and it was really easy to come across perk set, but I tolt y'all. In the beginning, it was like the five milligrams. Now we're doing like thirty milligrams. Yeah, and these dudes we would buy from, they would like be careful out here, like they pressing logos on pills bill. Yeah, you'd be thinking something, but it could be fin on, you know. I'm just like, I ain't never what happened to me? Like, and uh, yeah, that day I went and picked some up and I always just like snort one on the drive just to get the bus going.

00:30:12
Speaker 1: Yeah, and then you know, take the restaurant.

00:30:14
Speaker 4: I got home and I pulled up to this giant parking lot, which is like the grocery store out there, and I was gonna get out of the car, but then I was like, fuck, I feel like I'm just gonna like crack like an egg on the ground if I fall out, because I felt like the pills were kicking in. And then I was like, I'm just gonna sit in the car, turn the car off, and there was like somebody pulled the plug behind the TV, like the power went out, and then it felt like I was I just laid my head back for a second and it woke up.

00:30:37
Speaker 1: It was like.

00:30:38
Speaker 4: Nighttime and I was like sweat, like I lost like fifteen twenty fives. I'm in a hot car in the summer August with the car off, like all the shit.

00:30:45
Speaker 1: And it's like that was enough.

00:30:48
Speaker 4: For me to kind of be like, well last last yeah, yeah, fuck beating drug tests and all this shit, Like I'm willing to take a different route.

00:30:56
Speaker 2: Where did you?

00:30:57
Speaker 1: Where did you go? From there?

00:30:59
Speaker 3: I went home and kind of just like detoxed back home at my parents' house in Georgia for a month and then went to rehab right day after my twenty fifth birthday.

00:31:07
Speaker 1: Was that your family or was that you that wanted to shit?

00:31:10
Speaker 4: It was a little bit of everybody. A few days after that, I got a call from the Ravens Team doctor. He was like, I'm getting your toxicology results. It's cocaine in it now, Like we're scared, Like we're worried about you, like severely worried. And so they sent me to this addiction specialist in College Park, just south Atlanta, and from there they was like you need to go to rehabit immediately.

00:31:29
Speaker 1: So the main for rehab and then came back home. After rehabit.

00:31:34
Speaker 5: It been sober since, but not even that talk about because I know because at a young age, I had my own experience as a teenager with pills. I almost kill myself, you know what I'm saying. I ain't really talk about this, like my mom woulna tell you. I almost crashed the car. I was turning off the main street after I drove my friend home from being up two days on pills. We wasn't going to school or nothing. And on the street I lived on, it wasn't the street lights. So I come off the main street with all lights and I turned the street.

00:31:58
Speaker 2: It's just dark. So I just go. I'm like, oh, it's done. I just go to sleep behind the wheel, hit the curb.

00:32:03
Speaker 5: I'm headed towards a series as a start like Walmart. I'm headed towards and I turn it and I was about to hit these two metal brick beams.

00:32:10
Speaker 2: And I just drive home and park the car and just go to bed.

00:32:13
Speaker 5: I wake up at like seven, my Mama whipping me with a stag of car like seven in the morning, telling me I told the car.

00:32:20
Speaker 2: I drove the car home. I was so gone.

00:32:21
Speaker 5: I drove the car and just parked it whole kind of side of the car, toll, no tirees, no nothing. I just went home. That's how gone I was. But I've been through that experience and stopping like the withdraw from it. That ship damn near killed me. They withdraw from it, you know what I'm saying, trying to get off it. Can you talk about that?

00:32:36
Speaker 4: I mean, you gotta that's the most you ever gonna have to bite down, like at any point in your life's brutal, because your body is literally war with people.

00:32:47
Speaker 5: Don't see that part. That's the strength that you gotta find, you know what I'm saying.

00:32:51
Speaker 4: Yeah, and going through it myself and then going to I went to detox for four days before I went to rehabit and it's like movers in there that's like dand straight yes, and like screaming and like ready to beat up the ladies in the cafeteria and like it's it's real, like your body.

00:33:06
Speaker 3: Because yeah, former teammate Lorenzo te tel Afaraoh, And I asked you earlier. Obviously, when you're in this place, this dark place, it's normally you're keeping it to yourself. It seemed like he was someone you kind of shared you guys, shared your experiences with it and kind of bonded on that. But then also we're doing stuff together. He passed in twenty twenty. What did you kind of take from that?

00:33:32
Speaker 2: Uh?

00:33:32
Speaker 1: Yeah, I just remember when I got that call.

00:33:33
Speaker 4: It was the night before we played, uh a Thursday night game against the Chargers, and I was just like at that time, I was on a hot streak, like I had at like two hundred like a week before a couple of fourths. I'm just like in the peak of my career and I get this call from the dude that was his chef, we you call him chef. I still even know his real name, but he was just wanting to let you know that that Zoe died. And I was like, he's like I think I know, I think you know what it was from. And I was like, that shit just fried me because I didn't. I wasn't like I said, I was in the building. I was, you know, talking to dudes, laughing, joking all that shit. But like when we left the building, like I wouldn't letting nobody see what I was doing. He was the only dude I was kicking it with. And we was just playing two k going to the store getting food, like just just chilling for real. And then it got to a point where we were both like, man, we gotta stop this shit, like we gotta like get our shit together, like and it would keep going because we just like, you know, the hooks are in us. And then it's just crazy to see, like to get that phone call and see like the fork in the road and how how far like where he's at and where I was at. It was just like damn, like I wish he could have like came this route too, just like yeah, that's the nature to be rest in peace for real.

00:34:48
Speaker 2: Thirty four days rehab program.

00:34:50
Speaker 5: After completing rehab, you come home and take a job stocking shelves and sprouts for eleven dollars an hour.

00:34:56
Speaker 2: I mean, motherfuckers just got due. You gotta do talk about that.

00:34:59
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was just really looking for structure coming out of rehab because I'm like, if I don't have structure, I'm gonna be back on bullshit.

00:35:05
Speaker 4: And this dude my dad hoop with they played pick up with. He was like one of the store managers at Sprouts, and he was like, yeah, we can get him a job, like he could come in whatever.

00:35:14
Speaker 3: And so I'm in there just people recognizing you, not really because at that time, like I've been in the league, but well there I've been recognized by There was like there's one moment, there's just check out a couple of years olderan me on the volleyball team at Georgia Tech back when I was at school, and I was like all trying to get at it, but couldn't.

00:35:31
Speaker 1: She saw me in there working at Sprouts. I was like, damn, well, well right now, but but nobody really noticed me.

00:35:40
Speaker 4: I wasn't really like a big name at that time, but people were just like like, there's old dudes, like, why the fuck.

00:35:46
Speaker 1: You in here? He should be on the field somewhere. There's a lot of.

00:35:50
Speaker 5: Going on with that twenty eighteen oaking picture up off the practice squad. John John Gruden said calls you're the best player he's ever coached.

00:35:58
Speaker 2: How does it feel playing with John?

00:36:00
Speaker 5: You said the franchise weapon most receptions in that season as well?

00:36:03
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean that was just how that even happened was wild because we it would be me RG three and this dude, Jordan lastly.

00:36:11
Speaker 1: He played at UCLA.

00:36:12
Speaker 4: He's achiever, and we would go out before the games and get extra routes in because we weren't suiting up. And so that week we had played the Raiders, and every week we had gone out there, but that week I was just like, man, I'm tired of shit, but I've been putting all this work. Ain't nothing gonna happen. I'm not gonna play in the game again. I was thinking about not going out there and running routes for the warm ups. And if I didn't, they wouldn't have seen me working out because they signed. They just saw me running and there was like they were bad, like they were like, we just gonna sign him and just see what we could work with and went there the next week, played the last six game, started the next season. Uh, they just gave me the keys. Because Jared Cook was a pro bowler in twenty eighteen that tied end. They just let him walk and gave me opportunity. And then it was just kind of up from there. And he was scheming me up all which type of ways, putting me in every position, lining up he gonna get open.

00:36:59
Speaker 1: If you really want to eat, you gotta lineup in all the different positions.

00:37:01
Speaker 2: It will show me.

00:37:01
Speaker 4: Julio Jones like he lined up in every single position. I was like, all right, I'm learning all this shit. That kind of opened the doors.

00:37:07
Speaker 3: So after all you had been through and you end up getting to that point like what are you?

00:37:11
Speaker 2: Where are you at?

00:37:12
Speaker 1: Mentally with that, I mean, it was that shit was a high bro.

00:37:15
Speaker 4: It was really like I look back now, it's like damn it almost shit happened so fast, Like from going from working at Sprouts to like signing it like the first contract that I signed that was like the highest deal for Tidan at the time, and I was like less than two years, like eighteen months, like working at a grocery store stocking shells, like going and getting backstock to one of the best players at my position in so it's like and it kind of you know, I was definitely still sober and everything, but its like I felt there was more work that I needed to dive deeper on within myself that I kind of like the success and just like where life was going was like.

00:37:48
Speaker 1: Everything good, like let's just roll, let's just live.

00:37:51
Speaker 4: And so I think it was such a huge blessing in some ways, and in some ways it kind of like took me off course a little bit with work I needed and just dive deeper on. But I mean, ship, that's you can't complain about these kind of blessings stuff.

00:38:06
Speaker 2: John Gruden, how was the playing for him?

00:38:08
Speaker 5: He said a lot of controversial things that got him out the league.

00:38:11
Speaker 3: H he got to email that ship. I don't know, I love it. I love him. Outside of that, was he cool?

00:38:18
Speaker 1: Yeah? He was cool? Like did y'all get to call him chuck here? He had to call him coach?

00:38:22
Speaker 4: We just called him grow grew okay, And every every offensive he led, all the offensive install meetings, install the plays. It was literally like a stand up special Netflix Comedy Classics.

00:38:32
Speaker 1: Ye, just jokes all the time.

00:38:33
Speaker 4: I remember see there a couple times and like, man, he crazy if they ever get these meeting files out in the.

00:38:38
Speaker 1: Public meeting in the emails hit I was like, shit, he's hilarious. He he loved like.

00:38:44
Speaker 4: Putting dudes in positions to like turn their careers around stuff like and he would give you opportunities, bro, like he I wouldn't have a career. I probably wouldn't be here today without him giving me opportunity to show.

00:38:57
Speaker 1: Like what I got.

00:38:57
Speaker 2: Does he deserve another shot?

00:38:59
Speaker 1: I think so?

00:38:59
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think so yeah. Twenty twenty, you filling your art. You was the best tight end in the league.

00:39:04
Speaker 4: I do, yeah, I do, just like all the different all the different routes I had to line up and do, having like not really having like the other tight ends had like Tier one receivers on their teams that were in uh like you know, like top top top. You know, like the defense is like circling me like all the time. Like there's time that Travis Kelsey is one of them and probably to go. But you got ten running around out there too. I'm scared, definitely. There's so much going on fifteen back there throwing the rock. It was like, I don't know, I felt like with what I was able to do with the situation that I was in, I definitely feel like I was the best that year.

00:39:43
Speaker 2: Max cries me.

00:39:45
Speaker 5: Somebody who I talk to a lot of good friend of mine, has helped you with a lot of stuff.

00:39:50
Speaker 2: He's going and you have helped him as well.

00:39:52
Speaker 5: He's going through his own ups and downs and then came out of it with flying cullers. You know, one of the best players in the league right now and also a great dude, a solid dude.

00:40:00
Speaker 2: Can't talk about your relationship.

00:40:01
Speaker 4: Yeah, man, I mean just watching him kind of go through like a similar transit transformation.

00:40:06
Speaker 1: As me him.

00:40:07
Speaker 4: I mean him coming in like he already had ten sacks as a rookie, back before he even had got sober. So it's like, you see the ability that's here, but to navigate life and go through like some of the bottom that he went through and to make a decision of like no, I'm gonna do whatever it takes to be like the best version of me possible. You see that take his game to like levels we probably haven't seen, just like with the intensity that he plays with and just like the passion that he brings to like every detail of the recoveries, like you know how the great ones, like every single detail of everything that goes into the craft, like he's locked in on and you know, trying to bring guys with him. So it's like it's amazing to see that because like I feel like men need examples of that, because it's a lot of men that struggle, that hit low points and they might just fold it up or they might just be going through.

00:40:52
Speaker 1: So to see like.

00:40:53
Speaker 4: Somebody like him and somebody like me, like we just like yeah, we was down bad too, Like we're back on our feet. We finna made this shit shake, right, And I think that those are the type of stories to see him, you know, walking walking that out and continuing to take it to new levels.

00:41:07
Speaker 2: Yeah.

00:41:08
Speaker 3: But also too, I mean we talked about this a little bit last show, Like when athletes share their journey and their experiences, not only are you helping yourself, but you're helping so many other people, so many people. I'm sure people hit you up all the time, like, bro, thank you because when you said this, it gave me the courage to do that. And I don't think a lot of people realize that. Some people are like why do you share? Why do you speak about your bad experiences? Because one, you know, I'm gonna own up to a first and foremost. But I feel like when I share, I'm helping others, and I think that's the goal at the end of the day as well.

00:41:35
Speaker 4: Yeah, because a lot of times it's like we sold the shit that we can do. We so like it feel like there's such a big gap between us because there was like normal people. Yeah, we normal people, and like you show that humanity side. Like I realize that too, because I mean I think when the Hard Knocks Training Camp, I had maybe like two thousand followers on Instagram and I went and shared, like the first time I had shared my story, I check my Instagram had thirty thousand. I was like, something got to be wrong. But it's like everybody was like, thank you for sharing that. And I feel my son going through this because through this, my brother going through this. It's just like, oh, like this is like purpose for me, like trying to like and that's what inspired me to kind of like take steps even further of like trying to just be vulnerable with what I got.

00:42:14
Speaker 1: Going, so at is this after the Raiders season, you step away?

00:42:19
Speaker 4: Nah, I went to they traded me to New York, And then after my twenty twenty three season went the Giants.

00:42:25
Speaker 3: You step away? Where where's your mind? That At that point, man just still.

00:42:29
Speaker 4: Feeling like I had done a lot of like work on myself to get to this position. And it's like I feel like almost like the same level of like pain and like emptiness as far as like where I feel like my life is heading and I don't. And it's not even like the drugs and alcohol and even pictures, so I can't even blame that.

00:42:45
Speaker 1: So it's like, what is something gotta change in it?

00:42:48
Speaker 4: And that's what's like that work I was telling you about, Like when Hit got successful so fast, there was so much more that I needed to explore from just like that pain I was carrying from really young, Like it was I just didn't feel like my life was heading in the direction I wanted to, and I feel like I needed to explore that more, and I didn't feel like I really could give all I could to it while still playing, even though it was at a time where I'm still at the peak of my ability and.

00:43:10
Speaker 1: Stuff like that.

00:43:10
Speaker 4: So I realized, how like, you know, crazy of a decision that is now drastic of a decision walking away from that level of money and stuff like that. But I feel like what I'm able to find in that time and able to sit within that time was more valuable because up until that time, I'm blessed to be able to be financially secure before that anyway. So but yeah, I feel like I needed to do that for me, even though in my people looking at me like what the fuck?

00:43:35
Speaker 3: So that downtime, what I mean, what was going on? Did you did you seek more help, did you just find some time for yourself? What was going on while you were out the game?

00:43:43
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean it was just like a uh, like dealing with like I want to say, like probably grief for the first time in my life because I never lost nobody close to me or family members or nothing like that, but grieving because that's the same time I had got divorced and stepping away from football, which is like, I mean, I've been paying football since I was four, so it's a part of my whole journey. And so it's like all those pieces are kind of getting pulled back and she's like sitting with all the emotions that come up with those things. And that's why I feel like that diving into music and that shit went to another level for me because that was like a real way for me to express myself through that time and doing a lot of therapy, doing a lot of trauma work in the child work, like deep stuff that I feel like allowed me to have a more balanced view towards football because it was always just so up and down, like I hate the shit, I love the shit like, and then I originally could come to a place where I'm like, I love I do love a game. There's parts about this shit I love like a kid, and there's some parts that's just like damnit sh it to grind, Like I could live with both, Like approaching from that balance place and that opportunity to go to the Dolphins presenting itself like I'm ready to go, Like I feel like this is presented by the.

00:44:53
Speaker 1: Universe and the way I can't deny you.

00:44:54
Speaker 3: Know, can't you can't fight to see you step away for a handful of time and next thing you know, you're on TV catch touchdowns on Monday Night football.

00:45:01
Speaker 1: Yeah, that shit was wild.

00:45:04
Speaker 3: I still can't put that into words because that's the first first game that I played in two years.

00:45:09
Speaker 1: Two touches, right, yeah, two touchdowns.

00:45:11
Speaker 4: I mean I got to training camp the second week, we doing the speed workout.

00:45:15
Speaker 1: I ain't sprint it in two years. Ogo I wasn't do in the workouts. Damn near tore my hip flush from my quad. It's like a grade three.

00:45:22
Speaker 4: And so I should had me out the entire training camp. I need training camp to be back my skills back, right, I ain't playing two years, no training camp out the first three games. I have like two limited practices before that Jets game that I played. So I'm going into im like probably ain't nothing. We're just going to go out here and just wing it, like just see what happens. And then there's like third down, red zone, like be ready and get into the game. I'm like, I don't know how to sit about that. I have to go first play. Then we got one yard, second player, I think we got two yards just third and seven. I'm like, ups, third down. They tell me go in the game, you know, off the play that they call, where you're at in the progression they call play. I'm the number one option I'm like, if it's man, I'm getting the ball. I line up, I go in motion. He's man, and it's just like go to the middle, catch my first down. And I was like, yess, be back back, what's that? What's that first catch? Like though, I mean you're at home too, right.

00:46:12
Speaker 1: That's like a natural drug. That's like high life. Yeah, like high of life. Bro incredible.

00:46:18
Speaker 4: It felt like because somebody interviewed me, I said like I felt like I was on drugs, and they was like, what the fuck is he talking about?

00:46:23
Speaker 1: But I'm like that ship just like the rush or that ship.

00:46:26
Speaker 4: And I feel like, you know, my nervous system, I'm used to chilling in my backyard smoking a cigar, hanging out with my friends, like going on a walk on a trail, Like my nervous system ain't been back in that action package.

00:46:37
Speaker 1: Eighty thousand people screaming for you.

00:46:39
Speaker 4: Then like fourth down in the red zone, gotta have it the top in the back of the end zone. It that ship was just like the craziest buzz I had ever felt playing football.

00:46:48
Speaker 3: That's beautiful, beautiful tight ends you respect around the league.

00:46:52
Speaker 4: There's so many good ones man, young, young and vets I mean, I mean trav Of course, Mark Andrews had amazing career, had an amazing career.

00:47:03
Speaker 1: I fel like I'm gonna leave people out.

00:47:04
Speaker 4: I wanted that Doubts Goddard uh and the young dudes warrant and the Colts is good. Harold Fanning on the Browns is Rock Bowers is ridiculous. Yeah, I'm probablynna leave people out, but yeah, it's so many, Like every team got somebody that can that can.

00:47:20
Speaker 7: Go for still tight end for the Ravens, and.

00:47:24
Speaker 1: And then Isaiah.

00:47:29
Speaker 3: For sure, quick hitters. First team to come to mind. Let us know, I need your all time dream offensive team.

00:47:36
Speaker 1: Who you got a quarterback? Who?

00:47:38
Speaker 3: You got a running back, two receivers, and you have the tight end you want to win their primes. Yeah, I got prime Aaron Rodgers, I got prime ap at running back. I got prime Julio Jones and Calvin Johnson at wide receive, My lord, and I got me a tight end, big ass, a big ass running back then big as no bone's gonna throw right to your chest.

00:48:05
Speaker 2: Can't double nobody, no smartest defender. You have a face.

00:48:10
Speaker 1: Oh man, the most I've ever been impressed by. Instincts. Nobody.

00:48:15
Speaker 4: I don't think everydy got to see was Monte perfect perfect was so smart. He was playing chess with John Gruden in the twenty nineteen offseason. He hit somebody because he was already like they was already ready to black listing from the league and he hit somebody I think like our third or fourth game, and they just banned him from the season and he never played again. But he was playing chess with John Gruden the whole thing. And like we played against him on the Ravens, he's on the Bengals. He lined up in so many.

00:48:40
Speaker 3: Different spots he calling out and like people remember him for like being like dirt, like dirty or whatever, but like I remember being around him like he was so smart, like telling people what dude, telling him what's coming, Like, oh no, they running the draw to the right all that. Also like Luke Keicklee level like instincts.

00:48:55
Speaker 4: And I think nobody ever really got to see. But I was so impressed by him.

00:48:59
Speaker 1: Hardest hit you ever took and who delivered it? Dunte Whitner, Dante Whinner.

00:49:05
Speaker 2: Is he a sake?

00:49:05
Speaker 1: He played? He played for the forty nine Ersack was.

00:49:08
Speaker 3: Like, uhh yeah, got Cleveland.

00:49:11
Speaker 1: My rookie year, gotcha.

00:49:12
Speaker 4: So we're running like a like a play action to roll out. So on every rollout you got to do running the down flat you gotta come back. You got a guy running across. Yeah, I'm running a crossing route. I'm through the zone.

00:49:21
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, he's up, like Joe gonna throw me the ball. I'm like, oh, yeah, I'm catching them turning. I'm running. I felt like like you were see the cars with the crash dummies.

00:49:30
Speaker 1: Yeah, and blast he hit me in my chest. I got a concussion off the whiplash. Really yeah, and then I think I had uh.

00:49:40
Speaker 4: I got opened on him early in the game and I was like kind of talking to him, and then he stood over me. I couldn't make out what he said because he was over top of me, like and then I had.

00:49:49
Speaker 1: To like crawl a little bit, and I was like, I gotta get up. I gotta hit up. And I was out the rest of the game. Damn.

00:49:56
Speaker 2: One album you listened to from front to back.

00:50:00
Speaker 4: I drove to Coachella last weekend. I put on Kanye West Graduation.

00:50:03
Speaker 3: Yeah, I forgot how much I love that albums.

00:50:08
Speaker 1: I missed that yeah, that was college drop out and graduation. Man, that's the one for me.

00:50:14
Speaker 5: Heartbreak was a heartbreak. That was my favor. That's one of my favorite.

00:50:18
Speaker 4: Yeah, childhood crush Angeline and Jolie.

00:50:21
Speaker 5: Oh okay lips Yeah yeah, man, boys, I felt that one guess you would like to see on All the Smoke. But you have to help us get your answer on the show.

00:50:32
Speaker 1: One guest on All the Smoke.

00:50:34
Speaker 2: Don't forget the second part though. You have to help us get your answer on the show.

00:50:39
Speaker 1: Help you get you Max been here? Okay, that's that's that should be great.

00:50:47
Speaker 3: Smoke a cigar here, I was looking smoking cigar.

00:50:52
Speaker 2: Yeah, we're looking for all right, that's fi.

00:50:57
Speaker 1: So how long have you personally been clean? Actually? Nine years? Congratulations bro, that's a beautiful back.

00:51:07
Speaker 2: Well.

00:51:08
Speaker 3: Congratulations on man all you all the things you've overcome. Thank you for being open and vulnerable and sharing us, sharing your journey with us. And man, we're going to continue to root for you and hope and pray that you land somewhere that you want to. This next season we could share with you a little bit more.

00:51:22
Speaker 1: Appreciate you all, man, that's right. Appreciate your brother. So that's a wrap, Darren Wall that you can catch this show, this.

00:51:28
Speaker 3: Episode of All the Smoke Productions YouTube, and the DraftKings Network.

00:51:32
Speaker 2: See y'all next week.