338 | What Parents Really Need to Hear: How to Structure and Deliver Powerful Parent Consultations

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You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks,

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your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.

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Hi,

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I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks,

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The Kid Counselor.

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This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get

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a master class in child-centered play therapy

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and practical support and application for your

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work with children and their families.

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In today's episode,

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I am answering a question from Juliet in Georgia.

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And this is about

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the process of communicating with parents when we meet with them initially

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as well as the subsequent 5 week parent consultations as well.

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So really helpful topic,

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a lot of questions about engaging with parents lately

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that are surfacing kind of all over the place.

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So this is going to be really helpful.

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Let me read parts of the email and then we'll dive in together.

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When initially meeting with parents,

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I try to give plenty of information about the CCPT process and what they can expect.

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I try meeting with parents every 4 to 6 sessions that I've had with the child,

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both to keep them updated on the therapy journey and to minimize parents

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giving me updates in front of their child before and after sessions.

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Yes,

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that's exactly one of the reasons why we do that.

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I've gone back to listen to so many of your episodes to help with this,

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but I'm still not feeling confident in how to

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explain the different stages and phases of CCPT to parents

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and what that might look like as their child progresses through therapy.

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I'd really appreciate any help on how

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you typically formulate these parent sessions,

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the information you share with them while adhering to confidentiality,

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and how you answer those tricky questions like why is my child regressing?

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Can you work on making my child not be as angry,

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anxious,

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quiet,

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etc.

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How do you know when my child is in the next phase or will be ready to terminate

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despite having gone over CCPT with them already.

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All right,

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so a lot to

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pack in here,

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but we'll,

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we'll do our best.

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So yes,

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absolutely one of the most important things that we do is

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when we meet with parents for the very first time,

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what we call at our center of the initial parent consult.

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IPC is how we abbreviate that.

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So if I throw that out,

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you'll at least know what I mean.

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I forget that not everyone knows my abbreviations.

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So when we have that initial parent consult,

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one of the greatest objectives that we have

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is setting expectations,

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being really clear,

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being really communicative,

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all the while

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honoring the fact that it cannot be jargonny,

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it cannot be high level,

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it cannot be clinical,

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it cannot be above their heads.

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And this is where we struggle.

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I think often we are communicating we are explaining,

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we are setting expectations,

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but it's at way too high of a level for parents

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and it's just going straight over their heads

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and they're nodding and smiling and listening,

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but it doesn't register it doesn't click and

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and they really have no idea in the grand

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scheme of things what anything you said means.

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So the challenge is always getting out of the clinical because so much of what

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we do is clinical in nature and we tend to speak from that clinical perspective.

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We can't with parents

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so we absolutely want to set expectations,

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be really clear,

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really communicative,

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help them understand the process,

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but it has to be in a way that they're going to receive.

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So that's my first thought.

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The second is we absolutely meet with them every 5 sessions.

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It is a separate meeting.

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We do not sacrifice the child's play time for a parent consult.

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It is in addition to not in place of,

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and we meet with them and we,

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yes,

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absolutely get updates from the parent so we know what's going on

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and then we also

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share what's been going on from our side therapeutically.

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And it does prevent frequent communication and updates because

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they know every 5 sessions I'm gonna sit down

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for an hour and I'm gonna be able to share anything that I need or want to.

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It becomes the communication channel and it

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prevents that constant email message lobby conversation

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that they feel compelled to have.

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You say we can talk about that in our parent consultation

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and then they save it all for that time.

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So that's very important as well.

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And so,

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what do we need to do to feel confident,

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to explain things to parents

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and what it's going to look like as they're going through therapy.

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So you mentioned Juliet,

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stages and phases.

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I actually do not talk about the stages with parents.

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That's clinical in nature.

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That's actually for us that is helpful for us

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to know what we can expect as far as the progression through the stages,

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but that's clinical.

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The phases

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are big picture journey,

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so we absolutely want to share the phases with

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parents because they need to know what to expect.

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They need to understand that the 1st 5 or so sessions are rapport building.

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And trust and bond and relationship,

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they need to devote about 5 sessions to that in and of itself,

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which means they can't rush the pace.

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They can't expect you to meet with their

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kid for 50 minutes and have miraculous outcomes.

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The kid doesn't even know you.

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You're a stranger to them.

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Takes about 5 sessions before the trust and the rapport has been established,

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so they need to understand initiation phase.

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They absolutely need to be prepared for resistance.

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Because if we do not

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sufficiently prepare them for resistance,

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help them understand its value,

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help them understand that it's necessary,

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help them understand that it is the catalyst for moving into work.

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As soon as the child's behavior takes a turn for the worse,

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they bail

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because they didn't feel prepared for it.

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So you have to help them understand resistance is a phase

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and we're going to hit it and here's what you can expect and here's

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what it will look like and this is normal and this is necessary.

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Then we're going to talk about work.

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This is when you're going to see subtle

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changes in the course of your child's behavior,

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emotions,

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and

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ways that they process things.

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Doesn't happen overnight even in work phase,

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but you're going to help them understand we spend

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the bulk of our time therapeutically in work phase,

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and

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this is when over time you can retroactively look back and say,

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wow,

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that's really improved.

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I've seen a change there that is definitely

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getting handled in more self enhancing ways,

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etc.

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etc.

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And then termination phase equally as important

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because parents will get to the end.

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They're really pleased and satisfied with the results and they're like,

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great,

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thank you so much.

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And they think that they're done.

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They need to understand the importance of the phase of termination.

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It's a countdown,

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it's a process.

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It's a closure,

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it's a weaning off.

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We don't ever want a kid to just never come back as soon as things get better.

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So we're also going to talk them through that process.

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So that's the importance of the phases.

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The stages are clinical.

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A parent does not want to hear that their kid is going to be aggressive.

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And we can't help them with that.

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We can't make sense of it for them.

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We can't tell them that it's valuable,

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it's needed.

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They hear that my kid's gonna be regressive and aggressive and they,

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they can't handle it.

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That's why parents don't come into playrooms

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because they're not equipped to be neutral,

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they're not equipped

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to

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feel compelled to just let a child do what a child needs to do.

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So the stages we keep for ourselves,

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and we will track

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where the child is with phases,

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stages,

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and timeline.

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That gives us a more comprehensive picture of where we are in the journey,

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but the parent needs to know phases,

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not stages.

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OK,

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and then how do we formulate the parent sessions?

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Well,

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generally speaking,

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parents get the chance to speak first.

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You want to hear from them.

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You wanna hear what their concerns are,

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changes that they've noticed positive or negative,

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updates,

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history,

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background,

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whatever you think is helpful,

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and that is at the initial parent consult as well as subsequent 5 week consults.

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Because the goal is that they get the floor,

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they get to share whatever is important to them.

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What's pressing

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for them,

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they're going to share it.

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Then you are going to share observations.

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About what they've given you.

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You're going to weave together root issues,

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you're going to normalize and reassure.

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You're going to explain the why behind some of the behavior,

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provide

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objective perspective.

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You're going to provide a different perception

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to the behavior than what the parent likely has.

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So they talk,

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you provide thoughts and observations,

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then you transition into how CCPT

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either will address or is addressing those things.

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And then if you're in a 5-week consult,

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you're going to share what has happened over the last 5 sessions,

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and you're going to hit themes

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and big picture observations.

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So that's how you preserve confidentiality.

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You're not going to share details.

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You're not going to give specificity.

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But you're going to give big picture what's going on.

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The child's doing a lot of relational work.

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The child's playing out power and control every single week.

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The child is fear facing,

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so the child's working on anxiety.

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The child is whatever you're going to give big picture symbolic play,

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thematic play,

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help a parent understand

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what is happening,

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not so much details because A,

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we're preserving confidentiality,

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B,

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parents don't care about the details.

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They just wanna know that progress is being made,

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so really the highlight of these PCs is that progress is being made.

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We're exactly where we wanna be,

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we're seeing the exact things that we were hoping for emerging.

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Your child is working hard,

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your child is doing the things that are going to address the concerns.

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That's what they need and want.

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They don't really want any details of what's happening in the play.

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And then as far as answering tricky questions,

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a lot of that will be naturally addressed

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with a very robust and in depth

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initial parent consultation

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because

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my parents never ask me why is my child regressing because

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they knew that was possible and they knew that that was likely from the beginning.

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If they do happen to ask that because they've forgotten.

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You go big picture in your explanation to these kinds of questions.

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So,

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I mean,

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is it normal that my kid is like acting like a baby all of a sudden?

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OK,

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that's actually a really easy question to answer,

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big picture.

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Well,

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you have to keep in mind

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that

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as kids work through stuff it makes them vulnerable

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and vulnerability

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makes us want to feel like we

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need to be nurtured and cared for and protected and kept safe.

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And when did we feel the most

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of those qualities

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when we were babies?

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So it's a natural tendency we have.

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That's why when we're in pain we curl up in a fetal position.

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Why?

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Because it's comforting because it reminds us of when we were at our safest,

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most loved,

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most cared for,

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most protected.

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In utero and in infancy.

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That's a really easy

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big picture answer.

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We don't need to give any specific details to that child,

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that child's issues.

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Same thing with can you work on making my kid not be such and such?

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If you explain the process and the expectations from the beginning,

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you won't get asked that question.

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If you do happen to get asked that question,

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you go really big picture.

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Well.

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You know that child-centered play therapy is not

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going to include me bringing anything up,

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but if the child is struggling with it,

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if the child is going to work on that,

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it will come up.

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So we just need to be patient and it will inevitably make its way into the playroom.

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I don't need to bring it up.

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The child will bring it up,

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but it won't be through dialogue.

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OK,

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and then how do you know when my child is

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in the next phase or we'll be ready to terminate?

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We don't necessarily need to know when the child is in the phase,

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but it's really clear.

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So the simple answer there is

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you,

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you can tell where the child is based on what's happening in the playroom.

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There's gonna be a lot of relationship building to start,

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then there's going to be resistance,

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and then they're going to start diving into work

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and then we're going to move in the termination.

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those are very easy to.

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phases

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as far as when we'll be ready to terminate,

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we have termination criteria.

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We've talked about that in earlier podcasts.

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So we're not just willy nilly arbitrarily saying,

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oh,

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I think maybe we can wrap up.

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We need to make sure that the child meets criteria for termination.

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And this is why we're having parents commit to 5 at a time.

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They're not in it for the long haul.

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They're committing to 5 at a time and so you're going to meet and say,

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I wonder how we feel about how things are going.

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And then we're going to see if the child meets the criteria to terminate,

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and if so,

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then we'll do our final 5.

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So if you reassure parents that there is a system,

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there is a process,

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there is a framework.

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When you get questions like that in sessions,

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we talk about this on coaching all the time.

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We actually talk about parent consults a lot in coaching as well,

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but

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we talk about this specific element of that all the time.

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When a parent asks you,

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well,

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how do you know?

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and what's gonna happen and why aren't you doing this and when is this gonna happen?

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and blah blah.

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They're not,

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they're not actually asking those questions.

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They think they are,

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but really what's going on

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is they're saying,

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please reassure me

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that this is the right fit for our family.

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Please help me feel that I can be hopeful

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that this is going to get better.

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Please encourage me to believe that transformation is taking place.

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They're not actually asking the questions that they're asking you.

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They need to believe

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that this is going to work.

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That's really what they want.

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And so our goal in the parent consultations

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is they need to believe

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that they're going to have the more desirable after state that they're seeking.

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They don't want to stay where they are.

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That's all it boils down to.

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So if you can help them believe that they're getting away from where they

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are and they're going to end up with a more desirable after state,

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they will trust the process and they will trust you and

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they will trust their kid and they will trust the model

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and you will be able to complete the entirety of treatment with that family.

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So Juliet,

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thank you so much for the question.

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That was really helpful and I hope that that encourages all

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of you because working with parents is part of the job.

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It's a package deal.

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When you choose to work with kids,

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you choose to work with their parents and so we have to make sure that

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our relationship is built with them as well.

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And I didn't talk about that at all in this episode,

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but

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I've mentioned it before.

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Relationship with the parents is just as

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important as relationship with the clients.

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So do not neglect building relationship with your parents.

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That's a crucial factor in all of this as well,

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and you do that in your consults.

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All right,

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love y'all.

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Reach out if you want to chat,

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brenna@thekidcounselor.com.

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Talk to you soon.

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Bye.

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Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr.

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Brenna Hicks.

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For more episodes and resources,

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please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.