145 | Navigating the First Session: Achieving the "Touchstone Story" Goals with a Child-Centered Approach

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You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.

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Your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.

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Hi, I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks, The Kid Counselor.

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This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get

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a master class and child-centered play therapy

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and practical support and application for your

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work with children and their families.

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In today's episode. I am answering a question from Marian in Ireland

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and Dia dhuit.

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Sorry, that's my best Gaelic. I'm sure my pronunciation is terrible. But

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trying to say hello in native tongue for Ireland. So hello to all of you.

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Thank you to all of my Irish listeners. It's been so exciting to hear from you

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and actually, I've had a huge influx of all of the UK and Ireland lately, I've had

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a lot of people from England and Ireland and Scotland.

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Actually, I don't have any Wales. Ok. My welsh people.

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I need you to reach out and say hello, brenna@thekidcounselor.com.

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I'd love to have all of you on the other side of the pond.

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So, thank you so much for being a part of the Play Therapy Podcast family.

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That's so exciting for me to

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know that it's stretching over onto the west side of Europe So

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Marian's question today is about the initial session, however,

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not in the standard initial session type of context.

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So we've talked a lot about what the initial session looks like.

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What the script is to tell the child.

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You know what you say to the child when they enter into the room,

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how you conduct the house tree person and kinetic family drawings,

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if all of that is foreign to you and you have no idea what I'm talking about.

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We've talked about that in earlier episodes. So please go back and then also

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we've posted a lot of resources specifically about

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the

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house tree person and kinetic family drawing and first session in the collective.

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So if you would like access to that, please join the Collective.

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You can do that at ccptcollective.com

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and we are getting pretty close to 100 y'all.

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We're, we're encroaching on the 100 member mark there. So that's really exciting.

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And so if you would like to be able to do live Q and A with me have resources,

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find out more about initial sessions, things like that.

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That would be a really helpful place for you to go.

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All right.

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So if we are talking about

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the initial session outside of the traditional context,

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her question is specifically about the Touchstone story

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and she talks about using the Touchstone story and what are my thoughts?

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So I'm gonna read parts of her email to you and then we'll dive into

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some conversation.

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So she says my child, I'm sorry, my training is child-centered,

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but integrative or eclectic as you would say.

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And you all know how much I

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uh

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um don't particularly favor the eclectic approach. So

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trained and child-centered, but it was integrative and eclectic.

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So then she says,

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listening to you speak about the power of being solely non

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directive. It has led to this question.

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I was trained to do an approach called the Touchstone story.

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When first meeting the child,

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this is where the therapist uses miniatures and tells the child a short story of

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their life in order to let the child know what I know about them.

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Their reasoning is that in doing so you're being

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authentic with the child about what you know,

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you can address any cognitive distortions they may have about life events,

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reframe coping strategies as strengths

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meet the child's need for safety as it counters any confusion they may have.

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And also they're not wondering what you know about them.

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I'm curious to know your thoughts and what you do

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when you first meet the child.

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Do you let them know that you talk to their parents or mention anything

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about what you know about them or do they just come in and play?

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Thank you for taking the time and I'd really appreciate your input.

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Ok. So Marian, thank you for reaching out and

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in full transparency and full disclosure, you,

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you get Brenna truth for good or for bad, you should know that by now. So

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in full transparency, I had never even heard of the Touchstone story

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and so that I could answer this question intelligently,

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I did a pretty deep dive into it

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and I'm kind of intrigued by the concept.

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Let, well, let me be clear,

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I'm not in favor of doing it because it's not child-centered.

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So let's just get that out there right out of the gate. But

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I, I'm intrigued by the intention behind the Touchstone story.

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And Marian to answer your question, I think where we can meet is

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there are ways to address the goals and objectives of

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the Touchstone story while adhering specifically to CCPT principles.

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So I think we will figure out a way to kind of fuse those goals and process together

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and then we'll get the same outcome,

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but with a fully adherent child-centered approach.

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So that's my goal for this episode.

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So for those of you, they're not familiar with the Touchstone story.

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And I do think a lot of the articles that

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I read came out of the UK interestingly enough.

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So I think this might be more of a UK

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centered thing and for those of my international people,

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my

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Aussies, my Europeans,

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those in Asia.

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Would you please let me know if you use the Touchstone story, if you've heard of it?

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I'm curious if this is a little bit isolated to the UK or if this is just

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something that we don't hear a whole lot

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about only in the States and everywhere else.

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It's used a lot more readily, so curious about that.

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But the Touchstone story seems to be pretty popular over there.

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And the concept is that the therapist will use dolls or miniatures or figures.

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And sometimes the child chooses them to represent people in their family.

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Sometimes the therapist chooses them often,

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the parents are actually present for this.

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So it's a very collaborative, first few minutes of the first session.

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So parents therapist and child can all be in the room together.

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All participating in this Touchstone story

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and the dolls or miniatures or figures are used

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to recreate the child's life in a very short

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summary.

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So the the story might look like the therapist says

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five years ago, a

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little baby boy was born to so and so and so and so

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and they loved him so much and he was such a gift to them.

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And then three years later, sibling was born and then four months ago,

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brother was born and and it goes through this narrative of the child's life

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with the goal of

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helping the child know what the therapist knows,

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helping the child feel connected to the therapist.

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And then some of the things that Marian you mentioned

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addressing cognitive distortions, reframing, coping strategies of strengths,

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meeting the child's need for safety

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and they're not wondering what you know about them. So

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that's for those of you that are not familiar with the Touchstone story,

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that's kind of the the basis there.

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And

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my thoughts are for why I'm not in favor of it. Let's start there.

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I think it puts expectations

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right

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in the first session

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that you are in charge

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because you sit the child down

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and you orchestrate this

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whole Touchstone story.

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And yes, the focus is the child,

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but it is still very clear that you are

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kind of facilitating and driving this conversation and this

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story and the fact that the parent is in

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there that also creates a very different dynamic because

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the purpose of the first few sessions is rapport and trust and bonding to

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take place between the child and the therapist.

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It's very difficult to do when a parent or a caregiver is present

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because the child already has the bond and rapport and attachment

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and relationship with that person.

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So it's easy for them to defer to that,

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that connection rather than working on building one with the therapist.

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So

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I think it puts

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you in charge. I think it puts a certain connotation and has certain expectations

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and it's very difficult

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to express the freedom and the liberty and the autonomy of the child-centered model

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when

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that dynamic is already present.

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So there's already a parent in the room.

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You have to go through this process of telling the

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story and the miniatures are using all of that.

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So I think it just doesn't really align

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helpfully

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with the premise of you're in charge and you get to

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be the boss and you get to decide what we do

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and all of those things. Now, I can hear some of you screaming at me,

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you know, we have that kind of relationship, right. So

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I know some of you are going. But Brenna, what's the difference?

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The first session you make kids sit down and

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draw four drawings and you're in charge then too.

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And how do you make that work? Blah, blah, blah. So

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I'm going to address that too.

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That's why we do House Tree Person the very first time

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because we say to the child,

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we're gonna do four drawings so that I can get to know you better.

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And once those four drawings are done, I'm never in charge again.

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So there's intention in the way that we phrase

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that there's intention in doing it the first session

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because not only are we having the child actively do something,

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they are actively doing the drawings, they are actively answering the questions

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and then they also are helping us get to know them a little bit.

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So I believe Marian that the House Tree Person Kinetic Family Drawing

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serves a lot of the same purposes of the Touchstone story.

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But it is more of an assessment based or a valuated approach.

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So you can get your finger on the pulse of what's going on with the child week one

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the Touchstone story covers all of the past.

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So it really doesn't allow the child to communicate at all.

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What's going on with them in that moment,

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it's addressing everything that has already happened.

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So I think the, the focus and the bent is very different

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when we're addressing

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where the child is on that first session

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with the house tree person,

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kinetic family drawing versus we're gonna tell your

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whole life story leading up to this point,

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the

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the dynamic shifts a little bit there.

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So

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when

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you ask the question, do they just come in and play?

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What do you let them know?

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Do you tell them that you talk to their parents mention anything about them,

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et cetera, et cetera.

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Landreth has made it very clear

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that the only thing that we need to know about a child

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before we walk into a playroom with them is their name.

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So in answer to your question,

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I don't need to know anything.

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And yes, of course,

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I always know things because parents meet with me ahead

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of time and share a lot of stuff with me.

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But I don't need any of that. It doesn't influence anything that I do with them.

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It doesn't influence any of my conversation.

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It doesn't,

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it doesn't even need to be brought up because

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it doesn't change anything about the way that my sessions go with that child.

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So I never feel compelled to let a child know that I know

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anything about them because all I need to know is their name,

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quite honestly the initial parent consultation.

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And I've talked about this and we talk about this

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in the coaching program and in the collective too,

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the initial parent consultation is not for us.

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And many, many therapists think that it is quote intake,

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think that it is. I have to get the

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the back story, the history, the, you know, whatever's going on in the child's life.

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I have to do all of this documentation. I have to make all these notes.

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I have to come up with a treatment plan. I have to

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baloney

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said with love. We, we don't need any of that

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because it's for the parents. The parents want to share all that with us.

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The parents want us to know the parents think

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that's going to be helpful and I receive it and

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I share thoughts and I share observations and I

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connect it to what they'll gain in play therapy.

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I mean, it, it's useful for that consultation,

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but I cache all of it out of my brain

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and I walk into that playroom and the only thing I need to know is the child's name.

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So

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I don't feel compelled to tell them that I've talked to mom and dad.

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Sometimes they will ask sometimes they'll say so my

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mom told me that she met you last week

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and then I'll say, oh, she told you that she came and met with me.

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Yes,

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she came so she could see the playroom and meet with me and see

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if she thought this would be a fun place for you to come.

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So I'm very truthful with kids.

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I don't hide the fact that I've met with them, but it's not something that I bring up

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because really it's irrelevant.

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As soon as that child walks through the playroom door,

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the session is all about them.

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It doesn't matter what mom told me, it doesn't matter what I know,

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it doesn't matter anything.

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All it matters is that I'm present and engaged with the child.

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So we don't want to hide the fact that

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we've met with parents or we've talked to parents,

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but we don't need to initiate that conversation.

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And as far as what do I say when it's the child's first session?

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And what does that look like?

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So the first thing that

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I do when I sit down is I go through my initial session script with children.

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And if you are not familiar with that, there are earlier episodes discussing that,

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but I'll hit highlights for you.

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So we talk about confidentiality.

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We talk about the time length, we talk about same day, each time, each week,

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we talk about

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the snack. At the end,

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we talk about

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me taking notes, et cetera.

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So that script that we go through is kind of just

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setting the expectations so that the child doesn't have questions.

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However

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one of my first,

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the topics of discussion with a child when they first come in

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is I wonder what you know about what you're gonna do when you come here.

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And sometimes kids will say,

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oh mom told me that I just get to come and play.

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And I'm like, oh thank God you listen to me

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because I give parents the script of what to tell their child about. Coming to me too.

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And it's very interesting what kids report they were told because I'm like

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that was so far off script.

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I might as well have not given you one because that

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was nothing at all what I told you to say.

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But every once in a while you'll get a kid that will say,

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oh that I just get to come play and I'm like, oh thank you Jesus.

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So

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then you'll get kids that say,

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oh she told me that I'm gonna come and talk to you about my anger problems

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and I'm like, oh holy Moses. OK. Yeah. So totally off script rogue went rogue

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and then you'll get some other variations of like,

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I don't really know like that. I can talk if I want or I can play if I want or whatever.

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So then you kind of get everything in between and then

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every once in a while you get a kid that goes,

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they didn't tell me anything.

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I just, I didn't even know where we were going. I just got in the car.

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So some variation of any of those responses, right?

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But the reason why we ask

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to address your question, Marian is,

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I wonder what you know about what's gonna happen when you're here

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that gives you the opportunity to set the stage

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and help them feel comfortable.

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So, well, you're in charge and you're the boss for the whole hour

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and you get to decide what we play and you can play

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with all the toys in most of the ways that you'd like.

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And, and then you give them their, their prompts of what to expect

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and that's all they need.

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So that

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line of discussion of, I wonder what, you know, is very helpful

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and then

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I think the most effective way to address

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the first session.

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And as I was doing my deep dive into

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the Touchstone story,

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one of the articles that was published about the Touchstone story that I read,

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quoted Landreth and I wish I actually had it pulled up in front of me,

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but we just had a power outage and everything

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shut off on my computer. So I'm going to have to do this from memory.

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So I apologize if I misquote. But

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Landreth is quoted in this article

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and my paraphrase is

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you have to remember

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that to you

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or to the child. Rather you are a complete stranger.

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You're going back to a strange place

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and you're going back there for what could be forever

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and forever was in quotes, I think.

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And so when we're thinking about that,

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put yourself in the child's shoes.

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They don't know you, they don't know where they are.

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They've never been in the playroom before.

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They have no idea how long they're gonna be back there.

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Even if you say it's 50 minutes. I mean, 50 minutes to a kid is an eternity. Sometimes

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they're leaving the comfort of the only person they know in

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the lobby to go back with someone they've never met.

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And I mean, all of that is very, very unnerving.

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And look, there are some kids that are happy as clams.

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You're like, I wonder if you're ready to go play. Yeah.

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And like they don't even say goodbye to their parent

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and they're in the playroom before you can catch up,

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right?

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But then you have those that are a little bit

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concerned or worried or nervous or anxious or whatever.

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And so Landreth addresses that right?

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And says, look, you have to remember what this experience is like for the child.

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So Marian,

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I understand the the purpose of the Touchstone story is to kind of eliminate that,

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00:16:51,849 --> 00:16:52,219
right?

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You bring the parent back. So then they have that person of comfort

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and you get to kind of have that communication right

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from the beginning of the session so that they get

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to know you a little bit and they know what you know about them and all of those things.

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00:17:04,569 --> 00:17:08,358
But this is why, what we say to kids in the lobby is so important.

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Our very first communication with children, the very first time that they come

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00:17:12,999 --> 00:17:14,438
when we go out to the lobby,

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00:17:14,499 --> 00:17:17,338
that's why it's so crucial that we execute this appropriately.

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That's why we get down on our knees or we squat or we do whatever

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we have to do so that we are on a lower level than the child.

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And we gently introduce ourselves and we gently talk about how mom or dad or whomever

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has some work that they have to do because they have to fill out all of these papers.

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That's why I do not have intake paperwork completed digitally.

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That's why I don't have intake paperwork completed ahead of time.

356
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There's, there's purpose in everything I do y'all,

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there should be purpose in everything you do.

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Don't be a haphazard, child-centered play therapist.

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Think through what sets you up for success,

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think through what your kids and your parents and you need

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and make it happen.

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So I give mom, dad whomever a clipboard with all of the intake paperwork. And I say

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mom has to sit out here and do all of this work.

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Look at all of these papers and you get to go back and

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00:18:06,599 --> 00:18:09,050
do a huge playroom and you get to play the whole hour.

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00:18:09,060 --> 00:18:12,280
I think you get a much more fun thing than mom does.

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And as soon as you have that kind of conversation

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98% of the time the child is happy to go back.

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And then I typically even joke about halfway through the session.

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00:18:23,699 --> 00:18:27,410
Hm. You're having so much fun in here. I wonder if mom's done with her paperwork yet.

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And then as we're leaving the session, I say, oh,

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we can see if mom was able to finish all of that work that she had to do.

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So

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there's intention in going out to the lobby,

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helping the child understand what to expect, making it light hearted,

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making it fun, engaging with them on an age appropriate level

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and reassuring them.

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And as soon as our time's up, as soon as you're done playing,

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we're gonna come right back out here and we're gonna

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00:18:51,890 --> 00:18:53,560
meet up with mom again when we're all done.

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And as long as you have that discussion with them, they feel comfortable.

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00:18:59,530 --> 00:19:02,510
So a lot of it falls on us to create the

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00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:06,729
environment and the structure that makes a child feel at ease.

384
00:19:07,199 --> 00:19:08,060
But then

385
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:11,310
the goals of the Touchstone story

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00:19:11,689 --> 00:19:16,069
are so that the child is able to build that connection, build that relationship,

387
00:19:16,079 --> 00:19:19,670
feel comfort, feel that they're able to come back and play,

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00:19:19,790 --> 00:19:22,069
we can do that through child-centered approaches.

389
00:19:22,839 --> 00:19:25,180
So, Marian, thank you so much for the question.

390
00:19:25,189 --> 00:19:28,109
I love it when I'm exposed to things that I've never heard of before.

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And I was able to really kind of dive into

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the Touchstone story and I found it kind of fascinating.

393
00:19:32,380 --> 00:19:32,619
So

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00:19:32,780 --> 00:19:35,359
I'm very grateful that you sent that question.

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00:19:35,369 --> 00:19:40,140
I hope that was helpful to all of you as well because it's helpful to be reminded,

396
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even from Landreth words,

397
00:19:42,020 --> 00:19:44,780
how hard it can be for a child to come back and play

398
00:19:44,790 --> 00:19:47,660
with us for the first time or even maybe the first few times.

399
00:19:48,180 --> 00:19:51,079
And it's frustrating for us as therapist.

400
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Sometimes when a child doesn't want to go back or wants to sit on mom's lap and

401
00:19:55,449 --> 00:19:58,520
won't look at us and won't talk to us and won't get up and all those things.

402
00:19:58,780 --> 00:20:00,400
But we're a stranger

403
00:20:00,550 --> 00:20:02,520
and they don't know us, they don't know the environment,

404
00:20:02,530 --> 00:20:03,780
they don't know what to expect.

405
00:20:03,930 --> 00:20:04,900
That's scary

406
00:20:05,089 --> 00:20:06,880
and to honor that is helpful.

407
00:20:06,890 --> 00:20:10,459
And so, although I do think the Touchstone story is designed to honor that.

408
00:20:10,609 --> 00:20:13,680
I think there are child-centered ways that we can do it as well.

409
00:20:13,989 --> 00:20:18,329
So, so grateful for you sending that in. And if you would like me to cover

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00:20:18,479 --> 00:20:22,689
a question, you can always email me at brenna@thekidcounselor.com.

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And

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00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:25,890
again, if you want to join the Collective,

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00:20:25,900 --> 00:20:28,849
it'll give you quicker responses because you'll be able

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to do Q and A live twice a week.

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And that is ccptcollective.com.

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00:20:34,219 --> 00:20:38,770
I'm super grateful I sent out an email newsletter this week.

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00:20:39,130 --> 00:20:41,959
By the way, if you all are not on my email newsletter,

418
00:20:41,969 --> 00:20:44,959
go to playtherapynow.com and you can sign up for that.

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00:20:45,239 --> 00:20:48,079
But I sent out an email newsletter this week talking

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00:20:48,089 --> 00:20:52,229
about child-centered play therapist as a second or third career.

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00:20:52,530 --> 00:20:56,229
And I just said, hey, like if, if that resonates with you, will you shoot me an email?

422
00:20:56,280 --> 00:21:01,069
Oh my gosh, y'all, I've gotten so many emails like my inbox is blowing up. I love it.

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00:21:01,550 --> 00:21:05,290
So I'm going to probably do a bonus episode in the next week

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or so where I'm going to dive in a little bit more deeply

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00:21:08,819 --> 00:21:13,869
and tell some stories of people who have emailed me from all over the world telling

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00:21:13,880 --> 00:21:17,869
me that CCPT found them and I know we usually say that we find it,

427
00:21:18,189 --> 00:21:22,390
but I deep deeply, truly believe that CCPT finds us.

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00:21:22,530 --> 00:21:23,969
And that's why I think there are so many

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00:21:23,979 --> 00:21:27,089
career changes that lead us to child-centered play therapy.

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So

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00:21:27,660 --> 00:21:29,459
I was so excited to hear all of your

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00:21:29,469 --> 00:21:32,079
responses to the newsletter and I really appreciate that.

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00:21:32,089 --> 00:21:34,319
So we're gonna cover an episode on that soon.

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00:21:34,739 --> 00:21:38,680
All right, y'all, I am so grateful for each to every one of you. Thank you. I love you.

435
00:21:38,689 --> 00:21:41,319
You know how much you mean to me? We'll talk again soon. Bye.

436
00:21:42,199 --> 00:21:46,199
Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.

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00:21:46,209 --> 00:21:48,380
For more episodes and resources.

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Please go to www.playtherapypodast.com.