A Series of Yes with Brenda Palmer

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Speaker 1: Keep It Positive Sweetye is available on Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Just search keep It Positive Sweetye. That's Sweetye with an Ie to listen. Hello, and welcome to this episode of Keep It Positive. Sweety I'm CHRISTOPHINEE Hazelt and as you can see, I am not at home. I'm in La catching up with some of my favorite people, straight from thirteen Loon. Here in La, it's a beautiful black owned store by Nicao Grayco. Ninety percent of the products sold here are bipod founded.

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Speaker 2: Thank you so much thirteen Loon Today with me.

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Speaker 1: I have a good friend of mine somehow I'm so proud of You've probably seen her because she's all over Instagram.

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Speaker 3: She may be in a church near you. Brenda Palmer.

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Speaker 2: I'm exciting to be here. Thank you for pulling up sis.

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Speaker 3: For sure you in the city, I mean never, she knows where we live. We would have come to honey Down.

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Speaker 1: We're like, get over here, No, but for real, Thank you so much, thank you for having me.

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Speaker 3: No, for sure, I'm really proud of you.

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Speaker 1: I love everything that you're doing, so we had to have you sit down and really talk to you, because I know you'll definitely our audience will be able to relate to you.

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Speaker 3: So I'm excited.

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Speaker 2: I'm excited too.

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Speaker 1: Lets do it all right, We're talking about the series of Yes, and I'm going to give you guys a little background on Brenda just in case you don't know. Brenda Palmer is a natural born innovator from the Inner City of Chicago. Discovered her passion for making a difference early on, propelling her toward higher education. An alumna of Mississippi Valley State and University of Syracuse, Brenda refined her media and communication skills. Currently enrolled in Denver Seminary Women's Leadership Cohort, she'spcuent a Master's of Arts and Biblical and Theological Studies. Brenda's now traveling is now a traveling preacher. She's the host of Life and Perspective podcast and leader of the movement Come Alive. This is a pop up movement held nationwide, offers an authentic encounter with Jesus through Bible studies.

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Speaker 4: And worship nights.

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Speaker 1: I got to catch one of those for sure, and Brenda belize life unfolds through moments when we surrender to God's plan. With unwavering faith, a growing social following, and a creative spirit, she is determined to make a positive impact by making Jesus famous with her life.

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Speaker 3: Ladies and Gentlemen, Brenda Palmer.

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Speaker 2: It's weird to hear your own bios like that.

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Speaker 1: Yes, So the first time we met was through Instagram, was through social media, through mutual friends.

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Speaker 3: But then you had to come. You were in Atlanta.

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Speaker 1: Writing your new book. Yes, yes, run your new book that we're going to talk about. But that's when I got to actually meet you.

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Speaker 3: It's like, yeah, you feel like you know somebody, and then when you Instagram makes you feel like that.

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Speaker 1: It really does, and sometimes that's weird, but I got doing that. Please did you be like their best friend and be like, I don't really know you? So it was really cool to We're like, wait, this is the first time.

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Speaker 2: Actually, but it was cool. It felt like we knew each other all is it? Yes? No, for sure? For sure.

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Speaker 1: So you describe your life as a series of yes, and you're even writing your upcoming book it's called a Journey of Yes. Let's talk about what even led you to writing this book? Because I know a lot of times when it comes to you said that your faith and being obedient to God is what led you to la, what led you to the book deal and everything that's.

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Speaker 3: Happening right now, because it's a lot happening.

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Speaker 2: So let's talk about, Yeah, I think the.

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Speaker 5: Book thing happens. I would say, like just a series of yes. It's like, so I do Instagram lives all the time. So I'm like live and there's a girl following me. I'm doing Q and A and she writes in the comments like, hey, have you ever wanted to write a book? So I'm like, nobody, got no questions, So I keep ignoring it. She's like I asked one. I'm like, oh yeah, I hear you. You know what I'm saying, like yeah at some point in life. But it was I was irritated because I felt like God is like, girl, what are you doing?

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Speaker 2: Kind of thing? Like long story short. She DMS me and she happened to actually work.

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Speaker 5: For a publishing company. Oh wow, and so she was like, nah, like I follow you. I think you have something to say, like let's set up a meeting. She's like, I can officially send you something. And then she goes like she sends me an email she got like one of the top Christian publishers, and she goes, I can continue this conversation with your agent. I said, do I look, I must give She has given it, yeah, I said, because I don't. And at this time, I probably had twenty five maybe anywhere between twenty five hundred and five thousand followers, like very very and this is twenty twenty two, oh wow, like not that long ago. So she says agent. So I'm like, I need to get an agent. So I like reach out to somebody, take a meeting, and she doesn't sign me because she's like, publishers, look at your numbers. And so I talked to my best friend. She's like, bring focus on, like what God told you to do. She's like, he'll, he'll, he'll do it. A year later, I hit that same publisher up my Instagram, had girl, my TikTok had girl my YouTube, like in a matter of six months, like I had seven followers on TikTok, I posted one video in seven days.

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Speaker 2: I was at twenty k oh wow.

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Speaker 5: Like it was like God just was like I got this. I got and he said breathe yeah, And so it went from there. Like we had one conversation. I'm like, look, this is where it was a year ago, this is where I am now, and she was like instantly signed me. Within a month, I sat down with every Christian publisher like in the market to talk like they wanted to meet with me about my book and I'm like.

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Speaker 2: What am I?

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Speaker 5: And so it was and it was it was crazy because like I was gonna write a book about something else. I went to sleep, had a dream and God even a download which which created the journey of yes Wow, And I messaged her. I was like, hey, I already have a book that has a chapter spelled out in one chapter done, but I really feel like this is the book I'm supposed to do. And the publishers agree with it. We pitched it and then by the end of last year October, I had signed my first book through six figures.

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Speaker 3: Like come on, the Lord, the Lord.

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Speaker 5: But it's like if I never went live that day. It's like, that's why I say it's a series of yes. It's because we always think for like the big one he say oh yes to the deal. No no no, Since fruit of decisions over time that says, okay, God, I'm gonna do this, and I'm gonna do this that lead to that moment and I can trace it.

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Speaker 3: Back right right.

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Speaker 2: That is so good.

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Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, Well, thank you for listening. A lot of times, guy can tell us something and we like it, you.

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Speaker 5: Know, yeah, that's you know, I've been there, but then.

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Speaker 3: Still there some days depending on what it is.

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Speaker 5: And then you like realize that your life ain't yours, and then it becomes easier because then it's like, if he's asking me to do something, then I mean, it's my life, but it's his.

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Speaker 2: It belongs to him.

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Speaker 5: I gave it back to him when I said I was gonna follow him, So then his plan is the only one that's gonna actually work.

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Speaker 3: Is there in your walk?

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Speaker 1: Because you are so in front of everybody now, you know a lot of time, as even as celebrities, I feel like it's easier to live.

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Speaker 3: In the shadows.

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Speaker 1: Do you find it harder now that you are such a big internet sensation and people know you on Instagram and you.

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Speaker 3: Walk down the street, Oh you're heard.

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Speaker 2: I don't like it. You don't like it. I don't like it. I mean I think it like takes a getting us. It's weird.

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Speaker 5: It's like I'm like, I'm just being myself and then I'm like and then it's becoming a thing to people.

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Speaker 2: I've been preaching places and people are like, can I be an autograph?

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Speaker 5: I'm sorry for what, and I'm about to and I literally like, I'll sign stuff, but it will be a scripture something like because I'm not a celebrity. You know what I'm saying. So I think it's it's like trying to find balance, and it's it's different. Social media will make like take you places, which I'm grateful for that, but sometimes it could be intrusive. I was at the Nike store and the girl was like, oh my god, are you Brenda Palmer.

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Speaker 2: She's like I watch your podcast.

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Speaker 5: I'm like, girl, how, and I'm like how, I promise for me, I probably will always be shocked that like people know me.

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Speaker 2: It's weird.

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Speaker 5: And then she said podcast and I was in La. I never think to me noticed in La.

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Speaker 1: I'm like because most of times, because people like they don't bother anybody.

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Speaker 2: No, for sure, everybody they recognize.

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Speaker 5: It's like, I also don't consider myself important enough for people to be like hey, Brenda.

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Speaker 3: It's like okay, hey.

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Speaker 2: And I'm socially awkward in that moment. I'm like, hi, but it's cool.

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Speaker 5: I think somebody explained it to me in the sense of like you have impacted their life and brought them closer to Jesus.

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Speaker 2: That's like life changing to them. So when someone.

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Speaker 5: Approaches you, you have to view it from that perspective. It's like, dang, I okay, I can't own that. I can say, man, I help this person get closer to Jesus, and they are their lives has been changed by that.

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Speaker 2: That's something to honor somebody for it.

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Speaker 5: And so I think I have to view it that way. But it it is different cause it happened overnight.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I can imagine, and then a lot of times, like for me, I can.

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Speaker 1: I'm not sure that cause I feel like you're a pastor, so your ear walker is completely different.

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Speaker 2: Faster it is.

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Speaker 5: I know you tried to slide that in there. I saw how you couldn't even say it with a straight face.

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Speaker 2: He said, and it was low.

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Speaker 5: It's like pastor, because you know that.

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Speaker 2: Crazy.

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Speaker 5: I am a survey of the Lord Brenda's pastor.

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Speaker 2: It's crazy. Hear what I said.

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Speaker 3: It's so funny.

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Speaker 1: But for me, I know, like living my life out in public and still knowing that I'm not perfect. I feel like, but I'm still professing the name of Jesus.

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Speaker 2: It's hard.

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Speaker 1: Like if I feel like I can't make any mistake because your life is your under a microscope at all times.

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Speaker 3: What would you say to people like me who.

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Speaker 1: Are on that journey and may not be walking a fine line, but our heart, we know we love Jesus. We don't shy from away from that.

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Speaker 3: We let them everyone know.

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Speaker 1: This is why I believe in I know his grace and mercy is the reason I'm here today and everything.

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Speaker 3: Like you said, my life is not my own, but we struggled.

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying with that fine line of this is what I do and this is who I am, and I'm not perfect, but everybody's looking me to be perfect.

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Speaker 5: To your I think that is a misconception. I don't think people want you to be perfect. I think people want you to be yourself. I think that if I was perfect, there's no way people.

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Speaker 2: Would recognize their need for Jesus.

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Speaker 5: And so I think where most people feel like they shy away from their shortcomings or their fallings. I amplify mine. I'm very open about I missed it today. I just supposed to the other day, like, hey, I've been telling y'all got an announcement. Well three days before I saw to make it. God was like, nah, we're not doing that. So I have to now say and be open and be like, man, y'all, I really thought God was in this.

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Speaker 2: Turns out it was me doing my own thing.

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Speaker 5: Because people need to see themselves, and my inability to get it right all the time highlights their need for Jesus. So when we try to live and portray perfect lives, we're doing a disservice to people recognizing they need God.

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Speaker 1: I don't think it's like me trying to be perfect, but people like, as soon as you start saying like this is what I am, this is the walk, it's like if you make one mistake, it's like, man, she ain't you know what I'm saying. It's like it's automatically a judgment, That's what I'm saying.

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Speaker 5: Like I think it's like, okay, I think we could we could come across it differently, right. I think it's I think it's when you the moment you say I'm a believer, you get loud about that, you immediately succumb yourself to a standard. And so what happens is people go, I thought you were saved. Now the difference is, you know, we gotta we progress. You know it's a progressive journey, right, But the moment you.

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Speaker 2: Say it, you go, you're taking a stand.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, And so sometimes it feels like judgment other and people could be wrong in how they approach it, but it's really them saying, Okay, the moment you say, Jesus, you set yourself to this standing, right, you set people to expect you to meet it.

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Speaker 2: Do we all meet it every time? No?

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Speaker 5: But that's that's the part about journeying with Jesus. It's like, all right, y'all, I know I said I'm a believer, but here is my journey. Now six months later, I'm gonna need you to not be where you was six months because if I'm growing in my revelation and knowledge of who God.

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Speaker 3: Is, then there.

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Speaker 2: Needs to be some progression. At some point.

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Speaker 5: You have to start making decisions that no longer feed your desires but feed His desire for you.

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Speaker 2: And so then it becomes easier. It's like I've been. I'm an PK. I've been in church all my life.

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Speaker 5: So had times where I was drinking a lot, not like social like I was drinking, I was smoking, I was getting high and I enjoyed that until I recognize, like, this is not who I am. And I think that we have to have the understanding that, like even like our convictions are related to our spiritual maturity that happens as we progress in our relationship with God. So what convicts me in this moment might not convict you. Now, there are some foundational things that we all need to you're saying the same thing, right, But outside of that, it's like, Okay, even when I share truth, I'm not telling you what to do. I'm saying, hey, this is kind of what God said to me. Now go talk to him about it.

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Speaker 3: Speaking of what.

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Speaker 1: God said to you, God told you that.

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Speaker 2: I was like, I'm like Christ, she just want to talk about this. Your fans gonna get you. They gonna be like, let you do about that. Yoga.

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Speaker 3: I love yoga.

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Speaker 1: We talked, you said that, give us the backstory about how this came about.

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Speaker 5: Okay, you know you know this is this is our second time talking about this. You know, we keep talking about this, you have a responsibility to search this say out now.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I want I want you to tell the people, all right, because I thought this is very interesting.

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Speaker 2: All right, So I went to yoga.

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Speaker 5: I went to hot yoga actually, and I posted it on social media. I'm like, yeah, I'm going to yoga just in case I don't make it out of here. This is because it's hot so hard, and I was like, I'm going with this person, and if I don't make it's her fault. And like the crazy thing was I went with I was on staff at the church.

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Speaker 2: I went with the church people.

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Speaker 5: So we go to yoga, and I like to enjoyed it. I was liked, ain't this felt really good? What I recognized in the moment was I had like a very emotional experience, Like it was so relaxing and so calming that I cried.

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Speaker 2: And the only place I cried is in worship, So that was it was like okay.

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Speaker 5: But then it was kind of like I'm a little off about that, And so I posted it and one of my really really close friends she responds to my story and goes.

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Speaker 2: Don't ever go back there. I was like bro, what happened?

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Speaker 5: I was like, I didn't say not my stay, I say in Jesus name. Like, I was like, it's think and so then she's like nah, She's like it's worship. And so then I'm like what, so again those are her convictions, right, I have no knowledge of it, but I went and searched it out. What I recognized is for that entire week, I had pains and like my shins like hurting, and I was like, what is this? And so the more research I started to do is like, oh, yoga is not an exercise, it's a practice. It's actually rooted in Hinduism, and the motions that we do are actual worship to deities. And so it's like, oh, that would explain my response in the moment. Is because here's the thing, right, Like, even if I'm going there with the intent to exercise, just the same way you go to church and you go in that atmosphere you worship and.

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Speaker 2: Sometimes you might cry, sometimes you might laugh.

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Speaker 5: Sometimes that environment has been cultivated for that to happen.

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Speaker 2: Is it's the same thing in yoga. Although I have a heart.

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Speaker 5: Intention that I'm just exercising, this environment has been cultivated for worship and not to my God. So now I'm participating in worship to a pagan god, which the Bible clearly speaks against. And so we'll read Exodus, we'll read the Old Testament, and we'll read about them serving other gods. It's the same for us. It's just been modernized into our culture in our everyday life. The actual word yoga means to yoke mm. And so they'll tell you like empty yourself in the process. It's like empty yourself for what well, because now you're giving your body access to that environment, so spirits have access to you.

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Speaker 2: You're empty yourself.

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Speaker 5: The only place you into empty yourself and be feel is in the presence of the Lord.

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Speaker 2: And so it's like manipulative.

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Speaker 5: They're they're like actual people who were Hindus who will tell you Actually people in hindu will tell you they don't like that Americans use their worship practices for exercise, cause it's not exercise, it's just being infiltrated that way.

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Speaker 2: It's deception mm. And m I too was deceived cause I was like I was like, bro, I'm about.

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Speaker 5: To I'm like this way we feel yeah, And then I was like, now I can't fool with it and the moment I repent it and I was like, man, God, I like break coven it with anything that I made agreement within that environment knowingly and unknowingly pains.

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Speaker 2: On my legs.

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Speaker 5: Gone wow, And I know that he allowed that to happen, so I would pay attention because if not, I would have been going to yoga.

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Speaker 2: At the time.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so yeah, Okay.

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Speaker 5: Y'all heard Chrystmas. Okay, she said, I'm still going to.

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Speaker 2: You know, don't matter. It is consistent, and this is not the first conversation.

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Speaker 3: It's okay, reveal it.

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Speaker 2: He will like you because when we.

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Speaker 1: Talked about it, I said that I did not know all those things. He broke it down, but I said that when I'm there, like for me, I'm thinking it made me grateful for my breath, like to just be able to breathe things that we take for granted. For sure, to hold myself up was really a hard thing. And that ninety plus degree rooting and then the movements that were doing, I was like, thank you God. It made me like more grateful for things that I didn't think about because I was detached from my phone.

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Speaker 3: I was just by myself.

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Speaker 1: And in that space, and for me, I would have pain, but they would go away when I did yoga.

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Speaker 3: So I was like, oh, this is really working.

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Speaker 1: And I was in the best ship of my life when I implemented yoga into our workouts.

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Speaker 3: And for me, I'm thanking God for the movements. I'm not subscribing to this.

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Speaker 1: I wasn't even thinking about what I could possibly taking in because in the whole moment, I'm thinking Jesus and God, thank you for this, and thank you for my health, and thank you for this movement in my body. So when I was like, well, when I do it, I'm thinking about the Lord. I'm thinking about Jesus.

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Speaker 3: Go ahead. Did you see me?

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Speaker 5: It was like that I realed my own self. Would you go to an Islamic temple and worship Jesus?

00:18:38
Speaker 2: Study?

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Speaker 3: Is that the same thing?

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Speaker 2: Is it?

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Speaker 1: I've never been to an Islamac But you know why because you okay, but I did not look at.

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Speaker 2: That like that.

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Speaker 5: It's yeah, that's what I'm saying because because you're thinking exercise, I'm saying it's cool that you think it's that.

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Speaker 2: It's nice. It is Hinduism. That is what it is. It's a Hindu practice.

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Speaker 5: So it's it's not the Lord got you the fact that you keep asking about it.

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Speaker 3: I just thought it was a really interesting topic.

00:19:11
Speaker 2: You know.

00:19:11
Speaker 3: It's just I didn't I didn't write that Thelord actually wrote that.

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Speaker 5: Because she's she's like, she doesn't want to talk about it.

00:19:19
Speaker 2: Bro, she is very set in her mind.

00:19:21
Speaker 6: You say, you know what, because that's not my job.

00:19:27
Speaker 5: I plant the seed, somebody else is gonna water it, and the Lord is gonna make it grow.

00:19:35
Speaker 2: But the day you stopped going.

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Speaker 3: I haven't been alone a long time, actually, have been all year.

00:19:42
Speaker 2: Yeah, but it's not your friends. Okay, so hey, they're gonna light you up. Though they're gonna be like Christ, You're still.

00:19:51
Speaker 3: Be going to young and right right. Sometimes it's just like you be cousin.

00:19:55
Speaker 2: Sometimes you sometimes.

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Speaker 5: Try to we're not gonna group those. We're not gonna go cursing yoga. No, we're not gonna do that, because don't try.

00:20:07
Speaker 2: Don't try that.

00:20:08
Speaker 3: You still be a little bit, you know.

00:20:12
Speaker 1: I want to talk about the defining moment when you decided that you're gonna take this walk really serious, and that it was no back and forth. This is what I wanna do what was that moment.

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Speaker 3: Where you were like, this is it?

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Speaker 1: Because I feel like for everyone there's a moment where they're like, God, I gotta do it your way.

00:20:29
Speaker 2: Yeah.

00:20:29
Speaker 5: I think I have a couple of those. I think it got really really real for me. Like I said, I grew up a PK, but I didn't really know Jesus, Like, wow, I think I knew church, I knew activity, I knew the practice of what they say you're supposed to do.

00:20:42
Speaker 2: I knew how to play the game really well.

00:20:43
Speaker 5: I could go home, I'd be like and I could be outside living with my best life.

00:20:48
Speaker 2: People be like you're saved. Wow.

00:20:49
Speaker 5: Didn't know, Like yeah, because I just you know, when I commit to something.

00:20:53
Speaker 2: I'm committed.

00:20:54
Speaker 3: Yeah.

00:20:54
Speaker 2: And so in twenty.

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Speaker 5: Seventeen, I feel like it's really when I felt the call of God on my life and I was like, no.

00:21:01
Speaker 2: I don't want this.

00:21:02
Speaker 5: And I went on a complete journey to ensure, like to prove to the Lord that I wasn't the one he wanted.

00:21:08
Speaker 2: So I was like, nah.

00:21:09
Speaker 5: So I remember one of my former line sisters got married and we went I went to her wedding. I mean I was I turned up, like I went on a bench.

00:21:17
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm approved to you.

00:21:18
Speaker 5: So I like, I got drunk off my tail, I was high. Like I remember being in the backseat in my car looking for snacks because I was I had the munchies. Like in the middle of the night. I was like, I have reached a new low, like eating like it just was. I was trying to prove to God, like no, it's not I promise you I'm not the one you want to use. And when I got back home, I felt like I had this moment and God was like, when you finish, I'm still right here waiting. And I think for me it felt like one it was like, oh, you're really not gonna change your mind. Look, I really was working hard, and He's like, nah, because when I called you, I considered who you are, who you would be, and the choices you would make. And it doesn't change my mind about you. Wow. And I think that made me dive in and go heang somebody who could love me that unconditionally, no matter what I do, he doesn't change on me. That's the kind of person I could rock with. Like, that's the kind of person I could ride for. And so I think in that moment I made.

00:22:17
Speaker 2: A decision like, Okay, whatever you ask me to do, I'm gonna say yes. Still didn't do that quite right.

00:22:24
Speaker 5: That year, like December of twenty sixteen. He told me to move twenty seventeen of April to la and I didn't do it.

00:22:33
Speaker 2: M And I was like.

00:22:35
Speaker 5: Nah, like I just need to stay here kind of thing. I had accepted that, like ministry was gonna be my life. I had given up on my dreams. I didn't I didn't wanna be a preacher. That wasn't wanna do a production like a producer, which is, well, my background is in like I went to school for that. Like that was why I moved to La. Wow, and somehow we ended up here.

00:22:55
Speaker 2: That's here I can't but yeah, I think in that And so I didn't move. I stayed there.

00:23:04
Speaker 5: And then the worst thing that I think could have ever happened to me happened. So I was on staff at a church and uh, like when I say staff, like people think the big churches, it was like it was kind of like a thousand people at week kind of church. So I did everything. I was like overproduction. I ran creative. I traveled with the pastors, like what they would call a armor bearer.

00:23:25
Speaker 2: I did that.

00:23:25
Speaker 5: I had keys to their house like they were like my second family, Like I called them moms and pops.

00:23:30
Speaker 2: Like they were my spiritual parents.

00:23:32
Speaker 5: And I started dating this guy top of twenty eighteen, and then April of twenty eighteen, which would have been a year to date from when I was supposed to move to LA, I find out that like my the guy I was dating and my pastor were like in a relationship, like the male pastor the.

00:23:50
Speaker 3: Man that you call pops.

00:23:51
Speaker 1: Yeah wow, And so like what did initially? What was the feeling devastation?

00:23:59
Speaker 5: And I feel like too, like also detachment right like because you know something could be so crazy you don't feel real. So then it's like, I don't think I ever processed the emotions of it for real, for real until I moved to LA because I think like I didn't want to, I think in that and so for sure devastated for a whole bunch of reasons. But I instantly went into like, okay, like what do I do? But then also how do I keep this.

00:24:30
Speaker 2: From getting out?

00:24:31
Speaker 5: Which is yeah, because and it wasn't because I was trying to protect them.

00:24:35
Speaker 2: It was like I was trying to protect what they would do to people. Yeah, because you see how you just made that face you win.

00:24:41
Speaker 5: Yeah, So in my head it was like, nah, like just can't hit people. And so I went a whole month like watching them interact with each other and still showing up to work, watching them like communicate, like.

00:24:55
Speaker 3: I you found out, and they didn't even know that.

00:24:57
Speaker 5: You knew no, no, and don't like to be honest, had they never like force my hands, they probably would have never knew.

00:25:04
Speaker 2: I knew.

00:25:04
Speaker 5: I was just quick and moved out with my life. You never said nothing, cause I just I don't know. I just I don't And I'm.

00:25:10
Speaker 2: Sure that's unhealthy.

00:25:11
Speaker 5: You know, we gonna peck that in therapy and all those things.

00:25:14
Speaker 2: But I think I just I watched them engage. I I was dying.

00:25:19
Speaker 5: Yeah, Like like I look at pictures from that time in my life, I looked like I was on some hard drugs, like my body was. I was breaking out cause I was internalizing everything, and nobody like knew my mom. I would like I just caught a rhythm. So I would like wake up, go to work, go home, watch sermons, pray, play worship music I turned the world off cause I'm like, if I don't have the Lord, I ain't gonna make it through this. And so one day my mom was like, are you good. I'm like I'm fine. She's like, no, you not. And I was like, if you want to know asks the Lord, I leave, go to work.

00:25:53
Speaker 2: Come home. She was home early. I'm like she looked like I felt, and I'm like, you good.

00:25:58
Speaker 5: She was like, nah, she said, Holy Spirit revealed and she says it verbatim.

00:26:04
Speaker 3: Oh my goodness, I said, and you walking.

00:26:09
Speaker 2: Give me some stuff like that. I need answers to let me.

00:26:15
Speaker 5: And for the first time, after maybe two or three weeks, I could finally like release a little bit and she just goes, oh, baby like, and so we kind of cry it out. It gets confronted, whatever that means. It's like they were aware, you know that I knew I finally because I didn't break up with a guy right away, like I was just like trying to navigate it kind of thing.

00:26:40
Speaker 2: And so I don't know.

00:26:42
Speaker 5: I feel like in that season, though, is where I learned, like the heart of God. I learned how to love people the way that God does because we are trash and God doesn't change on us, and so I learned. I feel like people will like call me past her. That's where I developed being a pastors about your heart, That's where I developed mine because it was weird. As much as I wanted to be angry with them, I had compassion.

00:27:08
Speaker 1: M That says a lot about who you are. Seriously, No, it does, because I don't know how.

00:27:15
Speaker 3: I know how it. I ain't gonna say say I don't know how.

00:27:18
Speaker 2: I'm actually very clear.

00:27:21
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think I think it's interesting to always talk about it because now I like, I'm living in this season in my life, and sometimes I can feel undeserving of it, like I was never pursuing this like pathway or whatever, and I feel like God always sees me in this moment and go, no, no, no. Your decision to honor in that moment is where you're living in the fruit of yes, and I like, I have to hold that because sometimes it can feel like, you know, like imposter syndrome, like bro, I wasn't even after this you know kind of thing, and the opportunities in the doors that God has trusted me with, I'm like, why me?

00:27:59
Speaker 2: And He's like and not in that moment. I didn't have no clue what my life would be like.

00:28:04
Speaker 5: Now you know what I'm saying. But I loved God enough to go this isn't you, and I'm not gonna walk away from you because of what someone who represents you has done to me. And I think we hear a lot in this generation about church hurdy and it's like, yeah, because church is full of imperfect people, they don't hurt you.

00:28:24
Speaker 2: But that is not a reflection of God.

00:28:27
Speaker 5: Like the reflection of God is that the fact that an imperfect person could still represent him and God doesn't change his mind.

00:28:35
Speaker 2: That's the reflection of God.

00:28:37
Speaker 5: Because when you find out someone's humanity, you like, how did they become where they became, that is the reflection of God. That's the grace and the mercy of God. And so I think we have to see it that way. But yeah, I learned forgiveness, learned I never like harbored stuff.

00:28:54
Speaker 2: I probably could have held them to a little.

00:28:57
Speaker 5: Bit more like responsibility. Never dealt with anything like that. There'sn't a playbook for how you should and I know, like I shared this this story recently, somebody's like, there's no way you honor somebody, I'm like, have you ever read the story of David and Saul? Yes, because Saul was trying to kill him, David had the opportunity to lay him out, and he.

00:29:19
Speaker 2: Just clips his little cloth like I could.

00:29:21
Speaker 5: Yeah, because you recognize that at some point this was God's man and until God removes me from this situation, you don't allow people's shortcomings to change you in your heart. And I think that's why we miss it when somebody hurt us, we want to.

00:29:35
Speaker 2: They go low, We want to go lower.

00:29:38
Speaker 5: I'm I'm going to the mud, and there's like yeah, and then the core of that is that you changeing who you are, which is really the enemy's assignment.

00:29:47
Speaker 1: Yeah, you realize I really low and lost yourself because of someone else.

00:29:51
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that's crazy.

00:29:54
Speaker 1: Now do you feel like, how has that impacted the way you look at love, the way you're relationships now? Is there like a mistrust or like a guardedness where you're like.

00:30:05
Speaker 2: I always say I live life with a universal side.

00:30:07
Speaker 5: Eye, like like yeah, right, you know it's very unhealthy. But you know somebody will say it's protection. It's really a prison, you know, if we think about it, it's like because I'm not allowing people to see, like experience the fullness of who I am, or I'm not getting.

00:30:29
Speaker 2: To experience the fullness of what they're supposed to bring.

00:30:31
Speaker 5: Into my life because I'm like, at any moment, I always, I always like describe it as living life as if the bottom of the box is gonna fall out.

00:30:41
Speaker 2: Wow, Because you.

00:30:43
Speaker 5: Pack a box, you're like, ooh, I got this, you close it, and then now I'm holding it like at any moment, the bottom of because that's what I felt like. I felt like life just got ripped from underneath me. We're not just talking about like, oh, I was dating a guid.

00:30:56
Speaker 3: That's my entire life.

00:30:57
Speaker 5: Revolved around that system, my community friends. When I moved to l A and we'll go back, I hated going to Chicago. I hated going there. I like to see my parents, but I would be in and out because it will remind me of what I lost Because I.

00:31:10
Speaker 2: Lost, I lost everything. Essentially, I had to start over.

00:31:13
Speaker 5: And then that's when I started to become a little mean and bitter because it's like they did this, wow, So why do I have to start life over? And I moved to l A. Try it costs us to breathe. It's air right now, too much. Yeah, and so it's like, why do it was taking me a minute like to find a job, because because here's the thing, right, we like God got me.

00:31:36
Speaker 2: I didn't suffer through all this. So I'm about to be you know what.

00:31:40
Speaker 5: And here's the thing I'm I'm fine stunt on them like they ain't finish, because that's when somebody make you mad or they do something to you, the first thing you want to do is try to you want to level the wrong.

00:31:47
Speaker 2: That's dumb.

00:31:48
Speaker 5: It's so dumb when living my life to prove you it's what you missed out on.

00:31:53
Speaker 2: Y'all. Should never let me go.

00:31:54
Speaker 5: Y'all you fumbled them bad. You don't married like fumble men. And it's like that's stupid. And I believe that's why God did it, allowed to hap it right away. It's like I got I got to do crazy things. Like when I first moved here, people couldn't even believe, like you just moved here, you're still doing this year.

00:32:10
Speaker 2: But God had to do with my heart and go like, let's clean that up.

00:32:15
Speaker 5: Especially now the level of influence I have, there's no way I could be able to share my testimony if I was better, because you would be able to hear me.

00:32:24
Speaker 2: It's it's not even.

00:32:24
Speaker 5: Ever about them, It's about how I met God in the darkest place of my life.

00:32:29
Speaker 2: That that's like.

00:32:31
Speaker 5: And so it's one of those things where I don't know you just you have to trust God enough to know that he knew I could handle that.

00:32:42
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, no, for sure, that's deep. And I commend you because Brenda, I don't know.

00:32:49
Speaker 2: How to handle that. I didn't handle it.

00:32:51
Speaker 3: That was I had just regular breakups bad.

00:32:56
Speaker 5: You know what I'm saying, paper, I didn't handle it though. It was really the grace of God.

00:33:06
Speaker 1: Now you said that God told you to move a year before. Do you feel like if you had have moved a year before, you would have God would have for sure.

00:33:16
Speaker 2: Yeah.

00:33:16
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's why because people will always ask like, how do you just be obedient?

00:33:20
Speaker 2: Because I've experienced life.

00:33:22
Speaker 5: I've experienced life where you don't say when you don't do a God, there's no grace Like it's like when God is asking you to do something, we forget He got the whole picture.

00:33:32
Speaker 2: I only got a portion of it.

00:33:34
Speaker 5: I have the comfortable space I'm in right now that I don't want to leave, but I need to trust that he's in all knowing God. So he's like, hey, it's time to go, it's time to go. I'm trying to go wherever he at and I didn't do it out of loyalty to that place. I'm like, now they need me. That's pride. That's usually if you ask yourself why you're not doing anything God told you to do, You're gonna you're gonna say they need me.

00:33:57
Speaker 2: I can't go. You're not God.

00:34:00
Speaker 5: You're you're eliminating his ability to be God in their lives cause you're occupying his space. So if he's saying let's go, then I'm gonna roll with him. Cause so that's why I yeah, I don't fool with that no more, cause I'm good.

00:34:14
Speaker 2: Got my lesson. Don't get a running back, right right? You know?

00:34:19
Speaker 5: So I think, yeah, I think what I'm learning is or I guess what I'm asking God to continue to deal with me on is like my ability to trust people. Cause I feel like, you know, I'll be in a sace and I'm like yeah, and then the moment they do something, I'm like.

00:34:34
Speaker 2: See this, why don't mean you know, like so it's and it's not like I won't have connections with people.

00:34:42
Speaker 5: I have a lot of connections with people, but they won't get the core of me.

00:34:45
Speaker 1: Yeah, m m are you in therapy? I'm going back, okay, only asking that because I feel like people should be able.

00:34:54
Speaker 3: To experience the core of you.

00:34:56
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, Cause I can see it's like super beautiful, but when you have that that mask, that g that guard up, people don't really get to.

00:35:04
Speaker 4: Say sell you fully for sure.

00:35:06
Speaker 5: And it it's I could like I was going through my phone the other day where I seen videos like prior to twenty eighteen, and I'm like, dang, I don't even know that reson Like even like the fact I have a podcast, the fact that I publicly speak like anybody who met me in twenty eighteen, it shocked that this is my life now cause I didn't. I would go to church, sit on the front road cause there was a door, and as soon as they said chalon shaloon, all.

00:35:30
Speaker 2: Was out the door.

00:35:31
Speaker 5: We would wait in line before they opened the doors to the church. I'll just be on my phone or I would FaceTime people, so nobody would talk to me. I did not want interaction with people because I never wanted anybody to have the ability to hurt me the way I.

00:35:41
Speaker 3: Was hurting M.

00:35:42
Speaker 2: So it was like I I we have a mutual friend, Randy.

00:35:45
Speaker 5: Yes, I lived with Randy, Like the first I don't know, five or six months I was here. I slipped on the air mattress in his living room.

00:35:52
Speaker 1: Oh he's I love him, and.

00:35:55
Speaker 5: Me and Randy just had a conversation cause he's like, you were so mean and guarded.

00:35:59
Speaker 2: I lived in the house.

00:36:01
Speaker 5: And then he saw an interview I did, and he was like, I never knew that's what you were going because I didn't have language for I.

00:36:09
Speaker 2: Just went inside myself.

00:36:12
Speaker 5: And so even the first time, like I did a fast with my best friend and she's like, GOD told you do a fast, What does it have to do with me? And she's like, I feel like you're supposed to go on it with me, And I did the fast with her and not even recognizing that the fast was to break like the stuff that I was in so inside myself, I didn't want to pray y'all loud, and I would be like Africans pray different, and I'm like whoa, y'all are going for hours.

00:36:39
Speaker 2: And I'll get my little three minutes in and then they had taken over.

00:36:42
Speaker 5: And one day on that call, something broke, and from that moment forward, I hadn't been the same.

00:36:47
Speaker 2: I started a podcast, like I started to.

00:36:49
Speaker 5: Find because usually it's like, man, I want to go back to the person I was before that that'll never happen, that that is a part of my life. But how can I become the person God intended for me to be with this a part of my story? Yeah?

00:37:02
Speaker 2: And so it you know, baby steps.

00:37:04
Speaker 5: I feel like I've gotten a whole lot better, but then people start acting crazy.

00:37:07
Speaker 2: Then I'm like, it's a universal side.

00:37:12
Speaker 3: The universal side.

00:37:14
Speaker 2: I'm gonna use that, No, Crystal, we don't want to live life with universal side eyes.

00:37:19
Speaker 7: It is it's like, hey, like I want to be why and no cause why even now it's even ten times worse now right with exposure and like people know now you have to aside from what I've been through, you gotta go why is this person here?

00:37:36
Speaker 2: Why they found yourself?

00:37:37
Speaker 1: Even like with friends and relationships, because you're no assignments on your life that you've had to filter through and be like, mm, I can't hang with you as much or okay, you're good, you good, but no, you know cause I know for me with just with the level of success, I've had to do that because that happened.

00:37:53
Speaker 5: With you for sure a hundred percent, and even more so because I don't think we recognize the weight of friendship and covenant so so very similar to relations like romantic relationships. Right, you you connect with somebody, you say, man, it's my friend, there's an exchange that happens there, even emotionally but also spiritually, so then you recognize that you dealing with stuff that ancial stuff, but you've given that spirit access because of the person you're connected to. And so for me, I feel like that's uh, something that God's been teaching me in this season is like we always say like, oh, we have to steward our gifts, right, and what's been placing our hands.

00:38:38
Speaker 2: We are also a thing that needs to be stewarded.

00:38:41
Speaker 5: Me my life, who I am, who I allowed or I don't allow, like it it also needs to be steward.

00:38:48
Speaker 2: And I didn't really think of it like that cause I finally got I'm like I want frans, but like.

00:38:55
Speaker 5: Right, yeah, because that person is a that person represents you the moment I say Christmas, my friend. Yeah, I'm like then relaxing, Oh, that's that's Brenda friend.

00:39:12
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know what I'm saying, Like you you gotta be mindful of that.

00:39:15
Speaker 5: And true, I was l I was not like I I didn't think of it that deep cause I'm still regarding myself as Brenda, the normal girl that was on social media, right until people start attaching your name to stuff that don't really align with you. M and I have another level of that because I'm a minister of the gospel. I'm not a celebrity. I'm not an influencer. I'm not famous. I'm a minister of the gospel, and nothing can taint that, right, nothing. I don't want anything to take my ability to be able to speak into things and the anointing in the oil to flow the way I needed it to flow, and so any that's that's what a lot of things. But friendships has been something that God's been on me about, and I like, randomly, He's like, God read Acts nine and it's like when Paul is on the road to Damascus. So I'm thinking He's like wanted me to go into consecration. I'm like, I ain't trying to fast bruh, Right, I'm.

00:40:04
Speaker 2: Like, but i'm'a read it. I'm reading it.

00:40:06
Speaker 5: And like, for those of you who don't know the story, like Paul is like on his way somewhere, he has an encounter, he goes blind, but then like Jesus gives him an instruction.

00:40:16
Speaker 2: He says, go to Damascus.

00:40:18
Speaker 5: Well, when he stands up, he recognizes that he's blind, and then it says his companions led him. M. I had never seen that, M. And I was like, oh, you you coming in my throat? Lord, and he's like yeah, he said, are the people in your circle? Would you trust them to lead you to Jesus when you couldn't see him yourself?

00:40:38
Speaker 3: Mm? That is.

00:40:41
Speaker 2: You on my street?

00:40:43
Speaker 5: Get up, so I cause I am also something that needs to be stewarded.

00:40:49
Speaker 2: Wow, I never read that scripture like that.

00:40:51
Speaker 3: But yes, and.

00:40:53
Speaker 6: Nobody we always hear about Paul being blind.

00:40:55
Speaker 2: Right, you need to go to the back how he got there.

00:40:58
Speaker 5: I gotta rely on you to leave me to Jesus gonna make it so. That made me start qualifying the relationships. And here's the thing, right, it doesn't mean you get rid of everybody. It just means they need to be in the right position on the bus. Absolutely, because if I gotta depend on your walk with Jesus to get me to him when I'm struggling myself, I need to check the circle.

00:41:21
Speaker 2: I need to go all right, are you here? Because I'm supposed to. And that's a thing.

00:41:25
Speaker 5: Like I also recognize that sometimes I'm coming into friendship with people I'm called to disciple wow, and it's like we gotta draw the line, like everybody can have access. And for me that's really hard because I'm a people person.

00:41:39
Speaker 2: I love people.

00:41:40
Speaker 5: I'm down to earth, and I don't want people to like she changed cause she you know what I'm saying, Like I'm not changing, or maybe I am.

00:41:48
Speaker 3: But it's a good change. It's almost like with anything.

00:41:51
Speaker 5: As you grow, you do we shouldn't change. Yeah, And it's like no, excuse me. It's like, no, I'm being entrusted with this level of influence. I have to steward it properly because I want God to continue.

00:42:02
Speaker 2: To trust me.

00:42:03
Speaker 1: Yes.

00:42:03
Speaker 2: Yes, So that's how the friendship stuff be going.

00:42:08
Speaker 1: So there was this video that went viral about you denouncing your sorority. Yeah, and my mom and aunt are both Delta's.

00:42:18
Speaker 2: All my friends are a Ka's.

00:42:20
Speaker 3: What was that that led you to that?

00:42:22
Speaker 1: Now I've noticed like people are having meetings about I think Essence World an article on it. It's become like a real topic since you actually opened up about it. And how do you feel about the conversations that are being had after you actually taking your stands on it? And then what led you to the point where you said, you know what, I'm gonna let this go.

00:42:39
Speaker 5: First of all, I didn't know it was gonna turn up to be what it yeah, Like, I think I think, in hindsight, I wouldn't have done it where I did it because I talked about it in the middle of a sermon and it was just because I was preaching on idols and it kind of.

00:42:56
Speaker 2: Just came up.

00:42:57
Speaker 5: It wasn't like I did two services that day. It wasn't in the first service. It just happened in the second one.

00:43:02
Speaker 2: And so I think that I have.

00:43:05
Speaker 5: Been most shocked that the most pushback has come from church people. I thought, I thought, here's the thing, right, I was not oblivious to the fight I was picking.

00:43:17
Speaker 2: Yeah, It's like I already know how this is gonna be.

00:43:20
Speaker 5: I I was a Delta for twelve years, so I know I was one of the people on the other side.

00:43:26
Speaker 2: Going, oh my god, y'all not care all, like it's not that deep.

00:43:32
Speaker 5: And so I was aware of like the pushback in the warfare right, it's like I struck an altar, So I already know, like I knew what was gonna happen. I think that I think the misconception could be that I'm trying to force something down someone's throat when that's never like my vibe.

00:43:48
Speaker 2: Like if anybody is like what you do, what you want to do?

00:43:52
Speaker 5: You know what I'm saying, Like I don't take my word for it, don't open the Bible, that's find out. And so I feel like for me, like if you've engaged with any of my content, you will know, like whatever I'm going through in life, i'm'a share it. This happened to be something I had just the first time I shared it, uh was on another podcast well because I had just renounced the day before WR so it's very fresh. Yeah, it was like, oh I wa okay, So just like this, I was doing an interview with this girl and in the conversation, she keeps bringing up that she like renounced her sorority and she doesn't like say what it is. I'm getting irritated cause I'm like, this has nothing to do with the conversation.

00:44:27
Speaker 2: Why does she keep saying it?

00:44:29
Speaker 5: And we talked about the conversation was about purpose, and so she goes, yeah, like I renounce whatever. And so then I start because she keeps repeating it. I start asking the Lord, what are you after? Because something keeps coming up. It had came up for me, like earlier that week in some another space.

00:44:45
Speaker 2: So I'm like, what's going on?

00:44:46
Speaker 5: Yeah, And so long story short, she was in the same sorority I was a part of. And so then she goes, yeah, like I wrote this, I have this podcast or whatever. You should listen to it. I was like, oh yeah, cool, Like I'll check it out. She's like, na, and I'm gonna send you a lit her. She said, cause Brenda, we need to get you out of there. And I just go like, I laugh, you know, like how you did with your gird.

00:45:07
Speaker 2: I like yeah, yeah, yeah, hear, Yeah, I'm here.

00:45:11
Speaker 5: And so that was like it was like a week went by. Yeah, I'm driving I'm about to fly to Atlanta. I'm driving home from the mall and Holy Spiritists put the podcast on cause it wasn't a visual one. So I was never gonna listen to it. Okay, that's just the truth.

00:45:23
Speaker 2: I'm gonna be listening to podcasts right watch you know you're not.

00:45:26
Speaker 3: Gonna listen listen to I'm just saying I like to I'm a visual.

00:45:28
Speaker 5: Yeah, so I'm like, I'm never finna watch this. It's like the Nerve review to send me something.

00:45:32
Speaker 2: That was audio, and Holy Spirits says, put it on.

00:45:35
Speaker 5: So driving in the car, I'm driving from like the grove and I live far so I had like forty eight minutes right, Holy Swiss has put it on the podcast an hour and two minutes.

00:45:45
Speaker 2: I got home in an hour and three minutes.

00:45:47
Speaker 5: Wow, And I was like, bruh. So I'm listening to the podcast now. Something about me is like I pledged in twenty eleven and I could not remember like what I actually did, like the.

00:45:59
Speaker 2: Whole crossing process. I have no recollection of it.

00:46:02
Speaker 3: Oh wow.

00:46:03
Speaker 5: And so I'm like listening to the podcast and she starts saying, twenty minutes in, I'm bawling because she starts talking about how she starts saying like, Okay, we take an oath, and in the oath we say, like the president of the chapter says, you are taking like this oath before the eternal spirit of truth and you cannot leave it until the day of judgment. That we say these things, and then we are at a ceremonial table that has a candle that's lit. We have to kneel at it and we take this oath. So the argument on social media is like, this.

00:46:41
Speaker 2: Is not an idol for me. I still love the Lord, I still do this. No, the it's inheritedly an idol. It is idolatry.

00:46:48
Speaker 5: The moment I take an oath, you are deceived to think you're taking an oath to an organization. But every organization has a Greek deity attached to it, right right, And it's not like not know we talk to Minerva like it in the process she is present, wow, and so like she said, I'm listening to the podcast and I'm going, bro, I didn't want.

00:47:15
Speaker 2: I'm like, nah, I didn't do that, and.

00:47:17
Speaker 5: I'm like I did do that, and she said something she says and this is when I make the decision. She says, when you show up to an altar without a sacrifice, you're the sacrifice. I said, actually, I will not be and y'all can get me up out of here immediately.

00:47:32
Speaker 2: And so it's like.

00:47:34
Speaker 5: What I always say is like, bro, like don't take my word for it. The fact that I'm saying, Bro, this is idolatry. Go check it out. Like when Satan tempts Jesus right before he goes into his ministry, he perverts scripture, he uses scripture and spits it to Jesus like he isn't the word we're gonna get on him? And Jesus is like, no, these organizations are taking actual scripture, removing words from it and putting in words.

00:47:59
Speaker 2: That represent the organization. Bruh, that's we can't do that.

00:48:04
Speaker 5: And so I commented on the essence thing because I was like, come on and let the conversation go. And so I put on there like, bro, don't I think that because what used to irritate me was like when people would denounce, they would give like black Israelite energy.

00:48:18
Speaker 2: It's like, stop yelling at me.

00:48:21
Speaker 5: I'm not even listening to nothing you're saying. And understanding the severity of it. I know why they go that heart, but I feel like God's given me a grace to communicate hard truths on a level where you will at least go check it for yourself. And I had a friend who I went to middle school with that every time I would post something about it, I would think about her because she had just crossed AKA the year before, like the end of last year, And so every time I would post something, I would go harder.

00:48:48
Speaker 2: She's looking at it.

00:48:50
Speaker 5: And the crazy thing was, I went home for Mother's Day and she sent me this long message about denouncing Wow, and she had just like she was and she goes she said that, Brenda, what you did for me was you disarmed me enough to go research it myself.

00:49:05
Speaker 2: And that is my heart.

00:49:06
Speaker 5: It's not because if you do it just because somebody told you to do it, it's not gonna last.

00:49:10
Speaker 2: It's not gonna take root.

00:49:11
Speaker 5: I want you to go and do the same thing I did, but just start researching.

00:49:15
Speaker 3: No.

00:49:15
Speaker 2: I did say that it says eternal Spirit of truth. Who is that? Because Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the life.

00:49:22
Speaker 5: So somebody else claiming his name, that's another God. So it's like it's it's clear as day. It's just we don't want to see it because we don't want to own it. And I get, man, I know what those organizations have done for the black community, what they've done to progress us, but they're doing it all in the name of another God. So it's like we do community service and whose name? Because you don't show up there and say we're here in Jesus' name. You said you a name of whatever the organization is. So who's getting the credit or the other argument it is, this is Christian principles.

00:49:53
Speaker 2: You know what Christian principle is, love your neighbor.

00:49:56
Speaker 5: I can take that and say, wow, that sounds really good and go start a Satan mis ORGANI and say it's founded on Christian principles, not Christian principles?

00:50:04
Speaker 2: Is it christ centered? Where is Jesus in this? And so I think, like for me, it was pretty cut it dry. It took me twenty minutes because I.

00:50:11
Speaker 5: Cried because I couldn't believe that I had taken an oath to another.

00:50:15
Speaker 2: I would never do that in my right mind.

00:50:18
Speaker 5: But it happens as we're like teenagers right at the brink of adulthood there he ain't thinking about no covenant since nobody saying, well, maybe I should research this. And the reason it made it to essence is because a girl who had just crossed two weeks prior she denounced.

00:50:36
Speaker 1: Wow Wow, and that's Do you feel like there's anything that the organization could do to make it right? Like within like I know they have to change like a lot within the organization.

00:50:49
Speaker 3: I feel like it's pretty much.

00:50:51
Speaker 2: I mean, I think anything can be redeemed. I just don't know if that can be ridiculous. I don't know if it was ever for the Lord. You know what I'm saying. I don't, and I don't.

00:51:00
Speaker 5: There's another thing, right, I don't think that that organization knew that's what they.

00:51:04
Speaker 3: Were doing, you know what I'm saying now that they know, I.

00:51:07
Speaker 2: Don't know if they know.

00:51:08
Speaker 5: I don't know if they want to hear that. I mean, because they had and there's when you are renouncing. They asked, would you like to discuss what you're like with them about it? I clicked yes, yes, and they responded. But then after I reached out to follow up for us to have a conversation, they didn't cause on my like my paper. They asked, you know, like why are you leaving? I was like, this goes against Jesus period, I want out, Yes, and it is. It's like it's the grace and mercy of God that will tell you, like I mean, because you're still allowed to do I was still preaching. Yeah, I had no knowledge that that's what I was doing. So I think there's a grace, right, but the moment you come into truth, you're responsible for what you do with that. And people like I've seen all the arguments, and the first thing I thought was, I've seen a lot of pastors, you know, give clap back and what they shouldn't do. I've seen them defend their letters more or then I've seen them defend the actual church.

00:52:01
Speaker 2: Wow.

00:52:02
Speaker 5: And I think that says a lot about where that the weight that holds in their life.

00:52:08
Speaker 2: Absolutely, because the church begins bullets every week. I ain't seen y'all make no podcasts.

00:52:13
Speaker 5: I ain't seen y'all go in the shape room comments and drop you know what the Lord said about the church.

00:52:19
Speaker 2: The institution he is, you know what I'm saying.

00:52:20
Speaker 5: So I think that in itself proves what has your heart and what has your loyalty, and so I really I don't wanna argue about it.

00:52:28
Speaker 2: I that's never been my heart.

00:52:29
Speaker 5: I'm just saying, Hey, I'm on the journey to following Jesus and this is what I came across, and you're welcome to step into.

00:52:37
Speaker 2: This truth or not.

00:52:37
Speaker 5: Yeah, cause it says we have to work out our own salvation, right, m So I can't stand in line with Jesus for you and vice versa.

00:52:45
Speaker 3: Right.

00:52:45
Speaker 8: No, for sure, there is people believe you're a preacher, right, you know the Bible back and forth, you understand scripture, You're you getting this theological understanding, until they believe they can't fathom that you could.

00:52:58
Speaker 3: Experience seasons of us like seasons.

00:53:00
Speaker 6: Where you are not feeling close to God, you're lacking faith whatever that is, right, And then there's also the fact that again, because you're human, you battle things through depression and anybody else will be like, but how you're a preacher, so you should know what the formula is to tell this, So how do you reconcile that, Like, how do you navigate as a minister of the world those seasons where you don't feel that closeness to God and you don't feel that proximity or you feel like there's a lack of faith.

00:53:28
Speaker 5: Okay, So I think the misconception is that because someone is I don't, I don't like further along in their faith. But I guess because you would always see me preaching. I think the ideas that I don't struggle with human things, and I think, like that doesn't make sense because I'm a human. I think part of that comes from leaders not being transparent when they're given the opportunity to. And I feel like that is why I'm very intentional, like nah, or I struggle today, Yeah, because I need people to know, like we on this jogether, like I know I'm struggling.

00:54:02
Speaker 2: You might be struggling.

00:54:03
Speaker 5: I'm struggling too, And so I think for me, it keeps me from becoming an idol, cause.

00:54:08
Speaker 2: I'm like, nah, bruh, I was just struggling with that yesterday.

00:54:13
Speaker 5: And I think that it allowed, like inviting people into that space helps for me to say, like I'm struggling, I don't have it. Sometimes I live in a cubby hole because when I'm going through depression or battling it, I think what I recognize is those are the moments where I feel got the closest. Yes, Like, it's not when I'm on a platform preaching. It's not when I'm shooting a podcast or doing an interview or whatever people think is the pinnacle of success.

00:54:39
Speaker 2: I feel God the.

00:54:40
Speaker 5: Most when I need him the most, and so I think being transparent helps with that. I've I've journeyed through anxiety. I don't deal with that no more because I've come into the revelation of like, no, I have authority over this.

00:54:53
Speaker 2: Yes.

00:54:54
Speaker 5: And there is a blueprint for anxiety. It's in scripture. It says be anxious for nothing, period. That's a command. Yeah, And so I practiced that. How am I not anxious? Whatever I'm worried about, I take it to the Lord.

00:55:07
Speaker 2: Yeah, And it don't.

00:55:08
Speaker 5: Gotta be this whole like come humbly as you. I'm like, hey, bruh uh. I'm trying to figure out how we gonna.

00:55:13
Speaker 2: Make this happen.

00:55:15
Speaker 5: Yeah, It's like, nah, he he is ever present, you know what I'm saying. And I've depression runs in my blood line.

00:55:22
Speaker 2: M I C.

00:55:22
Speaker 5: I can remember having a aunt who was very like put together, very bougie, and I've seen her in a dark place m I it's scared to living day.

00:55:30
Speaker 2: Like it's etched in my mind.

00:55:32
Speaker 5: I maybe was like nine or ten, and I could see her sitting in the dark house in a row, not looking like herself, and I'm like, I never wanna experience that. But it's blood line, like my grandfather, my dad, my aunt, and so it's like, nah, bro, this stops with me. Yes, But that situation that I told you about earlier, like that I probably walked through every mental illness, yeah, you know, like in processing that, but I do R. I remember having this moment where I consider taking my life, and I guess now the term for it is passive suicidal I ideology where you like don't like you, not like i'm'a kill myself, but you feel like you have nothing to live for us, so you're passively thinking about suicide. And I didn't even recognize this was a year today. I had just moved to late August of twenty eighteen. This happened April twenty nineteen, so it's a year from when that stuff happened. Our body remembers trauma, yes, And I hadn't even recognized that I was in the.

00:56:31
Speaker 2: Bed for five days. Wow, like just but I.

00:56:36
Speaker 5: Had a I lived in a house with like five girls, and I had a roommate who knocked on my door.

00:56:41
Speaker 2: Every day MM. And she would just mm.

00:56:46
Speaker 5: Some days I would yell at her. Some days I'll act like I ain't here. Yeah, but she would come back every single day. Thank God friends that not like seriously bruh.

00:56:57
Speaker 2: Yeah.

00:56:57
Speaker 5: And and she has like this, her name is Nick, but she had like this little soft voice and she's like Brenda. She's like, she's like, I just wanted to know if you wanted to come out and like watch TV, cause like TV is my love language, Okay.

00:57:10
Speaker 2: And so she's like yeah, and I'm like nah, bruh.

00:57:14
Speaker 5: Like or I would yell at her some days I wouldn't even But to be so far in yourself that you don't even recognize that you have I have been laying there for five just.

00:57:21
Speaker 2: Not moving MM. Cause I think at that point.

00:57:24
Speaker 5: I was like, I I we can't end this, like I I don't feel like I have anything to live for it mm And.

00:57:35
Speaker 2: Like clockwork, she would knock on the door.

00:57:36
Speaker 5: So maybe day five, I was like, if I don't get up, she's never gonna leave it. So I did. I I ended up getting up. We watched TV and then we're sitting there.

00:57:46
Speaker 2: She's like, you wanna go get ice cream?

00:57:48
Speaker 5: So then I got dressed, took a shower, put on clothes, MM, go get ice cream.

00:57:53
Speaker 2: She's like, you wanna go walk?

00:57:54
Speaker 5: So, like we go to the lake and I broke down. And I think in that moment, ah, I feel like that was when I like, even though it was nick, it's like that's how God pursues us. It is like cause cause usually we have those moments alone, you know, like n nobody knows that's the stuff we carry, Like nobody knows those dark moments. But he's the one that keeps knocking. And you might think, like, man, God isn't. No, He's right there in that with you, like always, cause sometimes I don't have the language to articulate how I feel.

00:58:36
Speaker 2: It's just how I feel.

00:58:38
Speaker 5: I could be lived, life could be great, and that thing will sit on you.

00:58:42
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I'm like, nah, bro, that gave me.

00:58:47
Speaker 5: A clear picture of how much God loves me and us to articulate that.

00:58:53
Speaker 2: And so.

00:58:55
Speaker 5: I think sometimes it's pride that makes us go like nah, I don't I don't deal with that.

00:58:59
Speaker 2: No, I deal with that. It's why I need God. Yeah. I feel like the higher you rise, the more you deal with that.

00:59:06
Speaker 3: What y'all think me?

00:59:08
Speaker 5: I I am heartbroken every time I see a someone die by suicide, cause I can remember a time where that could have been me. Yeah, And somebody will say they were so happy, bro, we the best at it, at the best at it, And it's like no, no, no, no, that w that that was me? Yeah, and being honest about that, like no, M. The fact that you think I'm further along with God is because of those moments. The reason I'm all in with him is because he was all in with me when I was like, nah, bruh, I can't do this. Mm mm I can't Yeah I nah. And so I think, like I always look at it as stuff like depression or anxiety, those are invitations to invite God in.

00:59:58
Speaker 2: To those moments.

00:59:59
Speaker 5: It's like, I, I have reached the end of where I can go right, and where I end is where he begins. M.

01:00:08
Speaker 2: And you could do it. That time in my life marked me.

01:00:14
Speaker 5: Cause if she didn't knock on that door, yeah, it it would have been a rep cause I in that moment it.

01:00:20
Speaker 1: All was Yeah, I was finished, and so you're away from everybody, everybody isolated literally for sure.

01:00:28
Speaker 5: Yea, and and I I was like I I and that that happened like the beginning of April. And then like within a few weeks my life turned around. I got my first job work at TBN. I was a producer, like I I. Then I did BT that year, like I my life. Literally, it's right when you right there. The enemy's job is to take you out before you reach the point. So the harder it gets, you gotta know you right on the brink of it. He's like r I even today, like not today, but like in this time of my life, I have moments. Three weeks ago, I was like, y'all could have all of this. It is a rap, Like I'm finna go get a job cause I could go get one of those really easy Yeah. I'm like, I'm finna go get a job. This whole like all these expectations. Everybody wants you to do what they want you to do. They cool with you walk into a calling, but only if it alignes with how they see it. And I I have reached a place of frustration. I was like, God, I don't wanna I never aks for this ye, because there is a weight and a pressure that comes with people like you being pastor Brenda.

01:01:32
Speaker 3: It's like sometimes I just I just wanna be brandw yeah right.

01:01:36
Speaker 2: Like and nobody did know my name. Yeah, you know what I'm saying.

01:01:38
Speaker 5: Like, and so I think we also think that because we follow God like supposed to be roses. And I don't think that. But sometimes I reach a point where I'm like it's not even worth it.

01:01:46
Speaker 1: Yeah.

01:01:46
Speaker 5: And I remember, like being two weeks ago, I was on the phone with my friend and I had just reached a place of frustration and I was like, hey.

01:01:53
Speaker 2: I gotta call you back. Yeah, and I just cried and I had to take a walk. Yeah, and I'm like, I I don't want to do this anymore.

01:02:01
Speaker 3: Mm.

01:02:02
Speaker 5: And I feel like a couple of days after that, I got in the other in the shower, like to talk to the Lord in the shower, and I felt like he was like, don't take it personal, wow, cause cause it's like bruh, one thing come at you like cool bro back to back and then like people that like you care about like it's like I thought you was rock, you not rock, Okay, I thought you was okay, you not alright, it's alright, I got it, Like I'm good.

01:02:27
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think I had.

01:02:28
Speaker 5: Just reached a boiling point and not just just like bruh, I don't I don't want it no more. Yeah, And he was like, don't take it personal.

01:02:36
Speaker 2: Don't take it personal.

01:02:37
Speaker 5: And he he's like, it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with what I'm calling you to do.

01:02:43
Speaker 1: Mm cause it's yeah, it's he puts you on the sient, not them.

01:02:47
Speaker 5: And he's like, and the attacks are not towards Brenda. The attacks are on what Brenda carries.

01:02:54
Speaker 2: Ye.

01:02:55
Speaker 5: But if I take Brenda out what Brenda's supposed to carry into the world never makes it y.

01:02:59
Speaker 2: And so I was like, then, don't take it personal. I was like I love it, and that made it easy.

01:03:12
Speaker 1: I love when he comes back and answers you like, don't take a person, and it'd be.

01:03:17
Speaker 3: Like, got it.

01:03:18
Speaker 5: Okay, that's what for me that it clicks because then he's like, okay, like we think about Jesus right cause, Saydan isn't all knowing, he don't know everything, but the moment Jesus is born, then Herod issues a decree that says take out all the boys.

01:03:34
Speaker 2: Three and under.

01:03:35
Speaker 5: He like, I don't know what's coming for me, but I recognize that something's about to attack the Kingdom of darkness.

01:03:41
Speaker 2: I gotta shut it down.

01:03:42
Speaker 5: And so when we think about that, we recognize like our lives and what we've been entrusted to Stewart are not about us.

01:03:48
Speaker 2: It's like God's like, okay, I need.

01:03:50
Speaker 5: This thing when you put it in crystals, like I need this thing and put it in Brenda's hand. Now, Saytan's job is to ensure that that thing don't become what it's supposed to be. Come So he gonna try everything, and it's usually the people that are closest to you.

01:04:00
Speaker 1: Mm wow, thank you, thank you for that question, Genora.

01:04:05
Speaker 3: Thank God for Nick. She was an angel with Memo for sure.

01:04:08
Speaker 5: And every time I do something like I appreciate the potterself I was and She's like, oh my god, we know. I was like, thank you for knocking on my door here to sure that I live to see this moment. So whenever it's something good happens, like the whole world gonna know, Dick, why about the crack? Not cause cause you understand the way of that like to have Yeah.

01:04:27
Speaker 1: Bro, alright, So we always close out the show with positive outcomes, and we read one of our open listener letters and then we give 'em advice. So this one says, Hi, Crystal, my name is Asia Kirkland. I am twenty three, and I am starting my f my serious walk of faith. I have built a platform on social media, and I am known for being sexy, or more so, tempting and lustful. I know, in being a Christian you can be harshly judged for it. I want to know if there's a balance of sexy and yet somewhat my to see that you need to uphold or do I need just a fresh start. I have decided that when I get baptized, to stain from sex with my partner until we're married, which will be hard because our relationship started off very sex based and we progress to both of us deciding to walk. To take the walk of faith, I'm afraid I'll fail God and God in the end.

01:05:21
Speaker 4: How should I go about this? I'm like, well, you know what, Okay, So.

01:05:36
Speaker 1: This is a good question because I've noticed a lot of women lately, a lot of people like that God has put in position that has like all these followers have turned their life over to Christ, and some of them have been, like she described, very sexy and lustful. And they are taking on this new walk with God and being very vocal about it. But it's a lot of judgment, like she said, that comes along with it.

01:06:00
Speaker 3: What would you tell her? Cause for me, I know, like I had to.

01:06:03
Speaker 1: Be mindful of like the young women that follow me and the image that I want to portray for them and to show them it's okay to love yourself, but you don't have to show everything.

01:06:11
Speaker 3: Sure you know what I'm saying. What would you tell her? In that?

01:06:18
Speaker 5: I said, Oh, I I think that. So here's here's the first thing, Right, I think that relationship with Jesus is progression, not perfection.

01:06:38
Speaker 2: Right. And so I think that.

01:06:41
Speaker 5: I used to always say, like, convictions come according to your callings. Right, So some stuff you could do I can't do because of what I'm called to do.

01:06:48
Speaker 2: Right. I think that.

01:06:49
Speaker 5: Convictions come when you mature spiritually, right, I think.

01:06:53
Speaker 2: When you.

01:06:55
Speaker 5: Have to pay attention to why you ask the things you ask? Right, So, why are you now all of a sudden concerned because something in you is saying maybe I shouldn't do this, Maybe I shouldn't Yeah, And I think what we miss is that when when that when a conviction comes, it's not God.

01:07:10
Speaker 2: Saying, oh, why are you doing that?

01:07:12
Speaker 5: He's saying, I have so much more for you, and you're now living beneath where I'm calling you. And so I think if we view it that way, we'll lose this whole. Like religion is so based on rules, it's like, no, it's God saying, baby girl, I see you so much better than that, and let me show you what life like that looks like, and let me show you that if you do it my way, it would be way better than.

01:07:34
Speaker 2: What you could have done in your own strength. I think it's that.

01:07:36
Speaker 5: I think the other part is you already have a social media following and it's growing because of these things. But now you've had a life change, so now you have to go, Okay, am I gonna trust God? Or am I gonna trust what I could do in my own strength? And there's a process. I too have that same process. I'm like, I should have posted this, I should I not? Sometimes I post up that I'm like, let me take that right, and something like my rubric is this, It's very simple.

01:08:05
Speaker 2: Is this leading them towards Jesus.

01:08:07
Speaker 3: Or away from him?

01:08:09
Speaker 5: And that's you just that is what it is because the moment you get loud about being a believer, you set the standard for how people respond to what you post because there could he could be calling you to switch it, and you also to your point, you are responsible for where you lead people.

01:08:24
Speaker 2: Yes, And that's the way, like we hold in our hands.

01:08:27
Speaker 3: It is because people look at what we're doing and they're.

01:08:30
Speaker 2: Like, the first thing they're gonna say, it is awesome. Know you did that. It was not me.

01:08:40
Speaker 1: That's yeah, that's good, thank you. Another thing we do before we close is what I'm going through and what I'm growing through. And I'll start off by saying, I am I'm going through a phase where I'm trying to find the balance of resting and pushing myself because I feel like you know that we always say God never put more on than we can bear, But there's sometimes I'm like somebody has made a comment one day and said that if it's if it's, if God means me to do this, it won't exhaust you. But you may be tired, but you won't be just completely exhausted. And there's a moments where I'm like, I'm on the brink, Lord, like, is this your thing? I'm not, I'll be tired. So just trying to balance making sure that I'm taking care of myself along with everything that's coming my way.

01:09:32
Speaker 3: I feel like this lad, this whole year has.

01:09:34
Speaker 1: Just been like one thing after another and it's been amazing, but also just finding that balance of saying, Okay, now you need to let down. Like yesterday I slept for hours. It's the mostly I gotten probably in months.

01:09:47
Speaker 2: It was so good. You need a good nap.

01:09:49
Speaker 3: Yeah, yes, good nap. So that's what I'm balancing right now, what I'm going through and growing through.

01:09:57
Speaker 2: I think.

01:09:59
Speaker 5: Going and growing through what it means to be set apart. Like it's been really hard for me.

01:10:08
Speaker 3: It's an adjustment.

01:10:10
Speaker 5: It's like a or I thought I could, I can't or I can't. Ah, it's so yeah, and and like on some very like simple stuff, it's been really hard and it kind of goes to this idea that like it will be worth it on the other side, but in the moment you'd be like dang bro like and then I'm always like, I don't even ask for this.

01:10:38
Speaker 2: I like, I haven't asked for this.

01:10:40
Speaker 5: And so man, I'm I'm going through that and growing through it because it's stretching me. But it's even recently I thought I was gonna.

01:10:49
Speaker 3: Start Patreon, and the Lord to me, no, what do you Why do you think?

01:10:55
Speaker 1: Well?

01:10:55
Speaker 3: I mean.

01:10:59
Speaker 5: Because he told me I was a minister first, and I can't.

01:11:11
Speaker 2: I was like, I got myself in trouble.

01:11:14
Speaker 5: No, bro, Like just like three days ago, he said, what are you talking about?

01:11:19
Speaker 2: Yeah, like I was ready. Oh, I mean it's it's it's ready, it's loaded.

01:11:24
Speaker 5: And it gets to the point where it's like I can I can't do what everybody else can do. And and it was less about like the thing. It's not that's not bad, but I I can lose the minister in.

01:11:40
Speaker 1: The thing, and sometimes you can.

01:11:43
Speaker 2: And it was and it was like God gave me a choice. He led me to a scripture he always.

01:11:48
Speaker 5: He's said, it's Hebrews eleven. It talks about a remnant, which is like a group of people that are set apart, and he said he talks about their table of wealth being their trapping, their snare so they're successful say, they don't even recognize that God isn't with them.

01:12:11
Speaker 2: Wow, and you just said he said you could do it. It's gonna be great.

01:12:16
Speaker 5: He was like, but your success won't allow you to recognize when I'm not there.

01:12:20
Speaker 2: Oh wow, I said, dang, you didn't wanna tell me before. I have spent some money, That's what I'm saying. I have been working really hard.

01:12:29
Speaker 1: He bid everything else to get ready for it, and he said, trust me, I guess you.

01:12:34
Speaker 5: It's exactly what he said, actually, And I was like, alright, rather, but yeah.

01:12:39
Speaker 2: So over here.

01:12:41
Speaker 5: But when you start talking about like a series of yes, it's it's like, I'm gonna be able to market this.

01:12:45
Speaker 1: Dude, Yeah you know, yeah, I see New York Times best seller.

01:12:51
Speaker 2: Come on, he gonna for sure, you know.

01:12:55
Speaker 5: But that's what I'm growing through, Like be what it means when we set apart, Cause I thought, you know, it was enough to say yes to become a preacher because nobody has to do that, right, And he's like, girl, this is that slight word in comparison. So yeah, I'm just you know, I I would prefer to be able to preach to a room and they be set free. Then preach to a room and they be like that was a good word.

01:13:25
Speaker 2: That's the difference difference. And so yeah, I wanna be trusted to carry the oil.

01:13:33
Speaker 3: Oil. I love that. So last thing we do is keep it blank sweet teeth. Okay, and we're gonna fill in the blank. And for this episode, Oh there's so so many things. Mm.

01:13:55
Speaker 2: Keep it.

01:13:58
Speaker 3: T makes it sometimes hard to feel it because you want to say something else. Keep it spirit.

01:14:03
Speaker 2: Led, sweetie.

01:14:03
Speaker 3: Let the spirit guide you.

01:14:05
Speaker 2: Dang.

01:14:05
Speaker 3: I was like, good, just Brenda, just Brenda is crazy.

01:14:16
Speaker 5: Keep it honest, Sweetie. Honestly we ourselves but we got to Yes, that's good.

01:14:27
Speaker 3: That's good. Thank you so much. Appreciation you for your time.

01:14:36
Speaker 1: Guys, thank you so much for tuning in to this episode of Keep It Positive.

01:14:38
Speaker 2: Sweetie.

01:14:39
Speaker 1: If you want to write into our positive outcomes listening to letter, you can write in to Keep It Positive sweety at gmail dot com and that's Sweetie with an Ie. You can follow me on all platforms at love Chris orinee and that's l u V.

01:14:51
Speaker 3: Brenda.

01:14:51
Speaker 1: Tell the people that can find you all the platforms all right.

01:14:55
Speaker 2: So you can find me on all social media platforms.

01:14:57
Speaker 5: And I am Brenda Palmer on TikTok and sta and YouTube. I have a podcast called Life in Perspective with Brenda Palmer.

01:15:05
Speaker 2: It's literally available everywhere. And more importantly, we.

01:15:09
Speaker 5: Are doing a pop up tour in counter nights. We're going to six cities and I want to see you there, so just visit us at come Alive Collective dot com to get your tickets and be in the bild it because Jesus is gonna be there so when you want to be where Jesus is due.

01:15:26
Speaker 2: Thank you for having us.

01:15:27
Speaker 1: It makes sure you, guys tap into everything that Brenda has going on. We want to make sure we support this amazing sister. I'm appreciat of your time and we got you on the sofa.

01:15:36
Speaker 2: We did it, man, we did it.

01:15:39
Speaker 1: Thank you guys so much for tuning in to this episode of Keep it Positive, Sweetie.

01:15:42
Speaker 3: In the meantime in between time, you know what to do. Keep it positive, Sweetie, See you guys later.

01:16:01
Speaker 1: Four