Self-help, TV, and more with Kristen Meinzer

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Speaker 1: Hi. This is Laura Vandercamp. I'm a mother of five, an author, journalist, and speaker. And this is Sarah hart Hunger. I'm a mother of three, a practicing physician and blogger. On the side, we are two working parents who love our careers and our families. Welcome to best of both worlds. Here we talk about how real women manage work, family, and time for fun, from figuring out childcare to mapping out long term career goals. We want you to get the most out of life. Welcome to best of both worlds. This is Laura. This is episode one hundred and eighty two, which is airing in late January. I'll be interviewing Kristin Meinzer for this. Many people know her from the Buy the Book podcast, but she also has other podcasts which we were trading off on that one. You listened to Buy the Book all the time, right, Sarah, I do. I don't think I've listened to every single episode, but I have listened to a lot. It's a really fun podcast for those of you who want like a more huge focused podcast, but it also gets pretty emotional too. They take a self help book and sometimes that genre like they'll bend it because I'm going to talk about my favorite episode, which is not like classic self help, but they live by the rules of that book for I believe two weeks. They often drag their partners into it as well, and then they reconvene and talk all about how that went, and it's often very, very funny, and they're both for Kristin and her co host Jolenta are like they definitely have comedic backgrounds as well. Like you you can tell they're trained performers, and it's a very I don't know, like you can tell. A lot goes into each episode, a lot of editing, a lot of work, and they're really really funny. So my favorite episode ever was, or recently anyway, was the Martha Stewart Entertaining episode where they read like Martha's original blockbuster from like the late eighties or maybe early nineties, and they lived by it and it was just very funny and entertaining. So sure, I won't be there for the interview, but I'm so excited to hear it because I love her and that's not the podcast. I'm gonna be honest first, by the way, I'm on a different one. We'll be talking about you know, TV and movies, which is interesting. I'm not really a TV or movie person, but maybe she'll have suggestions for me that I will be able to watch. What I mean, you haven't seen anything in theaters, nobody has in like a year. But what television are you watching right now? Yeah? So I mentioned on a recent episode that we are just finishing the first season of The Flight Attendant, which is kind of like a thriller on HBO. It's really well acted, it's really stressful but fun It's also funny, like it's like gory but funny at the same time. We enjoyed Silicon Valley. We do watch this a is us like pretty much never miss an episode. Penn fifteen is a little known cringe comedy show about which stars too like women in their earlate thirties playing middle schoolers. It's very entertaining, and there was like a mini Kaling producer series called Never Have I Ever that I really liked last year. So we don't watch a ton of CV, like I don't watch I don't even I would say we watched two episodes of something per week, like it's minimal. But if you watch two episodes a week, that's one hundred shows a year, so you know, it adds up to something. And I do find lying in bed and watching TV shows, which is how we always do it, very relaxing and fun. Yeah, I just haven't been watching much. I guess I'm still trying to get back to the wonder That was What Not to Wear, which I think was like my favorite show all time. That was a great show. It was a great show in so many ways. And all right, we'll be diving into the interview here. Well, I'm here, this is Laura, and I am delighted to be interviewing Kristin Meinzer and Kristin is a culture critic, author and podcast host, both of Movie Therapy with Raefer and Kristen and By the Book with Jolenta Greenberg, which I know a lot of our listeners love. We have a lot of self help fans around here, probably not quite as dedicated a self help fan as you are, but people who do their best. What else would you like to tell listeners about yourself? And welcome Kristin. Oh, thank you. I'm so excited to be here. Laura. I've been a big fan of your work for a long time, so it's such an honor to be here. But as far as the other stuff I'm up to, I have a couple of books out there. One is about podcasting called so you Want to Start a Podcast? I have another book that's called How to Be Fine, which is all about the experiences Jolenta and I have had living by the first fifty self help books that we lived by on by the Book. And I also have a little amish romance novel that I wrote as a challenge for our podcast By the Book. I wrote it in under two weeks, and the quality of the book really reflects that which help book told you to write a two week book? I'm very curious. Yes, yes, the book was called how to write an ebook in less than seven to fourteen days that will make you money forever. Just rolls off the tongue. That that is a very clear benefit statement. I will give it that you're not clear what the self help book will do, but that is very clear what that one will do for you. But see, well, we'll talk about By the Book. I know, because I know we have a lot of fans of that here. But newest podcasts focuses on TV and movie recommendations. I know a lot of us have probably massively increased our screen time over the past year. And from what I get from you, you're saying this is not a horrible fit, right, So this is absolutely not I don't think it's horrible. I know that a lot of us were brought up to think that the TV is a problem, it's our downfall, it's going to eat our brain cells. In my household, we even called it the dumb dumb box. And you know what, TV is also great for a lot of things that informs us, that connects us, that makes us feel less alone. It allows us to be part of bigger cultural moments. And I'm really grateful for the TV right now. I mean, I don't get to see my friends as much as I used to. Obviously, I don't get to go to the movie theater, which I missed quite a bit. As a film critic. I used to go to the movies up to five times a week, and so I really miss that. And I just really appreciate all of the new ways that TV has changed for this moment. For example, Netflix has this party where you can watch a movie synced up with somebody else you love at another location at the same time, and you can chat back and forth, and it's almost like being together watching a movie. And you know, other streaming services out there are now make it making it easier and easier to see movies that we would have only seen in the theater before. So I do feel that TV is stepping it up for us and it's made this moment a little bit more bearable, which we need anything that can make this moment a little bit more bearable. But your podcast, like listeners or guests come to you with questions of you know, what should I be watching? What are some just tell people about it. They come to you with challenges and you prescribe things to watch for its What are the challenges that movies and TV can solve? Yeah, so the show is kind of an advice column show. We answer three letters per show. The first two letters could be about anything, and the final letter of the show is always what should I watch next? But what should I watch next? Questions pretty self explanatory. They might say, For example, I just binged all of Bridgerton in one day, What should I watch next? Or I finally got around to watching Shit's Creek. I loved it, I'm missing it so much? What should I watch next? So we give them a recommendation at the end of the show. But the first two letters could be about anything. In some cases, it's parents who are exhausted who One of our earliest letters was, I wish I could take a vacation from my children. And we also get ones all the time from people who are frustrated and having a hard time staying motivated with their work. We get people who are upset with their roommates. We get people who are suddenly fantasizing about that ex boyfriend from college because maybe their own husbands are driving them nuts right now. We have people who are in long distance relationships. We have people who are having trouble sleeping. We have people who just need a good cry. We get all sorts of questions that run the gamut, and then Rafeer and I try to administer a little bit of advice. And some of that advice is based on what I learned on my other podcast, by the book, and some of it's just based on my own mistakes I've made over the years, and Rafer and I are pretty open about all the mistakes we've made over the years. And then we offer them a TV and a movie recommendation. That we hope will comfort them or give them some insights to look at their situation a little bit differently. Yeah, and you know a lot of listeners of this podcast are are parents, and your co host Rifer is in fact doing everything with his children right now in a tiny book in the Yeah, in his wife. I love them so much. I don't know how they do it. It's what's called a railroad. One room just leads to the other, leads to the nother, and it's you know, the two kids, it's the two adults, all of them on top of each other, and they've managed to keep their spirits up throughout all of this. But it's a tough situation them. Lots of screen time recommendations. I'm curious his thoughts on kids and screen time. Well, his general thought on the matter is whatever you have to do to get through the day. And let's not criticize people who need to give their kids a little extra screen time to stay sane. Let's not criticize parents who need a little screen time as a little vacation. And we really believe everybody is doing the best they can and don't want to We don't want to criticize anybody for whatever they're doing. And there's so much great nourishing children's entertainment out there now that there wasn't when we were kids. I mean, if you want to turn on your computer, you can watch Dolly Parton read you a bedtime story. There's so many different kinds of screen time you can have for kids right now, and a lot of it's so wholesome, and a lot of it's really educational, and a lot of it's great conversation starters. And one thing Rayfe and I like to remind our audience of is both he and I were essentially babysat by the TV when we were children, and our whole generation essentially was we watched lots of TV forty fifty hours a week when we were little kids, and Refa and I turned out fine, or we think we did, and so just perpetuating the joy that comes with it. Yeah, and I mean we only had a choice of what four shows at a time. Oh yeah, absolutely, Oh and some of them were just terrible back then, they were. In fact, yeah, I watched many of and myself. So let's move on to buy the book. So at this point you've lived by the rules of how many self help books. I mean, your book was about the first fifty, but there's been more. So Yes, we're now living by our sixtieth book as I speak, but we are not releasing that episode for a few more months. We're working on the eighth season of the show right now, and we have a really fun season theme. I won't go into it, but for those who aren't familiar with the show, every episode we choose a different self help book to live by. We follow all the rules down to the letter, and then we record ourselves so you can hear how each book enhances or destroys our lives. So you get to hear us fighting with our husbands. You get to hear us do things like touch every item in our house to see if it sparks joy and then get rid of it if it doesn't. You get to see us living by terrible cookbooks. You get to see us trying to move traffic with our minds when we were living by the Secret. You get to see us doing all sorts of things where we're trying to manifest our thoughts into things. And you know, we've lived by a very very wide range of books, doing everything from reworking our wardrobes to learning the love languages with our husbands. To some of the books, I got to say, they're terrible. We've lived by some very bad books too, like men are from Mars, women are from Venus. Don't live by that, please, don't. Nobody lived by that. And one season of the show we lived by self help books through history, and we lived by a bestseller from the thirties, forties, fifties all the way to the present and had a historian on with us to give us context throughout it. So there's a lot to learn from self help books, not just about ourselves, but about what our values are, and what our culture and what our history is at a certain point in life. Yeah. Well, and I'm sure everyone's dying to know. I mean, of the books that you've read. Well, two versions of this question. First, what did you find most helpful for your life the book that if you would rank at the top or maybe the top two or so. And then if you're going to recommend a book more broadly, like if somebody is saying, well, I'm curious about the self help genre, I think it's a waste of time. What's the one book it would give them, you know, tell them to pick up change their minds. Oh wow, the book to change your mind. I think might be why good things happen to good people. This is a ten step book that One reason I like the book is because books that are organized well and actually have concrete steps to follow, which most self help books don't. Most are very disorganized and not very well written. But it's research backed. It has, you know, ten specific steps, and it's really about how when you do certain things that perpetuate kindness in the world and goodness in the world, it's a feedback loop and it makes us happier too. It gives us an endorphin rush, and it also creates the world that is going to be more happy making for the rest of us. So a lot of the times, what we're sad about in the world, it's not just because of us. It's because the world is not set up fairly. It's not equitable, it is sexist, it is racist. There are a lot of inequalities economically and so forth in the world. And sometimes when we do kind things in the world and we make the world a little bit better, that helps other people and it also helps us. So i'd recommend that book to someone who's skeptical about self help because it's not woo woo. It's very you know, constructive, and I think some self help books are very woo woo, and that turns off people horned into self help books. Let's take a quick ad break and then we'll come right back with Kristen's most helpful self help book. 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Helix is offering up to two hundred dollars off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners at helixsleep dot com slash best of that's Helixsleep dot com slash best of All. Right, well, we're back with Kristen Meinzer and he is talking about her favorite self help books right now. So you know you've read sixty, you've lived by the rules of sixty. What are you still using in your life that you find useful? You know, one thing that really surprised me was how much I I enjoyed How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie from the nineteen thirties. And I had not read that until the show essentially forced me to. And I was so surprised with how good that book was. And you know, that book's almost one hundred years old but has lessons that are so useful no matter what era. We live in asking people questions, being excited to learn about them, not just making it about ourselves. But the one thing that I think about all the time from that book is his advice to be the dog. So when you think about a dog, a dog doesn't hold a grudge when you come home from work. The dog is always so excited to see you when you come home. The dog always treat you like you matter. That's what we should be doing for people we love. That's what we should be doing for each other. We should all be the dog, right. And I just loved that bit of advice and I think about that all the time. I want to be the dog. I'll be the dog. Yeah, that is a great self help book, he smile. That is a same we should do, yes, and other people an eager want, like if people think it's their own idea, there's absolutely yes. I love that in the book. Yeah, and give people credit for things, even if they didn't even come up with it themselves. Give them the credit because then they'll want to do it even more. Yeah. Absolutely. Oh he's a fascinating guy. He's so good. Oh. I think that's a really good idea. You're you're suggesting that you wash the dishes. You're so good at washing dishes. Idea, Laura, that's the way you wash the dishes. I could never wash the dishes that well. Hopefully I walk away and not have to do it now, exactly exactly. You know, it's funny, have you you've read seven habits of highly effective people? Haven't you? Or are you say? I have not? It's been suggested many, many times, but we have yet to do that. I interviewed many years or I know this woman who did her PhD dissertation on self help books in which she found most useful, and that one came out at the top seven habits, with how to win friends and Influence people also being a very high one on the scale because both very good good I don't think from Mars women from Veidus came up near the top. Oh no, I remember that shouldn't be on there. No. I you know, if something has good organiza, what is it that makes a good self help book? Well, in addition to that organization, I think that the author needs to be able to see past themselves. Oftentimes somebody will write a self help book because there was this one thing that worked for them. But then you'll take a closer look at them and realize, like, oh, that's their particular foible or obsession, and that doesn't necessarily work across the board for most people. If the person who's writing the book can be full of awareness and self reflection when they write the book, I think that always helps the book quite a bit. There are too many authors out there who say if I can do it, anyone can, and they're lacking the self reflection of like, oh, hold on, I was born on third base. My parents paid my way through college. They gave me a down payment for my first house. Of course, I was able to become, you know, a best selling author and speaker when I never had to upfront any money myself. But they never say that. And then when you start digging deeper, you'll see a lot of the self help authors didn't do it themselves, and yet they're sending out the message if I can do it, anyone can. So I'd always say that an author who is self aware and owns their privilege is going to write a better book. And I'd also say that when it comes to self help, a book that makes clear that it is not the be all, end all, because there are too many books out there that say this is the number one guaranteed way to change your life, or this is the only method to do a B or C. And that's not true. We're all very very different, Thank goodness. How boring would it be if we were all the same, And so any book that promises that, I'm very suspicious of me too. I'm also suspicious of any book that says we can manifest a parking spot. But maybe you can convince them differently. I did move traffic with my mind that one time. I really don't think it was the book. I think it was just like the car moved when I was thinking of the event, and at some point, you know, you're thinking about it. Maybe these are two things aligned in the world, and then you're going to run with it forever. Oh my goodness, that's a very recurring thing, and a lot yes manifestation, So so good to know. One of your assignments was to write a novel in two weeks, as you said, the Amish Romance, which which you did. How does one write a book in two weeks? I am very curious. Well, that was my only time successfully doing it. And when I say successfully, I mean it is not the best book ever written. I'm just going to say here and now it is not the best Umish romance you're ever going to read. And it's not I know how many people are going to read along Amish romance, But according to that book we lived by, it was really like very methodical. You are going to come up with what the chapters are going to be, You're going to then fill in all the chapters. Then you're going to publish your book, then you're going to make money forever. That was essentially all the instruction of the book. And I think the e book itself that we lived by to write our e books, if you printed it out, was about twelve pages, and so that's set the bar very low. So it's like, oh, if a book can be twelve pages, I can write a book. I can do this. You can write it in in fact, yes, we got a page today that works. Well, No, okay. My book ended up being about forty pages and Joe Lentz ended up being I think about ten. So you know, they were not the most robust books, but they were each micro bestsellers in their category, if that makes sense, like best selling Amish romance novel e book under forty five pages published in the last week. You own that category. I owned that category for the week. Yes, it was all you. That's great. Well, let's let's go a little crazy here and try to combine self help and screen time as you do. Are there any TV shows or movies you think people can watch that will inspire them to work harder towards their goals? Oh yes, Oh my gosh, there are so many out there, and one I always like to point to for just about any situation. I don't care what your situation is in life, this movie will help you. Nine to five, starring the great Dolly Parton and Jane Fonda, Lily Tomlin. And this is such a great movie. If you haven't seen it, I'm sure a lot of your listeners have. But it's the story of three women working in an office, working very very hard, not always getting credit for the work, being sexually harassed, oftentimes doing just menial, thankless work. And they get together and they kind of overthrow the whole system. They kidnap their boss and all their great ideas they put into place. They put themselves front and center, and they take credit for their ideas, and they change the workplace, not just for themselves, but for everybody to make a better workplace that's more diverse, that is more livable, that has better work life balance. I mean, this is a movie from I think the reduction of it was nineteen seventy nine. So the fact that they were thinking about work life balance and fairness and equity and all of these things and put it together into this hilarious, entertaining movie that makes you cheer and makes you think I can go out there and I can do it too, is such a huge accomplishment. And I've watched that movie again and again and it still holds up. That's always good when something can go through a rewatching and not be like, Okay, yeah, time to move on. I got it. Those are the best books too, and you can release them as well. A lot of our listeners are also, you know, have young kids, many of them, you know, dealing with the virtual schooling all day. You get the kids in bed at night. You want something that's just a total candy relax. What how about some suggestions for that? Oh my gosh, it depends on what kind of candy you like. So if you want your candy to be a little racier, a little naughtier. I already mentioned Bridgerton. I would highly suggest Bridgerton. Bridgerton is a costume drama from Shonda Rhymes. It's on Netflix and it is delicious. It looks on the surface like any other regency romance, like, Oh I must marry Well, I'm in the world of Jane Austin. I'm wearing a gown that I can't actually walk out in public, and because it will be soiled by the grass in the dirt, you know, and you know, I'm just going to balls all the time, and one ball aft through another, and so that's what it might look like on the surface. Oh but it's not just that. It's very naughty. It's very sexy. And you don't want to watch that with the kids. You might want to cozy up to somebody you love and watch that on the couch after the kids are already in bed. So I think that's great, or if you want some more mindless candy. I'm always a big fan of the British competition series, you know, The Great British Bakeoff, or Big Dream, Small Spaces, which is just it's a gardening show. It's a way to zone out and watch other people who don't know how to garden make a beautiful yard. And these kinds of shows are frequently made fun of, but they really are relaxed, and I understand there's a reason why they're all hits and why they make season after season of them. They're very enjoyable, they're very satisfying. I mean, you know, you start with a problem and you end with the solution, and that's a lot of life doesn't work that way. So when it does, which absolutely, yeah, I love it before and after, I'm a huge fan of a before and after. Life doesn't get fixed that easy, but it does on TV. I know, in twenty two minutes. It's wonderful. So Kristin, what's your daily life looking like right now? I mean with multiple podcasts, writing books, you know, or I mean probably like all of us, you're sitting in your house, But I mean, what does that look like? Yes, So right now I am joining you from what we call my studio closet. This is a converted closet that I'm in right now that Santa built out for me a little over a year ago before COVID. He just wanted me to have a home studio so I didn't have to always run back and forth to studios, and then I don't want to blame Santa for this. I don't want to say he manifested COVID. But less than two months after he installed this studio closet for me, I had to are living in it all the freaking time, and I love it. So I spend a lot of my day in the studio closet, and then I also try to do any writing I do from a room that actually has windows. The room I'm in right now has no windows. It's the quietest room in the house because it's what I record in and what I edit in. But it can get kind of sad in here when I don't have any sunlight. So I try to sit in the front room for part of the day, and then several times a week I try to do walking dates with friends, and I think it's important to get out of the house. It's easy for me to, just like a lot of people, get caught up in inertia. If I start here, I end here, and I have to interrupt it sometimes and make sure I get out there and go on walks or meet friends for beverages. Fortunately, in my part of Brooklyn, all the restaurants, bars and coffee shops have outdoor seating right now. So I just put on my snowpants and my snowjacket and meet up a friend who has on their snowpants and snowjacket, and we'll sit outside and have a cup of coffee or have some lunch. And yeah, still try to go out out of the businesses. By the book that you had snow boots that were rated to forty below or something like that, that you're going to need them just to get lunch. I mean, my gosh, I'm so grateful for those boots. Yes, Chris, So we always end our episodes with a love of the week, So that's something that is exciting to us right now. It could be a television show, it could be a book, anything like that. I'll go first. I'm going to say Property Brothers, the TV show. As we mentioned, I love it before and after. And I'm in the middle, like knee deep in this huge home renovation, not the one I'm living in currently, but one we just bought and hoped to move into soon. And it's it's a lot, and so it's nice to see a house be done in forty eight minutes, which is not going to happen with ours, but we can always dream. So how about you. First of all, I feel your pain. We're in the middle of a renovation that's been going on now for a full year, and we're I forgot to mention that that's part of my day today, life too, is living in our renovation scene. But I am going to recommend something that is very different from what you're loving this week, and it's a little gritty, but I love it so much. It is a new movie that's available for streaming right now called A Promising Young Woman. It stars Carrie Mulligan. And this is a movie about a woman out for revenge. And I love a woman who's out for revenge in the movies, and there's something so satisfying about it. I'm not a vengeful person, I don't think in real life. But I love a woman who's standing up for what's right and taking it back and doing that thing. And if you like that too, if you know, like living vicariously through that, you might love it as well. But that's what I've been loving this week, is that movie that's awesome. We always love it when the good guy wins. Yeah, Well, Kristen Tell our listeners again, the name of your podcasts and books and how they can find you. Yes, so my podcast where I live by self help books with my friend Jill Wentta is called By the Book, and my advice movie TV show podcast is called Movie Therapy with Raefer and Kristen. Wonderful. Well, thank you so much for joining us, Thanks for having me. That's been so much fun. Well, that was fun, and now we're back with our questions segment that This one was sent in from Instagram. Can you share tips for transitioning from work to mom mode when it is all happening at home? Well, Sarah, you at least go to an office occasionally, but I guess you've had to think about that because you sometimes are at home then and transitioning. Do you do anything to just run out of your office when it's time? Well, they're talking about so I go to an office typically twice per week, and then I work from home Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. Usually I definitely don't have any specific transition when I'm working in the office because I'm driving home, and I guess the drive is a transition when I am home if I can, and I can't always because it just depends on what I'm trying to accomplish and do. But sometimes I'll end up with having like a late meeting, and I'll try to take a walk during that meeting, like it's a nice way to end the day, especially if it's like a zoom that I can just listen to, because I find that there are a couple of meetings that I have that are required around like the five o'clock hour, where I don't actually have to contribute much. It's more like an update kind of a thing. And so if I do that, then I'll try to like walk for like a little bit of extra time, like even like ten minutes to just be like and the day is done. So yeah, I guess that would be when I can do it my ritual. It makes me think of the fact that Calum Newport mentions on his podcast that every time he finishes a work day, he says schedules shut down, complete and checks off a box and that like sounds like something I would do, but I've never actually tried it, and I would say I don't do this, but it sounds lovely. I've heard some people will like do meditation at the end of their work day to kind of close out one thing and start something else, or maybe even like a five minute stretch or yoga video or like perfect time to foam roll or something, just something to get you like out of the work brain and into like a more state of relaxation. Yeah, I don't do anything. It's just well, I think there's different personalities and so I don't feel like there's work me and home me, like it's it's all the same. And so it's not that I need to transition from one mode to the other. And so because of that, I I don't necessarily have the same kind of need or feel like I need a shut down, which one. I mean, maybe somebody would look at me and be like, no, no, you're just a walking stress basket. You do. But I, you know, feel like my home life isn't exactly like the relaxation. I mean this the whole idea like makes it feel like, oh, well, I'm leaving the stress of work to come into you know. No, it's more like I have to gear up the dinner. The dinner is going to be stressful, so I'm like trying to like prepare myself. Okay, if you want to talk of it that way, Like yesay, prepare yourself for this next, you know, dive in to the craziness. Then I guess, yeah, that would be one way to do it. But no, I don't know. I I know that it sort of is the best practice for many PEO people, and so I would advise people who are new to working from home to think about, you know, a shutdown ritual to let themselves know that, Okay, the work day is over. I don't have to keep working all night if you think that's going to be a problem for you. But maybe part of like working for myself, as I you know, if I'm working at night, it's because I told myself too. It's not like there's somebody else who's who's encouraging me to do it. And often I can't because there's you know, a zillion people in this house who need something. So you know, maybe maybe at some point in my life that will become an issue, but right now it's not. I feel like this is one where we should get this from our listeners. So if you're listening to this and you have a nice end of work ritual that you do to get into your home brain, please let us know and we can share it because I am curious. Yeah, exactly. All right, Well, this has been Best of Both Worlds Episode one hundred and eighty two, airing in late January. We've been talking a lot about TV and such, but we'll be back next week with more on making work in life fit together. Thanks for listening. You can find me Sarah at the shoebox dot com or at the Underscore Shoebox on Instagram, and you can find me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. This has been the Best of Both Worlds podcasts. Please join us next time for more on making work and life work together.