329 | Art of the Session: Empowerment Through Choice Giving

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You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks,

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your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.

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Hi,

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I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks,

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The Kid Counselor.

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This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get

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a master class in child-centered play therapy

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and practical support and application for your

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work with children and their families.

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In today's episode,

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we are continuing the Art of the Session series.

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We have been

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in the process from

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the beginning all the way through.

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What are the things that we need to be doing for mastering

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sessions?

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And the last 3 we've covered reflective responding.

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So now we're moving into

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the pillars.

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And as I mentioned last time,

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reflecting feelings is

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the hybrid,

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so that's one of the reflective responses as well as one of the pillars.

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So that kind of serves

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both purposes.

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We're gonna move into choice giving today as the second pillar.

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One of the things that's important to note about choice giving

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is that

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it is a little bit tricky to work into your sessions.

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True empowerment choice giving

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is difficult.

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Now,

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often,

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what ends up happening is if we provide choices to a child in the playroom,

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it is an enforcement choice tied to a limit that was set.

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We're gonna talk about limit setting next,

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but that is not an empowerment choice.

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That is an enforcement choice and that is always tied to a required limit

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necessary limit

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when we see when we think about empowerment choices,

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we're talking about a choice

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for the opportunity for the child to make one.

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It's not because a limit was necessary,

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it's not because there's a violation of a boundary,

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it's not because we're

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doing something other than

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you get to practice making choices.

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So therefore,

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an empowerment choice

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is very meaningful in play sessions when you can work them in.

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Mid-session

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can be pretty tricky.

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So what it would look like mid-session

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is

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the child is going

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to paint.

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They tell you

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that they want to paint.

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And you have

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watercolor paints.

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As I do

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Many,

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many of you that know me well know that that's all I have.

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But then you also have liquid paints maybe,

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perish the thought.

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But if you had two choices of paints and the child declares,

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I want to paint a picture.

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You have a very brief opportunity to say

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you'd like to paint something,

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you can choose to use the watercolor paints or

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you can choose to use the liquid paints,

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which do you choose?

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Notice that it has to be offered before the

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child has already started moving toward a direction.

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If they've already grabbed the liquid paints.

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It's a little bit harder to work that in.

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So it's a very much

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on the fly,

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unexpected in the moment.

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Oh,

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that came out.

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I can use that as an empowerment choice.

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Child says that they want to pool noodle fight you or foam sword fight you,

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so they say,

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let's have a sword fight.

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And there's a pink pool noodle and there's a green pool noodle,

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or there's a sword with a yellow handle and there's a sword with a blue handle,

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so you're going to immediately say,

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oh,

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we're gonna sword fight,

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you can choose pink or you can choose green,

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which do you choose?

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Or you can choose yellow handle or you can choose blue handle,

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which do you choose?

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And notice now that as soon as the child gives you intention,

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if there are options.

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That's where the empowerment choice gets worked in,

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but those are few and far between

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because often

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the kid walks over,

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grabs the swords,

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hands you one,

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and then says,

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let's sword fight.

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So the circumstances kind of have to be perfectly orchestrated

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for the empowerment choice to be offered in session.

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Conversely,

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if you can't.

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Consistently offer empowerment choices in session,

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you're going to do it as part of your process,

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which we talked about this earlier on in the Art of the Session series.

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Provide choices to your kids

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on the way into the session and on the way out of the session.

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That is the way that you can guarantee

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that your kids are getting opportunities to practice making choices.

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And keep in mind it's more to it than just the practice.

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It's also owning the outcome.

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It's accepting responsibility for the choice that was made.

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It's living with

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whatever that is,

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even if you don't particularly like it or you wish you could change your mind.

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There are all kinds of long term

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gains

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when kids are given choices,

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and we know they're not given choices anywhere by anyone at any time.

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Their lives are almost completely dictated for them.

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By every other adult,

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so to consistently give opportunities for them to

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feel that they have a measure of control.

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They actually have a little bit of power over circumstances in their world.

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And then they get all of those gains

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because look,

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Landreth says this in Cookies, Choices, and Kids,

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the moment that that child at 16 gets behind a wheel and

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speeds down a neighborhood and runs over a kid on a tricycle,

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the moment that kid at 18

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puts a pill in their mouth

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that forever changes

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their chemical and and cognitive function.

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The minute

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that they

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get

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talked into doing something

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and it ends up being criminal or illegal or whatever

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it was at that moment

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that they made that choice

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that they accepted the outcome

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no matter how much they or we or anyone else could change it,

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they need to understand the urgency and the immediacy.

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Of at the moment that I choose something,

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it's at that moment that I choose the outcome.

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That takes ownership that takes responsibility,

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that takes acceptance

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of this is what I chose,

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even though I'm not satisfied with it.

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Now in certain scenarios,

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a child can

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change their mind

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if they hand me pink and they keep green and

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then 2 minutes into the fight they say let's switch.

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We say,

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oh,

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you've changed your mind

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and we switched colors of noodles.

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But in bigger decisions and in bigger moments,

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they need to understand the weight of those choices.

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So when we provide the empowerment choices,

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it's long reaching,

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there's longitudinal benefit for kids.

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Now,

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returning responsibility,

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we're going to talk about

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in a later episode in this series.

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It has some similar principles,

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so just kind of hold the thought on returning responsibility because often

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people mistake

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saying something like,

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well,

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in here you can choose.

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As choice giving.

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That is returning responsibility and that is a little bit different.

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So we'll,

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we'll hold off on that because we'll,

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we'll get there eventually.

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And

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be mindful too that there are other opportunities

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that you can work in an empowerment choice when it's not related to the play.

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Again,

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a little bit tricky,

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a little bit difficult,

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but it's not impossible.

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So,

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If the child says,

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I really want to find the construction paper.

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Or I really want construction papers so that I can make a book.

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That's an opportunity to provide empowerment choice.

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Oh,

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you are hoping there's construction paper so that you can make a book.

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You can choose to look for the construction paper,

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or you can choose to make the book out of something other than construction paper.

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OK,

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notice that that wasn't specifically about

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a play-based decision.

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We gave them the choice of searching for

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it or finding something else that would work.

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Same thing when a child's having a difficult time to leave.

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They really want to finish something and time is up.

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You can choose to work on that next time,

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or you can choose to

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do something new when you come back.

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OK,

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so now there's all kinds of moments where a choice is added into the session,

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but we have to be really intentional with them.

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And then my final thought,

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it is really important that we use the word choose 3 times.

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You can choose A or you can choose B.

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Which do you choose?

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If we don't say choose,

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it's not a choice.

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If we don't say choose 3 times,

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it doesn't land with the same punch,

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and we certainly don't want to change the word.

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So we don't want to say,

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do you want?

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You can have,

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you can pick.

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Tell me which.

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Any other phrase,

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it's no longer a choice.

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And it's choice giving intentionally.

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It is meant to be a choice.

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So the second that we,

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we,

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we reword that,

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oh my gosh,

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say that fast 4 times,

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the second that we reword that,

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it is

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very clear,

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it is no longer a choice.

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What a child wants?

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What a child tells you,

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what a child thinks about,

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that's not a choice.

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So be very clear,

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you can choose A,

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you can choose B,

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which do you choose?

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You do say choose all three times,

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and this is what also happens.

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Therapists will say,

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you can choose to use sanitizer or wash your hands.

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Well,

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you only said shoes once.

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So it was in fact a choice,

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but we've lost the adherent wording.

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So you can choose to use sanitizer or you can choose to wash your hands,

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which do you choose?

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Now it's very clear

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that it's a choice and it's adherent language wise.

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All right y'all,

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so

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we're going to continue with the pillars.

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We're 2 of 4 in,

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so halfway done with those,

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and

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I'm very encouraged by the feedback from the series,

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so I appreciate y'all.

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If you want to reach out,

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please do brenna@thekidcounselor.com.

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If you have a CCPT story.

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Your journey,

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what's going on with you,

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where you are in your career related to this model,

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if you would like to share what's going on

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about

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your discovery of it,

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your work,

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your clients,

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whatever's going on,

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I would love to hear your stories.

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That's one of my favorite things is just knowing how

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CCPT is influencing us and impacting kids in the world.

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So please shoot me an email.

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I would love to hear from you and I do in fact read every email.

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I want you all to know that.

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I think the misconception is that I have vetters or filters or something.

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I promise you I read every single one and I will respond to you.

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So please shoot me an email brenna@thekidcounselor.com.

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Love y'all.

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We'll talk again soon.

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Bye.

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Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr.

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Brenna Hicks.

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For more episodes and resources,

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please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.