The Myth of the Perfect Mom

00:00:00
Speaker 1: Hello, gorgeous. It's La La Kent. Welcome to Untraditionally, Laala, Hello, gorgeous, Welcome to the bonus episode of Untraditionally La La Amber on my bonus today, Hey baby, Hello, how do you manage to be such a great mother despite the ample stress in your life? So this question came through and I felt like it deserved a moment as a bonus because the number one thing that I feel people ask me all the time, whether it's me doing a panel or doing a Q and A on socials, bumping into someone who's been watching the show for however many years, They're like, how do you find balance in your life? And I think because people follow on social media or they watch you from such a distance right that it seems like it's so easy to find the balance of like work and being a mom and the stress that comes with paying the bills and mom guilt. I don't. I do not have it all together, and I do not have the answer, because there are pockets of time where I'm like, oh, I'm crushing it. I have such a well balanced life right now, and then all of the sudden, something happens and I feel like my house is chaotic. I feel like I wasn't emotionally present with my children or mentally I feel like work has just become an overload and I start to tweak out. Do you have those moments? Like does mom guilt exist in the world of having tween slash teen daughters who think, as you say, you're cringe and uncool.

00:01:43
Speaker 2: It's really hardened something that I'm trying to learn to balance and be gentle on myself because I literally can beat myself up. And there's people in my life that also make me feel really guilty for just trying to be able to raise teenage daughters and be present for them. But like when you go home, they really don't. They just like want to do their own thing. But you just need to be in the room, like in your own room, just there when they need you. I think it's really difficult. But I I don't think that you could be a a super successful woman and be the best mom, the mom of the year, the mom who's making like, you know, the lunches, going to all the games, volunteering at the school, Like I just don't. We don't have it in us, Like, yes, we can multitask little things throughout the day. But what I'm learning in the last probably six to eight months of my life is right now my kids are I'm They're going to have to just be patient with me because I'm trying to do something in my life for the first time, and I you know, it's only going to benefit them. Doesn't mean I'm completely absent, but being a single mom, I don't have a husband at home. That's that's picking up the ninety percent of the slack because I'm not.

00:02:58
Speaker 1: There right And I have heard in partnerships everyone talks about like the one hundred percent, but it doesn't mean that it's like fifty to fifty all the time. There are going to be times where your partner is only capable of giving twenty percent and you have to pick up the slack and vice versa. But I'm in the same boat as you where it's like I want to make I want to create something great, right, and I have a lot of things that I want to accomplish in this lifetime. Being a good mom is definitely on the top of my priority list. Obviously, my children are very young. I have to stay present for them. I also have to make sure that I can afford to put them in school and feed them and keep them housed. LA is an expensive place. Everywhere is getting expensive. But there are those moments like I haven't been able to take Ocean to school consistently and I don't even know how long, Like Easton is single handedly saving the household on getting Ocean to school. My mom with the hip surgery, like she usually makes the lunch because it's just a lot of chaos. And I get what you mean by saying that the people around you, your kids are old enough to like understand, you know, I can't tell Ocean like you need to be patient with mom right now.

00:04:23
Speaker 2: Yeah.

00:04:24
Speaker 1: Yeah, But the level of like mom guilt that has presented itself, and I want to say, the past like maybe six to eight months is so wild to me. And my mom said to me the other day, and I wanted to cut this bitch for it, okay, because I was like just emotional, and I too get worried about what the future looks like and what it holds. And there are times where rejection really fucking gets to me and you replay at night every bad moments like Scott Dissick when he's like in keeping up with the Kardashians, They ask him something and he's like, oh, at night, I just replay every bad thing that's ever happened in my life. And I'm like, I'm so there with you, like every wrong move. And she said to me, because I've been very I've been very transparent that being a stay at home mom and just being a mom is not fulfilling to me, that like I need other things. Yeah, you know. And there are some people who are like me, and other people are like, oh, I live for being a stay at home mom. I have like four or five kids, and I love that.

00:05:32
Speaker 2: God ever, less of those women.

00:05:33
Speaker 1: Whatever floats your motherfucking boat for me, I need more. So I was telling my mom, I can't have my world consist of just work and being a mom. And she says, I'm I was just a mom while I had like a little job. But like I was just a mom, I said, you also had the love of your life who you had children with. You had friends who were in marriages that you would go out with, so that was your social cup. You will never understand the pressure, the guilt, the sadness, the loneliness, even when I'm even when I'm happy, those moments of thinking about the overall, you will never understand because you don't know what it's like to go through a custody battle over a seven month old baby at the age of thirty one, and then trying to decide what move you're going to make. Are you gonna cry? Yeah?

00:06:26
Speaker 2: Yeah, keep going.

00:06:27
Speaker 1: It's emotional, right.

00:06:28
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's fucking hard. And I think about these I had a very similar conversation with my mom, and I also had a conversation with my little sister regarding a disagreement that I had with my older sister, and I said, autumn, she will never understand what it's fucking like to walk through life like I have. And guess what, I take responsibility for the mistakes that I've made, but I can't even put into words the pain, the agony, the fucking stress, the night sweats, the like, like just the way my like I, she will never understand, and I don't expect her to. So that's why, like when people start being passive aggressive with their comments or giving me shit or I get like that little like I just fucking like you feel like I already beat myself up so fucking much that like I can't, I don't can't take any more like I it just hurts. I'm trying to learn to be gentle and softer with myself when it comes to this. You from the outside looking in, and I've also been in the inside watching this whole dynamic. You're fucking crushing it.

00:07:45
Speaker 1: Thank you.

00:07:46
Speaker 2: I mean you take moments like the moment that ocean woke up this morning and you hugged her. That's what she needs. She needs that, like that cup that mommy love cup filled up and now she's at school, she's having the best for life. Yeah, playing with her friends, like she was so excited to like get dressed and do her hair and put on her outfit. It's we we really need to give ourselves a little more race and say, like, mom, I'm doing the best I can. Yeah, and that's okay. And if you don't, if you feel differently about it, like if it's my mom or my sister, if you feel differently like that is a you problem. That is you replaying your own experience as a mother or your experience with your mom growing up, like it's our stories are not going to be the same, no at all.

00:08:41
Speaker 1: And I don't want to have to explain that to someone because then you're placing me in a position where I feel like I'm pigeonholing myself into victim mode talking about all of the things that I've had to go through where it's like, but I'm navigating, I'm not, You're making You're forcing me to point out all of these things that are different about my life than your life. And you know, my mom went from her parents' house to getting married to my dad and moving into his house. She had Easton the whole time that she then sold our family home and moved into another home with Easton, and then she moved in with me, So she's never going to understand that feeling of being pushed out of what feels like being pushed out of an aircraft. And you just pray to God that whatever is on your back fucking comes out so that you land safely. Like the things that I do on a regular basis, even when I'm going through heartbreak, the toughest time of my life, the constant rejection, I'm like, I am out here trying to wear a many hat. I'm the mom, the dad, the wife, the husband, all the things. So if I'm slacking in a moment, I need you to like give me a little bit of grace because I'm already feeling it myself. And let me tell you, I don't think if there was a dad involved that he would sit there and be like, didn't make the kids lunch this morning because I had to get to work. I really feel like the balance is off. The moms are like out here ready to pull their hair out. And now I've never related to the Milano the old Mulano cookie. Add More, when she's sitting in the bathroom, yeah, just pretending to like maybe take a shit, I don't know, door locked. She's just like, I just need a minute. It reminds me of you and I in the closet. You walked into the closet, it was dark, and I was just like puffing away. She goes, what are you doing in here?

00:10:30
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, but those moments are the best. And then I just sat down and I said I don't puff, but can I have a puff? And you said, here, puff away.

00:10:38
Speaker 1: We both puff, puff, pass, and we said, you know, we're going to be okay in this dark closet. It was such a great moment, and then we started spiraling in the greatest way. We're like all the things we want to do. She was like, do you have a permanent marker? I was like, is this weave that we've hit? Well, let me make sure that this is the start writing it on the wall. I was like, permanent marker on the floor. That way, I'll always see it. See, it'll never be gone, I'll always be reminded. She just maybe on the back of your door. We'll write it on the back of your door in permanent marker. It was like a tailspin. But that, my loves, is called being a fucking woman, and it's a lot. But no one closes like a woman.

00:11:15
Speaker 2: No right, no one.

00:11:27
Speaker 1: We went to an AA meeting last night, got dinner with our Solber sisters. I got home, I fucking did the dishes, I whipped up lunch, I put in the fridge, I got her snack, laid out, I got her clothes ready, and I was ready to roll this morning, six forty five. I'm up, ready for my fucking work out.

00:11:43
Speaker 2: I know. So you know what, you're fucking winning. You're winning, Lala's winning everybody.

00:11:49
Speaker 1: Unless you're here to tell me that I'm doing great, sweetie, unless you're here to Chris Jenner, my ass off, Shut the fuck up.

00:11:57
Speaker 2: Yeah, good, Oh god, thank god you're fucking back. Oh my god, I thought I lost you for a second.

00:12:03
Speaker 1: So for my womanly sister who said, how do you manage to be such a great mother despite the ample stress in your life, I'm in the same boat as I'm doing the same thing that you're doing. Yeah, there is no difference. Sometimes I lose, sometimes I win. But guess what we survived the day. Yeah you had to laugh. Yeah.

00:12:25
Speaker 2: Laughter and a good Cardi B song can always get you through a hard moment.

00:12:29
Speaker 1: Yes, her new album it dropped like a little bit ago. It is so good and it's called am I the Drama.

00:12:39
Speaker 2: Yeah, by the way, I think.

00:12:40
Speaker 1: Am I probably Probably.

00:12:44
Speaker 2: There's no manual. There is no fucking manual for anything. That is why women have been trying to figure this out for centuries.

00:12:53
Speaker 1: Yeah for real though, and women trekking across the fucking plains, bonnets, full dresses, maybe a little heel baby on.

00:13:04
Speaker 2: The boob, I mean yeah, and that husband is coming to like fuck her so they could keep procreating. So like, if one baby dies, I'm hobe it works out.

00:13:11
Speaker 1: Gotta go ride on my horse. Check the next location. By the way, yeah, I feel like you have the easy job.

00:13:18
Speaker 2: My next life, maybe I'll come back as a dude. I don't know.

00:13:21
Speaker 1: And then don't even get me started. When this spiral happens and I go and you want to know what, I would like a drink to take the edge off, but I can't right right now.

00:13:31
Speaker 2: Try being fucking sober doing this shit. Okay, I'm crazy, I admit it. I can't take it.

00:13:36
Speaker 1: I'm crazy for all of my mother's doing it all, doing it all because no matter what situation you're in, stay at home mom, you're the bread winner. Doesn't matter. You are doing it all you are seeing or heard. I feel for you. Ah wow, Wow that was like cathartic. Is That's what this podcast is all about. Thank you Amber for being on my bonus episode. I love you so much. Let's go slay the day for you guys. I may be in a slight spiral, but you know what, what's great about hitting the bottom? There's nowhere to go but up. Yep, so here we go. Let's take on the day. I love you guys, Happy Monday. I will catch you on Wednesday for a regular old episode. And remember an unlikely affair with myself and Amber Childers Airs every Thursday night, nine pm, where you can catch it the next day. Love you bye,