15 Signs You’re a First-Time Flyer

Today we have a lot to talk about in terms of how to spot a first time flyer.
And he goes, shh, shh, shh.
Don't tell my wife.
Don't tell her about the vodka.
You don't just gonna know your drink filled itself.
Yeah.
Like you could tell this girl looked so defeated when she lost paper, rock, scissors.
She was like, wait, it's rock, paper, scissors.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Paper, rock, scissors.
I was like, the order's important, rock, paper, scissors.
No, it's scissors, paper, rock.
You just changed it like three times.
Right.
Because there's three different items.
I'm sorry.
Magic wand meaning.
Uh-huh.
That's what we meant.
This is no longer a family show.
Have you ever watched a passenger get on a plane and think, first flight?
Well, as flight attendants, we honestly think that way about a lot of passengers.
But there are definitely a few clues that are a dead giveaway to flight attendants as to whether or not you're a first-time flyer.
Some are adorable, some are confusing, some are frustrating, and even a bit cringe-worthy.
But honestly, we've all been there at some point, don't you think?
Uh yeah, the first time I flew, I learned the lessons.
Just the one lesson's all you needed, and you learned everything you needed to know.
One time I figured it out how to fly from then on out.
I love that.
Well, today we have a lot to talk about in terms of how to spot a first-time flyer.
There are some dead giveaways.
But before we get into that, Andrew, how's flying going?
Uh good.
Uh yeah, I had a good day yesterday, honestly.
That's amazing.
I know.
Tell me more.
You know, light loads, good crews.
What are what more do you ask for in life?
Uh no, I um picked up uh uh chaser pairing.
Uh mom, the chaser or extra pairing is like you're not a part of the normal crew, but you're the one-off extra additional flight attendant needed for like bodies on that plane.
Type certain aircraft types have different numbers of crew members, and so sometimes in order to accommodate that, there's like an extra position.
So I normally did the chaser pairing anyways, but because um because you're the extra, um I was with crews from not my base.
So I wasn't with well, I was with friends still, because it was nice to see people from other bases, and a couple of the people happened to be like when I was base there, friends that I had known.
So it was nice to catch up with some old friends, had some empty flights, so it was I mean, not that we love empty flights, we really want them to be full, but uh at the end of the day, it was really nice to have not a lot of work to do to catch up with my friends that I haven't seen in a long time.
Yeah, it's nice when you base hop, which inevitably happens at airlines.
Like there's some people who stay in the same base for 20 years, and there's some people who every couple years they're either chasing certain trips or they're moving or whatever the case may be.
I used to be a base hopper since I've started at this airline.
I've only been in two bases though.
Yeah.
Um, I think I'm old and have settled.
But when I was in my last airline, I was like, this one sounds fun, that one sounds fun.
We try this today.
I always say that about Philly.
I'm like, you're gonna have to drag me out of here and screaming.
I don't ever want to commute, but if Philly's gonna need to like all the way close at my airline for me to be dragged out because the thought of like commuting and moving and all that stuff just seems crazy.
Also, I've just really fallen in love with the city and the airport.
I know other people make fun of us for this, but like I love the Philly airport.
It's so easy.
It feels like home, you know, you know your way around.
It is home, you know where the bathrooms are, you know what food not to eat and what to eat.
Yeah, and they've done such a good job of incorporating local food into our airports, which I know a lot of cities, yeah.
Sorry, I know a lot of cities have done that recently, but I just really like the choices that Philly has made because they're some of my favorite restaurants anyway.
I do too.
Like I I know a lot of airports are infusing the like local flavor a little more, and a lot of people are like, Oh, I miss the big chains or whatever.
But like there's a middle um middle child clubhouse in Philly now.
I need to save this for a whole nother episode in Philly Airport that we love because we're about to go off on a food tangent, which we happen to usually do.
So yeah, but um flying was great this week.
I really enjoyed it, it's been a lot of fun.
I'm glad to hear about it.
How's flying been for you?
Flying for me lately has been good because I haven't been doing it.
I've taken a lot of time.
I was like, You this sounds like me last I know when I was like, I've been flying for like personal reasons.
You've actually been on more trains than planes.
I have I've been doing a lot of trains to like DC, New York, just conferences and different events, and um the last episode of the Kelly Clarkson show, which was a magical experience.
Like, I the fact that we got to go to that was was wild.
Um, but yeah, we've been doing a lot of train things, but the flying that I have been doing lately has been pretty good overall.
I do remember I had this flight the other day, and there was this guy, like it was typical vacation route, like they're coming back.
You can tell the husband and wife are like over it.
I would love a vacation for my vacation.
And um, they were sitting next to each other, they both ordered vodka cranberries.
Um, they were talking, laughing.
We come through a trash and they're both just kind of like no longer talking and laughing.
And I'm like, God, all it took was like one drink, and these two are already fighting.
And um, all of a sudden, this uh like I go through a third time for trash, and this guy he looks at me and he goes, Can I have a vodka?
And then he like winks at me.
I'm not gonna wink because I I don't look great when I wink.
I don't know how to do it.
Um, but he winks at me and I was like, like another vodka cranberry, or do you want a vodka?
And he goes, Shh, shh, shh.
Don't tell my wife.
Don't tell her about the vodka.
You don't and I was like, Yeah.
I'm absolutely, he's like, No, it'll just be a cranberry juice.
And like, I'm not playing this game with you one bit.
Like, I'm I'm not doing it.
Yeah.
And so I bring back the cranberry and the vodka because I felt like he needed another one, clearly.
But I made it clear.
I was like, here's your cranberry and vodka.
And the wife goes, You did not order another one.
And I was like, I don't even know.
Like, how would you have handled this situation?
Like, do you just like I mean, I feel like you just give the guy the what he wants.
Like, he I would have played it off.
I wouldn't have said anything, I would have just taken him the vodka cranberry if it was just him asking for one.
Yeah, but the moment the wife got involved, I would have been like, No, he's he just one favorite passenger or something stupid like that.
Playing off in a more fun way.
Correct.
This wasn't him, this was me.
I was just being nice, or I was trying to be nice because his drink was e empty.
I was trying to like do my job as a first.
I would have said something stupid like I'm just out here trying to get one of those like mileage member tickets or something like that, you know.
Like a little like board thing, one of those like customer compliment cars.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm out here trying to win one of those today, lady.
Leave me alone.
Yeah, I don't know.
You guys text us, check the show notes and hit text us and let us know what you think about this situation.
Because would you have given the guy the drink?
Would you have like gotten in the middle with between this guy and his wife?
Like, I people put us in the weirdest of situations.
I love it.
It's my favorite.
Oh, I know you do.
I'm trying to minimize my issues on board, and that was it was gonna become an issue.
We're ordering him a wheelchair, it'll be just fine.
Not the wheelchair.
Yeah, I do ask who's driving home because I have questions.
I'll have questions like that.
But, anyways, that's probably a good segue because that's usually a pretty good sign that you're maybe not a first-time flyer, but you're not a frequent flyer if you're acting like that on an airplane.
So we've compiled some of our favorite tells, if you will, some some dead giveaways of whether or not you're a first-time flyer.
So we're gonna go through them and you'll have to let us know what you think.
My number one is wreaking havoc on the TSA line.
I feel like that is a dead giveaway that you are a first-time flyer.
They show up and they act like they've never seen an airport, they've never heard of TSA, they don't know what these people do.
Back in my day, walk into a it is usually those people, isn't it?
Uh no, it's not even that, it's not even the back in my day people.
It's the people who um have like the blankets slung around their neck and their 65 bags that they can't figure out how to get onto the conveyor belt.
Like you can just tell the people who don't do it on a regular basis.
Like the pre-check people who get in line, they know exactly what they need to take off from their wardrobe.
They know exactly how to put all of their clothes or all of their suitcases uh right up on the conveyor belt, and just I mean, it's immediate.
They get right through.
Um, but it's the it's the struggling to find my ticket and my purse, and then I my purse is falling open in the conveyor belt, and then I've got to chase a lipstick tube down through the you've seen them.
You know who's oh I know exactly what you're talking about.
You're painting a very clear picture.
It's the those people.
You're like first first flight, first time on earth.
Yeah, first time on earth.
This is your first time on earth?
Forget first flight.
It's first time on earth.
Yeah, I'm with you on that.
Like the they just really, I don't know, everything's a surprise to them.
Yeah.
And I'm like, did you not Google what you were getting into?
Like if I don't know about a situation and maybe I'm unique here, I don't know.
I Google, like, what what can you expect, especially in this day and age with everything being on the internet?
Like, why wouldn't you Google?
Like, what am I getting myself into?
Right.
I how you're not prepared for the things that you're doing to yourself are crazy to me.
Bingo.
Um, but also like taking your shoes off isn't new.
This has been in place for a solid 20 years.
I I don't know why you don't know your shoes have to come off.
Well, and that's like those passengers that they they get confused, and it's like, well, these are just sandals, like they're footwear in general.
Like, it's like don't get in the weeds about it.
Just do what the person in the blue shirt is telling you to do, and like you'll get through this.
We'll all get through this together.
I feel like my gripe with this mostly is everybody ends up in pre-check now.
Like, everybody knows to sign up for it, but nobody knows what to do when they get there.
And so you find yourself getting in that pre-check line.
How do you not know what to do when you get there?
You were sent a list of guidelines when you signed up for the pre-check about how it was different.
But you know that you know what I'm talking about.
The people that get into that line and they're like suddenly confused again.
Did I take my shoes off or no?
Right.
Yeah, it's like I don't know what you're confused about.
You were sent a list.
Pre-check is supposed to be for people who know what they're doing.
I feel like if you don't know what you're doing, you shouldn't be allowed to be in pre-check.
There should be a test to get pre-check.
There should.
It should be a lot harder than it is to do that because you gotta know what you're doing.
TSA, are you listening?
Add a test to the application.
TSA, let's talk, honestly.
Slide into my DMs.
What's next?
Um, okay, mine is showing up at the gate way too early.
Now it's not showing up at the gate way too early that specifically shows me that you're a new uh person.
It's when you don't leave the gate area.
Like showing up and like staying there, like going and making sure that your gate exists and the knowing where it is in the airport, like show up and do that.
But then like leave and go get your food and go to the bathroom.
Don't sit there for two and a half hours for zero reason and feel like you cannot move from this spot.
I do feel like that's become a trend on social media, which I kind of love, is like the okay, check to see if your gate exists, yeah, and then go get food or whatever.
Because sometimes it's like, okay, you think I see gate 10, I'm gate 12, that must be the next one.
It's past a moving walkway, and then there's a tram involved.
Like you really do need to go check and make sure that the gate exists.
I understand that aspect of it.
Have you been to the A gates in Philadelphia?
A2 is right as soon as you walk down the corridor, and A1 is halfway down the hallway.
Like something like to know where it is.
I get it.
We understand.
It's true, or A1's right up and A2 is halfway down the hallway.
But, anyways, we get real confused in A because they're like, oh, this is the A gates, A19 must be this way, and they get to the end and they're in for like a rude awakening.
Yeah.
Um, so know where your gate is, but like don't sit for three and a half hours waiting because then you get on the airplane and you need the bathroom immediately, which half the time is being serviced and doesn't work, and it's just a whole thing.
Go take care of yourself, don't just sit there and wait.
If we're flying standby, like as non-revs, um, I feel like I enjoy seeing the gate, scoping out a seat, and then like one of us runs and gets coffee or snacks because we kind of need that like prime real estate to wait for the gate agent and see what they're doing.
But as a general rule, if I have a seat assignment, you are not gonna see me till boarding starts.
Correct.
I am in a lounge or uh at a bar or at a coffee shop.
Like I am hiding from human beings, hiding in a pastry or something.
Yeah, I don't I don't want to be there.
I didn't correct.
I don't want to watch the chaos, I don't want to watch people walk up to the sign that says this is the flight to Chicago and then ask, Is this the flight to Chicago?
I don't want to be part of that.
Hundred percent.
Uh, what's next?
Next up is clapping when the plane lands.
Oh.
I can't decide if this is cute or cringe.
I don't know, but have you seen that new TikTok trend where couples who travel together play paper, rock, scissors to see who has to clap when the plane lands?
Yes.
Okay, I actually really like for TikTok trends, but the people are so embarrassed that they have to do it and make it so cringy.
It's so funny.
I did see that the other day and it made me laugh because like you could tell this girl looked so defeated when she lost paper, rock, scissors.
She was like, wait, it's rock, paper, scissors.
Yeah, I don't know.
Paper, rock, paper, I was like, the order is important, rock, paper, scissors.
No, it's scissors, paper, rock.
You just changed it like three times.
Right.
Because there's three different items.
Um, but you could tell she was so defeated because she lost and then she just did it, and she was like mortified that she was doing it.
I love it.
It's my favorite.
There are some routes that I it's a superstition, so I appreciate when they clap because I'm like, oh fun.
Like for me, it's always like landing in San Juan.
I'm like, this is a part of their culture.
Correct.
Like, this is a part of Puerto Rican culture that they clap when the plane lands, and I'm here for it.
Like it's endearing.
But the information I was given is because you fly over the Bermuda Bermuda Triangle.
So is that why?
This is what I was told is because it goes over the triangle and people are excited that they made it safely to I didn't know that's like the island destinations, and that's why we clapped, but specifically San Juan.
Yeah, that's what I was told.
So if I'm wrong, please correct me.
But that's the information that I have.
Yeah.
Which then I was like, okay, this makes way more sense because it's like culturally significant because we used to take boats back and forth or whatever.
Anyways, that's what I know.
I'm here for it.
I mean, if it's I don't know, for me it maybe this is judgmental, and it probably is, but it's all about your reasoning for why you're doing it.
Like, there's some people that I'm just like, it's always some guy who thinks he's like knows how to be a pilot who's like, good job, Captain, and he starts clapping, and you're like, buddy.
We landed in Philly.
No one should applaud this.
You're in 32B.
No, please should applaud this.
Please stop.
Uh, next on our list, uh, treating turbulence like a near-death experience.
Oh, this also kind of makes me laugh, which maybe makes me insane.
I I know people are afraid of turbulence, so like I understand people have a lot of anxiety around this one, but I the people who get on the plane and are like, was it bumpy coming in?
Like, I just assume you're a first-time flyer, if that's your question.
Yeah.
Um, because the weather's different on the way back.
Right.
And I mean, the ride will probably be similar, I'm not gonna lie to you, but it is funny to me when people ask that.
Like it I don't know.
I fear the unknown, I guess they want to know what the ride is gonna be like, but I'm also thinking to myself, we're gonna fly through this either way.
It's not really changing our course too much, maybe occasionally, but I'm like, don't, you know, don't panic about this.
Like it's it's gonna be okay.
But I do feel bad because sometimes I'm so like numb to turbulence that I find myself being like, it's gonna be okay.
Like, it's hard not to have like a funny reaction with passengers when they get really scared about it.
But I I do want to be sensitive to that too, because flying is scary.
I get it, I get why people are afraid of it.
Uh yeah, and I mean I've always said like tell us if that's your fear, if we know or if we get communicated with, we'll communicate with you to like help with your fear.
Tell us why you're asking that question.
But if you just immediately ask that question, I assume you're a first-time flyer.
Um and I think it's funny.
I had somebody get on the plane the other day and they ask they asked that question.
Was it Bumpy coming down?
And I looked at the other flight attendant that was me and I was like, was it Orve?
I don't remember.
What do you remember any turbulence?
And she was like, I don't know.
I think we are just very numb to it that half the time I don't even remember it happened.
Yeah.
Well, that's the weird thing about being a flight attendant, though, is like our job is to take turbulence and things like that seriously.
So I do take it seriously.
There are certain times where I know I'm not gonna get out of my jump seat and where I need you to be sitting down, but also I'm not afraid of it.
I just know there are certain times where I need to be strapped in because it is dangerous.
Right.
But dangerous in terms of don't be out of your seat, not as if you know, this is the end of the world today.
Right.
Agreed.
All right, what do you got next?
Next up, asking if the plane has Wi-Fi and other silly questions.
Um, yeah, I this is one of those things where there's signage for everything on an airplane, off an airplane, in an airport, in a terminal, wherever the case may be, on an airline website, there's all this information.
So um there is usually a giant Wi-Fi sticker at some boarding door.
Yeah.
If your plane is Wi-Fi equipped.
You know where do you know where else you can find this information?
In your seatback pocket.
Uh you could Google it before you that too.
Yeah, that's it.
Uh most apps will tell you if your airplane is Wi-Fi equipped that day.
And most airlines will even tell you if the Wi-Fi is working on the airplane that day if they do have it.
Like apologies, Wi-Fi's out of service today.
They're pretty, they're pretty smart if they have that.
There's also so many factors too.
Like I've had situations where we fly down somewhere, the Wi-Fi works great.
We fly back, suddenly it's an up.
Nobody knows why it's in up, but it's in up.
And um, there's nothing we can really do about it in the air.
You know, sometimes the pilots can reset it, sometimes they can't, but mom, if you're listening, in op means broke.
That's one of our insider terms.
In op means broke.
It's official terminology for is broke.
It's in op.
Inoperative.
It's broken.
It's not working, it's not going to work.
It may never work, but maintenance has decided we're gonna let it go for today.
We're good, good.
What's next?
Um, do you have a bathroom?
If you ask me if I have a bathroom, I know it's your it's similar to asking if I have a trash can on board.
I do know it's your very first time on the plane.
There's always a bathroom.
Is there a trash can?
Yeah.
Does the bathroom work?
It might be.
What did we learn?
In op.
It might be broke.
It might be.
There's usually at least one working one on an airplane, though.
Yeah.
Usually.
Um, I have had a couple short routes where like low altitude or whatever the bathrooms aren't gonna work.
I've had that too.
Um, because we're not flying above a certain altitude, which even that still blows my mind.
Um like how are we operating this aircraft in this situation?
Now I get why passengers hate us.
One of those minimal equipment things, and I don't judge whether that is or not.
The m the minimum equipment list, the M E L Mom, if you're listening.
M E L is the minimum equipment list that an aircraft needs to fly.
And sometimes we just quote M E L it um if something's broken.
It's not really required for the flight.
It's a nice thing to have, but it's not required.
All right, what's next?
Not knowing how to find their seat.
You know what they say?
A B C is easy as one, two, three.
I made a joke on the airplane the other day that numbers were easy.
It's like algebra.
Once you add the letters in, no one can figure it out anymore.
Math was easy until we had letters and then algebra.
I don't hate this analogy as someone who hates algebra.
So that's fair.
Yeah.
Um the row part is easy.
It's when you add the letters in that everyone gets confused and they're like, uh uh.
Right.
Like, and first you have to get past the gate and seat number.
They confuse those two, and they'll be like, I'm at D3, and I'm like, no, that's your that's your gate.
You're not sitting.
There, you're in 27 C, and they're like, Is that my gate?
No, that's your C.
And so it's like a whole thing.
But generally, I do get that sometimes aircraft seat maps are confusing, but it is very methodical.
And I want to say it's really easy because we go from like one to 50, um, because those are the rows, but we don't, because some airlines have decided to like always start the exit or always start coach in the same place.
So like you'll go from like one to eight, which is first class, and then you'll start coach at 26 to 84, and you're like, there are no way they're 84 rows.
How am I at C 84?
Delta.
Well, the irony, not you calling out Delta.
The irony of that is there they think that this is consistent to make their fleet consistent, right?
Based on aircraft type, it's always okay.
Economy starts at eight or whatever the case may be.
And it's like this just ends up confusing people even more.
Yeah.
Because now, you know, what do you mean this starts at eight here, but then on this plane it starts at eight, but then this one plane that you haven't changed the numbering on starts at row three.
It's it's wild to me how they make these decisions.
We know I used to work for a regional.
This is no secret, but they took out we only had two seats on each side.
So they thought it would be easier to make them like A, C, D, F.
Yes, because B and uh E are always.
Because that way C is an always an aisle, and A's always a window, C is always an aisle.
I see the logic.
No one could like the people who put the plan into place understood the logic, but the people who are boarding the airplane are like, what?
Yeah, huh?
Where's nine delta?
I do, I do understand that logic though.
No, no, I loved it.
C is always an aisle, A is always a window, yes, and then you get on a regional plane that has 15 rows, and you know, right, two rows of first class, and coach started at row 20, and they're like, This plane doesn't have 20 rows.
I'm like, mm-hmm, you're right, it doesn't.
But you're in row 20.
Yep, and then you get on a wide body, and F, which is normally the window, is now the aisle in the middle somewhere, and it throws people off.
So there's really no way to make that make sense for people.
But thank god for those websites that post the airplane seat maps and like what you're getting yourself into.
I love that John.
I think Sikuru went away, but there's something else that that does it now.
But I always Google that because we've done this before, even as non-revs.
Like we got on an airline that we're not familiar with, and we're like, oh great, we got these like amazing.
No, we didn't.
We got put in front of a laboratory because that's the kind of John we're flying today.
We're basically on the wing.
What's next?
Uh overpacking their carry-on.
Oh.
This I feel like may not be strict for first-time flyers.
I feel like there's a lot of people who are just guilty of this.
Um, yes.
But also our planes, most of our bins aren't made for your bags to be expanded.
So, and then people get really frustrated when like agents ask them to like sip their bags down.
There just really comes a point where you should check your bag.
Yeah.
And if it has to be expanded, you should probably check your bag.
If you know you had soldier shoulder surgery and can't lift your bag, you should probably check it.
Like there's just there's a lot of things with bags that I know we don't like to check them, but we really, really should because it just I'm tired of like slamming the bins on the bags and trying to figure it out.
And hoping the bin doesn't break.
This is definitely one of those things going back to like do your research about what you're getting yourself into.
Because you know, maybe you have a first check bag is free or whatever the situation may be.
Use that like rather than stressing yourself out, put bring your oversized bag on, getting in a fight with a gate agent.
You can avoid so much stress if you just research what you're getting into prior to the flight.
Buy tickets.
I want to check bags so bad.
Uh, because I really hate carrying them through the airports.
I just if I was purchasing tickets, I would I would check one.
Yeah.
The only reason I don't is because I'm normally non-reving and you have to like pivot and make quick decisions.
But if it's like point A to point B, truck your bags.
What do you mean my bag is gonna check to Dubai?
I'm not even on that flight anymore.
That happened to us once.
I know.
I'm thinking of a very specific thing.
Literally happened to us once.
Sir, I will fight you right here.
This ticket counter give me my bag, give me my bag back.
I had to pay to go get my bag.
I was so mad.
Anyways, that was yeah, check your bag.
It's not that big of a deal.
Uh, next up is not understanding boarding groups.
Wait, we're supposed to understand those.
I don't know who or what or why or any of the people in the groups that they're in.
Okay, let me let me tell you where where my brain was when this one came to life.
I'm thinking when it is a boarding group situation that makes more sense.
So you've got group one is called, group two is called, zone seven is called, whatever the case may be.
Yeah, you look on your ticket, it doesn't say that.
So you don't stand up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
That was more the mindset.
But I completely understand uh I completely understand what you mean.
I work for an airline, I don't understand how people are chosen, right?
What groups they're going.
Right.
Because, you know, zone three is our diamond platinum skipping stone medallion members, and you're like, okay, that means nothing to me.
Right.
But when it comes to numbers and letters, once again, it doesn't say it's a good thing.
If you're zone three and your show's zone six, just stay comfortably seated.
It's not your turn to board.
You don't need to like block the hallway so no one else can get to their gates, too.
Yeah, it wasn't understanding the boarding group system overall.
I get your confusion.
It was like just read what's on your boarding pass.
Got it.
Next up.
Uh taking photos of literally everything.
Uh I I don't know if this is a first-time flyer for me or an influencer problem because everybody wants to be an influencer these days.
So I just assume when people come on, I'm less likely to assume that you're a first-time flyer with the picture taking anymore.
And I automatically jump to your you believe you're an influencer, don't you?
There's a trend.
There's a TikTok trend.
There's something you're trying to prove here.
Yeah, that's a good point.
Um I feel like back in the day, why am I saying that?
Like I'm a hundred years old.
Back and modern.
We didn't even have Karen.
Oh my god.
Please edit on like some gray hair and some little rim glasses for this one.
I don't, I don't want that.
No, thank you.
Um, but I I definitely feel like there was a time where first-time flyers were taking pictures of everything because they wanted to document the experience.
Now I feel like everybody thinks they're an influencer, and I I see your point.
Um, it's the people, it's not the taking of pictures so much that make me think you're a first-time flyer.
It's the people who record the takeoff and landings, not like a second of it, like the whole thing.
Whole thing.
Yeah.
I'm like, is you gonna remember what that grass is later?
Okay, I'm guilty of doing this though, because sometimes I like to do like a little speed up version to stick at the end of a reel or begin to.
Well, yes, that's but I understand what you're doing it for, so I don't think that about you, but I that's that's what I assume a first-time flyer is, is when they are documenting the whole takeoff and landing.
Right.
Like, are you putting on a slideshow for your family at the reunion this summer where you're gonna make everyone watch the seven minutes of takeoff footage?
I love I love a slideshow.
They're my favorite.
Do you?
Yeah, you love a slideshow.
Okay.
Very sure.
We've one holiday that we go to that a slideshow is currently always playing in the background, and I really just love seeing their year.
Thanksgiving with the Hughes.
Yeah, it makes me very happy to like see the slideshow in the background and all the fun things they did that year.
Paul's slideshow.
We love always playing, we really do.
It's my favorite.
Uh, next up we have watching intently to the safety demo.
These are my favorite passengers.
I'm not gonna lie.
I don't care if you're a first-time flyer, frequent flyer, I don't care what it is.
If you're even remotely paying attention to a degree, I I appreciate that so much because that's what we're there for.
And I know it seems silly.
I know passengers are like, I've seen this a million times, I know the answer is you don't.
Like it's always a good idea to refresh your mind on aircraft safety.
And so much has been going on in aviation recently that even if you're not a first-time flyer, put your stuff down, take your headphones out, pull your safety information card out, and follow along.
Like, be a good example for the people around you who feel silly for not knowing this information.
Like, just be a good passenger and pay attention.
Um, because I cannot tell you how many times I can't even hear the person like doing the demo because there's so many people like screaming around me in the airplane.
Like, I had to stop the demo last week to like shush the airplane so I could hear the prompt to do the things I was supposed to do.
So just let everyone focus up on the flight attendants for for two minutes, please.
Yeah, it's unfortunate because we understand as flight attendants, some of you have seen this a thousand times and you feel like you know, and that's why I always try to say to passengers who are maybe being loud in my area, I'm like, I know you've probably seen this a million times, but the people around you may not have.
So let's try to all focus for a second and watch together and pay attention so that everybody can listen and understand what's going on.
Because I don't want people to feel bad about themselves for whatever, but I do want people to be aware there are other people around you.
There are other people on this aircraft who may or may not understand what's going on, and there's no reason to shame anybody for wanting to listen or wanting to watch or wanting to know more about safety.
So I get really frustrated when people are like talking over, like they start getting louder because they're trying to talk over the demo, and I'm like, you're not the only one on this airplane, right?
Please understand that.
Well, and the other thing is there's so many different configurations of an airplane.
You think, oh, I've been on a 321 before, except are you on the old version that has four doors?
Are you on the new version that has somewhere between three doors and one window exit or two window exits?
Or like how is this all actually configured and where are they?
So that god forbid we need to use them, you know where to go.
Because every airline configures all of these things just a touch differently.
And just because you're familiar with this airplane doesn't mean you're familiar with this exact version of this airplane.
Exactly.
And I always think about those passengers that come on, it's always some like guy who thinks he knows everything about aviation.
Open the lavatory door, right?
But they always look on the uh say uh Airbus 737, and you're like, sir, you're wrong in every way, shape, or form.
Yeah, yes.
We're gonna do a little presentation in a while where we explain this to you.
You should pay attention.
Airbus 737 Neomax.
Go sit down.
Right.
If I just say all the words, maybe they'll think I know what I'm talking about.
Those people kill me.
Uh next up, we have asking things like, where do I put my suitcase?
We posted this question on threads of like, what is a dead giveaway if you're a first-time flyer?
And one of my favorite responses was someone said gestures broadly in vanna white style at all of the open bins around us.
And I think I will think about that every time I'm on an airplane now.
I will vanna white the situation and I will just gesture broadly at all the open bins.
Yeah.
Because that's always when they ask.
It's not when the bins are full, because then they'll try to slam it into a bin that is full.
It's when there's all this open space and they're like, Where shall I put my belongings?
Like literally anywhere.
Like pick a spot, any spot.
Anywhere you want to.
Yeah.
You have the whole airplane at the moment.
Uh yeah, it's really funny.
Um, I also love when they ask if they can like stow their bags in the exit row, like under the seat.
I'm like, who hurt you?
Put your bags under okay.
Who hurt you?
Side note though, when I was on British Airways.
Okay, the we're not in Europe though.
Some of the some other airlines internationally don't let you.
I get that.
I but like have never felt so dumb in my life, though.
I was on British Airways, they knew who I was, they knew who two guys on a plane were, which made it even worse because I walked on all confident, like, I'm a flight attendant, I know what I'm doing.
And I was sitting in the exit row, and they don't allow any bags on the floor.
Yeah, like you can't hold anything.
There, nothing.
And so, but what kills me is the flight attendant, she stood at the exit row and just like watched me do this.
Like I could feel judgment.
And it wasn't until the end of boarding, she goes, sir, your bags, they need to go in the overhead compartment because you were in, or no, the overhead locker, because that's what they call it.
They need to go in the overhead locker.
And I was like mortified because now I'm standing up in front of an airplane full of people putting my bag in the overhead, and um, it was like six rows away from me because there was no space.
I was so embarrassed.
The European airlines are crazy though, they're so intense.
Croatian and the last row was an exit row.
Yes, and we had to put all of our stuff up there too, and we were like uh we didn't know this was an exit roll, though.
Yeah, we're the kids.
No, we're in the back, we're in the labs.
We have no responsibility, I promise.
We came up to brief and make us put our bags up, and I was like, Oh, okay, sure, sure, sure.
So I do kind of understand that like where do I put my bag issue, but also like anywhere.
And if you're wrong, we'll correct you.
Just do what you think is right, and if you're wrong, we'll fix it for you.
Most days.
Next up, we have I don't mean actually fix it.
I mean I'll tell you how to fix the issue yourself.
Exactly.
Next up, we have being shocked at how small the lavatory is.
This one always makes me laugh because like it's always some little old lady who comes out and she goes, could they make those any smaller?
Yes.
Don't don't don't threaten them.
Don't give them ideas.
They will definitely do that to you.
Right.
I promise you it'll be smaller next time you're on this airplane.
Oh, mine are my favorite is not only are they small, but now people can't find them because they're putting jump seats on them and all of that sort of stuff.
Like, it's crazy to me.
Not only are they tiny, and yes, you're right, they are very small.
It has gotten to the point where they're even hiding them from us.
Uh schools.
I it gets crazier and crazier.
Yeah, sitting on the jump seat has been an experience.
I just started doing that recently.
Um somebody came back to back to the plane the other day and was like, Where's the bathroom?
And I was like, look for Narnia.
Oh, I like that response.
They won't get it though.
They don't.
No.
Um, I've had other flight attendants make um what's that joke?
What's that book?
Harry Potter jokes about it because the walls and doors always move.
Oh, that's so true.
The moving staircases.
It's the moving lavatory painful, but so true.
Uh next we have standing up the second the seatbelt sign turns off.
That doesn't bother me as much as the people who stand up as soon as the plane lands.
We're still moving.
Like, do you get up in your car and walk around?
Like, what are you doing?
There is a level of like getting ready to get off the airplane, but I mean we've said it so many times on our podcast that like there's a solid three to five minute wait for the door to even open.
Like, you could take a second.
It's not so much like the people up front that bother me when they stand, because I'm like, yes, yes, get prepared.
Cause as soon as we open this door, I want you to start moving.
It's the people in the back of the airplane who are like up and have their bags down and are standing there tapping their foot, and you're like, Where are you going?
First time.
Yeah.
First time.
I mean, honestly, where are you going?
If you're not in the first they're gonna try to run up the airplane aisle.
If you're not in the first five rows of the aircraft, where do you think you're going at this point?
You have what 200 people, 100 people in front of you, and you've got people trying to figure their stuff out.
If you're not in the first five rows, there's no reason to be like rushing, panicking, whatever.
None.
But I love you for doing it.
Get ready.
You do.
No, I really don't.
Oh my god.
I make announcements about it all the time.
I'm like, this is how we're gonna do plane.
I had somebody, I made that announcement the other day.
I was like, just sit comfortably.
We do plane row by row.
Once the people, couple rows in front of you, start standing to collect their belongings, then you stand, and somebody called me and was like, not you, mansplaining how to do plane an aircraft.
And I was like, Gotta do what you gotta do.
I they're like literally sta I was in the mid-cabin, they were literally standing on top of me because like 30 people piled into the exit row, and I was like, This is just this isn't even safe anymore.
We there has to be a happy medium though.
You've got the people who are rushing the second the plane, I mean gears are down and people are like up running around grabbing things.
Yeah, there's gotta be a happy medium between that and the passenger that is waits until literally everyone calls the airplane and then 10 minutes later decides to stand up and get their bag out of the overhead bin.
What is you doing?
Yep, and it's they're always like, Oh, we should, oh don't forget your book.
I mean, they're moving, they're moving they book the airplane and then decide they need to go back to their seat to double check book.
The AirPods that they lost seven flights ago, they're going, Maybe this is the flight where we find them.
Maybe.
And it kills me because they'll always look at us and we're standing there with our bags, and we're we're supposed to not look like this, but we all look like this, where I'm just like ready to go.
And they're like, you can go ahead.
Go ahead where without you.
You think I'm gonna leave you on an aircraft.
I think I'm allowed to leave you on an aircraft.
Unattended.
Remember those things.
To look for your aircraft, you should remember them.
Oh, those people are wild.
Last on our list, we have asking if I'm gonna make my connection.
And it's never the first time flyers that ask this question, is really the wild part, but it makes me think it's your first time here.
It does kind of run the gamut.
No, I don't know the answer to this question.
I don't, I have no idea.
I don't know where your physical capabilities are.
I don't know if you're gonna stop and get coffee on your wall between gates.
Like, I would assume you can make it, especially when they start lying about it, when they're like, Well, my connection boards in five minutes.
We landed 30 minutes early.
There's no way that's possible.
And they're like, Well, you did this to me.
No, I didn't personally do anything to you.
I'm sorry that you feel that way, but I didn't do this to you.
So yeah, no, we can't, as flight attendants, answer that question because there's so many variables and so many factors.
Yeah.
Um, mainly it your ability, your and you couldn't find your seat or put your bin a bag in the overhead bin.
So if you're asking me, no, babes, no, I don't think you do it.
I hate to say this to you, but this is a choose your own adventure, and you're in charge of the story.
You're in charge of the story.
Uh well, that's all of the first-time flyer um giveaways and tells that we have for today's episode.
But did we miss any signs that someone is a first-time flyer?
Check the show notes and send us a link or click the link to send us fan mail.
We'd love to hear from you to hear if you have any other thoughts on this episode.
Whether you're a million miler or taking your first flight, we've all been there at some point.
We all know what how frustrating and scary it is to be a first-time flyer.
So we're not judging you.
We are, but we're not judging you, but we are.
We judge you because it's our job to.
Yeah.
But we do try to give first-time flyers a little bit of grace.
And as much as we love to make fun of passengers on the airplane and on this show, sometimes we have to think back to that first flight when we were that little passenger that didn't really understand how the rules worked, and we're trying really hard to have patience and and give you grace.
Um, but you know, we got to remember the people who were nice to us and maybe not nice to us.
This is true.
Uh, before we go though, should we do a quick galley gossip?
Story galley gossip time.
So, this is one of our favorite segments.
It's called Galley Gossip.
This is when we share stories from our audience of crazy or wild or funny or heartfelt stories from the flight that you had.
This is a really great intro.
Um, but tell us all of your wild and funny stories.
You can go to twoguysinaplane.comslash podcast to submit your galley gossip story.
But today, Andrew, I think you have a story for me.
Normally, Rich Rich reads me these stories sight unseen so that I get a good giggle out of them with you.
But today we decided to switch it up and I'm gonna read Rich One.
Are you ready for us?
I'm so excited.
Okay, this one comes from Anonymous uh in Fort Lauderdale.
Um always Fort Lauderdale.
Always I love the anonymous ones because I feel like they're the extra juicy ones too.
I was lead on a half empty, wide body, early departure to Fort Lauderdale.
You know the kind where no matter what happens, you tell yourself it's way too early for this.
Every day of my life.
Doesn't matter if I have 9 p.m.
check-in, it's always too early.
Uh 10 minutes before landing, as I'm doing the final walk through the coach cabin, I hear a buzzing sound.
Obviously, I wanted to find out where the noise was coming from.
Is it from the plane or something else?
I get my answer when I get to row 36D, a man in his business suit, uh top but bottoms down, and an open was using a magic wand plugged into the power seat outlet over his crotch.
I'm sorry, magic wand meaning Uh-huh.
That's okay.
What we meant.
This is no longer a family show.
I politely but directly asked the customer to stow everything.
He argued with me that he needed it to calm his landing fears and anxiety, and that there was no rule on the company website that says he can't use his onboard vibrator on board.
As we were close to landing and the cabin was as we were close to landing and the cabin wasn't secure, we had to circle around, creating a much bigger deal than it should have been.
There was uh way too much back and forth until he finally put it away.
The packs was met by the authorities upon landing, and let's just say it was a weird descriptive report to write, much like it was a weird descriptive galley gossip story for you to write.
My flabberiz be gasted.
You cannot be gas questions because I don't have answers.
I think we all should take some time to reflect on this.
What do you even say to that?
This is a classic situation of where people do not believe the things that happened to us as flight attendants on the airplane.
Um I hearken back to the time we talked about the story about the baby and the overhead band, and everyone is still questioning the validity of that story.
Um who would make shit like that up?
I can't tell you how many people I've met over the years who were like, they ask what the craziest thing is that's ever happened to you, and then you tell them and they're like, that didn't really happen.
Did you ask or not?
But to answer your question, you do exactly what that two did put it away.
This isn't the time for this.
Put it away.
Put all of it away.
These are the situations where I like as a flight attendant black out.
Like I go full blackout situation.
I something comes over me where I no longer like am in control, I can't process what's happening.
The flight attendant in me comes out, takes over, and later on I decompress about it.
But yeah, that is wild.
And of course it's Fort Lauderdale.
I swear 90% of the stories we get are from Fort Lauderdale.
Yeah, I feel like that.
Because, you know, if you've ever been or worked a flight to, or been on a flight to or heard about, it's Fort Lauderdale.
Probably Fort Lauderdale.
Well, thank you, Anonymous, for sending in your story.
We enjoy reading them very much.
Keep sending us those stories.
We love to read them.
Go to twoguysonaplane.com slash podcast and submit your galley gossip story today.
And don't forget that we now have official galley gang merch.
Yay! And we're so excited about it.
Go to two guys on a plane.com slash nope, no slash.
Um, just tap the button to shop and uh it'll take you to our official merch store where you can get galley gossip merch, uh, galley gang merch and all the fun stuff.
All the two guys on a plane swag that you could ever want.
Like behind the plane, behind the curtain, behind the galley curtain, hello that lives with us on set now.
Anyways, take it out, Drew.
Thanks for joining us.
Join us next time for more humor, heart, and stories from our beverage.