332 | The Screen-Free Playroom: Holding the Line in a Digital World

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You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks,

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your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.

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Hi,

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I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks,

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The Kid Counselor.

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This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get

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a master class in child-centered play therapy

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and practical support and application for your

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work with children and their families.

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In today's episode,

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I am answering a question from Kaylia in Arkansas.

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I just answered a question from Arkansas,

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so

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I don't know what's going on in Arkansas,

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but I'm happy to have you all listening.

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And this is about when a child wants to look something up in the playroom,

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meaning on a device,

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namely a phone.

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And the question is that more and more kids have been

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asking for this in the play session,

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and she's curious about how to handle it.

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So I'm really excited about this question,

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Kaylia,

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thank you for the email and

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this is something that I agree we're seeing more and more,

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we're addressing more and more.

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It's more prominent

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as kids are more screen addicted.

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So this is something that we need to be able to

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manage ahead of time and have a plan for what we will do.

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So let me read parts of the email and then we'll dive in together.

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I have more and more kids recently asking to look up or show me something on my device.

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It can be a song,

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a movie trailer,

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how to draw something or wanting to play a game.

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How would you advise handling this in a child-centered manner?

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I have some colleagues who say that screens are

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becoming a way to connect with kids and teens,

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and to limit it is to tell the child they are not unconditionally accepted.

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Pregnant pause on purpose.

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Continuing,

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one even cited reading research stating that kids

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now will be able to relax with screens and

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that things like deep breathing and other traditional

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methods will not be effective for them anymore.

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It feels wrong in sessions when I do allow it and do not set limits on it.

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I've not allowed any video games.

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All right,

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so

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let's dive in here.

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Gosh,

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so many layers.

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First and foremost,

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we always look to the why

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of the request.

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If something is taking us out of the fully adherent CCPT model,

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for example,

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we don't answer questions.

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That's a standard tenant

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in CCPT,

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but there are times when a child needs us to answer a question.

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We know that the playroom is not for leaving.

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Once we're in a session,

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we're in there for 50 minutes,

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but there are times when a child needs to leave.

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So whenever we're faced with a dilemma

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where we recognize it's taking us out of traditional adherence,

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we're always going to be looking for the why.

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In this case,

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to look up or show you something.

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If it's motivated because they're trying to avoid doing their work,

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that's a very different scenario

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than if they're trying to have relational and connective moments with you.

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And so depending on the why,

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we're going to respond a little bit differently.

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If a child says,

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oh my gosh,

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this is my,

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this is like my favorite song,

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I just found out about it.

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I've been playing it on autopilot.

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I wanna play it for you.

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You know that they're letting you into their world.

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You know that they want you to connect.

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They,

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you know that they are trying to

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invite you into what matters to them.

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It's relational.

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I would not set a limit on the playing of the song,

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I would set a limit on what happens afterward.

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So in other words,

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I would play the song.

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And then as soon as the song is over,

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I would say.

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OK,

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phone goes away.

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You know that the playroom is a screen-free zone.

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And if she only wants you to hear a song,

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then

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you got to share in a moment.

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There was a therapeutically valuable experience

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you connected with her,

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she feels

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that you

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were able to understand what matters to her

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and then the play session ensues.

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If a kid comes in and says,

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I wanna show you this trailer,

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oh,

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now I wanna show you this YouTube video,

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oh now I want you this.

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Very different scenario.

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So you're always looking at why and you're ready to set a limit if needed.

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But if a child wants to show you or have you look something up,

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oh my gosh,

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we learned about this tree in South Africa today,

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and I can't remember the name of it,

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but I wanna talk to you about it.

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Can you just look it up what it's called?

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I would have no issue looking that up

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if that's truly all the child needs is the name,

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so then they can tell you all about this tree that they learned about.

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So we're always gauging what's the need,

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what's the reason,

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what's the rationale.

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#thewhymatters.

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And therefore then we adjust accordingly.

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Now,

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let me continue with your email.

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You have colleagues that say screens are becoming a way to connect with kids

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and teens and to limit it is to tell them they're not unconditionally accepted.

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Oh boy,

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tread diplomatically,

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Brenna.

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So

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If

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we wanted to act like every other adult

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in a child's life

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and if we chose to be blind

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to the ramifications

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of using screens as a way to connect with children and teens

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when what they really need is relational connection,

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not digital connection,

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then I'm sure you could make an argument that it's connective.

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However,

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I think that flies in the face of research

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that shows how damaging overuse of screens is.

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It shows how damaging it is to the brain,

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how neurocognitively and neurodevelopmentally

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it is actually doing damage

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in a child's brain that continues to grow until the age of 25,

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by the way.

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So even an 18 year old is not immune from overuse of a device and a screen.

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Not to mention what social media is doing to our kids.

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I mean,

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gosh,

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read my book.

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If,

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if you,

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if all of what I'm saying is like crazy to you

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and you have no idea where this is coming from,

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read my book and

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just,

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you know,

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borrow it from someone.

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You don't have to buy it.

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I'm just saying the science and the data is there.

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You you need to be aware of what this is doing to our kids.

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It is so scary,

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and if people turn a blind eye to it,

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then we're part of the problem.

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So

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I'm very much opposed

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to

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letting kids be on screens.

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They need to be playing,

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they need to be communicating,

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they need to be interacting,

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they need to be building relationships.

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They need to know how to engage and to talk and to look at people,

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and they're not getting that from screens.

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So there are 1000 ways you can connect with a child.

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That don't involve a screen

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and the reality is

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it's our playroom,

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it's our practice,

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we get to tell a child

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what the expectations are

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and the expectation is the playroom is a screen-free zone.

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That's it.

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It has nothing to do with acceptance.

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Do you think that if a child is told that they can't cheat on a test at school,

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they go home and say my teacher doesn't unconditionally love

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and accept me because they said I couldn't cheat?

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Come on,

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this is a slippery slope

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and this is not where we're going.

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CCPT is designed to be relational and environmental,

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and kids know

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that there are certain expectations in

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certain relationships and certain environments.

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There is nothing lacking in unconditional acceptance and love

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by saying the playroom is a screen free zone.

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OK,

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and then further.

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Kids are no longer able to relax.

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Things like deep breathing and other traditional methods will not be

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effective and that they'll only be able to relax with screens.

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If that is true,

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God help us all,

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#1,

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2.

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They're not going to need to relax with a screen in the playroom with you.

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So regardless of whether or not we can argue for or against that theory,

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They're not with you to relax with a screen.

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They're with you to therapeutically engage

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and build relationship

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and have a permissive and safe environment.

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So that they can do the work that they need to do.

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I'm,

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I'm not concerned one bit about their relaxed state

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when they're with me in a playroom.

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And furthermore,

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if they need to learn how to relax,

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they build that skill in CCPT.

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So,

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all of the notion,

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supporting the idea of we're going to use screens

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and play therapy and boy is it everywhere y'all.

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Look at the CEUs that are being pumped out all over this country right now,

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all over the world,

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quite honestly,

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but I think probably more prominently in the US.

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Video games in play,

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using Minecraft to connect with kids and play VR in play therapy like oh my gosh,

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perish the thought of it all,

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and

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that is not what play therapy is about.

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So

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I hope that the CCPT community

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stands real firm

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on the notion

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that

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toys are selected,

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not collected,

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and we have a framework and we're adherent and it does not include screens.

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It does not include devices.

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It does not include any of that stuff.

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Now

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on the off chance that a certain kid every once in a while says,

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hey,

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I want you to hear this,

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see this,

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look this up,

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whatever,

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if the intention

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makes sense and it's a quick thing.

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That's child led,

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we're able to decide if that's appropriate or not.

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But generally speaking,

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there is no

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concern on our part to say that the playroom is a screen-free zone.

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So I hope,

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Kaylia,

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that that is helpful

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and

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for all of us,

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this is becoming a more and more prominent thing,

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so much so that

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kids are refusing to come back to the playroom,

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quote,

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unless I can bring my iPad.

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Well,

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you really wish that you could bring your iPad back,

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but the playroom is a screen-free zone.

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You can choose to leave it with mom or you can choose to leave it in the car.

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Which do you choose?

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It's just that simple.

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It's a limit like any other limit.

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Standard part of our process,

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there are expectations

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and we adhere to the model.

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All right,

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so I hope that that encourages you

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fight the good fight against devices,

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educate parents,

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equip them with knowledge,

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help them to tone down

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the screen use

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of their kids.

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It's,

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it's addictive,

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it's scary,

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it's damaging,

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so many things be very

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vocal about that

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as we advocate for kids

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because they need it.

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No one else is advocate actually,

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everyone else is advocating for more screen time.

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We need to be the,

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the lone voice of reason

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in the fight.

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All right,

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love y'all.

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We'll talk again soon.

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Bye.

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Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr.

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Brenna Hicks.

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For more episodes and resources,

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please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.