This Is Why You’re Getting Ghosted

00:00:00
Speaker 1: Hello, gorgeous, it's La La Kent. Welcome to untraditionally, Lala. Oh, I love that that tool. Welcome back to untraditionally Lala. The bonus episode, we have Valentine's Day right around the corner, and I know that so many of us sit here and tweak out if we don't have a partner or a person. I don't think men think like that. Maybe they do. I I won't put them on the back burner like they don't have feelings. But a lot of women are like what do I do on this day? Because it is a holiday for lovers, But for me, it's always been Easton's birthday, So I've never really about it as like that type of holiday.

00:00:57
Speaker 2: I know, I've always felt so bad about it. Why because like, you know, you just start to feel bad, like i'd go over to my buddy's house that there's some you know, I'd never tell just to let everybody know, now you know, Yeah, I don't tell anybody my birthday, don't post about it, don't say anything. I don't care about it. It's everybody's got one, you know. It's like a butthole moving on, you know. But like when you go over to friend's houses and like be hanging out. Like there were times where, like, you know, my birthday would be coming up and I would go to a friend's house and they would be like, oh, what are you going to do? Because it came up, and like the mom and dad were like, yeah, we're going to do this, this and this, and I was like, damn, my mom and dad could be doing that, but I'm taking it.

00:01:40
Speaker 1: I want to.

00:01:42
Speaker 2: I don't know. Let me just have my depressing thought.

00:01:44
Speaker 1: You bitch, you're still tweaking off the vape icy but no, I just somebody who is a mother. Now, if my baby were born on Valentine, you're well, you're kind of in there.

00:01:59
Speaker 2: You're maybe's birthday is a day after yours.

00:02:02
Speaker 1: And I was really hoping that she came on my birthday because I was like, what a wonderful way to celebrate my birthday with her is now going to be.

00:02:13
Speaker 2: I'm glad she didn't though, because of my thoughts, because.

00:02:16
Speaker 1: She doesn't want to share it with me.

00:02:17
Speaker 2: Will not share it. But maybe it's not sharing. I don't care that. I feel like I'm taking away and she could grow up and be like I took a day away from my mom that she very much deserves. Oh do youee know what I'm saying.

00:02:30
Speaker 1: You're a very selfless person, and I understand where your head's at.

00:02:34
Speaker 2: That's why I don't love my birthday because I feel like I took a lot of love away from Mom.

00:02:40
Speaker 1: And are you gonna cry? Yeah? Oh love you? You do think I worked out this morning song? That is right?

00:02:50
Speaker 2: Sometimes I do feel like that, you know I don't.

00:02:53
Speaker 1: Okay, Well you are You're the person who always says that you have to separate your feelings from facts, because your feelings are not facts. So now I'm going to point this out to you true and I'm glad you said that. This is how you're feeling. And I think it's beautiful that your mind even goes there. It just goes to show, like, what a kind and beautiful heart you have is thinking about Mom and Dad celebrating, but the fact is that you're their son, and what a beautiful way to celebrate the holiday of love. That's the whole point of it.

00:03:25
Speaker 2: No.

00:03:25
Speaker 1: I know then, this child that they brought into the world out of love and they celebrated like every Wednesday Tuesday they go and do something. You just had date night.

00:03:38
Speaker 2: You know, you just have that feeling. But now I'm crying more because my dad's gone and my mom doesn't have a Valentine.

00:03:45
Speaker 1: You're Valentine. You already know that. She tells you that.

00:03:48
Speaker 2: It's kind of happy tears now, No, but that like that's why I don't love my birthday and things like that, but I'm happy it is when it is. Though I feel like it's like a lot of around my birthday, so I'm like, oh, it's always yea, yeah, lots.

00:04:03
Speaker 1: Of yummy candy. And even when dad was around Easton, Mom always said like, I I celebrate Valentine's Day with my forever Valentine.

00:04:13
Speaker 2: Which is you.

00:04:14
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:04:15
Speaker 2: No, and I'm glad that you know. I'm happy, And there's just I have those thoughts and those are my thoughts that I need to work through of like damn, but then again, well on the fifteenth, ye old bags right, yeah totally, but no, I just yeah, I don't know.

00:04:31
Speaker 1: I don't want you to think that way at all. And I think once you become a parent, you will realize how whatever day it is is you you're just so like you just love your baby and you're just so excited to celebrate that.

00:04:42
Speaker 2: If anybody else with a birthday on the fourteenth feels like this, or even like on Christmas or like something, do you feel like, damn, I'm taking away if you.

00:04:50
Speaker 1: Were born on Christmas, Yes, you're fucking taking away.

00:04:54
Speaker 2: Because I know people.

00:04:55
Speaker 1: And I hate now you're messing with Jesus's birthday and that I will not s people who.

00:05:00
Speaker 2: Are like and it is my birthday and we will do what I want to do.

00:05:04
Speaker 1: Because I don't like that either day. By the way, no one is ever if you have a birthday, I do feel badly like you dated a girl who had a birthday on the twenty fourth of And I get that because it's not the funnest day to have that, But I just I don't think about things like that. It's like, okay, well, just one more thing to celebrate.

00:05:25
Speaker 2: Do you want to know what I was thinking about? And how sad? Tell me my ex I'm not my ex's ex. Probably how fucked up? I'm not my ex's X.

00:05:38
Speaker 1: Like, oh, like she's dated so many guys since you.

00:05:40
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like I'm not like how funny? Like when I talk about my ex if you were to talk about to her about hers.

00:05:46
Speaker 1: I'm not that I'm not her ex.

00:05:49
Speaker 2: You're one of her exes, yes, but like the most recent think about how she dated since well, yes.

00:05:55
Speaker 1: You're not even supposed to be dating until a year into sobriety. Let's get you grounded on your feet.

00:06:00
Speaker 2: I didn't say I wanted to date. I was thinking about that.

00:06:03
Speaker 1: I want you to want to date. Since we're thinking about love. There is a girl that you is cute.

00:06:10
Speaker 2: I like, I'm talking to girls. I'm in no position to date, and I have told them that, like I, yes, I do have to go out and talk to women and be a part of society. I have to fuck, but I do tell them like, hey, I'm not in a position to be in a relationship. But that's what this is you're wanting. Like, then I have to like, you're just wanting to getting this belt with a lot of.

00:06:35
Speaker 1: Notches on it. You're not supposed to be doing any of that in your first year of sobriety.

00:06:41
Speaker 2: I am talking to women, I'm not talking to I cannot date.

00:06:45
Speaker 1: No, I'm not telling you how to run your program. I'm just saying what it says you're supposed to do, and I'm not here to judge anybody on how they're working their program.

00:06:53
Speaker 2: I'm not dating.

00:06:57
Speaker 1: You don't know what you're doing dumping some rocks off. I know that's not true because if you were, you wouldn't tell me, So I know you're freaking lying.

00:07:10
Speaker 2: Sticking to sobriety. I'm talking. It's weird though, because I'll talk to girls and I'm like, oh god, I how I did ghost a lot?

00:07:20
Speaker 1: By the way, you need to work on that. Then I don't co sign on that at all. I find that to be a very toxic trait and very young minded. Like yes, you can go down the line.

00:07:32
Speaker 2: Like we have been talking for months or weeks or anything. It'll be like, hey, how are you? Oh wow, great, what have you been doing? I see you live in LA.

00:07:40
Speaker 1: I don't respond, okay, do you do you? You do you?

00:07:46
Speaker 2: Because that's where I'm like, if I keep talking to this person, what comes from it? I have to go and grab coffee. I have to do something I'm not supposed to and for me to go, I loved this conversation, but I'm sorry if I were to conte it, I don't think this would be good for my sobriety. And at that point, Like, so, like, at what point is ghosting and we haven't talked where it's long enough because if I did talk to you long enough, you would know my situation and I could happily tell you like I can't do it, and you would have to respect that. But yes, I just don't right back to a lot of people because I'm like, Okay, you're close, you're in la. I could see what is coming of it if I keep this conversation right, I have to end it.

00:08:31
Speaker 1: So I just don't respond. Okay, I think that's better.

00:08:34
Speaker 2: I had to. It's for everybody. I'm not ghosting because that is small minded, is childish. Worked on that, but now I'm in that point and it's tough. I'm still like rocking a hard spot of like how do I do it? Because I don't feel great when I like don't respond to somebody. But I'm like my response would be shittier.

00:08:56
Speaker 1: Yeah, I totally get that, Like what do I even say?

00:08:58
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's but like I want a Valentine date or something, not even well it's not even for the birthday, but like I would like to go on a date to know I know how to still talk to women.

00:09:09
Speaker 1: You know. Okay, so that let's talk about this because you have said you want to celebrate your birthday, which is Valentine's date in Utah. I'm just along for the freaking ride if you If you want to go to Utah and have like a friend's trip and you want to go, I want to.

00:09:26
Speaker 2: I want family.

00:09:28
Speaker 1: But because we don't get enough time together as it is, well, you guys are my friends. I know we have so much fun together, all of us.

00:09:34
Speaker 2: But no, I would like, uh, and it's not like I want to go on out Valentine's Night and go. It's like, no, I just like to talk to a girl and be like, hey, let's go celebrate a night of say Valentine and fucking go and grab some food by the beach, tacos or something. But yes, I would like, yes, that's the other day. That would be the perfect date for me, right, And that's but I want to go on a date. And you understand, like, yes, I can't see it's a heart, it's a rock and a hard spot, and.

00:10:02
Speaker 1: I want to do it different because where lapse.

00:10:04
Speaker 2: Came off of me having one identity and one identity, one identity only, and it was so sober AA meetings and obviously it didn't work.

00:10:14
Speaker 1: Can I step in here? Your mindset is very all over the place and what I would like you to do, because you're doing what I have done a many of time, where you go down many different avenues to try and talk yourself into dating because that is what you want, right but then you try to actively talk yourself out of it and all of the roadblocks on why you couldn't do those things and my subriety. Okay, so let's just make it clear cut. Yes, Easton at some point wants to find a person that one day he could take out on Valentine's Day he can celebrate his birthday with someone he loves. Is the timing a little bit off? It could be because of his sobriety, and that's most important. But you're not going to close yourself off off to going out and meeting someone because you could meet someone in the program and maybe you, guys, form like a really amazing friendship and start dating later on. I just don't want you to get to where I have gotten many times, where I know deep down what I want, which is somebody, and it may not be like the norm, like the cookie cutter relationship. It's a little bit different and untraditional, but ultimately I would like to find that.

00:11:25
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I.

00:11:25
Speaker 1: Would go down all of these routes on why it didn't make sense, and those things really made sense to me. I'm like, they add a lot of stress, they add a lot of drama. But I can't do it because I have kids. Yes, all play a factor, but let's just let it be.

00:11:40
Speaker 2: Okay, let's just let it be.

00:11:43
Speaker 1: What does one do? Let's get out of our own heads. For all the people out there who are spending Valentine's Day, solow, what does one do to not have stress and pressure of Valentine's Day.

00:11:59
Speaker 2: That's easy for me because I usually spend my birthdays with just a couple of people or alone. And I do that on purpose or with you guys. But I love getting like Chinese.

00:12:08
Speaker 1: Food so much fun. You can never go wrong with that.

00:12:11
Speaker 2: Order Chinese food. I love.

00:12:13
Speaker 1: And here's the thing.

00:12:14
Speaker 2: If you go out on Valentine's Day, it's always too busy everybody, you guys.

00:12:17
Speaker 1: I find Valentine's Day to be the biggest, like the biggest money grab from restaurants. It's fine, it's you're it's part of it.

00:12:29
Speaker 2: But I don't like being.

00:12:30
Speaker 1: A part of the thing. Not even that though it's like people five hundred dollars a person for it's like these amazing restaurants, and I get it, like some people are into it. I think if you're really into Valentine's Day, go all out, because then it's it's not a push for you, right.

00:12:45
Speaker 2: I don't even think it's if you love Valentine's Day, if you love somebody enough to go and do that.

00:12:49
Speaker 1: No, great, No, But if you enjoy it, if you enjoy being out and about like that and doing the Valentine's Day type dingy, but don't do it because you feel like you have to. Yeah, you should do make that pressure on yourself.

00:13:03
Speaker 2: Because even that, like when I even when I was talking to girls and like they would be like, what do you want to do for Valentine like your birthday, and be like, let's just sit in Yeah.

00:13:14
Speaker 1: Best.

00:13:15
Speaker 2: I love a good movie, ice cream and like Chinese food. That's my go to for my Valentine's Day.

00:13:22
Speaker 1: Yeah. I think that's a good one. And I think if you're a female and you maybe have one or two or a group of friends who are single, go pland something with them, Go do something fun or go like, spend a night at your house.

00:13:38
Speaker 2: Cocktails, watch brides mabe if you drink, make some cocktails.

00:13:42
Speaker 1: Heyday, Watch John Tucker Must Die. Oh, yes, you know, watch the women. Watch Hot Girl, the Hot Girl, Hot Chick.

00:13:53
Speaker 2: It's me that one.

00:13:56
Speaker 1: That one. I might watch that on my Valentine's Day. It's so good.

00:14:02
Speaker 2: No, that's I do like Valentine's Day. I don't love my birthday. Peek on it established.

00:14:08
Speaker 1: That you've cried about it and you've been very upset. I like it. I think it's a great holiday to have everythday of.

00:14:18
Speaker 2: Christmas vacation. But they're all chewing them. I like it.

00:14:22
Speaker 1: No, that's not it's friends. It's Joey eating the trifle and the Shepherd's hi, and everyone's like, it's disgusting.

00:14:29
Speaker 2: I like me good, damn good. Oh, throw me up. Gosh, what do they do on Valentine's Day? What's friends? I'm going to take a book out of friends, a page out of the book of friends.

00:14:53
Speaker 1: I don't know. Have they ever they do?

00:14:57
Speaker 2: They'll do? They do a Valentine I watch.

00:14:59
Speaker 1: Every year, obviously, any of them that celebrate I no Thanksgiving, and then obviously like Christmas time whatever.

00:15:08
Speaker 2: New Year's is always in that mix of.

00:15:10
Speaker 1: I remember one year I had a really fun Valentine's Day, and this was when I was not sober. Obviously. We ordered takeout, I took edibles and watched Scream Queens, Scream Queens, Scream Queens. I was very high. I don't remember much about it, but it was fun. It was very fun. I mean it was with Emma Roberts or something. I don't know. I was lit to the sky. It was the best Valentine's Day ever. They make a mixtape, Chandler, that's right. Oh, I remember the Valentine's Day one. Remember they have to make homemade gifts for each other, Chandler and Monica. He gives her the sock puppet and you got this from Phoebe because I was going to get one. And Chandler gives the the mixtape. Yeah so much, Chandler, bing ah. That is good. I By the way, how great would that be if you had a Valentine who loved friends just as much as you and she gave you that mixtape or Valentine's dape? What's a good Valentine's Day? Gift. What would you give to a girl?

00:16:27
Speaker 2: Oh no, I always gave like gift cards because I didn't know what but it was and it is.

00:16:36
Speaker 1: So in personal well it's awful.

00:16:40
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'd give them flowers and like either ear rings or like a ring, and then a gift card.

00:16:45
Speaker 1: Oh well start with that, well, the flowers, the jewelry, and then the gift cards.

00:16:50
Speaker 2: The gift card usually is what you're getting for, So I would get like a gift card to somewhere like that so they could pay, so you know, they could pick it out. And then I would also get like flowers in a ring, depending on what they like, like a little break, yeah, just something like that.

00:17:08
Speaker 1: I mean I think I would want just like a nice dinner and a card, like I don't need a gift, But it would also depend on who the guy is. Like, I feel uncomfortable accepting gifts for men that I don't really know because then it's like I have to pretend I'm opening this gift. You guys, I hate getting gifts because then I have to fucking pretend like I like it. Well, what if I don't like it.

00:17:27
Speaker 2: I'm not getting And also like if I if I'm not dating you, and I'm going on like a date for Valentine. I'm not getting you a gift just because it's Valentine's Day. It's just a date happens to be on Valentine's Day. I'm getting you.

00:17:39
Speaker 1: I can never go on a first day yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm not going on a first date on Valentine on a first date on Valentine either way. I would love for you guys to write in if any of you are going on on a first date on Valentine's Day, Let's talk about it. You guys, write in right in. I want to know, because that would give me bubble guts. No, I would have a full panic attack.

00:18:04
Speaker 2: Well that and I would need a whole leader of peptoto.

00:18:08
Speaker 1: Yeah to calm the bubble guts. Thank you for tuning into another bonus episode of Untraditionally, Lala. I hope you have a wonderful day, a wonderful v Day coming up, and we are going to catch you on Wednesday and again next week. Bye bye,