#174 - Nikki Glaser - Comedian. Her Time On Dancing With The Stars. and Dating Apps.

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Speaker 1: They welcome to with NICKI Glazer, who I'm I just woke up. I gotta be honest with you because last night I did the draft and then you couldn't leave downtown for like an hour. It took that long to get out of downtown because there were no cars. There were no cabs. So I stayed out a little bit with a girl that work with. We went to the club. I don't know club. It's not a club. It's like a bar with the people dance. Okay, I think most people would call that a club. Is there a line up front? Well, it's like a pile of people. I don't know if it's a line. Yeah, people smoking, kind of stumbling around, lots of stumbling in trying to keep their balance. Yes, not not a cool line. They're not like a red carpet or anything. But just like so anyway, I go and I was like, oh, I hang out too. I don't have it in me anymore. And then it took me an hour to get a car even at two picture you out at two am? Like, have is that? Have you ever done that in the past two years when I was um in two years, almost once or twice. If I've been in that area and with her, because that's her. She's twenty five, and she's like, I mean, I don't have it in me. I guess I try to wake up this morning and go work out. I don't have it in me. I mean I sound a little sleepy. As my point, Well, I'll forgive you. Um, I was out too, and uh, I can't go to those I can't believe I ever enjoyed that. You can't hear anyone. I don't understand the music is so loud. I think part of it is they keep the music loud so you have to get really close to someone to talk to them, and then you're then that creates intimacy, which leads to going home with someone. So you have to get so close to someone's ear that you're literally almost kissing them. And then you're trying to tell this boy that you go to Vanderbilt screaming in his ear, and then you have this fake intimacy that is created by the fact that flow Right is playing too loudly. I would feel for me, I like it differently because I don't have to talk to anybody the whole time. It is nice, yeah, because it's I just do my arms up like talk, do you dance? Yeah? Hard, I'm a dance champion. Well and it's gotten so it's it's it's by the way, let me set this up with Nicky. By the way, um, Nikki and I first met on I want to come back to me dancing at the club because I'm a dance champion. Yeah, I want to get back to that. To come back to that, I can't wait. Let's come back because I I never went out until after I won that show. Really because I'm real good. Now, you never danced before you went No, No, I would dance, but I just took I took a munch of years off, arrested. Yeah. Yeah, and now that you've been crowned the dance champion, the best dancer in the world, I think it's on the reigning champion. So oh it's raining. Yeah. The first time saw the Mirrorball was just a minute ago. It really was an unreal experience for everyone listening. It's on his kitchen countertop. It is light than I thought it would be. It looks so heavy and it's one of the coolest looking trophies. I do have to say, if all the trophies to win in the world it's cool, way cooler than an oscar, Like just optically it is. I mean I saw that the glue holding it together, and I really I think it's cool too. I'm not giving Yeah, let me say this about Nikki. Nikki, I've said this many times. You're the funniest person I ever met. Don't set me up like that. You have to be funny here. There's no pressure we're talking, but I do. And I've told Michael told you that. Huh. Yeah, I think you're the funniest person that I've ever known. And I know a lot of funny people. I think you're the funniest person I've ever met. Um we met on Dancing with the Stars. We both thought each other was a dancer because neither one of us felt like the other one was the star. Yeah, we didn't recognize each other. It was we were in um it was the first day of like the cast getting to know each other because it was promo shoots. Yeah, we were in makeup chairs getting ready to do those fancy shoots or you're with your partner the intro shot. I was so nervous. I didn't know any of the other stars on the show. Legitimately, like I don't think I recognized any names, and I had googled people. I don't think I had gotten to you yet in terms of googling, just generally inside a Google. I'm not famous. I was. I think, um, I think you were the most famous on the show. I I mean, I come. I came to realize that you were someone I should have known as soon as I googled you. I'm like, okay, But when you sat down next to me in that chair and I was getting my makeup done, and then you slide in and and yeah, I thought you were one of the dancers because I didn't recognize you as one of the stars. So I go, are you a dancer or a star? And you were super flattered. Yeah, I was like the dancer. No. I I know the same feeling when someone would ask me that, I'm like, you think I could dance? Like when I was not insulted that you didn't think I was a star because nobody ever thinks I'm a star, but you're like, oh, what do you think I could be a dancer? I like that athletic and cool. It's totally that sometimes people go like, I think I'm maybe a mom. Sometimes just people don't know me, or they'll see a young kid, like I'll be boarding a plane and there's a mom and then two girls behind her and then me, and people go like, are these your kids? And I'm like, oh my god, you think that could be a mom, Like, it makes me feel I'm so far from that. So that's what you must have felt like when I thought you were a dancer. I did felt good because nobody I was the guy that everyone was just like, he's also here for some reason, like inside of that show. Yeah, no one saw it coming because ABC put me there because I And the true story is they said, hey, you'll last about four weeks because I was going from one project over to American Idol, right, and so even dancing with the stars of the group, they were like, okay, you know they were nice, they were great, I guess, but um, ABC, I remember they said you'll last about four weeks, because they did. There no one that's never danced head and I had the least amount experience ever on the show, even less than you. Because in fourth grade, this is so ridiculous that you Okay, I took one ballet class when I was maybe in fourth grade. I wasn't good at it. It's one of those ones where the children just hop around and yeah, okay, so yes, I had a lot of training. I didn't say a lot. I just said I had the least throughout the show at the least amount, and I would add the least you know what, I'll give it to you. Yes, I was. I had trained at an academy for in fourth grade for a couple of weeks, like a couple of weeks. No, it was. It was a small class at a part nice she started for three years. It was not an academy. I was being I was joking, but it was just a dance a child's dance class. I had no experience. I was so excited to meet you that day because you had the same look in your eyes that I did, of like what are we doing? Why are we doing this? What are we getting ourselves into? I've never danced before in my life, let alone do it on national TV and live like. The live aspect of it was the thing that scared me the most, Like if I trip and fall like everyone's going to see, which I did? Yeah, you did on your own accord though, Okay, but don't wait off and trip and fall on our own accord. It wasn't a part of the dance another but another part of that that intro session for us that struck me was that both of our partners were like cut from this cloth of physical beauty I'd never seen but can't even handle it. Yeah, your partner was club and I've never met him before, and we walked up to me. I was like, hey, man, like you've never heard it before. I was like, you're really pretty, dude. I said it so many times throughout rehearsal, like I'd be face to face with him and he would try to be like getting through to me, like you need to get this focus, and I'd be like you're so hot, like do you know, Like you're so attractive, Like I don't understand. He would have like this dewey shimmer to him, and then sometimes his hair would part in a way that would just expose one of is piercing eyes. Like it was he's always a model and I'm not exaggerating, and you're you're supporting me on this, like he's one of the best looking people I've ever seen. And I was being touched by this man and thrown around and intimate intimate situations with the hottest guy who's ever talked to me, let alone touch me. It was wild. I would stop in the middle of practice and so you're so hot, and he'd just always go, I don't know what to say to that. I just never know what to say because he gets it all the time. And I'm like, how about you come up with a response, you know, with as much as you get at maybe you can fire something standard back. Let me, let's let's workshop some responses because it happens to him constantly, so much so that again, if you're told all the time, he'd probably like to hear he's smart, and he's not so. But if to cut him with a compliment, he actually is. He is smart, he's a very he's a shrewd businessman. He's made like a life for himself. That I'm really I was really impressed by Glub once I peeled back his clothing. I found that once I peeled back the oh, he's just a hot guy. He was really fascinating and worked really hard to like be a dancer, like all those dancers are their elite athletes. That's what I would say to I was surprised at the professional athleticism of all of them to get to that point. Yeah, And I used to think I would see good dancers, and then you ago and you would see literal champion professional dancers and realized that the guy who was a pretty good ball player in your hometown wasn't a major league ball player. Because you'd see the guy you know near you, it's kind of the local legend, maybe played some minor league baseball like this, he was the guy. He was the babe route of of Tupelow. And then you get there and you're like, oh no, no, I just saw the real, the real major leaguers. That's what it felt like on that show. It was just like I'm trying to learn a new skill that i've I want to be just okay, serviceable at dancing, and I'm dancing with the best dancers in the world. It's really hard to and you start comparing yourself. You just can't not when you see Whitney Carson walking around, the way she walks is a dance like it's just it was for me. I was only on the show for you did get kicked off fraction of the time that you were on a fraction, a mere fraction, but it stays with me as an experience that was one of the hardest of my life and one of the most profound um moments of my career. I think like it I learned so much. It was the hardest thing I'll ever do. I can do anything now that I've signed up for Dancing with the Stars and did that, Like, I really do feel like nothing scares me now because that was the scariest thing I could have done. Do you feel similarly, yes, because I won, Like, I'm not afraid to go at anything, So I wasn't afraid to go at this. Can't believe you won, does that? Field? Dude? Well, it just feels like I was. I worked a puzzle, so yeah, it feels like my grandmother. She used to take these humongous puzzles, And there's a many years in my life where my grandmother adopted me. We would just sit around and she these puzzles were like five pieces of time, and she would just sit there for weeks and put these little bit puzzles together, one little piece at a time, and some nights I don't think she ever found a piece to fit. And some nights she three or four. And I just felt like that whole time I was my grandmother putting another freaking puzzle, and I was trying to put the pieces together each week, each day. Because analogy really could have helped me early on. I don't know why you didn't share it with me. I think I just came up with it. It's really good, profound on Saturday mornings. It's really good. I mean, that's true us because I never knew it. I never I could. I couldn't have sat down and when I'm gonna put this puzzle together right now and be done with it. But the more I kind of put the pieces together, I figured out my puzzle putting together techniques. Some people put it on the edges first. Um she didn't. She would try to find the middle first. And for me, it was I'm not going to be the best answer. So what can I actually be good at? And how can I improve the dancing part, which is the live part while I do what I'm good at And so like in my life with radio, I'm good at radio, like I am. I'm just I've been doing it a long time. I have success that I'm good at it. I'm for some reason people relate to me, and so I've gained confidence from that, and I've been able to get better. But that being said, I've learned to do all these other things as I've done radio. So um, that's not it's where the stars was. I was, okay, well, I know how to be on camera live now I'm just gonna figure everything around. And part of that was dancing then, And you worked really hard to be a good dancer. I mean you put in the hours. No one. I think no one worked harder than you. I don't think so either, But I think I wouldn't have had to work that hard if I would have had some experience, if I had a couple of weeks at your academy when I was in fourth grade, I think I would have went in like hot and then like, guys, I'm good. I tried to work hard, and Glad would be like, you've got that, it's fine. He like knew we weren't gonna last. I could tell because there were times where he would be like wanting to take breaks, and I was like, let's keep going. And there was some point to the fact that he said, you know, you can't do simple steps and clap at the same time, so I'm not gonna we need to get you need to like marinate with that what we just worked on. So let's take a break, and I just want to work work. I'm like, we only get four hours a day. I need to use every second I want. I had your work ethic, but I didn't know what to do with it. If I just rusted Glad being like, you've got it. But he just knew I've got it, meaning you've got, you've got, you've got We're going home first. He's been on the show too long. He knew, he knew the score. Um, and it's funny that you say four hours is a normal day. That's all we were allowed to do, Bobby, up until the first episode, you know, the first episode in which I was voted off as soon as they could get me off. After that, we went, I mean we did, we worked. Okay, Well then you cheat it because that was hard, Okay, No, no, no, that I was told by the producers four hours a day. Well then, but then I'll go dance by myself. And I'll tell you this, I'll go get music and go to a room and buy a room and then dance by myself. And that's why you want. I will give you that you were you were harder and tirelessly more than all of us, and um and yeah, I'm I respect you for it, and I was worried for you. I think you almost died. I don't know that it was worth it. Like, I mean, I'm sure the having the trophy is cool and having the title, but like, did you learn something from the fact of like, maybe don't do that to yourself again, because I learned you were not well at the end of that show. But I learned that I can actually survive against most of my life, I've been in survival mode. The last few years, i haven't had to be in survival mode because I've had a level of success where I actually can now give it back a lot instead of worrying about eating. Yeah, and so in that I was in pure survival mode again, and it kind of re taught me that I still have what I was built with, was you don't have to be the best, the smartest, most athletic, the best looking. As long as you're in there just grinding, you can out grind everyone else. Literally grinding, just just grinding. Yeah, Like I would just try to That's what I would try to do with claud I'm like, we don't need to do this. Also, can we just grind how people would look up on that show? Though? Bobby, don't you see and Searn and I never touched each other? I don't you And Gleb did you guys look up? No? I know you did not, as was going to ask, he's married and he wouldn't. But can't you see how everyone on that show would end up? Yeah? I talk about it all the time. I'm like, I don't understand. If you were on that show and your partner is single and you're single, it's going down. I still Jarna and I are both single and we didn't I know, I don't know. I think I don't know how that didn't happen between you two, because it's it really is a perfect environment to fall in love with someone. It is like The Bachelor. It's like it's a it's a controlled environment where you are face to face. Talk about talking into someone's ear at a club. I mean, you are that close to someone immediately day one, for hours a day, You're gonna have an intimacy that you you it's it's manufactured, so it's not real. As soon as the show ends. I don't think most of the relationships that start keep going because but it's just like being on a reality show. I could see how going on. If I went on The Bachelor, only saw it too, I would I would fall in love. I used to just think they were a bunch of dopes on that show, but then once I did Dancing with the Stars, I went, oh, I would be a dope too, because you're in a bubble. You do what the bubble tells you to do. Even if the bubble was not telling you, You're still led through the maze and and the people. You're going through the same experience as all these people, and it is all that matters. I mean, Dancing with the Stars was all that mattered. We got done with that, or I got kicked off that show and it came out of it, and the Kavanaugh trial had happened, all that stuff. I mean, that was the biggest news event. I didn't even pay attention to one second remember saying that. And I got out of it, and I'm like, I still don't believe women like I just didn't like it didn't even the world was literally burning around me. They were like fires in l A And I got off Dancing with the Stars and I was like Oh, there were like fires outside the studio and I didn't even notice, because that's all that matters on that show. So when you're on that show with the cast and the other dancers, who all we talk about is who's going to get voted off? What do the producers saying? All we talk about is the dancing and and the process, and all we're doing is dancing. It's you're like in a hostage situation. You fall in love with the show with um the cast. I'm I was first voted off. I'm still friends with I have close personal relationships with most people on the show still. Because it felt I just I think I cried so much to people that I bonded um really quickly and it was the best experience of my life. It does feel a bit Stockholm syndrome is yes, Um, I'll say this for me. That the more difficult and the part that kind of kept me a bit level was that I had to work every day, and so I had to stay connected with the world because I would go do that. We have to go to the radio show one in the morning, you know, for four or five hours and so and as bad as it was, I still I had the outside world a bit. It was still a bit connected, and then I still traveled and toward a little bit. Yeah, I was doing stand up and I was doing my show on Serious every morning too, which was good, but it was also I was jealous of other stars who could just show up to practice and not have anything else going on that day, and they could just do that and that's all they worried about. Um that I got kind of jealous of that. Did you feel that way of every single person that didn't have to work as much as me? Which was every single person I know? But I was. I'm so happy with the with the the outcome of that show, not because of the show, but because of again, I went back to where I have been pretty much my entire life and improved to myself that if Walking Dead happens, I'll win. Yeah, I know you will, Like I'm amazing race, I'll go win that show. And it's not because of anything other than just grit. I remember you being like, I'm gonna win Dancing with the Stars. And this was before it started, because I mean obviously it was because if we were talking to each other, I was still on the show, which you know, it was before it started. Because I was. I don't know if you remember I was first. You were first kicked off, first kicked off? Yeah, um, like asked to leave us, like even before it really went on air. Um, pretty in your dressing room door before the first show. Yeah. Back there just wasn't a name check. Do you have a bag? Right? Ni? Oh? That was a sad realization when I kind of because I didn't see it coming. I just didn't like you just don't think you're gonna go first. I don't know, because there were there were some older people and um, and a blind woman and a blind woman. Yeah, and so I think she had an advantage because she couldn't see how hotter dance partner was, so she couldn't she could focus more. That's just a joke. I've been running. Don't get mad at me, don't tweet me. I'm joking. Um. I think that's doping on Dancing with the Stars is being blind and having the advantage. You can't laugh right now, but you want to kind of no, Okay, great, A lot of encouragement from Bobby Bones across the table on that joke. Um, and she signed off on that. By the way, the blind dancer Daniel LM said, yeah, she said, or an email, so she's right. Oh wait, that's why she hasn't written back. Okay, I wrote it in wing dings though, is that not how they read anyway? I um getting voted off first. I remember looking around, how dare you, how dare you give me nothing on any of that, any of that? You just looked at me, hard hitting, hilarious jokes and you just looked at me throughout the whole thing. Bobby Bones. So getting voted off, I remember like looking around before I think it was the second episode because it was a two night premiere, and this after the first night, I was like, well that's in't then great? I didn't fall, but the judges didn't really care for me. And then the second night, I was like, I didn't even have my bags packed for Good Morning America. I had to get on a flight immediately. I was liminated. I had to be on a flight by nine o'clock and I didn't have any outfit to wear in Good Morning America. I was gonna wear my Dancing with the Star's robe, but finally got something together last minute. But I just remember looking around being like doing the math a little bit and be like, oh, I'm probably going home. I was like in that backstage area where everyone's sitting around hanging out, and it just dawned on me, like, oh no, this is real. And then it's so I've been knocked off a reality show three times now, like I've lost uh, Dance with the Stars, last Comic Standing season four and last Coming season, Last Comic Standing season six, um, and so I've had someone like not read my name before, which hurts, but for them to read your name when it's like first going home and they say your name, it's so humiliating. It was really embarrassing. But here's what I learned from it is that I signed up for Dancing with the Stars being like like, what's the worst that can happen? You know, Like what, I'm voted off first, that's the worst that could happen. And guess what, it's not gonna happen. Why would they vote off me, Nikki Glazer, who is going to bring entertainment value in the in in comedy, I mean, no one else is going to be funny on the show, or no one else is a comedian, you know, so they'll want to keep me around a couple episodes just for you know, humor, and then also like I'm not that bad on the eyes. I mean just in terms of having someone on screen that looks just as as great as I do at thirty four. I mean, they're gonna want to keep this broad on TV. And then you go out there and you try your best and you look the best you can ever look like as a as an aging woman, you're just like, you know what, let me just lean into this and wear a swimsuit on TV. I mean, it's absurd the way I was dressed on TV for me who does not dress that way. And I really was like, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna be my sexiest self and be like a woman and just lean into my sexuality and who cares, screw the haters. And then to be old by Tom bergeron that you are voted like to give the first and have all these things that you think, oh, your biggest fear happened. My biggest fear the thing that rarely happens when you when you take on a challenge and you go, what's the worst that could happen? It generally doesn't happen. Sometimes it does because statistically it will happen sometimes. And what I learned from that is when you take on a challenge and you do it because the worst thing won't happen, sometimes the worst thing does happen, and guess what, you will be fine. I was fine. I would have thought that it would destroy me. I would have been depressed for weeks. Uh. I couldn't look at my friends at the comedy Seller. They watched me dance and sequence. I'm a comedian. They think I'm ridiculous. No one cared. Everything was fine, and I'm better for it. Can't you tell on the I'm you know what I'm always You talked to your therapist about losing first? Um No, not yet. I just got to I just got a new therapist. We haven't gotten to that part of my history yet. It's a good thing. I don't know it's first and second or third? Yeah, no, I would have. Could you have a better story? I know the story is better, but I really just want to say that I would take back the story for the experience. I had so much fun on that show, and I had the best time doing it that I just wanted more. I was just hurt because I wanted to hang out. I liked everyone. I liked hanging out with you, just how great everyone was. It sucked. It sucked, like all of a sudden, a claw machine came down and took me out of my best experience of my life. I felt like it was a claw machine and they just go blop and drop me in New York the next morning, and then no one from Dancing with the Stars follows up, and it's like, how are you were thinking? We miss you? It's just like the show continues and you're forgotten. I know, I know, I know. What like someone who would be an opener for you. Let's say you go to a small club in Iowa and you're doing a weekend there and you pick someone sort of local to come out and open for you, and then I call it crap. I get over Nikil. This is the coolest thing in my life. Do you ever do you follow up a week later and be like, hey, you good, just checking in? I honestly do, Bobby, Well, then you should win dancing with this. You can have the trophy and you can take it with you. I honestly some guy, I'm I'm here in Nashville doing a club and some guy that opened for me in blooming To Indiana like last year, followed up and because we stayed friends and he drove here to do it, so I stay in touch with people. But they shouldn't have stayed in touch with me. They had a whole production. They were in the middle of a show, so they're not the producers are going to be like, are you okay? Like it just it felt really um. It felt like you, Like I felt like I fell in love with someone and then they banged me real good and then the next day I'm like, we're gonna be something and they never call again. That's what it felt like. And it hurt like I was. I was it was. I was hurt for a couple of days, and then I got over it, and then I couldn't watch the show like I wanted to watch you. I wanted to watch all my friends. And I would try to watch it and I would be so excited and I would talk about on Instagram like I can't wait for the show, and then I would watch I start crying because I was just like I want to be there, and all I wanted to do was dance to a Taylor Swift song. That's all I wanted to do. Right when they got it cleared. No, they did the next the second show, the first show after I got voted off Nancy McKeon dance to uh New York. Oh that was the one because it was New York. Yeah, that's right right. I had been preparing for that dance body and they didn't even offer me that. Still a fresh wound, I thought we'd go, Hey, how about Dancing with Fun? Was that three? Three hours later? How dare you? Don't shame me forgetting I'm not shaming because I think I enjoy talking about it. Yeah. Um, but for me that that show was great. We were the bookends show. But I brought you back with me in the final day. That was so nice of you. I do, like I always will say that the show would have truly forgotten about me and not even called me to have me back to the finale unless it was for you. And you found a way in your insanely busy schedule to make it so that I would be a part of your dance in some some way, and you went above and beyond to make that happen. And that really meant so much to me. And because we had kept in touch a little bit during the show and I was obviously watching you go on to win it, but I didn't expect. I didn't expect that. And then I got to wear leotard again. I got and I got to go back and be fun and sexy and and dance again and learn a dance from you. You taught me the dance, which was so funny that Bobby Bones was teaching me steps on the day before that was the day the cake working on the steps. At that point, I was just so tired and you but you that then, so like that was really cool of you. And truly that day, I woke up late for that rehearsal and um, extremely extremely late, and I which I'm just it doesn't happen to me. It was one of those crazy circumstances. And I called the producers and I'm like, I'm oh my way, I'm oh my way. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, and they go, you know it, it's okay, Well you don't even need to be in the dance, you'll just just don't even show up. And I go, I called one. I called her immediately and go, you don't understand, Like, I love this show and I'm so excited to go back. Please please, please, I'll go, I'll do I'll stay longer, I'll figure out a way too, and they go easy, okay, just come by and I'm not like I called my crying and then I showed up. You taught me the dance. I got to be on the winning I got to be in the winning dance to um a panic at the disco song. That is my favorite song now, um and the greatest show. I love that song. It was on the It was on the first episode of Dancing with the Stars, and I remember being like, that's the coolest song to dance too, and then I got to dance to it because Bobby Bones asked me back and it was awesome, and you know that I am appreciative of that. Like that was so fun. That was high That was a highlight of the show for me because I wasn't worried about getting voted off. I did get voted off that night again. Somehow they figured out a way to richart to you the second time. But that was really fun. It was fun. It was fun for me that I got to bring in the people that I was closest to through the season, which were you, DeMarcus and Joe and just say hey, guys get dressed up and come back out. It was awesome. You didn't need to do that. And that's that is Uh, that's Bobby Bones for you. Like he's busier than anyone could ever be, and he still thought to be like, hey, let's make this and it didn't make his dance better. Um, if you just heard the names he listed, two out of three of those were terrible dancers, Me and Joe. It's not like this was going to improve Bobby's dance. The camera barely was on me. No one even knew I was in it. It was just you making a gesture to your friend me to like, come back, and it was really appreciated. So thank you. You're welcome. Mother'sday's coming at May twelve. Don't wait until the last minute to buy your mom and ift. That's right. May twelve is Mother's Day. I'm helping you out right now, May twelve. May twelve, May twelve, This Mother's Day. Don't set off for anything less than the biggest and brightest bouquets from one eight hundred flowers dot com right now. One eight hundred flowers has great deals for your mom, like twenty four a sorded Roses for twenty four bucks. That's only a dollar per rose and with a bright and beautiful mix of orange, yellow, and pink blooms, these assorted roses are guaranteed to make her smile. 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I mean honestly, even if people don't watch it, it's just scrolling through Netflix, they see your name, they see your face. You just it's a billboard. You know what's funny about you saying that. I just had this conversation with one of my people and I was like, hey, you did drop the mic, right okay, and um, I'm always jealous the stuff you get to do. I always tell you that, I'm like, you get to play a freaking game night. I didn't get No one invites me to play game night. So I have a rule like healthy route for you. Jealousy about how cool you are. And you did drop the mic and they run those commercials more people see the commercials in the show. Right, Yes, that's why I did. Right before I got asked to do drop the mic, I just told my agents and drop the mic. If you don't know, it's a rap battle competition on TBS hosted by Method Man and Haley now Birth. And I was like, right before that happened, and kind of right before dancing that starts to I just had this like call with my agents of like, I'll do anything because I realized that it's just about people seeing your face. It doesn't matter what you do, it doesn't matter what you say or how entertaining you are people if they just see your face and enough, they just like you. The problem is people always get mad when they see someone new, like say they were watching Dancing with the Stars and they have no idea who you are, and they're like who's Bobby Bones? Did you get a lot of tweets like that? I mean, yeah, I still get them, like last night, it's like, okay, I'm sorry people who say who's blah blah blah? Did you were you born knowing who Tom Hanks was? You have to learn who people are that you're going to then come to love people just hate anything new and it's like, well, how did you ever know anyone that you know? Now there was a first time you saw them, and you don't need to get mad about it. This is a new person that is in the entertainment world that you're probably going to enjoy. So don't have this lash out of who's Bobby bos like we'll give him a shot because I don't know that that response. You get it so much of who's Nikki Glazer? Who's Bobby? But whatever? Um. But I had just had this talk with my agents of like I'll do anything. I literally will do anything and then drop the mic came in the offer and I was like, I have to do this rapping on TV as like a white woman that was to me. I was like, you know, the commercials on all the time. And as it gets back to your Netflix point, I was like, no one's going to see the show, so why don't I do the show? And yes, and they were like, you want to drop the mic? I said no, I'll even just do the commercials for drop the mic. Thank you just run promos with me. Never put me on the show. We should just make trailers for things and uh and even with lips think battle, I may end up doing that. Oh I want to do that so bad and so that's still on. That is my dream. Oh my god, we make it even like do it against each other. They would let funny people do it against each please please please, yes, I will. It just depends what categories they want to will they put me in the American Idol category against an idol or the country category against a country star or somebody whatever you decide. Whatever category they pick, I will then change careers that because when I did drop the mic, they asked me who do you want to battle? And I gave them a list. I would have given your name had I known you then, So like family food, they said, who do you want to play against? And I get to pick. It's so fun that we got to get these opportunities to give other people opportunities like our friends. So um yeah, that's I'll keep you in mind. For every ridiculous thing I do. I get jealous, like, let me fetch my Netflix point and then I want to talk about more reasons I'm jealous of you. Um you, you will be up on this. I don't watch the specials to show up, but I will watch the trailer and I'll know who they are. Or I'll even text you and go, hey, is this person funny? And even if you say yes, I'm like, okay, I believe. I let me gonna watch it. I just believe. Yeah, now I know that person's funny. And when I see their face, and if they come to town and I happened to be around free, maybe I'll go or maybe have them on the podcast. Like it just it builds and you don't know, you've never even seen their material, but you've seen their face. You're so right about that. I mean that's I just need to get my face out there. Whenever there's like a photo whatever, there's any kind of promotion for anything to do, I'm like, just put my big old face and my name and just that's how you get people to know you. And then I can I know the talent's going to back it up. And you know that as well about yourself. So I'm not worried about being that as much as I'm like, just get my face out there. When people will assume, if it's just your name and face that they should know you already. If it doesn't say what you're doing, they all feel dumb because they don't know whose big name and face that is. Yes, I did an entire Billboard campaign. I told you this story because I hate Yeah, you know it. No, I did. I'm right in my first book, but um my second book, you started reading and quit reading. But you were like, such a good book, how do you finish it? No? I like, no, listen, this is why I didn't finish your book, Bobby, because she was listen to this bull crap because she was so inspired by it. She wanted to go when it get started on it on life because you read the book. I honestly did feel that way, and that's how I feel about most great self help books. I go, I get it, I got, I got what I needed, and now I feel like I am losing out on life by continuing to read this. I think your listeners will actually understand my point when you are truly inspired by something like a Netflix a Ted Talk. Sometimes I'm like, Okay, I get it. I just want to go put this in action right now, because if I keep reading, then I'm going against his message, which is just like rise, grind, repeat. It doesn't say anything about finish the book in that That's how I felt first finish UM and I like I was reading that book because we had just met, and I was like, Oh, I want to get to know this person. And then I felt like, whoa, I'm getting to know this person, like things about him that I feel like I should know I should hear from my friend, and I feel like he'll tell me these things as we get to know each other, and I don't want to. Like, you know, when you um, you can google someone to death before you go on like a date with them and know everything about them, and it's like, I'd rather I could do that. I could listen every podcast this guy has done or whatever, and then I go in and you know, and you have to pretend, like when he tells you a story that you've heard it, that you haven't heard it, and you're like, oh, and you know that, Like I didn't want to do that with you, getting to know you of like you would tell me a story and I'd be like, I was gonna sit you down and say, listen, let me let me talk you through this motivationally to share so many stories in that book that I do think emerged from um close, intimate conversations with friends that I would have preferred to hear from your face than maybe in the book. But I um as I do. I plan on finishing it someday. Never finished it, it would be a good book teaches I got really far. You don't even know. I'm going to pull it up on my eyebooks right now because I believe there's I got so far. That book was truly great, and it was. It was that inspirational to me. First of all, it made me want to write a look like that because I was like, Wow, this guy that I just met the other day in a makeup chair dancing with the stars is like changing my life, and I could maybe change people's lives because I'm just a girl in a makeup chair dancing with the stars, and I mean, it's fascinating. It's truly I remember, that was one of the best half books I read of two thousands. That's what a lot of critics said to the best half books, that first half. I can really recommend it. So with your Netflix special, do you get paid? Yeah? But no no, yeah but me because a lot of stuff even that I will do not not a lot, right, And I guess that's my point. Not a lot. People would think, oh, you get this big Netflix specially and we hear about Ellen and everyone signing multimillion dollars when I mean to get paid that get paid obviously, due to regulatory law, you have to get paid for doing work. Yes, that being said, is it like you're signing it? Is it like millions of dollars? No? No, not even not even close. Um, what it is is I would I would pay them to do a special for the what this will do for my career. So it's not even joking. I honestly don't even know what I'm making. I think I heard the number of years ago because I did a half hour for them and they had the option to pick up an hour, which they did pick up, and I haven't even followed up with what that is. So I know it's not a lot, but I don't care. I literally would pay them to do this um because I just want to get my comedy. I want to get I want to get it out there. Like I'm so excited for people to see me for the first time into UM. Yeah, I'm I'm excited to start selling out theaters and having people like come to see me. I mean, you know that feeling. Aren't you excited to be an overnight success. I hope that that's what happens. I hope that it's it, you know, but it might not. You know, it might I might come out the same day as an Adam Sandler movie on Netflix and then no one sees it gets buried, or or maybe my people don't like my face, they don't click on it. Many I could get voted off first of Netflix. I always have that in my back pocket. Now, Like, whatever you think is going to happen probably won't, Nikki, So just always prepare for the worst, and I'll be fine if no one watches it, I'll be fine. So your goal with your next step of your comedy career is to do theaters, to actually go hard ticket sell theaters. Yeah, sell theaters. My next goal is um, being happy in my life. Like that's truly. I don't care about fame and success anymore. You know what I've hit that point to you already are famous and successful. I don't even know what that means. I don't know if the females, that's not even a thing. Here's my thing on fame, right is that well we can go five years or twenty years ago. I mean, think about Britney Spears. Back when she was big, everybody you knew who Britney Spears was. It didn't matter what demographic you fell into. You just knew who Britney Spears was. Now, if you hop around just on the streets as an example, and you take a picture on a grand day, who's arguably the biggest pop star right now? I think you have people they go I don't know who that is. And also in that same vein with fame, there are so many platforms that we're distribution. Happens to kids adults. I wouldn't know this kid who sells toys and makes seven million dollars a year and he's so famous for a certain group of people famous, So it's too famous, so wide that net and not not as thick that I don't know what it means anymore, and it doesn't it I know, we all know that it doesn't make us happy. Fame and money and success do not equal happiness. Yes, money can like make your life easier, but once you're past a certain point, it's people aren't happy like that are super rich and successful. I mean I know a lot of them, and they're not happy. And I look at that and I go, it's not about my followers. It's not about the amount of followers. It's not about selling tickets. Like all of that feels good and and but also it just means that, like, then I'm worried about the next show. I hope I sell as money as I did on this show. Yeah that was nice to sell at that theater. But now I got next week in Pittsburgh to worry about. It never ends, So if I'm not just like, actually, I just want to be happy no matter what. And I do feel like I'm on the way to that. But um, it's I'm glad you're reaching that point too. I mean, like, but what drives you, then, what drives me is feeling fulfilled, That's it. And I do projects now for two reasons, One because I either love doing it or two because it will let me do something that I love to do, like it's a it's a bridge to the thing that I love to do, and so that's the only reason I do anything anymore. I think that's a great kind of filter to have things running through of like does this serve something that I actually want to be doing, And when I'm doing it, I'm not looking at my phone waiting for it to be over, like I can be in that and enjoy it. It's hard, though, because you get asked to do things that would boost your level of cloud or whatever, and it would actually be a miserable experience. And people do those things all the time and I used to as well, and I just can't anymore. I really can't do anything out of just sheer obligation anymore. I just And we're at a point where we can turn things down that we don't like. But it's hard to because we came up struggling and every opportunity I said yes to everything and everyone, and now I'm just like saying no. It is so hard, but sometimes it's um it feels so good. I also feel that if I say no, I will look back and go, well, you knew you were never really that talented anyway. Oh God, So for me, it's when are they going to figure out how untalented I really am? And why am I turning things down when I could just like squirrel it away from when I'm found out like that is constantly living the money the things. Yeah, I know, and you have. I mean, you've got a lot of overhead. This place is really nice, and you've got a lot of people working for you, So you do have to worry about even though you're super duper rich, you do have to concerned about the people that work because I do have a lot of people that I have to I don't have to that I take care of because one they're important to me, and do they do a great job for me? I know. That's that's the more success and money I make, I take care of the people in my life, and then you're responsibly. Then you feel a burden to provide for them, which feels good because is there anything better than like taking care of the people you love and being able to do that? Does anything feel better to you? I like almond butter. Okay, that's actually really good. Okay, I didn't even consider what about giving almond butter to the people in your life? Now it feels really good. And I think it's a selfish kind of feeling. I'm not being like, oh, I'm such a a mother Teresa, And I get it's giving me a feeling of like, oh good, I can take care of these people. So it's a little bit selfish, but it does. It does create this need to then be like, oh, maybe I do need to take that gig that I don't want to do because it's so much money, even though I'll be miserable. But then maybe I could send my nephew to college because of that check, you know, Like why would I not do that? If I could send someone who needs to go to college to college, do you ever have that? I mean, you're given, you're helping people at all the time. My fear is that I will not be able to afford the scholarships that I give him a high school every year. Yeah, if I ever have to make that call on good guys that I can't do it anymore. Like, yeah, that's always in the back of my head. But don't you ever feel Bobby's gonna make sense right now? But everything you're about to say is right everything. Why do you know what I'm gonna say? Because you're gonna say something sensible, okay, but it's it's hard to talk sense into someone that's not sensible. I know. That's why you always come back with me with me like whenever I'm trying to like, Okay, I know you said that, but here's why that's maybe not true, and you go, I know, I know it's not true. I can see how it's not true. But that's just the way my brain thinks. So that's just who I am, and that's the way it's going to be. And it's like, well, that's not a really open way too. Yes, it is, because I now acknowledge it and see it. I used to could not. I used to just go, you're wrong. Now I go, you're right, and like, I get it six per cent. But I also know that I'm wrong a bit, and I should work on it. I think for me, that's the biggest growth has been I know I'm not right. I just think I was right about it now and now I know I'm nuts, but I can actually see that and work consciously towards fixing it a bit, and I think that's my But I'll never be fixed. You'll never be There's no such thing as fixed because no one's broken. Because if everyone's broken, no one's it's not broken. It's normal. Like we're all broken, so are we even broken if we're all the I just we all have our our aches and breaks and pains and fears, and because we don't share them with people, we feel like we're the only ones that have them, and we're isolated and different, but in reality we're not. We're all struggling with the same thing, but because we're not sharing it, we feel earthly ostracized. I know you're so right, and that's why that's why with my comedy, I try to talk about the things that because I found that when I share these things and I'm like, oh, this will be funny because it's so embarrassing and like no one else has felt that way, and like everyone, everyone feels unlovable, everyone feels gross and weird, everyone feels a shame like everyone. And when you start talking about those things. That's why I think you and I have the fans that we have, is because and that's why I was so drawn to you after hearing your radio show, like I got to know you were dancing in the stars, and then I started listening to your show, and I'm like, oh, he's doing a morning radio show on terrestrial radio where you can't be you can't be dirty, you can't be um. Maybe as real as podcasts get or whatever, but I'm listening and I go, Oh, this is a guy who is actually being quite honest and um about being insecure and about things that he like. You're You're pretty vulnerable on air, and I really respect that about you, and I think that that's why people like you so much is because they relate to they They're like, oh my god, if Bobby Bones struggles with that, then maybe I'm not so weird. And that's always what I'm trying to make. I do know about you, But I'm always working from a place of I want to be the person that I needed so bad when I was like fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, Like I wish that I would have been around for me. Then I'm pretty much just fulfilling what would have made me feel less alone in high school and like scared and hated myself and depressed if I would have seen someone like me talk about these weird things and feeling ugly and feeling like boys don't like you and they'll never like you. And you're bad at sex, you're never gonna be good at things. And if if you're not a pretty girl, you're not gonna get what you want in life. And if um and if boys don't like you, you might as well just kill yourself. Like I had all those thoughts of just like it was painful to go through, and no one was saying that they felt the same way. You just saw girls and magazines. They had a model to have it all, and other girls don't like I just didn't know I needed. I needed ted talks back in high school, and I feel like now that is what I try to provide. Do you ever think about young Bobby and go like everything? Yeah? Everything? When I would shoot, I buy shoes for my high school basketball team because I don't want I don't want one single kid to feel like because they can't I can afford choose. Yeah, So it's all. But again it's very selfish because I'm only doing the things like you said that I needed. We're giving back to arts, and I talk about all the time. I wish I just would like help birds for no reason, but I don't. Yeah, screw them, that's what I say. I love birds, but I think I see my like even seem I project myself onto birds, you know, like I relate to birds just being like like kind of like anxious and like scared and like caged. So are you anxious about the special? Yes? Do you know when it? When it will be out? I think I'm shooting at May twenty two in l A. So if you are listening to this and you're in l A and want to come to my special taping, um, there are tickets available. You can just find it through my socials. Nikki Glazer Um May twenty second, I'm taping in l A. And then I think it'll be out by hopefully October and um and so yeah, I think fault release and that's when you forget the little people. November it's I will never forget the little people. I don't think it's going to change much for me. I mean, I think people are there's just so much to consume. No one watches anything, so it's really going to be about the picture. I agree with you that no one watches everything. Okay, no one. There's not everything anymore. There's not everybody consumes everything. However, just to counterpoint you a bit, more people have access now so as you go, no one watches everything, but more people get a shot at it. And I've found that for me that I have people that will you know, read a book or in this podcast is mostly just creators. It's not like the radio show so much. But people will listen to this that they don't listen to the radio show. Um and again you go, who would listen? There are ten million podcasts, but this thing, it's millions of downloads of something. But more people are now able to find not just media, but um, so it's found. You may feel like it's not the biggest thing, but imagine you're on Netflix. People are watching the biggest show on Netflix, even for a week. So many, so many, I mean this, yeah, you just gotta I did the Fix on Netflix, like this show with Jimmy Carr, and I just did it as like they just asked me, and I was thin, yeah, I'll do this show. A couple of days of taping it was nothing easy, and I was like, oh, it's just be another thing. It I got so so many people see the things that you think that they won't see at all. And then Dancing with the Stars, I'm like, I can talk about it on stage and I literally can pretend like I won and people in the audience believe me like no one no, like no offense, but like no one knows do you think? No, I'm not. I'm just saying like everyone I thought everyone I thought dancing stars would like crack open a new thing from in. Yes, I didn't last on the show, so maybe I didn't get as many fans as I could from it. But I just the things you think that are going to pop sometimes don't. In the thing is that you're like, oh, this will never are huge. I would say that the things that you feel like don't pop kind of actually did. You just don't know it because that show, Um, I would have never come across that Jimmy Carr name, I would have never come across the show if weren't for you putting on your in the story with people seeing it. So I watched it and it was funny. But like I, you wouldn't have known. I wouldn't have known of the show. I don't they ever showed it up. They don't think in my block, No, they don't. I didn't even see it a minute. They didn't even suggest it for me in a minute. I think a lot of times, things that we don't feel popped actually do pop, just in different places that we're not used to. Yeah, I was just gauge it by like how many d ms I get about things. It's a bad gauge. I mean, it's the only way that you get outreached from the community. It's a bad gage. What's it like for a girl? I can attractive female on Instagram with direct messages because I don't get damned. I don't believe you if you gave me your phone. There are so many girls DM you you have, Bobby, I just don't even want to hear it. I'm telling you, I'm telling you, like to your face, I don't I can't click over. And that's girl's going Hey, take me on a date. I want to go on. That just doesn't happen. It doesn't happen. Would you like that? I don't know if I would or not because it doesn't happen. And again, I think in dating situations, one person's bold is another person's psycho, depending on how good looking the guy is. Totally, you know, in the same thing, I would be like, oh, wow, you know she told me, you know she she wanted to, you know, eat my rectum and it's like, how but how hot is she? You know, it's either hot or that's like the so a little little picture. I don't know if I would like it or not, but I don't get that so because that's not the environment. The real environment isn't women slide into guy. It happens, but mostly it's dudes jumping into girls. D M. Yeah, it is. I do get a lot, especially when I come to a town and I go on stage and men think that I make eye contact with them in the crowd. So I got I got one this morning that was like, you were looking at me the whole show last night, and I'm like, I don't remember you. I definitely wasn't and I'm sorry that you thought that I wanted you to come over and do some things to me in my hotel room, because that's what they generally offer, is like I can come over and I'm just like no, what, oh yeah. And then other times it's guys that are like, you know, I I talk very openly about my life. So I feel like people that listen to me on podcasts they feel like they know you. They feel like they really know you, and they see you and a lot of guys will be like, I know what you need, and I hear you and I'm I'm ready to start this with you. And again I have to look at their pictures and be like, all right, well let's see how let's see already. I mean it's all based on looks. Like initially, it's hard for you to win me over, although I did get one recently where I was like, all right, Like it was like, um, hi, Nikki, I'm twenty one and I don't think thirteen years it's a big deal, like talking about our age difference. And I was like, all right, well, I just it's just I would never be interested in year old. But it did get and then he goes, now that I've got your attention, I think we're on the same same wavelength when it comes to dating, which I was like, I don't know what he thinks my wavelength is, but okay, i'll listen. He's like, I just want to come over to your place. I'll do this and this and this, and then i'll leave a joint on the nightstand and leave. I was just like, then, I actually does sound pretty great. That's right just right to it. And then it's like right to it, Bobby, But okay, would you ever go all right? I'm down on a right to it d m um. If it was like a guy that, um, the problem is all I need for me to hook up with someone, and especially someone that just like slides, I need to know who they are. It would have to be like a celebrity that I am already familiar with that I've already like thought about, like what would it be like to date him? Like I have to wrap my head around it a little bit. They need a check mark, and they can get it right away. They got the blue check mark. That flu check mark means everything. It means so much, and so many people have them that don't deserve them. I got a blue checkmark last night. Some guy was like I really like you and I want to take you. And I was like, oh blue, what's going on here? And it was he did he does? Why does he have one? He shouldn't have one? Yeah, my co host Amy, they won't give her one. And she has half a million followers and and fake accounts after her, and they're like and they're being you know, so precious about the blue check mark with her. That's ridiculous. The guys, Yeah, no, she definitely needs one. Um, make that happen. How I just reached out? Yeah, yeah, yeah, it'll happen. I know, Frank Instagram the name, company's name the whole time. So here's hold on. Okay, you actually know what you're doing. So it's nice to sit back and have to carry an interview. Oh isn't it nicer when someone comes in that love has stories and it just goes. I love it made my favorite one ever. I'll be honest with it, really one of them because I just I'm just taking it in and I don't have it. You don't have to be the one that's like, you know, jump regardless. Let me let me say this. I'm jealous when you go on late night talk shows. That's so freaking cool. Yeah, like when I see you because did you do Lenno? Yeah, when I was back in the day two thousand nine, ten years ago. Was the first tonight show I ever did, or first late night show I ever did. I was twenty four and um, I got the call the day of because Paul Abduel was sick and they were like can you fill in? Because my name had been on the board as like maybe she'll be on at some point and they I was second billing on when usually comedians get third, but because it was Paul Abdul and they had no one else to fill in, I was I went second and um and had a great, great set. And then and I thought my life was going to change overnight, because that's what happens when you do this tonight show. And then it's still kind of happened. What do you mean, Well, the Lenno Netflix didn't exist. There were eleven distribution platforms instead of seven. Yeah, it was a different world. But then but nothing changed, Bobby. The next day, I thought like, because I was tempting and babysitting when this call came through, I was out of money. I was just barely speaking, squeaking by in in l A. I was borrowing money from my parents. And and then I did the Tonight you when I was like, finally, like mom and Dad, I'm on TV. And I did it. And then nothing, nothing, nothing came in the next day or they call you back again quickly. No, no, it didn't happen. I did not get asked back to the tonight show. Even though I killed, uh killed, I didn't get asked back. I moved back home to St. Louis after that because I just ran out of money and nothing changed. And then I was able to get booked at better at b room comedy clubs, and so I just started touring more because I had that credit. So all it was in the end was just a thing they could say to promote me at like the jukebox in Peoria, Illinois, and that's where I worked for a couple of years, and then I didn't start doing tonight shows again until a couple of years later. So, and I've seen you a cone, which I'm so I love Conan. I've never met him the best. He's Yeah, He's the reason I do company. Yeah, I see, I'm so jealous. I wish I could just meet Conan. You will, you will? That's going to happen for you? Is he so funny? Next time I do it, I'll bring you backstage. Why you haven't done going in his beyond? What I mean? You're famous and entertaining and funny, and you won Dancing with the Stars and you're ever. You did the NFL draft like there's You're a renaissance man. You should be on Conan. Make that happen. But some um, someone who does everything actually does nothing, Like I don't really have a super skill set like you are an A plus comedian. That is your what do I do? Exactly? Thank you? That's it. Uh, now think about it and you can start to say something. But in the land of pitch, okay, well no, no, no, it's already over. You proved my point. What do I do? Uh? A little bit of this, some of that pretty good at that I don't only have a like a super thing, but I'm I've actually come to terms with that. You're incredibly watchable and listen, listen to Noble. But so if you go on Conan to promote a book, you've got so many funny stories, you're going to be a great interview because that's all you do for a living. It's like, yeah, that's not gonna bring anybody in me being on that, I would disagree. I've just seen too too much data. But for someone like that, there we go. When no one knows this guy, why will we put him on the show. It doesn't matter how good you are, Yeah, it matters one of the relationship you have with them. If the people booking you, why don't they look at your followers and go Yeah, there's maybe there's something to this guy. Maybe we haven't heard of him, but um, I mean it's not that they don't. Nobody has time and every everybody there's a sensory overload. I can't wait till you do those shows. Have you done? What have you? What other shows have you done? Salon Conan Seth Meyers? How's that? How's that experience? That's the best. That is the best, because he's so nice before you go out and do your stand up set, he goes out like during commercial break and talks to the crowd and tells the crowd, Hey, guys, so we've got this amazing comedian coming up. I just love her. Someone you know does the since I mean it's sincere. Everyone jokes about Jimmy Fallon being overly excited and just like just maybe that it's fake or something. How much he laughs at everyone. He he really is like that backstage, like he is that excited and he's sincere about it. And he goes up. So if I ever hosted tonight show or any kind of show like that, I know what to do from watching Fallon because he got his crowd so amped for me, and I've done the show four or five times now, every single time he does it, and I thought it was just a first time thing because he was like, it's the first time on the show. Give her so much love, just have fun, relaxed. She's gonna, she's gonna. You're in good hand. She's the fun. She's one of my favorites, you know, Like he says all the right things for you to go out there, and I could literally say nothing funny and still kill so when I do have jokes, it is just it's the It's the best set I've ever had. Four times is the Tonight Show with Jim Villon. It's the most fun I've ever had. I'm in the moment. I don't have to worry about anything. I've practiced it so much up to that point. I mean the gut. The booker that works with you on that show, on your set makes you run it a million times, like it is an exhaustive week before then, and so you're so like ready to go. You don't even think about it when you go out there and you can just have fun. It's the best you ever go and throw a joke on it doesn't work on one of those shows, or is it so just dialed in that it's really not an option at that point. At that point, everything hits at knock on one, knock on wood. I have never um, I've never had a joke. Not I mean, there's times where I do jokes in high pressure situations where maybe I'm on the couch with Conan and something I say doesn't get a laugh, and I was like, oh, I thought it was going to But then I know that I have stuff coming up later that's gonna really crush. You open strong and you end strong, and then no one remembers what happens in the middle. Yeah, nobody, No one knows what happens. Everybody wants to be in right now, and then they just want to be entertaining again and they don't only care about what they just entertained by. Yeah, people forget about stuff immediately. That's why I keep this special. I'm like getting so nervous about it, and I'm like, I'll just it'll go out people. It'll be like a week of like so many tweets and like love, and then everyone's going to move on to the next thing, and then so will I. And then it's the next special, which I'm gonna be able to do right away, because I have so much material that's not making into this one that I hope to have another one out, like pretty soon after. Are you keeping the joke about me? I have a couple of jokes about you, but um, I had a friend. I'll tell you the story I was. It was like midnight when I get a text and nobody texts me that late because they don't wake up at three thirty, and nobody texts me that l Yeah, I grab my phone. It was like, hey, man, Nikki's in Austin. She told joke about you. He didn't say what the joke was right then, and I'm like, I don't say your name, and I'm like, oh my god, like what could this? And so I wake up at like phone, I wake up through a text back like what was the joke? And he didn't normal humans don't wake up when I do. So I'm waiting for like five hours for him to wake up. And in my head, you should have just texted me. I would have told you. In my head, though, I'm imagining it's the word yeah, that You've done a whole twenty minutes set on all my worst attributes. Yeah, I mean, there were times that I was doing that on stage for sure, but I've whittled it down to just the essential, the best jokes. And and you know what's cool about you as you actually said, hey, I won't do it, you did reach and I was like, no, you should always do No, I don't. I that joke in particular, the one he's talking about, it's so funny and it's actually true, Like can I say it? Save it really well? It's it's it's just like it's it's the joke is not It sounds like I'm doing a dig at you, but then in the end it's just like, no, he's just that good that so anyway, in the end, I feel like that joke is nothing but just a joke. It doesn't really say anything about how I feel about you or and it's just it does but it's it's it's actually a compliment in the end that people go, oh, it's a dig it. No, it is a compliment. I don't think that everyone interprets everything that we mean the way we do it. No, No, of course, people people grown at that joke every time I do it because they and then they whisper and they go, who won, who's she talking? About to say his name. I just go to the same person whatever. I just I mentioned the person that want um and and it felt good at times to do that joke. I have to say, because you know, I just was like a good I just get to like I get my frustration with people out through jokes sometimes telling stories. Yeah, everyone has a way that they do it. Yeah, that being said, but if if it upset you in any way, I would never want to put that out there. And if it embarrassed you or upset you, I wouldn't. That's to me, like comedy is not. I'm not like it's my art. People need to hear this joke about Bobby Bones to like inspire them. I can lose it. If it hurts your feelings, I can lose it. I don't think that it's fair for my feelings to be hurt. What, yes, it is, but my feelings are by the way, my feelings weren't hurt. But even then, I have an ex girlfriend who's writing in it we we I was broke up two years ago and she has songs that are about me that aren't good. And she was like, do you want to hear them? Do you want? I was like, no, just put out your do you yeah, like whatever you do? Do you? Do you ever think that she maybe wants you to hear those songs? It doesn't matter because I don't want to feel a way about it, because I know if I hear I don't like it, I'd be like, oh, hold on, I don't want the option to to I don't want the option to hamp her art. It doesn't matter. That's the because. So you don't want to listen because you might be like mad about it, mad, but but I'll worry about it. I'll be like, I don't want to give it a chance to make me feel uncomfortable because I don't want to have a chance to say maybe you shouldn't do that, because the human parton me would go, oh, don't do that. Okay, Well let's just say it's already out. There's no way to take it back. So you don't even have that option for her to pull it out, like to pull the record and pull the songs. So you listen to all the songs after it's out, and you don't know, so what's the harmon doing that? Why why wouldn't you do that? I would listen after it's out. You will Okay, I thought you were saying no, no no, I just don't want in any way to keep her from Well, it's not because I wouldn't want someone doing that to me. In the same way when you were like, hey, does the joke bother you, I'll pull it, I would. It didn't, but even if it did, I would have no And I don't like that. I don't want to the honest answer, and so I guess it's best to not hear it. Yeah, the most honest answer I can give us. I want you to do what makes you feel good, because I like to do it fulfills me. And if it's a stupid joke about me, then you should do it. Who cares? What am I like? If we're all nobody, nothing matters anymore, I know, But why do anything, Bobby Off? Nothing matters? I mean, because if it filled us, that's why. Okay, that's why, that's why we do anything. And if it feels you to make fun of me, then you should do it. You don't even have it really feels good, you know, it's just it does. I have to be honest, like sometimes when I write jokes, because I've been like my feelings have been hurt, and I'm like, I'm going to take it out in this joke. Um, it does feel good and um, and I'm sure your ex girlfriend feels good singing those songs sometimes because it's our way of expressing what she couldn't maybe expressed to you maybe. I mean she had a whole record of good songs about me. Yeah that's nice. And oh man, I dated this guy that was like a rapper once and he like when we were dating, he wrote like so many raps about me of like how cute I was when I slept and like just like the just wraps about cute stuff. And I was like, oh my god, this is he's Like it felt like so good to finally have like someone write a song about you. He's a good rapper and it would like be how I was adorable when I slept, Like literally that was one of the whole songs he wrote. And then I broke up with him and we remained friends and he came to open for me on a show. Um, he wrapped, he rapped open. He's like a comedy rapper, so he open. He was. We broke up. It was long distance, and I was like, hey, I'm just not feeling this anymore and this is too hard, but listen, we're you're going to open for me in Boston, Like we should still do that, And then I was like, oh, maybe i'll we'll look up again, like who knows, Like it was just I was like, but you still open, We're still friends. So a month and a half later, after I broke up with him, we don't talk. He opens for me and I see him at the club for the first time and I'm like, oh, like I kind of forgot how cute He was like, this is maybe I'm going to have like a little romance tonight in Boston with my ex boyfriend, and like now I'm attracted to him again in a way that I only feel because I've rejected him, and I feel like he's improved over this month and a half and I was just like really like, oh my god, I'm excited about this. And before the show, he came up to me and was like, so, I wrote a song about you and I want to do it tonight. Is that going to be weird for you? And I'm like, well, he hasn't seen me sleep in a while, so it's probably not another one of those. But what could I mean, I just go listen, you know me, and you know what would upset me? Do it? Do it? I love that. And his friend was with him, who was a mutual friend of ours, and I go, have you heard the song, Mike? And Mike was like yeah, and I go is it bad? And he goes and I go, just do it? Do it? Like I was busy, I was just like do it. So then he goes on stage and I'm in the back being like with my friend who is with me, and I'm like, he wrote a song about me, and it's like so excited. So he's doing his whole act and this one song starts and it's like when I haven't heard and the beat is fairly aggressive, like the rap beat whatever it's called. You know, I wond dropped the mine, so I should probably know what that is. But and I'm like this, this is a new song. And he starts rapping about this girl, a girlfriend of his, who had the worst breath he's ever um tasted when he kissed her, like the worst, and he's going on to describe it in such a visceral way that the audience is like gagging almost. They're just like, I just remember the audience being like, oh, and I'm in the back going poor Jenna. I was thinking he was about another ex of his. I was like, I can't believe he wrote this about Jenna, like he dated a friend of mine, and I'm like, I gotta tell her because this is not nice. And then all of a sudden, I was like, things in the story started adding up to I remember the kiss he's talking about, Like, I remember because in in the song to my credit, in the song, yeah, sometimes I have bad breath. I had just eaten a gross meal with him. We were making out in his apartment, and I remember he in the song. The bridge of the song was like, you know, she stopped in the middle because she really as it was bad, and she was like, I gotta go brush my teeth, which I do if I'm kissing a guy. And I'm like, this isn't good for either of us. I'll go. Let me just go have some mouth wash. And she goes, and then she came back and it was worse, and I was like, how dare you? It was not worse. I definitely did something about it. But then that's when I realized it was it was me, and I felt I had to go on in headline right after him, and I felt my like I felt an out of body experience in that moment, and I was like, this guy is I will never speak to him again. It's over. This is over. So he got off stage, and he knew immediately because he came up to me and he just like looked at me like like I'm kind of sorry, and I just go, never speak to me again ever ever. And he goes, Nikki, I go never, I respect me right now, and never ever talked to me ever again. And and I never talked to him again. That was nearly ten years ago. He wrote me being like, I didn't know you were so insecure about your breath. And I wasn't. I wasn't until you wrote a song about it. And he goes, you don't have bad breath. It was one time, and I go, well you, and he goes, you write jokes about guys all the time, and I go, you know what, When I write a joke about a guy, it's very easy. It's just me like talking to my friends about him. I say a funny line and they go, that's funny, and I write it down on my phone. That is how much work goes into a joke about a guy that has hurt me. You had to go to a cafe and sit with your little notebook and think about what rhymes with dumpster mouth and go to your rhyming dictionary and craft your your song had a bridge. You'll spend hours thinking about my bread breath. This is hurtful. And so I've never talked to him again. Is he still a comedy rapper? Yeah, he's great. He's very talented. He is um. Yeah, in the in the comedy world he has known and he's truly talented, truly great. He has asked for my forgiveness for so many years. He's I mean an email one time on Yamkafore, which is like the I guess they talk about forgiveness on holiday a lot, and um he wrote me being like, hey, will you forgive me? Like I really am sorry and I want your forgiveness? And I was like yeah, actually, like I felt it lift. It would have been a couple of years of me being angry about this and talking about him all the time and just so upset, and I let it lift, and I go, Okay, you know what we're done here? Good? I forgive you. I don't want to be friends with you, but I forgive you and I'm not going to bad mouthew anymore. And that's all I can do because I have bad breath, but I'm not going to bad mauthew. I am um, You're forgiven, and I felt good about it. I could listen to rap again, Like he ruined rap for me for a while because I was like, I relate to Eminem's X now you're Kim yeah him, I was so Kim. And then suddenly I was like enjoying rap again. I was like, oh, I got my mojo back, and I really forgiveness is definitely a powerful thing. And then he went on a podcast and talked about it, and I was like, forgiveness for why did you listen to it? Because my friend? Because I wanted to hear him maybe talk about me. And I think someone had like been like, hey, he's on this thing and and and you get to hear the guy brought it up and was like, is it true that you wrote a rap song about a girl and she got hurt? And he was just like, I don't want to talk about this, man, I don't want to talk about it. And the guy like kept prying, and he was like, okay, fine, so here's what happened, and it just felt like all all over again. Yeah, it opened it back up and I said forgiveness revoked and and now no, no more Talkie. That's different than me. I will well, I'll give you an example, a direct example of yeah, um, if I think I might be talked about in a way, that may not be because it's like I don't need that in my in my head. So like when you would have Milo on your show, I wouldn't listen just in case you guys made any problems. Really wouldn't. I wouldn't go I want to go anywhere because I'm why don't do that in my life? I do that too. I I honestly think I listened because I thought he would say something nice about me because we had gone through the forgiveness thing. Because I'm very similar to you. I don't read any comments on YouTube. I don't. I protect myself from any negative Um you know anything being said about me that's yeah, that isn't going to make me feel good about myself. It's just I know what's out there and I'd rather not hear it. So I don't like look for the comments you would get thrown sometimes by like certain comments on Twitter and stuff, and I'd be like, why are you reading that? But I know it's like to get the good, you gotta get the bad. Yes, So that's why I would never listen if I thought, because I think you're really good. I think you're actually too good at radio to not have been in it that long. And I would tell you that. And when you would bring on Milo, who I love and should have won the show by dance experience, like no doubt, I'd be like, I'm not listening to that crap because because they're they're gonna say something one percent chance, and I don't need to hear it because then I'm gonna hate on both. I don't think we did. I know, and you know what I but I wouldn't know I would have done that, but um if it would have just been out of jealousy that you want to show that you know and now circling act. Now, let me tell you this before before we before we wrap. Here's what you do that's annoying, but that also has actually changed me a little bit. It's all your stupid vegan stuff on your instant story. It's so much. But you know what I do, I think about it. Sometimes it oddly works a little bit. I stopped any meat, still eat enjoy it, but I do probably eat about twenty percent less meeting your stupid vegan story. I see them and I try to try to get out of them as fast as possible to get back to the funny stuff. Yeah, well, I appreciate you saying that, because that is the only reason I'm so heavy handed with all of it, is because the only reason that I became vegan was because of the same over the top messaging of like, think about what you're doing. Your dog is no different than a cow. You moron, You've been, you've been. There's propaganda being thrown at you from the day you emerge from your mom's womb that says you should be drinking milk from cows and eating meat from animals, and it's just not the case, and it's just all once you open your eyes to it, you can't not see it again. And it's like I haven't looked at like the horror footage of the slaughter houses and stuff like that. I don't need to see it. I've read it, and once you read it, you can't you just you can't eat it anymore. So I just try to put out little things like little. It's a lot big. Oh I could go bigger, but okay, but I'm just telling you they're not a little. Okay. I just can't help it sometimes because I also when I get depressed, like I just think about animals suffering, and I just get so sad. And so when you see a big flood of that stuff from me, it's usually because I'm in like a dark headspace. Like it's usually an indication if I'm going on down a vegan wormhole. I'm like, bitch, you're depressed, go out and get some fresh air, like, because that's where I go. Do you go anywhere when you're depressed? I just shut it all down, nothing like, no communication with anyone. What do you watch something? Do you go when you watch the office? Yeah? Yeah, that's just shut it all down. Nothing, No Instagram, no nothing. Yeah, because I don't want to bring eye into people. I feel like mind's worth anything good. I mean, who cares that being said? I think that your stuff is so annoying. Yeah, yeah, you've been doing it the whole time I have. Yeah, But then I just kind of let your how dare you when different name? One time I deflected yours. The stories are quite annoying, but they are a bit effective, even on me, who wants nothing to do with them. Right. So that's it. That's all. I just wanted to state that publicly. I don't like it, but it does work a little bit. Okay, that's why I do it. Yeah, a little bit, but not all the bit. But it is annoying. Yeah, it's I'm always like I'm gonna have to to watch five of these different things. Yeah, I know, it's like next, we don't want to hear about pigs suffering. Next? You here talking right now, let's stop talking about it. You run it up. I know. I just wanted to quickly address that. Um, I have a few things I wanted to bring up. What else did I think would be fun to mention to you? What else? What else could there be? Um, well, there's a lot. Yeah, but we're running out of the show is almost over, you know, running out of time. I want to think of where I want to go real quick. By the way, follow Nikki. Um, if you want to see all of our stupid vegan stuff, it's not all that. I'm pretty entertaining on Instagram. Nikki Glazer, you are, Yeah, you're very entertaining on Instagram. I'll tell you to me, I think you may be one of the most uplifting people I've ever met ever period. Like hanging around you would give me such confidence to be confident. Really, yeah, because I would always feel like I'm pretty confident in some things. I'm terribly We all are. We have we're we're basically a boardroom, right. I feel like in our heads that it's it's a big boardroom. There's a table, there's a sad person, the happy person, there's the leader, there's the follow where, there's the and it just depends you run in the meeting that day. And you know that's how that's what we are. We're all of them. But who's going to run the meeting that day or that hour or whatever you know, slice of your life that you choose days. The janitor runs my meeting, it's just a guy who has no idea what we're even talking about. He just happened to come in and clean up, and we're like, you run it well. The confident guy in my room wouldn't run the meeting very often because I'll be like, but but you were always so confident, but in a refreshing way that it was like and then you would you're also a great builder of people, even let's take me out of it other comics, like you get on your Instagram and you really put people over. And I don't think that is the natural way that it happens in the creative world, not from what I s It's so competitive, it's so fake at times that it doesn't feel like that from you. Oh well, thank you, and I I'll give it back to you, man, Like I know you would say that sometimes when I would get kind of um yell at you about how great you are and try to get through to you about like what like do you know what I see when I look at you or what I because I don't know that you understand how special you are, and so I would just kind of flood you with these monologues about how I perceive you, and it wouldn't be And I think you knew that it was coming from a real place, that I wasn't bullshitting you, because what I was saying is you know you just you can sense authenticity, I think, and so you would I could tell that it would work for you to say all those things. But it was very easy for me to tell you all those things because you're extraordinary and and I and and and I also got a lot of that from you, Like it felt good to give you that kind of boost that I thought you didn't wouldn't even need, because you write self help books, you have an empire, you've you're you can have anything you want. You I always said that to you. You can have anything you want, Bobby Bones. You know that now you can have anything you want. And it would just frustrate me when you would seem like maybe you didn't think you could, or you still any kind of self doubt. I just want to shake you and be like, oh my god, like you'r who I looked to too. I wish I could be more like you. So it's at the same time that it was frustrating, it was kind of nice to see this insecurity and someone that I had put on a pedestal so much. But for me, I got that I got a lot out of our friendship during Dancing with the Stars, like a ton. I mean, you know the things that the one thing that you helped me with that is like huge that has had influence in my life. Um, like down the road, like I was just a one decision that I was an email I got that was like really upset me, and I happened to get it like right when I was hanging out with you, and you I would have done the opposite of what you suggested I do with that, and I did what you did just because I was so upset about it. I kind of had to just turn over the power to someone else because I was like, there's too much emotion here and you were like, just right this back and that was the best advice. Like that was such good advice. No one else was giving me that advice, and I just trusted you in that moment and it worked out. It really worked out. And I've since followed up with that same advice to emails like that that come in and have kept coming in, you know what I'm saying, And um, I've since used the same approach. So that really changed my life. And then also like yeah, you got me into I'm really grateful for dancing. When it starts from meeting you because you I watched you be so um reading your book like I just told you, Like I read your book. I was like Oh, this is kind of what I want to do like you, I want to do what you're kind of doing, and you want to do what I'm doing? What am I doing? Just being your I will I will living in this mansion in Nashville and having every opportunity at my fingertips and none of that stuff doesn't matter. What they're sitting on your couch, um keeping nothing? Who was that sitting with? I don't know yourself alone, Bobby? Nothing matters, what what? I don't understand what that means? Nothing matters. Just because you're a big house and your money, that doesn't mean that you're not alone. Is that what you're saying doesn't mean that you're happening. I think I'm more alone that way because it feels like, man, I should have somebody to share with, right right, Bobby. I'll tell you this again. You can have anything you want. If you want someone to share it with, you can have that. Okay, Mike d would you like to have something exactly you? Act like this? Oh, no one likes me. I can't. I'm going to be alone forever. No girls like me. No one wants to state me. It's not an act. By the way, I don't think it's an act. I really don't think it's an act. But I you you just said after winning Dancing with the Stars you can do anything. I believe that I can. I can figure anything out, right, So figure that out. I listen, I'm trying, are you? Yeah? I think you know what? You know what? I had a I had not a good moment yesterday. Um, there's this new song and it's my Pink and Christy Bolton's in the song, and I think it's my favorite song right now period. But the whole song is like, would you love me anyway? Even if all I couldn't do all this stuff? I mean, I might pull it up over there. I'm listening to it and I'm like, if I couldn't be funny, why would you even want to be with me? And I had this really bad really it really wasn't good. I was like, oh man, I'm still not in a great one because I kind of like myself at the first time ever. I kind of like myself for the first time ever in my whole life. Kind of yeah, well that's better than absolutely there's been real progress. Like I think I'm kind of pretty cool now kind of yeah, but I was like I was thinking. I was like, I would expect nobody. I don't know that I feel like I'm lovable yet, And I didn't really think about that for all. The stupid song came on and I'm like, oh, what what is What do you mean if you weren't funny? Would you still be? Why would you want to be around me? If I can't make them laugh? Or but you can't make them laugh, But it's one of the reasons why we like being around you. If I can't make them laugh or or be have a cool job. To have both those things, I know what I may not may not um because you would still be sweet and like kind. Well, everyone could lose everything, and that doesn't mean they're not lovable. I mean, like, let's strip you down to nothing, like I want you just to love my organs. I mean that's a ridiculous scenario in which you lose things. I mean, yeah, we all do the thing of like would you love me if I lost all my arms? And it's like, probably not the same. I like your I like that your mobile and can like go roller skating with me, so it might change our dynamic. But if someone was dating you and you suddenly lost your sense of humor and lost your money and lost your hair. God forbid. Um, I'm pretty lucky that I have all my all my hair. I mean, you're so lucky. It's it's really cranking up there. Yeah. I don't think they would put me on shows. I know, dude, you would have. You would have gotten some transplant situations going maybe, or I just been like, I'm checking out of this. I'll find something else. Yeah, I mean, that is rough to lose your hair as a man in this business. It's not It's not an easy go. I'm still wearing my makeup from yesterday when they put makeup on me for the show. I never take it off. I love looking beautiful, beautiful. You should keep it on. It looks great and like product in my hair a little bit. And you have to because you know you were on TV. You have to wear those magup today. But you, that is so I love that you. You almost did you cry to that song, but it made you feel like things. Yeah, I was sitting there listening to it. I was like, oh, I don't I'm done with this. I said, I think the thing is, let's just unpack this a little bit more. You once you really love yourself, you'll let someone else love you, and until then it can happen you just don't love yourself enough. Maybe I can let someone kind of like me, yes, and I think you have before because you kind of like yourself. But I'm I'm working on the same thing. It's like, I only let someone appreciate me as much as I appreciate myself. They can't get in any further because I'll push them away because I'll be like, why do you love me? I'm like not lovable, and then you're wrong and I don't even want to be around someone who's wrong. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Uh one day and one of my favorite stories that I can't wait for you to tell publicly, and I'm not gonna say any names because we've talked about dating on the riot At before and I've talked about it on the show before, and you actually see people that you would see on television or see people in music. It's like a fancy dating app and you connected with someone I'm not going to say who, don't worry, I don't even know. I'm a huge were huge fans of this person and you only connected and then you never respond to it. I think about that story all the time. Oh my god, it was so excited. There's there's a uh this dating app and you push the heart and if you both pushed the heart, it connects you. And you saw this music star that you were a huge fan of. There were both teach fans. Yeah. When I was like in high school, I grabbed his hair when he was performing and he was front row. I was front ro when I grabbed him and he looked at me like, bitch, get off of me. And I was a high schooler and he was a fully grown man. And now these old men are on Riya and I still have this Yeah, like you see someone that you idolized when you were young, and they were like twe thirty, which was way too old for a high school student, But now they're like old men, and it's not that they don't want the same appeal, but you can't forget that. I just wanted to see if he liked me to he did we matched. He wrote him Niki, and I never wrote back because I was too scared because I thought I would have to, Like, then I'd go on a day with him, and then what if I'm like all I want to talk about is August and everything after me. I wasn't going to leave you there, dude. Okay, what do you do on Riya when you see someone that you're friends with? Um? Well, I used a screenshot and center to him and laugh, but it goes, then it goes we'll put you in jail if you screenshot. So I don't do that anymore. Sometimes if someone has a phone and I'm with someone and be like, hey, take a picture of this, do you match with them? And then go ha ha ha and like write each other okay, let me give you this. Next saw my ex girlfriend down there and I matched, I didn't match. I pushed the heart yeah, and I texted her and was like, hey just sell you on right. Yeah. So I just kind of wanted to avoid. And that's the Gussie guy friends because they're in you can hit that local thing who's around you, and so you don't only match with guys, but girls not so much. I had a guy that I was like dying to, like, I like knew of him, celebrity I knew of and I was like, oh my god, if that that chance ever happened, that would be cool, right see him on RYA. I liked him like years ago. I mean, I've been on that app for so long. And then it like sometimes people don't see your face for years, or they just get desperate enough that they finally click the heart or whatever. And it's someone that I had met in passing but didn't even think like anything was there. And then we both we matched, and I was like, oh my god, like this guy is definitely into me. And then I followed through on it to be like, got a little bit flirty and he's like, oh no, I just was like saying hi to a friend, like that's what you do on Ryan when you matched, and I'm like, no, you don't. I thought, you know, I think the move would be this you send him on Instagram. I just saw you on rya you I think if you wanted to say hi, because that's embarrassing. That sucks that Bobby. He wrote, Okay, so we matched and I was like, oh my god, and I thought maybe he's just doing the friendly match thing, and then he wrote, this is really exciting, nick This is very exciting, Nikki. What would you think inc Well, I do love the Google dolls, so it be I would be like, that's fantastic. Oh, and so the new rule for me is if I see a guy on these apps that I'm friends with it, I would never really want to bang. I would just I would rather just exit, not even have it. I don't want to do the high we're both on this app. Isn't this funny and we're friends. Unless it's a friend that you're just like, maybe we want like that, I'll do it. So if you match with me on Ryan, I just know that I mean business. Have you ever matched with Jeremy Piven? No, because I would never swipe right on him. Did her hipopop up your feet? Yes? He has. Um. There's a girl from a TV show and we matched show I'm a big fan of and I was like, hey, and I don't want to act like I don't know who she is. That's the worst as if you're like lying, yeah, never heard of you. And she's that she's super funny on the show that I really like, And I was like, hey, I'm a big fan of your work, because I don't think there's anthing wrong with saying that, And and I'll had more Instagram followers in her, so I'm more famous, so she should be heavy your messaging. She said, Oh, you actually sent me a nice message. That's nice because Jeremy Paven sent me this and she shot it back. Really, oh god, I hear the worst stories about him. I don't know him. I'm just saying i've heard a couple in that realm not good. Oh, I can't wait to hear. You matched with a friend of mine and um, I matched. Yeah, you matched and we're like d m NG with a friend of mine and she shared it with me, and um, you were really nice. I'm nice. Yeah, I think I don't like. I'm not like. I think you used a line that like maybe was said on me once and it wasn't a line, but it was. It was it was a sentiment of something that I was like, Ah, that's a bomber to see that something that you thought was for you. I don't know that that's true. It wasn't. It wasn't on this is my show. Now, I am the captain. I can't remember lie. I don't think you like. I am the captain now, okay, Sorry, I must have felt something to say something because I can't remember lies because I would, I'll get caught in them all the time because I talk everywhere, and so if I said it. I must have. I don't know what. I don't even know it was right. No, no, no, you did feel it. It's it's just a thing to say to a girl that I thought. I didn't mean. I don't I didn't never met her. Yeah, no, no, but yeah she was. I was like doing some show and she was like, do you know Bobby Bones he was on Dancing with the Stars. And I was like yeah. She was like, I just matched with him on this thing. And she was like, and we've been talking and she I did not ask to see any even and she showed me everything. I don't like, send up everything. Here's my balls, everything, I saw every I saw all your organs. No, I saw I just saw the chat. It was nice. You were definitely not a creep star and nless that's the maybe I should be creepier because I don't do well. Yeah, but I don't even want to hear this. Okay, why don't you do well? Because I'm not like, hey, come over and let's let's take the sausage trained to Naperville. I don't know what a guy saying that a thing? Come over all, I'll leave some poort grinds after I'm done, and I don't know. I'm so I'm just like, let me just be nice to people and to see where it goes. But I'm not aggressive enough sometimes, right right, right right? Yeah, no, I know. So Okay, now I'm gonna all way back to the very beginning sentiment of this whole whole show. We have an arc. Went to the club last night? What you did? What we talked about this at the beginning of you went to the comedy club. I'm like, waiting, why did you go to show? Okay? I was like, okay, that's I went to the club. Remember when the clubs are still a thing. There are people when I hear club, it just means Homni club to me. But okay, to the club, and you said, do you dance? Forever I didn't. Now I feel like if I'm dancing good or bad, it doesn't matter because I'm the champ. True. And if people are like, oh, you can't dance, it's like, sorry, I have them freaking mirrorball. Yeah, what do you mean I can't dance? I have it right here. It's actually it's in the bathroom. My security guys holding onto it. He'll bring that at any time and so I don't mind the weird thing about dancing Now, people will ask me one in airport's sometimes, hey, we do a dance or two. Um, if I'm at the club, they'll record, they record me dancing all the time. That's fun. Dancing is so fun when you really let yourself do it. It is a black That's why it's fun. You have to really let yourself to do it. Not worry about if you're good or not. No, you can't worry because you're not. You're not. I'm pretty. I'm the champ though, because I am. You are the champ, but you're not good. But I'm the chance you You did it, but you're no One would say like, that's good dancing. Yeah they did when they game, they actually did. Yeah, yeah, you know, Bobby, I actually was very impressed by you. You used to um before the first show. We would send each other our practice videos, and I remember you being like, mind so bad, I don't even want to send it. I don't want to send it. And then you'd send it and be like he knows what, he's good, he's fine, he'll get through, he won't win. But I was so insulted. This is the Boman and solved. This is the most I've ever been insulted by you. Okay, really, yeah, I've told you the story, but you're not gonna know. I was so hurt by it. It was week two Dancing with the Stars and you were doing it's the story about your week and your show, and you predicted the winner and you didn't pick me even had a friendship pick Milo. No, why would I pick you just because no one thought you would win? Bobby? But I kept telling you, I'm going to when you say things to me, I trust you. Because of that moment, I didn't believe in you. I didn't trust you. I didn't I thought you were crazy to think that you would in. I saw the twinkle in your eye, and I thought, this guy's nuts. If he thinks he's gonna win, there's just no way. It's never happened before. And then you broke the show, Bobby, like what that show has been on twenty seventh season and no one who was a bad dancer has ever won. Okay, but I was insulted, and I told you, but you were honest. Why would I ever have thought you would win? No one did. Yes, I I cared for you, and you were my friend outside Shove dark Horse. You know what a glad you won. I'm well, I'm glad you made it to the finals because that meant I got to go back. But um, it was nice to see you when it was nice to be there for that. I just remember it was just I remember where I was when they said your name. Was like walking down the stairs to like make my way down to the and I remember looking at um who did I look at? I think it was my radio producer and we would just go, oh God, like we like just like it happened. I can'tfully of it happened. Bobby Bones. One was that like the best night of your life? I was really tired, And no, I don't think it was. I think it was um a week later, it was pretty cool. What was the best night of your life? Now that I asked that, do you like? What's been the most joyous moment for I enjoy doing things that I never thought I would be able to do as a kid. Yes, So when the governor invited me to the mansion to talk me out running for governor of Arkansas, and I had through this big party, I didn't know it was for me, but it was for me, it was dinner. It was the huge they brought up. Um. I was like, Oh, this is the coolest thing you've ever got to do. Because when you're a kid in Arkansas, you don't the governor. You may see him drive by and he envited and then he pulled me and I was like, hey, what are you doing. You're not run for governor. It was kind of that thing, like are you really It's just and so that was really cool for me. That's not so much the talking about politics because I will probably be the governor of Arkansas and maybe president, but I do why where are you going? I'm not kidding when I say that, I know you're not. And I just said Bobby that the next time you tell me that you are going to do something, I'm gonna believe you. And so, you know what, I believe you. I believe that you will be president some day. If you want to be, you can be. I think so too. What the heck you want to be president? I don't know, Bobby, don't be president. I don't know. I want to be where I can actually be happy. Movie. I want happiness for you being president. It's just too much work. Just enjoy your life. It's just don't be president, Bobby. I know you could. I'll vote for you. Dancing Knight was great. That Governor Knight was great. Mike, will you get in on this? Don't president? The Radio Hall of Fame was great. When when they inducted into that, they even they call me Bobby Jones. He literally did, I'm inducted. It's me and eight year old. Give me a break, and they call me Bobby Jones. Um, and then oh, here's what I was gonna bring up, and we're done. We're not gonna pack. I get on airplane. I know. I had a freaking go on work tonight. Um. We're both huge Howard Stern fans, and I've thanked on both of my books, and I just I've been a die hard Howard starting fan. And when you've been on the show, that's nothing. I'm jealous. That's what it was. You got to go on the show. It was amazing. It's so jealous. And I listened and I was so happy for you because you were so funny. Thanks man. Yeah, he laughed a lot. It was nice. It was that was that was my the best moment of my career. I think like I was actually happier for you than I watched. Jealous. I honestly want to write a book just so I can go on Howard starting to promote it, like I'm working on projects to figure out a way to get back in studio with him. Yeah, we're And then he talked about you though, like I listened to that recently, that, which was super cool, because so cool. He's mentioned me before and like like taking little pops, like what does this this kid do? You know? But it's still it's how it's freaking acknowledging your existence. Oh, it's so it's still great he knows you exist. But then yeah, he talked, he said nice things about you. Yeah, and I just kept what appruptive to do what he does and it's like talking, but he didn't and he just moved on. And it was almost like the oh, I was listening to it with my buddy Andrew because you had sent over the because I was like, he talked about you, this word. I just missed it. I had been listening that morning and I guess I had gone to work right before we started talking about you, and you were like, hey, you had mentioned it, and I was like, send it to me. And then Andrew. My friend Andrew and I listened and we were like jumping up and down like you had one dancing with the start. Like That's how excited I was, because as a stern fan, I understand the magnitude which that kind of acknowledgement from him brings just in my heart. Not even people heard it was just like, so, it's the best. You'll get on there someday too. You you can have everything you want. But okay, he's saying, Bobby Jones, you can do any Bobby Jones can do anything that Bobby Jones wants. What were they what do they call me? A gospel singer? Recently it was oh so I hosted an American Idol for Ryan and Ryan got sick, and they were like in American hosted this week by gospel singer Bobby because Bobby Jones is a gospel singer. Oh, I was gonna say, like, you probably could win like gospel singing with the stars like you will do, You'll do, you could do that. You could be a gospel singer. Okay, um, if you want it, Nikki, it has been a great pleasure. Let me sit here. Some dates coming out for Nicky real quick. I didn't even really look at anything had written none. In Chicago, you've been playing Tarya Hall. Yes, that's not a is that a class A club? That's not that's the theater. Yeah, the Wilbur and I'll play Wilbur's cool. It's good. Yeah, that's great. Saturday. Yeah, Comedy Seller in New York City. That's crazy. You'll do like six or seven um sets a night sometimes driving around New York. But for anyone, because want in Chicago and Boston, um not even this is the show, but uh Ty Hall May three, Wilbur Theater and Bosston May four, Comedy Settler in New York on May five, and uh Instagram and I'm spell like kk I G L A S E R. Yes, people may put a Z there. Yeah, don't do that. Don't do that. Thank you, thank you, Bobby. There we go, Mike, thank you very much. Epis one seventy fourth, thank you. Thank