One of Lala’s Biggest Regrets

00:00:00
Speaker 1: Hello, gorgeous.

00:00:01
Speaker 2: It's La La Kent.

00:00:02
Speaker 3: Welcome to Untraditionally Lala. Hello, baby, gorgeous La lacent here, Welcome to the bonus episode of Untraditionally Lala. I still have teat here, which thrills me. We wrote in on the Untraditionally Laala Instagram page and said what would you guys like to talk about on the bonus episode? And we had a plethora of emails come in, which I'm very very thankful for. I appreciate your listenership and you guys just being a part of the pod in every way. We got this email and I'm going to have Easton read it, and let's let's I haven't seen this.

00:00:39
Speaker 4: Can you discuss navigating frustration in public? One of the moments that made me connect with you was when you openly shared that your book didn't make the New York Times bestseller list, especially after having such high expectations for it. I felt like a very honest and vulnerable moment. I'd love to hear your reflect on that now with some distance from it. How do you handle frustration in such a competitive environment where success is constantly measured through matrix and lists. Metrics and lists and looking back, are you able to see that simply publishing a book is already a huge achievement. Did the disappointment of not making the list overshadow that accomplishment at the time. I'd also be curious to know if the Lalla of today still recognizes herself in the pages of that book. What do you think a new book from you would look like today? And would you ever consider writing another one? I really really really liked that question.

00:01:40
Speaker 2: Love this question. Wow, just wonderful question.

00:01:44
Speaker 4: Ship back and just let you let me know if you want me to read any points on it.

00:01:48
Speaker 1: But first, the first portion was I really did pour my heart and soul into that book, and I think anytime someone writes a book, the hope is that you make the New York Times bestseller list. The timing for that book was so wild because we started writing it, I want to say, everything came to fruition in probably twenty nineteen, and.

00:02:20
Speaker 2: I knew what I wanted it to be about.

00:02:22
Speaker 1: I knew I didn't want it to be a memoir because I was still very young and had so much life to live. I wanted it to be a book of stories that kind of shaped who I was at that point in time.

00:02:33
Speaker 2: I also did not want it.

00:02:35
Speaker 1: To be a book about I didn't want it to be a tell all. I wanted it to be uplifting. I wanted to talk about me and my experiences and my perspective. I didn't want to shade anybody, because we all have different perspectives in life. So it was the goal was, let's tell stories from my point of view because it's my book, but make it very uplifting and round it out on why I am the way I am and where I am today. You have to also remember I had come very far when it came to vander Pump Rules.

00:03:15
Speaker 2: I was the girl who took her top off. I was the home wrecking whore.

00:03:17
Speaker 1: And then I had finally found quote unquote love and my person and I wanted to celebrate that through the pages of this book. I wasn't even pregnant yet when I was writing this book, so that shows how long the process was. By the time the book came out, we were in COVID. I could not do one single book tour, no city, no state. Everything was via zoom and social media. I was now a mother, so the book was it was like it felt like a different lifetime. I'm like, my entire life has changed since I wrote this book, and when I got the call that it didn't make the New York Times Bestseller list. Of course, in that moment when you're in.

00:04:06
Speaker 2: It, I was upset.

00:04:11
Speaker 1: Of course, I was hoping that that outcome would have been different. However, I usually sit and spiral on things. I did not spiral on it. I did not spiral on it. My book did make other lists, which of course are not as prestigious as the New York Times Bestseller List, and there's no.

00:04:32
Speaker 2: Shade to that list.

00:04:33
Speaker 1: But now looking at that list, to me, it feels harder to not make the list than to make it. I feel as I look at the list, I'm like, wow, it's actually a pretty big accomplishment that I didn't make it.

00:04:47
Speaker 4: It's always like, hey, in this book didn't make it, so it's worth reading.

00:04:52
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, watch, I'll write another book in the New York Times.

00:04:55
Speaker 5: And it'll make it.

00:04:56
Speaker 1: Don't read it, they'll And I'm like, you snubbed me before a big fucking deal.

00:05:05
Speaker 2: I did talk to.

00:05:07
Speaker 1: My mom a lot in that moment, and she tends to bring me back to reality and ground me about what a huge accomplishment that was.

00:05:15
Speaker 2: And it's no secret that I'm not a writer.

00:05:19
Speaker 1: I like to write, but I did have someone there helping me put it together.

00:05:24
Speaker 2: People call that a ghostwriter. We can call it that.

00:05:28
Speaker 1: There were times where I would send her back. I remember staying in bed again it was COVID for like eight hours. She would send me a new chapter and I would rewrite everything and she'd be like, what are you doing And I'm like, it doesn't sound like me. And she would say, well, your version was not grammatically correct, and I would say, but that's how I talk.

00:05:50
Speaker 2: So there. I understand that it needs to be written a certain.

00:05:53
Speaker 1: Way, but it also has to feel true to me and how I speak.

00:05:59
Speaker 5: Yes and that, yes, I agree with that.

00:06:01
Speaker 4: And they don't think that's why people can connect with it.

00:06:05
Speaker 1: Well, here's the thing. It had an outpour of like tremendous support. I mean, we covered the death of my dad's sobriety, relationships gone wrong, plug your ears. The abortion that I had when I was very young was someone who I who I really liked a lot.

00:06:21
Speaker 5: But was it poal? Was it beep?

00:06:24
Speaker 2: No?

00:06:25
Speaker 5: It was the fuck wad oh fuck him?

00:06:28
Speaker 1: Was a guess man, oh Dick John Yeah, who came into my life later on again proven that with time and age you actually became a bigger piece of shit.

00:06:40
Speaker 5: I was just about to say wow.

00:06:43
Speaker 1: Again another reason. At the time, I was like, how poetic. He's like, come back into my life and we've.

00:06:48
Speaker 2: Like it all the sadness. It was meant to be.

00:06:51
Speaker 1: This is gonna be our story. And then I was just like, oh my god, you're horrendous. You're a real piece of shit. You're like no better than the honestly, And that's when I was like, we're done. You're attracting men who are so horrendous. This is a you problem at this point.

00:07:09
Speaker 4: I'm glad that you can notice that, though, because when I'm talking to people and they're like I talked to like eight guys and they're all crazy.

00:07:14
Speaker 5: It's like, maybe it's true. At this point, No.

00:07:16
Speaker 1: Easton, you know, I took a moment because I was like, they're not my problem. I am my problem. I am attracting really bad dudes, which is why I said, when people are like, you're going on five years single, I'm like a lot of that has been because I have not been attracting good.

00:07:37
Speaker 5: Dudes, no good. That's one thing, just to interrupt.

00:07:41
Speaker 4: I there's nothing more dangerous than somebody who goes from a relationship to relationship.

00:07:45
Speaker 5: In my opinion, I need two three years.

00:07:49
Speaker 2: I agree with you.

00:07:50
Speaker 1: I think being able to back away from a relationship and say I'm not dating. I'm going to take this time to be alone and become okay with it and again become one hundred percent so that I can go out and find a person who's one hundred percent to complete my two hundred.

00:08:05
Speaker 2: But with that book, and you guys are going to.

00:08:08
Speaker 1: Think that this is it was so meant to be, that it came out during COVID and didn't get the pop that maybe at the time I felt it deserved. I am thrilled that it did not make the New York Times bestseller list. And I know people are going to be like, you're crazy. You're just saying that. I truly am grateful. And here's why. In the pages of that book, I pay a lot of love and respect to he whose name we shall not name. Even in the dedication page, he is the final name. And I remember it perfectly.

00:08:54
Speaker 2: It says to blank, we made it. Baby.

00:09:01
Speaker 1: When I think about the Give Them La La book, although there were so many other stories involved that are truthful and from my heart and what shaped me into who I am. The book was a dedication to a person who ended up being the complete opposite of who I thought he was.

00:09:23
Speaker 2: I was so thrilled.

00:09:25
Speaker 1: It just made so much sense the universe, and I could be saying this to make myself feel better. It was like it didn't get what it deserved because I truly believe the way he thinks he would have taken.

00:09:37
Speaker 2: Credit for that.

00:09:40
Speaker 5: I can agree with that just because I know him the person well enough.

00:09:45
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I know people like that, Yeah, well they exist, they are among us. Be careful, watch out, Yes, keep your eyes and ears open. So at the time, yes, I was like heartbroken about it. It didn't it didn't last long. I was able to move on from it pretty quickly. Looking back, I'm so happy that it didn't get I'm so happy that it didn't get the recognition that I wanted it to get. At the time, I just I look back at that book and this sounds so awful. I am so proud of what I did, and I've never looked better by the way that cover was so amazing. They sent me the images and I was like, I love this picture, but what I want you to do is match my nose. I said, I want you to replicate what my right nostril looks like on the left side as well, because there was just a tiny little shadow.

00:10:42
Speaker 2: So it's definitely like severely edited.

00:10:45
Speaker 5: But loved it.

00:10:47
Speaker 1: And I was three months pregnant on the cover in fucking LATEX, I freaking slayed a Bob.

00:10:52
Speaker 2: I was like, you better go because I'm like, who is this?

00:10:57
Speaker 4: Is that me?

00:10:59
Speaker 2: Damn, I don't care how.

00:11:01
Speaker 1: Much editing you did as long as I can claim it. I mean, it says my name on it, so I'm claiming it that to me. But I look back now on that book and I've slowly started to pull back on the emotions I feel. But for a very long time I couldn't even look at it. I told Mom get rid of every single copy. I don't want one single fucking copy, and luckily she kept a few behind my back. But it left such a yucky taste in my mouth because again, even though there were so many stories in that book that they were factual, it was my life when it came to a significant part in the book, which is the stories that led me to my quote unquote person. It felt like a lie. I was like the pages of this book.

00:11:50
Speaker 2: I'm angry at it.

00:11:53
Speaker 1: I'm angry that I wrote about this fucking person in my story.

00:12:00
Speaker 2: Yeah, does that make any sense?

00:12:03
Speaker 6: No?

00:12:04
Speaker 4: And I think everything that you're just saying is why you're happy it didn't make the New York Times bestseller because.

00:12:09
Speaker 5: I credit wouldn't feel like yours here.

00:12:12
Speaker 2: No, and yes, we're like.

00:12:15
Speaker 1: I was looking back and seeing moving out of that apartment into this house and having, you know, the the thing that mom had with all the books in there, and I was like, I don't want these. I fucking am so angry at this book.

00:12:32
Speaker 2: And I'm so glad.

00:12:34
Speaker 1: I'm so glad I didn't travel around the fucking country talking about it. I'm so fucking happy that I didn't sit there and have it make of a freaking list.

00:12:46
Speaker 2: It's a man's name in it.

00:12:48
Speaker 1: Are you never make a fucking list?

00:12:52
Speaker 4: You will never make a fucking list? Are you on to rock in a hard spot of like? Are you happy you wrote it? But not in a sense happy about the time.

00:13:01
Speaker 1: I'm indifferent about it now? Yes, I have no feeling about that. Okay, no feeling except I look slamming on the cover.

00:13:08
Speaker 5: I think it helped a lot of people out.

00:13:09
Speaker 1: No matter where you were saying this, I don't want it to come across that.

00:13:14
Speaker 4: No, what I want I'm going to interrupt you, and all I can say is was back then, Yes, Now there we go.

00:13:20
Speaker 5: I'm just about to say it.

00:13:21
Speaker 1: Back and I go. I wrote a fucking book, and I put my heart and soul into it.

00:13:27
Speaker 4: I think a lot of people would be I think a lot of people are ready for another book of you two almost not that you're ready to do it, but I think a lot of people to write another book. I think a lot of people, and me being one of them. I didn't read your last book, and I'm not going to, but seeing because you've talked about so much, I feel like i've read it, seeing that person in that book and living with that person while in that book, to see where you are now. I think a lot of people are excited to see what you will write next.

00:14:01
Speaker 5: And I know you will write something. Give it time.

00:14:03
Speaker 4: I know, maybe not now, but I think the next book that you will write, whether it makes a New York Times bestseller or not care about that. I think that I've moved past it. It's going to be an amazing book just to see. Also, because it's helped so many people. I think Where you Are now that book is going to be the chapter two of how I can now leave that book behind right and start my next Yeah, because I feel like you a lot. I'm I'm a book reader. I read like atomic habits, I read self help books, and I and Yours is a self help book for a lot of women. And I want you to know that your next one, I do believe it will be a New York Times bestseller, just because I just you have a lot to write about and a lot to say.

00:14:46
Speaker 5: And I don't think a lot of people know how far you've come.

00:14:49
Speaker 4: Yes, they can see it, but they haven't seen behind the curtain of what you've done that the book gets to show. And I think that you would be doing yourself and a lot of people a disservice by not doing another book of Where you Are.

00:15:12
Speaker 2: I love what you just said.

00:15:14
Speaker 1: The first portion of that is when I was approached to write another book for my I just didn't feel like the story was complete. I need I will know when the timing is right to do that. Yes, when it comes to the New York Times bestseller list or what they wrote in saying like, is it hard when everything is judged off of metrics and lists? I think it used to be, and I think there was a point in time where I was struggling with with emotions that I had never felt before. And this was a few years ago, where there was there was jealousy, there was anger, there was sadness, there was shame, and I had to take a moment to retreat and really hone in on what makes me happy, what keeps me ticking? If everything is gone tomorrow the shit right? What do you want your life to look like? And here we are four, I mean there were a lot of I mean, I'm five years into being out of my relationship where I think three years out of the final season of vander Pump Rules, and it was just a lot of emotions that had piled on, and I thought, if we continue to feed into these emotions, we're going to be in a really fucking bad place. I took time to do all of those things and figure out what makes me truly happy and truly tick so that I don't give a shit about lists or an award that what I do is good enough because I fucking did it. I don't need someone else to give me a silver star to make me feel like it was worth my time.

00:17:18
Speaker 4: One person reaching out, I was saying, they helped you is worth more than a fucking New York Times bestseller.

00:17:23
Speaker 1: To me, I fully agree the amount of people, but I had to focus on that Euston.

00:17:29
Speaker 5: Yeah.

00:17:30
Speaker 1: There were times where I would cry to Mom and I would just be seizing, and it was like, what is this? Why am I feeling this way? Why am I taking things as a personal attack because they're not acknowledging what I've done and been through.

00:17:44
Speaker 2: And it's like, you don't need that, you.

00:17:46
Speaker 1: Don't What is that going to give you a moment of like a little pat on the back, and then it's going to dissipate and you're gonna feel the same way until someone else comes in and gives you another pad on the back.

00:17:56
Speaker 2: High high low lows. I was addicted to that feeling no more. Yeah, I'm telling me, finally gotten over it.

00:18:03
Speaker 4: I stick by that, and I know it sounds weird. Don't let people know when you're high, so you don't have to let them know when you're down.

00:18:09
Speaker 1: No, but you know what, I can handle it all. No, Like I'm good, and it is enough for me to get a message like that, someone reaching out saying you helped me get sober. I've reached my ninety days. Those are my flowers that I get on a regular basis, and I'm sorry, But the moment that I look at that and feel nothing, but I feel something over making a fucking list.

00:18:32
Speaker 5: You've lost You've lost yourself.

00:18:34
Speaker 2: Every single part of you, myself.

00:18:36
Speaker 4: Because I don't Yeah, I mean, I'm not somebody who's been on that or anything like that. And it's easy for me to be like I don't care if I am or not, but like, deep down, i'm very I like close connections. Whether I release a book, if somebody came up to me and was like, thank you for doing this, I don't care if I made any list. The fact that people can come up to me and do that, that's enough.

00:18:59
Speaker 2: That's enough.

00:19:00
Speaker 4: Like when you when we're at lunch or dinner and somebody walks up to you that is our you know, waitress or waiter, and they're like, hey, I just need to let you know that like you started me on my sobriety. I have a year for you to be like that, to be honest, like I don't even know how you feel, because that would be unreal for you to get somebody sober like that, Like I could cry, like, No, I don't think that you're better that I fucked this family up when I was dreaking.

00:19:29
Speaker 5: Just lie.

00:19:30
Speaker 7: You've made them better around their families, Like Dad's what you don't understand. So when it comes down to like fuck a title, fuck anything, like when these people come up like you bettered them in their situation around them and that's beautiful, and that's something that I don't think you.

00:19:47
Speaker 5: Really understand, and it's beautiful. I love you. But no, you help a lot of people out, and that's where I'm saying you.

00:19:54
Speaker 4: It's a disservice not to put another book out, whether that be five years, three years, ten years, but you should because a lot of people enjoy it.

00:20:02
Speaker 2: I love it so much.

00:20:03
Speaker 5: I love you.

00:20:04
Speaker 2: What a beautiful way to end this bonus episode. Thank you for writing in. That was a spectacular question.

00:20:10
Speaker 1: I actually this was one of my most favorite episodes that we've done.

00:20:13
Speaker 5: Yes, So thank you from Augustine.

00:20:16
Speaker 2: Yes, thank you Augustine.

00:20:17
Speaker 1: That was like one of the best questions I think I've ever heard.

00:20:21
Speaker 5: Yeah, well, great questions, like a lot of debt to me that.

00:20:26
Speaker 4: It was like four paragraphs with like very in depth questions on each paragraph.

00:20:32
Speaker 5: Amazing.

00:20:32
Speaker 1: So I want to say thank you to everybody who tunes into this podcast. You guys are a part of the fam, a part of the pod.

00:20:40
Speaker 2: You're amazing.

00:20:41
Speaker 1: I hope you have the best week, the best day. Go out there and be kind to each other. I'm going to catch you on Wednesday for another episode of Untraditionally La La, and again next week for our regular old bonus.

00:20:51
Speaker 6: Love you, bye bye.

00:21:00
Speaker 1: S