331 | Art of the Session: The ACT of Setting Limits

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You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks,

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your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.

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Hi,

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I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks,

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The Kid Counselor.

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This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get

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a master class in child-centered play therapy

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and practical support and application for your

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work with children and their families.

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In today's episode,

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we are continuing with the Art of the Session series.

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And I feel compelled to bring us back to

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the reason we're doing this.

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I mentioned it earlier,

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but we're kind of

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about halfway through the

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series now.

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And I want it to be real clear why we're going back to basics for several reasons.

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The first

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is mastery is in the basics.

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I actually talked about that on a Collective call last week and this week.

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When you master something,

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it's not from the advanced,

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it's not from the high level,

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it's always from the basics,

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so we have to go back to them again and again and again forever and always amen.

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We're never going to get to a point where we say,

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OK,

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I know everything I need to know and I'm never going to have to go back and

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and look at all of the original seminal stuff.

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That's what keeps us grounded.

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So that's one reason.

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The second reason is.

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I have been

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hearing from so many listeners.

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I've been talking to so many people on the Collective calls.

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I've been watching so many play sessions in coaching.

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And

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there are things that are taking place

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under the guise of CCPT.

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That are not

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the 11 things that we're to be doing.

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And therefore we're deviating

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and we're not adherent

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and often we don't even realize it and often it's close enough.

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See,

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see this is the danger.

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I remember a long time ago people always used to say the devil's in the details.

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My psychology professor used to say that all the time,

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the devil's in the details.

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So

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we're often close enough.

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In other words,

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we might say something like,

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You can do almost anything you want in here and if there's something you can't do,

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I'll let you know.

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That's not

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CCPT adherent.

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Welcome back to the playroom.

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You can choose to play with all the toys in most of the ways that you want.

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It makes a huge difference,

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but see how it's close enough.

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I set the stage.

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I gave expectations.

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I made it known that there are exceptions,

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but the language matters.

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The phrases matter.

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The concepts and underpinnings matter.

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So we have 11 things

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that we're going to be using in play sessions and we are going through those.

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We started with the very first interaction,

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start of the client life cycle,

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and we're going all the way through why?

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because there are specific things that we should be doing

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as part of the session.

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It is an art,

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Art of the Relationship,

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Art of the Session.

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So that's why we're doing this,

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wanted to bring us back,

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make sure we were still on

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the same page and on the same wavelength.

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So today we're talking through limit setting.

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Pillar

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Tricky one,

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very complex,

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very difficult.

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It messes so many people up.

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I watch play session after play session where

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limits are just botched left and right.

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It is one of the more challenging skills.

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So we're going to

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go through it and make sure that we're working on all of this stuff.

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All right,

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let's start with some overarching

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components.

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Limits are not used on every child.

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My

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cohort coordinator and right hand person,

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Mya asked me

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not too long ago,

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has there ever been a kid that you've done an entire

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process of treatment with that you never set a limit with?

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And I said,

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yeah.

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So,

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not every child is going to have a limit set.

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Why?

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Because they're only needed when they're needed.

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And there are certain kids

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that are going to be in a play session with you week after week after week after week,

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and there's never a concern for your safety,

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their safety or damage to the toys or property.

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Therefore,

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they're never going to have a limit set and guess what,

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they're going to leave

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their work with you and their time with you,

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and they're gonna say.

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I could do anything.

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There are other kids that are going to tell you there is one limit in the playroom.

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And if you polled all of your clients,

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they may all say that there's one limit,

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but they're all different limits.

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One's going to tell you their skin isn't for coloring on one's going to tell

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you that the shelves are for sitting down on if you climb to the top.

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One's going to tell you that the blocks are not for throwing at the wall.

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One's going to tell you that the water is not for dumping in the sand.

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Why?

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Because they've only ever

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had the need

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for one limit.

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So each of them's going to say there's one limit in the playroom,

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but they're all going to be different.

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And then there are going to be certain kids that

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would tell you and anyone else that will listen,

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there are 72 limits in the playroom

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because they require them all the time ad nauseam.

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So

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we don't set them with every child

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and we often don't,

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don't set them frequently.

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This is not an oftus skill.

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Because

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we are hopeful

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that the child will not require them.

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And they're only needed when they're needed,

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so

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we may go 40 weeks and only set a limit once.

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We may go 40 weeks and set 72 limits,

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but it's completely up to the child in the circumstances.

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So this isn't something that you necessarily practice all the time.

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It's certainly not like reflecting feelings

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that we can do all session,

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every session with every single kid.

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There are always emotions to reflect.

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There are always encouragement phrases to provide,

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so other skills are going to be far more frequently used.

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And here's why this is so tricky.

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It's 3

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skills in one.

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You essentially have to have a mastery over 3 skills.

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And then be able to fuse those three skills into a new skill.

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It is difficult,

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it is wordy,

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it is fast,

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it's complex,

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and if you have not rehearsed it,

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you're going to flounder.

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It's that simple and I'm not saying that to be defeating or

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depressing.

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I'm saying that to help you feel equipped,

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you have to rehearse it outside of your sessions.

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My,

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I,

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I know many of you've been with me a long time.

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You know my process.

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When I need to learn something.

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When I am doing a repetitive,

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monotonous activity,

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I rehearse it in my brain.

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When I needed to

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work on my Spanish,

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as I was swimming laps,

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I was speaking in Spanish to myself,

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went strange enough,

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when I needed to learn gibberish because my friends at school

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were speaking in gibberish and I had to practice it,

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I would do that when I swam laps.

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When I needed to rehearse my limit setting,

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I did it when I was

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running or swimming or folding clothes or whatever it is,

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that's just a mindless monotonous task.

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Why?

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Because if you wait till you're in the moment.

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And there's already something happening.

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Your emotions are going to override your brain.

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We know this happens.

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This happens for kids all the time.

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The same is for us.

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There's an emotional

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switch

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and it takes over and your brain's like,

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wait,

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what,

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uh,

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uh,

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and then your brain and your tongue don't match up anymore,

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and then you're fumbling and bumbling and nothing's

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coming out making any kind of coherent sense.

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And then you go,

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well,

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that was a royal flub and that kid does not even

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realize that I was supposed to be setting a limit there.

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You rehearse it when you're not in session.

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Think of a scenario that would require a limit.

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And practice it.

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Give yourself a scenario mentally.

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Kid

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starts to dump sand in my hair.

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Go.

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Yes,

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that happens.

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If it hasn't happened to you,

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it will.

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If you have a sand tray in your room,

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you will end up with sand dumped in your hair at some point,

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I promise you.

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I was talking on one of the Collective calls this week and I said,

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how many of you all have been spit on?

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And only maybe like a third of the people raised their hands and I said,

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What are you all doing in play sessions?

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Who are you playing with?

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How have you not been spit on?

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Like,

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there are things that you can just know are going to happen at some point,

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and getting sand in your hair is one of them,

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getting spit on is one of them.

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There are just things that are predictable when you work with children.

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So

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you know at some point,

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if you have a sand tray in your room,

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you're going to get sand dumped on you.

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Go rehearse the limit.

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What are you going to say for the first part?

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What are you going to say for the second part?

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What are you going to say for the third part?

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And as you're saying it,

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if you're fumbling and if you're going,

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oh no,

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that wasn't neutral,

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oh no,

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that wasn't the feeling,

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oh,

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that wasn't an appropriate choice,

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you can correct it,

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you can work on it.

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You can adjust what you're saying until it is an

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appropriate limit and then say it to yourself several times.

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That's the beauty of the practice.

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You can

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practice perfectly.

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You know the whole adage,

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practice makes perfect.

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It's actually perfect practice makes perfect.

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If you practice poorly,

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you're not going to perfect that.

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Can you imagine like a professional athlete?

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Not using their fundamental skills and just like goofing around thinking

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that's gonna make them better at whatever sport they're playing.

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No,

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you have to

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execute what you know,

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but it has to be flawless execution

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for you to become proficient at it.

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00:09:40,770 --> 00:09:43,369
You don't practice swinging off a tee sloppily.

275
00:09:43,820 --> 00:09:46,409
You don't practice swinging off a tee with one hand.

276
00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:49,640
You don't practice swinging off a tee by not looking at the ball.

277
00:09:50,500 --> 00:09:51,989
That's not going to make you better.

278
00:09:52,979 --> 00:09:53,580
Similarly,

279
00:09:53,659 --> 00:09:55,809
when you're coaching yourself through limit setting,

280
00:09:56,219 --> 00:09:59,409
if you're not on target the 1st time or the 3rd or the 5th,

281
00:09:59,580 --> 00:10:00,929
when you finally get there,

282
00:10:01,140 --> 00:10:03,210
recite it to yourself several times.

283
00:10:03,419 --> 00:10:04,190
Let it sink in.

284
00:10:04,219 --> 00:10:05,820
It has to become muscle memory.

285
00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:07,280
OK,

286
00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:08,890
so what is the process?

287
00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:10,469
Many of you all know this.

288
00:10:10,719 --> 00:10:12,440
The acronym is ACT,

289
00:10:12,559 --> 00:10:14,349
so you're going to acknowledge the feeling.

290
00:10:14,640 --> 00:10:15,590
Let me pause there.

291
00:10:15,799 --> 00:10:17,549
It's not just the feeling.

292
00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:19,340
It is often the need,

293
00:10:19,599 --> 00:10:20,289
the desire,

294
00:10:20,440 --> 00:10:20,849
the wish,

295
00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:21,640
the intent.

296
00:10:22,549 --> 00:10:23,020
So yes,

297
00:10:23,270 --> 00:10:25,520
sometimes there is a feeling associated with it.

298
00:10:25,830 --> 00:10:26,979
You're really angry,

299
00:10:26,989 --> 00:10:27,849
but

300
00:10:28,229 --> 00:10:29,380
you're so excited,

301
00:10:29,549 --> 00:10:30,049
but

302
00:10:30,710 --> 00:10:32,349
What sometimes it is emotional,

303
00:10:32,390 --> 00:10:33,280
but other times

304
00:10:33,510 --> 00:10:34,270
it's a need,

305
00:10:34,429 --> 00:10:35,030
a desire,

306
00:10:35,109 --> 00:10:35,669
an intention,

307
00:10:35,710 --> 00:10:36,260
a wish.

308
00:10:36,510 --> 00:10:39,140
So we reflect whatever it is that's evident.

309
00:10:39,150 --> 00:10:40,989
It's not necessarily an emotion.

310
00:10:42,500 --> 00:10:44,630
So we're going to acknowledge whatever it is.

311
00:10:45,950 --> 00:10:46,400
Then

312
00:10:46,570 --> 00:10:48,409
we're going to communicate the limit,

313
00:10:48,489 --> 00:10:49,210
that's the C.

314
00:10:51,070 --> 00:10:52,650
The limit is neutral.

315
00:10:53,510 --> 00:10:54,219
Always

316
00:10:56,169 --> 00:10:57,570
If you have

317
00:10:57,929 --> 00:10:59,330
a non-neutral limit,

318
00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:02,719
It defeats the purpose of the limit.

319
00:11:04,239 --> 00:11:05,320
The limit is neutral,

320
00:11:05,369 --> 00:11:06,489
it is a fact.

321
00:11:06,929 --> 00:11:07,979
It is a statement,

322
00:11:08,570 --> 00:11:09,400
just like

323
00:11:09,690 --> 00:11:11,239
there are clouds in the sky today.

324
00:11:12,659 --> 00:11:14,849
It is a declaration of truth.

325
00:11:15,969 --> 00:11:17,719
It's neutral on purpose.

326
00:11:18,159 --> 00:11:19,080
There's no charge.

327
00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:20,150
There's no emotion.

328
00:11:20,359 --> 00:11:21,239
There's no tension.

329
00:11:22,059 --> 00:11:23,599
It's just an acknowledgement.

330
00:11:23,890 --> 00:11:26,080
And then the T target the alternatives.

331
00:11:26,250 --> 00:11:28,169
Essentially that means provide choices.

332
00:11:29,289 --> 00:11:30,929
Alternatives to what you might ask.

333
00:11:31,010 --> 00:11:33,059
Many of you maybe have never even thought about that.

334
00:11:33,250 --> 00:11:35,409
Why is it called Target alternatives?

335
00:11:36,979 --> 00:11:38,369
The alternatives

336
00:11:38,929 --> 00:11:41,469
are appropriate behavior options

337
00:11:42,039 --> 00:11:43,289
that map back

338
00:11:43,559 --> 00:11:44,599
to what you.

339
00:11:45,489 --> 00:11:46,250
Acknowledged

340
00:11:46,419 --> 00:11:47,409
in the first step.

341
00:11:48,700 --> 00:11:50,909
So the child needs to get energy out.

342
00:11:51,039 --> 00:11:52,710
The child is upset.

343
00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:56,150
The child really wishes that something could happen.

344
00:11:56,359 --> 00:11:58,270
The child is begging for something,

345
00:11:58,640 --> 00:12:01,030
whatever the original acknowledgement was.

346
00:12:01,859 --> 00:12:03,119
The behavior

347
00:12:03,450 --> 00:12:04,799
is inappropriate.

348
00:12:05,369 --> 00:12:07,400
The A is always valid.

349
00:12:07,969 --> 00:12:10,119
Whatever we acknowledge at the start,

350
00:12:10,530 --> 00:12:12,729
the child's never wrong for that.

351
00:12:13,049 --> 00:12:15,090
We never have any issue with the need,

352
00:12:15,150 --> 00:12:15,500
the feeling,

353
00:12:15,510 --> 00:12:15,950
the desire,

354
00:12:16,010 --> 00:12:16,369
the intent,

355
00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:16,960
the wish.

356
00:12:17,450 --> 00:12:18,890
that is a given.

357
00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:22,270
A child's never wrong for any of that.

358
00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:23,549
The behavior

359
00:12:23,960 --> 00:12:24,710
is the issue.

360
00:12:25,700 --> 00:12:28,099
So we're providing alternatives

361
00:12:28,659 --> 00:12:32,030
to allow for the child to get their original

362
00:12:32,500 --> 00:12:33,739
acknowledgement met.

363
00:12:34,429 --> 00:12:35,700
What was their original need?

364
00:12:35,809 --> 00:12:37,109
What was their original desire?

365
00:12:37,179 --> 00:12:38,530
What was their original feeling?

366
00:12:39,020 --> 00:12:39,770
So in the T,

367
00:12:39,859 --> 00:12:41,250
we provide alternatives

368
00:12:41,580 --> 00:12:43,690
that are behaviorally appropriate,

369
00:12:44,020 --> 00:12:47,380
that tie back to whatever it was that the child was experiencing.

370
00:12:48,770 --> 00:12:50,799
This is why this is so complicated and tricky,

371
00:12:51,059 --> 00:12:53,130
because you can't just give random choices.

372
00:12:55,270 --> 00:12:55,979
For example,

373
00:12:57,549 --> 00:12:58,419
Child says,

374
00:12:58,630 --> 00:13:02,349
this comes straight out of the OG CPRT training manual.

375
00:13:02,510 --> 00:13:03,340
So I'm,

376
00:13:03,469 --> 00:13:04,789
this is not my own example,

377
00:13:04,869 --> 00:13:07,830
this is straight from the first edition of the CPRT manual.

378
00:13:08,820 --> 00:13:09,690
Child says

379
00:13:10,429 --> 00:13:12,340
The dollhouse needs red curtains.

380
00:13:13,650 --> 00:13:14,150
OK,

381
00:13:14,609 --> 00:13:16,659
so the child has made it clear,

382
00:13:16,969 --> 00:13:18,080
there is a desire,

383
00:13:18,250 --> 00:13:18,710
a wish,

384
00:13:18,969 --> 00:13:19,809
and an intention.

385
00:13:21,260 --> 00:13:22,739
Potentially a need as well

386
00:13:23,099 --> 00:13:24,909
for red curtains on the dollhouse.

387
00:13:25,619 --> 00:13:31,020
And so she grabs the red Sharpie and she's ready to color on your $200 dollhouse.

388
00:13:32,109 --> 00:13:34,010
And that immediately makes you go,

389
00:13:34,179 --> 00:13:34,750
hmm.

390
00:13:35,809 --> 00:13:38,919
That is damage to property that I will not be able to get off,

391
00:13:39,049 --> 00:13:40,450
so this requires a limit.

392
00:13:41,770 --> 00:13:43,429
Is this limit necessary?

393
00:13:43,599 --> 00:13:45,909
That's the first question we need to ask ourselves,

394
00:13:46,559 --> 00:13:48,960
and it always comes back to 3.

395
00:13:50,039 --> 00:13:50,809
Criteria

396
00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:52,010
child has to be safe.

397
00:13:52,119 --> 00:13:52,760
We have to be safe.

398
00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:54,900
Nothing can be damaged or broken on purpose.

399
00:13:55,909 --> 00:13:56,190
All right,

400
00:13:56,349 --> 00:13:56,760
so

401
00:13:57,119 --> 00:13:59,299
coloring on a dollhouse with a permanent marker

402
00:13:59,669 --> 00:14:01,489
is going to damage the dollhouse.

403
00:14:01,750 --> 00:14:03,270
So we're going to set a limit on that.

404
00:14:04,219 --> 00:14:06,080
So here's what often happens.

405
00:14:07,320 --> 00:14:07,869
Adults,

406
00:14:07,989 --> 00:14:08,270
parents,

407
00:14:08,349 --> 00:14:08,869
therapists,

408
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:10,140
whoever fill in the blank.

409
00:14:11,000 --> 00:14:11,780
When

410
00:14:12,200 --> 00:14:14,559
asked to provide alternatives.

411
00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:18,570
You can choose to color

412
00:14:18,780 --> 00:14:20,770
with the marker in the coloring book,

413
00:14:21,020 --> 00:14:23,650
or you can choose to color with the marker on paper.

414
00:14:25,049 --> 00:14:26,320
Hold the phone.

415
00:14:27,559 --> 00:14:31,520
The child wanted red curtains on the dollhouse.

416
00:14:32,619 --> 00:14:35,969
Coloring with the red marker was means to an end.

417
00:14:37,099 --> 00:14:40,859
So if we're so quick to throw in choices and we say you can choose

418
00:14:40,859 --> 00:14:43,260
to color in the coloring book or you can choose to color on paper,

419
00:14:43,340 --> 00:14:44,250
which do you choose?

420
00:14:45,469 --> 00:14:48,820
That does not meet the original acknowledgement,

421
00:14:49,190 --> 00:14:49,820
which is

422
00:14:50,109 --> 00:14:52,140
she wants red curtains on the dollhouse.

423
00:14:54,119 --> 00:14:59,179
So the choices are always going to map back to the first part of the limit.

424
00:14:59,739 --> 00:15:01,619
So if she wants red curtains,

425
00:15:01,780 --> 00:15:03,250
the choices have to be

426
00:15:03,549 --> 00:15:07,340
what is an appropriate behavior that allows her to have red curtains.

427
00:15:08,250 --> 00:15:09,340
So we might say

428
00:15:09,510 --> 00:15:13,539
you can choose to use the red pipe cleaners and make curtains out of those,

429
00:15:13,909 --> 00:15:18,500
or you can choose to color curtains on paper and tape them to the dollhouse,

430
00:15:18,630 --> 00:15:19,619
which do you choose?

431
00:15:20,969 --> 00:15:22,900
In either of those alternatives,

432
00:15:23,150 --> 00:15:26,059
please note she gets red curtains on the dollhouse.

433
00:15:27,270 --> 00:15:30,900
So we see a kid with a Sharpie in their hand and they're ready to call on the house,

434
00:15:31,070 --> 00:15:33,429
and we give them choices about where they can color.

435
00:15:34,190 --> 00:15:38,010
It completely misses the aura of limit setting.

436
00:15:38,179 --> 00:15:39,900
When we give alternatives,

437
00:15:39,909 --> 00:15:42,710
it's appropriate options behaviorally

438
00:15:43,140 --> 00:15:44,900
to have the child's needs met.

439
00:15:46,309 --> 00:15:47,859
This is why this is so hard,

440
00:15:47,869 --> 00:15:48,419
y'all,

441
00:15:49,150 --> 00:15:50,700
because it's easy to just go,

442
00:15:51,510 --> 00:15:51,739
oh,

443
00:15:51,789 --> 00:15:52,469
you wanna do that,

444
00:15:52,479 --> 00:15:53,390
but that's not for doing,

445
00:15:53,469 --> 00:15:54,309
you can choose to do,

446
00:15:54,590 --> 00:15:56,460
and if we're not thoughtful,

447
00:15:56,750 --> 00:15:59,140
if we don't have muscle memory kick in here,

448
00:15:59,270 --> 00:16:02,429
if this isn't something that we can just kind of do on autopilot.

449
00:16:03,130 --> 00:16:04,349
We're not on target.

450
00:16:05,729 --> 00:16:08,530
So we're always mapping back to the A.

451
00:16:08,989 --> 00:16:10,710
The T always ties to the A,

452
00:16:10,750 --> 00:16:12,299
the C is always neutral.

453
00:16:12,590 --> 00:16:12,729
All right,

454
00:16:12,820 --> 00:16:15,780
let me share a couple of additional considerations.

455
00:16:16,429 --> 00:16:19,020
If a behavior is actively taking place

456
00:16:19,549 --> 00:16:20,650
that warrants a limit,

457
00:16:20,869 --> 00:16:22,630
they are actively doing something.

458
00:16:23,530 --> 00:16:25,210
You go straight to the sea.

459
00:16:25,570 --> 00:16:26,770
You go straight to the limit.

460
00:16:27,809 --> 00:16:28,340
So,

461
00:16:28,710 --> 00:16:29,380
oh,

462
00:16:29,710 --> 00:16:31,280
I'm not for pouring sand on.

463
00:16:32,739 --> 00:16:34,099
And you say it firmly.

464
00:16:34,809 --> 00:16:37,020
And you say it with a different tone

465
00:16:37,640 --> 00:16:39,590
than the traditional limit setting.

466
00:16:39,919 --> 00:16:41,229
It's very clear,

467
00:16:41,520 --> 00:16:43,510
this is important what I'm saying to you.

468
00:16:43,929 --> 00:16:44,049
Oh,

469
00:16:44,159 --> 00:16:45,630
I'm not for putting sand on.

470
00:16:46,619 --> 00:16:48,440
My hair is not for pouring sand in.

471
00:16:49,380 --> 00:16:50,530
Whatever we need to say,

472
00:16:51,059 --> 00:16:52,429
if it's already taking place,

473
00:16:52,500 --> 00:16:53,729
we jump straight to the sea,

474
00:16:53,859 --> 00:16:55,330
then we soften our tone,

475
00:16:55,700 --> 00:16:57,460
then we go back through ACT.

476
00:16:59,380 --> 00:17:01,929
In the moment already taking place,

477
00:17:02,419 --> 00:17:04,900
the first thing that they hear is the neutral limit.

478
00:17:06,029 --> 00:17:07,659
Said calmly but firmly.

479
00:17:08,550 --> 00:17:10,260
Then we go back through ACT.

480
00:17:10,348 --> 00:17:12,160
So your change there is the C,

481
00:17:12,469 --> 00:17:13,348
then the ACT.

482
00:17:14,050 --> 00:17:15,640
And then other consideration

483
00:17:16,229 --> 00:17:17,989
if you set a limit 3 times.

484
00:17:18,790 --> 00:17:22,170
And the child is unwilling or unable to comply with the limit,

485
00:17:22,780 --> 00:17:24,510
you move to ultimate limit setting.

486
00:17:26,170 --> 00:17:29,369
So you've said 3 times that the dollhouse is not for

487
00:17:29,369 --> 00:17:32,199
coloring on and she's still trying to color on the dollhouse.

488
00:17:33,229 --> 00:17:34,920
You're going to move to ultimate limit.

489
00:17:36,130 --> 00:17:39,359
Ultimate limit is reserved for 3 rounds

490
00:17:39,650 --> 00:17:42,250
of inability to comply with the limit.

491
00:17:42,369 --> 00:17:44,500
We never jump straight to ultimate limit,

492
00:17:45,010 --> 00:17:46,680
and many adults do.

493
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:49,310
And unfortunately,

494
00:17:49,439 --> 00:17:50,949
if you're not CCPT

495
00:17:51,359 --> 00:17:53,229
then often it's actually a threat.

496
00:17:54,010 --> 00:17:54,920
If you do that,

497
00:17:55,050 --> 00:17:55,849
then I.

498
00:17:56,890 --> 00:17:57,339
OK.

499
00:17:57,479 --> 00:18:00,900
Threats teach children nothing about self-control and self responsibility.

500
00:18:01,349 --> 00:18:02,560
That's why it's a choice.

501
00:18:04,099 --> 00:18:05,339
If you choose

502
00:18:05,660 --> 00:18:07,689
to color on the house with the marker,

503
00:18:07,900 --> 00:18:10,459
you choose not to have markers for the rest of the session.

504
00:18:11,349 --> 00:18:15,089
But if you choose to use a different thing for curtains on the house,

505
00:18:15,520 --> 00:18:18,800
you choose to have use of the markers for the rest of the session,

506
00:18:18,839 --> 00:18:19,670
which do you choose?

507
00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:24,500
And there are all kinds of ultimate limits that can be set in that scenario,

508
00:18:24,579 --> 00:18:25,729
but that would be one of them.

509
00:18:26,640 --> 00:18:28,790
It's very clear the child has a choice.

510
00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:32,140
And if you choose to keep having markers,

511
00:18:32,369 --> 00:18:33,270
you choose

512
00:18:33,650 --> 00:18:35,020
not to color on the dollhouse.

513
00:18:35,290 --> 00:18:38,030
Another option is if you choose to try to color on the dollhouse,

514
00:18:38,089 --> 00:18:40,609
you choose not to play with the dollhouse for the rest of the session.

515
00:18:41,550 --> 00:18:43,579
But if you choose not to color on the dollhouse,

516
00:18:43,660 --> 00:18:45,180
you choose to keep playing with the dollhouse,

517
00:18:45,199 --> 00:18:46,209
which do you choose?

518
00:18:46,619 --> 00:18:47,569
There's another option.

519
00:18:47,859 --> 00:18:49,410
Notice that it's very clear

520
00:18:49,859 --> 00:18:50,969
child has a decision to make.

521
00:18:51,020 --> 00:18:52,959
They've already not been able to comply

522
00:18:53,339 --> 00:18:54,089
3 times,

523
00:18:54,339 --> 00:18:55,829
so now we're at ultimate limit.

524
00:18:56,180 --> 00:18:57,859
And then they're choosing a positive outcome

525
00:18:57,859 --> 00:18:59,329
or they're choosing a negative outcome,

526
00:18:59,339 --> 00:19:01,089
but it's solely up to them.

527
00:19:02,349 --> 00:19:06,390
And let's just throw this out there because I say this on the parenting podcast a lot.

528
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:08,750
I don't know that I say it very often in the clinical.

529
00:19:09,119 --> 00:19:10,839
We would always choose for them

530
00:19:11,160 --> 00:19:12,400
to have the positive outcome.

531
00:19:13,479 --> 00:19:17,250
I would always choose for a child to have access to every toy in the playroom.

532
00:19:17,619 --> 00:19:21,140
I would always choose for a child to be able to comply with the limit.

533
00:19:21,810 --> 00:19:24,380
I would always choose for them not to lose markers.

534
00:19:24,630 --> 00:19:27,219
I would always choose for them to play with the dollhouse.

535
00:19:28,579 --> 00:19:31,819
We would always choose for them to have the positive outcome,

536
00:19:32,349 --> 00:19:34,780
but sometimes they choose the alternative.

537
00:19:35,540 --> 00:19:38,199
And all we do is enforce the choice that was made.

538
00:19:40,239 --> 00:19:43,310
There there's no guilt or blame or shame on our part.

539
00:19:43,839 --> 00:19:43,949
Would,

540
00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:47,430
could you believe that I had to take a dollhouse away from a kid today?

541
00:19:47,479 --> 00:19:47,579
No,

542
00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:48,239
you didn't.

543
00:19:49,040 --> 00:19:51,609
The child chose not to have the dollhouse in the playroom.

544
00:19:52,530 --> 00:19:54,160
You would have chosen for it to stay there.

545
00:19:55,130 --> 00:19:56,709
The child chose not to have it.

546
00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:01,790
So be very intentional with your limit setting.

547
00:20:02,479 --> 00:20:04,680
Practice it outside of session

548
00:20:05,079 --> 00:20:07,790
so that it becomes easier to execute in the moment.

549
00:20:08,719 --> 00:20:10,369
And it is possible

550
00:20:10,660 --> 00:20:11,199
to

551
00:20:12,390 --> 00:20:14,619
Provide an entire ACT limit

552
00:20:14,989 --> 00:20:19,500
and feel very at ease and very peaceful and very calm in the midst of it all,

553
00:20:19,709 --> 00:20:21,140
but it's about practice

554
00:20:21,469 --> 00:20:23,859
and you can get there but you have to put in the work

555
00:20:24,109 --> 00:20:26,390
and the work comes outside of play sessions,

556
00:20:26,469 --> 00:20:27,579
not in the midst of them.

557
00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:29,109
All right,

558
00:20:29,270 --> 00:20:30,410
I hope that encourages you.

559
00:20:30,500 --> 00:20:31,599
I hope that that helps.

560
00:20:32,390 --> 00:20:33,979
Just really quick announcement,

561
00:20:34,150 --> 00:20:35,949
the six figure group is closed.

562
00:20:36,030 --> 00:20:36,979
We're ready to start.

563
00:20:37,109 --> 00:20:39,380
If you're interested in the play therapy professional group,

564
00:20:39,430 --> 00:20:41,619
which is just CCPT content,

565
00:20:42,150 --> 00:20:43,859
a new one will begin in November.

566
00:20:44,030 --> 00:20:45,079
So if you're interested,

567
00:20:45,310 --> 00:20:46,939
go to play therapypro.com.

568
00:20:47,109 --> 00:20:50,119
You can sign up for a discovery call and that will begin in November.

569
00:20:50,589 --> 00:20:50,790
All right,

570
00:20:50,869 --> 00:20:51,390
I love you all.

571
00:20:51,530 --> 00:20:52,390
Thank you for the emails.

572
00:20:52,510 --> 00:20:53,619
Thank you for the messages.

573
00:20:53,750 --> 00:20:55,140
Thank you for connecting with me.

574
00:20:55,310 --> 00:20:55,589
You know what,

575
00:20:55,630 --> 00:20:57,459
I actually got an email recently.

576
00:20:57,630 --> 00:20:57,829
Actually,

577
00:20:57,910 --> 00:20:59,699
I want to tell you about two emails really quickly.

578
00:20:59,949 --> 00:21:02,219
So I got an email recently from someone that said,

579
00:21:03,010 --> 00:21:06,699
I listen to your podcast all the time and my son is 16

580
00:21:07,040 --> 00:21:08,229
and he and I were,

581
00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:09,709
I think she said they were painting

582
00:21:10,119 --> 00:21:12,469
and so she said we were painting and

583
00:21:12,719 --> 00:21:14,869
it was really interesting because he said,

584
00:21:15,500 --> 00:21:18,439
does she give away all of that content for free?

585
00:21:19,219 --> 00:21:20,050
And

586
00:21:20,290 --> 00:21:21,099
the listener said,

587
00:21:21,250 --> 00:21:21,369
yeah,

588
00:21:21,489 --> 00:21:22,839
the podcasts are free,

589
00:21:23,010 --> 00:21:23,640
and he was like,

590
00:21:23,650 --> 00:21:27,400
that's a lot of content and a lot of work for her to just give that away.

591
00:21:27,689 --> 00:21:29,209
And she emailed me to say like,

592
00:21:29,250 --> 00:21:31,209
even her 16 year old acknowledged

593
00:21:31,530 --> 00:21:34,439
the value of the content that is on the podcast,

594
00:21:34,449 --> 00:21:36,969
and he couldn't believe that I don't get money from it.

595
00:21:37,650 --> 00:21:41,949
So I want you all to know this is absolutely one of my greatest joys.

596
00:21:42,260 --> 00:21:45,819
It is my labor of love and it's not a sacrifice for me.

597
00:21:45,859 --> 00:21:47,170
It's not a burden for me.

598
00:21:47,420 --> 00:21:49,089
I absolutely love

599
00:21:49,260 --> 00:21:50,310
interacting with you all.

600
00:21:50,359 --> 00:21:50,739
And

601
00:21:51,020 --> 00:21:51,930
then at the end of the email,

602
00:21:51,979 --> 00:21:52,500
she said,

603
00:21:52,939 --> 00:21:54,569
every time you say I love you,

604
00:21:54,579 --> 00:21:55,319
I scream back,

605
00:21:55,420 --> 00:21:56,469
I love you too.

606
00:21:56,819 --> 00:21:57,209
So

607
00:21:57,510 --> 00:22:00,449
thank you for loving me and I'm so glad I love you,

608
00:22:00,459 --> 00:22:02,250
and that's just been fun to hear

609
00:22:02,420 --> 00:22:03,199
some feedback.

610
00:22:03,420 --> 00:22:05,790
And then an exciting email that I got.

611
00:22:06,619 --> 00:22:08,599
I don't know if it's pronounced Eva or Eva,

612
00:22:08,729 --> 00:22:09,209
but

613
00:22:09,489 --> 00:22:09,920
Eva,

614
00:22:09,959 --> 00:22:10,520
I think,

615
00:22:10,770 --> 00:22:13,119
reached out from the Czech Republic

616
00:22:13,650 --> 00:22:17,439
and she said that CCPT is in its infancy there.

617
00:22:17,650 --> 00:22:19,520
Hardly anyone knows about it there,

618
00:22:19,810 --> 00:22:22,199
and she asked permission to translate.

619
00:22:22,829 --> 00:22:25,500
Resources from the podcast and other things

620
00:22:25,829 --> 00:22:30,790
into their native language so that she can evangelize and promote CCPT

621
00:22:31,109 --> 00:22:33,380
in the Czech Republic and the Slovak Republic.

622
00:22:33,729 --> 00:22:35,469
And that is so exciting to me,

623
00:22:35,510 --> 00:22:35,869
y'all,

624
00:22:35,989 --> 00:22:42,734
I'm telling you CCPT is a wave sweeping the world and I'm so excited to be a part of it.

625
00:22:42,775 --> 00:22:44,765
I'm so excited that you all are a part of it.

626
00:22:45,094 --> 00:22:46,734
So Eva in Czech Republic,

627
00:22:46,814 --> 00:22:47,765
thank you for listening.

628
00:22:47,844 --> 00:22:50,165
Thank you for wanting to evangelize the model

629
00:22:50,415 --> 00:22:52,364
to a country that is not familiar with it.

630
00:22:52,405 --> 00:22:55,324
And every single one of us are a champion for this model.

631
00:22:55,844 --> 00:22:57,015
Whether we realize it or not,

632
00:22:57,135 --> 00:22:59,645
whether we stake our claim on that or not,

633
00:22:59,935 --> 00:23:03,084
we evangelize a model and we advocate for a model

634
00:23:03,454 --> 00:23:05,204
because we understand the power of it.

635
00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:07,869
And it's one conversation at a time,

636
00:23:08,270 --> 00:23:09,579
one interaction at a time,

637
00:23:09,670 --> 00:23:10,229
one person,

638
00:23:10,319 --> 00:23:10,869
one family,

639
00:23:10,949 --> 00:23:11,979
one kid at a time,

640
00:23:12,270 --> 00:23:14,089
and CCPT is making its mark.

641
00:23:14,229 --> 00:23:16,660
So it's so encouraging and exciting

642
00:23:16,989 --> 00:23:18,699
and I love y'all and I'm grateful for you.

643
00:23:18,750 --> 00:23:19,640
We'll talk again soon.

644
00:23:19,790 --> 00:23:20,030
bye.

645
00:23:21,119 --> 00:23:23,979
Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr.

646
00:23:24,140 --> 00:23:25,060
Brenna Hicks.

647
00:23:25,219 --> 00:23:27,180
For more episodes and resources,

648
00:23:27,300 --> 00:23:32,060
please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.