#1 Buzz

Yell from Gimblet Media. This is Jonathan Goldstein, your old pal. 0:00:11.960 --> 0:00:14.560 Is that is that was called Gimblet Gimblet Media. 0:00:14.800 --> 0:00:17.560 That's correct. It sounds like giblets the inside of a chicken, 0:00:17.600 --> 0:00:21.720 like all the innerds. Well, everybody loves giblets. You Oh shit, 0:00:21.800 --> 0:00:22.520 they're my kids. 0:00:22.560 --> 0:00:23.680 Hey guys, I'm up here. 0:00:24.720 --> 0:00:27.400 Do you know what my new podcast is about. I know, 0:00:27.440 --> 0:00:30.000 I don't know anything about it. Each week I travel 0:00:30.040 --> 0:00:33.080 into people's pasts to help them repair something that's been 0:00:33.120 --> 0:00:37.720 troubling them. M hm. I'm sort of like a therapist. 0:00:37.280 --> 0:00:38.400 Like a therapist. 0:00:39.080 --> 0:00:46.760 So yeah, do you find out? Do you find that funny? 0:00:46.800 --> 0:00:47.599 I just think supportive. 0:00:47.880 --> 0:00:49.080 That's the laughter of support. 0:00:49.120 --> 0:00:49.760 I think it's great. 0:00:50.280 --> 0:00:51.120 I think it's great. 0:00:51.440 --> 0:00:53.440 Do you have any questions for me about what my 0:00:53.520 --> 0:00:55.360 show is and what it's going to be? 0:00:55.480 --> 0:00:59.440 Like, what's the name of your show? What's the name 0:00:59.480 --> 0:00:59.880 of your show? 0:01:00.520 --> 0:01:02.400 Yes, we're gonna go now, but Johnson's just about tell 0:01:02.440 --> 0:01:03.480 me the name of his new show. 0:01:03.840 --> 0:01:05.320 As soon as he tells me, I'm going to bang 0:01:05.360 --> 0:01:06.680 down on him in five. 0:01:08.160 --> 0:01:10.119 Remember that, yes, to hang. 0:01:10.040 --> 0:01:13.000 Up the phone on each other. Okay, ready, Yes, the 0:01:13.120 --> 0:01:17.920 name of the show is Heavyweight Heavyweight, You get It? 0:01:18.000 --> 0:01:19.080 Two one. 0:01:21.080 --> 0:01:30.959 Hello. Hello from Gimblet Media. I'm Jonathan Goldstein and this 0:01:31.280 --> 0:01:34.800 is Heavyweight Today's episode Buzz. 0:01:38.520 --> 0:01:40.840 Hello, Hey Dad, Hi Johnny. 0:01:40.920 --> 0:01:44.720 Hey, how you doing good? You good good good? Yum 0:01:44.800 --> 0:01:47.319 tip SAMEA. 0:01:49.440 --> 0:01:50.120 What's that meaning? 0:01:50.160 --> 0:01:54.400 I'm not sure. This is my father Buzz. I'm calling 0:01:54.480 --> 0:01:57.320 him at his home in Montreal. And the reason we're 0:01:57.320 --> 0:02:00.720 talking crazy talk is because it's young Kipper the Jewish 0:02:00.800 --> 0:02:03.400 day of Atonement, which seems as good a day as 0:02:03.440 --> 0:02:08.920 any to talk with him about forgiveness. So I wanted to. 0:02:09.400 --> 0:02:11.480 I wanted to ask you something and I just wanted 0:02:11.520 --> 0:02:17.480 to gauge your interest. YEA, how would you feel about 0:02:17.720 --> 0:02:19.560 paying your brother Sheldon a visit? 0:02:20.800 --> 0:02:23.079 I have no feelings by I'm not really interested. 0:02:24.360 --> 0:02:24.640 You're not. 0:02:25.919 --> 0:02:26.559 No. 0:02:28.040 --> 0:02:31.280 My father Buzz is eighty and his brother, Sheldon, his 0:02:31.400 --> 0:02:34.720 only sibling, is eighty five, and for the past forty 0:02:34.800 --> 0:02:40.280 years they've pretty much been on the outs. My father 0:02:40.320 --> 0:02:43.400 lives in Montreal and Sheldon lives in Florida, and the 0:02:43.480 --> 0:02:45.920 last time they saw each other over twenty years ago 0:02:46.440 --> 0:02:48.600 was at their mother's funeral when they had a fight 0:02:48.760 --> 0:02:52.960 over the details of the arrangements. Since then, they've hardly spoken. 0:02:54.760 --> 0:02:57.680 It worries me because there's not a lot of time left, 0:02:57.840 --> 0:03:00.720 and I don't want my father to have regrets. When 0:03:00.760 --> 0:03:02.800 the subject of his brother comes up, as it often 0:03:02.800 --> 0:03:06.360 has over the years, my father feels competing things. He 0:03:06.400 --> 0:03:09.800 grows angry or defensive, but other times he'll become sad 0:03:09.840 --> 0:03:13.480 and remorseful. And it's the sorrow and the remorse that 0:03:13.560 --> 0:03:16.520 I like best, because it's these feelings that I believe 0:03:16.600 --> 0:03:19.680 speak to his better self, the self I want to encourage. 0:03:20.840 --> 0:03:22.680 I'm not surprised that you're not jumping at the idea, 0:03:22.720 --> 0:03:26.400 but I'm a little surprised that yours against the idea. 0:03:27.080 --> 0:03:31.480 Yeah, time's passed. He hasn't shown much interest, so I'm 0:03:31.520 --> 0:03:33.080 respecting that and I leave alone. 0:03:33.520 --> 0:03:36.840 What he did do was he he called you on 0:03:36.880 --> 0:03:40.320 your eightieth birthday not so long ago, and you. 0:03:40.320 --> 0:03:42.840 Felt good about it to him on his eightieth birthday. 0:03:43.680 --> 0:03:46.400 This kind of tit for tat accounting is what always 0:03:46.440 --> 0:03:49.240 gets in the way. There's been a competition between the 0:03:49.280 --> 0:03:51.960 brothers since I was a kid. I remember how in 0:03:52.040 --> 0:03:55.080 my grandmother's small New York kitchen, Sheldon and Buzz got 0:03:55.120 --> 0:03:57.960 into an argument about who could do the most push ups, 0:03:58.360 --> 0:04:00.640 and the next thing I knew, my father was pulling 0:04:00.640 --> 0:04:03.400 off his shirt and dropping to the kitchen floor in 0:04:03.440 --> 0:04:06.720 his undershirt. My mother, not used to seeing the side 0:04:06.720 --> 0:04:10.680 of him, stood over my father, flapping a dishtowel hysterically 0:04:11.000 --> 0:04:14.720 while begging him to the point of tears to please stop. 0:04:15.280 --> 0:04:18.000 Now you go, my father said, rising from the floor 0:04:18.040 --> 0:04:20.760 when he was done. But Sheldon shook his head with 0:04:20.800 --> 0:04:23.240 a smile. It was like he didn't even think my 0:04:23.279 --> 0:04:24.600 father was worth the effort. 0:04:25.760 --> 0:04:27.440 You know what it is at this point with him, 0:04:27.520 --> 0:04:29.320 I'll tell you what it is. I don't think it's 0:04:29.360 --> 0:04:32.880 even anger. He's past anger, and he's passed any feelings 0:04:32.880 --> 0:04:38.560 of animosity. He's passed that. He just doesn't care. Yeah, 0:04:38.600 --> 0:04:42.440 you know, that's apathy. I mean, sometimes at least hate 0:04:42.520 --> 0:04:47.919 or love their emotions. Apathy is nothing. Yeah, you know what. 0:04:48.560 --> 0:04:51.640 Johnny as a child, even when I was ten, when 0:04:51.680 --> 0:04:55.560 I was nine, and I was crazy about him. We 0:04:55.600 --> 0:04:57.240 had a great you know, I loved him. He was 0:04:57.240 --> 0:04:58.040 the older brother. 0:04:58.240 --> 0:05:01.120 He was hello, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm listening. 0:05:02.080 --> 0:05:05.080 Uh, you know. I just looked up to him, and 0:05:05.120 --> 0:05:07.560 he had older friends. Sometimes he'd take me along with 0:05:07.640 --> 0:05:11.560 him and he was good, Hey, somebody trying to somebody 0:05:11.600 --> 0:05:14.040 trying to call here, binging me here. 0:05:14.800 --> 0:05:17.880 Don't you see, Buzz? It's father time? Who is bringing 0:05:17.960 --> 0:05:22.520 you here? And Buzz loses track of time. Air Conditioners 0:05:22.560 --> 0:05:26.200 remain boxed all through July, and expired coupons from the 0:05:26.240 --> 0:05:30.039 mid nineties make plump his wallet, so I worry he'll 0:05:30.040 --> 0:05:32.880 put off reaching out to Sheldon until it's too late. 0:05:37.240 --> 0:05:40.520 The most complicated question, the one I keep coming back to, 0:05:41.160 --> 0:05:44.000 is how did the bad blood begin? And there are 0:05:44.000 --> 0:05:47.280 many versions. An ill fated trip to Montreal where Sheldon 0:05:47.320 --> 0:05:49.880 felt slighted about having to stay in my father's basement, 0:05:50.400 --> 0:05:52.640 an ill fated trip to New York where my father 0:05:52.680 --> 0:05:56.080 felt slighted about having to stay in Sheldon's attic, rude 0:05:56.080 --> 0:05:59.080 words spoken to each other's wives. In one version of 0:05:59.120 --> 0:06:02.000 the story, Sheldon's refusal to bring a table to my 0:06:02.080 --> 0:06:05.799 brists almost resulted in my being circumcised on an ironing board. 0:06:06.920 --> 0:06:09.640 But in the version being told today, my father was 0:06:09.680 --> 0:06:12.200 asked by Sheldon to pay more than his fair share 0:06:12.320 --> 0:06:14.040 for their mother's funeral, and. 0:06:13.960 --> 0:06:16.560 I said, you always working some kind of an angle, 0:06:17.560 --> 0:06:20.840 So he got furious. He got furious, He started screaming 0:06:20.839 --> 0:06:24.400 into the phone, go to hell, drop dead, bye ba by, 0:06:24.680 --> 0:06:28.599 And that was how that ended. But I feel he's 0:06:28.600 --> 0:06:30.640 the kind of guy that the gun he has angles 0:06:30.800 --> 0:06:35.320 like that, you know he has angles. I always felt 0:06:35.360 --> 0:06:36.640 I was on the up and up with him and 0:06:36.680 --> 0:06:37.400 he wasn't with me. 0:06:38.000 --> 0:06:41.080 If you've got a stronger sense that he was interested 0:06:41.120 --> 0:06:45.760 in seeing you, then would you yes, yes, you would 0:06:45.800 --> 0:06:46.400 be my granting. 0:06:46.800 --> 0:06:48.880 I wouldn't play the house though, that's out of the question. 0:06:49.480 --> 0:06:52.960 Okay, quick sidebar. Anytime I've ever raised the prospect of 0:06:53.040 --> 0:06:56.720 visiting Sheldon, no matter how hypothetical the scenario, my father 0:06:56.800 --> 0:06:59.719 always makes a point of insisting, how no matter what, 0:07:00.120 --> 0:07:03.480 he would not stay in Sheldon's house, even if he 0:07:03.560 --> 0:07:07.159 was invited to which I should point out he never is. 0:07:07.760 --> 0:07:11.280 I wouldn't stay at his house. How come you I 0:07:11.280 --> 0:07:14.080 wouldn't stay there, I mean, not my thing? 0:07:14.400 --> 0:07:17.000 How come you always bring that up? I mean, normally, 0:07:17.000 --> 0:07:19.520 when someone goes to visit someone that they haven't seen 0:07:19.560 --> 0:07:21.960 in decades, don't stay at a hotel. 0:07:22.120 --> 0:07:22.320 You know. 0:07:22.840 --> 0:07:26.000 I would stay at a motel or somewhere near hetel. 0:07:26.240 --> 0:07:26.440 Yeah. 0:07:26.480 --> 0:07:28.800 No, we'd get a place, you know with an ice machine, 0:07:28.920 --> 0:07:31.040 and uh, you know why you want to. 0:07:31.120 --> 0:07:32.679 You're interested in making a trip. 0:07:35.480 --> 0:07:39.640 I mean, I'm interested. Do you think that there's anything 0:07:39.680 --> 0:07:44.480 to be gained in seeing him? 0:07:44.680 --> 0:07:44.840 Hm? 0:07:47.240 --> 0:07:51.320 I guess there's something then, you know, you share your 0:07:51.320 --> 0:07:54.800 common experience and talk about the old days, and there 0:07:54.800 --> 0:07:58.720 are things that only he and I can remember. You know, yeah, 0:07:59.640 --> 0:08:02.760 you know you What you could do is you could 0:08:02.800 --> 0:08:05.840 call him and see what what what what his attitude is? 0:08:06.080 --> 0:08:09.240 You know, it depends on you, know how how how 0:08:09.240 --> 0:08:12.120 how you feel, what kind of receptions you get. 0:08:12.480 --> 0:08:15.120 Yeah, I mean I would. I would be happy to 0:08:15.160 --> 0:08:15.400 do that. 0:08:16.440 --> 0:08:20.360 I like your initial suggestion that you call him, feel 0:08:20.400 --> 0:08:21.360 him out, and see what he's like. 0:08:22.000 --> 0:08:26.080 Okay, I didn't suggest that, but you you suggested that. 0:08:26.760 --> 0:08:29.160 I like that just because you'll give me an honest 0:08:29.320 --> 0:08:30.720 you'll give me an honest reaction. 0:08:31.200 --> 0:08:34.720 I'm happy to do it. But I mean, what what 0:08:34.720 --> 0:08:37.760 what are you looking for from from? What do you 0:08:37.800 --> 0:08:38.760 want to hear from him? 0:08:39.040 --> 0:08:41.160 I missed my brother. I would like to see him. Okay, 0:08:42.200 --> 0:08:42.640 that's all. 0:08:43.880 --> 0:08:47.160 Okay, you understand, and you come back. 0:08:47.040 --> 0:08:48.840 On me with an honest evaluation. 0:08:59.040 --> 0:09:04.280 Hello, Sheldon, Yeah, speaking hi that it was quite a 0:09:04.320 --> 0:09:10.840 shock getting your phone call. You said, Johnath. Yeah, my 0:09:11.000 --> 0:09:14.679 hearing is not that great, okay, And when I heard 0:09:14.720 --> 0:09:17.800 the first message, I'm saying, who the heck is that? 0:09:18.000 --> 0:09:19.960 I don't know anybody by that name. 0:09:21.120 --> 0:09:24.120 Sheldon now lives outside of Fort Lauderdale, but my few 0:09:24.120 --> 0:09:26.240 memories of him are from when he lived in upstate 0:09:26.320 --> 0:09:29.280 New York. I remember he lived in a trailer. I 0:09:29.320 --> 0:09:31.720 remember that he worked at a local prison, that he 0:09:31.760 --> 0:09:34.520 smoked cigars, that he looked a little like my father, 0:09:34.760 --> 0:09:37.760 but was hunched, like the world was weighing down on him. 0:09:38.080 --> 0:09:40.200 And he always wore this expression on his face that 0:09:40.280 --> 0:09:44.960 seemed to say, you gotta be kidding me. You're keeping okay, 0:09:45.000 --> 0:09:46.120 you're keeping occupied. 0:09:46.679 --> 0:09:51.720 Yeah, I read a lot. I going to gym. I 0:09:51.760 --> 0:09:55.440 go shopping. Hi, you know, here and there, little things 0:09:55.480 --> 0:09:56.319 here and there. 0:09:56.840 --> 0:09:59.000 And so you still go. How often you go to. 0:09:58.960 --> 0:10:01.040 The gym three times a week? 0:10:02.200 --> 0:10:02.480 Wow? 0:10:02.520 --> 0:10:03.880 And what kind of stuff do you do there? 0:10:05.320 --> 0:10:05.560 Well? 0:10:05.720 --> 0:10:11.880 I do about twenty minutes of aerobics, uh huh, and 0:10:11.920 --> 0:10:15.720 then I do a little weight training. I try to 0:10:15.760 --> 0:10:17.800 flirt a little with the women there. 0:10:18.160 --> 0:10:23.760 Oh yeah. My father also goes to the gym. That's 0:10:23.800 --> 0:10:28.800 a part of his routine. Also, he was he was 0:10:28.800 --> 0:10:31.080 happy to hear from you on his eightieth birthday. 0:10:32.720 --> 0:10:37.080 Yeah, well he didn't call me on my eighty. 0:10:36.880 --> 0:10:42.800 Fifth though, tit meet tat Yeah, like, so, you know, 0:10:43.240 --> 0:10:46.920 maybe we could go out for dinner. I don't know 0:10:47.120 --> 0:10:47.840 that kind of thing. 0:10:48.640 --> 0:10:51.400 Uh huh. 0:10:51.880 --> 0:10:56.079 Well, what kind of time frame are we talking about here? 0:11:05.960 --> 0:11:10.160 I don't know. Our lives have been much different. I 0:11:10.160 --> 0:11:14.199 don't know how much we have to have in common anymore. 0:11:14.920 --> 0:11:18.600 Yeah, we don't have. 0:11:18.840 --> 0:11:22.480 We don't have much in common anymore except the fact 0:11:22.559 --> 0:11:25.199 that we're elderly and retired. 0:11:26.040 --> 0:11:27.439 Other than that, I don't. 0:11:27.280 --> 0:11:28.600 Know what we have in common. 0:11:29.679 --> 0:11:31.040 You have your past in common? 0:11:33.000 --> 0:11:39.800 Yes, I'll tell you honestly. I'm not a very sentimental person, 0:11:40.880 --> 0:11:45.320 and I think, and I being a pragmatist, I take 0:11:45.440 --> 0:11:49.840 things the way they are. I try not to dwell 0:11:50.000 --> 0:11:56.319 upon the past, and I try not to take people 0:11:56.800 --> 0:11:59.480 the way I remember them, but as they are. 0:12:01.960 --> 0:12:04.080 Do you think that makes things easier. 0:12:06.200 --> 0:12:07.520 Makes things easier for me? 0:12:08.400 --> 0:12:15.679 Yeah? Do other people around you? Sometimes? Doesn't make it 0:12:15.720 --> 0:12:18.240 harder for other people around you ever. 0:12:20.320 --> 0:12:25.960 To be honest with you, I've been in the last 0:12:25.960 --> 0:12:27.840 few years. I've been a loner. 0:12:29.520 --> 0:12:34.120 You would basically almost call me a recluse. I don't 0:12:34.160 --> 0:12:40.760 socialize with many people, and I really don't give a 0:12:40.840 --> 0:12:42.520 damn what anybody thinks. 0:12:43.120 --> 0:12:45.920 Yeah, and. 0:12:47.840 --> 0:12:50.480 Contrary to popular believe, I like. 0:12:51.000 --> 0:12:56.680 Being alone by myself. I get along with myself very well. 0:12:57.160 --> 0:12:58.439 Yeah. 0:12:58.480 --> 0:13:02.800 Look, I don't want to be rude. Yeah, yeah, but 0:13:02.880 --> 0:13:04.600 I want to go have my lunch. 0:13:04.720 --> 0:13:07.640 Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fine. It's fine, Sheldon. I 0:13:07.640 --> 0:13:11.599 appreciate your talking to me, and you would be amenable 0:13:11.720 --> 0:13:14.439 to spending some time. 0:13:16.320 --> 0:13:20.160 Why not. We are brothers. I mean, we're not closer 0:13:20.280 --> 0:13:24.200 or anything, but you know we're not going to have. 0:13:24.120 --> 0:13:26.880 A chance to see each other much in the future. 0:13:29.960 --> 0:13:34.559 Yeah, is that anything that you think about? 0:13:37.559 --> 0:13:38.360 Not much now? 0:13:41.880 --> 0:13:44.199 And so I call my father back and let him 0:13:44.200 --> 0:13:48.000 know that Sheldon is amenable. And because I know that 0:13:48.000 --> 0:13:50.400 for my father the days tend to pile up like 0:13:50.520 --> 0:13:53.400 unboxed air conditioners, I have my mother get on the 0:13:53.400 --> 0:13:55.640 phone to help nail down a firm travel date. 0:13:56.679 --> 0:13:57.800 And Daddy wants to go. 0:13:58.640 --> 0:14:00.600 If Dad wants to go, if he wants. 0:14:00.440 --> 0:14:02.960 To go next weekend. 0:14:03.920 --> 0:14:05.200 We don't have to go on the weekend. We can 0:14:05.200 --> 0:14:06.120 go during the week. 0:14:07.480 --> 0:14:14.800 Yeah. Comes, as you know, you caught me off. God, 0:14:17.559 --> 0:14:19.800 how about it. I'll call you Wednesday or Thursday. 0:14:19.840 --> 0:14:23.280 How's that today's Monday or yeah, or even if you 0:14:23.280 --> 0:14:24.840 feel like calling tomorrow, you can call me. 0:14:25.720 --> 0:14:33.640 Yeah, okay, I'll probably I'll call you at the latest Thursday. 0:14:33.720 --> 0:14:38.520 To get the Thursday at the latest. That's three days 0:14:38.560 --> 0:14:43.360 from today. Okay, all right, you do what you want 0:14:43.360 --> 0:14:45.160 to do. You call me, but I'll call you a 0:14:45.280 --> 0:14:52.560 Thursday coming up after the break Thursday, and so on Thursday, 0:14:52.960 --> 0:14:56.160 possibly with a little nudging for my mother, Buzz agrees. 0:14:56.600 --> 0:14:59.200 And then my father and I are off to Florida 0:14:59.680 --> 0:15:03.000 to the at my uncle Sheldon too, and then you 0:15:03.000 --> 0:15:06.800 have an address, Yeah I do, Okay. My dad and 0:15:06.800 --> 0:15:09.600 I meet up at the Fort Lauderdale Airport. I flew 0:15:09.640 --> 0:15:12.640 from New York and my dad from Montreal. My father's 0:15:12.680 --> 0:15:15.320 all dressed up, wearing a faux Swaede sports jacket that 0:15:15.360 --> 0:15:18.440 I've never seen him in. We grab our airport rental 0:15:18.480 --> 0:15:21.360 and prepare for the two hour drive to Sheldon in 0:15:21.400 --> 0:15:24.480 the ninety degree heat. It's immediately made clear that faux 0:15:24.520 --> 0:15:27.160 swayed might not have been the best fashioned choice. 0:15:27.320 --> 0:15:29.120 It's like we're on a safari. 0:15:31.960 --> 0:15:34.760 On the road to Sheldon's. My father will experience a 0:15:34.800 --> 0:15:38.640 spectrum of feelings. As we first set out, there's excitement. 0:15:39.000 --> 0:15:41.080 You know, my brother was funny in a lot of ways. 0:15:41.280 --> 0:15:41.840 I could laugh. 0:15:41.880 --> 0:15:44.400 We're gonna have laughed with him, you know what I mean. 0:15:44.440 --> 0:15:45.760 He's a very funny man. 0:15:46.400 --> 0:15:48.720 A half an hour in and there's bitterness. 0:15:48.960 --> 0:15:52.280 We invited him to your Moments and he returned a 0:15:52.400 --> 0:15:56.840 very cold card. Sorry we will not be attending. It 0:15:57.000 --> 0:16:00.400 was you know, so mean, you know what I mean? 0:16:00.440 --> 0:16:01.240 Even the writing. 0:16:03.160 --> 0:16:05.200 An hour in and how is buzz feeling. 0:16:05.640 --> 0:16:06.440 I'm relaxed. 0:16:06.520 --> 0:16:08.960 I'm kind of old to get anxious, you know what 0:16:09.000 --> 0:16:09.360 I'm meaning. 0:16:09.800 --> 0:16:11.200 Half an hour to Sheldon's. 0:16:11.600 --> 0:16:13.120 A little bit apprehensive now. 0:16:15.600 --> 0:16:22.120 Yeah, ten minutes to Sheldon's and buzzes feeling all right, Yeah, 0:16:22.280 --> 0:16:23.160 he's feeling a little. 0:16:23.360 --> 0:16:23.880 Uh. 0:16:24.320 --> 0:16:27.360 It's gonna be strange. Yeah, it's gonna be very strange. 0:16:28.520 --> 0:16:30.720 I mean, the man is a stranger to me now, 0:16:30.720 --> 0:16:31.760 and yet he's my brother. 0:16:32.040 --> 0:16:32.600 You understand. 0:16:32.640 --> 0:16:33.960 It's a very strange feeling. 0:16:34.960 --> 0:16:41.920 Yeah, I wonder if he's getting nervous, maybe because he's 0:16:41.960 --> 0:16:53.200 waiting for us, right, Yeah. 0:16:48.960 --> 0:16:49.520 You all set? 0:16:49.800 --> 0:16:56.920 Yeah, Oh it's hot, it's really hot. 0:16:57.040 --> 0:16:59.880 Yeah. Sheldon lives in the corner house. On a quiet 0:16:59.880 --> 0:17:02.520 suburban street. 0:17:02.840 --> 0:17:03.640 I guess. 0:17:06.000 --> 0:17:06.680 Is this his door? 0:17:07.960 --> 0:17:18.720 I'll double check, maybe, because there is. 0:17:19.000 --> 0:17:21.040 Yeah, thank you. 0:17:23.200 --> 0:17:25.440 I smelled the good smell of cigar. 0:17:28.200 --> 0:17:29.480 They had become a monk. 0:17:30.119 --> 0:17:34.560 And after all the years and the worry and the dread, 0:17:34.920 --> 0:17:37.720 things seem to be going swimmingly. We sit down at 0:17:37.760 --> 0:17:40.800 Sheldon's kitchen table and my father gets right into it. 0:17:41.359 --> 0:17:43.800 Now, there's things I want to know. You said that 0:17:44.240 --> 0:17:44.880 Rainy died. 0:17:46.200 --> 0:17:49.200 The dead are a good place to begin as a subject. 0:17:49.240 --> 0:17:52.400 They're easily agreed upon and not likely to spark a fight. 0:17:52.920 --> 0:17:57.000 The uncle died. The uncle died. He was the youngest brother. Oh, 0:17:57.080 --> 0:17:58.240 he died long ago. 0:17:58.440 --> 0:17:58.960 He died. 0:18:00.080 --> 0:18:03.600 Who died? Real prick. 0:18:03.920 --> 0:18:11.320 Yeah, I didn't know him that well, he didn't know Yeah, yeah, shocking. 0:18:11.560 --> 0:18:14.400 Yeah, he was fat. He was fat, red head. 0:18:14.320 --> 0:18:20.600 Red head right, yeah, yeah, remember Johnny. Johnny was a 0:18:20.640 --> 0:18:21.640 sax man. 0:18:21.359 --> 0:18:24.480 John He would fuck a dog on the street if 0:18:24.480 --> 0:18:26.840 you sort of dog and try to fuck the dog. 0:18:32.920 --> 0:18:35.399 Can I get your guys a cold beer? I'd like 0:18:35.400 --> 0:18:37.520 a beer, olive beer. 0:18:38.160 --> 0:18:40.920 Even though they're in their eighties, Sheldon and Buzz still 0:18:40.920 --> 0:18:45.640 possessed voices and temperaments suited to shouting out Brooklyn tenement windows. Well, 0:18:45.720 --> 0:18:49.639 my voice olive beer is best suited to asking a 0:18:49.680 --> 0:18:55.040 waitress if there will be a sharing charge. I forgot 0:18:55.080 --> 0:18:55.480 about that. 0:18:55.600 --> 0:18:55.919 Sorry. 0:18:56.240 --> 0:18:59.760 Case in point this is Sheldon accidentally swiping a portable 0:18:59.800 --> 0:19:02.560 mike her phone receiver off the kitchen table and me 0:19:02.720 --> 0:19:04.000 trying to smooth things over. 0:19:04.760 --> 0:19:06.280 This off. Well, it's annoying. 0:19:06.359 --> 0:19:08.760 No, he just put it in the in your pocket there. 0:19:09.280 --> 0:19:11.040 Just take it off please. 0:19:12.640 --> 0:19:15.480 Over the next couple of days, my testes will flee 0:19:15.520 --> 0:19:20.120 like frightened cockroaches upward, ascending to heights not seen since 0:19:20.160 --> 0:19:25.000 the bar Mitzvah that Sheldon was not attending. And while 0:19:25.040 --> 0:19:28.640 we're on the subject of testes, here's Sheldon reminiscing about 0:19:28.680 --> 0:19:31.040 the time he was examined for a rupture by their 0:19:31.080 --> 0:19:31.879 family doctor. 0:19:32.400 --> 0:19:36.240 Me and Walie Rosen were joining the weightlifting Yeah, say, 0:19:36.359 --> 0:19:39.800 how to be tested for a rupture? Hey, I'm being 0:19:39.880 --> 0:19:43.879 put his hand onto my balls. I started left and 0:19:44.000 --> 0:19:46.200 so hot, I pissed right in his hand. 0:19:49.320 --> 0:19:51.200 Hey. 0:19:52.119 --> 0:19:54.200 Over the years, I've seen my father in the role 0:19:54.240 --> 0:19:57.560 of husband, uncle, and grandfather, but I've never really seen 0:19:57.600 --> 0:20:00.119 him in the role of younger brother. How odd to 0:20:00.119 --> 0:20:03.320 see it now? At eighty, he sits beside Sheldon with 0:20:03.320 --> 0:20:06.760 this expression I've never seen on his face. It's wide eyed, 0:20:07.000 --> 0:20:14.440 sweet and deferential. But as the day wears on, Sheldon 0:20:14.480 --> 0:20:17.840 and Buzz began to squabble over their memories, fighting over 0:20:17.880 --> 0:20:18.960 every little detail. 0:20:19.359 --> 0:20:22.679 Remember the hallabaloo we had with the diet haaddyet that 0:20:22.760 --> 0:20:23.480 heavy set. 0:20:23.359 --> 0:20:27.600 Girl a manicurist. She was a head dying manicurist. No, 0:20:27.920 --> 0:20:29.719 she was a head dying. Here's what happened. She went 0:20:29.760 --> 0:20:30.280 over to Earth. 0:20:30.359 --> 0:20:32.520 They even argue over the death of their grandmother. 0:20:33.040 --> 0:20:34.119 I found her body. 0:20:36.600 --> 0:20:38.679 My mother was across the street a Greenborough, I remember, 0:20:40.200 --> 0:20:42.800 and I knew she was dead. I never saw a 0:20:42.880 --> 0:20:44.639 dead body in my life, but I knew she was dead. 0:20:46.560 --> 0:20:49.719 Sure, so wait till you found her, or you found her. 0:20:49.800 --> 0:20:51.800 I remember looking in on the room and see how 0:20:51.800 --> 0:20:53.280 I said, it was awfully whet. 0:20:53.440 --> 0:20:58.280 I found her, but let him no, I'm not some credit. 0:21:02.560 --> 0:21:06.040 The whole afternoon is like this. Every subject, even their 0:21:06.080 --> 0:21:10.160 dead grandmother, somehow becomes fodder for another pissing match. They're 0:21:10.160 --> 0:21:12.800 burning up all this time with small talk when what 0:21:12.840 --> 0:21:16.480 they need is some big talk. In particular, they need 0:21:16.520 --> 0:21:18.399 to address a story that I know who. It's a 0:21:18.400 --> 0:21:21.359 great deal of meaning for my father. It took place 0:21:21.400 --> 0:21:24.160 in nineteen thirty nine, on the day their mother left them. 0:21:24.600 --> 0:21:27.520 I've only ever heard the story from my father, never 0:21:27.560 --> 0:21:30.840 from Sheldon. I wanted to ask what you remember, what 0:21:30.920 --> 0:21:31.880 your perspective? 0:21:32.560 --> 0:21:36.879 Well, I remember that time was when Pop was smacking 0:21:36.960 --> 0:21:39.600 Iran and she ran out in the hole and her. 0:21:39.560 --> 0:21:44.720 Slip fighting in the hole, he was smacking around. 0:21:45.119 --> 0:21:47.439 She ran out. Yeah, So what happened the next morning? 0:21:48.800 --> 0:21:51.760 The next morning, Yeah, they look in a closet, her 0:21:51.800 --> 0:21:53.080 clothes were gone. She left. 0:21:54.080 --> 0:21:58.960 Oh what happened after this? And my father's telling is 0:21:59.000 --> 0:22:01.720 that his mother returned soon after she left with a 0:22:01.720 --> 0:22:02.960 policeman in tow. 0:22:03.200 --> 0:22:05.680 And they came back to try to get you. 0:22:05.800 --> 0:22:11.000 They wanted you to come back with them, and where 0:22:11.000 --> 0:22:13.680 were you? I was there, but they were trying to 0:22:13.760 --> 0:22:18.040 drink you out of the house. You weren't trying to No. 0:22:18.560 --> 0:22:21.640 No, I can say with my father and grandma and mother. 0:22:22.560 --> 0:22:24.840 This is the point of the story. For my father. 0:22:25.720 --> 0:22:28.840 It proves once and for all how his mother loved 0:22:28.840 --> 0:22:32.280 Sheldon more than she loved him. Sheldon didn't move out 0:22:32.280 --> 0:22:35.840 with her, and after a year their mother returned and together, 0:22:36.200 --> 0:22:39.080 Buzz and Sheldon grew up under the same roof in 0:22:39.160 --> 0:22:43.200 the same bedroom, often sleeping under the same blankets, each 0:22:43.320 --> 0:22:46.320 knowing who the mother had chosen, and each having to 0:22:46.320 --> 0:22:49.240 do their best to carry on and live life with 0:22:49.359 --> 0:23:01.720 the burden of that knowledge. A couple times during the 0:23:01.800 --> 0:23:04.760 day I asked them why they haven't spoken in so long, 0:23:05.160 --> 0:23:08.520 and they both insist, maybe out of embarrassment, that they 0:23:08.520 --> 0:23:13.800 do talk, just not often. But it isn't true. In fact, 0:23:13.800 --> 0:23:16.840 my father learned of Sheldon's wife's death many years after 0:23:16.880 --> 0:23:21.000 the fact, and then only from me. Sheldon's daughter got 0:23:21.000 --> 0:23:23.240 in touch through Facebook and we made a phone date 0:23:23.359 --> 0:23:25.600 where she caught me up on her life in Sheldon's 0:23:26.040 --> 0:23:28.200 and a few nights later, while over at my parents 0:23:28.280 --> 0:23:30.919 for dinner, I told my father of his sister in 0:23:30.960 --> 0:23:33.960 law's death. There was a terrible look that fell across 0:23:34.040 --> 0:23:38.280 his face, one of sadness, but something else too, maybe 0:23:38.320 --> 0:23:41.600 shock over just how far he and Sheldon had drifted. 0:23:43.080 --> 0:23:49.600 I found out about Judy, about her death. Who your wife? 0:23:49.840 --> 0:23:52.720 I didn't know about it either until you told me. Yeah, 0:23:52.760 --> 0:23:57.000 I didn't I tell you. No, you didn't know about it. No, 0:23:57.320 --> 0:24:04.240 we didn't know. We didn't know she was sick about 0:24:04.320 --> 0:24:12.199 two years here, Judy, Well, when she got the diagnosis, 0:24:12.200 --> 0:24:18.080 she was already stage four. What did I know about cancer? 0:24:18.960 --> 0:24:23.280 So the surgeon, so he said, So, I said, well, doctor, 0:24:23.720 --> 0:24:26.040 how did the surgery go? I always show you. I 0:24:26.080 --> 0:24:31.360 went very well. But the cancers in her liver, now 0:24:31.520 --> 0:24:36.760 I spread, I said, it's in he'll liver. I said what. 0:24:38.920 --> 0:24:42.920 And on top of that, I'm driving home. I'm all 0:24:43.040 --> 0:24:47.520 fucked up and I'm spaced out, and my driver windows open, 0:24:47.560 --> 0:24:50.639 and some kids pull up alongside me and flip a 0:24:50.760 --> 0:25:04.840 lit cigarette into my car. You know where I usually 0:25:05.359 --> 0:25:08.520 might commented, buy myself on the ball. They got a 0:25:08.600 --> 0:25:10.880 waitress there always wait time. 0:25:12.440 --> 0:25:15.919 It takes cook Canada for dinner. Sheldon takes us to 0:25:15.920 --> 0:25:19.800 a local outback steakhouse. As people walk by, he provides 0:25:19.800 --> 0:25:22.639 a running commentary of an elderly couple. 0:25:22.960 --> 0:25:26.160 Don't get like that couple. Whatever you do, it's time 0:25:26.200 --> 0:25:28.000 for the execution. 0:25:27.840 --> 0:25:29.040 Of an overweight couple. 0:25:29.480 --> 0:25:34.800 O fat, people are fat. 0:25:35.000 --> 0:25:37.840 It's as though he's sharpening his with readying it for 0:25:37.880 --> 0:25:41.400 the main event. Teasing my dad about Canada. 0:25:41.760 --> 0:25:45.040 I don't know how you could take Canada when your white. 0:25:45.520 --> 0:25:46.600 So you got nice neighbors. 0:25:46.720 --> 0:25:47.280 It's nice. 0:25:47.600 --> 0:25:51.879 It's okay. Uh. I wasn't gonna say, you're living in 0:25:52.000 --> 0:25:53.600 the same place for rom. 0:25:54.080 --> 0:25:58.399 Oh about thirty five, thirty eight years, something like that. 0:25:58.480 --> 0:26:00.960 I'm happy here. Yeah. 0:26:00.359 --> 0:26:00.560 Yeah. 0:26:00.960 --> 0:26:03.480 For my father, I know this is a touchy subject, 0:26:03.800 --> 0:26:06.560 believing as he always has, that Sheldon looks down on 0:26:06.640 --> 0:26:09.399 him for the dinkiness of his Canadian life and home. 0:26:09.960 --> 0:26:14.119 It's like a constant reminder of just who is second best. Later, 0:26:14.240 --> 0:26:17.639 my father will repeat Sheldon's words. You're still living in 0:26:17.760 --> 0:26:22.080 that same place, He'll say, for how many years? But 0:26:22.240 --> 0:26:25.159 just then I watch my father clench and unclench his 0:26:25.280 --> 0:26:28.080 jaw as he does when he is brooding. I know 0:26:28.160 --> 0:26:30.520 he's trying to take the high road, trying not to 0:26:30.640 --> 0:26:32.840 ruin the evening what two. 0:26:32.680 --> 0:26:35.080 Hundred dollars and thirty cent said. 0:26:34.880 --> 0:26:39.400 I pudd Sheldon invites us back to his place for cookies, 0:26:39.880 --> 0:26:41.879 but my father says he isn't up for it. 0:26:42.840 --> 0:26:49.399 Thank you. 0:26:51.240 --> 0:26:53.720 As we walk through the restaurant parking lot to the car, 0:26:53.880 --> 0:26:57.680 my father is silent. I find myself feeling protective of him. 0:26:58.040 --> 0:27:01.000 After midnight, lying awake in our hotel, well, my father 0:27:01.080 --> 0:27:04.000 insisted we stay at one, I lay in bed thinking 0:27:04.000 --> 0:27:07.000 about that day in nineteen thirty nine when my grandmother 0:27:07.080 --> 0:27:10.480 came back for Sheldon, not my father. For my father, 0:27:10.920 --> 0:27:13.520 not only did it push him away from Sheldon, making 0:27:13.600 --> 0:27:16.560 him feel jealous and resentful, but it also cast a 0:27:16.600 --> 0:27:19.240 shadow over the rest of his life, causing him to 0:27:19.240 --> 0:27:22.880 always feel passed over. He's mellowed with age, But as 0:27:22.920 --> 0:27:24.920 a kid, I saw it come out in all kinds 0:27:24.920 --> 0:27:28.320 of ways, always sensitive to slights, ready for a fight 0:27:28.440 --> 0:27:31.840 at the smallest perceived defense. I wonder if there's a 0:27:31.880 --> 0:27:34.640 different way for my father to see things, If there 0:27:34.720 --> 0:27:37.440 is the only living person in this world who can 0:27:37.480 --> 0:27:41.760 help is Sheldon. When their mom left, Sheldon was nine, 0:27:42.040 --> 0:27:45.280 my father five. Sheldon would have understood a lot more 0:27:45.280 --> 0:27:49.520 than my father. Yesterday, Buzz and Sheldon talked like a 0:27:49.560 --> 0:27:51.680 couple of kids who used to play stickball in the 0:27:51.720 --> 0:27:55.439 old neighborhood. Today, if me and my big fat meddling 0:27:55.560 --> 0:27:58.200 Yap have any sway, they'll have a chance to talk 0:27:58.240 --> 0:28:02.960 as men, as brothers, ye, because if not. Now when 0:28:07.680 --> 0:28:10.040 day two, this. 0:28:10.119 --> 0:28:13.159 Is a damn good cigar, Oh, Dominical Republic. 0:28:13.280 --> 0:28:15.440 They make a damn good cigar in Dominical Republic. 0:28:15.800 --> 0:28:18.520 Despite the difficulties of last night. The coin is flipped 0:28:18.560 --> 0:28:21.600 back to the good side. Sheldon offers my father a cigar, 0:28:22.200 --> 0:28:26.240 and with a cigar, some cigar talk, some pretty foul 0:28:26.280 --> 0:28:26.920 cigar talk. 0:28:27.480 --> 0:28:31.119 We're riding on Queen's Boulevard. Johnny's in the back seat 0:28:31.200 --> 0:28:34.359 with the whole He's got his naked ass up in 0:28:34.400 --> 0:28:38.480 the air and he's well, the funny thing. We had 0:28:38.520 --> 0:28:42.160 to stop for a light and there's a trunk driver 0:28:42.640 --> 0:28:47.120 sitting in the cab bump high. Was funny. 0:28:52.320 --> 0:28:55.320 If you guys missed each other, do you miss each other? 0:28:57.400 --> 0:29:03.640 You know? He asked the weirdest question, What is he abroad? No? 0:29:03.720 --> 0:29:06.200 I mean, I don't know. That's you know, eager to 0:29:06.240 --> 0:29:08.640 prove to my uncle Sheldon that in spite of the 0:29:08.680 --> 0:29:11.920 fact I'm wearing my wife's travel deodorant, I am indeed 0:29:12.000 --> 0:29:15.360 not abroad. I allow them to return to more pressing matters. 0:29:16.000 --> 0:29:18.479 They're Prostates, that said Jesus. 0:29:18.480 --> 0:29:22.400 He says, your prest feels like the moon craters. And 0:29:22.560 --> 0:29:26.959 there he said, I said, thank you, doctor complimenting. 0:29:28.960 --> 0:29:31.160 So if I could steer this away from the Prostates. 0:29:31.200 --> 0:29:34.520 So my father said that it's significant to him to 0:29:34.600 --> 0:29:35.080 have come. 0:29:35.320 --> 0:29:38.200 What do you say, I agree with whatever he said? 0:29:38.400 --> 0:29:39.520 But what about you? 0:29:39.760 --> 0:29:42.720 I said, I agree with whatever he said? Do you 0:29:42.760 --> 0:29:43.680 want to written? 0:29:44.360 --> 0:29:47.360 I know, i'my. It feels like I'm getting a taste 0:29:47.360 --> 0:29:49.640 of what growing up with Sheldon might have been like. 0:29:50.840 --> 0:29:53.480 So again I make my move. So I have some 0:29:53.600 --> 0:29:57.920 questions just about because the stories that I know from 0:29:57.920 --> 0:30:01.479 my father. But I'm curious your take is because you 0:30:02.120 --> 0:30:08.880 were older, do you remember what was going on when 0:30:08.920 --> 0:30:13.480 your mom when your mother left? Originally like what what? 0:30:13.640 --> 0:30:13.880 Why? 0:30:14.080 --> 0:30:15.000 And what was going on? 0:30:15.480 --> 0:30:18.680 Didn't you cover this ground before yesterday? 0:30:19.400 --> 0:30:22.400 But from my father's perspective, the way I understood it 0:30:22.440 --> 0:30:25.240 was always you were the favorite. Did you did you 0:30:25.280 --> 0:30:30.200 feel that way? At this point, Sheldon's face suddenly softens. 0:30:30.480 --> 0:30:33.280 I always felt that I got the short end of 0:30:33.320 --> 0:30:33.800 the stick. 0:30:34.000 --> 0:30:37.840 Yeah, but you have you were kind of a favorite 0:30:37.840 --> 0:30:38.600 with my mom. 0:30:39.160 --> 0:30:43.400 Yeah. Maybe with mom, of course maybe temperamentally we were 0:30:43.960 --> 0:30:48.840 closer than I was with my father. My father never 0:30:48.960 --> 0:30:52.720 gave me spit. Did you ever get any money from 0:30:52.720 --> 0:30:57.880 my father? I can't remember. You never got a line now, 0:30:58.360 --> 0:31:01.680 I can't remember, yeh never. One time I sprained my 0:31:01.800 --> 0:31:05.240 ankle so biget that was? That was terrible. I laid 0:31:05.320 --> 0:31:08.240 in that bed my hand. He was, He says to me, 0:31:08.480 --> 0:31:14.080 you lazy bum. Yeah, man, he went off on me 0:31:14.280 --> 0:31:17.160 that time. He took Sheldon. 0:31:17.200 --> 0:31:19.680 Once Sheldon happened to say the word fuck. 0:31:21.400 --> 0:31:26.120 He came in with that fucking strap, swinging with the. 0:31:26.160 --> 0:31:29.000 Bucket, and you know, I can understand it, leaving a 0:31:29.040 --> 0:31:32.000 feeling of resentment and dislike. 0:31:32.200 --> 0:31:37.760 Hey, yeah, that was his way of communicating with us. 0:31:38.000 --> 0:31:42.360 Smack smack, and then what a way? Yeah it was 0:31:42.400 --> 0:31:46.760 he easier on you. You think, uh, it wasn't that easy. 0:31:46.840 --> 0:31:48.680 But he was tough on Sheldon was. 0:31:48.760 --> 0:31:51.320 I know you were closer to him than I was. 0:31:52.840 --> 0:31:56.360 A lot of things that went on. You didn't understand 0:31:56.440 --> 0:31:59.600 really what was going on, So you had a different take. 0:32:00.160 --> 0:32:02.920 Why are you surprised by But I was a kid. 0:32:02.960 --> 0:32:03.920 I didn't understand it. 0:32:04.160 --> 0:32:06.400 But you didn't know that Sheldon was getting it so bad. 0:32:09.720 --> 0:32:12.320 In Buzz's telling, their father was always a more or 0:32:12.400 --> 0:32:17.040 less benign, childish figure, incapable of expressing his feelings and 0:32:17.120 --> 0:32:20.640 so given to temper tantrums. For Buzz, it was their 0:32:20.640 --> 0:32:23.240 mother who was the manipulator, the woman who played the 0:32:23.240 --> 0:32:27.000 brothers off each other. But hearing Sheldon's take. It sounds 0:32:27.040 --> 0:32:29.720 like maybe their mother didn't come to take Sheldon because 0:32:29.720 --> 0:32:32.680 she loved him best, but simply because he needed more 0:32:32.720 --> 0:32:43.800 protecting from their father. For the first time during our trip, 0:32:44.120 --> 0:32:46.840 I can see my father considering Sheldon's point of view, 0:32:47.320 --> 0:32:50.360 actually taking it in. I know it's intense for him 0:32:50.680 --> 0:32:54.640 because he can't even meet Sheldon's eyes. Instead, he looks 0:32:54.640 --> 0:32:57.080 at me, addresses his comments to me. 0:32:58.000 --> 0:33:00.000 You know, it said that my father's such a negation 0:33:00.080 --> 0:33:04.440 of impact on him, you know, just awful because he 0:33:04.480 --> 0:33:07.000 had so much going for me. He was a wonderful son. 0:33:07.680 --> 0:33:10.360 He worked hard, he was a good boy. 0:33:10.640 --> 0:33:14.040 He went to school talking like I'm a failure in life. No, 0:33:14.240 --> 0:33:17.320 you weren't a faith That's what I'm saying. You learn 0:33:17.360 --> 0:33:17.640 a faith. 0:33:17.720 --> 0:33:20.000 But all I'm saying is that emotionally he left an 0:33:20.040 --> 0:33:20.960 impact on you. 0:33:21.720 --> 0:33:24.760 It took a long time for me to get out 0:33:24.800 --> 0:33:30.760 of that emotion. And now I'm at peace to myself. 0:33:31.960 --> 0:33:34.480 I can talk about him and laugh about it. 0:33:36.240 --> 0:33:36.640 Now. 0:33:36.680 --> 0:33:42.000 I want peace quiet. I'm happy living by myself. 0:33:43.440 --> 0:33:44.160 Are you lonely? 0:33:44.400 --> 0:33:44.880 Sheldon? 0:33:51.840 --> 0:33:54.640 The last time my father saw my grandfather in full health, 0:33:55.040 --> 0:33:58.440 my dad was visiting from Canada, my grandfather asked my 0:33:58.520 --> 0:34:01.000 father to drive him to the semin Harry to visit 0:34:01.040 --> 0:34:05.680 his parents' grave, and once there, my grandfather wept inconsolably. 0:34:06.520 --> 0:34:08.920 Later that day he would succumb to a stroke, and 0:34:09.000 --> 0:34:12.320 shortly after we moved to a nursing home, with Sheldon 0:34:12.400 --> 0:34:15.640 being more local. The burden of my grandfather's care fell 0:34:15.680 --> 0:34:18.400 mainly to Sheldon. It seems like a lot of the 0:34:18.440 --> 0:34:20.360 family's burdens fell to Sheldon. 0:34:20.960 --> 0:34:23.880 They put a lot of a lot of the responsibility 0:34:23.960 --> 0:34:28.359 on him. That my dad should have been taking that responsibility, and. 0:34:28.280 --> 0:34:30.920 He shouldered that. Well, who was going to take car 0:34:31.000 --> 0:34:34.120 of you? Who is going to take you to school? Meet? Yea, 0:34:34.160 --> 0:34:36.400 I remember one time I was later or something. You 0:34:36.520 --> 0:34:43.719 stood outside that right, I said, mousy, I'm here, I'm here. 0:34:44.600 --> 0:34:47.480 He was good to meet a lot of times me. 0:34:48.640 --> 0:34:49.799 You know, you were. 0:34:50.000 --> 0:34:52.040 My older brother used to knock the shit out of 0:34:52.080 --> 0:34:54.799 me sometimes, But you know that's the way it is 0:34:54.920 --> 0:34:55.920 with brothers. 0:34:57.280 --> 0:35:00.480 Well, yeah, I was good in some way some way 0:35:00.560 --> 0:35:02.360 that I was mean? Who was not? 0:35:02.520 --> 0:35:03.000 Who is not? 0:35:03.920 --> 0:35:04.400 Who is not? 0:35:05.360 --> 0:35:08.640 So if you feel like you were compelled to see 0:35:08.680 --> 0:35:11.480 each other now because you knew that, you know, it's 0:35:11.520 --> 0:35:13.680 an hour and never kind of thing. Then it means 0:35:13.680 --> 0:35:16.480 that it was important to you both right to see 0:35:16.520 --> 0:35:16.919 each other. 0:35:20.560 --> 0:35:26.120 You want to take that sure yes, easy answer, Yes, yes, 0:35:26.200 --> 0:35:28.839 because we're not getting any younger. I mean, what's down 0:35:28.880 --> 0:35:34.160 the road. I'm eighty he's eighty five. I mean because 0:35:34.560 --> 0:35:36.040 there was a lot of water under the bridge and 0:35:36.080 --> 0:35:37.240 we want to close that bridge. 0:35:37.239 --> 0:35:37.439 Now. 0:35:38.680 --> 0:35:40.600 I want to feel easy. Now, I want to say, 0:35:40.640 --> 0:35:42.120 now he's going to be eighty six. I want to 0:35:42.120 --> 0:35:44.640 call him on his birthday and say happy birthday to him. Now, 0:35:44.719 --> 0:35:47.040 I'm not going to stand any fucking ceremonies anymore. 0:35:48.040 --> 0:35:51.320 As my father speaks, as per his brother's example, dropping 0:35:51.440 --> 0:35:54.280 f bombs like he's in a Guy Ritchie film, Sheldon 0:35:54.360 --> 0:35:57.799 keeps his arms crossed and his eyes shut tight. He's 0:35:57.880 --> 0:36:00.920 quiet for several seconds, and then he reaches out to 0:36:00.960 --> 0:36:01.680 pet his cat. 0:36:02.080 --> 0:36:04.240 Should I leave you at a cat in my will? 0:36:04.280 --> 0:36:05.680 If anything happened. 0:36:05.719 --> 0:36:08.399 If anything out, I'll take care of the cat. I'll 0:36:08.440 --> 0:36:12.160 take care of the cat. I'm happy I can't to 0:36:12.200 --> 0:36:12.520 see you. 0:36:12.719 --> 0:36:15.800 That I am. I'm happy it can't here. That's good, 0:36:16.080 --> 0:36:21.399 very good. Wherever I want to. 0:36:21.320 --> 0:36:22.200 Buy a house. 0:36:25.360 --> 0:36:28.440 When it's time to leave, Sheldon walks us outside, but 0:36:28.520 --> 0:36:31.120 before we get into the rental, he points across the 0:36:31.200 --> 0:36:34.040 lawn to his neighbor's house. He tells my father that 0:36:34.040 --> 0:36:36.840 it's for sale, and then he tells him the asking price, 0:36:37.239 --> 0:36:39.560 and my father says that doesn't sound bad at all. 0:36:40.040 --> 0:36:43.480 And Sheldon says that, what with Canada being so bloody cold, 0:36:43.840 --> 0:36:46.960 my father should consider moving to Florida, and my father 0:36:47.040 --> 0:36:51.200 says maybe he will. They don't get too emotional, they 0:36:51.200 --> 0:36:54.680 don't even hug it by, They just shake hands. And 0:36:54.760 --> 0:36:58.080 with that, it feels like Buzz has forgiven Sheldon, and 0:36:58.120 --> 0:36:59.439 Sheldon has forgiven Buzz. 0:37:00.880 --> 0:37:05.720 All right, you take care of under the bridge. Safe 0:37:05.880 --> 0:37:10.520 trip both, thank you, Yeah, thank you. We'll speak. M'll speak. 0:37:18.719 --> 0:37:20.879 Turn right on Northwest drawn. 0:37:20.960 --> 0:37:24.239 Oh my god, it feels so different now, you know. 0:37:25.200 --> 0:37:27.320 This has taken a lot off my shoulders idea. 0:37:28.960 --> 0:37:29.160 You know. 0:37:31.719 --> 0:37:34.040 As we ride to the airport, my father says that 0:37:34.120 --> 0:37:36.560 the thought of Sheldon all alone in that house with 0:37:36.760 --> 0:37:40.000 just a cat makes him sad. Do you really think 0:37:40.040 --> 0:37:43.200 he isn't lonely, my father asks. I assure him that 0:37:43.239 --> 0:37:46.320 Sheldon seems okay with being alone, but my father doesn't 0:37:46.320 --> 0:37:49.960 seem so sure. After all these years, the burden of 0:37:50.000 --> 0:37:52.680 having lost his brother has been replaced by a new burden, 0:37:53.440 --> 0:37:54.959 one that might be heavier to bear. 0:38:35.400 --> 0:38:41.160 Now that the fern ures returned into its goodwill home, 0:38:44.680 --> 0:38:48.759 now that the last month's rent is skating with. 0:38:48.960 --> 0:38:53.560 The damage to pos take this moment to dissolve. 0:38:55.560 --> 0:39:01.640 If we mentage, if we tried felt around for fuck 0:39:01.840 --> 0:39:05.920 to from the bank said accident. 0:39:06.320 --> 0:39:14.759 Lee Heavyweight is hosted and produced by me Jonathan Goldstein. 0:39:14.880 --> 0:39:17.600 This episode was also produced by Wendy Dore, Chris Neary, 0:39:17.680 --> 0:39:21.240 and Khalila Holt, editing by Alex Bloomberg and Peter Clowney. 0:39:21.480 --> 0:39:24.640 Special thanks to Caitlin Kenny, Starley Kine and Rachel Ward. 0:39:24.960 --> 0:39:27.360 The show was mixed by Hailey Shaw. Music in this 0:39:27.400 --> 0:39:30.640 episode by Christine Fellows, with additional music and ad music 0:39:30.719 --> 0:39:33.600 by Hailey Shaw. Our theme song is by The Weaker Bands, 0:39:33.640 --> 0:39:37.040 courtesy of Epitaph Records. A version of the story appeared 0:39:37.040 --> 0:39:39.040 on This American Life, and we had a lot of 0:39:39.080 --> 0:39:42.080 help from the folks there, Ira Glass, Julie Snyder, Jonathan 0:39:42.120 --> 0:39:45.840 men Heavar, Sean Cole and Robin Semeon a very special 0:39:45.880 --> 0:39:49.360 thanks to Emily Condon. Follow us on Twitter at heavyweight. 0:39:49.920 --> 0:39:51.480 We'll have a new episode next week. 0:40:03.040 --> 0:40:06.319 We used to call him Mitchy, little bitchy, Remember the 0:40:06.360 --> 0:40:09.200 older brother, the oldest one. He was kind of hey, 0:40:09.680 --> 0:40:12.120 well lucky we turned out as good as we did.