Kindness Is Golden | Golden Hour

00:00:07
Speaker 1: Welcome to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour. We're back and thanks for joining us. We're so glad you're all here with us.

00:00:15
Speaker 2: We've been having so much fun doing this podcast, haven't we got? And the best part is that the questions are flooding in. I just love it. We get so excited to listen and then read them all and get to talk about it.

00:00:31
Speaker 1: It's really super We love that. We're going to get into some of those in just a little bit. But first, unless y'all have been living under a rock or at the bottom of the ocean, you've probably seen it in the news that Gary and Teresa have decided to divorce and go their separate ways. And I thought, Susan, you and I could talk about it a little bit first, so you know, I want to give you some of my thoughts. I feel that these two did something very different than most people do. They met in public, they dated in public, they got engaged in public, they got married in public, and they're now getting divorced in public. And you know, I don't know about you, but when I was dating, I did not date, get married or anything else in front of eleven million people. And I think that is really got to be tough, and so for me, that's the elephant in the room. We all feel like we want to know more, We should know more, They owe us more. But I'm kind of with Ben Higgins on this. Do we really have a right to know more? You know, I don't think so. I think that what they did had to be so hard publicly to do it all publicly, and you know, for that, I admire their courage. What about you, Susan? What do you think?

00:02:00
Speaker 2: Honestly, Kathy? We watched them fall in love and I cannot deny that that wasn't real. I believe it was real and they got caught up in a moment. Who are we to judge anybody out there? Who are we to judge? As I made a statement a couple of days ago, it's about being kind. Yes, I know the public everybody was disappointed. We all are, but they have their reasons and that's their privacy. If it didn't work out, it didn't work out. What my problem is is people that are not kind about it. The things that they're saying. I said, just imagine if it was your daughter or your mother, would you like to read those things? Right?

00:02:48
Speaker 1: You know?

00:02:48
Speaker 2: Teresa put a statement out saying thank you to all the people that are being kind to her. Gary is away right now, and I don't blame him. He probably needs some closure, you know, just some quiet at time. But the things that they're saying about Gary, who are we to know this?

00:03:06
Speaker 1: And you're that's exactly right. And I again, I think it's difficult because we lived this romance with them, but they deserve the respect and the peace to try to heal. And I know when you and I've talked about at the wedding, I mean we were sitting there crying watching them, and we were just so happy, and quite honestly, you and I both were envious that they had fallen in love. And you know, I don't know, people can't see, but I have a sweater on that says say love, And that's life. You know, this is life, and it's not always pretty, and it's not always it doesn't always end the way we wanted to. We all believe in fairy tales, we all believe in you know, Cinderella and all of those things, but life is not always a fairy tale.

00:03:57
Speaker 2: It definitely is. And I think they went in the moment with the way they were feeling, and it was a big TV wedding. It was the most beautiful wedding I've ever been to, and some things just didn't work out. So I think everybody give them a break. Let's they live their lives and move on from this, and let's just wish them well. Not too much time from now, we're going to be hearing about a Golden Bachelorette, so we get to do it all over. I hope everybody out there is excited about the show coming as we.

00:04:30
Speaker 1: Are, because Susan, we still we've talked about this. We believe in the show, we believe in finding love, and Okay, it didn't work out this time, but you know, hopefully the next time it will and hopefully you and I will still find love, which actually brings us to the topic of the day. So yeah, here we go. But we have we've talked a lot about wanting to find someone to spend the rest of our lives with, but as we get older, it's not always easy. In what ways do you think it's harder to find love in your golden years?

00:05:09
Speaker 2: I think because we know exactly what it is that we need and want in our lives and we're not settling and having to go through at this stage of the game, you don't have time to iron out the little things. You know what you need and what you like and vice versa. Would they know what they want? And if you meet a match, which I hope we do.

00:05:32
Speaker 1: I totally agree with you, I think. I mean, we just lived it with Gary and Teresa. You know, we don't know all their reasons, but one of their reasons is one that I would have you and I. Gary and Teresa have families, They have grandchildren and children, and it's not easy to pick up and up, yeah, to leave your friends and your family and your support system. So I think for me, that's one reason that it's harder to find love in the Golden Year.

00:06:01
Speaker 2: Do you think you should have that conversation, although they did have that conversation, but seriously, where do you live? Where do you want to live? That's something that you should talk about.

00:06:12
Speaker 1: Right And I do think that it's It's one of those things. You know, I might be willing to spend six months on the beach in Malibu. I think I'd be willing to do that, and six and six months in Austin, Texas. I think I could buy into that, but not everybody is willing to do that, and so I think that's the biggest issue for me. But I think you hit on another really important one, which is we're not going to settle. We have raised our families, we have had our careers, and we know what we want and we're going to get it or you and I are going to spend a lot of time together. Susan.

00:06:51
Speaker 2: Well, just like we talk about on other episodes, didn't we discuss the fact that it's not what we used to look for. We look for something totally different, different When you get to this age, your best friend somebody like you said you don't want to used to guy. Yeah, at somebody that you want to do things.

00:07:10
Speaker 1: So I'm going to put that on my tombstone. I died without a used to guy.

00:07:16
Speaker 2: I don't want a tombstone, thank you very much.

00:07:19
Speaker 1: You know whatever when they send me okay, when the fish are eating me, they're going to be That's what's going to make it.

00:07:32
Speaker 2: So we do have some great questions, okay, question number one, Victoria says, first of all, ladies, I love y'all show. Thank you. It has been so good to hear from you. Guys, each week. My question is not about love specifically. I hope that is okay, Okay. I am graduating from medical school shortly and will be starting a new job soon. I am recently engaged in planning a wedding. Wow, that's a lot. I used to be so gun ho about my career path that I have chosen. However, since meeting my fiance and talking with him about having kids, I have a newfound desire to be a stay at home mom, or at least work only part time. I worry I would feel guilty throwing away my education and like I took a spot from someone else who wouldn't have decided to stay home. My fiance is well aware of my desires, but I wanted to see what you guys opinions of the situation. Again, I love the show.

00:08:44
Speaker 1: Wow, Wow, Wow, that's a lot.

00:08:48
Speaker 2: Okay. I feel like she's in a moment right now. I'm hoping that she digests and breathes. Ye, don't waste your career. Well, I have a little I have a little different take on it. I think obviously medical school is you know, a lot of years and residency in the whole nine yards. But what struck me in this question is exactly what you just said. She's putting sort of the cart before the horse. She's not married yet, she doesn't have children yet. Get into your career. There's lots right, there's lots of options open to Victoria. You're not throwing away your education. Doctors can work part time. You might find a great nanny. I think you're probably feeling a little overwhelmed right now. Like I said, she's in the moment, she's excited, she wants to have a baby, and I think you can do it all really well.

00:09:42
Speaker 1: I'm hoping, just selfishly that she's majoring in geriatrix and she can become my concierge doctor. But I think I hope her.

00:09:52
Speaker 2: Parents didn't pay for this education, because they're the ones that are going to say, hell, dare you? Yeah, but although they want a grand baby too, I guess. But yeah, but you can do it all today. I really believe that.

00:10:04
Speaker 1: Do you. I mean, would you have a problem if your daughter said to you, Hey, mom, I'm getting married, I want a family, I'm going to be a part time doctor, or you know a doctor that takes calls on weekends. I mean, it wouldn't bother me in the least.

00:10:18
Speaker 2: No, No, but I wouldn't want her to throw it all away and just be a stay at home mom.

00:10:22
Speaker 1: I would either, But I think I think you're right. I think she's in a moment and I think so, Victoria, take a breath. Breathe take a breath, and visit it again after you finish school. And and congratulations on your wedding.

00:10:38
Speaker 2: Absolutely, And I believe you can do it all, honey, you can. We are women, we are powerful, and we are Let us know how you make.

00:10:47
Speaker 1: Out, all right? And number I want to get to question number two because it's so interesting for me, Alan writes. I believe my college age grandson may be gay. I have no problem with this, but he has yet to discuss it with me. Should I ask? Or just wait? Can I take this one first?

00:11:09
Speaker 2: Of them? Go right ahead?

00:11:11
Speaker 1: So, as many of you may know, some of you may not know. My oldest son is gay. And I suspected he was gay at a relatively young age, so did his dad, but we waited until he came to us. And I think, just like many things in people's lives, it's their story to share. It's their life, and if they're comfortable sharing it, they will, and so Alan, if your grandson he may feel like you know, you're of the older generation and you won't understand. Just give him a little bit of time and you know, you can drop hints if you want that whatever life you choose, I'm your grandmother and I love you, and just see what happens. But I would wait.

00:12:03
Speaker 2: I think I would definitely be open. I have some things in my family as well, and I'm very open. And he knows how comfortable we all are no matter what decision they make. So if you could just be positive and let that out without saying are you or are you not? Let me right, I would not do but let him know that you're you're fine with it, just like you said.

00:12:28
Speaker 1: And I think the most important thing and I think my son would would say this. He knows, uh, you know, he's in his early forties now, but he knows how much his dad loved him, and he knows how much I love him. And that's the important thing here. You know, it usually comes down to love.

00:12:46
Speaker 2: And there's a lot of famili scaty as we all know that are non accepting.

00:12:50
Speaker 1: That's right, and that's a fear.

00:12:53
Speaker 2: And he may be from people don't come out until they're comfortable. I mean, I've worked with plenty of gay men that said they weren't for years and years. And when he finally came my best friend in the whole white world, Jeremy, and when he came to me and told me, I was like, honey, I know, I've known for four years and he goes, what.

00:13:14
Speaker 1: You know, It's funny, that's the same thing when my son finally came out. You know you didn't. I didn't want to be flippant, but I kind of want to say. I kind of wanted to say, isn't that like yesterday's news.

00:13:24
Speaker 2: Like welcome, I'm glad you're okay now because we all know it's okay all though, And it's okay.

00:13:30
Speaker 1: And again, as long as you're happy and a contributing member of society, that's what his father and I care about.

00:13:37
Speaker 2: And I love Alan that you love your grandson enough to even ask us such a question. Just be open with him and tell him it's okay. Alrighty. We have question number three from Christy from California, and she writes, Hi, Kathy and Susan, I in my late fifties and I have a chronic medical condition and that now slows me down. I'm sorry this has kept me from saying yes to dates and pursuing relationships. I feel people don't want to date somebody with a chronic medical condition. I pretty much decided I need to be single the rest of my life. Wow, how do you ladies feel about this? Honestly, I've been feeling hopeless about ever being in a relationship. I have always been active, but this has truly slowed me down. Oh, Christy, don't feel like that, Kathy.

00:14:38
Speaker 1: Yeah, Christie. I'm going to share something that Nancy from the show has shared this with both Susan and me, and she's okay to us saying this. So, Nancy has diabetes and she has had it for many years and it's extremely well managed. And Nancy told Susan in me one time about a date that she had. She dated this guy, I think a few times, and the second date he told her that he didn't want to see her anymore because she had a chronic health condition and he wanted someone really healthy. And yeah, and Nancy, as you remember, Susan, she was devastated. And I guess my thought on that is what a jerk let's start with that. Whoever you are out there for doing that for Nancy. To Nancy, you're a journal on you, Shame on you. But I would say that that anything can happen. I mean, you can find the man of your dreams and he can turn up with cancer next month. I mean, what is what? I don't even know what that means to. I hate that she feels helpless and hopeless, though I don't.

00:15:51
Speaker 2: Like what I think she's asking. Like, when you meet somebody, is that the first thing that you tell them? Well, do you share it immediately? First of all, you have to see if there's connection, I believe, but before anything gets serious, it's something you should discuss. Yeah, But I mean you have to give the other person the knowledge of what you are going through. It's not fair to hide something from them.

00:16:17
Speaker 1: But would you do it on the first date, Susan.

00:16:19
Speaker 2: No, not necessarily. I got to see how I feel about them.

00:16:23
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:16:23
Speaker 2: I guess having that in the back of your mind is like a burden, and I don't want you to feel you'll never find somebody who knows you might find somebody with the same kind of issue you don't know you know, or somebody that's willing and so loving that it doesn't matter. It's about who you are not.

00:16:42
Speaker 1: And the disease is exactly and that's what concerns me. Christy. You say that you feel like you've decided you need to be single. I don't know why you've decided that. There are so many people out there that would not judge you but embrace you. It just it would be a non starter.

00:17:05
Speaker 2: That sentence reminded me of you saying I give up. Don't give up. You never give up ever.

00:17:12
Speaker 1: And Susan, how many times have we said and we're going to continue to say it. And so guys, if you're bored, I'm sorry, don't give up in life. Your life is never over.

00:17:22
Speaker 2: It's just beginning, just a guess chapter, but we mean it.

00:17:28
Speaker 1: I know it sounds like we're just saying it, paying lip service, but really, don't don't let this slow you down, Christy. Don't give up. Keep on keeping on and get out there and enjoy life and you know, do activities and do the things that make you happy and see what comes into your life.

00:17:49
Speaker 2: Kathy, have you ever been on a date and had to tell somebody something personal about yourself or your family? Member or something like that. That's like a person that has a child that's ill, you know, looking for a partner. You have to share these things, but you don't necessarily have gloom and doom and feel like you'll never meet anybody. There's a billion wonderful people out there with Susan huge hearts. We just haven't found them yet.

00:18:16
Speaker 1: We just need one. We just need one. Where are they?

00:18:20
Speaker 2: I just need somebody that can take a big personality.

00:18:26
Speaker 1: Okay, well when you find him, maybe as a brother for this one with a big personality. I don't know. I listen, Christy going.

00:18:34
Speaker 2: To find love, and you have to believe in yourself and look like a big universe person. It's what you put out there. They don't understand words English. It's a vibe that you have in your body. And if you have a negative vibe about having this illness, then it's always going to be negative.

00:18:55
Speaker 1: I just want us both to remind bachlora nation out there and everyone else listens to this podcast, please be positive. Please, Gary and Teresa are struggling as you can well imagine, let's be positive and just show them grace again. I don't know. I didn't get married in front of eleven million people. So let's try to be kind folks.

00:19:19
Speaker 2: I did marry them in front of eleven million people, and when I watched them say those vows, they meant what they said. So this isn't a fake. I mean a lot of people have different opinions. It was real. It was very, very real, and you have to admire that at seventy some years old, when reality hit and they had their discussions that it wasn't going to work and they're not going to waste their time.

00:19:45
Speaker 1: Right, well, and that's the last thing.

00:19:47
Speaker 2: Separate ways and be happy.

00:19:48
Speaker 1: And that is the other thing that I don't think people necessarily understand. Our season was a truncated season. It was a shorter season, so everyone had less time to get to know everyone, and then you know, they didn't get to see each other very much. I mean, it was really like can It was like speed dating. And maybe they regret what they did. Clearly it didn't work out, but let's just live. Let them live and let live. And it's a note to self, Susan, I will never get married in front of eleven million people ever.

00:20:23
Speaker 2: Just remember people, please be kind.

00:20:31
Speaker 1: All right, So we have one more question here, This one is from Marlene. So glad you two found this platform. I think I speak for many. You have formed a friendship and bond that is infectious. Thank you for the positive energy. You're welcome. I love that. I love that looking back, are you sorry or glad that you weren't picked by Gary? Did you ever think you'd have such an impact on people our age? I'm seventy one ghost.

00:21:04
Speaker 2: So yeah, I would go with neither one of the sorry or glad. Now, it was the experience that I mean, yes, we went there to find love and we realized I know for myself, Gary and I were in the friend zone, and I was so grateful for that. So I was all about, as everybody knows, being happy for the ones that were getting serious with him. There are absolutely no regrets. I love the fact that we can share to the world about being positive and not being invisible and being our age and the age of possibilities.

00:21:42
Speaker 1: And one hundred percent I agree with you. The other thing is that part of what this show has done for us, we know who we are, and so we didn't come there trying to, you know, beat everyone else up and get Gary. And I think that again is our wisdom and our age that the friendships our friendship, Susan, for any of you who may you know, wonder if this is for real. It is totally for real. We are very good friends. And so you know, I agree with Susan. You are we sorry or glad? It's neither nor. We are just glad that we had the opportunity. And this week we say this all the time too, this chapter of our life. I feel very lucky and I know you do too, Susan, to be doing what we're doing. But again, it's just another example of it's never over until it's over.

00:22:44
Speaker 2: And Lisa Keathy remember the saying you never know, right, you never know what's going to happen. And sometimes I believe I was put here to share kindness, to share with people, to listen to people and give them my fee back and to love.

00:23:01
Speaker 1: Right, And I got it. Sorry, I'm sorry, go ahead.

00:23:05
Speaker 2: Always have an open arm for anybody. I've got tons of messages, and I guess they're the ones that maybe can't find figure out how to send in messages. I know I've forwarded some to the to the company to post so that we can talk about it to them, but they're opening their hearts every single day, every day.

00:23:27
Speaker 1: Yes, one other thing I wanted to add. I read a quote and it just it just resonated with me that, especially at our age in life and many of the questions we get are about people of a certain age and what they should do and what can they not do? And I don't know where I read this, but it said, there's always going to be a season. You need to live the one you're in. And I would add to that, celebrate the season you're in, Enjoy every minute, try not to look back, try not to look forward. Enjoy the moment you're in, because you'll never get it back.

00:24:06
Speaker 2: I do have one that I didn't sit in that somebody's sent me. I don't know, do we have time for that one?

00:24:12
Speaker 1: Well, go for it. Let's see.

00:24:14
Speaker 2: I'm forty nine years old, been married twenty three years to a wonderful man. He's romantic, thoughtful, and very good looking. I'll take him. So why is my sex drive tanking? He loves sex at least four times a week, or more if possible, but I've been fine with once a week. He's super into me, which is great, but I'm kind of over the sex part.

00:24:42
Speaker 1: I got this one.

00:24:42
Speaker 2: This a week if possible is all I want. I mean, I'll continue. Wait, I wish I wasn't, but it seems like a lot of work, and I'm tired from working full time. The kids are rarely home because they are nineteen and twenty, so in my husband's mind, it's an empty house to freely have sex and with no kids around. Oh, I hate we aren't on the same page. If you use this on your podcast, please just call me Joe.

00:25:13
Speaker 1: I love it.

00:25:14
Speaker 2: Joe. Okay, I got this one.

00:25:17
Speaker 1: I got the solution for this.

00:25:19
Speaker 2: You kidding me.

00:25:20
Speaker 1: He needs to be a big amiss. He just needs a couple more wants, and preferably young ones.

00:25:27
Speaker 2: I mean maybe at your age, you got to tell them, honey, I want to go to part times so I could be here for you more. Honestly, what I would suggest, go get hormones, baby doll, Go get hormones.

00:25:39
Speaker 1: Make a hormone. Susan gotter.

00:25:42
Speaker 2: I get bioidentical hormones and they really really help.

00:25:46
Speaker 1: So honestly, you know, you often say this, Maybe they need to spice up their life a little bit, Maybe they need to do things differently, you know, take a little weekend, vacation night, Yeah, date night, things, you know it. Things do get humdrum after a while. And it takes a lot of work to keep a marriage happy, spicy, all of those things.

00:26:09
Speaker 2: It takes sex though he wants it more than she says. And you know what, the good news is, you really are blessed because hey, at his age, you can do it five times a week. I think that's wonderful.

00:26:20
Speaker 1: Stop Susan stopping envious, just saying Susan wants his number.

00:26:27
Speaker 2: Don't give up. Work on it with your husband and tell them, do you know, to you a little bit, have them turn you on a little bit. It's not just a service though.

00:26:35
Speaker 1: Oh got you for it. Good advice.

00:26:38
Speaker 2: Good but thank you, Joe. And I'm sorry I didn't get to call you first. I didn't know I was going to have time for this today, but I'm glad I had it. Thanks.

00:26:45
Speaker 1: We've got to keep the questions coming. We've got to keep the questions coming.

00:26:50
Speaker 2: I love it, and that does it for today. I know this was a quick episode, but keep those questions coming, and you can go on bachelornation dot com slash Golden Hour to send them in. And I do know some of you out there are still struggling a little bit. Kathy and I every week or so put a video out. Kathy remind me we'll do that after this and teach them how to get there. Once again, thank you all for joining us.

00:27:15
Speaker 1: And once once you are able to find it, we will help you. But please subscribe because we have episodes coming out every week. We have some great guests coming up, and we have lots of wisdom to impart and some humor which is always good.

00:27:32
Speaker 2: Yes it is, so listen to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you listen to podcasts.

00:27:40
Speaker 1: See you next time,