186 | Meeting Children Where They Are: The Power of Child-Centered Play Therapy

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You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.

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Your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.

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Hi, I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks, The Kid Counselor.

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This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get

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a master class in child-centered play therapy

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and practical support and application for your

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work with children and their families.

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In today's episode, I am continuing the summer school series

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and in probably several weeks,

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we'll be wrapping this up because we'll be hitting September soon.

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But

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in the meantime, I'm going to continue to read sections from seminal works

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in the child-centered space.

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And today I'm reading out of Play Therapy, Art of the Relationship, fourth edition

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by Garry

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Landreth.

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And by the way,

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I wanted to let you all know some of you have reached out and said

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that this summer school series has been so helpful to you and so impactful.

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Many of you said you're actually buying the books and starting to read them now

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and I'm so encouraged by that. That is actually the reason why

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that I did this.

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It was my hope that it would inspire you to

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if you're going to want to be a child-centered play therapist at the highest level

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to recognize that we have to go back to the basics and the beginning

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and not let dilutions and changes and evolutions in the field become our focus.

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We have to go back to the beginning

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and look at the groundwork that was laid

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and that comes from these texts that were written in the eighties and nineties. So

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I'm so happy to hear that many of you have started buying the

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books and started reading them and that this has

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been helpful for you as a summer school series.

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So thanks for the feedback. I always like to hear

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if what we're doing is working and helpful.

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And so if you ever want to reach out, share your thoughts with me, ask questions,

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have me answer one of your questions on an episode.

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You can reach me at brenna@thekidcounselor.com

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and by the way, if you're new to the podcast,

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so glad you're here. I know every single day someone else finds the podcast.

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So welcome.

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If you are new, really, really happy,

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you found us happy that you are interested in child-centered,

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play therapy and happy that you are trying to become a better clinician.

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If this is your first episode or one of your first few,

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please know that the summer school se series is a stand alone series.

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And historically, we have gone through curriculum in chronological need order.

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So what I mean by that is you need to go back and start at

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episode one and listen in order to really benefit from the content of the podcast.

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And if you have been around with me forever,

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I know there are those of you out there that have listened to every episode

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actually several times. Some of you.

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And I know there are those of you that have never missed one episode. So we have

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everyone in between so fresh to the podcast,

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those that have been with me from the beginning and that have heard everyone

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and really, I can't tell you how much I appreciate each and every one of you.

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How grateful I am for you.

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You really truly add a lovely element to my week

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when I get to sit down and do podcast episodes.

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So

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grateful for you. Thanks for listening. All right. So let's dive into this.

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I'm actually reading three sections of the same section.

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Does that make any sense?

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So, I'm in the first chapter and I'm on pages 9, 10 and 11,

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but I'm not reading it straight through. So this section,

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I'm actually going to go through

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several different sections of a section. I don't know if that makes any sense.

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But anyway, pages 9, 10 and 11, that's all you need to know if you need to find it.

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Ok.

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So let's start with the first one

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and let's let me kind of set the stage a little bit.

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Oh, I'm so sorry, I'm telling you a lie.

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It's actually the start of chapter two that I'm reading from.

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So I'm sorry, it was chapter two, the meaning of play.

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And this is kind of giving back story on why children need to play

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and why we provide play therapy for kids.

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So that's the back story of what is leading

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to these particular passages that I'm going to read.

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Ok. So from chapter nine

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play is a medium of exchange

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and restricting children to verbal expression

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automatically places a barrier

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to a therapeutic relationship by imposing limitations

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that in effect, say to children,

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you must come up to my level of communication and communicate with words.

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All right, I'm gonna read that again because that's a long sentence.

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And I wanna tease apart some of those different portions

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play is a medium of exchange.

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We know that it's a way that children communicate, right?

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And restricting children to verbal expression.

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I'm going to add in

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Brenna's parenthetical reference

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or cognitive activities.

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Close parenthesis,

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restricting children to verbal expression

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or cognitive activities

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automatically places a barrier to a therapeutic relationship.

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For those of you converts those of you that used to be directive,

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those of you that used to be eclectic.

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Those of you who used to do worksheets and activities and

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have kids talk about why they hit their friends at school

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and have them do a feelings, faces activity.

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Did you ever feel that there was a barrier to

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the therapeutic relationship when you were doing that with kids?

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I know you do. You've told me that,

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that that was the case and that's why you switched.

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It imposes limitations

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that in effect, say to children, quote,

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you must come up to my level of communication

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and communicate with words,

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Brenna's parenthetical reference

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or you must come up to my level of cognition

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and interact cognitively

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through this worksheet through this discussion, through whatever.

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OK.

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The therapist's responsibility

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is to go to the child's level

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and communicate with children through the medium with which they are comfortable.

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Why must the child accommodate the adult?

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Wow. Let that sink in for a second.

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Why must the child accommodate the adult

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and then to add insult to injury? Let's rub salt in the wound.

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The therapist is the one who is supposed to be well adjusted

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to have developed coping skills,

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to know how to communicate effectively at all levels

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and to possess a developmental understanding of children.

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So why must the child accommodate the adult?

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Wow.

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If that doesn't make you feel guilty for any time in your entire career

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that you did not go down to a child's level and wanted them to come up to yours.

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Continuing

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when the therapist says, tell me about

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it. End quote,

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young children are placed at a disadvantage

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of having to accommodate the therapist and not the other way around.

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So there in lies the justification

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for why we play

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for why we don't lead

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for why we don't direct

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for why we don't bring topics up,

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why we don't intervene, why we don't interfere,

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why we don't bring up topics of discussion,

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why we don't guide what the child should play with when or why?

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Because

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we are not giving kids the advantage

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when we expect them to come up to our level, which is cognitive and verbal.

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So when we expect a child to talk to us

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or to think through something,

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we're putting them at a disadvantage

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and we are supposed to be accommodating them.

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Ok.

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So let me continue.

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I'm gonna skip some of the text,

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but I'm going to continue in the same section of the text.

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So on page 10,

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feelings and attitudes

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that may be too threatening for the child to express directly

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can be safely projected

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through self chosen toys

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instead of verbalizing thoughts and feelings,

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a child may bury in the sand,

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shoot the dragon

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or spank, the doll representing baby brother.

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So let's think about this.

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We understand kids aren't verbal, we understand they're not cognitive,

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they don't have abstract reasoning,

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they are not able to function at our level

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so often that means that they have feelings and or attitudes

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that

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would be very threatening for them to address directly, to express directly,

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but they can safely project that through the toys that they choose to use.

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And then there's examples provided for you.

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A child can bury something in the sand, shoot the dragon

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or spank, the doll representing baby brother.

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They're not going to really understand

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what is happening,

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but they know that they need a release of it.

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So

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that is really helpful to understand

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that when they're able to play something out,

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it is the way that they're projecting things that

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they don't know any other way to express.

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Ok.

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And then I'm going to skip a little bit further

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bottom of 10, top of 11.

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This is actually a quote from Bettelheim from 1987.

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And I'm actually going to give you that specific reference because I want you to

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be able to look that up if you choose.

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That is

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an article that was published in Atlantic Monthly

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called The Importance of Play.

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And that was Bettelheim in 1987 in Atlantic Monthly.

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So

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this is a complete quote from Bettelheim on page 40

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in the original text on page 10 and 11

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in art of the relationship.

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Here's the quote, the most normal and competent child

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encounters, what seem like insurmountable problems in living

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the most normal and competent child,

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meaning best case scenario

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encounters, what seem like insurmountable problems in living?

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The world is scary, the world is unpredictable, the world is overwhelming,

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the world is unknown.

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The world is confusing,

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the world is big,

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it creates problems that seem insurmountable

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to kids even in the best circumstances

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continuing. But by playing them out

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in the way she chooses,

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she may become able to cope with them

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in a step by step process.

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She often does so in symbolic ways

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that are hard for her to even understand

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as she is reacting to inner processes whose

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origin may be buried deep in her unconscious.

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Ok. Let me pause there.

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That's the heart of why we do what we do.

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The world has insurmountable problems that seem too much to handle.

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But if a child plays them out in her way,

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she becomes able to cope with them in a step by step process,

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there's a desensitization,

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there's an increase in competence,

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there's a better sense of self, there's trust of self,

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there's coping skills that are built, problem solving skills that are acquired,

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right?

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So step by step, child becomes able to cope with these things in

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symbolic ways that sometimes the child will not even understand nor will we

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because the child is reacting to inner processes whose

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origin may be buried deep in the unconscious.

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Sometimes the child doesn't know and sometimes we don't know,

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but it doesn't mean it doesn't work.

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Ok. Continuing.

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This may result in play that makes little sense to adults at the moment

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or may even seem ill advised

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since we do not know the purpose it serves or how it will end.

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But when there is no immediate danger,

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it is usually best to approve of the child's play without interfering

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just because he is so engrossed in it.

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All right, let me pause there.

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So Bettelheim is even acknowledging that sometimes we watch

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a child's play and it makes little sense to us

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and, or sometimes we don't think that it's something that a child should do.

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Sometimes it seems ill advised because we don't know the purpose or how it will end

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what outcome may come from this. What's the purpose of this?

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Why is the child doing this?

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Have you ever found yourself questioning what's going on in the playroom?

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However, Bettelheim says when there is no immediate danger,

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ie

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we have three questions that we ask about limits.

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Am I safe? Is the child safe? Is something you know to get damaged or broken?

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If the answer is no, then there is no immediate danger.

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It

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is usually best to approve of the child's play without

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interfering just because he is so engrossed in it.

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Now listen to this

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efforts to assist him in his struggles

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while well intentioned

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may divert him from seeking

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and eventually finding

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the solution that will serve him best.

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How many times do we have to sit on our hands?

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How many times do we have to stop ourselves from

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interfering or assisting or helping or solving

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or lessening the blow of something?

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Taking the hard away, rescuing them from the pain?

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That's the nature of an adult with a child. And that's the nature of a helper

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to someone that needs help. But here's what that does.

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If we effort, make an effort to assist,

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even with good intentions, which they always are,

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it can divert him from seeking and eventually

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finding the solution that will serve him best.

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What does that speak of

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the child-centered self actualization process?

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He knows that it's a problem. He knows he needs to solve it.

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He knows that he will seek until he finds

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what's going to work.

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And anything we do is only going to get in the way and divert him and be a hindrance.

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That's child

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centeredness, that's non directive, that's the child leading the play session.

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Why? Because the child knows,

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we just let the child do what the child needs to do,

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his pace, his way, his time,

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the environment of the playroom, the relationship with the clinician,

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the child is able to find the solution that serves him best.

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So we don't need to assist him. We don't need to do anything

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even when something doesn't make sense, even when it seems ill advised,

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even when we're watching it and we're confused as

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to what this could possibly mean for the child,

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we just stay out of the way

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and we let the child do their work.

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So let's weave the three of these things together as we close.

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So

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by

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not letting a child just play

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by expecting a child to verbalize things or to

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process things cognitively or do some kind of activity,

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we are actually

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placing them at a disadvantage, forcing them to accommodate us.

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And

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we are imposing limitations on the therapeutic relationship with barriers.

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OK. So that's point number one.

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So if we understand that I no longer want to be a

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barrier or impose limitations or put a child at a disadvantage.

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So I'm going to wholly be child-centered

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so that they can communicate through their play.

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Ok. So that's point number one point number two,

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children will,

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then naturally if allowed to just play and

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not have to verbalize or cognitively process things,

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they will project through their toys,

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the feelings and attitudes that are too threatening for them to express directly.

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So that is a means to an end for them,

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they come in and play what they can't communicate in any other capacity.

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And then finally,

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the world is hard

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and life is tricky

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and kids are going to play them out

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so that they can step by step, build coping skills

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and that's done in symbolic ways that we don't always understand.

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But if we don't get in the way

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they will seek and find the solution that serves them best.

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And when a child seeks and finds a solution,

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notice the ownership

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and the pride and the long term effect that has

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versus something that we might have led them to talk to them about,

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forced them to think about.

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That's a temporary,

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very, very

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surface level

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solution.

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Whereas a child wrestles with it

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and fights with it and struggles with it and comes up, comes up with it on their own.

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Now, all of a sudden

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long term

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results

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because the child figured it out

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and the child will still continue to possess the capacity

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to

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figure that out in the future

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because they've proven that they're capable.

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All right y'all, I hope that encourages you. This is such a fantastic book.

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I, I just, every time I read it I find Little Golden Nuggets and I think that

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it's just such a helpful reminder when we dive into the stuff of

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why we're doing what we're doing and kind of that spur to continue to

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do this when sometimes it's not easy and sometimes we don't really feel adequately

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equipped and we're not really sure if it's worth the fight and the struggle and

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the supervisors not being on board and

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colleagues not understanding what we're doing.

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And is this really working because parents really don't seem like they see any value

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in this and I'm constantly defending myself and no one understands what I do.

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We, we're all in the same boat y'all.

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That's what,

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that's what you take on when you take on being a child-centered play therapist.

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But these works and these texts remind us that it's worth it

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and they ground us again

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so that we can continue to fight the good fight.

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So

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love you all so much. Thanks for spending time with me each week.

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We'll talk again soon. Bye.

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Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr

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Brenna Hicks for more episodes and resources.

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Please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.