Dreaming to Create a Life with Purpose with Teneshia Jackson Warner

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Speaker 1: Hi. This is Laura Vandercamp. I'm a mother of five,

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Speaker 1: an author, journalist, and speaker. And this is Sarah Hartunger.

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Speaker 1: I'm a mother of three, a practicing physician and blogger.

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Speaker 1: On the side, we are two working parents who love

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Speaker 1: our careers and our families. Welcome to best of both worlds.

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Speaker 1: Here we talk about how real women manage work, family,

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Speaker 1: and time for fun, from figuring out childcare to mapping

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Speaker 1: out long term career goals. We want you to get

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Speaker 1: the most out of life. Welcome to best of both

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Speaker 1: worlds with Sarah interviewing Tanisha Warner about ninety day goals

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Speaker 1: and how we can have a concentrated push for achieving

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Speaker 1: the big things we want to do. So, Sarah, have

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Speaker 1: you ever done any ninety day goals? I don't think

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Speaker 1: I've used that particular structure that often, but I love

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Speaker 1: the idea of it. Actually, when I thought back into

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Speaker 1: when I've ever made like a very specific plan for

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Speaker 1: about a three month time period, the only thing that

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Speaker 1: came to mind was board prep. Because when you're studying

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Speaker 1: for your US medical boards, and there's this step one,

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Speaker 1: and there's step two. There's also step three, but step

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Speaker 1: three does not involve that much studying anyway. It's like

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Speaker 1: months long of just doing practice questions and studying, and

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Speaker 1: you have to be very structured and strategic about it,

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Speaker 1: and I definitely was both times. Like I literally had

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Speaker 1: like a schedule every single and many med schools actually

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Speaker 1: give you time off to do that, and you could

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Speaker 1: certainly waste that time, or you could be like crazy

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Speaker 1: and have a very structured schedule and are not crazy,

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Speaker 1: but you know what I mean. Anyway, I was very

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Speaker 1: intense with that. It paid off. I got great scores

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Speaker 1: that I used to go into a very non competitive field.

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Speaker 1: So I don't know why I spent all that time,

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Speaker 1: but it worked out really well anyway, And yeah, I'm

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Speaker 1: glad I did it, and it showed me that you

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Speaker 1: can do something like that in like a really big

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Speaker 1: push in a structured way. I guess marathon training, but

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Speaker 1: that's usually I mean, it's not like your whole day,

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Speaker 1: so it doesn't feel quite as much like a ninety

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Speaker 1: day push. Yeah, but I mean you could still have

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Speaker 1: a ninety day push that involves an hour a day,

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Speaker 1: I mean, and many things might be even more doable

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Speaker 1: if that's the requirement you give for yourself. Yeah. Now,

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Speaker 1: I was thinking about this too, and I was sort

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Speaker 1: of like, d I don't know if I've done a

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Speaker 1: ninety two push. But of course, for years I set

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Speaker 1: the quarterly goals, right, you know that each quarter I

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Speaker 1: have another goal, and some of them are just sort

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Speaker 1: of one off, like do mommy days with three kids,

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Speaker 1: and you know that's not going to involve something all

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Speaker 1: ninety days, but certain other things like I wrote the

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Speaker 1: draft of Tranquility by Tuesday and roughly ninety days over

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Speaker 1: the summer, I had a schedule of a chapter a week,

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Speaker 1: with some time off for vacations, and did in fact

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Speaker 1: get the thing done. You know, I've done National novel

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Speaker 1: writing a month a few times. That's an even shorter push,

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Speaker 1: but you you know, commit to getting the novel written

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Speaker 1: in thirty days. But obviously giving yourself ninety days would

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Speaker 1: have allowed for a little more leeway. So, you know,

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Speaker 1: I love the idea and certainly think that ninety days

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Speaker 1: is a you know, it's got a lot going for it.

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Speaker 1: It is close enough to see the finish line, like

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Speaker 1: it's not you know, ten years from now, which is

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Speaker 1: hard to get your head around. But on the other hand,

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Speaker 1: it is long enough to make significant progress on a

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Speaker 1: great many things. I mean, you know you can. You

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Speaker 1: can do a lot in ninety days. So I'm a

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Speaker 1: big fan of the concept. Can't wait to hear what

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Speaker 1: she has to say. All right, well let's go to

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Speaker 1: the interview then. Well, I am so excited to welcome

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Speaker 1: Tanisha Jackson Warner on this show. I was so inspired

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Speaker 1: when I read about her ninety day program and how

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Speaker 1: she's gotten into a major career pivot. She runs a

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Speaker 1: big marketing company, which she can tell us a little

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Speaker 1: bit more about, because I'm sure I just described her

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Speaker 1: position poorly. But yes, welcome Tanisha. I'm so excited to

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Speaker 1: have you on the show. Hi, Sarah, I am so

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Speaker 1: excited to be here. I truly appreciate your energy, especially

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Speaker 1: at the end of the day. You have a very

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Speaker 1: nice calm. You're gonna have to share your secret with

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Speaker 1: our listeners. I try. I can't tell you I'm calm

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Speaker 1: all the time, but I try. I love it. Well,

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Speaker 1: tell everybody a little bit about your work origin story,

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Speaker 1: because you yourself underwent I think, a big career pivot

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Speaker 1: and then used some of that learning to really help

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Speaker 1: others and bring forth the company that you now run.

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Speaker 1: So tell us a little bit about your journey. So

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Speaker 1: my journey, I can't believe it, Sarah. But when I

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Speaker 1: think back, my journey started almost two decades ago. Can

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Speaker 1: you believe that not a part from the way you look?

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Speaker 1: So no, And basically, here's the thing you need to know.

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Speaker 1: When I graduated college, I chose a career path based

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Speaker 1: on earning potential. So I went into tech. I was

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Speaker 1: working with IBM Global Services. I was there for a

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Speaker 1: number of years, climbing the corporate ladder right, and although

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Speaker 1: it looked like success from the outside, there was one

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Speaker 1: big problem in the inside. I realized that I wasn't fulfilled.

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Speaker 1: That I basically chose a career on earning potential with

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Speaker 1: little to no regard for passion or purpose. So that

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Speaker 1: was like my big AHA moment of Hey, your big

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Speaker 1: decision and driving force around this major decision is solely

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Speaker 1: based on earning potential. What about passion? What about purpose?

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Speaker 1: And I made a promise to myself that I was

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Speaker 1: willing to redesign a life. I'm going to say a

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Speaker 1: life because it just wasn't professional. It's professional on purpose,

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Speaker 1: but redesign a life based on purpose, and that started

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Speaker 1: me on the pivot of leaving my corporate job. That

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Speaker 1: was not a big popular decision with my grandmother, who

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Speaker 1: felt like I had a great, good, good, good job.

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Speaker 1: But I took a leap of faith. I stretched and

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Speaker 1: I redesigned the path based on passion and purpose. That

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Speaker 1: must have been such a scary jump to take. So

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Speaker 1: how long had you been in the corporate world and

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Speaker 1: what was your process? Did you have a plan when

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Speaker 1: you left or was it just sort of like, no,

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Speaker 1: I'm I'm going to find myself and just see what happens.

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Speaker 1: What was that like? Okay, the process went from first

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Speaker 1: being connected enough to myself to realize that I wasn't fulfilled,

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Speaker 1: that something was missing, and I like to stop there

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Speaker 1: because it's so easy for us to be on a

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Speaker 1: cycle where we're not spending time with what I call

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Speaker 1: the dreamer in the mirror to determine if the path

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Speaker 1: that you're own, if it's really working for you. So

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Speaker 1: I think that was step one, step two. Once I

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Speaker 1: was able to admit that to myself, then I almost

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Speaker 1: treated myself like a project. And my question was, well,

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Speaker 1: if you're not passionate about this, what are you passionate about.

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Speaker 1: I got a journal and I just started to jot

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Speaker 1: down everything that made my heart sort of beat fast.

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Speaker 1: I didn't challenge myself to make it make sense. But

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Speaker 1: I knew I was passionate about passion. I knew I

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Speaker 1: was passionate about my community. I knew I was passionate

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Speaker 1: about different cultural trends. I just really wrote down all

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Speaker 1: of these different areas that I was passionate. Once that

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Speaker 1: list was there, again, I didn't try to make it

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Speaker 1: make sense. But once the list was there, I started

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Speaker 1: researching careers in those passion buckets. And I mean it

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Speaker 1: was almost like a job within itself. And if I

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Speaker 1: found something that was interesting to me, I would actually

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Speaker 1: reach out to people and say, hey, I noticed that

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Speaker 1: you're doing this. Would you mind doing a twenty minute

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Speaker 1: informational interview with me to learn about this particular role

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Speaker 1: of projects. I did that a while. I met so

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Speaker 1: many different types of people. I also, in this phase,

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Speaker 1: said I am going to be willing to volunteer to

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Speaker 1: like really get my feet wet in some of these

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Speaker 1: areas without making the full leap. So I volunteered on

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Speaker 1: a movie set because entertainment was one of the things

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Speaker 1: that I liked. I volunteered in the fashion department. I

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Speaker 1: realized I like fashion, but I liked doing fashion for

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Speaker 1: me and not others. So I checked that off and

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Speaker 1: I just continue to volunteer, and I eventually got an

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Speaker 1: opportunity to volunteer and Rush Communications. This was a company

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Speaker 1: led by Kimora Simmons and Russell Simmons, and this company

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Speaker 1: was like in the heart of hip hop culture, entertainment,

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Speaker 1: pop culture. And that's when I said, this is it,

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Speaker 1: Like I want to be in this area. And that's

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Speaker 1: a long story. There was nothing traditional about my decision

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Speaker 1: because eventually I left my paying corporate job and started

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Speaker 1: working at this company in a volunteer basis full time.

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Speaker 1: Now that type of radical lead people don't really talk

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Speaker 1: about that anymore. But at the time I was young,

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Speaker 1: I didn't have a lot of responsibilities and I was

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Speaker 1: willing to do it. That paid off for me. Within

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Speaker 1: one year of volunteering, I became the general manager of

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Speaker 1: that company and from there, you know, I did that

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Speaker 1: for a number of years and later ventured out and

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Speaker 1: started Agami Group and Egammi Group is a New York

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Speaker 1: based multicultural marketing firm and Sarah. The funny thing about it,

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Speaker 1: if you look at our core pillars, it includes community,

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Speaker 1: culture and causes like societal issues impacting community. All of

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Speaker 1: those things are a part of the little drawing that

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Speaker 1: I did two decades ago when I said, what are

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Speaker 1: you passionate about? And so it was just a journey

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Speaker 1: that unfolded. That is such a beautiful story. I'm so

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Speaker 1: struck by how like systematic you were, because the truth is,

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Speaker 1: so many of us just do kind of fall into

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Speaker 1: like their default careers and like either it fits or

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Speaker 1: a doesn't, and if it doesn't, I've talked a little

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Speaker 1: bit about like career crafting, like how can you like

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Speaker 1: kind of maximize the aspects of your job that you love,

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Speaker 1: But you were just like nope, starting from scratch area one,

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Speaker 1: area two, area through and most of us never get

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Speaker 1: to do that as adults. But I think that's is

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Speaker 1: that part of kind of like the whole dream process

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Speaker 1: that you kind of recommend for others who kind of

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Speaker 1: find themselves in a position that may be less meaningful

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Speaker 1: for them. Absolutely, So I want you to know when

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Speaker 1: I did this process, I didn't even know it was

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Speaker 1: a process. I was just doing right. But two decades later,

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Speaker 1: in an attempt to inspire other dreamers, I kind of

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Speaker 1: took a step back and said, what were the steps

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Speaker 1: and processes that you went through and bringing your dream

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Speaker 1: to life? And not only did I think about it

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Speaker 1: from mind lands, but I interviewed two hundred iconic dreamers

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Speaker 1: and I found this sort of universal truth that I

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Speaker 1: packaged in the Big Stretch as a dreamer's blueprint, and

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Speaker 1: it's broken down into four phases. Phase one, it's all

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Speaker 1: about dreaming. Phase two is getting comfortable with designing a

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Speaker 1: path and plan to bringing that dream to life. Phase

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Speaker 1: three is getting you comfortable with daring moves it's called

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Speaker 1: dare that you're going to have to take in the

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Speaker 1: name of that dream. And last but not least, really

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Speaker 1: preparing you to do the dream for the long term.

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Speaker 1: Which of those stuffs do you think is the hardest?

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Speaker 1: Oh man? So you know what, It varies depending upon

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Speaker 1: the dreamer that I'm working with, So I can't say

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Speaker 1: it's a cookie cutter answer. You know, For some people

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Speaker 1: phase one in the dream stage, it's very hard for

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Speaker 1: them to imagine beyond what they think is possible based

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Speaker 1: on what they can see. My mom is horrible at

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Speaker 1: that horrible like she'll say a dream and then she'll say, oh, no,

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Speaker 1: I can't do that because I don't know how that's

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Speaker 1: going to work out. So let me scratch that. And

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Speaker 1: I always say, Mom, you think about how to premature.

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Speaker 1: I want to like get her muscles up in like

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Speaker 1: dream without limits just for a minute, we're gonna get

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Speaker 1: to the plan. So for somebody like my mom, who's

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Speaker 1: very methodical and like she has to see it, the

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Speaker 1: dream phase is challenging for her, But for others that

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Speaker 1: are really creative, they can kind of live in the

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Speaker 1: dream phase. I've found others where if you are not

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Speaker 1: a high risk taker, that dare phase can be challenging,

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Speaker 1: Like you're asking me to take this leap or put

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Speaker 1: myself out there or go beyond my comfort zone. That's

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Speaker 1: an area where for song that's the most challenging. So

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Speaker 1: your dream journey is as unique as you are. I

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Speaker 1: think you will have to answer that question based on

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Speaker 1: who you are on which phase is the most challenging

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Speaker 1: For me. I just don't have a problem taking big

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Speaker 1: daring moves. I don't, so that's like an easy phase

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Speaker 1: for me. But design and like mapping out the plan

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Speaker 1: that's a phase that I probably kind of try to

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Speaker 1: skip over as a visionary, Like I want to throw

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Speaker 1: the big idea out there, but I don't necessarily want

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Speaker 1: to think through every detail of the how so you know,

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Speaker 1: it varies depending upon you and your unique interests. I

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Speaker 1: feel like every CEO or somebody who has their own company,

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Speaker 1: they always say that they're like, no, no, I'm the

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Speaker 1: one who's ten steps ahead. That it reminds me so

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Speaker 1: much of somebody I know. So that's really funny. What

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Speaker 1: would you say to people who are like, well, your

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Speaker 1: career doesn't have to be your passion if you have

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Speaker 1: a good job and like you can kind of find

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Speaker 1: purpose in other areas of life. Is that good enough?

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Speaker 1: Does your career have to answer to your passions? Oh?

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Speaker 1: I love in this conversation. So inside of the big stretch,

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Speaker 1: there are different dreamer types that I define, and Sarah,

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Speaker 1: I define these dreamer types because of this exact question

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Speaker 1: that you just asked. We used to do this big

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Speaker 1: conference in Atlanta called the Dream Project, and I would

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Speaker 1: sometimes have people come to me at the end of

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Speaker 1: the conference to say, this was wonderful, but I don't

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Speaker 1: know if it was for me because I don't think

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Speaker 1: I am meant to be an entrepreneur. And so what

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Speaker 1: I noticed is that there wasn't a one size fit

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Speaker 1: all in how you approach living a life of purpose

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Speaker 1: and passion by way of your dreams. So here's some

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Speaker 1: of the various dreamers types. The first one is a

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Speaker 1: career preneur, So a career purneur is someone who for them,

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Speaker 1: it's very important that they are able to align their

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Speaker 1: profession and passion. So they want to work for places

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Speaker 1: where there is intersectionality between the two and they can

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Speaker 1: map purpose in what they're doing day to day. I

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Speaker 1: also have some dreamers that they're like, you know what,

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Speaker 1: I can go to the job, I can make a

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Speaker 1: check and it does not have to be in my

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Speaker 1: passion field. I have a good friend, her name is

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Speaker 1: Christina Todden, and what we de find for her she

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Speaker 1: is that's what I call a hobby dreamer. She works

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Speaker 1: a job right and that job provides her an amazing lifestyle,

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Speaker 1: but she doesn't necessarily put the responsibility on her job

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Speaker 1: to fulfill all of her passions. So she has a

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Speaker 1: passion of travel, of fitness as well as culinary. She

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Speaker 1: created a blog to like really fulfill that area, and

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Speaker 1: the blog took off and she's now an influencer. But

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Speaker 1: she is what I call a hobby dreamer. This is

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Speaker 1: someone who doesn't want to put the pressure on their career,

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Speaker 1: but they want to nurture the hobbies and get fulfillment

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Speaker 1: in that way. Another one is what I call and

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Speaker 1: make it happen dreamer, and this is someone high risk taker.

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Speaker 1: They don't necessarily do extremely well in structured environments. They

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Speaker 1: like making their own rules. These are individuals that they

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Speaker 1: were just born to be entrepreneurs. Right. My husband is

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Speaker 1: one of those people. He was just born to work

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Speaker 1: for himself. He is what I call a make it

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Speaker 1: Happen dreamer. And then the last one is a CEO dreamer.

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Speaker 1: This is someone who's worked in corporate for a while,

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Speaker 1: but they know that one day I want to venture

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Speaker 1: out and determine if I could do this on my own,

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Speaker 1: and so they're able to take all of their skills

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Speaker 1: from their previous corporate job and then harness that to

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Speaker 1: one day start their own. And the last one is

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Speaker 1: what I call an activist dreamer. This is someone who

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Speaker 1: will see a problem in the world and they want

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Speaker 1: to dedicate their life and their mission to being a

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Speaker 1: part of the solution of that problem. These are individuals

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Speaker 1: that are leading movements, they are running nonprofits, and for

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Speaker 1: them they need that fulfillment of I am addressing a

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Speaker 1: problem in the world by way of my career. And

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Speaker 1: usually again they're okay with being nonprofit leaders or they

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Speaker 1: are team members on nonprofits. So those are the fig

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Speaker 1: I have different dreamer types that I identify in my

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Speaker 1: study of interviewing all of these various dreamers. And the

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Speaker 1: big thing that the takeaway is the point that you said, Sarah,

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Speaker 1: there isn't a one size fits all that is great,

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Speaker 1: so no one can be left out. And it doesn't

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Speaker 1: mean that you necessarily have one script. You have to

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Speaker 1: leave it behind and start something new if that's not

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Speaker 1: exactly where your passions lie. I think I may be

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Speaker 1: a hobby dreamer personally, but I have to reflect on that.

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Speaker 1: That's super interesting. I want to pivot and learn. Oh,

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Speaker 1: go ahead. I do want to say. There is an assessment,

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Speaker 1: so all the listeners that are taking this out, you

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Speaker 1: can go to the Big stretchbook dot com and take

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Speaker 1: the Dreamer's Profile assessment to learn what type of dreamer

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Speaker 1: you are. And it's available, Like it's there, so if

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Speaker 1: you go, you can find out what type of dreamer

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Speaker 1: you are right now, excellent, I'm totally gonna do it.

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Speaker 1: We're going to take a very quick break and we'll

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Speaker 1: be right back with some more questions for Tasha. Okay,

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Speaker 1: So I had a question about the ninety day stretch concept.

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Speaker 1: In the interro to this episode, Laura and I were

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Speaker 1: talking about, like ninety days. It's like a very nice

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Speaker 1: chunk of time, Like I think people underestimate what they

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Speaker 1: can do in ninety days, but it's also a manageable

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Speaker 1: amount of time. It doesn't feel like, Okay, you're committing

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Speaker 1: to something for a year. Talk to me about the

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Speaker 1: ninety day process that you have developed, and it is

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Speaker 1: I think part of the framework of your book that

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Speaker 1: came out recently. I'm just curious, what have some people

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Speaker 1: been able to accomplish in that ninety days and why

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Speaker 1: did you choose that as the timeframe. So a couple

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Speaker 1: of things. The path that I use in the book

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Speaker 1: it one, I start you from a very very high

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Speaker 1: level creative space to allow you the opportunity to imagine

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Speaker 1: and get in contact with your big, big dream, your vision,

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Speaker 1: and it's kind of out there. The book then moves

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Speaker 1: you through a process to define what part of that

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Speaker 1: dream can you do this year? So we just enter

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Speaker 1: f y twenty twenty two. So I'll give you an

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Speaker 1: example here. It always works better if I show an example.

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Speaker 1: Say it's someone who has always wanted to essentially be

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Speaker 1: an author, right, and maybe that's a part of their big,

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Speaker 1: big dream. I then challenge them to say, what part

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Speaker 1: of that vision and how can you bring that to

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Speaker 1: life over the next year. So we first start from

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Speaker 1: a one year perspective, and it's part imagination but also

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Speaker 1: starting to drop them into a plan to paint a picture.

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Speaker 1: And that's where I challenge you to kind of be

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Speaker 1: very specific January of twenty twenty three, what elements do

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Speaker 1: you want to have accomplished as it relates to your dream.

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Speaker 1: And with that, I'm always challenging you to make sure

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Speaker 1: that it's measurable. So in the case of this I

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Speaker 1: want to be author, maybe they say, in one year,

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Speaker 1: I'll have the book proposal written and I will pitch

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Speaker 1: it to you know, several people, and I will have

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Speaker 1: a book bill. Maybe that is like the one year

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Speaker 1: vision that ladders back to the big dream of becoming

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Speaker 1: an author. From that part, I then challenge them to say,

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Speaker 1: if that is the goal over the twelve month period,

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Speaker 1: let's break that down into an actionable plan of what

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Speaker 1: we need to accomplish over ninety days. And the ninety

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Speaker 1: day number is significant for several reasons. Number one, majority

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Speaker 1: of Fortune one hundred companies they are running their companies

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Speaker 1: on a ninety day basis. Looking at it from a

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Speaker 1: very quarter perspective, ninety days gives you the perfect amount

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Speaker 1: of time that you can gain traction to feel good.

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Speaker 1: You can really start to knock out, you know, chunks

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Speaker 1: of what you need to be doing. But you are

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Speaker 1: not so far into the twelve month journey that you

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Speaker 1: can't assess if you need to pivot or bring in

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Speaker 1: new strategies. So that is the why behind the ninety days.

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Speaker 1: So once you get in the ninety day period, I

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Speaker 1: challenge you to define goals that you will hold yourself

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Speaker 1: accountable to over the next ninety days, and you need

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Speaker 1: to see how those goals map to the twelve month

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Speaker 1: one year dream projection. So in the case of the

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Speaker 1: author the example that I'm using, over the next ninety days,

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Speaker 1: that author could potentially say I will have the book proposal.

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to say written, but let's say I

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Speaker 1: will research the book proposal format and I will select

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Speaker 1: a format that I'm going to use, and I will

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Speaker 1: have written fifty percent of my book proposal. That is

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Speaker 1: what I need to have done if I know twelve

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Speaker 1: munch from now, I ultimately want to secure a book dew.

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Speaker 1: So it forces the dreamer to take the big creative idea,

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Speaker 1: put some structuring accountability from a one year during projection,

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Speaker 1: but then narrow that down on a ninety day basis.

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Speaker 1: Is really the idea behind the planet, and I have

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Speaker 1: tools and timplets again available to support dreamers and kind

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Speaker 1: of going through that process. I like the ninety days.

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Speaker 1: I think it's just somehow more it's so much easier

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Speaker 1: for us to really think about. I mean, right now

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Speaker 1: we're recording this, it's January. I can think about April

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Speaker 1: and be realistic, like, Okay, I want to get X

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Speaker 1: done by April, and it's much much less intimidating and

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Speaker 1: more concrete than what do I want to have done

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Speaker 1: by like January twenty twenty three, which seems like a

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Speaker 1: world away from this juncture. Even though obviously it's not

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Speaker 1: really Yes, I'm actually in the process right now doing

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Speaker 1: it at a personal level as well as a professional level.

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Speaker 1: What does that look like? On the personal level? People

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Speaker 1: set ninety day goals with like relationships and with health

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Speaker 1: and that kind of a thing. Is that Do you

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Speaker 1: recommend specific realms or does it kind of depend on

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Speaker 1: where you are in life at a given point. Well,

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Speaker 1: it depends on where you are and what area of

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Speaker 1: life do you think you want to focus in. I've

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Speaker 1: had dreamers do different approaches where you could actually set

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Speaker 1: a vision for yourself in each area of life, like

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Speaker 1: what is your vision for relationships, what is your vision

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Speaker 1: and your profession, what is your vision in your finances?

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Speaker 1: And what is your vision in terms of mind, body,

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Speaker 1: and spirit? And you kind of I have it in

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Speaker 1: like four quadrants, and you can have a vision in

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Speaker 1: those quadrants and then think about goals in each of

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Speaker 1: those quadrants over twenty twenty two as we lead into

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Speaker 1: twenty twenty three. That's one approach, and that's like for

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Speaker 1: the overachievers. However, I've also found when you try to

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Speaker 1: do too many things that one time you can easily

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Speaker 1: end the year and you haven't done really anything in

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Speaker 1: any area great. It is okay for you to say,

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Speaker 1: you know what, this year, I'm going to only focus

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Speaker 1: on one quadrant, or I'm going to focus on two

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Speaker 1: quadrants and the others. You're going to be like an autopilot.

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Speaker 1: But this is where I'm going to lead in to

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Speaker 1: try to achieve, you know, high results. I have learned

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Speaker 1: that approach works best for me for the greatest impact.

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Speaker 1: So for twenty twenty one, personally, my theme was journey

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Speaker 1: to Hold This and it was a bit of a

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Speaker 1: stretch for me because it's easier for me to achieve

432
00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:40,560
Speaker 1: professional goals. As you can tell. You know, I spent

433
00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:43,720
Speaker 1: a lot of passion in the work professional place, but

434
00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:47,760
Speaker 1: because of that, I have sacrificed in the personal area

435
00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:51,240
Speaker 1: of journey to hold this. So last year, what that

436
00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:54,840
Speaker 1: looked like for me was doing a surgery that I

437
00:24:54,960 --> 00:24:58,720
Speaker 1: put off for a very long time. It was losing

438
00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:01,919
Speaker 1: X amount of pounds, which I don't mind telling you,

439
00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:05,600
Speaker 1: but I gained so many in the pandemic, but I

440
00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:08,639
Speaker 1: wanted to at least lose twenty of my pandemic pounds.

441
00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:13,320
Speaker 1: And then I also wanted to really learn about nutrition

442
00:25:13,720 --> 00:25:16,399
Speaker 1: so that could make a lifestyle change. Those were my

443
00:25:16,720 --> 00:25:21,040
Speaker 1: tangible annual goals. That was my vision and my dream

444
00:25:21,080 --> 00:25:24,880
Speaker 1: for myself personally, and then I worked at every single

445
00:25:24,960 --> 00:25:27,960
Speaker 1: week over week, you know, in twenty twenty one, and

446
00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:31,120
Speaker 1: now I have the tangible results in that area of life.

447
00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:33,920
Speaker 1: That's amazing. I love it that you made your focus,

448
00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:36,879
Speaker 1: even though you're inclined to be a work person, that

449
00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:39,159
Speaker 1: you had another focus because you just felt like that

450
00:25:39,240 --> 00:25:43,680
Speaker 1: needed attention. That totally makes sense. Let's talk about time tracking,

451
00:25:43,800 --> 00:25:45,800
Speaker 1: because I remember, I think one of the things that

452
00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:48,160
Speaker 1: got me so excited to have you on was that

453
00:25:48,640 --> 00:25:51,199
Speaker 1: you are passionate about looking at how your time is

454
00:25:51,200 --> 00:25:53,760
Speaker 1: spent and tracking it. And everyone who listens to this

455
00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:56,760
Speaker 1: show knows that, so is Laura. I very much struggle

456
00:25:56,840 --> 00:26:00,680
Speaker 1: with that personally for whatever reason. I'll track time for

457
00:26:00,720 --> 00:26:03,000
Speaker 1: a day and then I'm like, I just lost track.

458
00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:05,280
Speaker 1: I don't know. So tell me about your style, how

459
00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:07,679
Speaker 1: you do it, whether it's something you do continuously, and

460
00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:10,080
Speaker 1: what you tend to get out of it. Well, so

461
00:26:10,240 --> 00:26:15,239
Speaker 1: many times I will hear from a dreamer, you know,

462
00:26:15,359 --> 00:26:17,919
Speaker 1: I want to do this, but I simply do not

463
00:26:18,240 --> 00:26:21,359
Speaker 1: have the time. You know, I've heard I'm a working mother,

464
00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:25,679
Speaker 1: I'm working a full time job, where would I possibly

465
00:26:25,800 --> 00:26:31,240
Speaker 1: have the time to also work parallel on my dream path?

466
00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:38,000
Speaker 1: So this time tracker was really about supporting the reader

467
00:26:38,080 --> 00:26:42,240
Speaker 1: and the dreamer in becoming aware of how you're spending

468
00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:45,879
Speaker 1: your time, because if the dream and vision is important,

469
00:26:46,240 --> 00:26:48,840
Speaker 1: what are you willing to give up in or shift

470
00:26:49,200 --> 00:26:53,240
Speaker 1: in the name of the dream? Right? So many times

471
00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:56,399
Speaker 1: it's almost like finances. If you're not paying attention to

472
00:26:57,119 --> 00:27:01,080
Speaker 1: the reconcile budget of your statement, you know, do you

473
00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:04,040
Speaker 1: really know I'm spending thirty percent on mortgage, I'm spending

474
00:27:04,080 --> 00:27:08,280
Speaker 1: ten percent on entertainment. If you're not doing the analysis

475
00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:13,120
Speaker 1: of your finances, you really are knowledgeable of how you're

476
00:27:13,160 --> 00:27:15,920
Speaker 1: spending Well, it's the same thing. So the first thing

477
00:27:16,119 --> 00:27:18,280
Speaker 1: is an audit of your time that I have you do,

478
00:27:18,440 --> 00:27:21,320
Speaker 1: and there's a worksheet or I have you document how

479
00:27:21,359 --> 00:27:25,800
Speaker 1: you're spending your time over a seven day period. Sometimes

480
00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:31,040
Speaker 1: in order to identify patterns, you may need to keep

481
00:27:31,040 --> 00:27:33,760
Speaker 1: that audit up for two weeks or a month. You

482
00:27:33,880 --> 00:27:35,639
Speaker 1: have to kind of answer what's going to be the

483
00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:39,160
Speaker 1: right period. I wouldn't recommend necessarily going over a month, though,

484
00:27:39,720 --> 00:27:44,560
Speaker 1: but after that take a step back and analyze how

485
00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:47,000
Speaker 1: and where am I spending my time? And you may

486
00:27:47,119 --> 00:27:51,360
Speaker 1: find out that, wow, I had no idea. I am

487
00:27:51,440 --> 00:27:54,399
Speaker 1: spending you know, twenty percent of my time in a

488
00:27:54,440 --> 00:27:57,800
Speaker 1: week binge watching Netflix, and that might be good for

489
00:27:57,880 --> 00:28:01,480
Speaker 1: your soul. Right, And if you are doing that, it's

490
00:28:01,520 --> 00:28:04,720
Speaker 1: not about guilty in yourself. It's just about you becoming

491
00:28:05,400 --> 00:28:09,600
Speaker 1: very aware so that you know, here are my options.

492
00:28:09,880 --> 00:28:13,399
Speaker 1: And then once you can see how you're spending the time,

493
00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:17,600
Speaker 1: I am challenging you to say, where can you reclaim

494
00:28:17,640 --> 00:28:21,320
Speaker 1: your time? One mechanism could be, is there area where

495
00:28:21,320 --> 00:28:25,359
Speaker 1: you're spending time where if you were to outsource or

496
00:28:25,400 --> 00:28:28,280
Speaker 1: bring in a partner, you buy yourself certain time back.

497
00:28:28,560 --> 00:28:32,000
Speaker 1: I'll never forget when I had my big aha. I

498
00:28:32,040 --> 00:28:33,800
Speaker 1: would talk to my mom about this all the time.

499
00:28:33,880 --> 00:28:37,440
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I spent the whole weekend folding clothes,

500
00:28:37,600 --> 00:28:40,960
Speaker 1: putting away clothes. I know for somebody they may be like,

501
00:28:41,000 --> 00:28:43,120
Speaker 1: oh my god, is she really talking about this? This

502
00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:46,080
Speaker 1: was like I spent so much time because I'm such

503
00:28:46,080 --> 00:28:49,400
Speaker 1: a meat free right, And my mom said to me, like,

504
00:28:50,000 --> 00:28:53,720
Speaker 1: get someone else to do it already, Like, gosh, did

505
00:28:53,760 --> 00:28:56,520
Speaker 1: you hear how much you complain about this and it

506
00:28:56,560 --> 00:29:00,520
Speaker 1: wasn't like it was some novel idea, but I decide, like,

507
00:29:00,640 --> 00:29:03,800
Speaker 1: that is something I'm going to outsource. And I got

508
00:29:03,840 --> 00:29:06,840
Speaker 1: so much time back on the weekend, and you know

509
00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:10,160
Speaker 1: it could be something similar to that. But in another area,

510
00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:13,840
Speaker 1: you determine where you're comfortable, and you know, are there

511
00:29:13,920 --> 00:29:17,120
Speaker 1: areas where you can outsource and maybe, you know, depending

512
00:29:17,160 --> 00:29:21,320
Speaker 1: upon lifestyle, maybe you can't really afford to outsource anything,

513
00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:23,800
Speaker 1: and that's okay as well. But what you can do

514
00:29:23,840 --> 00:29:28,280
Speaker 1: is negotiate with yourself and say, hey, I'm spending sixteen

515
00:29:28,320 --> 00:29:31,440
Speaker 1: hours a week in TV. I can give myself that

516
00:29:31,640 --> 00:29:34,680
Speaker 1: time back for a six month period in the name

517
00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:37,600
Speaker 1: of my dream. And you're just becoming aware and then

518
00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:40,760
Speaker 1: you make some decisions on what time are you going

519
00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:46,160
Speaker 1: to reallocate to actually drive traction against your ninety day goals.

520
00:29:46,360 --> 00:29:50,440
Speaker 1: When I did this exercise with a mom years ago

521
00:29:50,600 --> 00:29:54,400
Speaker 1: who she actually wanted to be an author, major pop

522
00:29:54,400 --> 00:29:57,280
Speaker 1: executive at a big media company, she came to me

523
00:29:57,440 --> 00:30:00,480
Speaker 1: and she said, Tanisha, I did this exercise, kid, you not.

524
00:30:01,000 --> 00:30:04,680
Speaker 1: I only have thirty minutes of time that I can reclaim.

525
00:30:05,240 --> 00:30:07,400
Speaker 1: And it was like at a crazy hour and like

526
00:30:07,560 --> 00:30:11,600
Speaker 1: eleven thirty to midnight. And I remember saying, Michelle, this

527
00:30:11,640 --> 00:30:14,080
Speaker 1: can't be true. She was like, Nope, it's true. Between

528
00:30:14,120 --> 00:30:17,920
Speaker 1: a working mother, taking the kids, running my division because

529
00:30:17,920 --> 00:30:20,960
Speaker 1: she was very, very senior, taking the car home at night.

530
00:30:21,040 --> 00:30:23,360
Speaker 1: She took a car service from the city to Jersey.

531
00:30:23,680 --> 00:30:25,760
Speaker 1: She said, the only thing I can give myself is

532
00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:29,680
Speaker 1: eleven thirty to midnight. And that was it. But this

533
00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:31,480
Speaker 1: lady was so determined. She said, but I'm going to

534
00:30:31,520 --> 00:30:34,160
Speaker 1: take the thirty minutes. I kid you not. She took

535
00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:38,640
Speaker 1: that thirty minutes reallocated towards that goal of writing a book,

536
00:30:38,920 --> 00:30:42,400
Speaker 1: and she wrote her book. Like she I went to

537
00:30:42,480 --> 00:30:45,280
Speaker 1: a conference and I'll never forget. I went into the

538
00:30:45,320 --> 00:30:46,880
Speaker 1: gift bag, and you know how some of the gift

539
00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:49,920
Speaker 1: bags they give you different books. And so I heard

540
00:30:49,960 --> 00:30:52,480
Speaker 1: someone say, oh, man, I got Michelle's new book. And

541
00:30:52,480 --> 00:30:54,680
Speaker 1: I was like, they couldn't have said they got Michelle's

542
00:30:54,680 --> 00:30:56,560
Speaker 1: in the book went in the gift back. It was

543
00:30:56,640 --> 00:30:58,960
Speaker 1: in the hand. I ran up to her. It's like, Michelle,

544
00:30:59,080 --> 00:31:02,400
Speaker 1: She was like, are you my time? I reclaimed my time.

545
00:31:02,520 --> 00:31:04,600
Speaker 1: I wrote it and I self published and here it is.

546
00:31:05,320 --> 00:31:08,120
Speaker 1: That is amazing. Also, I have to say the whole

547
00:31:08,120 --> 00:31:10,320
Speaker 1: time you're doing the example, I'm like, you have to

548
00:31:10,360 --> 00:31:16,800
Speaker 1: fold the laundry while you're watching Netflix. I'm totally getting

549
00:31:18,640 --> 00:31:23,200
Speaker 1: can you become more efficient? Exactly? No, we love the outsourcing, okay.

550
00:31:23,240 --> 00:31:26,320
Speaker 1: I think it's so important. And yes, there are different

551
00:31:26,360 --> 00:31:28,000
Speaker 1: phases in your life where you may or may not

552
00:31:28,040 --> 00:31:30,520
Speaker 1: be able to do that, but really asking yourself deeply,

553
00:31:30,640 --> 00:31:32,640
Speaker 1: like do I need to be the one doing this

554
00:31:32,880 --> 00:31:36,160
Speaker 1: or could I not? I'm so glad that you, you know,

555
00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:38,280
Speaker 1: promote that as well, and that it worked for you,

556
00:31:38,320 --> 00:31:40,360
Speaker 1: and that you're not afraid to admit it, because somehow

557
00:31:40,360 --> 00:31:44,760
Speaker 1: in this society sometimes we're scared to admit that if

558
00:31:44,800 --> 00:31:47,480
Speaker 1: I tell you some of the things I outsource. Oh man,

559
00:31:47,760 --> 00:31:50,640
Speaker 1: some of the things my grandma I was a bit

560
00:31:50,720 --> 00:31:57,960
Speaker 1: ashame to tell her. She's like, that's just lazy. Oh

561
00:31:58,000 --> 00:32:01,560
Speaker 1: my goodness, that's so funny. Well, this has been so

562
00:32:01,720 --> 00:32:05,040
Speaker 1: much fun. Before you tell everybody where they can look

563
00:32:05,040 --> 00:32:06,720
Speaker 1: off all this stuff, because I know everyone's gonna want

564
00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:09,360
Speaker 1: to download all the templates and check everything out. Let's

565
00:32:09,360 --> 00:32:12,080
Speaker 1: share our love of the week for the week. Would

566
00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:13,760
Speaker 1: you like to go first? I did warn you I

567
00:32:13,800 --> 00:32:18,480
Speaker 1: remember this time. Okay, I'll go first my love of

568
00:32:18,560 --> 00:32:21,840
Speaker 1: the week as in the nut. Okay, let me tell

569
00:32:21,880 --> 00:32:23,959
Speaker 1: you so, I told you that I was on this

570
00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:28,600
Speaker 1: whole healthy eating thing, right, So I now when I eat,

571
00:32:28,680 --> 00:32:31,640
Speaker 1: I try to ground myself in like mindfulness where I'm

572
00:32:31,840 --> 00:32:37,320
Speaker 1: really enjoying every bite. And I rediscovered a love affair

573
00:32:37,400 --> 00:32:41,200
Speaker 1: with almonds that my husband is looking at me eating

574
00:32:41,240 --> 00:32:47,120
Speaker 1: these almonds. He's like, should I be concerned? So almonds,

575
00:32:47,160 --> 00:32:50,080
Speaker 1: by far is my love of the week. I love it.

576
00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:53,320
Speaker 1: It's simple pleasures. Interestingly, my four year old like snuck

577
00:32:53,360 --> 00:32:55,400
Speaker 1: into the pantry and was eating almonds the other day,

578
00:32:55,480 --> 00:32:58,560
Speaker 1: so yeah, they're just like the theme. Well, mine's going

579
00:32:58,600 --> 00:33:01,120
Speaker 1: to be like a one eighty from But I never

580
00:33:01,160 --> 00:33:03,880
Speaker 1: read science fiction, but I just finished a book called

581
00:33:03,960 --> 00:33:08,000
Speaker 1: Psalm for the Wild, built by Becky Higgins, and I

582
00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:12,880
Speaker 1: think it's Becky Higgins. Becky hold On, it's right here. Ooh,

583
00:33:13,600 --> 00:33:15,800
Speaker 1: not Becky Higgins, that's a stationary designer. I was like,

584
00:33:15,800 --> 00:33:18,440
Speaker 1: that didn't sound right. It's Becky Chambers and it's about

585
00:33:18,440 --> 00:33:21,360
Speaker 1: a non binary monk and a robot and it's set

586
00:33:21,400 --> 00:33:24,480
Speaker 1: in the future and it's amazing. So ooh, I love it.

587
00:33:24,480 --> 00:33:29,000
Speaker 1: A week. I gotta grab it. That sounds good. It is,

588
00:33:29,120 --> 00:33:32,000
Speaker 1: and especially if you're not like normally sucked into science fiction,

589
00:33:32,680 --> 00:33:34,800
Speaker 1: this is like a good a good entry in. And

590
00:33:34,840 --> 00:33:37,560
Speaker 1: apparently the sequel's coming out, so it's gonna order that

591
00:33:37,720 --> 00:33:40,440
Speaker 1: all right. Tell our listeners where they can find you,

592
00:33:40,680 --> 00:33:44,040
Speaker 1: and also the specifics about your book, because I know

593
00:33:44,120 --> 00:33:48,240
Speaker 1: that I'm super intrigued and excited to read it. Well, one,

594
00:33:48,400 --> 00:33:50,680
Speaker 1: I just want to thank you so much for having

595
00:33:50,720 --> 00:33:53,880
Speaker 1: me on. I enjoyed this conversation with you, and I

596
00:33:54,040 --> 00:33:58,120
Speaker 1: pray that it also was enjoyable for all of the listeners.

597
00:33:58,520 --> 00:34:01,760
Speaker 1: For the listeners, and stay in contact with me on

598
00:34:01,880 --> 00:34:06,640
Speaker 1: social at Tunisha J. Warner primarily on the IG channel

599
00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:09,680
Speaker 1: is where I'm most engaged, So I would love to

600
00:34:09,719 --> 00:34:13,440
Speaker 1: hear from you all. And then as far as the book,

601
00:34:13,680 --> 00:34:16,480
Speaker 1: this is a perfect timing. It's January twenty twenty two.

602
00:34:17,120 --> 00:34:20,480
Speaker 1: I tell you, the Big Stretch is a dreamer's blueprint,

603
00:34:20,560 --> 00:34:23,480
Speaker 1: and if you want to put yourself in a boot camp,

604
00:34:23,640 --> 00:34:25,360
Speaker 1: a dreamer's boot camp, if you want to put yourself

605
00:34:25,400 --> 00:34:27,880
Speaker 1: in a boot camp to a tee towards your vision

606
00:34:27,960 --> 00:34:30,279
Speaker 1: this year, it will be perfect for you and you

607
00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:33,279
Speaker 1: can go to the Big stretchbook dot com to even

608
00:34:33,320 --> 00:34:36,640
Speaker 1: start downloading some of the exercises, and that is there

609
00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:41,080
Speaker 1: for no fee at all. If you find those exercises enjoyable,

610
00:34:41,200 --> 00:34:43,960
Speaker 1: you can get the book anywhere books are sold, and

611
00:34:44,440 --> 00:34:48,080
Speaker 1: I encourage you, you know, grab it. It's time to stretch.

612
00:34:48,120 --> 00:34:51,839
Speaker 1: It's twenty twenty two. Life has really taught us over

613
00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:55,359
Speaker 1: the past two years that life is now and it's

614
00:34:55,440 --> 00:34:58,919
Speaker 1: truly my desire to see you live a life where

615
00:34:58,960 --> 00:35:02,440
Speaker 1: your dreams become re reality. I love it. Thank you

616
00:35:02,520 --> 00:35:04,200
Speaker 1: so much, and I will put a link to all

617
00:35:04,239 --> 00:35:06,359
Speaker 1: of these references in our show notes, So if you're

618
00:35:06,600 --> 00:35:08,560
Speaker 1: on your podcast step listening right now, just look at

619
00:35:08,560 --> 00:35:10,640
Speaker 1: the notes and you can find her on Instagram and

620
00:35:11,120 --> 00:35:14,520
Speaker 1: find the details of the book. So thank you so much, Tanisha,

621
00:35:14,800 --> 00:35:18,120
Speaker 1: thank you, thank you so much for having me. All Right,

622
00:35:18,160 --> 00:35:20,120
Speaker 1: well we were back. That was a great interview with

623
00:35:20,200 --> 00:35:24,160
Speaker 1: Tanisha Warner. We are looking at a question now about energy.

624
00:35:24,719 --> 00:35:28,960
Speaker 1: So this listener writes that she loved our couple's relationship

625
00:35:29,080 --> 00:35:31,520
Speaker 1: during the Busy Years episode. Well, thank you, as she says,

626
00:35:31,560 --> 00:35:33,680
Speaker 1: she hopes we release a second round of it with tips,

627
00:35:33,719 --> 00:35:36,200
Speaker 1: tricks and planning for making it happen. I guess we're

628
00:35:36,200 --> 00:35:37,680
Speaker 1: going to have to figure that out. And once Sarah

629
00:35:37,680 --> 00:35:40,720
Speaker 1: and I figure that out too. So anyway, she says,

630
00:35:40,840 --> 00:35:42,560
Speaker 1: she would love if we could share some wisdom on

631
00:35:42,640 --> 00:35:46,560
Speaker 1: increasing energy. She is a morning person, but she drags

632
00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:49,960
Speaker 1: in the evening. She's a corporate attorney who has long workdays.

633
00:35:49,960 --> 00:35:51,840
Speaker 1: She wakes up at five point thirty to meditate to

634
00:35:51,880 --> 00:35:55,279
Speaker 1: a short workout, starts work about six thirty seven of

635
00:35:55,320 --> 00:35:57,880
Speaker 1: early meetings that the overseas team works until four, and

636
00:35:57,920 --> 00:35:59,759
Speaker 1: then she is on with the kids because her husband

637
00:35:59,800 --> 00:36:02,680
Speaker 1: takes the morning shift. However, it seems that she feels

638
00:36:02,680 --> 00:36:05,680
Speaker 1: like she does the bare minimum of dinner, driving to activities.

639
00:36:06,000 --> 00:36:07,920
Speaker 1: She is not doing things that she thinks she would

640
00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:10,240
Speaker 1: like to, such as being on top of homework, playing

641
00:36:10,280 --> 00:36:13,400
Speaker 1: board games and puzzles talking with them. Do you have

642
00:36:13,480 --> 00:36:17,240
Speaker 1: any tips, she says about my increasing my energy level

643
00:36:17,600 --> 00:36:19,840
Speaker 1: in the evening, because she really wants to be a

644
00:36:19,840 --> 00:36:23,600
Speaker 1: better mom and be more patient and calm in the evenings. So, Sarah,

645
00:36:23,640 --> 00:36:27,960
Speaker 1: any any suggestions for our listener. I will first begin

646
00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:32,279
Speaker 1: with some significant commiseration. I am similar in that I

647
00:36:32,320 --> 00:36:35,680
Speaker 1: have a lot of energy in the morning, and nights

648
00:36:35,719 --> 00:36:39,120
Speaker 1: are harder for me. It's just my personal rhythm, and

649
00:36:39,160 --> 00:36:41,719
Speaker 1: I'm not sure there's that much we can do about that,

650
00:36:42,440 --> 00:36:44,359
Speaker 1: So I just wanted to say that. And the other

651
00:36:44,360 --> 00:36:46,680
Speaker 1: thing I'm going to commiserate with is the quote being

652
00:36:46,800 --> 00:36:51,440
Speaker 1: on top of homework. This is really really hard and

653
00:36:51,600 --> 00:36:55,320
Speaker 1: seems very kid dependent. You know. I have one kid

654
00:36:55,360 --> 00:36:59,680
Speaker 1: where homework doesn't get done unless there's like you're standing

655
00:36:59,680 --> 00:37:01,520
Speaker 1: over them, and then I have another kid where I

656
00:37:01,520 --> 00:37:03,399
Speaker 1: don't even know what the homework is most of the time,

657
00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:07,880
Speaker 1: but it apparently is all getting done. So I just

658
00:37:08,120 --> 00:37:11,080
Speaker 1: completely understand when that feels like a large burden at

659
00:37:11,080 --> 00:37:12,879
Speaker 1: the time of night, when you have multiple other kids

660
00:37:12,920 --> 00:37:16,440
Speaker 1: to pay attention to and you just don't feel up

661
00:37:16,480 --> 00:37:19,040
Speaker 1: to it. And I don't have a great solution, honestly.

662
00:37:19,480 --> 00:37:21,719
Speaker 1: Probably in the future at some point there may have

663
00:37:21,760 --> 00:37:24,319
Speaker 1: to be a little bit of outsourcing of the homework piece,

664
00:37:24,400 --> 00:37:27,399
Speaker 1: maybe a tutor if that continues to be such a dream,

665
00:37:27,440 --> 00:37:30,080
Speaker 1: because that can drain your entire night. If that's a battle,

666
00:37:30,760 --> 00:37:33,200
Speaker 1: and I think you have to give yourself credit for

667
00:37:33,320 --> 00:37:35,799
Speaker 1: even trying sometimes because it can be really, really hard.

668
00:37:36,200 --> 00:37:39,600
Speaker 1: So I do want to ask if you could perhaps

669
00:37:39,719 --> 00:37:43,080
Speaker 1: lean into some quieter or easier activities at night and

670
00:37:43,320 --> 00:37:46,320
Speaker 1: still call it a wind, like snuggling together with a

671
00:37:46,440 --> 00:37:49,239
Speaker 1: kid's podcast or having the kids read an audiobook, or

672
00:37:49,440 --> 00:37:52,160
Speaker 1: coloring together. I love playing with planners and pens. And

673
00:37:52,920 --> 00:37:56,160
Speaker 1: it's not quite doable yet because if Genevie's not quite ready,

674
00:37:56,160 --> 00:37:58,040
Speaker 1: but I mean, if I had just the older kids,

675
00:37:58,040 --> 00:38:00,520
Speaker 1: we would totally be like having coloring time together and

676
00:38:00,520 --> 00:38:03,840
Speaker 1: I would be truly enjoying it. I also wanted you

677
00:38:03,880 --> 00:38:05,680
Speaker 1: to think about what time you go to bed, because

678
00:38:05,680 --> 00:38:08,640
Speaker 1: if you're not getting enough sleep, like if you're actually

679
00:38:08,640 --> 00:38:11,000
Speaker 1: staying up till ten, I don't know, I mean maybe

680
00:38:11,040 --> 00:38:13,520
Speaker 1: you don't, but and waking up at five thirty that

681
00:38:13,680 --> 00:38:15,480
Speaker 1: may or may not be enough sleep cheap for you

682
00:38:15,800 --> 00:38:18,319
Speaker 1: or till eleven, And so trying to make sure you

683
00:38:18,360 --> 00:38:22,520
Speaker 1: are getting enough sleep for yourself is important. And then

684
00:38:22,640 --> 00:38:27,160
Speaker 1: finally just let go of unrealistic energy expectations like what

685
00:38:27,239 --> 00:38:31,799
Speaker 1: ideal mom are you comparing yourselves with? You mentioned being

686
00:38:31,840 --> 00:38:34,800
Speaker 1: on top of homework, playing board games and puzzles, talking

687
00:38:34,840 --> 00:38:39,040
Speaker 1: with them. I mean it sounds good, but that's a lot,

688
00:38:39,360 --> 00:38:41,680
Speaker 1: and I'm sure you are talking with them anyway, whether

689
00:38:41,800 --> 00:38:44,399
Speaker 1: or not. It's like a you know, specific questions being

690
00:38:44,440 --> 00:38:46,560
Speaker 1: answered one on one or just talking on the way

691
00:38:46,600 --> 00:38:49,680
Speaker 1: to the various activities, and before bed you're helping with

692
00:38:49,719 --> 00:38:52,160
Speaker 1: homework to the extent that you can. And if board

693
00:38:52,160 --> 00:38:54,680
Speaker 1: games have to be more of a weekend activity, I

694
00:38:54,719 --> 00:38:57,440
Speaker 1: think that's okay. You're still winning. I just think there

695
00:38:57,480 --> 00:39:00,000
Speaker 1: sounds like a lot of pressure, and I understand that

696
00:39:00,040 --> 00:39:02,400
Speaker 1: because sometimes I put my own pressure there. But I

697
00:39:02,440 --> 00:39:04,360
Speaker 1: think you find a routine that works for you and

698
00:39:04,440 --> 00:39:07,440
Speaker 1: don't beat yourself up about it. Yeah. I mean a

699
00:39:07,440 --> 00:39:09,799
Speaker 1: couple of things I would say is one, you know,

700
00:39:09,880 --> 00:39:13,319
Speaker 1: steer them towards activities that you enjoy a man whach

701
00:39:13,360 --> 00:39:15,919
Speaker 1: It could be like we all have silent reading time

702
00:39:15,960 --> 00:39:18,279
Speaker 1: for thirty minutes together, or we're going to watch this

703
00:39:18,440 --> 00:39:20,640
Speaker 1: TV show that Mommy likes, or you know, if there's

704
00:39:20,680 --> 00:39:22,960
Speaker 1: something that you do actually enjoys as a hobby. I

705
00:39:22,960 --> 00:39:24,839
Speaker 1: don't know, you know, people say I should do boy things.

706
00:39:24,880 --> 00:39:25,920
Speaker 1: You don't like board games. You're not going to do

707
00:39:25,960 --> 00:39:27,920
Speaker 1: board games, but maybe like something else that you know,

708
00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:30,239
Speaker 1: you could walk around the neighborhood if you live somewhere

709
00:39:30,239 --> 00:39:31,959
Speaker 1: where that's possible and you're not in like six feet

710
00:39:31,960 --> 00:39:34,239
Speaker 1: of stone, right, now, but you know something that you

711
00:39:34,280 --> 00:39:37,439
Speaker 1: would actually enjoy and then come up with the plan

712
00:39:37,520 --> 00:39:40,279
Speaker 1: ahead of time. Because energy is a lot about how

713
00:39:40,320 --> 00:39:42,799
Speaker 1: we manage it, and so what happens is that you

714
00:39:42,840 --> 00:39:45,759
Speaker 1: come home after this tough day of work and then

715
00:39:45,840 --> 00:39:47,440
Speaker 1: you're trying to figure out what you're going to do,

716
00:39:48,000 --> 00:39:49,920
Speaker 1: and you're not going to be able to both figure

717
00:39:49,960 --> 00:39:52,239
Speaker 1: it out and execute it, especially if the kids are

718
00:39:52,239 --> 00:39:54,520
Speaker 1: whining about it. But if you know going in that like,

719
00:39:54,719 --> 00:39:56,239
Speaker 1: this is what we're going to do. We've told the

720
00:39:56,360 --> 00:39:58,080
Speaker 1: kids like you're in charge, Like you can do whatever

721
00:39:58,080 --> 00:40:01,040
Speaker 1: you want, and you will manage your energy with that

722
00:40:01,239 --> 00:40:03,440
Speaker 1: goal in mind. So you're like, I am going to play,

723
00:40:03,960 --> 00:40:06,560
Speaker 1: you know, three rounds of uno. If you've decided that's

724
00:40:06,560 --> 00:40:08,560
Speaker 1: something that you wouldn't mind and you think would be fun.

725
00:40:09,040 --> 00:40:11,160
Speaker 1: Then you go into the evening saying I'm going to

726
00:40:11,280 --> 00:40:13,640
Speaker 1: do that, You do it, you get it done, you

727
00:40:13,640 --> 00:40:16,000
Speaker 1: feel good about yourself. Whereas if you you know, come

728
00:40:16,040 --> 00:40:17,279
Speaker 1: home and you're like, I don't know what we're gonna do.

729
00:40:17,320 --> 00:40:18,960
Speaker 1: We're just sort of biding our time till bedtime. Let

730
00:40:18,960 --> 00:40:20,520
Speaker 1: me think of something we'll do, Like that's a lot

731
00:40:20,600 --> 00:40:23,160
Speaker 1: harder because you haven't sort of preserved the energy for

732
00:40:23,200 --> 00:40:26,200
Speaker 1: that one specific thing with that goal in mind. And

733
00:40:26,239 --> 00:40:28,799
Speaker 1: then finally I would say, like, you don't know what

734
00:40:28,840 --> 00:40:32,160
Speaker 1: the kids are liking and what they're remembering too. The

735
00:40:32,680 --> 00:40:35,200
Speaker 1: Cup of Joe, which is a blogger, a famous blogger,

736
00:40:35,520 --> 00:40:38,279
Speaker 1: has keeps running this post on her Instagram feed from

737
00:40:38,320 --> 00:40:40,440
Speaker 1: a reader who has a very funny take on this.

738
00:40:40,880 --> 00:40:43,680
Speaker 1: So this woman has created a story where she tells

739
00:40:43,719 --> 00:40:46,680
Speaker 1: us that her fondest memories from childhood were when her

740
00:40:46,760 --> 00:40:48,800
Speaker 1: single mom would do these things that she called little

741
00:40:48,800 --> 00:40:51,560
Speaker 1: things dinners. And so she cuts up bits of stuff

742
00:40:51,640 --> 00:40:54,239
Speaker 1: like whatever they had in the fridge, I guess apples, cheese, bread, meat,

743
00:40:54,280 --> 00:40:56,320
Speaker 1: whatever you know was there, and they would eat it

744
00:40:56,360 --> 00:40:58,839
Speaker 1: in front of the TV together, and the kid thought

745
00:40:58,840 --> 00:41:01,440
Speaker 1: this was just the most amazing thing, right, like, Oh,

746
00:41:01,480 --> 00:41:03,400
Speaker 1: I love the little things dinner. Oh are we going

747
00:41:03,480 --> 00:41:06,520
Speaker 1: to do the little things dinner tonight? And so eventually

748
00:41:06,520 --> 00:41:08,160
Speaker 1: she's grown up and she's like, you know, having a

749
00:41:08,239 --> 00:41:10,520
Speaker 1: chat with her mom and is reminiscing about these amazing

750
00:41:10,600 --> 00:41:12,960
Speaker 1: nights when they would do the little things dinner, and

751
00:41:13,000 --> 00:41:15,400
Speaker 1: of course her mom is just like shocked, and she's like,

752
00:41:15,920 --> 00:41:19,000
Speaker 1: those were the nights that I failed I was too

753
00:41:19,040 --> 00:41:21,520
Speaker 1: tired to cook anything. I was too tired to talk

754
00:41:21,560 --> 00:41:23,600
Speaker 1: to you, so I just cut up whatever was in

755
00:41:23,640 --> 00:41:26,719
Speaker 1: the fridge and turned on the TV. And that was

756
00:41:26,760 --> 00:41:30,840
Speaker 1: her kid's fondest memories from childhood. So the point is, like,

757
00:41:30,920 --> 00:41:32,799
Speaker 1: you don't know. There are things that they might like

758
00:41:32,880 --> 00:41:35,480
Speaker 1: that you're not like the good mom thing in quotes,

759
00:41:35,960 --> 00:41:37,799
Speaker 1: but you know, if they're fun, if you're having fun,

760
00:41:37,840 --> 00:41:39,919
Speaker 1: if you're enjoying each other's company, it could be great.

761
00:41:40,239 --> 00:41:43,080
Speaker 1: So just a thought to keep in mind. Anyway, this

762
00:41:43,120 --> 00:41:46,000
Speaker 1: has been best of both worlds. We've been talking about

763
00:41:46,160 --> 00:41:48,960
Speaker 1: ninety d goals. Great topic, especially this time of year.

764
00:41:49,360 --> 00:41:51,480
Speaker 1: We will be back with more on making work in

765
00:41:51,520 --> 00:41:56,040
Speaker 1: life fit together. Thanks for listening. You can find me

766
00:41:56,320 --> 00:41:59,400
Speaker 1: Sarah at the shoe box dot com or at the

767
00:41:59,600 --> 00:42:02,680
Speaker 1: Understand Horse shoe Box on Instagram, and you can find

768
00:42:02,719 --> 00:42:06,920
Speaker 1: me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. This has been

769
00:42:06,960 --> 00:42:10,279
Speaker 1: the best of Both Worlds podcasts. Please join us next

770
00:42:10,320 --> 00:42:13,440
Speaker 1: time for more on making work and life work together.