Pablo’s Rhino – Act Two

Three clueless friends on a guy's trip to Columbia accidentally
kill Pablo Escobar's beloved pet Rhino, luring the notorious drug
lord out of hiding after years of being presumed dead.
Now the hunters become the hunted. SFX of a creaking
door slowly opening, then closing with a metallic clank, heavy
boots scuff across the floor, followed by a chair scraping
his Cartel guy sits down shape.
Okay, act one, amigo, Act one left us on edge. No,
These four wayvonna is thinking they're in a relaxings little vacation,
and they go and shoot a damn we don serros
in the middle of the carriomi in jungle.
We're the click of a gun being loaded. The victim whimpers,
then they realize are yours?
This isn't just any reno, This is Bilo Escobar's reno,
and Bablo Mora has it not so dead after all.
Let's listen and see if DZ the test can survive
What comes next?
Cartel guys spins the pistols chamber and snaps it shut.
Back to the exterior deep jungle day Sam is still
trying to process Charlie's in shock, and Marcus Pace is
trying to think it out. Okay, okay, calm down.
Escobar has been dead for years, supposedly. Supposedly, if the
rumors are true and he really is still alive, who
the fucking's the fucking rynasteris and fucking glubion.
He hasn't been seen in ten years. If anything, this
rhino is probably proof that he is dead. The guy's
pondered the thought, simultaneously looking around the jungle, noticing at
last that Ernie has taken off. Okay, what we should
get out of here?
Ernie Ernie, Ernie, Louise, Louise, Ernie, Ernie Louise.
Marcus takes off running. Charlie is right behind him.
Guys, come on, I think if we just stay calm,
we'll see that this is just.
And Sam starts screaming for them to wait up.
Ah wait, wait, wait, wait wait up.
Exterior jungle road night. They reach the clearing. There's no
sign of Louise or Ernie. Shit, they took their truck,
so we're stranded. Look, no one saw what happened but us, Right,
Ernie's not gonna tell anyone they were his guns, I say,
we're in the clear. Sam and Charlie look at one another.
He may be right, So now what now we get
the fuck out of his country?
And I mean now exterior deep jungle. Later, Noles and
Martinez pull up next to the dead rhino. Martinez hops
out and checks the ear tag, displays it for knowles.
Looks like these assholes came to send the message and
Rojas is making a play for the throne.
One thing's for sure.
If the rumors are true and Escobar really has been
hiding this whole time, these fuckers may be the ones
to flush him out.
As Nols and Martinez drive off into the jungle, three
menacing looking men step out of the brush. The men
scan the area, guns raised. One of them checks the
bullet hole in.
The rhino, gangs them Alan to seat on hippy.
The two others cross themselves at the mere notion. Exterior
country road day, an old wrench cerro on a burrow
clip clops along lazily towing another larger horse, upon which
sits Marcus, Charlie and Sam covered in mud and twigs. Exhausted,
the wrencherro brings the horse to a stop. Points down
a side road. They dismount and pay him a few bills.
Exterior front Gates, Padiso Petodido. Later, the guys stroll past
the guard house. The guard inside his hunched forward, eyes closed.
Some people take no pride in their work.
Bet your ass heads? Is it going to roll when
I take over the joint? Sam snaps a photo. They
keep walking, oblivious that the guard has three bullet holes
in his chest. Exterior Paradiso Villa's Day. The guys reach
their villas and find the doors are open. They rush
into inspect. Oh my god, we've been robbed. Charlie comes
out of beat later, panicking, they got my passport? Damn
mine too? You think it could have been the cleaning staff.
Marcus shakes his head with disgust. Again racist, okay, how
is that racist? They had direct access.
It's racist because they're foreign.
No, no, no, they're not foreign, dipshit. We're in their country,
which makes it so much worse. Sam comes out, riding
on a postcard.
How do you say, wish you were queer in Colombian?
What'd they take from you? Sam lifts his shirt, reveals
a bulging money belt.
Nana safely tucked away in my gun. Come prepare Johnny
helps avoid life's little mishaps.
Marcus comes out with his bag slung over his shoulder
and two handfuls of hotel toward the trees. Okay, now
we can go hold up.
Nobody else, Notice how whyet it.
Is around here? They all stop and look around the grounds.
What few people remain, mostly weight staff are all lying
face down permanently.
HM must be sees the time.
I'll check their watches. Perfectly plausible. They leave Exterior jungle
road day. The guys walk backwards by the side of
the road, bags in tow. They managed to flag down
an old yellow school bus. It pulls over a few
feet ahead of them. Marcus runs up first. The door
swings open see air portal. The apathetic driver looks them
up and down and waves them in. Exterior steep mountain
Pass day, the bus views a giant puff of blue
diesel smoke as it careens precariously around the edge of
a steep cliff. Interior bus day. The bus is packed
with sweaty indigenous laborers, old women fanning themselves, and mothers
with young children. Sam sits next to an old man
in a straw cowboy hat. He's got a squirming rooster
on his lap. Sam looks down at the rooster and
back at the man.
You have a lovely cock. May I stroke it?
The man smiles, clueless. As Sam pets his rooster, Charlie
smacks him in the back of the head. The hell's
the matter with you?
I can't help it. The stress triggers my sass.
Marcus returns and takes a seat. He said we were close.
Either that or he's taking us to the circus. They
all turn at the sound of a batshit, looking one
eyed man slowly sharpening his machete, staring back at them.
If we survive that long?
Oh come on, can we just take a minute to
appreciate everything?
Partying tripping out with a local.
Shooting a rhino. I mean, if this doesn't get the
old juices flowing, then nothing will.
All right, I will admit it definitely creating some sparks.
You'll forgive me if I don't get too excited until.
We're back on home turf. The old woman, seated next
to Charlie niles and a dried chicken talent. She offers
Charlie a nibble, and you're the gags.
Hey, we're slowing down.
That is probably just making another pickup. Jesus, it's a roadblock.
What if they're looking for us?
Relax, We're just tourists on a way home from a weekend.
Bender, stay cooling, Try to blend in. The bus comes
to a stop. The driver opens the door. A cop
with an assault rifle steps on and gives a cursory
glance at everyone on the bus. Marcus has on the
farmer's straw hat pulled over his eyes. Sam has a
shawl wraps stumpily around his head. Well, Charlie nibs on
a chicken talent.
Hey, Casema, I'm going to see Yota Spinato might span.
The cop steps off the bus. The driver turns back
to everyone to let them know what's going on in Spanish. Naturally,
the guys don't understand any of this. People start getting
off the bus to stretch their legs. Sam gets up to.
Following, I have a shy bladder.
Charlie and Marcus look at each other, left alone with
the smiling machete man still sharpening his blade. Exterior Mountain
road day, Charlie and Marcus step out into the blinding sun.
People mill about in front of the bus. Some sit
fanning themselves fruit, flour, and barbecue pork stands line the road.
Sam stands in a long row of men peeing against
a wall. He checks out what the other guys have
to offer, mildly impressed the accident. The collisions between an
overturned jeep and a fruit truck. The driver of the
fruit truck appears banged up, but otherwise unharmed. There's fruit everywhere.
Marcus curiously steps in for a closer look and instantly
recognizes Ernie and Louise. Their bodies are riddled with bullet holes.
Marcus freaks out at this and starts scanning the crowd.
He turns to Charlie, who was at this moment dry
heaving into a ditch.
Oh oh, that chicken claw is so not sitting well
with me, Charlie, don't look.
It's Ernie where we're saved, Not exactly. Marcus drags him
over to try and get a closer look. Charlie gasps
before spotting Lucia, the woman they met outside the airport.
Oh my god, it's her. Who the woman from outside
the airport? You dream girl? Whoa?
I mean she's not exactly my dream girl. I mean
she's definitely a dream girl. But I wouldn't go. They
move in for a closer look, but she doesn't see them.
Atsuyos shut up?
Why if she comes over? Lucia glances over at Marcus
and for the first time, they realize she's a cop.
Lucia is too preoccupied to react. Charlie grabs Marcus and
muffles him. Look at bad classic, Your dream girl's a
fucking cup man, did you have a time for watch? Seriously?
Well, maybe she can help us cuff you and slam
me to the ground.
Chick a bow.
Wow, not as fun as it sounds, trust me.
Oh god, Charlie's looking queasy again. It's the matter. A
police officer steps in and tries to push the crowd back,
and Charlie doubles over again. I don't know, they're going
to be sick and other cops coming.
This might be cool.
The police officer moves in and tries to push them back.
He looks at Charlie, who won't move. Charlie smiles and
blows chunks all over the cop. A beat. She looks
up apologetically in time to catch the butt of a
rifle as it knocks him out. Interior police station. Later
over black wake up sweetie, you'll be late for school.
Charlie's pov is eyes slowly adjust the face of a
toothless old drunk, picking chunks of puke out of his hair.
Charlie uprights to find he's in a jail cell, packed
in with miscreants, drunks, and dirt bags. Please let this
be the airport lounge. Yes again, Charlie tries to sit up. No, oh,
oh my head, oh god, oh god, what the hell.
Happened before or after they removed the kidney?
Charlie rips open his shirt and feels around. Marcus laughs,
that is so not funny. Well, then you're not gonna
find this funny either. Aside from puking on a cop
and in the squad car and in the station, it
seems we may have ignited the d tiny cartel war.
What are you talking about? The cop thinks you shot
Escapos Ryan the shot the shop.
No, the cop, the cop thinks you shot Escobars.
Right, don't have to send a message. They're calling you
come to rack a body count el Contador. Where the
hell would they get an idea like that? But they said,
why else would Americans wear suits in the middle of
a jungle who do there as a dress code. Marcus
gestures towards the other inmates, cowering in the corner, keeping
their distance from them. The good news is this makes
you somewhat of a badass or target same death. Okay, we
gotta get out of here, no shit, Sam's working on
right now. Panover, we see Sam chatting up a prison guard.
He winks coquettishly and walks back to Marcus and Charlie.
Okay, Gwaupito over there said he might be able to
pull a few strings for us in exchange for a
little action.
Oh fantastic. Seriously, bro, wait to take one for the team.
Oh well, he didn't mean me. Guapito prefers to watch,
so make it good.
Sam smiles deviously at one then the other.
Watch what what are you talking about? Whoa oh with him?
Oh no, no way, no, oh no, not gonna happen.
Marcus clues in what you're too good for me?
You know, prize, Relax, it's just a little kissing, maybe
some light heading.
A news flash. We are not gay.
I look around, honey, in here, we're all a little judy.
They all look at the guard, who gestures suggestively with
his tongue. Sam holds up a finger. Ouh momento.
Well, unless you'd rather wait until they auction you off
in a cartel.
Prison, Charlie wigs options.
After a beat, I'm thinking, fine, let's get this over with.
Charlie and Marcus shut their eyes. Neither makes a move.
Oh, come on, boys, you're necking, not playing chicken now, Andela.
They both glance over at the guard, who's watching closely.
Marcus and Charlie slowly leaned forward, as repulsed as if
they were about to swallow a live cockroach. They knock heads,
rubbed faces, everything they can do not to touch lit.
So at it.
Charlie, get in there.
Marcus's tongue slowly pokes out through clenched lips. The guard
and all the other prisoners are really enjoying this. When
the second guard comes in, you sea, she smirks. What
doesn't stop them?
She smells a.
P that's it, gently probed your throat snake into his face.
Vagiant, No, hell, no, no, no, I can't do this.
It's true. Preason really does change a man.
Marcus looks up and sees Lucia. He shoves Charlie off him.
Please don't stop on my account.
And to Swanhill. You're here. No no, no, see that
was no no no. We were just Sam and Guapito.
Bust the guts, the guard unlocks the cell.
My partner was the one you threw up on. He
agreed to let you go provided you how did he
put it up? Get your puto of Columbia.
Oh my god, I don't know how to thank you.
You can start by Columni Lucia and don't thank me yet.
It's not safe for you here.
We receive the tip that men are already on their
way to collect the bounty on your heads.
Why would someone put bounty house You.
Mean the three Americans who single handedly reignited the cardail wars.
Oh you heard about that.
They're saying you went on a shooting spree at a resort.
What No.
I never even fired a gun okay once, but it
was a self defense.
Don't worry.
You don't exactly strike me as gun coating badasses. Anyway,
the longer you are here, the worse for everyone. So
nos vamos, they all file out.
I really hope there's a gift shop at the airport.
I got a ton of people expecting postcards.
Lucilla stops considers this.
No, he's right, Escobar's men will be searching the public terminos.
We need to hide you, okay, but where we may
have an idea.
Prelap Indigenous music rings out. Exterior Lusia as a Boyla's
house night establishing. The sun sets over a modest cinder
blockhouse painted in bright colors. There's still rebars ticking out
of the roof. A few chickens peck about the front
yard next to a pot bellied pig. Lush gardens frame
the house on either side. Interior of Boiler's house night.
Marcus and Sam are clearing off the dinner table while
Charlie is at the sink washing a few dishes. Lucia
and her aboila grandmother sit at the dinner table.
You are making me look bad, Charlie.
Now, whenever I try to hide strange American men, Awalita
will expect them to do the dishes.
It's the least we can do.
Please tell your grandmother she's a fabulous.
Cup elisazuna coinaba.
A Boila looks up at Sam, smiles.
And NODSII and tespero when she says you're welcome.
A Boila calls Marcus over and pinches his cheeks. Commit
what she said?
She said, you have a kind face. See we get
the points.
Thank you a Boila gestures for Lucia to hand her
a box off the shelf. Inside there is a pipe
with some coca eats. The grandmother starts stuffing her pipe
and lights it. She offers them to Marcus, who accepts
out of politeness.
I I'd go easy on that stuff. It's not the
bullshit they sell to to Rista's.
Marcus coughs up a lot. Charlie is done with the dishes.
Lucia grabs a bowl of food scraps from the counter.
Care to meet your breakfast meat.
Exterior of Boila's house, twilight. Charlie and Lucia are still
a by the waning sunlight. As they lean against the
pig pen, Lucia feeds them slop. Has your family always.
Lived here for generations going back? Who knows long before
the name Escovar ever meant anything to anyone before the unrest.
If you ask.
Maauela, she would tell you we sprang from the earth itself.
That was very peaceful. I like it.
Peaceful, no, but safe. At least my father grew up
in Rio Negro, the same town as Escobar. Things used
to be so beautiful here. Now it feels all that
has been painted over by the same ugly brush.
Charlie nudges her flirtatiously. Not everything, Lucia smiles. The pig
is pretty cute. She playfully punches his arm. He turns
and wins. Us.
My father was an optimist.
No matter how bad things got, the war, the drugs, corruption,
he always wish someday people could see Columbia for what
it really was, for.
What it could be.
Well, it's not too late, is it.
Between the cartels and Las Girl. Yes, they make it
too easy to be part of the problem, or worse,
when people do nothing but sit back and cross their arms.
I wish I had announce of power. I would help
show people your beautiful country. I mean, despite everything, I
kind of love it here. Lucia takes a long look
at Charlie, trying to figure out if this is a line.
I believe you.
They draw closer, studying each other. Sam walks out, high
as a kite.
It's getting pretty hot and heavy in there. Oh, look
a pig. Hello.
Lucia withdraws and goes back inside.
Aba, what are you doing? Get off of him?
So what did I miss? Charlie smacks him in the shoulder.
Don't you knock?
To go outside?
Cut to interior dea apartment day. Martinez studies a pinnut
board of photos. Many Rojas is prominently identified at the top.
His picture branches off into several low level captains and thugs.
Martinez tacks up pictures of Charlie, Marcus, and Sam to
the wall next to a photo of many Rojas. Agent
Noles enters loading his pistol. Talk to my guy.
He said, they let three Americans go late last night.
Get this.
One of them was the accountant whoa.
For real man.
I thought that guy was a myth, you know, like
funny man for drum dealers.
You saw the way he took down at Rhino Stone
coal Killer.
Well, words out, someone put a serious bounty on these assholes.
Shit you know what that means?
And this siss oar ticket baby, follow the rats, find
us some cheese.
They fist bump Nole's knobs at the map on the wall.
There's a private strip running Cessna's not too far from here.
If they're getting help, that's slightly where they're heading.
I guess we better get there before the competition.
You ready for this? Martinez smirks, grabs two shotguns from
a cabinet and tosses one to Knowle's. Martinez pumps his shotgun,
thinks a beat. Can we stop for impanadus Nippanadas Noles
pumps his shotgun. Fuck you. Exterior Private airstrip day. A
police truck pulls up to an old Cessana passenger plane
with Charlie, sam and Marcus in the back. Lucilla rides
up front with Victor the cop. Charlie puked on behind
the wheel. They get out to open the door for
the guys. Charlie has tape over his mouth. He screams
when Victor peels it off.
Oh damn, was that really necessary?
He just had the car detailed.
Lucia nods to her partner, Victor begrudgingly uncuffs them.
Oh mind if I hold onto these.
Marcus inspects the plane. This thing is a death trap.
I love it. You know you really didn't have to
do any of this.
We could always take you back to prison to play
marquessy face.
I think we'll take our chances on the death trap.
Cute by the way in your dreams.
If I had told you my name sooner, you might
never have left.
Well now we'll never know. She's charmed by this. Lucia
takes the keys from her partner and undoes Charlie's cuffs herself.
Goodbye, Charlie, Bleeker.
Aste Luego. Who shad they me Suenos? They share a
brief moment. Marcus and Sam roll their eyes. I hate
to break up this, whatever this is, but great to
meet you. You're extremely hot, Charlie, Get the fuck on
the plane. The plane door opens. Outsteps Manny Ross, a
gangster in a white pinstriped suit. Several of Manny's henchmen follow,
cocking their guns. One puts a gun to Lucia's head,
Victor puts his gun down. Marcus an eagle.
I find you at.
Last, Manny. Oh thank god, Marcus. Who are your friends
with the guns?
No?
No, no, no, no, this is cool. This is Manny.
He's the guy I was telling you about.
Wait do you know this man?
Know him? He's my realtor. Mammy's the one who flow
us down to check out the property.
Yes, yes, Mark is my man. I hope you and
your friends enjoyed my hospitality.
You have an excellent cold buffet.
Sincerely, I'm only sorry to inform you that your flight
home has been cancel.
Marcus, what is he talking about? One of the henchmen
steps forward and puts a black bag over each of
their heads. Many walks up to Charlie.
Ah, you must be the infamous Charlie Bleaker ill guntador.
The honor is Julie my infamous. No, no, not infamous.
To put things in terms, you Americans are so fond
of Charlie.
Welcome to the big league. AMU Manny's voice trails off
as Charlie loses consciousness.
You have been traded.
Cut to interior fink a hideaway Pablo's private study. Later,
Charlie's vision slowly adjusts as he starts to come around.
He sits up, still handcuffed. The room is decked out
top to bottom in rhinoceros paraphernalia and Chotsky's, including a
big velvet painting of a naked cigar chopping Pablo straddling
the now to cease Rhino over the mantle, Pablo pops
his head into Charlie's field of vision. He's always smiling there.
He is the famous rhino killer.
Okay, where am I? Where's Marcus? And Sam?
So many questions? I know, I know? Am I going
to kill you? How am I going to kill you?
When I eat your remains myself or force feed them
to your loved once while you watch? Where am I matters?
We have not been formally introduced.
Pablo covers his face like he's playing peekaboo.
It's me the feast of death, Pablo escabar.
Oh, you're supposed to be dead. I'm bad.
Oh God, And don't think I don't know who you are.
Charlie Breaker, No, No, that's not me. Come on, don't
be so midest. I have all your books. Much of
the man I am today is because of your say's
advice investing yourself first, last, and always truly profound.
Pablo walks over to Charlie and takes a knee, shakes
his head.
You are in a lot of trouble, Charlie. You killed
my rhinoceros, one of only three white rhinos left in
the entire world.
Pablo stands walks over to the rhino portraits.
Years have been spent trying to say the species from
the sprinkup extention. Mercedes posters killing them for their horns.
I swear, mister Escobar, it was in self defense. I
had no choice.
Come on, Charlie, my father's mister Eskomar called me. Don Pablo, okay,
well done.
You see my friends and I we were just hunting
for jungle cows.
And Pablo reaches out and squeezes Charlie's face affectionately. Charlie
is silence and terrified.
A rhinoceros is such a noble creature, wouldn't you agree?
His face still squeezed ture.
But so much more. It is a symbol of power
and respect. Like the rhino men such as ourselves are
a dying breed, or.
You know, maybe a living one.
Really, I should thank you.
That's his belly.
Being in hiding for so long has made me soft,
kinder even so, does this mean you're not going to
kill me? Oh no, I'm definitely killing you, Oh, Pablo whistles.
The double doors swing open. Marcus and Sam, still wearing hoods,
get tossed in by a gargantuane thug. They stumble around
like idiots, bumping into each other before the thug pushes
them to their knees next to Charlie and remove their hoods.
Marcus, Sam, Charlie, we thought you were dead LISTO. Let
us talk warum to our little meeting and get down
to business.
Pablo takes a cigar from his inside jacket pocket and
sniffs the tip with a pair of gold plated shears.
His henchman lights a cigar for him.
Baba, are you bumping again?
Reluctantly puts out the cigar. Charlie is confused.
That is, after all, why you came to my country, correct, Marcus,
to do business?
Marcus looks worried. Sam and Charlie both look at him.
Well I I Pablo catches a look on Sam and
Charlie's face.
You did not think he came just to invest in
the resort, did you.
No, Marcus would like.
The prison a career in the lucrative field of money laundry.
That's what this was all about. The resort was supposed
to be a front. I swear I was gonna tell
you guys, honestly, I never actually said I had go
through with it.
In reality, you never had a choice, no matter their
obligation to Manana Rojas has been.
The henchman brings Pablo a box and opens it for
him to reveal the head of many rojas taken care of.
As for you three, I will need to get creative,
since you cannot all fit intoe a conventional oven.
At the same time, Pablo turns to leave, the henchman
steps forward, menacing wait. Pablo turns back.
I'm sorry, Cholie, did you have something to add?
I'll replace your rhino. Pablo is intrigued. He motions for
the henchman to hold off.
Okay, let all of us go, and I will get
you a newerhinoceros.
You have my word?
Oh, I have your word, and if you don't.
Then I guess you can kill me. Charlie, What the
fuck are you doing? Ah? I was going to give
you anyway, what else you got?
I don't hear any getting in there.
I would kill him and I'm good already.
Pablo, Marcus, and Sam are all surprised by this. There's
an uncomfortable silence in the room. Sorry, my frien.
Sometimes it's like.
I can't even take a piss.
Why was that not hing? My sweet back to Charlie. Sorry,
where we are?
Yes, yes, yes, you're inevitably gruesome death.
Pablo snaps his fingers as he turns to leave again.
I know that sound, Pablo stops.
What sound is that?
The sound of a ball busting wife who chips away yourself?
As to him, to you, the shadow of the man
you once were.
Pablo sits down on the edge of his desk, agitated, Well,
you better get down with it.
Wouldn't want her to think you have a mind of
your own, capable of making its own decisions.
Marcus and Sam look over at Charlie. Pablo drums his fingers.
What the fuck are you doing?
Fuck it?
Okay, you had two days to replace my rhino. If
you succeed, I will consider letting you live. Oh and
in case you had any thoughts of trying to escape
the country.
The henchman returns with Lucia bound and gagged. He's a
pistol to your head. Who see you? The henchman pulls
the trigger, but the gun isn't loaded.
Charlie Bleeker, happy hunting?
Wait? Wait, how do I find you?
You don't find a Diablo, Charlie, and Diablo finds you.
The black bag goes back over his head, end the back. Two.
All right, I actually want to do it.
Yeah. Page sixty eight, with his henchman lights a cigar
for him. I just want to try something little