Mental HealthMaxxing! The Tools of Retreat Meet Full-Spectrum Humanity | CMM Ajahns

Namasa bakaw arato sama buddasa
bakaw arhat sama s buasa
bakawato arhat sama samb
Okay. So, John Nisbo and I are both
going to give a few reflections
specifically on our experience of
retreat over these last three months and
just in general talking about retreat
experience. Um, and to start with, just
maybe a show of hands. Who here has ever
sat a retreat before? Either it's a
one-day retreat, three, seven, 10. All
right. A lot. Maybe even the majority of
people. That's great. And who here
joined even five minutes of our online
Zoom sessions that went on for
throughout the last three months. All
right. A lot of people as well. That's a
kind of special feature of Clear
Mountain. We have something which is
it's not the best name, but it's just
called Zoom meditation. Uh where we
meditate on Zoom and nobody can talk. We
just sit there and some people have
their camera on and some people have
their camera off and people can join for
however little or much of the the time
they want. And we slowly ratcheted up
the time through the course of the last
3 months. Starting out with I think 7
hours and then reaching up till this
past two weeks we had nine hours a day
of Zoom meditation.
And
retreat is an interesting phenomenon.
It's a it's kind of a bizarre almost
paradox. Uh for those of you who've been
on retreat, even if it's just three
days, you know, you experience the full
spectrum of humanity. You realize that
you're a full spectrum human.
Some people who've never been on retreat
before or even if you have there still
might be lodged in the mind this
perception that oh whoever goes on
retreat uh you know they should just be
getting deeper and deeper or more and
more stable getting more and more
happiness basically getting better and
better at Janna
and I think it's most people's
experience that it's not like that you
know there is suka you do hopefully you
sit on a retreat And you are able to, if
not directly, touch and sip and savor
aspects and types and heights of suka or
happiness, well-being, even bodily
pleasure, thrill, rapture, ecstasy that
you didn't know existed is outside of
your daily limits for perception. Maybe
before you did your first retreat,
didn't even know a human could
experience this type of thing. So
hopefully people have experienced
intuited at least that kind of
well-being.
But you sit and you sit and those highs
they pass and then they go into lows and
you experience that human body and mind
can experience levels of dooka types of
unsatisfactoriness and pain and
that you just wouldn't have imagined
that you feel like a total wimp for even
acknowledging that this is
uncomfortable. It's such a weird thing.
People look at you from the outside and
you say, "Oh, it seems like the best
thing in the world." You know, I live a
job where I have to, you know, I I work
all the time and you get all this time
off and you just get to sit there by
yourself and then you realize
that you're by yourself and you're alone
and you're not used to all of that
capacity. You're not used to what you
feel like from the inside. So it's it's
weird and it's strange and perceptions
and labels really can get turned on
their head. Sometimes you experience
sensations, feelings which are is this
pleasant or is this unpleasant?
You can't even tell. It's like weird
middle ground or sometimes it's so
unpleasant that it's actually pleasant
or vice versa and things flip on their
head. Um
this morning I remembered a um a meme
that I saw. There's a website called
Suta Central which has it's a basically
a Buddhist discussion group and there's
a whole thread called skillful memes.
Skillful memes and that's a play on the
word of skillful means which is upaya.
So these skillful memes and this meme
that came to mind is the first scene two
scenes. The first scene is this picture
of this young boy, maybe just eight or
nine years old and you see it's a
closeup and he's got like a jack boot on
the side of his head and his face is
just squished just the tragedy of that
and the title is before retreat. In the
next scene you zoom out a little bit and
it's actually his own hand inside of the
boot crushing his own head
and that's the perspective after
retreat.
And hopefully you don't have to wait
till after the retreat to realize how
much of your own suffering and
discomfort just is selfcreated.
It's a great formula that suffering
equals pain times resistance. And when
you're able to let go of that
resistance, sometimes it can shift so
dramatically. You're in the throws of
some harrowing aspect of body and mind.
And then the next moment as you try to
expand how big how big actually is the
mind it can be just the next moment
where wow okay no resistance no problem.
A lot of our our teachers will talk
about the perspective shift that comes
about in meditation. Aja Amaro just
spent a year on retreat and came back
and gave his first dharma talk after a
year. No SIM card, no internet, living
in very simple hut, no electricity. He
talks about sitting on the porch and
looking down the valley. This is in
Italy in Cor in Corsica. Looks down the
valley, sees this house way down the
valley and says, "Wow, that's that's
really far away." And he just looks a
little bit up, just a glance, looks up
and sees Sirius, the brightest star in
the sky, and actually that's that's a
long way away. That's a long way away.
That's 8.6 light years away. That light
I'm seeing actually happened 8.6 years
ago and I'm just seeing it now. And he
looks a little bit of a distance and he
sees the Andromeda galaxy 2.5 million
lighty years away.
That's a lot farther this perspective.
What is close? What is far? Lumpa, our
teachers teacher also talks about this.
He would pick up like a stick the bell
ringer and he'd say, "Is this short or
is it long?" Anybody so bold to hazard a
guess? I think you know it's a trick
question. You know it's a trick
question.
Thank you whoever said that. Long. Well,
it is super long if you're trying to
pick your teeth, but it's super short if
you're trying to build a wall out of it.
He would as walking around the
monastery, he'd see a big boulder. And
he'd ask, "Is that heavy?" And again,
trick question. Trick question. He says,
"Well, not if you don't try to pick it
up. Not if you don't try to pick it up.
So heavy or light, deep or shallow,
short, long. Is this a long retreat?
Three months? Was it a short retreat? Is
this suka? Is this dooka? Things flip on
their head. We get so fixated on our
perceptions and don't realize how much
wiggle room there is. Sometimes I think
sometimes it'll feel like, okay, there's
always a little bit of wiggle room. But
I love when you can take the next step,
which I call waggle room. Just a little
bit enough to get like a dog's tail into
the room of your mind. Waggle. No.
Nobody else. Nobody likes that.
I'm glad. Well, I'm glad I said it
because I've been holding it inside for
about three months.
Good. All right.
Waggo room. I wish it upon all of you.
Um my favorite one of these shifts of
perception happened when the first part
of this retreat I went on a gawinka
10day vapasa retreat actually with Matt
and on these retreats very strict noble
silence you go there and you don't talk
at all but before the retreat started I
talked with the uh teacher and we
realized that he although he's American
he's married to a Thai woman so we
started speaking a little bit of Thai
before we went hard and deep into uh
noble silence.
didn't talk to anybody, hadn't said a
word for six days, sitting in the ups
and downs of a of a retreat. Day six, he
decides, actually, usually it was one of
the retreat crew who would offer the
meal, but day six, he comes out and
offers the meal. Hadn't talked to
anybody for six days. He comes up and
lifts up the first dish, which was this
long tray of food. And he says, "Knock."
He says, "Knock." Which means heavy in
Thai.
And I'm still I'm like, "Huh?" I'm
trying I'm trying to figure out what
language is he speaking. I'm I hadn't
used my ears for six days. I'm like,
"What language?" And so I say, "Huh?"
And he says, "Knock."
And then I'm like totally I'm like, "Is
this a Zen trick?" And I'm thinking,
"Okay, knock."
And so I say, "Who's there?"
And I think he wasn't used to talking
either because uh we just pretended like
the whole thing didn't happen. Um
but yeah, heavy are things are things
heavy or are they light? And hopefully,
you know, you don't have to be a
Buddhist. You don't have to be a
meditator even to realize how quickly a
perception can shift. But if you do
learn how to be a meditator, if you
learn how to meditate to sit with
yourself, you can prone yourself. If you
can make yourself more prone to these
kind of almost graceful droppings into
perspective to spaciousness
another suta um I've kind of been
surrounded through this retreat by um
one of the Buddha's disciples named
Upali who was the Buddha's barber
actually and two sutas where he asked to
go off he asked the Buddha for
permission to go off and meditate alone
And the Buddha in the first instance
does not give permission. Uh this is
angutica 10.99
and says it is hard to live alone for
someone who doesn't have samadei isn't
skilled in letting the mind collect. It
is difficult to just sit with yourself.
It is if the mind is stolen away. And he
gives this simile. So imagine there's a
bull elephant, you know, several meters
tall and you've got a very large deep
supposedly deep pool and this big
elephant can go in the deep pool and
just, you know, think, oh, I'm going to
play around and wash off my back and
wash my ears and just has a great time
because he's a huge bull elephant and he
gets a footing. Whereas then next
simile, you have a little cat or a
little rabbit and it thinks, "Oh, the
elephant can do it. I'm gonna go and
wash my back and wash my ears." And it
tries and it either sinks or it floats
away. So too, if we haven't trained the
mind in being still, sometimes too much
seclusion uh can be a bit much and you
either sink or get pulled away. And
initially this can seem very depressing.
You're like a cat and a rabbit are a
different species from an elephant.
There's no way that a cat is going to
grow up and become an elephant.
But fortunately, the Buddha gives
another simile. He says, "Okay, imagine
there's this baby. When you have a
little baby, they play in their poo and
they play in their pee and they just
have a great time with it." Why is that?
Because they're a little baby and they
don't know that that's gross. But they
grow up and they start playing. The
examples are they play games like
somersaults and spilicans, whatever that
is, and they love it because they're
kids. But then they grow up and they
become young men, young women and they
enjoy themselves with sense pleasures
and then they think okay they each each
of these stages you get a measure of
gratification
but then the Buddha gives this full uh
elongated teaching about how to train
one's mind first in precepts and ethics
and then in sense restraint and then in
just being by oneself sitting at the
foot of a tree and learning how to
relate to the mind's pushings the mind's
pullings, the mind's stirrings, the
mind's agitation, the mind's slumpings.
Certainly, if anybody joined some of
those or many of those hours, I'm sure
it was embarrassing for me because I
usually had my camera on and I know
there were times when I probably looked
like a wet cat,
just totally slumpful.
Don't even have any facial hair in the
slimy. just looking slimy on the screen
and feeling a little bit slimy at times
as well. Um,
but we grow up and you learn how to sit
through these things. And the second
upali suta is more all-encompassing
here. This is on gutura 7
uh 83 where up comes up to the Buddha
and asks can I go to seclusion and the
Buddha says yes. Here's a very short
teaching. He says those dharmas, those
qualities, those mind states, those
meditation objects of which you may
know. So basically, if your meditation
involves these seven things, then you're
on the right path. No matter what your
object is, if it's the breath, if it's
scanning, if it's making your mind big,
if it has these seven things, then it is
the dharma, it is the discipline, it is
the teacher's instructions. What are
those seven things? This is a checklist
for your meditation, for your dharma
life. It is is this meditation is this
mind state leading to uh disenchantment
or unhooking this spaciousness? Is it
leading to dispassion? Is it leading to
sessation? Not being totally fixated? Is
it leading to
full knowing? Is it leading to peace? Is
it leading to awakening? Is it leading
to nibbana? So if it leads to these
seven things, you may definitely hold it
is the dharma. That is the vineia. It is
the teacher's instructions. So for me
that was my main meditation through the
course of the the retreat no matter what
my object and it did change but just any
one of those and I'll say that list
again okay disenchantment
stepping away non-anoyance
dispassion sessation
peace
clear seeing awakening and nibbana
any one of those remember any one of
those and see if your your path if your
your mind is tracking those things. So,
I wish you all well, especially the guy
who said Jesus Christ. I wish you were
in my hut some of those days when I was
feeling like a sloppy cat. So, you would
have brightened my day. So,
I'll pass it on to Ajaniso.
That cell phone chime was perfectly
timed.
I got to live next to Kovale these last
three months and you didn't look like a
wet cat very often a so
but it really is rare and a pleasure to
have a monastic brother who is so
aligned and willing and um interested in
taking that time in retreat.
And it was interesting the end note of
my retreat actually
though it ended officially yesterday
was after last Saturday um I was invited
to sit with someone who had just entered
home hospice and um was
in the process of letting go of the
body.
And I was with her Saturday night and
she passed away Sunday morning.
And it was fascinating to come from all
this bright activity at Clear Mountain,
the kind of joy of a community
gathering,
land acquisition,
uh, AV dynamics and
other elements
and to come into a quiet room with
an acquaintance that I realized I'd met
many, many times.
uh in the Buddhist conception of death
and to feel his presence in the room
with this beautiful being who is passing
away and her body so frail
and yet this luminosity and majesty of
spirit when I was
able to close my eyes and just sit with
her
and I've Um, you know, I tried to say a
few wise things at first, but words are
so trit when
brought into the space with death.
And so in the end,
what felt
deeply meaningful was just to sit with
her for 15 or 20 minutes and then chant
and watch as all these activities of the
mind, all those words revealed their
frailty
and the fragility
and the heart was allowed to fall back
into
a quiet and bright place,
utterly human and humble
that lives in each of us and resonates
and is not attached to personality or
person or individuality.
And to feel sitting across from me,
breathing her final breaths, someone
passing to another stage. And to see how
when it comes down to it,
this is the most important thing to
remember is
no matter how much our eyes get
taken by the shifting visions of world,
occupation,
news and so on.
that in the end what we have
is the brightness of heart that
accompanies us onward. This old friend
death which comes and visits and makes
himself known
and uh that each as each word collapses
like a chair underneath us, it can feel
like a a betrayal until you realize all
it's trying to do is bring you to sit on
solid ground. It didn't look that
pleasant actually in this case. But
but that's what I think of retreat as is
some might look at trying to build a
monastery and think,
you know, the monastics pulling back for
retreat is counter to the dynamic
currently at work with land search,
acquisition, building.
And yet it was in my mind deeply
appropriate that during this period of
moving towards finally acquiring a home
for Clare Mountain and all the activity
and growth
that at that exact moment Ajin Kovil and
I got to pull in and hold to the quiet
center and remember that
and understand the potency of that and
home the quiet still axis around which
the world turns and each of us turns.
And some of you might know the quote uh
by or the vision that Ajin Amro had.
I've mentioned it before where master
huah a famous Mahayana teacher came in
his vision and said bright loud and
mobile is the false. Subtle and
indistinct is the true.
Bright, loud and mobile is the false.
Subtle and indistinct is the true.
And this is the compassion of the Buddha
where he laid out a three-month period
for the monastics where we are supposed
to stay in one spot.
Remember why we became or set off on the
holy life.
Focus on formal practice.
And this is something Ajin Kovale and I
try to do every year. We actually try
for four months if possible.
And it's something so important for each
of us as practitioners to remember
that there is good to be done in the
world. There are things to attend to.
And yet to come back to that quiet quiet
human heart
and the practice which allows it to
brighten and sustain and stabilize
into wisdom, luminosity,
loving kindness.
This is our duty
and everything ripples from there.
So the reflection from retreat for me
was first to
emphasize again the hope that each
person here because practice like Ajin
Kovilo said is hard. We are so many of
us dripping wet cats and rabbits time
and again
trying to shake off
and
is it okay? Wow,
that's a whole different chair I think.
Okay,
it's okay. Yeah.
Three is a Buddhist number. So
just looking out. So is 108. But uh two
um
but to remember to come back to that in
each of us because
when we practice dayto-day it can be a
bit like treading water. It's good
enough but it becomes wrote and it is
really true. You want to keep a strong
daily meditation practice. I find see
changes in people's practice at 20
minutes a day, 45 minutes a day, and an
hour and a half a day. Those key
transition points.
But 20 minutes a day is basic hygiene
for us as practitioners. It's like
brushing your teeth.
And
to know that it's very common to become
disillusioned with that and to have
difficulty.
And to also remember that what practice
does is it should be approached with
playfulness and interest that we can
bring
that what we're doing is cultivating a
skill of bringing up nourishment and joy
in the heart. The Buddha said that joy
leads to rapture leads to concentration.
We brighten the heart and then it is
willing to calm. And so how do we bring
up joy internally? How do we access that
quiet and precious gem in the heart of
loving kindness and peace and cultivate
it as a skill so that we have a refuge
internally and a wellspring of goodwill
and goodness to give to those around us
and we have to feed less off of the
world and can more radiate goodness into
the world. This is what meditation is
supposed to do.
And if you are discouraged and have
found techniques work for a time and
then they do not, you are in good
company.
And yet to really continue trying, you
know, trust in these other aspects of
the path, giving, community, faith,
but take time outside of your daily life
to go on a retreat or two every year if
you can. Go visit a monastery. Cloud
Mountain's nearby and is very
affordable. They have scholarships by a
giri or monasteries are completely free
and understand the importance of kind of
really not giving up. Uh revitalize your
practice because
it requires that dedication.
Every month you can take one or two days
if possible maybe three to go pull in a
little bit. every week can you take a
new posata?
But remember that if we don't give
careful attention and keep our finger on
the pulse of that quiet space in our
hearts, it is easy to lose.
You know, the dharma speaks to us
sometimes in the voice of a lion. In
those moments when a clear intuition
burns in you, but so often we follow it
like we would follow the trail of a
deer. You have to have your eyes
attentive to a quiet voice. a rustle in
the bushes, in the trees, and be willing
to follow that gentle onward beckoning.
And that is what meditation is so
essential for is dipping below the
surface into the deep waters that are
still and clear.
So to remember that
and
just to bring the practicalities of
retreat, the tools
For so long, I found that most of the
meditation techniques that would be held
up um by my teachers really were just
perceptions, mantras or focusing breath
just at the tip of the nose, which never
really worked for me.
And then I began to understand and
become acquainted with teachings by Ajin
Jeff, Ajin Teniso, Ajin Suchto based in
Tanori, a famous Thai teacher who began
exploring Ana Panosati from the
viewpoint of the breath and the breath
body that moves through these channels
energetically. that prana uh what is
known as prana in vdic terminology is a
subtle energy that moves through the
body and that what you can do in
meditation if you resonate with this
approach is to cultivate those energies
to brightness refinement and a
nourishing and healing quality a
wellspring of
of goodness and
well-being that's yours and accessible
regularly. ly
and Audin Jeff has a great book called
with each and every breath around this.
But
what I found so meaningful this retreat
um you know I began experimenting with
this and seeing that most of the
systems of mapping that breath body onto
our own body are very similar whether it
be Vadic or Chinese and the Chinese
system is so refined. Um
but this retreat I I owe a great debt of
gratitude actually to a teacher here
named Jason Bartlett who has a website
called Luminous Dama and
um he really uh gave a language to some
of these things that I've been working
with for a long time that was very
useful um it's based in Dowist
conception
but effectively moving through a process
of calming the mind allowing it to
settle onto the breath breath
slowly.
And that when the awareness is brought
to the breath, allowing it to settle,
say, onto the tip of the nose or around
the center of the heart, and
that as you follow the breath, it
harvests the brightness and the energy
from that. And that then you can connect
awareness to one of these energetic
centers, whether it be uh the lower
dantian, what the Zen called the har
right below the navl um or if uh you're
a woman at least this is what Jason says
and I think he knows these things as
well is the heart danten actually is
very effective for a beginning point and
that step two is connecting that
nourishing breath to that energetic
center by focusing awareness on those
sensations as you breathe
and trusting
that energy to gather and you'll sense a
real uh potentially sense of nourishment
and a wellspring of uh refreshment of
nourishment what in some Buddhist
terminology is called pity
and that after staying with that for a
time just appreciating the rise and fall
and if you can't find those energetic
centers to place a finger over them to
find them.
Um that there comes a point also where
that energy
steams into a uh refined
movement of
almost an uh yeah a refined breath
energy that circulates and rises and
moves throughout the body and even
beyond. And in that case, really
relinquishing control and allowing it to
circulate and open up channels.
And that if you allow that breathing the
whole time not keeping it kind of uh
boxed in but really trusting it to guide
you having its own intelligence that
after time that cycle runs out and then
you come back allow the mind to coales
back onto the breath harvest the energy
connect it to the relevant danten
whether it's the lower if you're a man
or the heart if you're a woman in this
conception I don't know why allowing
that to gather and sense the pleasure
coming from that the sense of
nourishment.
And then that third step of allowing
that to steam up again and surrendering
to that uh healing and nourishing energy
that moves throughout the body and mind.
And I know that's uh not nearly enough
to work on too much, but just cracking
open a doorway. And we'll speak more
about this in coming months, I think. Um
but to say that chiefly
what is so important I think is to if a
technique has ceased to be relevant for
you if you find meditation to be dry
really to not give up to look for
different techniques or approaches that
might be meaningful whether it means
reading Shila Catherine's wisdom wide
and deep whether Lee Brazington's
discourses on the Jas whether it the uh
kind of looking into Ajin Suchto's
breathing like a Buddha the book Ajin
Amoro's inner listening about the sound
of silence take time out of your lives
and years as practitioners to find your
way back to practice and to remember
this kind of foundational pillar that
most of our lives revolve around and
which or at least can even
unintentionally
guide our lives the quality and flavor
and note of the heart and that this is
the beauty of retreat.
So, you know, just to finish by
expressing deep gratitude, um it's very
rare in the world that you get a chance
to pull in for this many months and
weeks together. And we're so grateful
for the community for supporting that
both in providing um the requisites of
food, clothing, dwellings, uh medicines
that were needed and by just supporting
us as monks, understanding that this is
a key part of our monastic life and that
for us to do our duty, we we need that
time. Um and for that understanding, we
are grateful. And Ajin Kovilo perceives
structures as trelluses. I perceive them
as cages often. So I don't join the Zoom
meditations. I like meditating alone in
my kouti. But um he kindly uses the
royal wei with uh or the the you know
group we when he talks about the zoom
meditations. But I'm so grateful that
they're happening and people are able to
tune in that way. Um
and yeah, as things move into a brighter
and more dynamic phase with land
acquisition and more, it feels right
that we began with our feet on this
solid ground, remembering um humility,
remembering the shared basis of practice
and remembering our teacher the Buddha
um and what he gave us as well on this
holy life. So sadu everyone much
gratitude.
Sat
no more time.
So since Ajan is finished the retreat,
it's good time to do the uh ask for
forgiveness as well as last year that
new year that we're going to do this. Um
I would like to invite
>> Oneita I don't think quite yet Q&A
first. Is that correct? Or are we going
to do
>> I thought that we don't have given yet.
>> Okay. Okay.
>> No, we'll do that in a second though.
Thank you, Anita.
So, we do have about 10 minutes. We will
finish a little early, so we can do
that. But we have about 10 minutes for
Q&A or any questions people have. And
maybe next week, we are planning to do a
bit of a land FAQ and Q&A. So, if people
have questions about land, feel free to
save them for next week and we'll be
able to address them in full.
If you're online, you can raise your
electronic hand as well.
Hello. Um, so as a question um
on the topic of the you might say
variation between for example a suka and
duka or
perhaps kind of in other words the um
exceeding of the boundaries around what
those are. Um this might be an odd
question but as someone who is uh
transgender who is uh non-binary where
there is that um also gender fluid where
there's that um gravitation or you see
variation between for example male and
female but also being neither of uh
those things. Um I was curious if uh
either of um you had any I guess
thoughts um
words uh regarding that.
>> Sorry, say the question you know please
again.
So um I guess regarding uh you might say
the conception of uh gender the self uh
or I guess variation between uh say uh
those things what um would you have
anything to say on that?
Yeah, it is interesting in many
different places from the Buddha's first
sermon he talks about there are these
two extremes and that one who a
practitioner stays to the the middle a
middle course and specifically in that
suta he's talking about the extreme of
aestheticism just you know someone who
is trying to prove that they're the best
spiritual practitioner ever and then
just total sensual indulgence and that
the path is a middle way but you also
find this neither this pole nor the
other pole. Neither inside nor outside,
both inside, both outside, neither. um
you find that uh either two point two
points dissolved or even um the whole
question just turned on its head in in
many ways and um yeah I'm really it's
rather amazing how in many ways the
Buddha was you can read his sutas and
you can read his discourses and it seems
so utterly modern. you read them and
you're like, how could this be on the
same, you know, spoken at the same time
as these other, you know, things written
at the same time, which just seems so uh
antiquated or out of something modern.
Um, so just an initial thought, but
you know, first um welcome and I hope
you feel really comfortable in this
space. It's really um one of the
beauties of seeing how uh Buddhism
echoes into other cultures is seeing the
kind of breadth of heart and um a
certain progressive quality in in these
cultures. I find Thailand, for example,
very very open to a gender kind of a
gender fluidity that I think is only
recently being allowed into the West
somewhat. Um and I would just say
there's a balance in um Buddhist thought
around you know on one hand the Buddha
says um by giving too much attention to
the sign one what is it
by giving too much attention to the sign
of the masculine externally one
strengthens the perception of the
feminine internally or vice versa. So
there's an interesting thing where on
one level
there's there is the teaching of not
self and of letting go of all labels and
on another level that has been used
unskillfully and I think one of the
really important
parts of the practice is first
understanding and coming to terms and
really valuing our own kind of
particular conditionality and shape and
and identity in a provisional sense and
that that can be honored and held
lightly while also not becoming too
fixated on it and I think like any deep
spiritual tradition there's there's a
paradox there that is needs to be held
with wisdom um but I think it can be
done and I think kind of meditation's a
really beautiful way to do that um and
also I think finding that deeper
storyline of spiritual ual practice
that allows us to let go of all the
surface elements of personality, even
quite deep ones and trauma and
everything.
And like we step into that when we
navigate the world. But then I think as
we become resonant more and more and
embedded in kind of a deeper sense of
our own purpose as beings seeking
enlightenment that there is also a a
robust ground to stand step onto when
we're faced with those most stark
realities of birth, sickness, aging,
death, and that ultimate vision at the
end. Did that land okay?
>> Yeah. No, thank you.
Yeah. Uh Mike over here. In Thailand, uh
monastics are considered a third gender.
It's uh something worth noting.
>> I was just thinking about the um um
Bikuni Samuta where the nun is um
dealing with Mara and Mara's saying,
"Who are you woman with your
two-fingered knowledge?" And and then
she goes on to say, "Who are you, Mara?
uh you know man or woman it doesn't make
a difference and I I I can't articulate
it fully. My guess is that you could I
just wanted to bring that up to maybe
explain it if you wish to.
>> Yeah, great point. Encourage people
especially the Terry guitar you brought
up the uh Bikuni Suta. There's so much
some of the earliest uh I think the
earliest female poetry occurs in the
polycanon in the Terry Gata selection
and yes so many uh great sutas from
enlightened nuns and um awakened people
of multiple genders and it is
fascinating. One very cool suta. Someone
comes up to the Buddha and says, "Are
you a god?" And he says, "No." And they
say, "Are you a human?" And he says,
"No." And they say, "Are you like a naga
or a dragon?" He says, "No." And they
say, "Are you male?" And he says, "No."
And he says, they say, "Are you female?"
And he says, "No." And then they're just
totally like stumped like what? So what
are you? And his answer is I'm awakened.
I'm awake. And I think that's just the
best punchline. I mean, I think that's a
great thing for for all of us to aim
towards, you know. So, yeah, thank you
for bringing up that song.
There's an interesting paradox with um
Terravada where it seems we have a lot
of bright lines, rules, distinctions.
It's very visible and yet because the
identity is held by that ritual and
lineage, there's a huge amount of
spaciousness in this in the space. I
hope people feel that um and it's a
strange un you wouldn't expect that to
be the case but some more secular
traditions that have no focal point of
identity beyond say a technique are very
rigid about the technique. If you aren't
practicing this technique you can't come
to a retreat whereas in Terravada
because you know we're held by the robes
and the ritual and all these things
there's a huge amount of spaciousness
within this form and I like that
trade-off. I think it's good. Um, so
yeah, it can seem a bit intimidating and
stark on the surface and then you step
into these circles and you realize
there's a huge amount of kind of
playfulness and flexibility actually.
>> Yeah, please. Person on Zoom from James
on Zoom.
>> Hello. Hey,
>> um I uh I just uh I finished my uh
last week. Uh actually no yesterday
and um it was actually a lot better
because I took uh
I I took uh Ajan Sukart
advice um and didn't go too hard on
myself this time about keeping the eight
precepts.
But while I was on my walk, I was
walking in the like uh reservoir I guess
near my house and um something came to
me about Tanha
that it was so difficult to
like give up like entertainment for
example like we spent so much time on
these TVs and internet and I was like
I was like is it an escape?
>> Yeah. No, you're totally on the right
track. I mean, that's tanha. That's the
second noble truth. And the job towards
that is to abandon it. And your
intuition is very right. I mean, I think
even that term retreat. I'm going on
retreat. Whereas actually what you're
doing when you go on retreat is just
trying to stop or actually to advance.
Whereas what most of us are doing most
of the time, that's retreat. That's the
escapism. All the Netflix, all the
Facebook, all the every way that you're
trying to escape and you just stop. So
what James was doing right there is
doing the uposata. So once a week maybe
just just trying not to eat afternoon
just for one day. Um and it's hard. You
just don't have your outlet. You can't
go to the fridge. You can't go on your
Netflix, give up entertainment. All the
usual means for retreating from having a
human body are cut off to you. And
you're finally just put face to face.
You're up against the wall of your own
dooka, which is the first noble truth.
Which when you realize that, like it
sounds like you were able to right down
there down by the river, you're able to
actually see your dooka. And that's
yeah, that's the path actually. So,
you're definitely on the right track and
uh you have to the only way out is
through actually. So, yeah, you're on
retreat. yesterday. Those who posted to
us, that's a a mini retreat in the most
wholesome sense. Retreating towards
rather than retreating from
Yeah. And just to say, we ended a
retreat at Cloud Mountain once and
someone uh we said, "Look, when you go
back into the world, things are going to
speed up a lot." And this person with
tears in his eyes said, you know, I
think it's the world that stopped. I
think you know all of us have actually
been moving uh quickly towards something
and it's the world that stopped or
hasn't has been stuck
and I I think that's a really relevant
point is one of the definitions of tanha
is nandini delighting now here now they
jumping from Netflix to food to things
and we just lose all our potency it is
appropriate you are walking in a
reservoir because it's a good simile
like we want this water to fill up in a
vessel in a container which can hold it.
And the problem is that we keep poking
holes in it and cracks that the water
all escapes. And those are the you know
the various distractions and the things
that feel trivial and like a waste of
our time that makes us live a life worth
not worthy of our death. And what we
want is to create a cool and sustained
uh reservoir of water that is still
enough that that surface reflects
perfectly the sky. And that's wisdom.
Um, so yeah, I think it's actually a
very good similar for what Tanha does is
draw us away from that kind of centered
spot.
Thank you, James, and thank you
everybody. Uh, we'll shift into