160 | Making the Transition: How to Shift from Directive to a Child-Centered Play Therapy Approach

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You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr

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Brenna Hicks. Your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.

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Hi, I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks, The Kid Counselor.

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This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get a master class in child-centered,

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play therapy

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and practical support and application for your

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work with children and their families.

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In today's episode, we are talking through

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converting from directive to child-centered

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and this is something I get asked about a lot.

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I have a lot of people in my coaching programs that are navigating this

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journey actively and many of you have

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come from eclectic backgrounds or more directive backgrounds

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and you're trying to figure out how to go all in on child-centered.

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So I wanna talk through that with you all today.

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However, before I do

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two housekeeping things, number one,

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I have three spots left in my June coaching groups

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and I have had lots of discovery calls with

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people who are trying to make the schedule work,

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et cetera.

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So if you are interested,

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there are only a couple spots left and I wanna make sure you get in.

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So go to playtherapypro.com if you're interested also,

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I was able to partner with

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Core Wellness to offer several of the community workshops that I gave in the last year or so.

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So we recently posted a birth order workshop

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and a love languages workshop that I conducted.

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They will not be for APT credit.

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But if you need CEUs and you would like

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to learn more about birth order and or love languages,

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you can go to CoreWell and access on demand

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workshops that I gave at my center.

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So I just wanted to make you all aware of that. OK.

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So let's dive in

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for those of you who have only ever been child-centered,

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then

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just hang on for the ride for those of you who

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have recently transitioned to being child-centered after

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having not been child-centered in the past

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or for those of you who are still

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a little bit of a hodgepodge eclectic

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mess, no offense

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if you are still doing all kinds of things with

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your children and you really want to be child-centered.

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I have some thoughts for you.

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And honestly, even if you've only ever been child-centered,

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you know that there's always little nuggets of wisdom.

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So just, you know, hang out with us for a little while today.

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All right. So I think first and foremost,

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anytime we make a change and this is a universal principle.

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So this will apply to all of you

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any time we make a change clinically.

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Once we are already working with a child and their family,

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the family needs to be made aware of that decision.

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So in this particular case, we would want to be very clear at the parent consultation

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that we

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have realized that

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we are going to change our approach in the playroom a little bit

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give justifications for why child

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centeredness is helpful, the four universal outcomes.

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And I mean, you could make it specific about the child,

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you could keep it very broad and generalized.

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It doesn't really matter

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how you approach it.

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But you want to make sure that parents are aware of the

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approach and your why because the last thing you want to have happen

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is a parent is surprised or caught off guard when they find

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out after the fact that all of a sudden you've made this change

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and what they quote signed up for which when you first met with them,

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you would not have said you were child-centered, right?

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And so whatever you said your approach was going to be,

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that's a contract of sorts.

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So they have an expectation that you've laid out for

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how you're going to handle therapy with their child.

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And you want to make it very clear from your mouth,

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one on one face to face with them

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that you are going to change the approach in the playroom, give them your rationale,

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give them your why.

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You know, you could say

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I just recently discovered this theoretical model and it is more effective

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and I really think your child will benefit from it because of XYZ.

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I mean, there's all kinds of reasons you can give,

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but you want to make it very clear to the parents,

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any changes that you make ever

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and you wanna give them the opportunity to ask questions

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and make sure that they are supportive and on board,

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you would never want them to feel blindsided.

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Ok.

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So once parents are made aware and they're

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on board and you've acknowledged the change,

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you then are going to address it directly with the child in your next play session.

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And this is where a lot of therapists struggle because they feel like

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they don't really know how to explain to a child

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that they're going to do something different with them in sessions.

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And so the simplest script

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would be,

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I know in the past, I've had some activities that we've done together

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and we've talked about different things

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and however

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you have conducted sessions historically with them.

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So whether it was talk based, whether it was activity based worksheet based,

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I don't even know, directive approaches,

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throw the wet cotton balls and see if they stick on the paper or whatever,

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whatever your approach was. I know in the past

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we have done XYZ in sessions.

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But I wanted to let you know that from now on,

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you're going to be in charge when you're here.

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It's just that simple.

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You could go on a lot longer, you could say a lot more.

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But at the simplest level,

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you're letting them be in charge from here on out

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and they may ask some questions. They may go, what? Really? Wait, what do you mean?

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I get to be in charge. So they may be dumbfounded.

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They may be shocked or confused or they have all kinds of questions about it.

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But the bottom line is when you say you get to be in charge

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moving forward, you're, you're the boss. When you come here,

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they will have to explore what that feels like.

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They will have to navigate that change.

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They'll have to get used to it and it'll feel strange and

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awkward and uncomfortable for a little while for both of you.

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Let's be very real.

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However,

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they are going to understand if you stay true to that,

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you're going to be in charge for the rest of the time moving forward,

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they will jump in with both feet

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after the adjustment period, right?

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Because the only way this works is if you are very direct with the child,

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you have to be direct to the parent, but you have to be direct with the child.

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The theory matters,

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the consistency matters, predictability, stability,

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all of that is a hallmark of the child-centered way.

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I'm assuming it's possibly the hallmark of a directive approach.

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I'm not really sure.

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However,

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kids come to expect a certain thing when they come to see you no matter what that is.

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So,

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if you have historically been directive or been eclectic or kind

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of just been doing all kinds of things with a child.

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They get used to that approach,

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even though it's not necessarily

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the most effective approach, they get used to whatever it is.

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You therefore would not want a child to show up.

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And then all of a sudden have you

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start behaving totally differently with no explanation.

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That is confusing. It's incongruent.

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It makes the child question things,

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they don't feel comfortable, it stymies their progress.

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They might start to get resentful or resistant.

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There's all kinds of outcomes if it's not just directly addressed,

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I often tell my clinicians at my center address the elephant in the room.

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So whatever it is, you just need to bring it up.

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I know in the past we've done this but moving forward,

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you get to be in charge when you come here,

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let them ask questions

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and then if you really are all in on child-centered, which you better be.

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If you tell the child that they're gonna be in charge from there on out,

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then you're gonna say,

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oh, you're really curious about this change.

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You're surprised that you get to be in charge

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and you're just gonna dive right into child centeredness.

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That's the beauty of just being direct with a child.

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You can be all in as soon as they're aware of the process.

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All right. Third

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is you need to be prepared for a little bit of a restart

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and what I mean, by that is

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you don't lose the relationship that you have with the child,

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you don't lose the rapport that's been built,

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whatever they've already established in therapy with you

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that will remain.

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However,

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it's almost like you reset the clock to a degree

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back to initiation phase, warm up stage

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because this is a whole new process now.

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So while everything relationally

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is consistent,

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the process is very different.

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So you need to be aware and prepared for the idea

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that the child might need a little bit of a restart,

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not that you're going to need five full weeks of initiation and then, you know,

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two full weeks of resistance,

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it doesn't go back to ground zero,

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but you can't expect a child to not even

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skip a beat and just continue on their journey.

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Because theoretically,

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this is the polar opposite of what you've been doing.

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You've been in charge, you've been guiding,

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you've been orchestrating activities,

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you've been encouraging discussions about certain things.

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You've had a agenda planned or curriculum or whatever in mind.

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They have not been the master of their own therapeutic journey.

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They don't know what that feels like. It's foreign to them.

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It's going to be a little bit strange and awkward and uncomfortable, probably.

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Therefore, they're going to need a little bit of an adjustment time.

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So you're not kind of letting go of everything that's already taken place,

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but there is going to be a little bit of a boost that needs to happen

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where things kind of get rolling again with momentum and an awareness of this new

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approach.

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And that's something that you would probably want to share with parents as well.

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So as you're telling them, hey, I'm going to, you know,

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do things a little bit differently

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and just say,

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and I want you to know it may take a couple of

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weeks for the child to acclimate to the new process and,

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and the new approach.

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So just be mindful that you might see a little bit

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of change in behavior or something as there's the adjustment period,

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again, direct addressing of it so that the parent isn't surprised.

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OK. And then finally,

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I have

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watched a lot of videos of

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therapists working with children

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and they started directive

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and now that I'm coaching them and they're in the collective and they

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have come to the light side with the CCPT world,

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they have converted to child

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centeredness. And so now their videos that I'm reviewing

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are child-centered,

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but they did not start with the child from

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the very first session as a child-centered approach.

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So the child has had both essentially

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and what I have noticed and observed in sessions that I've watched

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is that kids

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are a little bit hesitant to dive all into the child-centered approach

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until they really understand that

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it's something that they can understand and trust.

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In other words,

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they're used to a certain thing

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and that certain thing was comfortable.

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And even if they were resistant to activities and even if they didn't want to talk and

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even if they weren't too keen on whatever

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worksheet you wanted them to do or whatever,

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they still got used to that rhythm and that predictability.

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Many children have never been given autonomy and freedom and control

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over anything ever.

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So if they are coming from a directive therapeutic model and now

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all of a sudden you're saying you get to be in charge,

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they might truly not know what that's like.

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It may feel really, really uncomfortable for them.

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They might try to avoid it. It's very easy to fall back on old habits and patterns.

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So if they're used to you directing things, they may go,

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I don't know. What do you wanna do?

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Well, what do you think I should play with?

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Well, how do you think we should do this?

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They're going to default to what is safe, which is you still being in charge

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that eventually will sort itself out as you continue to be child-centered,

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you continue to return responsibility,

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you continue to help them believe in themselves that they

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do have the capacity to manage and be in control.

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All of that will naturally fix itself. However,

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there's another alternative as well.

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So sometimes kids are a little bit hesitant and

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they want to default to what they've known before.

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Another option is

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they

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dive in with both feet

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and their, their nonverbal response and how deeply and quickly they are all in,

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communicates volumes about

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why in the world were you trying to tell me what to do?

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You should have just trusted me from the get go and

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I will be the master of my own therapeutic journey.

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Just get out of my way and let me do my thing my way, my time.

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If, if you just

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don't interfere, things are gonna be great.

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So there's usually one of two responses you get kids that are like,

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whoa I don't know how I feel about this.

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I don't know if I like this. This is weird. Can you just be in charge?

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That feels a lot more comfortable for me?

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Uh oh OK. But then you have those that are like, yes, thank God like please just

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move so that I can do what I need to do.

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And in either case,

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you see the transformation that takes place. So many of you on the

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Discovery calls and the Collective calls in the forums in the coaching programs.

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So many of you have shared what it has been

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like to watch a child that you started directive with

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and then you switch to non directive and when you were fully child-centered,

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you watched the magic of it all

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and there is nothing like it. And if that doesn't support and remind you

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that

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the child-centered model is effective

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and it works.

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And it's amazing what happens when we just trust the child to do what they need to do

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it, it,

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it just blows your mind.

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And so many of you all have shared those stories with me and you

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know what else I hear a lot is once you all have switched,

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so now I'm totally child-centered. I'm all in

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your very first client that you start with

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and you're child-centered from the first week.

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That's a Hallmark moment y'all

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when, and, and that's all I've ever done, right. I've never been directive.

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So every kid I've ever worked with, I've only ever been child-centered.

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But for those of you that have switched and converted

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and decided, you know what I wanna be child-centered, I'm just diving in both feet,

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you know, into the deep end.

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Let's go.

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That first kid that on the very first day,

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you know that that child is going to

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get child-centered play therapy from start to finish.

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That is a big deal.

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And then every child thereafter, it's the same story for them.

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So look,

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don't feel like you've done a disservice to the kids

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that you started directive with or even maybe kids,

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you look back on years ago,

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I had therapists that started working for me at the center that said Brenna,

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if I could go back and

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work with those kids that I saw in Georgia

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those years ago

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and if I could have just been child-centered with them way back then,

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I know how much better off. They would have been,

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oh, my gosh.

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If I, when I was in Tennessee, if I could have started with those kids,

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child-centered and gone the whole course of treatment, child-centered.

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I know what that would have done for them. I wish I could go back.

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We can't undo what's been done. Right.

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We don't need to feel guilt and shame and blame for things that we

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are looking back on. Not looking forward to. Right.

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So don't let that pressure and burden be carried around.

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But know that if you have been directive, if you have been doing eclectic,

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if you have been incorporating other things that are not child-centered,

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it's not too late.

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Draw your line in the sand and say from this day forward,

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it's kind of like your marriage ceremony, right?

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From this day forward. I pledge I do solemnly swear

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that I'm only ever going to be child-centered.

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And if that means that you have to about face

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in the middle of work with some of your kids,

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you don't need to complete a directive treatment

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with that child just because you started directive,

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decide that you're gonna be all in child-centered and switch, talk to the parents,

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talk to the child, go all in, trust yourself, trust that you'll figure it out.

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If you don't really know what you're doing right away

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and

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you know, get involved in the Collective,

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get involved in one of the coaching programs, I promise you,

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you can get to where you are fully confident in your child-centered skills,

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but you have to be all in

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the only way you master something is to do that.

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Jack of all trades. Master of none.

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You can't be a jack of all therapeutic modalities and

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think that you're gonna be good at any of them.

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And if you're not good at any of them,

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then that means your client is not getting the best of you.

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The best of you is all in theoretically.

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I'm only child-centered. I'm exclusively child-centered from this day forward.

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That's it and do whatever it takes to change

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the path that your current clients are on.

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If you haven't been that way to this point,

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it is possible. It is feasible. I'm coaching all kinds of people that have done it.

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So

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don't let that be a hindrance to you. Don't let it make you feel bad or guilty.

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Just decide moving forward.

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You're gonna be all in child-centered and I promise you,

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you will be amazed at the results.

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It is

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absolutely transformative when a kid gets to

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manage their own

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process

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and

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they're not resistant.

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They're not angry, they're not hesitant, they're not defiant.

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They, they will work through some of those issues if that's their issue,

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but they don't resent the therapeutic process

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because it's theirs.

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It's no longer someone else's, it's theirs.

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There's so much power in that.

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All right, y'all. Thanks for being with me.

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It was lovely to spend the afternoon, morning, evening,

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whenever you listen to me with you, it's my evening, but I don't know when it is for you

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and Happy Memorial Day to all of my States people

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that's coming up next week. So I hope that you all have a great Memorial Day.

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Spend time doing something fun, go out and play

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and just enjoy having some time with your family and friends. Love y'all.

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We'll talk again soon. Bye.

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Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr

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Brenna Hicks. For more episodes and resources.

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Please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.