#31: Winning the War Within: How Great Leaders Conquer Resistance

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She's recording.

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Episode eighteen,

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leading through resistance when the battle

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is inside the leader.

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I don't like that title,

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but good thing it's not part of the

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recording.

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All right.

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When we talk about resistance in

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leadership,

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most people think about what's going on

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around them.

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Their teams, their families,

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their spouses, their neighbors, politics.

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The pushback, the hesitation,

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the conflict that slows everything down in

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our lives,

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but the hardest resistance out there,

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the one that we don't often think about

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is actually inside,

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internally within ourselves.

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It's the hesitation that creeps in right

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before we make a decision.

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It's that instinct to pull back, to wait,

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to play it safe.

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It shows up as overthinking or

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perfectionism or analysis paralysis,

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all the ways we try to protect ourselves

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from failure.

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Sometimes it even looks like

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responsibility,

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or at least we would like to think

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it's us being responsible.

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We tell ourselves we're just being

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thoughtful or waiting for the right

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moment,

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but underneath what's really going on is

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fear.

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And that is,

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is what makes this internal resistance

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that all of us know all too well.

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So tricky.

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It hides behind good intentions, right?

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We try to make them look like good

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intentions.

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We can easily spin them as good

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intentions.

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We tell ourselves we're being wise,

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we're being careful,

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but really we're just stalling.

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So here's the question, Eric, how,

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Do we lead through resistance when the

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thing holding us back is us?

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Now, before I jump into something,

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I just want to pause here and acknowledge

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for our listeners that this whole idea of

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dealing with internal resistance comes

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with a lot of not just the fear

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and insecurities or imposter syndrome that

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we might normally associate with this,

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but really shame

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right this sense of we're not qualified to

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do our job or to lead in a

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particular area or carry this

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responsibility because i think when we

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feel the internal resistance we just

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struggle to own that that's actually

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happening inside of us we want to blame

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the world around us we want to we

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want to make everybody else the scapegoat

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but the sooner that we're able to practice

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self-awareness and recognize

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That the primary resistance that we're

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constantly going to face as human beings

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is internal.

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The sooner we recognize that,

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the sooner we wake up to the opportunity

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to flip the script on that resistance and

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to realize it's actually a gift.

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So let me say this.

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Resistance isn't a flaw.

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it's actually a human reality, right?

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To be human is to experience resistance.

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All you have to do is look back

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to your youngest years.

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You learn to walk by engaging resistance.

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You learn to write by engaging resistance.

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You learn to do anything in your life

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by engaging the resistance of having to

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stretch your mental capacity,

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your emotional capacity,

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your physical capacity, your skillset,

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your dexterity, your stamina,

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on and on and on.

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It shows up right at the edge of

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growth,

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where things start to stretch or get

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uncomfortable.

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And deep down,

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it's not about laziness or lack of drive.

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It's about fear, fear of being wrong,

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of being judged, of losing control.

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So instead of moving forward, we stall.

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We wait for the perfect plan,

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the perfect timing, the perfect words.

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The problem is resistance doesn't

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disappear while we wait.

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And nobody else is going to come in

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and save the day.

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It feeds on uncertainty.

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The longer we hesitate,

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the less clarity we have,

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and the more our confidence starts to

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slip.

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And before long,

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courage feels completely out of reach.

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Oh, man.

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I mean, it is so true that

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The longer you put something off,

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no matter how simple the task,

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suddenly it feels more and more difficult.

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There's more and more resistance there.

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But in the moment,

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resistance convinces us that

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waiting will help.

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I just need a little bit more clarity.

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I just need to look into a few

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more things.

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I just need to talk to some more

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people when really it's draining the very

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things that we need to move forward,

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which are clarity, confidence,

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and courage.

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So the question isn't how do we avoid

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resistance?

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The real question is how do we engage

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it before it takes the wheel?

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Yeah.

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I love that.

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at Empower.

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We look at resistance a little

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differently.

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This is the mindset shift.

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Let's flip the script.

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It's not a wall to push through.

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It's a signal to pay attention to.

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Let me say that one more time.

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Resistance is not a wall to push through,

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but a signal to pay attention to.

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Resistance usually shows up when we're

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standing at the edge of something

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important,

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when we've reached the end of our current

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knowledge, abilities, skills, capacity.

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It's a moment that's asking more from us.

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This is where resistance becomes a gift

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because it's an indicator that there's an

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opportunity for growth.

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The goal isn't to ignore or muscle past

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it, it's to pause long enough to listen.

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When we pause and get curious about what

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our resistance is telling us,

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the opportunities are in front of us.

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When we take the time to learn from

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it,

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make a plan and invite healthy

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partnership,

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that's where things start to shift.

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Slowing down to reflect brings clarity.

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Creating clear plans builds confidence,

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and finding the right partnership fuels

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courage to tackle the resistance in a way

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that promotes growth.

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And that's the rhythm we teach at Empower

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Coaching.

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Moments of resistance are invitations to

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slow down, learn, and lead with intention,

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not to shrink back and to shrivel under

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the pressure.

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And leaders who live that way don't wait

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for fear to disappear before moving

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forward.

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They move because they've learned how to

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face resistance and to grow through it.

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Now, in season one,

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we introduced one of our core toolkit

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tools called the Development Square.

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And the Development Square maps out the

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four phases that are requisite for us to

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grow and develop in any area of our

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life, period,

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from when we're little kiddos all the way

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till we are old folks growing.

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If we wanna grow,

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these are the four phases.

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The second phase, which is inevitable,

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is what we endearingly refer to as the

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pit.

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The pit is that when we're face to

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face with whatever experience of

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resistance that internally we're facing,

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Something's difficult.

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We feel overwhelmed.

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We feel like we're in the deep end

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just trying to keep our head above water.

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That can also feel very lonely, isolating,

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right?

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This is the place where we start to

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experience the key temptations that are

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common to all people.

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Number one, we might want to quit.

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Forget this.

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This is too hard.

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I don't like it.

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This isn't for me.

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So I quit.

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I push the eject button.

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Another temptation is to blame the world

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around us for why things aren't getting

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better or to wait on a savior to

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come in and make it all better for

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us.

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Another temptation is what we call

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settling or silent quitting,

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just resigning to, well,

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nothing's ever going to change.

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I'm never going to get better.

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This is never,

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I'm never going to get the breakthrough.

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I'm

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these temptations are common to all of us

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in this place of resistance or what we

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call the pit understanding that giving

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ourselves permission that those feelings

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internally whether they're shame or

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insecurity or fear or whatever it is those

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do not disqualify us from being in that

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place the only thing that will ever

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disqualify us is when we give way to

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those temptations yeah and we do quit

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We do settle for, you know,

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whatever we've got today when we do blame

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the world around us for why things aren't

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our way.

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Right.

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And so just giving ourselves permission

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that we're going to experience this kind

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of resistance that is going to be

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disorientating and difficult is,

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is part of giving ourselves permission to

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move forward.

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So let me say this for our listeners.

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So a little,

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little formula that somebody shared with

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me years ago, they said, Eric,

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In times of change and transformation,

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we always move from orientation,

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what we have known,

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what we have been familiar with,

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through disorientation, the pit,

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the difficulties,

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the feelings of overwhelm,

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until we get to reorientation, right?

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I often like to use the analogy of

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just increasing our fitness capacity.

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If you go to the gym and you're

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not willing to add weight to what you're

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currently doing,

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eventually the weight that you know how to

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push up or you know how to lift,

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become so familiar,

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but there's no resistance there anymore.

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So the only way to increase our muscular

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capacity is to add resistance, right?

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The only way to increase our

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cardiovascular ability is to run faster or

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increase the incline on the treadmill.

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Until we add resistance,

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growth isn't possible anymore.

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And so this is the mindset shift where

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we get to see resistance as a gift,

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an opportunity to identify where growth is

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00:10:21,817 --> 00:10:22,899
available for us.

284
00:10:23,379 --> 00:10:26,301
And so the next time for our listeners,

285
00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:29,123
as we're face-to-face with some kind of

286
00:10:29,163 --> 00:10:29,643
resistance,

287
00:10:29,682 --> 00:10:31,264
it could be a difficult conversation with

288
00:10:31,284 --> 00:10:31,884
our spouse,

289
00:10:32,345 --> 00:10:33,525
trying to figure out how to parent our

290
00:10:33,566 --> 00:10:34,267
teenagers,

291
00:10:34,606 --> 00:10:36,347
dealing with a difficult team member,

292
00:10:38,428 --> 00:10:40,451
dealing with supply chain issues,

293
00:10:40,811 --> 00:10:41,871
whatever the case is.

294
00:10:42,950 --> 00:10:45,171
when we begin to see that resistance as

295
00:10:45,191 --> 00:10:47,130
an opportunity instead of an obstacle,

296
00:10:47,912 --> 00:10:51,332
life completely changes for us.

297
00:10:51,352 --> 00:10:52,753
That's right.

298
00:10:52,852 --> 00:10:53,453
And you know what?

299
00:10:53,553 --> 00:10:53,614
I,

300
00:10:54,693 --> 00:10:57,394
I find it so interesting and this is

301
00:10:57,414 --> 00:10:59,235
just one of those curiosities that always

302
00:10:59,275 --> 00:11:01,797
kind of niggles at my brain is that

303
00:11:02,476 --> 00:11:04,878
why is it that as children,

304
00:11:06,298 --> 00:11:10,099
we are well acquainted with the reality

305
00:11:10,139 --> 00:11:11,740
that we are going to have to grow

306
00:11:12,441 --> 00:11:15,082
and struggle and challenge ourselves to

307
00:11:15,123 --> 00:11:16,943
continue to develop.

308
00:11:17,004 --> 00:11:18,203
And even as parents,

309
00:11:18,605 --> 00:11:20,466
we're very comfortable, most of us,

310
00:11:20,926 --> 00:11:23,707
with our children to a reasonable degree,

311
00:11:24,048 --> 00:11:27,110
growing and struggling and learning to

312
00:11:27,129 --> 00:11:29,030
meet that resistance and push through it

313
00:11:29,071 --> 00:11:31,873
because there's so much learning ahead of

314
00:11:31,972 --> 00:11:32,472
us, right?

315
00:11:32,913 --> 00:11:35,214
But at some point as adults,

316
00:11:35,715 --> 00:11:39,256
we decided that struggling looks foolish,

317
00:11:40,575 --> 00:11:42,195
That if I don't know how to do

318
00:11:42,235 --> 00:11:44,316
everything like an expert,

319
00:11:44,556 --> 00:11:47,376
then it might disqualify me.

320
00:11:48,557 --> 00:11:50,518
Other people might think I'm not worthy of

321
00:11:50,577 --> 00:11:54,538
my leadership or it feels very vulnerable

322
00:11:54,678 --> 00:11:55,678
at the very least.

323
00:11:55,698 --> 00:11:55,859
Yeah.

324
00:11:56,099 --> 00:11:57,720
Yeah.

325
00:11:57,759 --> 00:11:59,379
To engage things that are new and

326
00:11:59,419 --> 00:12:00,519
challenging and difficult,

327
00:12:00,580 --> 00:12:02,020
to meet that resistance,

328
00:12:02,561 --> 00:12:05,322
to find ourselves in the pit and to

329
00:12:05,361 --> 00:12:05,942
push through.

330
00:12:05,961 --> 00:12:07,081
That's right.

331
00:12:08,186 --> 00:12:13,927
But learning to engage the resistance is

332
00:12:14,028 --> 00:12:17,269
how we stop dreading the resistance.

333
00:12:17,350 --> 00:12:21,291
When we kind of shed that misunderstanding

334
00:12:21,311 --> 00:12:23,172
that we've grown into into adulthood that

335
00:12:23,731 --> 00:12:25,052
we shouldn't have to struggle to learn

336
00:12:25,092 --> 00:12:25,753
things anymore,

337
00:12:25,893 --> 00:12:26,714
that everything should just,

338
00:12:26,854 --> 00:12:28,234
I should just know how to do everything

339
00:12:28,533 --> 00:12:31,035
easily at an expert level.

340
00:12:31,056 --> 00:12:31,796
Yeah.

341
00:12:32,610 --> 00:12:35,451
resistance becomes part of how we not only

342
00:12:35,532 --> 00:12:35,831
lead,

343
00:12:35,851 --> 00:12:38,793
but how we ourselves grow and develop.

344
00:12:39,413 --> 00:12:40,234
That's so good.

345
00:12:40,313 --> 00:12:42,674
It's interesting because I think the word

346
00:12:42,715 --> 00:12:43,414
I want to put on this,

347
00:12:43,455 --> 00:12:45,176
the thing I think most of us as

348
00:12:45,196 --> 00:12:47,177
we get older become increasingly more

349
00:12:47,236 --> 00:12:49,077
concerned with is our reputation,

350
00:12:49,798 --> 00:12:52,979
the way that other people view us and

351
00:12:52,999 --> 00:12:54,320
our fear of that,

352
00:12:54,480 --> 00:12:55,980
of losing our reputation or being

353
00:12:56,039 --> 00:12:57,120
tarnished or being

354
00:12:58,341 --> 00:13:00,984
belittled or diminished causes us to

355
00:13:01,024 --> 00:13:03,687
shrink back from these opportunities to

356
00:13:03,746 --> 00:13:05,609
meet resistance and to get the

357
00:13:05,629 --> 00:13:06,850
breakthroughs that are necessary.

358
00:13:08,371 --> 00:13:08,991
It's interesting.

359
00:13:10,950 --> 00:13:12,532
You and I were talking before the session

360
00:13:12,552 --> 00:13:14,754
today that I had joined a new golf

361
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:16,856
club here in San Diego and super excited

362
00:13:16,897 --> 00:13:17,937
about meeting new people,

363
00:13:17,998 --> 00:13:18,879
making new friends,

364
00:13:18,918 --> 00:13:21,562
and just immersing myself more into the

365
00:13:22,003 --> 00:13:24,306
fabric of the San Diego business

366
00:13:24,326 --> 00:13:24,966
community.

367
00:13:25,927 --> 00:13:27,489
As I was playing with one of these

368
00:13:27,548 --> 00:13:28,389
new friends of mine,

369
00:13:29,071 --> 00:13:30,471
you know they said hey what's your

370
00:13:30,490 --> 00:13:31,912
handicap and for those of our listeners

371
00:13:31,971 --> 00:13:33,611
out there you don't need to know the

372
00:13:33,652 --> 00:13:35,873
the technical jargon but i i shared my

373
00:13:35,913 --> 00:13:38,692
handicap which is basically you know a

374
00:13:38,732 --> 00:13:41,193
reflection of your potential as a golfer

375
00:13:41,254 --> 00:13:42,653
right in the currents in your current

376
00:13:42,693 --> 00:13:44,734
state and i shared my handicap i said

377
00:13:44,754 --> 00:13:45,894
well how long you've been playing i said

378
00:13:45,914 --> 00:13:47,615
about about twelve thirteen years and they

379
00:13:47,634 --> 00:13:50,296
said how in the world did you get

380
00:13:50,456 --> 00:13:51,135
so good

381
00:13:52,048 --> 00:13:53,009
So quickly,

382
00:13:53,451 --> 00:13:55,173
like I've been playing for years and I

383
00:13:55,232 --> 00:13:56,794
still haven't gotten anywhere near that

384
00:13:56,835 --> 00:13:58,898
kind of a, of an ability in golf.

385
00:13:59,518 --> 00:14:00,318
And I said, you know,

386
00:14:00,438 --> 00:14:01,461
I'm going to be honest.

387
00:14:02,361 --> 00:14:05,926
I think somewhere early on in my journey

388
00:14:05,966 --> 00:14:06,567
with golf,

389
00:14:07,106 --> 00:14:09,791
I fell in love with the grind.

390
00:14:11,570 --> 00:14:13,291
And what I think the grind is,

391
00:14:13,311 --> 00:14:16,130
what I'm referring to is the reality that

392
00:14:16,350 --> 00:14:18,451
I sucked at golf when I first started.

393
00:14:18,491 --> 00:14:18,672
I mean,

394
00:14:18,731 --> 00:14:20,513
I could not hit a golf ball,

395
00:14:21,133 --> 00:14:23,332
you know, a hundred feet and, and, and,

396
00:14:23,753 --> 00:14:25,533
and I was frustrated and constantly

397
00:14:25,553 --> 00:14:26,153
disappointed.

398
00:14:26,193 --> 00:14:26,274
And,

399
00:14:26,673 --> 00:14:28,034
and then I'd go play with friends and

400
00:14:28,075 --> 00:14:29,674
I'd feel a little bit of embarrassment

401
00:14:29,715 --> 00:14:30,195
because, you know,

402
00:14:30,215 --> 00:14:31,836
they were better than me or, you know,

403
00:14:31,936 --> 00:14:32,135
I mean,

404
00:14:32,176 --> 00:14:33,655
the number of balls that I would lose

405
00:14:33,716 --> 00:14:33,956
in the,

406
00:14:34,015 --> 00:14:35,496
in the bushes and the trees and the

407
00:14:35,576 --> 00:14:36,336
water and, and,

408
00:14:37,557 --> 00:14:39,298
And I just remember that feeling of like,

409
00:14:39,337 --> 00:14:40,158
man,

410
00:14:40,557 --> 00:14:42,437
this is taking a hit at my pride.

411
00:14:43,139 --> 00:14:44,979
But as I continued to persevere and I

412
00:14:45,019 --> 00:14:46,158
fell in love with the grind,

413
00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:48,899
and I refer to the grind as our

414
00:14:49,019 --> 00:14:51,600
appreciation and learning to value that

415
00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:54,880
getting better at anything requires that

416
00:14:54,980 --> 00:14:56,501
we engage in resistance.

417
00:14:57,562 --> 00:14:59,761
And that we persevere in the face of

418
00:14:59,802 --> 00:15:02,243
resistance until we get the breakthrough.

419
00:15:03,744 --> 00:15:05,544
I mean, we all know the stories of,

420
00:15:05,585 --> 00:15:05,924
you know,

421
00:15:06,264 --> 00:15:08,144
nobody could break the five minute mile

422
00:15:08,205 --> 00:15:10,625
barrier for so long or whatever it,

423
00:15:10,645 --> 00:15:11,686
maybe it's the four minute mile.

424
00:15:11,706 --> 00:15:12,765
I can't remember, but you know,

425
00:15:12,785 --> 00:15:14,106
nobody could break this barrier until

426
00:15:14,167 --> 00:15:14,726
somebody did.

427
00:15:15,667 --> 00:15:17,586
The only way that person did it was

428
00:15:17,626 --> 00:15:20,227
because they kept pushing up against the

429
00:15:20,248 --> 00:15:23,469
resistance of running faster and their

430
00:15:23,528 --> 00:15:25,909
lungs burning and their muscles aching

431
00:15:26,350 --> 00:15:27,889
until finally somebody got the

432
00:15:27,909 --> 00:15:28,169
breakthrough.

433
00:15:28,190 --> 00:15:30,191
And now everybody's doing those kinds of

434
00:15:30,230 --> 00:15:31,571
mile minute or mile times.

435
00:15:32,110 --> 00:15:33,392
And so I think in any area of

436
00:15:33,412 --> 00:15:33,772
our life,

437
00:15:33,792 --> 00:15:36,955
just remembering we have to fall in love

438
00:15:37,394 --> 00:15:38,294
with the grind,

439
00:15:38,556 --> 00:15:41,096
the willingness to engage resistance and

440
00:15:41,378 --> 00:15:42,818
the pain that comes with that.

441
00:15:43,339 --> 00:15:44,080
But here's the thing,

442
00:15:45,461 --> 00:15:48,903
to trade out our ego and our fear

443
00:15:48,942 --> 00:15:50,984
of losing reputation for humility.

444
00:15:51,985 --> 00:15:54,466
And humility is what gives us permission.

445
00:15:55,368 --> 00:15:56,969
Like when we were little kids to say,

446
00:15:58,136 --> 00:15:58,256
well,

447
00:15:58,317 --> 00:15:59,817
of course I'm not great at this yet,

448
00:15:59,897 --> 00:16:01,378
or of course I've not gotten this far

449
00:16:01,418 --> 00:16:01,557
yet,

450
00:16:01,618 --> 00:16:03,398
or of course I haven't progressed to this

451
00:16:03,759 --> 00:16:04,278
level yet.

452
00:16:04,359 --> 00:16:04,678
Why?

453
00:16:04,739 --> 00:16:07,340
Because I'm still on the journey, right?

454
00:16:07,379 --> 00:16:08,759
We give ourselves permission where we're

455
00:16:08,779 --> 00:16:09,159
kids.

456
00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:11,221
We have to learn how to give ourselves

457
00:16:11,280 --> 00:16:12,421
permission as adults,

458
00:16:12,801 --> 00:16:14,841
because really at the end of the day,

459
00:16:16,101 --> 00:16:19,743
our life cannot be defined by our fear

460
00:16:19,763 --> 00:16:21,062
of what other people think of us.

461
00:16:21,163 --> 00:16:21,722
Instead,

462
00:16:21,763 --> 00:16:24,543
it should be defined by our willingness to

463
00:16:24,583 --> 00:16:26,865
continue to fight for a better version of

464
00:16:26,884 --> 00:16:27,384
ourselves.

465
00:16:27,892 --> 00:16:28,511
That's right.

466
00:16:28,673 --> 00:16:30,474
And something I used to tell,

467
00:16:30,894 --> 00:16:32,455
I still tell my kids all the time.

468
00:16:33,296 --> 00:16:33,936
Um,

469
00:16:34,035 --> 00:16:36,357
and luckily it has proved true time and

470
00:16:36,398 --> 00:16:36,938
time again,

471
00:16:37,619 --> 00:16:41,841
is that perseverance over time starts to

472
00:16:41,881 --> 00:16:43,503
look an awful lot like talent.

473
00:16:43,523 --> 00:16:46,184
Ooh, say that one more time.

474
00:16:46,225 --> 00:16:47,645
That was really good.

475
00:16:47,666 --> 00:16:50,447
Perseverance over time starts to look an

476
00:16:50,567 --> 00:16:51,688
awful lot like talent.

477
00:16:51,708 --> 00:16:52,068
Wow.

478
00:16:53,136 --> 00:16:54,236
To the point where, you know,

479
00:16:54,677 --> 00:16:57,437
because this came out of Jonah,

480
00:16:57,457 --> 00:16:58,618
my now fifteen year old.

481
00:17:00,339 --> 00:17:01,778
When he was playing baseball as a seven

482
00:17:01,798 --> 00:17:02,399
or eight year old,

483
00:17:02,619 --> 00:17:04,980
the year that they switch from T-ball to

484
00:17:05,019 --> 00:17:07,099
coach pitch or a student,

485
00:17:07,119 --> 00:17:09,160
whatever pitching actual people throwing

486
00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:11,921
balls at you.

487
00:17:13,060 --> 00:17:15,682
He got in that batter's box.

488
00:17:16,862 --> 00:17:19,103
For half of the season and never hit

489
00:17:19,143 --> 00:17:21,083
a ball one time and

490
00:17:21,893 --> 00:17:23,315
So what do you do as a parent

491
00:17:23,335 --> 00:17:25,576
in that situation except to say, hey,

492
00:17:25,737 --> 00:17:26,958
you just got to get up there again.

493
00:17:27,117 --> 00:17:27,999
You got to hit the reps.

494
00:17:28,019 --> 00:17:28,980
You got to keep trying.

495
00:17:29,660 --> 00:17:31,201
The only other option is to quit.

496
00:17:31,382 --> 00:17:32,482
Right.

497
00:17:32,502 --> 00:17:34,944
But but the humility that that took,

498
00:17:35,105 --> 00:17:36,846
even as an eight year old,

499
00:17:37,227 --> 00:17:39,189
to continue to put yourself out there in

500
00:17:39,229 --> 00:17:40,691
front of your team, to continue to,

501
00:17:41,391 --> 00:17:44,773
quote unquote, fail, you know, until.

502
00:17:45,895 --> 00:17:48,558
until that point where perseverance

503
00:17:48,598 --> 00:17:51,401
started to tip the scales towards talent

504
00:17:51,842 --> 00:17:53,323
and he hit the ball the first time

505
00:17:53,844 --> 00:17:55,665
and then he hit the ball a second

506
00:17:55,705 --> 00:17:57,386
time and then he started to string

507
00:17:57,426 --> 00:18:00,009
together times where he hit the ball in

508
00:18:00,049 --> 00:18:03,313
a row at at-bats until he became a

509
00:18:03,353 --> 00:18:06,336
great batter on his team you know but

510
00:18:07,287 --> 00:18:08,847
We don't always get to walk into the

511
00:18:08,948 --> 00:18:11,088
room the most talented at something.

512
00:18:11,169 --> 00:18:11,769
No, no.

513
00:18:11,809 --> 00:18:12,970
We never do really, right?

514
00:18:12,990 --> 00:18:14,230
Like never from the beginning.

515
00:18:14,250 --> 00:18:15,971
We don't just wake up one day and

516
00:18:16,031 --> 00:18:17,553
we're automatically really good at

517
00:18:17,593 --> 00:18:17,952
something.

518
00:18:18,073 --> 00:18:20,454
And we don't have any control over our

519
00:18:20,515 --> 00:18:23,457
natural God gifted talents or abilities.

520
00:18:24,096 --> 00:18:26,238
What we do have control over is our

521
00:18:26,478 --> 00:18:28,199
ability to persevere in the face of

522
00:18:28,239 --> 00:18:28,980
resistance.

523
00:18:29,359 --> 00:18:30,039
Oh my gosh.

524
00:18:30,079 --> 00:18:30,800
That is so good.

525
00:18:32,340 --> 00:18:33,123
And I just want to reiterate,

526
00:18:33,163 --> 00:18:34,184
because I know we're going to share some

527
00:18:34,224 --> 00:18:35,749
practical examples from our own lives.

528
00:18:36,911 --> 00:18:39,257
I just want to reiterate that this is

529
00:18:40,373 --> 00:18:42,054
This is not something we do once in

530
00:18:42,094 --> 00:18:42,615
a while.

531
00:18:42,775 --> 00:18:43,214
No.

532
00:18:44,055 --> 00:18:46,356
This is every day for all of us,

533
00:18:46,717 --> 00:18:47,178
right?

534
00:18:47,198 --> 00:18:48,739
We meet resistance sometimes when we wake

535
00:18:48,798 --> 00:18:50,259
up and we feel a little fatigued because

536
00:18:50,279 --> 00:18:52,461
we've been working hard that week or we

537
00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:53,501
say that a little bit later.

538
00:18:53,781 --> 00:18:56,183
We meet resistance when we encounter

539
00:18:56,243 --> 00:18:58,244
someone in the office that we're not

540
00:18:58,285 --> 00:18:59,786
getting on with too easily.

541
00:19:00,226 --> 00:19:01,807
We meet resistance when we're having to

542
00:19:01,846 --> 00:19:03,949
make that hundred and seventy fifth call

543
00:19:04,308 --> 00:19:05,028
of the day,

544
00:19:05,470 --> 00:19:07,651
hoping that somebody will want to buy our

545
00:19:07,711 --> 00:19:08,231
product.

546
00:19:08,271 --> 00:19:09,972
We meet resistance when we have to meet

547
00:19:09,992 --> 00:19:10,252
with the,

548
00:19:10,833 --> 00:19:11,153
you know,

549
00:19:11,232 --> 00:19:13,213
fifteenth venture capital firm to say,

550
00:19:13,273 --> 00:19:13,473
hey,

551
00:19:13,513 --> 00:19:15,796
would you consider investing in our

552
00:19:15,855 --> 00:19:17,076
concept or our product?

553
00:19:17,455 --> 00:19:17,655
I mean,

554
00:19:17,836 --> 00:19:21,877
resistance is everywhere all the time and

555
00:19:21,978 --> 00:19:24,298
how we view it and how we respond

556
00:19:24,338 --> 00:19:24,660
to it.

557
00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:26,721
I believe you know this.

558
00:19:26,780 --> 00:19:29,882
We know this really does determine whether

559
00:19:29,961 --> 00:19:33,423
people plateau or or continue to grow and

560
00:19:33,443 --> 00:19:33,864
develop.

561
00:19:34,724 --> 00:19:36,267
And it's not even the big moments of

562
00:19:36,307 --> 00:19:36,988
resistance, right?

563
00:19:37,028 --> 00:19:37,188
I mean,

564
00:19:37,228 --> 00:19:40,152
it's just the smaller moments that when we

565
00:19:40,231 --> 00:19:43,275
are able to persevere compound over time.

566
00:19:43,836 --> 00:19:44,036
You know,

567
00:19:44,195 --> 00:19:46,878
I did not become a good amateur golfer

568
00:19:48,423 --> 00:19:49,484
um you know in a week or in

569
00:19:49,505 --> 00:19:52,965
a month and we're talking years of small

570
00:19:53,666 --> 00:19:56,548
um opportunities to press the resistance

571
00:19:57,028 --> 00:19:58,969
and get those small breakthroughs that

572
00:19:59,148 --> 00:20:00,849
ultimately compounded into bigger break

573
00:20:00,869 --> 00:20:02,391
because i remember i remember the first

574
00:20:02,431 --> 00:20:04,451
time i shot under par which is like

575
00:20:04,491 --> 00:20:06,011
you know most amateurs that's their kind

576
00:20:06,031 --> 00:20:09,334
of their life dream and goal is to

577
00:20:09,374 --> 00:20:11,335
shoot under par and around the golf and

578
00:20:11,355 --> 00:20:12,335
i remember the first time i did it

579
00:20:12,375 --> 00:20:13,655
i didn't even realize i did it

580
00:20:14,861 --> 00:20:17,201
because I had turned my focus away from

581
00:20:17,241 --> 00:20:20,223
my score in each round to just the

582
00:20:20,364 --> 00:20:24,586
small little battles in each round and my

583
00:20:24,686 --> 00:20:26,208
swing and trying to do my best here

584
00:20:26,228 --> 00:20:26,847
and do my best.

585
00:20:26,867 --> 00:20:29,230
It was a small little things that I

586
00:20:29,269 --> 00:20:32,471
had learned to value and appreciate the

587
00:20:32,511 --> 00:20:33,031
resistance.

588
00:20:33,413 --> 00:20:34,992
And as I stayed faithful with those little

589
00:20:35,012 --> 00:20:35,314
things,

590
00:20:35,354 --> 00:20:38,635
they ultimately compounded into larger

591
00:20:38,675 --> 00:20:39,236
breakthroughs.

592
00:20:39,816 --> 00:20:43,759
Yeah, that's the name of the game.

593
00:20:44,723 --> 00:20:47,384
Our ability to stay with those small

594
00:20:47,484 --> 00:20:50,726
resistances and to push through ultimately

595
00:20:51,286 --> 00:20:53,546
to not back down from them is what

596
00:20:53,586 --> 00:20:55,946
determines what we will be able to

597
00:20:55,987 --> 00:20:56,646
accomplish.

598
00:20:56,767 --> 00:20:57,407
That's right.

599
00:20:57,567 --> 00:20:58,508
I love that.

600
00:20:58,708 --> 00:21:00,847
And let's also say this.

601
00:21:01,848 --> 00:21:03,509
The breakthroughs we're looking for, yes,

602
00:21:03,628 --> 00:21:06,250
are oftentimes externally in relationships

603
00:21:06,289 --> 00:21:08,451
and business and finance and health and

604
00:21:08,510 --> 00:21:09,990
whatever it is that we're fighting for.

605
00:21:10,671 --> 00:21:13,192
But we have to get the victory internally.

606
00:21:14,211 --> 00:21:15,952
before we can expect the victory

607
00:21:16,353 --> 00:21:18,933
externally.

608
00:21:18,953 --> 00:21:19,193
That's right.

609
00:21:19,213 --> 00:21:19,394
All right.

610
00:21:19,413 --> 00:21:20,555
Let's share some real life examples.

611
00:21:20,595 --> 00:21:21,035
Give me one.

612
00:21:21,974 --> 00:21:24,076
Well, I'm currently living through one.

613
00:21:24,115 --> 00:21:25,557
So this is an easy lift for me

614
00:21:25,596 --> 00:21:25,916
today.

615
00:21:27,577 --> 00:21:28,478
As our listeners know,

616
00:21:28,518 --> 00:21:30,199
if you've been following along with this

617
00:21:30,259 --> 00:21:30,699
journey,

618
00:21:31,779 --> 00:21:32,980
I'm taking on more and more

619
00:21:33,019 --> 00:21:33,800
responsibilities.

620
00:21:34,161 --> 00:21:37,021
Our organization at Empower is growing,

621
00:21:37,442 --> 00:21:40,242
which means that we have to grow to

622
00:21:40,303 --> 00:21:41,443
meet those challenges.

623
00:21:43,065 --> 00:21:43,525
One of the

624
00:21:44,829 --> 00:21:47,851
delusions that I think many of us love

625
00:21:47,891 --> 00:21:49,951
to engage in is like, okay,

626
00:21:50,050 --> 00:21:51,270
once we get through this week,

627
00:21:51,431 --> 00:21:53,511
then it's going to lighten up.

628
00:21:53,592 --> 00:21:54,811
Then things are going to get easier,

629
00:21:54,892 --> 00:21:55,632
right?

630
00:21:55,971 --> 00:21:57,792
That's maybe a delusion that helps us

631
00:21:57,833 --> 00:21:59,393
continue to meet the resistance.

632
00:21:59,893 --> 00:22:02,713
But as I have been in this season

633
00:22:02,753 --> 00:22:04,814
with Empower for some time now of

634
00:22:04,874 --> 00:22:08,474
continuing internally to push through when

635
00:22:08,515 --> 00:22:13,115
things feel tough, to take new ground,

636
00:22:13,155 --> 00:22:13,296
to

637
00:22:14,113 --> 00:22:16,795
to just grow in my own abilities and

638
00:22:16,815 --> 00:22:17,535
capabilities.

639
00:22:17,555 --> 00:22:19,376
Um,

640
00:22:19,557 --> 00:22:22,439
I realized recently when I was talking

641
00:22:22,578 --> 00:22:24,660
actually Eric with our mutual

642
00:22:24,740 --> 00:22:28,221
chiropractor, um, I said, I said to him,

643
00:22:28,262 --> 00:22:28,923
I was like, you know,

644
00:22:29,323 --> 00:22:30,364
the reality is like,

645
00:22:30,423 --> 00:22:32,085
things don't get easier.

646
00:22:33,006 --> 00:22:35,186
We just get more capable.

647
00:22:35,267 --> 00:22:36,488
We get stronger.

648
00:22:36,567 --> 00:22:38,950
We develop the muscles to be able to

649
00:22:38,990 --> 00:22:40,530
accomplish the thing that's in front of

650
00:22:40,611 --> 00:22:40,770
us.

651
00:22:41,590 --> 00:22:42,271
And, um,

652
00:22:43,121 --> 00:22:44,101
Unfortunately,

653
00:22:44,582 --> 00:22:46,342
that really flies in the face of my

654
00:22:46,382 --> 00:22:48,482
ability to delude myself into thinking

655
00:22:48,522 --> 00:22:49,863
next week is going to get easier when

656
00:22:49,903 --> 00:22:50,742
in reality,

657
00:22:52,324 --> 00:22:55,424
I just have to keep showing up and

658
00:22:56,045 --> 00:22:57,726
meeting that internal resistance,

659
00:22:57,766 --> 00:22:58,605
that thing that says,

660
00:22:59,109 --> 00:23:00,490
Gosh, you don't know how to do this.

661
00:23:01,329 --> 00:23:01,931
This is new.

662
00:23:01,951 --> 00:23:03,070
You haven't been here before.

663
00:23:03,290 --> 00:23:04,711
What if people know that you're failing?

664
00:23:04,851 --> 00:23:05,830
What if you do like,

665
00:23:05,871 --> 00:23:06,932
what if you make a mistake?

666
00:23:07,592 --> 00:23:08,751
All of those questions,

667
00:23:09,152 --> 00:23:11,512
I have just been in a season of

668
00:23:11,613 --> 00:23:16,554
having to sit with, and it's not fun.

669
00:23:17,314 --> 00:23:19,673
It doesn't, it doesn't feel easy.

670
00:23:20,273 --> 00:23:21,615
It doesn't feel good.

671
00:23:22,595 --> 00:23:24,414
And when you're in the midst of it,

672
00:23:24,434 --> 00:23:25,855
when you're in the midst of that pit,

673
00:23:26,675 --> 00:23:28,236
it feels like it's going to last forever.

674
00:23:29,192 --> 00:23:29,832
Hmm.

675
00:23:30,612 --> 00:23:30,792
Hmm.

676
00:23:30,873 --> 00:23:33,192
It's, I mean, really another way to say,

677
00:23:33,553 --> 00:23:35,273
kind of reflect on what you're sharing is

678
00:23:36,173 --> 00:23:38,454
when, if things in your life feel easy,

679
00:23:38,494 --> 00:23:39,715
it's probably because you're not growing

680
00:23:39,736 --> 00:23:40,096
anymore.

681
00:23:40,115 --> 00:23:41,036
Right.

682
00:23:41,056 --> 00:23:41,215
We've,

683
00:23:41,276 --> 00:23:44,336
we've saddled for created a lifestyle for

684
00:23:44,376 --> 00:23:46,718
ourselves where we don't have to grow

685
00:23:46,758 --> 00:23:47,917
because everything is just easy.

686
00:23:47,938 --> 00:23:48,818
We already know how to do it.

687
00:23:48,838 --> 00:23:49,538
Yeah.

688
00:23:49,578 --> 00:23:49,818
Right.

689
00:23:49,939 --> 00:23:51,298
And so what I hear you saying is,

690
00:23:51,419 --> 00:23:51,660
you know,

691
00:23:51,759 --> 00:23:53,740
much like anybody who's trying to increase

692
00:23:53,759 --> 00:23:54,519
their capacity,

693
00:23:55,080 --> 00:23:56,580
you're staying in the workouts.

694
00:23:56,621 --> 00:23:56,800
I mean,

695
00:23:56,881 --> 00:23:58,721
oftentimes we'll use this analogy of like,

696
00:23:59,261 --> 00:24:00,123
Get back in the gym,

697
00:24:00,163 --> 00:24:01,022
get back in the gym,

698
00:24:01,163 --> 00:24:03,244
get back in the gym, like stack days,

699
00:24:03,365 --> 00:24:04,025
stack days,

700
00:24:04,045 --> 00:24:06,467
like you're stacking days of engaging

701
00:24:06,527 --> 00:24:08,888
projects and responsibilities and tasks

702
00:24:09,348 --> 00:24:11,089
that are stretching you,

703
00:24:11,109 --> 00:24:12,671
that are literally, you know,

704
00:24:13,211 --> 00:24:15,633
the way muscles grow is that the fibers

705
00:24:15,692 --> 00:24:17,193
of our muscles actually have to have

706
00:24:17,233 --> 00:24:17,453
little,

707
00:24:17,473 --> 00:24:19,375
they tear when we push them beyond their

708
00:24:19,415 --> 00:24:21,596
capacity and then they heal and they get

709
00:24:21,636 --> 00:24:22,317
stronger.

710
00:24:23,077 --> 00:24:24,979
Until all of a sudden that's no longer

711
00:24:24,999 --> 00:24:25,719
a heavy lift.

712
00:24:25,798 --> 00:24:27,359
And then you go to the next project

713
00:24:27,380 --> 00:24:28,740
and you go to the next skill set.

714
00:24:29,161 --> 00:24:30,781
If we want to elevate our game and

715
00:24:30,942 --> 00:24:32,403
increase our performance,

716
00:24:32,942 --> 00:24:34,403
and then we have to be willing to

717
00:24:34,564 --> 00:24:37,825
stack days of engaging resistance.

718
00:24:38,385 --> 00:24:38,945
That's right.

719
00:24:39,145 --> 00:24:43,347
And it really like this conversation.

720
00:24:43,627 --> 00:24:44,989
And I told you when we got on

721
00:24:45,009 --> 00:24:47,829
the call that I took this conversation in

722
00:24:47,849 --> 00:24:48,490
a different direction,

723
00:24:48,529 --> 00:24:49,951
probably because it's something that I am

724
00:24:50,411 --> 00:24:51,592
presently dealing with.

725
00:24:53,244 --> 00:24:56,186
But it really changes the way that I

726
00:24:56,307 --> 00:25:00,410
engage that discomfort because that's what

727
00:25:00,450 --> 00:25:00,769
it is.

728
00:25:00,890 --> 00:25:04,471
It is persisting in a state of discomfort

729
00:25:04,632 --> 00:25:07,013
long enough until you get strong enough to

730
00:25:07,074 --> 00:25:07,694
move through it.

731
00:25:10,415 --> 00:25:11,297
But the option,

732
00:25:11,856 --> 00:25:13,739
the comfort just means I'm done.

733
00:25:14,479 --> 00:25:15,319
I'm not growing.

734
00:25:15,500 --> 00:25:16,560
I'm going to stay where I'm at.

735
00:25:17,020 --> 00:25:19,162
And to me, that's not an option.

736
00:25:19,542 --> 00:25:21,084
So for those of us out there listening

737
00:25:21,104 --> 00:25:21,564
that where it's like,

738
00:25:23,402 --> 00:25:26,982
you are committed to growing to that next

739
00:25:27,022 --> 00:25:27,363
level.

740
00:25:27,824 --> 00:25:31,424
Commit yourself to the discomfort of the

741
00:25:31,464 --> 00:25:32,984
resistance of growth.

742
00:25:33,345 --> 00:25:35,925
Like just come to expect it.

743
00:25:36,266 --> 00:25:37,787
And then we're not surprised by it.

744
00:25:37,866 --> 00:25:39,346
Then we get to engage it with these

745
00:25:39,426 --> 00:25:41,228
tools like we've been talking about today

746
00:25:41,788 --> 00:25:43,508
and figure out how to use it to

747
00:25:43,528 --> 00:25:46,209
move forward instead of letting it

748
00:25:46,229 --> 00:25:48,650
convince us to pull back, to sit back.

749
00:25:48,670 --> 00:25:50,109
That's right, that's right, that's right.

750
00:25:53,438 --> 00:25:53,759
Recently,

751
00:25:53,778 --> 00:25:57,361
I was in a conversation with an executive

752
00:25:57,942 --> 00:26:01,203
who works within a professional sports

753
00:26:01,884 --> 00:26:03,125
organization here in the US.

754
00:26:03,306 --> 00:26:08,308
And they were brought on in part to

755
00:26:09,250 --> 00:26:11,271
revamp the culture and the organizational

756
00:26:11,311 --> 00:26:13,772
structure and the way that this particular

757
00:26:13,814 --> 00:26:17,276
front office was working together.

758
00:26:18,356 --> 00:26:19,798
And they wanted to build a championship

759
00:26:19,837 --> 00:26:20,699
caliber program.

760
00:26:21,239 --> 00:26:22,440
And I think they understood, hey,

761
00:26:23,753 --> 00:26:25,394
we've got to make some changes within our

762
00:26:25,655 --> 00:26:27,557
organization.

763
00:26:27,576 --> 00:26:29,637
They were brought in and within the first

764
00:26:29,698 --> 00:26:30,439
six months,

765
00:26:30,459 --> 00:26:32,000
I remember being on a call with this

766
00:26:32,039 --> 00:26:36,721
individual and they were showing all the

767
00:26:36,863 --> 00:26:39,423
indicators of the temptations we talked

768
00:26:39,443 --> 00:26:40,003
about earlier.

769
00:26:41,699 --> 00:26:42,898
they were questioning whether they took

770
00:26:42,959 --> 00:26:43,539
the right role.

771
00:26:44,339 --> 00:26:47,722
They were constantly complaining or

772
00:26:48,503 --> 00:26:51,185
pointing fingers at other people in the

773
00:26:51,205 --> 00:26:53,267
organization or the prevailing culture of

774
00:26:53,287 --> 00:26:54,548
the organization or what they had

775
00:26:54,607 --> 00:26:56,730
inherited or what wasn't fair,

776
00:26:56,789 --> 00:26:59,311
what was unjust or on and on and

777
00:26:59,372 --> 00:26:59,471
on.

778
00:27:01,153 --> 00:27:02,913
And I remember at one point I was

779
00:27:02,933 --> 00:27:04,115
on a call and they said, Eric,

780
00:27:04,174 --> 00:27:07,198
I'm just not sure this is going to

781
00:27:07,238 --> 00:27:07,557
work.

782
00:27:08,672 --> 00:27:10,732
I may need to start focusing on some

783
00:27:10,833 --> 00:27:16,355
different battles within the organization.

784
00:27:17,135 --> 00:27:18,817
And I remember saying to this individual,

785
00:27:18,856 --> 00:27:19,156
I said,

786
00:27:20,037 --> 00:27:21,637
this is in part what you were brought

787
00:27:21,678 --> 00:27:22,337
in here for.

788
00:27:23,618 --> 00:27:27,201
And before you can help the culture of

789
00:27:27,221 --> 00:27:28,981
this organization change,

790
00:27:30,221 --> 00:27:31,843
you're going to have to shift your own

791
00:27:31,903 --> 00:27:32,782
personal culture.

792
00:27:32,803 --> 00:27:34,203
Oh yeah.

793
00:27:34,835 --> 00:27:36,555
And there was a long pause.

794
00:27:37,615 --> 00:27:39,556
And I could see the look on their

795
00:27:39,576 --> 00:27:39,976
face.

796
00:27:41,057 --> 00:27:42,136
They didn't say them,

797
00:27:42,237 --> 00:27:45,057
but I could hear the expletives rummaging

798
00:27:45,097 --> 00:27:46,218
around in their mind of,

799
00:27:47,978 --> 00:27:48,939
that's ridiculous.

800
00:27:48,959 --> 00:27:49,679
This is dumb.

801
00:27:49,778 --> 00:27:50,459
I hate this.

802
00:27:51,598 --> 00:27:53,819
But they had been in discomfort.

803
00:27:54,799 --> 00:27:55,640
for quite a while.

804
00:27:56,161 --> 00:27:57,820
And, and, and they were, they were,

805
00:27:58,361 --> 00:28:00,741
they were pressed beyond their capacity.

806
00:28:00,761 --> 00:28:02,041
And I just reminded them, I said, Hey,

807
00:28:02,082 --> 00:28:02,403
listen,

808
00:28:03,202 --> 00:28:05,163
you've got to win this battle for yourself

809
00:28:05,262 --> 00:28:07,284
internally before you can,

810
00:28:07,304 --> 00:28:08,984
before you can hope that your team or

811
00:28:09,005 --> 00:28:10,525
the organization is going to get this

812
00:28:10,644 --> 00:28:11,065
breakthrough.

813
00:28:12,705 --> 00:28:14,707
And they persevered and they persevered.

814
00:28:14,727 --> 00:28:15,767
And it wasn't one week.

815
00:28:16,186 --> 00:28:17,527
It was months.

816
00:28:18,587 --> 00:28:20,647
It was months before we started to see

817
00:28:20,688 --> 00:28:22,308
the first breakthroughs.

818
00:28:24,732 --> 00:28:26,794
Over time, it took probably a year,

819
00:28:26,854 --> 00:28:29,494
maybe a year and a half before we

820
00:28:29,515 --> 00:28:31,976
started to see some significant indicators

821
00:28:32,215 --> 00:28:35,397
of radical transformation across many

822
00:28:35,498 --> 00:28:37,479
individuals, departments,

823
00:28:37,999 --> 00:28:39,759
and even within the organization.

824
00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:44,362
So much so that other teams in this

825
00:28:44,442 --> 00:28:46,262
league were starting to take notice of

826
00:28:46,442 --> 00:28:48,483
when we interact with you guys,

827
00:28:49,124 --> 00:28:51,184
it's a different experience than it was a

828
00:28:51,224 --> 00:28:52,306
year and a half or two years ago.

829
00:28:54,315 --> 00:28:56,016
And their reputation was beginning to

830
00:28:56,076 --> 00:28:57,257
shift within the league,

831
00:28:57,737 --> 00:28:59,458
which is part of what they were wanting.

832
00:29:01,038 --> 00:29:03,720
But I always go back to this conversation

833
00:29:03,759 --> 00:29:04,940
around, hey,

834
00:29:05,861 --> 00:29:07,821
whatever it is that we as leaders want

835
00:29:07,842 --> 00:29:08,902
to see in our teams,

836
00:29:08,981 --> 00:29:10,863
we have to cultivate those first within

837
00:29:10,903 --> 00:29:11,503
ourselves.

838
00:29:12,604 --> 00:29:14,065
And that is probably one of the most

839
00:29:14,184 --> 00:29:17,807
difficult truths of leadership.

840
00:29:18,885 --> 00:29:22,968
that we avoid, even as parents, right?

841
00:29:23,288 --> 00:29:24,709
We're wanting our kids to change,

842
00:29:24,749 --> 00:29:26,029
but are we as parents willing to change?

843
00:29:26,049 --> 00:29:27,171
We want our teams to change,

844
00:29:27,211 --> 00:29:28,611
but are we as leaders willing to change?

845
00:29:29,071 --> 00:29:29,592
We want our

846
00:29:30,612 --> 00:29:31,492
country to change,

847
00:29:31,532 --> 00:29:34,434
but are we embarked embarking on that

848
00:29:34,515 --> 00:29:35,875
transformation for ourselves?

849
00:29:36,375 --> 00:29:38,656
We cannot ask of others what we are

850
00:29:38,696 --> 00:29:42,400
not first willing to fight for ourselves.

851
00:29:42,839 --> 00:29:43,340
And so it's,

852
00:29:43,580 --> 00:29:46,323
it's just a powerful reminder for us.

853
00:29:46,343 --> 00:29:47,963
Cause I think as human beings,

854
00:29:47,983 --> 00:29:49,525
it's so easy to just kind of look

855
00:29:49,664 --> 00:29:51,346
out at the world around us,

856
00:29:51,445 --> 00:29:52,487
the environment around us,

857
00:29:53,227 --> 00:29:55,048
and to put the responsibility on,

858
00:29:55,107 --> 00:29:57,190
you know, in John Mayer's song,

859
00:29:57,309 --> 00:29:58,590
just waiting on the world to change.

860
00:29:58,651 --> 00:29:58,871
Right.

861
00:29:58,990 --> 00:30:00,872
We're all just waiting on the world around

862
00:30:00,932 --> 00:30:02,833
us to change when the truth is the

863
00:30:02,873 --> 00:30:06,233
change begins with us.

864
00:30:06,334 --> 00:30:08,075
Yeah, that's good.

865
00:30:08,095 --> 00:30:08,335
Okay.

866
00:30:08,434 --> 00:30:12,317
So let us help our leaders, our listeners,

867
00:30:12,416 --> 00:30:14,678
similar to how we help our clients on

868
00:30:14,738 --> 00:30:16,057
a daily, weekly basis.

869
00:30:17,719 --> 00:30:19,019
If they're listening to this going,

870
00:30:20,240 --> 00:30:23,862
this is where I am living right now.

871
00:30:24,741 --> 00:30:26,863
What are some practical steps that

872
00:30:27,383 --> 00:30:29,263
they can engage that are going to help

873
00:30:29,304 --> 00:30:34,286
them engage resistance instead of retreat

874
00:30:34,306 --> 00:30:34,506
from it.

875
00:30:34,526 --> 00:30:36,767
Yeah, I love that.

876
00:30:36,787 --> 00:30:37,227
First of all,

877
00:30:37,287 --> 00:30:39,347
let's remember a couple of important

878
00:30:39,367 --> 00:30:41,548
paradigm shifts that we need to fight for.

879
00:30:42,189 --> 00:30:42,769
Number one,

880
00:30:44,368 --> 00:30:47,810
resistance is a necessary part of the

881
00:30:47,871 --> 00:30:50,372
equation of growth and transformation and

882
00:30:50,392 --> 00:30:50,912
development.

883
00:30:52,102 --> 00:30:52,863
We got to start there.

884
00:30:53,343 --> 00:30:56,145
Necessary, unavoidable, necessary.

885
00:30:57,227 --> 00:30:57,728
Number two,

886
00:30:57,807 --> 00:31:01,330
to be human is to experience resistance on

887
00:31:01,371 --> 00:31:01,811
the daily.

888
00:31:02,522 --> 00:31:04,884
yeah okay so i would encourage our

889
00:31:04,904 --> 00:31:06,546
listeners to think about one area where

890
00:31:06,566 --> 00:31:08,366
they've been feeling the internal

891
00:31:08,527 --> 00:31:11,769
resistance right maybe it's a conversation

892
00:31:11,808 --> 00:31:13,549
that they've been putting off a change

893
00:31:13,730 --> 00:31:15,671
that we've been avoiding or a decision

894
00:31:15,691 --> 00:31:18,212
that's been sitting on in the to-do list

895
00:31:18,252 --> 00:31:20,574
for some time and instead of just trying

896
00:31:20,594 --> 00:31:22,276
to muscle our way through it and pretend

897
00:31:22,296 --> 00:31:24,237
like it's all going to be okay to

898
00:31:24,277 --> 00:31:26,817
instead give ourselves permission to pause

899
00:31:26,897 --> 00:31:28,740
long enough to name what's really

900
00:31:29,500 --> 00:31:30,559
happening, right?

901
00:31:30,579 --> 00:31:31,400
In the first season,

902
00:31:31,460 --> 00:31:33,621
we unpacked one of our core tools called

903
00:31:33,661 --> 00:31:34,601
the Kairos Circle.

904
00:31:35,121 --> 00:31:38,741
And that tool is specifically designed to

905
00:31:38,781 --> 00:31:41,722
help us do this, to pause, to observe,

906
00:31:42,002 --> 00:31:43,883
to interpret, to reflect,

907
00:31:43,903 --> 00:31:47,324
and to learn from whatever it is that

908
00:31:47,344 --> 00:31:49,005
we're experiencing so that we have the

909
00:31:49,085 --> 00:31:51,404
right perspective and interpretation so

910
00:31:51,424 --> 00:31:54,746
that we can then respond more effectively.

911
00:31:56,067 --> 00:31:58,390
Then take one step to make a plan

912
00:31:58,410 --> 00:31:59,592
for one step.

913
00:31:59,771 --> 00:32:02,836
And the fallacy is that usually we think

914
00:32:02,856 --> 00:32:04,640
this has to be some huge gesture.

915
00:32:05,160 --> 00:32:05,901
But more often than not,

916
00:32:05,922 --> 00:32:08,965
it's something small that we can do that

917
00:32:09,046 --> 00:32:11,088
helps us move forward.

918
00:32:11,970 --> 00:32:14,191
We need to write that out and then

919
00:32:14,310 --> 00:32:17,112
make a small plan or bring someone into

920
00:32:17,152 --> 00:32:19,252
the conversation that we trust to help us.

921
00:32:19,313 --> 00:32:20,532
Not that they're going to fix it for

922
00:32:20,593 --> 00:32:21,673
us or to solve our problem,

923
00:32:22,114 --> 00:32:23,693
but they're going to encourage us and give

924
00:32:23,733 --> 00:32:27,694
us perspective to help us determine what's

925
00:32:27,755 --> 00:32:30,296
the one thing I can do today or

926
00:32:30,336 --> 00:32:32,936
this week that will get me moving in

927
00:32:32,957 --> 00:32:34,097
a direction that I think is going to

928
00:32:34,117 --> 00:32:36,617
be helpful.

929
00:32:36,657 --> 00:32:39,699
The thing that I love about this practice,

930
00:32:39,759 --> 00:32:41,079
this piece of advice is

931
00:32:42,017 --> 00:32:43,837
is that we tend to, again,

932
00:32:43,877 --> 00:32:47,278
we look at our options of either barreling

933
00:32:47,318 --> 00:32:49,180
through the resistance or retreating from

934
00:32:49,220 --> 00:32:49,319
it.

935
00:32:50,039 --> 00:32:52,641
And what this asks us to do is

936
00:32:52,740 --> 00:32:56,383
come up to that point of resistance and

937
00:32:56,482 --> 00:32:57,604
stay there for a moment.

938
00:32:58,903 --> 00:32:59,544
Engage it.

939
00:33:00,025 --> 00:33:02,826
Stare it in the face and make friends

940
00:33:02,865 --> 00:33:03,266
with it.

941
00:33:03,843 --> 00:33:06,625
yeah be like what what do what can

942
00:33:06,765 --> 00:33:09,346
i learn from you yeah how can i

943
00:33:09,426 --> 00:33:13,190
take this moment of resistance and use you

944
00:33:13,810 --> 00:33:16,732
to level up to grow to transform and

945
00:33:16,792 --> 00:33:19,595
again that's what the kairos circle tool

946
00:33:19,654 --> 00:33:20,796
is all about so if you want to

947
00:33:20,836 --> 00:33:23,357
pause go back to season one go listen

948
00:33:23,377 --> 00:33:25,799
to that whole episode but that's the

949
00:33:25,839 --> 00:33:28,823
invitation here meet the moment of

950
00:33:28,863 --> 00:33:32,826
resistance and engage it make a plan

951
00:33:33,775 --> 00:33:36,455
invite people to partner and take one

952
00:33:36,576 --> 00:33:37,316
action step.

953
00:33:37,997 --> 00:33:38,936
Because here's the thing,

954
00:33:39,576 --> 00:33:41,817
clarity does not ever come from

955
00:33:41,938 --> 00:33:42,577
overthinking.

956
00:33:43,159 --> 00:33:45,199
We're not gonna overthink our way to

957
00:33:45,239 --> 00:33:45,679
clarity.

958
00:33:46,339 --> 00:33:49,980
Clarity almost always comes from small

959
00:33:50,560 --> 00:33:53,001
actions where we break through that plane

960
00:33:53,041 --> 00:33:56,384
of resistance and start to find ways

961
00:33:56,443 --> 00:33:56,884
forward.

962
00:33:57,044 --> 00:33:58,304
And each intentional move,

963
00:33:58,324 --> 00:34:00,505
when we do that, builds our confidence.

964
00:34:01,065 --> 00:34:02,546
And then what we know is that over

965
00:34:02,625 --> 00:34:02,945
time,

966
00:34:03,634 --> 00:34:05,557
that confidence grows courage.

967
00:34:06,239 --> 00:34:06,519
Yeah, I mean,

968
00:34:06,539 --> 00:34:07,981
it just reminds me of this analogy of

969
00:34:08,222 --> 00:34:09,684
if I'm sitting on the bench press or

970
00:34:09,704 --> 00:34:11,668
laying down on the bench press and I'm

971
00:34:11,708 --> 00:34:14,373
trying to lift a quantity of weight that

972
00:34:14,393 --> 00:34:16,215
I've not yet lifted successfully.

973
00:34:17,932 --> 00:34:19,414
I'm not going to lift it by just

974
00:34:19,454 --> 00:34:19,914
like, ah,

975
00:34:19,934 --> 00:34:21,155
throw it up as hard as I can

976
00:34:21,596 --> 00:34:23,518
and hope it works because I could probably

977
00:34:23,557 --> 00:34:26,280
sustain some injury as the bar comes

978
00:34:26,320 --> 00:34:27,382
crashing down on my chest.

979
00:34:28,141 --> 00:34:29,664
It's also not going to happen by me

980
00:34:29,684 --> 00:34:30,784
sitting around thinking, hmm,

981
00:34:30,925 --> 00:34:33,067
I wonder if I just did this technique,

982
00:34:33,086 --> 00:34:34,668
if I just did I do this and

983
00:34:34,789 --> 00:34:35,550
overthinking it.

984
00:34:35,809 --> 00:34:36,469
But what do we do?

985
00:34:37,090 --> 00:34:39,653
We get on that bench and we give

986
00:34:39,673 --> 00:34:40,534
it our best go.

987
00:34:41,434 --> 00:34:41,614
Right.

988
00:34:41,653 --> 00:34:43,215
We just we take one little movement.

989
00:34:43,255 --> 00:34:45,117
And then oftentimes, if we're wise,

990
00:34:45,476 --> 00:34:47,518
we invite someone to be a spotter for

991
00:34:47,659 --> 00:34:50,541
us who can help us with the weight.

992
00:34:51,081 --> 00:34:51,342
Right.

993
00:34:51,521 --> 00:34:52,623
Until we get it up.

994
00:34:52,782 --> 00:34:54,324
And then maybe we only do one rep

995
00:34:54,364 --> 00:34:54,784
that day.

996
00:34:54,844 --> 00:34:56,304
Maybe we do no reps that day.

997
00:34:56,846 --> 00:34:58,547
But the next time we stack another day

998
00:34:58,586 --> 00:34:59,148
on top of it,

999
00:34:59,588 --> 00:35:00,588
maybe we get one rep.

1000
00:35:00,608 --> 00:35:01,989
Then the next time it's five reps and

1001
00:35:02,010 --> 00:35:03,010
the next time it's ten reps.

1002
00:35:03,311 --> 00:35:04,431
And the next thing you know,

1003
00:35:05,092 --> 00:35:06,552
that's now a weight that we can easily

1004
00:35:06,592 --> 00:35:07,014
push up.

1005
00:35:07,782 --> 00:35:09,063
And that's how growth happens.

1006
00:35:09,083 --> 00:35:10,184
It's really interesting.

1007
00:35:11,085 --> 00:35:12,628
I want to just go back to this

1008
00:35:12,748 --> 00:35:18,034
idea of befriending resistance.

1009
00:35:18,076 --> 00:35:19,297
Because I think more often than not,

1010
00:35:19,677 --> 00:35:21,780
we interpret resistance as the enemy.

1011
00:35:22,608 --> 00:35:24,048
Yeah.

1012
00:35:24,068 --> 00:35:26,690
Some force in the universe that is trying

1013
00:35:26,731 --> 00:35:31,014
to get us, undermine our success, that is,

1014
00:35:31,034 --> 00:35:32,836
you know, opposed to us.

1015
00:35:33,556 --> 00:35:34,878
I was working with a client recently,

1016
00:35:36,159 --> 00:35:36,960
you know,

1017
00:35:37,280 --> 00:35:40,943
who has spent years in their craft and

1018
00:35:40,963 --> 00:35:43,826
have become just an incredible presence in

1019
00:35:44,365 --> 00:35:45,327
the music industry.

1020
00:35:45,567 --> 00:35:45,708
And

1021
00:35:46,949 --> 00:35:48,429
And there was, you know,

1022
00:35:48,809 --> 00:35:50,070
as the media often does,

1023
00:35:50,090 --> 00:35:51,751
they're always looking for some story and

1024
00:35:51,811 --> 00:35:53,150
some angle to, you know,

1025
00:35:53,170 --> 00:35:54,052
we're looking for, you know,

1026
00:35:54,092 --> 00:35:56,672
some salacious, you know, thing.

1027
00:35:56,913 --> 00:35:57,773
And so they were,

1028
00:35:58,132 --> 00:35:59,653
this individual was contacted and said,

1029
00:35:59,693 --> 00:35:59,813
hey,

1030
00:35:59,833 --> 00:36:03,215
we're looking to run this story and we'd

1031
00:36:03,235 --> 00:36:04,414
like to get your commentary on it.

1032
00:36:04,835 --> 00:36:07,516
And this person respectfully declined,

1033
00:36:07,536 --> 00:36:07,916
said, hey,

1034
00:36:07,996 --> 00:36:08,916
I don't need to get involved in all

1035
00:36:08,956 --> 00:36:09,097
that.

1036
00:36:09,936 --> 00:36:12,237
And then the person, you know,

1037
00:36:12,297 --> 00:36:12,938
months later,

1038
00:36:13,498 --> 00:36:15,320
we contacted this individual and said,

1039
00:36:15,360 --> 00:36:15,579
Hey,

1040
00:36:16,059 --> 00:36:17,981
if you don't have this interview with me,

1041
00:36:18,021 --> 00:36:19,382
this is the story I'm going to post

1042
00:36:19,521 --> 00:36:21,922
and it is going to basically throw you

1043
00:36:21,943 --> 00:36:22,563
under the bus.

1044
00:36:23,244 --> 00:36:24,864
Now, this individual,

1045
00:36:24,885 --> 00:36:28,606
my client was very confident in the fact

1046
00:36:28,626 --> 00:36:30,407
that there's nothing that they were part

1047
00:36:30,467 --> 00:36:31,648
of, there was no wrongdoing,

1048
00:36:31,668 --> 00:36:32,568
there was nothing there was not there was

1049
00:36:32,588 --> 00:36:33,349
no story.

1050
00:36:34,289 --> 00:36:34,510
Right.

1051
00:36:34,969 --> 00:36:35,190
And

1052
00:36:37,405 --> 00:36:38,626
I remember being on a call.

1053
00:36:39,367 --> 00:36:41,347
And this client was just saying, you know,

1054
00:36:41,367 --> 00:36:41,967
that they were just,

1055
00:36:42,947 --> 00:36:44,708
they're going weeks with sleepless nights,

1056
00:36:44,748 --> 00:36:46,690
the stress, the anxiety, the fear.

1057
00:36:47,851 --> 00:36:49,670
And as I had been coaching them through

1058
00:36:49,711 --> 00:36:51,311
the process of how we engage these

1059
00:36:51,371 --> 00:36:57,434
dynamics, I said, Listen,

1060
00:36:57,454 --> 00:36:59,795
there's going to come a day when you

1061
00:36:59,815 --> 00:37:00,496
will look back,

1062
00:37:01,577 --> 00:37:03,438
and you will be thankful for this

1063
00:37:03,518 --> 00:37:04,018
individual.

1064
00:37:05,199 --> 00:37:06,661
whether they're intentionally trying to

1065
00:37:06,701 --> 00:37:08,362
harm you and your reputation or not,

1066
00:37:09,903 --> 00:37:11,847
they are an expression of resistance in

1067
00:37:11,867 --> 00:37:13,889
your life and you see them as the

1068
00:37:14,028 --> 00:37:14,409
enemy.

1069
00:37:15,230 --> 00:37:16,992
But what if instead you befriended that

1070
00:37:17,032 --> 00:37:19,795
resistance and you realized that the

1071
00:37:19,856 --> 00:37:22,739
pressure you feel about this possible

1072
00:37:22,818 --> 00:37:24,320
story coming out in the press

1073
00:37:25,418 --> 00:37:27,800
is actually an opportunity for you to grow

1074
00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:30,322
and develop your internal sense of clarity

1075
00:37:30,422 --> 00:37:31,224
and confidence,

1076
00:37:31,643 --> 00:37:34,547
your courage to stand in the face of

1077
00:37:35,407 --> 00:37:40,432
unjust or false accusations, right?

1078
00:37:40,512 --> 00:37:42,414
I said, what if instead you solve this,

1079
00:37:43,074 --> 00:37:44,797
the actions of this individual as an

1080
00:37:44,956 --> 00:37:46,739
opportunity to get in the gym?

1081
00:37:48,003 --> 00:37:49,867
and to carry weight or to push weight

1082
00:37:50,007 --> 00:37:53,090
or to exercise at a level that you

1083
00:37:53,110 --> 00:37:54,393
have not previously done.

1084
00:37:54,833 --> 00:37:56,956
The only reason this is stressing you out

1085
00:37:57,036 --> 00:37:58,800
and feels overwhelming is because this is

1086
00:37:58,860 --> 00:38:00,461
weight that you've not yet learned to

1087
00:38:00,521 --> 00:38:00,922
carry.

1088
00:38:02,260 --> 00:38:02,739
That's right.

1089
00:38:02,760 --> 00:38:02,860
That,

1090
00:38:02,880 --> 00:38:05,802
that radically transformed this client's

1091
00:38:05,882 --> 00:38:07,885
kind of perspective, their paradigm.

1092
00:38:08,664 --> 00:38:10,126
And so ever since then,

1093
00:38:10,206 --> 00:38:11,507
whenever I asked the question, Hey,

1094
00:38:11,547 --> 00:38:13,409
how are you doing with this possible story

1095
00:38:13,429 --> 00:38:13,769
coming out?

1096
00:38:14,150 --> 00:38:16,192
They say, Eric, every time it comes up,

1097
00:38:16,251 --> 00:38:17,233
I just think I got to get back

1098
00:38:17,253 --> 00:38:18,594
in the gym.

1099
00:38:18,673 --> 00:38:19,675
I'm stacking days,

1100
00:38:19,916 --> 00:38:21,336
learning to carry the weight of

1101
00:38:21,396 --> 00:38:22,277
responsibility.

1102
00:38:22,297 --> 00:38:23,458
And that's for all of us,

1103
00:38:23,539 --> 00:38:25,481
whether maybe not all of us are dealing

1104
00:38:25,521 --> 00:38:26,661
with the celebrity, you know,

1105
00:38:27,570 --> 00:38:29,813
fears of media stories coming out about us

1106
00:38:29,833 --> 00:38:30,512
that are untrue,

1107
00:38:31,193 --> 00:38:32,835
but we're all dealing with different

1108
00:38:32,875 --> 00:38:34,576
pressures, different difficulties,

1109
00:38:34,635 --> 00:38:35,577
different battles.

1110
00:38:36,056 --> 00:38:36,838
And if we're not careful,

1111
00:38:36,858 --> 00:38:38,818
we start to see our spouses, our kids,

1112
00:38:38,878 --> 00:38:41,280
our bosses, our team members, our clients,

1113
00:38:41,840 --> 00:38:43,581
people in the world as the enemy.

1114
00:38:44,842 --> 00:38:46,284
And we get to flip the script and

1115
00:38:46,304 --> 00:38:46,965
say, you know what?

1116
00:38:47,025 --> 00:38:49,286
I'm going to befriend my enemy and I'm

1117
00:38:49,306 --> 00:38:52,268
going to let their resistance in my life,

1118
00:38:52,289 --> 00:38:54,349
the challenges they bring become an

1119
00:38:54,429 --> 00:38:55,431
opportunity for growth.

1120
00:38:55,471 --> 00:38:56,472
That's good.

1121
00:38:57,226 --> 00:38:57,632
It's good.

1122
00:38:58,456 --> 00:38:59,396
All right.

1123
00:38:59,777 --> 00:39:01,137
Listen, listeners, we love you.

1124
00:39:01,418 --> 00:39:03,800
We hope that what we're sharing in these

1125
00:39:04,019 --> 00:39:07,521
episodes is not only encouraging,

1126
00:39:07,782 --> 00:39:08,983
but it's also challenging.

1127
00:39:09,083 --> 00:39:11,784
It's pushing you in new directions.

1128
00:39:12,005 --> 00:39:14,447
It's giving you new perspective and it's

1129
00:39:14,467 --> 00:39:17,730
helping you take one more step toward

1130
00:39:17,750 --> 00:39:19,271
becoming the kind of person and leader

1131
00:39:19,391 --> 00:39:21,512
that you want to be in the world

1132
00:39:21,552 --> 00:39:22,632
desperately needs.

1133
00:39:23,092 --> 00:39:24,735
If this episode hit close to home,

1134
00:39:24,775 --> 00:39:26,175
share it with another leader who might be

1135
00:39:26,235 --> 00:39:27,817
wrestling with resistance right now.

1136
00:39:28,297 --> 00:39:29,838
The truth is we all face it.

1137
00:39:30,117 --> 00:39:31,659
To be human is to face resistance.

1138
00:39:31,719 --> 00:39:35,360
But what matters most is how we respond.

1139
00:39:35,860 --> 00:39:36,902
That's right.

1140
00:39:37,121 --> 00:39:38,503
And if you haven't already,

1141
00:39:38,663 --> 00:39:40,204
subscribe and leave us a review.

1142
00:39:41,103 --> 00:39:44,286
It helps us grow this already growing

1143
00:39:44,425 --> 00:39:46,347
community of leaders that are having

1144
00:39:47,527 --> 00:39:48,768
meaningful conversations.

1145
00:39:49,188 --> 00:39:51,710
So if you know somebody who is struggling,

1146
00:39:52,070 --> 00:39:53,731
wanting to lead with greater clarity,

1147
00:39:53,771 --> 00:39:54,791
confidence and courage,

1148
00:39:56,525 --> 00:39:57,445
leave a review,

1149
00:39:57,585 --> 00:39:59,306
go ahead and like and subscribe because

1150
00:39:59,347 --> 00:40:00,447
that helps people find us.

1151
00:40:00,748 --> 00:40:03,909
And speaking of this growing community of

1152
00:40:03,989 --> 00:40:04,630
leaders,

1153
00:40:05,469 --> 00:40:08,010
we would actually love the opportunity to

1154
00:40:08,170 --> 00:40:09,572
see you face to face.

1155
00:40:09,652 --> 00:40:10,992
We sit here and we stare at each

1156
00:40:11,032 --> 00:40:12,092
other week in and week out.

1157
00:40:12,112 --> 00:40:14,994
And we actually don't know what any of

1158
00:40:15,034 --> 00:40:16,815
you look like, what any of you do.

1159
00:40:17,275 --> 00:40:19,197
So we're ready to remedy that.

1160
00:40:20,077 --> 00:40:22,298
We are going to be starting monthly

1161
00:40:22,498 --> 00:40:25,000
virtual masterclasses where we take

1162
00:40:25,427 --> 00:40:27,728
some of these topics and go deeper dive,

1163
00:40:27,768 --> 00:40:29,367
you'll have opportunity for Q and A.

1164
00:40:30,788 --> 00:40:33,128
And we get to see our audience in

1165
00:40:33,188 --> 00:40:33,728
real time,

1166
00:40:33,789 --> 00:40:35,849
which I'm quite excited about actually.

1167
00:40:36,409 --> 00:40:38,771
So if you want to join that,

1168
00:40:38,791 --> 00:40:40,110
like I said, they're gonna be monthly,

1169
00:40:40,630 --> 00:40:45,652
go ahead over to mpwrcoaching.com slash

1170
00:40:45,833 --> 00:40:46,672
masterclass.

1171
00:40:47,052 --> 00:40:48,293
You can see when the next one is

1172
00:40:48,333 --> 00:40:49,673
coming up and sign up.

1173
00:40:50,233 --> 00:40:51,014
We'd love that.

1174
00:40:51,820 --> 00:40:52,322
Next week,

1175
00:40:52,342 --> 00:40:53,443
we're going to be talking about what

1176
00:40:53,483 --> 00:40:56,208
happens when the pressure doesn't let up.

1177
00:40:56,248 --> 00:40:57,710
Ooh, it's like a part two of today.

1178
00:40:57,771 --> 00:40:59,333
How to stay grounded when everything

1179
00:40:59,393 --> 00:41:02,777
around you feels uncertain.

1180
00:41:02,878 --> 00:41:03,619
Until next time.