#28: When Your Role Outpaces Your Support System: Five Rules That Strengthen Leadership
Leadership can be crowded — yet isolating.
You can be surrounded by people all day and still feel completely alone. It's one of the most overlooked truths in leadership: the higher you rise, the fewer true peers you have. Decisions get heavier. The stakes get higher. And the space for authenticity gets smaller.
In this episode of The MPWR Podcast, Eric Pfeiffer, CEO of MPWR Coaching, and co-host Dawn Neldon explore the unseen cost of leadership success — isolation — and how to overcome it through trust, vulnerability, and connection.
"We tell ourselves that we're protecting the team, moving fast, avoiding drama," Eric says. "But if we're brutally honest, we're actually protecting ourselves."
What begins as emotional self-protection eventually turns into disconnection. Leaders stop inviting questions. They shorten updates. They share less of the why. And when people don't understand, Eric explains, they fill in the blanks — usually with negativity or suspicion.
That silence creates distance. Distance breeds mistrust. And mistrust accelerates burnout — not just for the leader, but for the entire team.
Dawn captures this tension perfectly:
"On the surface, leadership looks like having a voice and power and authority. But behind the scenes, it often feels so lonely."
Confidentiality, context, and responsibility can make leadership feel like a solo sport. But the truth is, human beings aren't built for isolation.
The Trust Code: The Antidote to Disconnection
Eric introduces one of MPWR Coaching's cornerstone tools: The Trust Code — a practical framework built on three universal human needs. Every person — and every leader — needs to feel seen, heard, and valued.
"When people don't feel seen, they start to wonder if their effort matters," Eric explains. "When they don't feel heard, they stop offering perspective. And when they don't feel valued, they eventually disengage."
When trust breaks, culture follows. But when leaders intentionally create spaces where both they and their teams feel seen, heard, and valued, something powerful happens: alignment returns. Energy returns. Connection returns.
As Dawn points out, teams mirror their leaders.
"If we're withdrawn, they pull back too. If we're guarded, they get guarded."
Building trust isn't optional — it's foundational.
Leading with Healthy Vulnerability
Still, there's a question many leaders wrestle with: How vulnerable is too vulnerable?
Dawn asks what every listener is thinking:
"Isn't this risky? Opening ourselves up like this feels vulnerable. People might not like what they see. They might second-guess our leadership."
Eric's response reframes vulnerability not as risk, but as responsibility.
"The best leaders aren't the ones who never show weakness," he says. "They're the ones who create enough trust that people know they're human — approachable and steady, even when things are hard."
He goes on to outline five rules of engagement — a roadmap for leading with authenticity and wisdom:
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Don't expect your team to carry your burden. "People who are not at your level can't fully understand the weight you carry — nor should they," Eric says. Vulnerability isn't about pity; it's about clarity.
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Practice discipline and discretion. "Discipline and discretion are a leader's best friends," he adds. "The who, where, when, what, and how of sharing matter."
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Discern your team's capacity. Just as parents tailor conversations to a child's maturity, leaders must gauge their team's readiness to handle certain truths.
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Model healthy openness. Share to build trust, not to seek rescue. "When we're honest about challenges and purpose, not personal chaos, we strengthen our team's trust and ownership," Eric says.
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Have a coach. "Have a coach — please," Eric insists. "We all need someone who gives us a safe space to be messy, so we can clean it up and grow."
Dawn expands on this beautifully:
"When we're young, no one questions the need for teachers or coaches. But somewhere after 30, we start thinking we should already know it all. Asking for help starts to feel like weakness. But it's not — it's wisdom."
Stories That Bring It HomeTo make these principles tangible, Eric shares two real-world coaching stories.
The first: a high-performing CEO who built an exceptional executive team, only to slowly withdraw under pressure. As trust cracked, loneliness grew. With coaching and intentional reconnection, he rebuilt that trust — and reignited his energy, clarity, and presence as a leader.
"You could see it in his meetings," Eric recalls. "His body language, his tone, his energy — everything shifted once he reconnected with his team."
The second: a creative, high-profile leader who shared too much. Oversharing with friends and colleagues blurred lines and drained credibility. What began as authenticity slipped into a victim mindset — and people started to lose trust.
"He wasn't practicing discretion," Eric explains. "When we expect others to carry our burdens for us instead of supporting us as we carry them, we lose credibility."
Both stories illustrate the same truth: isolation and overexposure are two sides of the same coin. Healthy leadership lives in the balance between honesty and stewardship.
The Courage to ConnectAt its heart, this episode is about reclaiming humanity in leadership — rediscovering that strength isn't about perfection, but presence.
"It's okay to ask for help," Eric reminds us. "The best leaders aren't the ones who look unbreakable — they're the ones who build enough trust that people know they're human."
Dawn closes with an invitation every leader needs to hear:
"Take a moment and ask yourself — do I feel seen, heard, and valued? And if not, where can I pull some levers to change that?"
Because leadership doesn't have to be lonely. The cure for isolation isn't silence — it's connection. And the journey back to connection begins with one choice: to be real, not just right.
🎧 Listen now to "Leading Alone: The Hidden Cost of Success" and rediscover what it means to lead with authenticity, trust, and courage.
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Eric has released a new book that takes this conversation even further:
This book is more than a leadership manual; it's a blueprint for transformation. Eric shows how to:
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Identify the drama cycles that drain energy and derail teams.
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Build trust intentionally rather than assuming it will emerge on its own.
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Thrive under pressure by upgrading the internal system that drives every leadership decision.
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And yes—set boundaries that strengthen leadership rather than weaken it.
Are you ready to unlock your full potential and lead with purpose, clarity, and conviction?
The MPWR Podcast, hosted by Eric Pfeiffer, CEO of MPWR Coaching, is your go-to space for transformational conversations, powerful insights, and practical strategies to help you step into the next level of your leadership journey. Whether you're scaling your business, seeking greater alignment in life, or stepping into your calling—this podcast will challenge, inspire, and empower you.
Want more tools to accelerate your growth? Head over to mpwrcoaching.com where you'll find free resources, game-changing books, and programs designed to elevate your mindset, build resilience, and transform the way you lead—from the inside out.
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Transcript
1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:01,000 Eric: Welcome to the Empower Podcast. I'm your host, Eric Pfeiffer, CEO of Empower. Coaching leadership isn't about titles or positions. It's actually about the influence and impact we have on our environments. This is where we get to learn how to operate well under pressure, lead with confidence, and drive meaningful results. 2 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:02,000 One of the paradoxes of leadership is that you can be surrounded by people all day. And still feel alone. The higher you rise in leadership, the fewer true peers you have, the fewer people who really understand the pressures you're under. And with that shrinking circle. The weight of leadership decisions grows heavier. 3 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:03,000 Fewer updates, fewer questions, fewer invites into the why behind what we're doing without knowing how to properly include our teams and our leadership withholding what's really going on for us seems the only option. And this. Drives disconnection with our team and eventually leads to burnout for us as leaders. 4 00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:04,000 Gets, and we have less and less built in support, right? We don't have a lot of peers around us. So the real challenge becomes how do we keep, how do we keep from drifting into that isolated space? And instead, how do we build the kind of trust and connection that lets us share that load and our lives in healthy ways? 5 00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:05,000 It's what happens when the role that we have outpaces the support system around us. Yes, leaders sit in rooms where the hardest. Calls get made, but they can't always share the full story with their team. And quite frankly, sometimes they shouldn't. Right? But over time, that gap leaves us carrying the weight alone, which makes it incredibly tempting to retreat, to isolate, to withdrawal, which leads to disconnection now. 6 00:00:05,000 --> 00:00:06,000 And usually when we gap fill, 'cause we don't have clarity from our leaders, we normally fill that space with pejorative negative. Um. Or suspicious projections. Yeah, trust erodes. And once trust cracks, isolation compounds even further. And before long leaders aren't just carrying the weight of decisions, they're also carrying the weight of disconnection. 7 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Eric: That's right. They're creating stories. That's right. 8 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:08,000 Eric: What do we do, Eric? That's the question. Well, here's where we start. Isolation shrinks. We start to move away from isolation back into community, which is what we're hardwired for when trust grows. So that's why we teach the trust code, one of our core eight of our, our leadership tools from our leadership operating system. 9 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:09,000 Dawn: Let me say for our listeners, if you want more of a deep dive on trust code, you can. Go back. We have a season one full episode, season one, season one, just on trust code. But what I love about that tool is it takes this really like ambiguous concept of building trust. 10 00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:10,000 Dawn: They might start to second guess our leadership, we might lose credibility. Mm-hmm. You know, those are some of the fears that come up for us when we think of being vulnerable as listeners, as leaders. So for our listeners who may be wrestling with that tension. 11 00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:11,000 Let's start by saying this. We have to lead by example. Mm mm-hmm. We often say that leaders define culture. We cannot ask of our team members or our our organization things from them that we are not prepared first to model for them. Um. However, this creates attention. How much vulnerability is appropriate for leaders to share? 12 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:12,000 And we shouldn't expect that of them. That's like asking our 12-year-old to really understand and appreciate the fact that we just got fired from our job, right? Or that one of our credit cards, you know, uh, is, is overdrawn, or that a check bounced or that, you know, our politician didn't, uh, wasn't voted into their, their their office, right? 13 00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Yeah. Right? Where we just want people to look at us and say, oh, poor you. Let's pull out our miniature violin and play you a song and soothe you. Um, and that that can lead to really dysfunctional unhealthy relationships. Uh, rule number two, did you wanna say anything about rule number one? 14 00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:14,000 Eric: I love that. And that, that actually leads us into rule number two, right? So great springboard. Rule number two, discipline and discretion. Yes, these are a leader's best friends. Why? Because this is not only part art, but it's also part science. We have to be very intentional about the who, where, when, what, and how. 15 00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:15,000 Right. The when the when matters. Mm-hmm. Right. The time of the day that you find somebody in, uh, uh, you know, whether you, you wait some time before you get some more clarity about what you wanna share. Uh, the what, what we actually disclose to others is important, and the how, the tone of voice, the, the, the, the, the context of our sharing these things deeply matter. 16 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:16,000 Dawn: Mm-hmm. 17 00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:17,000 Yes. From the people around me and to to, to deal with that even more deeply. We'll get to rule five, but rule number four. We model healthy openness and vulnerability with our team, with the intention, the purpose of building trust and giving them a sense of ownership, inclusion. Mm-hmm. Right. By including our children in some of the affairs of the family household, uh, we do it with the intention of letting them know, Hey, we value your place in the family. 18 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:18,000 Eric: because we have an executive coaching business, but the reality is every one of us, as we look through our lives, if there's an area that we want to grow in. It doesn't matter if it's our physical health, if it's our financial health, if it's our relational health. 19 00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:19,000 Um, but just to simply ask for help. And so again, have a coach, have a mentor or other confidant who can provide a safe space for us to be messy. 'cause we have to be messy before we can figure it out, clean it up, and to process our struggles. So that we can regain our mental and emotional sobriety. 20 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:20,000 Who is a character, and that's a whole nother story for another time. But he has to meet with this person to learn the practicalities of how do I go from not being a driver to being a driver? We do think about it. We do the same thing when kids are learning to tie their shoes or write their ABCs. Like even how to engage socially. 21 00:00:20,000 --> 00:00:21,000 Eric: Yeah. Let's, let's just, let's just say this for this, for this particular podcast episode. If our listeners, if you've not heard anything else, if you take nothing else away with you from this podcast, take this away. It's okay to ask for help. As a matter of fact, the leaders that avoid what we call the proverbial plateau mm-hmm. 22 00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:22,000 That's right. Right. You don't take your clothes off around everybody. At least for me, when I go to the pool, I'm very careful. Um, but honestly, it, it is a risky endeavor. Anytime we open ourselves up, there's a chance people won't respond the way that we hope. Yeah. But here's the bigger risk. If we don't build this kind of trust with some other folks, we end up carrying leadership and all of its burdens alone. 23 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:23,000 Dawn: Mm. Yeah. Okay. So let's, let's dig into some real life stories. Yeah. 'cause like we just said, some of the fastest way to learn things is to see how they've played out for other people. So. I, I know you have a couple examples of where you've seen this with clients recently. 24 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:24,000 Mm-hmm. They are in fact the CEO president owner operator of a very large organization here in the United States. Um, and, uh, over the past three or four years, um, with our help, they've built an incredible executive team around them to, to, to partner with this individual. Mm-hmm. And carrying the weight of the organization to scale it up. 25 00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:25,000 And the feelings of loneliness, because if I remember correctly, a year ago, as you build this incredible executive team, that's all you did was celebrate how you felt partnership. You felt like you were finally a part of a team. You felt like, you know, you weren't just carrying the weight of the whole company on your own shoulders, but there were other people to shoulder that with you. 26 00:00:25,000 --> 00:00:26,000 And what's amazing is, as they're still in the process, but as this leader does these simple things. Of reconnecting, rebuilding trust with individual team members on the executive team. Guess what? I can see it in the meetings 'cause I meet with the entire executive team, including the, the, the owner, uh, on a regular basis. 27 00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:27,000 Um, you know, everything just seems. Powerful and bigger. Vibrant and brighter and vibrant. Mm-hmm. Right. And that goes for the, the highs and the lows. Yeah. So a lot of creatives, and if you're a creative out there, we love you because we need you, uh, to bring color to this very drab world that we all live in. 28 00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:28,000 I said, you know, I asked the question, you know, do, do you think you are sharing with them so that they can help you carry the burden or do you think you're sharing with them so that you, you, you think they'll carry that burden for you? Hmm. I remember the long pause and then he said, if I'm honest, I want them to throw me a pity party. 29 00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:29,000 Right. And so because he was really, what he was looking for is for somebody to come along and just kind of hold his hand and tell him something, pat him on the head. Yeah. And it's not that that's always bad or wrong. Except when we're looking for people to carry our burdens for us, instead of them supporting us as we carry our own unique burden. 30 00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:30,000 Dawn: Yeah, so I just wanna encourage. Our listeners to, to take that time, actually process, sit down and do the work of, um, am I feeling seen? Am I feeling heard? Am I feeling valued? And where might I strategically pull some lovers? Yes. Um, so that I'm calibrating that correctly. Mm-hmm. Uh, because. Interestingly, in your second example of oversharing, I, I would assume that that person still wasn't getting what they needed. 31 00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:31,000 Can, um, can lean into and leverage as we consider the way that we're engaging. Um, whether it's, uh, our friends, our family, our, our teammates, our coworkers, um, to determine. Are we driving ourself into isolation because we're not willing to share and be open? Are we driving ourself into internal isolation because we're oversharing, but never really satisfying our need to feel seen, heard, and valued, and what do we need to recalibrate? 32 00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:32,000 Yeah. Listen. Our listeners, we love you. We're so grateful for the time and energy that you spend with us. We want to add value to your life at every level as we have these leadership conversations. Because remember, every person is a leader. If today's conversation hit home, share it with another leader that you know who might be carrying the load in silence. 33 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:33,000 Just time in in some of the, if you wanna like spend some time going deeper in some of these areas, we're gonna be holding monthly virtual masterminds. Mm. So you can head to mpw coaching.com/masterminds to see all the information for what's coming up next. And sign up. We'd love to see you there. And join 34 00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:34,000 So that you never miss an episode, visit our website@mpwcoaching.com and follow us on socials for Daily Leadership Insights. And remember, be the leader you wanna follow. See you next time.