Episode 19: Julie Bacon Interview on Mental Management

Hi, everybody. Welcome to the Canine Connection
podcast. Today, Lori and I have a guest that
we are both super excited about. And I think
the timing is perfect because after our last
podcast, a bunch of people have been sending
us emails and asking us about mental management.
So we have Julie Bacon here today, who is a mental
management expert. She hosts the Q coach podcast,
which is outstanding. You guys should go check
it out. And I, if you know me even slightly,
you know that I am an absolute freak when it
comes to mantle management. I'm like obsessed
with it, addicted to it. I love it. So I'm super
excited to meet Julie and pick our brain. Julie,
thank you so much, so much for coming. We're
so grateful. Oh, wait. I have to. So not only
that, but Julie is a super kind human being because
when Laurie and I started this podcast, we did
everything ourselves. I would not call either
one of us tech experts. I was trying to get this
thing up on Apple. It was a nightmare. I'm not
going to bore you with the details. Hours and
hours and hours, week after week after week,
getting nowhere. And Julie saved me. She was
so kind. She talked to me. She explained everything
very clearly. And so now anyone that's listening
on Apple, you can thank Julie for that. So anyway,
welcome, Julie. And we'll just start by Julie
saying hello and just tell us a little bit about
yourself. I can do that. Thank you so much for
having me. I love that you guys have started
this podcast. And yeah, when you kind of like
threw the call for help out there, I was like,
I need to help in any way I can because this
podcast needs to see more people because you
guys are amazing. So thank you for doing what
you're doing. And like, you know, women supporting
women, like, hello. So we got to do that. Yeah,
so I'm excited to be here. Yeah, I have a podcast,
which I think is one of the ways you know me
from Mindset Coaching for Handlers podcast in
all the places. But I have Bernie's Mountain
Dogs, which is so always makes me like the odd
man out at parties, right? Because I have the
non -traditional dogs. But I'm a really good
marker dog. If you're not sure like when you
go in the ring, I'm a good marker dog. And I
got into Berners in... 2007 and i had like just
this crazy young male that i just kept taking
to classes just like uh i was trying to be a
responsible pet person and finally the one place
i was going was like look we don't have any more
classes for you you have to go to this other
place and so i went to this other place which
ended up being a click above in leesburg and
i walked in i was like oh my God, you can do
all these things with your dog. Like, and I was
like headfirst down the rabbit hole. I was like
in it. I was like, what else can we do? What
else can we do? What else can we do? And that
began the addiction, right? Of to dog sports.
Like everybody's got the story, I suppose. And
I was a horse girl growing up. And I was very
competitive and showed all over and did all the
finals and all that kind of stuff. Naturally
ranked. And the reason that matters for this
is because it was then when I was a kid that
I started getting like really into this mindset
stuff because I would look around and I would
be like, wait, that person doesn't have a better
horse. They're not a better rider. They're not
a better at this, that and the other. But that.
look on their face. Like it was like back then
as a kid, I didn't have the vocabulary that I
do now. And I just thought they had this like
kind of steely look about them, you know, and
they were just so focused and they would just
walk in the ring and nail it every time. And
I was like, I want to be like that. And so I
went down that rabbit hole. Apparently I'm addicted
to rabbit holes. And I just started like reading
and was able to go to like a few, you know, sports
people at that time. I'm so jealous. You're like,
I know I was like, well, yeah, when all of that
was happening, I was like 15. Wow. Yeah. Yeah.
And so, yeah, it really was a gift and like a
really lengthy foreshadowing, right. Like decades
later. Um, but yeah, so I was doing all of that
and it was great, but it, and I didn't have the
best horse and wasn't the best, but I really
like. I dug into that mindset part of it and
had, like I said, different vocabulary around
it. Cause back then I thought it was like being
tough or being like, nothing bothers you or like,
you know, kind of that like hard aspects that
I think is associated with it. And of course
now I don't think that at all. But when I got
into dogs then. and started competing, I was
like shocked that like nobody was doing those
things. I was like, well, no, like you're competing.
So like, therefore, like it just was like normal
to me. And so I actually started doing. like
like anyone who follows mental mindset has heard
of probably lanny basham right it's very great
easy to read if you haven't read him read him
um books about like it's like a combination of
like goal setting and mental management so that's
kind of where i started i came up with this like
i didn't invent it but like i put together i
should say this like goal setting methodology
because that was the other thing people are like
oh i want to get a a mock or an arch or whatever
and i'm like okay it's like what are you doing
well i'm just going to trials And I'm like. there
feels like a few steps in between, but okay.
I was like, okay, I guess. Okay. And like, no
one really had a plan. They had goals. They are
really, they had dreams or wishes, but they didn't
really have a plan. So that long, like that long
-term goal, but we don't know how we're going
to get there. Yeah. I'm just going to keep doing
stuff. Okay. Go to class, go to trials, repeat,
you know? And so I kind of wrote that down. And
I started with that in coaching. And that was
like nine and a half years ago. And in thinking
about getting ready for this podcast, I was sort
of giggling this morning. I was like, you know,
unlike you guys that people were like, oh, we
want more of you. Like no one actually asked
me to do this. Like no one was into mental management
then. And even now, I think in dog sports, it's
not enough. And I just kind of like forced myself
upon people. I was like, look, everybody needs
to learn about better goal setting and mental
management. So I'm just going to start talking.
I preach about it constantly. I find it utterly
fascinating the amount of time and effort people
put into their. training and what they're feeding
their dogs and grooming their dogs and, you know,
8 ,000 collars for our dogs and all the crazy
stuff we do and mental management, not a thing.
Or here's my favorite. What book do you read?
Well, here's, you know, this one, I read that.
Uh -huh. And like, you don't just read it and
then magically. you're changed right yeah right
otherwise i'd just be sleeping on my kindle every
night waiting for the osmosis to occur right
right but they also i think a big part i think
horse people tend to be more aware of this probably
because it's way more dangerous right like if
you're on a horse and you're tense that's going
to have an impact on the animal yeah that's going
to potentially be relatively problematic. Yeah.
I think that. And you're messing up your dog.
Most people just blame it on the dog. Right.
Yeah. Nothing. We're not going to fall off and
hurt. Right. Right. Right. Unless it's spectacular.
Yeah. I think, I think that's true. And I think
the horses also really highlight like your energy,
which has sort of been my. latest obsession of
like how our energy matters and like regulating
our nervous system and all that kind of stuff
plays into it. Because yeah, to your point, when
you are like sitting physically on a horse and
you are physically attached to them by reins
and legs and all that kind of stuff, like they
feel everything. They notice everything. You
kind of can't get away with it. And our dogs
were like, oh my God, my dog is sniffing. Why
is my dog doing that? And we're like, it's the
same difference. It's the same thing. They want
to get away from your energy. Your energy is
just freaked out and your dog's like not into
it. Can you expound on that a little bit, the
energy and the nervous system and the relationship
and how that manifests? Yeah, I think that, you
know, animals are like the ultimate truth tellers,
right? They live in the present. They, they.
they understand their environment so much. They're
always tuned in and our dogs are obviously so
tuned into us, right? Like, like for instance,
fast forwarding, when we, when we finished this
podcast, I'm going to start saying things like,
Oh, thanks. I'll change my voice and my dogs
will all stand up. Right. Because they're tuned
in to us and, and they're just, everything is
always, they're always connected. And I. I feel
bad for them having to listen to my thoughts
all day sometimes, but they're always just so
connected to us. And so when we change something,
right, maybe we just get butterflies before we're
walking into the ring or, you know, maybe we're
upset or sad. Like who's, who's not like cried
or had something terrible happen and had a dog
instantly crawled up on their lap. Right. Like
they, they get it. And so when we walk into.
a ring um and actually an animal communicator
put believe what you want but like Just point
being, she was the person who said to me, she's
like, when you are standing outside the ring,
suddenly getting nervous, the dog just thinks,
oh, my God, are there dragons in there? Like,
should I be afraid? Like, why are you suddenly
afraid to cross this imaginary line? Like, what
should I be worried about? And it just really
put like an exclamation point on, you know, again,
the energy thing for me, because we have to own.
our side of the road, if you will. Like we can't
expect them to be like sane and grounded and
thinking and have their best like thinking hats
on. And we're over there like in full panic about
things that probably won't happen. And the way
we react to the judge, right? Like so many people
for some weird reason, which is why we've had
some judges on to try and be like, look, they're
human beings. They're not like these terrible,
like horrible scary people. But people get like,
terribly like oh god the judge oh god the judge
and then they wonder why their dog's like oh
god the judge right right yes i know it's funny
yeah i'm always like if people like if the judge
asks if you're ready say no like i need you to
practice saying no right yeah So the energy thing
has been like my kind of latest obsession because,
well, two things. One, I think that finally,
like the audience that has been listening to
me for a while is kind of ready for this conversation,
right? I don't think that everybody can start
with energy. They might not be there yet. So
you kind of have to meet. people where they are
in terms of what they're ready to learn. But
I think that we're starting to learn that like,
yes, how we feel or our energy or whether or
not we feel regulated versus frantic or that
all of that carries into the ring, into our relationship,
into our connection. Because nothing will push
a dog away faster than you just being in your
own head, completely freaking out about something
and you walk in the ring and they're like, got
to go. There's something really sniffy over here.
Like, see you later. Maybe, you know, I think
being present for humans is crazy hard. I mean,
I worked a long time to be able to do that. I
will say like, you know, I think that habit needs
to start when training, like even in training,
people have like when I'm training, an elephant
could fall from the sky and I would not know
because I'm completely. in the moment, 100 %
focused on what I'm doing, focused on my dogs,
like, I don't know what's going on around me.
And then that's how I am in the ring, right?
But like, like a great exercise is when I make
and I do mean make my like, go to different places
to train, right? Yeah. And then very common,
very common for them. Feedback early on is Oh
my God, I had a really hard time concentrating.
Oh my God, I was self -conscious. Oh my God,
all these things. And my answer is always like,
perfect. Now you can work on that in that environment
because that's what, and I say, imagine how your
dog feels, right? But like, how do people learn
to become more present? Present is where everything
is happening, right? Like our dogs are changing
moment by moment, by moment, by moment. And then
worse, what, what a good, a really, well, maybe
I should even say great trainer does is read
and adjust, read and adjust, read and adjust.
And most people can't because they're like they're
already thinking about what they want to get
done or what didn't work last time or what their
last dog did or. Well, also, too, I feel like
moment by moment, things are changing and fluctuating,
you know, like one minute everything's OK. And
the next minute a dog fight breaks out, you know,
seconds later, like being able to regulate, like
you're saying, like moment to moment, you know,
whatever's going on in your. you know, what's
going on in like stimulus outside of the ring
or in the ring at any given time. Yeah. Well,
and there's, there's, so there's a lot in. those
questions and one of the things that on the last
part is like you know there is so much going
on things happen and to be to be able to change
requires a certain amount of confidence and i
think that's why like you could walk into the
ring and the and you're ready to go and the judge
suddenly like has to blow their nose and you're
like oh my god oh my god i lost my dog i'm out
of treats uh you know in this like panic ensues
over one seemingly small change Right. And so,
but a confident handler is like, it's fine. You
know, I can do this. I'll do, I'll have my dog
do a spin or some engagement stuff. We'll be
back. It's fine. Go blow your nose. Like I'm
good. You know, but there's some amount of confidence.
The other part, when you started about like present
and staying present and how do people build that
is a, they have to accept, and this is maybe
the hardest part that it is a skill. It doesn't
just fall out of the tree. It's not in your osmosis
Kindle. It, you really do have to practice it.
And I find that, and this goes to your, like
making people go somewhere else to train, like
the mental stamina that we think we have is not
what we actually have, you know, like it, it
takes a lot, you know? So I love that exercise
of just for the human aspect of it, because yeah,
you couldn't concentrate. you have to practice
concentrating. You have to practice staying in
the present. And one of the ways, one of the
exercises I give my coaching clients always,
and I'm sure they all hate me for it, but it's
fine. Um, which is, you know, go back to your
phone, which is chock full of like amazing photos
of your dog and memories and all that kind of
stuff. Pick a photo, happy photo, who cares?
Like just any photo. And I want you to sit and
think, set your timer on your phone for like
three minutes and see if you can think about
that day, everything about that day for three
minutes. And what's amazing is people have a
really hard time, even though it's a memory,
they have all the information they need, right?
It's not like there's, there's no variable. Yeah.
I remember listening to one of your episodes
and I remember sitting at a trial and I did it.
And I remember, I'm like, I can't get past freaking
10 seconds. Like I'm thinking about like something
and like, And then like 10 seconds go by and
I'm like, shit, I've been lost on another, I'm
down another rabbit hole. It's wild. It's wild.
And we walk into the rings and some, some, especially
for obedience, you could be in the ring for like
five, eight, well, eight or 10 minutes. Things
are not going well, but like you're, if you're
in the, so you got to hold that focus for five
minutes. And your story is very common. Like
a lot of us can't hold our focus for 10 seconds
without being like squirrel, grocery store, got
to do, you know. And so we have to really commit.
And so I've gone from trying to make, quote,
make people like love meditation, right? To like
disguising it in these ways. Because it really
is the same skill and it all comes back to being
in the present. I think meditation is very misunderstood.
Well, at least I misunderstood it. Because I
remember when I first started, well, tried to
start because it was a disaster, right? I was
under the impression that I was supposed to sit,
sit still. And my mind was supposed to be blank
for an extended period of time. Yeah. Needless
to say. I failed miserably. And I'm a pretty
like determined, like hard -nosed person. Failed,
failed, failed, failed, failed, gave up, right?
Yeah, right. And then one day, I don't remember
like what prompted me to do this, but there was
an actual real live Buddhist monk. Wow. Who was
doing a beginner seminar. um, on meditate, how
to meditate. What is it? How do you do it? And
it was like close to my house. So best thing
I ever did, I went and I took it and I was like,
Oh, I've been doing this all wrong. You're not
supposed to have a blank, empty mind. You're
supposed to see that your mind is completely
out of control. and watch your thoughts and watch
what your brain does and observe what it's doing
and keep coming back and get lost in your thoughts
and go oh whoopsie start again get lost in your
thoughts oh whoopsie start again and that that
gives you such a profound understanding of how
little control conscious control we actually
have yeah yeah it's happening up there for real
Yeah. Meditation really needs a better PR person
because, because I think that a lot of people,
a lot of people have that. And they also think
like it takes time. Like I don't have time to
meditate. I'm like, you can meditate where you're
walking your dogs. Just like for the 10 minutes
you're walking your dogs, just listen to birds,
like listen just for bird song, let them run
around, do whatever they're going to do anyway.
And just listen to birds. Like that's giving
your brain, your nervous system a break. I think
too, we've, we, We forgot how to be peaceful.
And so when we're in peaceful states, we think,
oh, my God, I'm missing something. I should be
doing something else. I should be doing something
else. And we kind of need to learn. again, that
goes back to like learning to regulate your nervous
system. We're kind of addicted to the next thing,
the next thing, or the dopamine or the scrolling
or whatever, because it's input input. And if
we feel like if I'm putting forth effort and
I'm getting a response, then I must be doing
something right. So it actually can be really
disconcerting for people just to like, like sit
in the grass with their dogs because they. feel
guilt and things and distractions when that is
a perfectly great way to just be present. Right.
It's also the best place. Like I solve all my
problems, come up with all my ideas when I, when
I used to run or when I'm hiking, when I'm technically,
when I'm unplugged, right. I call it unplugged.
Cause like, yes. I only reluctantly bring my
phone on hikes with me now because people harass
me because something bad could happen. And well,
they're kind of right. Cause like, you know,
like I wiped out today and it was not fun. But
anyway, things could happen. Right. So, but it's
not on. I never look at it. I don't wear like
an eye watch because, oh my God, leave me alone.
Same. I sit on my patio. I, the phone is not
with me and I just sit there with the dogs and
like. read a book or just sit there. I don't
have the TV on in my house or the radio on. It
is like, if someone walked in here, they probably
think I was a complete weirdo. Cause it's very
quiet. Cause I live kind of, and there's not
a lot going on where I live. But I find that
that's, that's what, why I'm able to be so hyperproductive.
Like if I'm somewhere and there's a lot going
on, I feel like my head's going to explode and
I'm like, Oh my God, I got to get out of here.
Like I, and I can't wait to go home. Like I'm
like, but people are the opposite. Like they
walk in, turn on the TV, turn on the music, sit
down, scroll through their phone in a restaurant.
No sooner are they sitting phone is out. Like.
But here's the thing also you're describing,
which is the difference between intentional and
not intentional. Right. And I actually did a
whole like month on this and like, I've got this
membership thing, whatever, but not a plug, just
a thing that like, I thought it was so important.
Well, no, I just thought it was so important.
We spent four, four weeks on it. Right. Like,
because I think that. you know what you're describing
in your life is is you've built a very intentional
life you know the tv doesn't come on unless you
need something from it you know the there is
no just like zoom scrolling just to scroll there
like everything in your life is intentional and
the person who just comes home flips on the tv
does this has all this stuff going on or whatever
it's not intentional. It's habit. They're being
driven by these old habits without thinking about
them. And I think the reason I cared about it
from a mindset standpoint for competition is
I think we do a lot of. not, it's not unintentional,
but it's like non -intentional behaviors when
it comes to trialing. We go to the same trial
on the same weekend of the same month every year.
I don't know why I just go. Do you ever do well?
No, I hate that place. My dog hates that place.
I don't even like going, but I go every year.
So like we do all this, we do all this like weird
stuff without thinking. So like, I want, you
know, people to show up and have like, well,
what is your overarching theme for this weekend?
Like, what do you want to get out of this weekend?
And some people just, it's like dead silence
when I ask that question. And they're like, and
it, because they know darn well not to tell me
that they want to cue because I'll reject that
like right off the bat. But, you know, but like
just thinking about everything with more intention.
thinks about, well, what do I want right now?
Actually, yeah, I want peace and quiet right
now. I want my nervous system to rest and recover.
I want my dogs to know peace and quiet in the
home so they can just chillax and just rejuvenate
and recover as well. So that living more intentionally
gets you more connected to the present moment.
And yeah, I now have a habit, like every afternoon
when I walk my dogs, we end up sitting in a field,
like a small field. just sitting. And it's funny
because they got to a point where they would,
it doesn't matter, but they go through this one
gate and instead of walking all the way around
the field, like we used to do, they run to the
spot and lay down. And I just think it's so funny.
I just started doing that too. I'm like, because
I just got a new puppy so like yeah I'm bringing
yeah and I'm bringing a puppy out on all the
hikes with us right and then I'm like all right
we've been walking a long time like the other
the first time we had him out I'm like all right
well you're like nine weeks old let's just stop
for a second let your little short legs rest
for a second and I like sat down in the middle
of the field and all the dogs are like what are
you doing like what are we doing and I was like
and after like a couple seconds of just sitting
there I'm like You know, this is really nice.
It's making me just pause and be in this moment
right now. And everything's just on pause. It
was so nice. So now I'm doing that. Like the
last two or three hikes, I'm just like, I just
plopped down in the field or wherever I am in
the woods. And I'm like, this is like. And our
dogs respond to that energy, right? Because they're
like, oh, this is nice. There's no doing. There's
just being. And they were all like happy. And
they were like, oh, this is fun. I like doing.
this. And it was just really, it was really cool.
So that counts as meditation. No, that's your
gold star for meditation that day is that's enough.
That's enough. You're doing enough. Yeah. I'm
just going to jump back real quick to the skill
of being present. So a very, very long time ago.
Somebody came and did a mental management seminar
and I like read her book and did all the extras.
Anyway, I think it was from there. I don't know.
So in my head, I'm like, I'm going to visualize
a run through. Right. And where I am doing my
job flawlessly and my mind is on the task at
hand. Right. So I'm like, OK, so. close my eyes,
enter the ring, set my dog up, walk away. Oh
God, I hope he's watching me. I hope he's not
looking at, stop, start over. Right. So my thing
will be, if I mess up, I'm going to start over.
It took me months and I don't mean two or three,
but I mean, yeah. way many months to be able
to go through the whole one whole run through
where I'm doing my job and where I'm focused
just moment by moment on what I'm supposed to
be doing yeah and like now I think it's such
an important tool that I have because like I'll
watch them you know they'll show how the ring
is being run. Like, you know, this exercise starts
here, blah, blah, blah. So watch it a few times,
run it through my head, sit down, visualize,
how am I going to, you know, where am I going
to go? What am I going to do? And then when I'm,
I can do it obviously very quickly now, but only
because like you said, it's a skill that I practiced
for years. And I, and so I do this weird thing,
like for example, when I leave my dog on a drop
on recall so that my brain doesn't start pinging
all over, I count my steps and I do that in training.
So I leave my dog one, two, three, four, turn
feet together, look at dog, dog's focus, call
my dog. Like I've got, and I have that for like
every single piece of every exercise. And that
was super helpful. when I dabbled, uh, tortured
myself is really what I should say when I did
agility, cause I was terrible at it, but that's
an important skill to have an agility because
everything's moving so fast and oh my God. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah. So there's a few things. One, what
I love about your counting steps that I'll just
point out is that that's another way to like,
kind of if you will force yourself to stay in
the present right because you're counting you're
you're focused on your steps and you're not thinking
like did that guy just bring a baby into the
like the obedience ring you know like you know
you you It makes you stay here, right? But the
thing about you taking months to do that, I'm
giggling because, yeah, that's real. But I also,
when I'm teaching it, I never tell people to
start there because most people are not you and
it will be horrible. They never get past 10 seconds
and they quit because they're like, this is horrible.
I'm not doing this. And so what I tell people
is think of, one piece, one exercise, do one
thing, you know, go just, just work on your setup
or just work on, just, just do the first part
of the figure eight. Don't even do the whole
figure eight because it is so overwhelming. And
people are like, Oh my God, I didn't even make
it like three steps into the healing pattern.
And I was like solving world peace, you know?
And so, and the, but the other thing is, is when
I'm teaching it too, I've always I want people
to focus on themselves, but I would rather them
think about like, well, where is the dog? And
is the dog looking at you? And how does that
feel? And where's the judge? Because the more
science shows us that the more of our senses
we can involve in the pictures that we create,
the more our brain will believe it as a memory.
i .e. that it's already happened. So when we
visualize and the reason like Olympic athletes
have been doing this since, I don't know, probably
Rome is they know that there's no, the brain
basically already thinks it's happened. You've
already done it successfully. So your brain now
has this evidence of like, oh, I've already run
this pattern. I was amazing. Like it was gorgeous.
It was flawless. And so you're building up confidence
instead of. Like you were saying, that's the
first time you tried to do it. Like 10 seconds
in, you'd already failed, you know, and you're
like, I'm out. You know, don't practice failure,
practice success and stop when you get that.
And don't make yourself like, I'm going to imagine
my whole five minutes. Well, maybe not. Maybe
just start with 30 seconds. Yeah, I know. I'm
really good at like I kind of was like, oh, this
is as far as I can get. All right. Well, I have
a long way to go. I'm just going to keep at it.
But yeah, that's totally right, because people
don't have that. They need success or they give
up. And if they and I think that's the biggest
problem with mental management is that they just
they want to do it. They think about doing it.
So I think the first hurdle is starting it. But
then the second hurdle is just the failure rate,
right? So that's a huge important point that
you just made is like they need to do little
pieces so they can succeed, succeed, so they
can build on that and build on that. Yeah. And
I think, yeah, people need, they kind of need
a starting point. um and i think you know i'm
sure we'll touch about it but you know from being
an instructor and and seeing many students, like
the first, the biggest one, and I'm sure you
guys are both agree is like, you know, the ring
nerve thing. Like I'm just so nervous. I can't
get past that. I don't know, you know, how do
you do it? How do you get past being so nervous?
I think that's the, the biggest one, like people
really need some sort of like starting point
guidance on how to start tackling that piece
of the mental management. Yeah. I think that,
That's true. I think that even all this talk
about it, I also am hesitant because I'm like,
well, it's very doable, this mental management.
We don't want to scare you with all this effort
that it's going to take. But yeah, I think people
expect it to be easier. almost like betrayed
by their own brain being such a pain in the butt.
And so that frustration, you know, frustration
really is, you know, when you have an expectation
and it doesn't meet reality. Right. That's when
we get frustrated, whether it's in training or
competition or in just trying to like listen
to birds while you walk your dogs. Right. But
when it comes to nerves, you know, what I tell
people is like, you're never going to get rid
of your nerves. And of course, that's the depressing
first thing to say. But it's the truth because
your nerves tell you that you care. Your nerves
tell you that what you're about to do is important
to you, that it matters to you, that you're passionate,
that, that yeah, the outcome of it, like it all
matters. Like you, you, you're part excited,
but you're part scared to death, but you're willing
to do it anyway. So like you always have to be,
have some amount. of that. And so people blame
nerves for all of their problems, which I always
feel like, like you had mentioned before, I feel
like it does go back to a confidence thing. Yeah.
Yeah. It goes back to, and confidence really
at its base is a trust thing. Like, do you trust
yourself that when you walk in the ring that
you'll be able to do the things you did in practice,
that you're able to execute the way that you
know you can. And that's what confidence is.
But people don't want to hear the word trust
because they're like, of course I trust myself.
And sometimes I'm real honest. I'm like, I don't
trust myself at all. I am not prepared for this.
I should have done X, Y, Z and shoulda, shoulda,
shoulda. And that's when you start spinning.
So when people are just, they want like a...
like I'm going to answer this kind of in a quick
win way. And then of course we've discussed there's
like longer term ways to go about this, but from
the quick win, I think that when people are real,
are nervous at the gate, most of the time it
is because they are focused on the outcome. They
are already, I always say you're already at the
exit. You're already on the drive home looking
at your dashboard, whether it has green ribbons
on it or it's empty, you are already thinking
about how this went. because between the ingate
and the outgate are like a hundred things that
have to go right before you might ever take home
a 75 cent ribbon. So don't focus on the end.
You got to focus on what you need to do next
or the two. preferably, you know, not more than
three things that you need to focus on in your
run. Like if you focus on, you know, your footwork
or, you know, your in -between exercises, and
if you just hone in on that, chances are your
whole run will be better because you get to trust
your training. You get to trust that the time
you put in and the preparation you did and all
those jaunts to tractor supply, like all of that
is going to kick in. Just focus on your execution.
Let the outcome take care of itself. Because
usually people say they're like, oh, yeah, I
can do I can, you know, pay attention to my footwork
on my about turns or, you know, I can really
watch my shoulders or I can I can do that. That's
in my control. The outcome isn't in our control.
That's what's scary. And that's. Well, I also
think people have - It's just about time. The
halfway mark, they start. That's funny. Well,
I laugh because my dogs all got up. They were
like, where's that coming from? Well, my dogs
take their job very, very, very seriously, which
is, it's an ongoing joke because everybody always
says like, you are Zesty. You are Zena. All right,
you guys, come on. I think that people, another
thing though, that people really need to tackle
is being really honest with themselves, right?
Like you cannot, like everything you just said
is perfect. Assuming you did all that work that
you're supposed to do to be prepared for that
trial. Like nothing makes me crazier than getting
to a trial. of any kind and having the person
be like either say yeah well you know he does
it some of the time so hopefully he'll decide
to do it today or hopefully the dog will not
you know blow me off today or hopefully like
it's always it's always the dog right it's never
them and it's or they'll be like well i know
i should have practiced more but i didn't but
i hope but hopefully my well guess what wishing,
hoping, praying are horrible training strategies.
They never work. I've tried it many times. It
fails every time it does not work. Right. Like
you have, you can only rely on your habits, on
your training, on your preparation. If you can
honestly say you've done it to the best of your
ability up to that point. And then who knows,
maybe things still won't go perfect and that's
okay. You'll just go work on it. But if you haven't
done that, then of course you're going to be
even more nervous. Right. Right. Well, but it's
interesting because even listening to you describe
it like, yes, there is the preparation. But the
other thing that you said sort of hidden in there,
I think, is like, well, and if it doesn't go
right, you'll learn or whatever. And you sort
of take that phrase for granted. But for some
people, like if it doesn't go right, they're
going to like. like be headfirst in the Ben and
Jerry's on their way home. Right. Because it's
going to be so traumatic. But the difference
is, I think, is that when we start, you know,
the three of us. on this call, obviously, or
on this podcast, are kind of starting from a
different point of view, which is growth mindset.
For us, if we go in and fail, we just learn something.
We learn something from the environment, from
the experience, whatever. But for other people,
you watch where these runs become, I call it
precious. There's like... oh my god there's so
much riding on this run and you're like is there
though like really yeah right you know like and
and so when you do that when you put all this
pressure that you know so like you and and another
person are walking into the same ring to do the
same exercises you have the growth mindset we're
like i mean if you know, if it screws up stuff
happens, like whatever, I'll deal with it or
I'll learn something or whatever. And the other
person is like, no, this is the last trial in
December. Like I, it's my last chance to get
this title, to get this cue, to get the breed
recognition, medallion, whatever thing from my
club. Like, this is it, this is, this is, this
is it. Right. And they're vibrating with, but
it's all focused on outcome and the outcome.
We don't control the outcome. You know, we don't
control what the judge does or who walks in the
door or the. like we don't control all that.
All we control are the things that, that we can
execute on. And then to your point about like
the preparation piece of it and people not being
realistic, like, yeah, I think people have a
lot of unrealistic expectations and set goals
based on those unrealistic expectations, you
know, instead of setting goals on like, you know
what, I've got a baby dog. It's her first time
in the ring. Honestly, anything could happen.
Let's get some feedback. You know, those are
very different ways to walk into the ring. Right.
Yeah. So I think, I think people need help with
that. Right. Cause they hear words like intrinsic
goals, extrinsic goals, shouldn't care about
the queue, blah, blah. And then people are like,
you know, then they look at me like, well, of
course you care about, you know, and it's like,
okay. So how would you explain it in a way that's
easy for people to understand? Like what kind
of goals you should set? Because these goals
are so important because they are actually what
is going to increase the odds that you will get
the outcome you want. 100%. Yeah. Yeah. I describe
process goals as. And it's kind of a Lanny Basham
thing, right? Like process goals are the things
you can control. Outcome goals are the things
you want. The cue, the title, the ribbon, whatever.
When we think about process goals, a process
goal should be something you are 100 % in control
of executing on. And the thing that people don't
want to hear is you're not 100 % of control of
your dog. you influence your dog. You've trained
your dog. You've, you know, they're ready. You
need to say that louder for everybody in the
back. Right. I mean, yeah. And I don't want to
give credit to those people who are like, well,
it depends which dog shows up today. Cause I
hate that phrase. I don't believe in that phrase,
but you know, their teammates, they have. we
the ideal is we both have a good day on the same
day but we might not you know it might be their
good day our bad day or vice versa right so when
we focus on process goals that means we focus
on executing the bits and pieces of the run that
put us in a position to maybe cue maybe Because
like in the used agility, like an agility, like
a judge could make a bad call on a contact. The
video shows otherwise, but too bad, so sad. Like
you didn't get it that day, you know, and you
did everything right. Oh, well, sometimes things
happen. It's called sport, people. It's hard,
you know. So I think that what's interesting
is that, of course, I drill this. I talk about
this all the time. You know, it's in my planner.
It's everywhere. It's everywhere. But I'll have
clients come back and be like. Oh, I get it now.
Like all I did when I walked in the ring today
is I focused on two or three things or had a
mantra running in my head about like trying to
be smooth or trying to cue earlier or just think
about eye contact. And the whole thing went better.
And I'm like, yes, thank you. Because we can't.
focus on a thousand things. We think we multitask
and really we're just hopping from place to place,
right? So we can only think about a couple things
when we walk in the ring. And the word connection
for me is difficult because I think everybody
defines that really differently. But so long
as you can define connection for yourself, sometimes
maybe that's all you need to focus on. I just
want my dog to be like connected to me or that
I can get them back after they get distracted
or whatever. So I think simplifying that, is
critical. But the other thing I'll say is I think
the reason people are so kind of goal obsessed,
it's not just because we're in a competitive
environment. It is because they're desperate
for feedback. Like people want measurement. They
want to know, how am I doing? Am I better than,
am I on time? Am I late? Am I progressing? Am
I two steps back? one step forward. Like, how
am I doing? So the walk into the ring with these
process goals, like, yes, yes. Connection. Yes,
yes, yes. And then they walk out of the ring
and two seconds later, someone goes, how'd it
go? They didn't even say like, did you cue? They
just say, how'd it go? And you're like, we didn't
get it. We didn't cue. And I'm like, but we,
I thought you were measuring on connection. Cause
you can, you can still not pass and have been
really connected. So you should be celebrating
the fact that you just were really connected
for five whole minutes, which is a darn long
time to stay connected, for instance. So that
measurement and that feedback, they're like,
well, I only know how to measure by these like
shiny green ribbons. And you're like, well, then
we need to work on that because. That's a big
one. I think that's definitely a big one, Julie,
like that a lot of people go in with that sort
of mentality for sure. Well, and social media
makes it worse. Like I remember years and years
and years ago, somebody says to me, so I can't
even remember the person, doesn't matter. So
we're having this conversation. They're like
really frustrated, right? I, you know, I haven't
been qualifying and blah, blah, and so -and -so
who like isn't even such a good trainer wins
every single weekend. And I'm like, every weekend?
Yes. Are you sure? I am. I'm like, every weekend?
Yes. And was like adamant. And I'm like, fascinating.
so i go on said social media's facebook page
right because i know it's not true right and
i start looking and i'm like well hey look how
far apart space this person's posts are and you
know and then it's like the whole people only
post when they do well right and that here's
what absolutely is absolutely fascinating and
someone said this to me once and i didn't believe
it and i started paying attention i'm like gosh
darn it they're right people only remember when
you win so people will look at me and with zeal
this was hilarious to me okay you win all the
time that dog flunked So many times we flunked
and we flunked and we flunked and we flunked
and we flunked. Did we eventually win a fair
amount? Yes. Did we win every time? Absolutely
not. Did we flunk a whole lot for a really long
time? Yeah. Did anybody remember that? No. Nope.
All they remembered is you won all the time.
And this was, I think this was even before really
social media. Like I wasn't even posting whatever.
Right. Um, that's why now I think it's so important
for me to post like when my dogs flunk, which
is like a post I'm putting together for this
week, because it's like, it's not true people.
Like that's not reality. Like you're convincing
yourself of an alternate universe that doesn't
even exist. Yeah. And that also, I think, you
know, touches upon that whole comparison thing.
Yeah. You know, obviously social media. Well,
and comparison, you know, I used to be really
hard on people with comparison because, yeah,
it's not helpful. Right. It will ruin your weekend
fast as anything. And you're comparing your what's
inside of your messy head to the exterior of
someone else's or their Monday morning Facebook
post, which is like shiny and glossy and sparkly
and emojis everywhere. And you're thinking that
you have to keep up with that. Right. But now
I have the other kind of perspective or an additional
perspective, I should say, which is these poor
things. They just want to know how they're doing.
They just want to know because all they they
see is this other person who maybe has a litter
mate to their dog or something and or like isn't
as good of a trainer or whatever, whatever. And
they're like, but they're winning. And because
no one is saying to them like, yes, but you've
don't forget you've made these progress. Like,
look back like. go write it down. You know, I
mean, the three of us probably have some really
good write it down habits that most people don't
do. So they can't look back a year and say like,
oh yeah, I'm a lot better off than I, than we
were last year, last year at this time we were,
you know, whatever, whatever. And so I think
too, that again, that struggle for like measurement
or like, am I okay? Or can someone just tell
me that I'm making progress and it gets better
because all I see is this litter mate out there,
like quote winning every weekend. So what should
people do? Like, write it down, keep a log, have
a friend hold them? Like, what do they do when
they're battling? Right? Because my students
come up with this all the time. You know, well,
so and so or my dog's this old, you know, whatever,
all the usual stuff, right? Like, how do you
how do they then? do that when they're, you know,
when everyone is being measured in their mind,
you know, or those, those things are always out
there. Right. Um, like how do they then, and
I mean, I think it takes a lot of, I don't know,
courage, right. To walk a different path, to
walk that path of no, no, no, no, no. I'm not
measuring myself that way. Cause look, I'm human.
I feel that suction. I feel it all the time.
I'm under scrutiny. I'm under pressure. I'm being
judged, you know, to walk your own path and like,
you know, feel that pull to go the wrong way
and go, no, I am sticking to this path. And here
is why. And then like, how do you do that? Like,
how do you know? Yeah, basically. How do you
do that? Yeah. Well, but I think your question
and the fact that it did meander is the point
of the question, right? Which is there's so many
factors involved in it. It's not a straightforward
question. So like, yes. But I think the other
thing that came up even in your question, if
you're listening to yourself, self I say, is
the emotion. Right. I think the problem is, is
people also, even if they're going to start like
a journaling habit. Right. And they go buy a
fancy brand new journal and a brand new pen.
And they're like, I'm going to write down all
the stuff that happened. If they come out of
the ring and they do that while they are filled
with emotion, then that journal is going to say,
like, we suck. I hate us. I did all this prep
and it still didn't work. Well, that is not helpful.
That doesn't get you anywhere. That is not like
a training feedback. So now I sort of encourage
people like, hey, if you need till Tuesday before
the emotions have sort of diffused from your
weekend and you're able to process that, then
you don't write about your weekend until Tuesday.
But do not write about or judge yourself when
you are in this heightened emotional. high feeling
state because you can't train against feelings.
I can't open that book then on Thursday and be
like, okay, let's look what happened on Sunday.
Okay. Sunday we sucked. So today we're going
to work on not sucking. Like that's not a training
plan. I can't do anything with that information.
Right? So if you wait until like Tuesday or whatever
you have to do and you can write down like, okay.
Like our left turns, not where we need to be,
you know, like the, you know, objectively here
were three things that I would like to work on.
Now I can do something with that instead of it
just being this emotional soup. I love talking
to my clients on Monday mornings because they
are a hot mess. Right. Because we get to together
then parse and be like, OK, let's take all this
emotion and set it aside. Now, what actually
happened? And this is where we get more factual
and we get more truth about like it wasn't a
hot mess. You're saying it's a hot mess because,
you know, you're embarrassed. You screwed up
the last jump or whatever. But like it was not
a hot mess. That means if you only screwed up
one jump, you did 19 things pretty damn well.
So like easy, like let's take a second. And then
by the end of it, the emotion has been processed
out and we can actually look at the facts, just
the facts. And then I can train against just
the facts, right? I can't train against the emotions
and the turmoil and the hot mess and all of that.
That's not useful information. So if you write
that down, whether it's in your journal or your
planner or whatever you're using, it can just
be two words. It can just say left turns. But
then now you know. you could look back for trends
or you can look back and see what you need to
work on. It can inform your training plan for
the week ahead. Now you can do something with
that. I'm all for journaling emotions as like
a way to like process them and get them out,
but that's not a way to, it's not a training
plan. Right. I give myself like a deadline. I
don't know when I started this at some point
in my mental management journey, but. Like even
in life, you know, like, cause this is really
all a parallel to life. I think this is why I'm
so like obsessed with it. Not just because I
saw the results in competition, but because it's
impacted in a positive way, like every area of
my life. But I give myself a deadline, right?
So something bad happens and you know, bad stuff
really does happen. Sometimes it's just a trial
and it's like, yeah, I'm upset about it. even
though it's not a real life problem, but whatever
I give, I allow myself X amount of time, right?
So I'll say, depending on how bad it is or whatever
you have until this time. And until that time,
or until that day, you can eat all the crap you
want. You can drink as much wine as you want.
You can lay on your couch and feel sorry for
yourself and go down a rabbit hole. But once
that period is over and i'm like a freak about
it like if i say monday morning i get up monday
i'm like it's in the rear view we're done like
onward and upward it is over and then i tell
my students be a detective yes which is exactly
what you said gather the data right look at the
information figure out how we can solve the problem
so that we can it can be better next time And
that's it. Onward and upward. I mean, I'm not
saying that's for everybody. That's how I roll.
Yeah. Yeah. One of my listeners called that you
get five minutes in the bitch barn and then you
have to move on. Well, you know, I, you know,
and that I'm getting I'm getting more efficient
in this because I don't want to stay there. You
know, like we do. We do. We have moments like
it happened to me at the qualifier in my last.
in my last class and i came out and i was it
took everything for me to like calmly put my
dog away and it was a handler error and i had
to go outside and i like had to vent and blow
off some steam but i quickly now like i don't
want to stay there i don't want to stay in that
that mindset because i'm like i need to figure
out what i did what i did so i can fix it you
know like my i want to progress i want to get
out of that state and progress well and you did
something that some people have to be told to
do right and so i don't know if you learned that
or you just developed it or you just did it instinctively
but like we have to develop those resilience
skills right that's part of developing resilience
like and i i tell clients like what do you need
right now like ask yourself what do i need right
now i need to get out of this building i need
to walk around i need to i need to eat a pint
of ben and jerry's i need to whatever it is like
what do you need to start processing this so
that you can reset and then do you have some
sort of resetting things that get your mind kind
of back in the game um and the other part of
it that this brings up which this is super uncomfortable
for most people is this concept of forgiveness
like especially when we make a mistake and it's
on us, you know, we, we hold grudges against
ourselves and we hold grudges against our dogs,
our dogs too. We're like, well, this one, I'm
worried that my dog's going to do this thing
that they did two years ago at this place when
the fan came off. And then my dog, like stories
for days, but like, let it go. Like at some point
you have to forgive that you were, that you made
a mistake and you did it great. You learn from
it. You're moving on. And of course, it's easy
for an outside person to say, let it go. But
it just really is about like forgiveness and
realizing that it's part of the game. It's not
the last mistake I'm going to make. Like, what
is my reset routine? And how do I get myself
back in the game? Because I've got another run
today. Yeah. Yeah. Football like football has
this thing where they're like, you know, which
is goes back to what you were saying with the
team sport, right? Like someone dropped. drops
the ball or fumbles it or throws an interception.
They go back to the sideline. Everyone comes
up to them and smacks them. And it's like, don't
worry about it. Like next play, next play, next
play done over. Like we do the next thing and
they support their teammate. Right. And really
you're your own teammate and you're your dog's
teammate. So they support that teammate. They're
like, Hey, you know, Let it go. It's done. You
know, and you'll see sometimes a younger person
they're in there and they're like beating themselves
up and everyone's coming up to them and they're
like, like, dude, enough. Like, yeah, get at
cut the shit. Yeah, get over it. Move on. Like
on to the next on to the next, you know. And
that's, that's so important. I also feel like
when we're caught up in emotion, because I have
a long history of this, right? You're a victim.
Because if I suck, then I just fucking suck.
Right. That that's a bummer. Now I'm a victim.
Like I have no control over my life or over,
you know, how I'm going to feel. And I don't
want to be a victim. I was a victim. I do not
want to be a victim. I, this is goes to what
Lori said, right? Like, I do not want to feel
like that. I don't want to be a victim because
my dog got up this morning and decided to screw
me like that. Like, come on. I want to be in
control of my life and I want to be in control
over how I feel. And I want to be in control
over the relationship I have with my dog. Right.
And the only way I can do that is to let it go.
Be a good teammate. Like you said, like forgiveness,
like that's huge. Right. Like I never used to
be able to forgive myself, like forgive yourself,
forgive your dog for God's sake. Right. Exactly.
And like. control what you can which is left
turns yes being a better you know improving my
mental management so i don't make that same mistake
in the ring that i made the last time like what
are the things that control the controllables
right like i tell myself that all the time control
because my mind is a terrible place to be so
I'm not constantly I mean I'm telling you nobody
wants to be in there same if I'm not managing
it constantly so like that's what I do I walk
in I'm like control the controllables control
what I can yeah you know right Well, the other
thing I think that's connected or underneath
maybe all of this entire conversation and why
competition is hard and why we get nervous and
resilience and all of those things is that, you
know, putting ourselves out there is vulnerable.
you know, and nobody likes to feel vulnerable.
Right. I mean, like I joke about the fact that
I'm a recovering control, control freak, but
I don't know that I'm that recovered, you know,
like I would rather be in control of all of it,
you know? And so to put myself in a situation
where, you know, I'm vulnerable, I'm vulnerable
of making my own mistakes. My dog might make
a mistake. Judge might make a mistake. Hotter
balloon might land next to me. Like, I don't
know what's going to happen. It's all vulnerable.
And so what you see, I think in competition is
everybody's comfort levels with being vulnerable
and putting themselves out there are, and yay,
great. Those of us who've been doing it and failing
for longer, you know, like you were saying, they,
they think of our successes over time, but like,
I've also been failing for a lot longer. And
so now I'm comfortable failing in public. Like
what a skill to have, but it is to me, that's
like the better skill to have because my life
doesn't. hinge on that, nor does my happiness
about my dog and all this other kind of stuff.
So now when I get nervous, I ask myself like,
Ooh, what is this telling me? And how much of
my nerves is excitement? Or like, what is the
feedback here of just being nervous? Do I not
feel like I was prepared? Do, am I not sure what
my baby dog is going to do? Like, am I? a little
higher risk of what might happen because she
might not be ready and I'm pushing her a little
sooner than she should be, whatever, whatever.
Now I ask, what are my nerves telling me? Instead
of like, oh my God, the last time I felt like
this, the wheels came off. I shouldn't even walk
in the ring. I should just go home and put my
head back under the covers. I have a different
reaction to my nerves now. it's so good what
you said it's so so so good because it's completely
true right it's just highlighting your personal
insecurities right so like when I get nervous
I do that I check in why why because I'm not
good enough because I'm I have imposter syndrome
because it's always a reflection of my own personal
like inner thoughts and insecurities and my like
habitual thought patterns. Like, you know, that
all goes back to my history, et cetera, et cetera.
Like, or why am I not happy? That person did
well. Jealousy. Well, no, God, you're jealous.
Why are you jealous? Like, you know, so now I
try and go, oh, cause it's kind of a Buddhist
thing to do, right? Yes, it is. This is showing
me. an area in within myself where i'm weak not
weak but where that i could use more work on
right that i should and i mean it still happens
to me to this day like lori will to i said to
lori and you know our other friend that at the
regional like i the first two days i don't know
what the hell i was doing because i was not mentally
prepared and i was overcome with my usual go
-to you know like zesty one, the NOC, it was
a fluke. I don't even know how it happened. It
was an accident. It shouldn't have really even
happened. Like I'm not good. I don't even know
what I'm doing. Like, why am I even here? Like,
you know, people are going to see the truth matter,
which is that I'm a fraud. Like I'm not good
enough. I don't deserve to be here. Like all
my typical things, right? And I'm like, gosh,
darn it. Like, I didn't pay attention. I didn't
do my job. Right. Which was I did not come in
with mentally prepared was until the third day
that I finally got my shit together. You know,
and I'm like, oh, my God. Like, it's just another.
So anyway, two points. One is, yeah, it's a reflection
of my weakness, my whatever. And it's just it's.
good, it's information that says, okay, you need
to keep working on this, right? But this really
has nothing to do with my dog or the result.
It has to do with my inner things that, you know,
are there that I need to keep working on. And
my other point, I can't remember what it was.
Well, but I think it also is like I use that
Brene Brown phrase all the time. It's like the
stories we tell ourselves. Right. Like so all
of that stuff, which I think is similar to all
of us, like I've had all of those same thought
patterns and and more, which a. We're not alone.
We all are like this, you know, kind of a thing.
This is normal. But we invest so much time and
energy in creating these stories that aren't
true. like they're not even based in fact by
the way you know if like a historian was running
around behind us they'd be like what are you
talking about that's not at all what happened
you know this isn't even real so we tell these
stories and if we if we took a tenth of the time
that we spend telling these stories about ourselves
and like spending on like positive visualizations
we'd be different human beings right it's just
the energy goes there because it our brains are
designed to protect us and they think that like
well if you just stay home and in bed, nothing
bad will happen to you today. Stay in the safe
zone. Right. And so we choose to put ourselves
out there. I mean, I always say like, you know,
that it's that old Roosevelt quote, right? The
joy goes to the person in the arena. Right. Who's
like has the courage to step into the ring. And
we do that all the time. All sports people do.
But like we do that all the time. And the other
random thought I had about all of this this morning
as I was thinking about this podcast was that,
you know, we so often I think as in this. I'll
say business that we're in or in the sport that
we're in, you know, the world is going to try
to tell us that like, oh, they're just dogs.
They're just pets like this. Like, why are you
so serious about this? Like, why do you get nervous?
Why do you care? Why do you whatever? And the
thing is, I think we're always a little bit fighting
like what society thinks of the fact that we
play with our dogs and that it maybe is a living
or maybe is just our passion. and no it's a sport
it's important to us you know my my a lot of
my clients and i joke about like are we having
fun and we think fun is like completely the wrong
word because fun is light and frivolous and like
something you play within a field or whatever.
And we're like, no, this is serious. This matters.
This is a big deal. So we get to feel like this,
like a pro tennis player, you know, feels about
their sport or about anybody else. So we get
to feel all of those imposter feelings and all
of those, you know, not good enough things or
wonder if we can have confidence in ourselves
when it matters or whatever, because that's the
game that we've put ourselves in. And like, pat
on the back to everybody who like fills out an
entry and like walks into the ring. Cause it's
not easy. No, no, it's not easy at all. Yeah.
And that's a great point because that in and
of itself takes courage to put yourself out there.
And and then we don't give ourselves credit for
that. Right. And then all we focus on when we
come out of the ring is all the things that didn't
go well and everything that went bad. Like I
always tell people, you need to think about,
OK, that's great. But you also have to go and
reflect on like what went. Well, here's my favorite.
Like I won the class, but nobody else qualified.
Well, you beat them. Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah.
I had a client call this week and she was like
excited about how her week went. And then she's
like, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was great. The weekend
was great. I loved it. Like, okay, but I want
to talk about the weekend coming up. And I was
like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I said, we
are not just leaving behind a perfectly good
weekend. We are going to mine like everything
that went well so that you can do that again.
Like what went well about your prep. went well
about your rituals? Like, are you proud of yourself?
Cause you packed some decent protein and enough
water this weekend. Like, what did you do well?
Because you need to know that in order to do
that again, you know, we have to look hard at
the stuff that went well, not just like, like
that old Seinfeld don't yada yada, the good parts,
you know, like just, you know, you have to really,
we'll ruminate incessantly. for like days and
hours and weeks about something that didn't go
well. Right. And then some, and I, Hey, I used
to be guilty of this. I would come out of a weekend.
I would have had a quote unquote on paper, great
weekend, right? Like ribbons, the whole nine
yards walk in the house. Immediately the ribbons
were put away because it's over like immediately
it's over. And then, then I'd sit there staring
at the video and tear it apart. Right. This could
be better. This could be better. This could be
better. This could be better right now. Now what
I do is those ribbons stay on my dining room
table for a full week. And I force myself to
look at them and think about like things like
how much work went behind them or whatever. Nice.
I look at my videos to analyze them, but I also
then stop, rewind and go back and watch them
like a spectator. Right. Because if I stand back
and watch it like a spectator, I'm like, wow,
that was really nice. Yeah. So surprised because
I don't remember it looking like that. All I
remember is all the things that. Well, Laura,
you've had that, right? Where I looked at where
I came out of the class, I'm like, oh my God,
it was terrible. Zesty was like so miserable
and blah, blah, blah. And then I look at the
video and I go, oh, I looked at my video. It
didn't look as bad as I thought it did. Right,
right, right. So I think that, but that's human
nature, right? Like all day, you can work all
day and everyone can be like, thank you. So nice,
so nice. And then one person bitches and that's
all you remember. Yeah. And it's because we're
unfortunately wired that way, because that's
like, we're always scanning for danger. Okay.
If everything's right in this room, then I don't
have to worry about this. Now my mind's free
to worry about the next threat or whatever. And
so unfortunately our brains are just permanently
broken from our ancestors and cave dwellers because
yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. But if we're aware
of that, right. This is where we circle all the
way back around to the beginning and being present
and being mindful and being aware of what we're
thinking and what's happening. I'm the same.
One person complains or one bad thing happens.
I feel myself spiral and I go, you're not a caveman.
I do these wacky strategies to help myself remember.
that's not my whole day. Now go back and think
about all the good things that happened today
and then it works, right? Because if you're aware
of why it's happening and kind of like you said
earlier, that that's not really the whole story
or the whole picture. The whole picture is like
the bulk of the day went well, then you can change
that narrative. You can change that. And that's
why I do these things that I do these strategies,
because I understand this is how my brain works.
This is how it then triggers me emotionally.
So therefore, let me use, let me use these strategies
to try and change that. Right. Right. And I think
the other thing, too, is knowing our own inner
monologues and like you are a funny person in
real life. So like the fact that you say like
you're not a caveman, like I get it. Like, of
course, that's what you would say to yourself,
because that totally makes sense. You know, we
can't just adopt other people's like mantras.
You know, if I said to myself like. I am whole.
My, my inner monologue would be going, what,
what, who are you talking to right now? Like
what, what, what is even happening? You know?
So we have to say things and you know, if we
can't believe like the whole thing, like if we
say like one minute we say we suck, the antithesis
is not like I'm the best handler in the world.
It has to be something you believe. And if you're,
you know, have a funny sense about you, you be
like, well, you're not where you used to be,
you know? And if that's all. But that's better,
right? That's better than saying to yourself
that you suck, you know, or, you know, I suck
less than I used to, you know, if that's still
not great, but like we're getting there, you
know what I mean? So we have to be, again, it
goes back to being realistic. And yeah, as soon
as you're aware of the behavior. don't use that
behavior to like beat yourself with it and be
like, Oh my God, I'm terrible. I'm still having
these thoughts. It's like, no, you're going to
have these thoughts. Like there are people I
say like, look, you're wired like this. You're
going to fight this for the rest of your life.
We're not here to change that. We're here to
give you strategies about what to do when that
comes up. Yeah. Right. I think that's what a
lot of people need to, you know, those, that's
what they need is those, those strategies of
like, well, I can't get past it. A lot of people
just can't get past those, that, those thoughts
and that mindset that they fall into. Well, or
they just accept it. Oh, I'm just like this.
I'm just how I'm always going to be. Yeah. Yeah.
I think that, um, yeah, that's all so important.
And I think that people look for a cookie cutter,
right? They want that magic pill. Sure. Two ways.
A, they want the magic pill. That's going to
work quickly, but they want, like if, when people
say, what do you do? Or what do you listen to?
Or what do you read? Or I'm always like, that
may not work for you at all. Sure. My strategies
may not work for you one iota. Like my, what
I read, you may go, oh my God, this is the least
helpful thing I've ever read in my life. It is.
It's going to be, it's got to be like custom
fit to. to the person because we're so also different,
right? Yeah. So you're right, Petra, because
I get that too. Like, I just got that question
this weekend when I went up to teach for, for
a club and they were like, well, what do you
do about your ring nerves? And I'm like, well,
I can sit here and tell you what I do, but it,
it can be totally something that you're not going
to resonate with at all. So, yeah. And then you
won't do anything because you'll go, oh, well,
that doesn't work. Exactly. That didn't, that
didn't work. Well, like when you, have you ever,
I mean, you guys have taught a thousand seminars.
You go to the seminar and the person says, well,
I've, I've tried that once. It didn't work. And
you're like, try it again. Let's stick with another
hundred times. Yeah. Let's stick with this or
yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah. It's just, it's work,
but, but like you said, like, it's not. work
in the sense that it has to be a terrible work
or a chore. Like if you, if I wish people, like,
it's almost like it will be so nice if we could
give them a glimpse of the end product. Right.
Cause I think that would really motivate them
and make them understand, like, you don't have
to work on this for an hour a day, every day.
Like when I first started this, I was like, 10,
15 minutes, five days a week. And it didn't have
to be like sitting there in my chair. Like I
could write mantras on index cards and they would
be all over my house. And it was like, when you
see it, say it out loud. Right. So that, that
doesn't take a long time. I could do it in my
car. Like I could do it, you know, when walking,
whatever. So you can really just do small little
steps, put it into your everyday life, and you're
still going to see progress. You are. I think
what you're saying, though, about seeing the
end product is really a big, like, that's an
exclamation point, even for me. in this moment
of like how to phrase it, because when we are
working on handling skills with our dogs, we
do have a good sense usually of what we want
the end product to look like. You know, we do,
we kind of know whether we're shaping something
or whether we're training something or whether
we know what a qualifying run looks like more
or less. And so, but with mindset, because you
know, unfortunately, right? It's a lifelong thing
that we're always going to be evolving, right?
I'm going to be better five years from now than
certainly I was 10 years ago. So we're always
evolving it. There is no like done. You're not
so, and there's not a clear like end product
or like, hey, when you're done, you will have
the confidence of Sally Jane and here's Sally
now, you know? And like, we can't point that,
you know? And so I think it's harder for people
to like, keep the marathon training going right
or like oh my god you think like it's like working
out right how many people give up working out
you mean i have to work out every day i mean
yeah like you can't just work out for a month
and hope it lasts the rest of the year you know
like so it kind of becomes a thing that you practice
but if you're to me if you're a serious competitor
like i think it's like one of the most important
skills you can be practicing because a good mindset
can walk into a ring and like cover like a not
very ready team maybe, you know, whereas you
can have the readiest team in the world. And
if you have a meltdown at the end gate, because
they put someone else in front of you, like,
and that undoes your day that, okay, no one's
ever going to see that awesome team. Right. I
think my biggest, I mean, I know I remember,
cause I remember the day exactly. I remember
reading this book. And like every chapter was
like, don't do this. Do this instead. Right.
Don't do this. Do this instead. And every single
chapter in the book is was relevant. Like I was
doing all the things you're not supposed to be
doing. And at the time I had Tyler, he was a
young dog. He's only my second dog. I didn't
even know. But I don't know how I knew somehow
deep down. I just knew he was a special dog.
Right. And I was also very aware that like when
I was training, I had expectations, right? Like
that my dog was giving me 100 % effort every
time. And I just had this epiphany. Like I was
like, I am asking my dog to do all these things.
My dog's giving me all he's got. And I am doing
every single thing wrong. Like in this, according
to this book, right? Yep. And I'm like, that's
not fair. Right. Yeah. Like that is not fair.
Like I am not being fair to my dog. I am not
being a good teammate. Like I'm being a terrible
teammate. Like what am I even doing? And it's
kind of interesting because I was never able
to see that when I was cycling and competing
for myself. Right. Because I was never nice to
myself. But when it came to my dog, I was like,
oh, well. I don't want to let my dog down, right?
Like I don't, so my whole goal for the next year
was that I was going to work on every single,
you know, chapter by chapter is going to work
on the things and master them like one chapter
at a time, like however long that took, that
was what I was going to do. And then a year later
was the first time I had ever went. I had never
even been to a national. I didn't know what it
looked like. I didn't know anything. So my whole
goal was that I would do my mental management
to the, you know, hold myself accountable and
do my mental management correctly. That was my
goal for that weekend. Do my mental management.
Love it. And I did. And as a result, he won.
And the only reason he won is because I did my
mental management. Yes. Yeah. Well, in big events
will come like the whole moral of that whole
story is, yes, we have to work on it. Yes, we
have to work on it forever. But those results
do come and they don't just come in that tangible
outcome like. quote unquote, I want a national.
It also comes in like, I'm more peaceful. I'm
more content. I'm more happy. I'm way more confident
in life, not just in competing. Like I am a happier,
more content. human being and that continued
more peaceful human being and that continues
to evolve but it started happening a long time
ago and it just keeps getting better and better
and better that's super cool yeah and it's true
it's little steps but they add up just like little
steps with our dogs will add up you know like
um but i do want to put one thing is that i um
you know, big events really undo people. And,
um, I think the obvious things are all like,
oh my God, it's a big event and like pressure
and dah, dah, dah. Like those are like the obvious
things. But I think what happens to most people
is that they, they. do they don't do what you
did which is they they sort of abandon all the
things that got them there all the habits that
they did on the weekend trials like all the mornings
all the mindset all the even the preparation
or whatever and they like oh my god it's a different
schedule or like you know in agility for instance
some of these things you walk the course in 7
a .m and you don't run till 10 or something crazy
or whatever and and so they they they don't do
what they did. They give it all away. They don't
stick to their rituals. They don't stick to their
mindset. They treat it as different. And they
put these events on these giant pedestals, which
means they're already lower than the event. They
already think, oh, I can never live up to that.
When in essence, they need to double down on
the rituals and the things that work and the
things that make them feel grounded and the things
that make it feel like just another regular trial.
So, yeah. So, yes, to mindset. And don't just
cram your mindset right before you go. Right.
You got to work on it all the time. I listened
to your podcast on the way to the trial, Julie,
and it didn't work. Yes. One time. I listened
to it one time. That's right. And then it didn't
magically fix everything. yep i did have someone
well i did have someone recently say to me like
i tried the breathing thing and it didn't work
and i said well it sounds like you were already
a little bit over the edge she's like i was but
the breathing it just doesn't work oh my gosh
yeah yeah It's like everything you have to practice
it. You have to start small. You have to work
on it. You have to be consistent. Yeah. Treat
it with the same reverence that you treat any
other skill. Like you didn't just suddenly get
good at healing. You know, I mean, you know.
Yeah. Yeah. Takes time. That's such a great point.
Yeah. So many great points. This was so good.
Thank you so much. I feel like. I'm like, all
right, I think we might have to have a follow
-up down the road because I feel like I could
just, but you know, then I'm great for me. Anytime
we could, I feel like I could keep talking about
this like forever. And then like, I didn't even
look at the questions. Questions were questions.
We just rolled. It just rolls. It just rolls.
Yeah. No, I'm, this was great. Thank you so much.
I will come back anytime you'll have me. So yeah,
anytime ever. And hopefully you'll return the
favor. Oh yeah. We'd love to. And thank you for
just being out there and putting this out there
because. there aren't, there are resources, but
they're not always related to dog sports. And
I think it's hard for people, especially when
they're starting out with mental management stuff
to take something from another sport or something
else, and then like kind of tweak it and, you
know, manipulate it so that it works for what
we're doing. So you're actually doing that, which
is amazing. And then I do think it helps that
I do a bunch of different stuff too. And I do
it with dogs that aren't supposed to do most.
of it so it's fine well we're so appreciative
of you being out there for sure yeah we appreciate
you we really do thank you so much I know this
is going to be it's going to help people tremendously
and anyway I personally I just love doing it
because I love this stuff and you made so many
great points and like The way I took so many
notes, because even just sometimes the way you
state something where it's like a little bit
differently, you word it a little differently.
And I'm like, oh, that's makes so much more sense.
Or that's going to be so much easier for people
to understand and grasp on to that. Yeah, for
sure. Really, really good. Yeah. And relatable.
Really good. Great. Thank you. You're welcome.
Thank you. Thank you so much. Have a great one.
Yeah. Bye everybody. Bye.