Former Bachelorette Desiree Siegfried

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Speaker 1: Welcome back, happy our listeners, and we're so excited about our episode today because, as we mentioned last week, we are officially on the road to the premiere of The Bad Chelarette and we are so thrilled because Rachel, I don't know if it's just me, but I feel like we just sat down and had Claire on and you know, granted that was actually a couple of months ago, but it feels like yesterday. And so we are a month away from the premiere and on October thirteenth, mark your calendars because we are getting our season premiere and it's not going to be on Mondays. It's going to be on Tuesdays, so make sure you mark that down too. It's going to be a change for us all. But last week we mentioned that in anticipation of the upcoming season, we wanted to get some former Bad Cherettes on who we haven't had on the podcast yet. So we want to get them on and get us all pumped up for this season because what is better than some girl power? And so we're going to do that today because we are having a very special lady on one who makes me laugh like no other and who I personally love I'm sure you do too, But we are having Jillian Harris on, and if you are a dedicated Bachelor fan, you know, I mean, she truly does it all. She's so cool. She's not only a mother as soon to be wife, she's a badass businesswoman. Like I said, she does it all, and so we're gonna have her on and get her talking to us today about all things a bachelorette's past, present, and future. You know, I was, I was thinking, I'm excited to have Jillian on because I think we both met her for the first time at the same time, which was at the reunion and a fifteen year reunion, and she was hilarious. It's like I had heard about her. I knew that she was the most accomplished bachelorette, and I still am going to give her that title. But I had no idea what we were in for and how great she was going to be. But at the same time, also when you started talking about how we're on the road to Bachelorette, I was thinking, don't you feel like we've already seen this season, because more than any other season, there have been so many rumors swirling around this bachelorette or Bachelorette's plural whatever it is season that I feel like, I I've already watched it. Yeah, I feel like there's definitely more spoilers out there than there than we've ever had in the past, but A I try not to read too much into those because I can't help it. You can't. This one is like to a whole other level, because of course there's always some spoilers, but this one, I mean, I think because people are speculating so much, but also I feel like there's so much that when we actually watch each week back on once it starts, I guess we're gonna be like, oh my gosh, Like it's just gonna be like I don't even know. I don't even know, Like I just want to watch it. I want to get to know the guys because I heard that there's more guys than there's ever been, and I just it's gonna be you know. And I think I said this on the podcast a couple of weeks ago, but when Chris Harrison always comes out and says the most dramatic season ever, I truly think that that is going to live up to the title. For this season. I'm just like, ass it I'm calling Claire anyways, Um, okay, so yeah, I do. I totally feel like it's all it's all been played out, whether it be in the rumor mill or you know, it definitely isn't popping off in our bachelorette chat. I'll tell you that. I feel like, Oh, I feel like we're all like Claire, speak to us, tell us something we know nothing. I feel like we're trying to dig so much like the way we'll ask questions like word things for Claire is like we want something, but she is so tightited. I mean, she'll respond and you know, she'll give us like the baselines like oh, I'm good, how are you guys doing? But I'm like, give us more? Wait, can I ask you this? Because I got a lot of flak from this, and it's typically from Facebook moms, because I'm not well liked on Facebook and usually the people who are coming at me all look the same. I got a lot of flak for being confused by Claire's poster for the Bachelorette. I have a graduate. I'd never seen the graduate, so I didn't understand the concept of it. So and then in real time during an interview, somebody explained it to me, and I was like, what, I'm a little bothered by this. Why are we playing into this cougar mentality? Did we do it for Ari? Did we do it for Nick? I literally was like, they might as well dress Claire up an animal print and tell it a roar. I don't like it? Well, no, And that was my first thing that I said, because when I woke up one day and one of my friends sent it to me and she was like, what does this mean? And for whatever reason, had just recently watched The Graduate and I was like, oh, it's after this movie. But I was like, if I was Claire, I'd be a little bit bothered by this too. And that was my first reaction, Like you said, it's played into this cougar It's like, okay, yes, she's the oldest batcheerrette, Like, let's get over it. At this point, she's still Therefore, why we all became the bachelrette And that was hopefully to find a partner and who cares if she is a little bit older, Like, let her just do her thing. Now it's played out. And so the fact that that was the ad route that they were going, I was like, hmmm, I would not enjoy that if that was me, it was I don't like the double standard. And the first time I saw it was on Chris Harrison's Instagram, so I thought it was a joke. I was like, why does Chris Harrison have his foot in the middle of Claire's poster? It was so confused and up until I had that interview. But I'm not being critical like everyone's like, oh, Rachel criticizes everything. I just am like, we gotta support our girl here. There's so many other aspects to highlight about her. Why are we get it she's the oldest bacherette. Surely there's more to her than that. Let's not that be the whole spiel or the stick when it comes to Claire. Yeah, yeah, let it die here, Okay, we know her age, who cares? Let it go. Let her just find love and and enjoyed the journey of this all. So yeah, it could have been thirty nine and fine, forty and fabulous, you know, like coming, you know, like whatever, Like, I don't know it could have been. I didn't. I didn't like it. I wanted to do you did you have like a theme for your poster? Black, Well, I'm gonna what your poster looked like, I don't im Yeah, I didn't have one. It well, yours was it's a doing the damn thing, right, let's do the Mine was that's our girl? I guess I guess that was. But like I felt, I just warned. There was a commercial that was something like she's bold, She's bad bad. I might have made that up in my head. I really think I made that up, know what, Like, actually thinking about it, it wasn't. Maybe it wasn't until Hannah because they kind of played off the whole beauty pageant, you know, where she ripped off the skirt and had the crown that I like, fabulous. Yeah, but and it was it was so fitting for her. So maybe it wasn't until her that they had like a theme or this. Hopefully let's ask what we should ask Jillian when Julian comes on. Let's ask her if she had one, if she had a thing, because like I feel like for us, they do songs now, but I'm very curious with her if she had a thing, because what are they Claire, here's to you, missus. Robinson like, no, that's exactly what they did with the poster, I know, but the foot is as big as Claire. So gosh, one of my friends actually sentenced me. She's like, do you know whose foot this is? Like? Is this one of the dudes? I'm like, no, they're not going to actually pick one of the guys from her season to like be the foot model for her poster. I mean, maybe it's been, but it's been. It's foot shut. I'm just kidding. Just took below for often. Here's this night, so it's Sustin Hoffman's Is this an offense foot? They brought him in just for that moment? Oh god, I hate it? Okay, well listen, I had to get your take on that. But I also want to do something fun because we talked about this on the podcast before and we love when you guys send in questions or tell us what you think, especially you're burning Batchelorrette questions. So we thought before we bring Jillian on, it would be fun because we ask you guys on Instagram to send in your questions and you guys did not disappoint. You send in so many replies. So we're gonna go through some of them. We can't go through all of them. Maybe we'll do that on the later podcast, but maybe we'll ask Jillian some of these questions as well. So I guess I'll ask you the first one. And as I'm flipping through papers, um, oh, here's I'm curious about this. From your season, what guy are you the closest to. Oh, that's a good one. I say probably Jason, just because I mean he's always just been such a sweetheart and such a fun guy and one that it was never awkward, but also just being close with Caitlin and talking to him, and now that he is in LA closer to us, I'm like, let's get the dogs together. So I would say Jason. But I still stay in touch, not regularly, I shouldn't say that, but I still like stay on good terms and talk to some of the dudes every now and again, like I mean Joe every now and again, like we had him on last week, and like even Blake and Colton just like checking in and like small chats with them. I don't know if do you remember Kriston for my season? He was the guy who dugged over me on Night one. Yeah, so he lives in LA and we'll chat every now and again, and he has a cute dog, so he's like, let's get the dogs together. So yeah, Jason's probably like the closest. I would say, okay, you as you were saying, and I was thinking, I because I'm like, who has my phone number? Like I feel like that shows a level of closeness and I think I think Alex is the only one that has my phone number. So you know, Alex was at our wedding. And it's so funny because I don't know if I've said this before, but a lot of my family members thought Alex was Brian. They kept saying congratulations, and Alex is like, at one point he was like, you know what, I just ran with it. I would just say, thank you so much. I'm so happy. I appreciate it. But they do like the dark hair, They're tall, they're like both bill like I can I guess if if they didn't really know Brian. And that was the first time I get it, it was are they are they? He's really doing that. It's hilarious and I love that he embrace it. I would I would say, Alex, who I haven't talked to in a while. But then there are other people that like Eric, you know, I communicate with who else I'm even communicated with Peter Krause, you know through And I think that's probably gonna be a shocker to so many people because people are thinking of the last time we saw each other, which was on stage, but that was also three years ago. We're adults here and we can all move on, yeah, you know. And I feel like even this, people read into everything. Like you could like someone's photo and people would be like, oh my gosh, is she flirting with him? Are they talking like they just it's like no, But like you said, we're all adults. Like the world. This world bonds you in such a weird way that unless you had like a really terrible falling out or experience with someone, I can't imagine you not being on okay terms with someone. And you know what's funny is we talked. We were like man, because we were talking about Black Lives Matter, and and like he was asking me questions about it and stuff and like for some advice ice about like responses he had gotten. And it's funny because we were like, man, we almost hit that follow button. But then what like it would just turn into something that it shouldn't because I still get messages that tell me, you know, you were really into Peter, and it's like, guys, do you guys I'm married that I just celebrated to your anniversary. Yeah, so we were. It's sad because we were like, yeah, probably not a good idea hit that follow button. It's just you know, people, Yeah, they just read so much into it that it's hard sometimes but I get it. But Okay, I'm gonna ask you one of these. Okay, these are all so good. Okay, this is I want to ask you this too, because I feel like you probably were in a better headspace and like could prepare a little bit better. I'm just like, well, whatever, go with the flow. But how did you mentally prepare yourself to date so many men? Oh so, I guess see. I think it's badass to be able to say, you know what, whether you're here for the right or wrong reasons, you're all my season. This is my season of the Bachelorette, you know. So. I felt very empowered, I felt very in control. I loved being in the driver's seat. I'm a taurist, I'm an any acrim eight. We've talked about these things. I love that as very much. Show me and it was invigorating, it was refreshing, and I was the first woman of color, I was the first black bachelorette. It was something to me. It was an honor, and I went into it with that mentality. I also went into it with the mentality that I'm open for this, but there's absolutely no way I'm gonna fall for these men. You know, there's no way they can play batchmaker for me and it'll work. So I think I had kind of psyched myself out about it, and I didn't have high expectations, and that's why after the first night, I was like, I remember I turned to Caitlin, my producer for those of you don't know, and I was like, WHOA, I think I might be in some trouble. I think there's the potential here. I was like, dare I say I think I might? I'd have met my husband tonight. I couldn't believe. So I think for me, it was just a little different going in. What about you, Yeah, I mean I just went in. I think I was so nervous at first, because I mean I knew going in, like some of the guys would hopefully be there and like me and some of the guys were just doing it to go on this TV show. And make a name for themselves. And so I was very i think guarded at first, where I was like I need to really weed out like the wrong ones here. But kind of like you after night one and you start to interact and actually talk to them, you see, like, oh, man, like maybe I could actually form some connections here. Like I remember leaving night one being like I'm hopeful for a handful of these guys, like I know a lot of them aren't here for me. A lot of them like aren't going to be into me, and that's okay, but as long as I had some but like to mentally prepare yourself to date thirty dudes, it's just like you're I'd just hid there and we're like, let's make this happen. What do we gotta do? Like I'll just sit here. You guys can come to me and we'll have a nice little chat like bring me champagne, bring me treat like whatever. But um, It's it's funny looking back because it's such a whirlwind and it does go by so fast. But now looking back, I'm like, did plus men? I couldn't like I would relive that again. And here's the thing for all those guys that came for the wrong reason. At the end of the day, they will always be known as so and so from Becka season, you know, any article that mentions them, any Google or whatever, it's like, Blake blank blank from Becka season and so from Rachel's season of the Back. It's like, yea's right, you always going to be attached to my season and my name. I just think it's it's plus, I'm a serial dater, so I'm like thirty men I've done. No, i haven't done this before, but I mean I'm just saying it's it's I love every bit of it. That's why that was interesting to hear trist To talk about the stigma that was placed on her. It's so crazy healthy change over the years, because now you're looked at as like such a strong, independent woman wrangling these men in whereas Trusted did it. It was like almost as if like a negative connotation was placed on her to be a woman dating all these men. There was such a double standard. So yeah, it's like taboo kind of I mean, especially back then, but I think about it now, just like in my life now because obviously, like I am single, and now that I can say that it's easier to like talk about like where I'm at. But I think, like, you know, I never, like I was always in exclusive relationships when I was with someone like that was the first time where I could really like explore multiple relationships at once and really balance them out. And so now I'm like, you know what, like I'm thirty, Like I'm ready to maybe like be okay with like not having to like throw all my eggs in one basket per se and be like only you like this is my goal in mind and just kind of like enjoy the experience that life in dating has to offer. So it's, um, it's definitely fun. Though it's like a weird, weird thing to do, but it's like I don't think any girl would turn that down. No, No, you know, if you get if you get offered the bat to right, you take it all your future Batchelor rights out there. And can I just also say something about being thirty? First of all, you know, welcome to this decade. But for for Becca and all my other Batchlor Happy Hour listeners who are in their thirties are about to approach thirty, there is nothing like stepping into your thirties. And I know you've heard it before, but it's I can't explain it. It's like you wake up and you're like, I get it. And there's so many things that you did in your twenties that you leave behind, and there's so many things that come to you in your thirties, like wisdom, um just like the maturity, the growth, even the beauty that comes out of it, like internally and and and physically. I can't tell you what it is about turning thirty, but it's like a light bulb goes off and I you know, and I showed this with you private, Rebecca, that like I came out of a really really tough relationship when I was thirty one and I was like at the bottom, and then later in that year my entire life change. I don't know, there is something magical about your thirties that I'm so excited for you and all you other thirty year olds out there. Rachel. The fact you just gave me chills all over because when you just said magic, that is exactly what I was about to say. Is like, I feel like it's this weird, like magical spot that I'm in right now. Like maybe it's the fact that I also moved to La and then it's like this new chapter, but it just feels like magic. It is, it is. I'm telling you. Remember when the song thirties the New twenty came out, and I remember I was like in my twenties, I might've even been my teens, and I was like, that's just something thirty year olds are saying to sound young. Okay, now that I'm in my thirties, I'm like, yes, is the New twenty and it feels so good. Yeah, welcome you guys. Do that's like turn of thirty. We're not just we're not just saying this here because we are in our thirties. I'm telling you. Also, I will say I'm not considering myself thirty quite yet because I never had a party because I was in quarantine. So the day things can open up and I can plan everything and like do something fun with people, that's when I turned thirty officially. But I also like, I'm embracing the thirties, so I do like it. No, I'm all, I'm all for a good party. So like I'm hopping on this train, so let's do it. Let's do it. So whoever sent this one in, they asked, do we think filming should be longer? And would we want it to be? And this is a great question because it is my last week with the guys, with my last two guys in the Maldis, I sat down with my uncle Chuck, and he asked me that same question because he could tell I was so stressed. I was so anxious, and he's like, if filming he's good. He always comes in with the hard hitting questions though, and for me at that point, obviously, like I had two great guys, I was trying to decide between and so he was like, if you had more time, would you take it? And I remember being like, like, shit, yes, if I could, I would, and he's like, well, then maybe you're not ready, and I'm like, but I think I am, but like you just made me question things, but I think I don't know. It's like, you want to get on with your life and find your partner and you don't want to keep filming and being our own cameras. But if you had a little bit of more time, I would have personally loved that. I would have taken it, but not like a ton, just you know, a couple of weeks. I would say no, Actually, you're ready. If I would have wanted more time in the beginning, but once I had gotten to the end and I had narrowed it down, I was stuck in a place where I knew what I wanted to do, but I was still it was hard for me to let go of the other guy. And so I think more time would have just made me more confused. And I think more like, I knew what I needed to do, and I needed to be very matter of fact and decisive and make that decision and not get caught up in a type of relationship that I'm used to. And I don't know what I would have done with more time, you know, like would I have been pushing for something that wasn't there, would I have been you know, like, I don't know if I would have been caught up in all of that. And I think, you know, like that's what is the what is the saying? Um? And well I was gonna say that the saying of an idle mind is the devil's playground, but that doesn't really fit. I get. I think what I was more so saying is like what I feel like, when you have more time to wonder, um, your mind can can go maybe to places that it shouldn't so for me because I knew what I wanted to do, and I knew what I was holding on too, Like why why I couldn't let go of it? I don't think it would have been it would have been good for me. I would have wanted more time in the fantasy suites. That's what I would say. Well, well, when you put it that way, I don't know, Like it's hard for me now because of Brian, because I'm like, Okay, yeah, obviously I would love more time in the fantasy suites. But it's hard for me because like I don't I can I remember, Okay, go back to when you were on the Bachelor. It's hard for you as a contestant, wondering because you have so many days of Okay, what are they doing? What is he doing? Now? Did he fall from? Like what did they talk about? They had all this time where nobody else could be there? What was it like what we had? You wonder that and I just remember that's the most miserable week as a contestant. So now it's like that I'm with Brian, it's like, what I want to go back and do that to Brian, that's a good point. Yeah, that well said. And speaking of more time, we unfortunately we wish we could have more time to answer more of these questions, but hopefully we'll get around to it in the next couple of weeks. It's always fun kind of taking a walk down my reeling and I feel like every time we talk through these things, like new memories come up for both of us that were like, wait, what about this? And I remember feeling like this. So it's always a good time. So keep dming us your questions. We love to answer them when we have enough time. But we love you guys. So now it's actually time for our guests, because we need a bringer on. And like we said earlier, Jillian is one of the coolest people. She's a designer, she owns multiple multiple businesses, she's a mother and a soon to be wife. But on top of all that, she's also, like us, a former bachelorette, so she has a very soft place in our hearts. So please everybody welcome Gillian Harris. I mean, first let's just start like, how are you a great? Hey girl, thank you so much for having me. I appreciate. Just wait, I gotta just address this first, but back, you're in a nursery. Who's nursery are you in? Calling our Alice? It was like, people are probably gonna think that I'm pregnant. I'm in my nieces. She's hurting a year this week, so I'm back in the Midwest for her birthday. So it's my niece's bedroom, much cuter than my own. I should say, yeah, thank you my sister. My sister has like a fun, little quirky touch. So I love it. I love it. I'm like, we're talking about kids in a quit a second. I was so worried about where I was doing my podcast, but I could have really done it anywhere. You're in a nurse room. Oh yeah, from our closet. Oh I love it. Hey, this is so so anyways, I'm good, but just first, I just gotta get through this. So you guys have been doing this podcast for like almost a year now or how. That's amazing. Yeah, it's going well, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's It's so great because we get to reminisce a lot, which is, you know, like we're gonna go down memory line with you, but we get to reminisce about our times. We get to connect with the fans because you don't normally get to do that, you know, when you're on a TV screen, Yeah, putting the show together, but you don't get to interact with fans. We've had fans come on the show and we get to talk to the future contestants and lead so it's like we all like we get to connect everyone. It's fantastic. This is this is my favorite having pass bacherettes like having you on. We always get so excited because we were talking about you know, we met you at the fifteen year Bachette where you mean last year, But it bonds us in such a way. So it's always fun to have any woman on that just is a go getter. But like you are just the epitome of a bachelorrette badass. Oh thank you. Yeah, but you girls too. You guys are doing so many amazing things, like you guys, you guys have so much going on, and I feel like that is something so cool when you're bonded by this group of people that listen, Like this life that we're doing isn't for everybody. So if you really do want to like detach and have a family, then you can do that and you're still a part of the group and you're still accepted and appreciated. But then also if you want to like release your own line of clothing or it was so sweet like a national television or if you want to have a public wedding. Private wedding doesn't really matter, but it does give you that opportunity, nitty to have that platform. And then I had these people that support you along the way and shure you along the way. Whatever your success looks like, it's so cool. Yeah, yeah, I want to ask you this. Speaking of success, Calin Bristow has talked about this, Like one bit of advice that I think you gave her when she came off the show was you know, find who you are, don't if you don't just want to be so and so the Bachelorette like find what like fills your soul and makes you you and go from there. So where did you find that spark? And then also plan on to that, like tell us everything that you are working on because it's a lot. So I think I actually go back to this story my very best friend Shannon, her mom. I went to I registered myself in school when I graduated to be a teacher. I wanted to be a French immersion teacher because I spoke French has a second language. I don't know anything yet at this point, but back and then I was like, to do with French? And she said to me, She's like, I just don't. She's like, of course, she's a psychologist. She wanted me to go off and be successful, and she's like, I just don't picture you doing that. I picture you with like a briefcase and like starting businesses and when you're young, when you're nineteen, you're like, but what does that mean that? I was almost offended because I felt like I knew what my path was, but other people were telling me I was wrong. And then when I was one of the bachelor, I was I got into restaurant design somehow. I did have some interior design background, but not a lot none in restaurants, but I just kind of like squeezed my way in there through basically like sales, Like I think that's always been my thing. I've always loved marketing and sales, but I just didn't know. I didn't know what that looked like on paper or in education, but that was always my thing. And I actually kind of got fired from that job because they told me that I just was a corporate enough and I remember my heart just being broken because I felt like, oh, I'm going to be this established restaurant designer and all these people will respect me. And then I got fired based it was my personality, and my personality was it was weird, Like he just said, like, it just doesn't seem like you fit in with this corporate atmosphere. And I was so heartbroken. But he sat down the guy who owns a big company here in Canada called Tactus Club Cafe. It's like your version of UM Houston's and golf Stream. Does know that that group of restaurants Houston love existence, Yeah, very similar UM and similar success wise and Bibe wise and everything. And he said, I know you're really hurt right now, but I really feel like you are going to have a career in television. And I was like what And he was just your personality. He's like, it's too big for here, and I was just only was offended, like I was so offended, and UM. I remember crying home, going home and crying to my parents and saying like part of my language were like, what the fuck is that supposed to mean, you're supposed to go on TV, Like, how does somebody just get on TV? Okay, Richard does on TV right now? That's awesome, like really nice. And so I kind of lived with that shame for a few years of the fact that somebody let me go and they thought I was going to be a TV host, but of course everybody wants to be TV hos, like easier said than done. And then I decided I was watching, Um, what's the guy? I don't even know who he was, but he got engaged to the Lawless girl. She Shane Lawless. Her family is super like Hollywood and her dad is like a producer and she it was like I don't even know what season it was, but she's like blonde, big lips. She's actually has a big following on Instagram, which is funny because none of us. I think she doesn't want to be associated with the Bachelor anymore, but that was kind of her claim to fame. And I loved her dress and I remember thinking like, I need to apply on this show so that I can have a dress like that, like so weird, Like I don't know what I was thinking. Of course, I didn't want to get married and have kids, but it was I thought that she was like the cutest little button, and she encouraged me to apply on the show, but it said right on the right on the thing, American applicants only, like basically no Canadians. So I was like, I don't want to try anyways, like you never know, they might really like me. And so I got on The Bachelor, and it was so weird because I was like, oh my god, this Richard guy was right like now it's happening, happening, Like how did that? Like somebody else manifested my dream? I didn't even manifest it right. But anyways, I have always been kind of the entrepreneurial spirit, Like as a kid, I always had businesses, I lead houses. I'm like Forrest Gump, like I've done every job. And then when I came off the show, I remember being so broken hearted because I knew in my heart of heart that Ed and I were not a good fit, but I just wanted that forever love. I'm gonna start crying so bad, and I wanted to be a mom was so bad. I'm like, I'm starting to cry again. And I remember feeling like that was never gonna happen. For me, and he's probably gonna hear this through a friend or a friend, but like he was really so douchey to me back then. He was not a good person to me, and so it just instead of me seeing it as like, oh, I know I deserve better than him, it was the opposite for me, like how does he not see that I have so much to offer? Like I just totally totally broke my heart. And I was very sick at that time, like mentally, I think I was like ninety six pounds and this is when Caitlin was coming off of the Bachelorette and oh no, sorry, no, I'm mixing up my timeline. But I just remember being so sick and feeling like I was never gonna find myself, and my family and friends just kept on reminding me of like, but what were you before that you now have this platform, in this opportunity to do whatever you want. And that is sort of like what fueled my fire to just go, Okay, I know this is going to happen for me eventually. I just need to focus on what I can control right now. And it was everything from like interior design to communicating to connecting people to creating, giving back to charities, storytelling all of that, and so now, um, you know, and then, of course I did. I did a thing for a while. You remember Extreme Makeover Home edition of US. Oh yes, And then I got offered like this, Um uh, what does that show? I did for seven years? Love It Realist at Vancouver was on HDTV. Um, I'm just like babbling. I'm writing to give you guys a chance to ask any questions. But here from you though. But while I was doing that, I did love it, but I felt like I didn't have my own voice. I felt like an actress. I felt like I showed up on set. I got my makeup done, which was the best part of the day, and then I just did what I was told. And even though it was great money and like a great opportunity, I felt like my energy was better used out there doing what I wanted to talk about, telling my story the way I wanted to tell it. And so after I had Leo and I was pregnant with Annie, and after seven seasons, and they asked me to come back, and I had no maternity leave with any of the kids. A maternity leave on Canadian standards is pretty awesome. So I probably have. I derobably did have Matt leave the American style, not Canadian style, and so I just kind of said, I'm not going to go back for any more seasons until I can just take a break and spend some time with the kids and grow my business. And so that's kind of where I am right now. And I'm just like, okay, now spending the last year being like, O, hey, what am I now that I'm not a TV host? What else can I do? And I'm sure that's what people want to hear because we know you, so we know you know, you have your presets, you have your books, like you have your Jillian box, Like tell us all those projects that you're working on right Okay, so yeah there isn't already I can't name them all. I'm like what, um, so, yes, the cookbook I'm released last October and I don't know if I'm just to say anything, but we are working on a second cookbook. Good yeah, yeah book, Thank you so much. Yeah. It was a labor of love, and honestly, I didn't know how it was going to do because they're your own recipes. They're like anybody gonna like the spaghetti sauce as much as me. So it actually did number one bestseller on Amazon for like two weeks, which like, like, we dedicated the whole book to my grandma, and she basically died a month before it went it went live. She shouldn't get to see that. But on our book tour, there was all these little sounds that she was there with us. Absolutely the cookbook and yes, the presets were super cool. We would always get people asking us how we edit our photos, and so we just decided to release the presets. And I know a lot of other influencers are doing that right now. So if you're listening and you're thinking of doing that, and you think you've got your own touched unreleasing presets, I would suggest it because it's been it's been fun to have a product that isn't an actual product, so you're not worried about like the environmental impact of somebody buying this product because there's no resources that goes into it. Accept your like and edging your brain right. And then also it allows your community to get creative and to want to capture memories and then to be artistic on their own, which I really loved instead of just selling them some thing, what is something that could feed their soul and get them creative again. And also, I mean it was a really good and financial mood for us, so allowed us to get an office and hire more people, a brainstorm about what our next thing was, and then the Jelly Box was born on the fact. So if just to give your run down, the Jelly Box is like a subscription box. It's a quarterly box, buildful full of like my favorite things, but also newly discovered things. We try to brought ourselves on the box, being like ninety eight percent plastic free. Most of our brands are either small brands or you know, like kind of my litmus test is like your company has to be at least one of the following, like a female owner operated, small brand Canadian either North American, made, eco friendly, giving back to a charity. Recently, my eyes were opened with everything that's been happening with Black Lives Matter, so really thinking about like a buypoc owned brand and LGBTQ own brand, brands that are owned by people with disabilities, so really thinking how to diversify that box as well. And we've just really been connected with some amazing brands and companies and women that way. And so the idea I thought was I'm gonna make five thousand boxes and hopefully I can sell all these boxes. But I just I guess I'm also just ramped it up so much over the year leading up to it. I didn't realize I had done that that when we went to go launch, there was like one hundred thousand people waiting the guys bogs and they were pissed. They were like, I'm seventy fift thousand in line. I'm never gonna get this box. And so then I was like, oh my god, I'm never going to be able to sell this many How if I'm planning, if I want this box in this business to be these high end items from these small brands. Some of these brands have never sold two hundred of their products, Like I'm let alone five thousand, one hundred thousand, Like they're never going to be able to like to sell one hundred thousand of something. It has to be mass produced, right, And I'm like, that's just not what I wanted this to be. Like, yeah, I'm sure I could be a multi millionaire overnight, but I want to go to bed at night knowing that I'm still helping up these small brands. I'm not contributing to the world imploding. And so we reached out to some of the brands who we are already working with on the next box to say, like, can you do ten thousand? Like is that? Can you do twelve thousand? So we're slowly trying to figure out how to support some of these smaller brands. And it's not all smaller brands, Like we have a product in the next box that's from Joe Fresh and so there stuff is made in overseaeas and but not. But the other seven products are small brands. Yeah. Yeah, So I was gonna say, I, I know we're going to ask you Bess direct questions, but you're so inspiring and I no, no, really, And you know one as a bacherette because you came before us, and so you paved a way for us, and you let us know what we can do and what we can be beyond just bachelorette, which is such a fear you have when you go into it. I remember when I came out, I was an attorney before, and I remember when I finished, I felt like I had lost my identity as an attorney. I was just known as the Black Bachelorette, and I felt as if I had to start over all over again, and I really did, especially venturing into a different industry. And I think people see us as strong and as independent, but there is a lot of fear that comes with it and it's very scary. And then one of the same being on the Bachelorette, like, oh yeah, but I came off. I remember having this conversation with Kelly Rippo, Bless her soul. I know she didn't mean to a famy, but she was like, oh you silly girl. Yeah, like she hates she hates smart. She loves to do those digs with us. But I think something like, you're talking about being an entrepreneur, and you're talking about your way and how you got to where you are. I myself have always wanted to be an entrepreneur, but I am terrified. Like Becca has a label, Yeah, Becca's working on other things. I have been terrified to start something. And I know I'm not alone, and I know that there are other people who are listening to this right now who have ideas but are can't get over that fear that they have. So what advice would you give to someone who is trying to like get started. And I know that maybe that's a loaded question, but maybe taking it from the beginning of how do you get started? How do you get over that fear I'm getting a pen because I'm taking notes here, selfish question. Yeah, I think I have like two or three really like concrete takeaways. NI is a famous quote by a Canadian hockey player Wayne Gretzky, and I think I've said it more than I am. I'm just gonna say Wayne, I'm sorry, it's my quote now. But if you miss, you just really do. And it's scary though, because that doesn't mean that every shot you take you're gonna score, right, So that is one thing. The other thing is just being okay with failure. Like we're talking about all my successes, but there were a lot of failures along the way. I fucked up a lot and had to like apologize to my following or like you know, I started a company called Charlie for ad Vintage, which was after The Bachelor, so I was able to use my audience. Technically I should have been so successful, but it was an epic fail. I lost all of my life savings. My cousin Tory lost all her life savings. Justin left me. At one point Tory just boke got divorced. Tory and I were like a man spade, like skinny and stressed out. She lost a like friendship basically over it. And so we don't talk about those things a lot. But it was like going to Harvard. I learned so much about business, and I've since had business ideas since, like the Jilly Box that I've learned about technology and marketing and what will work and what won't work. And back then it was a drop shipping model, which is a great idea, like that's what Wayfair and Amazon do. They drop ship, but we were drop shipping antiques. So you sell a teacup for twenty five dollars and then you do you basically in the end you're taking home like four bucks. It's just it's not and that's one item, so that you got to find another antique cup. So it just wasn't a good business model. But we failed and it was really hard on us. But you just have to get back on the is it get back on the horse or the horn or whatever horse, right, You're right, it would be really hard to get back up on it. I think you're good. Might be a good time. It might be a better time in the more size, I don't know, blows we'll make a vibration. One might be better than the other, but anyhow, and then the other one is um. Not everybody has this personality in them, but I get this from my mom and where I don't really have a strong sense of consequence. So I am one of those people that always gets parking tickets. I'm always running into things, like I'm always hurting myself, breaking things, dropping my phone in the ocean because I'm just kind of like, this is a great idea, this is gonna work out great, and then when it doesn't work out great, I'm like, oh, yeah, shit, that was a that was not a good idea. So I've made a lot of mistakes along the way, and I think, like even Rachel, for you, like I can just tell you, and I'm sure everybody listening, I'll tell you that whenever you your heart desires, when you go to do that, I'm telling you right now, it's going to be successful, and it's gonna be painful and it's going to be difficult. Like the jelly box is successful, but it's a giant pain in the ass, and it was so stressful, and I honestly at one point thought I was gonna have to like, this is not I'm not sugar coating this. I thought I was gonna have to go to hospital for like anxiety and like depression. Like I just was like, this is insane. But I created boundaries, I hired more people, I got strategic. I was like, I have to get through this, Like what is my option right now? Do I close up my business business and walk away? No, I just have to figure out how to make it work while taking care of my heart and my brain and my family. So I'm like, you just have to like figure it out. But whatever. I know it is scary, but I'm telling you it's going to be successful. And if it's not and you fail, there's going to be success in that failure. You're going to learn from that and you're going to do the next thing. That's such great advice. It's so important to talk about the failures. I'm so glad you, Like, I mean, it might not be the most fun thing for you to talk about, but you're a success coming from it. And I think people need to hear that because you see the finished products and you think, oh, like they did it. It was easy out there and they don't see the bumps along the way. Yeah. Even today, like I came in five minutes late to work. It was a gong showdown here. I came upstairs, like there's all these walks, some stuff, like who's sending this stuff? What are we doing? This stuff? Isn't for somebody to help us do this with you guys? I got a podcast starting like two minutes. I'm tripped down the stairs. I'm like, I'm hungry. I'm like I'm from yesterday and I'm swearing in Justin's messaging. He's like, can you please respond to my text messages? I'm I can't. I can barely keep minding together. Okay, I seem like I would all together. But there's a lot of swearing of boson throughout the day. And but I sure like any of our moms out there hear this and it's so relatable. It's like you jumble forty thousand things at once and sometimes you're like, how the hell am I going to be able to get to the next spot or like get my mind right, and so like this is real, This is like, this is what people want to hear because they feel like they're not alone in it. And and like even for me, who's not a mom, and like my brain moves a million miles a minute and it's so frazzled. I'm like, Okay, I'm not the only one that like has those days or those moments, and they're like, what the hell? You know, it's it's good to hear. And also I think that as women, I mean, every every person is different. Like take my cousin Sam for example. She's just getting into the influencer business right now, but she has like hard boundaries. She doesn't like to be stressed out. She takes on one thing at a time, and she's not typically running around the gamaniac. Can you say, man yac? These days, I feel like there's a lot of words you can't say anyways. But I just like I look at her and I'm like, oh, man, I wish I was more like that. But then she looks at me for advice. But one thing I can say if there's any moms listening right now that are trying to juggle at all, even if you're not working, even if you're not an entrepreneur, is that there's some days where I'm running around like a chick in my head cut off, and I'm like, Okay, I still feel a sensor of energy and I'm still happy, and I can I know I can get through this day. But like, for example, yesterday we did a jellybox shoot and I felt flat and I felt lethargic and I felt fuzzy, and I just didn't feel inspiring. And I'm just like, how am I going to get through the rest of this month? We have such a busy month. How am I going to lead my team? How am I going to teach my kids something? How am I going to do this? And I just I went to bed last night after two glasses of wine and I was just spent. Like I went to I fell asleep for all the kids. And so I just want people that are listening to know that there's gonna be days where you feel like you're on top of the world, and there should be other days where you feel like a giant failure. And that's normal. That's totally normal, and everybody, I think it doesn't matter whether you're Oprah or whether you're me, or whether you're you, that's a normal feeling. And I think it is important to try to find balance in your life so you're not having those like big roller coasters. But at the same time, it's normal to have peaks and valleys. So this is turning into a therapy session. That's now too because this is so good for anyone to hear you best. You should be teaching those let's keep popping up on my instagrams and they keep popping up on y'alls I've seen like Robin Roberts, Seanda Rhymes, Jillian Harris. That's that's what's really I would I would tune into and I would pay big money for any type of class that you are running because I'm just like, for me personally, I'm not a creative person to so to hear you and see all the things that you're doing, it's like I could be taking That's what I'm literally taking. I was taking you out. Both of you women are so creative. You are a creative Yeah, I don't know my brain as creativity can come in like so many different forms like creativity, like especially with your background and law m Rachel, like, your creativity could come in like business leadership or systems or like even finance or just negotiations and all that kind of stuff, Like you like, look at what you're doing with your with your label and everything's going on. Now you have a new sense of freedom which I never really got to talk about. We Hello, more time on your hands so you know I'm texting after this. Yeah, you use that energy and you use that like you use all that fire and all that inner to like serve yourself. And also like you start up being like what can I do to serve myself? And as you feel more confident, you grow than you realize you can serve others, whether it be through donating to charities or doing speaking engagements and sharing your story, or partnering with different brands that like speak to you and make you feel better about yourself. Like there's so many different ways with our platform that you can yeah, be successful, which is awesome. But the coolest part that I love is when you partner with brands and then they email you and say like, oh my god, we sold out all of our stuff like this may our whole year, Or when a fan reaches out to you and says thank you so much for sharing your story and going through a similar situation. Like, there's just so many cool things that we now have the opportunity to do because we have this audience and with all the ship that's going on in the world and you have people listening to us. We for our kids, we have to like, yes, we can have fun and talk about clothes and wine all that kind of stuff, but also there's an underlying message of just like being a good human being and like we have to be louder than those other people that are really being really loud right now, but to be louder than them so that we can change this climate for our kids and their future. Yeah, Okay, Julian, I feel like I could talk to you for hours and just pick your brain all things related to business and just creativity and just your path that you've taken because it was a little unconventional, which I think, you know, like there's no one path for anyone. So, like I said, I could talk to you about this for hours, but I also do want to pick your brain because I know that people are a going to wonder if you are going to be watching Claire Susan. But one thing before we get into that is Rachel and I were talking about just how things have changed for especially the bad storrets throughout the years and you know, early on, like especially with Trista, there was such a stigma around her being the one woman dating multiple men. And you know, we've seen to grow and evolved throughout the years, and so I felt like when I was finally bad sorrette, I didn't get that. I didn't get really any judgement. People were like, okay, you do you you just got your heartbroken, like go date those guys. But for you, how have you seen the show evolved since you were bad? Surette, Well, I know that when I first told my parents about it, you know, everybody was like, oh, really, is this what you're gonna do? Like my parents supported me, but I think everybody was very nervous, especially because it seemed like at that point I already kind of had an established career and anything. They were worried about what they would do to my career. And I think it was a little bit of a stakema to it back then, like like I would say earlier, like oh you silly girl, or oh you're gonna be sleeping with all these guys or making it with all these guys, which it's just so awesome in hindsight now that I'm I'm not saying that no girl would turn it down at this point. Yeah, and now that I'm a one man woman, i'mlike, those were some good times back then, like being able to I wish I would have enjoyed it more in the moment, but anyways, Yeah, so there. I did feel insecure a little bit coming off of it, especially when my relationship didn't turn out with Ed. I just felt like, wow, can I not get a break and what is wrong with me? So Luckily my parents raised me to be entrepreneurial and I did like turn it into something positive. But now, I mean, the thing is, you go on the show. I think most people are going to show are single. But I know this whole like are you on the show for the right reason? Thing? That thing I don't I don't really understand because I would actually question people more if they really truly thought that they were going to find their forever love that way, Like you really are doing it for the experience, and your experience could be meeting new people, traveling, being exposed to the world, trying something scary, or you could fall in love and get married, but that shouldn't be your primary reason to go on there. Because I feel like you know, some of them have worked out, some of them have it. They're are no guarantees. And so when people like, for example, my season West, he was a country singer and everybody was like, he only went on to promote his career, I'm like, yeah, of course, of course he did. It sounds like a more recent season with Hanna b and Jed. Yes, I don't. Yeah, but you can still find love like him and I still developed in a really amazing friendship. I'm still friends with him. We had the best conversations, like I should have picked him, but there were some parts with him that were a little too rough around the edges for me, and I knew he would like probably cheat on me and break my heart whatnot. But we have the best connection. So just because you went on to promote yourself doesn't mean that's going to prevent you from having a connection with somebody. So and I think people that go on, you know, with hope and they're like, you know, it's going to be a fun adventure. We're gonna travel, I got to meet new people. Like, if anything, it's just a two month long vacation, you know, if it doesn't work out. But yeah, I think I think when people go in with such like their expectation as set of like I'm the one I'm going to fall in love, It's like you don't know that, you have no idea how the other person is and what kind of connection you're going to have. And so to just I like how the Bachelor curiaser is do you a really good job of making you believe that you are the only one for that person? Right now they're talking to all thirty girls, and all thirty girls are getting the same story of like he is looking for a girl just like you. So by the time you meet that person, you're like, well, of course they're gonna pick me, because that's that's how I what the conversations I've had for the last month, every girl is thinking the exact same thing and the same thing. Yeah, brilliant, it's so great. Did you, like I want to ask you, well, got so many questions towards the end when you were on the Bachelor with like, you know, one of many women, did you have that self sense of confidence where you like, you know, I got this in the bag, like this is it? Yeah? And then like, because I remember going into and you know, granted, things were very different on our season. But I went into that last day being like, there's no one else, It's me. I got this. I wasn't nervous at lastic because I was like, yeah, this is it. And now, looking back, because of the whole situation in switcher Roo, I'm like I shouldn't. Yeah, I should have like taken a step back and been like, ready, I'm not the only one here. Sober fresh mony where he kind of did basically with Jason did right, Yeah, except yes, yes, um, except for insteadneing on the final rows, he did it while you guys rowing your honeymoon happy couple. Yeah right, It's so funny because okay, two things. Yes, Um, I did think I had it in the bag because Molly, if you're listening to this, don't take offense. But it's okay. I think she'll understand. Back then, it was Melissa and Mollie and they were both basically fresh out of college. They were both really young. I did not think they were ready to be moms. Um and Jason had tie and I was like, a nit, I was so ready to be a mom. I already had an established career, I was older than the girls, so I just felt like he would have taken me more seriously, as like a mother and as somebody who I thought I was more mature at that time. But so I was like, when he picked Moissa, I was like, what, she's a baby, Like she's just a baby. She's just like I don't even didn't even like this sounds so bad. I love Melissa her friends now, but I was like, does she even have a job, Like does she even know but how to change a diaper? Like this is just so insane. And then when you switched to Molly, I was like, oh my god, my mind is blown. But now that I see their relationships, like Molly and I are really good friends, and I find her to be one of the most consistent, levelheaded people I've ever met, and also like such a great articulate communicator. I really feel like I couldn't see how he would have felt so safe with her, because she's really careful about what she says and how she says it, and she's very certain of herself. She's got that level of confidence. And so watching like I actually just watched parts of his season back and I'm like, oh, of course he picked of course, Like of course it makes sense. But back then it didn't make sense to me because I didn't know the girls that well. Right, I don't even myself in my relationship with him. But sorry, just another thing about Ed, as when Ed and I were on our Happy couple, I always felt uneasy. I always felt like I never knew what was going on behind the scenes. I felt like he had a secret life. I felt like he was always hiding his phone. I didn't think he was being perfectly transparent to my entire relationship with Ed. I always felt like he was hiding something and he was like halfway through our relationship, I was finding he would go to like land saying Michigan for like a work trip, and then he'd get back and find messages on his phone and said, like come to the hot job, I'll show you my awesomeness, and like he was texting several girls. Sometimes he would come home at like four or five six, like it was. It honestly broke my heart because I truly just want it to work out so bad and it was just like the most got wrenching, heartbreaking thing ever. And I now look back to our happy couple weekend. I should have saw the signs, but I didn't want to fail again like me. And then this happened to add and I was like, oh my god, this is so embarrassing, Like yeah, I mean, and that's the thing I think, just for women to like trust your gut if there's something off and you can't shake it. Like we're much more intuitive than I think sometimes we even realize. And so I get that, um, oh, something you just said about I'm sorry, I left my train of thought. And now, oh you were speaking of, you know, obviously watching Jason season that replayed during the Greatest of All Time? Did you watch most of those the Goat episodes back? No? Actually that was the only episode I watched. Is the one that I've been in. I got a level with you guys. I mean, for moms out there who are watching The Bachelor still, I still cannot understand how you can like wake up at five in the morning, do everything with the kids, work all day, come home, make dinner, clean, have your gossil, and put the kids to bed and then sit and watch TV Like I fall asleep every night thirty and then next morning I get up and I'm like, oh man, I did it again. So I haven't been able to tune in to many Bachelor episodes because I just simply can't stay away yet. And I even like listening to podcasts and reading, like I'm like, where can I find the time to do this? But Clara's season I'm especially excited about because she is older and I think more mature. So I think the biggest thing is this is if she did buying love to make that as your main priority and my main priority. This sounds about it when people are going to hate me for this comment, but my main priority isn't like make sure you make this work. That's so what I mean is really dive deep into that because a relationship is clearly unconventional. So really like Ed and I actually did go to like some therapy sessions, I think because we were really struggling with our communication. So really like dive deep into your heart, like is this truly the one? How do you know that? Are there signs? Are their red flags? And if you're continent of everything is coming up like a ding ding ding ding ding like this is awesome, then you go for that. And then from a career standpoint, where is there room? Is there any room or space to on top of that, like how does your fiance or a partner feel about you now now that you've got the relationship, how does that person feel that now that you could monetize or take this experience to your favor career wise, if you want to do that, because a lot of people back in the day would say, just focus on the relationship. Don't get caught up in trying to be like rich and famous or whatever. But I do think that you can do both. If you love this person and he loves you, and your relate the foundation of your relationship is strong. Should be still room to succeed. There should be no reason why your success and your business should destroy the relationship. So a lot of right, a lot of people are like, oh, well, she wanted to go and dancing with the stars, but she should just be focusing on that she's engaged. Well, guess what she can do both? Why can't? Well? And men can? Men have been taught to do both, so why can't women? It's just yeah, you just need to know what your priorities are, especially coming from a TV show like no is it your relationship? Is it? Capitalizing on your success in your career like what is it? And find that happy balance. So you speak of success because you are one of, like I've said, the most successful women that I know. You know, career wise, but you also have two beautiful children and amazing fiance, which I want to talk about because we saw you just get re engaged. Yeah, so was that was that plan? Tell us a little bit about that. So we have, we got engaged. So our whole relationship has been very unconventional. First of all, Justin is like ten years younger than me. I actually when I met Chested had given up. I was like, Okay, I'm starting to find my success as a human. I'm starting to enjoy my alone time. I had guys in every area code and I was proud of it, Like I'm not. I don't I'm not ashamed of that type of my life at all, because I was just confident in myself. I had a boyfriend in like Holland, one in Hollywood while I'm here and Holland, Holland. Yeah you and men in different countries. Oh yeah, I love it. And I was confident in myself. I had really strong boundaries. My friends came first, my family came first. I came first, and I just was kind of doing my own thing, and I had kind of given up, and I honestly, honestly thought, Okay, when I get to be I was thirty two, when I get to be like thirty six, I'm gonna do the artificial instamination. I'm gonna have babies on my own, and whenever it happens for me a relationship, it happens for me. And I met Justin in the line at a bar and I was like, oh, he is cute. I'm like these ten years younger than me, I'm like this like a black widow. I was like, this is my next victim. And we started chit chatting, and he was actually so I could tell that he was raised well. You know when you talk to somebody and they're just really raised well and I talk, you just know when you communicate with them that they've got a good heart. And normally what I would do with a nice guy like that as normally I would sabotage it before the first date. I would be like, oh, he's too nice, or he's like I was going for the bad guy, because I knew if I went for the bad guy, I knew how to handle them, and I already set myself up for failure. And I just didn't want to get my heart broken again. And then so I just I was basically self sabotaging myself the whole time in terms of a relationship. But that's all I knew. By the way leaving up to ed most of the guys I dated were like not good guys, not honest guys. Like I did date a few good guys, but not a lot of them. So when I met Justin and then I found out he was like twenty three and I was thirty two, and I was like, what am I going to do? Like I don't have babies and you're not ready to babies at twenty three, Like this is a disaster. But we dated for a good four years and I was going to be turning thirty six, and I said, like I would talked about engagement a lot, but I think he just we had a really rough relationship, to be honest, I think because of our age difference and also the difference in our career, like where we were in our own I think he was he came from a post in a boarding background, but then he quit, so he felt like he was always the famous one that had this crazy career and then he quit that and then he's with this girl, and everybody's oh, Jillian this, Jillian that, and he was sort of like, as a man, where do I stand. So we really struggled with in our relationship, and I think that's why we never got engaged, because I think we were both like, I don't know if we're going to get through this. Yeah, And so one day I said to him like, honestly, like I know you haven't proposed yet, but do you think I'm the one that you're gonna have babies with? And he was like yes, And I'm like, because my clock is ticking, which means your clock is ticking. So we're going to make a decision that sorry, sorry, kind of made a decision. When I turned thirty six, we start trying. But like months before my thirty sixth birthday, it happened and we got pregnant. And I think he as like a traditional he's UM's family's Catholic, Catholic, Catholic. Yeah, And I think Justin was like, shit, I should have proposed first. I'm like, well, I didn't like pregnant. Now there's no one back now. I think that always kind of bugged him, like, shit, she's right, I should have proposed first, Like it's okay, Like there's no right a wrong way to do this. And so when Leo was about eight months was Christmas, so no August. I've worked over five months old um justin proposed um and we just have been I've been. I don't think he's terrified of having a wedding, but he also is not going to plan a wedding. I know he will. I am terrified. I just I don't know. I think I'm just it seems like such a thing I've been waiting to do my whole life that I feel like, no matter what, it sounds so weird, but I'm scared I'm going to disappoint myself, like I don't know, well, and you know, like you are so creative, so I'm sure the ideas that you had in your brain years ago have changed. And you're also juggling like a thousand and fourteen different things right now, so you know it'll come. And I mean, I'm sure me everyone included will want to follow along and see yading looks like because it's going to be stunny, like that's just it's gonna regardless, like it's gonna be like like our weddings was to be last August and when coronavirus happened and we had to cancel, I was like, oh my god, like there's all these all yeah, there was all these guys that were so devastated, and I was like, thank God, I haven't gone to the gym. I had no idea from was catering. We hadn't even sent out saved the dates, and it was like five months before our wedding. Like I just couldn't. I just couldn't pull it out together. But anyways, so how I got re engaged was when I want to go try and wedding dresses in Vancouver. I went to a see our jeweler to pick out wedding bands and they noticed I had a diamond missing, so they were like, leave us your ring and I left them my grandma's wedding band as well to get polished up and fixed up before the wedding. So they sent it back to us. And it was when coronavirus first started and life was very katotic at home. We didn't have childcare, but I was still working. We weren't bringing packages inside the house and it was a day where I think a lot of jelly box packages were coming in a lot of like approval stuff, and so I had all these boxes on our front port and I had gone to the FedEx guy a few times, and I think I was drinking rose. I had a couple of hosses of wine. So I just went and I had the kids, and the kids were screaming, the dogs were barking. I was on phone call and I'm going through these packages, and our landscaper had stopped by, and I know that I was anxious about her being in the yard with coronavirus. I was like trying to keep the kids away from her and like should she be here? And I kind of said to where I'm like, you know what, it's a weird week, Like let's just not do this for a while. And she was about to leave and she said, do you want me to take your your recycling to the recycling depot? And I was like yes, because Justin is a big germophobe. So I knew Justin wasn't going to be going to the recycling depoacher in the pandemic, and I wanted to get rid of all this cardboard. So I started taking a bunch of boxes and shoving it, shoving them into boxes, and so I the ring, from what I know now, was in a FedEx box. I know it wasn't stolen because it didn't even sail on it. That it was from a jeweler. It was the guy's name, and it was a small box, Like why would somebody? It was like yeah, but it wasn't in in a heavy ring box. It was just in like a smaller like paper box or cardboard books, and so it felt empty. And I remember like now going back, once I realized what happened, I missed my steps. So then ten days later, I said to them, where's the ring? Like, I still haven't received my ring. You guys said you were sending it two weeks ago. It should be here by now, and they were like, oh, yeah, you signed for it on such and such a date, and I'm like, I didn't receive it. And so we tore the house apart. And then I went back into like Justinili and I went and looked at my calendar and I was like, that was the day that all those packages came, and then it was too late. We had like we called all the recycling depots. We went down there, but they were like, our stuff gets processed and then gets put on a boat and it's probably on his way to like Thailand or wherever in your grandma's room was in it too, Yeah, crushes my heart. Well, I mean silver lining if anything out of that stories you got another one, another ring. So we were devastated because that was the ring. That was the ring, and it's my grandma's ring. And that's kind of why a lot of people didn't agree that I asked Justin to repropose. They were like, you'd lost the ring, you should have reproposed. But Justin is very traditional and he wanted this ring to feel just as special as a lost ring. Trying to cry, he was like, I don't want you to look at this ring as the replacement ring. I want you to look at this ring as like another special moment. And it doesn't take that much to repropose and show somebody you love them like. It can be something that is a heartbreaking thing, but you can turn it back into a beautiful moment and if you really do love that person, what's the harm and showing them all over again that you want them to marry you again. So I agree, I agree, And so you just see the right words. That's all you need is the right words, maybe a second ring, who knows, but yeah, yeah, well I love that story. I can't wait to be justin because he sounds just like such a stand up guy. But before we have to let you go, I don't want I don't want you to leave. I would just want to keep picking your brain. But I just want to because I feel like our listeners are just gonna love you and they're gonna want to see more of you. So where can we see? Where can they find you? Your site? Everything, so they can, you know, fall in love with you? Like, oh, yes, thank you beca. I appreciate that, and honestly, this has been so awesome. In fact, when I was sitting down, I had to look at the clock and I was like, oh, how come we're not drinking wine like they know? And thirties a little early for me. I probably would have done eleven thirty. So if we do a follow up interview, let's do it in the afternoon so we can have some wine. Yes, if nothing else, I'm gonna FaceTime you and we're going to do that, yeah, anytime. You So thank you so much for allowing me to plug myself Instagram. I think is where my stories I think is where I'm most raw and real and screwing up left, right and center. In fact, if you go on follow me on Instagram right now, hopefully it's not expired. I should save it to my highlights. I don't know if you saw yesterday, but I tried to do a beautiful picture of me and a waterfall on this occasion, and I was trying to, like, you know, instagrammers and the waterfall. That hair's wet and they look so sexy. Anyways, I gotta I'm gonna send it to you and you can maybe share it somehow on your guys' thing. I did a side by side of how mind turned note and it's just so bad, Like I'm wearing a white bathing suit and you can like see my camel toe, my ariola, like my face, I look so I've got a double chin. It's just so nasty. And I just side by side with this other blogger that I follow, like how to do it and how not to do it. So definitely it's not still on there. I'm trying to find it. Oh miss, please send it to me. Yes. So my instant stories are, I think, are where to follow me best. My website is Jillianhairs dot com and we do lots of um, lots of recipes. We're always collaborating with different influencers, different educators. We do a lot of charity work on the website. The jelly box is cool. It's kind of hard to get your hands on one, but you can follow over there. And just taking all the small businesses that we're partnering with whatnot and the cookbook cook I love the cookbook. I love it and it's it's beautiful. It has some amazing recipes in it. So yes, I highly highly recommend. But Jillie, it was so fun to have you. Thank you. I feel like this has been a good part walk down memory lane, part therapy session, part business consulting, like all of the things wrapped up into one. So thank you for joining us on our happy hour. We love you. We have to have you back. I would love to come back. Thank you for having me. You guys, I'm so excited that everybody else got to experience Jillian because she's from a different bachelorette era, but and we got to know her at the reunion and thereafter. But people are understanding why she was the bachelorette, why she's accomplished all that she has and why she's so freaking fantastic. She truly is, I want to say, jack of all trades. She's doing it all. She but like just her charisma and kindness, Like you can really hear that when you anytime I talk to her, I just feel like I'm floating kind of because she's just so positive and she's crushing it. So I mean also too, I want to say, if you guys don't follow her on Instagram, check her out because her page is beautiful, like you can get her presets. Like just she's just doing it all. And to this day, Rachel, we're still in our bachelor group chat. We still are like, when can we go to Jillian's and have like another bachelorte reunion without the cameras, just us girls on the lake in Canada. So that still has to be planned because because that's eks happening. She lives in the middle of nowhere, she said, She's not like in a big city. You know what I love to since you mentioned the bachelortte chats, what I also love is we'll be talking about something, you know, like gossiping, and Jillian's like, what why did that happen. Yeah, should you're taking over the world, like right, like you are literally Oprah slash Mark the Steward all that. So it's like, we get it, we'll update you. But I love how she's like, where have I been? Oh? It never fails, whatever the news is. That's her response. Yes, she's so funny. But also I want to say, like, maybe we'll have a good place to go in November depending on how things turn out. So listen, there's several there's several trips floating around in the Bachelorette group chat to do, so one of these is gonna stick for sure. You guys, We truly truly hope you enjoyed that interview, and we're really gonna love going down this journey with former bachelorettes because we want you to get to know them the same way that we did. We want him. We also want you to see how they paved the way for us and are the reason that we became the Bachelorette and they set such a great example for us. And I also love that they're from a different error when it doesn't seem to be as influenced by social media. And I don't know, the stakes just seem to be just a little bit different. So anyways, we hope you guys enjoyed this as well. We're bringing you so much more on Bachelor Happy Hour and you know you guys, you know the routine. We love to hear from you, So please please continue to communicate with us on social wherever you happen to frequent social. On Instagram, you can find us at Bachelor Happy Hour on Instagram. On Twitter and Facebook, you can find us at Batch Happy Hour like comment DMUs we see you, We hear you again. We started off the show, We topped off the show with burning questions that you guys sent us. We love to do this. We want to create this community and we want it to be free flowing and very open between Becca, myself and our listeners. Also, don't forget to register to vote. 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