Our IVF Struggles With Parenthood & Marriage + Everything We Did To Have Our Daughter

00:00:00
Speaker 1: All right, welcome to another special episode, a bonus episode of Busting with the Boys. We have Mother's Day weekend ahead of us. First of all, Happy Mother's Day. Shout out to all the wonderful mothers out there. For this special episode, I have my wife, Charle Coompton on the backbone of our family the MVP. My wife is a badass. I thought it'd be fun to have her on. We've been wanting to do this podcast for a while to kind of talk about the fertility journey our second child, Scottie. She went through IVF and everything else and it feels very taboo to talk about IVF, and we thought it'd be fun. I had the dragger get her on the bus. I know we're both nervous about doing this episode. We got our boy Mitch in the back swinging the camera, so Mitchie will be talking to you a lot. But yeah, my wife again a badass. She is a business owner. She owns the Bar three studios here in local Nashville. So if you're somebody in the fitness you want to sweat a little bit, my wife runs the Bar three studios here, so she's a business owner. She is a full time mother of course. We have two beautiful girls, Cerulian Bell and Scotti Jolie Rue. She is three years old currently, Scottie, she is going on on six months, and we thought this episode would be fun, would be important. I thought it'd be cool to highlight my wife and her the IVF journey that we you went through, because I know there are a lot of couples out there that kind of struggle in silence. I know there are a lot of women that love to gravitate towards podcasts and listen to other women on other shows kind of talk about the journey, and even men out there, like you know, I know women go through the brunt and everything, but trying to be a supportive dad, trying to be a supportive husband, I know there's lonely feelings of time and struggles that everybody kind of has in the process. So this episode is a lot different. Not a lot of football talk, not a lot of ball talk. Yeah, did I miss anything in that introduction?

00:01:54
Speaker 2: I don't think so. Think you covered it. That was great.

00:01:56
Speaker 1: Why for you do you feel like this episode would be important for women, because I know gravitating towards pods was something that was gravitating towards pods was something that you kind of did in the IVF process.

00:02:11
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly when I was kind of the height of everything. And we'll talk more about this later. I feel like a lot, but I was just so in my head about all of it. I had so many questions and I really just wanted to understand what was about to happen and what we were choosing in this whole thing. And I really turned to podcasts to listen to to make me feel less lonely. And it's just so interesting because I didn't really know a lot about IVF and infertility until it started happening to me. And I do find that that is probably similar for most people who have not gone through it or about to go through it. It's like you just don't know what you don't know. So listening to conversations and people's real experiences, not only do they give you information and they also make you feel less alone, but they also kind of provide a lot of hope. So maybe this podcast is falling for someone right now at a place or a time where they need hope in going through the journey, because it can be a long one, it can be a hard one. Yeah, mumped. Yeah, thanks, baby.

00:03:09
Speaker 1: Let's brief people on our fertility process thus far, like becoming parents, like Rue, she was dialed in Honeymoon Baby. Your boy was out there hitting a homer right out of the gate. We had Rue easy. The pregnancy, the delivery. I know, I've talked about it on whenever Ru was born and I became a dad like you, having to go through forty plus hours of labor, having a birth plan, all of it, basically going to shit, not wanting what's the the epidural? You ended up having to get in three EPI durals. On the second one they miss.

00:03:46
Speaker 2: The first one.

00:03:47
Speaker 1: I'm snoozing on the couch during one we had our duel with us. I'm snooze on the couch and kind of wake up. You were screaming and yelling. I'm like, what happened? I thought we had the epidural. We were gonna fall asleep. We're gonna kind of take a nap.

00:03:57
Speaker 2: It's so fun then to look back, y'all.

00:03:59
Speaker 1: Now, Yeah, when you we're at what like you were dilated like four?

00:04:02
Speaker 2: No, I mean I never really got past six. Yeah, six or seven. That was the farthest I got after like forty six hours.

00:04:08
Speaker 1: So and eventually, yeah, eventually we had a section a forty something hours.

00:04:15
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know, like little recap of Ru's birth or Ru's pregnancy. I feel like it was yeah, really quick, easy, like honeymoon again. Like I think we both went into it like this could take a while and lo and behold, it took no time at all. So like that's like we're just so lucky. And then the pregnancy was a lot because I guess this is important too for like the infertility, like talk like during my first pregnancy, I had this cyst and it was a benign cyst and I've had it since I was born. It's called a dermoid, but it essentially grew and got kind of twisted around my Filippian two is my ovary during my pregnancy because like everything's changing around in there. So right at about twelve or thirteen weeks, I started having this really terrible pain and I would just be like buckled over and I like couldn't breathe and move, and I was like are you good, Like no, I'm not, okay, would act and he's like down playing my pain, and I'm.

00:05:05
Speaker 1: Like okay, Maybe I would be like starting to clean up the house, to do the dishes, and all of a sudden, she wants to get sideline. Let's get you to the couch. And I'm thinking to myself, like.

00:05:17
Speaker 2: Are you likely have very low tolerance for pain? Like I do? I'm going to say that from the beginning. So, but it's really hurt a lot. And I actually texted my friends about I'm like, is this normal? Like what is this?

00:05:31
Speaker 3: Like?

00:05:31
Speaker 2: Oh, maybe it's a realm ligament pain. It's gonna be gas. I'm like, yeah, we might have some TMI moments in this podcast and that's cool, right, yeah, yeah, But I'm like I don't really think it's either of those things. So I ended up going in for my second, like one of my scheduled appointments anyway, and she's like, oh, yeah, you have as cyst. It's wrapped. I would suggest surgery, and I'm like, oh my gosh. We I've literally never had surgery in my whole life. So we kind of weigh our options. She's like, you could just let it grow and let it be there. It would continue to cause you pain. It could potentially result in torsion, which is like when it gets like even more wrapped and causes like a rupture of the ovary and like that's even worse. That's like, you know, an emerchant surgery. So Will and I like went home or like should we have the surgery like while roue or sorry while our baby is like in there? And you had an opportunity to go play for the Falcons.

00:06:20
Speaker 1: That was when yeah, no, no, this Rue was born in April.

00:06:25
Speaker 2: He went to Atlanta and they but this is this is October September of twenty twenty one, and you kind of decline Authur's Arthur's ask to come play, right, You're like, I'll come next week because my my wife's gonna have the surgery. Remember that.

00:06:40
Speaker 1: Yeah that was Atlanta. Yeah that was that year. Yeah, yeah, Atlanta.

00:06:44
Speaker 2: And then end up not working out Atlanta because that was.

00:06:46
Speaker 1: And then I ended up going to Vegas that year because you're pregnant with Rue when I was in Vegas, that's right, yeah right, I had to push off that.

00:06:53
Speaker 2: Yeah, because you're like, I think I really need to be home for my wife for the surgery.

00:06:56
Speaker 1: She's gonna have, because they were like you got to be bedside for a certain a mount.

00:07:00
Speaker 2: Yeah, So they end up doing this laparscopic surgery and laparscopic is when they like go in like two little tiny ones as like cameras and one bigger one to like remove the cyst. And they ended up having to take out my cyst and my ovary in my philippia tube. So, you know, when I emerge from surgery and I'm like so groggy, and they kind of gave them the update, and I'm like, oh my gosh, will this affect my ability to get pregnant in the future, And right away her answer was no, So like I didn't think anything of it because you know, she was like no, She's like, this ovary probably hasn't been working for a long time anyway, so you're gonna be great. You're fine, And so I'm like, okay, great, love that answer for me obviously, like you know, knowing what I know now, like it's just I guess it's kind of fifty to fifty shot, like both ovaries firing equally. But even when it comes to like the retrievals and all the things with IBF, like the more you get, the more eggs you get, like the better chances you are because there's so much attrition. So anyway, it clearly affected our ability to get pregnant, in addition to like tons of other things. But that was like during my first pregnancy, I had this surgery at fifteen weeks. The baby was fine, but I, like, you know, was pretty immobile, couldn't It was like recovery. It was really like a week or two. But then I had that terrible what was it? It was like a UTI that sent me to the er and you also weren't there, shout out Dobson's wife.

00:08:17
Speaker 1: Yeah, that was when I was out of town. She like couldn't walk.

00:08:20
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was really bad.

00:08:21
Speaker 1: It was I'm out of town doing something for bus, and I remember hitting up Dobson like, hey, bro, like, could you or your wife like go help Charle like pick her up and take her to the er because it was it was kind of like a panning mode.

00:08:36
Speaker 2: Well because ugis can result in kidney infections, so also I did not know that, but it was from the surgery and like the catheter and like all this crazy crazy stuff. So like finally eventually made it past that, and then we lost your mom and then you went to Vegas or all kind of in the same moment. And then I also had like a big thing happened with my family that was really hard around Thanksgiving, So that was like an emotional and then we moved. Yeah, and then we was born, so what of pregnancy? Yeah, and then it was yeah, forty six hours of labor, elective sea section, and then it was in the Nike.

00:09:11
Speaker 1: You remember when I was trying to keep you in the trenches for oh my gosh, I went to the sea section. Honestly, at husband Ell, I.

00:09:23
Speaker 2: Feel like, but you thought it was a w and you thought you were doing the right thing, like you said birth plan, it really was more like a birth like I don't know, a guide.

00:09:31
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like what you want to learn about the birth. It's like you like for us, I know we're both kind of like type A. You like having planes in place, but you also understand that a plan can go to shit, and if it does, it's like, okay, well, at least we know that we're trying to do these options first before we have to go to before we have to pivot to the next thing. And legitimately, the entire birth plane basically like went to shit because it was like forty something hours forty something hours of labor and I want to say she sat at like four centimeters four hours, like it would never move, and we're doing all these different things like you know, accelerate the delivery.

00:10:05
Speaker 2: And then it goes because I really wanted a natural birth. I really wanted for the most part, like you know, I was trying to be like really connected to my body and have this like magical moment and we got none of that.

00:10:15
Speaker 1: Yeah, and then they yeah. And then after the three epidurals and everything else, it's.

00:10:19
Speaker 2: Like we're in there, and then oh my gosh, yes, the.

00:10:21
Speaker 1: Thought of C section comes up. We've been in the hospital at this point for We're going on two days.

00:10:26
Speaker 2: Like people had like you were texting my friend Susan, You're texting all of my girlfriends, which I feel like is so like unusual. Will had a great chat with all of my girlfriends, going like literally updating them like play by play. I'm like, I don't think I've ever received this from any of my friend's husbands or partners in my life. But they're like literally like on a weekend trip, they left for the trip, I'm in the hospital. They get back from their trip and I'm still in the hospital. So it was a very long.

00:10:49
Speaker 1: Taylor leaves to him and Tailor and go like the Arizona and they're like, oh, we're going to get to come back, like Ru's going to be here, and we get to we get to meet Ru, and they come back and we're still in it. So they just come and deliver some food for us. Uh, give us some dinner, yea, yeah, but we're still in it. I don't know. I don't know when this is gonna happen.

00:11:06
Speaker 2: Because I mean I wanted, like, you know, no induction, no epidural, no like real assistance other than like we did break my water, which I think was really glad. I'm glad that we did because then we could see there was maconium in the amnio emiotic fluid, which is like, if you don't want to maconium is it's like the poop that the baby has when they're in the womb, which is crazy. I mean, Ru was forty one week, so she was like past term already, but that was like why the nurses were on standby, and she did end up having to go the Nike you for the maconium in her lungs, which was also kind of scary because we're like Why is there baby not here anymore? Why did they take her away? But yeah, it's like finally we get to this point where I'm like, I don't know if I can do this anymore because I have the labor shakes. I'm like getting pumped up with like not only like the drugs of the abidural and the like potocin to like keep the contractions going, but also now I have like antibiotics because I have all these like white blood cell hYP is it red blood cells or white blood cells?

00:11:59
Speaker 1: I think it's okay.

00:12:00
Speaker 2: High white bloods, Yeah, either one. All these things in my body that I don't want. I haven't eaten, I haven't slept. It's like exhausting, and it's like I don't know. I'm like, could I have done this differently? Could I have Just like I don't know what I've could have done for like, but in the end, I was like, I think I need to have a sea section. And so like all of the nurses and doctors leave and will and I are like should we deliver this baby by sea section?

00:12:20
Speaker 1: Well?

00:12:21
Speaker 2: I was like, this is not what you wanted. You don't want this. I don't think you should do it. It kind of He's like, he goes, he goes. It kind of feels like you're giving up.

00:12:28
Speaker 1: And I was like, hey, gentlemen, men, don't ever say that your wife is in the process of delivery.

00:12:37
Speaker 2: Baby forty six hours. And he's like, kind of feels like you're giving up. And I'm like, you know what, I don't give a fuck. I am giving up. And we were going to get this baby out in forty five minutes, which is what we did. And I was like crying. I was like so sad. I was like, really sad that you were disappointed in me in those in that in that moment, and I hate.

00:12:58
Speaker 1: This because this is true. I felt like shit. I thought in my brain I was doing the right thing. I'm trying to give her like these football less styles, and.

00:13:11
Speaker 2: You know, we were trying to have like a code word with a doula, you know what I mean, like code word, like devate code word. I actually don't want this anymore. This is the code word. And I think I had said it like sixty five times at that point.

00:13:22
Speaker 1: Yeah, not by mess mom.

00:13:26
Speaker 2: Are you disappointed in me?

00:13:28
Speaker 1: No? No, no, no, no no. Once I come out of it and gain hey, listen, I know you're laboring for forty plus hours. I'm also on the couch for forty something hours. Shout out the men who have to lay on that couch and sleep on that couch. So I'm sure I was getting a little delusional. I was like, letting my emotions get the best of me, but your reaction zooming out of it. I fucked up by saying that, And no, I did not think that. Like again, you were You see all these shit happening, and it's you doing it Like I'm fucking I'm subbing in with the duela. I'm like, okay, I'll do the pressing, I'll do the handholding, I'll do all this.

00:13:59
Speaker 2: I fall asleep, can help you took.

00:14:04
Speaker 1: Let's not let you know, let's not fool with the audience now, like maybe one nap, I mean maybe a couple I did thy. Yeah, anytime the duel was the duel is turned to go up, I'm like, let me see if I can sneak on here. As long as nothing's not you know, nothing's not elevated to the height of the pain that she was going through.

00:14:21
Speaker 2: That was fun. We survived.

00:14:22
Speaker 1: We survived. Rue. She's a she's a champ. She is a she's a stud, she was healthy, all of that stuff. Yeah, we were in the nick you for what a week.

00:14:31
Speaker 2: That was a really hard week. Yeah for me personally. I don't know if it was hard for you, but it was hard for me.

00:14:35
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, you know the fellas we go through it too.

00:14:38
Speaker 2: Just to I think you're literally just here at work just saying it out doing podcasts and I'm like literally like in this like useless state. I've already taken my attorney leave. I'm sitting at home. I have nothing to do. I've just given birth, I'm recovering from a c section, and I have no baby, i have no purpose I have Like, it was it.

00:14:58
Speaker 1: Was really hard how whatever. I will say that that was like shitty. And we also got to sleep and you're almost preparing for your baby to come home, versus like you have the baby and you basically leave the hospital whenever you're allowed to leave the hospital, because that's kind of how it was with Scottie. So we did get to sleep, Yeah, and then you just take we just take visits to the hospital.

00:15:24
Speaker 2: And then it just make her like when she got to come home like that much more, which was like a moment.

00:15:29
Speaker 1: Yeah, so jumping ahead now, like getting to the second one. Whenever we figured out like we wanted to have a second child, we're ready to have a second child. You know, we're as a as a male out there, you're kind of just used, like how your wife wants to use you to like, hey, ovulation's happening, I need you now.

00:15:48
Speaker 2: It is kind of sad how like sex, like when you're trying to get pregnant, Like it's not like like what it used to be. It like turns into this like.

00:15:56
Speaker 1: More system and yes, it's.

00:15:58
Speaker 2: It's kind of sucks. Like I don't obviously the first field to feel that, but yeah, like I definitely felt that, like the far that we got along to like we weren't getting pregnant, and it just was like right in the secondimulating it's time.

00:16:11
Speaker 1: And the second time we're going through we think it's gonna you know, kind of we're very aware that how hard it is to get pregnant because a lot of people do have different journeys and it takes a while and it's not as easy as as it seems like it's going to be. But for us kind of having rue, you did have that cyst. You did have that surgery to remove the cysts, but I would say that we still felt optimistic, going, hey, we're ready to have a second child. You know, I'm in there, I'm dropping Semen Semen Team six over and over just thinking like this is going to land. I'm hunting for the boy. I'm trying to go get. I'm trying to go after and.

00:16:41
Speaker 2: Get the your metaphors because also you're like saying these things and it's like none of this isn't our control. Yeah, it's like we think we're doing things that are like making our odds better, but like are we Like I felt like I was like doing all the right stuff with the prenatals and when I was eating and how I was moving, and none of that stuff really mattered.

00:16:57
Speaker 1: I don't know, Yeah, because I stopped doing like the sauna because I'm starting to look into things like what could be hurting my sperm and so I'm like getting off everything that can kind of like hurt your sperm with like heat and whatever it is. And at what point do you feel like, hey, we need to start working with like a fertility doctor, because you started to get pretty stressed, like again, not talking about like how old you are, we can being thirty five. You started to get a little impatient and stressed out over the female time clock of like having a kid, to where I'm sitting there maybe a little bit more optimistic, like Okay, hey we got lucky on the first one. We just got to keep trying, like month after month, like we'll just keep We'll just keep kind of chugging along, We'll keep doing our thing. And then you start to get stressed out to where then it's like, hey, let's go get tested, like maybe it's me, Like maybe it's like I don't know how many tests you even had to do outside of like yeah, yeah, you got blood work done, but we had the system overything, and I'm thinking, what if it's me and my sperm? So I'm going in and getting tested jerking off in a cup, which is a wild experience.

00:18:02
Speaker 2: Are their magazines in there or they just give you like a like a porns.

00:18:07
Speaker 1: I mean, I just truth be told, I just pulled out my phone and just did my own work, and they give you they give you some lube. But I'm a noe gear type of guy. I don't want to use gear. I like going after it just me and my hand. Yeah, and then you kind of just you kind of do your thing in the cup. You put the cup in this little mailbox that's built in the wall, and then I leave the room, and you're kind of like walking around the halls, and then you come across one of the one of the nurses, and you kind of have like, hey, so do I just do I Am I good to go? Do I leave? Do I gotta check in with anybody to check out?

00:18:36
Speaker 2: I think you literally just left and didn't say anything to anybody the second third time.

00:18:39
Speaker 1: I did do that because I had to do it a few different times, which we'll get into with the IVF process. But I'm getting tested. We're all testing blood work, sperm count. I see my volume's great. My guys are they're they're hunters. Yeah, I got some dogs in the a gap.

00:18:56
Speaker 2: I think we are both surprised by like the quality of your sperm, yes, because you had always talked about like your testouts run being low. Yeah, so we're like, okay, maybe the problem is you.

00:19:05
Speaker 1: But then should not be the word, and it still wasn't. It wasn't working. So then we start working with the fertility doctor.

00:19:12
Speaker 2: Well, kind of yeah. I mean if we like back up a little bit, you know how that like maybe women anyone woman who's listening, a mom who's listening at the like you're a six week post birth checkup, they're like make sure. They're like asking about abstinence. You're like, are you guys, like how are you going to protect from having a baby, you know, going forward? Are you gonna do condoms? Are you gonna get on birth control? And it's like whoa, And then they're like make sure if you're gonna get pregnant and you wait a year, so they tell you they they say, you wait a year. So that is kind of what we had in our minds. We were like, well, let's wait a year. Who was born in April? So I think we started kind of trying again, like February March, and you know, at this point, I'm thirty five. Who was born when I was thirty three? And I'm thirty five, So like biological eighty if you like literally just do a Google search. They're like, if you're under the age of thirty, wait a year of trying before reaching out out for help. And if you're like over the age of thirty or maybe like thirty two then only wait six months before reaching out for help. So we started trying and like, I don't know, March, and then we eventually reached the point where we reached out for help in like October or November, because our first fertility like at the fertility clinic appointment was that wasn't like November November, and that's when they're like, Okay, let's do some testing, let's try to figure out what's going on. And essentially all of our results came back unexplained, unexplained for infertility, unexplained infertility. And I mean again coming back to like the education piece, like fifty percent of all infertility is like secondary, and by secondary, it's like after the first kid, so a lot of people are struggling to have their very first kid, which I feel like that's a whole nother ballgame and like journey that I'm not like accustomed, like I've not been through. But secondary fertility is fifty percent of all cases, and I'm like, wow, that's like very common, Like how come I didn't know this. So it's like we're trying to have our second kid and it's so much harder we thought it'd be. Really easy because route was so easy. Yeah, and then we g IUI first. So we tried a IUI like right on Christmas.

00:21:07
Speaker 1: The IUI is like the Turkey basing.

00:21:10
Speaker 3: Yeah.

00:21:10
Speaker 2: Yeah, they used to call it artificial insemination, but I think they changed it for some reason. I'm not sure why. Maybe artificial insemination sounded.

00:21:19
Speaker 1: Yeah, So that's that's when we started to learn about the options like i UI IVF. You know, this is where like the stress was in and we're trying to like figure out what the decisions are. And we were kind of saying, hey, let's do IUI for what the first couple of months and we'll try it.

00:21:33
Speaker 2: Yeah, they recommend doing like three iuis before jumping to IVF, just kind of based on your history. Like there's a lot of factors that go into like how a fertility like doctor will like recommend a plan for you, which like everyone is different. So like with my biological age, I was still under thirty seven. I learned that like thirty seven is like this point where like egg quality actually begins to decline. Like scientifically, there's data that says like egg quality has like a steeper decline at age thirty seven. Yeah, which is like Okay, great, I'm only thirty five. I'm turning thirty six in like a month. What can we do now to like preserve this like quote unquote higher egg quality before it starts to decline in a year. And also I'd had no previous miscarriages. I think that's another factor. People all the times miscarriages happened because you know, the the quality of the embryo, it's like maybe abnormal or it won't implant because it's it's like the qualite, like the DNA, like the chromosomes, there's like too many or not enough. So that's why like miscarriages happen a lot of times. Sometimes it's that there's other factors as well. But because I've had none of those, they're like, okay, maybe it's just like not lining up. So they thought I was like a good candidate to like skip straight to IVF because they want to get the good egg qualit, like you know, I could do like a fresh transfer. There's just all these factors. Like I was turning thirty seven in a year, like let's.

00:22:55
Speaker 1: Get there was it was like you did not want to be heaving. You wanted to have the you want to have our second baby before you turn thirty seven, because it's like we didn't do the third time of IUI, and then also what goes into IVF. It takes like it's a certain period of time before you get through the fresh transfer, which would add up these months to where it's like I want to be yet on this baby sooner rather than going through the process.

00:23:17
Speaker 2: I think, Yeah, it's just tough with like I think everyone who goes to fertility clinic wants to have a baby yesterday, right Like for me personally, I know, I'm like, holy shit, We've been trying now for almost a year and I still don't have a baby. I'm not even pregnant, Like how old? How long will this take? So it's like I go in with this timeline and honestly that is what I would tell someone if I wasn't given the advice, like ditch the timeline. But as I'm going with the timeline, how can I get pregnant as fast as possible? Like IUI leaves so much more to chance. IVF like you have a little bit more control, So that I think is another reason why we skipped right to it, because there's so much preparation work, like we're like, okay, let's do IVF. I think we said that like the very end of December or maybe early January, and we didn't start it for another month plus because there's like time they have to do like testing. They have to get like your follicles like back down to like baseline, and they all have to be at baseline. It's kind of a lot of like scientific stuff that happens in your body with like the hormones and everything to prepare you to start the process for like retrieval. And if you don't know like what IVF is, it's essentially I mean, do we talk about it. Yeah, it's like they are extrame what they're trying to do. Like your body, like a woman's body, it's going to drop down one egg every single month. That's your period, right, Like it drops down the egg and then when it flushes the egg out, that is like the blood coming out. I mean again, maybe this TMI. Maybe it's like everyone knows this, right, this is like a fifth grade this women had periods. Right, He's clarifying that he did know about periods, the.

00:24:57
Speaker 3: IVF stuff, Like I'm not entirely sure how that entire process. Yea, yeah, it works or anything like that.

00:25:03
Speaker 2: That's uh, it's like a few steps right, so to give to prep your body for this thing. That's called the retrieval. And IVF is two it's two procedures essentially in essence. The first procedure is what's called a retrieval. So your body's dropping down one all by itself, no matter what. Every month for the most part, if you have like a regular cycle. What IVF does is it like kind of hyper stimulates your ovaries and the follicles in there that produce the eggs to get as many eggs as possible from ovaries. And for me it's only one ovary, right, so but for other most people, they're stimulating the ovaries to get as many follicles as possible to have this egg that's like the perfect size has to be like the perfect size for release down like, but they don't want to racist, so they go in. Once the eggs are the perfect size, they go in. They kind of give you this like I mean know what the shots called. But they'll go in and they'll retrieve the eggs. So that like I went under. I went under for that right, like I was asleep.

00:25:59
Speaker 1: I think, so, I mean my memory is shaky.

00:26:03
Speaker 2: I'm pretty sure. Yeah, I went under. They retrieved the eggs and they also have Will sperm, So that same morning of my retrieval, Will goes in and he gives a sperm. And then what they do is they like they look for like the fastest swimming sperm, and they will just kind of match up the eggs with the sperm. And there's different ways you can do it. You can kind of like let them like put them in a petri dish and let them like hang out and like match up by chance. Or you can also do this thing called gosh, what's it called. It's in sick I forget, but they basically inject the sperm into the egg to ensure that they like what's that called. There's like a it's a weird acronym. We can look it up.

00:26:44
Speaker 1: But is that when I was we were in the room and they're putting the sperm.

00:26:48
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean we didn't see it happen, but they're trying to make embryos. So they're taking Will sperm and they're taking my eggs and they're like, you know, trying to make as many embryos as possible. Yeah, so then they like let the ms sit and like hatch, they have to get to like blasticis stage, so there's like three day five day and they make it to a five day blasticis. You can either freeze them or you can transfer them. So a lot of people will free them if they want them for the future, or you can freeze them if you want to like test them first. They call it PGTA testing, and that basically tests like for abnormal chromosomes to see like how likely it is if you transfer this embryo, will it implant and will it become like a baby in a live birth. We chose to do a fresh transfer, and we did that because the fertility doctor said, be okay, great candidate for it. And it's like a month faster, and it's much faster because you don't have to wait for the PGTA results like those can often take six to eight weeks, so some people do retrieval and then they'll freeze their eggs or send them off for testing and then they won't do their transfer for another like two to three months. We did it so that as soon as that embryo, the best ones will kind of grade them, so they're like tell you how many eggs or tell me how tell you how many eggs they got, how many embryos made it to day five blastocysts, And from them they can like grade them like this is this is graded X, this is graded y. There's like different grading scales, and they'll for our fresh transfer, they chose the best one, the best graded one, the one that like looked the best, like based on like their microscope. It's kind of crazier, like this is what we're looking for. I'm like, oh cool, Like I have no idea what that is. And then for a fresh transfer, they literally transfer it into your body. So that's another procedure. That's procedure number two for like trying to implant it. So they're trying to like mimic what happens when like the egg is like traveling down the Filippian tube and then the sperm meets it and then they like mate and then it like implants in the uterus. So that is what they're like kind of manufacturing scientifically. And that I was not under I was awake and I'm just like kind of laying there and it's really cold, and I remember being really stiff, and I was just trying to relax.

00:28:51
Speaker 1: I mean they're kind of watching the entire process. They're guiding. Yeah, they're guiding it to the right spot because it has to stick right. They have to be insanely accurate. It's a It's.

00:29:00
Speaker 2: Incredible and I'm just like hoping that they got the right sperm. I'm like, I hope it's will comptents.

00:29:05
Speaker 1: Yeah, and then you hope it like uh and then it is in hope that you hope it in plants and and sticks to where you know it doesn't.

00:29:16
Speaker 2: You don't you know, like it's not even like really a miscarriage at that way the egg breaks or like yeah, I mean like is the embryo like a good embrya, Like are the at like the chromosomes right right? How's your uterus like some people have like uterine polyops or like all different things that like happen or maybe like it's the problem, like the problem, but like something is going on in your body that you haven't tested for. So I will say like in general, I feel like our process was like overall smooth, Like we didn't have to do like a lot of extra testing. I talked to so many people where they like go through this and like, wow, we found this out about myself and now I have to like do this stuff for my hormones or I have to like fix this or like try and make this a little better. And then like the process gets elongated and lengthened even more. Oh then you know again you wanted the baby yesterday.

00:30:02
Speaker 1: Yeah, And there's so much unknown too, to where it's like you're trying to have patience and be ready for if a pivot has to happen, because we also have so many friends that had to go through many different cycles or oh my gosh, if you have tons of retrievals, Yeah, tons of retro.

00:30:17
Speaker 2: And that's the thing with the retrievals, Like the attrition rate and if you have is crazy. Like I won't say how many eggs we got, but in general the attrition is like up to eighty percent from like the number of eggs you get in terms of how many healthy like day five blasticis like embryos you have, So there's like so much drop off. Like let's say you get twenty five eggs, only ten of those might fertilize, and then maybe only five of those make it to day five blasticist and maybe only two of those are actually chromosomally normal. So it's like you're going from like twenty five to two. So that's why some people with their retrieval, they end up with zero and like then you just don't have any eggs to transfer it all. I mean, I guess you could always try to transfer it abnormal if you have one. I've always also heard like data about that, Like you haven't mad do like genetic counseling, but sometimes like the women's body will literally fix an abnormal implantation, like an abnormal embryo in the uterus, and just it becomes like a live birth, like a chromosomally normal baby, which is crazy, Like there's just so much that happens like within our bodies that's not in our control, and there's so many things that we can do, like with IBF too, to like it's just like, yeah, so we got so lucky that we did one retrieval, one transfer, and thankfully it's stuck and now it's che s guy.

00:31:32
Speaker 1: Because backup talk about all the hormone chats. My gosh is there's such a process to even get to that point of you know, getting the embryos and the agg retrieval and everything else. Yeah, you have to go through pretty them needles ain't a walk in the park.

00:31:50
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean yeah, So it's like retrieval and transfer. I feel like leading up to the transfer, there's not like a lot of things different. Really, it's like leading up to the trieble where you're trying to like get as many follicles active and like these egg size is perfect. That's when all like the shots come in. So when you hear people talk about shots in the IBF, that's what it is, so essentially, which another thing that kind of comes into play was like birth control, which I was like so annoyed by. But sometimes they'll prescribe you birth controlled to like kind of control the start date of the IVF cycle, and I didn't want that. I was like, please, I do not want that at all. I don't want any extra hormones I don't have to have. But this whole thing happened where it's just like the timing of like when the fertility clinic closed and when they could get results and when my period had started that I had to like push it off by a week. And I was so frustrated by this because the birth can, I mean, I didn't know what at the time, but the birth control gave me these terrible headaches. I literally like couldn't work, and I don't really get headaches a lot, so that was like a whole other factor. So they like suppressed my follicles with birth control, which again don't recommend if you don't have to, but sometimes it's like it actually got it done sooner. Otherwise I would have had to wait a whole nother month. So birth control step one, and then they're like, Okay, your follicles look good, everything's baseline. Let's start the shots. So they like give you these dosages of like these hormones that you have to put into your belly, and I think there were three for the retrieval process, and you gave them to me for the most part, all the ones in my belly. Maybe yeah, I think you've even all those because you were in town leading up to like afterwards, sometimes Audrey or Nanny gave them to me. Shout out Audrey, huge, shout out to Audrey. Oh my gosh, she's the best. But yeah, so like leading up to their treebal they're my husband, will You're giving me these shots in my belly usually morning and night, and I'm going into the fertility clinic like every few days to get checked, like, how's the follicle looking, how's the growth looking? Okay, do we need to like pump up this hormone? Do we need to timber down a little bit on this one? Like they're trying to adjust the dosages to get the fog holes to grow at the right rate. They don't want them to grow too fast because they grow too fast and the eggs will release, but they don't have to growth too slow easy either, and they also want them to all grow at the same time. So it's like a lot of things happening that they're like trying to like pinpoint and get correct. So then when they you know, I'm going going in every few days, and those shots were not terrible. I mean it's like really just like pinching my belly fat putting it in there. They're relatively small shots. It's just like tons of them. And also they just like send you everything at your house and you're like, oh, am I like a doctor?

00:34:14
Speaker 1: Now?

00:34:14
Speaker 2: Like am I a nurse? Like do I just have to figure this out? Yeah? No, Yeah, there's they're they're like, oh, this is how you do with this video anyway? So you did it, but you give yourself shots all the time.

00:34:26
Speaker 1: So I feel like you were So what's so funny, Mitch. Everybody knows I do some peptides.

00:34:36
Speaker 2: Yeah, but also you said that it was like different giving me shots and giving you shots.

00:34:40
Speaker 1: Oh for sure, because yeah, you're like in control, you know how it feels and everything else. And again you're pain tolerance. It's like you're trying to do everything you can to make it as comfortable as possible.

00:34:49
Speaker 2: Yeah, so those belly shots weren't I mean comparatively, they're really.

00:34:53
Speaker 1: Not that bad. No, not compared to the oh my gosh.

00:34:56
Speaker 2: So then you go in they're like, Okay, your follicles look great. Do the retrieval. They schedule it. They have to do this like little like uh infragot it's called. But they give you one final one that like gets you in the right spot and they'll do the retrieval. And then as soon as the retrieval is done. I think a lot of people think IBF is like once you do their treble and or a transfer, you're done. It's not. The shots continue. So then they're trying to get kind of like getting your body ready to like implant an embryo, so they're trying to get more progesterone in there. So progesterone in oil like PIO is what you're injecting literally into your butt. So it's it's crazy. So as soon as the retrieval shots end, the progesterone starts begin and they're like big needles and you have to I mean typically they'll recommend like if you end up getting pregnant, you do them during the two week wait. You'll do them like as soon as the transfer is done, and then like until you find out if you're pregnant or not, and then if you are pregnant, and you have to continue them through twelve weeks at pregnancy, so it's not done when you get pregnant. You keep giving yourself progesterone and oil shots your butt every night until you get pregnant or sorry, until twelve weeks.

00:36:03
Speaker 1: Yeah, buddy, these these these tots now give us like a size a man. I kind of cant can you pull it up? Pull it up on Google? What would you type in sweetheart.

00:36:15
Speaker 2: P I O shots? But yeah, they're like a big needle and it's like a lot of like what like this, Yeah, and they're like kind of thick, and I do remember, like I walk in the park so much.

00:36:29
Speaker 1: I remember seeing and I kind of took it out. I was like, a sweetheart, don't don't look back here. I'm looking at you have the dog pulled up.

00:36:42
Speaker 2: You cannot really see it matched.

00:36:46
Speaker 1: Right there? Yeah, can you see it?

00:36:48
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, that's that's a big needle.

00:36:51
Speaker 1: You can't see it on your screen. Yeah, those that one on the left there, but yeah, it's a beast.

00:36:59
Speaker 2: It's really not. But it's like your hip. If anyone's looking for tips on like best ways to manage PIO injections, what did I do?

00:37:06
Speaker 3: I did?

00:37:07
Speaker 2: I rolled out I rolled out the butte. Yeah, like two or three minutes. I would do some air squads and.

00:37:13
Speaker 1: When you're you would warm, you would heat.

00:37:15
Speaker 2: No, I did heating after, Okay, you do heating after. And then I would like prepare the PIO injection into this huge ass needle. And there's like two needles, so you have to make sure you're not doing like the retrieving needle because that one's even bigger. And I've heard people like accidentally use that one, which is like terrible.

00:37:31
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:37:32
Speaker 2: So then I'm like, well, choose the spot. I'm alternating butts, so like let's say, you know, when I do my right cheek, next time I do my left cheek, you want to make sure. And then I find a spot that's like not like holy and there's not a ton of bruise on, like do this spot, so like clean it off. And then our trick was that.

00:37:47
Speaker 1: You would in the ass like big, all right, is this the spot again? You're trying to avoid the bruising because there's bruising that occurs throughout the process that you just like you just feel bad for. You're like, Dan, have to put this needle in her again. But she would she would be there, bend over the kitchen can. Yeah, I bent over the kitchen counter. I'll be all right, are you ready? And she'd be like yeah, and I would just I'll be like okay, and I'd slap her on the ass and then slip the needle in. And then as the needle's in, it's like probably an eight to ten second like as it has to.

00:38:20
Speaker 2: Like slowly go in because you don't want to go too fast.

00:38:22
Speaker 1: Yeah, you can't go too fast, So you're going like eight to ten seconds where you're just pushing it in, You're just like, tell me the breathe.

00:38:27
Speaker 2: You really could countdown, yeah, and some were fine and some were like really bad.

00:38:31
Speaker 1: Right.

00:38:32
Speaker 2: It really just kind of like depended on.

00:38:33
Speaker 1: The spot in the day and ever after the injection.

00:38:37
Speaker 2: You would like heat your right after the injection, I'd apply pressure and then I'd sit on a heating pad for a little bit. Yeah, but it got to a point over like two weeks or two to three weeks of these, I'm like, I can't walk like. I was so like frustrated because I like, not only am I like going through IVF, but I'm also like in pain. And so I did go in. I was like, hey, any chance I'd get a smaller needle, and they're like yeah, sure. I'm like, why did you Why did you give me this huge needle to begin with? So I'm really glad I asked for a smaller needle. Again, if your needles look a little too big, maybe you get a smaller one. You can see what they say, Yeah, and those felt a little bit better. Another options that you can take progesterone and oil. This is again TM I there's these like little tablets and they don't like using this it because as effective like using the shot, like it'll get it directly into your bloodstream. It's like quick works right away. But you can also do like this kind of like area one where you like literally insert this little tablet into your uterus. So that's fun. I'm so glad Mitch is here. So yeah, that's lots of the shots and stuff.

00:39:42
Speaker 1: If we'rebody listening, I feel like they just learned learned about the IVF process. Mitch, do you feel like you got that? Definitely helps clear it up. Talk about the highs and lows throughout the process. I don't even know if there were highs, but obviously the highs when we find out that it's it's happening for us, But there were definitely quite a few lows throughout due to the stress, the foremones, the impatience hoping everything goes well that it's you know, it's obviously a very stressful, a stressful journey because even again it's like, were you did you become the owner yet of bar three? No, but at that point in the process of.

00:40:23
Speaker 2: She had called me and said, hey, would you want to do this?

00:40:24
Speaker 1: And I was saying, like, with work and career, I know there was one time where you had to kind of moves up around or you couldn't go to something for work that you had really wanted to go to where I think you were going to be speaking or you were going to be doing something that you were really excited about. And yeah, kind of an emotion. It took kind of an emotional toll on you at that point to where it felt kind of like a like a breaking point because I think we were out in I think Vegas for the super Bowl, this might have been in Federation, was kind of early, but yeah, take us through, take us through the emotional roller coaster.

00:40:56
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh my gosh, it's I feel like I could just talk for hours and I'll try not to, but yeah, I think I know that I'm like a person who likes to be in control. I think you're very similar, Like we like to control the controllables, and IVF is very much a process where you're not in control. But it's also very odd because I did feel like, if you're talking highs, like the one high was that like we were finally doing something together that like gives us a higher likelihood of having our second baby. So like we knew long term that this was like hopefully the right move, but like in it, like in this like thick of it, like this tear, like this bubble. I think a lot of it had to do with like timelines and expectation and the process, because during the IVF process, like retrieval transfer, they recommend not traveling. I mean in general, like don't go too far away. Obviously during the whole retrieval process you have to be the fertility clinic every couple days anyway, so you can't go anywhere. And after the transfer, like you're waiting to see if you're pregnant, it's like don't exert too much. Like physical activity does not actually affect an embryo's ability to implant, but in some ways, like a woman would never forgive herself if she like went for a run and then didn't get pregnant, So it's more like a mental thing like anyway, so it's like they restrict you. They say like don't do all these things. And at this point, you know, of course, I wish I was pregnant six months ago and I had all these they cool things planned for work, Like I was really pumped to lead this training in DC at my old studio that I used to work at and manage there, and I had to cancel it and I had to like kind of tell my team members, like can someone step in to do this training for me that I was like so pumped for the opportunity to do, because I'm like in the middle of this procedure that should have already been done or that I didn't know was going to happen, and like all the timing doesn't work out where I couldn't go, and I just remember feeling so mad. I was like really angry because I think internally like I was feling like I was missing out on this opportunity for work, which I love my job. I you know, am about like in the middle of like going through this with my body obviously, after like months and months of trying to get pregnant where you get these negative pregnancy tests or I would get them, and I just every time it was just like I just felt so hopeless, like looking at these negative pregnancy tests where it's like where I would get my period and I would just like start crying because we just wanted a second kid so badly. So it's already at this point where I'm so vulnerable, so emotional and now I can't do these like cool things I want to do for work. And then I think we were supposed to go on vacation. We're supposed to go to Mexico. We canceled that also because we knew we'd be in the middle of the fertility stuff with the IVF. And I also like, I'm like, oh, I have to cancel this work training that I've been pumped about I've been working on for months. And you know, I'm sitting here at home on the phone with a fertility doctor and Will is literally in Vegas living his like best life life, like his like working and like his life is normal. He's like with his the boys and he's doing football and he's like having fun. Like I know he like is thinking of me. I'm not like it's not like resentment, but it's almost like this comparison where I'm the one like in it and I'm the one who has to like give up all these things that I wanted to do and he doesn't have to, which I mean it just sucks. So it's like that it's like feels really lonely in and of itself when it's like my partner is not actually experiencing this with me, even though we're going through it together. It's not like we're not Actually he's like not in my body.

00:44:38
Speaker 1: Yeah, so that was like, yes, that's fair, that's natural. I think it's like it's one of those things too that every couple who's whether they're going through the IVF process, you know, whatever the fertility pregnancy journey that people are on, it's like these moments happen naturally, I think, no matter what. And it's it's obviously important that you're like staying connected with your partner because again it's like, you know, we'd be on a phone call and I'm thinking of my head, do you know I'm trying to let her talk and feel her emotions, Like do I just let her feel her emotions and empathize? Does she want me to try and give a solution to like, you know, like what is she needing out of me? And if you know, if you're if you're the guy, and you know, you could obviously say the wrong thing, and it's something as simple as oh, it's easy for you to say, and then all of a sudden, the may like we're triggered because we're trying our best and you just there's a lot of stuff going on just in the in the relationship that you have to navigate and stay connected on because now you kind of lose sight of it, then you can kind of get resentful because again it's just like talking from the male perspective, which again we're not going through it. I think we're very aware of, or we try to be as aware as we can of how hard it is because a lot of this stuff too. It's like we're traveling and I know that I'm getting to kind of like live my best life and do all these things with my career, and you're stuck at home and you're going through all this stuff. It's like there's this guilt and shame that kind of builds up inside of you that if it's not communicated the right way, if you don't have the right communication with your spouse, your wife, your girlfriend, whatever, it is, like it can go sideways. And so I don't know exactly where I'm going with all that word salad, but I think like stay connected and knowing that there are gonna be times where there's gonna be arguments being had, but as long as you can kind of like find your way back to that connection and get out of it, whether you're sleeping on it for a night and or learning how to hey, how do you want me to help you right now? Or and even that might you know fellows all the time, it's like you don't know what questions because then you're like, oh, you're expected to know. You gotta know, like why you asked me this? You shouldn't know what's going about. You just get some such a mental frenzy that it's just super important that you got that. Everybody communicates, and you try to find the ways to communicate best. I know Tarl and I were big proponents and will hit couple's therapy and try to have that third party perspective navigate like differences and how we see things and how to communicate better and more effectively. What kind of stirs up in your mind whenever you know, hey, why aren't you cleaning this up? Why aren't you doing this? But no, it's it's it's important because that stuff is I think, no matter what it happens naturally because again you're you're kind of fighting this fight, which feels like alone a lot of the times, even though that you know you do have a partner, but it's tough. It sounds like it's like it's very tough to juggle, because again, I'm not going through it actually the way you are.

00:47:41
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, I mean overall, like looking back though, I feel like you handled it well, Like you did a lot of listening. And then sometimes I felt like you were like doing all this listening and there were things like maybe you wanted to say or like wanted to offer up and you just kind of didn't And maybe that was the right thing, maybe that wasn't. I don't know, But like I honestly kind of like sometimes was feeling like like what's Wilniye, Like what's he feeling in this moment that he's not saying that he's like protecting me from or he's like just trying to like kind of silence his own emotions because mine are so big right now. So like what do you what did you need going through IVF?

00:48:17
Speaker 1: I don't know. I don't know. Again, there's like more it's like it's like guilt and shame that would build up in me versus like like because you don't want to like I don't want to like let you down. I do want to try and say the right things. A lot of times, like when you're just doing the whole listening thing and empathizing, the phone conversation will kind of like end with you being like, oh, you know, if we're on the phone, like okay, I'll let you go, and you feel like, all right, did did I? Did I provide enough? Because when you're just listening, you're not like providing a solution or you're not like you that's okay, yeah, which is Yeah, it's dude, It's just it's a yeah, it's a puzzle. It's a puzzle that's hard to know.

00:48:56
Speaker 2: I feel it's a puzzle. I don't have answers either, Yeah, like if.

00:48:59
Speaker 1: You leave the conversation or you're sitting at home and whether you continue to watch a TV show. I know, in my mind it's like am I doing? Am I being the support that she needs right now? Or should I have said this? Or should I have said that? When really it's like, you know, intimacy can be a lot different when you're going through this journey to where like you know, we'll be talking with therbis. I'm like, you know, sometimes I'm just laying there like could I just you know, can we get a little can we get a little action, but I'm feeling bad about even thinking about that because I'm not going through what's going on. But then I'm like, okay, but I also need to I need to create space for my needs. What am I need right now? Like it's like, that's what tells me what I'm needing right now? But how do I even communicate that? It makes like that's funny. I promised that. That was a conversation that I basically tried walking through, like in front of her therapists one time, and it's just like, well, just how do I even go about that? Because again, I feel like a I feel like an asshole to even like want that during this time. So there's there's a lot of stuff I feel like, you know, okay, yeah, yeah, trying to live in that emotion, and I'm trying to live in that.

00:50:03
Speaker 2: You know, it's all the shame and gill And then of course if I knew this, and I'm going to feel shame and gilling about you feeling shame, and so it's like this like circle and cycle that It's like, is this even productive? Maybe we can just both understand that we're like on the same team.

00:50:16
Speaker 1: Yeah, And because I'll be telling the docmn she I'll be like, and Doc, it's like the moment like maybe I try, and she just says like, and of.

00:50:22
Speaker 2: Course, why you're going through this. They don't really they don't want you to have any penetration that's not allowed.

00:50:29
Speaker 1: But again, it's like, Okay, a roller coaster shut down, it doesn't mean we got to shut down the entire theme park and.

00:50:36
Speaker 2: Hormonal emotion. I'm like a doc.

00:50:38
Speaker 1: And then when she says like, sweetheart, this isn't about you right now, and then I'm thinking that's that's like that's kind of like my trigger. I'm like, all right, yeah, I know, it's not about me. I'm trying.

00:50:47
Speaker 2: So we've learned that those are not the right words for me to Yeah, we've learned that lots of couples therapy, not a lot too much just to rite just.

00:50:56
Speaker 1: I think good check ins. But it's it's obviously been very helpful for us, just because again it's like learning how to communicate and navigate those situations.

00:51:05
Speaker 2: And you know, you like keep on talking about like the ways that you're like listening and like face to face and like talking and like that type of communication. But I do honestly feel like a lot of the times where I felt like most supported by you, and even now it's truly like when you like, I don't know, you like squeeze my ass while I'm doing the dinner doing the dishes, or you like come up and you give me a hug, or you like hold my hand while we're like driving to the fertility clinic. So it's just like these little things where it's like I know my partner is with me, and they don't even have to be like words or like anything profound. It's just like those are those little things matter too. So if you if you're like a dad or husband, you're like, I'm not sure what to do, Like maybe just start there. I don't know, Like it's really just about making her feel seen and heard and understood.

00:51:53
Speaker 1: You ultimately have to know that times are going to be rocky.

00:51:56
Speaker 2: It's gonna be hard.

00:51:57
Speaker 1: Certain moments, and you're just gonna have to There's there's no way to prepare for or other than like planning to know that you know, shit like this is gonna happen, and I don't know, like removing yourself and getting out of your own head and trying to zoom out.

00:52:12
Speaker 3: Because the tunnel of chaos.

00:52:14
Speaker 1: Yeah, I entered the tunnel of chaos. When Mitch says that, it's like having trying to have like effective communication with the right tone, right time, right place, not in the moment, because obviously that's when things can kind of go off the rails because everybody's at their peak or whatever's going on. And again that is still going to happen. It's a yeah, it's it's weird. It's all about just trying to get back to and being getting reconnected because again you're both on the same team, you both want the same thing.

00:52:40
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was a lot more like emotional needs for sure. For sure, but then like once we found out we did get pregnant, that was like an emotional moment that was exciting.

00:52:50
Speaker 1: Yeah, talk about paint the picture when you finally get the call.

00:52:53
Speaker 2: Well yeah, I mean this is what So I remember being so committed. I was like, Okay, once I do my transfer, there's essentially the two week which is like if you're trying, if you're trying to conceive, you know that like you essentially your egg comes down, you're like ovulating, the sperm connects. So that's like when manufactured with the IVF process. So then you wait, you wait to see if the egg and plants, and then your body starts produce producing what's the chemical that you're what I produces? You have no idea? Can you google like pregnancy tests like hormone or chemical or something, So that's what pregnancy tests will pick out. No, you're pregnant. I forgot should have my research. So you're essentially waiting. And I will say, the day after my transfer, I went and got acupuncture. And I'm not like an acupuncture person. Again, I hate pain. Acupuncture is too painful for me. But hCG that's it.

00:53:45
Speaker 3: Oh geez, human, you got it, buddy, choreic gondo troping.

00:53:55
Speaker 2: Yeah, So you're waiting for the HGG to show up in your blood or in your body, and that's what the pregnancy test will detect. So if you're pregnant, it starts producing like small amounts and like the like the farther long you get, the more it produces. So you take a pregnancy test early on, it might not show up, but you know, by day fourteen, day ten, it might show up because by that time your body has produced aeno FHGG for it to be detectable by a pregnancy test, and I just remember being like, I'm not going to take any pregnancy test. I'm just gonna wait for the blood test of fertility clinic. I'm not gonna go down any rabbit holes. I'm just gonna chill. I'm just gonna wait. And I did not do that at all. It was I don't even know if I told you this, but I literally I'm not a Reddit person, but I learned about Reddit, and I was on the infertility reddit threads every night and day like all the time, so like it was. And then I started taking pregnancy test. I think I started taking pregnancy test like at day five. I couldn't wait. I just couldn't do it. It was really it was probably unhealthy. I like had this like obsession with like am I pregnant or not? Because I remember the first one I took no line, and then I think the second one I took super faint line there when it's like the line kept getting a little bit dark, a little bit darker, so like was giving me hope. But you still don't actually know for sure until you like go and do the blood test, and then of course they want your levels to like double by like five days later or whatever, so you're not like out of the clear even if you get a positive pregnancy test. But I just I was like, so they couldn't really think about anything else other than like, am I pregnant? And that goes on for like ten to fourteen days, So that was really unhealthy. Don't recommend it. I'm sure even if you're going through it, you might end up doing that as well. But redd, it's a crazy place. There's lots of stories on there that can be really hopeful. I think a lot of them are hopeful, but then a lot of them are really not helpful. Anyway, So got the call, officially got the blood test. They called me and said try you're pregnant, and I was like broke down in tears. That was a really exciting moment. And then at that point I'm like, Okay, still nervous, Still nervous, And I think I just know a lot of people who've had miscarriages or like things have happened like not even first trimester, second trimester miscarriages, like things that are like really hard. You're like, you know, really said on having this baby. And we got some more embryos that we sent off for testing. So we're like, okay, we're in transferred this one and then we'll send away the other ones to test to keep them for later, like just in case we want more kids. And we got those tests back it was maybe like I don't know, six to seven weeks into the pregnancy, and both that we said are not both the eggs that we had sent the embryos, they were all at chromosomely abnormal.

00:56:27
Speaker 1: Yeah. So this is when we were in the middle of the spring tour, because I remember we just got done with the of.

00:56:32
Speaker 2: Course you're out of town again, yeah, and I called well and I was like, told you that they were both abnormal. So in my mind, I'm like, if those are abnormal, there's absolutely no way that this one that implanted is also isn't abnormal. So I like am freaking about a miscarriage like every day, and there's like this there's like this is like trigger warning like if anyone listening, but it's like there's miss miscarriages where you don't even know that your body miscarries and you just like go in. There's no heart beat. So there's like all these different things that can happen. So I was just terrified of having a miscarriage the whole first trimester because I'm like, surely this one that implanted is also abnormal and we're going to lose it. And I don't think I've ever been so anxious in my life. Like just thinking back to that time, I'm like my skin is like tingling and I'm just like having like a full body, Like.

00:57:18
Speaker 1: How long to know?

00:57:20
Speaker 2: Well, You're never really, I mean the percentage of miscarriage goes down like with every day of preancy age, but I would like be on that like that website would give you the stats like you have three point four percent chance of miscarrying, you have three point two percent chance of miss carrying, And it was just like again, super unhealthy. But I was the high, like again, most anxious I've ever been in my whole life. Yeah, So I ended up going to fertility clinic like pretty much once a week to get an ultrasound just to check that the baby was still there and heart was beating, which was like not a healthy place to be in either. So the emotional rollercoaster continued after even after I got pregnant, which I like, I feel like I remember telling you about this, but like you didn't feel these feelings, did you.

00:58:01
Speaker 1: I don't know with the abnormal chromosome.

00:58:04
Speaker 2: Yeah, with like the abnormal embryos that we got to test.

00:58:06
Speaker 1: Yeah. I mean you're just personally it's like I'm just stressed, like hoping everything goes smooth. I think you're somebody who you're very sensitive and hyper aware to all the things that can kind of go on and how hard it is to get pregnant and stay pregnant, be pregnant, all that stuff with all your friends and stories that we've heard, and again you're very like you're very in tune with that, very sensitive about it to where hey, well don't talk about this, don't don't say too much now, blah blah blah. And so I think for me, it's like I'm just hoping for the best, because again I'm not going through all this stuff, like I'm not on the reddits, I'm not cling to podcasts to do all that stuff. I'm just thinking, like, you know, how can I, I guess, help, how can I support? Like what do you need out of me? And some things, it's like you feel like you can't help with certain situations outside of just like listening to you if you like try to have the conversations and talk and it's like, you know, there's there's you do you feel like feel helpless, Like you can't. I don't know, you can't.

00:59:05
Speaker 2: Like I felt really helpless.

00:59:07
Speaker 1: Yeah, And it's like there's really nothing that I would feel at times. There's just like nothing that I can do other than try and stay optimistic. So I think for me it was like my stress was more of like feeling yours and like wanting to wear yours and trying to be like a solid foundation or be optimistic and all these you know, if it hits this day, it goes down to this percentage. Like you hear about the abnormal chromosomes, it's like, well maybe maybe ours is maybe are stuck, like maybe ours didn't have an abnormal chromosome. Like you're just trying to talk more optimistically then like live in the living the fear of what could could. But it's phone, right, but you still get off the phone, and it's just like, man, I hope this goes off, this goes smooth, because again it's like I would come across dad's or I would come across friends that maybe their their wife was pregnant and then you learn that they're going through IVF two, and that's where it was kind of like, oh, snap, like you're you're going through this process too, and you feel like it's something that's not necessarily talked about. But then when I would come across friends who were currently going through it, you're kind of like vibing with them over the storytelling, and again you just become more sensitive and aware that some people are on like different cycles, they've tried X amount of times, Like out a buddy, it's like, hey, this our eighth time trying. I had another buddy, it's like they went through five. And you go through all of these things to where you know you're more of just like you're more just connecting with somebody over the process. And then you realize, Okay, we're in our first one and we have a lot of fears that are going on with us right now, but it could be way worse. So then you're again it's like you know it again, You're thinking to yourself like, oh, this could be way worse in our situation we're going through for the first time. I'm still gonna be hopeful and if it does go well, you're just like we're very lucky that it goes well the first time because Scotty was We were able to have Scotty the first time around on IVF. And again, you're aware that there's so many other stories that go on to where they're way worse than your situation. So when you're like feeling down or you're feeling stressed out and you're kind of talking to talking to one of your boys about them going through the process and you're learning about theirs, and it's like, you know, your heart, you're just like you start to root for them, hoping that, you know, we stay on track with our things. So, yeah, it's just a lot of different a lot of different emotions, a lot of different feelings, a lot of different stresses, and.

01:01:16
Speaker 2: In so much uncertainty.

01:01:17
Speaker 1: Yeah, so much uncertainty that you just try and work through in the moment.

01:01:21
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean that's life, right, Yeah, Yeah, yeah, it is.

01:01:24
Speaker 1: It is life. Because again, it's like we were lucky enough to now looking back, we understand how lucky we are that we were able to you were able to conceive our secondary child with Scotty.

01:01:36
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then obviously she's healthy and she's here.

01:01:40
Speaker 1: Yeah, then we get the delivery day right. So after again we we we briefed on the first pregnancy with what happened with Rue, so we kind of which was weird to kind of schedule out Scotty's birthday. You always had a problem with which day should she come with that, just like as long as it's not as long as it's not on Monday.

01:01:58
Speaker 2: Or or the way you did want her to come on the weekend because football. I'm like, if we can plan this out, and I was like, ru was born on a Sunday. Was have Scotty born on a Sunday?

01:02:08
Speaker 1: And You're like, no, no, football, you at the pod the next day. Then we kind of you kind of schedule out the sea section because again it's like, well, let's.

01:02:20
Speaker 2: Not change it, Like, oh yeah, I mean she she gave me the opportunity to be back. Be back is vaginal birth after cesarean. So it's like, but I'm like, do I really want that? I don't know why open both doors?

01:02:31
Speaker 4: Right?

01:02:32
Speaker 2: So we scheduled the sea section and I like am still not like super pumped about that decision, but it happened and it's over. So it's like, you know, part of my story.

01:02:43
Speaker 1: With that situation kind of just going like it's a doctor's.

01:02:46
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was crazy, it was like kind of clinical.

01:02:48
Speaker 1: Yeah.

01:02:48
Speaker 2: And then I do remember remember that intern was trying to like watch in and they asked my permission to see if she could just like not an intern, but yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, she was trying to just like watch and learn and they asked my permission and I said no, And I was like why'd you say no? And I'm like, I'm like, this is my birth. I get to choose who's going to be there. And you very much did not like understand that. You're kind of like mad.

01:03:11
Speaker 1: I mean no, no, no, no, I didn't like get mad. I did get like, trust me, I feel you. But they're like trying to like learn on the job and all they're doing is like sitting in to observe. But you're right, it is your birth, I know.

01:03:26
Speaker 2: Like I mean every time I get the ore, I just like basically like start crying because I like am just so overcome with like so that's like a it's like fear anyway, like something could go wrong, Like now I have a daughter, Like I'm sitting on this operating table. Anything could happen, and this is like I don't know. It's like birth is scary, like people like birth is insane. It can be really dangerous. So regardless, I would feel like I was not very much in control of ruse birth. It would like lasted forever, nothing but his planned. So I'm like, Okay, I'm going to at least control who's in this room with us. Yeah, which I feel like, you know, if if they ask you, then you can say no, you know what I mean, Like, I don't know. Sometimes I almost felt like I should have said yes, Like I felt a little bit like, oh, I should just let her, but I didn't. I was like, no, I don't want you here, and you're like giving me shit for it. But I'm like I made the right choice. It's cool, but yeah, pretty clinical. I'm sorry to all the pas out there trying to learn.

01:04:25
Speaker 1: I just feel bad for the PA Like they're standing.

01:04:26
Speaker 5: There and I was like, no, she's like just literally standing right there, Like did you at least ask her when she's like outside of the room, Yeah she was born?

01:04:37
Speaker 2: No Nick?

01:04:38
Speaker 1: You yeah, no, Nick.

01:04:39
Speaker 2: We got to like hang out with her afterwards, calm. It was just like, yeah, I only had no they didn't have to do my ivy more than once. It's Rue. I had six ivy pokes. It was awful. I hate IV's and then Scotty was only two, right, yeah, something like just little little winds. But then I had all these like I had some complicate asians afterwards where I was in crazy pain with Rue. It it was like in my shoulder, dude. It's like we talked forever my birth stories. Shout out women, shout out mothers giving birth because yeah, yeah, this is the mother's podcast. Shout out.

01:05:26
Speaker 1: Because when the nerve stuff was going on, that's when that clip was going viral about me talking about my stats. Yeah, what I learned about myself.

01:05:33
Speaker 2: There was the pain and then there was the nerve pain.

01:05:35
Speaker 1: Yeah. The gas pain was crazy because.

01:05:38
Speaker 2: It's like in my shoulder and like in my rib it was wild.

01:05:41
Speaker 1: It was it was crazy kid in the button. I'm like yelling for hey, hey, something's happening.

01:05:47
Speaker 4: I remember you coming into the shop, like Charles just doubled over in pain right now, and I have no idea what to do.

01:05:56
Speaker 1: Yeah, I gotta lean on my boys in times of christ.

01:05:58
Speaker 2: Yeah, man, you need your support network.

01:06:00
Speaker 1: Two yeah, yeah, what.

01:06:07
Speaker 3: Questions?

01:06:10
Speaker 1: Let me see here we talked about the impact on the relationship, how we feel I've affected the communication, intimacy, and stress.

01:06:16
Speaker 2: Love you your outline, babe, here here's one.

01:06:19
Speaker 1: Okay, what do you what do you feel like? What do we feel like? We learned about each other in the process.

01:06:27
Speaker 2: I really I understand how and why infertility can tear couples apart.

01:06:32
Speaker 3: I do.

01:06:33
Speaker 2: It's like it's such as like pressure filled, like it's like a It's just there's so much pressure right like we like you want so badly to expand your family or to have your for whatever it is, and you like both feel like accountable, and there's also like easy ways to make be able to make it feel like like about blame so like there's not the right communication or if you're not on the same page to begin with, I think you'll have this like strong foundation, which.

01:06:59
Speaker 1: I think we have.

01:07:01
Speaker 2: I feel like it's so easy for this to truly tear people apart, or like maybe this is like the only thing we have in common and we realize we have nothing in common anymore. All we want is a baby, and we can't say we're having such a hard time getting one, and I don't know, so like I get why it's so hard on couples, and I'm very like thankful that we were able to like figure it out somehow, Like I don't think we have any like magic answers, but like we navigated it. Yeah, that's not like awareness, there's not a formula.

01:07:31
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I feel like like looking back on that process, like I know, you were in and you were stressing out a lot, and you were going through it because you were very you know, you had a lot of pressure on yourself because when you have to go to the alternatives for fertility, you're like you're like frustrated and you feel guilty that your your body's not working the way that it should naturally. So that's like a pressure. But it's like watching you go through it all like you just I don't know, I admire it. I admire like how you handled a lot of the stuff. And again, there were tough times, there were hard times. But again, like I know, you're somebody who, like, as a working woman, you take your career and everything that you do very seriously. So seeing you have to pivot, like in those hard times, like when you had to cancel stuff or we didn't get to do things, I know that that stuff was really hard on you, but just like watching it from Afar, I feel like you did a really good job handling it, and even when there was pressure on us at times, I feel like we always did a good job of finding our way back to communicating well because you would, you would do a great job of calling out It's like, you know, I might have my own stuff going on to where I think to myself, I could have handled that differently. But I also feel like you were very aware of when your like emotions are getting the best of you, or you can point the figure out the hormones and you just you just you were able to come back and community. Like the communication aspect I thought was, I thought you handled it well. I thought you were a stud in the threat the entire journey, because there were a lot of hard times, a lot of hard moments.

01:09:04
Speaker 2: Yeah. I do remember very specifically though, when the nurse was like, Hey, if you want to go on this work trip, then we can just push another month, Like we can just start next month. They just make it so nonchalant, They're like, we're just start next month, And in my mind, like I'm like that's the last thing I want. But she did give me a choice. She's like, if you want to go on this work trip and it's important to you, then go on it and we'll just do it when you get back. So I remember I came home and I was like, oh, I'm really torn on what to do, because like I really value my career. I feel like I've been working on this like one thing for a while, and I was pumped to do it. And I remember like going for a walk and I listened to a podcast and I and then I took Rid to the playground and I kind of like digested the podcast and I like really sat with it. I'm like, do I want to go on this work trip or do I want to prioritize doing IVF sooner? And I landed on prioritizing IVF sooner. And I think that was like a hard like moment for me where it's like I had to I truly had to sit with myself and make a choice what is most important to me in this exact moment in time, because it felt like it's like a trade off, right, like you, I couldn't have both things, so kind of like what you're saying, like thank you for like maybe noticing that like and saying you admire it. But like you, I feel like as a woman, I really had to like choose and it's unfair, but it's just how it is. So it's getting clear on my priorities. I think it was hard to be honest with myself, Like if I'm choosing this, does that mean I value career any less? Does this mean I love my job any less? And I don't think I do, But in that moment, that was like what was needed for me. So it's and I just had to like sit with myself for a second and like understand, there's so many factors happening right now. I don't know what's going to happen, but you thinks because it just I don't know. Like you, I feel like you were like kind of like recognizing that that it was really hard. I don't know who's going with that tough.

01:11:00
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you also did a good job too. Like again I talked about like the guilt of like doing all the stuff that we get to do, like travel, and you do all these things to where like, man, should I opt out of doing this because I should be home and I should be doing you know, these things, And some options. It's like when it came to it, it's like, hey, what's more important? It'd be like I was staying home at this point. But I just feel like with the stuff that we get to do, you're always very like you're always as level headed as you can be and as grace as you could be about a tour. You never you never put me in a spot to where I'm like choosing between two things, or you never put me in a spot to I should feel guilty for you to do this.

01:11:35
Speaker 2: Because I feel like that could be again easy to do, Like I can just it's unfair. I recognize that it's not going to be just between the two of us, and I can like resent that and like take it out on you, or I could like try to really like dig deep. Yeah yeah, I don't know, but I was just impressed with we were strong, we got this, We did it.

01:11:54
Speaker 1: What do you wish someone had told you at the start before I vif?

01:11:58
Speaker 2: It's funny because I actually look back to I reached out to this girl. I know, I'm not gonna say her name, but she's in organ and she had gone through IVF and I knew that she had gone through it, and I reached out to her before I started the process and just like anything you can give me. And one of the first things she told me was like, essentially, whatever timeline you have in your head, let go of it. And easier said than done, clearly, because in my mind I still had a timeline. But I can, like looking back now, I can see why that is like the most helpful advice. It's like, yes, you want to be pregnant yesterday, and okay, you're taking this step in the right direction or in this direction where there's some type of semblance of control and like education and hope it's gonna it's not over right, so like like over the timeline in your brain and that'll just kind of like make everything feel a little bit less pressure cooker, which I did try to do actively in the moment didn't always work. But that's what I would say to anyone, and that's what I would not that I wish someone said to me, because they did and it's helpful.

01:13:06
Speaker 1: I need a quick break to go to the bathroom before.

01:13:08
Speaker 2: We get into the parenting things.

01:13:09
Speaker 1: I say one more thing, yes, please, before we get into the parenting fun fun question.

01:13:15
Speaker 2: You didn't ask me this, but I feel like if I were to like try to give advice to someone who's like in this right now, not again, not that I know all the answers, only seek through my experience. Just like celebrate the small the little victories, like the little wins, like IVF is a long process, and I just remember having there there were two people, two girlfriends I reached out to you, like two people outside of your partner who you can like celebrate the little things with, who like know what you're going through and you can support you in like really tiny ways. But I remember after we got a retriever results and we got X number of eggs, I messages person, I'm like, hey, we got this number of eggs, little win, and then she would celebrate with me. And then when we find out how many embers we got, I like sent her that number. So just like these little things like they're not actually you having a baby, but there are like little steps along the way to acknowledge, like to find like the light and the hope in the process that I feel like that was such a like helpful. Those are like little moments that I like look back on, I'm like, wow, that was it. I'm so happy. I celebrated that in that moment, because again, it can potentially be really long and it can be really hard, So taking them little winds along the way.

01:14:33
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like just figuring out how to externally communicate stuff.

01:14:37
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then with your partners just like totally communicate. Yeah. If you keep it all inside, it's like, yeah, it's useless.

01:14:44
Speaker 1: Yeah, you just it sits inside and you stir on and everything else. I love that. Shall we get into the that's funny, I say, I have fun parenting questions the spotlight Mother's Day, but they are still just about you. I'll read a few, and then our boy mentioned in the back he can take over. How has being a mom changed you?

01:15:11
Speaker 2: It's so funny, I feel. I try to think about the answers cities on the way here and maybe I sho'll ask you, how's it change me? Babe?

01:15:19
Speaker 1: Oh great questions, sweetheart. I think similarly we've touched on it. We're very much people who like to be in control, and when you have little ones like that's you ultimately have to let that go. Like you can put structure, you can do all the things where you want them to. You want to raise them to be great human beings, and but sometimes a lot of moments just call for like feeling in those moments and just being present in those moments. I feel like you're somebody who's very intentional as a mother, and maybe you know it, maybe you don't know it, but you challenge me to be a better dad, Like when you you know you'll like lose your phone all the time, Like you've become somebody who will like set your phone down because you want to intentionally be present with the kids, like when you're playing with Rue, or you want to take Rue, Like yesterday, you knew Ru that Ru was struggling when you left, when you left to go to work yesterday, and so when I was on my way home, You're like, hey, how far out are you? I kind of want to take Root of the park and get in some quality of time because she hads you know, she had a little mom this morning. It seems like she's missing mom a little bit. But you are somebody who you love to control and have timelines and be very tight, very tidy, which I love and appreciate about you, even though sometimes it drives me nuts. So knowing that there are a lot of elements that you can't control and just being patient. I think you do a really good job being patient when ru is getting pissed off and she's like hyperventilating and you just sit there and hugger and you're just there for where I can get like frustrated, and you'll just tell me like, hey, she just she doesn't know how to control her big emotion. She just she almost just needs you to sit with her and not like say anything or do anything. You had some like being patient the short term or whatever you said like last week where you're talking about having a big moment or you doing I forget what it was, but you being like you wanting to do a better job of being patient with her in like moments where she's not as frustrated or mad versus like you felt like you you you got a good grip on when she's like really struggling or really having like a big emotion and like sitting with her.

01:17:39
Speaker 2: The distinction.

01:17:40
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, Yeah, you're talking about like working on the one that's like a more in the shorter term where you get a little impatient or everybody kind of gets a little Yeah, I mean.

01:17:48
Speaker 2: I definitely get impatient with her sometimes, but.

01:17:50
Speaker 1: I would say, that's how I've seen you kind of change since motherhood is like you know, letting go. You're much more fluid, You're you know, it's like, I know, we read a book which i'd highly recommend to to parents if you're looking into any type of sleep training. But twelve weeks and twelve hours. I forget who it's by, but it's a phenomenal. It's a great book. But it's like introducing your kids into your world versus you changing everything around our world to kind of fit the need of the child. Like you're somebody. Whether it's hey, we're at the farmer's market or we're going to go here and it's during a nap time, they can just nap on you and you'll you'll just be out there ripping around whether they needed a nap, and it's like you kind of just bring them with you versus like I'm going to keep myself home because they need to be on this structure, this timeline throughout the day at all times. You'll just like we'll take them with us. You'll take them with you if it's just you doing something. So yeah, I would say that I've seen you change since becoming a mom is more of just your fluidity and your patience. And you didn't answer the question.

01:18:52
Speaker 2: I kind of answered it, but honestly, yes, the thing I would say most is like kind of like being okay with not being in control and not necessarily okay. I don't know if that'll ever change about me, like fundamentally, like I like to have things structured as much as I can, like control, be in control, but uh, I'm just not in control. When you have children, you're just not in control because they're their own little person and they are going through all these things developmentally. So thank you because that's something I feel like can be of strength and also weakness. And I've let it go a little, which is good.

01:19:30
Speaker 1: What is the biggest mom L that you've taken?

01:19:37
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean when I was looking at thinking about this, it's like clearly there's so many things that happened that and I'm thinking more with like Rue because we've had her for longer, like we've known her for longer, and Scotti is like relatively new to the faan, but uh, I don't necessarily think about L's like things that she's doing, like if she's having a tantrum or she's having a hard time or she is yelling at me or whatever it is, like those are those are not el's for me. Those are just like those are like challenges for me, right, like I can figure out a way to meet at meet her where she is and adapt, improvise, overcome, like if there's poop all over me, I don't know. Those are things that like happen to me that are not elves. So I would say, like elve's personally would be when I lose my cool. So I do remember there was I do not recommend this, but I actually listened to this podcast recently about like picky eaters and because you know there was a big eater, but I mean generally, yeah, anyway, you were not home, you were like traveling somewhere, because that's like a common theme in this conversation. I was sitting there she was probably like I don't know, sixteen eighteen months, and I was trying her to get get her to eat this like chicken. I was trying to get her to eat the meal that I made her, and it's just the two of us were sitting there at home and she probably had like none of it, and I knew it was a good food. She liked, and I remember getting so frustrated with her that I like eventually would like shove the food down her mouth and she started choking and like vomited everywhere. They told you about this.

01:21:04
Speaker 1: I don't know if you did.

01:21:06
Speaker 2: And I was like, that was the wrong decision, that was the wrong call. That was that was on me. And she's like in tears, like she's so upset, and I'm like just like trying to be like it's almost like out of spite and like pride and like eat this food that I made for you don't recommend. That was like a clear moment like that was that was on me. And then of course I haven't done that again. But it's like your your kid knows listen to them.

01:21:32
Speaker 1: Yeah, I tell you what it is like negotiating with a little terrorist when she's eating.

01:21:36
Speaker 2: Dinner sometimes and sometimes it's though it's like roses and she'll knock.

01:21:41
Speaker 1: It all down. Clean play club where you always talk about joining the clean plate club to make it like a you know, you're trying to get in this tribe.

01:21:48
Speaker 2: Yeah, but we don't necessarily want to be competitive.

01:21:51
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's like I want to be competitive.

01:21:57
Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure, we're competitive us. I walk away, I walk away feeling like I had an l if. I like lost my patience. I very yelled at her, and that's and then I'll walk away. I'm like, I'm a bad mom. And then those are like opportunities to apologize.

01:22:10
Speaker 1: I think, yeah, yeah, yeah, apologizing is a is a big one. I've started to do those.

01:22:17
Speaker 2: You have, I've noticed it's it's like, I think it's pretty powerful. Honestly, Yeah, I hope. So I'm not being I'm not joking. I'm being serious. Like that's some powerful ship right there. You said, I'm sorry.

01:22:27
Speaker 1: Wow, I bit you got you wanna you wanna run through some Yeah?

01:22:33
Speaker 4: What is we do this with players? When about their coaches? What is your guys biggest pet peeve about each other?

01:22:43
Speaker 1: Go ahead, it's it is Mother's Day. Is Mother's Day weekend? So you can go first.

01:22:50
Speaker 2: Pet peeve that we've learned to live with or just pet peeve in general.

01:22:53
Speaker 3: We can do one one that you've learned to live with, be like this is not gonna change, but one it's like, bro, pick it up.

01:22:59
Speaker 2: I think my biggest type people with well is how frequently you lose things.

01:23:07
Speaker 3: That's our.

01:23:10
Speaker 1: That reaction, Mitch, I'm not alone.

01:23:14
Speaker 2: We have to give you your wallet, And he tried, like it's not like sometimes I do think he's like trying, like he's trying. He's sometimes he's trying his best, but there are other times when you're not trying your best.

01:23:25
Speaker 1: Okay, that was That was the learn to live with?

01:23:29
Speaker 2: No, that was, Yeah, the one I learned to live with is like lights on, lights on, You just leave the lights on everywhere.

01:23:37
Speaker 1: Listen to Bargozi's recent stand up.

01:23:40
Speaker 2: Hey, those three cents of energy matter, and I care about our earth.

01:23:45
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh did you turn the light? Did you turn those lights off? On? Again? It Ney Barazi crushes this bit, but I'm thinking the same thing. It's like, dude, we can't even see what's going on outside out there in the living room, Like maybe I left the pantry light on, but what's the matter of relaying in bed right now? Just go to sleep.

01:24:03
Speaker 2: I can see the light from the from my bedroom.

01:24:05
Speaker 1: Yeah, but you'll it's like so minimal.

01:24:10
Speaker 2: I can feel it on.

01:24:11
Speaker 1: It's so minimal to where Charle will have to get up out of the bed and go.

01:24:15
Speaker 2: It's like it's it's like kind of like the like fundamentally it's wasteful whatever. Uh that like it takes like negative seconds.

01:24:28
Speaker 3: But if I'm walking out, that's just something you do.

01:24:33
Speaker 2: I didn't know mentioned to me on my team.

01:24:34
Speaker 4: I'm sorry because that's a pet peeve I have of my roommates as they leave them lights on everywhere too, But.

01:24:40
Speaker 1: Throughout the day, to me, that doesn't matter. You're going to go back in the room at some point.

01:24:45
Speaker 2: Light That point fair And that's not how you live your life. You live the light on and then you leave the house, or you leave the light on and then it's nighttime, you know what I mean? Like, it's not that's not always a fair argument.

01:24:56
Speaker 1: Well, if I leave the house, I'm going to come back to the house. I want lights on in case you know, people say there's lights on the house.

01:25:03
Speaker 2: That's your biggest object about me?

01:25:05
Speaker 1: M man, where do I start? Ah, I don't know how to put it into one particular thing, but.

01:25:16
Speaker 2: It's your Like, uh, I just feel like I know what you're gonna say. What embracing myself for impact.

01:25:25
Speaker 1: Go ahead and say no, no, no, you go. I was just going to say, like, like how things have to be a certain way? Do you know what I mean.

01:25:40
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm laughing because you just re complimenting the fact that I had gotten more fluid as a as a parent.

01:25:48
Speaker 1: Yeah. It just feels like you can get like impatient and stressed over the smallest things and you don't Here's the thing, though, Mitch, you don't know what's big thing until the big thing just happens. Like you think you're You're like, hey, you know, we're in a good little rhythm of here. I'm kind of crushing it. I've developed more as a husband and a dad, and you know, you're like challenging yourself to be better in certain areas and you think it's going well, and then something happens and then all of a sudden it's not going well and then they make you feel like you've made no progress whatsoever right here. Sorry, So it's like, uh, you know, yeah, whatever that is the uh.

01:26:32
Speaker 2: That seems that seems like more than a pet peeve. But it's cool.

01:26:35
Speaker 1: We've talked about the therapy we have. Yeah, we've we've we've talked about how to.

01:26:40
Speaker 2: Communicate with you, and we've learned that you are an athlete and what you require is positive affirmation, more positive affirmation than negative potentially perceived Yeah.

01:26:50
Speaker 1: Bro that when Doc was breaking it down and talking about any athlete she's worked with, Sorry if you guys heard that in the background, any athlete she's worked with, like they need more or positive affirmation, well, yeah than anything because we've lived our life of such like a performance base, Like we need our coaches to be proud, We need our coaches to kind of, you know, tell us we're doing a good job, because when you get negative comments, it just feeds this psyche and you because you feel like whether it's you're gonna be cut, whether you're not doing good enough, you want to do all these things to where it's like you need these positive words of affirmation a lot more than anything else. When she broke it down, it's like, there's parts of your ideas, yeah, And I'm thinking yeah, because when I want her to like land stuff with me, it's like through a joke or through something else versus like a moment happening and it's like, hey, what are you gonna do with this mail? It's like can we not watch this show right now? Or can I not just get to it tomorrow? I set it right there in the policy's like this pou builds up over time, all these boxes you have, it's like Christmas here every day. When you gonna take that? When are you gonna open these boxes?

01:27:54
Speaker 3: Oh?

01:27:55
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I need to get to those feel me.

01:28:00
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm do my best. Did not respond, I'm gonna not respond. I'm just gonna take it.

01:28:05
Speaker 1: No, I feel I say it out loud and I hear myself say it and I get it. But it's like, well, we're gonna do this right now over Sunday night. We're trying to watch a show right now, like Severence is on, Like can you just relax and calm down? Like you know, what's another pep beeve?

01:28:23
Speaker 2: Oh we're doing multiple cool.

01:28:25
Speaker 1: I was gonna ask the next question, go hey, yeah, let's just we'll get out of that when you can ask the next question.

01:28:30
Speaker 4: What is the dumbest argument you guys have gotten into, whether it's when you first started dating, early in a marriage, when you first moved in together, dumbest argument?

01:28:38
Speaker 1: What are you thinking of?

01:28:40
Speaker 2: Honeymoon?

01:28:40
Speaker 1: Yeah, honey, Well and I got on one fighter.

01:28:44
Speaker 2: On her honeymoon, one fight on her honeymoon, and it was so dumb. It was so dumb but also not we will say it wasn't dumb. I'll say it was dumb. Okay, clearly I love lattes. I'm gonna take some credit. I got you on lattes back in the day, Victory lattes.

01:29:06
Speaker 1: Yes.

01:29:06
Speaker 2: Anyway, I have my latte every morning with simple syrup in it, which is sugar. Simple syrup is sugar and water. And Bill doesn't like that. Will does not like that I start my day with sugar. So we got into a fight.

01:29:25
Speaker 1: You said, dumb.

01:29:27
Speaker 2: Argument just finished our boor boor. We were in California, like wine country, and we're like pulling into this coffee shop and I was driving and and I we just gotten our lattes, and I had sugar in my latte, and I think I maybe had to go back and get a little more because I like my she could like artificially sweet, but I like it like sweet enough so that like it's just like tastes nice. Like I'm like, oh, this is my latte. It's like what I look forward to in the morning. And I think he was like pissed that I like went back and got more sugar, and he let me know. We got in the car and we started he got in a fight. We like gotten like a heated debate where we like we're not talking to each other for like maybe like six hours. I also went on a walk with the cows.

01:30:10
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, out in California.

01:30:11
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I almost like wrecked the car because we were like fighting so like kind of heatedly.

01:30:17
Speaker 1: Yeah. It's like with those things, MAT's like I can't wait to hear I'll try and make sense of this.

01:30:26
Speaker 2: He wants me to take care of myself. He wants me to live a long, healthy life, right.

01:30:30
Speaker 1: Yes, But also it's like say you got your partner or one of your boys, and you know, you see that the habits that they have. Charles like her day starts with a simple syrup isolate or with the bagel like bread like that my turns on and you know, like they've made comments about like you know, you know they're in the health, you know they're in all these things, and so you try and drop hints of hey, you start your day with sugar. There's a lot of like negative you know, negative things that kind of can like domino effect with like your blood glucose. I'm not going to get in all the heubre men all the Huberman stuff, the data that backs all of this. But so it's like, then you might have a common ground conversation that's like, oh yeah, maybe I'll start tapering off, and then it gets somewhere they're going back up for more sugar, and you're just like, hey, when you're going to start tapering down the sugar or get it to where hey, you know, if you just go a little bit at a time, next thing, you know, you're drinking black coffee. That's kind of how we all start. I was a sugary guy, you know. I make a coffee, pour a creamer in it, a couple of sweet and lows, a couple of sugar packets. I agree, and got that out of my life, got that out of my system. It was a journey, but I got there. So you're like wanting the same thing for them because you know they're conscious about they're wanting to be healthy and all of these things. And it's like, maybe we start from the first hour of our day, and so that's kind of you know, I probably you know, I probably made an offhand comment and it just it's steamrolled from there. But that's where it was coming from for myself. It wasn't like, you know, hey, why are you drinking sugar coffee? Like this ising how we're doing marriage, Like you're gonna change this shit right now. It was more of like, I know she's made comments before about stuff, and it's like, hey, this is a simple thing that you could start to work on. Cut out whatever it is. Again, mistake went about it the wrong way.

01:32:34
Speaker 2: Would you say that we live relatively healthy lives?

01:32:38
Speaker 1: Sure? I guess it depends on your expectation.

01:32:41
Speaker 2: And healthy Okay, so that's a no for me.

01:32:45
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like for me, like I would say, I guess overall, like you know, relatively speaking, I would say, yeah, I live a healthier life, but I fall short of like what my I want my expectations to be for myself, So I'll get in like a bad mood.

01:32:58
Speaker 2: But sure, yeah, yeah, are you get another fav right now?

01:33:01
Speaker 1: No, I'm just trying to explain myself because I know the audience is out there listen, like, damn, what's at her throat over a cup of coffee?

01:33:10
Speaker 2: I still have the same lots every morning?

01:33:12
Speaker 1: Yeah she does, and it is tacy. It's a tasty little treat.

01:33:16
Speaker 4: Next question, will this one's not on your sheet, but Will talks to us as like communicating and being better at communication.

01:33:27
Speaker 3: How has Will gotten better at communication.

01:33:29
Speaker 4: Since you guys have been married from when it's time we first started dating too, now like we first gotten married to now with kids.

01:33:37
Speaker 1: This is a Mitch question.

01:33:39
Speaker 2: Wow, this kind of like deeper.

01:33:41
Speaker 4: Right, He's been like me and Will have had our conversations about communication and stuff within.

01:33:46
Speaker 2: A relationship or just like in general, well, work relationship, personal relationship stuff like that.

01:33:50
Speaker 4: So how is he because he's like teaching me, I'm like, I wonder how he's gotten better himself.

01:33:57
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I mean great question, match, Wow, I know why you work here?

01:34:03
Speaker 1: Thing?

01:34:04
Speaker 2: Maybe the big books.

01:34:07
Speaker 1: Yeah.

01:34:07
Speaker 2: Overall, I think our communication has improved like exponentially. I think for me personally, my personal journey, I was not a good communicator. I never really had like a lot of exposure to it. It wasn't really talked about this kind of longer term relationship I was in. I feel like our communication was very bad. Sorry, I've been talking so much. You just talk all day like this and your voice just goes. And I remember a close friend of mine kind of just for me, she was in this really great relationship she's not married to him, Susan shout out Susan, and she kind of like emphasized the importance of the communication. I was like, oh, cool, Like what's that about. Let me give that a shot. So I think when you and I first started dating, it was kind of like when I was like, this is important to me. I see that this healthy relationship is modeled by communication. So I'm going to try and emulate that. Whatever that means. However uncomfortable it is, let's do this. And you were not really a good commune. I don't think you were a good communicator. I would say overall, you were not one. You probably had a similar story like you guys like your upbringing. Not no fault to anyone, but it's like we just didn't have that exposure. Overall.

01:35:09
Speaker 1: You just don't know how to I just don't know how to.

01:35:11
Speaker 2: Communicate, yeah, especially like kind of like talking about feelings and talking about like what's going on inside of you and like how certain things or words like how you're responding to them internally, like just vocalizing what's happening. So I think I kind of like had to like pull that out of you a little bit, especially in the beginning when we were not like official for a while, that was tough. And then even just like dating, it was like a practice. It was just like all right, that didn't work, We'll try we'll try it again. You know, I'm not sure like how it stuck. But overall, I think right now, like now we look at us currently with two kids, married for four years, shout out anniversary, I would say like our we're like overall we communicate while with you each other, Like there's times that will mess up and things won't land or we like let our emotions get the best of us, but we have like a lot of awareness about it and we just like recognize it as being important so we can always kind of like fall back on it.

01:36:16
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you're answering Mitch's question.

01:36:19
Speaker 2: So great job. Well, yeah, a great job, great job, pausit affirmation you're doing great.

01:36:23
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. It's like I feel like for a lot for most men, it's like learning how to communicate.

01:36:30
Speaker 2: I do think it's like, uh, there's a vulnerability aspect.

01:36:33
Speaker 1: You feel like if you're being vulnerable and you talk about your emotions, you're like weak. You see it as like weakness, and we do such a job like we try and navigate how to internalize it and then how to kind of harness it, whether it's motivation or doing something different. You just try, and it's like you're trying to solve these problems on your own because you don't. You don't want to, like, you don't want to be the external and verbal about how you're feeling, because again, it's it almost like you know, as.

01:36:56
Speaker 2: A man, you feel it is like a sign of weakness or like leverage.

01:37:00
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I just feel like over time, whether it's been through therapy or through any books that I've picked up that's on like communication, you just see the entire world of how to communicate and what it looks like and how to like label emotions and then go from that emotion, or you know, just learning about like asking asking questions, asking yourself questions and how to externalize you know, what's going on inside. I feel like has been like super helpful for myself because yeah, it's like I look back and I see how that's like a oh, that was a weak spot of mine for sure, Cause again it's you. You grow up, you play sports, you do all these things, and it's like you're just like you're a lot of your stuff is through performance and not like you know, taking a moment through each thing and then obstacle that happens to sit there and be vulnerable and talk about like how you're feeling. It's like you don't have time to think about your feelings. And I think you have time for is to get back out there, like you know, work harder, do better, figure it out.

01:37:59
Speaker 2: I mean, I think there's a place for that too, Like yeah.

01:38:02
Speaker 1: It's both absolutely, absolutely, but it's like just growing up in that like model, always wanting to be you know, like go after football and just being being an athlete. It's like it just kind of like callouses you or you think it does until it's.

01:38:16
Speaker 2: Like always say something like yeah I might like someone might think less of me. Yes, yeah, yeah, sounds like on training.

01:38:25
Speaker 3: Yeah, next question might be my last one. I don't know. Kind of up to you guys. We've been going for an hour forty oh yeah.

01:38:33
Speaker 4: What is something that Rude does now that makes you excited both of you for who she will become? And like kind of going off of that, what's it something down the road that you're excited for both Rue and Scottie like when they're older or like their next milestone.

01:38:47
Speaker 3: Like what is that.

01:38:49
Speaker 1: Scotty's just about to be six months old, So I think it's kind of hard. Like right now, she sleeps really well knock on wood, and she's always smiling. She's she's like an easier baby than what was. But I don't really know, like what her personality is that like excites me with rue. I it's hard to like, you know, be like, oh I got high hopes or I have these expectations, but just like, uh, I don't know. Man. She's very independent, she's got a little sass to her. She's like her spirit is awesome. She loves to play. It seems like she's gonna look like be into sports. I don't know if it's ballet, whatever that stuff is. I'm excited about that stuff.

01:39:30
Speaker 2: Let's be honest. You're excited about her being an athlete.

01:39:32
Speaker 1: I'm excited about her potentially being an athlete. Cause I don't want to like put that expectation on her, but I am excited about it. I do think she has it in her, and I do think it excites her when she does stuff outside. She's very uh, she's very good with Scottie, and she like Rue's are wherever her emotions and she's vocal. I feel like she knows how to talk through things. She like you know, loves to teach, Like when she learns something in ballet or whatever she learns, she seems like love to be a teacher, which is something you're gonna have to like also real in. But I feel like she could be like a leader of some sort one day. You just hope that she's going to be, you know, a confident woman, somebody who's somebody who feels confident in any room they walk into, somebody who wants to bring value in any room they walk into. And I feel like she has some of those some of those intangible qualities. And again I'm her dad, so I am biased, but I do feel like, I don't know, I'm excited to like watch her grow up and just to like be her dad, because I feel like she's very receptive to talking with us and communicating and thinking. Like she's somebody who's very aware and observant and asks a lot of questions. And she can recite these bedtime stories, she can recite that book. Her memory is insane, you know, I know, my dad and I sound.

01:40:45
Speaker 2: Biased, like no songs after listening like two or three times.

01:40:47
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, same of the books. Yeah, It's like I'm just, uh, I'm excited to see. I'm excited to see.

01:40:55
Speaker 2: But she's such a performer. She like loves an audience and she loves to like perform, Yeah, which I mean, where did she get that from? Both of us?

01:41:05
Speaker 1: I guess more you yeah, yeah, yeah, the tunnels. She's half and everybody do things Jack go outside, you know, she's hide seek yeah, hide and seek. Yeah. So she is a little performer, though she does love it, which is cool.

01:41:20
Speaker 2: I mean, not every kid is like that.

01:41:21
Speaker 1: Yeah.

01:41:23
Speaker 2: So I think I'm excited to watch that bloom but with Scotty and Route together, like because like you said, Scotty just kind of she just truly the happiest baby, which I hope plays into her personality overall, Like she'll just be like chill and yeah, who knows, who knows, who knows. But I just can't wait to see them kind of like play together and like talk to each other and like Scotty thing is already learning from real so like the way their relationship will kind of like unfold more as Scotty gets bigger and can do more things other than like.

01:41:52
Speaker 1: Right, because you notice now like Scotti is just so fascinated by Rue, and you can just tell she's super into Rude watches her lot, like won't notice probably sitting there watching Scotty and she's like watching Rue. It's smiling and ru entertains hers. So it is going to be really cool when and.

01:42:08
Speaker 2: Like those are like two separate beings that are like not us. They'll have like their own relationship, which is really crazy.

01:42:18
Speaker 3: I thought of one last one.

01:42:19
Speaker 1: Go ahead.

01:42:20
Speaker 4: This is a this is more of a question kind of for me, what made you catch what caught your eye about Will with those teeth?

01:42:30
Speaker 1: Great question, I mean it's a question for you.

01:42:36
Speaker 3: No, it was tough.

01:42:37
Speaker 2: It's like the rest of it just like evened it out.

01:42:40
Speaker 1: You look back and it's like, yeah, it was a ballplayer.

01:42:43
Speaker 2: Like that was not a factor for me.

01:42:46
Speaker 1: I'm sure it was a little maybe like really like a factor, but yeah, subconsciously, it's like like that.

01:42:52
Speaker 2: Comes with ambition and drive and like athleticism and I don't know what else.

01:42:57
Speaker 3: And how excited were you when you got the new teeth?

01:43:00
Speaker 1: I told well, she was telling me not to get them.

01:43:03
Speaker 2: I didn't tell you not to get them. I told you do what's going to make you happy. I said, I'll be happy either way, and I truly mean that. I still mean it.

01:43:12
Speaker 1: Yeah, gotta feel good. It does feel good. It does feel good. You think she loves the investment of the new teeth, there's no question.

01:43:19
Speaker 2: About Yeah, obviously he looks great.

01:43:21
Speaker 1: It's like you look back at old photos and we're both kind of like Jesus Man.

01:43:24
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah us was that you? Your neck is like you and like your haircuts a little sometimes your haircuts are a little debatable. Yeah, yeah, and you just didn't smile. So I think what I love the most about Will's new teeth is that he smiles his real smile now or you used to hide your smile and you kind of like had to. You were like a part of you was almost like a little bit ashamed of like who you were and like what you look like.

01:43:52
Speaker 1: WHOA For sure, I was definitely insecure about them. A little chicklets my mouth.

01:43:56
Speaker 2: Yeah, so it's like this is giving you like some confidence.

01:44:00
Speaker 1: Yeah, well, sweetheart, thank you for yeah, I know, appreciate you for coming on. I do hope people, couples, men, women got something out of this, whether you're going through something right now in fertility, or you're thinking about it, or you're just curious. I'm meeting my wife and getting to know us. Shout out everybody for tuning in again. Happy Mother's Day to all the wonderful mothers out there. Happy Mother's Day to you sweethearts. Yeah, if you enjoyed this episode, make sure you are subscribed to the channel, drop a comment, big hugs, tiny kisses. We love you, we appreciate you.