Heavyweight Check In 3

Pushkin right there. 0:00:22.730 --> 0:00:24.050 I knew I heard the loud. 0:00:23.930 --> 0:00:25.770 Hello, Hello, Simon. 0:00:26.250 --> 0:00:27.090 Hi, Hi. 0:00:27.930 --> 0:00:31.050 When you picked up the phone, I heard voices in 0:00:31.090 --> 0:00:32.489 the background. What was that? 0:00:33.370 --> 0:00:36.609 I like just playing videos in the background and listening 0:00:36.650 --> 0:00:37.010 to them. 0:00:37.250 --> 0:00:40.490 Oh, just for the company. Yeah, so you just kind 0:00:40.489 --> 0:00:43.050 of listen to them in the background. Like, Simon is 0:00:43.090 --> 0:00:46.289 ten years old, and like most kids, his school is 0:00:46.330 --> 0:00:50.050 closed indefinitely, but his parents have jobs they still need 0:00:50.090 --> 0:00:53.330 to leave the house for. So Simon's home all alone 0:00:53.489 --> 0:00:56.890 all day except for lunchtime when his dad stops by 0:00:56.970 --> 0:00:58.689 to eat with him. What kind of lunch do you 0:00:58.810 --> 0:00:59.410 usually have. 0:01:00.250 --> 0:01:02.289 I've been having a lot of hot pockets. 0:01:02.650 --> 0:01:05.250 Oh yeah, are they really hot inside? 0:01:06.530 --> 0:01:08.690 Sometimes you gotta let him cool down. One time I 0:01:08.690 --> 0:01:11.090 had one too hot and they burned the back of 0:01:11.090 --> 0:01:13.010 my taste buds for like the rest of the day. 0:01:13.450 --> 0:01:14.210 Oh my god. 0:01:14.410 --> 0:01:16.610 You just can't tell when they're hot or not from 0:01:16.650 --> 0:01:19.250 the outside because they don't steam up or anything. So 0:01:19.770 --> 0:01:22.289 when you take your first bites, like, am I gonna 0:01:22.330 --> 0:01:24.690 just swallow it or spit it out? 0:01:26.090 --> 0:01:30.130 Yeah? You got to be patient. Yeah, so your dad 0:01:30.210 --> 0:01:34.490 comes home, so you guys are able to have lunch together. Yeah, 0:01:34.570 --> 0:01:35.690 do you look forward to that. 0:01:37.130 --> 0:01:40.330 Yeah, I get really lonely. 0:01:41.250 --> 0:01:42.170 Oh you do, huh. 0:01:43.330 --> 0:01:46.810 Yeah, I didn't realize that I would get this lonely, 0:01:46.930 --> 0:01:49.290 and only a few days. 0:01:49.810 --> 0:01:52.370 Were the first couple of days less lonely. 0:01:54.290 --> 0:01:57.370 Yeah, they because it was just the first time ever 0:01:57.490 --> 0:02:01.410 being home alone for a full day by myself. Yeah, 0:02:01.450 --> 0:02:03.170 but then I just got used to it, and then 0:02:03.170 --> 0:02:05.890 it wasn't so exciting, and then I realized how it 0:02:05.930 --> 0:02:07.050 was pretty lonely. 0:02:07.250 --> 0:02:10.090 So what do you do when you get lonely? 0:02:12.169 --> 0:02:15.450 Well, usually I take my mind off it by doing 0:02:15.609 --> 0:02:17.890 more homework or watching videos. 0:02:18.330 --> 0:02:20.650 Do you have advice for other people who are by 0:02:20.690 --> 0:02:25.570 themselves right now and who maybe aren't used to it. 0:02:25.570 --> 0:02:28.290 It makes you feel a lot better if you just 0:02:28.490 --> 0:02:31.810 open up a blind or something like in my living room, 0:02:31.810 --> 0:02:34.290 we have a big window, okay, and then there's a 0:02:34.330 --> 0:02:37.090 blind on it. I usually if I get scared, I 0:02:37.210 --> 0:02:39.410 just open that up and look outside, and then I 0:02:39.490 --> 0:02:43.490 know that, you know, nothing else is happening, so I'm 0:02:43.490 --> 0:02:46.049 fine and I can see outside, and it just makes 0:02:46.090 --> 0:02:46.770 you feel better. 0:02:47.090 --> 0:02:50.530 Yeah, it's good sometimes to just remember that there's an 0:02:50.530 --> 0:02:51.770 outside out there. 0:02:52.170 --> 0:02:56.930 Right, Yeah, it's not just you inside, and that's completely it. 0:02:57.250 --> 0:03:01.210 Yeah, so you have lunch, your dad heads back to work, 0:03:01.410 --> 0:03:04.290 and then what then I do the not the. 0:03:04.290 --> 0:03:07.010 Homework on paper, but just like where I have to 0:03:07.050 --> 0:03:10.250 practice my recorder and do some read and all that stuff. 0:03:10.730 --> 0:03:11.930 Oh you play the recorder? 0:03:13.770 --> 0:03:15.050 Oh yeah, that's our music. 0:03:15.490 --> 0:03:17.650 Do you have your recorder with you right now? 0:03:18.890 --> 0:03:21.250 Yes? I actually do. It's just on the automan. 0:03:21.610 --> 0:03:23.410 Would you would you be able to favor me with 0:03:23.450 --> 0:03:25.770 a little a little bit of what you've been practicing. 0:03:27.210 --> 0:03:29.730 Okay, I'll try, might mess up. 0:03:30.930 --> 0:03:33.049 You're just practicing we've been. 0:03:32.850 --> 0:03:35.610 Trying to do when the same spot marching in. 0:03:36.130 --> 0:04:21.530 Oh yeah, let's hear it. Okay, here we go, Simon. Yeah, 0:04:21.570 --> 0:04:25.449 that was excellent. And you know what was really really 0:04:25.450 --> 0:04:28.809 great about it was your sense of timing. It's it 0:04:28.890 --> 0:04:32.770 sounds tight, is what I'm saying. Your hip to my 0:04:32.969 --> 0:04:33.849 jazz lingo. 0:04:35.409 --> 0:04:37.849 Yeah. 0:04:37.890 --> 0:04:40.570 Well, you know, I've probably kept you from your from 0:04:40.650 --> 0:04:42.289 your studies long enough. 0:04:42.089 --> 0:04:44.729 Right, I mean, I really don't care because I would 0:04:44.810 --> 0:04:45.650 rather not do it. 0:04:45.690 --> 0:04:48.449 But well, I don't want to get in trouble with 0:04:48.489 --> 0:04:51.810 your parents, so I'm going to let you. I'm going 0:04:51.890 --> 0:04:55.330 to let you get back to your routine. It's been 0:04:55.369 --> 0:04:56.729 really nice getting to talk to you. 0:04:58.130 --> 0:05:00.689 Yeah, thank you for letting me talk to you too. 0:05:01.169 --> 0:05:17.210 Okay, take care Simon you too. Fe Hello, Stevie Lane. 0:05:17.210 --> 0:05:17.850 This is g. 0:05:19.289 --> 0:05:25.729 I have khalilt khalilt. Hey, I see you've got your 0:05:25.729 --> 0:05:27.929 showbiz a voice on Khalila. 0:05:29.690 --> 0:05:31.969 I think this is just my normal voice. 0:05:33.250 --> 0:05:36.330 You just had a You just had a birthday this week. 0:05:36.450 --> 0:05:39.370 I did just have a birthday. My birthday was very good. 0:05:40.450 --> 0:05:46.210 I had a Zoom party. Our own Stevie was in attendance. 0:05:46.330 --> 0:05:53.130 It was very fun, and I tweeted a thing about like, oh, 0:05:53.169 --> 0:05:55.449 it would be nice if people sent me like photos 0:05:55.529 --> 0:05:58.369 or stories of like small nice things. Get it to 0:05:58.409 --> 0:06:02.010 my birthday. People sent me such amazing stuff. 0:06:03.289 --> 0:06:06.330 Can you can you share some of the little moments 0:06:06.330 --> 0:06:07.010 that you received? 0:06:07.929 --> 0:06:10.289 So I got a lot of pick of people's pets. 0:06:10.929 --> 0:06:14.009 Here's one that says, my small nice thing soup and 0:06:14.089 --> 0:06:17.409 sandwich and soup and sand which are two cats that 0:06:17.450 --> 0:06:21.810 are like cuddling together on the bed. Here's one that 0:06:21.929 --> 0:06:25.369 says I was at the pharmacy and a sweet old 0:06:25.369 --> 0:06:27.569 man in front of me announced to all the pharmacists, 0:06:27.609 --> 0:06:29.489 I'm so in love with each and every one of you, 0:06:29.529 --> 0:06:33.249 and there's nothing you can do about it. Someone sent 0:06:33.289 --> 0:06:36.210 a video of a birthday party they threw for their 0:06:36.250 --> 0:06:39.049 dog and they're like presenting him with a dog charcouterie 0:06:39.089 --> 0:06:40.849 board and the dog's really excited. 0:06:41.330 --> 0:06:50.089 This had to be a Brooklyn dog. No, probably. And Stevie, 0:06:50.849 --> 0:06:52.569 how have you been? What have you been up to? 0:06:53.330 --> 0:06:55.250 Last night, we were kind of flipping through the channels 0:06:55.250 --> 0:06:57.809 and Panic Room was on. Have you guys seen Panic. 0:06:57.570 --> 0:06:59.010 Room a long time ago? 0:06:59.169 --> 0:07:00.169 Is that with Jody Foster? 0:07:00.729 --> 0:07:04.529 Yeah, it's about home invasion and Jodi Foster and Christian Stewart, 0:07:04.570 --> 0:07:08.529 her daughter, locked themselves in the Panic Room and they 0:07:08.609 --> 0:07:11.450 like go out because the bad guys are out there, 0:07:11.489 --> 0:07:15.010 and like there's this one moment where Jodie Foster realizes 0:07:15.050 --> 0:07:17.569 she left her cell phone just outside the panic room, 0:07:17.929 --> 0:07:21.850 and so she like opens the door the Panic room, 0:07:22.210 --> 0:07:25.489 darts out, grabs her cell phone, and like runs back 0:07:25.489 --> 0:07:27.369 in and closed the door. And I was like, I 0:07:27.410 --> 0:07:30.530 feel like that's like our trips to the grocery store. 0:07:30.850 --> 0:07:31.090 You know. 0:07:31.290 --> 0:07:35.130 It's like, yeah, oh, this is such a weird parallel. 0:07:35.650 --> 0:07:43.130 Yeah. 0:07:43.489 --> 0:07:46.010 I do feel like there are all these small signs 0:07:46.050 --> 0:07:50.330 of nature re asserting itself. Just I feel like I've 0:07:50.330 --> 0:07:53.890 been seeing so many birds, like so many blue jays 0:07:53.970 --> 0:07:55.129 and red card too. 0:07:55.330 --> 0:07:59.449 Actually I identified a bird call this morning. I was like, 0:07:59.530 --> 0:08:01.890 you know, I hear that bird all the time, and 0:08:01.970 --> 0:08:03.970 I'm gonna find out what kind of burd it is? 0:08:04.570 --> 0:08:05.449 What does it sound like? 0:08:05.850 --> 0:08:07.370 I'm sure you guys have heard it. It's that one 0:08:07.369 --> 0:08:08.730 that's like, dude. 0:08:08.530 --> 0:08:10.209 Dude, do do do do? 0:08:10.050 --> 0:08:10.090 Do? 0:08:10.210 --> 0:08:10.450 Do? 0:08:10.450 --> 0:08:12.210 Do you know that word? 0:08:12.410 --> 0:08:12.650 Yes? 0:08:12.770 --> 0:08:13.689 I do know that part. 0:08:13.850 --> 0:08:15.890 I hear that bird all the time. And I was 0:08:15.890 --> 0:08:17.090 finally like, what is it? 0:08:17.489 --> 0:08:19.050 And so how did you do that? Is there a 0:08:19.770 --> 0:08:20.890 hizam for bird call? 0:08:21.210 --> 0:08:26.530 I googled like a descending note bird trill and I 0:08:26.530 --> 0:08:28.810 had to click around some but I found it. It's 0:08:28.850 --> 0:08:30.330 a white throated sparrow. 0:08:39.850 --> 0:08:43.690 Obviously, Like, this isn't affecting everybody the same way, but 0:08:43.770 --> 0:08:47.170 do you feel like there's comfort in the idea that 0:08:47.250 --> 0:08:51.810 everybody's going through it and everybody's in it together. 0:08:54.570 --> 0:08:56.610 I think there is comfort in like sort of that 0:08:56.650 --> 0:09:00.570 feeling of like community, and like it's funny just how 0:09:00.570 --> 0:09:02.730 many people I've talked to you that are experiencing the 0:09:02.770 --> 0:09:06.250 same things, and like one of them is that everyone 0:09:06.250 --> 0:09:09.850 seems to be having really weird, vivid dreams yeah, And 0:09:09.930 --> 0:09:12.330 I don't totally know why that is, if it's like 0:09:12.370 --> 0:09:14.730 a stress response or like where it's coming from that 0:09:14.730 --> 0:09:16.090 it's happening to so many people. 0:09:16.690 --> 0:09:21.210 Yeah, And are you guys dreaming about this moment, like 0:09:21.330 --> 0:09:22.970 about the virus specifically? 0:09:23.690 --> 0:09:27.050 Sometimes a little bit. Yeah, But what was actually nice 0:09:27.090 --> 0:09:29.610 was last night I had a stress dream about trying 0:09:29.650 --> 0:09:32.610 to catch an Amtrak train and like not being able 0:09:32.650 --> 0:09:34.450 to get to the right track, and like I woke 0:09:34.530 --> 0:09:38.530 up and I was like, oh, like nostalgic for the 0:09:38.610 --> 0:09:40.530 days that I was trying to catch trains. 0:09:41.010 --> 0:09:43.610 Stevie, are you what are your dreams? 0:09:43.690 --> 0:09:47.250 Like, I've just been having this thing where every single 0:09:48.330 --> 0:09:53.130 moment of waking up has been like awaking from a dream, 0:09:53.490 --> 0:09:55.810 and I've been enjoying them. Like none of them have 0:09:55.890 --> 0:10:00.050 been bad. They've all been sort of like that kind 0:10:00.050 --> 0:10:03.050 of like wonderful dream where you're. 0:10:02.890 --> 0:10:03.290 Just like. 0:10:05.170 --> 0:10:10.210 Enjoying being somewhere else or like in some strain world 0:10:10.330 --> 0:10:10.850 in your head. 0:10:13.050 --> 0:10:13.690 That's nice. 0:10:14.770 --> 0:10:26.250 Yeah, that is nice. It seems that right now there 0:10:26.290 --> 0:10:29.610 are a lot of people who are feeling lonely and 0:10:29.850 --> 0:10:32.530 lonely in a particular kind of way where they're just 0:10:32.770 --> 0:10:37.450 yearning to reach out to people that they have lost 0:10:37.570 --> 0:10:40.890 contact with in ways that they feel remiss about. They 0:10:40.970 --> 0:10:46.610 don't understand why they drifted, and they just want to 0:10:46.690 --> 0:10:49.170 get back in touch. So at the end of our 0:10:49.250 --> 0:10:53.370 last check in, we put a call out to people 0:10:53.810 --> 0:10:57.010 who wanted a little help. So people reached out to us, 0:10:57.050 --> 0:10:59.689 and a lot of a lot of the emails that 0:10:59.730 --> 0:11:03.850 people sent and voice messages were very touching and compelling, 0:11:04.610 --> 0:11:08.370 so I talked to a few of them. Hey, Jonathan, So, 0:11:08.410 --> 0:11:12.490 Caesar lives in downtown Los Angeles, and like all of us, 0:11:12.570 --> 0:11:17.010 he's cooped up at home in his apartment, and lately 0:11:17.090 --> 0:11:20.330 he finds himself thinking a lot about an old best 0:11:20.370 --> 0:11:23.090 friend of his, a friend from college named Army. 0:11:23.690 --> 0:11:27.090 We hung out basically every day. We hung out in 0:11:27.130 --> 0:11:31.090 her dorm all the time between classes, and we graduated, 0:11:31.170 --> 0:11:34.290 and she actually helped me get on my feet despite 0:11:34.330 --> 0:11:38.050 not having much space. She allowed me to stay in 0:11:38.090 --> 0:11:42.010 her living room on her couch for no money. She said, 0:11:42.050 --> 0:11:44.410 you know what, just save up towards a deposit, save 0:11:44.490 --> 0:11:47.730 up towards getting your own furniture, so don't worry about 0:11:47.930 --> 0:11:50.290 paying me rent. She would go to work and she 0:11:50.330 --> 0:11:52.850 would sneak. She worked at Mimi's Cafe, which is like 0:11:52.890 --> 0:11:57.090 a chain restaurant. Okay, she would bring me back like 0:11:57.170 --> 0:12:00.290 my favorite muffins from there, and I don't know. She 0:12:00.370 --> 0:12:03.770 was a very encouraging and helpful friend, and I don't 0:12:03.770 --> 0:12:05.210 feel like I even met her halfway. 0:12:06.090 --> 0:12:08.210 So Armie was dealing with a lot at the time. 0:12:08.450 --> 0:12:12.090 She was an undocumented immigrant from Mexico trying to start 0:12:12.090 --> 0:12:14.770 a life in the US, and then she started dating 0:12:14.810 --> 0:12:16.690 a much older man named Mark. 0:12:17.330 --> 0:12:20.730 She was constantly arguing with him because she felt like 0:12:21.170 --> 0:12:25.610 it would be beneficial to her if he would marry 0:12:25.610 --> 0:12:28.650 her so she could get her citizenship squared away and 0:12:29.250 --> 0:12:31.290 get a job and really get her career going, but 0:12:32.210 --> 0:12:33.850 he was afraid to do it. 0:12:34.530 --> 0:12:37.690 Caesar says Army would obsess over her relationship with Mark, 0:12:38.290 --> 0:12:41.929 just replaying the same conversations they had over and over. 0:12:43.170 --> 0:12:46.090 Now Caesar's able to see how the relationship with Mark 0:12:46.250 --> 0:12:49.450 was tied to army sense of security, but at the 0:12:49.530 --> 0:12:53.690 time he just found it exhausting and so he began 0:12:53.770 --> 0:12:56.970 to slowly pull away. I, unfortunately, was more of a 0:12:57.010 --> 0:12:59.809 fair weather friend at the time. I guess what was 0:12:59.850 --> 0:13:02.689 also going on at the time was that Caesar was 0:13:02.730 --> 0:13:05.090 coming to terms with the fact that he was gay. 0:13:05.930 --> 0:13:08.330 He wasn't ready to come out yet, but Army and 0:13:08.370 --> 0:13:10.170 her boyfriend Mark, we're pressuring him. 0:13:10.690 --> 0:13:12.850 Her boyfriend was the one that was always like poking 0:13:12.930 --> 0:13:14.970 fun at me, and he would always be like, oh, 0:13:15.050 --> 0:13:16.330 just come out and say it already. 0:13:16.890 --> 0:13:17.650 So I felt like I. 0:13:18.290 --> 0:13:20.450 Couldn't because honestly, I didn't want to prove them right. 0:13:20.570 --> 0:13:22.930 I didn't want to be like, Okay, fine. 0:13:22.690 --> 0:13:23.290 You're right. 0:13:23.770 --> 0:13:27.410 Yeah. So the breaking point came in the form of 0:13:27.450 --> 0:13:30.930 a missed dinner date. Army had booked the reservation months 0:13:30.930 --> 0:13:35.170 in advance, but Caesar completely forgot all about it, and 0:13:35.290 --> 0:13:40.090 instead he went to Disneyland, and Army called him from 0:13:40.090 --> 0:13:42.810 the restaurant while he was online at Space Mountain. 0:13:43.330 --> 0:13:47.970 She got really, really, really upset, and I thought, Okay, 0:13:48.010 --> 0:13:51.170 I just need to apologize. I'll reach out to her 0:13:51.250 --> 0:13:53.730 later because I feel like she needs maybe a minute 0:13:53.730 --> 0:13:58.050 to cool off. And that minute turned into I don't know, 0:13:58.090 --> 0:14:01.570 I think it's been like five six years now. I 0:14:01.610 --> 0:14:04.450 think about her all the time, and I feel I 0:14:04.570 --> 0:14:09.250 just feel ashamed, and but I just don't know how 0:14:09.330 --> 0:14:11.770 to how to approach it. 0:14:12.250 --> 0:14:13.490 So what do you want to do? Do you want 0:14:13.490 --> 0:14:16.250 to you want to you want to try to reach out. 0:14:16.930 --> 0:14:17.970 Yeah, I do. 0:14:18.610 --> 0:14:22.850 I've been I've been contemplating doing it for years. 0:14:23.810 --> 0:14:25.810 Do you want to just try cold calling. 0:14:27.050 --> 0:14:27.530 Right now? 0:14:27.850 --> 0:14:31.570 Yeah? 0:14:31.730 --> 0:14:32.210 Yeah? 0:14:32.530 --> 0:14:35.130 Let me see you still have her phone number? 0:14:35.730 --> 0:14:38.450 So I do, but I don't know if it's still 0:14:38.490 --> 0:14:45.970 her phone number. Let me send her a text. I'm saying, hello, 0:14:46.210 --> 0:14:47.890 is this still Army's number? 0:14:48.370 --> 0:14:53.130 Yeah? So yeah, we just we just wait and finally 0:14:53.970 --> 0:14:58.890 he gets a text back and it says, what's up. Sorry, 0:14:59.250 --> 0:15:01.610 my nine month old keeps me away from the phone, 0:15:02.330 --> 0:15:04.570 and yeah, so Caesar writes back to her, Wow, you 0:15:04.610 --> 0:15:07.330 have a baby. That's so nice to hear. He explains that, 0:15:07.530 --> 0:15:09.650 you know, he lets her know that he's talking to me, 0:15:09.730 --> 0:15:11.810 and he asks if we can give her a call, 0:15:12.570 --> 0:15:17.370 and the text is marked red. But he doesn't hear 0:15:17.410 --> 0:15:21.250 anything back from Army. So we just continue to wait 0:15:21.290 --> 0:15:25.410 and still nothing, and so finally we just figure, you know, 0:15:25.570 --> 0:15:28.010 that it couldn't hurt if we just try giving her 0:15:28.050 --> 0:15:28.450 a call. 0:15:38.130 --> 0:15:48.210 Hello, Hey Army. Yes, Hey, what's up. It's nice to 0:15:48.210 --> 0:15:51.130 hear your voice. It's been way too long. 0:15:51.930 --> 0:15:55.250 No, but I'm not promising anything because it's Conor's nap time. 0:15:55.370 --> 0:15:56.930 So he might get a little loud. 0:15:57.050 --> 0:16:00.970 He's a little crazy, So okay, well let me jump 0:16:01.010 --> 0:16:01.690 into it. Then. 0:16:03.570 --> 0:16:07.770 I've been thinking a lot about you throughout the years, 0:16:07.850 --> 0:16:13.170 but especially more recently, and I wanted to reach out 0:16:13.210 --> 0:16:19.690 again and apologize for being a crappy friend, for not 0:16:19.810 --> 0:16:23.850 knowing how to listen to you when you were struggling 0:16:23.970 --> 0:16:26.170 with figuring out what to do with your life, with 0:16:26.210 --> 0:16:30.130 your legal statage, with your relationship, forgetting about our freaking 0:16:30.170 --> 0:16:32.770 dinner reservations at bestie. I left you hanging, and I 0:16:34.090 --> 0:16:36.410 when I was embarrassed. 0:16:36.450 --> 0:16:38.650 You see, And when you did that, it was like 0:16:38.730 --> 0:16:42.090 to me, like you always had so so many friends, 0:16:42.330 --> 0:16:47.090 ca sir, I did not until this day, I still don't. 0:16:47.330 --> 0:16:50.730 So when you left me was it was? It was bad? 0:16:52.450 --> 0:16:57.850 So I just turned away and I have always felt 0:16:57.850 --> 0:16:58.610 bad about it. 0:16:59.970 --> 0:17:03.730 I was feeling really awkward about coming out to you. 0:17:04.210 --> 0:17:07.689 And why were you feeling about coming out to me? 0:17:07.730 --> 0:17:09.490 It's not like I was home, like. 0:17:09.730 --> 0:17:15.050 I was like totally open and like. 0:17:13.889 --> 0:17:15.729 Like I you know, I wasn't going to reject you 0:17:15.810 --> 0:17:16.050 for that. 0:17:17.169 --> 0:17:19.449 Remember what you told me? You said, I will. 0:17:19.330 --> 0:17:21.369 Never forget like I told you, Like we're gonna laugh 0:17:21.369 --> 0:17:24.009 about this like when we're old, you know, and I 0:17:24.050 --> 0:17:25.770 told you that I will always be there for you. 0:17:26.250 --> 0:17:27.490 That's how I remember it. 0:17:27.730 --> 0:17:33.449 And I know it sounds really. 0:17:31.730 --> 0:17:35.290 Shitty, but I was really I was really afraid to 0:17:35.369 --> 0:17:36.050 face Mark. 0:17:37.369 --> 0:17:40.090 And he always says the most inappropriate things, but that's Mark, 0:17:40.169 --> 0:17:41.489 you know, his sense of humor. 0:17:41.929 --> 0:17:43.729 So to us, it was just like, just do it, 0:17:43.770 --> 0:17:44.810 come out of the closet, you know. 0:17:45.409 --> 0:17:48.050 And I think we were not sensitive to that. 0:17:48.609 --> 0:17:51.369 Yeah, we're still together and we have a we got married, 0:17:51.369 --> 0:17:55.090 we have a baby together, So you did, Yeah we did. 0:17:55.530 --> 0:17:57.249 Oh wow, congratulations. 0:17:57.730 --> 0:18:00.489 We're actually pretty happy. We don't find like cats and 0:18:00.530 --> 0:18:03.330 dogs anymore. We're pretty happy now, so oh good. 0:18:04.050 --> 0:18:08.170 I'll be right behind you. I got married in September. 0:18:08.570 --> 0:18:11.649 I got married to a man, surprise, surprise. His name 0:18:11.730 --> 0:18:15.369 is Henry. And we've been working to make a baby too. 0:18:15.490 --> 0:18:18.649 So right now we're in the process of being matched 0:18:18.689 --> 0:18:22.609 with a surrogate. But yeah, everything's on hold because of 0:18:24.050 --> 0:18:33.009 the pandemic. Well, honestly, what I wanted to do was 0:18:33.169 --> 0:18:41.289 just connect and apologize. And I know it's sort of 0:18:41.330 --> 0:18:45.730 a crummy time with COVID nineteen and everything that's going 0:18:45.730 --> 0:18:49.530 on and social distancing but you know, I'm hoping maybe 0:18:50.649 --> 0:18:53.689 in the near future we could see each other again, 0:18:54.330 --> 0:18:58.050 that can meet your baby and you can be my husband. 0:18:58.169 --> 0:19:00.970 And yeah, I love interesting. 0:19:03.169 --> 0:19:06.050 Yeah, maybe when all this thing clears out, that'll be 0:19:06.889 --> 0:19:10.810 an interesting, interesting thing to try. 0:19:11.169 --> 0:19:12.449 I'm not going to say it's not going. 0:19:12.369 --> 0:19:15.129 To be awkward, but yeah, you'll be had be something. 0:19:16.449 --> 0:19:20.730 Okay, thanks again for hearing me out a yeah, well, 0:19:20.770 --> 0:19:32.009 you take care and I'll talk too soon. Okay, bye bye. 0:19:34.449 --> 0:19:36.649 Do you think you're gonna do you? I mean, do 0:19:36.730 --> 0:19:39.050 you do you think you will reach out to her again? 0:19:39.649 --> 0:19:39.850 Oh? 0:19:40.090 --> 0:19:42.889 I will, definitely will. I want to see what a 0:19:42.970 --> 0:19:44.570 kid looks like and I want to. 0:19:46.169 --> 0:19:47.009 Yeah. 0:19:47.649 --> 0:19:49.850 I feel like she made it clear to me that 0:19:50.010 --> 0:19:53.210 maybe I'm gonna have to be the one to make 0:19:53.290 --> 0:19:54.130 more of an effort. 0:19:54.609 --> 0:19:57.209 Yeah, and I'm okay with that. 0:20:05.290 --> 0:20:08.609 It is funny that people are thinking about reaching out 0:20:08.649 --> 0:20:13.929 to people and reconnecting at this time when like there's 0:20:14.490 --> 0:20:17.929 no chance of actually like doing that in a real 0:20:17.970 --> 0:20:21.530 way for the foreseeable future. You know, like I feel 0:20:21.609 --> 0:20:24.010 like there's some safety in that almost Yeah. 0:20:24.209 --> 0:20:27.369 Yeah, And also like it just I don't know. One 0:20:27.409 --> 0:20:29.810 of the things that I felt in listening to the 0:20:29.850 --> 0:20:32.170 two of them talk is that there's a certain kind 0:20:32.209 --> 0:20:39.209 of permission that these times grant, but then there's there 0:20:39.209 --> 0:20:40.850 are certain things that it just cannot do. 0:20:41.570 --> 0:20:43.930 You know, like she's not just going to forgive him 0:20:43.929 --> 0:20:47.450 because we're under quarantine. 0:20:47.129 --> 0:20:51.449 Right, Yeah, it just seems like Caesar is going to 0:20:51.490 --> 0:21:11.209 have work to do. So there's one more call that 0:21:11.330 --> 0:21:14.530 I made to somebody that I'd wanted to reach out 0:21:14.570 --> 0:21:19.330 to and had been meaning to, someone that I'm fond 0:21:19.330 --> 0:21:25.370 of and whose work I admire. He's an author, podcast host. 0:21:25.490 --> 0:21:30.129 Even better, V blogger, vlogger, blogger, blogger with a V. 0:21:30.290 --> 0:21:32.290 Is that a word in the twenty first century? 0:21:32.330 --> 0:21:33.050 It sure is? 0:21:33.169 --> 0:21:35.289 All right, what a glorious time we live in. 0:21:39.609 --> 0:21:44.330 Hello John Green, Hi, how are you good? 0:21:45.409 --> 0:21:47.210 I assume I'm catching you at home? 0:21:48.169 --> 0:21:55.530 Yeah. Yeah, we're in the library in my house and 0:21:55.570 --> 0:21:57.969 we set up a microphone, and so. 0:21:58.810 --> 0:22:02.609 I am talking to you from a closet in my basement. 0:22:05.169 --> 0:22:08.490 The only desk that would fit into the closet isn't 0:22:08.490 --> 0:22:11.850 a desk, a piano bench, And the only chair that 0:22:11.889 --> 0:22:14.649 would fit under the piano bench is my three year 0:22:14.730 --> 0:22:20.570 old's child sized chair. And like to pile the indignities on, 0:22:20.810 --> 0:22:23.449 like I actually had to barter with him to get 0:22:23.490 --> 0:22:25.729 it from him, you know, Like he was like, but 0:22:25.810 --> 0:22:28.209 that's my chair, and I was like, I know, but 0:22:28.850 --> 0:22:35.490 Papa has to go downstairs and earn his keep. How 0:22:35.570 --> 0:22:36.690 are you faring. 0:22:38.129 --> 0:22:42.449 Up and down? It has been really hard for me 0:22:42.570 --> 0:22:48.210 at times, just because I know myself to be alarmist. 0:22:48.330 --> 0:22:50.850 I know myself to be anxious, I know myself to 0:22:50.889 --> 0:22:54.369 be a catastrophizer. But you can usually look to the 0:22:54.490 --> 0:22:57.050 people in your life who don't look at the world 0:22:57.129 --> 0:23:00.209 the way you do, and you can take their temperature 0:23:00.209 --> 0:23:04.090 and be like, Okay, well that must be the real reality. Yeah, 0:23:04.129 --> 0:23:08.369 And now I look at those people and they are 0:23:08.409 --> 0:23:12.049 not community getting to me that everything is okay, like, 0:23:12.449 --> 0:23:16.090 you know, like they are freaked out. 0:23:16.290 --> 0:23:16.490 Yeah. 0:23:16.850 --> 0:23:19.850 Like my brother is the sanest person I know and 0:23:20.530 --> 0:23:25.409 always sees the good side of things, like never acts 0:23:25.409 --> 0:23:29.129 as if he's under stress even when he is. And 0:23:29.929 --> 0:23:33.729 he hung up on me yesterday like for the first 0:23:33.730 --> 0:23:36.570 time in fifteen years, And then I called him back 0:23:37.090 --> 0:23:39.010 and he was like, sorry, I'm under a lot of stress. 0:23:39.209 --> 0:23:45.609 And I was like what you huh? 0:23:45.929 --> 0:23:49.570 Are are there things that have been bringing you comfort lately? 0:23:50.570 --> 0:23:52.810 I drink one diet Doctor Pepper per day. 0:23:53.209 --> 0:23:55.369 Ah. Yeah, I have one. 0:23:55.369 --> 0:23:59.490 Hundred diet Doctor Pepper's and I'm kind of counting down, 0:24:00.169 --> 0:24:02.169 assuming that this will be over by the time I 0:24:02.209 --> 0:24:04.369 get to the last diet Doctor Pepper, or at least 0:24:04.369 --> 0:24:08.530 that it will be better. Yeah, and oh my god, 0:24:08.609 --> 0:24:11.729 that one Doctor Pepper a day tastes so flipping good. 0:24:12.889 --> 0:24:16.289 Last night, I had a can of Poke zero that 0:24:16.369 --> 0:24:19.769 I took out for a walk with me, and that 0:24:19.889 --> 0:24:20.689 was really nice. 0:24:20.970 --> 0:24:24.209 Yeah. A couple of days ago, a neighbor rolled me 0:24:24.250 --> 0:24:26.850 a beer. I was walking by and he said, do 0:24:26.889 --> 0:24:28.169 you want a beer? And I said sure, and he 0:24:28.290 --> 0:24:30.490 rolled the beer to me and then it was at 0:24:30.490 --> 0:24:31.929 my feet and I was like, I guess I have 0:24:31.970 --> 0:24:34.369 to pick this up, even though there's no way I'm 0:24:34.449 --> 0:24:37.050 drinking this until I like wipe it down with sixteen 0:24:37.090 --> 0:24:40.330 different colorox wipes and like wash my hands up to 0:24:40.369 --> 0:24:42.290 my elbows. But I kind of like raised the beer 0:24:42.290 --> 0:24:43.889 to him and I was like thanks, and then I 0:24:43.929 --> 0:24:47.329 put it in my jacket pocket and I did drink it. 0:24:49.530 --> 0:24:52.689 I really, I really believe that this. You know, we 0:24:52.770 --> 0:24:55.169 will get through this, but the way we get through this, 0:24:55.290 --> 0:24:57.369 like there's this Robert Frost quote I think about all 0:24:57.369 --> 0:25:00.409 the time. The only way out is through, and I 0:25:00.449 --> 0:25:03.369 really believe that we are going to get through this. 0:25:03.530 --> 0:25:07.129 But the only way out is through, and we're going 0:25:07.209 --> 0:25:08.049 to get through it together. 0:25:09.409 --> 0:25:16.330 I think that's really nice. Yeah, it seems as though 0:25:16.369 --> 0:25:21.730 like right now people are thinking about people that they've 0:25:21.730 --> 0:25:24.609 lost touch with for whatever reasons and want to reach out. 0:25:25.929 --> 0:25:31.369 Oh yeah, I've been experiencing it so deeply. Oh really, Yeah, 0:25:31.490 --> 0:25:36.890 because I was my best friend from high school. We 0:25:36.970 --> 0:25:41.650 loved each other so much and we said I love 0:25:41.730 --> 0:25:48.569 you all the time, and Todd's love for me like 0:25:48.649 --> 0:25:51.249 held me together in those years. But what I've been 0:25:51.250 --> 0:25:53.729 thinking about lately is how much it still holds me 0:25:53.810 --> 0:25:56.529 together even though I haven't talked to him and I 0:25:56.530 --> 0:26:01.289 don't know seven or eight years, because the gifts that 0:26:01.330 --> 0:26:04.970 he gave me, the confidence that he gave me, are 0:26:05.050 --> 0:26:08.209 still with me. Because I was when I was in 0:26:08.290 --> 0:26:11.730 high school is such an awkward kid, Like I sort 0:26:11.730 --> 0:26:16.290 of had to learn by memorization what social cues were. 0:26:16.490 --> 0:26:18.090 And I remember like Todd and I would go to 0:26:18.209 --> 0:26:20.609 a party and then we'd be driving home from the 0:26:20.649 --> 0:26:23.209 party and he would be like, yeah, so listen. That 0:26:23.290 --> 0:26:25.929 was good. That was probably better than last time. A 0:26:25.929 --> 0:26:30.050 couple notes you stand really close to people when you 0:26:30.090 --> 0:26:32.330 talk to them, and then they take a half a 0:26:32.330 --> 0:26:34.969 step back, and then you take a half a step forward, 0:26:35.010 --> 0:26:37.369 and then eventually they're up against a wall and you're 0:26:37.449 --> 0:26:39.530 kind of still coming. And that feels a little aggressive 0:26:39.570 --> 0:26:42.289 to people. So when you notice if somebody is like 0:26:42.369 --> 0:26:45.130 up against the wall, that means that you've cornered them 0:26:45.129 --> 0:26:47.450 and you should you should take a step back. Wow, 0:26:47.770 --> 0:26:51.129 and so all that stuff like that. I still use. No, 0:26:51.290 --> 0:26:54.129 he's good, Oh he was good. Yeah, So I've been 0:26:54.129 --> 0:26:54.930 thinking about him a lot. 0:26:55.369 --> 0:27:01.490 Yeah. And have you guys just just drifted no particular reason. 0:27:01.850 --> 0:27:04.810 No reason, Yeah, no I don't. I don't think so. 0:27:05.250 --> 0:27:09.010 But the distance almost becomes like a vicious cycle, because 0:27:09.609 --> 0:27:14.450 the longer I go without talking to someone, the more 0:27:14.490 --> 0:27:16.570 it feels like it will break my heart to talk 0:27:16.609 --> 0:27:21.010 to them, and the more guilty I feel for not 0:27:21.330 --> 0:27:23.090 having talk to them. 0:27:23.570 --> 0:27:29.170 Yeah, this guy, his name is Todd. Yeah, you don't 0:27:29.169 --> 0:27:30.409 feel like calling Todd, do you? 0:27:31.770 --> 0:27:33.409 I don't know that I know how to call Todd. 0:27:33.689 --> 0:27:36.529 Oh how come I don't know his number? 0:27:36.730 --> 0:27:37.969 Oh you lost his number? 0:27:38.169 --> 0:27:41.129 I was just googling him. Let me. I'm hold on, 0:27:41.169 --> 0:27:50.050 I'm looking. Yeah, I think it might take me. I 0:27:50.050 --> 0:27:51.009 think I have a number. 0:27:51.770 --> 0:27:53.209 Oh wow, that was quick. 0:27:54.290 --> 0:27:57.530 Yeah, it might not be right, but it also might 0:27:57.570 --> 0:28:06.170 be right. I think it's right. Uh. Yeah, I'm nervous now. 0:28:07.169 --> 0:28:11.850 Uh is it the idea of the idea of calling 0:28:11.929 --> 0:28:15.889 of calling him on a podcast without having asked if 0:28:15.889 --> 0:28:17.449 I could call him on a podcast first? 0:28:18.169 --> 0:28:19.449 Yeah? 0:28:19.649 --> 0:28:22.009 Can I call him? Ask if I can call him 0:28:22.050 --> 0:28:23.650 on a podcast? 0:28:24.050 --> 0:28:28.369 And then and then if he's game conference me in maybe. 0:28:29.770 --> 0:28:30.810 Oh, I'm so nervous. 0:28:31.050 --> 0:28:33.449 Well, you know what and here here I mean, if 0:28:34.010 --> 0:28:36.570 you get on the phone and you never come back 0:28:36.609 --> 0:28:38.810 to the line, I'll just assume that you guys are 0:28:39.530 --> 0:28:44.890 are talking and are happily talking and you've forgotten about me. 0:28:45.209 --> 0:28:47.810 That's a great idea. All right, I'm gonna try this number. 0:28:47.810 --> 0:28:48.490 We'll see if it were. 0:28:49.050 --> 0:28:52.170 Yeah, I'll be standing by. 0:28:56.330 --> 0:28:58.130 Oh it didn't work. 0:28:58.330 --> 0:29:00.130 Oh what happened? 0:29:00.610 --> 0:29:04.330 There was a It just was wrong the disconnected number. 0:29:04.570 --> 0:29:07.450 Huh did you try it twice? Make sure you had 0:29:07.450 --> 0:29:11.210 the number? Great point, That's what I'm here for. 0:29:12.330 --> 0:29:15.330 Hold on, Okay, let me do it again. 0:29:15.530 --> 0:29:16.130 Try it again.