174 | Beyond Techniques: Cultivating the Therapist's Personality for CCPT Success

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You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks.

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Your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.

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Hi, I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks, The Kid Counselor.

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This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get

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a master class in child-centered play therapy

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and practical support and application for your

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work with children and their families.

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In today's episode.

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I am continuing in the summer school series reading

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through the essential personality characteristics

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of effective play therapists.

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So we did the first principal last week.

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We're going to cover the second and the third today.

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They're not quite as

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involved and complex as the first one

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so we can get two in today.

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But we are trying to

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dive in to how our own personalities

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and our traits and characteristics influence the

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play session as a child-centered play therapist.

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And it's important to be mindful of the characteristics that we should be embodying

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and striving to attain if they don't come naturally to us.

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So we're going to dive into the second and the third of those principles

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which are unconditional acceptance

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and creating safety and permissiveness in the relationship.

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So we're going to dive into that in just a second

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from the Innovations in Play Therapy, book edited by Landreth.

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However, I want to read you a really quick encouragement email that I received

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from Tebogo in South Africa

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and so exciting to have all these international listeners. So

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Tebogo, hello. Thank you so much. Here's my,

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here's my attempt.

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Hallo! 

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Hoe gaan dit?

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It's all I've got.

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It's my Afrikaans, the entire encapsulation of my Afrikaans knowledge,

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actually, really cool story.

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When I did my dissertation for my PhD,

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the dissertation topic that I studied was the

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effectiveness of CPRT in a virtual format.

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It had never been conducted online before.

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And I had two South Africans in that group and

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I had one of them conduct play sessions in Afrikaans.

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And so I've actually watched play sessions in Afrikaans. So

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really cool. I love the connection to South Africa.

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So Tebogo, thank you for the email.

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Thank you for listening down there in South Africa.

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And for the rest of you all, I want you to hear what Tebogo sent.

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Really just such an encouraging email. I wanted to share it with you.

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My name is Tebogo from South Africa. I'm currently an intern clinical psychologist

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in the Eastern Cape.

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I've always loved kids in all spheres but

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always felt stuck and useless in the playroom.

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It frustrated me because I was not doing anything to help those kids.

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However, since I started listening to the podcast in January, it has been amazing.

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I'm now more confident in the playroom and I now

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see things that were playing out before my eyes,

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but I wasn't aware of.

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Thank you Tebogo for that. And y'all, isn't that just the most amazing thing?

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The more you learn about child-centered play therapy,

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the more you

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are aware of, the more you see, the more you perceive,

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the more you observe and it's always there e even if our skills are not

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at the capacity that lets us notice

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it's always taking place.

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But the more we hone our skills,

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the more we are able to witness it for ourselves and Tebogo, thank you for the email.

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And I'm just so encouraged that

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so many of us are starting to see more things in the playroom that we missed before.

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Not that anything is different, kids are still working through their stuff.

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But as we become more skilled as clinicians,

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we're able to be more aware and more perceptive.

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So

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really appreciate the email Tebogo and to all my South Africans.

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Great to have you.

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All right. So now let's dive into the

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2nd and 3rd principle. Again, this is from the Innovations in Play Therapy book.

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And I'm gonna read actually all of it.

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I kind of truncated last week's because there was so much, but

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there's only about one paragraph per principle on these two.

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So I'm actually going to read you the entirety from the book on page 25.

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So the second principle is

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the therapist experiences unqualified or

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you can also say unconditional acceptance

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of the child and does not wish that the child were different in some way.

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So, the second principle,

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the therapist experiences unqualified acceptance of the child

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and does not wish that the child were different in some way.

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All right. So now let's unpack what that looks like. Practically speaking,

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the play therapist demonstrates respect by maintaining a warm,

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steady and friendly relationship with the child.

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The therapist stays neutral,

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accepting the child. Exactly as the child is,

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the therapist avoids judging or evaluating the

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child's behavior either positively or negatively.

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I'm gonna pause there. That's the trick

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because even if we are able to avoid judging negatively,

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we sometimes find that we judge

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positively.

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So notice there's neutrality required there.

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So the therapist avoids judging or evaluating

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the child's behavior either positively or negatively

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reacts to the child with interest

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and demonstrates acceptance of the child by

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encouraging the child to express feelings fully.

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Ok. Continuing, in working with children,

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the therapist conveys acceptance through. Here we go. Here's your checklist,

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patience, flexibility

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and creativity.

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So how do we convey acceptance if the principle is unqualified acceptance,

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how do we do that? Well, practically speaking

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three

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concepts, patience, flexibility and creativity.

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Continuing the play therapist needs to be able

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to adjust and adapt to the unexpected.

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How many times have we been completely caught off guard in a playroom?

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Because something went haywire, something went wonky.

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All of a sudden we were in a mess and we didn't even know how we got there.

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We didn't know how to get ourselves out.

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Ok.

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We have to be able to adjust and

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adapt to the unexpected because children are unpredictable.

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The therapist welcomes the child's choice to play or not to play,

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to talk or not to talk.

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The child does not need to change or behave

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in any particular way to receive the therapist's acceptance

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and the therapist resists imposing any conforming behavior on the child.

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All right, here's the doozy of the whole paragraph.

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The therapist may have goals or ideas

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but does not have expectations regarding the child.

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I'm going to read that again.

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The therapist may have goals or ideas

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but does not have expectations regarding the child.

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Why

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the therapist knows that expectations can easily be disappointed

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and that disappointment may be conveyed to the child.

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Let that settle for a minute y'all.

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Geez. The weight of that is heavy.

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The therapist knows that expectations can easily be disappointed

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and that disappointment may be conveyed to the child. So therefore,

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the therapist may have goals or ideas but does not have expectations.

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All right. And then the final sentence

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instead,

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the therapist endeavors to meet the child where the child

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is at the moment and moves with the child.

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So when we think about how to remain unconditionally accepting of the child,

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we are patient, flexible and creative.

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We adjust and adapt.

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We welcome the child's choices.

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We accept the child regardless of the child's behavior

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and we do not have expectations regarding the child,

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but instead we meet the child where the child is

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at at the moment and move with the child.

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So yes, that's quite an extensive list. So,

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you know, make sure you have your pen or paper or whatever out

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so that you can kind of compile that

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into some kind of mindful lists that you can look at every once in a while

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because that's asking a lot of us.

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But again, the principle and the personality trait that we're working on for that

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is unconditional acceptance,

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which takes us all the way back to Rogers.

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UPR, right?

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OK.

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So now let's go to the third principle.

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Third principle is the therapist creates a

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feeling of safety and permissiveness in the relationship

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so that the child feels free to explore and express self completely.

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All right, let me read that again.

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The therapist creates a feeling of safety and permissiveness in the relationship

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so that the child feels free

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to explore and express self completely.

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All right. So

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when we think about how a child is able to express themselves,

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it's through the context of the relationship.

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So we are tasked with creating safety

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and permissiveness in the

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relationship.

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And we do that in a lot of ways, we'll actually look at

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the details together in just a second,

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but

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we need to be intentional about making sure the child feels safe

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and that they understand there's a level of permissiveness in the playroom,

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but specifically within the relationship,

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we often talk about

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safety and permissiveness in the playroom.

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But I think it's often overlooked that there

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is safety and permissiveness in the relationship.

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All right. So let me read,

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the play therapist is charged with creating a safe and comfortable

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relationship in which the child is helped to feel protected,

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liked

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and respected.

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Wow. How often do you think a child feels? I think maybe they would feel protected.

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I would hope there's a caregiver that helps them feel protected.

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But how often does a child feel liked?

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And how often does a child feel respected?

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I would argue not often,

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but we create a safe and comfortable relationship

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which he helps the child feels those three things.

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All right, continuing,

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the child gains a sense of security

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from the predictability of the therapist

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and the therapeutic hour.

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All right, I'm gonna pause again.

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This is why

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we

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say the same things every week.

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This is why we have the same routine every week.

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This is why we have a framework

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and a script for the way that we interact in the lobby,

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the way that we interact as we walk back to the playroom,

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the way that we interact to give a five minute and a two minute warning,

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the way that we respond to questions, the way that we encourage.

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Why are we consistent

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in all of that communication

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because that's how a child gains a sense of security

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because things become predictable.

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That's why we schedule same day and same time each week

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because kids have predictability every Tuesday at four. I go see Miss Brenna.

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When I get there,

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she's going to walk out and say hello in the lobby and then she's going to say,

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I wonder if you're ready to go play or she's going to say I'm ready if you're ready,

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those are my two phrases.

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I use those ad nauseam.

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Then as we're walking back, I say,

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I wonder if you choose to wash your hands in the playroom

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or if you choose to wash your hands in the hallway.

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And then when they get in there,

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the script is you can choose to play with all

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the toys in most of the ways that you'd like.

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And then we respond with the reflective responses consistently.

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We respond with the four pillars consistently.

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We are predictable on purpose.

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Oh, that can be our new, that can be one of our

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new hashtags, #PredictableOnPurpose. I like it.

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Ok? My, my staff's gonna go crazy with that. I can promise you.

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So we have to be aware

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that as we are predictable, children gain security

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because it's predictability of us as the therapist and of the therapeutic hour.

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Ok, let me continue.

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It is imperative

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that the therapist remains steady,

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consistent

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and honest,

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steady, consistent and honest,

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it's hard to do all three of those sometimes.

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But

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it's imperative.

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A

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line and

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Landreth say

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that the therapist remains steady, consistent and honest.

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Continuing compassion and empathy

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tend to increase a child's confidence,

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encouraging open expression of emotions and thoughts.

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A child will withhold comments.

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Listen, y'all, a child will withhold comments

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until the child is sure

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that the therapist understands and can be trusted.

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Why do children keep things from their loved ones

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because they're protecting them

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because they don't think they can handle it

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because they aren't convinced that that person can hold things for them.

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That's why the neutral third party presence of a therapist is so powerful. However,

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a child will withhold comments until the child is

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sure that the therapist understands and can be trusted.

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How do we convey that we understand and that we can be trusted.

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We're steady, we're consistent, we're honest,

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we are predictable

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and we demonstrate compassion and empathy.

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Again, you have a pen and paper. These are your, these are your lists

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that you should be aspiring to.

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All right, continuing a therapist who is patient

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friendly,

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calm,

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self-confident

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and in control

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provides the child with protection and emotional safety.

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All right, let's go through those again.

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A therapist who is patient

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friendly,

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calm,

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self-confident and in control

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provides the child with protection and emotional safety.

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If you would not describe yourself professionally as those five things,

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that's your number one priority

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moving forward

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above all else

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as a child-centered play therapist,

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we need to be patient friendly, calm, self-confident and in control,

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no matter what,

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no matter when there's resistance, no matter when there's aggression,

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no matter when there's refusal, no matter when there's

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an injury to you in the playroom because a child is behaving recklessly,

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no matter when the child refuses to come back to the playroom,

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when they refuse to leave the playroom,

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when parents are yelling at you because they haven't seen enough change.

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It doesn't matter what the scenario,

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patient, friendly, calm, self confident and in control,

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huge, huge benefits to the child-centered process

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if we can master those five personality traits.

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Ok. Continuing,

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permissiveness has been defined as the total acceptance of all symbolic behavior,

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whether constructive or destructive

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while aggressive or destructive behavior may have to be limited.

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We do set limits when necessary. Yes.

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So while aggressive or destructive behavior may have to be limited.

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The therapist acknowledges and accepts the

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child's desire to engage in such activities

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and provides acceptable alternatives for expressing the feelings.

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That's a paragraph describing

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the limit setting pillar.

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Ok. So we can maintain our

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safety and permissiveness in the relationship while setting limits.

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In fact, that's exactly what the child needs from us.

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Ok. And then finally, the effective play therapist is accepting

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and creates an atmosphere of permissiveness at all times.

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So how do we do that?

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This permissiveness is communicated by the

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therapist's attitude toward the child,

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tone of voice and actions,

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attitude, tone of voice and actions. That's how we convey permissiveness.

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The therapist grants the child the right to choose

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the child may talk or be silent use or not use the playroom materials.

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The therapist does not push or endeavor to control or change the child in any way.

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So we have permissiveness and safety

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in the relationship

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and we have

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unconditional acceptance of the child

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principles, two and three

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of essential personality characteristics of effective play therapists.

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So I hope that encourages you.

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I hope that gives you some things to consider and maybe to work on to increase,

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to be mindful of this week.

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We have big, big roles, big jobs,

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a lot of things that are required of us to do this and to do it well.

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And that's why you're listening to this podcast.

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That's why you're taking in all the knowledge

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and the training and the coaching that you can

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because

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you can't do this job without realizing the breadth of skill that you need.

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And again, not to beat a dead horse.

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But this is why it's so frustrating when people outside of CCPT

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think that we don't, quote, do anything in the playroom.

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You just let a kid play and you just watch them and you say a few things here and there.

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It's so much more than that y'all

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our own personalities play a huge role in this.

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I mean, if that's not pressure, right? Like we have to be very

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specific

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types of people to do this.

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And if we're not naturally that way,

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we have to work on building those capacities to be those things.

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So

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I hope that that gives you some things to think about and to work toward.

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Because as we continue with these principles,

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it's very clear

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how the relationship

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really does define success in this model.

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And so all the things that we bring into the playroom are just

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as important as all the things that the child brings into the playroom.

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So love it. So fascinating.

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All right,

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if you wanna reach out to me, I'd love to hear from you,

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brenna@thekidcounselor.com.

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I always love hearing from y'all. Thank you for the emails.

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Thank you for the encouragement.

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So many of you reach out just to say hello and just to say thank you.

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So that really means a lot. And

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if you haven't looked into the Collective, we'd love to have you in there.

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ccptcollective.com online community just for CCPTs. So,

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all right, y'all have a lovely week. We'll talk again soon. Love you. Bye.

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Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr Brenna Hicks.

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For more episodes and resources.

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Please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.