RHONY's Leah McSweeney

00:00:05
Speaker 1: Hello, my love. It is La La Kent. Welcome back to the Give Them La La podcast. I'm podcasting today from the Graduate Hotel in Nashville, Tennessee. In this fabulous bed, Dolly Parton's photo painting picture is hanging above me. I'm feeling all the fabulous vibes. I feel like it's the perfect person to be hanging above my head because she has amazing boobs. And when I get home from tour, I'm getting my boobs done just to celebrate the fact that I'm a national best seller, the fact that I completed my first podcast tour. So she's giving me great tig old bitty vibe. Dolly Parton's a bad bitch. She is a bad bitch. She's amazing, amazing. So we only have two, no, three more shows left, one tonight in Nashville in Yes, but by the time this airs, we will have completed Nashville. Yes, we will have completed New Orleans and we will have we'll be waiting on Houston, Texas. How are you feeling so far?

00:01:15
Speaker 2: Like right now at this moment, we haven't done Nashville, so I think we have five shows done.

00:01:20
Speaker 1: How are you feeling? It's such a weird feeling because like for me, and I say this in my shows, because it is surreal, Like when I go on stage and everyone's showing me all the love in the world and just people who have supported me for so long, I go into the zone of like why because I don't recognize the fact, Like when people come up to me and they're like, I love you, thank you for sharing your story. It's still a bit surreal to me because I just feel like I'm talking on this microphone and like I don't know where this is going. I don't know who's listening to it, you know, like I pop up on TV, but I don't know who's watching. Like it just hasn't yet hit me that, like, oh, people know who I am and what I'm going through. Does that make sense? No, it does make sense.

00:02:11
Speaker 2: And it's been really cool to watch you meet these people on this tour, these people who watch and support you and talk to them because you do. You know, you have a couple VIP things where you talk to some kind of like in an intimate setting and then you go into the meet and greet.

00:02:28
Speaker 1: And then the show.

00:02:30
Speaker 2: But it's been really neat to watch you meet these people who support you and love you.

00:02:34
Speaker 1: And how do you feel about that?

00:02:37
Speaker 2: Because I know that was one of your main goals on this tour was you were like, I literally just want to meet these people who have been supporting me for so long.

00:02:46
Speaker 1: It feels amazing. Like there was one woman who came to a show and her her mom had passed away and she was just going through it and that's my time to like really connect with my people in person. Another girl said I inspired her to get sober and she's thirteen months sober and she brought her AA book and had me sign it and like, I wrote a note, and it's just, you know, that's when you remember what this life is about.

00:03:18
Speaker 3: You know.

00:03:19
Speaker 1: It's not about all of the things that are portrayed on Instagram. It's not about all these things that we watch on TV, whether it's vander Pump Rules, Housewives, Keeping Up with the or the Kardashians. It's about those moments where we can connect and get real and get vulnerable. I love the meet and greets that we're doing because the people that I get to connect within the meet and greets, those people get to see, like Lauren from Utah, like my truest self where I'm not trying to entertain you, not trying to perform. I'm just like a bitch trying to connect. I like those moments. I've heard a lot.

00:03:58
Speaker 2: It's funny because you like listen and you hear a lot of the things because.

00:04:01
Speaker 1: You're in it. But I'm sort of off to the side.

00:04:03
Speaker 2: So after people meet you, I can they walk away and I can kind of hear what they say, and I hear a lot of she's so nice, and I hear a lot of she's so tiny, ok, And it's so cute.

00:04:15
Speaker 1: But I think people are you are nice?

00:04:18
Speaker 2: That was my first You're sweet and real, and that was my first thought when I interviewed with you.

00:04:23
Speaker 1: I went into that interview and I was.

00:04:24
Speaker 2: Like, Okay, Jessica, just like she's a bad bitch, so she's probably gonna be mean, and it's okay, don't take it personally.

00:04:31
Speaker 1: And then I walked out of my interview with you, and I'm was like, what was that.

00:04:34
Speaker 2: She's like the nicest woman I've ever met, And I think a lot of people are not. They know you're nice, but I think you because it's an energy. You can't feel the energy until you're in front of people. I agree, and they feel the kind energy and it's like game changer and I love watching it.

00:04:50
Speaker 1: It's really cool. I just love meeting meeting all of you guys. I mean the fact, like so many people have been like I listened to your podcast every week, and no one's forcing them to do that. Yeah, no one's forcing them to buy give them La la products. Like they're doing that because they mess with me. They like me, I have great products you do. It's just so sweet. It is sweet. So I always feel the need the second I step on the stage and it's still even five shows in, Like I get on stage and I have to take a moment, and I have to announce to the crowd that I need to take a moment because it is very overwhelming.

00:05:32
Speaker 2: Yeah, to see all those people and hear them, and.

00:05:36
Speaker 1: When you have a group of people who owe you fucking nothing. Yeah, they don't know me from Adam, Yeah right, they know me because of what they've seen and they've gathered and there's like a glimpse of like, oh I relate to her in this way or we're bonded in this way. But like they're coming and showing up obviously because they want to have a great night out. But we're in Nashville Tennis right now. There's a million things they could be going to entertain themselves with. And they chose me, and I've chosen them, and you've chosen them.

00:06:08
Speaker 2: It's really great. This has been a lot of fun. I can't wait for the rest of the shows. I think Nashville will be fun.

00:06:14
Speaker 1: I have a really fun guest for New Orleans. Oh yes, yeah, I have a freaking epic guest. And then in Texas my guest is I'll just tell you, guys, my best friend since childhood. We've been friends for thirty one years and she's just a brilliant, beautiful spirit. A lot of people know her as the hot girl from Grown Ups, the Adam Sanmer movies. She had like a seven page spread in Maxim magazine. I always looked up to her. I still look up to her. She's my soulmate. And so as we wrap up the tour, I need a piece of home to wrap it up with.

00:06:52
Speaker 2: And you guys are like, say, well, you guys are sisters. When I first met her and saw you two together, I was like, oh, oh, these are like sisters. What is her Instagram handle so people who are going to those shows could check her out.

00:07:05
Speaker 1: She's awesome, you guys said, awesome. It's I'm Madison, but she spells it like medicine, so I'm Medicine. I am Madison, but it's like medicine, so it's I am M A D I C I N my little brilliant superstar.

00:07:29
Speaker 2: She's great and talk about energy, you guys, you're gonna feel it when she's on stage with Laala, and it's gonna be really sweet to see their connection for you guys to see their connection. And also the games since you guys have known each other for so long. I think the games are going to be fun.

00:07:44
Speaker 1: The games will be fun because I want to bring other like best friends up and see who knows their best friend best. Yes, I just the tour, even though like it seems like a short period of time, when you have a child that's at home, it becomes the longest, you know, Like I FaceTime with her every day she's at home with my mom. There were too many back to back cities. I selfishly wanted to bring her, but I just and it's so funny because when I tell moms that they're like you don't want to mess your schedule up. I get it. Oh, all of the moms are like, I don't blame you. It's so funny. Wait, I didn't even think of that. Well, the three hour difference even from La to Florida was like, oh my gosh, I'm so tired. Yeah. So, so she's home with Gig. She's home with Gig, they're having the best time. I just I miss her terribly. How did you feel yesterday?

00:08:38
Speaker 2: Because yesterday was Mother's Day and I thought that might be a really hard day for you, but surprisingly to me, you were very positive and you face timed them and like, you know, I know Ocean and your mom sent you flowers and we got you donut. So I think it was I was like pleasantly surprised because it was like a sweet day.

00:08:58
Speaker 1: It was a sweet day. Yeah, like my mom said, like for us, it's always me my mom in Ocean, so like it's really Mother's Day every single day for us. And like my mom said, when you get home, we can celebrate Mother's Day. Like just because it's that day doesn't mean like we can't still celebrate it. Yes, So I was okay with it, and you know, I'm out here and I have to work. Yeah, that's just what it is. Yep, And I'm okay with that. Yeah, I'm a working single mama slaying the damn game. I have an appreciation for all mothers, but I had to give a shout out to my single moms because you know that shit's not easy. Yeah, they deserve a lot of recognition. All the mamas do. Yesterday was a really sweet day anyone who's fulfilling the role of a mother. So I'm excited for today's podcast episode, I interviewed and talked to Leah McSweeney, who is a breath of fresh air on the Real Housewives of New York. We deep dive into her book, Being a Mom, her sobriety Journey, which is always I love talking about sobriety. It's one of my most favorite topics. And by the way, you guys, I have gotten a lot of messages being like, can you please redo the episode of you talking about sobriety because he whose name we shall not mention this is there, these are their words, not mine, is so annoying. We cannot listen to his voice. He constantly cuts you off, and it's torture so please redo it because we will not go back and listen to that episode if he's on it. And I snapped my fingers and said, you tell a lot, bitch, So I'm gonna redo one of those episodes, that type of episode.

00:10:43
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that's great because we've gotten multiple dms about that and they're like, I really it helps me, but I don't want to listen to it right now.

00:10:50
Speaker 1: Yes, so their words not mine. Just I know.

00:10:54
Speaker 2: I took screenshots and one day we can read them all because they're kind of funny.

00:10:58
Speaker 1: They're amazing, They're great. You guys are hilarious. That's another thing.

00:11:02
Speaker 2: You're Your crew is wild, like you guys get Buck wild, and you're fun and you're positive and like I just it's been great.

00:11:10
Speaker 3: You know.

00:11:11
Speaker 1: This tour has been amazing too, because I was worried coming out. I mean, we did an episode where I was like, stop asking me about this topic. I don't want to talk about it. So I've literally I've been going, okay, that's a lie. There was literally one person during the Q and A who asked about that person. The entire crowd booed them, yelled profanities. Yeah, and she literally just sat down. I felt so bad. Yeah, but that was the one and only time, and I think it was too.

00:11:49
Speaker 2: I think it was a girl who brought her mom, and the girl was like a big give the Mola fan, and her mom was new but like was maybe a little less and when she asked that and everybody booed, she just like shrugged and she's like, I don't know, like she like didn't realize, like no, no, no, that's another place, ass I mean.

00:12:09
Speaker 3: It's you.

00:12:10
Speaker 1: We're in a room full of like give them a lot, like this is the squad. Yeah, mm hmm. It was really amazing, really sad for her, I know, but the room went buck wild with booze and like a lot of funny statements.

00:12:27
Speaker 3: It was.

00:12:28
Speaker 1: It was funny.

00:12:29
Speaker 2: But all in all, the questions they've been asking, the questions you guys have been asking, were great.

00:12:34
Speaker 1: Yeah.

00:12:34
Speaker 2: I miss sprinting through that crowd with that mic, going to each and every I'm trying to get as many people as I can, I swear, So that's another thing. I'm doing what I can with that mic. And if I miss you, I'm sorry, that's okay. We're doing what we can, doing what we can.

00:12:51
Speaker 1: So we'll cut to a short break, and when we come back, we have the epic Leah McSweeney. Welcome back, my love. We have someone who I've been wanting to get on the podcast for a really long time, and you guys have literally been harassing me daily to have Leah McSweeney on, and she's here.

00:13:12
Speaker 3: Hi, babe, I'm so happy to be here. I feel like me and you like would get into trouble together if we hung out, I mean the good trouble.

00:13:22
Speaker 1: Well, we would get into trouble together. I felt like the second you stepped on to Real Housewives of New York, you were my spirit animal and you were everything that so many of us were begging for.

00:13:32
Speaker 3: Thank you.

00:13:33
Speaker 1: You're obviously a business woman, You're like no stranger to being a hustler. But was it strange having cameras watch your every move because it seems very organic for you, like you almost watching you. It's like the cameras aren't even there.

00:13:48
Speaker 3: I felt pretty like I felt pretty like like comfortable in front of the cameras.

00:13:54
Speaker 1: I mean, you looked like it. And by the way, I have to say, your mom and dad are my most favorite human on the planet.

00:14:01
Speaker 3: What God, Thank you they're right. They're good.

00:14:05
Speaker 1: Good. I'm so happy to hear that they're good because they give me all the life in the world. You need your own show.

00:14:10
Speaker 3: They love being on camera.

00:14:12
Speaker 1: Oh well, we love we love seeing them. So let's deep dive into First of all, you are now a published author of Chaos Theory. Love the name, Love the cover. You look HoTT as fuck.

00:14:26
Speaker 3: It took photo shoots to get to that picture, but it was worth it.

00:14:30
Speaker 1: It is worth it, right of course. Yeah, because we're taught to never judge a book by its cover, but like I actively judge a book by its cover.

00:14:38
Speaker 3: Yes, and yes, we literally you do judge books by their cover, and the cover is very important. The cover is like most stressful fucking part about it. Are you kidding me?

00:14:50
Speaker 1: You know? I do know? And how? And the writing? Did you find the writing process to be therapeutic?

00:14:56
Speaker 3: Oh my god? It was like more like I swear I I'm back in therapy now because of the book, Like because I had to rehash and think about it, and I'm like, wow, I went through all the shining to get back to therapy. I actually like recommitted to sobriety. I like stopped smoking weed. Because when I wrote the book, I was like Callie sober, and now I'm like not anymore. I'm fully like back in AA like a lot like not to be talking about it well or whatever. But so it was very therapeutic because it kind of brought me to another level of like knowing myself.

00:15:32
Speaker 1: Right, No, I can imagine. I mean I went through the same thing, and I love that you're you're in the program. And I feel like a lot of old timer members of the program are like, we don't talk about it, and I'm like, we're from a generation of like we have to talk about it because it's keeping me sober. And I feel like if I have a little piece of like the puzzle, the Sober Puzzle, like I have to share it. I'm not going to tell people you're in it.

00:16:02
Speaker 3: But I know I remember reading like you said that in a quote. I was like, yes, La, La, like tell those old timers what's up? You know. I agree. It's like, well, when people are like, so how do you stay sober? What am I supposed to say? Like, because it's AA, it's the program, so like what am I Like? What am I gonna lie and say? Like I just you know, pray and that's it. I mean, what am I going to say? Like, I have to say that I'm in the program and as twelve step program.

00:16:26
Speaker 1: I agree with you, and I think it's really hard to stay sober if you're not in a program holding you accountable and doing all of those things.

00:16:34
Speaker 3: Yeah, like because I stopped going and then started drinking again, so I know I tried it. I mean, I've tried to do it without the program. It's actually very hard to be It's it's easier to like be It's it's not as painful to be drunk than to be sober and not in the program, because like not drinking and not being in the program and just being dry is like perific.

00:17:00
Speaker 1: It is horrific. I've been around dry people and there are many moments that I've acted dry and I'm like, time to get your ass into a meeting. But it's hard being like because let's be honest, it's not like you and I are a part of a scripted series where a creator a character is created for us, like we have to be ourselves. But it's hard for me at times to implement these twelve steps when I know what my living entails and what I have to do to like, you.

00:17:33
Speaker 3: Know, because the twelve steps are like the opposite. Like I just did my fourth step and it was I'm like, wait, how am I gonna implement these twelve steps and be and do what I do? Because it involves like being calling people out and being petty sometimes and like going off and speaking your mind no matter if it's going to annoy somebody, because we're here to entertain, right. So it's interesting. I mean, you know, yeah, it's like anundrum.

00:18:03
Speaker 1: It really is. And I love that you're on the fourth step because I literally had to go back to the fourth step and I told my sponsor. I was like, this is going to take a while, just so you know, this is a process. Okay, so you sit down, you decide to write this book. Were there things that you said, this is going to be off limits, I'm not discussing it.

00:18:23
Speaker 3: Yeah, there was definitely a couple of things that I did not I knew right away I wasn't going to talk about. And then there were things that I put in the first draft that my editor was like, hmmm, like, yeah, I don't think you should put this in there. And I listened to her, you know, I needed this book to be to show the other side of addiction, right and like the growth, you know, and also whatever like motherhood in my life. So there were war stories that I think she was like, this doesn't need to be in there.

00:18:54
Speaker 1: Yeah, there were moments that I like, I was in the same boat. I wrote about certain things and my editor would say, I don't think this is going to hit the way you think it's going to hit, and I'm like, we can't take that chance. Let's take that shit out. So I also tried tried to listen, which if you're like me, it's very hard for people to like penetrate this brain.

00:19:15
Speaker 3: Oh my god. Same. I was like, what why is she? Like, why does she think that she knows better than I do? I'm like, oh, well, she kind of. And then I realized she's protecting me, Like she's just protecting she is my best interest in mind, you know, Like that's what it is. It's nothing personal. She's looking out for me.

00:19:31
Speaker 1: So how old were you when you had kir twenty four? Twenty four? Would you say? Because I think it depends on where you come from. Like all of my friends were like engaged at twenty popping out their first kid at twenty one. Did you feel like at twenty four you were like young to have a baby.

00:19:50
Speaker 3: Yeah, because in New York, that's young, you know what I mean, Like, it's not like people were not like my friend group was not they all were having abortion and that they weren't having yet. I mean, honestly, you know, like that totally like people were getting pregnant, but no one was like, I want to have a kid, you know, And I was like, oh my god, I'm But then it made sense and like, of course I had a kid at twenty four, like unwed, you know, like I kind of it kind of made sense. I was like, hmm, yeah, but I definitely felt like how am I going to do this? But I was also so young that I was fearless at the same time. Yeah, like it was like, you know, there was no inhibitions or however that saying what is that word inhibition?

00:20:32
Speaker 1: Yeah, inhibitions, release your inhibitions exactly.

00:20:35
Speaker 3: Yes, I just went for it. I was like, Okay, I'm pregnant, I'm doing this. And Rob was very supportive and was very happy, and that made it obviously a much different situation.

00:20:45
Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like it would be different if you had like an epic co parent, right, yeah.

00:20:49
Speaker 3: I mean, but some saying and Rob was like, oh damn, I don't know, like how are we going to do this? Then I would have been like, you're right, I don't know how we're going to do this. But he was like very excited and very like we got this, s don't worry. So I was like, Okay, that put me at ease.

00:21:02
Speaker 1: What's the age difference between you and Rob? All of yours twelve years? So at that point in time, did he have like his career and you knew you were in a safe place to bring a baby into you.

00:21:15
Speaker 3: Mean like financially stable.

00:21:17
Speaker 1: Yes, that's what I mean.

00:21:19
Speaker 3: You know what at that point I was making I actually the next year once I had here, I like got like my business became like very lucrative and I was making more money than him. So that kind of like fucked with our relationship also because I don't know, I don't want to make more money than my man.

00:21:39
Speaker 1: I kind of do. I don't really wait why.

00:21:42
Speaker 3: I wanted to say making the same amount. Because the guys can't deal with it. They say they can, they cannot. It hurts their fucking ego then they get insecure and then they get resentful. So it's almost like they need to make more. And I know that sounds very backwards, and there's a lot of there's a lot of relationships where it does work and the woman is the breadwinner. And of course it's twenty twenty two. But me personally, I want I mean, look, I haven't even been dating, so you know, I mean, I'd probably take anything at this point, but but I think long term, I would want the guy to make more money than me, you know, unless I like start making an insane amount of money.

00:22:19
Speaker 1: But it's New York, you know what you're You're right. If we're talking about my bank account now, then yeah, he's got to be making more money than me, otherwise we may be in deep shit.

00:22:28
Speaker 3: We don't want to. We don't want to. Yeah, we know I need, Like I've been paying my own damn rent for too long.

00:22:36
Speaker 1: Ready, right, And so you've had married to the mob since you were twenty five.

00:22:41
Speaker 3: I've had it since I was twenty two.

00:22:43
Speaker 1: Twenty fucking two. You are so badass, thank you? And what made you start it? Like was it that you were just extremely passionate about like streetwear or was it you wanted to have a business and that was just the direction you were pulled in.

00:22:59
Speaker 3: Honestly, I think it was fate and like the universe and like just I mean, of course, I was totally into fashion. I was into streetwear. I was you know, Rob had a life. I was hanging out with like all our friends, and it was all dudes that had their own brands. And I'm like, these guys are making they have these brands. It's not like rocket Science. They're making T shirts and sweatshirts and some one off little items like I can do this, but I'll do it like with my perspective on the streetwear world that's very male dominated. And it really just started with like four T shirts and I didn't have any expectations. I was just having fun at first. And I really this is why I really did it, because the guys were getting free trips all over the world, and I was like, I want to travel for free. I want someone to pay for my fucking airfare to go to Japan or like Germany or whatever, because these guys are all getting free trips and I love traveling.

00:23:53
Speaker 1: Oh my god. It just made Married to the mob an even cooler. Story that you started because you were like, I just want to fucking travel for free by.

00:24:00
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I got a lot of free trips. This is great.

00:24:03
Speaker 1: Okay, So tell me the moment that fucking Rihanna posted. Okay, can I just tell you When I see anybody who's at the level of Rihanna and they're repping something by a Bravo LB, I don't know why I take that as a win for myself as well, because I'm like, yes, bitch. But when I saw that, I was like, we've all fucking made it. I love that.

00:24:29
Speaker 3: I love that it's a sisterhood. I wish other people, other people. I wished other women on the network would think like that.

00:24:37
Speaker 1: I mean, I died. Okay, So for the listeners, if you've been living under rock, that's my saying. If like you don't know what's going on. Rihanna posted she had like the cute bucket hat on with the sunglasses, and then she had a T shirt that said MTTM.

00:24:54
Speaker 3: It said bitch mom, but it was my shirt.

00:24:57
Speaker 1: Oh and then a bitch Okay, so then it was tagged married to the mob was tag though, and you.

00:25:02
Speaker 3: Yes, And she also if you didn't notice her manicure matched the graphic, which is like mind blowing to me. I'm like, did she do that on purpose? Or she had that manicure and then put it on like how Like she's epic. She's just the most epic bitch.

00:25:18
Speaker 1: I was so on fire for you when that happened, Like that's got to be surreal. Like I'm telling you, if Rihanna was just like walking around with Laala's face on her, I'd be like, you can't fuck with me. I'm literally untouchable. Now.

00:25:32
Speaker 3: It was incredible, Like it really was, because you know, not only was she like I'm team Leah, she was also like co signing my brand, you know, and she's more in the brand before, you know, but for her to put it and plug it on total Instagram, obviously, sales were crazy that day, that whole you know week. But she's just she's the best.

00:26:00
Speaker 1: Okay, So I'm a part of the Bravo network, but I'm also an uber fan. I watch every single Real Housewives franchise ever and obviously when you stepped on it was like a breath of fresh air. Now we're sitting here with our thumbs up, our asses being like where we at y'all, Like, I need it for my soul. I know, do we know anything?

00:26:25
Speaker 3: Not? Really? Yeah, I mean it's a bummer, but I think the two, like Rony's is kind of cool. I think it's a good idea. I personally have no idea which show all be on, Like, I kind of want to be on Legacy because I want to be Like I'm assuming Diirinda will be on. I'm assuming, you know, I want to be with Diirinda Tinsley. Maybe they'll make up at some point, I'm not I'm not saying I know that they're going to be on the show. I don't even know what the format is or anything. But I don't know. I don't know anything, really.

00:27:00
Speaker 1: Don't I I want you and Tinsley back on my television. Yes, I want Tinsley to make up with Derinda, but it also makes for great TV that they're at each other's throats.

00:27:11
Speaker 3: True.

00:27:11
Speaker 1: See, I can watch from like a viewer standpoint and also like being a part of it. And by the way, like, I don't even know what's happening with vander Pump. I'm sitting here twiddling my thumbs being like, what are we doing? Where are we at?

00:27:22
Speaker 3: Yeah?

00:27:23
Speaker 1: So that's just how I feel. I want you guys back.

00:27:26
Speaker 3: I feel like all the people that they like threw off need to come back or like need a new you guys all need a new show together or something like.

00:27:36
Speaker 1: I just want you like when you first ventured onto the scene, Like I want that cast back.

00:27:43
Speaker 3: I know that was a good season.

00:27:45
Speaker 1: That was fun, it was a great season. So let's venture back into your book because I'm super super hyped for you, and being a published author is like it's no joke and it's pretty huge. And you said that you talk about being a mom in your book. Where were you as far as like, because I know you've struggled with drugs and alcohol, I completely relate to that. Where were you in life when kir was born?

00:28:14
Speaker 3: So I was. I had definitely stopped doing like super hard drugs, you know, because I figured, like it's going to kill me. But I was like drinking a lot. I was definitely doing like blow and taking pills, and you know, for me, that was like not not hardcore, and I was partying. I was just at the club every night, like I was still doing Mob, but Mob was like so new and I was making it work for me. I could, you know, go to sleep at six am or four am and wake up at eleven or new and do my emails and do my work or whatever. So I was definitely like in the midst of being a party girl. And then I got pregnant, and then it was really easy for me to not drink during my pregnancy. I don't know why. I just like felt like those hormones were so good for me. Like I felt great being pregnant, and it was one of the happiest times in my life, like me and Rob were getting along, and I don't know, I felt so purposeful and like I had something to plan for and like, I don't know, had someone else to like live for, you know. But then once I had her, I had such depression. I had such postpartum.

00:29:24
Speaker 1: Oh wow, what does someone do? Because were you breastfeeding? If you don't mind me asking.

00:29:31
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was. I bressed that for like fifteen months or something.

00:29:35
Speaker 1: And did you feel like postpartum? Forgive me if I'm like being stupid with this question, but I remember postpartum being something and where you and I are pretty close in age, I believe did you feel like you could talk about it?

00:29:49
Speaker 3: I felt like at that time, I felt so isolated, like and I felt so like I didn't know what I was doing. I had a newborn, I had my business. Me and Rob were fighting. I was like so mad at him because he was like like going to spending so much time at work. I felt like so much was falling on me. And I didn't know actually at the time about postpartum, Like I just thought I was needed to. I don't know, like I actually don't know. I just I started drinking again, you know, I started. I started drinking very soon after, and that's like when it got really dark, and then I stopped drinking and got sober when she was too, and didn't drink for like almost a decade.

00:30:33
Speaker 1: I remember that. I remember that you started you picked up again on the season right before before.

00:30:41
Speaker 3: Yeah, I was like trying to kind of stop because I was like, oh my god, I'm on a reality show, Like I can't be the train wreck, Like I like this is my worst nightmare, Like I have to stop again. But it was already too late. Like Pandora's box was open. I was not stopping again, and you know I had to, like I couldn't close it.

00:30:58
Speaker 1: Did you feel like you you had like conquered your alcoholism, because I know a lot of times like we feel like, oh, I've grown out of it, Like I don't even crave it anymore, so I can have a drink. Did you feel like that happened to you?

00:31:11
Speaker 3: That's exactly how I felt. I was like, I'm in a different place. I have all my shit together, I'm emotionally mentally stable and feeling awesome, and I know that I'm not gonna I really think I can drink regularly now. And that was such a fucking lie, Like that was such a my brain playing tricks on me.

00:31:32
Speaker 1: I love having this conversation with you, because you know, I remember when I first got sober, I was in the rooms really often. You know, it was like I was die hard for it. And then you know, you're a year in, two years in, and you start pulling back on the meetings, not because you feel like you don't need them, but just life happens, and yeah, right, And so when I can have conversations with other strong women who have chosen in the path of sobriety, it like it's taking a piece of the program and I'm like implementing it into this podcast.

00:32:07
Speaker 3: So having a meeting right now, like I.

00:32:10
Speaker 1: Know, I love it.

00:32:12
Speaker 3: It's so cool.

00:32:13
Speaker 1: I have to say when and I know I can say this to you. But when you guys were at that like clambake or whatever and you started losing your shit.

00:32:25
Speaker 3: Oh my god, that was epic. That was like I feel like, that's like me, Like I felt all those things like this is the thing the alcohol, let me do it right. That's how I wasn't drunk. I would have been wanting to do all of that, but I wouldn't because my other brain, my brain is going, Nope, you can't do that because there's rules and we're civilized and society and you don't act that way. But then when I drink, it's like, Nope, I'm doing this and I'm gonna fucking do cartwheels and hump the floor and fucking tear shit down. And that's really what I felt like in that moment, Like actually.

00:33:01
Speaker 1: I'm so thrilled for you that you're sober, but you were a mother fucking vibe in that moment.

00:33:09
Speaker 3: Listen, I'm happy that the year I drank what we had some great I got to drink with fucking the best of them, Like we did I got to drink with like Sonia morph like I got to get blackout drunk with Durinda, Like it's pretty epic, and we had some great moments for TV and I got I was, yeah, I'm totally like the teeky torches everything, Like I not a terrible job as a person in a relapse, Like it was pretty good.

00:33:38
Speaker 1: I mean it was. It was phenomenal. Happy that you're sober now. And I feel like without those moments, like so often we sit here and we question moments that happened to us and we want to sit here and like dwell on them. But I feel like without them, we wouldn't be where we are today. And I mean, you're a fantastic mother. You're such an amazing example for a strong independent woman, Like how incredible for your daughter.

00:34:05
Speaker 3: Well, I feel the same way about you, by the way, thank you.

00:34:08
Speaker 1: And I never used to think that way until I had Ocean, and I just look at mothers differently now, and you know, even single mothers, Like I know you have a co parent, which is great, but like you're doing the damn thing on your own, and I know it can't be easy raising a teenager, Like what is she like, what is she into?

00:34:25
Speaker 3: She's actually just she just left the apartment. She was she was very excited today because she is on Honor Roll and she wanted a bait puddy and it's very expensive, but I was like, because you're on the Honor Roll, I will get this for you. Then she without me knowing, said to her dad, can I have a presence on the Honor Roll and got him to get her a Supreme backpack. I'm like, you're a little hype east like, but she has her own style and then she has like true religion gene. She's very into her oh, because true religion is back. It's like these kids want to wear like Y two K stuff, like it's right anyway, She's into fashion, and she's into hanging out with her friends and her friend group, and you know, she does well in school, so I'm happy about that.

00:35:14
Speaker 1: But that's really all you can ask for.

00:35:16
Speaker 3: And she's a well adjusted, happy kid. It's like, no, she doesn't speak five languages. I don't think she's going to Harvard like whatever, but she's she's doing great. But she's happy. And she's also like she feels good about who she is and she's not going to other people to feel good, or drugs or anything like, thank God, that's all I needed. That's all I wanted, was my daughter.

00:35:38
Speaker 1: That's what every parent just praised to God for every night, exactly.

00:35:42
Speaker 3: Yeah, and I have it. So I'm grateful because I don't know how i'd emotionally be able to handle having a teenager like me.

00:35:50
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're like, bitch, I'm trying to stay sober. I can't keep your ass sober too.

00:35:54
Speaker 3: Exactly, I would be in the grave. I do not know how my parents handle it, like I do not, But it's scared. I mean definitely when you're in meetings and stuff and they're I mean, look, I'm sober, my mother is sober. You know, my sister's sober. My dad needs to be sober, and you know this is a family disease too. So I definitely get scared. But I have that conversation with her, like, hey, Keky, I know you're gonna experiment, but like you should know that it's dangerous for you. You could have the gene.

00:36:22
Speaker 1: I think that's amazing that you're already having that conversation with her, because I'm gonna have to have that conversation with ocean.

00:36:28
Speaker 3: At some point, of course, you definitely are.

00:36:31
Speaker 1: God, how fucking terrifying being a parent now?

00:36:35
Speaker 3: Oh my god, I remember Keiki's like first birthday. It seems like I don't know, I just I wish I had like held on to those moments more or something when she was younger, like she still like wants to cuddle with me sometimes. I'm really lucky, like we have a good relationship. Doesn't hate me. But it's like, but it's sad when they get older, they're like, because like the young they're like, where does the little girl go?

00:36:59
Speaker 1: She's gone, Okay, I know this is a really stupid question, but does it really fly by?

00:37:03
Speaker 3: Yeah? It does. I mean also like I feel like I didn't really enjoy being a parent til she was like six or something. Like I was like, oh my god, this is so hard, and I sleep and I you know, but then when I see little pictures of her like as like a four year old, like hanging on me and hugging me, and I'm just like, oh my god, I miss that And I didn't like I didn't like savor it enough or something. I guess it's hard to do, but like because you're doing, you're doing life and doing everything and it's like fucking hard parenting, but it does fly by. It really does. Like it's crazy, like looking at pictures of her when she's little or videos of her when she's little, like I forget, like how sassy she was. It's really funny.

00:37:45
Speaker 1: And they come how they are Like Ocean. I can teach her the basics like be nice to people, be kind, but her personality is just she came out the cookie that.

00:37:55
Speaker 3: Way exactly, just like we did.

00:37:57
Speaker 1: Totally right, yes, Like there's no thing when when people comment on like how my mom raised me, I'm like, that bitch had no fucking control exactly.

00:38:07
Speaker 3: Oh my god, my mother definitely didn't either.

00:38:10
Speaker 1: Right, I'm like, don't blame this on the mama, because now I look at Ocean, I'm like, I'm not responsible for anything she does in the future.

00:38:18
Speaker 3: Oh my god. I feel like I want to ask you questions, but this is your podcast.

00:38:23
Speaker 1: So don't you have a podcast, Leah?

00:38:24
Speaker 3: You know what, I had a podcast for many years and then I was like sick of like talking, but then like me and but now me and my sister we have a podcast coming out me and my sister.

00:38:36
Speaker 1: Well, I would love to be a guest on it.

00:38:38
Speaker 3: We're gonna be a guest on it, and I'm gonna ask you a bunch of questions and talk about you.

00:38:43
Speaker 1: I'm a fucking open book. So before I let you go, I have the corniest question in the world. And when people asked me this, I hated the question, but I'm gonna do it to you anyway. If people can take one thing away from your book Chaos Theory, what would you want them to take away from it?

00:39:00
Speaker 3: Probably that if they are questioning where they are in life, or dealing with addiction issues or mental health issues, or like in a fucking toxic relationship, you can turn things around and like, you're not alone, but you can turn things around.

00:39:20
Speaker 1: I love that. That like hit me pretty hard because you know you can. We always think that we're not going to be okay and we're going to be fucking okay.

00:39:27
Speaker 3: Yeah, we turn it around and we make it better.

00:39:29
Speaker 1: We do.

00:39:30
Speaker 3: We make it better than it was before that very part. Yeah, when when everything when we break and we get broken, we put ourselves back together even better version than before. So it's good when you get broken.

00:39:45
Speaker 1: I fucking co sign on that. Where can people purchase the book and where can people follow you?

00:39:50
Speaker 3: You can purchase Chaos Theory at you know, your local independent bookstore, or if you want to just order it on Amazon, you can do that or Barny Nobles, and you can follow me on instagraund ask Leah mom.

00:40:01
Speaker 1: I really fucking adore you question. Lala, You're amazing. Thank you so much Leah for being on my podcast.

00:40:08
Speaker 3: Thank you, Lala,