#44 Sara

Yeah. 0:00:04.000 --> 0:00:06.600 I was thinking of you last night. You know why 0:00:06.840 --> 0:00:10.600 I couldn't sleep, And rather than count sheep, I counted 0:00:10.600 --> 0:00:13.400 the toilets in your house, and I fell asleep after 0:00:13.600 --> 0:00:18.360 six or seven. But then I couldn't remember how many toilets? 0:00:19.000 --> 0:00:19.240 Do you? 0:00:19.520 --> 0:00:25.600 Is it again? No, that doesn't sound right at all. 0:00:25.640 --> 0:00:29.200 Count again, let's do it together. The one in the basement, 0:00:29.600 --> 0:00:33.640 one on the ground floor, the one on the balcony, 0:00:33.800 --> 0:00:36.760 the one outdoors on the front steps before you come 0:00:36.800 --> 0:00:40.080 into the house, the one on the roof. There was 0:00:40.200 --> 0:00:43.440 the one wait, what's that like dying? 0:00:44.479 --> 0:00:48.320 I already told you you wanted to argue with you. 0:00:48.320 --> 0:00:50.880 We're not having an argument. We're having a civilized conversation. 0:00:51.400 --> 0:01:01.960 We could have a podcast called toilet Talk from Gimblet Media. 0:01:02.400 --> 0:01:15.199 I'm Jonathan Goldstein and this is Heavyweight Today's episode Sarah 0:01:15.319 --> 0:01:25.280 right after the break, This is Sarah Haybart. 0:01:25.280 --> 0:01:28.160 A bear, Hey bear, a bear? 0:01:28.520 --> 0:01:28.920 A bear? 0:01:29.160 --> 0:01:29.480 I see? 0:01:29.520 --> 0:01:33.480 Okay, So the h is silent, Yeah, silent because Sarah 0:01:33.520 --> 0:01:37.280 Abert lives in Louisiana and her family is Cajun. Do 0:01:37.319 --> 0:01:38.080 you speak French? 0:01:38.640 --> 0:01:41.320 I know enough French to know when my grandmother is 0:01:41.440 --> 0:01:42.520 gossiping about me. 0:01:42.800 --> 0:01:45.680 When I was a kid, the adults would talk in Yiddish. 0:01:45.720 --> 0:01:47.560 Could you understand what they were saying about you? 0:01:47.880 --> 0:01:54.360 It was never great. Yeah, Sarah's here to tell me 0:01:54.400 --> 0:01:58.200 about a letter she received a while back. Her husband, Chris, 0:01:58.360 --> 0:02:00.640 usually brings in the mail, so he was the one 0:02:00.640 --> 0:02:03.880 who first handed it to her. The return address on 0:02:03.920 --> 0:02:08.120 the envelope said Abbeville, the tiny town where Sarah grew up. 0:02:08.560 --> 0:02:11.000 So I opened the letter and I pull it out, 0:02:11.040 --> 0:02:13.880 and it's like, it is a handwritten letter. 0:02:15.280 --> 0:02:17.919 Sarah says she can't remember the last time someone hand 0:02:17.960 --> 0:02:21.520 wrote her a letter. And then there was the handwriting itself, 0:02:21.800 --> 0:02:25.280 which was big and bubbly and written onlined paper, the 0:02:25.400 --> 0:02:28.320 kind torn from a spiral bound notebook, like. 0:02:28.400 --> 0:02:31.799 I feel like I remember getting letters in middle school 0:02:31.800 --> 0:02:32.680 that kind of looked like this. 0:02:34.040 --> 0:02:35.359 Can you read it? 0:02:35.960 --> 0:02:42.720 Yes, I'd be happy to. So it says, hey, how 0:02:42.720 --> 0:02:44.760 are you doing? It has been so long since I've 0:02:44.800 --> 0:02:47.880 seen or spoke to you. You were my best friend. 0:02:49.000 --> 0:02:51.760 My dad was Nick and my mom was Terry. We 0:02:51.840 --> 0:02:53.800 got in trouble at my house one night when you 0:02:53.840 --> 0:02:56.800 slept over because we were rollerblading in the kitchen and 0:02:56.840 --> 0:02:59.960 we put down water all over the floor, which is 0:03:00.000 --> 0:03:01.680 like a very Cajun way of saying, like we spilt 0:03:01.720 --> 0:03:05.160 water everywhere. You were my very best friend, and I 0:03:05.160 --> 0:03:08.000 don't really remember what happened, but I have thought of 0:03:08.000 --> 0:03:11.920 you often through the years, and I found you. It 0:03:12.000 --> 0:03:14.880 would be so amazing to visit and get to catch 0:03:14.960 --> 0:03:18.959 up with you. And then there's a cell number her address. Sorry, 0:03:19.000 --> 0:03:20.520 it's so weird to read this aloud. 0:03:21.280 --> 0:03:24.000 And the reason it's so weird, Sarah says, is that 0:03:24.040 --> 0:03:27.560 she has absolutely no idea who this person is. 0:03:28.160 --> 0:03:31.680 At all, Like I don't have a memory of her. 0:03:32.600 --> 0:03:35.920 But that's not even the weirdest part. The weirdest part, 0:03:35.960 --> 0:03:38.960 Sarah says, is the name at the end of the. 0:03:38.960 --> 0:03:45.320 Letter, Sarah Abert, which is my name. 0:03:49.120 --> 0:03:52.520 In the letter, the writer refers to herself as the 0:03:52.560 --> 0:03:55.440 other Sarah aber. So wait a second. So you read 0:03:55.440 --> 0:03:58.000 this letter and at the bottom she. 0:03:58.040 --> 0:04:02.680 Signed it, sincerely Sarah ben abear so Beth with a thch, 0:04:03.480 --> 0:04:10.680 and my name is Sarah bess abar b ss. It's 0:04:10.720 --> 0:04:18.800 literally like pretty much the same name, right. 0:04:24.040 --> 0:04:26.599 What was your first thought like when you finished reading this, 0:04:28.320 --> 0:04:29.440 is this a scam? 0:04:29.480 --> 0:04:29.560 Like? 0:04:29.839 --> 0:04:31.440 I told a couple of friends about it, and they're 0:04:31.480 --> 0:04:34.000 like this is a scam. They're like, this person's trying 0:04:34.000 --> 0:04:35.719 to get money from you or something. 0:04:36.640 --> 0:04:41.480 Sarah's suspicions only deepened after googling the other Sarah. 0:04:40.880 --> 0:04:44.120 My generation of people. We grew up on the internet, right, so, 0:04:44.240 --> 0:04:47.680 like it's probably possible to find like a photo of 0:04:47.720 --> 0:04:51.560 me in my twenties. I can't find anything on this person. 0:04:51.839 --> 0:04:56.120 Like I can't find like a MySpace page or like 0:04:57.200 --> 0:05:02.200 old Internet forum post. Like it's bizarre to me that 0:05:02.279 --> 0:05:06.400 someone would be my age and not have some sort 0:05:06.440 --> 0:05:08.600 of trail on the internet. 0:05:08.680 --> 0:05:09.000 Uh huh. 0:05:10.040 --> 0:05:13.800 The whole thing does sound pretty scammy. And yet for 0:05:13.839 --> 0:05:16.960 an entire year now, Sarah hasn't been able to throw 0:05:17.000 --> 0:05:20.040 the letter away. There are parts of it that just 0:05:20.040 --> 0:05:21.760 feel oddly familiar. 0:05:21.800 --> 0:05:25.600 Like when she says the stuff about rollerblading. The more 0:05:25.640 --> 0:05:27.479 I read this letter, the more I'm like, something about 0:05:27.520 --> 0:05:29.240 that does feel true, Like I do feel like I 0:05:29.279 --> 0:05:31.560 got in trouble at some point for rollerblading in a 0:05:31.640 --> 0:05:32.800 kitchen when I was a kid. 0:05:34.000 --> 0:05:37.000 Is it real or is it fake? Sarah has come 0:05:37.000 --> 0:05:40.360 to me to render a verdict, and so, like any 0:05:40.400 --> 0:05:44.680 good investigative journalist, I defer to the experts in this 0:05:44.839 --> 0:05:48.000 case the expert I turn to whenever I think I'm 0:05:48.000 --> 0:05:48.799 being scammed. 0:05:49.400 --> 0:05:51.640 I would say that maybe three times a year you 0:05:51.720 --> 0:05:54.919 send me an email saying, is this am I being phished? 0:05:55.560 --> 0:05:58.320 This is Alex Goldman, the former co host of the 0:05:58.320 --> 0:05:59.560 reply All podcast. 0:06:00.080 --> 0:06:02.120 You get emails from like your wife and you're like Alex, 0:06:02.600 --> 0:06:03.919 She says they should bring home salmon. 0:06:04.080 --> 0:06:04.680 Is this for real? 0:06:04.960 --> 0:06:06.719 I look at a lot of things as a long con. 0:06:08.440 --> 0:06:11.240 Alex once traveled all the way to India to investigate 0:06:11.240 --> 0:06:15.360 a scam call he received. Scams are his specialty. So 0:06:15.400 --> 0:06:18.239 I lay out the letter to him, the identical names, 0:06:18.480 --> 0:06:22.480 the torn notebook paper, the big and bubbly handwriting, and 0:06:22.520 --> 0:06:24.520 then I await his ruling. 0:06:26.920 --> 0:06:30.360 Okay, I mean just no one sends a letter to 0:06:30.400 --> 0:06:31.400 try and scam someone. 0:06:31.520 --> 0:06:31.919 Okay. 0:06:32.240 --> 0:06:34.760 The thing about scamming is you do it because you 0:06:34.880 --> 0:06:38.640 think it's easy. It's about getting stuff easily without having 0:06:38.680 --> 0:06:39.400 to work for it. 0:06:40.040 --> 0:06:43.239 This is a lot of work, Alex says. Scams aren't 0:06:43.240 --> 0:06:46.200 tailored to one person like the letter is. They're more 0:06:46.240 --> 0:06:47.400 one size fits all. 0:06:47.880 --> 0:06:50.760 Someone gets a big list of people and they email 0:06:50.800 --> 0:06:53.360 them all at once, trying to get as many people 0:06:53.440 --> 0:06:56.560 as possible. So that you can catch a couple gullible people. 0:06:57.120 --> 0:06:59.000 I've never heard of anybody saying like, I'm going to 0:06:59.040 --> 0:07:02.320 find someone and say, not only did we have almost 0:07:02.360 --> 0:07:05.479 exactly the same name, but we were best friends. A 0:07:05.600 --> 0:07:08.600 scam would be to try and create loose ties rather 0:07:08.640 --> 0:07:11.760 than tight ties. What if she just wants to reconnect 0:07:12.120 --> 0:07:14.520 what happened to you that made you so paranoid? Like this, 0:07:14.680 --> 0:07:15.480 what happened to you? 0:07:20.320 --> 0:07:23.760 After speaking with Alex, I deliver my report to Sarah. 0:07:24.200 --> 0:07:27.440 The letter is not a scam, but this presents a 0:07:27.480 --> 0:07:31.360 new problem, one that might be more troubling. If the 0:07:31.400 --> 0:07:35.120 other Sarah is real, then Sarah has completely forgotten her 0:07:35.160 --> 0:07:39.160 best friend. How can a person forget a whole best friend? 0:07:40.160 --> 0:07:43.240 It turns out that for Sarah, a forgotten friend is 0:07:43.360 --> 0:07:44.520 just the tip of the iceberg. 0:07:45.320 --> 0:07:49.680 I don't remember a whole lot from my life from 0:07:50.440 --> 0:07:53.320 that period of time, and part of the reason is 0:07:53.360 --> 0:07:55.240 just like I had a really difficult childhood, like when 0:07:55.240 --> 0:07:58.640 my mom and my dad separated, just a lot of 0:07:58.640 --> 0:08:00.280 weird stuff that happen. 0:08:00.120 --> 0:08:01.600 And how old were you? 0:08:02.000 --> 0:08:06.000 I was eight, and so like, huh. 0:08:07.600 --> 0:08:10.239 Sarah says she was thrust into the middle of their fights, 0:08:10.840 --> 0:08:13.320 forced to listen to each parent bad mouth the other. 0:08:14.120 --> 0:08:16.640 Things grew so bad that her mom and dad refused 0:08:16.680 --> 0:08:19.840 to go to each other's homes to pick up Sarah. Instead, 0:08:20.120 --> 0:08:23.720 they exchanged her in a McDonald's parking lot. Sarah has 0:08:23.760 --> 0:08:26.800 some memories from that time, but they're patchy and full 0:08:26.800 --> 0:08:27.320 of gaps. 0:08:28.040 --> 0:08:29.760 My mom and I at one point, like lived in 0:08:29.800 --> 0:08:31.920 a homeless shelter because like she was just trying to 0:08:31.960 --> 0:08:33.640 make ends meat as a single mom, and like this 0:08:33.800 --> 0:08:36.120 was her solution to put a roof over our heads. 0:08:36.200 --> 0:08:38.640 And this isn't like rule South Louisiana, so it's not 0:08:38.760 --> 0:08:42.600 like there are a ton of resources for families that 0:08:42.640 --> 0:08:43.600 live on the edge. 0:08:44.240 --> 0:08:46.880 Sarah has memories of her and her mom sleeping in 0:08:46.920 --> 0:08:50.520 the same bed. She remembers playing board games and eating 0:08:50.559 --> 0:08:51.600 in the communal kitchen. 0:08:52.000 --> 0:08:54.280 You know, Cajun culture is all about like food, right, 0:08:54.400 --> 0:08:57.720 so like we cook everything from scratch, Like it would 0:08:57.720 --> 0:09:00.000 be blasphemy for you to cook dinner for your face 0:09:00.320 --> 0:09:04.080 and for it to be hamburger helper, okay, And I 0:09:04.160 --> 0:09:05.720 remember in the homeless shelter it was the first time 0:09:05.760 --> 0:09:08.679 I ever ate hamburger helper and it was delicious. 0:09:11.360 --> 0:09:14.600 Life with her dad wasn't any more stable. Sarah's father 0:09:14.720 --> 0:09:18.120 remarried quickly, and with his new wife operated a joint 0:09:18.120 --> 0:09:21.600 grocery store and bar, which they named The Lonesome Dove. 0:09:22.480 --> 0:09:24.520 There was a lot of hard drinking and a lot 0:09:24.520 --> 0:09:25.640 of late nights. 0:09:25.880 --> 0:09:30.120 I would spend the night on the counter of the 0:09:30.160 --> 0:09:32.960 grocery store, like with a sleeping bag, and that's where 0:09:32.960 --> 0:09:34.920 I would sleep while they worked in the bar until 0:09:34.960 --> 0:09:39.240 late at night. It sounds depressing when I say it, 0:09:39.280 --> 0:09:42.160 but like I really liked it because like I could 0:09:42.200 --> 0:09:44.600 eat all the candy I wanted from the store, and 0:09:44.679 --> 0:09:46.440 like I could stay up late and watch like David 0:09:46.480 --> 0:09:53.680 Letterman on TV. What happens often is like I'll tell 0:09:53.720 --> 0:09:56.800 my therapist some anecdote like this, and then she kind 0:09:56.800 --> 0:09:59.320 of looks at me, and I think, oh, yeah, that's 0:09:59.320 --> 0:10:01.920 like that's sad stuff like that stuff that a normal 0:10:01.960 --> 0:10:10.320 person would probably be like, that's effed up, yeah, because 0:10:10.320 --> 0:10:15.040 you know, like it was pretty messed up, like some 0:10:15.120 --> 0:10:16.240 of the stuff I went through as a. 0:10:16.280 --> 0:10:21.800 Kid, and that stuff, painful stuff is being dredged up. 0:10:22.679 --> 0:10:25.520 Since reading the letters, Sarah's begun remembering all the time 0:10:25.640 --> 0:10:26.320 she got sick. 0:10:27.200 --> 0:10:29.720 I guess I puked a lot when I lived with 0:10:29.760 --> 0:10:34.920 my dad and my step mom, and I remember that 0:10:35.360 --> 0:10:37.839 it felt like I was a burden whenever I was sick. 0:10:48.040 --> 0:10:53.000 Thinking about my hesitations around like you know, breaking the 0:10:53.120 --> 0:10:57.400 seal on this part of my life, it brings up 0:10:57.400 --> 0:10:59.719 a lot of stuff that like I haven't processed. 0:11:00.880 --> 0:11:04.120 Listening to Sarah speak, I realize that maybe it isn't 0:11:04.120 --> 0:11:06.320 so much a fear of being scammed that's kept her 0:11:06.320 --> 0:11:09.520 from responding to the other Sarah. It's a fear of 0:11:09.559 --> 0:11:12.440 opening a door to the past. For the most part, 0:11:12.480 --> 0:11:16.160 Sarah says, the past is something she pretends doesn't exist. 0:11:16.640 --> 0:11:20.280 It sounds so ridiculous because like, the past does exist, 0:11:20.400 --> 0:11:22.960 But like I can live in a world where, like 0:11:23.000 --> 0:11:25.040 I don't have to deal with the implications of what 0:11:25.120 --> 0:11:27.560 has happened in the past. And maybe that's the way 0:11:27.600 --> 0:11:31.800 I should do it, because it's gotten me through to 0:11:31.920 --> 0:11:35.680 this point in my thirties. Like I'm doing okay. 0:11:36.720 --> 0:11:40.200 Sarah's a college graduate, a homeowner, with a job she 0:11:40.240 --> 0:11:43.000 loves at a video game company, and a husband she's 0:11:43.040 --> 0:11:46.760 been married to for eleven years. She is doing okay. 0:11:47.920 --> 0:11:50.480 Yet all the while, the letter, which has now been 0:11:50.520 --> 0:11:53.640 sitting on Sarah's desk for about a year, still calls 0:11:53.679 --> 0:11:57.079 to her. What does the other Sarah know about her 0:11:57.120 --> 0:11:59.640 life that she herself doesn't. 0:12:00.160 --> 0:12:02.240 Clearly, I don't want her to be hurt. 0:12:03.200 --> 0:12:05.160 This is Sarah's husband, Chris. 0:12:05.800 --> 0:12:09.199 You know, obviously, I'm worried that just wandering into this 0:12:10.000 --> 0:12:11.760 it might bring up a whole lot of other things 0:12:11.880 --> 0:12:16.520 about the tough parts of Sarah's past. But I think 0:12:16.520 --> 0:12:19.000 it'd be fun to just learn more about the good 0:12:19.040 --> 0:12:22.160 times that Sarah had as a kid. And if I 0:12:22.160 --> 0:12:27.320 could learn more about Sarah's rollerblading days, that would make 0:12:27.360 --> 0:12:28.040 me very happy. 0:12:29.160 --> 0:12:30.439 So Chris hatches a plan. 0:12:31.080 --> 0:12:33.000 He's like, you know, we could just drive down there 0:12:34.200 --> 0:12:36.840 and look at where she lives and see if it 0:12:36.920 --> 0:12:37.760 feels safe. 0:12:38.840 --> 0:12:41.920 Together, they punched the return address on the envelope into 0:12:41.920 --> 0:12:44.840 Google street View. The house that pops up on the 0:12:44.880 --> 0:12:49.480 screen looks uninhabited, its windows dark, it's front steps missing 0:12:49.920 --> 0:12:54.280 the exterior peeling. It looks like a haunted house, which 0:12:54.280 --> 0:12:58.960 for Sarah is disconcerting, but it doesn't dissuade Chris. He 0:12:59.000 --> 0:13:02.040 still wants to make the trip, though he does admit 0:13:02.480 --> 0:13:05.040 there is a little something else motivating him. 0:13:05.360 --> 0:13:07.360 I would love an excuse to go fill my cooler 0:13:07.440 --> 0:13:10.280 up with Blu Dan sausage from my favorite sausage maker 0:13:10.280 --> 0:13:10.880 down there. 0:13:12.400 --> 0:13:15.960 And so early one morning in late February, Sarah and 0:13:16.040 --> 0:13:19.520 Chris load their dogs, Bowser and Noki into the car 0:13:19.640 --> 0:13:22.280 for the three and a half hour drive to Abbeville. 0:13:22.720 --> 0:13:25.000 Noki, that's not where you go. He's in the front 0:13:25.040 --> 0:13:27.240 seat like he's gonna drive the car. 0:13:28.280 --> 0:13:30.440 Their first stop, of course, is for sausage. 0:13:30.800 --> 0:13:32.200 How many pounds could I buy? 0:13:32.480 --> 0:13:33.320 I'm trying to get along. 0:13:34.679 --> 0:13:36.880 Sarah also wants to share with Chris some of our 0:13:36.920 --> 0:13:40.320 old hans, so they stop by the Lonesome Dove. The 0:13:40.360 --> 0:13:42.960 woman who works there, now, let Sarah have a look around. 0:13:43.480 --> 0:13:46.840 I don't remember being the ceiling being this slow, but 0:13:46.920 --> 0:13:47.439 I was small. 0:13:47.960 --> 0:13:50.040 I'm about to say, okay, you're my but you might 0:13:50.080 --> 0:13:51.360 be a little taller now. 0:13:53.120 --> 0:13:55.439 Sarah buys some candy and orders a hamburger. 0:13:56.200 --> 0:14:00.160 Seem could not order one. 0:14:00.440 --> 0:14:02.679 Later, Sarah tells me it taste it just like the 0:14:02.720 --> 0:14:05.640 burgers her stepmom used to make when she worked there. 0:14:10.679 --> 0:14:14.960 Sarah and Chris also drive by her old school, Moe Elementary. 0:14:15.600 --> 0:14:19.280 There is a sign that says they are currently raising 0:14:19.440 --> 0:14:21.520 money by cooking gumbo. 0:14:21.720 --> 0:14:25.520 Gumbo for mo. They park, turn off the engine, and 0:14:25.600 --> 0:14:27.680 for a while they just sit there. 0:14:30.280 --> 0:14:37.720 Just seeing this school bring back any memories of her. No, No, 0:14:44.520 --> 0:14:46.120 next stop is the man Attraction. 0:14:46.920 --> 0:14:49.479 We're gonna go draw by Sarah's house. 0:14:51.600 --> 0:14:51.880 Seed. 0:14:51.920 --> 0:14:55.840 Look, it is abandoned. Nobody lives in that house. 0:14:56.560 --> 0:14:59.280 But then as they make their way closer, Oh. 0:14:59.160 --> 0:15:01.480 Wait, there's a house. I'm the abandon house, Chris. 0:15:01.600 --> 0:15:03.120 The destination is on your left. 0:15:03.360 --> 0:15:07.360 They live in that house. That's what's going on here. 0:15:07.880 --> 0:15:09.000 Holy shit. 0:15:10.400 --> 0:15:12.920 What Sarah and Chris couldn't see on Google street View 0:15:13.240 --> 0:15:15.960 was the house behind the house, which has a nice 0:15:16.040 --> 0:15:19.000 yard and a car in the driveway. It's full of life. 0:15:19.760 --> 0:15:21.440 They have kids, Look, kids bikes. 0:15:22.960 --> 0:15:28.240 Wow, it looks so well taken care of. It feels safe. 0:15:28.400 --> 0:15:31.720 When Sarah gets home, she drafts a letter. She handwrites 0:15:31.760 --> 0:15:34.040 it on a sheet of lined paper, just like the 0:15:34.080 --> 0:15:37.440 other Sarah did. At the bottom, she signs it the 0:15:37.480 --> 0:15:40.400 same way the other Sarah signed her letter with her 0:15:40.480 --> 0:15:49.560 name with their name, Sarah Abear. About a week later, 0:15:49.720 --> 0:15:53.320 Sarah receives a text message back. It's a long run 0:15:53.360 --> 0:15:56.680 on sentence like the sender was so excited she couldn't 0:15:56.720 --> 0:16:00.880 be bothered with punctuation. Hey Sarah, this is Sarah. The 0:16:00.920 --> 0:16:04.120 text reads, I would love to catch up. Just text 0:16:04.120 --> 0:16:06.280 me as soon as you can and we'll see to 0:16:06.400 --> 0:16:08.720 it that we can sit down and catch up. I 0:16:08.760 --> 0:16:13.760 cannot wait, and so a date is set. Sarah bess 0:16:13.800 --> 0:16:18.600 Abar and Sarah beth Abar will finally meet the following Friday. 0:16:22.320 --> 0:16:25.240 But when the day arrives, Sarah receives a text from 0:16:25.240 --> 0:16:29.080 the other Sarah about a plumbing emergency. The other Sarah 0:16:29.160 --> 0:16:32.560 has to reschedule, so a new data is set, but 0:16:32.680 --> 0:16:36.200 yet again, the other Sarah is a no show. After that, 0:16:36.840 --> 0:16:46.880 she stops answering Sarah altogether. Sarah sends more texts. Months 0:16:46.920 --> 0:16:51.480 go by and still no response. The situation between the 0:16:51.480 --> 0:16:55.240 two Sarahs has reversed, with Sarah another one left waiting. 0:16:56.120 --> 0:16:59.240 Has she somehow offended the other Sarah? Is the other 0:16:59.320 --> 0:17:02.880 Sarah ignored her? Maybe she lost her phone and just 0:17:03.000 --> 0:17:07.000 isn't receiving her text. So once again, Sarah puts pen 0:17:07.119 --> 0:17:11.679 to paper and mails a second letter, but still nothing. 0:17:12.240 --> 0:17:14.199 You know, initially when we started talking, I was like. 0:17:14.280 --> 0:17:15.600 Is this a scam? 0:17:15.880 --> 0:17:16.040 Right? 0:17:16.160 --> 0:17:16.720 Scam thing? 0:17:17.440 --> 0:17:20.160 And talking to Chris about like kind of how long 0:17:20.200 --> 0:17:23.199 this has been going on. He's like, I'm starting to 0:17:23.240 --> 0:17:25.480 feel like maybe there's something weird. 0:17:26.920 --> 0:17:30.120 I'm also finding it weird. Two months ago, the other 0:17:30.200 --> 0:17:34.920 Sarah had been so excited to finally connect. So what happened? 0:17:53.760 --> 0:17:53.960 Hi? 0:17:55.000 --> 0:17:59.400 Hi, Happy New Year, New Year. It's January twenty twenty two. 0:18:00.080 --> 0:18:02.760 At this point, almost a year since Sarah first told 0:18:02.800 --> 0:18:06.000 me the story of the letter we catch up, So 0:18:06.680 --> 0:18:10.800 let's just recap here. You've moved since we last spoke. 0:18:11.720 --> 0:18:14.760 I live in Los Angeles now. Yeah. 0:18:14.960 --> 0:18:17.479 Last summer, Sarah has offered her dream job at her 0:18:17.520 --> 0:18:21.119 favorite video game company, so in August, she packed up 0:18:21.119 --> 0:18:24.200 her belongings, rented a U haul, and hitched her little 0:18:24.200 --> 0:18:27.400 smart car to the back of it like a little caboose. Yeah, 0:18:29.119 --> 0:18:32.280 Sarah says moving to California is something she's always dreamed 0:18:32.320 --> 0:18:35.040 of doing. There are more exciting things happening in the 0:18:35.040 --> 0:18:37.480 gaming world in LA than in Louisiana. 0:18:38.080 --> 0:18:42.840 The job stuff has been amazing. But and the process 0:18:42.840 --> 0:18:46.480 of moving out here, Chris and I decided to get divorced. 0:18:47.480 --> 0:18:52.120 Oh geez, I'm so sorry. Sarah says that Chris's whole 0:18:52.160 --> 0:18:55.359 world is in Louisiana. In the same month Sarah was 0:18:55.400 --> 0:18:58.119 to move to la Chris was starting a grad school 0:18:58.160 --> 0:18:59.640 program in southern studies. 0:19:00.359 --> 0:19:03.840 He's got a really great career in life trajectory back home, 0:19:03.840 --> 0:19:05.400 and I want him to be able to do that too. 0:19:06.359 --> 0:19:06.600 Boy. 0:19:06.760 --> 0:19:10.680 I'm I'm sorry, and I have to say I'm surprised. 0:19:10.720 --> 0:19:14.639 I mean, there's a certain point in marriage where you realize, 0:19:14.640 --> 0:19:16.520 like you really love someone, but you want them to 0:19:16.560 --> 0:19:19.560 be really happy. And I think that's been at the 0:19:19.600 --> 0:19:24.200 core of what our relationship has been. And I don't 0:19:24.200 --> 0:19:26.600 want him to be alone right like, and I don't 0:19:26.640 --> 0:19:27.720 think I'm coming back. 0:19:29.160 --> 0:19:31.680 Sarah is talking to me over video from her new 0:19:31.720 --> 0:19:35.040 living room. There were palm trees right outside her windows, 0:19:35.320 --> 0:19:39.080 and the California sun is streaming in. There's a lot 0:19:39.119 --> 0:19:44.720 of change, it is, yeah, and yet on the other 0:19:44.840 --> 0:19:48.359 sarah Aber front, nothing has changed. 0:19:48.600 --> 0:19:49.000 I know. 0:19:54.560 --> 0:19:57.560 It's been ten months without a word from the other Sarah. 0:19:58.119 --> 0:20:01.760 But since moving across the country, Sarah's been thinking increasingly 0:20:01.800 --> 0:20:05.200 about home and with it, she thinks about her mysterious 0:20:05.200 --> 0:20:07.960 best friend, if she ever really was her best friend. 0:20:09.000 --> 0:20:12.119 Since the other Sarah won't answer her, Sarah's considering the 0:20:12.160 --> 0:20:15.440 idea of asking her family if they remember the little 0:20:15.480 --> 0:20:19.760 girl named Sarah Beth Abear. Specifically, she wants to ask 0:20:19.800 --> 0:20:23.000 her dad. They talk on the phone each week, but 0:20:23.080 --> 0:20:26.560 each week comes and goes without Sarah ever bringing it up, 0:20:27.200 --> 0:20:28.800 because why. 0:20:33.359 --> 0:20:36.879 That part of my childhood? Like, who's really hard for me? 0:20:36.960 --> 0:20:39.360 And I'd like, I don't think my dad ever realized it. 0:20:40.200 --> 0:20:42.920 Maybe he didn't. It had hurt to know for sure. 0:20:44.040 --> 0:20:47.119 But one Friday morning, Sarah puts her fear aside and 0:20:47.160 --> 0:20:50.199 she and I phone up Her father, Richard, is a 0:20:50.200 --> 0:20:53.479 retired mechanic known in his neighborhood as the guy who 0:20:53.520 --> 0:20:58.320 will fix anything lawnmower's chainsaws. At two o'clock each day, 0:20:58.560 --> 0:21:00.600 his buddies come by the garage hang out. 0:21:01.080 --> 0:21:02.560 Are the guys gonna come over or no. 0:21:03.520 --> 0:21:08.440 Shit, Yeah, they'll be here. We'll drink beer till about five. 0:21:10.480 --> 0:21:13.200 With beer a clock looming, Sarah gets right to it. 0:21:13.680 --> 0:21:16.400 She tells her father the story of the mysterious letter. 0:21:17.400 --> 0:21:20.399 So do you remember anyone from when I was a 0:21:20.480 --> 0:21:24.960 kid who was also named Sarah Aberty? 0:21:25.320 --> 0:21:25.520 No? 0:21:25.600 --> 0:21:28.880 Not really, So this is the kicker, dad. Her name 0:21:28.960 --> 0:21:31.600 is Sarah Beth t Aber. 0:21:32.840 --> 0:21:33.840 Come on, it's. 0:21:33.760 --> 0:21:36.639 Kind of weird right. At one point I mailed Sarah 0:21:36.760 --> 0:21:39.119 letter back, and when I went to the post office 0:21:39.119 --> 0:21:40.760 and I dropped the letter off, the lady was like, 0:21:40.760 --> 0:21:42.520 why are you mailing a letter to yourself? 0:21:44.359 --> 0:21:45.879 Yeah? 0:21:46.280 --> 0:21:48.840 Sarah offers details from the letter in the hopes it'll 0:21:48.840 --> 0:21:51.920 spark something for her father, but nothing rings a bell. 0:21:52.640 --> 0:21:54.800 Disco got a good memory for neither one year you 0:21:55.000 --> 0:21:55.920 remembers her at all. 0:21:56.640 --> 0:22:02.160 Do you think it's surprising Richard that Sarah just doesn't remember? 0:22:03.240 --> 0:22:03.359 Now? 0:22:03.440 --> 0:22:06.800 It doesn't surprise me because that era, at that time. 0:22:07.440 --> 0:22:09.360 You know, maybe there's sometimes back then she didn't want 0:22:09.359 --> 0:22:09.840 to remember. 0:22:11.280 --> 0:22:13.159 Is that the case for you? Are the things that 0:22:13.240 --> 0:22:15.960 you just that you just would prefer not to remember? 0:22:16.520 --> 0:22:17.320 Yeah, exactly. 0:22:19.080 --> 0:22:22.120 Richard might not remember the other Sarah. But to Sarah's 0:22:22.160 --> 0:22:25.720 fear that her father never realized her pain, it seems 0:22:25.760 --> 0:22:26.560 like maybe he did. 0:22:27.240 --> 0:22:29.160 We would going to a lot of turmoil back then, 0:22:29.200 --> 0:22:32.920 and then if I felt it, I'm pretty sure she. 0:22:32.960 --> 0:22:34.399 Did too, because she was old enough. 0:22:35.920 --> 0:22:41.800 Divorces and stuff like that with kids is not easy. Yeah, 0:22:42.200 --> 0:22:46.520 people get angry, People do things that you wouldn't think 0:22:46.560 --> 0:22:48.480 they do. 0:22:48.520 --> 0:22:51.280 Your grandma was she was hateful. 0:22:52.720 --> 0:22:58.520 Yeah, My grandma, Jonathan, Like, really, I think she had 0:22:58.520 --> 0:23:01.000 a middle breakdown after my it's got divorced. 0:23:01.760 --> 0:23:03.000 This was your mom's mom. 0:23:04.000 --> 0:23:06.880 Yeah, she really went off the deep end. 0:23:08.040 --> 0:23:09.760 I remember the time she pulled a gun on me. 0:23:12.680 --> 0:23:16.199 You remember that, sir, I do. I was going to 0:23:16.200 --> 0:23:21.040 pick you up at her house. She was just mad, Yeah, 0:23:21.320 --> 0:23:25.160 because we were in her yard, gotcha, and she drove 0:23:25.240 --> 0:23:25.840 up behind me. 0:23:25.800 --> 0:23:26.680 And I couldn't get out. 0:23:26.760 --> 0:23:28.879 That's when she pulled a gun and we ended up 0:23:28.960 --> 0:23:31.240 running over on some of her bushes so we could 0:23:31.320 --> 0:23:31.720 get out. 0:23:32.160 --> 0:23:33.920 You end up calling the cops that day too. 0:23:35.520 --> 0:23:41.040 She was so frequently doing crazy stuff like this, Jonathan, 0:23:41.080 --> 0:23:45.200 that like the I guess, like the sheriff, do you remember, Yeah, 0:23:45.280 --> 0:23:47.960 he would watch for me to walk from the school 0:23:48.080 --> 0:23:50.800 to mom's house because he was worried that she would 0:23:51.600 --> 0:23:52.240 show up. 0:23:53.440 --> 0:23:55.720 Those downards, Jonathan, you don't want to remember. 0:23:58.320 --> 0:24:00.679 In fact, it seems like no one is Sarah's family 0:24:00.720 --> 0:24:04.080 wants to remember those times. In the weeks after talking 0:24:04.080 --> 0:24:06.840 to her father, Sarah speaks with her mother, and she 0:24:06.880 --> 0:24:09.920 speaks with her older sister, all in an attempt to 0:24:09.920 --> 0:24:13.560 see if anyone remembers the other Sarah. But no one does. 0:24:16.280 --> 0:24:20.840 Who was this little girl collectively forgotten? At this point, 0:24:20.880 --> 0:24:23.840 the only person who can answer that question is the 0:24:23.840 --> 0:24:25.080 other Sarah herself. 0:24:25.840 --> 0:24:28.439 I really want to meet her, Yeah, I mean, I 0:24:28.480 --> 0:24:31.720 just kind of feel like whatever needs to happen to 0:24:31.720 --> 0:24:33.680 actually make it happen would be really great. 0:24:34.960 --> 0:24:39.080 And so Sarah sends out one last text. I'm not 0:24:39.160 --> 0:24:42.600 hopeful it'll change anything, so I'm shocked when the very 0:24:42.680 --> 0:24:46.440 next day, after nearly a year of nothing, the other 0:24:46.520 --> 0:24:51.159 Sarah texts back, I'd love to talk to you. I'm sorry, 0:24:51.840 --> 0:25:11.600 it was a crazy year. The Other Sarah says that 0:25:11.680 --> 0:25:14.440 since Friday's your day off, it's the best day to talk, 0:25:15.080 --> 0:25:18.480 so once again, a plan is made for Friday. It's 0:25:18.480 --> 0:25:21.480 now been nearly two years since Sarah first received the 0:25:21.520 --> 0:25:31.520 Other Sarah's letter, Sarah, Hey, Hi, how are you, and 0:25:31.560 --> 0:25:33.280 the two Sarah's finally meet. 0:25:33.880 --> 0:25:37.719 I was so nervous, so nervous. I was like, I'm excited, 0:25:37.760 --> 0:25:39.119 but I'm nervous. I was like, it feels like a 0:25:39.160 --> 0:25:41.159 firstday school is starting a new job or something. I 0:25:41.200 --> 0:25:42.760 was like, oh my god, I'm so nervous. 0:25:43.960 --> 0:25:46.439 The Other Sarah is apologetic that it took them so 0:25:46.520 --> 0:25:49.879 long to finally connect. But true to her last text, 0:25:50.240 --> 0:25:52.560 the other Sarah really did have a crazy year. 0:25:53.320 --> 0:25:56.719 We've had a lot of issues this year. My kids 0:25:57.080 --> 0:25:58.760 that actually passed. 0:25:58.400 --> 0:26:01.960 Away this year, So I'm so sorry. 0:26:02.760 --> 0:26:03.560 It's difficult. 0:26:03.680 --> 0:26:08.200 I mean, me and him weren't together, but it's hard 0:26:08.240 --> 0:26:10.320 for them, so it's kind of hard to watch them 0:26:10.359 --> 0:26:10.920 go through it. 0:26:10.920 --> 0:26:13.359 It's really really sucks. Yeah, I bet. 0:26:13.560 --> 0:26:15.560 Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry to hear that. 0:26:16.680 --> 0:26:19.760 The other Sarah is raising three kids. Her youngest is 0:26:19.800 --> 0:26:22.320 only a baby, and for the past year or so 0:26:22.760 --> 0:26:24.080 she's been doing it on her own. 0:26:24.800 --> 0:26:26.280 I'm engaged, but he. 0:26:27.800 --> 0:26:30.680 Got in some trouble a while back, so he's finishing 0:26:30.720 --> 0:26:31.680 his time in jail. 0:26:31.840 --> 0:26:33.240 So he gets out in June. 0:26:34.119 --> 0:26:36.320 So will you guys get married when he gets out. 0:26:36.800 --> 0:26:38.680 Yes, we do plan on getting this. 0:26:38.840 --> 0:26:39.720 It's so romantic. 0:26:39.760 --> 0:26:40.160 I'm sorry. 0:26:40.240 --> 0:26:41.480 I think it's very sweet. 0:26:42.080 --> 0:26:44.840 Yes. And you, what do you do? 0:26:45.200 --> 0:26:45.719 How are you? 0:26:45.760 --> 0:26:47.160 Do you have any kids? 0:26:47.720 --> 0:26:49.800 I don't have any kids. No, my husband and I 0:26:49.880 --> 0:26:51.560 are separated, which is a fairly new. 0:26:51.720 --> 0:26:54.480 Sarah tells the other Sarah about her own crazy year, 0:26:54.960 --> 0:26:59.240 her divorce, her recent move, her new job. The conversation 0:26:59.320 --> 0:27:02.880 feels like the kind between old friends easy and familiar. 0:27:03.400 --> 0:27:07.760 I'm wondering, do you guys recognize each other? 0:27:08.440 --> 0:27:13.119 I recognize her, I don't you don't? 0:27:14.080 --> 0:27:16.920 I feel so bad, Sarah. No, Like when I got 0:27:16.920 --> 0:27:20.560 your letter, it was like, I don't remember much of 0:27:20.600 --> 0:27:22.400 this at all. 0:27:23.480 --> 0:27:26.200 Sarah tells the other Sarah about her life back then, 0:27:26.640 --> 0:27:30.520 her parents fighting her homelessness. The other Sarah says she 0:27:30.600 --> 0:27:32.800 had no idea what Sarah was going through. 0:27:33.560 --> 0:27:36.480 Oh, and so like when you sent me that letter, 0:27:36.600 --> 0:27:39.240 I had this moment of like, I really want to 0:27:39.280 --> 0:27:43.240 meet this person so that I can like remember this 0:27:43.359 --> 0:27:47.400 part of my childhood that I totally don't remember at all. 0:27:47.520 --> 0:27:50.480 And so the other Sarah tries to evoke that childhood. 0:27:51.080 --> 0:27:53.600 You can feel the other Sarah trying to drag Sarah 0:27:53.640 --> 0:27:58.960 from the fog of lost memory. She describes who Sarah was, artsy, creative, 0:27:59.359 --> 0:28:00.800 a bandkit She. 0:28:00.960 --> 0:28:02.879 Was quiet, but when me and her got together, we 0:28:02.960 --> 0:28:06.000 had a blast. Like it was just us cutting up, 0:28:06.040 --> 0:28:09.000 having fun, goofy girls. 0:28:09.200 --> 0:28:12.560 The other Sarah tells Sarah stories like the famous rollerblading 0:28:12.640 --> 0:28:13.360 kitchen incident. 0:28:13.720 --> 0:28:17.639 I got in so much trouble that day, Oh my gosh. 0:28:17.720 --> 0:28:20.360 She tells her about the sleepovers they had. 0:28:20.359 --> 0:28:23.040 You had stuffed animals and stuff all around your room. 0:28:23.640 --> 0:28:26.639 She reminds Sarah of the little loft space inside a 0:28:26.680 --> 0:28:29.600 guesthouse on her dad Richard's property, where they'd spend the 0:28:29.680 --> 0:28:33.639 night together to get away from everybody. She says, like 0:28:33.680 --> 0:28:35.840 it was just the two of them in the whole world. 0:28:37.760 --> 0:28:40.920 As the other Sarah talks, it becomes clear that while 0:28:41.000 --> 0:28:43.600 Sarah has been stuck for the last twenty years with 0:28:43.680 --> 0:28:47.160 all the sad memories she doesn't want, the other Sarah's 0:28:47.160 --> 0:28:50.040 been holding on to all the happy ones Sarah doesn't have. 0:28:51.200 --> 0:28:54.480 For instance, in Sarah's recollection of those late nights at 0:28:54.480 --> 0:28:56.880 the bar, it was just the hum of David Letterman 0:28:57.040 --> 0:29:00.360 keeping her company. But the other Sarah reminds me Sarah 0:29:00.360 --> 0:29:03.160 that she'd been there to keep her company too, Like 0:29:03.200 --> 0:29:04.680 on the night they put on a show for the 0:29:04.680 --> 0:29:05.960 bar patrons. 0:29:06.000 --> 0:29:09.200 Me and you actually went behind the counter and we 0:29:09.200 --> 0:29:13.280 were making little puppets out of paper bags, and we 0:29:13.280 --> 0:29:15.560 were we were putting on a puppet show for everybody 0:29:15.600 --> 0:29:15.920 in there. 0:29:15.960 --> 0:29:16.800 It was pretty cool. 0:29:17.440 --> 0:29:23.959 That's amazing. It makes me so happy. I'm sorry, just 0:29:24.040 --> 0:29:25.480 keep like bursting. 0:29:25.080 --> 0:29:29.520 Into tears as the stories pile up, stories that span 0:29:29.680 --> 0:29:33.200 locations and rites of passage. Sarah has a realization. 0:29:34.000 --> 0:29:36.960 We were friends for years, like a long time. 0:29:37.320 --> 0:29:40.320 Yeah, we were friends for like four or five years. 0:29:41.440 --> 0:29:43.560 The other Sarah says they met when they were eight 0:29:43.640 --> 0:29:46.640 years old. She isn't sure how they met, but she 0:29:46.680 --> 0:29:49.160 thinks it was because her grandmother had owned the Lonesome 0:29:49.160 --> 0:29:52.360 Dove before Sarah's dad and stepmom did, back when it 0:29:52.400 --> 0:29:55.480 was called the Red Dog. From then on, the two 0:29:55.520 --> 0:29:59.840 Sarah's were inseparable, so inseparable in fact, that they're f 0:30:00.000 --> 0:30:03.240 families had to devise a way to differentiate between them. 0:30:03.520 --> 0:30:06.640 So they broke the name Sarah into two parts and 0:30:06.720 --> 0:30:10.360 gave each girl a half Sah and Rah. 0:30:11.040 --> 0:30:13.160 They used to call Sarah Rah. 0:30:13.640 --> 0:30:14.880 Yeah, my family calls me that. 0:30:15.360 --> 0:30:15.719 Yeah. 0:30:15.760 --> 0:30:21.280 So that's why they would call me Sah and her Rah. 0:30:19.960 --> 0:30:22.080 To distinguish you between. 0:30:22.120 --> 0:30:24.880 Between the two. Yeah, when it was me and her together, yep. 0:30:25.200 --> 0:30:32.240 Wow wow. And so, given their closeness and the span 0:30:32.320 --> 0:30:35.680 of years, the other Sarah has always wondered one thing, 0:30:36.800 --> 0:30:39.240 why did Sarah stop being her friend? 0:30:40.040 --> 0:30:44.360 It sucks whenever you like, I get I don't. It's 0:30:44.360 --> 0:30:45.000 hard to explain. 0:30:45.240 --> 0:30:47.200 I don't know what happened, you know, I don't know 0:30:47.240 --> 0:30:50.040 if y'all moved, so something happened or you know, And 0:30:50.080 --> 0:30:52.719 I know you can't remember, and I'm not expecting you 0:30:52.800 --> 0:30:56.280 to or anything, but it seemed like you almost dropped, 0:30:56.440 --> 0:30:58.720 like seriously dropped off the base of the earth. 0:30:59.840 --> 0:31:02.720 Although of course Sarah doesn't remember why the friendship ended, 0:31:03.240 --> 0:31:06.920 here's a theory. In her early teens, Sarah learned about 0:31:06.960 --> 0:31:10.520 a Louisiana boarding school for the gifted and talented. It 0:31:10.600 --> 0:31:13.120 was two and a half hours from Abbeville, and Sarah 0:31:13.120 --> 0:31:14.760 saw it as a chance to get away from the 0:31:14.800 --> 0:31:18.240 turmoil of home. Getting into the school felt like a 0:31:18.280 --> 0:31:21.520 long shot, but she studied hard and she did get in. 0:31:22.280 --> 0:31:24.360 It was at that school that Sarah met a computer 0:31:24.480 --> 0:31:28.640 science teacher who encouraged her to pursue coding. Sarah says 0:31:28.720 --> 0:31:30.920 that if not for that boarding school, she might never 0:31:30.960 --> 0:31:35.320 have tried to get into college, and college changed her life. 0:31:35.400 --> 0:31:38.000 She studied digital media, which put her on the path 0:31:38.040 --> 0:31:41.320 to video gaming and eventually to her new life in 0:31:41.480 --> 0:31:46.960 La So, taken together the boarding school, college, it all meant, 0:31:47.040 --> 0:31:49.440 if not falling off the face of the earth, at 0:31:49.520 --> 0:31:52.520 least falling off the face of Abbeville, which left the 0:31:52.560 --> 0:31:55.080 other Sarah with nothing but a memory of the last 0:31:55.160 --> 0:31:57.960 night they spent together at the other Sarah's house. 0:31:58.800 --> 0:32:02.040 She ended up getting sick that night, and like, instead 0:32:02.080 --> 0:32:04.760 of waking my parents up to call her mom or anything, 0:32:04.840 --> 0:32:08.360 I like helped take care of her all night until morning. 0:32:08.440 --> 0:32:09.240 And then I went and. 0:32:09.200 --> 0:32:11.440 Woke my parents up and was like, hey, Sarah's been 0:32:11.480 --> 0:32:13.880 getting sick all night. And my mom was like, I 0:32:13.920 --> 0:32:16.160 can't believe you stayed up all night taking care of you. 0:32:16.160 --> 0:32:18.360 Should have woke us up. I was like, no, no, 0:32:18.680 --> 0:32:20.640 she's my friend. I want to take care of her. 0:32:21.800 --> 0:32:23.920 I don't remember that, but I got sick a lot 0:32:24.560 --> 0:32:26.760 as a kid doing exactly that. I would throw up 0:32:26.800 --> 0:32:28.960 all night long and my parents used to be so 0:32:29.040 --> 0:32:34.000 mad at me about it. Thank you for taking care 0:32:34.040 --> 0:32:34.280 of me? 0:32:35.160 --> 0:32:39.880 Well, of course, I mean you were my best friend. 0:32:39.920 --> 0:32:42.480 You were like it was me and you. 0:32:44.240 --> 0:32:47.080 Sarah had been scared of reconnecting with the other Sarah 0:32:47.120 --> 0:32:50.160 because of what she might learn, But what she's learning 0:32:50.600 --> 0:32:51.800 is that she wasn't alone. 0:32:52.520 --> 0:32:55.280 I'm so sorry didn't know that that she went through 0:32:55.360 --> 0:32:58.440 so much. And I wish, I wish, I wish we 0:32:58.440 --> 0:33:00.360 weren't so young, and I wish I would have known, 0:33:00.440 --> 0:33:03.640 so I could have helped or you know, done something, 0:33:03.680 --> 0:33:07.240 even though when we were kids. 0:33:07.320 --> 0:33:08.240 It sounds like he did. 0:33:16.040 --> 0:33:20.480 Listening to the conversation, hearing Sarah flooded with emotion, It's 0:33:20.520 --> 0:33:23.480 clear what she's getting from the reunion, but I can't 0:33:23.520 --> 0:33:27.000 help wondering what the other Sarah's getting. She wrote her 0:33:27.080 --> 0:33:30.520 letter hoping to reconnect with an old friend, but since 0:33:30.560 --> 0:33:33.720 sending it, she's learned the time they spend together, the 0:33:33.760 --> 0:33:37.360 bond they shared that she herself, have all been erased. 0:33:38.280 --> 0:33:41.000 So what if anything did Sarah's let her do for 0:33:41.080 --> 0:33:44.440 the other Sarah, especially seeing as how it reached her 0:33:44.520 --> 0:33:45.120 a year late. 0:33:46.120 --> 0:33:51.360 Actually, it came at the perfect timing because it came 0:33:52.320 --> 0:33:55.840 actually a week after I got out of rehab, and 0:33:57.080 --> 0:33:58.560 it was my light at. 0:33:58.520 --> 0:33:59.240 The end of the time. 0:33:59.320 --> 0:34:01.520 No, and when I'm home and I got the letter 0:34:01.600 --> 0:34:05.640 from Sarah, it just it showed me that good things 0:34:05.640 --> 0:34:08.800 can happen. I actually cried when I got her letter 0:34:08.880 --> 0:34:12.279 because I was just so excited. You don't know, I'm 0:34:12.320 --> 0:34:13.840 so glad that you wrote me back. 0:34:15.160 --> 0:34:17.680 I'm so excited for you that you went to rehab. 0:34:17.760 --> 0:34:22.600 Congratulations, I actually make I make one year sober on 0:34:22.680 --> 0:34:25.000 February eleventh, and I am super excited. 0:34:25.160 --> 0:34:27.480 I am so grateful. Everything in my. 0:34:27.520 --> 0:34:30.960 Life has changed, and your letter was the start of many, 0:34:31.160 --> 0:34:35.799 many good things. Like for Christmas, my son wrote me 0:34:36.040 --> 0:34:38.040 a little Christmas card and it said thank you, Mom 0:34:38.080 --> 0:34:39.040 for the greatest. 0:34:38.760 --> 0:34:40.960 Year of my life. And that meant more to me. 0:34:41.000 --> 0:34:43.440 Than any Christmas present or anything else that I could 0:34:43.480 --> 0:34:57.560 ever give them. I don't want to get off the phone, 0:34:57.560 --> 0:34:59.560 but I know I had to go run and get some. 0:34:59.520 --> 0:35:00.880 Stuff taken care of. 0:35:01.360 --> 0:35:05.800 But I mean, I'm all for doing this again, most definitely, 0:35:06.800 --> 0:35:09.200 and no matter what, as long as we can build 0:35:09.200 --> 0:35:12.520 our friendship from here, even if you don't remember the past, 0:35:12.719 --> 0:35:15.920 that would even be amazing. I mean, I don't want 0:35:15.960 --> 0:35:17.200 to lose my best friend again. 0:35:20.120 --> 0:35:20.680 Same here. 0:35:31.200 --> 0:35:37.520 I'll text you so we can hang out again, most definitely. Bye. 0:35:42.080 --> 0:35:43.840 The other Sarah's scream goes black. 0:35:48.400 --> 0:35:50.600 I think what I thought would happen in this call 0:35:50.719 --> 0:35:53.000 was like something with like click in my brain and 0:35:53.040 --> 0:35:57.040 I suddenly remember like everything, But I don't. 0:35:57.880 --> 0:36:00.840 A key that suddenly unlocks the past. That's how it 0:36:00.880 --> 0:36:03.439 works in the movies, but it isn't how the brain 0:36:03.520 --> 0:36:06.520 works in real life. You don't talk to someone from 0:36:06.560 --> 0:36:10.520 your past and suddenly recover memories. You can't recover what 0:36:10.560 --> 0:36:14.000 you never clocked in the first place. There are studies 0:36:14.000 --> 0:36:16.920 that show that when people are confronted with an immediate 0:36:16.960 --> 0:36:20.560 threat to their safety, they're focused on the danger impairs 0:36:20.600 --> 0:36:23.440 their ability to recall other peripheral details. 0:36:24.280 --> 0:36:26.880 My therapist I was just asking her about like the 0:36:26.960 --> 0:36:30.240 nature of memory, and like, why wouldn't I remember something good? 0:36:30.480 --> 0:36:33.200 And she was like, your memory is like a camera, 0:36:33.320 --> 0:36:37.319 so it only captures like what you're focused on at 0:36:37.320 --> 0:36:38.640 a time. And she was like, if you were just 0:36:38.640 --> 0:36:41.960 focused on, like let me survive and cope in this scenario, 0:36:42.760 --> 0:36:45.280 your camera probably just wasn't pointed at Sarah. 0:36:45.680 --> 0:36:48.640 The two Sarah's met when they were around eight, the 0:36:48.719 --> 0:36:51.839 age when Sarah's folks split up and Sarah's life grew 0:36:51.880 --> 0:36:56.480 increasingly hard. Sarah's camera was focused on the immediate threats. 0:36:57.120 --> 0:37:00.719 The other Sarah remained out of frame. What is the 0:37:00.800 --> 0:37:04.920 value of happy memories if you don't remember them? After 0:37:04.920 --> 0:37:08.240 the conversation with the other Sarah, this is the question 0:37:08.320 --> 0:37:10.000 that Sarah has left to grapple with. 0:37:10.600 --> 0:37:12.040 You know, hearing I had a friend that was like 0:37:12.080 --> 0:37:14.279 willing to take care of me all night long while 0:37:14.280 --> 0:37:17.680 I like pewed my guts out. That's like amazing, you know, 0:37:17.920 --> 0:37:20.799 that's like real friendship. I don't know if I have 0:37:20.840 --> 0:37:22.759 adult friends in my life now, who would do. 0:37:22.719 --> 0:37:26.879 That to which Just before Sarah set out for La 0:37:27.440 --> 0:37:29.359 Chris told her he wasn't going to make the trip 0:37:29.400 --> 0:37:32.760 with her as planned, which Sarah says totally made sense 0:37:32.840 --> 0:37:36.360 given the breakup, but it left her alone. None of 0:37:36.400 --> 0:37:38.600 her family or friends offered to step up. 0:37:39.200 --> 0:37:41.240 But if that had happened to someone in my family 0:37:41.320 --> 0:37:43.000 or someone that I really cared about, I probably would 0:37:43.000 --> 0:37:45.439 have been the first person's step and say you don't 0:37:45.440 --> 0:37:48.759 need to do this alone. But I would really like 0:37:48.840 --> 0:37:53.360 that in any of my relationships, whether that's like with 0:37:53.480 --> 0:37:57.440 my family or with someone I'm intimate with or friendship. 0:37:58.480 --> 0:37:59.000 I don't know. 0:38:01.600 --> 0:38:03.480 I feel like for a lot of my life, I 0:38:03.480 --> 0:38:07.400 have wanted the people who are important to me to 0:38:07.560 --> 0:38:12.280 show me the investment and the love that is part 0:38:12.280 --> 0:38:14.360 of that relationship. And I've spent a lot of my 0:38:14.440 --> 0:38:19.239 life not getting that from like my parents are my 0:38:19.280 --> 0:38:25.000 stepmom right, And it's like, maybe I did have that person. 0:38:25.800 --> 0:38:27.120 Maybe Sarah was that person. 0:38:38.680 --> 0:38:40.880 Sarah says she's learning to love her new life in 0:38:41.000 --> 0:38:45.600 La but still misses Louisiana. She's planning to visit soon, 0:38:46.000 --> 0:38:49.920 and when she does, she says she wants to see Sarah. 0:38:50.000 --> 0:38:53.120 She's hoping this time they can meet in person, not 0:38:53.200 --> 0:38:57.080 to uncover lost happy memories, but to make new ones. 0:39:29.600 --> 0:39:35.360 Now that the fern Urest turned into its goodwill home, 0:39:38.880 --> 0:39:43.279 now that the last month's rent is skiing with the 0:39:43.480 --> 0:39:47.239 damage to poss take this moment to dissolve. 0:39:49.800 --> 0:39:55.640 If we met him, if we tried, we felt around. 0:39:55.320 --> 0:39:59.840 For far too from things that acts. 0:40:05.719 --> 0:40:09.520 This episode of Heavyweight was produced by supervising producer Stevie Lane, 0:40:09.520 --> 0:40:13.600 along with Moheeny mcgowker and me Jonathan Goldstein. Our senior 0:40:13.640 --> 0:40:17.840 producer is Khalila Holt. Production help from Domiano Marquetti. Special 0:40:17.880 --> 0:40:22.120 thanks to Emily Condon, Alex Bloomberg, mime O'Donnell, Sonia Dosani, 0:40:22.280 --> 0:40:25.680 Rosie Garren, and Jackie Cohen. Thank you also to Professor 0:40:25.760 --> 0:40:29.000 George Bonano, author of the book The End of Trauma. 0:40:29.360 --> 0:40:32.520 Bobby Lord mixed the episode with original music by Christine Fellows, 0:40:32.600 --> 0:40:36.200 John K. Samson, and Bobby Lord. Additional music credits can 0:40:36.239 --> 0:40:39.560 be found on our website. Gimletmedia dot com slash Heavyweight. 0:40:39.840 --> 0:40:42.040 Our theme song is by The Weaker Thans courtesy of 0:40:42.040 --> 0:40:45.520 Epidaph Records. Follow us on Twitter at heavyweight or email 0:40:45.600 --> 0:40:48.839 us at Heavyweight at gimletmedia dot com. We'll be back 0:40:48.920 --> 0:41:09.880 with a new episode next week. Oh