BONUS: First Time Sex Stories

00:00:06
Speaker 1: Hello, My Loves, Welcome back to the Give Them La La Bonus episode. I'm super hyped today because Jessica gave me free reign to what we'd be talking about, and my mind just automatically went to sex.

00:00:17
Speaker 2: They're dead.

00:00:18
Speaker 1: I'm like that thing I used to have. We should talk about it. We should talk about the first time I did it. And I want to know everyone else's virginity stories because I just find them to be really awkward and really fun and I really want to get that, like make my cheeks kind of warm and get a little embarrassed love that.

00:00:38
Speaker 2: I can't wait to hear yours, because I don't think I ever have.

00:00:41
Speaker 1: Did you not read my book before I hired you? Was that a lie in the interview process?

00:00:46
Speaker 3: I okay?

00:00:48
Speaker 2: In the interview.

00:00:51
Speaker 1: My favorite thing is when people are like, I have not read your book, and I'm like, I am not offended. I read my own mother hasn't read my book.

00:01:00
Speaker 3: They're everywhere, though, What do you mean, Mom's no your book?

00:01:04
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, scattered all over the house.

00:01:08
Speaker 2: It's a great read, and I'm not just saying that it was an easy read. I read in two days, Shakra.

00:01:12
Speaker 1: It was an easy read. But that's what I like, I want.

00:01:17
Speaker 3: We're not really in depth people.

00:01:20
Speaker 1: Did we get a lot of people who felt free enough to write in about their virginity experiences?

00:01:26
Speaker 2: Yes, I will say I do see some darker ones. Dark. Well, we understand that not everyone's you were if you had a positive virginity experience, or even awkward or uncomfortable. But like you, you know, we understand that not everyone is blessed with a good first time story. But I think in this bonus episode we'll focus on the lighter ones.

00:01:49
Speaker 3: Yet that's solid.

00:01:50
Speaker 1: Well, this is how I lost my virginity, beautiful you in mind. The first time I ever touched a wiener it was it scared me.

00:01:58
Speaker 3: Same, it's scared me so much already.

00:02:04
Speaker 1: And the way that I did it the red couch again, he stood in the basement.

00:02:07
Speaker 4: I'm not kidding you that things covered and come come covered. And we gave it to the poor Mormon family behind us, and they're just sitting on it right now as you.

00:02:17
Speaker 2: Speak, covered in calm and shame. Yeah, this is a strong start.

00:02:22
Speaker 1: To the.

00:02:24
Speaker 3: You're still enjoying the red couch.

00:02:26
Speaker 1: Okay, let's hear so, I'm I'm laying down. And by the way, my boyfriend was all of five to seven at the time, but he was like star football player whatever, So I let it slide. Yeah. I think it's called a jersey chaser. But I was like laying. He was on one side of the couch. It was like a sectional and I had my head like towards his body like this had. I put my hand back to touch it, and it felt small, smell, it felt.

00:02:59
Speaker 2: Very very out or in the pants it was out.

00:03:02
Speaker 3: It was out. I could never imagine just pulling it out.

00:03:08
Speaker 1: And I'm sweating already.

00:03:11
Speaker 3: I am so mustache.

00:03:14
Speaker 2: Was it soft or was it wrecked?

00:03:17
Speaker 1: Felt a little bit of wrecked, and it was like I was just getting ready for you. It felt like I was grabbing a cocktail, Wiener, and I was like, very small. I never need to touch it again.

00:03:29
Speaker 2: Ever, when you did that with your hands, you'll see in the video it looked like you were grabbing a cocktail, Wiener. I'm I'm humiliated. I'm so sorry. It's at picking a blanket. Yeah, did you touch I didn't see it. I didn't see it.

00:03:44
Speaker 1: I only touched removed and then handed him.

00:03:48
Speaker 3: My goodness, you know it's bad just.

00:03:55
Speaker 1: Like, let's not go there. But then I had like a really fun losing my virginity experience different.

00:04:01
Speaker 2: Oh good, oh, different one that you did not like.

00:04:05
Speaker 1: One that I know, small wiener man. I did not want to lose my virginity to him.

00:04:10
Speaker 3: Sure did you only touch his wiener once?

00:04:12
Speaker 1: Once? Never again? Never again?

00:04:15
Speaker 2: And it didn't even seem like a firm grasp ladies and gentlemen, And it was I couldn't look at the.

00:04:20
Speaker 1: Size of these hands. You better come back in. I'm gonna put you to shame, like you could be packing and once my hand gets near, it's like, sorry, buddy.

00:04:30
Speaker 5: It yeah yeah, so do you imagine that in your pants?

00:04:35
Speaker 3: What a bother bother?

00:04:37
Speaker 1: Yeah? Okay. So so where I actually lost my virginity was to this man who was really hot. His dad looked like the rock, so he looked like the offspring of the rock, right he was someone Yeah, and he was a twin. I'm sure everyone's to know I'm talking about after this, everyone in your town, everyone in my town yard. Really But it was a great experience, so good for him and he we went to his bedroom, but I don't know, he had like this weird thing with like red because the lights were red. The condom was red hot. It was hot like strawberry. It was my first time. He like set the mood. I let him know I will not be giving you a blow job. No, I'm sure that was a really big turn on from the jump. All the things that I'm not gonna.

00:05:27
Speaker 4: Do just ready, and she's like, I'm not going to do this, this or that.

00:05:32
Speaker 3: What are we doing here?

00:05:34
Speaker 1: Right? So we do the deed. Lil Wayne's lollipop comes on. So that's what I'm being thrusted upon with listening to I.

00:05:47
Speaker 3: Know.

00:05:47
Speaker 1: I'm sorry Easton. Welcome to the give them allibi.

00:05:51
Speaker 2: He'll be able to share yours.

00:05:52
Speaker 1: I don't want to hear it. I do and after after you guys, because I didn't realize that the condom was red. When he pulls it off, I see that it's red, and he goes, that's because of you, and I'm thinking, I'm like gushing blood like I'm dying, was because of you. The reason because don't like your cherry being poppable, Jessica. Don't make me explain any more than I have to in front of my broad So that's why that would.

00:06:23
Speaker 2: Have been a hot line though if he pulled the condumn up and there was semen in there, and he said that's because, well there was just because semen.

00:06:31
Speaker 1: That's why one wears a condom to make sure it goes into that.

00:06:35
Speaker 2: But he said the red was because are you sure?

00:06:37
Speaker 1: I'm pretty sure.

00:06:38
Speaker 2: I bawled because you're embarrassed.

00:06:44
Speaker 1: I think I just felt very emotional about the fact that I had just done.

00:06:51
Speaker 3: The room.

00:06:52
Speaker 1: It makes me yeah, And so I went upstairs and laid on the couch and watched Ratitude without him. Without him, he smoked weed with his friends and then came up and joined me, and I was like, he's such a good guy.

00:07:05
Speaker 3: So he's just plowing in his room and Homie's sitting in the bed. When he comes down, he's.

00:07:13
Speaker 2: You know, he said it too, you know, he's like.

00:07:16
Speaker 3: He was walking.

00:07:17
Speaker 1: I want to pretend that he didn't. I really liked him. We lasted a long time, did seventeen to twenty. He was my first like real boy like him.

00:07:25
Speaker 3: I'm okay with the story.

00:07:26
Speaker 2: Oh that's really sweet. And then after that did you continue to just Oh?

00:07:31
Speaker 6: Then we were like, though she's told me worse stories, she's telling herself that can I tell you, though, My friend has a really cool virginity story.

00:07:42
Speaker 1: She was much older, meaning like twenty two, which I think is like it's older.

00:07:47
Speaker 2: Yes, it's a good age to a smart age.

00:07:51
Speaker 1: But I told her, I said, you need to be careful because you've waited for so long that, like, just speaking from experience, you get ached when you have sex with somebody. Sure she lost her virginity to a very well known actor.

00:08:09
Speaker 2: Did she get attached?

00:08:11
Speaker 1: I got a little attached.

00:08:12
Speaker 2: She did, got a little attached to get attached to that man.

00:08:15
Speaker 3: I know, no another one in I mean.

00:08:18
Speaker 2: He still is. Yeah, that's okay.

00:08:21
Speaker 1: Yeah he likes some young It's fine.

00:08:23
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a revolving door of ladies.

00:08:24
Speaker 1: Jessica, you want to talk to us about yours, because it's going to be Mine was something else?

00:08:33
Speaker 2: Mine was I don't know. I don't know. I didn't like it was cute. It was with my boyfriend. I was. I was young. I wasn't like crazy young, but I was young. I was a teen and.

00:08:51
Speaker 1: Could you drive a car? Yeah? We even so fucking whack right now. I was young. I was like a teen. I was like pretty young, Like what are you thirteen. What are we talking? You could drive something that would drive a car. I could drive okay, good.

00:09:04
Speaker 2: However, in my town you could drive at fifteen. I was driving the stick for sure, I know. Yeah, I wasn't the stick only and it was in a tent. It was after a high school party. I had alcohol, That's what it was. I had alcohol in my system, and I feel like that's never because I'm just like, oh, let's do it, and you don't really think about it. And then the next morning I was like, did we and what was it?

00:09:28
Speaker 1: Like?

00:09:28
Speaker 2: I don't really remember. It was fuzzy, but like, I know I wanted it. I know he did, so that was great. And he was like he wasn't. Oh, and this was another thing. His girlfriend before me, she was super pretty and they had done a lot of sexual stuff.

00:09:43
Speaker 1: I can't remember if he's intimidating.

00:09:45
Speaker 2: Yes, so they had done a lot of sexual stuff. I don't think he had lost his virginity, but she was very experienced. So then I felt like I had already been with him for a few months. We hadn't done anything too crazy, and I was like I almost felt like obligated, Like you know, this is obviously not the great greatest mindset. But I'm like, if I want to like want to up her because I was competitive, I need to have sex with him, and so you did. I did. However, after that, after the first like two to three times, then it was fun. But I feel like we were really trying to get into the rhythm. He like, I don't know, it was just like we weren't. The fact you said thrusting when you lost your virginity. I do remember. I was like, you cannot move, like it was almost like soaking of sorts because it hurts so.

00:10:31
Speaker 3: Bad, choking sort.

00:10:34
Speaker 1: I hate that he just put it in and sat there with it.

00:10:39
Speaker 2: He just marinated, but he had to like, Okay, it was like this ladies and gentlemen. It was like and then I was like, I just took a couple of breaths and then oh, okay, you could go in deeper. Okay, you could don't go in deeper.

00:10:51
Speaker 1: How big was this guy?

00:10:52
Speaker 2: I mean, he was a decent He wasn't huge, but like.

00:10:55
Speaker 3: A cucumber the way you're making this.

00:10:56
Speaker 2: Su I know he wasn't a giant cucumber, but I do remember I said, that's as far as you can go and he's like, there's still like a little more and.

00:11:04
Speaker 1: Was a.

00:11:13
Speaker 2: Base so funny.

00:11:17
Speaker 1: This podcast is fucked up.

00:11:21
Speaker 2: I'm starting to sy was your boyfriend and we were together for like two three years.

00:11:25
Speaker 1: You know what's really hard about that is when they've been with someone who's experience but you're young. You're sitting there and you're like, well, we have to have sex. But then you realize like, oh, it's not just having sex, Like I've got to like reverse cowgirl on this motherfucker, and like, yes, it gets like a lot.

00:11:42
Speaker 2: Did you know that when a guy's on the bottom and a girl's on top, it's called cowgirl.

00:11:48
Speaker 3: Yeah, and then reverse cowgirls.

00:11:51
Speaker 1: When you guys on bottom and the girls on top it's called cowgirl yeah, and then reverse cowgirl when the asses not know that.

00:11:58
Speaker 3: And then when the girl is laying on her you're sweet.

00:12:02
Speaker 1: Missionary missionaries when you lay on your back.

00:12:06
Speaker 2: Okay, So I thought your legonary was just if whether what like I thought it was face to face guy on top or girl on top that it's basically no, I'm dead serious. Someone said cowgirl to me and I was like, you mean reverse cowgirl and she was like no, cowgirl like I was on top and I.

00:12:22
Speaker 3: Was like, you need to watch more porn.

00:12:24
Speaker 2: I know, I guess I don't love porn.

00:12:27
Speaker 1: Well that's good.

00:12:28
Speaker 2: I don't love it. I don't love it.

00:12:31
Speaker 1: Am I allowed to ask?

00:12:34
Speaker 2: Don't call it?

00:12:35
Speaker 1: Are you technically my employee?

00:12:39
Speaker 3: Right now?

00:12:40
Speaker 1: What are our friends saying? Okay?

00:12:42
Speaker 2: Wait, Eastern story?

00:12:43
Speaker 1: Do I really mean?

00:12:44
Speaker 2: I was dying to hear Eastern? How do you lose your virginia? And did you come quick? Of course you did have.

00:12:49
Speaker 3: Every time I have some feeling like it's the first time.

00:12:52
Speaker 1: Really, stop saying that you're never going to get laid.

00:12:55
Speaker 3: I never do. So what's the point?

00:12:57
Speaker 1: I feel like you don't try.

00:12:58
Speaker 3: I do not.

00:12:59
Speaker 2: No, you don't try.

00:13:00
Speaker 1: Right now?

00:13:00
Speaker 2: How how long did it take you to ejaculate in your condom? Fingers crossed your I did.

00:13:06
Speaker 4: Wear a condom, I don't know, probably like five ten minutes.

00:13:09
Speaker 3: I wasn't really like looking at a watch watch. I was just oh my god, this is happening, this is great.

00:13:17
Speaker 2: Five ten minutes is not quick at all.

00:13:19
Speaker 1: I think that's not it then, because you think it is.

00:13:22
Speaker 4: Yeah, it was at a party in a random bedroom, and then we went home were.

00:13:26
Speaker 2: You drinking, Yes, okay, went home to the red couch, well to the red couch, and the door didn't shut.

00:13:33
Speaker 3: All the way in the room, like the lock was broken.

00:13:35
Speaker 4: I think I said this, and the door was barely creaked, and then I looked back and it was creaked more. And I look at my phone, and my dad text me, he goes, you better not be doing what it looks like you're doing.

00:13:46
Speaker 1: You watch a story before that was was the loss of the virginity?

00:13:51
Speaker 4: But no, it was like the second time, like I it was, I lost it at the party and then we both went back, so I've already it was.

00:13:57
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a really positive You had sex twice in one night?

00:14:01
Speaker 3: Yeah? Did you?

00:14:02
Speaker 2: Okay?

00:14:02
Speaker 3: I just wanted to get going.

00:14:03
Speaker 2: Did you splooge both times? I hate that word?

00:14:06
Speaker 3: Yeah?

00:14:07
Speaker 4: Really well yeah, so shock like yeah, he came.

00:14:13
Speaker 1: Did you not have back to back with your boyfriend?

00:14:15
Speaker 2: Not the same night? No, I needed like slow.

00:14:18
Speaker 1: In high school?

00:14:19
Speaker 2: Did I have sex twice the same night I lost my virginity? No?

00:14:23
Speaker 1: Just in general? In general?

00:14:25
Speaker 5: Oh, of course I was so horny, like at Taylor's house. Yeah, I'd slept with a girl in like the movie theater we'd walk out and then I'd be horny in five minutes and under yeah, like in his movie theater.

00:14:38
Speaker 1: Okay, beautiful, I think so that was yes, my dad, he was just hearing scene.

00:14:46
Speaker 6: He chose to walk down to make sure his son was okay at the car, the car's home.

00:14:52
Speaker 1: Okay. What are our friends saying? Okay?

00:14:54
Speaker 2: Lots of virginity stories stories okay, oh okay, So this is what I put just so you know, how did you lose your virginity? And or if you could go back in time and change anything about that experience, what would it be. Do you have anything to say to your story?

00:15:12
Speaker 1: You would have picked a different girl? No, I thought that mine was really fun and I was sober because I didn't drink at the time.

00:15:18
Speaker 2: Okay, that's nice. I would have waited until maybe a little older, because I didn't know my body and I was rushing through it and I was doing it for competition. However, I won. I love you so much, I love you very naive and he was my boyfriend. But I wish I would have saved it for someone else. That's someone okay.

00:15:39
Speaker 1: But not until marriage? Right? Are people still doing that?

00:15:42
Speaker 3: Really?

00:15:43
Speaker 4: Could you imagine getting married and then sleeping with her and be like, oh my gosh, she's a dead fish.

00:15:48
Speaker 1: Yeah, I can't imagine. It sounds horrible, But what.

00:15:51
Speaker 2: I think that's rare because I think like there was a bacherette who was saving herself for marriage. You kind of I'm not speaking for everyone, but a lot of people do everything. So you're like dry humping. You can tell their energy, you can see the way they would like respectfully ride the dick, you know.

00:16:08
Speaker 1: Yeah, but what if he throws off your pH balance? What if your chemistries are off, like the fluids just don't flow.

00:16:15
Speaker 2: I've never had that happen, and I've had sex with hundreds and hundreds just kidding out, had sex with eleven people.

00:16:21
Speaker 1: Just because a big whore.

00:16:24
Speaker 2: At eighteen in the back of my boyfriend's car. I feel like, I'm shocked none of us was in a car. Don't you think that's common?

00:16:32
Speaker 3: Yeah, because most people aren't allowed home.

00:16:34
Speaker 1: Yes, oh you're young, you're young. Yeah, doing it in a car is hard to lose. The virginity already being like I don't really know what I'm doing, yeah, and then being in such a confined space.

00:16:47
Speaker 3: I know there's no leg placement.

00:16:50
Speaker 1: No, unless you got unless you lay the seats down, or you're going sixty on the highway.

00:16:57
Speaker 2: Like you you on top of your man speed, I cannot. She's like, it's bart in a car. Yeah, when you're going sixty.

00:17:13
Speaker 3: Down the road, you're trying to see where you're going. Ma'am, Well you should have been.

00:17:20
Speaker 1: Well that's alcohol for you.

00:17:22
Speaker 3: Oh beautiful juicy.

00:17:24
Speaker 7: Goosey oh No, on a trip talk about bombs on a trampoline with a senior when I was a sophomore, and then it sounds fun, but then she said, never should have done it.

00:17:39
Speaker 1: No, tramps would be terrible, like a waterbed for sure. This woman that I know through someone else, But she was really fun and very open about her sexual experiences, but they didn't feel like too much like shoved down your throat. She would just kind of like talk about her life and it was so hysterical. And she's got this like sexy factor to her. She wears like glasses, but it's like hot librarian.

00:18:02
Speaker 2: Do I know who this is?

00:18:03
Speaker 1: Because I think I think you know exactly's hottest hot librarian. And she used to be not sober. Now she's been sober for quite some time. But she was standing in her apartment building, like on her balcony, and she looked down and saw, as she described, a large man, an oversized man, and in her head she said, I have to fuck him. She went through this phase of like I needed to fuck like little people, obese men. She was like anybody and everything I had, like I would wonder what it was like to fuck them. She also randomly would walk up to men and slap them.

00:18:46
Speaker 2: She liked doing, Okay, don't love this slap, but I think that's so fun.

00:18:51
Speaker 1: So she screamed down, hey, come up to my apartment.

00:18:56
Speaker 2: Was she fucked up?

00:18:57
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh she's sober. Now he comes up, he does, yeah, of course she's hot, and he like. She's like, I told him to like take his clothes off because I'm gonna fuck you if that's okay with you, Like consent very important. He gave it, and she said she had to dig for it and find it. But she was into it the whole thing. She was like, I was into the whole thing. She was like, but once I was on top, she said, it was a very hard because it was very trampolineish.

00:19:30
Speaker 2: For waterbed of sorts.

00:19:32
Speaker 1: So no one, no one busted a nut, No one completed, but I assume that similar guy.

00:19:43
Speaker 3: I was just thinking, well, especially if.

00:19:46
Speaker 1: She's implementing the slaps. I don't know she went through.

00:19:53
Speaker 2: You know what if if she's if she's doing the slaps, I'm I.

00:19:57
Speaker 3: Forget, I'm having sex.

00:19:58
Speaker 2: I start fighting back, having organ right, yeah, yeah, I start jiu jitsuing her ass right then again turns sexual aggressive sexual. It would be a whole mess.

00:20:09
Speaker 1: It sounds like it was a mess. But I respect her for trying to try.

00:20:15
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I respect him being down upstairs. He's a man.

00:20:21
Speaker 3: Though. I was like, why are women yelling?

00:20:24
Speaker 1: Come fuck me? I think, all right, you know, it is a little unfair.

00:20:27
Speaker 3: It sucks, like what timing. I never get it.

00:20:32
Speaker 2: If there was a hot man, Lalla kent you're out and about, there's a hot like ten out of ten, just stunning.

00:20:41
Speaker 1: You're like, right now, am I pregnant?

00:20:44
Speaker 2: No?

00:20:45
Speaker 1: If it's right now, I'm pregnant.

00:20:46
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, so not pregnant. This is a year, you've already had the baby. You feel good about your body, and he's out. You're at the grocery store and you're just shopping. He goes you are stunning. I would really love to have sex with you right now. I will show you my I just got tested. I'm safe, I'm clean. But PA and I can work it.

00:21:09
Speaker 1: I just don't think anyone who's worth fucking or having would ever approach me in the grocery store like that and offer the clean STD. But if he did, But if he did, is my mom home? No?

00:21:24
Speaker 2: He wants to take you back to his house.

00:21:26
Speaker 1: Oh no, I'm getting okay.

00:21:27
Speaker 2: Fine, he wants to go to your house and your mom one's there, kids are gone, kids are gone, aren't there?

00:21:33
Speaker 4: Sure, let's show so then he can go know where you live and then come back and murder you there.

00:21:37
Speaker 1: Well, I think this is perfect scenario. He's not going to murder me obviously, right. You need to the rules of the game have to be clearly stated before you offer the question.

00:21:48
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, it's not fair that I.

00:21:50
Speaker 1: Have a six pack my body back. No one's home, but he could kill you like no, I'm good, thank.

00:21:55
Speaker 2: You, Okay, okay, okay, my handy d vibrater. Hey, that that thing doesn't work.

00:22:02
Speaker 1: I had to change the vibrator drawer because my daughter found it.

00:22:06
Speaker 2: I hate this and put it in her mouth.

00:22:07
Speaker 1: Oh my god, they need to be a Yes, they need to be above. I did hand them out. I got so many that I started handing them out as gifts.

00:22:19
Speaker 2: Oh, I got a vibrator gift. It's a great vibrator, by the way. I got a little one though.

00:22:23
Speaker 1: Chipped like you from me.

00:22:25
Speaker 2: Yeah, you gave it to me. Actually know, Lisa gave it to me.

00:22:28
Speaker 1: She said, we have.

00:22:30
Speaker 2: I said, Lisa, do you have one? She said, I sure.

00:22:33
Speaker 1: She gave one to your roommates sister too Easton.

00:22:35
Speaker 3: Oh good for her.

00:22:36
Speaker 1: All right, men, could you eat?

00:22:38
Speaker 2: Do you not have a flashlight of sorts?

00:22:40
Speaker 3: No, it's beautiful right and left?

00:22:42
Speaker 2: Oh ouch, you crust.

00:22:46
Speaker 4: Yes, I'm getting in there lighting candles. Alright, I could get one out. Let's get the demons out of here. It's just a quick rubbin tug.

00:22:55
Speaker 3: Baby.

00:22:55
Speaker 2: Guys are sick, I like candle.

00:22:57
Speaker 1: You got to set the mood, baby, Okay, well, I don't know because I kind.

00:23:02
Speaker 4: Of guy, and do it? You come and then you're like you guys are flower pedals candles.

00:23:06
Speaker 3: I feel very weird right now.

00:23:08
Speaker 2: Do you ever watch porn and come and then regret the porn?

00:23:10
Speaker 1: You watch No, I heard it out.

00:23:13
Speaker 2: I've heard that's a thing.

00:23:14
Speaker 3: Sometimes you gotta get it off the phone.

00:23:15
Speaker 2: That's like you get off on like self loathing kind of No, it's like you want to get spicy and push the boundaries. And I've heard from multiple men that like they just like start looking up shit and get into it and then they watch this porn that they're like shock they're watching and when they get off to it, and then afterwards they're like, what the.

00:23:32
Speaker 1: Fuck am I watching?

00:23:33
Speaker 3: That's why we call it coming to our senses.

00:23:37
Speaker 1: I love that.

00:23:39
Speaker 2: Oh okay, fun at oh at sixteen with my boyfriend of three years, Even though he dumped me a week later, I don't regret it.

00:23:49
Speaker 1: That guy's a piece of shit.

00:23:51
Speaker 2: But you know what, maybe maybe she was bad and better and deserve No, I'm just kidding.

00:23:56
Speaker 1: I'm kidding. I'm kidd you know what. What do they say, why buy the cow when you get the milk for free?

00:24:06
Speaker 2: My dad used to say that.

00:24:07
Speaker 1: Yeah, Dad's like to say that.

00:24:09
Speaker 3: I've never heard that.

00:24:10
Speaker 2: I hope my parents don't listen to this episode. They'll be so ashamed, Mom and dad.

00:24:14
Speaker 4: I've heard a lot of people say hookers are cheaper than getting married, though, so maybe.

00:24:22
Speaker 3: I'll choose that route. I don't know.

00:24:23
Speaker 1: Yeah, my dad always said if it flies, floats or fox rent it. And he was a happily married man who owned a boat. We weren't rich enough to own a jet. But he only abided by one of those things.

00:24:38
Speaker 3: We hope.

00:24:39
Speaker 1: I don't want to know if he was on Ashley Madison or not.

00:24:42
Speaker 2: I refuse the way. I got an update that that is still a thriving website.

00:24:47
Speaker 1: Yeah, girl, are you kidding me? Okay, who wouldn't want to throw mahogany out the window? Fuck this marriage?

00:24:55
Speaker 3: I don't want mahogany.

00:24:57
Speaker 2: Oh my god, it would Oh. I get okay with my first and current boyfriend still together after ten years, but I wish I had known it would be painful and gross. I wonder what she means by gross, bloody and no semen? I bet or bloody.

00:25:15
Speaker 3: Well, she knows she's milking the cow. You're going to get the milk, do you know that?

00:25:19
Speaker 2: Though I don't know if I knew everything about semen, I did not get this at my sex talk was you know, might not have sex till you're married.

00:25:27
Speaker 1: My friend who lost her virginity to the cool big guy literally just asked me the other day, did you know that our bodies don't absorb all the come that it can drip out of you? I'm like, yes, I did know this.

00:25:46
Speaker 3: I'm a weaking fossis.

00:25:47
Speaker 1: If you're thirty five, how did you not know this? I can't you know what? You didn't know this? This is where my mind goes. You didn't know this because you practice save sex and I appreciate that until recently.

00:25:59
Speaker 3: Or maybe a swallower.

00:26:01
Speaker 2: It would be a big swallower. Open that throat right on up.

00:26:05
Speaker 1: By the way, I will say this, since we're on the topic of this, If you are fighting blemishes, semen is a good spot treatment.

00:26:15
Speaker 2: A man told her that and she fell for it.

00:26:18
Speaker 1: No, it actually does work.

00:26:19
Speaker 2: Are you serious? Have you tried it?

00:26:21
Speaker 1: Yeah? I have not, and I no longer need it.

00:26:26
Speaker 2: Do you have any extra sperm from the donor? Because I would like to put that in my fridge to use on my files.

00:26:30
Speaker 1: But I'd really appreciate if I could use them for my future children and not very.

00:26:37
Speaker 3: Very expensive.

00:26:39
Speaker 1: Okay, we have time for one more.

00:26:41
Speaker 2: Okay, Okay, you guys, Sorry, this was fun. But there's so many great stories. Oh, I think I talked to John. I talked to the producers, and we're gonna start sharing screenshots, so I'll share a few of these. Good Okay, Oh, I actually waited until my wedding night I was twenty. I wouldn't necessarily change anything.

00:27:03
Speaker 1: Twenty is very young to be getting married. I'm more fixated on that.

00:27:07
Speaker 3: I know.

00:27:08
Speaker 1: I don't think she's drinking. I think she's maybe a part of some church.

00:27:13
Speaker 2: Maybe my mom and dad got married in nineteen and twenty, but they were going into the Air Force.

00:27:18
Speaker 1: Well maybe that's yours and strict Catholic. Catholic drink wine, right.

00:27:23
Speaker 2: My mom said she was at her wedding and she was like sneaking up to the bar, and my grandpa was like, we paid for the bar. You can have a drink. It's your wedding. And she was like, okay, yeah.

00:27:32
Speaker 1: Oh that's so fun. And they're probably still married.

00:27:36
Speaker 2: That Carl shouldn't say.

00:27:39
Speaker 1: It sounds like I'm happily married. It sounds like I waited until I got married I was twenty and we're still together.

00:27:45
Speaker 2: Yeah, lots of great stories. A ton of cars, A ton of cars, trucks. But that makes sense, That makes sense.

00:27:53
Speaker 1: You know what. However, however, you get the job done.

00:27:56
Speaker 3: Get a nut when you got to get a nut, we're just all.

00:27:59
Speaker 1: Scol else trying to get a nut.

00:28:01
Speaker 2: Lala podcast, squirrels trying to get a nut.

00:28:04
Speaker 3: Just go home on this week.

00:28:06
Speaker 1: Just thank you guys for listening to another episode of the bonus episode of Give Them Ala Podcast. That was a mouthful, but another bonus episode of the Give Them Alla podcast. Reminder, bonus episodes air on Monday's Video on YouTube drop same day. Regular episodes of Give Them Laala drop Wednesday, and those videos drop on YouTube Utah YouTube on Fridays at nine am Pacific ten. I will catch you guys on Wednesday