309 | CCPT Mindset: When Progress Anxiety Undermines the Model

0
00:00:00,469 --> 00:00:04,309
You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks,

1
00:00:04,469 --> 00:00:08,220
your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.

2
00:00:08,510 --> 00:00:08,670
Hi,

3
00:00:08,750 --> 00:00:09,779
I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks,

4
00:00:09,789 --> 00:00:10,550
The Kid Counselor.

5
00:00:10,670 --> 00:00:12,670
This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get

6
00:00:12,670 --> 00:00:14,979
a master class in child-centered play therapy

7
00:00:14,979 --> 00:00:17,420
and practical support and application for your

8
00:00:17,420 --> 00:00:19,090
work with children and their families.

9
00:00:19,549 --> 00:00:20,500
In today's episode,

10
00:00:20,590 --> 00:00:22,100
I am continuing

11
00:00:22,309 --> 00:00:24,979
in the CCPT Mindset series

12
00:00:25,549 --> 00:00:29,469
and we are talking about progress anxiety today.

13
00:00:30,700 --> 00:00:34,580
When our discomfort gets in the way of the session

14
00:00:34,979 --> 00:00:36,529
due to pressure for progress.

15
00:00:36,860 --> 00:00:38,490
So we'll deep dive that in just a second.

16
00:00:38,540 --> 00:00:40,970
I just wanted to do a really quick PSA,

17
00:00:41,060 --> 00:00:42,060
a little bit of housekeeping,

18
00:00:42,069 --> 00:00:42,659
if you will.

19
00:00:43,229 --> 00:00:46,500
For those of you that have been considering joining the Collective,

20
00:00:46,950 --> 00:00:48,700
we are at 200 members now,

21
00:00:49,069 --> 00:00:51,069
and it is for those of you that may not be familiar,

22
00:00:51,150 --> 00:00:54,459
it is an online community of CCPTs around the world

23
00:00:54,790 --> 00:00:57,470
where we have two live weekly Q&A calls,

24
00:00:57,590 --> 00:01:00,830
we do discussions and forums and posts.

25
00:01:01,189 --> 00:01:02,680
And it's just all things,

26
00:01:02,919 --> 00:01:05,000
resources and support for CCPTs.

27
00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:06,790
So if maybe you feel isolated,

28
00:01:06,879 --> 00:01:07,930
if you feel alone,

29
00:01:08,199 --> 00:01:10,669
if you feel like you do not have the support or

30
00:01:10,669 --> 00:01:15,690
the resources that you would like from supervision from clinical directors,

31
00:01:16,040 --> 00:01:17,550
owners of your practice,

32
00:01:17,959 --> 00:01:18,569
whomever.

33
00:01:19,400 --> 00:01:22,239
This might be a really helpful place for you to be.

34
00:01:22,279 --> 00:01:24,029
So you get a 2 week free trial.

35
00:01:24,199 --> 00:01:24,900
If you're interested,

36
00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:27,309
please go to CCPTcollective.com.

37
00:01:27,480 --> 00:01:28,400
We would love to have you.

38
00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:29,919
We just hit our 200th member,

39
00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:32,029
so something to celebrate for sure.

40
00:01:32,279 --> 00:01:33,410
All of you Collective folks,

41
00:01:33,519 --> 00:01:34,589
thanks for being a part of that.

42
00:01:34,629 --> 00:01:35,910
We have so much fun each week.

43
00:01:36,199 --> 00:01:36,830
Also,

44
00:01:37,319 --> 00:01:38,959
some of you may or may not know that

45
00:01:38,959 --> 00:01:41,949
I do a six-figure play therapist coaching program.

46
00:01:42,209 --> 00:01:47,379
It is a year-long coaching program which gives you deep dive into CCPT training

47
00:01:47,629 --> 00:01:50,230
as well as private practice business coaching.

48
00:01:50,389 --> 00:01:53,860
If you are in private practice and you want to take your practice to the next level

49
00:01:54,110 --> 00:01:58,580
and or if you are thinking about going into private practice in the next 1 to 3 years,

50
00:01:58,870 --> 00:02:01,959
6 figure play therapist is probably a really helpful program for you.

51
00:02:02,014 --> 00:02:04,995
I have a couple spots left in the group starting in August.

52
00:02:05,404 --> 00:02:06,495
So if you are interested,

53
00:02:06,644 --> 00:02:09,744
please go to sixfigureplatherapist.com and you can

54
00:02:09,744 --> 00:02:11,304
schedule a discovery call with me.

55
00:02:11,565 --> 00:02:12,725
Got a couple more spots,

56
00:02:12,845 --> 00:02:14,125
so I wanted to make you all aware.

57
00:02:14,205 --> 00:02:16,565
I don't talk about that stuff on the podcast very often,

58
00:02:16,645 --> 00:02:17,035
but

59
00:02:17,574 --> 00:02:19,244
for those of you that might be interested,

60
00:02:19,725 --> 00:02:21,835
just wanted to give you an opportunity to check in.

61
00:02:22,445 --> 00:02:22,955
OK,

62
00:02:23,404 --> 00:02:25,154
so let's talk through

63
00:02:25,595 --> 00:02:29,164
the CCPT mindset in relation to progress anxiety.

64
00:02:30,220 --> 00:02:30,960
We

65
00:02:31,559 --> 00:02:34,110
can get sucked into to progress pressure.

66
00:02:35,289 --> 00:02:38,380
And that becomes inherently a problem

67
00:02:38,679 --> 00:02:42,070
if all of a sudden we are starting to think through.

68
00:02:43,369 --> 00:02:46,350
Where do we need to make more progress?

69
00:02:46,449 --> 00:02:49,250
What needs to happen so we can get more progress?

70
00:02:49,479 --> 00:02:53,039
We need to do this faster because progress isn't happening quickly enough.

71
00:02:53,449 --> 00:02:54,770
All of a sudden now

72
00:02:55,130 --> 00:02:56,639
we're at agenda again

73
00:02:57,369 --> 00:02:58,690
this entire series,

74
00:02:58,770 --> 00:03:00,919
the word agenda keeps coming back up.

75
00:03:01,490 --> 00:03:01,800
Why?

76
00:03:02,130 --> 00:03:04,000
Because as soon as there's agenda,

77
00:03:04,089 --> 00:03:05,839
we're no longer adherent to the model.

78
00:03:06,649 --> 00:03:10,710
And progress pressure absolutely creates deviation.

79
00:03:11,919 --> 00:03:13,990
Why does progress anxiety show up?

80
00:03:14,119 --> 00:03:14,320
Well,

81
00:03:14,399 --> 00:03:15,320
I would argue

82
00:03:15,639 --> 00:03:17,470
3 types of pressure.

83
00:03:18,490 --> 00:03:20,449
We have internal pressures.

84
00:03:21,899 --> 00:03:22,610
Where

85
00:03:22,940 --> 00:03:25,229
we are questioning our own efficacy

86
00:03:25,619 --> 00:03:26,740
if things aren't happening.

87
00:03:27,860 --> 00:03:31,330
We're feeling like we need validation that what we're doing is helpful.

88
00:03:32,550 --> 00:03:35,059
We aren't sure if maybe our lack of skills

89
00:03:35,389 --> 00:03:39,339
is the problem and it's contributing to why we're not seeing things happening.

90
00:03:40,110 --> 00:03:41,619
That's all internal pressure.

91
00:03:42,610 --> 00:03:43,619
We are

92
00:03:44,020 --> 00:03:44,860
worried

93
00:03:45,429 --> 00:03:47,220
because we think that

94
00:03:47,429 --> 00:03:50,169
something needs to be different or better or

95
00:03:50,360 --> 00:03:51,559
modified in some way.

96
00:03:52,460 --> 00:03:56,300
Another type of progress anxiety pressure is school-based.

97
00:03:58,220 --> 00:03:59,660
When the teachers

98
00:03:59,979 --> 00:04:01,889
want something fixed now

99
00:04:02,179 --> 00:04:05,649
when the principal expects you to quote do something

100
00:04:06,020 --> 00:04:08,570
with the kid that's flipping desks over

101
00:04:08,899 --> 00:04:12,179
when the expectation is CBT

102
00:04:12,500 --> 00:04:16,410
and worksheets and directives and just talk to them about it.

103
00:04:17,850 --> 00:04:19,798
That creates anxiety for us

104
00:04:20,260 --> 00:04:20,798
because

105
00:04:21,170 --> 00:04:23,959
there has to be tangible progress

106
00:04:24,250 --> 00:04:25,119
in those terms.

107
00:04:26,040 --> 00:04:27,579
Private practice pressure.

108
00:04:28,079 --> 00:04:29,829
When people are paying you,

109
00:04:30,119 --> 00:04:31,760
they expect results.

110
00:04:32,549 --> 00:04:33,190
And there's

111
00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:35,359
their expectations are typically higher.

112
00:04:36,579 --> 00:04:37,250
Because

113
00:04:37,540 --> 00:04:40,779
they want to see evidence that this is working.

114
00:04:42,619 --> 00:04:44,769
We have higher pressure

115
00:04:45,220 --> 00:04:45,920
because

116
00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:48,510
They come every week and they pay for it.

117
00:04:48,929 --> 00:04:50,730
30 to 40 weeks is the average.

118
00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:52,390
That's a really long time,

119
00:04:52,480 --> 00:04:53,980
3 quarters of a year.

120
00:04:54,519 --> 00:04:56,470
No one wants to wait 3 quarters of a year

121
00:04:56,760 --> 00:04:58,029
to see growth and change.

122
00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:00,429
So there's pressure there

123
00:05:01,299 --> 00:05:02,769
So it makes sense

124
00:05:03,059 --> 00:05:04,230
that we

125
00:05:04,739 --> 00:05:05,769
feel these things.

126
00:05:05,980 --> 00:05:06,200
Now,

127
00:05:06,260 --> 00:05:09,859
I think often many of us can recognize it and curb it.

128
00:05:10,859 --> 00:05:13,230
But I think often we don't even realize

129
00:05:13,519 --> 00:05:15,959
that those pressures are influencing

130
00:05:16,459 --> 00:05:17,309
our thinking,

131
00:05:17,480 --> 00:05:18,829
our conversations,

132
00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:19,910
our dialogue.

133
00:05:20,839 --> 00:05:22,790
I was on coaching calls this week

134
00:05:23,079 --> 00:05:24,230
and someone said,

135
00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:27,920
I was talking about an emotional break that took place in one of the shifts,

136
00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:28,959
or in one of the sessions,

137
00:05:29,079 --> 00:05:29,510
sorry.

138
00:05:29,839 --> 00:05:30,519
It was a shift,

139
00:05:30,559 --> 00:05:30,790
yes,

140
00:05:30,850 --> 00:05:32,720
but it was an emotional break in the session.

141
00:05:34,010 --> 00:05:35,459
And I was acknowledging,

142
00:05:35,670 --> 00:05:35,829
look,

143
00:05:35,929 --> 00:05:37,380
that had been really deep work.

144
00:05:37,429 --> 00:05:40,100
There was nurturing and caregiving stuff going on there,

145
00:05:40,470 --> 00:05:40,980
and

146
00:05:41,230 --> 00:05:43,640
we watched the child need an emotional break,

147
00:05:43,709 --> 00:05:44,980
so we went to crafts.

148
00:05:46,049 --> 00:05:48,059
And the therapist's response was,

149
00:05:48,679 --> 00:05:50,429
is there something that I should have said or done

150
00:05:50,429 --> 00:05:53,660
differently to keep her in that nurturing caregiving play?

151
00:05:55,380 --> 00:05:56,589
That's an innocent,

152
00:05:57,380 --> 00:05:57,950
helpful,

153
00:05:58,179 --> 00:05:59,140
thoughtful question.

154
00:06:00,339 --> 00:06:02,540
Is there something that I should have done that would have

155
00:06:02,809 --> 00:06:03,720
had her stay there?

156
00:06:04,750 --> 00:06:06,339
But look at how that's agenda driven.

157
00:06:08,339 --> 00:06:09,970
Later in the same coaching call,

158
00:06:10,700 --> 00:06:13,329
we were talking about a child wanting to leave the session early,

159
00:06:13,899 --> 00:06:14,410
and I said,

160
00:06:14,450 --> 00:06:16,869
what if kid really wants to go out and see mom?

161
00:06:18,209 --> 00:06:20,779
What are the choices that we can offer when we set a limit?

162
00:06:21,589 --> 00:06:23,350
And a therapist said,

163
00:06:23,709 --> 00:06:23,829
well,

164
00:06:23,859 --> 00:06:26,059
would we just have mom come back into the playroom?

165
00:06:28,559 --> 00:06:31,350
These are these subtle innocent questions

166
00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:33,029
where we're trying to

167
00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:34,230
solve a problem.

168
00:06:34,839 --> 00:06:36,480
We're trying to figure something out.

169
00:06:37,079 --> 00:06:37,959
We're unsure.

170
00:06:39,019 --> 00:06:41,809
We don't have the theory so solidified

171
00:06:42,179 --> 00:06:43,850
that we know what to fall back on.

172
00:06:44,820 --> 00:06:45,320
Therefore,

173
00:06:45,390 --> 00:06:46,679
we start grasping at things,

174
00:06:46,880 --> 00:06:47,320
maybe this,

175
00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:48,230
maybe not this.

176
00:06:48,440 --> 00:06:48,899
Should I,

177
00:06:49,079 --> 00:06:49,829
shouldn't I?

178
00:06:50,079 --> 00:06:50,489
Can I,

179
00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:51,250
can't I?

180
00:06:52,119 --> 00:06:53,350
Now all of a sudden,

181
00:06:53,720 --> 00:06:55,369
it all comes back to agenda.

182
00:06:56,829 --> 00:06:57,820
We think

183
00:06:58,059 --> 00:07:00,019
that something should be happening.

184
00:07:00,350 --> 00:07:01,119
We hope

185
00:07:01,390 --> 00:07:02,940
something will happen.

186
00:07:03,230 --> 00:07:05,029
We want for something.

187
00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:08,269
And it slides its way in,

188
00:07:08,299 --> 00:07:09,920
and we ask questions,

189
00:07:10,350 --> 00:07:13,940
and it's very clear that we've gotten off track of the model.

190
00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:17,470
So this progress anxiety,

191
00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:19,790
it puts a lot of pressure on us.

192
00:07:21,059 --> 00:07:24,480
And if we let progress anxiety lead,

193
00:07:25,540 --> 00:07:26,290
We run

194
00:07:26,459 --> 00:07:27,380
big risks.

195
00:07:28,390 --> 00:07:31,429
Because as soon as you stop trusting the child.

196
00:07:32,619 --> 00:07:35,019
As soon as you stop trusting the model.

197
00:07:35,850 --> 00:07:39,350
And as soon as you stop stop trusting the process.

198
00:07:40,649 --> 00:07:42,279
You start needing something

199
00:07:42,570 --> 00:07:43,679
from the kid.

200
00:07:45,660 --> 00:07:47,970
Let me say that again cause that's,

201
00:07:48,299 --> 00:07:49,440
that's a powerful

202
00:07:49,739 --> 00:07:50,209
point.

203
00:07:51,690 --> 00:07:53,859
If we stop trusting the child,

204
00:07:54,230 --> 00:07:55,339
trusting the model,

205
00:07:55,589 --> 00:07:57,279
and trusting the process,

206
00:07:57,630 --> 00:07:59,820
we start needing something from

207
00:08:00,109 --> 00:08:00,739
the child.

208
00:08:02,929 --> 00:08:05,630
And if we need anything from the child

209
00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:08,160
that flies in the face of CCPT.

210
00:08:10,510 --> 00:08:12,019
They need something from us.

211
00:08:12,429 --> 00:08:13,510
They need adherence.

212
00:08:14,600 --> 00:08:16,950
They need unconditional acceptance.

213
00:08:17,440 --> 00:08:18,549
They need presence.

214
00:08:19,640 --> 00:08:20,679
They need

215
00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:21,880
engagement.

216
00:08:22,709 --> 00:08:24,350
They need lots of things from us.

217
00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:27,089
We don't need anything from them.

218
00:08:28,940 --> 00:08:31,119
We don't want to need anything from them.

219
00:08:32,349 --> 00:08:34,270
Child-centeredness as

220
00:08:35,090 --> 00:08:38,219
You're going to do the work that you need to do in your way and your time.

221
00:08:40,049 --> 00:08:40,640
If the time,

222
00:08:40,650 --> 00:08:41,010
the tools,

223
00:08:41,049 --> 00:08:42,760
and the opportunity are provided.

224
00:08:43,789 --> 00:08:45,159
You'll self-actualize.

225
00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:47,830
I don't need you to be kind.

226
00:08:47,989 --> 00:08:49,619
I don't need you to be in control.

227
00:08:49,830 --> 00:08:51,299
I don't need you to play.

228
00:08:51,510 --> 00:08:52,940
I don't need you to talk.

229
00:08:53,190 --> 00:08:55,020
I don't need you to come into the playroom.

230
00:08:55,429 --> 00:08:58,820
I don't need you to move through resistance fast.

231
00:08:59,150 --> 00:09:01,380
I don't need you to work on a theme.

232
00:09:01,630 --> 00:09:04,109
I don't need you to address your anxiety.

233
00:09:04,309 --> 00:09:04,989
I don't.

234
00:09:05,630 --> 00:09:07,169
We don't need anything.

235
00:09:09,030 --> 00:09:10,200
We trust the child,

236
00:09:10,309 --> 00:09:11,039
trust the model,

237
00:09:11,229 --> 00:09:12,210
trust the process.

238
00:09:13,429 --> 00:09:15,390
That's where it always comes back to.

239
00:09:15,750 --> 00:09:17,590
This is the CCPT mindset,

240
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:18,619
y'all get this?

241
00:09:18,989 --> 00:09:19,830
I hope so.

242
00:09:20,190 --> 00:09:20,309
I,

243
00:09:20,359 --> 00:09:21,900
I envision you nodding your heads,

244
00:09:21,909 --> 00:09:22,989
but I hope so.

245
00:09:23,909 --> 00:09:24,900
Because listen,

246
00:09:25,909 --> 00:09:26,750
We

247
00:09:27,690 --> 00:09:30,080
always have to come back to a reframe.

248
00:09:30,289 --> 00:09:30,440
If,

249
00:09:30,450 --> 00:09:32,150
if we find ourselves

250
00:09:32,419 --> 00:09:33,809
slippery sloping

251
00:09:34,169 --> 00:09:35,919
into this scenario,

252
00:09:36,799 --> 00:09:38,549
We need to reframe,

253
00:09:38,619 --> 00:09:40,520
and here's a really helpful reframe.

254
00:09:42,049 --> 00:09:44,849
We have to believe that progress emerges.

255
00:09:46,830 --> 00:09:48,260
Think about that word.

256
00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:50,710
It emerges

257
00:09:51,450 --> 00:09:53,109
It's not forced,

258
00:09:53,530 --> 00:09:54,789
it's not rushed,

259
00:09:55,049 --> 00:09:56,169
it's not pushed.

260
00:09:57,150 --> 00:09:58,619
It's not insisted.

261
00:09:59,419 --> 00:10:00,739
It's not guided,

262
00:10:00,859 --> 00:10:01,929
it's not

263
00:10:02,299 --> 00:10:03,049
taught,

264
00:10:03,700 --> 00:10:04,979
it emerges.

265
00:10:06,609 --> 00:10:10,369
There's something very raw and organic about that.

266
00:10:10,609 --> 00:10:11,960
Think about a seed

267
00:10:12,489 --> 00:10:14,239
that is buried under the soil

268
00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:18,330
and the first little tiny bit of a leaf emerges.

269
00:10:19,630 --> 00:10:21,469
Think about the sun emerging.

270
00:10:22,489 --> 00:10:24,200
Over the horizon in the morning.

271
00:10:25,049 --> 00:10:26,760
There's no speeding that up.

272
00:10:27,289 --> 00:10:29,090
There's no making it happen.

273
00:10:29,250 --> 00:10:30,599
I don't look at a seed.

274
00:10:30,729 --> 00:10:34,239
You remember back in like elementary school when you got the lima bean

275
00:10:34,609 --> 00:10:37,890
and everyone got like the paper cup and the soil and you put the lima bean in

276
00:10:37,890 --> 00:10:41,330
it and you like waited and waited and waited for it to emerge out of the soil,

277
00:10:41,369 --> 00:10:41,760
right?

278
00:10:42,169 --> 00:10:45,090
Did you ever do anything on your own?

279
00:10:45,950 --> 00:10:47,020
To make that

280
00:10:47,690 --> 00:10:49,070
seed germinate and sprout.

281
00:10:49,869 --> 00:10:50,119
No,

282
00:10:50,270 --> 00:10:51,340
you might have thought you did.

283
00:10:51,469 --> 00:10:51,650
Oh,

284
00:10:51,669 --> 00:10:52,390
I gave it water.

285
00:10:52,429 --> 00:10:53,229
I put it in the sun.

286
00:10:53,239 --> 00:10:53,940
I did whatever.

287
00:10:54,190 --> 00:10:54,750
No,

288
00:10:55,030 --> 00:10:58,510
you gave the conditions for that thing to emerge.

289
00:11:00,700 --> 00:11:01,729
Do you see the parallel here?

290
00:11:01,770 --> 00:11:02,210
I literally,

291
00:11:02,289 --> 00:11:03,369
this was not on my notes.

292
00:11:03,450 --> 00:11:04,469
I'm just going rogue here,

293
00:11:04,530 --> 00:11:06,200
but this is actually really helpful.

294
00:11:06,409 --> 00:11:06,880
My brain,

295
00:11:06,929 --> 00:11:07,090
you know,

296
00:11:07,250 --> 00:11:09,239
just guides me in random directions sometimes.

297
00:11:09,409 --> 00:11:09,849
Look,

298
00:11:10,289 --> 00:11:11,849
you provided conditions.

299
00:11:12,619 --> 00:11:15,390
It had soil and it had water and it had sun,

300
00:11:16,000 --> 00:11:16,950
and it had time.

301
00:11:17,940 --> 00:11:21,809
That's the relationship and the playroom and the trust in the process.

302
00:11:21,900 --> 00:11:23,570
We provide the conditions,

303
00:11:23,739 --> 00:11:26,950
but there is not one iota of thing that you did

304
00:11:27,419 --> 00:11:29,229
to make that seed emerge from the soil,

305
00:11:29,340 --> 00:11:30,090
not one thing.

306
00:11:30,260 --> 00:11:31,530
You didn't pray it to grow,

307
00:11:31,659 --> 00:11:32,890
you didn't will it to grow,

308
00:11:33,020 --> 00:11:34,330
you didn't think it to grow,

309
00:11:34,460 --> 00:11:35,849
you didn't force it to grow.

310
00:11:36,460 --> 00:11:37,140
You didn't

311
00:11:37,380 --> 00:11:42,489
peel open the sides of the lima beans and grab the leaf and jerk it out of the top.

312
00:11:42,739 --> 00:11:44,150
You did nothing.

313
00:11:44,500 --> 00:11:45,859
It just emerged.

314
00:11:47,469 --> 00:11:50,010
Progress emerges.

315
00:11:50,349 --> 00:11:51,409
It is not

316
00:11:51,739 --> 00:11:53,530
forced or anything else.

317
00:11:54,380 --> 00:11:55,940
We have to keep that in mind.

318
00:11:56,099 --> 00:11:57,409
And what does it go back to?

319
00:11:58,059 --> 00:11:59,179
I've said this recently,

320
00:11:59,309 --> 00:12:00,289
radical trust.

321
00:12:02,090 --> 00:12:03,440
Radical faith,

322
00:12:04,010 --> 00:12:05,239
radical patience.

323
00:12:06,469 --> 00:12:07,830
A decentering

324
00:12:08,059 --> 00:12:08,929
of ourselves.

325
00:12:10,919 --> 00:12:12,750
This is why CCPT is so hard,

326
00:12:12,760 --> 00:12:13,210
y'all.

327
00:12:14,690 --> 00:12:16,400
If you want to make stuff happen.

328
00:12:17,390 --> 00:12:17,510
Look,

329
00:12:17,590 --> 00:12:19,109
people in my life that know me well,

330
00:12:19,229 --> 00:12:19,390
they,

331
00:12:19,429 --> 00:12:22,229
they would clearly tell you that I like to control things,

332
00:12:22,309 --> 00:12:22,739
OK?

333
00:12:22,909 --> 00:12:24,270
You're probably not surprised.

334
00:12:25,270 --> 00:12:26,130
I would not say,

335
00:12:26,229 --> 00:12:28,840
I would not go so far as to say as I'm a control freak,

336
00:12:29,109 --> 00:12:32,260
but I very much like to have control over things.

337
00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:35,080
I

338
00:12:35,349 --> 00:12:37,580
am fully comfortable

339
00:12:37,989 --> 00:12:40,619
being completely out of control in a playroom.

340
00:12:42,030 --> 00:12:43,460
But that has taken

341
00:12:43,750 --> 00:12:44,700
self work,

342
00:12:44,989 --> 00:12:47,109
that has taken self introspection,

343
00:12:47,469 --> 00:12:49,169
that has taken self.

344
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:51,580
Actualization

345
00:12:52,510 --> 00:12:54,140
It has taken a lot of things.

346
00:12:55,390 --> 00:12:57,210
If you are going to be

347
00:12:57,429 --> 00:12:59,500
in a child-centered playroom,

348
00:13:00,150 --> 00:13:01,859
in a child-centered model,

349
00:13:02,590 --> 00:13:05,820
you have to just let things emerge.

350
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:09,299
And you should not feel compelled

351
00:13:09,950 --> 00:13:12,500
to do anything other than just let it happen.

352
00:13:14,099 --> 00:13:16,849
The second you feel compelled to do something,

353
00:13:17,460 --> 00:13:18,700
you're no longer adherent.

354
00:13:20,289 --> 00:13:21,119
Second thought

355
00:13:22,849 --> 00:13:23,320
When

356
00:13:23,469 --> 00:13:24,960
you start to question

357
00:13:25,530 --> 00:13:26,049
if

358
00:13:26,450 --> 00:13:29,200
what's going on or not going on is about you.

359
00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:32,590
You need to reframe that too.

360
00:13:34,669 --> 00:13:36,140
Maybe I'm just too green.

361
00:13:36,309 --> 00:13:37,419
Maybe I'm too new.

362
00:13:37,510 --> 00:13:39,179
Maybe it's because I'm not RPT.

363
00:13:39,429 --> 00:13:41,020
Maybe it's because I'm not licensed.

364
00:13:41,190 --> 00:13:46,460
Maybe it's because I've only listened to 77 episodes instead of all 310 or whatever.

365
00:13:46,789 --> 00:13:49,719
Maybe it's because I've never been supervised by a CCPT.

366
00:13:49,789 --> 00:13:52,140
Maybe it's because I've never had anyone watch my video.

367
00:13:52,349 --> 00:13:53,229
Maybe it's because.

368
00:13:54,580 --> 00:13:55,809
Maybe I should bring something up.

369
00:13:56,020 --> 00:13:57,219
Maybe I should just like say,

370
00:13:57,330 --> 00:13:59,330
oh mom told me you had a bad day at school.

371
00:13:59,500 --> 00:14:02,700
Maybe I should offer to do

372
00:14:02,900 --> 00:14:03,969
an an activity,

373
00:14:04,049 --> 00:14:05,340
and they can still choose not to,

374
00:14:05,380 --> 00:14:06,650
so it's still child centeredness,

375
00:14:06,659 --> 00:14:07,729
y'all stop.

376
00:14:09,320 --> 00:14:11,909
As soon as you make yourself

377
00:14:12,159 --> 00:14:13,590
at the center of anything.

378
00:14:14,320 --> 00:14:15,530
You've gone off the rails.

379
00:14:16,830 --> 00:14:18,229
It is not about you.

380
00:14:18,349 --> 00:14:20,219
It should never be about you.

381
00:14:21,159 --> 00:14:22,460
Stay out of the way.

382
00:14:23,750 --> 00:14:27,469
In the gentlest and most loving way that I can say that.

383
00:14:27,890 --> 00:14:28,849
Stay out of the way.

384
00:14:29,690 --> 00:14:31,179
The child is driving,

385
00:14:31,330 --> 00:14:31,880
not you.

386
00:14:33,479 --> 00:14:34,619
Don't get hit

387
00:14:35,239 --> 00:14:37,080
cause kids are crazy drivers.

388
00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:38,760
Do not get run over.

389
00:14:39,719 --> 00:14:40,799
Get out of the way!

390
00:14:42,630 --> 00:14:43,950
You are the guide rails.

391
00:14:43,989 --> 00:14:45,219
You are not driving.

392
00:14:47,830 --> 00:14:52,099
You need to make sure this is not about you and that you don't make it about you.

393
00:14:53,669 --> 00:14:54,500
Also,

394
00:14:54,869 --> 00:14:56,020
you need to

395
00:14:56,309 --> 00:14:58,299
embody the word trust.

396
00:15:00,750 --> 00:15:02,510
Quick illustration related.

397
00:15:02,909 --> 00:15:04,219
I was on a coaching call today.

398
00:15:05,119 --> 00:15:07,390
And one of my coaching people

399
00:15:07,890 --> 00:15:08,109
said,

400
00:15:08,119 --> 00:15:09,429
I have to tell you this story,

401
00:15:09,719 --> 00:15:11,750
kid wouldn't go back to the playroom,

402
00:15:11,950 --> 00:15:13,000
lobby session.

403
00:15:13,960 --> 00:15:14,760
Really chaotic,

404
00:15:14,799 --> 00:15:15,429
really whatever.

405
00:15:15,479 --> 00:15:17,630
And so the child darts down the hallway

406
00:15:17,919 --> 00:15:19,119
and I had like a couple seconds,

407
00:15:19,159 --> 00:15:20,609
so I looked at mom and I said,

408
00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:24,510
you need to give me your best impression of a brick wall right now.

409
00:15:25,559 --> 00:15:25,570
And

410
00:15:26,039 --> 00:15:26,210
I,

411
00:15:26,590 --> 00:15:28,030
I loved it cause I was like,

412
00:15:28,109 --> 00:15:28,849
you know what,

413
00:15:29,309 --> 00:15:30,799
you're essentially in a,

414
00:15:30,869 --> 00:15:32,059
in a unique way,

415
00:15:32,349 --> 00:15:32,760
saying,

416
00:15:33,450 --> 00:15:35,559
I need you to just trust what's going on right now.

417
00:15:36,469 --> 00:15:36,710
I,

418
00:15:36,729 --> 00:15:37,890
I need you to not react.

419
00:15:37,969 --> 00:15:39,280
I need you to not get emotional.

420
00:15:39,489 --> 00:15:40,599
I need you to not think,

421
00:15:40,729 --> 00:15:41,450
I need you to not,

422
00:15:41,489 --> 00:15:41,640
I,

423
00:15:41,650 --> 00:15:43,169
I just need you to be a brick wall right now,

424
00:15:43,219 --> 00:15:43,570
OK?

425
00:15:43,690 --> 00:15:45,010
Just trust what's going on,

426
00:15:45,090 --> 00:15:46,169
it's all gonna be all right.

427
00:15:47,049 --> 00:15:51,359
This is what we need to think about when we are facing this progress anxiety.

428
00:15:51,809 --> 00:15:56,599
Trust should be the thing that comes up over and over and over again for you.

429
00:15:56,729 --> 00:15:58,640
Do you know how many times someone emails me,

430
00:15:58,849 --> 00:15:59,719
messages me,

431
00:16:00,130 --> 00:16:02,799
is on a Collective call is on a coaching call,

432
00:16:03,049 --> 00:16:04,010
interacts with me in any way,

433
00:16:04,090 --> 00:16:04,239
shape,

434
00:16:04,250 --> 00:16:04,919
or form.

435
00:16:05,250 --> 00:16:07,640
This is how the conversation often goes.

436
00:16:07,890 --> 00:16:08,739
So I have a question for you,

437
00:16:08,770 --> 00:16:09,239
Brenna.

438
00:16:09,530 --> 00:16:09,729
OK,

439
00:16:09,929 --> 00:16:10,280
sure.

440
00:16:11,450 --> 00:16:12,140
So,

441
00:16:12,299 --> 00:16:13,609
I think I know what you're gonna say,

442
00:16:13,780 --> 00:16:14,250
but,

443
00:16:15,059 --> 00:16:15,960
and I'm like,

444
00:16:16,260 --> 00:16:16,500
OK,

445
00:16:16,599 --> 00:16:17,909
if you're gonna start with that,

446
00:16:17,979 --> 00:16:20,250
then you probably don't need to ask this question,

447
00:16:20,340 --> 00:16:20,729
but

448
00:16:20,940 --> 00:16:22,169
I indulged the question.

449
00:16:23,219 --> 00:16:24,440
And then after they ask,

450
00:16:24,450 --> 00:16:26,039
whatever it is that they're asking,

451
00:16:26,450 --> 00:16:28,330
they usually say something like,

452
00:16:28,809 --> 00:16:29,130
and I mean,

453
00:16:29,169 --> 00:16:30,890
it's probably just like trust the process,

454
00:16:31,010 --> 00:16:31,409
right?

455
00:16:32,909 --> 00:16:33,739
We know it

456
00:16:34,659 --> 00:16:37,010
We just don't believe it and embody it.

457
00:16:38,590 --> 00:16:40,690
I can only tell you trust the process

458
00:16:41,099 --> 00:16:43,960
1,797,000 times.

459
00:16:44,299 --> 00:16:44,849
I have,

460
00:16:45,099 --> 00:16:45,419
I've,

461
00:16:45,500 --> 00:16:48,409
I've said it ad nauseam until I'm blue in the face.

462
00:16:48,700 --> 00:16:50,010
You all know,

463
00:16:50,580 --> 00:16:51,570
trust the process.

464
00:16:52,729 --> 00:16:53,960
But we don't sometimes.

465
00:16:55,599 --> 00:17:01,030
You have to catch yourself feeling the anxiety and the discomfort of progress

466
00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:04,069
and the word that pops into your head needs to be trust.

467
00:17:05,910 --> 00:17:07,310
Trust all kinds of things.

468
00:17:08,280 --> 00:17:09,118
Trust the process,

469
00:17:09,280 --> 00:17:09,868
trust the model,

470
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:10,750
trust the child,

471
00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:11,520
trust yourself.

472
00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:12,479
Trust your skills,

473
00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:13,479
trust your competence,

474
00:17:14,040 --> 00:17:15,079
trust everything.

475
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:18,640
As soon as you let go,

476
00:17:18,959 --> 00:17:19,439
you know what?

477
00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:21,550
Trust requires letting go.

478
00:17:23,598 --> 00:17:23,848
You know,

479
00:17:23,928 --> 00:17:26,417
the whole like trust fall concept.

480
00:17:27,358 --> 00:17:30,510
You just blindly fall backwards and you trust someone's gonna catch you.

481
00:17:32,040 --> 00:17:32,520
You,

482
00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:34,709
you cannot let go

483
00:17:35,040 --> 00:17:36,459
if you don't have trust.

484
00:17:36,800 --> 00:17:41,839
Let go and fall back on your awareness of the importance of trust.

485
00:17:43,670 --> 00:17:44,500
And

486
00:17:44,770 --> 00:17:45,760
above all else.

487
00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:48,550
We cannot

488
00:17:48,810 --> 00:17:51,270
get so caught up in our own.

489
00:17:52,250 --> 00:17:56,810
Sense of what needs to happen or should happen or should be happening.

490
00:17:57,880 --> 00:17:59,719
We should be past resistance by now.

491
00:18:00,180 --> 00:18:02,410
I should not have had 7 lobby sessions.

492
00:18:03,060 --> 00:18:03,699
We should,

493
00:18:03,900 --> 00:18:05,969
this kid should have already been playing out

494
00:18:06,380 --> 00:18:06,930
dad's death.

495
00:18:07,020 --> 00:18:07,140
I mean,

496
00:18:07,219 --> 00:18:08,770
I don't know why that hasn't come up yet.

497
00:18:08,979 --> 00:18:09,469
This kid

498
00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:11,709
This is why

499
00:18:12,010 --> 00:18:14,239
all we need is a child's name

500
00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:15,839
before we play with them.

501
00:18:17,010 --> 00:18:18,869
Because if we didn't have any context,

502
00:18:19,030 --> 00:18:20,920
if we didn't know about any of the notes home,

503
00:18:21,089 --> 00:18:22,719
if we didn't know about dad's death,

504
00:18:22,849 --> 00:18:24,760
if we didn't know about the bad day at school,

505
00:18:24,969 --> 00:18:27,150
if we didn't know about the expulsion threats,

506
00:18:27,369 --> 00:18:29,180
if we didn't know about

507
00:18:29,369 --> 00:18:30,319
the tantrums,

508
00:18:30,569 --> 00:18:31,880
about hitting sister,

509
00:18:32,050 --> 00:18:32,609
about whatever,

510
00:18:32,650 --> 00:18:33,890
if we knew none of that.

511
00:18:34,849 --> 00:18:36,890
I don't think we would have as much progress anxiety.

512
00:18:38,390 --> 00:18:39,430
We feel that

513
00:18:39,869 --> 00:18:41,020
because we know too much.

514
00:18:41,949 --> 00:18:43,329
And knowing too much

515
00:18:43,540 --> 00:18:45,329
makes us want to do something,

516
00:18:45,900 --> 00:18:46,729
fix something,

517
00:18:46,979 --> 00:18:48,160
solve something

518
00:18:48,579 --> 00:18:50,609
and other people are expecting that of us too.

519
00:18:51,089 --> 00:18:54,140
It's not just that we feel that we have the external pressures of that.

520
00:18:55,489 --> 00:18:57,010
It all comes back

521
00:18:57,319 --> 00:18:57,859
to

522
00:18:58,069 --> 00:18:59,400
you just need the kid's name.

523
00:19:00,569 --> 00:19:02,109
And you just remain adherent.

524
00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:03,400
It works.

525
00:19:04,750 --> 00:19:05,819
We know it works.

526
00:19:06,150 --> 00:19:08,189
I've also talked till I'm blue in the face about all

527
00:19:08,189 --> 00:19:11,380
of the evidence and efficacy and data that supports this.

528
00:19:12,569 --> 00:19:14,489
Guess what we don't have evidence for

529
00:19:15,050 --> 00:19:16,560
when we deviate from the model.

530
00:19:19,319 --> 00:19:19,479
That,

531
00:19:19,560 --> 00:19:20,930
that's when you're in dangerous water,

532
00:19:20,959 --> 00:19:21,439
y'all.

533
00:19:22,079 --> 00:19:22,229
You,

534
00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:24,520
you want to really start to question and doubt and,

535
00:19:24,599 --> 00:19:26,109
and have no idea what's going on,

536
00:19:26,359 --> 00:19:27,630
deviate from the model.

537
00:19:28,550 --> 00:19:30,420
If you remain adherent,

538
00:19:30,790 --> 00:19:33,060
you should have no progress anxiety.

539
00:19:33,390 --> 00:19:34,349
You know it'll happen.

540
00:19:35,050 --> 00:19:35,599
You know,

541
00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:39,640
We've proven it

542
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:41,829
thousands of times,

543
00:19:42,079 --> 00:19:44,000
anecdotally and empirically.

544
00:19:45,130 --> 00:19:46,099
We know it works.

545
00:19:47,270 --> 00:19:48,339
So you trust.

546
00:19:48,790 --> 00:19:50,780
This is the CCPT mindset.

547
00:19:50,869 --> 00:19:53,760
Progress anxiety cannot drive your session.

548
00:19:54,630 --> 00:19:56,119
Is it uncomfortable at times?

549
00:19:56,310 --> 00:19:56,699
Sure.

550
00:19:58,119 --> 00:19:59,010
But you say

551
00:20:00,119 --> 00:20:01,310
It might be uncomfortable,

552
00:20:01,439 --> 00:20:01,880
but

553
00:20:02,119 --> 00:20:03,760
I'm staying out of the way and I'm trusting.

554
00:20:05,150 --> 00:20:08,119
And that keeps you in the model and it keeps you

555
00:20:08,449 --> 00:20:09,260
adherent.

556
00:20:09,689 --> 00:20:10,400
That's the goal,

557
00:20:10,689 --> 00:20:12,239
relationship above all else.

558
00:20:13,219 --> 00:20:15,989
That child has to feel unconditionally accepted by you.

559
00:20:17,319 --> 00:20:17,790
Not

560
00:20:18,199 --> 00:20:20,209
accepted if you dot dot dot.

561
00:20:21,410 --> 00:20:22,150
No conditions,

562
00:20:22,290 --> 00:20:23,280
no agenda,

563
00:20:23,530 --> 00:20:26,079
unconditional acceptance preserves the relationship.

564
00:20:26,689 --> 00:20:29,530
Unconditional trust keeps you adherent to the model.

565
00:20:31,050 --> 00:20:31,540
Love y'all.

566
00:20:31,689 --> 00:20:32,400
Hope you have a great week.

567
00:20:32,449 --> 00:20:33,400
We'll talk again soon.

568
00:20:33,569 --> 00:20:33,810
Bye.

569
00:20:35,020 --> 00:20:37,780
Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr.

570
00:20:37,939 --> 00:20:38,849
Brenna Hicks.

571
00:20:39,020 --> 00:20:40,979
For more episodes and resources,

572
00:20:41,099 --> 00:20:45,859
please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.