Baby Minisode. Ep 22

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Speaker 1: Hi. This is Laura Vandercamp. I'm a mother of four, an author, journalist, and speaker. And this is Sarah Hart Hunger. I'm a mother of two and soon to be three and a practicing physician. We are two working parents who love our careers and our families. Welcome to best of both worlds. Here we talk about how real women manage work, family, and time for fun, from figuring out childcare to mapping out long term career goals. We want you to get the most out of life. Welcome to best of both worlds. This is Laura. We have a very exciting special episode today, an episode about how our introduction is now wrong, outdated. Sarah is the proud mother of three, So congratulations, Sarah, thank you so much. Yes, we will have to defer re recording our intro. I think until the new year. That'll be a nice fresh start for us all. But yeah, we're so excited. We welcomed our number three on December eleventh, and now it's starting to actually feel like the new normal. It's very exciting. There are five of you, there are you know, you think about your family and certain units of number and then it's it's different. So I know, when I see us all together in pictures, it's like, whoa, that's a that's a lot of exactly. They multiply photos of all of you on Instagram. You had your family photo, right, Oh my gosh, that was so my father in law took that, and I think he took like, I mean, it wasn't a glamour shot, like we were not dressed nicely or anything, and he took maybe like twenty frames. And the one that we got that was the best one was so bad, but it was still the best one because in every other one, one of our kids or me like ruined too many variable Well, that's why for our Christmas card this year, wound up putting four separate photos of the kids. Yeah, the car. It's like, I think we're going to do that for a New Year's all for you know, looking normal. Yeah, So let's just I guess, share the details you want to share and how to I'm right as well, since I've strung all of you along from the beginning here. But yeah, you know, this was my third pregnancy going to forty weeks gestation, so it does happen sometimes like that. I started to get a little frustrated as we approach the due date, and because I somehow thought, well, if I had the other two it forty weeks, what's the chances that I'm really going to hold on to this one for that long? But apparently maybe they're pretty high. Maybe that just means that's what my body likes to do. Because I did have an induction scheduled, and there's nothing against inductions, but it was for forty weeks in one day, and I was like, eh, do I really need to do that? When Annabel came on her own at forty weeks in two days, so I ended up canceling it, and then sure enough, at forty weeks in two days, I went to like a regular ob appointment and I had been contracting a lot the night before, and they're like, eh, you need to do a little non stress test, which is just when they listened to your the baby's heart rate through a monitor because their heart rate was a little bit high, probably mostly because honestly, I was like up the whole night before, like because it was painful. But how did you then pause here? How did I tell this story? But how did you know those weren't like the real contractions? Well they were, but they were every like ten to fifteen minutes. It was like, well, what am I gonna do about that? And that's kind of how Annabel came to I was like up the entire night, like they were big enough to wake me up, but not frequent enough to like do anything about things. So it was it was a teaser. And then at around five six am they actually pretty much stopped, but then they they kind of restarted when I got to the OB and while they were monitoring me, I was like, oh, now I think they're like every six minutes. Now they're every five minutes. Wait a second, and they were starting to work more, so they were kind of they were kind of hinting that they were planning to admit me anyway because they felt like, oh, well, she's far enough along and this heart rate, we don't like this. But then when the OB came, he's like, yeah, I think you'll just have the baby. If I break your water, you're just gonna have her. And I was like, and your husband had come with you to this a point, yes, yeah, he had, Like that was smart, exactly, Props to us. So it's actually amazing because the one thing I had been dreading about this delivery was that we live thirty minutes away from the hospital in no traffic, and like an hour plus away in traffic. So I was like, what if I'm just you know, in like the worst part of waver and we're driving and we didn't have to do any of that. So maybe my body was just like, Okay, yeah, I knew what you wanted to avoid. I've just avoided it for you. But yeah, once he broke the water, things progressed very quickly. I actually did not get my epidural in as timely of a fashion I would as timely of a fashion as one might want. I mean at that point, well, in retrospect, I should have been like, do not break my water until it's in place, because I'm already in a lot of pain, But I was like a little too out of it to be making demands, and like, to be honest, I bet he was like, oh, I'll break her water before dinner, eat dinner with my family, come back. I'm sure that's how his mind was working. But what he didn't know was that there were like three women in front of me in line for epidurals. So at least I got to see what getting to nine centimeters feels like not the no, And eventually the epidural did get in my body and it was amazing, and then yeah, it was a very quick exit and went really really well. She did have her cord tied around loosely twice, so it was a little dramatic at the very end. But then she cried very quickly, and I could tell. We were like, oh, she's bigger because she was my biggest baby at seven pounds two ounces, and she's been such a good girl so far. You like, is she like the others or is she She's actually very reminiscent of Annabelle to me, And it's funny because I'm talking to Josh and I'm like, do is it that we forgot what Cameron was like because that was such a blur because annabel was such a toddler. Or annabel just made a bigger impression on us because she was the first one, Or is this baby really more like a Cannibell? And I think it may be all of those things. But she's a little more chill than Cameron was as a baby, and she looks more like Annibelle, I think, although all three are definitely cut from Sarah looks at a picture on her blog, what looks like three of the exact same baby. So did yours look the same as newborns? Pretty much? So? I mean they all have similar you know, eyes and hair, and they have the same chin, and I think you need to have the same picture, pretty but it looks like a composite family thing. We celebrated my parents' fiftieth wedding anniversary of the summer. We all went to the beach for a week and one of the things we did is a baby guessing game. So all of us had baby pictures and we had to guess who was who. And I think the only people who got my three sons distinguished from each other. It was me and my sister in law. Oh that's so funny. I don't my husband could not tell our three sons apart. Wow, Oh that's really funny. Yeah, but you know they are who they are. Clearly you got the exact same Yeah, they don't look the same now, I neither do Annabel and Cameron. So I don't expect that Genevieve is going to be a carbon copy growing up, but she she just is very reminiscent of Annabel, and she sleeps like annabel which is a good thing. I'm not saying she's like one of those miraculous like, oh I slept six hours last night, Like no, none of my kids pull that. But she's been doing like three to four hours stretches at night pretty regularly, which is a godsend. Yeah, no, that's nice. And screaming like, no, she doesn't scream. I mean, I'm totally drinxing myself because she's only ten days old. We know, everything just likes to change with newborns, so she maybe a totally different baby at four weeks or six weeks, but as of now, no, there's like there's no screaming, like ever contented little baby she is. She does like to eat a lot, like during the day, I mean, and I think I had this with at least Annabelle, maybe the other two, like hourly honestly, like in the morning it'll she'll last a little longer, but then the afternoon she's like on my chest every hour or even less sometimes. So I have had some you know, TMI like pain, especially on one side, which I'm trying to to deal with. But that's honestly, that just happens. If we have any you know, first time soon to be parents listening to this podcast. They you know, there's a certain like breastfeeding shall I say, militancy out there, but people will try to convince you things that, oh, if it hurts when you're breastfeeding, you're doing it wrong. Now it just oh yeah, all three of mine hurt, and they all hurt more on one side than the other. I will say, I think the pain is a little more persistent with this one, and I'm like, hey, this is my I should be the best at it by now. But I'm sure it all has to do with the shape of their mouth and how they like to lash and how aggressively they suck and all that kind. I also think it's how long since your last one you've been I was thinking that too, because I remember with Cameron being fine in a week, but I really had only been like I'd had Annabel less than a year prior breastfeeding. So that that's you and you would be a great person to have that experiment in my experiment. Yes, no, well, I mean with my fourth I had pain on one side right up until the six week appointment, like I actually had my ob Oh that makes me feel better and then it did eventually go Yeah, it goes away. And so that's the thing when people say, oh, if it hurts your doing wrong, well, okay, if it hurts it like two three months, yes there's a prod like it's that makes her at a year or something. But certainly in the first few weeks, soon we got a tough en up and they're just feeding so frequently, and and honestly, I think Annabel was similar, Like I think it lasted a couple of weeks, but I just I looked at my so my blog has been so valuable to me because you realize how much you forget. So I went back, like I actually was feeling really kind of down the first few days after delivery. And I don't know if that's more an effect of the hormones like coming out of my body or the fact that, by the way, I've had a viral illness since like delivery, because you know you need that when you're having a newborn. And I was so afraid she's going to get it, which I'm still afraid, but I don't know. I was like super anxious about it, and I was like, wasn't this so easy last time? And I went back to my blog and I was like, oh, clearly it was not, and that really helped me. But I did notice a comment I made like, oh, a week and my breasts don't hurt it all, Like, hey, but I think it was just as bad with Animo as it was the same. Nice and your theory part of it, and you're how are you feeling other than that? Are you? I'm feeling better now. If this virus would go away with the coffee and stuff, I'd be even better. But no, Otherwise, I'm having more energy. I can like walk around, I can kind of pick the other kids up a little bit. The recovery, you know, in terms of like from the delivery, has been pretty much, very very easy, which is great, and I'm thankful I've never had to have a c section because I'm sure that is much more well. I was aspired to. There's this woman in my church growing up who a farm family, and basically she had like eight children and she was like milking the cows, went into labor, had the baby the cows. It's like, which is it was never quite that, but that do birth really well? I don't know if I'm not good, but no, I think I do think that part gets easier the more you have because your body just kind of gets them out faster. And yeah, the pathway has been cleared, so the family has some of everyone doing okay with it, or there was definitely in the beginning, very some dramatic feelings that we notice in some of them. I mean, I see, of course, right, oh yeah, no, the kids, I mean, and actually, Annabel has already settled in really really well, she's been really helpful. I'm really impressed. Actually, I think she's really enjoyed. My parents just got here, so she's really enjoying the attention that they'll be stewing on her and feeling very very very grown up, like maybe more grown up than she felt before. Cameron definitely had some feelings, uh, And we're just trying to make sure he gets lots and lots of attention and kind of special attention and individualized attention, because you know, sometimes your kids are more sensitive than you may have taken them for. That's been a lesson for me. Well, I mean it's hard like you've just he's been the baby of the family. For the baby here somebody else who's coming in and you know, of course you're going to feel differently. Yeah, Like one thing that's been great is like when guests come and they go straight to the kid, like straight to Cameron and Annabel and then like then acknowledge the baby later. I'm like, thank you. That's so helpful because when people come and they like they jump right to the cute little baby, that the kids notice it like big time. So that's not something that I had thought of. But like I'm going to be seeing my friend who just she was just a couple months ahead of me, and I'm going to be like paying so much attention to her four year old because now I know like he's gonna want that, he's gonna want. And also, I mean, just what I had always found is I mean, given that the baby is pretty inert, and we'll just like lie there, except for you know, when you're feeding, you can, especially if other people around like watching the baby, go play with the other kids, because then that's what they're very much like, oh, you know, I want mommy. And if we don't like actively get in on that, then in the next an if you're sitting down to nurse the baby and they're like I want this, I want you know, it's like as soon as you sit down to do it because I want your attention. It's like it can tell you're focusing on the baby, so but not that it ever truly solves the problems. Just so any I don't know new revelations that came out as a mother of three versus too not yet. I am way too new at this to be giving any stage advice to anyone, I guess, except the only thing is to be really really intentional about giving your other kids a lot of focus because they'll be affected by it. That's the only thing I've really learned so far. That and I stand. I know, weird, we differ on this one, but I have never felt like I've needed a baby. No, So if anyone's debating it, Laura loved having a baby nurse, but I'm someone who three out of three I like, I don't even know what I would do with them, because my babies eat and then I put them down, and then if they want to eat, I'm going to feed them. So I'm like, what would you? Yeah, I think we're more fussy apart from the eating. I think a lot of babies are. I think a lot off you are. The mind's to be cut from a similar mold, so take but if you know, they're not actually hungry, they're just making noise, I have somebody else deal with. I think my babies just love food, like I don't even know if they care if they're hungry, but if you like put yeah, which, which, by the way, I mean not to derail the babysite here, but we we got a letter from a reader. Oh yeah, yes, we should want to acknowledge who took issue a bit with our whole like pumping focused maternity leave return to Work episode when she pointed out that one obvious way to not have the whole pumping stress is to not pump, which, of course, you know, Sarah and I have both used you know, formula at various points with our babies. I mean we've primarily nursed for the first few months, but you know, you started supplementing or else like later on used formula with them. And if you you know, you could also do a mix, right, like you could not pump during the day and just feed your baby, and I did. Actually I had a great experience with Annabel which at around nine months I did quit pumping. And I know, like that's long, and you could choose whatever time you want. But then she still breastsped morning and night until thirteen months, and she got formula during the day and that was like a very wonderful time because I still got to like enjoy that relationship, she still got some breast milk. Work became a million times easy. I think the reason we focused on it is well, partly from my perspective, that's by far for me, the most challenging thing about going back to work afterwards. I mean, if I actually can't, I'm like, what would be hard if you didn't have to do well? But very true, many people make the conscious decision not to. Yeah, put that out, and that is absolutely okay. And in fact, you know, as some people pointed out, like if you are staying longer at work because you're taking all these pumping breaks and then not getting home to your baby, that's or other kids. Yeah, not actually that big a win. So and scientifically most of the you know, there certainly are benefits for doing it longer, but the biggest bang for your buck is the first few months. So you know, even from a scientific standpoint, you know, I think with Cameron, I only pumped for about six months, and like, meaning I only pumped for three month, So I like, you know, fed at home for three months, pumped for three months, and then just gave up. And you know, everyone has their stopping point. But I felt like, you know, medically, he had gotten a lot of the benefit and it just wasn't working for me anymore. And I definitely I applaud mothers who figure out when that balance has been reached and do what they need to do, because that that point might come at two months. It may come. Some people don't pump it all. They're you know, the generation before us, most babies were not breast fled, and people have done just fun. You know, families where one kid wasn't breastfed for some reason because they had a milk intolerance or something, and you certainly can't tell the difference when they're ten years old, or you cannot at all. We did not mean to exclude those, you know, and so yes, if whether you breastfeed or not, it does not make you a better or worse mother, and really up to individual families and what works for you. So we want to put that out there. Also want to put out that the public service announcement of getting the epidural when you can ha. Yes, we have an anesthesiologist. Well, she's about to be finished with her training that commented and said, there's no scientific literature that says you have to be dilated to a specific number of centimeters prior to the epidurals. So I think she even provided the reference. So if anybody's about to deliver and wants to avoid that conversation, they should bring a copy of the article for some evidence based Yes, I use that term for some evidence based, you know, information to give the ob if they're saying you have to be a certain amount, if you're in a lot of pain, then you can get enough, yes, exactly. That's because that is the point if you want one. If you want one, ye, no, And it doesn't increase your risk of sc section or anything, and in fact may help you relax and actually get the baby out. So always a good thing as well well anything else you want to share on the earth or first No, I mean I will say I don't want to come across as completely like this is so easy, because it is, there have been some challenges. I actually feel much better now about a week out than I did if we had recorded this three or four days in. There might have been like crying interspersed. So I'm glad we didn't so low feelings or worries like I had this feeling like, oh my god, what did I do to my other kids? I shouldn't have done this because now they're not getting the attention that they need. Like, honestly, like really strong stuff was going on. That's normal, and it may get better even a week from then. So do not despair or think that I'm saying that this is like the easiest time ever, because it's not. But I think we're starting to settle into a routine, and I'm at the same time as it not being easy, street I am actually enjoying it a lot, a lot. She's really cute. She's so cute. I mean, it's like, I'm kind of obsessed. I'm obsessed to I keep looking over at the photos. It's just like, oh, especially now that my little guy is almost three years old, I'm like, oh, and you're not tempted for a number five. If I were tempted, I still I'm not sure that it would be a very good idea. Oh my gosh, it's funny, you know, I didn't I didn't think of having four children that the uh you know, biological clock ticking thing would bother me at all, but you know you still get the pain. I'm thirty nine years old. Wow, more babies. I don't need more babies. You know that. It's funny that biology is is what it is. It makes you think it's very strong. Well, I think we're done with three. Actually, I'm very firmly you know, I'm sure I will have the same pangs, but at the same time, from a practical standpoint, this is perfect. And I'm going to dis count my blessings and be thrilled that I have at this point three healthy children. So well, congratulate that, Sarah, Thank you so much. Little Genevieve can be everyone's love of the week because she's very very yes, oh, thank you so much. And we will be back next week with some twenty eighteen goals, which are one of my favorite things to listen to you on other people's podcasts. So I hope you guys come back that maybe another show in real form after that, Yeah, exactly. All right, Well, this has been best of both worlds. Tune in next week for more on making work and life fit together. Thanks for listening. You can find me Sarah at the shoebox dot com or at the Underscore Shoebox on Instagram, and you can find me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. This has been the best of both worlds podcasts. Please join us next time for more on making work and life work together.