We Talk Back: Hard Head Makes A Soft A$$

00:00:00
Speaker 1: Welcome to We Talk Back Podcast, the production of iHeartRadio and the Black Effect Network.

00:00:08
Speaker 2: We're just two unapologetically black women with an opinion who talks.

00:00:16
Speaker 1: What's up y'all? That your girl aj Holiday? What's up tam.

00:00:19
Speaker 2: Bama, y'all. I love y'all so much, Thank you for coming back.

00:00:23
Speaker 1: Again this week. Yo.

00:00:27
Speaker 2: I'm fat as hell, bro.

00:00:29
Speaker 1: Like we're blaming everything on Hawaiians going, y'all, hear me at Taco Bell. They don't close up too.

00:00:37
Speaker 2: Statass niggas fit too.

00:00:40
Speaker 1: Oh no, bitch, I'm fat because let me tell you, I saw Instagram how people be making their own the twist from Taco Bell. That's the only thing I'll eat from Taco Bell. But you could buy like there. It's like noodles is week noodles though, and you fry him and they turn into those puffs and then you put the cinnamon and sugar on.

00:01:00
Speaker 2: Oh I saw that ship on.

00:01:03
Speaker 1: That be throwing the sunglasses to the wall.

00:01:05
Speaker 2: Yeah, I saw his glass. I saw him do that ship. I was like, that is fire. I want to try.

00:01:11
Speaker 1: When I tell y'all, I went to a Whole Foods Public's Harris Teeter. I couldn't I went to the Mexican grocery store. They did not have the uh there. I don't know. They call it you not your rolls, but it's it's like a wheat noodle and you know, at a certain heat, like it blows up like that. I cannot. I've spent an evening looking for them ship locally, and I just seen that.

00:01:37
Speaker 2: Here.

00:01:38
Speaker 1: Spend an evening looking for them ship one day when I saw that post, because I love those things, but I hate fast food. Like I'll be trying to make all this ship at the house, but making Chinese at the house now type of ship.

00:01:51
Speaker 2: Yeah, we gotta do better the podcast festival that we're gonna be. We talk fat in the podcast festival right now, y'all this big term bro for real?

00:02:07
Speaker 1: Bit, why you gotta remember.

00:02:13
Speaker 2: What you say? I bet I benefitted this ship a big tail bam every week. Yeah, what'd you do over the weekend? I ain't look for your rolls.

00:02:27
Speaker 1: Ain't too much work. And the rest of my fucking nerves bought them five hundred dollar almost six hundred dollars pots from home Since, which is a news store like home goods. It's like the same line. Y'all got a home since there.

00:02:43
Speaker 2: This one is Charlotte girl.

00:02:45
Speaker 1: Five these parts is five hundred and eighty dollars, bitch for two pots and he bor. Yeah, but they're one hundred per copper and stainless steel, so they shouldn' last meet for life. So bitch, you come here, you serving you out them pots? The pots going on to the table.

00:03:03
Speaker 2: I listen, I would if I'm supposed to come to Charleston. If I come to Charleston on Thursday, can you make me something to eat?

00:03:10
Speaker 1: What healthy we got water? I gotta look. I made spaghetti on Sunday. That's what I be eating the whole week. Veggie I used beyond meat and there a bunch of vegetables and I did put shrimp in it.

00:03:26
Speaker 2: That's what I hate about spaghetti though, Well all week long. Yeah, it's an all week meal. When you make that ship that's gonna.

00:03:32
Speaker 1: Be four days old. If you're coming on Thursday.

00:03:38
Speaker 2: What did I do over the weekend? I feel like I did something I don't be remembering I did it, And that's what I'm saying. I cannot remember what I did this weekend. Oh worked, that was it. I worked this weekend and then I come back and I hung out with the old baby and that was it. It was very like Sunday. I rested back to so m h. I was getting the sands.

00:04:08
Speaker 1: Uh, we'll be high. I went out.

00:04:11
Speaker 2: Yeah, Keky Shepherd died.

00:04:15
Speaker 1: Yes, I saw that. I played Keiki Shepherd and a play I did it was actually dream Girls in Charleston my last year of high school. It was a big play though. The whole city came out. We had like we did like four maybe maybe four or five uh dates and times. But I played Kiki Shepherd. I would swimming back then, bitch obviously, and the director stole my fucking dresses. I had all a nice ass sparkly shipped from all the thrift stores around Charleston, and he was like, just give it to me. We're gonna clean him. Never got my ship back. Demn, I played Kiki Shepherd. I love her. Man.

00:04:53
Speaker 2: She's definitely too.

00:04:54
Speaker 1: She was definitely a staple in the black community for sure.

00:04:57
Speaker 2: Yes, Shepherd Paolo coming out looking like a bad bitch every week.

00:05:04
Speaker 1: Yes, she apparently had a sudden heart attack at seventy seven years old. Seventy four years old.

00:05:14
Speaker 2: Yeah, damn, rest in peace, k Shepherd.

00:05:18
Speaker 1: Yeah, Man nineteen eighty seven in two thousand and two, that's how long she graced the stage at the Polla Theater.

00:05:28
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that was a long time. Yep. M did you watch the Oscars?

00:05:38
Speaker 1: I did not. I have not watched any of those award shows, you know, because my brain be working too much, right, so I know what I'm looking at, so I can't.

00:05:48
Speaker 2: Did you did you watch it? Any of the clips like of Michael B.

00:05:51
Speaker 1: Jordan And I love them. I'm so like that shit. Every time I see Old Boy winning an award like that should be like, bitch, start right, We'll finish writing because I got a great movie out this motherfucker. Okay, do it man.

00:06:06
Speaker 2: I'm to tell you is do that ship Man what you waiting on? Because I want to audition.

00:06:16
Speaker 1: Yes, I'm so proud of him. I'm so proud of him. And you know they they basically like in Hall of Fame now at this point for movies.

00:06:24
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, they go down in history. I love, love, love how Ryan Coogler speaks about his wife. Oh my god, I just love that ship down mm hmmmmm. It's so beautiful how he you know, champions her and everything that he does. You know m hm.

00:06:46
Speaker 1: And that's how you get all your gifts from God. They come via women. I can't say that shit enough to find you one and lock in period. Yeah, because he always gives things there because she was the one who brought it, bought him Final Draft, which is the program you used to write your scripts. He talks about that. I saw him, not on the Breakfast Club something I was watching. I see I saw him talk about you know, how she purchased the program for him. So like this Nigga had an idea and she helped him execute. Of course you're supposed to give things.

00:07:22
Speaker 2: And she was crying when he was doing his speech, and it was just so beautiful. Oh, I got a beautiful story to share with y'all. It's sad, but it's beautiful. My one of my sister's best friends. He flew in from Hawaii to go to his cousin's wedding. His cousin was sick with cancer and he was getting married and he was really sick, you know, like really knocking on deaths door. But him and his wife, his girlfriend, who they had three kids, they wanted to go ahead and get married. They had been planning to be married and you know, the sickness came in, it wasn't going to stop them. So that weekend was the weekend of the wedding. All all the family had come to town. Everybody was ready to celebrate their nuptials, and they're in that week before the wedding. He took very ill and ended up in the hospital and then ended up on life support. So the wedding was supposed to be that Sunday. By Wednesday, he was not doing too good in the hospital. So by Friday they were going to pull the plug on him, and you know, see if he survived or not. They pulled the plug and he did not pass away, so they decided to if he was gonna, you know, still be alive, they wanted to go ahead and have the wedding. So they had all the bridesmaids, the bride get dressed up, everybody come to the closest family, not all the guests, but all the closest family I could fit in that room. They went to the hospital. The pastor came to the hospital and there did the vows by the bedside of his hospital bed, and when it was his turn to say I do he shook his head. Yes, he couldn't speak anymore, but he shook his head yes, and then they kissed, and an hour later he passed away. Girl, what yes? Ain't that crazy? He said that all he wanted to do was make it to his wedding. He wanted to make an honest woman of his the mother of his kids, and he died an hour after doing that. Baby, When I tell you, I cried so hard on Sunday, I ain't never met these people today in my life, but when I tell you, I cried because it was so beautiful and so sad and it sounded like something Shonda Rhym's road, but not in real life. So that happened, y'all.

00:09:46
Speaker 1: Where were they at now? In South Carolina? D c Oh Okay, it's happened in DC. Damn it, man, But what a beautiful he's doing?

00:09:54
Speaker 2: Well? Yeah, I mean yeah, so I know that was kind of random, but I just wanted to share that story with y'all because I mean, how you know that's a wild story and a beautiful story and it said story all at once.

00:10:10
Speaker 1: Yeah. So, now how do we transition in now to E. J.

00:10:16
Speaker 2: Johnson? Because that's what I want to talk about. Go ahead, so.

00:10:26
Speaker 1: So Carlos King sat down with e J. Johnson on his podcast, which is also on the Black Effect Podcast Network, and e J. Johnson had a lot of choice words right. A few that I can remember is that you know, he looks better than women most of us in.

00:10:46
Speaker 2: The skirt.

00:10:48
Speaker 1: And a skirt, and also that he does not date straight men. He he only dates street only date straight men. Excuse me, he only dates straight men. I'm trying to figure out what the fuck does that mean? At the game listen, you know what?

00:11:09
Speaker 2: And me and a friend of the show you know as well, we were powowing last night through DMS and he said he understood that sentiment about only dating straight men, and I was I was like, can I ask a question? Because what kind of fuck is sys?

00:11:28
Speaker 1: Do that make?

00:11:28
Speaker 2: Because I could, like, I just be confused, and y'all forgive me. But if you were dating him as a man, and both of y'all are men, he is no longer a straight man. He is not straight, So how can you only like straight men? Right? That's not a straight man? Right?

00:11:48
Speaker 1: Am I crazy? Right? And if you are a man of a certain age, you ain't just now randomly about to run into e J. Johnson and Haller at him. Okay, you have had dealings with other men before, so is the process that this man has never been with a man prior to you?

00:12:04
Speaker 2: Is that what he means like?

00:12:07
Speaker 1: Or do you mean you want a man who primarily only dates women, but then it's also attracted to you because you think you're a woman.

00:12:18
Speaker 2: Right, either way, it's not a straight man. I don't care how you put a cheek. It's not the same thing. You can if you rub it down.

00:12:26
Speaker 1: Everybody game, everybody under saying what we're talking about. And the part about him, you know, looking better than a woman in a skirt. I mean, I don't know if it was shade, but I feel like all a lot of gay men they try to slight women in that way. They're always talking about how they look more of a woman than a woman because being a woman. I say this over and over again, it's not about aesthetic. Okay, you can you can go to the hospital, I mean, go to get surgery to look like a woman. Yes, you can do that, right, but you will still not be a woman biologically.

00:13:00
Speaker 2: You're just not and you know what, and be whoever you want to be. That's fine, but I just hate why you gotta you know, not women in the process of you becoming whoever you are, Like why you can say I look better than any woman in a skirt? Like why even do that? That's just unnecessary shade to me. Because you can think you fine, and it's okay to think you fine and think you a woman or whatever you think you are. I don't care, that's your prerogative. But when you start saying shit like that, like now, that's shade to me, Like what I had to do with your shit? Why are you talking about?

00:13:33
Speaker 1: You know absolutely nothing, I think, and only that difference between gay men and straight men who you know, just publicly or outright have this disdain for women is that one is gay and one Saitian gay. One is outright gay because both of them behaving on women, all of them behating on women's like they cannot stand us because they are not us. That is what it balls down to. And also, you dating supposed heterosexual man, that means that man has a family, probably he has children, he has a wife, he has a girlfriend, and it does something for you to also have access to that man.

00:14:14
Speaker 2: Yeah, maybe it makes you feel like you have more proximity to womanhood or something. I don't know, that's what That's what I would imagine like, but like if you have a gay man friend, like they do be the best friends too. Though my gay homeboy be hyping me up even when I fat he'd be like in all the right places.

00:14:35
Speaker 1: Be No. A lot of them are sweet people, but then they have this little this They all have a little thing with him, right, this little competition with women. And we're not in competition with y'all the minute. If I'm fucking with somebody, like God forbid this, whatever happened, let me know.

00:14:55
Speaker 2: But I think that might be the fem ones, because it's something that do you think it's the the masculine presenting, No, it's usually the.

00:15:04
Speaker 1: Feminine or the transsexuals. Usually those are the ones who you know. I saw you know T. S. Madison. She was online one time she was like, we are the men who protect trans women? Like what, you're a man, protect yourself? Then what we're talking about? You are talking about where are the men to protect trans women? What? What are we talking about? I will not. I refuse to play into this delusion with these grown ass men. I refuse because again, the highest form of patriarchy is for a man to tell you, bitch, I'm you because I feel like it. No, sir, you're a man and all who'll get mad about it because you don't care about about our feelings.

00:16:00
Speaker 2: They don't.

00:16:01
Speaker 1: They got to respect their stances, but they they don't give a damn what we're talking about, because it's stow patriarchy. You do not hear from trans men. You do not hear trans men, which are women out here ruha and and everybody face and I'm stronger. Don't let me tell you women, we we be the best at all the ship because those trans men be fine as hell.

00:16:29
Speaker 2: Do you hear me some of them? Some women ask me fat like I hain't seeing the trans with their fat asses.

00:16:38
Speaker 1: Or something that you can understand why they trans into to a man and they be pregnant?

00:16:44
Speaker 2: What is that? Shrak? What is That's a lot going on? It's a lot happening. What is happening? You got that big old bookie.

00:16:59
Speaker 1: One of my cousins. Hey, girl, boy, whatever the fuck? She got the fattest ass in the world. She a boy in the relationship, the fat she and she got kinkles like the gas legs always to the ankle. That's a fat I bitch. Okay, she's the boy, and I'll always be like, how are you doing all that with that fat ass?

00:17:21
Speaker 2: Let's sagging girl? You pull your pants up so with fat need a lap dance? Shame all right? So any n L E chopper says, you ain't never been through shit if you wear a seat belt. So he is riding down the street with no seat belt on talking about if you wear a seat belt, you ain't been through shit. If you ever see him in the seat belt. He riding with somebody who he feels like can't drive, and that's the only time he wear a seat belt because he done have real life experiences.

00:17:54
Speaker 1: Boy, you stupid because you're not concerned about getting accidents with other people. I can drive, I wear a seatbelt because somebody else might hit me right driving.

00:18:03
Speaker 2: Where's the sense? And these are this is the people that like young youth are looking up to. And it's scary.

00:18:12
Speaker 1: You think niggas looking up the NL E chopper.

00:18:14
Speaker 2: Young maybe young niggas. So now they're thinking like now they're riding down the street with no seatbelt because they want to prove they've been through some ship I've been jumped on loose.

00:18:26
Speaker 1: I don't want to be loose in the car, Like when I don't got my seatput on, I feel loose, like baked. I just feel like I'm just all over the place in the car, like whoa, whoa.

00:18:38
Speaker 2: Over the speed bulls bitch and jumping up.

00:18:42
Speaker 1: Yeah, put your fucking seatput on, stupid boy. It ain't just because it's not just for you, okay, Like even if you are a good driver, everybody is not a good driver. Somebody can hit you and you got no seatput on. So now your ass going at.

00:18:56
Speaker 2: The windshield because you've been through stuff?

00:19:00
Speaker 1: Who sass?

00:19:01
Speaker 2: You go beat through the bullshit? You go be through a wishy.

00:19:05
Speaker 1: Take me through there?

00:19:10
Speaker 2: Where we going?

00:19:10
Speaker 1: Twin right, y'all?

00:19:13
Speaker 2: So I have an eminem messy meme.

00:19:17
Speaker 1: The game the game Twitter and said, we all here calling each other mattress sizes, twin king and queen. I guess we ain't say foe though. I feel full right now.

00:19:34
Speaker 2: That's me right now, damn.

00:19:38
Speaker 1: Your full twin queen.

00:19:42
Speaker 2: Book. What are we talking about this week?

00:19:47
Speaker 1: All right, y'all? You know how I always say like I feel like our podcast for me, my target market is you know, the younger women, right, y'all can live vicuriously through us, so you don't have to go through the dumb ship. But I wanted to talk about some things you wish you would have listened to at twenty five or something. Somebody may have told your ass that you didn't listen to that now at your current age, you wish you had. That's one. That's what I want to talk about today. Okay, I head make a soft ass.

00:20:21
Speaker 2: Listen, let's get into it. We'll be right back. Okay. So I have one that should resonate with everybody over forty years old. You are not I've been doing the whole thing. You are not fat, you are not ugly. You don't look bad the body that you have right now. In fifteen years from now, you're gonna look back and be like, it wasn't that bad. I used to be so that on my body. I used to be so hard on my body at twenty five, so hard on myself I'm thirty, So hard on myself at thirty five, you know, just hard on your body and how it looks, and always eat like I'm getting on here and I'm saying I'm fat. But I'm more comfortable in my fatness than I've ever been, honestly, like.

00:21:18
Speaker 1: I've hold on now, but we ain't about to wait till we ten ten more years from now, and looking back like, oh, I wasn't that bad, because I'll be damned if I'm any bigger than what I am right now.

00:21:28
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I got new year up right now because I'm waddling bitch. But I'll be damn but even in my wattle, my skin will be tighter than it is. Ten years from now, my ill just be more youthful. You know, I'll just be ten years older. So we just have to appreciate the body that we have while were in it, while we in the moment, and stop being hard on ourselves. So that's definitely one, because I know we all look back on that on pictures from like and I was like, damn, I was saying I was fat. I looked good as fuck right there, right?

00:22:04
Speaker 1: Can I get back there?

00:22:06
Speaker 2: Right?

00:22:06
Speaker 1: I was looking at some pictures and when I used to live in Saint Louis, and I feel like I probably had the best body, I would say then. So that would have been like twenty from twenty eleven to twenty fifteen or twenty ten to twenty fifteen, and then like sometime like in two thousand, I don't know, eight something like that, Like I don't know. It was a good it was a good little I just remember my mind being different around that time too, right, I was way more disciplined around that time. I was kind of more isolated because I was living away with no family, hardly no friends, and I went to the gym every fucking day. But I was like, I was really focused until I got into a relationship, a long distance one. Then I moved back south, and then I got fat, and then I almost went to prison. Just some fucking domino effect. After that, I've got to another relationship.

00:23:02
Speaker 2: Game are like, it's just listen life.

00:23:05
Speaker 1: Yes, So I'm one of my suggestions if you are in your or why where somebody would have told me was, you know, keep your regrets to them. And I always say that get out of those relationships soon and early if they are not serving you. Do not stay around now weight you can put on weight and happy relationships too now because y'all just eating and laying up.

00:23:27
Speaker 2: That's what I'm doing with that.

00:23:32
Speaker 1: That's always fun. But don't you know, don't forget right because it is easier to lose weight in your twenties. Ho do you get your metabolism slow down? Bit You got to take all types of supplements and all type of shit to get that. It's just something that's just your body is changing. It's not the same and molecular you know, formation of all the things. It's just not the same.

00:23:58
Speaker 2: You know, one that I have. I wish somebody would have told me at twenty five, or I would you know, known at twenty five, y'all start putting money into an IRA now reality, because by the time you're retired, you can have a million dollars waiting on you, a million dollars just by putting little, small amounts over time, you can have so much money.

00:24:28
Speaker 1: I mean I wish so, I mean, never mind twenty five, like right now, like what are we doing to set that up for now? Because I know I'm working on it. But a lot of people, even our age right now, aren't doing that because they still don't have the financial literacy. So that is one part I wanted to get to with the younger. I wish when I was younger, like my mom never explained credit. She's always had good credit. She just she doesn't know how to make money off credit, right, she doesn't understand finance and av Yeah, she just knew you buy something, you got to pay for it, or you know, if you don't have the money, you can't get it. That's all she knew. But she's always had like an eight hundred sums credit score, but she never passed that information down to her kids. All of us have had bad credit at some fucking point. Okay, I don't have credit out twice in life now.

00:25:17
Speaker 2: First of all, I am all kind of bills in my name. I wouldn't eight years old.

00:25:24
Speaker 1: Oh that's another thing. Pull your credit report, depending on who your mom is. Pull your credit report right now. If you've never pulled your credit report, and you're twenty five listening and we talk aback, pull your shit just in case there might be a default light built in your name. Right. You don't got to get your mom arrested, but you can dispute it today if you need help. DM me.

00:25:47
Speaker 2: Right.

00:25:49
Speaker 1: I remember my friend kid like when when I met him, I might have been I probably was like twenty seven a time, and I've always been an adult though, you know what I'm saying, so, it's a lot of things I feel like, ain't nobody never told me shit. My mom ain't never told me nothing like anything. I know, I had to learn on my own for the most part. But I remember pulling his credit report. Now, his dad is uh African, so that would talk shit to him about how you know, he's paying for him to go through go to school and all this shit. Man, I pull man that nigga has so much shit in his name, including them student loans. Your daddy't paying for nothing, boy. And I think a credit report was crazy. I mean, like he had so much shit and had never put anything in his name. Wow, and had a whole credit profile. So check your shit. Check your credit report today.

00:26:42
Speaker 2: Oh my mama had somebody at one time using her credit, but they was paying shit on time. It was so weird that her credit score was going up on shit that.

00:26:50
Speaker 1: She never had. Yeah, she probably just let somebody, I mean essentially they build her credit for her basically.

00:26:59
Speaker 2: But she don't know who it was.

00:27:06
Speaker 1: It was probably somebody probably sold her Social Security number as a CPN and that person was actually taking care of it, yeah, and not burning it out. You know. All y'all about to go to jail for fraud, for burning out cpns and shit. But that might be what happened. Shit thinks it was wild. Let me open somebody uh hacked my shit? Because listen, I'm blaming everything on you. I never went to college. Whose student loans are.

00:27:31
Speaker 2: Those men I did college?

00:27:35
Speaker 1: They had never been Please, I didn't. I don't know who did that. I don't know this man. Yeah, so let me think of anything else. I wish somebody would have told me at twenty five. Now, finances, I don't know. Let's talk about men. Yeah, relationship relationships get out like I said, fast and soon, like don't wait for the sixth flag.

00:28:06
Speaker 2: Let me tell you that's one that I still ain't learned. My Listen, like I just be locked in, like I be like so in love I'll be once I get there. It's hard for me to let go. I still struggle now. It take a lot for me to get there with somebody. It'll take a whole lot for me to be like, oh, I love him and I really want to be with them, and I'm gona claim them publicly. But once I get there, I'm ready to go through hell and high warded with a motherfucker forever.

00:28:34
Speaker 1: I think also society makes women feel like we give up on relationships so easily, like we easily walk away, and it cannot be furthest from the truth. I think a lot of us stay in relationships hoping it gets better.

00:28:48
Speaker 2: You know.

00:28:49
Speaker 1: Yeah, but man, I'm telling y'all, men are not gonna deal with half the shit they put you through, So just think about it. That is when you need to think like a man. You need to think like a man. When a man is doing some shit, you would he stay with you if you do the same thing to him, because nine times out of ten, he's gonna beat your ass and then he out of there.

00:29:10
Speaker 2: But sometimes, like if he cheating on if you cheat on him, some of these niggas be saying it just be a secret. But then why you why did you smile like that? I just hurt. I just heard.

00:29:25
Speaker 1: Like he ain't gonna never share with his homeboys that you cheated on him before. Yeah, because he probably he probably subconsciously think you owe him that because he probably not cheated on your ass.

00:29:37
Speaker 2: Or maybe maybe he's.

00:29:39
Speaker 1: Cheated worse than you ever known, you know. And I'm not gonna say there's no relationships out here with women then cheat first, third, and last. I am saying that because women be cheating for sure, we just don't get caught. I feel like you really love your partner when you don't get caught. Will you be leaving trash out for people to step on and see, like dogs leave shit out? You do not love the person you're with.

00:30:04
Speaker 2: You're because some people just not slick, you know. That's what I said.

00:30:12
Speaker 1: You need to be slick of you cheating, Yeah, you need to be.

00:30:15
Speaker 2: But everybody. I had one of my homegirls, she is the worst cheater in the world. Like, God, damn, you need to stop. You keep getting caught. I'm talking about every single time she get caught red handed. It's like she was caught with a nigga. It wouldn't be like Everdence, it'd be like with another nigga. Like every one time she got caught she called me. She's like, girl, my man came and I had another thing at my house. I would to hit in the closet. I said, that's your own house.

00:30:42
Speaker 1: Bit I got a homegirl who her and the nigga was under the bed. Bitch her baby daddy and I have broken the window of her apartment. He climbed up to a second floor window and got inside her apartment, and her and the other nigga was underneath the bed watching watching feet like a scary movie. They didn't get caught, no, he he naw he he never knew they were in there to this day.

00:31:13
Speaker 2: I mean, they ain't get to I don't play games like that because I know how I would act if I caught somebody.

00:31:20
Speaker 1: I might break out my house. You breaking my house, I'm flipping that shit on you with the nigga sitting right there. How dare you breaking to my motherfucker house?

00:31:29
Speaker 2: Can I tell you I'm a.

00:31:30
Speaker 1: Gas like this ship that nigga? Why you going to jail?

00:31:36
Speaker 2: Accountability? Fuck that.

00:31:40
Speaker 1: I am not taking accountability for being on some motion or you do broke in my house?

00:31:45
Speaker 2: No, fuck you?

00:31:49
Speaker 1: What are you doing here? Absolutely not? Uh? Reality versus potential. Okay, when you see this man and this is how he's presenting, believe him. Okay, Now I can tell you I was in That's why I hate Columbia so much. I've had some of my worst relationships in Columbia, South Carolina. Okay, and one of my boyfriends I met him at the gas station by the apartment where I lived at and he was actually working at the gas station part time just so he can get gas money to drive to Orangeburg for this Degel mechanics school. Right, So I saw the potential. But this man had a whole fucking family. Dawn there stole with the family. He's still with his baby mama to this day. Okay, his kid's grown his hair now. But I was I saw. I don't know. I think women we be so delusional, like we be seeing a future with every fucking body. He was such a hard worker, like, yes, you can see the potential and where he's going to be at in the future because he does well now, right, And I saw that then mm hmm. But he was on some bullshit like he always gonna be a lover boy like his baby mama gonna always have to deal with him fucking other bitches like forever. And I knew that then, well no more.

00:33:13
Speaker 2: I got up out of there.

00:33:14
Speaker 1: But y'all, it was two tup pregnancies later, the baby mam was pregnant the second time I was pregnant at the same time. It was a whole lot of bullshit, and my twenties middle finger to my old life. Don't go through it the minute of a bitch call you a phone. I remember this girl calling my phone. I'm at work. She like, who are you there? So and so? I said, who did he say? I am? I said, you calling me? You should ask him? And furthermore, why are you going through his phone? That's my favorite shit to tell a bitch when they call me. Why are you on his phone? And if you got a check for me, you already know what time it is? Like, I'm not, but yeah, asked that man. Okay.

00:33:55
Speaker 2: I remember I had a girl post my picture on social media, her nigga that I ain't even never met in real life. He was just in the DMS and they were on vacation, and he was like mesicaging me while they were on vacation because they were arguing about something I didn't I didn't know none of this. And then I wake up in the morning and I'm tagged. It's some bullshit.

00:34:19
Speaker 1: I'm like, I'm the fuck I don't even know this nigga like that, Relax? Why are you ruin a vacation girl?

00:34:28
Speaker 2: That's why I listen how I always tell my clients and homegirls, like, don't ruin your own vacation on some bullshit going through Why would you go through a nigga phone on vacation, like you want to have.

00:34:40
Speaker 1: A bad time?

00:34:42
Speaker 2: You asked me for bullshit.

00:34:44
Speaker 1: Basically, I had a nigga go through my phone on Christmas, Like, what the fuck nigga?

00:34:50
Speaker 2: You want to ruin Chris Christmas.

00:34:52
Speaker 1: And New Year's at this point, because fuck you, you ain't going intobody New Years?

00:34:56
Speaker 2: Why are you and my damn cell phone? Anytime a nigga through my phone, I was flabb against it because I thought only women did that. I was lie, it's not they do it.

00:35:09
Speaker 1: They go through I'm gonna tell y'all, men go through women's phones. Ain't it been a time I've ever been in, like in a real serious relationship with a man that I don't pick my phone up in my settings and is different in all type of shit weird in my cell phone because I know you've been in there fiddling around doing some shit.

00:35:27
Speaker 2: Yeah, so you see, I wasn't even covering my tracks because I just thought niggas just did not do that. Wrong Again, I never.

00:35:38
Speaker 1: Even up until the point to where a man actually did it. I still covered my tracks just in case my mind, I don't want ship past nobody.

00:35:51
Speaker 2: I definitely thought niggas was too thorough for that. Now absolutely, Now you know how you can lock everything? My photos is face. I d everything you can't get in ship without my face.

00:36:04
Speaker 1: Don't see it too hard.

00:36:05
Speaker 2: You can't get that, right, That would be the only way you have to do it. In my sleep.

00:36:11
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't set up none of that biometric shit on my cell phone. Like you got to use a pin.

00:36:16
Speaker 2: I'm not.

00:36:16
Speaker 1: It's not no face, none of that. You got to put the pin in. And my ship long too, it's nine characters. You'll never hear it out. You'll never get nine. So and then even when you do, like the little cold on the phone, people can look and see like how your friends, Yeah, the fingerprints on your phone. So I don't do that either. Yeah, and I don't even I don't think. I don't have nothing to hide now, got no, But I just still keep it locked. Yeah, I don't know. I guess what relationships. Yeah, just get out of there soon and early. Your mama is right. These niggas ain't ship. They just want to see your asshole. And once they do they out of there? Okay, there's only two men that really love you. Is it your daddy? Okay? I mean the two No, two men that actually want to be around you, your daddy and the man that truly loves you. The rest of these men they only around until they have sex with you.

00:37:16
Speaker 2: Just know that.

00:37:18
Speaker 1: They gonna chase you until they get to Kuchi and all of a sudden you chasing them.

00:37:23
Speaker 2: Oh, I have one that a lot of you women and men need to hear. Guess what, Sometimes you're wrong. Sometimes you're not right. You can't be right every single time. Sometimes you are the wrong person. And if you are listening and think every time you are right, you probably wrong more times than not. There's no way you're always right. So sometimes you have to be like, Okay, like, maybe I should think about this more objectively instead of just from my own perspective.

00:37:58
Speaker 1: Right, try that shit.

00:38:01
Speaker 2: I had to learn that one. I had to learn that one. I just remember, like in my twenties, I was definitely how I think is right and that's the only right way, and it just felt like it was supposed to make sense what I thought to everybody else.

00:38:20
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I feel like perspective and just saying the word perspective is ten years old, right, People didn't even consider other people's perspective about something, you know, I don't know personally, I don't be talking about shit I don't know about. And then if somebody's telling me some shit I never heard and I'm listening, I'm never just telling them or that's not I don't that's not right. I don't do that. I'd be like, okay, and then I'll go through my own little independent research and see what the fuck they're talking about. But yeah, you absolutely don't know everything. Nobody knows everything, and the smartest person knows they know nothing. Right, Actually, all right, she should always be a student. Yeah, listen to your damn mama. Your mom already said that, right. Listen to your mama mom already right. The ship you think you are going through, she's already been through it, all right, So old any anytime, if you're twenty five, right now, anytime, anybody who's older than you tell you some ship, Okay, they are telling you it from from experience of.

00:39:22
Speaker 2: The bitters hell. No, you have been in the room for the old ship, beauty salon.

00:39:35
Speaker 1: I've been looking for this lady who used to Missy Vaughn. I've been looking for her man to see if she could she could do my hair because I used to go to her as a kid. But yeah, that fucking beauty salon was so caddy and some of the conversations that should not have been had in front of little girls, right and had in hair salon. Everybody husband was cheating chat so still, I mean, I guess it, hoping it, George, you know, I'm talking about other partners where.

00:40:07
Speaker 2: And ke Lo Low came to the beating and they was telling everybody about how their husbands was out here cheating on everybody. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yes, yeah.

00:40:25
Speaker 1: Another thing I think that we take for granted. It's time. Right. So my oldest niece is twenty five. My youngest niece now is she's twenty she's twenty? Is she twenty one? Yet she's twenty at twenty one? Anyway, second year of college, and I remember for my youngest niece, I remember having a conversation with her maybe when she was in her eleventh grade year, just trying to talk about the future, because nobody did that for me, right, Nobody like helped me think about what I'm gonna do when I finish high school, because shit gets real. Once she finished high school, right, you can go to college, you can go straight to the workforce. You start getting making money and acquiring bills and credit fucked, all types of things start happening. She gets real really fast. When you are becoming an adult in twenty five, you are still a child. Okay, So a lot of the shit I was telling both of my nieces they are now having to experience. I would have my oldest niece, I have been telling her since she was a kid, all these niggas gay, and she did not believe me until now when she's twenty eight years old. And then my youngest niece, like, yeah, I remember sitting the call with her trying to everybody, trying to tell you what to do with my life. This is what she told me, like in eleventh grade. And now she is trying to figure it out. You know, the first two years of school didn't work out as she plans. She now she has to come back home and do tech for a little while to get her grades back up. Because you have to have a different level of discipline right now once you get into the real world, because there's nobody there to wake you up and make sure you're on your shit. You have to be self motivating, right, so.

00:42:09
Speaker 2: Work on that.

00:42:10
Speaker 1: Work on your mind, like listen, read something like now we're getting more into like the self help books and meditation and all that stuff at this age. But imagine if we was on this type of time at twenty twenty five, like your mind would be really really super duper fortified, like it wasn't until age thirty three. For me, that's like thirty two is when shit started getting bad and going downhill, and thirty three, I feel like, and then just the time and not like in the rat race of having to work with somebody else. I was able to do a lot of research. I was able to read, I had time to think. I had time to actually figure out what is actually going on in the world. But the old, the younger you can do that, the more advanced you will be. You know, thirty five, Yeah, so read, nigga, figure out what is going on in the world for real. I don't know, start therapy now, you know what I'm saying, Like it's a lot of stuff that we probably blame on childhood that we probably could have you know, had somebody help us resolve by there on. Yeah, because it comes out and dating, Okay, it.

00:43:22
Speaker 2: Comes out, and how you present yourself to the world every.

00:43:24
Speaker 1: Day, friendship, all that shit, and you don't have as much time as you think. That is the whole gist of what I was trying to say. Yes, you're twenty five right now, but ten years goes by so fast. I was just telling the nigga the other day, like, we're gonna be fifty soon. You know, you around here bum fumbling and bullshitting. You want to be fifty doing the same thing you're doing today if you do not make a change today. So, if you're twenty five right now, I think you got time because you're young and lit. Babe. Everything you look up right now is add a baby to your bullshit, right Okay? So yeah, if you single, young, let no kids, you good.

00:44:09
Speaker 2: Mm hmm as soon as you become a mama. But let me tell you them, mamas be turning into superheroes though. Sometimes so mm hmm.

00:44:19
Speaker 1: Sometimes I feel like I don't have as much hustle as I should because I don't have no kids.

00:44:25
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, me too. Sometimes I lay in the bed and people be going to pick their kids up from daycare. I'd be like, damn, that's crazy. I got another good one pertaining to finances. Don't spend your money trying to keep up with a lifestyle or a look that is really outside your means. Stop wasting money on dumb ass shit like that, like you buying a Chanelle bag but it ain't got no real mattress on your bed, you know, like, or you don't have the means to pay your rent by yourself, but the money you're getting you spending on clothes and shoes and bags and can't put no money in the bag. And if this person is taking care of you decides to stop, now, you're gonna get evicted. Don't do dummit. I've seen that shit happen before.

00:45:14
Speaker 1: I mean, we got grown ass women that's still doing stuff like that. But yeah, like definitely. I mean there's so much like financial literacy, like help shit on YouTube. Check out some of those videos. Learn about the stock market right now, like Tammy mentioned earlier about you know, doing a IRA stuff like that, annuities.

00:45:38
Speaker 2: Put a couple of dollars, you.

00:45:39
Speaker 1: Have the money, Okay, I can assure you I had way more money in my twenties than I do do now, okay. And I did not save save your money. But I don't even think a whole bunch of bullshit, bitch.

00:45:55
Speaker 2: When I was living in Europe, I was balling hand like ball okay, And I was just blowing money like you. I was blowing money like I was a drug dealer, straight up. Like oh, we just were flying the Amsterdam is we can we going crazy? And I just spent thousands and thousands of dollars on bullshit. I can't. I can't show food none of that shit, now, you know.

00:46:21
Speaker 1: Yeah, and you will. That is another thing. You're looking back on skinny pictures. You're gonna be looking back on the money you had your hands on that you don't have now. You did absolutely nothing with You're not by that money. You just all this money going out and nothing coming in, nothing extra coming in.

00:46:40
Speaker 2: Now. What I'm not saying, don't make memories and experiences, but just balance, you know, absolutely.

00:46:50
Speaker 1: Yeah, have fun, you know what I'm saying. If you can find a man who was sponsored, that's your fun. Do that too.

00:46:58
Speaker 2: Let applies age. Yeah.

00:47:02
Speaker 1: I also don't spend too much time trying to look for somebody to find it to finance your fucking life. Make sure you're the nigga with the money, right, okay, because I'm unfortunately learning realizing that I'm gonna just have to be the nigga with the money of my life. Shouldn't you that I don't, not that I don't, not that it's not any men out here with the money, man, but it's really not a whole bunch of them to go around.

00:47:23
Speaker 2: Remember that nigga that side said I was gonna marry rich bitch, you lie?

00:47:31
Speaker 1: Well, he ain't lie to me because he told me I'm gonna have to work hard. I'm gonna get everything I want. I'm gonna just have to work hard, and that is and I already knew that, right. So it's just confirmation for me for real, because that is the story of my fucking life. So I just got to get out of my my own way. Basically, he told you you was gonna marry a basketball player, bitch, because but you're probably looking for Drea and Michael Age nigga, like your niggas retired, I want I don't want.

00:47:57
Speaker 2: To know young niggas no more. I'm doing with y'all. Got me fat lions got me fat this episode, The Lions got me fat.

00:48:16
Speaker 1: Let's talk about friendships right quick, right, because I am no longer friends with a few people who who I was friends with, like in my twenties.

00:48:25
Speaker 2: Absolutely, and I thought that it would never I was.

00:48:28
Speaker 1: I thought that these people would be my friends forever life, right, Yeah, And it's just it doesn't work that way.

00:48:34
Speaker 2: Now.

00:48:34
Speaker 1: What I don't believe in is people growing apart. I'm not my relationships. It wasn't about people growing apart. It's just somebody starting like a bitch. Okay, it ain't no growing apart. Once you get a certain age, you.

00:48:48
Speaker 2: Don't feel like that. No, I feel like you can because I have some friends that are still very good friends of mine, but we don't talk as often because just distance in life.

00:48:59
Speaker 1: You know, like those are your those probably your best friends though you know what I'm saying, Like those probably when y'all do talk, y'all probably talked for a long time, Yeah, about relationships that ended, Like you no longer talk to this person.

00:49:13
Speaker 2: I you know what, I used to think that I had to hold on too friendships that I've had for a long time. That's another one, like you just because you've been friends with someone for a long time, don't mean y'all have to be friends forever. Sometimes that chapter is done and that's okay. You know you're holding onto unhealthy relationships because y'all known each other since y'all was fourteen. Fuck that. Let that shit go. It don't matter. Sometimes it's just okay. Your piece is more important if you got girlfriends that y'all always arguing every time y'all talk is discourse, Like, just let that shit go. It's okay, and you can still love them and wish them well. And I have nothing to do with them. Yeah.

00:49:58
Speaker 1: My mom asked me about one of my ex best friends over the weekend, and I get so annoyed when she does.

00:50:09
Speaker 2: I I.

00:50:11
Speaker 1: Get so annoyed when she does, because it's almost like, did you forget what these people did to me?

00:50:16
Speaker 3: And it's almost like ever with my daughter and my kids said such and such, such and such, bitch, I ain't your friend no more either. Yeah, but I guess she and I mean this, this particular person, she's like a family member who I just don't fuck with, Like she's a family member who I don't talk to no more so, And we were friends from middle school basically a very very long time. And you know, I feel like I was in some abusive friendships the same, Like it's just a different type of abuse, because like she would be mad at a mad at a boyfriend and then all of a sudden, like you got an attitude, I mean, the nastiest attitude towards me, Like why I gotta deal with it.

00:50:54
Speaker 1: Anytime I'm pissed at somebody, that energy goes towards that person. Only I'm not taking it out on somebody else, especially my homegirl. Like your friends are there to make you happy when these niggas make you mad, right, but you mad at me when you mad at you know, it's just it's weird. And some of those relationships you realize once they do end, y'all probably were never really friends. You know. Sometimes it's really really one sided. Also, like somebody is benefiting more off that friendship than the other.

00:51:22
Speaker 2: One of my friends got mad at me because I was going through another filled situationship that didn't turn into a relationship and I was really upset about it, and she was like, you know, just trying to be encouraging. The right person is going to come along. You just gotta not whatever bitch you say to always make each other feel better. And I was like, you know what, I'm sorry, but I really don't want to hear that motherfucking shit right now, right And she was upset that I said that to her, because she said that she was just trying to encourage me and make me feel better. But sometimes it's okay to say, you know what, I don't want to hear that shit right now? Do you think I was wrong?

00:52:09
Speaker 1: I mean, were you venting to her? And so sometimes you got to tell people you just want to air you really don't want anything from them, right You just want them to listen. Because if you are calling her and you just you know, telling them all these all the bad shit that's been happening with you in the relationship and all that shit, and they offer words of encouragement, why would you ever get upset about words of encouragement?

00:52:31
Speaker 2: Well I did. I wasn't upset with her about the encouragement I wouldn't like.

00:52:37
Speaker 1: But the way it came off, she took it personally. She took it I don't want to hear that shit right now?

00:52:42
Speaker 2: Like why the energy for me? Yeah? But it wasn't shit this friend would do to me. But it wasn't energy for her, that's the thing. It wasn't energy for her. But it's like, after twenty years, a bitch just saying the right person coming Like girls, don't nobody want to hear that?

00:53:00
Speaker 1: Ship?

00:53:04
Speaker 2: Yeah I heard it before.

00:53:07
Speaker 1: You're gonna get mad at her because you keep going through the niggas.

00:53:13
Speaker 2: With that, but you stop about the right person to cover the long girl fuck up.

00:53:17
Speaker 1: Oh you would have felt better. She would have said, bitch, steady yourself for a little while, stop dating bitch. That made me feel better anyway, you know, get with the plan. Okay, So if you if you are in your twenties and you got a friend like betting you about her relationships, just listen.

00:53:37
Speaker 2: Okay.

00:53:37
Speaker 1: You always have to give your opinion about stuff, right listen. And I don't even think I used to be giving this bitch my opinion about ship. Like literally, she would be giving her opinion to me about my niggas and one of my niggas she enough, fucking I think I don't know about it today. Okay, Yeah, that's what I'm saying. So just listen. Not all you will not be friends with all your friends forever right and will feel like a real breakup. It will hurt, and you gonna live and you're gonna make more friends. Okay, I don't. I've never had a problem making friends.

00:54:12
Speaker 2: I always I try to always, especially in the you know, last decade, anytime I unpack on friends, I always ask them first, do if they have the bandwidth for you know, I always ask, hey, can you handle you know, me venting to you right now. I try to do that because some people would just come dump on you without even asking if it's okay to do that. I think that's something that we should start, you know, putting into our repertoire when we're talking to our friends, like ask first, don't just come drop. And you know your friends are I mean, what are friends for? They're there for that, but you gotta also consider that it might be more than they can handle at that time, you know. And then also tell your friends I just want you to listen. I don't advice, and that's okay too.

00:55:03
Speaker 1: You know. Also tell your friends good things about your relationship. You don't want to just be like dumping all the trauma and all the bad shit on them, Like there are some good times. I think you can think of. If you can't think of any good good times in that relationship, get out of there. But you know, you don't always want to just come to your friends with the bad shit, because your friends are not going to fuck with your person anymore. I just gonna thank you making bad decisions and eventually they ain't gonna want to hear that shit. I rembvi used to be venting so much to one of my homegirls who I'm no longer friends with. I used to be venting her about about my ex what am my exes? And then I stopped, right, I stopped vitting her because I'm like, you know what, I'm gonna just stop bending everybody ears about this nigga and Tom I'm ready to leave for real. But that was my way of, you know, talking myself out of the relationship anyway, right, But then when I would talk to her, she would be asking me about what's going like when I stop mentioning, she would then be asking. But then the reason why I stopped even mentioning is because she was like getting short with me during conversation about it, like she was tired of hearing about it, right, So I stopped talking about it. And now you're asking me about the nigga. Like, I'm not even mentioning this nigga. Don't ask me about him right now?

00:56:19
Speaker 2: Like which one is it? Because when I am talking about it, you don't want to hear it. And when I stopped, now you're wondering why I stop?

00:56:26
Speaker 1: Yeah, like what is happening?

00:56:29
Speaker 2: Well, we know, women, we can get with our friends and been our niggas our friends ear back about a nigga. Yeah, and then the same shit over and over and over again, and it can be annoying. And we've all done it. We've all been that friend. And then you got to find new bitches to talk to it, talk to about this because everybody's so say.

00:56:53
Speaker 1: Everybody, Now you got to find new people to hear delusion, get out of there. But yeah, like as far as friendship, like best friends usually be the ones you don't talk to every day for real mm hmm, It's okay to break up with friends if the relationship is no longer serving you. I kind of hate that term, you know, no longer serving you. I understand what it means, but like, what does it mean? You know? This is if it's if it doesn't feel good right, I get happy when I talk to my friends me too. Right, I know the people who caused me like a little mental anguish, and I'm not friends with them no more, like you see them break up with other people and stop being other people friends for trivial bullshit like your turn, Your turn is coming, right, It's definitely coming. Because one of my friends, I would see her fall out with all these different people and like me, and her stayed thick stieves for many years afterwards. But my time came eventually.

00:57:47
Speaker 2: Yep.

00:57:48
Speaker 1: So you are not exempt from the bullshit, sweetie. So if you have a friend who always got different friends, danger friends.

00:57:57
Speaker 2: Either another one is you have to be the friend you want. A lot of people have these hot, such huge expectations of friendship, but then aren't that type of friend in return? So you have to be the type of friend that you want, you.

00:58:18
Speaker 1: Know absolutely, and that that goes with relationships. Right. So we have all these demands for our significant others, right, But a lot of times in order to attract what you want, you you gotta change because the current you. It's the same way as like you look back at somebody you don't like anymore, right, and you probably don't even like who you were when you were dating him. It's the same thing. So if you want better, you have to also then become better. Gad you're prepared, girl.

00:58:47
Speaker 2: Listen. I was going through my text messages deleting the old shit, and it was one of my old hoes that I was like crazy about, and I was reading my messages. Oh, I was like, oh, you're weak in the knees, stand up, bitch, Like I was so mad at myself reading some of those messages. Fucking pussy stand up?

00:59:09
Speaker 1: What if he was showing those pussy ass hold messages?

00:59:11
Speaker 2: Look at this bitch man, right, she love but she loved me, stupid.

00:59:18
Speaker 1: Barrel twenty five year old girl. Just know he's showing them text messages and you being weak in the knees or to the bitchy cheating with right that part? Just know then that's that that might be happening.

00:59:33
Speaker 2: Okay, it's possible. For sure.

00:59:36
Speaker 1: We kind of talked about you know, health and all that stuff, and you know, not taking this current body.

00:59:43
Speaker 2: Right.

00:59:44
Speaker 1: Make sure you're taking care of it. Make sure you drink water. We know y'all outside drinking Hennessy is about to be warm again. Okay, drinkson water.

00:59:52
Speaker 2: You know, nobody see no more.

00:59:54
Speaker 1: That's how I know you ain't no stas girl who drinking have y' I don't know because I don't be outside with the Hawaiians everybody drinking.

01:00:04
Speaker 2: They waiting tequila Right now, y'all water, especially for years? Enough water? What is wrong with y'all? Some of y'all looking like very old And that's because you're not taking care of your body. Every liquor, shot of liquor, you need to drink a cup of water. Damn.

01:00:24
Speaker 1: So our generation, I think we went through like the BBL era, right. I don't know what's going to be coming up for the gen zs. What y'all gonna be.

01:00:34
Speaker 2: Doing every every peptide injecting peptide skin.

01:00:40
Speaker 1: So you want to do consistency versus quick fixes. And you don't want to have to be dealing with some ship years later. You know, put your body added and removed all this weird ship right, just just work out.

01:00:58
Speaker 2: Because a lot of y'all girls who got the blessed plants in the last ten years. Now, y'all got to go have another surgery right now, and I know y'all hate that shit.

01:01:06
Speaker 1: In your forties or something, right, And I hope you got the money right to go get another another breast and plant surgery.

01:01:19
Speaker 2: I don't know how to.

01:01:21
Speaker 1: I don't know how. I've always been pretty confident. I know there are some older, younger women who lack confidence, and I don't know how to help you get more confidence.

01:01:34
Speaker 2: Look in the mirror and talk to yourself.

01:01:37
Speaker 1: That's it. That's exactly what the fuck I was about to say. Like people, y'all think that's crazy. Somebody said something to me the other day about looking in the mirror, But I mean it's literally a portal. Okay, So whatever you want to be, you look in the mirror, and that's where you merge those two realities. Okay, you bring bring that other reality through the mirror, right.

01:02:03
Speaker 2: And you know what, as a young woman I struggle with I always gave off confidence, but deep down inside, I struggle with my insecurities and I struggled with imposter syndrome and things like that. But on the outside, I just be putting on a good face. But deep beneath the surface, there were all these things that really lied there that you know, I wasn't as confident as I thought, Like I projected, and I wasn't as secure as I projected, and those things I still battle with sometimes, you know, like I'm not perfect. You know, I do know who I am at this age, I know exactly who I am, but sometimes I still struggle with insecurities. I mean, and point out one woman who don't have no insecurities, and I call you a liar. I call you a liar. There's something, Yeah, you know there's something there that you might.

01:03:00
Speaker 1: I think we I think you get a certain age you like, fucking this is this is how I'm showing up whatever body, whatever, face like, this is this, it is what it is. I think it's just a little bit more pressure for the younger people, right right.

01:03:17
Speaker 2: Yeah, you gotta you just have to really.

01:03:19
Speaker 1: Try to find self love. That is what it all balls down to, and everything else will work itself out. You gotta, like you today, work.

01:03:27
Speaker 2: On that mm hmm.

01:03:28
Speaker 1: Everybody, and I don't think like you're like you. Everybody definitely has insecurities. Everybody. I think everybody puts a mask on. Yeah, and then you gotta go home and actually deal with yourself mm hm when you get in that mirror, Yeah, make sure you can deal with you. That's all that matters. Fuck everybody else.

01:03:52
Speaker 2: If you love you. That's why I could never be a strip of a prostitute. No shade to y'all, but I just would be scared in the mirror. Like like outside, it's like okay, okay, but when you're in that house by yourself, you have to really be with yourself. And you know what, And that's why a lot of people don't be at home by theyself because they.

01:04:15
Speaker 1: Or they're not their real self, and at home by themselves, they're probably drinking on drugs, you know, so they.

01:04:21
Speaker 2: Face in the phone, keep your face in the phone and things like that, and don't really sit with themself.

01:04:28
Speaker 1: And I'll say you also, it's okay to fake it till you make it also, right, so you might feel like, yeah, you were showing up this way. You're showing up this way, but deep down inside this is how you feel. Eventually you will trick your subconscious mind and you will become that thing you've been acting like you work okay, so you will become that much more confident. Right, just sometimes you some certain situation you just got fake it till you make it for real.

01:04:58
Speaker 2: That was wild, That I just said that the reason why I was never a stripper prostitute, just saying.

01:05:09
Speaker 1: I think it's true. Though, I can only imagine like some of the things that strippers and prostitutes actually go through, and they don't. You don't. I didn't never watch What's the Girl Janice? I know she does, like only fans and stuff like that. Yeah, she was on she was on Joe Button's recently. Isn't her name Denise? I don't know anyway, but I remember she was on Poor Minds and she, you know, she was crying. She did talk about how she was on Joe Button Joe Joe Button talking about how she you know, something did happen to her when she was a child and things like that. So a lot of people who end up in those industries, they have dealt with a lot of trauma, right, and maybe this particular thing is this is how they're expressing. That's how that that trauma is being expressed through this lifestyle. But that's not really what they want to do. But maybe they think that's all they are good for, you know. I can imagine, Yeah, I can imagine how they feel when when when when about itself? So it's not like crazy for you to say you you would be more concerned about the mirror, like for real, right, for real, I am more concerned about how I see me versus how other people see me because I know me right, So as long as I fuck with me, I don't care who doesn't fuck with me. That prayer don't be no people pleaser okay mm hmmm, for men, for for friends, for family. You regret that, and you're gonna be learning at forty how to say.

01:06:52
Speaker 2: No and you never and you're not going to get a reward for that ship. Nope, you're not going to get a reward for being available and over extending yourself to everybody and everything but yourself. Yeah, I think.

01:07:06
Speaker 1: Earlier on maybe people. I don't know if I ever cared about being liked I promised. I don't know if I've ever cared about just like making sure everybody likes me. I feel like I like more organic relationships anyway, So me and a person kick it off like that is who I'm supposed to be friends with, Like I'm never I don't know. I definitely get wrapped up and just wanting everybody to to like them, And you want to learn that everybody ain't gonna like you either, no matter what.

01:07:39
Speaker 2: Let me tell you. When I was, especially when I was like very young and college, my college age, I was concerned with that, like why they don't like me? You know, like and I will want people to like me. And but then I had to realize, like, some of these bitches are committed to not liking you for no reason.

01:07:59
Speaker 1: So it's point they don't even like theyselves, so you don't like you.

01:08:03
Speaker 2: It's pointless to try to even figure it out, you know, like, you know, you get to a place where you can't worry about shit like that, you'd be worried all day.

01:08:11
Speaker 1: Well, I don't like you, shame. So let's do like a little quick, little rapid fire game right quick for twenty five year old you.

01:08:21
Speaker 2: Okay, let's see so hold, let me put my hair in a hump in the top.

01:08:28
Speaker 1: Little finger wave.

01:08:30
Speaker 2: You remember the little homp that was popular, Like you just grabbed that little piece right across the front and put it.

01:08:36
Speaker 1: Was that that twenty five push it up. I feel like that was younger than twenty five. Really, I don't know, I feel like that was sixteen.

01:08:48
Speaker 2: What was.

01:08:50
Speaker 1: Was having someone at twenty five girl, what are you talking?

01:08:54
Speaker 2: You had a hump in the sewing.

01:08:56
Speaker 1: You was doing hair at twenty five. You was doing bitch of sewing that twenty.

01:09:00
Speaker 2: And definitely putting a hump in it.

01:09:02
Speaker 1: What you need a hump, the little hump that we had right there.

01:09:07
Speaker 2: I'm find the future, all right.

01:09:10
Speaker 1: So A I would have listened, B I would have ignored it. And C is I would have done the opposite. Okay, okay, save at least twenty percent of your income?

01:09:24
Speaker 2: Oh what's the A I would have listened with C you would have done the opposite at at twenty five, spend that ship gas on e drink. Game is if if you.

01:09:43
Speaker 1: If somebody would have told you, then would you have done it? Like now, if your parent mind was not doing this time, you still ain't paying attention at this age. AS. I would have listened had somebody told me, B as I would have ignored had somebody told me. See, I would have done the opposite had someone told me so. First question is save at least twenty percent of your income? If someone had told you to save at least twenty percent of your income.

01:10:13
Speaker 2: Somebody did tell me, shit that shit, But I was still right.

01:10:17
Speaker 1: You know somebody.

01:10:19
Speaker 2: I did have somebody telling me that shit. You know, I just didn't give a fuck. At the time, I was young, wild and free and making money for the first time. So it was just like and I just assumed that that money was going to be consistent forever in my head, like.

01:10:35
Speaker 1: So, yeah, that's it, I'm already arrived. Yeah, and it's just up from here life, It's just up from here, a bitch. Yeah, no, yeah, sometimes you up and sometimes you down right. You gonna learn that ye leave him the first time he lies.

01:10:50
Speaker 2: Oh wait, you need to answer it.

01:10:52
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, of course, Like, yeah, I would have saved, like I spent so much money in my mother fucking twenties, bitch, I remember, like I had, I had had a couple accidents, like I had like stacks at different times in life on top of income, and I just I don't know where the money went at I don't know where it went bullshit.

01:11:15
Speaker 2: No, BB got BB got a lot of my motherfucking money. BB.

01:11:21
Speaker 1: Oh my.

01:11:23
Speaker 2: Cache, I used to be in Cache running it up. Just wind out that dumb ass ship.

01:11:33
Speaker 1: So leave him the first time he lies. The first time he lies. You know, I could be a little you know the first time he lied, maybe the second time.

01:11:42
Speaker 2: Be I would have ignored it, yeah, because I probably lied to the fuck.

01:11:52
Speaker 1: Start therapy early.

01:11:54
Speaker 2: Hey, Nope. I just feel like when I was twenty five thirty, therapy was for crazy people, you know you Yeah, but I didn't, you know, I didn't realize that I was crazy back then, so I would have. I wish somebody would have been like, yeah, go to therapy. That's a real thing that can help you, because maybe I was listen.

01:12:19
Speaker 1: I said, my mam, and this meme last week that said the only difference between me and my mom is that I know I have a mental illness.

01:12:26
Speaker 2: I sent that to my mom and she did not think that shit was funny. We talked about it on Sunday.

01:12:31
Speaker 1: She was like, you sent me that, I see you anything. It was funny. I thought it was hilarious. She did not think she was mad by that shit, Like, still don't know she.

01:12:40
Speaker 2: Got mental illness.

01:12:41
Speaker 1: That's the mental illness right there. You know, I got one.

01:12:46
Speaker 2: The first step is acknowledging the problem.

01:12:49
Speaker 1: Yes, imagine like that was me admitting okay, like, yes, me, you are very much alike a lot. The only difference is I got self awareness of my boat. That's it.

01:13:03
Speaker 2: She didn't like it.

01:13:04
Speaker 1: Your your friends will.

01:13:07
Speaker 2: Change and it was already changing.

01:13:12
Speaker 1: Yeah, let's see. Don't post everything online.

01:13:18
Speaker 2: That is that.

01:13:19
Speaker 1: That's a big one, because I got some pictures online. If they ever come out of it, I won't even say what the handle was back in nineteen nine, in the two thousands, like young as fuck. Yes, I got some shit out there that I hope never turns up. I feel like I scrabbed the internet pretty well. But what I did learn, even about a place like MySpace, like you can't even log in no more, like you don't own none of that shit, none of your image is nothing.

01:13:49
Speaker 2: I don't really think I was. I think I was pretty conscious about that. Might be some shit I said that I might not wouldn't pop up. I don't remember, but like pictures and stuff like that. Nah, I was very Now there might be some home videos that have made with a nigga I don't want to show up.

01:14:10
Speaker 1: Well, I mean that would have been ship you sent to somebody and they sharing it. I made some home videos, but you put them online. Oh no, that's not saying Yeah, this is like don't post so yeah, along with don't post everything online. Don't be sending these niggas your body, right, Okay, get the cock shot though, because that shit is that that will save you a lot.

01:14:33
Speaker 2: Of time or at least crop your head out.

01:14:37
Speaker 1: Right, uh, invest instead of splurging. That's kind of along the line as saving some income. You are not behind, okay, definitely not at twenty five, but you also don't have as much time as you think. I wish somebody would have. I feel like I might have hustle backwards, right, I was so eager to like get a job and start making money like I didn't do. I didn't want to be the broke college student. Like that is just something you had to go through. Yeah, because what's gonna happen is you're gonna end up thirty, not finish the fucking degree, right, and be trying to go back and do ship all over again. So just go through, go through the thing.

01:15:26
Speaker 2: Stop dating. Yeah, b I would have ignored it. Yeah, me too.

01:15:32
Speaker 1: Absolutely, you don't know anything. You're just this is the whole bitch, the old bitch. He'll, he'll, he'll before your next relationship.

01:15:52
Speaker 2: Now, I'm still a little a little hopper now, because why I would have ignored it. I ignore it now because.

01:15:59
Speaker 1: Why why what fu could we waiting for? Especially the older I get the last time I'm waiting Shit, who's next? Yeah, not not now anyway, because I am in a relationship, but for sure, Like but even this relationship versus the last one, it was a weekend. Okay, it was a weekend apart nobody got on time to be playing around, Like I remember my homeboy was like, oh you you move on fast? Like why wouldn't I? Men always got a nigga, a bitch in the pocket somewhere. Maybe a nigga too, okay, but men always exactly definitely in take your health serious now, I'm gay. I got my mom is like trying to do all this holistic stuff. She's seventy. She's trying to do all this holistic shit that I've been trying to get her do for years. She trying to do it now at seventy. So if you started twenty five, you won't have to be consciously struggling even at thirty forty, right to unlearn a lot of the eating habits, all that shit, Like take your health serious today, because you only got one body for real, right, one body?

01:17:16
Speaker 2: Use a condom.

01:17:17
Speaker 1: I know, i'd be around here talk about smashing raw ship if we know, y'all ask, don't be going to the doctor. So use a condom, bitch.

01:17:23
Speaker 2: Oh, that's the first time she said that.

01:17:27
Speaker 1: You use a condom because I don't know.

01:17:30
Speaker 2: I don't conto. It feels good, like I don't understand why people don't want to use it.

01:17:35
Speaker 1: No skin, the skin condoms those feel pretty nice. Yeah, like that's ky and skin and.

01:17:42
Speaker 2: You can sleep peacefully at night after you use a condom, like, yes, you don't have to worry about the next period. You're not worried about like what connects tests right, coming back more peacefully. I don't see why people don't do it.

01:17:57
Speaker 1: Look, I had, I got tested just last week, and still it is like nerve wrecking waiting for these test results. Even when you in a monogamous relationship, like shit just be going down. You don't know who got what, land, dormant where, So you have to be responsible for your body dode. I'll let these niggas put your life in their hands, because not everybody deserves access to you. That's friends, family, men, a right, start a business now. I always would say, like get a business loan instead of a suitent loan. But you know they're gonna make it hard for you to get a business loan anyway. But if you got decent credit, like right now, if you like twenty, go ahead and fuck it up and get all the shit you want so you can have everything and your credit be good by thirty again. Yeah. Like, if somebody would have told me that, I would have really strategically fucked my credit up at twenty instead of doing like frivolous little bullshit like buying ring from Kate Jewelry, just dumb shit with my credit and not paying for it. I would have strategically fucked my credit up, had a house, car, all that shit, early twins and would have been good. Would have been good by you know, seven years.

01:19:17
Speaker 2: Your job is not your identity.

01:19:20
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I think some women need to hear that now.

01:19:23
Speaker 2: I was about to say a lot of women need to hear that now a lot of people need to hear that right now.

01:19:28
Speaker 1: Because that's why I can't stand with somebody asking me what you do. I breathe for a living.

01:19:33
Speaker 2: That's what I do.

01:19:34
Speaker 1: Don't be trying to get is.

01:19:36
Speaker 2: The worst about that. That's the first thing I want to know about you. They don't even want to know your name. But I feel like in la is like they will need to know what part of town you live in and what you do so they can know how they should treat.

01:19:50
Speaker 1: You and how to finesse you if they need you or not. They need trying to determine if they need you or should you even be around them type shit right.

01:20:01
Speaker 2: To dances. No, you don't need me and I don't need to be around you.

01:20:04
Speaker 1: Just go with that.

01:20:05
Speaker 2: When you're fucking with me, travel, but don't go broke doing it. I ain't need nobody to tell me that shit fucking bills go nobody tell me that ship.

01:20:19
Speaker 1: Wow? Yeah, so that was fun.

01:20:23
Speaker 2: Yeah, I wish well.

01:20:25
Speaker 1: My my goddaughter's mom when she was graduate from high school, she had text me and asked me, like what would I tell my daughter? You know, and if my goddaughter was my kid, Like what would I be telling her?

01:20:39
Speaker 2: Whatever?

01:20:39
Speaker 1: So I gave her a lot of a lot of good things and some of the ship is on here, like get the fucking student loan, get the business own instead of the suit alone.

01:20:46
Speaker 2: All this ship we said today.

01:20:48
Speaker 1: Yeah, keep your aggressed to some minimum a lot of this stuff. I actually rode to my goddaughter when she graduate from high school.

01:20:55
Speaker 2: She has a baby now.

01:21:00
Speaker 1: She eyes to her rare though, so she's a she's a nail tex so she got her own little business going. So that's good.

01:21:07
Speaker 2: But you know that saying youth is wasted on the young, It's so true because they don't know what to do with it. And the knowledge that you get as you grow old, if you had it when you was young, you would be more responsible with your youth. And I think that's what this episode. If you are listening and you are much younger, take heed of the things that we're saying, and please apply them to your life. It's it's gonna make it much better when you grow old if you get to you know, and most of us will get to. So you don't want to be like, damn, I should have listened to them. We talked back, bitch, just ten years ago.

01:21:48
Speaker 1: And you are not supposed to know everything.

01:21:52
Speaker 2: Okay, you're supposed to make mistakes.

01:21:54
Speaker 1: You know, but know enough to know you don't know shit, and try to get some of the knowledge right so you can just put yourself in a better position and all aspects of life, from love, finances, all this shit. Just get as much information as you can. Surround yourself by smart people. If you're the smartest person, you know, bit you dumb, right, okay, surround yourself with some smart people. That is my last list, and.

01:22:22
Speaker 2: Just keep doing your best. If you are here doing your best, that's enough, honestly. And sometimes your best ain't shit. But what I'm saying, it's enough. Like some days your best is just existing and that's okay, you know, That's what I mean. Like for real life, some days we can get like our day, we don't get nothing done. We could have a laundry list of shit to do and nothing happens, and it's still okay because sometimes you just can't, you know, don't beat yourself up about it. The next day, start over and take that list again.

01:23:02
Speaker 1: Yeah, man, that's my last All right, y'all. Hye hs. If you enjoyed this episode, y'all, tune in every Thursday and the Black Effect iHeart Radio app or wherever the fuck you get your podcasts at. This is your co host A J Holiday two point zero on Instagrams. This is a long ass episode.

01:23:25
Speaker 2: Damn you can marek this too and cut it in half, right, but you know what, not to forget the o ns and the old hes. We love y'all too, to this information that you probably already do and we're still struggling with.

01:23:41
Speaker 1: Yeah, just got that same man, still got that same friend.

01:23:47
Speaker 2: Still got the same insecurities. It's still fat so just still we love you anyway. Thank you for tuning in. It's official Tampa on Instagram. Y'all follow me there. Remember speak now ah and never hold your youth period. That makes sense. Bye bye.

01:24:19
Speaker 1: We Talk Back podcast is a production of iHeartRadio. Visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.