317 | CCPT with Tweens: Navigating the Shift from Play to Conversation

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You're listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr. Brenna Hicks,

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your source for centered and focused play therapy coaching.

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Hi,

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I'm Dr. Brenna Hicks,

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The Kid Counselor.

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This is the Play Therapy Podcast where you get

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a master class in child-centered play therapy

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and practical support and application for your

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work with children and their families.

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In today's episode,

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I am answering a question from Dearbhla in Ireland,

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dia duit,

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all of my Irish friends.

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I traveled to Ireland years ago and it was one

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of my all-time favorite places that I've ever been.

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I actually got to shear sheep and kiss the blarney

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stone and do all kinds of really cool things.

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So

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I am super happy to have all of my

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Irish friends as a part of the Play Therapy Podcast family,

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and I'm excited to answer this question.

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This is about an older child,

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12 years old,

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and that she's coming in and talking.

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And just some dialogue about how to

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understand what's going on and address an older child that is more talkative.

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So Dearbhla really grateful for

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the question and we'll dive in in just a second.

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Briefly,

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I just want to say

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to everyone in the states,

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happy 4th of July.

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I hope that you're able to spend time with your friends and family.

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And I hope that you're able to celebrate

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our independence and our history and celebrate and honor

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the men and women who have and are still

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keeping us free in the armed forces.

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Related aside,

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for those of you who have ever served in the military or are active duty military.

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Reservists,

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anyone who's ever served first responders,

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to all of you that

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make our country what it is,

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a huge thank you.

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All right,

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so let me read you parts of the email and then we'll process this together.

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I'm very eager to hear your opinion on a client of mine,

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and I would love some advice.

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We're 9 sessions in,

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she's a 12-year-old girl,

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and all she has wanted to do and still wants to do is talk.

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She comes into the playroom,

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turns to me,

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and starts straight into her news.

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I understand how important it is for her to be heard and listened to,

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and that's exactly what she's gotten from me over 9 weeks.

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However,

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I can't help but feel that she needs more or I could do more.

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I have squishy balls left out that she sometimes uses when she's talking.

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I know I can't direct her to anything else.

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Is she just avoiding dealing with her emotions?

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She did speak a little about her frustrations about

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her sister and her friends two weeks ago,

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which I felt was a shift,

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but she went back to speaking about everyday stuff last week.

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I always reflect her words and feelings.

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I'd be so grateful if you could let me know if I can

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do anything more or even the assurance that I'm not wasting her time.

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All right.

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So much to unpack in this one.

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First and foremost,

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we know

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that a 12 year old is on the older end of the CCPT spectrum,

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and often when we hit that 12, 13,

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14 year old range,

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we are looking at a shift in the way the sessions look.

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In other words,

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it is not play-based as much as it is activity based

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and or it's much more conversational in nature.

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So what we understand is that they're on the cusp

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of abstract reasoning and or they've just recently developed it,

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if they're in that 12, 13,

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14 year old range.

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So they're going to be a little more cognitive,

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they're going to be a little more conversational,

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they will feel more comfortable with dialogue.

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And while they will likely not play in the early stages,

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they will like to do something as an activity that occupies their hands,

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so they might want to doodle or swirl their fingers through the sand

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or throw a ball against a wall and catch it repeatedly.

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There's typically some kind of

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hand involvement

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that allows them to feel more comfortable talking.

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Sometimes they'll actually play card game,

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board game.

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Shoot the crossbow,

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try to hit targets,

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some kind of competence based play,

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but generally speaking,

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we know the older kids are more activity driven

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and they are more conversational.

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So what you're describing Dearbhla is actually really

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common and appropriate.

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A 12 year old is likely to come in and talk.

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And she

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starts straight into her news,

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you said

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she has been sharing.

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Everyday stuff and then talked about her

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frustrations with her sister and her friends.

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You're only 9 sessions in.

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You're still in the early stages of therapy.

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When she talked about her frustrations about her sister and her friends,

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that was likely a dip the toe in the water moment.

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She wanted to know how she felt about it,

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how you felt about it,

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if you could handle it,

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if she could handle it.

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How

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is this going to feel after I am more vulnerable and more raw and more open?

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And often when kids do that they backpedal a little bit for the next couple of weeks

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because they realized,

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oh,

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OK,

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that was a little much.

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I don't know that I wanna go that deep again just yet,

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so let me go back to some easier stuff to talk about,

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but the fact that she did go deeper,

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it was in fact a shift,

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and that means that there will be more to come.

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Our neutrality matters in these types of sessions.

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It matters in every session,

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but specifically with an early in the process older child,

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they're going to test

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how things go

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when they become more open.

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And if they can trust you and you're unfazed,

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and you remain neutral and you continue to reflectively respond,

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they will eventually say,

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OK,

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I know that we can move forward and I can talk about more.

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Talking in and of itself is not

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inherently a problem in sessions.

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It can be a sign that kids are avoiding doing the work that they need to do,

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but that's not the impression that I get when I read this.

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This seems like

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she's building up to diving into deeper topics.

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There's

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a huge similarity in when we first get to know someone,

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even as adults.

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Have you ever been around that person that you meet

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them and within 10 minutes they're talking about all this

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really personal stuff and you're so caught off guard and

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it just makes everything a little bit awkward and uncomfortable?

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Similarly,

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teens,

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12, 13,

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14 year olds,

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they kind of ease in

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to opening up and starting to talk about personal things.

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That's a natural order.

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So she did,

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she backed off a little bit.

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You mentioned that you have squishy balls left

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out that she sometimes uses when she's talking.

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There's the reflection of kids have a reduction

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of inhibitions if their hands are doing something.

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We know this.

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So she likely just wanted to squish the balls.

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It gave her a little bit of confidence to share what she needed to share.

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When you said,

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I can't direct her to do anything else,

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is she just avoiding dealing with her emotions?

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Doesn't seem that way.

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I would be so grateful if you could let me know that I,

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if I can do anything more.

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And or the reassurance that I'm not wasting her time.

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The nature of CCPT.

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Is that it's

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unconditional acceptance

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and its relationship.

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If you,

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every single time she comes,

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preserve the relationship,

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maintain the relationship

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and communicate unconditional acceptance.

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And that you trust her to do the work that she's going to do in her way in her time.

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That's exactly what you should be doing.

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There is no agenda.

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There's no plan.

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There's no push.

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There's no timeline.

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I trust you to do the work that you need to do in your way in your time.

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I'll stay out of your way.

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I will reflectively respond.

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I will be fully present.

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I'm here.

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I hear you.

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I understand.

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I care and I delight in you.

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That is the most important thing that you can do for her,

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Dearbhla.

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It's not about activity.

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It's not about

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directives.

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It's not about doing something.

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It's about being.

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So,

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in,

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in a shorter answer,

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I am reassuring you that you are not wasting her time

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and

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I do not think you should be doing anything more.

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Remain adherent to the model.

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Believe in her ability to self-actualize.

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You're in early days,

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you're 9 sessions in.

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So wait it out,

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have patience,

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trust the process,

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trust the model,

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and there will be a session she comes in

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and she dives much deeper,

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or she starts to play,

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or she does both.

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Because we have to believe that kids know what they need

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and they'll do the work when they're willing and able to do so.

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So I hope that that encourages you

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again,

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Dearbhla,

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thanks for the email.

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Reminder,

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last time,

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next Monday,

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July 7th,

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we're providing you with a code for the CPRT course.

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So stay tuned.

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We're actually gonna do a Monday podcast,

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which I never do,

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but we're gonna do a Monday podcast specifically to provide you with the code.

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So,

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happy 4th in the states.

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Have a great weekend otherwise,

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and we'll talk real soon.

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Love you all.

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Bye.

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Thank you for listening to the Play Therapy Podcast with Dr.

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Brenna Hicks.

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For more episodes and resources,

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please go to www.playtherapypodcast.com.