BONUS: The Terrible 2s & Mom Guilt

00:00:05
Speaker 1: Hello, my loves, Welcome to the bonus episode of Give Them La La. I'm super hyped. We were sitting here going like, what should the topic of this bonus episode be? And I was like, wait, I feel like me and jess and even Teach have been talking about like guilt we've been feeling. And I was like, I know that we can't be the only people who on a regular basis feel guilt about being a mom, or a bad friend at the moment, or not the greatest wife. Like Stossy is constantly telling me like I could definitely have sex with Boemore. Yeah, that's a guilt for me. So that is the topic today. You guys wrote in It was really fantastic. I can't wait to talk about what you guys wrote in about your little guilts, not little they but you know, yeah, sometimes it is the smallest moment. That's what I saw.

00:01:00
Speaker 2: Many people wrote in such common everyday things that it's like, I feel guilty.

00:01:05
Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel guilty that I had an extraciice of cake when I told myself that I wouldn't. And you obsessed and obsess and obsess, Jessica, what's your guilt?

00:01:13
Speaker 2: My guilt is friendship guilt, which is I've been struggling with lately being feeling like a bad friend because.

00:01:22
Speaker 3: Last year I really focus.

00:01:25
Speaker 2: I remember Lala and I used to talk about I was not socializing at all, like to an un I guess maybe not unhealthy, but it was just like it was home work, and that's it.

00:01:35
Speaker 3: That's all I wanted.

00:01:36
Speaker 2: And I told myself, I'm gonna socialize with friends.

00:01:40
Speaker 3: I have to, I have to get out.

00:01:41
Speaker 2: So I really focused on that, and I think other areas suffered for a little bit.

00:01:47
Speaker 3: And now I'm focused.

00:01:50
Speaker 2: I'm like, I'm focusing on work, my relationship and activity jiu jitsu right now. I shock it, I know, and now I feel like and I feel so good and hopeful and excited, and I love it. This is like where I thrive is when I focus on those things. But my friendships are now suffering. I'm getting like I've rescheduled, you know, four times with my friend Alexis shout out, I'm so sorry, just like brunchure and thank god I have good friends are also patient. But like Adam and Cole sent us an engagement gift of like pasta making kids months ago, and we're like we'd love to do it with you, and I've just like push been pushing it off. And thank God, like I said, I have understanding friends.

00:02:35
Speaker 3: Nick and Joe. We were like after Hawaii, they're the guys we went to Hawaii with.

00:02:39
Speaker 2: I'm like, we gotta go get food and they check in and I'm like, I'm so sorry.

00:02:44
Speaker 3: I just I've not been a good friend.

00:02:47
Speaker 2: Texts are going unread and I just feel very guilty and I need to be better at that.

00:02:52
Speaker 3: I do. I need to find a balance.

00:02:54
Speaker 1: No, it's very hard when you come home from work and you're exhausted and you know that you also need to like get workouts in and you don't want certain emails to go on read. And by the time the day is over, it is like I can't even form a sentence.

00:03:13
Speaker 4: Please do this, we.

00:03:15
Speaker 1: Get another screen right, It's like this can this will be looked at tomorrow.

00:03:21
Speaker 2: And I think I had to talk with Laala about this like last year, just about balance and stuff, and I think I'm gonna find a balance with the friendships. The positive is when I focus on what I'm focusing on now, it is where I thrive.

00:03:34
Speaker 3: So I'm happy.

00:03:36
Speaker 2: But I also would never want my friendships to suffer, especially friendships that I really help to create last year.

00:03:45
Speaker 1: So do you think that if instead of like like, I'm not a texter and if you text me more times than not, like unless you're my family or it's a work text, I will not respond to you. I'm much more I'm like a caller, Like, let's just say what we need to say. Get it on the books, And.

00:04:05
Speaker 2: That's a great that's a great solution because it's like, yeah, on the.

00:04:10
Speaker 4: Phone, you to tell me. That's the other thing, but we don't need to talk.

00:04:14
Speaker 1: Like do you know how annoying it is to sit there and be like, hey, how are you? I'm so sorry, and then you wait for the text coming and then you respond, what is your plan tomorrow night? We can get on the phone it's like what is your plan tonight or tomorrow night and get an immediate response.

00:04:28
Speaker 3: That's so true, or just like I could FaceTime every.

00:04:31
Speaker 5: Time I do that though they're like, well let me check my schedule. Well this night doesn't work.

00:04:35
Speaker 1: Great, I love check your schedule. Get back to me. Yeah, I love a ball in your court.

00:04:41
Speaker 3: Yeah, like last night yes for me, no, but this.

00:04:44
Speaker 5: Night I want to do something, let me know, call me, and now it's up to you to call me. I always do. I really will do that because I'm not one that wants to call you and.

00:04:52
Speaker 4: Figure this shit out. I hate planning.

00:04:54
Speaker 5: But what I will do is I'm going here it this time. Let me know your schedule, call me if it works. If I don't hear from them, I did my part. If you call me, I'll answered.

00:05:05
Speaker 2: That's the thing, though, I'm they're doing their part because it's just last night I canceled.

00:05:11
Speaker 3: I was supposed to go to dinner with a Lexus.

00:05:14
Speaker 1: Three weeks ago.

00:05:15
Speaker 2: I rescheduled it three times, and last night she goes and I was texting her and then she's like, do you want to just reschedule again? It's totally fine, like I said, thankfully I have And I said, yeah, I want to do a brunch and I didn't.

00:05:26
Speaker 1: Want to daytime. I love daytime stuff.

00:05:28
Speaker 3: I was on four hours asleep, you know that.

00:05:30
Speaker 1: So I'm just like, eleven to three is my window, babe.

00:05:32
Speaker 2: See, so we're going to do that. I'm going to be a better friend. And I love a good cancel, though, oh I love a good reschedule. That is constantly being pushed and they all know it.

00:05:45
Speaker 1: It's a cancel and they're all like, do you want to I've started?

00:05:48
Speaker 4: That was my other thing. I've just started. Can you go. I'll let you know, I'll let you know. I never give them a firm.

00:05:55
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've give me a few hours to decide that. I feel like that's something.

00:05:59
Speaker 4: I want to do.

00:06:00
Speaker 5: You could ask me right now and I feel like, yeah tomorrow and I am so down. But when I wake up or with I could wake up and still want to do it in minutes before I could go, why am I doing this? And then I don't want to do it, So then I cancel.

00:06:13
Speaker 2: And I'm excited to get into because a lot of people say they cancel for mental health, and it's like, well where do you Yeah, you feel mentally, but law you said you've been feeling guilty about something.

00:06:22
Speaker 1: Oh, I have the worst mom guilt right now. It's insane. Why because I I feel like I really like I really kill it at being a mom. I feel like I'm a pretty good mom right.

00:06:39
Speaker 4: But my daughter.

00:06:41
Speaker 1: As I've told you, guys like, I don't want to sugarcoat it. I'm never the type of person where it's like she's incredible, She's so magical. Do I love my child more than anything? Yeah? She a bad bitch, let me tell you what. And I'm so, like insanely obsessed with her. But it is extremely difficult right now. She is not easy. She kicks my ass, and it's hard because I don't have her full time. I have her the majority of the time, but there are times where it's like I need a break from you. And I know, and I hate saying this to my friends who have their kids all the time. They're like, you need a break, Like you get a break sometimes, you know. But when I have her, I'm like, this is exhausting. And sometimes when the morning comes, I'm like, no, right, we have to do this again, because it is a constant battle. It is a battle brushing her teeth, it is a battle getting her dressed, it's a battle getting her to eat something. Everything is a friggin battle right now. She doesn't listen, she doesn't She cusses a lot, and I try to correct it, and I try to discipline.

00:08:00
Speaker 4: Terrible twos.

00:08:01
Speaker 5: Terrible twos, that's the thing. She's got to get it out now, and she's gonna be fine, Like I rather have her cussing now and getting it out than starting.

00:08:10
Speaker 4: To cuss at six seven.

00:08:12
Speaker 5: And but I feel like you, I think you do put a lot on you.

00:08:19
Speaker 1: I think it's less about that, and it's like, I like, I want to enjoy her, and I feel like I'm constantly having to like discipline her and it breaks my heart. Right, I have to like put her in time out constantly, and like even that's not helping. And it's hard because there's no consistency, you know, and like I don't have a co parent, it's impossible to like have consistency. And I like, I feel bad, And.

00:08:57
Speaker 2: You know that's not on you, but it doesn't it doesn't negate you feeling bad.

00:09:01
Speaker 3: You feel bad. It makes you feel bad, feel that you feel.

00:09:05
Speaker 2: Even though you you know a lot of people say you shouldn't and you're such an amazing mother and I know you know that, Thank you, producer John. But you are feeling bad about it, and that's gonna go away, Like your mom says.

00:09:19
Speaker 5: Yeah, I feel like every mother goes through this, this guilt or this feeling, no matter if your child.

00:09:25
Speaker 4: Is two, three four.

00:09:27
Speaker 5: I feel like every mother kind of goes through this because I've seen moms talk how you talk the stand up comedian talking about the five. You're not alone, and you do a lot, and I feel like you you don't give yourself enough credit.

00:09:41
Speaker 1: I try to give myself credit. And Ocean. Let me tell you something about Ocean. She's two and a half, but that girl is so intelligent, Like she doesn't seem like a two and a half year old, Like we have full conversations. She talks like an adult. She understands what I'm saying. And I think that's what also makes it difficult is sometimes I'll like discipline her, and then I'll ask my mom, like was I too tough on her? But then like I feel like I have to be tough on her because it's not ending and she's gonna go to school someday and I don't want the school calling me being like your daughter did X, Y and Z. And I'm like, I'm trying to fix it, but I don't really know how.

00:10:25
Speaker 3: There's no fixing it.

00:10:26
Speaker 4: Hearing like, here's the other thing.

00:10:28
Speaker 5: You can't stress about something that hasn't happened yet, so you can't worry about her going to school and you getting these phone calls, because you have to think what if you go what if you get the phone calls of we love your daughter being here and the way she's playing with others is me Yeah, So you know, why can't that be your mindset instead of you feeling like this is it. Yeah, she's not learning, but she I want you.

00:10:50
Speaker 4: To know she is.

00:10:51
Speaker 1: That's the thing though, is I'm like, I know, you know, you're not supposed to say this. Like the other day she had like pretty much cussed me out, went to time about four hundred and fifty seven times, told me that she hated me.

00:11:04
Speaker 4: Whatever.

00:11:05
Speaker 1: And then we're driving and randomly she goes, it gonna be nice the rest of the day to you, mom, And I was like, that is so great, and she goes, yep, I don't hate you, I don't hate Gigi. I'm gonna be nice the rest of the day. Mom. I'm like, you know that you're making my life difficult right now, I think. And then I take her out in public. I take her out in public. Oh freaking gem angel, Angel Angel. I take her to the doctor's office and they're like obsessing over her. She's the sweetest little.

00:11:38
Speaker 3: Thing, Thank you so much.

00:11:40
Speaker 5: The other thing like that I want you to see, Like in her little ballet class, in her tab class, I think all of those things. She went up and they were touching the same thing. She kind of pulled the girl's hand down.

00:11:52
Speaker 1: She certainly did. She did.

00:11:54
Speaker 5: The teacher went up, did it. She didn't do it again. Sometimes you're gonna need a teacher or someone else to go. I do need to fall in line and understand because I can't do I can't talk back to them. She will start to understand that we have She's going into her she's two and a half. She's going into these classes. She's going to be playing with other kids. She's going to see other kids sharing. She's going to start imitating.

00:12:16
Speaker 1: My kid's a great share.

00:12:18
Speaker 4: Your kid is unreal.

00:12:19
Speaker 5: She just does a couple of things to irritate you and me. And the thing that is irritating and frustrating for you that I don't think you give yourself credit on.

00:12:26
Speaker 4: She knows she's doing it.

00:12:28
Speaker 5: She's so everything that you should be doing smart, is so smart, and she doesn't know the apple does not fall far from the tree.

00:12:35
Speaker 3: But that's at the end of the day. You are an amazing, amazing.

00:12:41
Speaker 5: I just want you to give yourself some credit because when I see you crying and things like that, Like I went to the nine to five jobs, I saw the moms have to do what they did. You spend an incredible amount of time, even heavy.

00:12:54
Speaker 1: But I don't even think it's about that I'm a working mom. There's a lot of working moms. It's about like just feeling guilty where it's like ocean. Please just listen to me so we can enjoy each other. I don't want to put you in time out. I don't want to be tough on you smart, So I just hope that like my kid likes me.

00:13:14
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, And that's.

00:13:15
Speaker 4: That's the thing.

00:13:16
Speaker 5: I was driving when I'm always when I was driving her every time, I'm just with me and her walking to your place, walking to mine because he wants to go see the dogs.

00:13:25
Speaker 4: I want my mama. Well we're going to see the dogs like you wanted to. Well, is my mama. She's at home. We didn't have to leave her. Let's go back.

00:13:34
Speaker 2: And also, by the way, it's just from two to five, I was a nightmare for my dad, best friends with my mom and then and then I became best friends with my dad from I think, oh god, from nine to twelve, and he wouldn't mind me saying this. From nine to like thirteen, my brother Jason and my I mean, it was like awful.

00:13:51
Speaker 3: They never got along. Now best friends, just happy, yes.

00:13:56
Speaker 1: All right, yeah, but what are other people? I love you, guys, sorry.

00:14:01
Speaker 5: And I just want you to give yourself a little bit of credit here, And I do want you for you to give yourself credit where credit is due.

00:14:08
Speaker 4: You're an amazing mother.

00:14:09
Speaker 5: Yes, she's difficult. Guess what else? Every other two and a half year old is difficult. You're not alone. You're doing everything that every other mother is doing. Crying on how the hell do I do this? Yeah, you're not alone.

00:14:20
Speaker 1: And I just want you just watching credit other kids who are two and a half being like whiny and two and a half year old, where my child is sitting here saying what the fuck is this? He's stupid batch, I'm like what what? Who's talking this way? Like? Yes, I talk this way, but are you listening to the podcast? I don't understand. It's like boss baby, like I don't talk this way around you. I actually make sure like I don't even have adult conversations when you're like in the vicinity.

00:14:56
Speaker 3: In the same building. I do have to tell you.

00:14:59
Speaker 2: A ton of people just mom, gil, mom Gail everywhere. This is one I sometimes have the guilt of being a single parent for my son, having to always be good cop, bad cop.

00:15:10
Speaker 3: So I wanted to read that just because of what you just Who sent that? This is one thing I do want to say. There's some personal stuff in here. Do we read?

00:15:19
Speaker 1: Okay, we don't need to. I'm just gonna say, like, whoever sent that, I so feel you. It is Annie, Annie. It is the hardest. It's by far the hardest job I've ever had in my entire life. It is exhausting. You don't get to tap out. You have to show all the love in the world, yet you have to be tough as nails. I so see you.

00:15:48
Speaker 3: Wanting to eat alone. I have two kids and a man. This is so common.

00:15:52
Speaker 2: This is so common wanting because I saw also wanting down here somewhere.

00:15:59
Speaker 3: But I'll just say it.

00:16:00
Speaker 2: Wanting to be alone even though I'm in a happy relationship. A lot of guilt for people just wanting their alone time.

00:16:07
Speaker 1: I think that is so totally normal to feel guilty. But how freaking healthy, are you guys? That's the thing I was to be like, I just want to be alone and you.

00:16:19
Speaker 5: Have to Here's the thing I feel like, if you like you want to be alone, I feel like you have to do that for yourself and you have to tell your partner because you are in a healthy relationship.

00:16:28
Speaker 4: For me to be the to continue to be.

00:16:30
Speaker 5: The best me, I need alone time, whether that be going to dinner by yourself or getting in the tub and putting a TV on with a dinner tray and eating it like a sloppy mess in the tub.

00:16:43
Speaker 4: Do you taking that time?

00:16:47
Speaker 5: Because honestly coming from somebody, like if I were in a relationship and my significant other came up to me and was like, hey, to get the best me, I need a little me time.

00:16:57
Speaker 1: Well, to be fair, even though you're not do to get that right, But even though you're not in a relationship, we have a very unconventional thing going on. But our mother, for example, oh yeah, wants constant time. Oh she's extrovert. She does not she does not want to be alone ever. Ever, Wait, you're going out to dinner. Maybe I'll call Easton, Maybe maybe I'll go with a friend I'm like, why don't you take a hot bathroom, light a candle and watch a good show?

00:17:23
Speaker 2: Right?

00:17:23
Speaker 1: Like, However, I don't know what it's like to have my husband die. And I remember someone saying to me it is easy to be alone when you know you're not alone. Okay, I a couple weekends ago didn't have ocean. Over the weekend, Easton and my mom were going to Palm Springs. I was invited. I said, why did you guys go? And I had the best weekend ever. It is so important, I think saying exactly what Easton said, save your partner. In order for me to be the best version for you, you've got to leave me like I need however many hours and then to just do you.

00:18:04
Speaker 3: And say it kindly. Kyle and I, by the way, do this all the time.

00:18:07
Speaker 2: We're both extroverted introverts highly highly and we need our alone time up into uh, Kyle will We'll each tell each other all the time.

00:18:17
Speaker 3: I'll say, hey, I'm gonna go.

00:18:18
Speaker 2: That's a lot of times too, like I'm gonna go read a book for a couple hours.

00:18:22
Speaker 3: I'm gonna Oh.

00:18:23
Speaker 2: We understand, but he will go as far and I'm fine with this, some people might be horrified.

00:18:29
Speaker 3: He's such an extroverted introvert.

00:18:31
Speaker 2: He'll say if I'm if he comes home and I'm talking, he goes, hey, this is I'm gonna need like a good forty five minutes to decompress, So can we not talk for forty five minutes?

00:18:41
Speaker 1: And I go, great, what a dream cut?

00:18:43
Speaker 3: I love that too, because I'm like, okay, great, and he goes write it.

00:18:47
Speaker 2: Down if you have something important, and I'm like, great, I say that to him now too.

00:18:50
Speaker 3: I'm like, hey, about to.

00:18:52
Speaker 5: Say somebody like it starts paving a road of like so nice.

00:18:56
Speaker 4: I'm gonna do this for myself.

00:18:58
Speaker 5: You kind of are like, holy shit, I can do that too, and then you kind of like I don't want to talk. You kind of give them the upper hand of like if you don't want to talk either, you can tell me.

00:19:07
Speaker 4: I'm mean, if I can do it to you, you can do it to me.

00:19:10
Speaker 3: Yeah.

00:19:10
Speaker 1: Sometimes I'm driving with my mom and I just want to listen to music, so we'll turn it up to give her like a hint to please be quiet, and she'll go, oh my gosh, did you see this. I'm like over the music and I'll turn it down and I'll be like, I don't want to talk. I just want to listen. I just want to listen to music. If I just want to listen to music, I don't want to have a conversation. That is they're being rude.

00:19:37
Speaker 5: I was just about to say the best part is this will happen and I'm in the back just like here you go.

00:19:42
Speaker 4: And then Lisa will just wasn't she just like really rudies with your music backup.

00:19:47
Speaker 1: It's like I'm trying, yes, but I love my mom, but I'm like, girl.

00:19:55
Speaker 2: Girl, yes, no, but if saying it, just saying it is a thing. And also you do it with I do it with I've had if Kyle's had a long day and he's bitching to me about something, and in my mind, I go, I could see where the other person was right. I'll then ask him, I'll say, hey, do you need to vent? Or are you looking for a solution? And he'll go, oh, I just need to vent because I you know, okay, yeah, but this one's very deep. So survivor's guilt. I survived cancer twice and many I know have not. I know I'm lucky. Yeah, so they struggle. I've heard this is this is a lot with a lot of things.

00:20:33
Speaker 1: So obviously I cannot I've never had an illness like that. I can only relate to when I go into my AA meetings and I hear the rock bottoms of other people, some who you know multiple d wys. Someone was killed, and I'm like, I've had drinks and decided to drive home hundreds of times and nothing ever happened to me. Why I don't under like what was so special about me? But this person's rock bottom who did the exact same shit that I've done. So I can understand that that guilt, and I think the way to like get past that is to maybe talk to a professional or people who are struggling in the same way that you are, because that is that is a tough one, Like I can't imagine surviving cancer, But then you look at all of these people who weren't as lucky, and you're like, but I don't understand, like I'm not superior in any way. Why me? That's a really tough one. And I'm actually really grateful that she felt comfortable to write that.

00:21:55
Speaker 2: Yeah, so many of you have written such personal, beautiful things, which by the way is why we're not reading the names just in case, but thank you. So a lot of these, so I'm just gonna read one, but a lot of these not being present enough when spending time with my parents while they're still here.

00:22:14
Speaker 1: So I'm gonna get mad at you. Okay, I know, I know you feel guilty, But that's one that you can that you can absolutely change. If there's one thing that I'm so grateful about, it's that when my dad passed away, I had zero guilt. I didn't think I should have spent more time with him. I should have called him more, should have checked in more, like I felt fabulous. Nothing went unsaid. Ever, So if you're feeling guilty about something like that, that is a change that you can absolutely make. You say, Okay, every night, at five pm or or later, whatever, I'm putting my phone away. This is when you had landlines, though, so you don't. You wouldn't put your phone away, you'd actually pick it up. Don't put them on speaker, because now that's the annoying thing is you could be on speaker and scroll whatever you want in Google. You don't even have to be present. Make a conscious effort to put your phone up to your freaking ear and don't do anything except for participate in a conversation with your mom and dad, put the phone away when they come over. I cannot imagine having guilt about not spending time with someone who is no longer here and you can't change it.

00:23:38
Speaker 5: I will say that was one thing about Whitney Rose that I liked and are talking after sixteen years.

00:23:44
Speaker 1: Yes, very beautiful, very beautiful, very beautiful.

00:23:48
Speaker 2: But yeah, no, I think yeah, yeah, yes, a lot of guilt over depression or I'm just sort of there's a lot of these, So not being able to get out of bed all day, guilt over watching TV all day in bed, guilt over.

00:24:06
Speaker 3: Just basically not getting up. And what I say to that is sometimes being.

00:24:11
Speaker 2: Alive is the best you can do for a day, and bravo, you fucking did it.

00:24:15
Speaker 1: I love that jazz.

00:24:17
Speaker 3: Well, sometimes that's all.

00:24:18
Speaker 2: If you're alive and you've you've survived another day, Bravo, that's all you can do.

00:24:25
Speaker 4: My homie Taylor app good after dad passed. Yeah, he was the one.

00:24:28
Speaker 5: He was like, dude, I was like, I feel terrible, like I'm not doing anything, and he was like, you woke up.

00:24:33
Speaker 4: You walked up the stairs and you had a bagel.

00:24:35
Speaker 1: He gets it's a win.

00:24:37
Speaker 4: You're up.

00:24:38
Speaker 5: He goes tomorrow, maybe you'll do one more thing. But like you think, as long as you can get up, and even if you go and brush your teeth, that day you did something. Yeah you did something. Tomorrow, brush your teeth and then do something else. Yeah, I'm just making things up, obviously, but yeah, go outside, take a two minute walk, doesn't have to be a mile, Yeah, walk around somewhere.

00:24:58
Speaker 4: It's what.

00:24:58
Speaker 1: Yeah, But sometimes I like the thing when I'm doing things like that, I'm like, there are people that would kill to have a day in bed. Like I'm going to enjoy this because it doesn't happen that often.

00:25:09
Speaker 4: But it's a mental thing.

00:25:10
Speaker 1: It's completely mental. It's completely mental.

00:25:14
Speaker 4: Because I would like today. Yeah, obviously, I don't know.

00:25:16
Speaker 5: If you can hear it in my nose, you will, but I would have loved for another bed day. I don't know, but that's the thing. Yeah, I don't know until you you know, until you're in that other word.

00:25:28
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, I just want to day. I just want to lay in bed all day. Yeah. And then you get that and you're like I'm a lazy fuck you feel good, get out of here. No, you cannot win. That's why I say being a person is so freaking hard. So, like Jessica said, sometimes just being alive is the best you can do. And you know what, take the w and move on.

00:25:50
Speaker 2: Yes, and on the days that you only have five percent to give, if you give five percent, you give.

00:25:56
Speaker 1: I love that too.

00:25:58
Speaker 2: That's a meme that I saw, so I can't take credit for that. Kyle shared it.

00:26:02
Speaker 1: Okay, I only have five percent to give, and I gave five percent. So technically.

00:26:08
Speaker 2: Spending time with my partner doing things and not just being.

00:26:14
Speaker 3: In the same room with them, that's a good one.

00:26:16
Speaker 1: Okay, Well, you're in a productive and healthy partnership.

00:26:19
Speaker 3: Thank you.

00:26:20
Speaker 1: You shed it light on this.

00:26:22
Speaker 2: Something that we getting in the new year twenty twenty four is exactly what we're focused on.

00:26:27
Speaker 3: Last year I did a lot of that.

00:26:29
Speaker 2: I was in the same room as Kyle, but we're both on our phones emailing, not paying attention to one another, and I thought, well, it's fine because we're in the same room.

00:26:37
Speaker 3: No, you have to be proactive in your relationship.

00:26:39
Speaker 2: So now we're doing the thing where we do this on and off, but I love when we do it. We schedule the date, nights, we schedule no phones, talking to each other, no TV.

00:26:48
Speaker 3: So that is to me very important.

00:26:51
Speaker 1: I love that to connect. I love that so much.

00:26:56
Speaker 2: A lot of saving money guilt, So saving money in my twenty and thirties, I just want to experience life. But I do feel guilty not saving. That's a good one.

00:27:06
Speaker 1: I know. It's such a hard thing to do because you're like, life is so short, and like, no matter how much I save, like me and Kim Kardashian and the guy who sits outside of seven to eleven and asks me for a hot dog, We're all going to the same place, right, Like the end game is all the same for everybody. So sometimes you're like, screw it, But we do have to save because there's gonna be a day where you don't want to work anymore, right, and you have to have something to lean on, Like I obviously have the luxury of having a team behind me help me. You know, the money comes in, they see it, they place it where it needs to go. But my dad always told me to like take x amount percent that you can afford out of your paycheck, and save that. So you look, you know how much you make. You say, Okay, I can spend x amount on meals, I can shop this, spend this much on shopping. This is what I have to live on, and then whatever is left over you save.

00:28:14
Speaker 5: Yeah.

00:28:15
Speaker 2: Yeah, for me, that is like, uh, I know you want to.

00:28:19
Speaker 3: Live because I do that too. I'm like, but I want to go on trips.

00:28:22
Speaker 2: I'm saving, and Kyle and I are saving for a house eventually, but I also want to go to Europe. Like we should just yellow and spend money on Europe. But it's like what I do to kind of curb that craving right now. Once a month, I allow myself to get a new and it changes all the time, but a new workout outfit because that's what I'm in right now, comfies and cozy. So like once a month I will get a full like a new hoodie and new sweatpants, and I feel like I'm treating myself and still living. Or like twice a month, Kyle and I go on a date. We're going out to eat and like, so you're doing little things that allow you to save, but you're not like blowing it all and going on.

00:28:58
Speaker 3: A trip and then maybe once a year you do go on a trip live and.

00:29:01
Speaker 1: Say, but again, that's how you that's it's all about the budget and the balance. Yeah, you know how much you make and you say, you know what, this is the year that I'm going to blow it out the ass. So I need to shove money away before we get to that year, you know, like planning it out twenty twenty five. I want to go to Europe, So twenty twenty four, I need to shove this much away. Yeah, in order to do that. I don't know. Money's just tough.

00:29:28
Speaker 3: And it's hard.

00:29:29
Speaker 2: No, it's hard to because you save and then hit comes up all the time, and like the second I feel ahead and I'm like.

00:29:36
Speaker 4: My car fixed right, well, like I need I want to go to Europe.

00:29:39
Speaker 5: I need to save X amount. It's like, well, I only get paid X amounts. I got to get a second job. And then when I have the money to do it, are they going to even.

00:29:45
Speaker 4: Let me go to on the job.

00:29:46
Speaker 5: It's all fuck, I know, I know what you can, but it's like you are just up for grabs on anything.

00:29:52
Speaker 4: It's like you got the money to do it, well, now we'll they.

00:29:56
Speaker 6: Oh, no, I just wanted to come in tribute to the conversation.

00:30:00
Speaker 1: Oh hey, guys, you were saying the mics were too close. I was like, well, we're at thirty minutes. You couldn't have told us before.

00:30:09
Speaker 6: One thing my grandma told me. Set up a separate bank account and take money out of that check so you never see it. Oh, just get that check. Yeah, money goes into the out into the other account. You don't even know. You know, two hundred dollars, one hundred and fifty dollars, however much it is, you won't even know you have it. Just in a separate account. Have someone you trust run that account, Make sure it's in there, make sure everything's there so in case an emergency comes up. Boom boom, See I want you're good.

00:30:38
Speaker 1: What would grandma do?

00:30:40
Speaker 4: Wait?

00:30:41
Speaker 1: Thank you, Johnny, thank you.

00:30:44
Speaker 3: Kylie. You're about to be running that account for I.

00:30:45
Speaker 4: Know you're about to say, Gigi, I were doing this.

00:30:49
Speaker 1: Gigi would be a good one to watch. She's great with money.

00:30:52
Speaker 5: Actually, I don't know how what do you mean like she's very because what do you mean?

00:30:58
Speaker 1: What you mean?

00:30:59
Speaker 5: She's up in the night every other day, But when it comes to numbers, she becomes goodwill hunting.

00:31:04
Speaker 3: Oh oh god, she.

00:31:06
Speaker 4: Becomes very different. Trust me, I know.

00:31:10
Speaker 1: Someone's been watching Seinfeld a lot. All right. I think this was a very productive episode. Thanks for letting me sob That was beautiful. I totally needed that. Thank you guys for being vulnerable and writing in. It's so nice to know that, like, you're not alone in your guilt and misery.

00:31:29
Speaker 4: Yeah.

00:31:29
Speaker 3: Love that.

00:31:30
Speaker 1: Love when we're all guilty and miserable together altogether. Again, if you're listening to this, you can also watch it today on YouTube and it's going to be in the same place that you find all the other give them Lalla podcast episodes. I love you, guys, and I will catch you on the next Honerific bonus episode.

00:31:48
Speaker 3: Oh