Dalisse: Stories of Autism, community and family

Welcome to Why Not Me? Embracing Autism and Mental Health Worldwide?
Hosted by Tony Mantor, broadcasting from the heart of Music City, USA, Nashville, Tennessee.
Join us as our guests share their raw, powerful stories.
Some will spark laughter, others will move you to tears.
These real life journeys inspire, connect and remind you that
you're never alone. We're igniting a global movement to empower
everyone to make a lasting difference by fostering deep awareness on,
wavering acceptance, and profound understanding of autism and mental health.
Tune in, be inspired, and join us in transforming the
world one story at a time. Hi, I'm Tony Mantour.
Welcome to Why Not Me? Embracing Autism and Mental Health Worldwide.
Joining us today is the Lease, author of Loving Pieces,
a heartfelt book series celebrating the autism journey with warmth
and inspiration through vibrant stories and insightful guidance. These works
embraced diversity, offering inspiration and support for individuals on the spectrum,
their families and communities. She joins us to tell us
how it all started, and the story is very inspirational,
So before we dive into our episode. We'll be back
with an uninterrupted show right after a word from our sponsors.
Thanks for coming on.
Thank you so much, Tony for having me.
Oh it's my pleasure. I understand you've written a book.
I actually have four four.
Oh that's awesome. Can you give us a little background
on them.
So everything started because we were looking for books that
our kids could relate to, you know, like characters that
they were autistic and that they had similar experiences to
what they were doing. Our therapist over in Barcelona, she
taught us about social stories. She taught us how to
doodle or how to create them in PowerPoint for we
can explain visually to Adrian, who's my oldest son, who's autistic,
he's eleven, like certain things about social stories, about what
happens in certain situations. My husband and I, we both
have a background in digital marketing, so we said, why
don't we just write a book for him, you know,
he can just have it forever. That's how the first
book came.
What was the title of this first book.
The first book is called Party Time for Adriana, and
it's a story about Adrian that he's going to attend
his friends a media's birthday party. So in the story,
we teach him like anticipate what's going to go, what's
going to happen in the party? Like, Okay, you're going
to get an invitation, these people are going to be
at the party. What happens if you get overwhelmed? Like
maybe he needs an alone time? What places at the party?
Could he go to? Social story that narrates like how
to also say hi to new peers or new people,
always like in a very positive language and a very
visual way that they can just understand and know.
This was the first book, correct, that was the first book. Okay,
what led to the second book?
So we got such good feedback from the first book,
we said, why don't we just continue with my husband?
So that brought to the second book, which talks about meltdowns,
a very important topic that it's usually very negative in
a way that people talk about the meltdown.
Snow, unfortunately that's correct.
Through the book, we were able to teach our son
how to name the things that were happening to him.
So now he says like, Mom, I'm having a meltdown. Okay,
what tools do we have to so we could just
regulate back again got breathing exercises, we got stepping away
from the thing that caused the meltdown in the first place.
So visually, throughout the story, we teach about meltdowns, about
not having to feel guilty about having them, you know,
like teaching them like this can happen, and here are
the tools that you can use in order for you
to regulate. One of the things that we added in
the book is at the end of each of the
books we have like a like a bonus chapter for
parents where we give them like tips and tricks that
have served us. So the books are written from the
perspective of parents. Of course, there are a lot of
books like for therapists, even for teachers or for caregivers,
but from professionals, you know. But these books are written
from our own real life experiences and from our parent
based experiences, you know. We have that all of the
illustrations are hand drawn and they're based on us. So
if you see the characters in the books, like they
look like Adrian and they look like Emo, they look
like us. That was one of the main objectives of
the book, that they feel related to the books. Like
the character in this book that happened to me.
Is it mostly words or is it a balance of
words and pictures throughout?
Yeah, so it's like a story and it's got a
lot of pictures. Like it's very visual, like what things
are happening and like, for example, the third book talks
about confidence, being able to build the self esteem and
knowing that you're autistic and what does that really mean
using the specific skills that we have to make connections
or to fulfilled. So Adrian he loves trains. He knows
every metro station in the world, he knows the types
of trains, and he knows everything. So in the story,
there was a show and tell over at the school
and he was having a hard time connecting to peers
or he didn't understand why he didn't click as fast
as other kids, do you know, like why don't I
know a lot about sports? Or why do I have
a hard time understanding the rules of X and Y gain.
So throughout the story we talked Adrian about using his
skills to connect with peers. So in the show and
tell he created like this feuduristic train with all of
his imagination and he used that to connect to his speers.
He did like a small presentation in his classroom and
they were listening to him and that helped him connect.
That's a great story. Now, what is the fourth book about?
The fourth book is back to School. I think we
as parents are very worried about back to school. Routines change,
your teacher changes, your classroom changes, and at least our kids.
They flourish with knowing what's going to happen, the routines,
the anticipation. So throughout the book, it's like the story
about the new school year. We anticipate them going beforehand
to meet the teacher. We talk to the teacher about
their specific characteristics or needs, all like in a very
children's storyline, so they can understand, but why do I
have to go before and the other kids don't have
to do that? You know, like normalizing everything almost so
he can know inside the classroom where his calm corner
is going to or at least what the teacher looks like.
The first day of school, he doesn't feel as lost.
You know. We also anticipate that he might get new friends,
or maybe a couple of his old classmates are not
going to be there, or maybe that he's going to
have different subjects. So it's just like building a story
like what's going to happen? What could the first day
of school look like? At the end of that book,
we also talk about what happens when they get home,
Like what usually happens with our kids is that they're
like compressed throughout the day, just trying to understand what's
going on, and when they get home, they usually are
very quiet and very still, so just making them feel okay.
Now, how many kids do you have at home? Now?
I got two kids, Adrian, he's eleven and he is five.
So we knew as the animals artistic around seventeen month old,
he had like textbook. He didn't talk physically too. He
stayed there in a place and if nobody talked to
him or did anything, he would stay there for hours
just looking at the ceiling for different signs that made
us feel that something was not okay. So we reached
out to the therapist's center over in Barcelona and they
did the full diagnosis and that's how we got diagnosed
with autism. What did their diagnosis look at the time
when he was first diagnosed, I think he was a
level three now two, and he started to talk around
six years old. And Yama was doing almost a similar journey.
So at the time now he talks about maybe twenty words.
He's just starting to get that language we use like
alternative communication devices or a lot of pictograms. And the
books have been very helpful for us too. He's smaller
than Adrian, but we're starting already just to leave the
road for him.
How have the books been received outside of the family.
Have you gotten a lot of feedback from many people
in your area or around the world.
Yeah, yeah, a lot like good and very useful to like,
for example, for the first book, which was for a
party time for other time, and we were like super
happy and it was a first book. Everybody was excited,
like other parents for other autistic children made in therapy
or maybe the word gets around them. They were telling
me like, yeah, the book is really good, but my
kid does not get invited to parties, so I really
don't use the book or I can't use it. And
I'm like, no, you can use it for events or
maybe a family gathering, but really it's about a birthday party.
That was what really made us think about Okay, let's
see what are the most common things happening between autistic
families that we can reach more maybe give a better
awareness and buy the books.
No.
Like, so, since we are self published, we have that
freedom to decide what topic that we want to use
or what twists that we want to put into the books.
I'm not sure if it's the best way because I've
never written a book before release, but that's what we're doing.
The main thing is that it's working. That's really all
that matters.
Yes, Yes, and we're like really really dedicating a lot.
This project was born out of love, and it's fueled
by hope and by wanting to get something out there,
you know, so other people can know like this side
of autism. You can learn about it, or you can
teach it in a different way. To you.
Yeah, now, it sounds like all your books are very
very positive. Yeah, now what about the reality things that
aren't so positive, like the bullying and how they have
to deal with that. Have you addressed any of the
realities that autistic people have to put up in your books?
And if you have, how do you go about doing that?
Yes? Yes, of course the books are based on our experience.
Sure, that's perfect sense.
We know one hundred percent that my experience might not
be the same.
Another parent face absolutely.
The book about confidence the autism Confidence starts here. There
is a chapter about bullying. The way that we approached
bullying because this is something that happens. My kids have
been bullied, even I have been bullying as a young person,
as an adult, even we give them tools about if
this happens, what can I do? So he just walk away,
he could ask for help, or he could face bullies.
Of course, eating the bullies it's another level of emotional
and you have to be like, for example, Dan, he
wouldn't face bullies as easy as a way of asking
for help. You know, first, the way that he communicates
is not a very fluent communication that he has. But
in the book, since we want to also reach those
kids and might be able to say no, like stop this.
You're not supposed to be doing this to me. So
we all always try to give them tools about how
to handle tough situations. In the book number five that
we're going to launch in October, we talk a lot
about masking too, like they do it even without knowing
that they're masking. They just want to fit in, or
maybe they don't want to be Like Adan, he's always like,
you're not mad, you're not mad, right like your mommy,
you're not mad. He doesn't like to see us mad,
and we're like teaching him it's okay to feel all
types of emotions. You don't have to be happy all
the time. In that book, we talk about it's going
to be a really nice book. We're actually just drawing
in at the moment. We're in chapter three already, and
it talks about it's like a metaphor of life. You
know that you're going to be up, sometimes they're going
to be down. Sometimes good things are going to happen
to you, and not so good things are going to
happen to you.
Yeah, that's great because they have to learn reality.
Yes, so we do address it in a not so
negative way, of course, because it's a children's.
Reality does not have to be negativity.
We do maybe give the parents the opportunity to introduce
those topics.
Yeah, that's perfect, Like, oh, can.
You see that this kid is not behaving in a
properly way, he's builing? What are the signs of boiling?
In the tips for parents, we give them like ideas
on how to address those more complex or more difficult
topics that well, unfortunately, kids with autism are going to
have to face.
Sad but true. Now you said you're old? Is the loving?
Is he verbal? Now? What is his status on that?
He's verbal now? But he doesn't have like a two
way communication. You know, if it's the things that he liked,
he could be talking all day. But if, for example,
when he gets back from school and ask him, like
how has school has been, he's like fine? Or what
did you eat for lunch? And he's like food And
I'm like yeah, But so I have to really kind
of spoon him out like the answers, and you have
to initiate the conversation.
So, how have you seen him change? And has he
changed since you started writing the books? Has he been
involved in such a way that makes him feel like
he's really participating in the project and it's really something
that's really good because it's about your.
Lives, yes, and not only him, Like many of the
characters of the book are based on his real friends.
So it gives also adan an opportunity to use the
books as maybe conversation starters or maybe a way in
which they can just read the book together or talk
about different situations like in the last book that No
not the Confidence Book, one of the kids say is like,
I know this book is for autistic kids, but this
can also apply to me, right, And I'm like, yes,
of course, Like it's a very nice conversation piece I'm
going to say for him, and it's also very educational
for him, like he knows how to put names to
things now. Like the other day he was he said
it in Spanish because the book is written in three languages.
I think that's really good that you've done that. What
languages are they written in?
It's written in English, it's written in Spanish, and it's
also written in Catalan, and we speak Spanish at home
because at the beginning also they were telling us like,
don't mix languages because it's going to be more complicated
for him to kind of gasp just one language, you know,
and he was like, mom, Mommy, I am having a meltdown.
But he said in Spanish, I think crissmos or not.
And I'm like, oh, those are big words for you,
And that really just feeled us to continue.
You know. Yeah, I think that's great and it says
a lot about what you're doing.
We're also kind of anticipating with him about he's getting
into being a teenage journal, and I don't know what
that's going to bring. I haven't walked that path, but
we're already kind of anticipating with the masking with the
other things he has, like over empathy too, like if
somebody's upset, he's going to get upset too. Or if
somebody is super happy, he's also happy. Maybe he doesn't
even understand why. So throughout the books, I think it's
going to be like a very useful learning tool for him.
And he sees himself in the books of course, like
this is that he has it really clear, like this
is a and this is my teacher, this is my brother,
and we do this, and we do that. And so
we've been using a lot of the books there were
created especially for that to teach them visually because he's
really visual.
The teen years, everyone faces them in a very different way.
So it's going to be interesting to see how these
books where he's part of it and he's growing up
with it, So it's going to be very interesting to
see the dynamic there on how he approaches everything going forward.
Yes, I really hope that we can just continue doing
throughout the teen years. There there's not a lot of
books that's what I've been told. I haven't done my
research and team because I haven't been there that there
are not a lot of books that talks about teen characters,
autistic teen characters facing day to day situations. So we're
looking forward to that too.
Yeah. I think it's going to be very interesting because
after everything that you've done writing the books one through five,
this is his story, this is his life, So this
is going to be very interesting. Yes, when he gets older,
he'll be able to look back and read the books,
and the interesting part about it is this is the
story of his life.
Yeh, that's true. Yes, that's true. We also have plan
to do like books for smaller kids, like for m
you know, like what train for example, Giemum's five, but
he still uses a diaper. That's one of the first
books that we want to write right now, like okay,
maybe a social story for him to understand that eventually
he's going to have to be ready to take his
mappies away.
I have a lady that was all my podcasts that
actually wrote a book about that and it's the bestseller,
goes all around the world. I'll have to connect you too,
because I think you'll have a lot to talk about.
Yes, please, because that's our next big step for the GIA.
I'm just like trying to make him. Yeah, he understands,
but I don't know how to explain certain things to him,
you know.
So Yeah, I definitely can connect you too, because she's
had great success on that and she teaches people around
the world. She does speaking engagements, she has a foundation
that's based in the UK. She does really well.
Oh, yes, that would be wonderful.
Yes, I'll definitely get you two connected. Now, what does
his day to day look like? You've written the books,
you're trying to do and incorporate all these things into
your lives. What's your day to day between navigating through
the family, the challenges you face writing the books, what's
it all look like?
Well, living in Barcelona, so we do a lot of
therapy with him. So he goes to therapy at least
three times per week with Adrian and with our youngest
three times too. One is with the public system. He
has a lovely therapist. She her name is Angelina, and
she's been with Adrian too, so she knows our family
and everything. And Adrian is going to therapy with the
therapist that he she knows them since Aden was seventeen
months old, so she has been there throughout his growth
and throughout Nowgi at most growth known.
That's great. Now, what about the school system.
I have to say that we were We are very
lucky because over at the school, they have a support
system inside the school in which they received maybe like
a they call it amonidori. It's like they're shadowing him
and kind of guiding him throughout the everyday activities. And
then they have a specific teacher for special needs, for example,
for Adrian with the subjects that are a little bit
more complicated for him, maybe eating, comprehension, or maybe those
types of subjects are not very like math is easier
for him, for example, or maybe comprehension. Mostly so they
go out to a specific classroom and then they help
him just kind of understand those small cobix things. And
they're at school from eight to let's say four thirty,
and then during that time is when we are doing
our work practically when they're at school. After school, they
love the water, so they're I think they were fishes
in another life because they love water, and so we
take them to swimming lessons on Tuesdays and on Fridays,
and that's helped them too.
Also, yes, that sounds great. I bet it helps them
because that way they get to intermingle with other people.
And by doing that, it just skips them out of
the house and out of school into a different environment.
They're not in their usually usual like friends situation kind
of thing. So we take them to another place and
they learn how to sw because for our little one,
he doesn't understand danger. For example, so he did not
know how to swim, and he just threw himself inside
of any pool and then he came out. We were like,
oh my god, my kid, and he was like smiling
and so happy that he almost drowned at that pool.
So most of the activities that we do for extracurricular
are for him, like learning how to how to swim
is a big one. And also it regulates them a lot.
I don't know what's up with water, but maybe the
fact that it's really they like to go underwater a lot,
so I think it's more island down there, I'm guessing.
And after school, we're just with them all the time,
like trying to explain to them things and trying to
kind of apply what we've learned in therapy. Also at home,
our therapists also have been very good at that because
she's very practical. She tells us like what's going on now,
and she gives us the tools that we as parents
can use at home. Because at the end of the day,
is the parents said stay the longest with kids?
Yes, that absolutely makes sense. Now, what are some of
the challenges that you still think that you might face
where he's going to be a team before too long,
so that way you can make the transition a little
bit smoother.
Okay, So they're different with en of course because of
the age difference. So I would say that for Adrian,
he has he has a lot of echolalia, so he
would repeat the same phrase over and over and over
again. And one of the challenges
that we face is that, of course the kids over
at their school, they're growing up, and maybe as they
were younger, they were more patient with him or maybe
more comprehensive of the situation, and they kind of made
a laugh of oh, he's repeating the same thing all
over again. Now that they are growing up and they
have their own challenges that their own Cormon's going crazy,
you know, I'm thinking that they're not that it's happening now,
but maybe in the future or when he goes to
middle school, which it's going to be a totally different school,
totally different building, teachers, everything. I am afraid that they're
not going to be as patient with him as they
are now.
Yes, that's very understandable.
Sometimes I feel like at the school where we are now,
because they've been there since three years or so, we're
kind of living in a small bubble, you know, like
they know him already, they know how to help him regulate,
they know what triggers him, what doesn't trigger him. I
am really like wondering what's going to happen in teen years,
because he would be in FORO dumping you about what
he likes, you know, they're usually trains or about new
constructions going on. And he does not know how to
communicate with me too, Like, for example, if I tell you,
like if somebody was to be pulling him, I don't
know if he has the capability of explaining me to
me exactly how it happened. He would tell me like, no,
I am sad because this kid did this, but he
wouldn't tell me what this is. I try to kind
of understand he would get up said, because he would
tell me like, no, I don't want you to get upset.
So that's what we're working on now.
It's always tough getting everything coordinated. Now, what's the future
look like? I think you're planning on writing another book,
So what are your plans for the future.
In the future, talking about things that are going to
make them more independent as they get older, Preparing the
terrain for them to be more independent as they get older,
and maybe working a lot in trying to boost their
self esteem to you know, like that is a big
thing at least for me, me being laid autistic women,
like they were some things growing up that made me
feel or maybe have a lesser of a self esteem,
And I don't want that same thing to happen to them,
you know. I want them to be okay with being
autistic and whatever that's going to mean for him, because
I don't know how he's going to evolve, you know,
even when he was younger, I didn't know he was
going to be the way he is now, you know,
So I really don't know about the future. There's somethings
that I really think about and worry about especially about independency,
like I don't know he's going to be able to
live by himself or if he's going to be able
to do X or Y. And I think us as
parents too, it has made us think ahead, you know,
like not only emotionally but also financially, also about where
they're going to be living in the future. What's going
to happen if we're not here anymore. I think that's
one of the common things with autistic parents.
Every parent that I talk with are always concerned about
their children if they're not around, So that's very common.
You mentioned you were late diagnosed. When was you diagnosed autistic?
Last year? So I'm old forty age.
There's nothing wrong with that at all. I have spoken
with many people from thirty five to forty five who
were diagnosed later in life. That's becoming very common and
very typical now, it is.
Yeah, And like, you know what made me kind of
maybe understand that I was au stutistic. It's because there
were so many similar and when I go back, I
was like, I'm telling him not to do this, but
I did this all the time. What's a better approach
that I can give him so he doesn't kind of
have the same experience that I had with this subject.
You know, I really had a really hard time at school.
My mother used to really maybe not suffer, but in
a way yes, because I wasn't doing very good in
some certain subjects and I was the shy girl, you know,
Like she even told me, like, you were so shy
you were in fifth grade and you peed in your
pants because you didn't want to ask your teacher. And now,
like I kind of understand myself.
I have heard your story so many times, so that's
not at all uncommon. If anything, it will help you
raising your kids because you've been through a lot of
things that they will be facing in their future.
Yes, of course. God bless my husband because he's like,
are you the same, And I'm like, you love us?
Are you don't? And he's like you with all my heart?
And I'm like, yeah, that's so good to hear. I
understand that you also like to get back to the community.
Yeah, yeah, And we also kind of want to give
back to the community, so we do a lot of
resources for anybody. Just to go into our website. There's
a whole list of freebies.
If you would give them your web address. So they
can check it out.
Our website is lovingpiecesbooks dot com. You can see all
our contact information from there, and the website's also in Spanish,
so yeah, so you can get here.
Well. This has been great, great information, great conversation. I
really appreciate you taking the time to join us today.
Thank you so much, Tony for having me.
Oh it's been my pleasure. Thanks again. Thanks for taking
time out of your busy schedule to listen to our
show today. We hope you enjoyed it as much as
we enjoyed bringing it to you. If you know someone
who has a story to share, tell them to contact
us at whyom dot world. One last thing, spread the
word about why Not Me, our conversations, our inspiring guests
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