BONUS: Best or Worst First Dates

00:00:05
Speaker 1: What's funny, Jessica, I'm not gonna tell you and tell you it out loud.

00:00:09
Speaker 2: It will be my first one I read. But that's a funny one.

00:00:11
Speaker 1: I love it because we are back with a bonus episode and today our theme is what is it.

00:00:20
Speaker 2: Just worst best or worst first date?

00:00:24
Speaker 1: Best slash worst first date? Va boo. Okay, so we had our regular episode that we were recording and producer John, who's fantastic at getting us the news in a timely manner, headlines for days and I didn't realize that he attempted to save a tree by using one piece of paper. So I don't want some of these headlines to go to waste, Jessica, would you like to read these before we move on to the theme?

00:00:58
Speaker 2: Wow, you guys are so lucky getting these in the bonus episode. Okay, so everyday food snacks facing ban because of cancer causing agents. You guys, I think this is going to be coming out more and more. Let's read them? Should we read them?

00:01:13
Speaker 3: Yes?

00:01:13
Speaker 2: Okay? Sorry, sorry to these brands. Lucky Charms, Yellow six linked to adrenal tumors and rats. Oh yump oreos you guys. Blue one concerns could cause kidney tumors and damage nerve cells. Flame and hot Cheetos, you guys, Yellow five and six can cause DNA mutations and white blood cells. Gatorade food dyes linked to cancer and hyperactivity, fruit loops, Skittles, nerds, eminams, no sweetish fish, dorritos. Uh. California has already banned certain dyes. Let me tell you something. You'd be shocked at the things other countries don't allow that we have here.

00:01:57
Speaker 1: I know I'm gonna start looking that up so that I can how.

00:02:00
Speaker 3: Many oreos do I need to eat?

00:02:02
Speaker 2: That's exactly start exactly about fully.

00:02:08
Speaker 3: With you twenty a year.

00:02:10
Speaker 1: Honestly, I can't even remember the last time I had any of these things. And honestly, the only thing with Gatory that I can think of his water boyd was like gay and he's like, chuose it on the field, so he pictures the quarterback being like gated rat water. What do you say?

00:02:28
Speaker 3: Water gate read is better? And fucking.

00:02:35
Speaker 1: He loses his mind on the field because someone said that water sucks.

00:02:41
Speaker 4: It's way better, not that playing foods.

00:02:47
Speaker 1: Construction has begun on high speed rail between Socoal and Vegas.

00:02:52
Speaker 2: That's huge. That is huge.

00:02:54
Speaker 1: That's huge. I'll be taking to get that big old dick soon.

00:03:01
Speaker 3: You get taken it to go to those strip clubs. Give me some.

00:03:06
Speaker 1: You lovee Rhino, We love it Rhino.

00:03:10
Speaker 2: Is that the one with the steaks?

00:03:12
Speaker 1: I don't know.

00:03:13
Speaker 2: I don't think one that's known for steaks or something.

00:03:16
Speaker 3: Oh, I just go to the ones that are known for like magic. You got to go the other way salmon. Yeah, you guys Tatar.

00:03:26
Speaker 2: The trains will offer restrooms, Wi Fi food and BEV sales and the option to check luggage. Here's my question. Do we have it on here? How long will it take?

00:03:36
Speaker 3: That's what I need to Is it like you gotta be.

00:03:40
Speaker 1: Yeah, y'all, we're on a high speed rail. We're we're getting railed at the highest degree.

00:03:46
Speaker 2: Producer John has it literally on the second bullet. The fully electric train will take just over two hours each way, but you don't have to drive.

00:03:54
Speaker 3: I don't know.

00:03:54
Speaker 2: I kind of think it's worth it two hours.

00:03:56
Speaker 3: I guess two hours.

00:03:58
Speaker 1: It takes it takes four to get there with out. Yeah, I'll take the speed rail for sure. Think about it. You could jump on that to go to your freaking mosh pit. Music fest.

00:04:09
Speaker 3: If they were about it, they put a strip club on the.

00:04:17
Speaker 1: Lady, we've got to get Yeah, have you go to a sex party of sorts? That that sounds a little dark and then dark?

00:04:30
Speaker 2: No, I've heard in l A they're like very They're they're like fun. It's just like they'll do like pool parties, but it's like topless pool parties.

00:04:38
Speaker 3: But can I keep my clothes on?

00:04:39
Speaker 2: I get a little, but yeah, you can a little, but you can, of course keep in mind the option to be naked and then some people, you know, I think that sounds fun. You should go.

00:04:49
Speaker 3: I don't love that much. Work, a little bit.

00:04:54
Speaker 1: Horrible and the most vulnerable position you could ever.

00:04:57
Speaker 3: I can only imagine a one night stand. Sober?

00:05:02
Speaker 2: Are you sober?

00:05:03
Speaker 1: Honestly, I'm not going to get into it. Worse, I'm not going to get into it because you're my brother. Jessica knows the dawn. Yes, sober, Yes, one night or that led to others?

00:05:16
Speaker 3: Oh so it wasn't that bad for you?

00:05:17
Speaker 2: No, it was amazing that bad.

00:05:19
Speaker 1: I've never had better when you were sober.

00:05:22
Speaker 3: Yes, but that's not a one night stand.

00:05:25
Speaker 1: Well, because why would it be one night if it's so good you want to come back for more. Hello.

00:05:30
Speaker 2: I bet it was because you were way more in your body and you're old. You're like older now than when you were drinking, so you were just like appreciating it.

00:05:37
Speaker 1: That had me discombobulated. What after the dawn? I could not get my mind off of it.

00:05:44
Speaker 2: The dick had you discombobulated.

00:05:46
Speaker 1: Dick combobulated, Dick combobulated. One. The other thing that I want to say, Easton, there has to be a day when some time has passed where we talk about Mom's friend and all of her funny story.

00:06:02
Speaker 2: We have to I don't even know what that's.

00:06:06
Speaker 1: She might I'm going to ask her. Her stories are fucking hilarious.

00:06:11
Speaker 3: She's invited to all family trips, all families.

00:06:14
Speaker 2: I don't even care, just like hookup stories or something.

00:06:17
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, she's.

00:06:20
Speaker 3: Yeah, she has a bag of fun.

00:06:21
Speaker 1: Travis Barker wishes his wife Courtney Kardashian never heard of her a happy birthday. Just kidding. The Drummer shared a bunch of photos on Instagram wishing court forty fifth birthday. Happy forty fifth birthday. Damn, and she just gave birth to a baby. Happy birthday. To my beautiful wife Stule, me and best friend forever. I love you, I love our life together.

00:06:42
Speaker 2: That will end, that will end.

00:06:45
Speaker 3: You're too famous for.

00:06:50
Speaker 1: One picture that everyone's attention with her smiling, with her hair slicked back in a black dress and was pulled up as she used the bathrooms.

00:07:00
Speaker 2: So silly. They're kind of fun. They are fun. And that the sweet baby boy. I've only seen him from the back, but he looks so cool.

00:07:06
Speaker 1: What is his name again, Roco or something that's so cute. Costco customer going viral. A man is going viral shopping at Costco and having the cashier scan the bar code on his T shirt and not the chickens he was buying, so they were exposed.

00:07:22
Speaker 2: So they weren't exposed.

00:07:23
Speaker 1: I don't understand.

00:07:24
Speaker 4: Oh, so he had a giant bar code on his shirt and it was like the bar code is four chickens, but like, know how you have to scan the chicken with the led it's like on the chicken.

00:07:34
Speaker 3: So he was like, I got four chickens, just scan my shirt four times.

00:07:37
Speaker 2: Okay, here's so they weren't exposed to red led light.

00:07:41
Speaker 3: But his heart is that's what's great.

00:07:44
Speaker 2: That's the funny jokes. All the comments I've been seeing, they're like, well, he's so concerned about the.

00:07:48
Speaker 4: Chickens, why is he concerned about his own It's instead of wearing the shirt, just like put it on a piece of paper and go, will you scan this piece of paper with the fortunes?

00:07:57
Speaker 2: Thought he was doing something.

00:07:58
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, he just instead we're dead.

00:08:01
Speaker 1: They're not feeling ship. Well, you should have protected them before they were.

00:08:06
Speaker 3: Beheaded, but you didn't want to put that led chicken into his body.

00:08:11
Speaker 1: Fine, honey, we're all eating lucky terms and oreos before we consume.

00:08:16
Speaker 2: A worn that I you know, I have you guys, ever, just all they need to.

00:08:22
Speaker 1: Do is switch up the five and six? Ain't that hard?

00:08:27
Speaker 4: They like, there's no red, there's no red dye. If you get flaming hot cheetos, bat.

00:08:32
Speaker 3: It's just yellow.

00:08:33
Speaker 2: Okay, it's discussed.

00:08:35
Speaker 3: Ye, the red dye is what's given it to us.

00:08:38
Speaker 2: Well, it's it's all horrific. But have you guys really quick? A good snack that obviously causes cancer. But you take a pickle. I've seen it on TikTok. You take a pickle, giant pickle. You cut it up in pickle slices. You crush flaming hot cheetos, then you put the slices in the bag and you shake it up and it's like a It's like a cheeto covered pickle. And apparently I haven't tried it because I don't really eat those foods, but it looks so.

00:09:02
Speaker 1: I don't because I cannot hide.

00:09:04
Speaker 3: Do you want to know?

00:09:04
Speaker 4: It's better flaming hot cheetos with nacho cheese on them in the bag and then.

00:09:09
Speaker 1: You and that's going to be added to the list.

00:09:14
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's that sounds really bad.

00:09:16
Speaker 1: By the way, nothing slaps harder than a freaking spray cheese on rich cracker or anyone or like what are those called the ones that Ocean likes. They're kind of like straw.

00:09:32
Speaker 3: Trisk it trisk I love a good.

00:09:33
Speaker 2: Trisk aren't too bad for you? I don't think.

00:09:37
Speaker 1: Okay, best slash worst date Easton you go first?

00:09:41
Speaker 2: Yeah, let's hear it.

00:09:42
Speaker 1: Do you have a best I mean I've never really gone on a lot of dates.

00:09:45
Speaker 4: I mean the good date I mean was with my ex girlfriend the first day we went on.

00:09:52
Speaker 2: It was just no, even if it was simple. Did you guys get a dinner.

00:09:55
Speaker 4: The we went to us because we started dating like October, so it was around Halloween. So like we went to uh, like a hunted house.

00:10:04
Speaker 3: Was that her first thing?

00:10:05
Speaker 2: And he hands through it?

00:10:07
Speaker 3: I held her.

00:10:10
Speaker 5: Behind, Yeah, walking through best date and then we went to this step after the worst date was the girl who I went on the date with and driving her home and it was really windy in the car and I go, it's windy.

00:10:24
Speaker 3: She rolls down the window going eighty miles an hour and goes, that's an icon.

00:10:28
Speaker 4: That was the worst day because that just ended it for me, and I was like, oh, no, you never anyone again?

00:10:35
Speaker 1: Did Mom ever tell you about her worst date? Where the guy picks her up and he like comes to the front door but the windows open. He like pulls up in some shit shithole of a car, and her friend goes, oh, he's.

00:10:50
Speaker 2: Driving a beat. What we talked about this?

00:10:52
Speaker 3: Did I?

00:10:53
Speaker 1: Yes?

00:10:53
Speaker 2: On the last episode? Right?

00:10:56
Speaker 1: Yes?

00:10:57
Speaker 3: Maybe?

00:10:59
Speaker 2: I don't think so, don't are you telling me another time?

00:11:02
Speaker 1: I think I was telling you at a different time because I don't remember.

00:11:06
Speaker 3: I don't remember.

00:11:06
Speaker 1: She gets in his cards. I just he goes, I just sold my Porsche last week and then and then he drives past the movie theater. He doesn't have a plan for the date, and he rolls down the window as he drives. Do I take discount couponds?

00:11:24
Speaker 2: Was trying to be how old? He said? Serious?

00:11:27
Speaker 1: Well, Mom started dating Dad when she was I think like eighteen or nineteen, so it had to have been. She was f She went to my dad's after she knew, like after that I had, Yeah, they had been dating and she went on a date with this other guy and then they passed Malibu Drive and he goes Malibu Drive. That reminds me of my beach house in Malibu. And she was like, it was the worst date ever.

00:11:53
Speaker 3: I don't know.

00:11:53
Speaker 1: I didn't ask, but Mom said that she immediately immediately went to Dad's and was like, I never I never dated another person after that.

00:12:02
Speaker 3: It was so bad.

00:12:03
Speaker 4: What's crazy is Lisa over here just being like eighteen nineteen just dating twenty five year old men?

00:12:10
Speaker 1: No, no, dude, Mom's a bag of fun.

00:12:13
Speaker 2: Can I tell you?

00:12:14
Speaker 1: The other day I called my best friend and she hasn't had a ton of sex, and she's smart. She was protection a lot and she asked us she's on the bluetooth speaker, and I'm like, have you guys been having sexy time? She wants to get pregnant, and she goes, yes, but I this could be a stupid question, but like, did you guys know that our bodies don't fully absorb come? It like kind of leaks a little bit, and my mom started loving me. She goes, you're so cute, Honnie. She goes, I didn't know that, and she goes, you didn't she was, I did, And let's just say I knew that because I'm just shocked I didn't get pregnant. More often, I'm.

00:12:55
Speaker 3: Like, ew, my mother was a whore.

00:12:59
Speaker 2: My mother The War.

00:13:02
Speaker 4: Dragging Women two episodes, I'm the whole totally.

00:13:09
Speaker 3: You are.

00:13:11
Speaker 1: You are a bitch by uh proxy proximity? Yea, yeah, yeah yeah war by proximity.

00:13:19
Speaker 3: In a couple of days, it felt.

00:13:22
Speaker 1: So funny, dude. I don't know if I've had like a really horrific date or really great I've had a lot. I feel like, mmm, this one's kind of on the fence. It was such a great date, like we were we were vibing, we were like just so on the same page, and seeing it fell effortless that I did allow him to hit the first night, and he had a really underwhelming dick of the worst. No, it was such no, just a hoe. I never got paid.

00:13:56
Speaker 2: I know, I know, yeah, Lacklusser dicks just five isn't even in the worst first date.

00:14:03
Speaker 1: Well, mister forty five was like really hot and had a very pretty and girthy and yummy.

00:14:11
Speaker 2: He just didn't last forty five seconds. Here he was.

00:14:15
Speaker 1: Forty five seconds, and I did give him a chance to redeem and he lasted a little bit longer. Oh, I just I have been told. I've been told that basketball players are not as good as football players, which I have to co sign on that. However, there was one basketball player that was only one though that I was like, all right, I get down for the cause.

00:14:37
Speaker 2: Why do you think that? That's very interesting?

00:14:39
Speaker 1: I don't know, but I've had these conversations with women who like have gone. But I have heard that the baseball players really know what's up. I've never been in.

00:14:47
Speaker 3: That because they swing down.

00:14:51
Speaker 1: That's what I've heard. I have never been with a baseball player, but that's what I've been told.

00:14:56
Speaker 2: Wow, yeah, just you know, just fascinating.

00:15:01
Speaker 1: It is fascinating, But what's your best words? Wow?

00:15:08
Speaker 2: I think one of my best and this maybe and.

00:15:10
Speaker 1: I both need to get late. At some point we're going to start.

00:15:14
Speaker 2: A new podcast called Getting Laile on Eastern Lade and it's going to be that journey.

00:15:20
Speaker 1: My best probably sad that it's the two of us and we're whatever, what brother and sister.

00:15:27
Speaker 2: Getting east And you could go get Dick, I could go get Push.

00:15:33
Speaker 3: I just don't sucks that.

00:15:36
Speaker 1: I'd rather just watch Paul Royal at home.

00:15:41
Speaker 2: Okay, I love it.

00:15:42
Speaker 1: I love palm Riyle.

00:15:44
Speaker 3: It's a slower, slower.

00:15:46
Speaker 1: I need to give it another it's slower.

00:15:49
Speaker 3: I'm into it.

00:15:50
Speaker 1: No, I just couldn't see that.

00:15:51
Speaker 2: Well, what's yours mine is? I don't even know if this is kind of it was one of the first I ended up dating him for a little bit. But we were out at the bar and he got a text from a baseball friend of his. This was in Nashville, and he was like, do you want to go to a Red Sox Yankees game in New York at like the whatever? And I was like yeah when and he's like tomorrow and I was like yeah, but like and he was like I'll get us like he got us first class tickets and then we flew like literally it was eleven pm that night, and the next morning we left like six am, flew to New York, went to the game. Oh and he brought a friend of mine. Went to the game, hung out with all the players after in the hotel, all the Red Sox players. Which hot?

00:16:39
Speaker 1: Were they hot?

00:16:39
Speaker 3: Yeah?

00:16:40
Speaker 2: But it was so cool. Wasn't anything weird?

00:16:42
Speaker 1: You're telling me you could have fucked a baseball player and wighed in on this conversation to say if they're better or what else?

00:16:48
Speaker 2: You know what is so wild?

00:16:49
Speaker 1: Though?

00:16:49
Speaker 2: At the time, and I will say this all of them. It was literally a hotel room with me, a girlfriend, my the guy I had went on a date with at the time, and them a bunch of the Red Sox players, and they were all everyone was just playing cards, drinking so respectful. No one was like, and my friend is hot, and no one was like aggressively hitting on her. I mean, there was a little flirting, but she's like, yeah, I'm not going to hook up. Bravo to the Red Sox players or the ones that were in that room.

00:17:18
Speaker 1: Many Yeah, okay, so keep going and I mean that was and then that was the best day. And he never tried anything, and he was like, here's first class take out.

00:17:25
Speaker 2: Oh no, we had sex that night and we ended up dating.

00:17:27
Speaker 1: But oh well that's great. That's a great first date then.

00:17:31
Speaker 2: And we had like right after the baseball game, we got in the bus there. It was like some giant bus of the Red Sox players and like went all over the city before we went back to the hotel and like got drinks. It was all just it was fun. It was like one of the best.

00:17:44
Speaker 1: How long did you date for?

00:17:46
Speaker 2: I dated him for like a year.

00:17:47
Speaker 1: Wow, that's a great first date because it is something. Yeah, what was the age difference that was?

00:17:54
Speaker 2: I've always been around like five six years.

00:17:56
Speaker 1: Okay, that's an I think that's a nice gap.

00:18:00
Speaker 2: Yeah. I think I was like twenty two. Yeah, I think I was like twenty two and he was like twenty eight.

00:18:06
Speaker 1: You've lived so much life for only being like thirty one or thirty two. It's wild to me. What do our friends say, oh about their worst?

00:18:15
Speaker 2: The worst I told you guys already. It was the douchebag guy who we went to the concert and he was so rude to the waiter and I like took out like and I like paid for the day and I was like, I'm done. You're rude and you're an asshole. So that was the worst, just.

00:18:28
Speaker 1: Because very assertive. Actually, you'd be shocked that I'm less assertive than she is.

00:18:33
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, chi.

00:18:35
Speaker 2: Bitch, stuck up, bitch, bitch, she sure is. Oh my god. Okay, this one, this first one, he took me to his grandma's funeral for the first date. Can you imagine?

00:18:52
Speaker 1: Wait, that's kind of that feels like a movie.

00:18:55
Speaker 2: That feels like a movie. It feels like it also feels.

00:18:58
Speaker 1: Okay, but hold on, did he say let's go on a date and then he told you where you were going? It's black tie and it's very very moody type of event, whole family. Because did he say I want to take you on a date, but we're gonna like stop by my grandma's funeral first because I'm kind of on you girl, or he.

00:19:21
Speaker 2: Was like, I want you to meet my grandma and that's all he said. And then little did.

00:19:25
Speaker 3: She know, she didn't get to meet her, though.

00:19:27
Speaker 2: Well she did, she did, grandmother didn't meet her back.

00:19:31
Speaker 1: Depending on your belief system. She could have already been reincarnated and been the bird that was watching over you know, girl, that's rough she was.

00:19:43
Speaker 2: We're now married, they might be. She didn't. She just said he took me to his grandma's funeral. Dot dot dot, Kara, we hear you, we see you, and rip for the grandma.

00:19:52
Speaker 3: And are you still dating the guy? Yeah?

00:19:53
Speaker 2: Are you married?

00:19:54
Speaker 3: That's the big one I want? Right? Where is he at?

00:19:58
Speaker 1: And like, did you console him when you cried? Like you barely know him? I know I don't.

00:20:04
Speaker 2: That's if any man. Let me tell you, I'm fine with men crying. If any man takes me to a freaking funeral for the first date and then cries on my shoulder.

00:20:14
Speaker 1: What if the grandma's dying wish was like I just really wow, really to love? And then she he didn't, and so it was like, you're gonna take one for the team, bitch. My grandma's being putting in her grave today, and I'll be damned if she goes out and doesn't see me with silms.

00:20:32
Speaker 2: Yeah, fake love, but oh my god, who nurse?

00:20:35
Speaker 3: Oh?

00:20:36
Speaker 2: These are all you guys? Rode in with some really good ones. Okay, this one I had to pick him up drive him to our date and he made me pay. Oh, and then I had to drop him back off home.

00:20:47
Speaker 3: Huh. Yeah, you know what it feels like, right, you guys want a quality? Were being canceled.

00:20:55
Speaker 1: Damn you guys want to quality?

00:20:57
Speaker 3: We do? We do?

00:20:59
Speaker 2: We don't anymore.

00:21:01
Speaker 1: I know.

00:21:01
Speaker 4: There was a girl on the subway and she videoed and she was like, what happened to men giving their seat? And it was like all these dudes sitting and like women standing, And it flips to this girl and she.

00:21:09
Speaker 3: Goes, isn't this what we've always been wanting? Equality? I was like, wow, yeah, I'd give my seat up for you. Guys. Don't.

00:21:17
Speaker 1: No, It's like, just because we are asking to be paid the same amount doesn't mean you need to be a fucking asshole. Like we're still you're still like nice.

00:21:28
Speaker 3: That's the thing.

00:21:28
Speaker 1: This is what I want you to remember. This is what I want you to remember when we're talking about equality. How the fuck did you get here?

00:21:34
Speaker 3: Bitch?

00:21:35
Speaker 1: You tore up some woman's vagina. You're welcome give up your the same and give up your seat.

00:21:46
Speaker 3: I just got here.

00:21:49
Speaker 2: We want your seat.

00:21:50
Speaker 1: We gave you life You're fucking welcome. That's how I feel.

00:21:56
Speaker 3: Right. We built buildings here and there for you.

00:21:59
Speaker 1: Oh, you built a building, build shelter right, that's all I could say.

00:22:04
Speaker 3: That's I can't win.

00:22:08
Speaker 2: Helen knows the owner.

00:22:12
Speaker 3: Blue.

00:22:12
Speaker 1: That's all you're good for things.

00:22:18
Speaker 2: We love you. Guy didn't look like dating app photo. I'm sure this happens a lot. Has this ever happened to either one of you? Well, you don't get on the apps, but Easton, I don't.

00:22:26
Speaker 3: Have dating apps. I've never went.

00:22:28
Speaker 2: On an app. I would in my life.

00:22:31
Speaker 3: Should I get one?

00:22:32
Speaker 1: A dating app?

00:22:33
Speaker 3: Ye, I've never had one.

00:22:34
Speaker 1: I haven't either.

00:22:36
Speaker 2: I've heard it's a weird time.

00:22:37
Speaker 3: I've heard greet might get me laid.

00:22:40
Speaker 2: I've heard it. Yeah, I've heard.

00:22:43
Speaker 3: Yeah.

00:22:44
Speaker 2: Okay. Took blind date to a hockey game. He asked what the silver things were on the bottom of the player's shoes skates, blades, skates? Are you in this world? This is a female? He yeah, she wrote it, And he asked, I would say, I won't say anything.

00:23:04
Speaker 1: I was high. He was high.

00:23:07
Speaker 3: Thing.

00:23:07
Speaker 4: But like, if you've got a stupid question, you got a phone, now look.

00:23:10
Speaker 1: It up, I asked, stupid questions all the time.

00:23:13
Speaker 3: Oh not me, oh, I asked, try not to.

00:23:17
Speaker 2: Okay, this is a positive you guys. I think he might have been on something. I think he or he was like I don't want to say weirdo, but he was someone who doesn't pay attention to sports at all.

00:23:29
Speaker 1: And come on, you don't have to pay attention someone gliding.

00:23:33
Speaker 3: In the Olympics.

00:23:34
Speaker 4: It's how do you not know figure skating?

00:23:38
Speaker 1: It's a blade? How do you? Yes? I think he might have either been on something or he was trying to make it funny and it just didn't. Didn't With the girl like these silver things, I.

00:23:47
Speaker 3: Think it sounds like he was trying to be a deck.

00:23:49
Speaker 2: It's like, oh, well, what are these, you know, the bottom of the skates, trying to see if she would answer it, if she answered correctly or not.

00:23:55
Speaker 3: That's what I'm getting.

00:23:57
Speaker 2: It was like, oh, you want to take me to a hockey Yeah, like.

00:24:01
Speaker 3: Testing needs a deck. Guys.

00:24:05
Speaker 1: I think hockey players may be the ones laying the best pipe. Seen them out there. I know just a lot of them, truthless who cares, but not homelessness, goumness, po ring.

00:24:20
Speaker 3: I know old lady with some dentures. I heard that.

00:24:25
Speaker 2: Anywhay homeless, not toothless.

00:24:27
Speaker 1: So there is smoked toothless, not homeless.

00:24:30
Speaker 2: No, it's homeless, not toothless.

00:24:31
Speaker 1: It's homeless, not toothless. But an account I saw that was like a Bravo fan page has onesies for babies that says toothless.

00:24:40
Speaker 2: Not homeless.

00:24:41
Speaker 1: I kind of want one for my baby.

00:24:46
Speaker 3: Get us homeless. Oh my god, what I don't know.

00:24:49
Speaker 1: I'll invest. I'll invest, not going broke. I'll donate to the cause.

00:24:58
Speaker 2: This is a good one, he says. Smoked all the bongs, watched all the family guy had amazing sex. Seven years married in October.

00:25:08
Speaker 1: Can I tell you that chills? That just gave me freaking chills? You know, bong sex is the best sex. Better way that late text, because you don't want that late text.

00:25:20
Speaker 2: I think I'm late text, so wrap it up.

00:25:25
Speaker 1: Can I tell you I had someone who was so fine and we smoked all the weed and ate all the edibles together on Halloween and watched the scariest of movies. I had the best sex ever. And then he turned, and then he turned, and you know I warned what he turned? Weirday. I wish at least we're gonna say friends. He got fucking weird. I wrote about this guy in my book and he I didn't have toilet paper, but for some reason, you wouldn't even know him. He was like, yeah, you wouldn't know him, but he was sexy as fuck. And then I brought him over to my friend's house and he got all weird that I was like having a good time. So he left and.

00:26:01
Speaker 2: That night I didn't have toilet paper.

00:26:03
Speaker 1: I didn't have toilet paper because that's part of the story. So I made him I he like made fun of me, and we like laughed about it because I was like drunk and like twenty three years old, and I'm.

00:26:13
Speaker 2: Like, toilet paper.

00:26:14
Speaker 1: We spent the money on vodka, bitch, you know who needs that. We got paper towels, drip dry, honey, drip dry because I had.

00:26:23
Speaker 2: In my back.

00:26:25
Speaker 1: He was like, what the fuck is this rip dry?

00:26:27
Speaker 3: And then he's gonna get into your underwear.

00:26:29
Speaker 1: Oh, why would he get into my underwear? I didn't wear underwear at that time. Spoon, Let's not get too deep into it. He's just like, let it go. I was took an edible and mushrooms set him home because he was killing the vibe, right, we all thought he was killing the vibe. He decides later that night that he wants to make a statement, you know, show how big his dick is. So this is what he does. He goes, I have all these edibles. I don't think we should see each other anymore. I was like, uh, you think I have all these edibles that I'm not going to eat, so you might as well take him. And I was like, yo, Danny, we got a Hella edibles.

00:27:05
Speaker 3: I'll good. Ada.

00:27:07
Speaker 1: He pulls up, gives me the bag and I'm like, have a great one. I take the bag inside where it's light. There's toilet paper inside of it edibles, and the bag says fuck you, which how hard he didn't you didn't write it. It was like he had fuck you. Yeah, it was like, where did you find this bag that bought it?

00:27:32
Speaker 2: I have to say that if you had done that, I would have like stood up and clapped.

00:27:36
Speaker 3: Yeah.

00:27:36
Speaker 1: No, it was savage. It was savage. So then I called him and I was like, I feel really bad the way we left things, Like I really want to make this work. I reeled him back in, made him drive forty five minutes back to my house, kept the edibles, took the bag back with the toilet paper, and I said, fuck you enjoy your drive home.

00:27:56
Speaker 3: No?

00:27:56
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I'm eating your weed, bitch, I kept a weed. No, I'm keeping the weed, dumb ass.

00:28:08
Speaker 2: Dumb ass, you do it good too. Oh, this is so cute. A scavenger hunt from Brooklyn through the Lower east Side ending with him on his rooftop with a candle light picnic overlooking Manhattan. Best date, yet surprisingly boring boy with an upside down smiley face. That's a little much, now that I'm reading it. For a first date. Let me.

00:28:32
Speaker 3: If I were to do that and the girls like, the fuck does this guy think he is? I'm about to go on for you.

00:28:37
Speaker 1: No, I'd rather have the guy who I smoked the bong with and hell sex all over the house and watch Family Guy. That sounds freaking awesome, because if I can do that with you, we have a long life together. Because that the candle at dinner, That shit fades. Man.

00:28:53
Speaker 3: Yeah, but.

00:28:56
Speaker 1: No, but you getting high and banging all over the place with Family Guy. My family guys twenty five years strong, baby, and they're not planning on giving up, So we've got a long relationship ahead of us, and the weed is legal, e e.

00:29:11
Speaker 3: Legal.

00:29:11
Speaker 1: Kids are at mom's house. Honey, let's get fucking high. You know that sounds so fun.

00:29:18
Speaker 2: That does sound fun. This is one of the worst. They tell you they love you on the first date with like the big eyes. I would call the police in one second.

00:29:26
Speaker 1: Oh that guy. Oh he's either a love bombers.

00:29:32
Speaker 2: If they say if you don't know them. Here's the thing. If you guys are best friends forever or whatever, and you're so close and it's like you've been waiting and then you went on the first date and he's like, I just I've always known I love you. That's one thing.

00:29:44
Speaker 1: First, No, that's a first dates.

00:29:47
Speaker 3: Good baby, he's.

00:29:48
Speaker 1: Skinning you and pulling full on Texas chainsaw mask her, wearing your face around town.

00:29:53
Speaker 3: Oh, get away.

00:29:55
Speaker 1: We're happy that you're alive to tell about it.

00:29:57
Speaker 2: We are so happy, all right.

00:29:59
Speaker 1: Last one?

00:30:00
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, So this one's a few parts, so we'll read it. For the last one. He told me my Caesar salad was the fattiest salad ever. Quotes turned down mince because they were empty calories, told me I was gross for walking on the beach Part three. Barefoot then told me he could never date a girl that drinks beer. I was doing that and killed a moth in the car with his bare hands and profusely gagged when it exploded. This guy's the worst. This guy is the worst. This guy is the worst.

00:30:32
Speaker 1: And why does he have moths in his car?

00:30:34
Speaker 2: Get your moths out of your janky ass car either you're a freaking car. Lisa would have your bag.

00:30:43
Speaker 1: Can I tell you I feel like this type of guy. He's trying to make this girl feel like she would be lucky to have him as like a guide, not a guy you know how you know'd? Yeah, he does. Sound like a personal trader. Sounds like someone who like he likes to control his women and he wants to keep you under his thumb and make you feel like you could never do better because you're disgusting and you should feel lucky to be with me. You know those types of guys where it's like why are you with me? And it's like he's with you because he knows that he sucks, so he has to make you think you suck so that you won't go elsewhere like you suck, so bad. You're lucky that you're even here with me.

00:31:26
Speaker 2: Well, isn't that like the I don't know if that's a narcissist thing, but that's like the abusive, like no one will love you, No one as good as me would ever love.

00:31:35
Speaker 1: You, because look at like I take you, even though you drink beer, and drinking beer is disgusting and you're disgusting.

00:31:40
Speaker 3: Ew.

00:31:41
Speaker 2: If anyone looked at my salad and was like, that's the fattiest salad ever in their face, I do too. Also, I would order then a whole cake and eat it in front of him, would you, though, Jessica, I probably would. I love a good.

00:31:53
Speaker 1: Cake made of hummus, ice cream, frozen.

00:31:58
Speaker 3: Hummus cake, rozen hummus.

00:32:00
Speaker 2: I like butter cream, I like ice cream, cakes, cookies, Oh my god, crumble cookie.

00:32:07
Speaker 1: Yes, Oh okay, wait, the crumble out here, the crumbling Utah. Aren't they to say it's the r U M B l Oh they're the same.

00:32:16
Speaker 2: Oh my god, they're so good. I just they're at the Americana Mall.

00:32:22
Speaker 1: Should we go there? You guys, I'll tell you what the best day ever would be going to Lee's to get injected. Okay, and then going and eating crumbled cookies and.

00:32:32
Speaker 4: Then maybe going to get an ice cream put on top of the crumbled cookies.

00:32:36
Speaker 1: Oh but hold on, if we're going to do the Americana Mall, don't they have cheesecake factory there?

00:32:41
Speaker 3: Yes, factory planting out.

00:32:47
Speaker 2: Then we'll do it with US three, First sight with US three.

00:32:52
Speaker 3: I love Thursday tomorrow. I want a planet?

00:32:57
Speaker 1: Now?

00:32:57
Speaker 3: Should we do? I want to.

00:33:00
Speaker 1: If you guys, I don't want to leave Lisa behind.

00:33:03
Speaker 3: She's gone, That's what I'm saying. I have though, who's to say she can't go.

00:33:08
Speaker 1: This is the funnest day ever.

00:33:10
Speaker 2: This is and we also have Amazon Live.

00:33:13
Speaker 1: So alright, let's wrap it up, you guys. This was a fun podcast. Thank you for writing in your best slash most terrible dates. You've given me hope to go out and date. Sadly, though the best dates involved smoking weed, I know that would be a relapse for me. Not be the worst date, but the worst day anyway, have the best Monday ever. I hope you get through the week, and I hope that we made it a little bit easier for you. Jessica Friday, Yes, it's Monday.

00:33:46
Speaker 2: It's Monday.

00:33:47
Speaker 1: Monday.

00:33:48
Speaker 2: Monday, well Monday, it's the bonus episode. Monday, take a flour a drink. You guys, remember that song. Okay, we will make enough. Wednesday, you do. I love that song.

00:34:00
Speaker 1: You can turn in the car, have the best day ever. Remember Wednesday, the regular old episode comes out, and Friday you can see the video on YouTube. I love you, I love you, I love you.

00:34:10
Speaker 4: Bye.