From the Bronx with Scars: Vinny Cuevas on Survival, Loyalty, and Redemption

[SPEAKER_00]: Today, on misunderstood with Rachel, you could tell.
[SPEAKER_01]: I started off delivering pizza.
[SPEAKER_01]: But in those pizzas, they were adding slits.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was like 12 years old.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was in a frame, and I was in a frame of dime, but meant people from Genevieve's family which they embraced me.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was making money that my dad was in the market.
[SPEAKER_01]: I got into the point where we were doing high-level debt collection.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I realized the fear I put in people.
[SPEAKER_00]: Is it more important to be respected and loved or feared?
[SPEAKER_01]: I said fear, because I didn't know what love was.
[SPEAKER_01]: I've been shocked.
[SPEAKER_01]: And for this day, I don't know who's meant for me.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm putting my life on the line for them.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm not getting that in return.
[SPEAKER_01]: Sure, I had to make a decision.
[SPEAKER_01]: But you just can't walk out of that fight.
[SPEAKER_01]: They don't leave loose ends.
[SPEAKER_01]: That was our Rudy Giuliani to go, but he was just taking everything, everybody down.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was left with no one, which was my opportunity out.
[SPEAKER_01]: They want to blow up in the life, so that I live nowadays and want to be blown with them.
[SPEAKER_01]: You're not trying to survive.
[SPEAKER_00]: What advice would you give to someone to make that transition of really becoming themselves and finding a purpose?
[SPEAKER_01]: Pick or forte, everybody has a forte and run with it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Welcome back to Ms.
[SPEAKER_00]: Understood.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm your host Rachel Yucatel.
[SPEAKER_00]: I hope you're having a happy holiday.
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[SPEAKER_00]: All right so for today some people wear their scars quietly others turn them into armor.
[SPEAKER_00]: Vinnie Quave us did something different.
[SPEAKER_00]: He turned his into a story.
[SPEAKER_00]: Vinnie grew up Cuban and Puerto Rican in the south Bronx where survival wasn't symbolic it was daily.
[SPEAKER_00]: powerment protection, loyalty meant life or death, and the streets didn't just shape who you were, they decided who you would become.
[SPEAKER_00]: In his memoir, From The Bronx With Scars, Vinnie doesn't romanticize that world.
[SPEAKER_00]: He shows you the cost of it, the betrayals, the grief.
[SPEAKER_00]: The bullets you survive, the losses you don't.
[SPEAKER_00]: He writes about what happens when toughness becomes a trap, and what it takes to step out of a story that feels pre-written.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is also a story about fatherhood, about how becoming a parent changes the way you think about risk, legacy, and love, and about loss, so profound it redefines purpose, losing a child and finding a reason to keep going anyway.
[SPEAKER_00]: Vinnie has lived multiple lives, the streets, security, acting, screenwriting,
[SPEAKER_00]: But at the core of all of them is the same question.
[SPEAKER_00]: Who are you when you stop surviving and start choosing to live?
[SPEAKER_00]: This episode isn't about glorifying where you come from.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's about understanding it and deciding what parts of it you carry forward.
[SPEAKER_00]: And what you finally put down.
[SPEAKER_00]: This is Vinnie Quivas and this is from the Bronx with scars.
[SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to Miss Understood.
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much for joining me today on misunderstood, how are you doing?
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm going well.
[SPEAKER_01]: Thanks for having me to pleasure.
[SPEAKER_01]: Pleasure to join us.
[SPEAKER_00]: Of course, it's such a pleasure to have you on.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love that you sent me the book.
[SPEAKER_00]: I actually read it.
[SPEAKER_00]: I gave, you sent me two copies.
[SPEAKER_00]: I gave another copy to a friend of mine that I thought would love it.
[SPEAKER_00]: And she loved it.
[SPEAKER_00]: I, first of all, from the Bronx with scars is a really interesting title.
[SPEAKER_00]: So the first thing I wanted to ask you is like, how hard was it to come up with your title?
[SPEAKER_00]: And what does it mean to you?
[SPEAKER_01]: It was hard.
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I can say from the Bronx with love, it's just not organic through what I went through.
[SPEAKER_01]: I felt scarves because obviously I was raising the Bronx and throughout that young, that childhood, to adulthood, it was all pretty much bad at scarves.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was nothing fun about what I did, how I grew up.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: The irony of Bronx the Love, the Bronx the Scar.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love it because once I read it, I knew what it meant and I could I could see your scars, you know, but they were like battle wounds that, you know, you wouldn't be who you were without them.
[SPEAKER_00]: It was kind of my takeaway from it.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I want to start from the beginning.
[SPEAKER_00]: So people that don't know you haven't had read the book yet so that they get to know you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Can you talk about your
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, I was born and off there.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was born in the form of hospital, but raising author Avenue.
[SPEAKER_01]: I grew up in a pretty much low middle class family border line for I followed the only one working and my mother was a stay home and put my dad had his habits is drinking habits, you know, he was going to cover in all the bills.
[SPEAKER_01]: So it was always hard was there was times where we we were barely making it.
[SPEAKER_01]: ends me.
[SPEAKER_01]: So it became frustrating and there was also, you know, as a child, I absorbed domestic violence to my parents and it's what I grew up seeing.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it was, it came all through his time being, I can remember things when I was five years old and that shouldn't be you know, you should remember joy and remember beating.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's an argument.
[SPEAKER_01]: Me being and we all the
[SPEAKER_01]: And so, you know, even through school and just my whole childhood, I cannot remember a time where I was happy at it.
[SPEAKER_01]: And that's basically how my childhood started.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was nothing.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was just in pain, pain, pain, pain, pain, pain and as a child, I mean, you grew up normalizing that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's like we didn't see anything else and every child you saw that had a decent household,
[SPEAKER_00]: right.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, so you open up the book, talking about how your parents are arguing, you're protecting your sister and how, you know, they're almost like lullabies.
[SPEAKER_00]: These arguments, they put you just leave, they're the things that you hear every day.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so it's an obvious transition that you would
[SPEAKER_00]: outside of your home for some sense of family and to be needed, even though eventually your mom, you know, really doesn't need you with help with your sister, but it seems like the obvious transition is for you to find that loyalty in working for people in your neighborhood and become somewhat of what we would say as a gangster.
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, can you talk a little bit about what that was like when you started sort of running envelopes for people and, you know, doing that and explain to people that are not familiar with that world what what goes on.
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, the transition started ironically enough with the movie Brock's tale.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I saw the movie Brock's tale.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was like, I was like, I remember this in fiction.
[SPEAKER_01]: I see this in my neighborhood and even though I saw these well dressed men.
[SPEAKER_01]: who really never had nine to five jobs.
[SPEAKER_01]: But we had my at the neighborhood kids and my at them because they were giving us money.
[SPEAKER_01]: They made sure the neighborhoods were saved from who we were getting.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, well, that's cool.
[SPEAKER_01]: But then when we saw the movie, we realized that's what it was.
[SPEAKER_01]: So my cousin was already in war.
[SPEAKER_01]: My cousin was notorious.
[SPEAKER_01]: He was involved.
[SPEAKER_01]: He kind of introduced me.
[SPEAKER_01]: I started off delivering pizza.
[SPEAKER_01]: But in those peaches, there was bedding slips, which bedding is illegal in the yard.
[SPEAKER_01]: And so it was like bookies.
[SPEAKER_01]: So we started doing that.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was pretty tough, you know, it was times when they tried to intimidate me, try to rob me.
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, a lot of happened.
[SPEAKER_01]: I would get into fights.
[SPEAKER_01]: They'll steal my pizza, some work.
[SPEAKER_01]: So they kind of like it.
[SPEAKER_01]: My cousin can vouch in for me and my cousin can vouch in for me.
[SPEAKER_01]: And little bit, you know, we were the only two Hispans, by the way, because there was a lot of racial tension in those times.
[SPEAKER_01]: And those were like, you know, I had to put a week in some Black Sea Italians and everybody was against one.
[SPEAKER_01]: But we were, I don't know because I mean, similar rights a little bit of the Italian culture, they accepted us.
[SPEAKER_01]: And on the time we thought it was cool, you know, it was static, we didn't realize it's kind of messed up, you know, but they say, cool.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I started doing that and I was like 12 years old, maybe 12, 13 years old.
[SPEAKER_01]: And then sadly, not, I kind of likened it.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was making money that my dad wasn't even making.
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
[SPEAKER_01]: And of course,
[SPEAKER_00]: Of course.
[SPEAKER_00]: So can you talk about what you learned about power growing up because they feel like that's a theme throughout your life that it's something that you really wanted to be powerful.
[SPEAKER_00]: You wanted to walk in a room and have people either fear you or admire you, but then eventually as you have your children you realize that's it's at a cost because you never feel secure with that.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's correct.
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, you learn that right away when you
[SPEAKER_01]: and that lifestyle.
[SPEAKER_01]: And in my teens, you know, I got into the point where we were doing high-level debt collection, which unfortunately for me was for the punishment.
[SPEAKER_01]: What was needed to be done to collect debts and I didn't enjoy that because of it.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I realized the fear I put in people because I was a boxer too.
[SPEAKER_01]: And the fear I put in people I could never be beat
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's a hard, and hindsight is a horrible thing to have.
[SPEAKER_01]: There's a part of my brain, and I still have it, that just doesn't show fear.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know what it is, and it's good and bad.
[SPEAKER_01]: And at the time, it was good.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was in afraid of it, and I was in afraid of dying.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I would go into these situations.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I realize that these people give me so much love, and we want them to be with us.
[SPEAKER_01]: We want them to be with us.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, a lot of people from the Jail of East
[SPEAKER_01]: And I just, I felt like I could have been a made man not knowing that you have to be fully Italian to do so, which in hindsight, that's a good thing.
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: So, there's a quote, a famous quote in the Bronx tale.
[SPEAKER_00]: And by the way, I had Lee Lovebren Cotto on my show after a couple of years ago, when he got out of jail, he's still front of mine.
[SPEAKER_00]: I really like him.
[SPEAKER_00]: But the quote and I forgive me if my words are not exact, but the quote that he had in the movie, which really stood out to him.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I talked in about it was, is it more important to be respected and loved or feared in that environment?
[SPEAKER_01]: I, at that time, I said, feared because I didn't know what love was, I didn't feel it at all.
[SPEAKER_01]: And when I did have a girlfriend, I mean, she left too soon and I was very spiteful.
[SPEAKER_01]: So to me, I was just, I needed to prefer and people be respected and I was pretty notorious at it.
[SPEAKER_01]: And, and, and right now, I'm like, little nervous, talking about it because it's not why I am now.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I couldn't believe that I was just human being.
[SPEAKER_01]: If it took a lot of fun, we could get out of that mindset.
[SPEAKER_01]: This is not easy.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's almost like being a drug addict.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, that rush, that adrenaline, to let go of that and become a normal human being.
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was hard.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was a hard transition.
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
[SPEAKER_00]: And from what I read, it was interesting because it does seem like it was hard to get out of it, but at the same time, well, hard because you were getting money that you would have to now maybe go back to a nine to five job or, you know, there was all sorts of things that there was going to be instability and figuring out how you would make that kind of money and like an honest living and also, you know,
[SPEAKER_00]: to be respected like that, and then go and work somewhere where somebody acts like you're an assistant.
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I've even been in situations like that different level, different scale, but I know that.
[SPEAKER_00]: I went from running my own business, closing it during COVID, and then going to work for someone.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I remember being like, I used to run two stores, and like, no, and like someone's talking to me, like I'm 25, and I don't know what I'm.
[SPEAKER_00]: doing.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it was so offensive.
[SPEAKER_00]: And even though they had no idea why I would be offended, it was within me that I was like, I can't do this.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I literally left, walked out of the job and like I'm not doing this.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: So you understand that, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: Like of how hard it is.
[SPEAKER_00]: So what was it that finally?
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, I know from reading your book.
[SPEAKER_00]: But can you tell our listeners how you
[SPEAKER_01]: And it all happened not by accident, by the grace of God, I would say everybody was just getting busted.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was questioned a lot by the feds, by the police, you know, to give people up.
[SPEAKER_01]: They offered me time.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I just never buckled because I knew when I got into that life, what was expected.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was willing to take that.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was willing to take time.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was willing to die.
[SPEAKER_01]: If I had to.
[SPEAKER_01]: They didn't believe because everybody says that.
[SPEAKER_01]: But they saw with my behavior, even my cousin who got addicted to drugs and just betrayed the same people who brought them up, I still, I still kept in a straight line, but everybody was going to jail.
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's almost like I just, I was left with no one, which was my opportunity out.
[SPEAKER_01]: I would say that was the tone God gave me because had I stayed there, had these people not been, that was on Rudy Giuliani to go, but he was just, hey, hey, everybody down.
[SPEAKER_01]: Right, the fact that I just never gave anybody up and they really had nothing on me, they'll try to put fear and you of course, but I knew that had nothing on me and if I needed to do time, I would just do it because it's, I can't, I can't live with that, you know, I picked the lifestyle then I got to take the function right and I left that business to be honest.
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, you brought up Rudy's name and other person I've had on the show.
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, I, I, I'm curious is someone who feared him so much because of you, because you saw what he was doing to New York at the time.
[SPEAKER_00]: What are your thoughts on who is now today?
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, if I saw him, I'll say you saved my life.
[SPEAKER_01]: Literally, what's up?
[SPEAKER_01]: because it was, you know, it wasn't a really bad path.
[SPEAKER_01]: The power was becoming abundant, like I was just there.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was, I was in a made guy, but I had made guys preparing, which is scary, because he, but he was, you would just lock anybody up, he hated him.
[SPEAKER_01]: We didn't like him for obvious reasons, but I, in retrospect, you're like, Mr. Giuliani, Mr. Mayor,
[SPEAKER_01]: who knows that probably will be having this conversation with you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
[SPEAKER_00]: And what do you think of this?
[SPEAKER_00]: What's going on in New York right now?
[SPEAKER_00]: And the safety there or lack of it, like how do you feel about people that are growing up in the Bronx and in Manhattan, by the way, versus back then when you were doing it?
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm sorry you won't think.
[SPEAKER_01]: If I grew up at a height of the Bronx, I'll be dead tomorrow.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's our bad news.
[SPEAKER_00]: Wow.
[SPEAKER_01]: When I was growing up, not much worse.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, it's horrible.
[SPEAKER_01]: The thing is, when I was growing up, we didn't have accessibility to arms, wasn't that easy.
[SPEAKER_01]: Now, anybody has it up.
[SPEAKER_01]: Anybody should say anybody, anybody said, we can't even argue.
[SPEAKER_01]: That was time we squared it off, we forward.
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
[SPEAKER_01]: That was that, you know, best man, one shook hands and resolved with it.
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[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, but what is it about this mentality that people in that lifestyle or that are involved in stuff like that like don't care about going to jail like that would deter me from spitting on the ground if it was illegal like I don't want to do that.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't want to spend it on my fair it's not that I didn't care is that I knew those were the possibilities.
[SPEAKER_01]: So you trained your brain it was either that on death.
[SPEAKER_01]: I may close the death to seven.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't even know why I'm here but I've been posted that several times more than some also than being arrested because I don't have a criminal record, obviously I'm just you know I knew what to do things and and I said the right things and just never had enough on me and I was never going to give up friends to it and that may be a cliche I was just never going to do that so my brain was already set up that.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you just said you were close to death in what way like you were getting like there was to keep it up on in trouble.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was shot at.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was going to a ring because I recommended a guy who would took to who had a $10,000 loan and disappeared.
[SPEAKER_01]: So it was my recommendation.
[SPEAKER_01]: I had to find them for I was gone.
[SPEAKER_01]: They took me to back room.
[SPEAKER_01]: They beat me down.
[SPEAKER_01]: And obviously I found them.
[SPEAKER_01]: Eventually I found them and it's just to got to me.
[SPEAKER_01]: And you know, I, and where is he tonight?
[SPEAKER_01]: He's okay today.
[SPEAKER_01]: Because the respect I love the half of me was the reason they didn't kill.
[SPEAKER_00]: Got it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Because once you vouch for somebody, it doesn't matter.
[SPEAKER_01]: If that person's who's up, you're responsible.
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
[SPEAKER_00]: I totally get that.
[SPEAKER_01]: I've been shot at.
[SPEAKER_01]: I've been shot.
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
[SPEAKER_00]: That was also in the book, which was, would kind of comical the way you wrote about it.
[SPEAKER_00]: How it was hard on your sex life to have been grazed by a bullet in your ass.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, originally, you know, certain things I can do movement wise that you get to get back after a while, but it was a grace for still.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was, it was painful.
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, at the list, they had a no-goos match for me.
[SPEAKER_01]: you know, I really don't and nobody ever spoke about.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know the same people that I was that I love and respect to so much actually has on and through it.
[SPEAKER_01]: I just I didn't ask any questions I knew I had to just be careful.
[SPEAKER_01]: I knew that that was a warning sign.
[SPEAKER_00]: But also that was sort of a turning point that I read about in the book and tell me if I'm wrong, but it seemed like no one came to your defense to be like, we're gonna figure out who did this.
[SPEAKER_00]: And so at that point you were like, I don't really have the kind of loyalty that I think.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I need to get out.
[SPEAKER_00]: Is that kind of how that was written?
[SPEAKER_01]: And it was disappointing because I don't know that something to do with it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
[SPEAKER_01]: And if they didn't, they just did nothing about it.
[SPEAKER_01]: So at this point, I put it in my life from the line for them.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm not getting that in return.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I had to make a decision.
[SPEAKER_01]: But you just can't walk out of that light.
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, actually, you know, because you know a lot.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's right.
[SPEAKER_01]: They're their mentality as well.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, if you get spent, she's going to speak.
[SPEAKER_01]: He's going to talk.
[SPEAKER_01]: So we might eliminate this threat.
[SPEAKER_01]: And if it's gotten to that, like I said, Mr. Giuliani this ladyhouse.
[SPEAKER_01]: So it's just who knows where it was going.
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, they don't leave loose ends.
[SPEAKER_01]: I can guarantee you that, they only leave loose ends.
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
[SPEAKER_01]: The most loyal business is even.
[SPEAKER_00]: totally.
[SPEAKER_00]: So, all right, you talk about in your book how you do finally get out of there.
[SPEAKER_00]: You get a job at Radio City.
[SPEAKER_00]: You meet a lot of people and you realize it's about relationships, which, you know, if it takes people a long time, me included to learn that life really is about relationships and that's how you move forward in life, but you clearly talk about that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Also in the meantime, in here, you have children.
[SPEAKER_00]: You have a son and you have a daughter.
[SPEAKER_00]: The son was older than the
[SPEAKER_00]: We're like working at where they alive yet when you were at radio city.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, my daughter was about 12.
[SPEAKER_01]: My son was in his 20s.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: So, so you was involved.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, it was involved already.
[SPEAKER_00]: Got it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so they were they were born earlier.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you are very open about it that it seems like your parents really helped raise vents, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: My father, in which is why he redeemed himself so much, and I don't know if Roger got some, which I have on the right still, because what he didn't do with me being that he was not a sober man, he didn't want to talk.
[SPEAKER_01]: Right.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I can't be paned for that.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I said listen, that by God's be by God's you know, maybe it was meant for this to happen so I could become a person I am today.
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you talk a lot about seeing differences in your children.
[SPEAKER_00]: Your son was more like you, your daughter was very tender and, you know, very feminine.
[SPEAKER_00]: So to speak, um, tell a little about your kids.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: Absolutely.
[SPEAKER_01]: Obviously, like my son sadly wanted to be me so bad.
[SPEAKER_01]: He boxed.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so much more talented than I did the kick and sick.
[SPEAKER_01]: You, he can pack without even
[SPEAKER_01]: He was through that natural and talented.
[SPEAKER_01]: He was a great boxer and I always try to guide him as a lesson.
[SPEAKER_01]: He grew up enough to know what I did, and as people that speed at all, which I preferred.
[SPEAKER_01]: But also they didn't want to keep them in a bubble.
[SPEAKER_01]: I had to tell what I don't want you to do in life.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't want you to be me, you know.
[SPEAKER_01]: I want you to be the opposite of me.
[SPEAKER_01]: I want you to go to school, get an education,
[SPEAKER_01]: and become, you have so much talents, you pick whichever you want to do.
[SPEAKER_01]: He went the boxing route.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was going well until his next surgery, which we can get into, which he met too, is the competition.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, 10, not being, you're not saying anymore.
[SPEAKER_01]: And my daughter's just a sweetheart, you know, she's a bookworm.
[SPEAKER_01]: Life she'll read six books a month, and it's the most amazing thing.
[SPEAKER_01]: Well raised in a mother raised the well, I was always around to you.
[SPEAKER_01]: So my son was still raised in some one of the tumultuous environment.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: So he died in the winter.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's just what he knew when he wanted to be me and I didn't want to be.
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
[SPEAKER_00]: So if it's okay, and I know it's a tough subject.
[SPEAKER_00]: We could talk about Vince for a minute just because I think it's so helpful for people that are listening that may have lost a child.
[SPEAKER_00]: My father died actually when he was 44 of a cocaine overdose.
[SPEAKER_00]: and his, I was 15.
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's the opposite, I lost a parent, but my grandmother, his mother, never got about out of bed after that.
[SPEAKER_00]: She could not function in life.
[SPEAKER_00]: She would, she was a beautiful, remarkable woman who rarely left the house.
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, you know, basically could not function after that and she lived for four, three more years or whatever, you know, she, she lived forever and her life was never to be the same and the problem for her was that she never found purpose.
[SPEAKER_00]: And even though my brother and I were still alive, we lived in totally different parts of the United States and she was so devastated by what happened, she could not find her footing.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it really changed her as a person to change her marriage, it changed everything.
[SPEAKER_00]: So for you, you know, I want to hear how you learned and to say moving on is not the right word, but how you got through it.
[SPEAKER_00]: And for people that have lost a child, how you work through grief because it can, that grief, which I've also been through can choke almost who you are and it can make you feel stuck.
[SPEAKER_00]: And, you know, it is, and I'm very sorry, by the way, for your loss.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's, it's an incredible, undescribable loss that obviously only you know how that feels to you.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I'm so sorry for you, but I want people to be able to learn from your experience.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, absolutely.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm, uh, like you said, you don't get over that.
[SPEAKER_01]: You, you, you move forward or you move around the pain.
[SPEAKER_01]: Uh, you have the purposes of my daughter.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was crippled for a year.
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't know what to do.
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't know what to go.
[SPEAKER_01]: I would leave my house and forget where I was going.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was firey where even my current job, I would, it would time to see someone who looks like it.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was going to the bathroom and start crying.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I'm not in my college too, because that's, they don't need to worry about you like that.
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's a pain that'll always be there.
[SPEAKER_01]: That doesn't go away.
[SPEAKER_01]: You've got to learn to manage it.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a rat.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a painless variety.
[SPEAKER_01]: It'll come and go.
[SPEAKER_01]: And you just, you see what I learned to do was celebrate his life in up the morning.
[SPEAKER_01]: Because I would just more, I was born in the cemetery four times a week.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it was just a short one.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I said, you know, I'm just not going to bring them back.
[SPEAKER_01]: to just celebrate who he was.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was 33 years that I had him, his talents, and his son, right?
[SPEAKER_01]: And this is what I do now.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's just how you train your brain.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's just how you train.
[SPEAKER_01]: I go once a week and be able to time me and him.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, and that's, but the pain is forever.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's not, it's hard to describe it.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I don't even ever want you to even understand that.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, because of the pain, it's forever and I totally get
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: Bye.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm so sorry, but it is great that you're able to figure out some other purpose, like you have really found your footing and what you love to do.
[SPEAKER_00]: Now you're a screenwriter, you're an actor, you work in the security industry, doing things and where it's very evident you've found a family and the people that you work with.
[SPEAKER_00]: So it's funny in reading your book throughout the arc of what you write about,
[SPEAKER_00]: is this loyalty and this power and how even though it's different from your childhood, it seems like you have found it in where you are now.
[SPEAKER_00]: And it's something that you can continue to build and grow depending on how much you write or what kind of acting you do or what kind of gigs you're getting.
[SPEAKER_00]: But it sounds like you are finding your way if not have found it to be really
[SPEAKER_01]: Very true.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a work on progress.
[SPEAKER_01]: So there I die, I guess, the transition is there.
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I was loyal to people that were in good people, but they were good to me.
[SPEAKER_01]: But now I'm good.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm loyal to good people that are good people.
[SPEAKER_01]: My colleagues are in love with the death.
[SPEAKER_01]: They saved me from so much, my boss.
[SPEAKER_01]: And they don't realize because I don't speak about it.
[SPEAKER_01]: But when I met this group of beautiful human beings, I was in a dark spot.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was in a dark place.
[SPEAKER_01]: Being able to stay busy is very important.
[SPEAKER_01]: you know, and the amount of love they treat me is the amount of love I get back, you know, and that's something you can't, you can't replace it.
[SPEAKER_01]: And there's something I'll never want to, I will never want to, I will never want to back to.
[SPEAKER_01]: I just saw that one.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was so perilous.
[SPEAKER_01]: And this is what I want.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, you don't make the money you make, the money's nothing, what the money don't mean, I'm not taking it.
[SPEAKER_01]: love life.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm still trying to figure that out.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I was going to talk to you about your love life because you write about a couple, you talk about a couple different women in there.
[SPEAKER_00]: It seems like someone who was somewhat of a love of your life died very quickly of a variant cancer, what was that like?
[SPEAKER_01]: I was, I was in the moment of my life, I was your experiences.
[SPEAKER_01]: I met this young lady in a party, adorable, even big, and right away, you can
[SPEAKER_01]: I said, this could be the one, you know, and still didn't tell what I did, I didn't tell that I was in the movie company every moment.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I will get people jobs and stuff like that.
[SPEAKER_01]: And we, when we fell in love, I was very young, I was in my memories.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was just like, I always wanted to see her and they wanted to see me.
[SPEAKER_01]: She wasn't feeling well, wanted to
[SPEAKER_01]: the pay for not at the treating is that sometimes I sure this is giving you a hard time with.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: And but to know a veil, like she's a comes to the disease and I come on and it's just this going.
[SPEAKER_00]: Wow.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I was like, I was like, I try to do it because that I was going to be my way out.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I said, I try to do the right thing and it's just not meant for me.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I was just, I was just
[SPEAKER_01]: Everything that stood in my path, you want to know about a law, about any of our women, I just wanted to do what I have to do.
[SPEAKER_01]: And the flipping pain, sadly to say, was my therapy.
[SPEAKER_01]: Right, I have to say that.
[SPEAKER_01]: But that was an unfortunate situation.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was a big loss in my life.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I just didn't think about it.
[SPEAKER_00]: So do you think that it's on your bucket list to have a long-term relationship or get married?
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you even want to do that?
[SPEAKER_01]: I would love that.
[SPEAKER_01]: Amazing.
[SPEAKER_01]: So for you three years old, Rachel.
[SPEAKER_00]: Are you on dating apps?
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, what are you doing today?
[SPEAKER_00]: I've never done that.
[SPEAKER_00]: What?
[SPEAKER_01]: I've ever done date.
[SPEAKER_01]: I just had it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Do you think anybody puts filters in all of that?
[SPEAKER_01]: I want to, I want to, I want to be loved with the press.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, that's true.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's true.
[SPEAKER_00]: But by the way, that's how Dan and I met.
[SPEAKER_00]: Did you know that?
[SPEAKER_00]: We met on a dating app.
[SPEAKER_01]: Really.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: I had no idea.
[SPEAKER_01]: I did that with other people.
[SPEAKER_00]: But so Dan and I met like four years ago on the dating app.
[SPEAKER_00]: How to phone call.
[SPEAKER_00]: But then.
[SPEAKER_00]: I lived in New York, he lived in Florida and like so we didn't meet for like two and a half or three years, whatever it was and then finally after him, you know, writing me all the time and then I think we followed each other in Instagram for like three years so I kind of saw how his life was going he saw how my was and then we got together and essentially we were friends for a while and then we were like, why aren't we dating each other?
[SPEAKER_00]: This is weird because we found that we really liked each other so my advice.
[SPEAKER_00]: I mean, who am I, but I would say, because also I'm 50, I've dated a lot of different people and it hasn't worked and I always am like, this could be it I always wanted to get married, you know, I've been married a couple times, but so I made some mistakes, but right, so okay, so the bottom line is I think dating apps could be interesting next time I see you we're going to make one for you.
[SPEAKER_01]: How we're going to help me at that point.
[SPEAKER_00]: I will totally help you.
[SPEAKER_00]: We'll go through the girls.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm really good at weeding out who's good and who's totally fake because listen, most girls put a filter.
[SPEAKER_00]: They look like they're 15 pounds thinner and 20 years younger.
[SPEAKER_00]: So we ought to find the right one.
[SPEAKER_01]: You got it.
[SPEAKER_01]: You'll be my love agent.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love that.
[SPEAKER_01]: I will love that.
[SPEAKER_00]: So fun.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: And then another thing I wrote.
[SPEAKER_00]: I made a note to ask you about you talk about a party that you went to in there, which was very reminiscent to what we've heard recently about, which was like those freak offs, like the the Diddy party.
[SPEAKER_00]: You don't mention who you were invited by.
[SPEAKER_00]: It was a comedian.
[SPEAKER_00]: It doesn't seem like it was Puppy.
[SPEAKER_00]: But can you talk about what that party was like?
[SPEAKER_00]: And is it similar to?
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know.
[SPEAKER_01]: Unfortunately, I can't mention.
[SPEAKER_01]: I can tell you in private.
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't come here.
[SPEAKER_01]: But yeah, it wasn't to that extent.
[SPEAKER_01]: There was no minors.
[SPEAKER_01]: Everybody was ID checked.
[SPEAKER_01]: I remember.
[SPEAKER_01]: And they have pouches where we put up phones.
[SPEAKER_01]: I was a manager of security.
[SPEAKER_01]: and the first thing I've seen couples having all the sex, okay, I've been there before, I've seen this before, but then I see the drug game.
[SPEAKER_01]: I wasn't charging it.
[SPEAKER_01]: What happened was, I lived during that type of life, I lived in that lifestyle.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I said, it was almost like lowering.
[SPEAKER_01]: It was always like, you can't take it out of the hall and go walk.
[SPEAKER_01]: Sure.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I was like, at two choices, the further I walked in there,
[SPEAKER_01]: On the market, it just woke out and said, this is not for me and it was everything was available.
[SPEAKER_01]: I never did my life on drugs, let me touch it, ate it, but very from the school is at one point in my life, beautiful women there, so it's like the temptation is there and it was, it was like, yeah, the work for it, you know, so when I decided to leave the next day, I saw him is last show and I said, he started laughing.
[SPEAKER_01]: And he understood where I was coming from.
[SPEAKER_00]: So there was no near pressure, I was fine.
[SPEAKER_01]: No, no, no, no.
[SPEAKER_01]: Actually, he was when I left, he still had to show up.
[SPEAKER_01]: He, you know, I got there a little, which I wasn't supposed to kind of conflict of inches.
[SPEAKER_01]: My radio city had that rule where you couldn't really angle with the power and go to after parties.
[SPEAKER_01]: And with the radio city rock pads, you can't really fall in love.
[SPEAKER_01]: I broke that rule.
[SPEAKER_01]: But it was crazy.
[SPEAKER_01]: And it's it's no lying when you hear about these parties.
[SPEAKER_01]: This was insane.
[SPEAKER_00]: Wow.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, everything go.
[SPEAKER_01]: But they weren't all
[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I can say for sure, but I didn't see any on the age, I would have been something else.
[SPEAKER_01]: I didn't see any.
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
[SPEAKER_00]: Um, okay, tell us what is happening now in your life and what your bucket list is in the future.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, are you working on any movies?
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you want to focus more on acting, writing like, where are we at?
[SPEAKER_01]: I think my acting days are over by choice.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm a little bit writer, which is my therapy.
[SPEAKER_01]: I have the series called Blood Air, which I'm shopping now to networks as soon as well.
[SPEAKER_01]: I also wrote a story from the point of existence.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's in the works.
[SPEAKER_01]: So we'll see if that ends out.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm not very educated.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm self-educated.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I've learned a lot of my own to trial and tribulations.
[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm very good at telling stories.
[SPEAKER_01]: You'll free to read anyone you want, and I'm, I have like 13 screen plays.
[SPEAKER_01]: All of different genres except rom-com.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm really at that level yet.
[SPEAKER_00]: You have to live your own rom-com, Vinny.
[SPEAKER_01]: You do as old as I got to be self-experience.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, you have to get yourself into it.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, which is where you're going to come in, right?
[SPEAKER_00]: Yep.
[SPEAKER_00]: As long as I make it in the screenplay, too, I could be the, Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: I woman with the crystal ball or whatever.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I get to make it.
[SPEAKER_01]: You got your own way in there.
[SPEAKER_00]: Okay.
[SPEAKER_00]: All right, well, I love it.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I want people to know that they should absolutely get this book from the Bronx, from the Bronx with scars.
[SPEAKER_00]: Where can people find it?
[SPEAKER_01]: You can find it on Amazon.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's simple, you have an Amazon account, type it up.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's also in Barnes & Noble's.
[SPEAKER_01]: So if it's not in the storage shop, you can have them.
[SPEAKER_01]: I won't say just get it to Amazon.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's
[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, very easy if you haven't walked the bars and almost you're going to get it, but you know, being that self-publish is only 85 pages because it's quite expensive.
[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, God.
[SPEAKER_01]: The legalities that come with it, like publication companies, they take care of you, legalized, they can imagine someone inside they want to sue you, which happens all the time.
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's why I was very meticulous with the names I put for the organizations I put
[SPEAKER_01]: Yeah, so you can, you can definitely get it there and I'm thinking about writing a screenplay on it.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't want it to be similar to Brock's tail.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I wanted to be, you know, I have an idea.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm working on that idea.
[SPEAKER_01]: But I think on book is a segue into a screenplay because they get to that as a ready producer.
[SPEAKER_01]: They may say they want to, you know, they won't put it together.
[SPEAKER_01]: So that's still up in the F English quote.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yes, fingers crossed.
[SPEAKER_00]: We all have our fingers crossed for you.
[SPEAKER_00]: And last two questions, what do you think is the most misunderstood thing about you?
[SPEAKER_01]: And most of us, a lot of people think that they don't think at home.
[SPEAKER_01]: a lot of people may look at me as arrogant.
[SPEAKER_01]: I'm the total opposite.
[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe if I like to dress well, you know, throw them a dalle and so on.
[SPEAKER_01]: You know, like to imagine my watches, with my insurance and they think I'm, and so they meet me.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm almost misunderstood there.
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, people, on the fact I thought you were this type of person, and a lot of people don't know it's just not an apport.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't need to do advertisers.
[SPEAKER_01]: I help the homeless a lot.
[SPEAKER_01]: I go around like I did in San Francisco.
[SPEAKER_01]: I saw a bunch of homeless people in dogs and I was going to target in the dogs, which is that must be a organic 50 dollars.
[SPEAKER_01]: It makes me feel good.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: As I've been, I've been where no one is going to help.
[SPEAKER_01]: That's a quite big field.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah.
[SPEAKER_01]: Um, that's what things people don't know about.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's funny because I think that you do come off as intimidating maybe that you, you know, you look great, you dress well and people don't realize that you have this whole story behind you.
[SPEAKER_00]: And you know, I think it's a common misconception or whatever with people in general that, you know, unless you make yourself a little bit vulnerable and talk about what you're going through, people won't know that about you, but that's the only real way to connect with someone.
[SPEAKER_00]: So like you said you started working with a lot of the people at your
[SPEAKER_00]: They didn't know you were having a hard time or going through something.
[SPEAKER_00]: I can pretty much guarantee that everyone is going through something at some point and would never want to bring it up because they would think that no one understands.
[SPEAKER_00]: And that's the most universal thing about us that at some point we've all felt stuck, we've all felt lost or feeling like a discount version of ourselves or whatever it is.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I think that just connecting and doing conversations like this, people understand you so much better.
[SPEAKER_00]: My last question for you is if anyone's listening.
[SPEAKER_00]: that is in the situation that you came from.
[SPEAKER_00]: Like, they worked hard in their younger years, doing things that they may have, like, you know, it may have been questioning.
[SPEAKER_00]: It might have been a gangster lifestyle.
[SPEAKER_00]: It might have been something that they don't feel fulfilled in because it's not bringing them into who they really are.
[SPEAKER_00]: How would you sort of, what advice would you give to someone to make that transition of really becoming themselves and finding a purpose
[SPEAKER_00]: their stability anymore.
[SPEAKER_01]: Well, the one thing I will say, hey, one of lawmen in the lifestyle that I live nowadays, and I want to be brought with them.
[SPEAKER_01]: You're not trying to survive in future life.
[SPEAKER_01]: This is different.
[SPEAKER_01]: There's no respect to law and order is out the window.
[SPEAKER_01]: Pop's hands are tied.
[SPEAKER_01]: Then I'm going to help you up by political reasons.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I would say, make a forte.
[SPEAKER_01]: Everybody has a forte and run with it.
[SPEAKER_01]: because if you don't, and you don't need people to support, I don't want to hear that nobody supports me, you know, use that excuse.
[SPEAKER_01]: And if you have something, everybody has something they're good at, is wrong with it, make it happen.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't care, I don't care.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care.
[SPEAKER_01]: I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care, I don't care,
[SPEAKER_00]: right.
[SPEAKER_01]: So I tell them it's just not not like it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Right.
[SPEAKER_00]: And what you said I think makes a lot of sense if you pick something to do and be really good at it and stand out for what you do.
[SPEAKER_01]: Everyone has something they're really good.
[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.
[SPEAKER_01]: I want to.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love it.
[SPEAKER_00]: All right, well, Vinnie, it's been an honor and pleasure to have met you and get to speak to you again, everybody.
[SPEAKER_00]: From the Bronx Witch Skars, you can pick it up at Amazon.
[SPEAKER_00]: Please read it.
[SPEAKER_00]: It's really good.
[SPEAKER_00]: As you mentioned, it's not that long.
[SPEAKER_00]: You can read it, you know, very easily on a train ride, on a near plane.
[SPEAKER_00]: So I definitely recommend it.
[SPEAKER_00]: I love it.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I wish you the best of luck.
[SPEAKER_00]: And I can't wait to see you next time on a
[SPEAKER_01]: Don't only honor, thank you's the first time I was talking about this publicly like this, and I'm glad it was you.
[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, you're so sweet.
[SPEAKER_01]: No, so we'll definitely, but you got to get the love aging going thing.
[SPEAKER_00]: 100%.
[SPEAKER_00]: We're making that happen.
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait.
[SPEAKER_01]: I can't wait either.
[SPEAKER_01]: It's a pleasure.
[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you, say hi to that.
[SPEAKER_01]: I love it.
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much for listening to Ms.
[SPEAKER_00]: Understood.
[SPEAKER_00]: I'm your host, Rachel, you could tell.
[SPEAKER_00]: Please be sure to subscribe to the show and give us a five-star rating and review.
[SPEAKER_00]: You can support the show by joining our Patreon at patreon.com slash Ms.
[SPEAKER_00]: Understood with Rachel, you could tell.
[SPEAKER_00]: Do you have ideas for the show or want to reach out email us at info, Ms.
[SPEAKER_00]: Understood podcast at gmail.com.
[SPEAKER_00]: That's spelled m-is-s-s-understood.
[SPEAKER_00]: Thank you so much, and I'll see you next time.