Moving. Ep 80

00:00:00
Speaker 1: Hi. This is Laura Vanderkam. I'm a mother of four, an author, journalist, and speaker. And this is Sarah Hart Hunger. I'm a mother of three, practicing physician and blogger. On the side, we are two working parents who love our careers and our families. Welcome to best of both worlds. Here we talk about how real women manage work, family, and time for fun, from figuring out childcare to mapping out long term career goals. We want you to get the most out of life. Welcome to best of both worlds. This is Laura. This is episode eighty. Sarah has recently moved. People who've been following her blog have read all about that she moved blog blogs too. I's got a brand new blog up. This will run a little bit later, so she'll hopefully have worked out any case, it looks great. Hurt her new blog, but she moved her problems Well, I don't know if there's problems, but I know there's something where I have to like the comments are set to moderate, but I can't figure out how to get to them. So I think it's actually been some comments because I found one and then I could so anyway, Yeah, there's like all sorts of stuff, and I want to change the font size. But yeah, it's always fun when you're moving your house and your school and everything else. You might as well just move your blog too, Yes, exactly, just change it all at the same time. So what is the list of change that has happened so far for you guys. Yeah, so it was all triggered by my husband's switching hospitals and changing jobs due to just a better fit for the types of surgeries that he wants to do. So we are now employed by the same health system, which is thirty to forty minutes north of where we were, So living in Miami Beach didn't make a lot of logistical sense, especially because with my husband's type of job, it's not ideal to be that far away because there are emergencies where he might have to kind of go back and forth from the hospital, unlike me, where I can pretty much deal with most things, at least initially over the phone. So this person potated the idea that we wanted to put our house on the market and move, and we were trying to decide whether we wanted to finish out the school year or not. We moved in with my in laws, as many of you might remember for my blog, and it was great. It was actually it was really great, but we didn't want my husband having to go back and forth that far, and we did kind of crave our own space a little bit. We felt like the kids were acting out a lot more having this audience, and it was sort of grading on me, so not being with my in laws, but the way my kids were acting while we were in this sort of temporary state. I just wanted things to be settled. So we looked and we looked, and we ended up finding a rental property like in the specific complex that we were very interested in. And after kind of looking into one property and then quickly losing it, we realized that rentals are not that common and if you find one that has what you want, you probably to just grab it because it's a little bit unlike the housing market right now, where there's a lot for sale but not necessarily a lot for rent. So anyway, that kind of triggered it, and we made a very quick decision, Like we weren't sure whether it was going to be June or January, and I think it wasn't until the mid December that we said Yep, we're moving out. So it was pretty abrupt. But yeah, so new job from my husband, new schools for both kids, new house, new county, and just a lot of change. Kind of change. Yeah, change is good. Good tell it before we delve into my recent logistical challenges and what I've learned and what I still am learning. Tell us about because you did this too, I mean you kind of had a total facelift of what your life looked like when you went from you know, Manhattan, you were like downtown right to the suburbs of Philadelphia. Yeah. Yeah, it was a different it was a different world. My husband and I lived in Murray Hill in Manhattan, so we were in the thirties on the East Side. For people who are familiar with Manhattan. We lived in an apartment. We've been there for a few We've done a few moves within that. So when he and I got engaged, he had purched, or shortly before we got engaged, he had purchased an apartment. So before that he'd been in another place, but he in a building that was a one bedroom apartment. We had our first kid there then it was feeling a little small, so we moved to a two bedroom apartment in the same building which we were renting, so we had we had purchased the one bedroom, we rented the second, so then we sold the one bedroom. So we were renting, so it was easy enough to get out of where we were going. We just waited for our least to be up. But when kid number three was on her way in early twenty eleven, we decided that in the two bedroom apartment thing in New York was probably not going to happen. So we had looked that fall before we knew Number three was coming at a friend's house out in the suburbs of Philadelphia because they were thinking of going to Israel for the year. So we were going to like runt their house possibly while they were gone, just to try it out. And my husband this doesn't sound so random. And my husband was actually in the Philadelphia office of his company and had been in that office for a couple of years. But the thing with consulting is you only go into the office really on Friday, if that. So some of his clients were out in this area, so he had passed by the Philadelphia office more frequently than he would go by the New York office. He would work in the New York office something anyway, So theoretically he was in the Philadelphia office of his company, so it would have made some sense to move anyway. So we came out here to look at houses just to see what there was, and we found a house we really liked on the first day of looking, which is kind of one of those things of being both complete satisficers and we got to say, only satisficers find their house on the first Yeah, And so we just decided to make an offer and we had it accepted, and they wanted to have us move in quite or not move in, but at least take possession quite quickly, and we were able to do so. I'm in partly in that we weren't selling another house or anything, so we were just you know, it wasn't contingent on that or anything else. So we did moved here in June. Yeah, it was it was quite a I mean, there are many reasons to do it. School in New York City is challenging, so we moved when Jazz rose four, so we didn't have to deal with the whole looking for schools in New York, which is there are some great public schools, but you have to, you know, figure out how you're gonna get it. It's still complicated, yeah, or its lottery base. Yeah, and so there was just gonna be issues with that. And it's cheaper out here. I mean, honestly, you know what we would have paid for like a three bedroom or you know in New York, which would have been cramped, which would have been cramped. You have a large house with a yard, and we're in a good school district. You know, you can get into Philly and fifteen twenty minutes from where we are if the traffic isn't too bad. It's so there's many upsides. The taxes, Oh my goodness, Like you know, we've we've laughed like it doesn't matter if our house goes up in value or not, because we've already like come out so far ahead on that. I mean, the tax rate in New York City is just Pennsylvania, if you're not in Philadelphia, is like a fat flat three percent, right, which is in New York it's like ten percent plus. So wow. Yeah, so we made not offer. We moved out here. I don't plan on moving again anytime soon, though, I could tell you I have zero percent taxes, so I don't know. Yeah, well Florida, I guess I remember actually moved to Florida. But the three percent doesn't there's no point in avoiding the three percent, I guess, is what I say. You know, that's not a level where it feels like it matters. It's a lot. Well we're gonna starting into a personal finance podcast, but no. But I mean the thing is we can still get to like the East Coast stuff that we both need to get to. If we're at Florida, we'd both be on planes all. Yeah, that's true into the other drawbacks like yeah, and we like yeah, well a little effect here too, although we're less close to the water, I guess. So I certainly don't enjoy moving. And it was very stressful. I mean, the kids were you know, we can move. This is moving into the body of how to move with a family, right you what do you guys? Do? I mean you managed to do it pretty quickly. Yeah, I mean it's over very fast. That's the thing. The moving in and settling part can probably be infinite if you stretch it out. But the actual act of going from one place to the other, I mean, really, it happens in one day. That's the thing, and I'd kind of forgotten about that. Remember that movers can also pack, and if you have a job that is willing to pay for that, it is really great. And actually, to be honest, we were impressed at how how much moving doesn't actually cost that much, especially when you're moving locally. We had moved from North Carolina to hear and I guess that that's more expensive because you have to ship your vehicles potentially, and you know that's going on this long, long truck ride. But a more local move is not that big of a deal. You're really just paying by the hour for the movers. And movers are great at moving, that's what they do. They're able to. We were so nervous about them, like disassembling and reassembling beds, but turns out, you know, when you move beds all day, you get really good at moving beds. So I actually supervised that whole process while my husband had to be at work, and it went much better than you'd think. They packed up our kitchen, they packed up a couple of the other rooms, but we because we had kind of moved in with my in laws, it was a little bit piecemeal. But I'll say, the actual act of like getting most of our stuff from our Miami Beach places, whether that's my in law's house in our house to hear was pretty much a one day affair, and then the bulk of the unpacking was done in the next two to three days. Childcare was one hundred percent essential for that entire period. I basically my bandwidth was just under foot. Oh my goodness. I mean it's dangerous. First of all, Like you know, my mother in law pointed out like this is kids get hurt, and she's absolutely right, Like, because all the routines are disrupted, things are in different places. Kids, they're going to try to climb up on stuff, They're going to test things out. It's like not when you want, you want them completely kind of out of the picture. So you know, in our case, luckily we have our nanny and so she took them like to different play spaces, and she took them the hard house, and she took them, you know, to all the local playgrounds and everything. So that that part, aside from having childcare, it really wasn't too terrible. I will you guys get it paid for because of Josh's job, did you guys, negotiate that into excellent. So that's another key tip. If you are theoretically moving for job, even if you are moving locally, but you're moving closer to one place because you were at someplace else, that definitely you're taking a new job, and that's what's inspiring it that you're at your best position to be able to negotiate anything when you are thinking about taking a new job. So asking for that is certainly helpful. Yeah, and we're not honestly big negotiators, but this was something that we asked for and then we were lucky enough to get it. I guess we probably they figured, well, they covered my move, so why would they cover his move, even if that seems a little crazy because I'm keeping the same job, but he is working at a slightly different hospital and it's a little bit more important that he'd be physically close, and probably better for them because you can get there faster, which is good for patients and good for everything. Yeah, and people are off, you know, things that are not part of a continuing salary or benefits package are sort of easier to give because it's a one off payment. So you know, it's like, is it in the budget now as opposed to we'll be taking this on for years and years and going up, you know, by a certain percent. So you know, if there's less room to negotiate on a salary, again, this is something extra that you can probably ask for. So the thing that I will say, I had it in my mind that I would be able to kind of unpack everything in like two days. No, I mean, everything is in a functional state. But I did have to come to peace with the fact that it's going to be a more gradual approach and I can kind of focus on one room at a time and you know, have half my closet stuff out and it's okay. It was like a it was it was. It was a delusion and I had to come to acceptance. I do. I do have to say I did it. I like stayed up late the first night and did the kitchen and that was so worth it because having a functional kitchen is I think more important than than almost anything else. You can get your food, you can get your dishes, you can you can kind of live day to day with almost everything else in boxes, but it's hard with your kitchen. Well, make sure there's toilet paper and all the bathrooms Oh yeah, yes, that's somebody. Actually, since we got the house before I did, I stocked the house before we even moved anything so that I wouldn't have to worry about that. So I bought toilet paper. And make yourself a list of those mundane things and take a trip to Target and you will be glad. Yeah, get your your soft soap for all the bathrooms. Make sure there's towels in them and toilet paper and stuff like that. Yeah. No, or mark whatever boxes of the stuff that you absolutely need on day one, that's like, yeah, Well, we moved our fish. We had a fish in New York. So the fish came in it's little like bowl, basically sitting between my legs. As we drove out. My husband had just purchased a car because we were going to be suburbanites and I was gonna buy mine up once we'd moved, so he had his car. We put him in the front seat the bowl with me, moved, moved fisca the fish out with us to hear and then I couldn't find the fish food because the fish food was packed away. So I had to open all these boxes of stuff from the kitchen counters to find the fish food, So yes, mark the things that you absolutely need. I never would have thought about that, but yeah, pet food would be very important because you can't it's like you can't wait for that kind of thing. No, no, I mean so either you're trying to find someplace right as you've moved, which is also stressful, or you bought the box so to mark that the fish made it. By the way I say, he Fiscos survived the move. Fine, he was great until we got all fancy and decided to get him a bigger tank. And then then that you know, Fiscos turned out to be a fish of very simple taste that that didn't work out. Oh well bad. Yeah, so the school, the school I was going to mention. One thing I did was I did mention our move on my blog, and I had multiple readers point out that actually a mid year move can be easier for kids. And because I had been really fretting about that, like, oh my god, can we really take them out of their schools in the middle of the year. I'm a horrible parent for doing that. But people pointed out that actually your child gets a little bit more hand holding when they are joining midyear versus joining in the fall, and that has turned out to be one hundred percent true. My readers are very smart and they're always right pretty much. I mean like it's like, oh, there's a new kid, and that led to, you know, the chat group on what's up. Everyone's welcoming us and people are like asking us for dinner. That never would have happened if we were just some random kid in the class in the fall. So I am actually really glad we made that transition. I thought maybe my son would mind because he was at the same preschool for a long time. He had to switch schools and he's only going to be at the current school for half a year, but he actually loves it. I mean he's only been there three days and he's like, I like it more than my other schools. So this big, like, honestly, one of the biggest things I dreaded, has turned out to be much less than a big deal. Now, of course, my kids are younger. If I had a fifth grader with her click that she was really into, I'm sure this might have gone very differently. But as having a first grader and a pre k, it's been really nice. I've been impressed with I mean socially, that's going to be a huge work in progress. Now. The lucky thing is we're not that far away from our friends and we still are going to see them. But of course I want to get to know local people too, so that's that'll come with time. But I'm impressed at how much people have reached out already. And you're closer to your nanny actually too though, right, so that didn't have to change. Yes, that was one major constant in our life that did not have to change. Her commute actually got cut more than anybody, so she is like the happiest person ever. That's great. Well, that's a big bonus for her, that's wonderful. And so your commute is also less, like what is your commute now? My commute is a little bit less, although to be honest, I have now my daughter really wants me to take her to school, and it's not hard for me to do that, and it actually sets me up very nicely to get to work right around the right time. So honestly, my morning, I'm gonna have to leave about the same time and I'm going to get to work at the same time. But I'm going to have the side benefit of well a am more predictable commute, Like I'm much less likely to end up in some jam that causes an extra half hour that it wasn't planning because I'm taking all local streets and there's multiple ways to get there, rather than getting on like one highway where you're kind of screwed if it's blocked. But I'm also going to get a little bit more time with Annabelle plus minus Cameron because his school is sort of on the way too, and I think, especially as she gets older than that will be really nice and I might be a little bit more tuned in about what's going on at school as a result of doing that, although I'm not sure about that because that's more about like just sitting in a carpool line. We could also on my days off, like I can walk with her too, so that's that's kind of nice. So in the morning, I'm not really getting any time back and the afternoon, I mean, I don't know. I have to figure this out, Laura. You may have to help me, because I what I don't want to do is just like and I found myself doing it already. I'm like, oh, I can say it work. Fifteen minutes later, but I don't get anything really done of substance, And it was fifteen minutes that I somehow survived not taking before and then I'm getting home at the same time, some sort of like negating the benefit. So I think it's but it is fifteen minutes. And as we've looked at your time, fifteen minutes is not nothing in your life, and especially if you're not pumping too, you have this a fair amount of I mean, you've got time now that you didn't have six months ago. I think you know, if you chose one thing to do each day at work for that extra fifteen minutes that was sort of high impact, you know, that would be great, right, that's fifteen minutes you could do, or you know what you would do if you came home, because again it's easy if you come home to just have it sort of disappear into like sorting the mail pile or something exactly. You know that. I'm only because again it's only fifteen minutes, So I think you need to be careful about saying exactly what this fifteen minute chunk is going to go for. And I know, I mean, I have that issue with a fifteen minute chunk of time. In the morning, like the days I, you know, drive Jasper and our neighbor to the middle school and then come home and I've got like fifteen minutes before the other kids need to be out of the bus. Like what do I do at that time? Well, I don't do anything with that time, Like I can tell you, I totally waste it way more days than I don't And so I really need to think about it because it is a chunk of time. But what do I do? I don't know? So what would you do? Like fifteen minutes? What are you what are you thinking? I mean maybe the answer is I can leave late work later on the days that I'm working, and I'll take less work home other times. I mean, I I don't know. Well, do you think you could be completely on top of notes if you had, you know, those fifteen minutes plus one of your things that was a pumping break. Yeah, yeah, so then that would be an option, right, Like, just be done with it now having the stress of having that hang out, have the stress, then you're totally done. No, It's true, it's like you don't see it because you forget that you had to spend those like random Sunday mornings at five am doing it. But in reality, that's that's a great use of the time because nobody wants to be doing that at five am, yeah, exactly, and other things at that time. So yeah, yeah, No, this question of using small bits of time is when I ponder a lot, and with looking at people's timelogs and things like that, that if you have a certain block that is now open or that is structurally built into your life, giving it a certain habit designation is a great way to make that be part of your life. But you know, it's easier said than done. It's definitely not easy. But you've been building a lot of new routines, right, figuring those out. Yeah, And I think that's actually one of the benefits of moving is you're sort of forced to rethink things because there is no how things were done before. So I really I do like that part about it, and I want to be careful not to just fall into iterations, you know, automatically, like I already have sort of gone running three times and I've in the same road and it's like, wait a second, you just picked that route randomly, Like that can't that's it? So I probably need to explore and make sure like I found the best and safest and most well lit route rather than just automatically settling. No, that's that's true, and it is easy to fall into routines, and but you know, you can also sort of say getting settled is kind of a long term project, like you don't have to figure everything out immediately. We still have boxes in the garage, I know we do. I mean we've probably just dubbed them, but there I mean, there's probably something in them that somebody cared about, which is why they've been moved. So I feel like you want to look at that, But you know, there's still just stoff places and we have to I've got a project of going through the papers in my office and going through the papers in the closets by my office and sort of seeing what I actually care about and what I don't. And it's kind of fun to look through. I mean, I have all sorts of uh, you know, article clippings or things I've written, or things that people wrote to me, or you know, coverage of books or in the past. That's fun to look at. But you know, I can see what's worth keeping and what's what's not. And a lot of the boxes. Just I know, I have a filing cabinet that just completely moved from our apartment in New York, Like, I really probably have not pulled anything out of it in seven years, so maybe time to figure that out. I don't know. Seven years, isn't it the amount of time you need to keep your taxes? So you just probably just throw it all out. I just dumped the whole I could maybe maybe do that. Here's an aside. Are you watching Tidying Up with Marie Condo? Well, I don't have Netflix, right, isn't it on Netflix? Yes? It is? Okay, I don't have Netflix, so how is it? So if you are moving, you might want to watch that because it's very motivating. Although it also you see other people. It makes me feel good because I see how much stuff some of these people have and I'm like, we have nothing compared to that, So We're we're not the hoarders holders, which makes it move much easier. Do not keep things? Well, since you're renting, are you gonna do much with the house? I mean, you're not gonna do anything. And that takes this immense amount of pressure off too. And then you realize that, like, well at least me. I mean, I think I've said this like home decore does not particularly make me happy. I mean it's almost just like if my house is not completely embarrassing from a decore perspective when people come over, then I'm fine, Like that's my bar. So you're not are you getting anything new like new rugs, new curtains. I mean, for my kidcounters, the rugs are new. They're not gorgeous, but they're like fine. I mean, we may only be here a year, so I just have no idea. So it doesn't to me make sense to like invest money in a house that we might Yeah. Well no, I mean that's only eleven months left. Yeah well, I guess the questions though then if you wind up staying three or four years in that place, like then you're sort of like, well, you know if I've been looking at the same But I'm funny about that. I really it doesn't like whether things are organized that makes me really happy or not, but whether things are updated and fancy that I could care less. I think that has to do with my I did not grow up in a very like done house. Yeah well, I mean, what is the planner? I care more about my clothes and my shoes than I do in my mind. Are you are you taking it as it comes, or are you actively looking to like purchase a home in your area after you sell the house in Miami Beach. No, I'm taking it as a I mean, I think we kind of like the idea of just being renters, maybe for at least a few years. You know, there's a lot of uncertainty in the market right now, especially in South Florida, and I just kind of you know, if you there's a calculator through the New York Times where you can compare the cost of buying versus renting and depending on various factors in terms including what the market does and how long you intend to stay in any given place, it actually is. You know, people assume it's such an obvious thing to buy financially, but it's not always so everyone should of course do their own research. But for now, we actually again, our house is still in the market, so we still do own home. But once that is sold, we do not plan on buying autumnally. That is only going to be if the scenario like makes sense, or if we can only find what we want by buying buying. I think that would push us to buy. Yeah, I mean that was That's certainly one of the things right here. There's not really a great rental market around here because it's you know, a no where you live. I'm sure there's not. There's probably not a lot of homes to rent. I mean, there are homes to rent, but there's there are actually four rentals on our street, but they tend to be the sort of smaller older houses and and you know then they're not going to be done nicely. You know, it's just exactly and ours is not done nicely. But you have, you know, I like, I have to decide how much I care, and apparently I don't. Yeah. Yeah, so no, that's it makes sense. And we've met some people who you know, and the rentals they kind of move in and out off although one family on our street has has been there for several years and the rentals, so we'll see what they wind up doing. But I think they've just decided to roll with it, similar to you, so you know, they like the school, so they haven't. I mean, I like the idea that like if an opportunity came up in a year, like to go to New Zealand, like which is my husband's like frandom fantasy for some day it wouldn't be we wouldn't have to worry about our property that we owned, like I just I really like that freedom. Yeah, it's very millennial of me. Actually, we can get a millennials exactly exactly. All right, well cool, well shall we shall we move into the Q and A. All right, would you like me to read this one? Sure? Yeah, all right. This is a loyal listener who has a working mom of two boys, ages eight and five. Her husband travels for work, so most weekdays she is single parenting. She's been at her current company eleven years. She works eighty percent, and her job is pretty flexible, so she can work from home if the kid is sick, or bring the kid to work if school is out, so that's pretty flexible. The company, however, is moving you office location and the commute is going to be twice what it is now. She'd be on the road more than one hour one way off peak hours. The boss's boss has been nice enough to allow her to come to our at ten and leave it three. And what I wasn't clear enough about from this question is that four days a week, like because that's much less than eighty percent, or is that five days a week? That is her eighty percent anyway, so that's I digress, that's my question. So that she misses the peak traffic and gets home on time to take the kids to activities, and she would make up the rest of the hours in the morning or late evening, So I'm assuming it's four days a week. I asked to work from home twice a week, but unfortunately the manager said no, And she's not excited about the two hour commute each day. So she's saying, should I continue with this or move on? Finding a job in her field is difficult and most workplaces might not have flex work hours. Should she take a break and stay home with the kids or start a side hustle for some income. There's not really an easy way to move up the ladder, but she's sort of happy with the low pressures because husband's work is high stress. The compensation is not that great, so if she did take a break from work, it wouldn't be a huge dent on income. But she noticed notes that they'd have to cut back on expenses. Ooh, Laura, what is your feeling? I really am not thrilled. Questions that start with, my husband's job is high stress, so I have to do X, Y or Z that I'm not happy about. But that's because my husband's job is high stress. Like I think these are actually not These are separate issues, and you are thoroughly entitled to have a job that you enjoy and that uses your talents and that pays you well, regardless of what he is doing. So I would not put limits on yourself just because of what he does it. You know, this is I know some people would disagree with me this, but I fail to see that two career life is inevitably chaotic and stressful just because both of you are doing things you find fascinating and enjoy. I think that that's a very sort of patriarchal assumption that you know, if he's got a big job, you can't. So I would if you're making a lot of justifications for this job only because of the hours and the flexibility, but you can't move up. It's not that interesting. You know, you're going to have a bad commute. That doesn't really sound like the best of all worlds to me. That said, I don't think you want to just quit, and you know, I hope you can find something else, because it's harder to find a job when you are not working than if you are employed. So I feel like this is one of these things that you give yourself like a year and see what is out there, and don't put assumptions on it that, oh, I can only work eighty percent or I can only work flexibly. I mean, your kids are in school now, They're going to need less than they did in the past. So there's some elements that this is time where now that they're both in school, time has actually starting to open up. You might be able to sort of transition into a different and maybe more demanding job. So give yourself six to twelve months, see what's out there, kind of network like crazy within your field, within your community, you know, and don't say, don't make this a false trade off, like you don't know that you have optimized on all of all all you know levels for this job. You know, it's possible that there's another job out there that's more interesting and as closer to you and as flexible. Right, and maybe ben pays more too, Like a lot of people have not looked at everything every job in the universe before you know, choosing the one that they're on. So give yourself some time, see what's out there, and you know, if there isn't something better, that's then you can decide to make your peace with the commute or to step back for a while. But you know, maybe there is something better. I also wonder if they knew they were going to lose you, maybe that manager would not be so incredibly firm on not being from home. And also, you know, as someone who's had multiple managers while I've stayed in the same position, managers can change, so that personnel might change, and then the new person might say, sure, one day a week from home is fine, and then if that's working well, you leverage that to eventually go to two days a week. So I think that there is probably I agree with Laura to give a chance and kind of see how it's going before deciding that it's not going to work. I also will say that like, I didn't necessarily mind my time in the car as much as one might think, because there are some great audiobooks and podcasts out there, and you know you're you're going to have to see what it feels like to use that as as part of your downtime. So if you used to rate at night. Maybe you're doing audiobooks while you're in the car. You know, it's not exactly the same, but it's something because it is nice that at least you wouldn't have to be during peak and then you did have that flexibility that you need. Yeah, I would, I would. I would echo what Sarah was saying there with. You know, if they know they're going to lose you, people get over their you know, resistance to working at home very quickly because it's an easy thing to allow to keep you. So one of the best things you could do is to have another job offer. So you look around see what they're there, see if there's a job that maybe it's a job you love, in which case both ways it's great because you're either going to take a job that sounds very exciting to you, or you walk into your manager's off said listen, I've got this job offer, you know, because it's closer, like the fact that I cannot work from home meant that this job is unsustainable to me. And then let them let them say, oh wait, well we've thought about it, and actually we think it would work to have you work from home two days a week and then then you've got a different decision to make, but you've taken sort of that you're in the power position for negotiations for there. Yes, love that. Yeah, all right, well our love of the week. We'll end with that, Sarah, what do you have for us? So, both the old school and our new school used class dojo as in the app to communicate with the teachers. I don't know if your uses that as well, but that's made it really easy to all of a sudden be able to see what's going on with the class, including get pictures and you can like text some questions and it's great. And then also class what's up groups And again this has been no universal at both schools. The sort of room parent has taken upon themselves to make a group so that everyone can communicate. Now, I always kind of think it's funny when people are asking about first grade home or kindergarten and homework questions. It's like, you know, you don't know, you could just leave it blank and nothing bad would happen. But there are also useful things that go up on those and it's just like a great way to feel included, even though I didn't know anyone. So what's app for the class and also class dojo. Yeah, no, that's great. My love of the week is this power school portal we have, which is not something I've really needed until now. Well, they post our bus assignments and such in classroom assignments on it each year, so you sign in for that, but I hadn't signed in really beyond that except for this year. It turns out for the middle schoolers and for high schoolers, that's where the teachers post the grades on all assignments, you know, and since it's not one teacher, it's lots of teachers, You're not really getting a lot of this coming home one way or the other. And your kid may or may not do that or report it. But if you want, you can see what your kid got on a quiz, and what your kid got on a homework assignment, and what they got on a test, and if they turned in their project, and you know, if they didn't like why they have a zero for a project that you follow up on that with your kid, be like, why didn't you turn that in? But it just allows for a little bit of accountability on it, which I appreciate it. Now. I'm not the kind of parent who's checking in every day. In fact, I generally let me tell you what I mean. Yeah, Like there were people that did that in kindergarten and they would tell me that, oh, I'm addicted to that, like we have a similar one, and I'm like, are you kidding me? Yeah, I checked it like three times in the year. Like, but sixth grade, I can see the need to check a little bit more. I generally only check in when he tells me to, and it's because he wants to show me that he got a good grade on a quiz or something, and then I look at the other stuff and ask how other things are going to I mean partly because I feel like at this point in school, it's it's not about their grades, it's about them learning to manage their workload and manage their time. And so me getting like upset about stuff or managing it for him and being like, you know, you need to work on this, and that's not the point. It needs to be him taking responsibility for it. So that's but it's good to, you know, have something to start a conversation, right, absolutely, And I think the ability to check without harassing our kids to hey, is this in your backpack or is great. Yeah, so that's been good, all right, Well, this has been Best of Both Worlds. This is episode eighty. We've been talking about Sarah's recent move and about how you move with a family and various things we've learned from that. We will be back next week with more on making work and life fit together. Thanks for listening. You can find me Sarah at the shoebox dot com or at the Underscore Shoebox on Instagram, and you can find me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. This has been the Best of Both Worlds podcasts. Please join us next time for more on making work and life work together.